#am i too biased with tmi?

[yulansstuff]

TMI: the characters are as strong as the plots

TID: the characters are stronger than the plots

TDA: the plots are stronger than the characters

TLH: the characters are stronger than the plots

Is this unpopular opinion?

[jojissalsa]

The Perfect View

leon always notices the little things about you, especially when you hint at wanting something. and if you want a better view, he’ll give it to you.

Warnings: established relationship, dom!Leon x sub!reader, fem reader/gendered language (girl, pretty girl, you get the gist), choking, breeding kink if you squint, praise, filming during sex, a little bit of condescension, basically Leon being a sweetheart and a smug little shit. So just normal Leon.

WC: 2.6k (proofread as well)

hey y’all!!! this is my first leon fanfic/smut i’ve written/posted soooo i’m a lil nervous but hope you guys will like it!! critique, reposts and requests are always welcome <3 (also minors do not interact, go touch grass.)

Leon always loved the little heart to hearts you two would have, or the late night confessions, even if they got a lil horny. It was like talking to your girl-friends, TMI didn’t exist between you guys. The reason was simple, really. He just loved talking to you, loved hearing every thought that swam in that gorgeous head of yours. Tonight was no different, sitting in bed finishing the brownies you baked because he finally came home after a long mission. And because you’re bored without him. “Hold on, elaborate-” His muffled voice came through as he finally swallowed the bite he took, giving you that look. Like he knew you were about to divulge some info he would never let you get away with. Always loved to tease you about everything, remembering little things you tell him because you just have no shame and can never keep a thing from him, just so he can see the blush on your face as you giggle and get all shy. He can’t help it, it’s too cute. “What do you mean I get the best view? Am I not pretty enough for you?” He watched as you rolled your eyes at his dramatic tone, setting down your brownie folded into a napkin in your lap. “No, that’s not what I’m saying, I’d have to be blind to not think you’re gorgeous~” You say it in that lovey dovey voice that makes him wave his hand in an ‘Aww, you~’ kind of way, making you laugh every time, cause he picked it up from you. Typical Leon. “I’m just saying you have the best angles, there’s a difference. Like, when I’m bent over, I have to crane my neck just to look at you, and plus, I can’t even look at the action. I get lucky if we’re in front of a mirror, but usually I just get the view of the floor or the bed.” You chuckle at his intrigued expression, always so eager to learn how you think.”I dunno, I just think it’s hot, watching you move inside me..” You look down at the brownie in your lap with a sheepish smile, a pink hue on your cheeks accompanying it as you look back up to Leon’s raised eyebrows. “What? Too much?” Raising your own eyebrows, hoping you didn’t say something too down bad. “No, no, I get it. I mean, obviously I’m biased, but I do have the perfect view.” He teased, throwing his hands up nonchalantly which makes you playfully swat his arm before going back to whatever you were talking about before.

As per usual, Leon had a hard time forgetting what you said. Well, it’s not like the information was anything new or groundbreaking. He already knew what you liked, you would always look down while he towered over you, watching with bated breath as he stroked his cock, his other hand spreading you open before sliding him over your slit, gathering slick on his cock before slowly stretching you out. So needy, he’d think to himself as you finally inhale and moan as he bottoms out, tilting your head back in bliss. Again, this was nothing new. So when he had you writhing beneath him, lips parted with each sigh and hum, plump and glossy with saliva, he pulled the final piece of clothing off you and smirked at how you spread your legs instinctively. Such a well behaved girl, he praises you in his head, especially when you listen to him as he asks you to flip over, kicking his jeans off as you arch your back and push your ass up and towards him. Now that makes Leon say it out loud, tugging his boxers down and letting them fall down his ankles and onto the floor before getting on his knees behind you. He always takes a second to admire you, how pretty you look as you gasp when he presses his hard cock against your slick cunt, whimpering as you grind against him. But this time he takes another second to look at the nightstand, praying to god he remembered to keep his phone there. He can never think straight when he’s like this, and you’re always to blame, not that he’s complaining. The moan you let out as he slowly pushed himself inside you nearly made his mind go blank, though, that didn’t stop the soft whimper he lets out from the feeling of your wet walls, keeping his cock so damn warm- Focus, Leon. During the small window of letting you adjust to his size he grabs his phone, your closed eyes and blissed out expression telling him he doesn't have to worry about you noticing him slightly leaning to pick it up or why both of his hands aren't on you. Leon, who’s always the perfectionist, making sure the angle is perfect while fucking into you unbearably slow before going at that unrelenting pace you both love, feeling his strong hand move from your hip to your hair as you start to scream into the pillows. "Aww, don't hide, baby, you sound so pretty like that.. Mhm, there you go, let it all out..” And you do, and he swears it’s the most beautiful thing his ears could be blessed with. "Shit, so fucking tight, always make it so damn hard not to cum." It's his favorite thing to do, tilting your head to the side so he can hear how good he makes you feel. "Loosen up a little, that's it, I'm right here.." He just loves to make you go into that syrupy, fuzzy space in your brain where you have no shame or worries, just him, and him alone. Cause that's really all he wants, for that pretty little head of yours to be empty and happy with thoughts of him.

That's when he finally starts recording, letting out a low chuckle as the sinful sound of your whines and gasps mix with his heavy grunts, skin slapping against skin filling their shared bedroom, making the room feel hot and smell of pure sex, continuing to overpower your senses. Everything about Leon overpowers you, he just makes you weak, and it feels so safe. Like a lovesick puppy, always nuzzling against him to smell his musk when he comes home from a long day at work, or wearing his shirts to get a whiff of that cologne that definitely costs more than 2 years worth of your salary. It smells even better when he’s so fucking deep inside you, the scent of his sweat and cologne mixing with the hot air as your ears take in the sound of his downright dirty moans, and the little whimpers he lets out that get louder when he slows down, the tip of his cock kissing your womb so perfectly.

