#amazing work literally gonna reread this some more thank you for making this!

[junowritings]

AAAAAAA THIS WHOLE THING WAS SO GOOD. I'm a sucker for these kinda scenarios and you wrote it so damn well!!!

Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆

ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...

Astarion

really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.

can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?

you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.

if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.

holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.

as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.

Gale

curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.

wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.

makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.

you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."

fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.

when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.

Lae'zel

only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.

"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"

hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.

makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.

it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.

"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."

goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.

Shadowheart

obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.

immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.

it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.

"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."

her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.

"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."

she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.

Wyll

panics.

you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.

he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.

lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.

helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.

when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.

constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.

Karlach

another panicker.

scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.

begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.

you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.

carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.

Halsin

sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?

squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.

you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.

he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.

kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.

Dammon

my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.

waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?

when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.

he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.

he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.

Rolan

another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.

"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."

rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.

you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.

Zevlor

practical but still worried about you.

you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.

you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.

when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.

when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.

does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...

[swaps55]

Warning, super long ask incoming! I suppose this is just a letter of fangirling in all honesty, and apologies if I accidentally already sent a half finished draft of this lol

I just wanted to let you know that I value your writing so much. I feel that I’ve fallen in love with Sam and Kaidan’s love, and that your writing is one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, both within fanfiction and published works. Your writing is so compelling; the romance, the world building, the characterisation, everything! Every one of your characters feel like real people with patterns and behaviours that suit them and their motivations, they’re so believable and I love following them on their journeys. I think what I love most about your writing is that you’ve mastered show, don’t tell. When I’m reading any other fiction, I feel like I’m constantly searching for what you’ve portrayed in your work. You can really tell that you’ve put such love into Opus (and your other works, I’ve reread so many of the multiverse fics too), from the research of engineering and battle strategies, to bug behaviour even!

Essentially, I just needed you to know that someone out there is thinking of your writing daily. How incredible is it that this world that lives and breathes inside of your head, has now made a home in mine.

I also wanted to ask if you would ever consider publishing any original works in the future? I would read literally anything you wrote, your art holds a very special place in my heart now, I’ve even started learning the constellations and how to cross stitch because of you!

Thank you for your patience and I hope you have a lovely week ahead ☆♡

MAN, y'all are out to kill me with kindness.

You have no idea how much it means to hear this, especially right now. Back in March I hit a burnout wall running at full speed, and have been feeling some tremendous guilt over not making much progress on Mezzo the last few months. It's hard not to constantly fret that people will immediately assume I've abandoned the story and abandon it, too, and hearing this is a reminder that's not true.

I love this world and these characters, and it's the best thing ever that not only do others love them to, but they specifically love my versions of them. That's WILD. And amazing. You're so right about how incredible it is, so thank you so much.

As for original fic, years ago, I thought that's what I wanted to do, and I worked on some original projects. But here's the problem: I love sci-fi, I only want to write sci-fi...and I'm a terrible world builder. Give me a sandbox and I will happily build a castle, but I just don't have the right skillset to construct the sandbox.

That's why I've been so happy as a fanfic writer - I get a pre-built sandbox that I can go to town in and make whatever castle I want out of it. I have thought about trying to file the serial numbers off Cantata, but the world is such an integral part of that story that I wouldn't know how to do it and still have a story that means as much as Cantata does.

HOWEVER, never say never. I am not a world builder, but I married one. Real Life Romance Option is a phenomenal world builder, and a lot of his ideas can be found in Opus (you can thank him for the Can, for instance). He is happily building his own very cool sandbox, and it's entirely possible that one day I'll tell stories in it.

But Opus comes first! I still have Mezzo to finish, and two more stories to write to get Sam the happy ending he deserves, and I'm gonna do it, no matter how long it takes.

(Also, thank you in particular for calling out the bugs, because yes, I read a lot about bugs for Mezzo, haha!)

[mermaidsirennikita]

Too bad now you have to give recs of "hero goes down on the clueless heroine and she’s like wow thanks that was AMAZING, can women do that to men too? 🤔 " haha

I love the clueless heroine going down on the hero, she has no idea what she is doing but her eagerness makes it a 10, Best blow job of my life 🤌🏻

@hptriviachamp posts every time the latter thing happens with a very apt meme that makes me laugh every time (IT AIN'T MUCH BUT IT'S HONEST WORK)

I can't remember a lot of PARTICULAR moments, but for these moments or this vibe:

You should definitely try Elisa Braden for this vibe. Mooost of her heroines are virgins (honestly: too many of them for me lol, I do need a bit more variation) and they're often all "WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO" about sex. Her Midnight in Scotland series is really good. I think The Taming of a Highlander is the one where the hero is like "THERE'S NO WAY IT'LL FIT. WE MUSTN'T." and she's like "la la la it grows exponentially bigger when I look at it, I suppose I shall attempt to stuff it in la di da" blase about it.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean, one of her best. The heroine's a scientist who initially gets the hero to teach her about sex only! Verbally! Before graduating to physically! Also! She's very "if he'd let me study his penis with a magnifying glass I would" in nature. I also really enjoy the scene where he eats her out, comes in his pants, and immediately afterward is caught when his buddy stumbles in like "hey where do we keep th--OH. SORRY."

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy doesn't have this scene/a totally clueless heroine, but it does have a scene where the hero is like "my dick is trying to make friends with your pussy" so there's that.

And in the same sense, because I fucking know these authors are friends and there's no way this was a total coincidence... Frankie in Mila Finelli's Mafia Mistress & Mafia Darling is NOT a virgin by any means. But when she and Fausto make it official, they do immediately roleplay him deflowering her as if she has literally never seen a dick in her life and it's HILARIOUS. Like these are DEEPLY COMMITTED people going "oh no! what's that????" "it's my dick! it's trying to say hello!" and I. Die. Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually makes their relationship more authentic to me. That's the kind of shit you only do with someone you deeply trust lmao.

Grace Callaway is gonna give you this vibe. Not all of her heroines are virgins, but the ones who are... often are precocious... and will like stuff their mouths with the hero's dick like they're doing the chubby bunny challenge.... The Duke Who Knew Too Much comes to mind because he's like "NO WAIT STOP THERE'S CRIME AFOOT" but she's already going for it.

