#am i sure there's labels out there that perfectly fit me? yeah but i can't bring myself to care about them

[localvoidcat]

still think it's funny that after about a year or so of stressing over labels and asking people for their opinions and trying to decide what percentages applied to me and all that, i got the most relief out of saying "well, fuck if i know, man"

[lunarsapphism]

talking abt identity :) a coming out of sorts

i totally dont need to talk about this on main but im gonna cause i want to since this is something i think about a lot. its really nice to see people come out as unlabled, especially if its someone i really admire as a person. like ive struggled with labels a lot in my life and none of em have ever fit right for really anything. however, ive always felt like i needed a label cause i seemed like if i didnt, i wouldnt ever get to really feel included in that sense of community in queer spaces. i went from bi to lesbian to queer and have just stayed at queer/gay (in the general sense) in the last few years cause that was the most neutral label that i knew of and felt comfortable with using because i relate to lesbians but can't say for sure if i am one. its been so stressful and anxiety-inducing to try and figure it out, but seeing more and more people go "yeah its okay if you don't label yourself, that doesnt mean you aren't a part of the community. you're queer enough" has been really validating. cause like, im a queer person 100%, but for me putting a label on my sexuality is so difficult considering my complex gender identity and everything, and its so much easier to say i just like who i like and thats it, you know? it doesnt matter what label i technically fit under or not, i dont have to identify with that "technical" label if i dont feel completely comfortable doing so. sexuality is fluid and gender is fluid and you can choose a million labels to describe yourself, or maybe just a few, you can even choose none and any of it is perfectly valid because ultimately what matters is determining what makes you feel most like you. that being said, i think im finally okay with saying that right now being unlabled makes me feel most like me. i just love who i love and thats enough for me.

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Spotlight: A Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Ch 3

Word Count 5,033

The first leg of the tour in the USA and Canada was complete and the next stop was Europe. Y/N had avoided Colson as much as possible and they had one or two brief run-ins but there were always people around. She had stayed at the penthouse with the others until they left for London.

So many times he had tried to call her, to talk to her, to try and get her attention but he always got cold feet. He had tried to get Jax to go and speak to her on his behalf, threatened him even but Jax wouldn't budge.

"She's a good girl and you're not worthy of her yet.. Leave her be." Jax said, causing him to become more frustrated.

"I always get what I want and I want Y/N. I'm going to get her with or without your help." He vowed.

"Why do you want her Colson? So you can hurt her? To ruin her? Just to stroke your ego?" Jax challenged. "Why would you want to pursue her when you have no good intentions towards her? You know you will go back to your old ways once you get what you want from her and ruin her for the next guy!"

"She's different from all the other girls I've been with.. I don't know okay??! I know I can't be faithful but I just want her!" He pulled his hair in frustration. "It may be for selfish reasons but -"

"Then what Colson?! After you promised to keep your distance you do a 360 and your hormones are taking over as usual." Jax bellowed, as he came face to face with Colson.

Daring him to say the wrong thing. He was ready for anything at this point. He couldn't understand why Colson would want to ruin a sweet, innocent girl like Y/N. Colson would never change for her-for anyone for that matter. It would take a miracle for that to happen.

Colson stared at him with his icy blue eyes and walked towards the window. He couldn't explain it but he wanted Y/N like he never wanted anyone before. Maybe it was in the way she looked at him, her melodic laughter, her natural beauty or her child like innocence. He couldn't quite place his finger on it but all he knew was that he had to have her. He was tired of being with shallow-minded, pea-brained girls that just wanted him for his fame and fortune-for his body. Y/N was just content with cuddling and talking or just sitting in a comfortable silence. He had never been with a woman that just wanted him for just him. They always had some hidden agenda-their career, money, sex-but Y/N had never exploited their relationship for personal gain.

From the first time he laid his eyes on her something inside him shifted. He had offered to drive her home although he knew that Jax was waiting outside. She was a mystery to him and he wanted to spend more time with her to try and unravel it. He had made sure to keep the music low so that they could talk-once again in his life he wanted to just talk to another person with no hidden motives.

"So tell me about yourself Bambi?" He had asked with genuine interest.

"Ummm..there's nothing much to tell." She twisted her fingers on nervously in her lap. She was shy. He decided there and then he would help her to break her out of her shell. He wanted to know everything about her but the ride was so short. There wasn't enough time.

"Then tell me a little?" He urged on.