And while you’re under him, babbling about how deep he’s fucking you, completely cockdrunk in a matter of mere minutes, he can't stop thinking about your reaction to his cute little gesture. How tight you'll clench around him when he finally shows you the incredible view you wanted to see. You weren't wrong when you said he gets the best view- sorry, angle, as you so delicately put it. The way your hips instinctively move to meet his, how the fat of your ass jiggles every time it meets his pelvis. Always such a good girl for taking him so deep, and the best part, of course. Your cute cunt milking him dry, he can see how perfectly your pussy molds around his cock, even if he's the biggest you've ever had (and will have) it's still the best sight in the world. It looks even better when you cum around him, your body shaking as you scream his name loud enough for the whole block to hear, pussy gushing on his cock and practically swallowing him whole with how tight you're milking him, like he might leave if you don't hold him tight in your pussy.

So when he feels you getting close, instead of the usual hand between your legs to rub circles on your clit, pushing you over the edge, he just stops recording and grabs a handful of your hair, pulling it from your roots to make into a makeshift ponytail in his fist as he raises your head and moves his phone in front of your face, the sight of his cock slamming into you over and over again playing like it was on loop. Holy shit, was all you think, and say for that matter as you watched the scene play out in front of you, your wide eyes staring straight at where you two connected, watching as you coated his cock with every stroke of your walls. It didn’t take long for you to feel that familiar burn in your stomach, and it showed in how pathetic you looked, and sounded.

Honestly, the thought of him listening to that little thing could've made you cum on its own. The conscious side of your brain saying “Aww, he cares that much to do this for me? I'm the luckiest girl in the world” but what’s really gonna make you cum is the way he's showing you. "Look at that, doll, watch that sweet pussy suck me in, so fucking greedy you just needed to see it while you feel it, hmm?" His growling and whispering in that smug fucking tone that drives you crazy and makes you so wet it’s almost uncomfortable, just envisioning his stupid, signature, cocky grin widening as you clench tighter around him makes your head spin. His hips are still slamming into your cunt, but instead of that sound of skin slapping skin it's somehow even more erotic. That wet, squelching sound just reminding you of how good everything feels, even as your eyes fixate on Leon's phone you can start to feel him hit that sweet spot deep in your velvety walls and it makes you so goddamn weak that all you can muster to do or say is groan and cry out as your eyes roll back momentarily, before you looked at his phone again. “Hear that? Oh, yeah you do. Got that needy cunt so goddamn wet. I did a good job, huh, babe? Yeah I did..” The way he coos at you makes you whimper his name as you get closer with each thrust, coupled with the fact that he went out of his way to time his thrusts with the video sent you right over the edge, not daring to squeeze your eyes shut the way you usually do before cumming hard, screaming and growling until your throat goes hoarse and dry, not even having the energy to thrash and squirm. Just sit there and take it.

Oh, and Leon noticed how much you loved his little gift, he took in everything about your reaction. The way your eyes went wide, your pupils blown out with lust, and the delicious feeling of you tightening on his dick. He twitched as he watched you groan and practically sob about how good it feels, yet no thank you? He wouldn't have that. "Did you just cum? Feels that good, huh? Can't even babble fucking nonsense in my ear, you like it that much? Thank me." He throws his phone somewhere on the bed, leaning down to whisper closer to your ear, his grip leaving your hair to wrap his bicep around your neck. He’s really pulling out all the stops tonight, hmm? "Thank me, 's all I wanna hear from that dirty mouth. You spout all that nasty shit, the least you could do is thank me." And you do, chanting it like a mantra, like he's God himself saving you. "Thank you, fuck, thank you Leon, thank you, oh god-" your voice is just as broken as your sobs and nearly pathetic whimpering and you're rewarded greatly, his arm tightening around your neck, cutting off your air for a few seconds. "Good girl, so sweet, aren't you? Always so grateful, that's why I treat you like the princess you are. So damn pretty, show me how pretty you are, baby.” He makes sure he can see your face as you cum again, a deep groan from his chest rumbling against your back. “There you go, there's that pretty face I love." A pretty face indeed, that cock-drunk expression as you smile and bite your lip until it bleeds, groaning before the knot in your stomach comes undone again, the gasp and moan coming from your lips pornographic. "Le-Leon I'm cumming, fuck, fuck, cumming-" cutting yourself off as you sob and squirm under him, brows frowned as you pout and whimper while he fucks you through your orgasm.

The sounds that leave you makes it impossible for him not to cum, cooing and shushing you as his arm leaves your neck so you can lay that pretty empty head on the soft pillows, stroking your waist in the most tender way, his thrusts becoming sloppy. "I know baby, shhh, it's okay, you can take it, I'm close.. fuck-" you feel his cock kick inside you, the warm feeling of his cum coating your walls. "Fuck, you take it so good, your pussy was made to take my cum.." His filthy words and heavy panting keeps your brain in that hazy state as he slowly pulls out of you, sliding both hands down your waist and to your ass, thumbs sinking into the meat of your pussy as he spreads you open. You try to catch your breath as his cum makes its way out of you, but the air in your throat is swiftly taken from you as you feel his thick fingers push his cum back inside you. “God, I’ll never get tired of seeing that. Seeing my cum leak out of this pretty pussy. My pretty pussy.” His possessive words never fail to make you blush and smile like a madman, because it makes you too happy. You could die happy knowing you’re his.