Speaking of, Elizabeth Hoyt's Duke of Pleasure always deserves cred for the singular moment in which the hero and (virgin, grew up as a street rat dressed as a boy) heroine are investigating crime and some evildoers come upon them and he's like "quick just pretend you're blowing me" and she does start like, a mild actual beej while he's telling the guys "PLEASE LEAVE I'M GETTING BLOWN BY MY DOXY~" but after the guys leave he's all "so you can stop" and she's like "no no no I'm going somewhere with this". This one is special to me because he makes her spit into his fancy handkerchief after and I promise that even if he didn't know it that's when he decided to marry that girl.

I would say How to Marry a Marquess is one you should check out--by Stacy Reid. It's a classic "brother's best friend teaches me how to be sexy and then things get Really Outta Hand" book. I also really liked this one scene in it when his whole "let me teach you what dudes are into" thing leads to him like, eating her out in a moving carriage and when the carriage stops he does an entire "EGADS" jump off of her.

I need to reread The Lady Gets Lucky, but that's a rake meets virgin sex lessons book, and I have to think based off the scene I remember where he's like 30 seconds away from coming just from watching her lick her lips, there's a lot happening.

[musette22]

Hey darling, how are you doing? I hope you're doing amazing, but either way, please know that we (I should speak for myself only, but I'm sure there are plenty of others here who feel the same!) appreciate you talking about anything you like/want to talk about, whether it's about your personal life, or other hobbies and interests, shitty dates, nice dates, literally anything! I for one love to read everything you have to say, whether it's negative or positive; I love the gorgeous pictures you take and share with us from your trips, and just.. THANK YOU for sharing yourself with us! This was just a side-note though.

Ashamedly, I'm not always vocal enough about these things, but I just remembered that you've expressed how much it means to you, so here I am, writing this because I suddenly thought of you for some reason, and just the thought of you made me feel better (I'm sick and soo whiny right now by the way, lol) so I was like I GOTTA spam her. Duty is being fulfilled, I guess. 😂

But my real message is this:

I love your fics and writings and I mean it. you have absolutely no idea just how many times your fics -that I've reread dozens of times and will continue to do so eagerly!- helped me cope with different situations, whether it was when I'm sick and feel weak and depressed like I am right now, or if I was going through a professionally or an emotionally stressful period of time, it doesn't matter. I always read your fics, and a lot of other people's whom I don't know unfortunately, but I hope every writer knows this nevertheless. Just know that right now, I'm so incredibly grateful for your existence and your works, and putting yourself out there, because that's why I'm able to cope right now, and oh so many other times. This is a very awkwardly structured paragraph and I'm completely aware of that. But I just want you to know how deeply grateful I am for you, your fics and writings specifically, they've been huge parts of many of my days for the past couple years, and they've always made it better, easier for me. And that's a LOT, okay?

You may not be appreciated enough, but you are appreciated.

The same goes for every other writer, if you're a writer and you're seeing this, you deserve the best & thank you for sharing pieces of yourself so gracefully.

I wanna say that's all, but it's not, rest of it is beyond my vocabulary though, so again, thank you! Take care sweetheart! 💕💙

Oh wow 🥺 I'm literally blow away by your message, sweetheart. You're so unbelievably kind and sweet and generous, I'm just a little bowled over by it! Thank you, so so much, for your kind words and your thoughfulness, you have no idea how much it means, truly 💖💖

I'm so very sorry to hear that you're not feeling well at the moment, that's awful! I hope you'll feel much better very soon, and please take care of yourself!! Drink lots of tea and eat healthy foods, sleep lots and be as kind to yourself as you are to me and others, okay? ❤️ And in the meantime, if you ever need to get anything off your chest, please don't hesitate to message me to rant or vent or share anything at all! I'm always more than happy to listen and offer whatever advice or relief I can 🙏🏻

And thank you for appreciating me 😭 I'm so grateful for everything you said about me sharing bits of my life on here, that's honestly so heartwarming to hear! I will definitely keep that in mind, thank you so much, lovely. And as for your wonderful words about my writing.... you're gonna make me cry, but in a good way... Aaaahhh I'm just so 🥺🥺 Writing is hard sometimes, especially when life is exhausting, but it's so fulfilling too, and so rewarding when you get amazing feedback like this from lovely people like you! I am overjoyed to know that my stories have been able to bring you some joy and comfort whenever you needed it, that means more to me than I can say. Thank you for sharing that with me! 🫶🏼

And I know exactly what you mean - I'm also deeply, deeply grateful for every other brilliant writer whose work I've enjoyed at various times in my life, and I am just so happy that there are so many people out there who love things so much that they'll create beautiful things for others to enjoy for free. How crazy wonderful is that?? Forever grateful for fanfiction and fanart etc., and so so happy to share my own creations with people who appreciate them as much as you do 💗

You're appreciated right back, my darling! So, so much. I am hugging you so hard in my mind right now, and I am wishing you the speediest of recoveries and sending you all the love and healing vibes!! Hope you feel better soon, and once again: THANK YOU 🙏🏻💫❤️

[edenesth]

hi you don't know me, but I've been obsessed with your writing and your stories and you have so much talent and I worship your brain and writing skills so so much! but I'm here to say that as a yunsan bias I'm literally on the floor with these last two updates of the side stories. I loved how you portrayed the MC's, the development between the MC and the boys, the relationship between them and omg words cannot describe how much I love your writing.

as to the San one, I can't say I didn't have high expectations when I saw that @itstheghostofmypast helped with the plot, bc ik in that moment that the story was gonna be good, but WOW YOU MANAGED TO MAKE PERFECTION OUT OF THAT SIDE STORY! (I knew you were gonna be able to, I mean it's you writing, but still, the high expectations were exceeded) I loved every single thing about that story.

also, just saying it again, please never stop writing! it's so amazing and literally perfect and we need more of it and I genuinely hope to read more of your work. you deserve all the good attention you've been receiving bc you wrote some of the most amazing masterpieces to the atiny fandom, so thank you 💜

and this last series with the spinoffs are just aaaaaaaaah I don't even have words on how amazing they are. so congratulations! 💜

Hello, my dearest!🫶🏻

Believe it or not, I do remember you! (I remember most of my readers, so long as you've interacted with my work more than once🤭) you have no idea how happy you made me feel with this! I swear, I've reread it more times than I can count—thank you SO much for writing this! I love and appreciate you immensely for it!❤️

Nah, that's facts💯 anything coming from @itstheghostofmypast's beautiful mind is automatically a masterpiece and THANK YOU AGAIN OHMYGOD! That's seriously high praise!😭 *shaking crying screaming throwing up because this can't be real*

Do you want to make me cry? Because it's kinda working HAHA I'm not even kidding, it's readers like you with your super kind words who keep me going! You're the absolute sweetest!🥹

Me reading your lovely ask again and again:

[cloud-somersault]

Dude I'm just gonna say this, "the constellations within us" literally changed my life. My sincerest apologies for the rant but I can't stress enough how much constellations changed me and my writing, and sorry if this barely makes sense, english isn't my first language(sorry!) and after rereading "axis" i'm too excited to think properly.

