#ambig ending!! also im at a club meeting rn and i wrote this and got carried away

[starjaem]

could i request 8+haechan pls 🥺

lee haechan x reader | "do you want this as much as i do?" | 903 words

> warning: long

no one would dare to go out tonight. the below-freezing temperatures make the pitch-black evening more unwelcoming than ever, and anyone with a brain knows that going outside on the iced roads in these conditions means certain doom.

it's one of the reasons why you were surprised to hear the doorbell chime right as you finally settled on a new show to start. surprised may be the wrong word here; horrified is probably more accurate since only a true psychopath would be at your house now. the other reason is because on the other side of the peephole was your ex-boyfriend, haechan.

it took a long time to get over your first love. in highschool, you were inseperable, but it had all gone downhill when haechan's parents had forced him to go to a prestigious college and focus on his future. it apparently meant that he could no longer see you, and after a curt text, haechan never reached out to you again. you often wonder where he is now, if he's doing okay, if he's truly lost feelings for you.

it's not as if you still like him now. right?

taking a shaky breath, you creak the door open and watch as your reflection appears in his wide eyes. haechan still has the golden hair and tan skin that suit him beautifully, and the rosy cheeks you used to make fun of have yet to disappear. he has snow hanging from his lashes that shake when he opens his mouth to speak, only to let out a puff of hot air.

"what are you - "

"i'm visiting for the holidays. my car is out of gas and you know my house is on the other side of town. please help me," he spills, his eyes pleading. you frown for a second before feeling the winter chill hit your bones and realizing how cold he must be, "just . . . come in. i'll get you some tea."

"thank you, thanks," haechan mumbles as he shuts the door behind him. he slips out of his frosted boots and hangs his scarf on the rack before rubbing his hands together. he looks lost. or reminiscent.

while you heat up the milk, you sense an intense stare and turn your head to find bright brown eyes watching you curiously. the sudden heat in your cheeks is uncontrollable, especially when you realize that you were in your comfy pajamas that you only wear when you're staying up all night and that your face probably looks horrifying with the deep dark circles you carry. it's not like this matters now: you already made eye-contact with him and he looks expectantly for a conversation.

"so . . . how's college?" you manage out. haechan bites his lip as he approaches, "it's good . . . yeah. i'm doing well, majoring in business there."

he sounds like he's trying to convince himself, but you don't push him further, "do you always visit your parents on break? i never see you around."

"i don't think my parents would like it much if i came to your place," he laughs awkwardly. what a stupid question to ask. as you internally smack your forehead, haechan steps closer until he's behind you by the stove, "you look happy though. are you okay?"

you pause for a second before sighing, reaching for a mug, "yeah. i'm doing fine."

"you're wearing your fuzzy socks. were you about to watch a show?" haechan muses. he knows you too well. it's not like you've drastically changed in the two years he's been absent but you expected him to slowly forget these minute details about you.

you didn't forget his, though.

"yeah, you interrupted me. thanks for ruining my night," you sarcastically scold. the two of you break out in laughter before awkwardly smiling at the floor. god, how did this happen?

pause.

"listen, i know it's been two years, ____, but - "

here it comes. "haechan, seriously, it's fine."

"it's not. i can't get you out of my head."

what?

did you hear him right? wait, wait, too fast, wh-

"i've tried, ____. my parents think i need someone with purpose, but to me, you are my purpose. i, god, you don't know how happy i was to see you open the door," haechan confesses. your eyes flit from the boiling tea to him in rapid turns, confused, "haechan, you haven't contacted me in years. you can't expect me to just forget about the pain you gave me."

"and i'm not," he admits, stepping closer, "i was wrong. but this, whatever i felt when i saw you making me tea . . . you're still the same girl i loved then, that . . . i love now. and i can't deny how right this feels. do you want this as much as i do?"

"i barely know you now," you lie. you know he hasn't changed. he shakes his head, "let me take you out tomorrow. i just, i missed you. so fucking much."

pause again. you shouldn't go back. you've spent so much fucking time and effort to forget him and live normally and you can't let it all go to waste just because he prances in and tells you that he's still in love with you. he would just break your heart again once he left for college. his parents would just disapprove. you'd have to try all over again.

but then again, he's lee haechan. and who could say no to that?