"I-I..I'm a student at-uh- Cleveland State University..and I-want to major in music." She stumbled over her words and it made her even more appealing to him. Her long lashes brushed her cheeks as she blinked rapidly.

"My Dad-he died..three years ago and I live with my Mom."She said out of breath.

"Sorry..about your Dad. Mine is as good as dead." He frowned deeply. "But-your Mom? She's cool?"

"Yes-she's the best." She still wouldn't look at him and he wanted her to. More than anything he wanted to look into those big brown eyes.

He had pulled up outside her house and as she made a jump out he thought quickly.

"Hey, smile." He said as he put up his phone and snapped a selfie. It took her completely by surprise and she looked like a frightened deer in the photo.

"Let's try again?" She relaxed slightly and the next photo was definitely a Kodak moment.

"Do I make you uncomfortable??" His hand tightened on the steering wheel as he stole a glance at her. She was standing outside the car and boring a hole into the ground with her eyes.

"Yes." She squeaked. .

"Then we're going to have to do something about that Bambi." He chuckled as he stepped on the accelerator and turned up the music. She was going to be a challenge and Colson Baker always loved a challenge.

"Byron." He spoke through the phone. "I've changed my mind..I need you to set up that thing with Y/F/N Y/L/N."

"Sure thing Colson. I'm on it." Byron replied.

"One more thing-as soon as we get to London, make sure Y/N and I live separately from the rest. You think you can manage that?" It was more like an order and not a question.

"Consider it done." Byron said.

"Thanks Byron." He cut the call and smiled to himself. His plan was starting to come together. Byron could convince an Eskimo to by an ice-machine. Y/N wouldn't be able to say no once he worked his magic on her.

Colson went to take a shower with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. He was Colson-fuckin'-Baker after all. No one could say no to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they arrived in London their luggage was taken care of as usual and they were ushered to the waiting limo. By this time everyone was suffering from a mixture jet-lag, exhaustion, hangover and a dash of homesickness.

"Hey guys! Great to see you again." Byron was waiting to meet them outside. "I see you're all tired and stuff so I've instructed the driver to take you straight to Eaton Place. You will be staying at that penthouse for the next three days-then we leave for Paris. However, Colson will not be joining you this time he will be living at an undisclosed location-for security reasons."

"Any questions? Great. Go home and rest guys tonight will be a busy night." He turned to face Y/J. "Miss Y/L/N, you have to come with me. We have that meeting remember? This way please."

"Oh yeah, sure." Y/N turned to Ashleigh. "I'll see you later."

"Good luck. Call me okay?" They embraced quickly before Y/N went after Byron.

Not wasting a single minute, Byron dove right into it as soon as the car started moving.

"Y/N, you already know what this is about right? We spoke about it before and also last night on the phone." Byron asked.

"Yes but I'm not sure it's a good idea.." She said skeptically.

"I don't want to insult you-but what if I threw in some money to make it worth your while? Name your price."

"What? No! What do you take me for?" She cried out.

"Okay. Okay. Calm down," He raised both his hands. "What about an internship and a guaranteed job at XX Entertainment once you graduate? Sounds good huh?"

"Byron, I don't want to feel like you've bought me..Whatever job or post I get, I want to earn it. Not to get it because.." She felt so dirty right now and insulted. Was Colson behind this? She couldn't help but wonder if he was the one that put Byron up to this.

"Okay let's do this your way." He sighed and massaged his temple. "What't it going to take for you to go along with our plan? If not money then..should I appeal to your humanity?"

"Look..it's fine I will help-"

"Yes!" He threw his fist in the air in triumph.

"But on my own terms." She said firmly.

"Whatever you want Y/N. Name it and it's yours." Byron looked at her earnestly.

"I will only agree to this if you will allow me to call it off anytime." She swallowed hard.

"What? What do you mean?" Byron asked, confused.

"If I feel it's becoming to much for me to handle then I will pull the plug on this..thing-anytime-without notice. Any questions? Great." She opened the door and jumped out without waiting for a response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The penthouse One Hyde Park in London was were Colson and Y/N would be co-habitating. Only she wasn't aware of this yet. She thought they were just coming here for a meeting to finalize their "deal", although she didn't want anything out of it. The house was a contemporary and modern property, sitting on over an acre with a large garden, set back, screened and secluded with automatic solid sliding gates. It had a roof terrace and jacuzzi. 5 bedrooms that overlooked the garden, 4 bathrooms, 4 reception rooms. The servants quarters were on the first floor along with a stunning spiral wine cellar. The property had under floor-heating, surround sound and electronic sliding curtains.