Before I read constellations (or any of your works) I was too scared to post any of my fics because I was super insecure about my writing, but It wasn't until I read constellations when I finally found the courage to post my stuff rather than have it rot in my docs, and I can't thank you enough for helping me find the courage to show off my writing, no matter how insecure I was about it at the time. Constellations gave me a push in the right directions, if it wasn't for your writing, I still would've been too scared to write, and I wouldn't have improved at all.

before I knew of your works I didn't really have direction with my writing (if that makes any sense?), I didn't know what I wanted people to feel in my writing, I just kinda wrote in a really bland way and I honestly hated my style because it just wasn't hitting correctly, but when I did get around to reading your stuff it just kinda snapped in my brain, your writing set off a switch in my head and I realized at that moment 'oh my great sage, this is literally peak', I wanted my writing to deliver the same amount of emotion that yours does, like I wanted to FEEL my writing like I do yours.

in that one chapter of "the constellations across our bodies" where Mk attempts to confront Macaque (I, for the LIFE of me can't remember which chapter it was) I was at the end of my seat, (literally, I almost fell off) I can't express in words the dreadful feeling in my gut I felt, and I can keep going on and on about how your fics heavily influenced some of my hcs and the portrayal of Shadowpeach in my works.

I've found myself studying your works on more than one occasion, and after realizing what made your writing so gosh darn good and applying to my writing, I've realized how much my writing has improved; I don't think I've ever felt happier with my writing, and I can't thank you enough, really, thank you so much for being such a good writer.

ALL of your fics make me kick my feet in the air and giggle like a little girl.

I consider you to be one of my favorite writers like ever, but at the same time, I'm just wondering what in the world possessed you to write such a genuinely POWERFUL fic? Constellations is one of the BIGGEST inspirations for any of my works, and I fully blame this fic for the nearly 80k words worth of unpublished Shadowpeach fics I've written at like 11 pm hidden deep in my Google docs. If it wasn't obvious enough, I am in LOVE with your writing style, every time I am blessed by your writing appearing on my Ao3 I will inevitably end up writing at LEAST 20k more words on what ever fic i'm working on.

And again, thank you so, so for being such an amazing writer and for being one of the most influential people in my writing journey, I am forever grateful for the pure, unbridled talent that I, and several others, have had the chance to witness, keep up the good work, and I pray the Ao3 author's curse doesn't reach you anytime soon!

stay safe, and hope you have an amazing day/night!!

✨

WOW what a sweet ask!! 🥺💖😭💖🥺💖 I am literally in shock, thanks so much for typing this out and sending it!!!

I am beyond happy that something that I wrote inspired you enough to share your work with others. Sometimes, all it takes is one last little push for us to take the plunge and start our writing journey into the world. I'm so happy you gained that confidence from reading my fic. I don't think there's a higher honor for a fic author, so thank you for telling me!!

I absolutely know what you mean when you say you weren't sure what you wanted to convey in your writing. I've been doing this a long time, so I know most of the writer hurdles and bumps. And I remember posting my first story and how I was unsure of what story I wanted to tell and what I wanted people to feel. It's difficult to decide on a tone for a piece of fiction, but more than that, it's deciding what story you want to tell and share.

If nothing else, remember that when you write, you're putting yourself on that page, a piece of yourself. When you post it for others to read, you're sharing a part of yourself. That's why it can be difficult to take critique. This...self-expression through literature is a state of vulnerability. But good things come from that, too, and it can be a lot of fun thinking about what part of yourself you want to share with others.

When I wrote Constellations, I wanted to share many things. I wanted to tell many stories. But, I think, more than anything, I wanted to emphasize the importance of the connections people have with others. It's something I have to remind myself often. I didn't value and treasure the connections I had before...now that I've grown and matured, I'm reevaluating the connections that I want to protect and nurture versus the ones that are harmful to me.

I wanted constellations to be a reminder of that. that...there are some connections that are worth fighting for and protecting, and worth putting that extra effort into.

But, I think more than that, I just wanted to write shadowpeach in my style. Never underestimate the power and motivation or spite and wanting so badly to see a couple portrayed in a way that you're not seeing 😭

This ask is so sweet, and there's so much I could say, but I want you! to know this. When I was starting out, I was unsure but I was also having fun! Writing should be fun first of all, and I'm still having fun. Never forget; this is a hobby, and it should be fun for you. It should give you energy or uplift you.

As you continue to write and read and develop your own style, let yourself be influenced by other pieces of media. The more you write, the more you'll develop a style that's uniquely yours. And once you've done that? Well, there's nothing you can't do.

Thank you for reading my works and finding joy in them! That's super important to me. This ask made me remember...I wouldn't have started writing if it weren't for fanfic writers posting their fic and sharing it. They inspired me to write. They gave me courage. To know that I've done that for you? Is like. Phenomenal. I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've come full circle. I guess my character arc is finished.

Thank you so much again! And good luck on your writing journey, and don't lose heart! At the end of the day, always remember: only you can write the stories in your head. No one else can do it with the same glamor, pizzazz, passion, intent, and love that you can.