You finally come down to reality, finding comfort in his arms as they wrap around your waist and gently lay you on your side, keeping you close to his chest. You get that warm, lovely feeling as you hear his string of praises. "Such a good girl, took me so well.. love my sweet girl so much, you deserve the world, don't you, princess?" His soft kisses on your shoulder make your heart flutter, taking a quick look at his smile over your shoulder. The warm feeling in your heart at his loving embrace doesn't last long when you hear him chuckle softly. "Y'know, you're terrible at asking for things.." you shoot him an annoyed glance, rolling your eyes. "Maybe I wasn't asking for anything." You huffed, tilting your head away from his smug look and crossing your arms. You’re also terrible at lying. "Sure, like you don't do that thing where you're just mentioning something in passing, totally not hinting at wanting it." That one gets you, because no one has really noticed that but him. Maybe you were always being subtle, or maybe people didn't care enough. It could be that Leon just sees every little thing you say or do, because he's just so observant. You like to think it's because he's just sooooo infatuated with you. "Fine. I'll give you that one, if you help me to the bathroom." You could barely hide the smirk creeping on your face, clearly happy at the prospect of him caring that much. "Deal." He says sweetly, kissing your cheek before getting up and walking over to your side of the bed to help you into the shower. Count that deep seeded want crossed off the mental bucket list.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

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But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[worshipper-status]

Literally so happy because my God is actually excepting of my obsession, but I’d kinda like to know how to worship him better less directly? (Ie. tips on digital alters/general worship tips?)

An excuse to ramble! Thank you :D

Worshipper's Guide to Indirect Worship

This is going to be my sfw guide for less direct methods of contact and digital altars, I may make an nsfw guide at some point on my own as a counterpart to this but for now...

(long post below)

Digital Shrines

Digital shrines are a good format for indirect worship, because you can curate it from anywhere, and no one will know. Technically I have two digital altars but one is more a back up of the other. One is I have a folder on my computer that contains all the media of the shrine, and the shrine itself is on my personal discord server. Usually I separate the shrine itself into media, devotionals, personal devotionals, writings, and links by using different discord channels. The channels breakdown like this for me:

Media: photos and videos of solely them

Devotionals: images I find on the internet that I feel embody our relationship, media created by someone else. Also picrews usually

Personal Devotionals: Visual media I have personally made to embody our relationship and can take full credit for creating. (This is a specific folder I made just to keep my art and others art separate)

Writings: Poems, songs, rambles, gushing, fantasies, etc. Any thought you have about them that's important enough to write down, put it here.

Links: I use this as a dumping ground for ideas I got from articles, purchases I want to make, or anything that requires a link to something else but directly relates to my worship of My Goddess.

Tumblr can also be a general dumping grounds kind of shrine, where I would not be too honest tbh, but it's a start. I prefer keeping my shrines private for the most part. My general advice is to stay away from tumblr for everything because you're not going to feel 1000% comfortable expressing your worship to its full extent because of the possibility of it being found by strangers. Also some things are just tmi to be honest. I have writings in my folder documenting times me and My Goddess have banged in detail so I don't forget. Tumblr doesn't need that kind of detail on here. So try and keep shrines at least somewhat private for your own sake. People are dicks.

As for advice for things to do to worship indirectly (and this goes hand in hand with the shrine a little bit) here's a list with general advice and ideas:

Scrapbook/Junk Journal about them (I'm biased this is a personal favorite of mine). Get a notebook, some scrapbook supplies, and either dedicate it to photos of your beloved or journal about any time you guys interact in ways that feel meaningful to you! I keep one physical scrapbook that I use for collages for My Goddess's photos, and am planning to start a junk journal for more writing purposes. I'll probably solely be using it to write about personal interactions with My Goddess, and on slower days, things I love about Her in general. It's both kinda a traditional journal and a part of my obsessive behaviors. You can also do stuff like this digitally with moodboard and collage makers like Canva which have free options.

Document about them. This is kinda vague so I'll explain. As part of my shrine, I have a document I'm building dedicated to bullet note points about My Goddess. If She randomly drops a fact on me about Her childhood, or Her interests. I write it down there so I don't forget. I want to be a good worshipper so I want to be an expert in everything about Her. I usually use a note taking app for this that I can organize into subgroups. Notion is a favorite of mine (despite them selling their soul to the AI overlords sigh) because it allows a lot of creative freedom in organizing the documents AND it's linked to my email so I can't lose it. Obviously, a google doc will accomplish the exact same thing, however my entire personality type is best described as extra, so I have to do things with extra effort at all times.

Write for them. This is where my pagan background kicks in a little bit, but in certain pagan traditions, especially stuff like Hellenic Polytheism, writing hymns or poems or songs for the gods was very important to their practices. So why not write those things for your God? It doesn't need to be shared, it can be bad, it can be whatever it wants to be. What I usually do, is I write poems for My Goddess, and keep them in my junk journal or digital shrine, depending on if I'm working physically or digitally, and if I'm feeling brave I'll share it with Her, but most times, they stay hidden in the depths of my shrine stuff.

Biggest overall piece of advice, create for them. Nothing shows devotion, quite like the personal experience of making something for someone else even if they never see it. Honor the Gods with the act of Creation, ya know?? It doesn't even have to require you to be good at drawing or whatever. Are you someone who gardens? Name a plant after them. Like makeup? Figure out what makeup styles they prefer on your chosen gender and wear those all the time, even if they're not there to see. Sewing? Make a stuffed animal of them. Speed runs? Dedicate every run to them, create a record for them. It can be as big or as mundane as you want and none of it has to be outwardly expressed to the other person. Just dedicate whatever hobby you have to them, and suddenly you'll have tons of shrine material.