"Wow!" Was all Y/N could say as she twirled around the house in awe. Jax showed her to her room and turned to leave.

"Wait...am I going to be staying here? Where's everyone else?" She asked.

"I'm sure Byron will fill you in soon." Jax responded.

"Oh." Her face fell.

"Don't worry about your luggage Miss Y/L/N. I will send someone with it shortly." Jax assured Y/N. "Welcome to Colson's humble abode."

She felt like Belle in Beauty and the Beast at this precise moment. Surrounded by so much luxury and yet she felt so unhappy. She kicked off her shoes and threw herself onto the bed, where she fell into a fitful sleep.

Meanwhile Colson was pacing up and down his bedroom floor, trying to think of how to approach Y/N. He had never had to make a move on a girl, it was always the other way round. He was clueless when it came to girls.

"Byron! Jax! Get in here." He hollered as he leaned over the banister.

They came up to his room promptly and sat on the chaise lounge waiting for him to speak first. He was in a plain white t-shirt and sweat pants but still looked like he stepped out of a magazine. He sat at the edge of the bed and looked on them.

"Byron, any progress with OGB?" They had labeled it Operation Get Bambi.

"She's on board." He pursed his lips into a thin line.

"But..? He raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"She wants it on her own terms..which she will discuss with you. But she's taking a nap now." He bounced his knee.

"Cool. I can handle that." He pushed his hair back and let out a sigh of relief.

He never expected her to agree but then again Byron could be very persuasive. He wondered what Byron had offered her in exchange for her help. She never struck him as a girl that could be bought but maybe he was wrong-maybe everyone had a price. His heart sank the more he thought about it. She was probably just like the rest he thought.

"So why the long face? I thought you would be glad-" Byron stated.

"How much?" He gulped and stared at the floor, not meeting Byron's eyes.

"She doesn't want anything. I offered her-" Byron sat forward and tried to explain.

"What??" He looked up in surprise, his blue eyes startled.

"I could have offered her all the money in the world but she would have still turned me down." He said dryly.

"That's my girl!" Jax grinned widely as he clapped his hands dramatically.

"Shut up Jax." Colson scowled but inwardly he was just about to burst with happiness. So he was right about her after all. He didn't know why but, he felt relieved beyond comprehension.

"Now you can see that I was right about her." Jax shot back.

"Whatever-is everything set for the concert tonight? What time is sound check?" His heart was racing at the thought of seeing her again, that she was under the same roof, sound asleep in the next room.

"Yes but I'm about to head over to Wembley Stadium now to check if everything is in order..so if there's nothing else..?" He stood up and straightened his suit.

"Nah, that will be all." He said with a wave of his hand. "Jax you can stay."

"Still up for the after party?" Byron asked as he stood at the door. They always had one after every concert at a five star hotel, but only the who's who of show business in the city were invited. It was strictly by invitation.

"What else do I have to live for?" Colson rolled his eyes. "But I'll just make a brief appearance for an hour or so, I really need to rest."

"See you in a bit." Byron saluted and left.

"So what's your game plan?" Jax pursed his lips.

"I thought maybe you could help me with that?" For once he looked uncertain. Jax's heart melted.

"If and a big if- if we going to do this then you going to have to change Colson. Otherwise I won't be a part of it." Jax said with seriousness written all over his face.

"Yeah, yeah spare me the lecture Jax." He gave himself a face-palm.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, I'm being very serious right now." Jax said.

"Jax nothing in life is guaranteed man. People make up to break up and so on. You need to chill out man." Colson replied.

"Look I'm not expecting you to marry Y/N, ride off into the sunset, have adorable twin babies and live happily ever after. But if you don't have good intentions then let's drop it. You can have any girl you want Colson. Young and old, short or tall, they're yours for the taking. Just don't go and ruin an innocent girl just for kicks. That's just plain downright cruel."

"Why do you care so much anyway?? You don't even know her man!" Colson burst out.

"That doesn't make it right. You know what forget it. I'm out." Jax stood up but Colson pulled him back.

"Listen Jax, don't get your knickers in a twist..I hear you man. Now let's discuss this like adults? How do I get my girl?" Colson cocked his head to the side and smiled.