I'll see you on ao3, friend! 💕

[celestie0]

Ellie Bear! Hiiiii..I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. You know getting rest and drinking lots of water. Oook so I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Since the very first time I read your work I was hooked. You truly have a way with words. Even your random unhinged posts make me laugh anddddd sometimes fill me with concern. Yeaaa I've seen some of those Gojo posts 🤨. Anyway when you posted that you had lost the saved work for Kickoff I completely understood your frustration but I knew it would be just fine because you're an amazing writer. You really are super talented. Your recent posts about this chapter feels like you're stressing a bit about it. It might not mean much coming from me but there's no need to stress. I would bet everything in my wallet...the whole .75 cents that it's gonna be another phenomenal chapter. You know why?? Because you're writing it! We're ok with waiting...anyone acting like they can't wait doesn't matter. Don't let anyone stress you about your work. Work at a pace that's comfortable to you and drop the chapter when you're ready. You've talked about asking for updates already and I'm pretty sure it's in your rules not to ask anyway. If the chapter comes out today, great! And if it doesn't that just means you're taking a little more time to make the chapter what you want it to be and that's great too. Thank you for even giving us this story in the first place. So no more stressing ok. You've got this! *pats your head aggressively but lovingly*❤❤❤

bakuhoethotski queeeeennnn u have no idea how much this ask means to meee rn 😭🥺💕 im literally sitting at my desk cryinf SJSLKDFH (but happily and with love)

tysm 😭😭 yes i think i have been so stressed ab kickoff recentyl,, i think ever since losing my notes, i just felt really discouraged and it didn’t really help me move forward,, but your words make me so happy bc u make me feel i can conquer anything i want for the story with or without my original notes n thats so encouraging for me im literally gonna reread this ask whenever i need to feel proud of myself omg u say it might not mean much coming from u but in reality it means the MOST,, im so lucky to have you as a lovely reader of my works 😭😭

and tysm for the comment ab taking extra time w the work :”) that really helped me reframe my thoughts ab the chapter. kickoff is such a passion project for me n something really close to my heart, i think that’s why i’ve been really particular w the chapters n i don’t think thats a bad thing…i just have to figure out a system that works so that i can write for myself, but also share w others

I LOVE U SO MUCHHH OMG I WISH I COULD HUG YOU BUT I HUG YOU THROUGH MY SCREEN <333 also thanks for being concerned ab my gojo posts ☺️💕 concern meaning u like them right ??? right???? ahhahahhahh (joking)

[userlando]

hii x I know it’s been a couple of days already but I’m still yet to talk about watch you watch me. and yes I need to talk about it, I just needed a while and we as a society cannot move on so quickly from this!

maybe it’s because I literally folded in public when those plane photos came out, because to now have a fic based on them by one of my faves.. it’s just beyond amazing. I thought I’d be rereading it as soon as I finished but I get too emotional (how does one get that emo over a smut, god knows)

I love the way you add those tiny little details to the story, (the boardgames, the banter afterwards sksj). somehow the fic never feels like smut. I mean, it DOES feel like smut (😵‍💫🥵) but your writing makes it seem like truly part of the bigger picture every goddamn time. like, you take some time to build up the characters so that when the smut happens it’s just always more powerful to me.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again - this Lando of yours is McDreamy! 🧡 god I love him so much. how do you come up with so many versions of this silly little guy and it works so well!

can I also mention how those pictures you put before every fic undo me? you choose them so well that even looking at them sometimes makes me feel the whole vibe of the fic and idk I think that’s also a real skill and I wanted to show some appreciation for this Art™️

god this really turned into an essay while all could’ve been summed up with: I adore your writing, thank you for putting out this amazing stuff for us 🧡🌟 I know that whatever next month is throwing at you, you’re gonna be great. I’ll be here, looking like this every time you post

this is actually the cutest thing I’ve ever read and truly lifted my spirits so high that I’m afraid I’ll never come down 😭 thank you so so much, I wish I could’ve written in the part where he accidentally posted one of the more spicy pics along with his selfies but I honestly cba to flesh out that entire convo.

sometimes writing pwp is nice and you get straight to the point, but I feel like I need to write some details and little tidbits into my fics to hopefully make them more realistic in a way, if that makes sense? I’m just so so happy that it’s appreciated because I always fear that people wanna jump straight to the smut - not that anyone’s made me feel like that, I just have irrational fears. but then I get messages like these and it’s all just so worth it 🥹

thank you thank you thank you, you truly notice the little things and I’m so thankful that you appreciate them enough to let me know. I always LOVE seeing you in my mentions, you’re a gem and I love you for it!! and also extra brownie points for the hilariously adorable picture, I’ll save that and keep it because it’s just too funny 😭🤍🫶🏼

[kithtaehyung]

An Ode to 3Tan BBQ

………………………..😶😶😶😶😶😶

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was….They were…Yoongi was…

*shakes head to refocus*

Okay, okay! I’m here, and I think I have mustered up enough coherency to react to the BBQ THAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY.

Firstly, I really truly have no idea how you did it so absolutely perfectly, but you captured that wholesome but incredibly sexy magic of young summer love. That feeling of being invincible, like you’ll never grow old, like anything is possible, like winter will never come and fun is here forever to stay. So fresh but so nostalgic. I could smell the sunscreen and the smoke from the grill. I felt the butterflies in reader’s stomach while she was watching him from afar. I felt how flirty and fabulous she felt in that little dress under Yoongi’s gaze. How did I so potently feel like I was in that backyard? I was taken back to high school when my crush and I would secretly flirt amongst all our friends by the poolside…only this time, the it was Min freaking Yoongi! 😫🫠😍 Reader-insert fics can often offer an experience, but damn, I didn’t know I could be taken back to some really magical and beautiful moments and emotions with this drabble! 🥹💕

I also absolutely loved her moments with Trish and Tae. The conspiratorial role Tae is now playing has been squealing with glee, and the conversation with Trish has me so soft for Reader, who is so apparently coming into her own.

Also, the line where Tae compares reader to Yeontan had me in freaking stitches 😂💜😂💜

And, excuse me, but was that a potential Dom and Shiv moment I saw there? Ummm…I freaking ship it????

…And Yoongi. THIS Yoongi?? THIS M@TH$RF&#KIN’ YOONGI??? Excuse me, ma’am, but do you have a permit to write such a DANGEROUS CHARACTER??? 🥵🥵🥵

This line:

“Hell no, he needs to keep those broad shoulders covered or else you’re really gonna fucking lose.”

Had me thinking:

And then this line:

“He rakes wet locks back before slowly walking to the edge of the pool, wiping his face before aiming a smirk of revenge at your menace sibling.”

Had me like:

You wrote all of the little Yoongi-is-babe-of-epic-proportions details so well! Like how his teeth are dashing???? Like, they are but how do you so aptly zero in on everything that makes him so attractive???

So, anyhow, thanks to this menacing new helping of 3Tan Yoongi I am currently exceedingly unwell and entirely unable to function.