Now for the quick part, of this!

General Worship Tips! (These are more indirect tho)

When getting dressed, pick outfits you know they'll appreciate. (Just please don't sacrifice your personal style for this)

Capitalize their name/title no matter what. They deserve the respect of one extra button push.

Write letters, even if you live close, even if you see them everyday, and even if you never send them. Use this as a format to express your emotions unbarred.

Save every photo they send you of themselves. If you need to edit people out of the photo do it, but you better be saving every instance of themselves they give you.

Fill your space with things that express yourself yes, but also have stuff that reminds you of them. Do they have a favorite animal? Buy those kinds of stuffed animals. They say they like certain types of aesthetics? Put some of that decor in your space.

I don't paint my nails, but if you do, paint them their favorite color.

Have dedicated jewelry pieces for them. While My Goddess did not give it to me, I have a memory of them associated with a bracelet I wear every single day. You can just buy a piece of jewelry and assign it as a symbol to them. They don't have to know.

Interact with their interests, with passion. Do your best to care about everything they care about. It'll give you guys tons of stuff to do, and help you understand them better.

Make pinterest boards dedicated to certain moments you want i.e. first date, wedding, future house/apartment dreams, pets you want with them, nursery room ideas, etc.

Make playlists dedicated to them.

Alright that's all I really have for right now! I hope some of this advice has been helpful and at the very least legible lol. I hope everything with you and your God goes well! If you want any more advice do not be afraid to ask me more questions :)

[binniesbooks]

THE LIBRARY KEEPER

✧ '03z

✧ 21

✧ INFP

✧ they/them/she/her

ᯓ★ Hi, my name is Faye and I used to write before, from other platforms, however, I dropped it because I wasn't able to manage it thoroughly. But I am giving it a shot again, special thanks to my 'lil reign for waking up the writer in me *sobs*

ᯓ★ English is just my second language, so please bear with me.

ᯓ★ I am an OT5 stan but a Soobin biased. My account is practically screaming Soobin. ㅋㅋㅋ Soobrangdan from the roots! <3

ᯓ★ I'm the biggest hater of coffee, it makes me sick >_<

ᯓ★ I love cats, music and taking a nap. Loves playing a bass guitar and I play online games too!

SOMETHING RELATED TO THE LIBRARY KEEPER

ᯓ★ Beta Reader: @inkigayocamman

ᯓ★ Proofreaders: @babymochibeargyu / @beomiracles / @aduh0308

ᯓ★ Emoji Anons: 🪱,🐈‍⬛, 🌟, 🌠

That's all I wanna share as your library keeper, come back soon to check me out for more TMI! And oh, check the library rules. Shush! Don't be noisy!

[castlebyersafterdark]

obsessed with your partner being into decor, never wanted to ask about your house as you always draw a good boundary. but i am always so curious if you were one of those guys with like the cabinet full of figuines or fan merch like you see in youtube reaction videos haha! most fans i've encountered in this space seem / say theyre the type to go to cons, buy the merch, etc. i remember the flurry of people who wanted the new will's painting merch! personally i'm never into that stuff, mainly because i am super into interior design (im a decorator!) and so my taste in entertainment doesnt really bleed into my taste in decor in my home. two separate worlds! it never makes sense for me to blend them, always makes me feel like a teenager with posters on the wall (no offence to anyone, just not my cup of tea anymore).

i remember you said you had a little funkpop (Will?) in your house plant hahaha but thats all! (must admit if someone got me a will funko, i would pop him on the shelf in some sort of nonsensical spot cos i like the idea of one random thing that makes no sense in the room haha. wouldnt buy him for myself though)

so is your man into design trends or has he got his own eclectic style? does he love diy and is always wielding a saw and youre there just drooling? does he wear his corduroys to go antiquing for midcentury glassware on the weekends? am i now just projecting?

possibly.

anyway love to hear that he's into seasonal decor, he sounds like suchhhh a keeper for all the reasons you've ever listed about him <3

I've been feeling really really sappy lately so I'll indulge if yall will let me ramble about the guy for a post. Sat on this ask a bit because I feel a little self conscious sometimes when I talk about my life? And other times I'm waaaaay too easily tmi haha and I can never predict! Day by day. Under cut as I always do when I get personal for no reason other than that's my thing here:

Anyway, my lovely Z 💙 and his our super cool house. He has, in my very biased opinion, such a great sense of style and taste. Old soul. A bit fussy and uptight while I'm a chaos tornado - but that's ok! Love despite drastic differences 🤭 "does he wear his corduroys to go antiquing for midcentury glassware on the weekends? am i now just projecting?" HEY THERE SO ARE YOU SPYING ON US OR SOMETHING??? This is. So spot on it's astounding. Super eclectic here but sooooo cool. I like how busy it is. Refined, but busy. Very retro. Cozy but curated? Very cool. Gosh, he's so quietly cool. Loved the place and moving in a while back, it was so unlike myself but now I can't imagine being surrounded by anything else.

And right right - I'm totally not the biggest merch collector, despite loving the show so much. I'm very picky!! I want cool merch and no shade, but so much Stranger Things merch just isn't to my taste? I like things that kind of blend in but are still merch or are really unique (I have some cool Star Wars stuff like that). Or collabs. I've bemoaned before about the cost of the lego sets (which I do collect) or there being no Hot Wheels or Matchbox ST big collab (which I also collect).