"Thought you would never ask." Jaxs' face broke into a grin as he sat down again.

Y/N's phone was vibrating somewhere on the bed and she finally heard it.

"Hello." She said, half awake.

"Hi sweetie. Sorry did I wake you?" Mrs Y/M/L/N asked.

"Hi Mom," She propped a pillow behind her back, "Don't worry I'm awake now. Is everything okay?"

"Yes. I just miss you that's all." She said wistfully.

"I miss you too Mom." All of a sudden she broke down and started crying. She was overwhelmed by a cocktail of feelings right now and she couldn't keep the tears back any longer. Hearing her mother's voice made her homesick and emotional.

"Hey honey? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Ye-yes." She tried to compose herself. "I guess I'm just tired. Haven't slept properly you know.." She sniffled.

"I thought you were having a great time? Did something happen? Is it Colson?" Her mother rained questions Y/N couldn't quite answer herself.

"No-yes I am Mom. It's been great. Colson's been great Mom." She reached out for a Kleenex and wiped her face and nose. There was a soft knock on the door and she asked her mother to hold.

"Come in." Y/N called out and immediately regretted it. Well kind off..

"Hey-is this a bad time? You're crying? Why? Is it me? Did I do this??" He rushed to her side and held her at arms length.

"No-wait.." She held up a finger to her lips. "Mom, can I call you back? Colson is here."

"Put him on the phone. I need to have a word with him." She demanded. Y/N was sure Colson heard that and her fears were confirmed when he held out his hand for the phone. She looked at him hesitantly then handed it over to him with resigned sigh.

"Hi Mrs Y/M/L/N. Colson Baker here." He turned on the Baker charm and there was no female on planet earth that was immune to it, so far anyway.

"Oh hi there-um-Colson." Y/N imagined her Mom fluffing her hair like she usually did. She had already fallen for the trap.

"I just wanted to thank you personally for allowing Y/N to come on this tour. She is such a breath of fresh air. You raised her well." He smiled at Y/N as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Oh thank you Colson. You don't have to say that." Mrs Y/M/L/N gushed.

"Anyway we got to run now, I promised to take Y/N for lunch and I'm a man of my word." Y/N gasped and he turned his back on her to keep from laughing.

"Really?? You don't have to! Surely you're too busy for that?" She asked.

"Anything for my Bambi." He said sweetly.

"Awww you even have a cute pet name for her?? You know they used to call her that in kindergarten?" She laughed.

"Really?? Why don't you tell me all about it when we visit this weekend?" He turned to face Y/N, her mouth almost hit the ground.

"You're coming over? Y/N didn't say.."

"It was a surprise but now it's out there." He shrugged.

"Okay let me not keep you then. See you then." He rang off.

"Explain Baker." Y/N crossed her arms and pushed her tongue in her cheek.

"Can we eat first sweets? I'm starved." He said with exaggeration. "Can we call a truce? No more mind games. No more ping-pong with feelings and let's learn how to communicate okay?" He held out his hand and she shook it. He would have preferred them to seal it with a kiss but he didn't want to get ahead of himself.

"So we're good?" He asked.

"Yes." She said with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colson was lying on his bed but for the life of him he couldn't fall asleep. It was 3:00 am. He had sang his heart out at the concert, stayed very briefly at the after party and tried to get drunk but failed. Women had tried to entice him but he just wasn't interested. He kept his eyes on his prize all night. He even got jealous when a dark-haired guy approached her and engaged her in conversation. She seemed taken with him-they laughed, they smiled and even flirted. The guy kept her entertained most of the night and he saw them dance a couple of times. Finally, when he couldn't take it anymore he walked over and cut in. After the dance he faked a headache and asked Y/N if they could go home.

"Bambi? Can I come in?" Colson knocked softly on the door and got no response. He had a serious case of insomnia and this was his only remedy. All the alcohol that he had didn't seem to do the trick, even some stronger stuff-he was wide awake.

Colson opened Y/N's door slowly and found her fast asleep on top of the covers, her long legs overlapping each other and her flat stomach exposed. She was in shorts and a sports bra, her smooth, milky skin glistening in the moonlight, her hair fanned all over her pillow and her face looked so serene. He sat on the edge of the bed and lightly traced his fingers across her stomach and then up to her face. If it were possible, he could sit here and just watch her sleep all night but she would freak out when she woke up and found him staring at her.