The silent war you waged between Reader and Yoongs was the absolute tits - so cute and steamy at the same time! My heart exploded at the part with the paper towel roles!!! 🥰 But then other parts had me straight up tomato-faced BLUSHING!

This line?

“Even if his chains are currently caressing your back…”

When I tell you I was SCREAMING. Literally. Screaming.

And after building the sexual tension to the tightness of a freaking bowstring, the sneaky intimacy they managed to so recklessly cram in was SO EFFING HOT.

This drabble is definitely my new favorite of the 3Tan canon…like, seriously, you keep outdoing yourself and at this point I believe you can move mountains if only given a pen! 😆🙌 Thank you so much for gifting us with this one, it is an absolute gem and is going to get me through the drudge of the work week with many a reread!

After indulging in this absolute MASTERPIECE far be it from me to ask for more.

…buuuuuuttt….

IFYOUDROPPEDTHESMUTI’DREADTHEFUCKINGSHITOUTOFITOKAYILOVEYOUBYE

💜💜💜

DFKDSHF VIOLETSIREN !! oh my god this ode is amazing and i will definitely head under a cut to respond so here we go!

………………………..😶😶😶😶😶😶 AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was….They were…Yoongi was��� *shakes head to refocus* Okay, okay! I’m here, and I think I have mustered up enough coherency to react to the BBQ THAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY.

THE BBQ THAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY I CANTTT yes. yes, they were. yoongi was. all of this is correct can we get an F in the chat to pay everyone respects lololol

Firstly, I really truly have no idea how you did it so absolutely perfectly, but you captured that wholesome but incredibly sexy magic of young summer love. That feeling of being invincible, like you’ll never grow old, like anything is possible, like winter will never come and fun is here forever to stay. So fresh but so nostalgic. I could smell the sunscreen and the smoke from the grill. I felt the butterflies in reader’s stomach while she was watching him from afar. I felt how flirty and fabulous she felt in that little dress under Yoongi’s gaze. How did I so potently feel like I was in that backyard? I was taken back to high school when my crush and I would secretly flirt amongst all our friends by the poolside…only this time, the it was Min freaking Yoongi! 😫🫠😍 Reader-insert fics can often offer an experience, but damn, I didn’t know I could be taken back to some really magical and beautiful moments and emotions with this drabble! 🥹💕

all of this took me back so far omfg!! the way you also captured all the feelings of summer so well? by just mentioning what you remember? wow. summer love is fantastic.. and i'm so happy that i was able to convey some of those vibes in this drabble! working on it poolside definitely helped, even if i had to shield my eyes from the sun ahaha. gahhhhh all the butterflies!! being in that backyard: i was THERE! i felt it! if you felt the same then i am immensely satisfied.

I also absolutely loved her moments with Trish and Tae. The conspiratorial role Tae is now playing has been squealing with glee, and the conversation with Trish has me so soft for Reader, who is so apparently coming into her own. Also, the line where Tae compares reader to Yeontan had me in freaking stitches 😂💜😂💜 And, excuse me, but was that a potential Dom and Shiv moment I saw there? Ummm…I freaking ship it????

TRISH!! i have been waiting to incorporate trish into the series so i'm happy to have her here, even if we don't know if this is canon yet. she's a thoughtful person and someone i am very happy that is in reader and bro's lives. as far as tae... we all love that damn man lol. i wanna protect him with everything i have! AND DOM AND SHIV AHAHAHA YESSSS

…And Yoongi. THIS Yoongi?? THIS M@TH$RF&#KIN’ YOONGI??? Excuse me, ma’am, but do you have a permit to write such a DANGEROUS CHARACTER??? 🥵🥵🥵

LMFAOOOOO I ASK MYSELF THAT ALL THE DAMN TIME

This line: “Hell no, he needs to keep those broad shoulders covered or else you’re really gonna fucking lose.” And then this line: “He rakes wet locks back before slowly walking to the edge of the pool, wiping his face before aiming a smirk of revenge at your menace sibling.”

SDKFJDSKF the gifs you sent!!! i love them. i love love love them and now i'm in pain all over again.

You wrote all of the little Yoongi-is-babe-of-epic-proportions details so well! Like how his teeth are dashing???? Like, they are but how do you so aptly zero in on everything that makes him so attractive??? So, anyhow, thanks to this menacing new helping of 3Tan Yoongi I am currently exceedingly unwell and entirely unable to function.

godddddd i literally don't know. my fingers just type and i cry on my keyboard. that's literally how all of this has worked so far lmfao

The silent war you waged between Reader and Yoongs was the absolute tits - so cute and steamy at the same time! My heart exploded at the part with the paper towel roles!!! 🥰 But then other parts had me straight up tomato-faced BLUSHING!

YESSS. i had a blast writing everything and the war between them was everything. the paper towels!! alexa play u got it bad by usher LOL

This line? “Even if his chains are currently caressing your back…” When I tell you I was SCREAMING. Literally. Screaming.

YOU KNOW I GOTTA MENTION THOSE CHAINS ITS LITERALLY PART OF MY BRAND ATP

And after building the sexual tension to the tightness of a freaking bowstring, the sneaky intimacy they managed to so recklessly cram in was SO EFFING HOT.

how can they be so intimate and yet i'm blushing?? how can this happen. why are they always doing this to me??

This drabble is definitely my new favorite of the 3Tan canon…like, seriously, you keep outdoing yourself and at this point I believe you can move mountains if only given a pen! 😆🙌 Thank you so much for gifting us with this one, it is an absolute gem and is going to get me through the drudge of the work week with many a reread!

WAIT WHAT. ITS UR NEW FAVE?? that's amazing! we don't know if it's canon yet but omfg if it's your fave that means so much to me! i didn't exercise as much brainpower as i usually do for the main parts so the writing may not have been like,, my best. but i'm still happy you enjoyed<3 thank you for reading and i hope you had an okay week!

After indulging in this absolute MASTERPIECE far be it from me to ask for more …buuuuuuttt…. IFYOUDROPPEDTHESMUTI’DREADTHEFUCKINGSHITOUTOFITOKAYILOVEYOUBYE 💜💜💜

AHAHAHAH ITS COMING BABE ITS COMINGGGG THANK YOU FOR BEING INTERESTING AND ENCOURAGING ME TO MOVE FORWARD WITH IT!