I keep my nerdy stuff in our office room BUT - I have a Mike and Will Funko set because I LOVED that they have Mike with the painting. They are set in the planter of Z's giant pothos plant (I think is the name?) because I thought it was funny with all the vines 😆

And we are fully Christmas-ified now!! It was earlier than I would have liked but I came around to it - both needed some joy. And we had so much fun going over the top this year.

Keeper? Yeah. He is everything 💙

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi dont mind me , i am writing this just after reading the chapter and with swollen eyes with how much i cried for other max, fuck this is worse than the last two chapters, i havent cried this much ever. you have such a brilliant mind i love it.

also i loved magnus in this chapter as well. as well as rafe it seems so much easier to understand them once you see the consequence of lucifer. also

also wtf was wrong with alec, like pointing an arrow is one thing but shooting a version of your kid, wow wasnt max supposed to be his fav technically like a bit biased not saying fav fav. i mean i get it, rafe is his kid of that timeline who is being threatened but shooting max was a bit too much for me from alec. i get it they dont completely understand max but atleast try to see from his side. i knew since arthur died and other max didnt tell it was all part of the plan and lance was aiming to be dead as per him. but it was a bit weird that magnus was more worried about the general health of his kids than alec (which idk just makes him colder to his kids, like almost superficial in a sense, u know what i am not making sense, its 1:36 am ist rn and i have just cried since 12 am bc of this chapter) but i know i am feeling a general sense of disappointment for alec generally in this chapter and like the whole fic in gen and not bc of other things just his take on well being(which used to be my fav thing abt him) which rafe often seems to be more in tune with than alec and yes i know he isnt the main character but idk why this got stuck i have just finished reading it literally so i will come back and write more about other max)

but anyways this was such a good hauntingly beautiful chapter. i loved it really so much. I think it was our max that went thro to the portal so when max came to he was in the changed timeline of whatever max did ? i think. my heart just went out for other max and what he had to deal with, like david suicide was something i saw coming but baby max doesnt deserve all the bad things happening to him in any universe, i knew there was a reason he has always been my fav even when he is annoying. like even in canon like cassie universe, since i started the books from 4th tmi book and then finished the whole series, max was literally the first character i knew of after the tmi novel like outside of his characters and i loved the little blueberry character since the start, always, (maybe also why alec's behaviour stuck odd to me, bc i love his and max relationship so much) bten has always been my fav story( again the alec-max relationship my fav). i literally bought my first tsc novel to be ttosa for him, just for his story ( and bane chronicles bc magnus being a fav is a canon event) i love him so much. bless just let him be alive and happy to some extent dani, that is all i ask

If it is any consolation, I cried a lot writing that chapter too. LIKE A LOT.

About Alec - I think it was a very Alec think to do. If you notice, he was the only one who was sceptical of Other Max - WHICH IS GOOD. This man could be Lucifer for all they know and one of them needed to be rational (i feel the shooting was very much reactional than intentional). But yes, among the LB fam, alec is the rational one and i think his reaction to Other Max, including the "how do we know you are saying the truth" is very practical of him. (i am a lbaf alec defender byeeee)

We don't actually know if Max changed the canon event. All we know is that Other Max didn't. If he did, he'd remmeber it.

Love all the love for Max. He is truly the bestest ;)

[avianii]

15 questions 15(?) mutuals

ty @oddcologne for the tag <3 iim kinda out of it rn so these respones r prob bad loll

1. Are you named after anyone?

nah

2. When was the last time you cried?

tmi but last night maybe?? whenever thursday was

3. Do you have kids?

nah. sure hope i don't

4. What sports do you play/have played?

mm ok so I bounced around a bunch of sports ranging from soccer to swim team to figure skating as a kid but the two I've mostly stuck with are volleyball (which i haven't played in a while unfortunately :/ ) and tennis <3

5. Do you use sarcasm?

never

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

uHHHhH their existence??? (am i supposed to know this)

7. What’s your eye color?

THE VOID

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I love happy endings. Scary movies are ok but happy endings >>>>

9. Any talents?

I feel like I'm a bit biased here but I think I have an exceptional talent of getting minor injuries in the stupidest ways. ex. i have at least 5 cuts right now and definitely some scars from walking into my desk lmao. (If you were expecting me to say art lol sorry my self esteem is not there today)

10. Where were you born?

Singapore! didn't stay tho lol. random tangent but the lady at the DMV was like "where were you born" and was confused that it's just Singapore, Singapore

11. What are your hobbies?

drawing, gaming cuz im a GaMEr and... you know i swear there's another but i cant think of it rn lol

12. Do you have any pets?

hell yeah, I got two kitties. Kashi is the one who looks pretty but is a bitch and Rei is just a bitch but I love them more than I love my brother /hj for legal reasons

13. How tall are you?

165 cm convert that if you want im too lazy to rn

14. Favorite subject in school?

Bio/Physics because I actually know whats going on in those classes and my bio teacher is awesome

15. Dream job?

anything even slightly related to aircraft tbh

tagging @calkale @sevdidntdie @blueisglueredisdead @kazanskys-mitchell @katnobanana @airlocksandaviaries @honckity @lookforanewangle @liass-21 @doodledraw yeah im not getting to 15 LOL so + anyone else who feels like doing this!!!