Common sense told him to leave the room but he found himself jumping on the bed and snuggling behind her. Taking in her scent, nuzzling her neck and just reveling in being close to her. She was completely out because she never once moved. He gave a contented sigh as he put his arms around her and fell asleep almost immediately..

Y/N woke up an hour later feeling thirsty and tried to move but she was firmly secured in a grip. She woke up with a start and turned to see Colson sleeping like a baby. Just watching him sleep made her heart melt into a puddle. Her hand reached out on its own accord, to stroke his hair and his beautiful face.

A smile lit her face as she reached out for the glass of water on the nightstand. Colson Baker was lying in her bed in his bare necessities. He was right here with her and not some floozy or flavor of the night. This was the stuff dreams were made of. Her heart fluttered as she took in the sight before her again as she assumed her position once more. Their bodies fit so perfectly together when they were like this, if only it could apply in every area of their relationship. That's if you could even call it that. But a girl could only hope...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Y/N!" Ashleigh barged into the room, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry-I didn't know-sorry!" She covered her face and quickly backed out. The said couple were deep in sleep and were oblivious to the intrusion, fortunately for Ashleigh.

"There is such a thing as knocking you know?" Jax stood at the foot of the stairs, with his hands behind his back, as she descended in a hurry.

"I didn't know-" She said, her face beet red.

"You should learn to expect the unexpected when it comes to those two." Jax said with a knowing look. He had learned that the hard way.

"I didn't expect them to be..you know..Gosh I wish I could unsee that!" She covered her face, trying to hide her embarrassment.

She didn't anticipate walking into Y/N's room to find her and Colson half-naked and glued to each others bodies. After all how could Y/N get with him after everything he had done to her? She just couldn't understand it. But then again this was Colson Baker and he was beyond irresistible. I mean who could say no to that hot body? If Ashleigh was in the same position then they definitely were not going to be sleeping.

"May I interest you in breakfast per chance?" Jax asked as he led her to the sitting room, drawing her out of her nasty thoughts. "What brings you here so early anyway?"

"It's way after 9 Jax." She flopped onto the couch. "I need to talk to Y/N..about something.."

"Well, you just have to wait or come back later?" Jax suggested. "When ever they sleep together they have been known to wake up way past noon..and we had a pretty late night coupled with the heavy hangover.." He perched on the armrest.

"What do you mean "when they sleep together?" She looked at him suspiciously.

"I think I've already said too much-breakfast?" He stood hastily and retreated to the kitchen.

"I think I'm going to go then!" She shouted after him and followed him to the kitchen.

"Slow your roll there little lady. I'm sure they will be up and about in no time." He said. "What would you like the chef to prepare for you?"

"An omelette and toast-he can be creative but I don't eat mushroom." She slid onto the stool by the kitchen island.

Y/N began to stir when she heard a murmuring of voices coming from downstairs. She tried to turn but Colson's arms-and legs were tightly wrapped around her. Why would anyone want to ever wake up from this, she thought as she tried to sleep again but Colson had other plans.

"Good morning sweets." He said, his voice still husky.

"Hey." She said nervously as his arms tightened around her waist

"I could get used to this." He buried his face into her hair and groaned.

"What? Waking up in someone else's bed?" She turned onto her back and faced him.

"Your bed you mean?" He smiled and pushed her messy hair back so he could look at her face. Never had he wanted the female specie as much as he wanted her right now. Never had he slept in a bed with a woman and just traded war stories. He knew that if he made a move she would comply but he couldn't. There was more to him agreeing to keep from jumping her bones but she was clueless, and he hoped it stayed that way until he had dealt with the issue. He would take that secret with him to the grave.

"No ping-pong remember?" She was saying to him. Maybe dreams do come true, she thought. Maybe he was really into her? But then again there was no telling with Colson Baker. He was just to complex and she didn't have the energy to try and figure him out.

"Yeah, yeah I get it but-I think we've already crossed that line Bambi.." He looked pointedly at their tangled limbs. Not to mention her undergarments left very little to the imagination. She looked at their entwined bodies and fell silent for a moment. They were in quite a predicament-it was clear as the light of day.

"Well..you decided to invite yourself into my bed Baker. After you promised to keep your distance." She said in defense mode.