[bellysoupset]

SOUP‼️‼️ RAHHH THIS FIC THO😭😭😭 i cannot explain to you how excited i was about this one AND GOSH IT WAS SO FREAKING AMAZING AS ALWAYSSSS 😩 you’re so freaking talented bro the POWER your writing and your OCs have over me is INSANE i think i’m hyperfixated on them bc i’ve been rereading so many of your old fics but i’ve also been daydreaming about your OCs like everyday when i walk to class djcvnfdvndfjvnsfjv sorry if thats weird gosh i just love them so much ahhhh <3333

wen’s parents are so awful ugh but also in such a particular way?? like the way they were just so emotionally distant and then managed to bombard poor vin w so many awkward questions while remaining kinda respectful? but they were also so passive aggressive the whole time?? like i started side eyeing them from the start when they were introducing themselves😤 but also this passive aggressiveness + the distant (too) formal vibes they gave off is so fitting given the backstory you gave for wendy a while ago!!! like it made so much sense!! OH and omg the AUDACITY to ask vince about immigration and then saying “legally?” like MA’AM???????? and AGH the way he kept trying to ignore how bad he was feeling and the way he kept trying to impress them and omfg how upset he was when he was in the bathroom like the TEARS goshhhh i can’t 😭 he was so miserable and omg THE TOWEL and then wen being so careful and respectful and SWEET like baby girl is so freaking PRECIOUS i love her sm 😭😭😭😭

and then vince bringing up the ED and wen just telling him everything 😩🫶🏽 even the attempt omfg SOB i wanna hug little wen and tell her she’s so loved and nothing’s wrong w her bc baby was HURTING 🥺 PLS AND THEN THE “you’re a football player, Vince, i was expecting to get hate crimed” SHE WAS SO REAL FOR THAT KANCJSJSJDJWJWB 💀 and AYEEE the end was ADORABLEEEEE

ALSO going back to the parents, i was SO curious as to how you were gonna approach her relationship with them!! like i didn’t know if you were gonna make her be super “submissive” i guess or more outspoken and i honestly LOVED the way you wrote her in this context‼️ like clearly quieter and less outspoken/goofy/bubbly than she normally is, but still very much herself. like it didn’t seem like she was letting the comments get to her too much? and the way she called her mom out whenever she asked that insane question!!!!! and not caring about her parent’s reactions/thoughts after what happened and literally just worried/concerned about vin!!! just focusing on calling the car and getting the fuck outta there!!!!! like YAS that’s my girl and ESPECIALLY given all her backstory i’m SO PROUD OF HER and her growth and how much healing she’s done to get to where she is now😭🫶🏽

THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO MANY FEELINGS WITH YOUR WRITING❤️‍🩹 you’re insanely talented and i will never stop saying it‼️🫶🏽

🦦

Otter, I can never answer to your comments except for just staring at them in awe. Please never change, these gotta be half the reason I write nowadays.

I know Wendy is your girl and I was sooo nervous about the backstory fic, so I'm happy all the emotional beats came through!

I like to imagine Wendy's parents don't see themselves as bad people and, worst of all, they really wouldn't come across as bad people on paper! Which made Wendy sound very "complaining just to complain" during her teen years, because what do you mean your parents suck?

I really enjoyed working through their mundane shade of being sucky people. And man, pooor Vince!! He's such a stronghold, I broke my own heart making him cry.

And LOL at the "hate crimed" comment, I had that line written since I decided I was gonna pair up Wendy/Vin. I think I wrote and rewrote a fic multiple times where she worried about him being a transphobe or not, but eventually I scrapped it all. Glad I could save the line! I imagine it took some prodding from Jonah, vouching for Vince, to actually get them together. Not that Jon will ever own up to it.

!! Finally, eternally happy to have you commenting on these fics, you caught up on all of Wendy's little tells, on how she's outgrown her parents and she's like "over them". I feel so blessed to have people so invested in these characters 😭

Have THE best day Otter!

[wubwubnparmaham]

Hey Jackson!

I just finished reading Trail to Transcendence and it took me less than 4 days to finish those 3 works. I was legitmately *obsessed*. It was manic really, I've never wanted to gulp down a piece of fiction so fast. I've barely processed it all and yet I'm itching for more. I'm gonna start Bridge to Barbarity after I get some sleep but I genuinely cannot wait to reread this. I so am going to. I've read a LOT of fics, original and fanfiction, but this is hands down the best thing I've ever read. It was literally I could've asked for and you served without knowing what I need. Jesus fuck hahaha. I'm still reeling from the ending of the third book as I'm writing this so I'm so very sorry if this is making fuck all sense. I just read it so fast, it's literally insane. My head hurts from it (not complaining) and I know I'm gonna be thinking of this for a very long time. Thank you thank you thank you for writing than and giving it to us. I don't think anyone could've done justice to that plot any better than you way, your writing is amazing, I'm genuinely so in love with it. The way you've woven plot details so far in advance like little easter eggs- fucking incredible. I wanna clap and treat you to a nice breakfast and ask you so many questions and listen to you talk about the writing process. I'm so intrigued.

I've gone off a trail here but I'd really love to read your published books (i saw you mention that you're writing them a while ago). I understand you might not wanna go public about them here, which is okay, i can DM you about. Please let me know :)

Oh also, I'm not pushing but just want to know out of curiosity if you're going to continue with The Nol and the Little Witch or any other books in the same universe?

YOU ARE THE SWEETEST and i will actually be messaging you momentarily, but yes i will continue all stories within the universe, it's just gonna take a while unfortunately :( but it's special to me!! Itll get done

[lightofunova]

DONT MIND IF I DO i arrive precisiely on time like im pepsi man, and you cant expect pepsi man of all people to be anonyous

where do i START? thats the greatest hurdle thats been presented to me today. and, you know, as i send this, ive kind of come to a realization.. that, like??? 99% of our conversations are via my streams, and i feel like thats FUCKED UP thats my bad and i apologize for that. i need to make an effort to DM more because you are such a bright light!!! literally every time youve ever popped in, said hello and gone to work; every time you helped me in pokemon; or kept company on drawings- its the highlight of the day!!!!!

youre so exquisitely yourself, you know?