[joosts-girl]

What kinda spicy pics would you send? 👀👀👀 and what ones do you think you’d get in return? 👀👀👀

AHHHHHHHH! 🙈🙈🙈 Anon why are you making me these questions I AM BLUSHING omg

(Hold up let me put this under the cut bc I might get a little bit TMI even for most people ngl)

What kinda spicy pics would I send him... Hm 😳 Honestly I've always been more a fan of the more teasing pictures ig? I really like my boobs ngl, so I would send him some cleavage pictures, either wearing a cute bra or just, covering them with my hands/arms. I also like my thighs quite a lot, so a lot of that too. I like to think he'd enjoy them but that's just me being hella self-indulgent akskskska- Also laying on my bed, posing like a pin-up girl, just trying to look cute for him in general ✨

As for what I would like to receive 👀 I've said this countless times here already, but I'm REALLY biased towards his stomach (and that happy trail ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥), sooooo... heh heh heh. He can lower his pants just a little for me, or give me a peek of what is he hiding underneath them. Or the full frontal view, I am not against receiving dick pics from him AT ALL 😩💦

Also just, lewd expressions in general, because he vibes as being such a show-off even for naughty images. I could honestly see him sticking out his tongue or biting his bottom lip for him or doing anything along those lines and I'd be. A happy camper. Really 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Honestly he could be sending me anything he wants and I'll just keep those pictures like they're sacred LOL. But if I could make him a single request, I wanna see him a picture of him laying naked on his bed, with a full-on bed head and the bedsheets barely covering his private parts 🙈 Maybe with a little bit of morning wood too 😳👉🏻👈🏻

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP Hi! I second your anon who talked about DPR IAN. I've learned about so many cool artistes from reading your blog too. I got into BOYNEXTDOOR after you mentioned them and BPP I am obsessed. Can we please talk more abt them? Do you have a bias?

***

Haha hello!

I've been learning more about the group too and I love them. This might be TMI (Korean meaning), but a friend was actually telling me last week that it's possible I could become a multi on account of this group looool. But I doubt it. I love them but still need to observe them first.

I certainly have a bias in Taesan though. The guy's a freak. With good taste in books. Calls himself the translation of his name "Giant Mountain"... He's mine.

Maybe I should say I'm triple biased actually, because Myung Jaehyun and Woonhak also seem to have wormed their way in. Riwoo, Leehan, and Sungho are exceptional too. They're all dorks so I'm certainly OT6 on this group. They're the real deal.

Sungho

*

Leehan

*

Taesan and Leehan

(...)

*

Woonhak

*

Riwoo

*

Jaehyun

*

I've talked about how good their music is before so I won't rehash it. The stage I'm at now anyway is building my understanding of the members. Who they are, what their duo/band relationships are like, etc.

Also, random but Taesan reminds me a lot of Taka. He kinda sounds like him and looks sorta like him...

...it's obvious, right? I love how weird and awesome that is.

Anyway, I like Boy Next Door a lot too. Feel free to send me any asks you have on them. I'll be very happy to talk about them and post their pics. :)

(Their visuals are top of the line.)

Let me know what you want to talk about on the group.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

hi bestie :) its my bday today and i just wanted to thank you for making my last year happier and better with your fics and works and interactions on this platform :)) also as an ace neurodivergent, i really do resonate with your works and feel happy and represented and hopeful that one day i’ll find myself a boyfie that can accept me for who i am lol

ANYWAYS thank you so much for giving so much joy in my last year and im sure you will continue to bring me joy this year too lol

IF i may indulge in with a request, can we get a tmi or a spoiler for wereroomies!jisung or seungmin? they are both my ult biases and babies and you’ve mentioned your working on their fics so…. i beg for a crumb lmao OMG WAIT THEORY TIME (you can tell there is adhd) so i rmb you said that jisung is a nurse and seungmin is a med student? imagine they go to work tgt (seungmin is there for placements) and then han wingmans him to seungmin’s yn lol

ANYWAYS TYSM AND ILY BESTIE HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY TOO

(ps you are the sole reason i got into werewolf fics bc of wereroomies)

omg happy birthday !!!

the fact that what i, an ace neurodivergent, write resonates with you, who's also an ace neurodivergent, warms my heart. i genuinely don't think i ever experienced as much acceptance around those two things as i did when i joined this community a year ago. the fact that you feel like my works represent you makes me all fuzzy and and and 🥺 idk, it's cute. thank you for telling me this. you've got no idea how much it means to me.

i'll give you a few little spoilers for wereroomies!seungmin. be aware these might change as i start working fully on him, so these aren't set in stone, but hope you (and anyone else that reads these) enjoy them anyway:

my idea for seungmin is to also code him as autistic and ace (sorry, i can't help it).

he and jeongin have been together since they were kids (maybe they come from the same pack? i haven't decided yet), so i hope to have more of jeongin in his instalment, too.

i also hope to highlight his relationship with the pretty mum... since they're really close.

i want to craft his story around self-descovery. it might be a bit sad at parts--especially when it comes to his relationship with the reader... but hopefully our puppy min will overcome any challenge he might have to deal with.

i'm still fine-tuning some things about him and his background, but i started writing something already, so we'll see how long it takes me to work on that fully (: it's now a race to see who i finish first, seungmin or jisung hahah

oh, and, as a bonus, i'll tell you that he'll probably share hobbies with pretty mum~

[guiltycoco-recs]

Created this page mostly for myself to link all my favorite stories that I tend to reread depending on my mood. I’m pretty lazy and tumblr illiterate so this is just so I can keep my favorites organized and easy to find.

BC 🐺

LMH 🐰

HHJ 🥟

Multi/Other Members 💜

These stories have made me feel things that I didn’t think my 3x too small heart could feel. I may or may not have also had some fun “self care 🔞” to some of these stories. Sorry TMI.

If you choose to read my favorite stories, I hope you too fall in love with them. Don’t forget to reblog these posts to show these amazing authors love!

I’ll be updating these lists regularly and will post when I most recently updated them.

💜💜 coco

PS: if you haven’t noticed I am a Stay and LMH, BC, & HHJ biased. However I do have some other SKZ member stories linked as well!