"..and you were purring like a contented cat next to me. You never really put up any form of resistance sweets." His blue eyes twinkled like the sea when they were hit with the rays of the sun. The liquid courage had worn off and both of them were now completely aware of their actions. She felt her cheeks redden as she looked at Colson's inviting body . Fortunately, Y/N's phone broke the awkward moment.

"Hey Mom." Nice save Mrs Y/M/L/N.

"Hey sweetie. I'm sorry to disturb you but the press has been camped outside my house for two days now and-"

"What do they want? Why didn't you say something?" She sat up and Colson looked at her with concern.

"I'm sorry sweetie I just didn't want to worry you. Plus they have been blowing up my phone and my practice has been overwhelmed. I know I'm a good therapist but this has just been ridiculous. I have had people make appointments just so they can ask me questions about your relationship with Colson. Even your friends Liv and Lisa are being stalked-it's a nightmare. Urrgh.." She screamed in frustration.

"I'm so sorry Mom. This is all my fault. How can I fix it?" Y/N said with determination.

"No, no honey, don't do anything hasty. I think I'll just take a well needed vacation to Bora Bora or something and I think I have a conference coming soon-" She sighed.

"Should I come with you? I can-"

"No. You stay put. Besides, that will do more harm than good." She murmured.

"So what can I do?" Y/N raked her hair with her fingers. Colson motioned for her to hand over the phone and she gave it to him.

"Mrs Y/M/L/N. I'm sorry to hear about your little inconvenience but not to worry I got it handled." Colson said confidently. Y/N looked at him in disbelief-who did he think he was? Ethan Hunt?

"Oh really?" Mrs Y/M/L/N was equally shocked.

"I'll get my team to come and get you out of there and set you up in a place where you will be secured and- where you can enjoy your privacy once again." He assured her.

"Oh no Colson, you don't have to do that sweetie." She protested.

"I want to. Please let me? It would mean so much to me." The Baker Charm was turned on.

"Okay sure." Mrs Y/M/L/N caved in.

"Great." His face lit up. "One of my assistants will be in touch shortly."

"Am I still going to see you guys on the weekend?" She asked.

"Yes. We will be there sooner actually." Colson confirmed.

"I can't wait." She squealed in delight.

"Okay speak soon." Colson rang off.

"Colson Baker did you just lie to my mother?" Y/N said in bewilderment. There was no way they would go back to Ohio and back again to Paris in time for his show.

"FYI sweets my Paris Show has been cancelled because of the bombing at Ariana Grande's concert. I'm not taking any chances and my security team has advised against it. So..we can fly to Minnesota then straight to Norway after the weekend. Easy." He gestured with his hands.

"You're too sweet. I could kiss you right now." Y/N said without thinking.

"Then what's stopping you sweets?" He leveled his face with hers.

"I- we-can't." She hopped of the bed and grabbed a robe. "So what you got planned for today?" His heart sagged, he expected her to be all over him. Most girls would have jumped at the opportunity-but not Y/N.

"Pack your bags Bambi. We're going to Ohio." He said as he left the room, his shoulders sagged. She really wanted to kiss him but she wanted to tread carefully. Things between them were complicated enough.

Tagged: @kellysimagines

[hopeestuck]

A while ago, I asked my best friend (who's in a relationship) to be in a QPR with me. She said no, because she asked her partner and they weren't comfortable with the idea. Her partner is one of my good friends, and I don't want to make either of them uncomfortable, but I can't think about the situation without feeling hurt. I know this isn't my best friend choosing her partner over me (a big fear of mine bc I'm aro), but it still feels like it. Do you have any advice?

ROSE: Rationality and understanding don’t always make light the heart that holds them. The pain a heart and the emotions can hold may outweigh the truth of the situation and rationale of the brain at any given moment. 

ROSE: But having that knowledge and understanding that while it feels as though things are taking a certain course while understanding that they aren’t is a good step. A wonderful starting point. 

ROSE: Quasi-Platonic Relationships are a wonderful thing for those who are unable to or uncomfortable exploring romantic relationships. They can bring a different sense of closeness, and something as simple as a title can hold weight when it comes to interpersonal bonds such as this. 

ROSE: Having hurt feelings over a rejection for such a bond is normal, and it could take you some time to get over that initial pain. Such is part of the process. 

ROSE: It is understandable to want to be able to call your best friend your platonic partner, and to be upset with having such a thing denied, when it’s a fear of yours. Issues with interpersonal bonds and feeling as though you are ‘second choice’ or could potentially be left behind make it much worse when it comes to this. 

ROSE: My first piece of advice would be to communicate this to your best friend. The fact that you have this level of emotion you cannot control and would like reassurance. 

ROSE: I am sure, having agreed to ask about being platonic partners, she would be more than willing to give you that reassurance. 

ROSE: Perhaps it won’t initially feel as true as you could hope, since you are asking for it, but such is the nature of having these issues in the first place. She is your best friend, and I’m positive she wants to stay close with you, so-

KARKAT: HEY, BACK THE FUCK OFF MY TERRITORY LALONDE.

KARKAT: WE GET IT YOU’VE HAD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH COMMUNICATION, COME BACK WHEN YOU ALSO HAVE THE EXTENSIVE ROMCOM BACKGROUND REQUIRED TO FUCKING DEAL WITH ROMANCE PROBLEMS. 

KARKAT: POINTS FOR COMMUNICATION, NOW FUCK OFF.

KARKAT: YEAH, YOUR BEST FRIEND ISN’T CHOOSING HER PARTNER, AND TALKING TO HER AND ASKING ABOUT MAKING SURE THAT’S CLEAR IS PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE AND DANDY. EVEN I CAN AGREE ON THAT, BUT LITTLE MISS ‘KNOWLEDGE OF THE UNIVERSE’ OVER THERE ISN’T GOING TO GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO HEAR ON HER OWN.

KARKAT: WHAT’S THE *REASON* YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR BEST FRIEND AS YOUR PLATONIC PARTNER INSTEAD? IS IT THE ABANDONMENT ISSUES WRIGGLING BENEATH YOUR SKIN? THE FEAR THAT HER PARTNER’S GOING TO STEAL ALL THE ATTENTION AWAY?

KARKAT: YOU DON’T FUCKING NEED TO HAVE HER AS A PLATONIC PARTNER TO ASSURE THAT. SHE’S GOING TO STICK AROUND NO MATTER WHAT IF SHE’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WILLING TO GO AND SAY ‘HEY CAN I BE QPP WITH MY BEST FRIEND?’

KARKAT: THE EXTENT TO WHICH HUMANS LOVE TO USE OUR TERMS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, BUT I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A PASS ON THIS ONE.

KARKAT: IF YOU NEED A SPECIAL LABEL TO HELP YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE THAT CONNECTION WITH HER, ASK IF ‘MOIRAIL’ IS COOL.

KARKAT: THE COMPLEXITIES OF TROLL CULTURES AND QUADRANTS CAN NEVER REALLY MESH WITH THE LOW CAPACITY FOR KNOWLEDGE THE HUMAN BRAIN HOLDS, SO SAYING IT’S ‘SUPER ULTRA MEGA BEST FRIEND FOREVER’ IS FINE. 

KARKAT: SURE IT’S OUR VERSION OF A “QUASI-PLATONIC PARTNER” BUT YOU CAN MOLD IT TO FIT AROUND WHAT YOU NEED AND HAVE A TERM THAT COMFORTS YOU. 

KARKAT: THAT IS ASSUMING YOU WANT TO TRY AND FIND A LABEL FOR THAT COMFORT. 

ROSE: You certainly are a specimen, Mr. Vantas. 

ROSE: Allow me to alter some of my words earlier.

ROSE: It is, in fact, easy to feel as though you are being “left behind” or your best friend is “chosing somebody else first”, but your bond with her and her bond with her partner are not meant to be competitive. 

ROSE: It is not a battle of who she is deciding to give her attention to, regardless of how it feels. Though it is not wrong to feel such a way and communicate such feelings, by no means is she ‘leaving you behind’ for them. 

ROSE: Time heals all wounds, and many things change with time. Be there for your friend and she will be there for you in turn. She is your best friend and is willing to communicate and do what she can whilst balancing who she cares about. 

ROSE: I have a feeling this has all been quite a mess of an advice talk, but what it boils down to is simply taking the time to come to terms with things, communicating, and reminding yourself that it is not a competition, and you are never being left behind. 

ROSE: Your best friend has multiple high priorities, and you are certainly up there. You will be for the foreseeable future!

ROSE: If you can, perhaps ask to hang out as a trio sometimes. As friends. Nothing more and nothing less. You are close friends with her partner as is, I’m sure they would both be happy to spend time with you. 

ROSE: Friendships are emotionally fulfilling. With or without the extended label.