youre like... i dont know if this metaphor is gonna resonate with you, but youre like when theres a really tough day. the universe is testing you, and youre tired. you go, you sit down, and you pick up a familiar game where just its sight brings you comfort. resting back, you alight the game, and you just.. enjoy. thats what your energy is like. your presence is a comfort, and you brighten the day. youre good. youre just really good. thank you for being in this community and allowing us to partake in this silly adventure we call askblogging

also, i try to not play favorites, but bah gawd, reshi is definitely up there as one of my all times. such a great character whom i love unconditionally. youve done well, and i cant wait to enjoy more of the story you wish to tell, and i really appreciate the effort you put into it. its a delight and a blessing to enjoy your content. thank you again

NDJFJDBSBSB YOURE TOO KIND HONESTLY- Ill be honest sometimes I really dont feel like I deserve such sweet words from others haha, when I first read this I thought that for a moment. But honestly this really resonated with me once I reread it, it means alot to be surrounded by such amazing people who see me in such a wonderful light and enjoy me just being me? Sometimes I get worried that me being me feels kinda like,,,a third wheel LOL or like my ideas arnt as interesting or cool as others. But its people like you that really help build me up and get past all that.

Honestly seeing you stream can be such a highlight to my day and it gives me something to listen to while I’m busy drawing or going about my morning! Even thought we don’t talk in dms too much, it makes me happy to chat on stream and just chill cus the vibes are always immaculate haha.

And honestly oml the metaphor is just too kind 🥹🥹🥹 I completely know what you mean XD i’ve been there so many times myself and have done it alooot the past few days(hgss shiny hunting rn, no luck on starters so far haha) But gah you’re too kind honestly, It always makes me so happy that people like reshi in all her silly forms and aus(i feel i saturate her alot in some places and that sometimes people get sick of her,,,shes my main child im sorry LOL i play favs) but knowing people love her honestly make me giddy and happy because it makes me feel like I can craft a story with her or make a game with her. It makes my dream feel real, yaknnow??

Anyways i’ll stop ramblin haha you’ve made my night so much better esp after a tougg shift and I just appreciate it so much, thank you for everything truly

[astraystayyh]

Alright I only have one thing to say Sahar. Thank you. Thank you so much for invisible thread and for literary just existing. I cannot explain properly I words how amazing this fic is. You don't even deserve words you deserve poems darling.

One of the things that stood out to me the most was how you represented reader's PTSD because of her mother. As a person who went through a very similar experience (and I do have PTSD yay) this is detailed correctly to the last word. The way you explained reader's guilt properly and her not feeling upset even though her mom died is a very real thing that I have seen happen to me and some of the people around me who've gone through similar experiences. I don't why I'm so fixated on these amazing descriptions but maybe it's because it's not often that I see these things portrayed correctly in media, even in books. Ma'am I will pay you to become an actual author.

I also noticed the way you wrote Y/N's hesitance to love again which was very beautifully conveyed in the first paragraphs. It's like we've known loneliness and desperation for so long that it's the only feeling we have and we accept that it is our destiny. But then Minho steps in and Y/N just feels something else. Something other than loneliness and longing for people to love her. She finally feels proper love and she receives it too. And that's just so comforting.

The colour thing omg I will ramble about this and no one can stop me! It was so painfully beautiful, and I mean that in a good way. Minho's little breakdown and Y/N just straight up feeling guilty is just so.... I can't explain this emotion (143 I love you hehe). It's almost like this is what is a good relationship when you and your partner both are dependent on each other for support both mental and literally everything else. And Minho also feeling guilty that he broke down? It's almost like this one quote I made in 9th grade and I recently also read on the internet "We may be going to Hell, but we know that we have held Heaven in our arms."

One of the reasons I feel like why this story is so comforting is because it portrays love, not as all roses and Cupids but as actual human love. It portrays love in laughter, in the little inside habits we have, in just sitting in silence knowing that we are fluent in it, in baking cakes, in remembering details, in risking everything to get something the other wants and most importantly, in finding solace in one and other. Babes whatever writing pill you're on, GIMME IT.

Overall, this is now in my "I'm coming back to this after angst" fic list! And I'm gonna read this so many times, my gf's gonna think I'm mental.

I offer this Minho picture to you as a gift for creating such a beautiful piece of literature.

I'm sorry if this too long by the way. I was gonna write a 4 page essay but Tumblr said no. Love you babes! I hope you have a great life and find your Minho too!

(PS: I noticed a few days ago an anon translated your name into their native language so I wanted to tell you that in my native languages, Sahar means adventure (in hindi) and the thorns of a rose (in Telugu))

i can't tell you how much times i reread this since you sent it in ☹️☹️☹️ i just want to thank you first for taking the time to write me such sweet and thoughtful feedback, it truly means the world and more to me 🥹 like you've just made all the nights i spent working on this fic worth it!!!

I'm so happy you found yn's reactions realistic :") i really tried to make them as human as they can be, and not too optimistic where everything is forgotten as soon as she's with minho,, i was really afraid it wouldn't be realistic so thank you for letting me know <33

!!!!!!!! yessss,, with minho she no longer longs for love she just receives it freely, without even asking for it,,, and i feel like that's what healthy relationships are about, just a healthy nurturing love

I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE COLORS THINGIE,, it was such a big part of how they opened up to each other in pt.1 so i figured I NEED TO HAVE IT,, anddd yes both of them are so.. cautious around each other, like they don't want to hurt the other at all costs :(( and that's such a pretty quote wow

your description of what kind of love this is MADE ME SO WARM INSIDE,,, ahhhh love can be so beautiful when it's with the right person 🥹

im genuinely so so so HAPPY you liked this fic and that you found it this comforting ☹️☹️ i don't even know what to say apart from thank you, for being so sweet and for just existing as well!!! i hope you're happy and healthy always <3

[1d1195]

midnight memories has some different type of magic injected in it i swear because that album is perfect. you have great taste i absolutely adore both those albums <333

YOURE NOT STUPID !!!! like seriously don’t even worry abt it i don’t expect to remember everything we talk abt i just thought i might’ve mentioned a song that reminded me of him but i might have completely made that up in my head so who knows lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also seriously you’re way too hard on yourself about these things because what you give us is ABSOLUTELY perfect. like. i don’t even know how to describe it but every time i see you’ve posted something i truly get sooooo happy. so be as original as you want or go over the same tropes and lines a million times, we’ll all love it and support you no matter what !!💞🫶 (also i think all of us here truly don’t mind if you do the same tropes/scenes with different characters i think all fanfic readers go over the same stuff again n again and we eat it up every time😂😂)