[majorbaby]

What is your favorite and least favorite MASH ship?

Which MASH ships do you think are underrated? Overrated?

What’s a MASH ship that doesn’t seem to exist yet, but needs to?

It is very unlike me to have an OTP in any fandom but it’s Trapper/Hawkeye for this one with a massive disclaimer that this does not stop me from shipping them both with a long list of other characters (good luck finding a character you won’t find me shipping either of them with in some way). Also, I know it seems like I’m joking but I am genuinely very into BJ/Trapper, it’s my second favourite and is gaining ground fast hahaha. 

As much as I am not a huge OTP guy, I also don’t have too many NoTPs.

I operate like this: there are ships that I feel neutral about and other ships that I love, regardless of how they are written. It is also my favourite thing when I think I am not into a ship and then someone writes it in a way that sucks me in completely - shout out to hawnk side of mashblr. Unless there is something inherent about a ship that activates a squick of mine (which therefore makes me unable to engage at all) then i welcome any strong, preferably E-rated challenge to any of my ship biases. 

Aaaand tmi maybe but sometimes I’m just too horny to care whether or not I think a ship is plausible or not -  Hawkeye/Peg/BJ is probably the closest thing to a non-squicky NoTP of mine, but consider also that I am but a simple man who loves threesomes, so Punnihawk can look real tasty to me depending on the circumstances. Also, my dear mutual @bornforastorm wrote a G-rated pre-Peg/BJ/Hawkeye/Trapper and I was super into it, which is to say - I can be almost always be convinced.

Imo, overrated ships in this fandom include Hawkeye/anyone but Hawkeye/BJ and Hawkeye/Trapper in particular. But these are overrated for predictable reasons, they're the main characters and the white guy slash ship economy is always booming - that's just par for the course.

Underrated is any ship where Hawkeye isn’t involved. Hawkeye, BJ and Trapper are all overrepresented in fanwork when you compare their screen time to Margaret’s. So, hopefully without sounding judgemental, I would say that if there were one ship I wish were more prolific it would be Margaret/anyone. Klinger/Soon Lee is another one I’m very interested in. 

A ship that doesn’t exist but that needs to: oh my god Oliver/anyone PLEASE would someone like to start an Oliver Jones writing circle. In addition to that, in order of how desperately I want these to exist: Kellye/anyone, Margie/anyone, Ginger/anyone, Bigelow/anyone. I know these are all vague but I take multishipping very seriously - if I listed every single ship that is somewhere on my draft roster then we would be here all night esp on account of how many poly ships are bouncing around the inside of my head. And this is more of a general thing but I want more variety in how even popular ships operate: more queerplatonic relationships, more asexual characters, more aromantic characters, more poly ships. 

You might’ve been looking for a bullet-pointed list from me when you asked, but for me it’s just not that cut and dry. I could, for example, write an essay on a ship like Hawkeye/Margaret which in theory I don’t really care for, but that I think has a lot of potential to go in an interesting direction if written in a particular way. Conversely, I love Hawkeye/BJ but I’m not interested in how it is portrayed most of the time. 

[bbokicidal]

Hiiiii! Saw you were doing match ups nad I love hom you write em! Hope this doesn't crowded ur inbox too much! I'm very socially awkward person who enjoys being around very lively people. Somehow I end up being the social butterfly by introducing people cause I always start up small talk to avoid awkward silences and looking like a loner. #introvert adopting introverts. I'm also very traditional myself (I love classical music. I do ballet and play the piano. Im a conductor and like to compose too) and i love to take photos! I am also very methodical in putting them in albums. I like hace an album for pianos only for example lol. I do enjoy lots of different music though depending on my mood (aka my love for skz began one day when I needed something to motivate me at the gym lol. My biases are changbin and seungmin). Hope it's not tmi! 🎻 thank uuuu ♥️♥️♥️

you are very hard to pick for,,,

I'm going to match you with Minho.

I think he would admire the amount of passion you seem to have for different things, like the classical music, ballet, etc. I dunno I just feel like he would really like that about you - that you have that type of soul, if that makes sense? So different from his own.

I think he'd also adore that you take so many pictures and keep them in albums - it would actually probably inspire him to do so as well. He'd probably have like, a little album of just you - then an album of the pictures he's taken of the two of you, then an album for locations and attractions he's visited, and of course an album for the boys. ~

But I also think that you being socially awkward would make him feel a bit better about himself,,, somehow? Like idk if that makes sense? Like you being.. quieter, and less talkative and more just existing in the same space as others makes him feel more comfortable because he's also quiet and sort of just existing. idk, I think he'd like it. :)

[withleeknow]

lmao thank you for sharing your microwave-daylight savings-dream TMI 👀☁️ what if I told you that same night our 🐈‍⬛ popped up in one of my dreams? (my TMI: I'm the type of person who has countless dreams but the second I wake up they're usually lost to the ether like i couldn't tell you what our rockstar was doing but I'm sure it was a fantastic dream)

in continuation of our miffy saga: the same SIL made this beauty for my bday last year - we.tl/t-cg4Pq7vIJM - and there's this pop-up in ldn rn and the temptation vm.tiktok.com/ZGd8bqeXW/

a very happy very very very belated mimo/ksj1 day (let's brush past the fact it's literally d+7) ♡ our moon has been booked and busy - thoughts on I'll be there? she's like super tuna's less chaotic, more demure, gentle dopamine release cousin 🌕

oh oh and happy blogiversary! thank you for existing as you do and nurturing this blog ♡ [sidebar: october 23rd? fantastic gift for mimo day. I love your longer works/series but sometimes, your angst hits different in these oneshots- the closeness and vulnerability in lost cause has my head fucking spinning.] I didn't enter your inbox thinking we'd be sharing what feels like a single braincell with our constantly overworked microwave and now I've come to realise how big of a part you've played in my kpop resurgence this year and now I'm rambling ily- it's been a while since I've dived into the skz rabbithole: they're all looking like greek gods this tour PLS vm.tiktok.com/ZGd8bBCaH/

+ for the kpop ask game: 14 and 49! 👀

i don't usually remember my dreams that well either but that morning my bladder woke me up and i really did NOT wanna wake up bc it was such a cute dream so i tried to fall back asleep. it was SO cute, we were in a ♡△ with mimo 🤣 crazy that the microwave is even haunting our subconscious and on the same night no less. red string >:)

the cake is ADORABLE you have the best sister in law omg, and she MADE that?? 😭 and the pop-up oh my goddd please tell me you're giving in to the temptation. if i had a miffy pop-up near me i would be on a MISSION to put a dent in my wallet. i need everythinggg 😭 (also, foul of you to include a sneaky microwave attack while i was going all uwu over miffy)

'i'll be there' is so on theme with his solo releases so far. while everyone else is getting naked ("cHaPtEr TwO iSn'T aBoUt TaKiNg OuR sHiRtS oFf 🤥) he's still all "i love youuu 🥰 i'll be there for youuu 🥰" and i love it so much lol and i love the song 😭 she really is super tuna's cousin lollll. have you watched this yet? seeing him with his pink mic is just so... :((( he really is back our seokjinnie 😭

thank youuu and thank you for reading 🥹 i do be pretty self-indulgent lately 🥸 no but seriously, you've been so important in my skz journey too. i never really branch out in kpop fandoms and i mostly just keep to myself on tumblr (which erhm is admittedly a little lonely sometimes but whatever lol) so honestly i am so glad that you somehow found your way here :( i must sound like a broken record atp bc i say it every couple weeks but it's true !! years later when i think back to fangirling over skz in my mid 20s i will remember an 🍙 that made the experience so much more enjoyable :') <3

the whiplash of going from this ^ to this good lord. the way my eye twitched watching that. he is AWFUL he is DISGUSTING 🫠 and FELIX, the way my eyes widened and i literally said "oh my god" out loud lmao

as for the ask game heheh

14. name 3 idols you'd want to accompany you during a zombie apocalypse

mimo for sure. and not bc i am heavily biased 🤣 i feel like he would be resourceful and at least have some survival instincts lol. second pick jay 🥰 imo he's pretty similar to mimo so having 2 of them can't possibly be the worst thing 🤣 third pick probably jungkook bc let's be real among the tannies he's the most capable of keeping me alive lol but i KNOW his annoying ass would get on my last nerve

49. your favorite kpop songs from this year (2024)

^ the 2024 extended version counts !!!

(does the txt one count if it's japanese lol)

[solitalien]

Sex 🔞

Trigger Warning: Sexual Descriptions

Honestly this is TMI, but I mean this whole blog is. This is just me talking about my struggles with sexual desire and how I can't imagine myself actually having sex with someone but still having the desire and how it kind of grosses me out. feel free to skip out.

Although I don't want to label myself or really want anyone knowing a lick of critical information about me, I think I might be on the aro/ace spectrum.

This started I think about late of last year when I was with an ex. We were at the state fair for our first official date, and we had our first kiss. It was at the top of the fairs wheel, and it was very romantic. It was perfect and I initiated the first moved and when our lips met, I wasn't as satisfied with it as I thought I would be.

It felt like kissing gummy worms.

If you're thinking "Oh well maybe they were just a bad kisser?", you could possibly be right, except I realized that the feelings I was feeling for this person, wasn't love. I can't place what it was, but I just knew that it wasn't. That's not to say that they weren't a good partner or anything and that's why we broke up. It was actual because I just wasn't in the mental space to be in one.

I was thinking after that date would I even want to have sex with this person, because it was very possible for us at some point in the future, and I couldn't. It had me confused because I definitely had sexual desires, but I couldn't see me doing it with them, or anyone really.

It's all very strange because even while self-pleasuring I don't really "enjoy" it. I mean yeah, it's great and I get the desire but afterwards I cringe and just feel annoyed. Honestly, I used to have a really toxic relationship with it, where every time I went into the shower, I wouldn't exactly get excited, but I would still do it. It wasn't healthy because I was exposed at a young age and thankful I've been better at it but it still you could say left some scars.

I don't do it as often as I used to, and I'd say I do it a fair healthy amount, but I just don't feel good about it. Like it feels more like a progress more than an enjoyable thing. I don't even know why I do it then just being "an itch to scratch."

It annoys me that people are just so willing to throw themselves at others just for a good time. Especially with the whole hookup culture thing. I'm not going to tell you what to do or how to live your life, but I can't see something as sacred as your virginity be thrown to the side for a good time. What happed to love?

I'm more likely going to wait till marriage.

I won't go too into that as I'll just deep dive into to something else, but I also realized that I don't catch feelings for anyone really. When I was in high school, I was a wallflower and only had a select few friends. In this friend group they would always talk about crushes they would have and how they would want to have very intimate relationships with others. I have this one friend who's similar to me in the sense that they also don't just want to give themselves to anyone, but they would have crushes left and right, and I didn't.

It just left me being the one in the fiend group who gave relationship advice because I didn't have any biased options on the subject.

Let it be known that I have absolutely no problem with any of this. I just honestly confused as to where I am. like am I just someone with really strange preferences on sex? I don't know.

Sex is complicated.