OMG YES THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME !!! ofc i finished it haha i was literally stalking your page waiting for the last part😭 i canNOT tell you how much i loved it. i’ve literally reread it so many times THEYRE JUST SO CUTE. and i think i see myself a lot in that specific character because i was homeschooled like halfway through my schooling and all the people i used to know moved to a different state and so i just became like this awkward girl who didn’t understand parties, sucked at socializing, and would rather hangout in her room and read all night so i totally understand the feeling of not fitting in with people your age😭😭 NOT TO SOUND SAD AHAH I CAN PULL OUT THE EXTROVERT IN ME WHEN I NEED TOO BUT I JUST REALLY GET HER AND I LOVE HER SM SM SMMM I WANNA GIVE HER A HUG

her being a little nervous about their first time and worrying she’s gonna be bad in bed was SO real AND THE CAR RIDE THERE WHEN HE SAID SHE CANT TALK BECAUSE HE REALLY WANTS TO LISTEN BUT HE CANT LISTEN BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HE GETS HER THERE SAFELY UGHHH MY HEART MELTEDDD☹️🥺

another part i found funny was the “omg this is the perfect place for you to murder me 👀” and the way she laid out the whole plan JSDGHAAKKA just them💞💞💞💞💞💞 the fluff at the end was sooooo amazing and the way he was so reassuring about everything she was anxious about before. and them being a lil domestic and going grocery shopping together😭😭😭😭 loved seeing that little glimpse of how they work together alone. i can totally see them getting their own little apartment after graduation like if they decide to go to grad school or get internships or jobs or something idk but they’d be so cute living together officially

I AM SO SOOO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I ALWAYS ENJOY TALKING TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY MWAH

~🎶

I find 1D’s discography is best listened to in certain seasons. So TMH is a summer album. Four is for Fall. Midnight Memories I have a hard time pinning sometimes but I’m a big fan of blasting Strong this time of year when the temp is warming up where I live. MITAM is a winter album to me but obviously I’m listening to them all year round 😂

I’m 😭 thank you for being so supportive it means the world to me. I feel so UNoriginal sometimes but I just love the idea of love and unfortunately there’s only so many ways I can make my couples say I love you hehehe

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! That’s so cool you were homeschooled! I’ll have about 10009 more questions for you but I need a moment to think about them and ask but I was NOT homeschooled and I feel the very same way about you. I’m a wicked introvert in an extroverted world so it’s ROUGH and WAS rough all throughout college. I still feel stupid most of the time in social situations.

Not to sound egotistical, but loved the little part in the car about getting her there safely 🥰🥰 and the serial killer part was just something to keep it a little funny 😂 so glad you enjoyed!!!

Thank you SO much for envisioning a life after college because now I have some ideas for follow ups!! 👀👀👀

NEVER apologize for long messages. It’s my entire life! I love it! Hope you’re having a good day too!

Xoxo

[onwriting-hrarby]

Hi hope you’ve been doing well !

I still can’t get over this last chapter I love this story so much , I cried over it

I don’t know what to say definitely gonna reread this story again sometime it’s literally been a whole journey and it was worth it that ending and the fact that u had it in mind since the beginning is just amazing, I wanna know ur thinking and writing process during that last scene , the protest and the birth scene playing simultaneously and the way u wrote it was just perfect , how u captured all that chaos , I was literally on the edge of my seat reading it ur writing making me feel many emotions all at once I don’t know how u do that

I started reading this story mainly for EM not really thinking much since it was the first work of urs that I stumbled upon but I was wrong , the way u treat various subjects , how u did every single character justice and wrote about their struggles , if I could write an essay about this masterpiece of a story and how it deserves all the recognition i totally would but this is when I curse my limited English vocabulary, also the fact that u have such dedication and how every time u deliver a 20 pages chapter for each update with the outmost of perfection is worth talking about , no wonder this process must have been stressful , yet u still outdid ur self every time and wrote the best ending for this story can’t imagine it any other way .

I’m so glad that I stumbled upon RJ it’s been a long time and I can’t believe that it’s over ,this story left me with a book hangover and a void I don’t know how to fill , nonetheless I’m glad I found it and even though we won’t get new updates anymore who knows it might be ur novel that I read next in which I wish you the best of luck with and for ur original writing as well , I know it will be outstanding and I will definitely read it if u choose to share it with us , u deserve all the recognition , success and happiness in the world , I can’t thank you enough for your contribution and for choosing EM out of all the fandoms in the world to bless with ur mesmerizing writing and presence, thank you so much dear , and take care of yourself 💜

:')))))) Thank you SO MUCH for commenting and coming to my inbox!

About the ending, I'm actually thinking of doing a post about how I conceived it! Because I had it thought in the beginning and the last sentence changed over time, I think it would be interesting to talk about it, but at the same time I don't want to give a lot away because I really like the idea of how I did it hehehe I'll just talk, in the post, about how I came to the ending and decided to change the sentence, but for you: everything in the ending was pointed out to make you breathless as a reader, so it was important to maintain the rhythm, hence I relied a lot on the different chunks and sizes of the paragraphs. The last chapter has four parts: the Eren/Mikasa resolution, Levi/Erwin breakfast, Friends gathering/Deciding what to do, Protest/Birth. In those four parts, only the first two are "traditional" narrative. The third relies on the bodies and the plurals, and the fourth relies on the difference of rhythm... (Well, maybe I'll do a post, yes!).

...I am almost tearful about what you say in delivering pages and following the story through. It's been stressful sometimes, but god, I absolutely love writing. And there was also a sense of reward every time I got a comment. So I didn't write for the reader, but I definitely knew that even if I got one comment or one kudo more I would be happy. If I didn't, I would have been happy anyways—some chapters more than others, because I'm prouder of some of them—but I think the beautiful thing about fanfiction is interaction, so whenever I felt strained, I decided to keep on pushing.

BOOK HANGOVER??????? that's... amaziinngggg! if you want to read a very good book, give "Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" by Gabrielle Zevin a try. I have not felt that compelled by a book in a LONG time!

Thank you for the great well-wishes :') I am floored by your comment. I love it. Thank you, and you take care of yourself too!

[electricbarnes]

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration 

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut 

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.  

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.  

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.  

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.  

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

             —

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”  

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :)