#am i reading too much into this and projecting too hard? perhaps. but the pieces are all there in canon

[sloth-babied]

Stay the Night

Shuri x POC reader

Summary: You’ve been keeping it a secret that Shuri’s been your muse for a lot of your music. When you decide to show her a song you’ve been working on, she starts to piece together who you’ve been writing about.

or

Reader is a musician who stubbornly denies to one of the smartest people on Earth that she isn’t your muse.

Contains: Shy reader, tension, and angst if you really squint. No use of y/n.

Word count: 1.8k

Notes: No, I am not dead! Just burnt out, yk how it is. But I had motivation to write this, so I really hope yall enjoy! Not my best work, but it’s something. And sorry for not being active. 

(Also I recommend listening to The Internet while reading just bc that’s what I listened to, hence the title lol)

Shuri stares at you as you adjust the headphones on her head, hyper aware of the proximity between the two of you. She only nods when you ask if she’s comfortable before the heel of your palm rests on the desk. Your finger hovers over the computer keyboard, reluctant to press play.

“It’s just a draft, so you know, lower your expectations.”

“Just play the song,” she laughs lightly, very much aware that this was a first draft from the numerous times you told her before even handing her your headphones.

You murmur a quick and sheepish, “Okay,” and click the spacebar. Her shoulders bounce, entertained by your apprehensiveness.

You deeply inhale as your heart starts beating faster, in contrast to Shuri who simply bops her head gently to the rhythm, the ball of her foot tapping the wooden floor.

You rarely showed anyone your early drafts, either out of worry in case they disliked what they heard, or if their enjoyment would jinx your chances of actually finishing the track. Yeah, you can be a bit superstitious—that Shuri knows with all the wood-knocking you’ve done around her.

Which is why it was uncharacteristic of you to show Shuri your latest project. 

It presented itself as an impulsive, “You wanna hear this new song I’m working on?” and you couldn’t take it back when you were met with an enthusiastic ‘yes’.

Shuri’s brows furrow, the movement of her head much more exaggerated. 

“This is good!” She compliments you loudly, tapping on one side of the headphones. You shush her humorously, reminding her of your neighbors and the lack of soundproof foam on your walls. “Sorry,” she chuckles before whispering, “This is good,” again.

It’s mostly dark in the room, the only light source in the room coming from the computer screen. The light reflects on Shuri’s skin, her eyes closed when she isn’t occasionally stealing glances at the side of your face, curious about the words you’ve written; envious of who you’ve written it for, though she’s had hopeful suspicions.

Your eyes stay glued on the screen, too embarrassed to watch the person who was, unbeknownst to her, your muse. 

Truthfully, she had been the subject of many of your songs, released and unreleased, since you first fell in love with her. That was two years ago. Perhaps it was the exhaustion from the long day or the present time of night that made the idea of sharing your music more enticing. Or maybe, subconsciously, you had to tell her how you felt without actually telling her.

Shuri hums along to the chorus, naturally catching onto the melody and you scratch your cheek in an attempt to hide your smile. You feel giddy inside at the way her body reacts—just so in-sync like she always is with the rest of your music. 

Until the song hits the bridge. 

Through your peripheral vision, it’s hard to ignore Shuri’s head movement slowing down to a halt. You catch a proper glimpse of her, only for a second, and oh, no, her face has gone blank. You feel your chest heave and now your brain is spiraling, wondering what the hell is going on in hers.

Shuri looks off, really listening this time. She flicks another glance at you before the last chorus arrives. And when it ends, she removes the headphones at a pace that perturbs you a bit…a lot actually. You’re left uneasy when she holds your headphones on her lap. She hasn’t looked at you and she hasn’t said anything yet.

“I know it’s not great,” you scratch the back of your neck then steal the headphones from her, laying them on the desk. Aimlessly, you fumble with your laptop, laughing nervously to fill the silence. “It’s just a draft. I probably won’t even finish it.”

Shuri’s still not saying anything and, christ, is it bothering you. At this point you’d rather she say it’s downright bad instead of keeping you on edge like this. But eventually she speaks, and when you hear her say your name, you initially feel like you could breathe again because she finally said something. However, that only lasts for a second.

“Is this true?” 

Your finger freezes on the mouse. You turn your head in her direction but her gaze doesn’t meet yours. You’re unsure what to say.

“What you wrote…is it true?” 

She takes the mouse from you, the feel of her hand leaving tingles on your skin. She clicks back to the beginning of the bridge before removing the headphone jack. Your voice plays on the speaker and suddenly you’re too stunned to remind her of your neighbors.

What exactly did you write? Nothing specific, or so you thought.

Then she pauses the song, an audible click coming from the spacebar, anticipatedly eyeing you. 

You shrug as an attempt to seem oblivious. (One might call it ‘gaslighting’.) 

“I write little stories for my songs,” you try to play it off. “I mean, I guess some are real, but most of ‘em aren’t, you know?” 

“You wrote about our time at the beach.” She states plainly, leaning back against her chair. She’s referring you to the secret beach you snuck her into in your hometown—a beach only so many people know of.

You glance at the notification-free lock screen of your phone on the desk; another excuse not to look her in the eye. “I take inspiration from shit in my own life.”

“And in your last album you wrote about the time we went on that hike together.” She adds. Yikes, you were hoping she wouldn’t notice that. 

“We’re lost in the woods,

I’m lost in your eyes.”

Damn your corny attempts at being poetic. You nearly cringe recalling the moment you wrote that. 

A year ago you went hiking with Shuri, and you insisted that you didn’t need any technology to navigate your way back home. You figured you’d walk back down the trail you walked up on, until you kept passing the same tree over and over again. Shuri laughed at you the entire time, comforted by the fact that she brought her Kimoyo bead bracelet with her, as you slowly started to freak out despite your refusal to admit you were wrong and maybe a map could’ve been useful.

“I hike all the time.” No, you don’t.

“No, you don’t,” Shuri shakes her head, one side of her lips tilting upwards. She leans forward and grabs the apron of your chair between your legs, rolling you closer to her until her knee hits the edge of your seat and your thighs loosely puzzle together. 

The light from the bright red motel sign across the street peaks through each horizontal slit of the blind curtain, and the cool night breeze outside lightly blows through the half-open window, lifting the curtain only a little, red occasionally sneaking under the bottom hem of the window covering. 

With the wind entering, the room should feel cool. It’s supposed to be. Yet your cheeks flush and the heat centered around your face tempts you to remove your hoodie because it’s easier to blame a jacket than the girl who’s figured you out.

You reattach your hand back on the mouse, unsure what you’d even do with it, but Shuri’s hand covers yours, your moist palm now stagnant on the object. 

“You released a single the year we met,” she says, her voice quieter than before but louder than a whisper. She doesn’t explain further. You remember the party two years ago and you know exactly what you wrote. Who are you to fool one of the most brilliant minds on the planet?

The computer screen dims, allowing you to notice the red illuminating on the back of her hand. You see red highlight the outline of her body and she stares at the red on the edge of your face. Then she looks at your eyes, your lips, then your eyes once again. Shuri slides her palm up to your elbow, her grip neither tight nor loose. 

“What are you so afraid of?” asks Shuri. 

You had spent so much of your romantic life dejected. Countless dating apps resulting in crappy dates. Or worse: friendships. Too many “The more I get to know you, the more I get friendly vibes from you”. Too many “Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready for this,” when really they realized they actually didn’t like you. Then when you knew someone in your own life who you liked romantically, the feeling—more often than not—wasn’t mutual. 

Best case scenario, you remain friends but things are only just a little awkward. Worst case scenario, they insist that things are okay then gradually ghost you. 

At this point, you were ready to give up.

“I don’t wanna…” you trail off.

She leans closer and whispers, “What?”

You stare off at anything that isn’t her. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

She leans down and tilts her face up, forcing your eyes to meet hers. She raises her brows. “Because…?”

You tuck your chin and your brows quirk. “Because?”

“I want you to tell me why you’re afraid of losing me,” she places her other hand on your armrest, trapping you, and you start stammering. “Since you do it so well in your songs.”

You can’t get anything out, though she doesn’t look away. You feel stuck, considering the numerous things you could tell her. Alternatively, you sigh. Fuck it. 

“I think I’ve told you enough,” you inhale, cupping one hand on her jaw and the other on the back of her neck before you firmly kiss her. Shuri lets out a muffled noise before reciprocating. 

And you both think, Finally.

Her body starts to sway backwards as you press against her, however she pushes you back against your chair. Her hands grab the sides of your face—one hand under your hood and the other over—refusing to let go now that she’s on her feet. Her upper body bends down just so her lips can live on yours, and a chuckle escapes both of you when your chair rolls backwards, almost hitting the wall behind you.

Admittedly, you enjoy sitting as she envelops your lips, but you decide to stand. Your hands slide down to her waist as you slowly walk her backwards until her legs meet the edge of your bed and she ends up landing on her bottom with her elbows supporting her weight as she gazes up at you, several red horizontal lines covering her body.

God, you can’t believe this is happening. You can’t believe Shuri wants you as much as you want her. Everything feels…unreal. Dream-like.

“Come here,” she pulls your wrist and you land on top of her. The bed bounces beneath you as her hand slithers up to your neck, drawing you in for a chaste kiss. She catches you in your thoughts. “You okay?” Is this okay? 

You nod, still admiring her below you. You whisper, “I didn’t think you’d…pay attention. To what I wrote. I didn’t know you were listening like that.”

Shuri caresses your neck with her thumb. She takes note of the neon blue light illuminating half of your face from a bar sign also across the street, below the motel sign. 

She kisses your cheek, your chin, then your lips once again. “I’ll always listen to you.”

[konigsrose]

🌸🌿🪴🌹Well, I’ve started a little slow burn for Gardener König! 🌹🌿🪴🌸

Unsure whether I’ll keep going with it, it’s very much going to be a side piece to my current WIPs but we shall see…

A snippet below 👇

“Can I help you?” A soft, nervous voice, spoken with a heavy accent - German, perhaps? - came from behind Esme’s shoulder. She whirled around, feeling embarrassed. The voice had come from a man, probably around her age. He was huge. Esme was only five foot two, but this man towered over her, well over a foot taller, and with huge, broad shoulders and thick muscular arms, almost bursting from the shop’s uniform polo-shirt he wore. Despite his size, he looked sheepish and a little afraid. He also looked handsome, not just because of his muscles, but his piercing blue eyes, and dark hair which was cropped close on the sides, but flopped into his face a little at his forehead.

“I um…” Esme hesitated, wondering how honest to be; she didn’t want to sound like a fool, but at the same time, this man surely would have some answers for her. “I’ve just bought my first house, got my first garden and… Well, I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing. How hard is it to kill a lavender plant?” She smiled as the man huffed a soft little laugh at her question.

“That depends. They are quite low maintenance, if you’ve got sunlight and soil that drains well, and is not too acidic,” he smiled, as if in reassurance.

“There’s definitely sunlight,” she said, her brow furrowing a little in concentration. “How would I know if the soil drains well? Or isn’t acidic?”

“What kind of plants are there at the moment? That might help work it out.”

“None,” Esme rolled her eyes, “it was all fake grass and paving slabs, but I’ve ripped it all out and dug down to actual soil again.”

“You did this yourself?” The man’s eyes briefly roamed over Esme’s body. She was short, yes, but plump, too, and didn’t exactly look the type for hard manual labour.

“Couldn’t afford to pay for someone else to do it,” she shrugged. “Most exercise I’ve done in years, I was aching in places I didn’t know I could ache!” Esme grinned, and saw the man’s cheeks go ever so slightly pink as he grinned back.

“Impressive.” He glanced around nervously, before pulling a little card out of his pocket. “I am not supposed to advertise at work, but if you need anything else, I do landscaping and things when I am not working here. If you would like, I could come and help you make a plan, free of charge. You would only need to pay if you want me to labour for you, or for materials.”

Esme read the card. It was simple, a little Austrian flag in the corner and the words “König - Gardens fit for a King” followed by a phone number. She smiled.

“Is König your name, or…?”

“It is a nickname, but everybody calls me it. When I first came to England my colleagues used to call me the King of Austria, and it stuck,” he shrugged and gave Esme a shy little smile. “Of course, you do not have to call, but if it would help…” he trailed off, nervously.

“Thanks König, I think I might. For now, maybe I’ll just have some herbs in pots to grow on the windowsill,” she grinned. “Until you’ve assessed the garden and given me your expert opinions, anyway.”

[chansaw]

ok. here it is. the longpost i've been too lazy to actually make until just now.

so, here's what happened. the google algorithm sometimes pushes links to articles it thinks you'll like on the mobile homepage. unfortunately, google knew enough about me to put this hellish article onto my screen:

read that headline. then read it again. really, really stare at it. stare into the abyss. eventually, it will stare back. it'll whisper in your ear: "the heathers reboot was good, actually."

i read the article, incredulous. but, to my surprise... the author had somewhat of a point? it's been five years since paramount unceremoniously aired the show in october of 2018 after its premiere was delayed at least twice due to mass shootings. then after another mass shooting occurred before the final two episodes of the ten-episode long season were supposed to air, paramount hastily aired a heavily edited ninth episode and scrapped the tenth entirely. as far as i can tell, the show is not available to be streamed freely on any streaming site (not even paramount's own paramount+), though you can rent or buy it from amazon prime. maybe the author was right. maybe it was time for a rewatch and reconsideration. i wouldn't even have to spend any money; i archived all ten episodes of the show onto one of my external hard drives back in 2018, so i plugged 'er in, drank a bit of fireball, and clicked play.

after episode five, i gave up. i couldn't stand it any longer. i slammed my laptop shut and went to bed.

needless to say, i have thoughts.

right off the bat, here's the biggest thing. i wish to god that someone other than the miserable pile of sweaty skin that calls himself jason micallef had been in charge of this show. it might not have saved it from its fate, but maybe it would have been at least watchable? a modicum more entertaining? when the show was originally announced, leslye headland (who would later go on to create russian doll) was attached as showrunner. later, it was announced that micallef would be showrunner instead, although headland directed the pilot and executive produced the series.

in my honest opinion, if leslye headland had remained in creative control, this would have been a much different - and, in my opinion, better - show.

i can't help but wonder how heathers (2018) would have turned out if she had stayed at the helm. would it have marred her career so badly that netflix would have never agreed to produce russian doll? would she still be notable enough to be given charge of the newest disney plus star wars show? perhaps her decision was for the best. perhaps she knew there was no saving this project, try as she might.

and people tried!!!! during my rewatch, i was enamored by the production design and slick lighting and cinematography. some of the costume design hasn't aged well, but when it hits, it hits. i have to give credit where it's due: it is a beautifully shot and designed piece of television.

if only its actors had given half as much of a shit.

grace victoria cox (veronica) and james scully (j.d.) both attempt to replicate their predecessors' cool sense of disillusion and disenchantment in their roles, but both just come off as totally and completely bored in every scene. j.d. is supposed to be darkly charismatic, but scully has the charm of a plank of rotting wood. they lack the spark of chemistry to get the audience to feel invested in their relationship. without convincing leads to anchor it, the show has to depend upon its titular heathers.

i am, of course, in no way biased at all, in any shape or form. just saying. but one thing the article gets right is that melanie field’s performance as one miss heather chandler shines. field is fucking brilliant and her screen presence is formidable. she makes the most of every line she's given, and is at turns, ruthless, hilarious, and even (gasp) sympathetic. i am so glad she’s been booked left and right in tv shows (such as amazon's a league of their own, a spin-off with much more respect for its source material) that showcase her immense talent since whatever the fuck happened here. but i'm not biased!!!

juan barquin, the author of this article argues that viewers and critics alike both misunderstood heathers (2018). micallef's brilliant satirical messaging flew right over our heads. it had a message, goddamnit, and the misinformed masses closed their eyes and ears because they didn't want to hear it. it almost reminds me of the starships troopers discourse that is currently enveloping the app formerly known as twitter. starship troopers was nearly universally panned upon its release but is now recognized as a prescient satirical romp that targets jingoism, nationalism, and the culture of forever wars. we didn't get it back in 1997, but we do now. unfortunately, this is not the case with paramount's heathers.

the main cause of all the brouhaha around heathers (2018)'s release, barquin says, is because of its "shameless criticism of American culture, the prioritization of guns as a faulty means of defense, and the educational system’s blatant ignorance around the actual needs of students." which, sort of? it is true that a rash of killings (such as parkland and the pittsburgh synagogue shootings) spurred paramount's decision to nuke the show from existence. the show does, in fact, directly address and involve such matters. unlike the movie, the show concludes with westerburg high blown to pieces and its students all dancing in a prom in heaven. which.... yeah. you can see why that wouldn't have played out well.

(it's worth noting that daniel waters, the screenwriter behind the REAL heathers, originally planned for the movie to end this way as well. but the suits at new world studios said that audiences wouldn't like it. reluctantly, he complied.)

and i do have to admit, there are moments of brilliance. westerburg's school shooting drills involve the drama teacher storming through the halls shooting students with silly string. if you "die", you get to go to "heaven" (a brightly lit room stocked with snacks). the survivors are ushered into the dark, cramped gymnasium and complain about how all the cool kids are in heaven now. teachers' desks are stocked with firearms, because as we all know, of course, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a teacher with a gun. it's so absurd that it works.

but for the most part, the writing is sorely lacking. it seems like the folks in the writers' room spent hours sitting around the table trying to one-up each other with quippable quips, meme-able dialogue, and banter that matched the panache and dry wit of waters' screenplay. but what we got instead was "HAHHAHAHAH, QUEEF!" it's bad. it's so, so bad. the author's claim that “[t]he show rather impressively matches the film’s comic sensibilities with consistently funny episodes that are as pleasantly cruel as they are scathingly satirical” falls flat because, for the most part, the shows satire isn’t at all scathing or sharp.

there were so many moments of the show where i felt my whole body just light up with rage. it made me just so ANGRY because i could see shells and fragments of a better version of this show peeking through. instead, what we got is a show that made alt-right chuds say this:

i think the most offensive part of the whole article, though, is barquin's attempt to liken the show to bottoms. if anything, i'd argue that bottoms works better as a spiritual successor to heathers than the rebooted heathers itself! bottoms succeeds in every way that heathers (2018) fails: punchy and quotable dialogue, characters who manage to be both archetypal and multidimensional, all set in an exaggerated and heightened sense of reality that still feels lived in and real. most importantly, all of bottoms’ actors are firing on all cylinders; in heathers (2018), most of the leads are just there to get paid. i could go on, but that's a whole other post.

frankly, it's kind of incredible that paramount launched this show as the flagship of their new tv network alongside yellowstone (which is in its final season now with spinoffs on the way). they were really, really banking on this thing to have legs. but we live in a blessed timeline where this show is condemned to an eternity of oblivion. it's a bit of a pity, though, because... the writers envisioned some sort of american horror story-esque anthology setup and teased a “french revolution” second season at the end of the last episode. i kind of want to know where they were planning to go with that.

it could've been so very.

[coffeewithcutcaffeine]

I need to know more about Voievod! How long have you been working on it? How do you find the balance between storytelling and providing historical information? I'm about to start reading it, and I'm so interested in the process! Bonus question: do you have any playlist or type of music you associate with it?

Oh my God, thank you so much for dropping this into my in box, loveliest! This really makes my entire day. 🥹❤️ Please, excuse my ramblings if this gets too long sksksk.

First of all, thank you so much for giving my fictional monolith a chance! I appreciate it more than words can say and hope you will find it enjoyable! ❤️ I also do think that it is important to mention that it tackles a lot of dark and gory themes so, please, always check the trigger warnings first — some works are not that heavy, but others might be more explicit and graphic in nature, so never hesitate to skip some of them if you find them uncomfortable.

Now on to your questions!

How long have you been working on it?

Voievod in its current form is actually my third attempt, but I have been playing around with Vlad’s story for nine years now. I started working on my first story in 2015, but that was a blend of Vlad the Voivode and Dracula the Vampire — basically, it focused on how he became a vampire. I eventually abandoned that project because I did not really have patience with it and kept rewriting and re-editing many parts of it, and maybe it was a good thing I did because I gradually came to realisation that his character as a mortal man is so much more interesting than the vampire thing.

I tried to give it another shot in early 2020, this time focusing fully on Vlad as the historical figure. The first wave of COVID granted me a lot of free time, so I tried to use that opportunity to work on the story, as well as catch up on any new information from historical research. I wrote a few drafts but abandoned it again after a few months because I sincerely felt like I did not have enough writing experience to pull it off in a way I would be satisfied with.

I started working on the third and current version in February 2023 — I randomly revisited the old drafts from 2020 and started playing around with them a little, expanding the ideas until I managed to write two pieces I was quite proud of. I approached this with a great deal of respect and fear, then realised that I felt confident enough in my writing to perhaps try again. I think it was a good decision to wait and get enough writing experience before getting back to it because, looking back at my previous attempts, my world-building and characterisation have improved. Still, I am taking this as an opportunity to push myself and let myself grow — and every new piece is quite the lesson as I am often plunging into places I thought I would never dare before.

How do you find the balance between storytelling and providing historical information?

I think the hardest part of working on such a project is the research itself. To depict the historical events as accurately as possible, you have to read anything you can get your hands on and absorb as much as possible. I have loads and loads of files filled with notes on figures, events, culture, etc. not only for one but four separate countries as all of them are crucial for the work. Vlad’s story is even more specific because you really have to separate facts from all the debris and junk of propaganda against him that shaped what was known about him for a long time.

Once you become intimately familiar with the research topic and can swim easily through that sea of information, it is not that hard to find that perfect blend. In fact, having that historical information at your disposal really speeds up the process because you do not have to agonise over the plot — all those events are already there, you just follow them. When it comes to many characters from Voievod, we know what their life was like and what their personalities were, so I follow their lead in that regard. And it is fascinating because real life sometimes writes the most compelling stories.

What balances this out is the freedom other aspects give me. We usually come to know historical figures as legends and larger-than-life beings, and they were undoubtedly extraordinary, but they were people first. I get to breathe that humanity into them by depicting what they think, feel, desire, and fear. I make them make mistakes and laugh. There are also people in their lives that we know little or nothing about, so that gives me a lot of space to create characters from scratch — Cătălina is a perfect example of that, and I love having the opportunity to create such a rich and wonderful character. Ultimately, personal relationships give a lot of space to create dynamics as I please, because we know so very little about the private lives of these people.

Do you have any playlist or type of music you associate with it?

Ahhh, I love this question so much! Here is my opportunity to share my beloved baby lmao. 🤭

I have a “soundtrack” playlist on Spotify, which you can find here. I love visualising scenes and playing them in my head like little video tapes, and the right music helps me grasp the mood and emotion of those moments when writing them. Almost all the tracks are actually tied to specific scenes or works. (One is already published and bears the same name. *wink wink*)

Also, as a bonus (let me brag there for a second), here is a Pinterest board for some of the characters from Voievod. ❤️

[toujokaname]

Get Along / Episode 2

Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira

Characters: Tatsumi, Hokuto, Arashi, Kanata, Hiyori

"...What a disappointment."

← Previous ✧ Directory ✧ Next →

Location: Old Seisoukan Building

Season: Winter

Time: That night.

Tatsumi: Now that we have decided on the bathing schedule and the division of household chores, let's finally decide on the beds for each of us.

Since there are two bunk beds, only one person will have to use a futon on the floor―

If it's alright with you, I'll sleep on the futon, so please decide where you all want to sleep.

Hokuto: No. I'll take the floor.

When I stayed overnight at school, I often slept on the floor.

Also, I've been wondering since the SS preliminaries in Hokkaido, but your leg isn't completely healed, is it?

Tatsumi: My apologies. Your concern is greatly appreciated.

If it's about that old injury, there's nothing to worry about. But since you're generously offering me a bed, I shall take the bottom bunk.

Kanata: Then, I will take the "top bunk"~♪ If I don't feel the steam of the "humidifier", I will "dry up".

"Ohisama"-san will also take a "top bunk", right?

Hiyori: Of course! As the leader, I want to be in a position where I can watch over everyone ♪

Arashi: Fufu. Then I'll take the other bottom bunk.

Now that all the assignments have been decided smoothly, let's enjoy our life living together from today ♪

Time: Two hours later.

Tatsumi: Excuse me, Kanata-san. Could you please leave the bath soon?

I'm the last one, so I don't mind having to do it later, but it's going to be bedtime if you don't finish taking your bath shortly.

Kanata: Wah, is it already this "late"?

I am sorry, for taking a long "bath"...♪

Puka, puka... splaaash...♪

Tatsumi: Um. Kanata-san, are you perhaps playing in the bath again...?

Kanata: Fufufu. It's not like that~ Just a little bit more...♪

Arashi: .........

(Hmm... I can't fall asleep like I usually do. Maybe it's the different pillows and bedding.)

(Or is it because of this feeling... that some noise is disturbing my sleep? It sounds strangely familiar...)

Hokuto: (Whisper) "Please... Listen to my wish! This is our last critical moment...!"

Arashi: Mm...?

Hokuto: "Do something... It's the last thing I'll ask for, for the rest of my life!"

Arashi: Hold on, Hokuto-chan. Are you reading the script from under the covers?

I can hear your voice all the way over here. It's late, so let's go to sleep early and get ready for tomorrow.

Hokuto: So you were awake, Narukami.

I know it's better to go to bed early, but... The practice period is short, and the main task this time is to read out loud. So I ought to devote my efforts to that.

Arashi: I understand how you feel, but it's hard to sleep when someone's mumbling in the middle of the room, isn't it?

Your voice is so clear that it makes me feel like someone's chanting Buddhist prayers in the middle of the night.

Hokuto: I see. I'm reluctant to do so, but if you can hear me even from under the covers, I don't have a choice. I'll go outside to practice.

Arashi: Uugh. Cold, cold, cold... Hokuto-chan, could you please shut the door?

Sigh. Now all my sleepiness is gone. Hopefully this won't happen again...

Hiyori: Myy. Though winter mornings are a little chilly, they are also refreshing!

I usually wake up alone, so it's a new experience to be woken up by someone else, isn't it?

Tatsumi: Haha. I haven't woken up a roommate since sharing a dorm with Aira-san. Perhaps due to my hesitation, I had a surprisingly difficult time.

But. If you don't mind, please leave the task of waking you up for the rest of the week to me. That much will be a piece of cake.

As a senior, I had to straighten up, too. When I was in this old building, I remember that I made it a habit to go to bed early and wake up early.

I have a radio recording with Arashi-san today, and I'd like to take the opportunity to talk about our Shuffle Project with her ♪

Arashi: Yaaawnnn...

Tatsumi: Oh my. Arashi-san, that was quite the big yawn.

Everyone else is awake, but perhaps you're not so good in the mornings? Fufu, it's a new side of you that I wouldn't have known about without this training camp.

Arashi: It's so not like that. I just couldn't get to sleep until late last night.

Ah, jeez~ It's the worst way to wake up. At least I can cover it up with makeup.

Today I have a guest appearance on Kazehaya-senpai's radio show, so I'll go to the bathroom, wash my face, and cheer up...

Kanata: Arashi~ Can you please get out of the way?

Today is an incredibly "dry" "day". If I dry up, I will die...

Arashi: I'm sorry, but I just started my skincare routine...!

Can't you wait just a bit longer? Your lessons don't start until the afternoon, so let me have priority.

Kanata: Ehh~...?

Hokuto: Shinkai-senpai. I'm sorry, but may I use the bathroom next? I have school today, so I must get ready soon.

Kanata: Uuu~... Understood. "Tardiness" is strictly forbidden, after all.

Siigh... I miss the water...

I know. There's a "shower" next door, right? I will use the "shower"...♪

Hokuto: Wha-?! Turn off that shower right now, Shinkai-senpai! You're spraying water all over here!

Ghh, now I won't make it to school on time...!

Kanata: Ah. I'm sorry, it seems I made a "mistake".

Tatsumi: (...Hmm. It looks like we're not at all in sync. I suppose it's difficult for temporary units to create a sense of harmony.)

(I had actually prepared sandwiches for everyone to have for breakfast. But from the looks of things, it seems it'd be best to wait and see how things go for a while.)

Hiyori: ...What a disappointment.

―And this Shuffle Unit was supposed to be my last job.

Tatsumi: Oh? Hiyori-san, did you say something?

Hiyori: Nope. Just talking to myself! No need for you to know!

More importantly, shouldn't the remaining members have breakfast together? After all, running on an empty stomach would ruin the atmosphere!

Tatsumi: Ah, yes. Shall we do that, Hiyori-san? Since I was just preparing breakfast―

Tatsumi: .........

(I thought I heard Hiyori-san say "last job" just now. Did I mishear him...?)

(But, I'm certain I heard it...)

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[kojoty]

Something I have a hard time reconciling with in spaces where we discuss the faults of a creator and specifically a creator who is abusive, is this knee-jerk reaction to then denounce the creative work as inherently 'bad.'

I don't mean bad as in 'you should not consume them and instead should spend your money and voice elsewhere', but this desire to look at art and say-- there can be no inherent skill involved in this art, because the creator did something monstrous.

(which, before I explain further, let me be clear and say that I am not necessarily advocating for the consumption or the hand-waving of a creator's input; merely, that it suits the goals of a materialist critic + someone who desires to do community based good [ie, a leftist] to inspect things case by case, on material harm)

It just feels.... Hollow. Weak. Not materialist. To denounce the whole production of something that invariably has good story elements, artistic elements, et all because the creator did something bad not only provides an easy defensive backlash of people who still like the source material and therefore might now denounce that the creator is a horrid person on merits of 'well the story is good so the guy must be good' (I'm obviously simplifying this rhetorically, but you understand what i mean I hope), but also gives cover for other abusive people who make good art-- how could I be abusive if the art is so good? (read: auteur theory, really)

I think it's worth it to acknowledge that a bad person can make good art (and I'm not getting into the inherently faulty and subjective constructs of 'good' or 'bad' here, let's not get into the weeds too much and just accept a common denominator for the scope of this.) A good person can make bad art, certainly; the inverse is true. Perhaps we ought not to take the signaling of one attribute-- the abusive atrocity the creator did-- with the inherent value of art that is, among many other things, probably a collaboration effort of many different creative teams, inputs, and miasma.

Certainly, a creator's abusive mindset can infect the art, and I think you'd be hard-pressed to say, for instance, the domed scope of a creative piece of art won't include at least some unconscious and biased messaging from the creator that is likely influenced by beliefs and actions the creator has made themself. But to start at 'the creator is bad' and 'therefore the work is bad and we can move on' really does leap over an entire canyon well of materialist criticism and examination of what was *good* and *bad* simultaneously about the art. Which does the community and realm of artistic respect dirty, I think.

Anyways. While this was partially inspired by the Dan Schneider fiasco, it's about both studio creative AND the smaller, more indie, on-our-dashboard style grassroots projects too. Art is art, man. Criticize it by the merit of the art and involve the creator when it's relevant, but using a creator's abuse to side step whole cloth the argument from the jump doesn't do you the rhetorical or critical theorizing dues that yky think it does

[thestandardgirl]

hello

I've been writing since forever. It's the only way I can express myself. When I was about 5 years old and didn’t know how to write, I once took a piece of paper and a pencil and took it to my mother, and I asked her to write down my memoirs like Emília from Sítio do Pica Pau Amarelo (a Brazillian TV show for kids). ''What memories do you have, you're only 5 years old'' was the answer I heard. I think I just wanted to record my life. I needed to write some things down before I forgot what I was thinking about.

so, ever since I learned to write, I have had my diaries and filled them with my anguish. When I was a teenager, I used to write on tumblr, because I was afraid my mother would read my diary (I caught her doing that once, but that's a topic for another day). I love to reread what I was feeling at a certain time in my life. the other day I was reading about how I was suffering from crush on a guy at school, more or less in 2015, and today I don't even remember who that guy was. I don't even remember his name, much less his face. funny how things work. will it be that 10 years from now I'll read in my diary about how I'm grieving for my breakup with my most current ex, and think ''wow, how silly of me, I don't even remember him properly''? I really hope so. because now it seems that this pain will never go away.

but anyway. about me and my writing. I am that person who avoids conflicts as much as possible. I don't know how to talk when it's time to fight, I don't know how to think under pressure, I don't like to talk. if someone yells at me, I cry. I decided to go for the academic route at university precisely for that reason. I like to research and write my findings. if you don't agree, you can write an article refuting me. if I find it pertinent, I write another reply. no face to face, no clash.

and I love to read. my favorite genres are fantasy and romance. 95% of what I read is fiction. I love living other people's lives, falling in love with vampires and fighting epic battles - things I wouldn't have the courage to experience in my real life. it hasn't been long since this desire arose, but I started wanting to write myself. create my own stories and perhaps support someone like my favorite authors support me. but I still don't feel ready for that. I think I still need to grow a lot with my writing. I'm insecure, and I'm afraid of finishing a project like this and not feeling comfortable with the end result - I think I also end up being too much of a perfectionist sometimes.

I'm also not a very creative person in the artistic sense of the word. I don't know how to play any instruments, or draw, or cut paper and create collages. no matter how hard I tried, and took classes in all sorts of activities, my brief dreams of being an architect or fashion designer or actress/singer were always just that: brief and dreams. but with writing it is not like that. I don't need fancy and specific materials, nor a gigantic idea right from the start; I can control and write little by little; I can go back to the beginning and change something without it compromising too much of the rest of the text.

that's why I'm here! I think writing these texts reflecting on my life is a good way to start this writing career - also because this is not my career, so unfortunately I'm not fully dedicated to writing and I have bills to pay…. and anonymity is also something that comforts me. for now, the only way for me to publish anything and not throw up with anxiety of people I know reading it, is under a pseudonym. I'm not ready for people to know me personally, and I'm afraid of possible confrontations for the truths I intend to write about.

in short: I haven't revolutionized anything yet, I haven't had any brilliant ideas to save the world, I haven't even figured out how to deal with my own insignificant problems. but I hope to find all of that. and also to find someone to talk about life.

yours sincerely,

standard girl

[daybreakrising]

@apocryphis: ❝ push yourself too hard and you become your own worst enemy. ❞ oooh and from al-haitham to baizhu!

With a smile, the doctor lowers the book in his hands, abandoning his perusal of the text to instead meet the rather stoic gaze of the man now hovering at his table. He marks his place with a piece of cloth tucked gently between pages and sets the book down, offering the scribe his full attention, as is polite.

A quick glance around the library tells him the hour is much later than he had anticipated. The House of Daena is virtually empty, with only a few scholars hunched over tomes at the scattered tables. He has, apparently, outlasted even the most overworked, sleep-deprived academics stressing over their latest research projects.

"Is that spoken from experience, perhaps?" He turns his pleasant smile upon the scribe, reptilian eyes studying his face, searching for all those little micro-expressions most people are unaware of making. A habit of his - reading people, their body language; discerning their emotions, their motives.

Now that it has been pointed out to him, however, he does feel the lingering effects of sitting in the same position for long periods of time. He ought to stand, stretch his legs, but he's not sure they'd hold him immediately, and he doesn't want to stumble in new, still somewhat strange, company.

So, he settles instead for a light stretching of the spine, a roll of the shoulders. "I assure you, good sir, I am very aware of the dangers of pushing oneself too hard."

"Hm." Upon his shoulder, Changsheng huffs. "He says this, yet still he ignores his own wisdom."

Baizhu utters a soft chuckle, gives a little shake of his head. "Ah, well, it is an established fact that doctors make the worst patients, no?" He is quick to change the subject - there is no need to linger upon the hard truth that he does avoid following the advice he will happily dole out to others. Another habit of his. Do as I say, and not as I do-

"Was there something you needed, Alhaitham?" It occurs to him then that perhaps he is only permitted within this library for a set time - he doubts the library itself ever closes, but he is a stranger here. The rules may be different for him. "I hope I am not outstaying my welcome in these halls."

[n5md]

Deepriver

Thanks for answering a few questions for us guys; let us start with the project itself: Some may not be aware, but you've worked together in the past on Trance compositions; what brought the two of you to collaborate on something in the ambient sphere?

Joni - I think we were always both interested in exploring genres outside of trance. Ambient was something we were always talking about and were both inspired by. Jason of course, has also released more music in the genre, and I eventually ended up doing work in the genre as well, so it felt very natural to create a full album together like this.

Jason - Definitely. Even back when we were making trance, whenever we’d send references over or things to spark inspiration, most of the time, it was from the ambient and experimental genre. I specifically remember Brian Eno and Stars of the Lid were big favourites.

Eno and SotL are good signposts for sure. Eno has a wandering aesthetic, where as Stars of the Lid are masters at glacial paced ambient. The works on Volume One, to me, seem to have a sense of purpose, a traversing of something, slow soundtracks to grand actions. It's difficult to actualise but It seems like there is a form of exploration in the songs and a poignant endpoint to these explorations. I might be reading too much into the nature of the tracks but they surely aren't "ambient to have on in the background" nor "tranquil music to relax to". I am drawn to this sort of visceral ambient, which sort of demands listening. Was there conscious thought from the two of you to make the album more permeable?

Joni - I do think we made all the music on Volume One for conscious listening rather than something you'd have on in the background that melts away with everything else. Perhaps we didn't say or think it outright, but there was definitely intention and purpose with each piece. I like how they flow together in such a way that requires you to listen to each piece but also the album as a whole. I think I can speak for both of us in that we have always leandt more towards mood and feeling as the main focus of our music, and that sort of sound requires a more focused approach from the listener.

So why the name Deepriver? Is there some significance to the name?

Joni - We are both quite big cinephiles and love the work of David Lynch. “Deepriver” is a reference to that as “Deep River” is mentioned in at least two of his films, Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive. One of us suggested it as a project name, and it stuck. I know there is also a Deep River in Cape Town, but I can't remember if that at all influenced the name...

Jason - The Cape Town link is a complete coincidence. There’s a suburb here called Diep River. A few people have asked if it was named after that. It isn’t, but it’s a cool connection, I think.

Cinephiles eh? Many a musician has been influenced in one way or another by cinema. I can personally call out movies that have been of inspiration to a subset of my output. Care to share any influential movies or directors (other than Lynch of course)?

Joni - There are so many! Having known Jason for some time, we've touched on quite a lot of directors and films...and we still share tips and discoveries to this day. Just this week, we were discussing Cronenberg and Friedkin. We are also both big David Fincher fans (I think the music and mood in "Gone Girl," for example, is brilliant), as well as Bergman, Kubrick, Malick, Tarkovsky, Fellini, the list continues. But there are so many, it's hard to pinpoint...I could probably ramble for a whole day on this topic.

I feel like I can hear each of your input on Volume One. Maybe I'm off base, but the album has Threads (van Wyk) meets Rymd (Ljungqvist) feel. Were these songs written from previous uncompleted works that you each had that you then allowed the other to complete? Or was the album written from the ground up with the explicit idea of collaborating on something fresh?

Joni - I think that's a very good observation. It was mostly music we wrote from the ground up by sending ideas and pieces back and forth over many years. A few of the tracks were also from the "original" Deepriver project, which was very beat-centric. That music sounded a lot different from what you hear on Volume One. I'm very happy with what we achieved and how we managed to get it to where it is.

Jason - We had a completed version as far back as 2013, but it wasn’t quite there in terms of us wanting to release it. Over the years, we kept coming back to it. Once the beats and the heavier sounds came out, things started to come together. A big part of the process also came down to choosing which tracks worked together to form the album. The track count was huge, as you can imagine from around a decade of sending ideas back and forth, so getting it down to around the 40-minute mark was a bit of a challenge.

Yeah, when things are flowing it can be difficult to edit things down to the limitations of a LP pressing. I feel you did a really great job with that though. In regards to the LP pressing and specifically the art: how did you guys find and come to agreement on such an iconic cover image? Were you fans of Karen's work prior?

Jason - We discovered Karen on Instagram actually and reached out to her on there. After days of searching, her image “Scenic Elevator” caught my eye. I sent it over to Joni, and he agreed. We reached out to Karen, and she very kindly allowed us to use it.

Coming out of the gate with an album called Volume One implies there will be more volumes. What do you collectively think we might expect from the project in the future?

Joni - We have, as time permits, talked already about a follow-up and even exchanged some ideas. There might be another concept for that follow-up, and I'm sure we will manage to do it in a shorter time than Volume One!

Jason - I think so too. Further exploration of this sound is what you can expect.

Great news for n5 and fans of Volume One! Volume One is out now: https://n5.md/318

[aroturier]

THIS OR THAT?

Dear me, someone actually tagged me in one of those questionaire things. This is a first--or at least a first time I spotted it. Thankyou @thatmysterywriter, for thinking of me...dunno how long ago you sent yours out into the ether but I'd only just seen it. Better late than never? Perhaps?

...anyway...

Historical or Futuristic

I currently only write for Kuroshitsuji so of course I only do historical. I'm not too interested in fururistic reading or writing. That said, I must confess I rarely pass up a Futurama or Star Trek marathon, but with Futurama, I think that's more about the comedy than the setting. Plus I have a bit of a crush on old Zoidberg.

Opening or Closing Chapter

Am I supposed to choose what I like or what I'm good at? If I'm choosing what I like, then I have to protest because how can you possibly have one without the other?

As for what I'm good at (or at least what comes easier--I don't think I ought to say what I am or am not good at, that's the reader's call), I need to get into a partnership like the one the authors of The Destroyer series had going. One guy would write the opening (this would be me,) and then the other guy would finish it. I feel like I've never properly written an ending to anything whereas i'm always thinking up beginnings. Maybe because like Professor Tolkein I'd rather live in my chosen imaginary worlds than write an ending and then have to exit the lands of my imagination and rejoin the mundane?

Light & Fluffy or Dark and Gritty

My taste in both writing and reading fluctuates depending on my mood, as can be seen in the variety of styles and kind of stories I create but I definitely have a strong bias for the dark and shockingly raw and gritty stuff.

When I write all I'm aiming to do is jerk a strong emotion of some kind out of my potential reader. I'm not too fussed exactly what emotion it is.

Animal Companion or Found Family

Goodness, I see no reason to choose. Kuroshitsuji is both a found family story and an animal companion tale, even though most of the animal companion element happens 'off camera' so to speak. We all love stories about the servants of the manor acting as a found family to each other, to the young master and even to the demon butler, though he fights it tooth and nail (or should that be fang and claw?) So...

'Both?'

'Both.'

(together)'Both.'

Horror or Romance

Again, I see no reason to choose. I'd rather be dead than caught reading one without the other.

Hard Magic or Soft Magic System

I'm not certain I understand the distinction here, but if it means sort of free-floating magic without definite laws or parameters then no, I wouldn't like that. If the opposite of that is what a hard magic system means then it has my vote.

Stand-Alone or Series

I take them however they come, the only thing I care about is that they are well-written. But if there is a whacking great series of books then so much the better. Of course more is better!

One project at a Time or Always Juggling 2+

I...almost don't now how to answer this. I don't think I'm a typical writer-if there is such a thing. I started out an artist but then my eyes went bad and I had to think up a new creative outlet. I never read fiction at all until somewhen well past my fiftieth year. I started writing fiction before I'd started reading any which is definitely strange.

At first I'd get a random little scene pop into my head, and I'd write it down and move on, always short things. then I started collecting scraps of ideas, pieces of ideas, things I saw in other places like books, TV, life, etc., and I'd collect them, occasionally working them into other things I was writing.

Always in the back of my mind I'd be thinking of a novel I'd like to write but never getting anything done on it. I write down lots of ideas, beginnings and scenes, but in the end the ones that really get written come on me like a fever or a thunder storm blowing through. I'll need to go write them down like right NOW or else they escape me. Writing down ideas rarely captures the essence of what I was wanting to capture or evoke in a given story. Only the ones that come over me like a case of the flu ever really get properly written up into proper stories so I guess it boils down to a one-at-a-time kind of writer. Should've just said that and have done.

One Award Winner or One Bestseller

Neither, actually. I really like writing for a small group of people to whom I can speak and share impressions and suggestions. Fan Fiction is perfect for this sort of thing. They are usually an appreciative audience and are working on the same skills I am. I'm not interested in fame or wide acclaim. Just a few friendly, honest voices is much better.

Fantasy or Sci-Fi

I think I'd prefer to read fantasy, and I suppose Kuroshitsuji fits into that category. But for TV viewing I think it's hard to beat those awful sci-fi movies of the '60's for a good laugh. God I miss sitting up late on Saturday nights watching Martians invade earth or Godzilla kicking Tokyo's ass again...

Character Description or Setting Description

Well of course the room means nothing without some people in it, so you must have both abilities in your writer's tool box.

If you're asking which I prefer, I don't prefer either. A writer who can write descriptions could, I'm sure write a good description of either one.

If you're asking which I like to do or excel at, I again don't have a preference. I do like describing both characters and settings over action scenes. I like writing fight scenes, but it didn't come to me naturally. I had to learn how.

I think if you're going to divvy up writers into categories, those ought to be Characterisation/Description writers or Action writers. Those are the two categories I think writers all fall into. Either they rip through the plot with a lot of action and lots of things happening in their stories, or they dwell on the emotions and feelings of characters. And usually (in my experience) a writer who is good at action will struggle a bit on the characterisation of his characters and the one who likes to dwell on the emotions of their characters will struggle a bit writing action.

I think I am more of the characterisation and description kind of writer by nature, and had to learn how to write action scenes like fights or battles.

First Draft or Final Draft

Often I struggle getting that first draft down on paper. Not always, mind you but sometimes it really is like pulling teeth for me. It reminds me I started life as an artist not a writer.

Once I've got that first draft down I absolutely love the editing process. I love it so much I go wandering around amongst the current writers in my chosen fandom begging them to put me to work on their stories. Pretty sure I'm so damned eager for it I come off like the giggling Undertaker and scare them off with my creepy begging. (Laughing) They don't realise I don't give a damn if they change anything I suggest, I just love to edit. I learn a lot from it too, looking things up to make sure my suggestions are correct.

Editing is a joy to me. Finding that perfect word, getting the punctuation just so...oh well.

People who might enjoy this? Dunno, so I'll just send it out to some familiar names. Don't feel obligated.

@lestatdesade

@thegildedacorn

@invisiblegargoyl

@apocalypticromantic666

[communist-cat-girl]

i wrote way too much shit so ima paraphrase what made me block someone a minute ago

if someone rewrites a story and makes the characters gay, thats fine if you think doin that shows that you have “gay blinders”, just block me

if youre mad about that, keep readin. if you dont wanna read, block me. its a bad faith take thats on par with “representation is pointless” and “i wish modern media would stop shovin gays down my throat” type 4chan shit

if you dont know what i mean, be thankful! its a pointless bit of discourse that doesnt matter to any real world person except queers online who want to gatekeep every aspect of bein a queer. be gay and free, fuck these hos

“just because its gay doesnt mean its better!” feels a little bad faith? like ya, its obviously not necessarily better, but the thing is ... im gay ... so i have a vested interest in if whether or not they get together; not to mention it recontextualizes stories as one’s of aggression against oppression (if they werent already) that makes me doubly interested as an anarchist.

if we look at, say, Alice Isnt Dead we can see this in full swing both ways. not only is the core audience and creative team behind Welcome to Nightvale openly supportive or queer themselves, so too are those who’ve worked on Alice Isnt Dead. Not only does this mean that the queer audience will feel catered too but the queer staff will be more likely to *want* to work on this, to put their whole ass into this project and make it better than if they were just paid to make some mlw piece of media.

and would the mlw idea rly work when the end of part 1 and all of part 2, spoilers by the way, of alice isnt dead are about the gov’t doin absolutely everythin it can to keep them apart and how *keepin them apart, even as alice is part of this shadowy institution, didnt make them happy and didnt solve the wider problems of the world anyways*

im sorry, but if that story wasnt gay, if its gayness didnt put into focus the issues real gay people face, then that story is ostensibly weaker, its prose less profound, its themes less touchin

now, to talk about the post that made me want to write this ...

im not gonna link it or even directly phrase it, i dont want anyone comin onto me or comin onto anyone else over this (not like my small follower count would)

the tldr is that, the hades and persephone myth is ... well, its kinda shit. its a kidnappin, its a possibly a sexual assault, its a woman forced into a bad circumstance; and so if you made this myth wlw and say its better you “have blinders because its gay” or somethin; which ive never heard anyone suggest EVER but sure, whatever

disclaimer, i am a hellenic pagan, more specifically of roman traditions, so my opinion on the *story itself* is complicated. so im not gonna be sayin much about that.

what i really care about is how somone brings of the Hades Game and i *think* lore olympus retellin where persephone is kidnapped, lowkey on purpose possibly, and eats of the pomegranate to like ... get at her naggin mom, or w/ever. thats not actually the story of the Hades Game nor of the more popular modern helpol retellin but its close enough.

the person who relays this paraphrased story says that if its wlw its better than it would be if it was mlw (and, in gnrl, this retellin is far more palatable to a modern audience; which isnt even rly debateable) and the person complainin say somethin about “gay blinders” says “no it wouldnt be” and a cry emoji.

now, ignorin how ... perhaps accidentally homophobic that comes off as ... like ... it would. mlw forbidden love doesnt really strike the same chord like it used to. in a time of arranged marriage and loveless lives, this concept was REALLY important and was the framein of most myths about a couple in the Mediterranean durin antiquity. problem is, these days, while expectations are hard even for mlw couples, youre still largely goin to get reluctant parents go “*sigh* fine, you may”

and unless youre under a rock you may have forgotten that us fags have a habit of gettin shot for lovin who we love

so ya, the story of forbidden love between a fem hades and a sapphic persephone bein a story of gay love in which they fight against all odds and become happy with each other is substantially more *touchin* (and thus “better” in the common parlance) than the same milk toast mlw forbidden love thats been shoved down queer people’s throats since day one of our birth. 

whats rly annoyin is that op doesnt explain WHY “gay blinders” are such a bad thing anyway? is it genuinely so bad to enjoy gay stories more? to see yourself represented in a piece of media, esp one that you already connect so strongly too?

the worst outcome is “because its gay people think the story is good” but ... i dont think anyone is confused about the story of hades and persephone anyways? like, the ancients werent fuckin morons. zeus was a tyrant king and a story of how despots, even one’s who gain it thru noble means, will inevitably abuse their power. athena was dedicated to protectin women but when a woman needed her most she turned her into a fuckin monster. hera, in her hetero jealousy, harms WOMEN more than men when it comes to vengeance because she believes *the harmful actions of men against women are the fault of women.* and WHO suggests that the ancients thought otherwise?

do you think they would be allowed to spread such horrific and grotesque tales without approval from religious or political authorities if this was not an intentional and integral aspect of their faith? is it not curious that most ancient writers dont rly talk about these tales but only speak of the gods in a Vague sense? is it not curious that the details are obfuscated? ignored? its because while the gods love us and care for us they are also fickle and jealous and violent and they must be, in the ancient view, respected OUT OF FEAR

they clearly understood that these were representations of natural causes (a commonly held belief by ancient philosophers) and so their stories show that the natural outcome of things like LIGHTNING STORMS or EARTHQUAKES happen to everyone because the world is just Like That Sometimes; givin names to these causes just makes it easier to explain them. it helps them figure out the Shape of their trauma, far easier than the existential horror that we experience in our hyper objective world of today

so no, i dont think your modern liberal minded fag is gonna go “oh hades and persephone is so romantic” and even helpols on this site pretty famously go for the stories that resonate more with them on a personal level than the ancient stories men told other men to make them feel good about bein men

yes, even if the story is about two gays

if you think a story is bad on a personal level and think gayness wouldnt solve it ... Okay. thats subjective, movin on.

if you think its bad because makin it gay is a superficial bit of representation, im sorry you live a borin life? all representation is superficial then, if you wanted to be that kindve a jerk about it.

if you think makin it gay harms the original script, im sorry to tell you that oral history has changed most scripts so beyond their original form that we will NEVER be able to know that that original story was (and very likely, from an anthropological point of view, the origin of these stories could be as old as 5 to 10 thousand years ago told in different times with different gods and different circumstnaces; we will NEVER know the original story)

changin the story to fit your modern sensibilities and makin it gay is not bad, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. it even might make the story infinitely better! who knows, who cares! write what makes you happy, fuck these hos

[the-bi-line]

I think as a bi woman, I accidentally ruined my perception of myself and bi women, perhaps forever

I spent so much of my teenage years on reading and watching videos on how bi women are pieces of shit towards: lesbians and even... straight men. How they're all deceptive liars who tricks people into sleeping with them and how non-bi people feel like they're competing for their bi lover's devotion because since their partner is bi that means they can leave them for ANYONE. We're also too much drama, promiscuous, STD-carriers, we hunt lesbians to be raped by our boyfriends(even though bisexuals are also heavily targeted as well but whatever) and when bi women finally take women seriously as partners they actually had a secret boyfriend this whole time! Wow! And because of this bi women deserve the stereotypes they face, because after all it's true (said by a lot of people)

Because of this, now even I am starting to have concerns that if I have a girlfriend that she'll leave me or cheat on me with a dude or have a secret boyfriend and I hate feeling like this, I fucked up so bad to watch and read all this content on how horrible bi women are just to try understand lesbians and why they avoid us, because I just wanted to be an ally

At this point I feel like being celibate is the only solution (sorry for venting, I just don't know what to do anymore)

You’re totally okay to vent to me :) Sometimes if you let out a thing you’ve been holding on to, it gets smaller and it hurts you less.

I just wanna say that you’re not alone, as I certainly used to “hate read” biphobic opinions. I realized after a while that I was really doing it to punish myself because I had internalized society’s hatred of bisexuals and I believed I deserved to feel pain and shame for what I am. It was hard for me to unlearn that behavior, but I did: it takes time and the self-awareness to realize you’re doing it and the self-control to make yourself stop, but it is possible.

I think part of you knows none of the stereotypes you mentioned are fair to us and that you don’t want to feel that way anymore or you wouldn’t have reached out to me, so that’s an awesome first step! I’m here to affirm that those biphobic beliefs you internalized are shit and the people who exposed you to them are shit and you don’t deserve to feel bad for being bisexual. I’m sure all of my followers would tell you the same thing, so you really and truly aren’t alone.

What I would say is while you’re still healing from these beliefs and behaviors, it’s best not to enter into any relationship right away. I’d say the best thing to do right now is find other bisexuals (like me!) who can commiserate with your feelings and help you get to a point where you won’t be projecting on to other bisexuals. You deserve to feel better so you can help build community with us and be the best version of yourself for any future partner (if you want one) ❤️

I’m not great at advice but I hope this helped even a little and I’m really happy you reached out. I know what it’s like to be in that dark place and that sometimes all you need is for someone to see you. And myself and so many other bisexuals do 🫂

[iviarellereads]

The Shadow Rising, Chapter 5 - Questioners

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Silhouettes icon) In which no, not THOSE Questioners, different ones.

PERSPECTIVE: Egwene suggests that "they" should be back by now, fanning herself. Moiraine had promised them an hour, for the first time in days, then disappeared with Elayne after just five minutes. Egg feels a little guilty that they've been letting everyone think they're fully trained Aes Sedai and not just Accepted, but Moiraine hasn't contradicted them about it.

Nynaeve mutters the name Tanchico, and there's nothing for it but to go there. After half a page of narrative musing on what they’re each wearing,(1) Egg says she's not convinced.

They have Joiya and Amico in the room, the two Black Ajah they'd captured during the siege on the Stone. Amico was fully stilled, but they still have a shield weave on Joiya. Amico tells them (apparently not for the first time) that they should go to Tanchico, that none of them knew more than two or three others in the Black before they left the Tower. There's something in Tanchico that could bind Rand.

Nyn says she's heard enough, let's see if Joiya has anything new to say. Egg is grumpy that Nyn is still acting like she's higher ranked than Egg, and this time Elayne isn't there to smooth things over.

Amico submits to being bound again, and when she is, Aviendha, who also seems to have felt Egwene channeling, asks why her face looks different, is it because she was stilled? Egg looks closer at Amico, and has to agree: she looks younger, but not the agelessness of Aes Sedai any longer.

Egg, pretending to be Aes Sedai, hates to admit that she doesn't know if it's related or not, and Nyn rescues her from having to come up with some reasoning by saying that so few women have ever burned out or been stilled, it's hard to know. It's not something that you'd choose to study. It's accepted to be irreversible, and it's a traumatic experience: those who lose the ability to channel rarely live more than a few years.(2)

They free Joiya to talk, and she starts spouting repentance, too smoothly. Egg commands her to tell her story again, and use different words. Joiya says that Liandrin plans to free Mazrim Taim, declare him the Dragon and have him go by Rand's name elsewhere, and unleash destruction on the world. Rand would be blamed for the damage, and there will be no satisfactory proof that they're different people: who knows what the Dragon can or can't do? Even those who would declare for false Dragons before would hesitate at indiscriminate slaughter in Rand's reputation. Nations will unite against him, the Dark One can break free unopposed, and win.

It was a plausible story, more plausible than Amico’s tale of a few eavesdropped sentences, but Egwene believed Amico and not Joiya. Perhaps because she wanted to. A vague threat in Tanchico was easier to face than this fully fleshed plan to turn every hand against Rand. No, she thought. Joiya is lying. I am sure she is. Yet they could not afford to ignore either story. But they could not chase after both, not with any hope of success.

The door banged open, and Moiraine strode in, with Elayne following. The Daughter-Heir was frowning at the floor in front of her toes, lost in dark thoughts, but Moiraine. . . . For once the Aes Sedai’s serenity had vanished; fury painted her face.

=====

(1) First, a "wrist-thick" braid on Nynaeve makes me so jealous. Mine's not much more than two fingers thick at the top, about the thickness of my thumb near the bottom (classic length, aka "covers the butt when loose"), and when I tie it off it's about as big as my little finger. This is considered pretty average, wrist-thick is either fluffed intentionally to look thicker, has hair pieces added in (unlikely, though courtly types probably would be using hair rats to puff up their volume as that's extremely well historically founded), or is like, several standard deviations out from average or median. Second, Egg wishes she were wearing Berelain's gauzy barely-there gowns because they look cooler than the linen she's wearing. Shame on you, Robert Jordan, linen's as good a fabric for cooling as any natural fiber, and historical women's fashion keeping everything covered (even to using a kerchief on any open neckline when they were outside or working) served to keep them cooler and sun-protected. Even wool can be woven into a summer weight. And in linen? A full dress in a light colour like Egg's "pale red" would have air movement in the skirts like your own personal breeze around your legs, and the more of you is covered, the more that linen is wicking away the sweat and keeping you cooler in the absence of air conditioning or electric fans. (It's a pet peeve I've picked up since starting to watch more of sewing YouTube.) (2) Rough. But, it makes some sense, same as the monitoring of "gentled" men as we saw with Logain. And, it's generally accepted to be impossible, especially after failed attempts… but, this is an era of upheaval looming before our heroes, who's to say what might happen in a whirlwind like the end of the world?

[kyarbrougharts245-02]

Project One/Blog 3

The second week comes to a close and here arrives the third. Similar to last week’s reading, the topic revolves around grids. I will say I believe this week’s reading was much more comprehensive since the professor delved further into the topic of grids previously. The teachings even highlighted some interesting details outside of grids. To clarify, in class, we learned about orphan words and how they should typically be avoided. An orphan word is seen when a single word appears on a line, hanging from a body of text. 

Good practice is to keep lines above 6 words as stated by the instructor. However, on the very first page of the assigned reading, I caught sight of an orphan word at the page’s bottom right:

“...side a is to side b as side b is to the sum of both 

sides. Expressed numerically, the golden section is 

1: 1.618.” (138, Lupton)

I’ll admit, I think the placement of “1: 1.618” is odd. It took me a little while to connect the ratio at the end of the sentence. I found myself looking around the page, even scrolling up to the top and down to the bottom in an attempt to find the missing piece. I find it all a little interesting. The course is slowly making sense and I’m starting to see this information through a different perspective.

On the topic of different perspectives, both the reading and the course lesson helped me differentiate the grids found in everyday media, specifically newspapers. As I’ve stated in the last two blogs, I feel like I subconsciously understood the types of grids seen in graphic design (and additionally which details differentiated each from one another), however, I just could not put an appropriate label to them. I now know from both the class and the reading that some of the more common grids we see are modular, experimental grids, column grids, etc. 

One last thing I’d like to mention about the reading relates back to the first page. It introduces the ratio relationship used in Graphic Design, titled the Golden Section. I found the introduction a little challenging—perhaps that could be due to the fact I’m not the biggest fan of math in general. Numbers and theories can be very icky! I was initially confused by the golden section’s formula and I didn’t find the written description any more helpful. To be honest, I think I’m still a little lost on the concept. However, I’m sure if I found another way to break the information down, I could grasp the formula a bit easier.

I’ve always struggled with conceptual learning regarding math. Give me a numerical problem, but God forbid you include word problems. Physics showed me just how draining the whole math process can get when outside forces like Gravity or velocity are included. 

Let’s steer away from math. It’s too late to be thinking about numbers unless it’s the numbers on the clock. And if that’s the case, let’s hope it’s not 12 at night. 

To end on a cheerful note, my Nine Squares project is finished. Happy day it is! I’m positively kicking my feet and prancing around with joy! The stress I felt after staying up to 2:45 am fooling around with that thing has now been alleviated. It was literally like a weight had been taken off my shoulders!

However, there’s no need to bash this project too harshly. As tedious as I found the cutting to be, finding different colored papers and cutting precise shapes with them has sparked some ideas for future personal projects. I’d be lying if I said I had tossed the Exacto blade in the garbage without a second thought already. 

I mostly enjoyed cutting text from the colored paper and placing it on a hard black background, as seen in my last square. Perhaps it's the shade of red I chose or the dynamic type found in the original title, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson. I could see myself doing something more with that specific craft. For now, I’m envisioning little experiments in my sketch before I ever try something like this project again.

On the plus side, when I showed my project to my mom, she told me she preferred that style of art compared to my more customary drawings of dragons, dinosaurs, and other fantastical creatures. She said it was more readable to her which I found quite surprising as my taste revolves around fantasy. My favorite works come from French concept artist Nico Marlet who is known for his time with Dreamworks, specifically How To Train Your Dragon. I’m sure you can see why I would like him so much. 

That being said, my mother opened my eyes and I realized that if she was interested in art that resembled something like my Nine Square Project then I could utilize the skill to potentially craft an artwork as a birthday present.

[ralphryabchikov]

Subjective Self-Portrait.

It's hard to read this image, right? Well... perhaps that's the whole point of it. I was having a really difficult time putting my self-portrait together, but I realized something. Maybe the chaos behind this image really is what is meant to make it beautiful.

The text is actually an alphabet I made when I was younger so I could write in my notes without having to have anybody read it. Some of the text on the screen includes "stretched to abyss", "forced eye contact", and "The Y Project." This kind of symbolism is quite confusing to others who read it, but I can read it just fine and understand one thing out of it. My life's messages are intense. There are messages behind every work of art that I try to read, but there's just so much information packed into it that it can almost feel like it breaks you. Only when I start to really focus and put my artwork into descriptive words, will it start to make sense for others. But before those thoughts escape my mind, it can almost look something like this while being just an idea.

There's almost a camera-like focus to it, but there's too much to pack in such a narrow view. To any other person, it feels like I tried to captivate a puzzle without a solution, a jumble of confusion. My liquid faces were scattered across the screen, selfies from 5 years ago to now. It's almost difficult to read this in portrait because of the way the ideas just rush through as it's read. Yet, beneath the pictures lies a deep truth--my life feels like a major rush of ideas, waiting to be internalized into an actual work of artwork. And only then does it become something beautiful. It's a reminder that life, like art, is messy and complex, going against easy categorization or explanation in the way we try to captivate it.

Would I say I am satisfied with this artwork? I'm not too sure that it's the most aesthetically pleasing, but it comes pretty darn close to what could happen in my mind. I think it was worth coming out to the real world. I'm happy with the time I spent with it, and I could spend hours on it. In my fragmented methods of trying to piece together a work of art, I always try to bring across one thing: The chaos will bring beautiful works of art.

[creativeprojectpiotrgacmenga]

Textual Analysis of Creative Project Response

While my current knowledge of the theories known as object-oriented ontology and thing-power are limited, they have made me look at my surroundings and the ‘things’ around me in a new perspective, and a more watchful eye. My understanding of this theory is best explained in a book I have recently began reading, Vibrant Matter by Jane Bennett. Here she mentions that,

“Thing-power gestures toward the strange ability of ordinary, man-made items to exceed their status as objects and to manifest traces of independence or aliveness, constituting the outside of our own experience. I look at how found objects (my examples come from litter on the street, a toy creature in a Kafka story, a technical gadget used in criminal investigations) can become vibrant things with a certain effectivity of their own, a perhaps small but irreducible degree of independence from the words, images, and feelings they provoke in us.” (Bennett, 2010, Preface XVI)

I am going into this piece of writing with an open mind and a freedom, letting my mind and my surroundings decide the words as they come, and with an understanding that there may be little cohesiveness. That is okay as this is not a piece of academic writing, instead it’s an analysis of what I see and feel in relation to the things around me at moments of inspiration. I also feel like this text will help me grasp key writing techniques in preparation for the dissertation in 4th year.

For context, I was drawn to the idea of making a body of work that utilises the everyday materials around us and making three-dimensional collages of ‘things’, either out with their natural contexts, or conveying new meanings. This was egged-on through my research into Robert Rauschenberg’s ready-mades despite my original dislike of the artist. At first, I believed him to be a con-man, making money off of totally fabricated pieces of work that mocked the artworks made by what I would have called ‘real artists’, ones who create magnificent pieces of fine art that aesthetically and technically show a measure of their talent. It was only after extensive research that I appreciated the skill in choosing ‘things’ to work with and knowing how to create a piece of work that not only evoked discussion, without being too obvious or a cliché, and also satisfied me as an art student. I started collecting ‘things’ I found an interest in. These ranged from old bottlecaps and scrap papers, to personal items of significance. Whenever I saw something that worked, I had a sudden connection to it, rejecting items that held no meaning to me. In hindsight, while originally random, I discovered a pattern in my collecting. Many of these items had a story, a narrative, something I could say about them, their past, future, satire or an emotion. These connections felt like a spark in my brain, a sudden rush of euphoria that made me excited to start creating an artwork. Many of these works are simple on the outside, for example a broken tile, but these are the most challenging artworks I have ever produced. They took no technical skill, but there had to be a special connection with these items and I had to work hard to feel these and truly understand them. In the above example, the tile was found alongside a box of the same set, on the studio shelves. I was drawn to their beautiful teal colour but had no use for them and was indifferent to them, lending them to a classmate who accidentally smashed one shortly after. At that moment, seeing the fragments smashed on the floor, lit something up inside me, and drew me in to keep that singular tile. I believe this to be a part of thing-power. A ‘things’ ability to draw you in when you least expect it, an event, a light beam, a shadow, any of the five senses and much more. I am still to wrap my head around this fully, how can a ‘thing’ that was previously insignificant, turn into something I am drawn to through minor changes? Now when I look at the box of tiles, I feel nothing. But when I look at that tile, there is a feeling I can’t quite explain apart from a spark, and being drawn to it aesthetically, and mentally. 

(The Cambridge Dictionary, 2019) defines the word ‘artefact’ as an object that has been made by a person, such as a tool or a decoration, especially one that is of historical interest. This is a good descriptor word for the ‘things’ I choose to make work with. Each have ‘historical interest’ to me to a certain extent, whether that’s their recent or past history. My late-night visit to Lennoxtown Castle Hospital, a well-known site of past mistreatment and abuse to its patients, yielded some fascinating projections for my Process & Production Module, but also made me stumble upon some pieces of metal I have dated back to the late 1800’s when the castle was built. These crumbled in my hands when held, due to years of decay and wear. While some would discard these, they felt like artefacts to me, three pieces of inconspicuous rusted metal that drew me in somehow. These went on to be used in a piece that discussed the horrors of the castle and paid homage to its victims. I felt obliged to ‘make’ something using these, as at that point I felt like they needed to be utilised somehow, but looking back I wish I just presented them as they were. They were significant ‘things’ because of how they drew me in, and I think that power disappeared when they were combined with MDF and a hook. The castle is home to many ‘things’ like this, another which is a pair of 1970’s fire extinguishers. I planned on making a tongue in cheek 3D collage about the castle’s infamous fire that caused most of it to collapse and become unexplorable, and how these fire extinguishers felt a sense of justice was needed, hence being useless in that scenario. I instead plan on keeping them intact, rescued from further corrosion and treat them as the artefacts they are. While it feels uncreative, these should be exhibited as art objects in themselves as when altered, they might no longer hold that significance they previously held.

I am curious whether these ‘things’ that have had an effect on me, have the same effect on others, or if it is a combination of my own experience and context that gives these ‘things’ the status I have given them. This was briefly touched on when I spoke with a fellow student about the tile that was broken. They felt indifferent to the tile and were perplexed as to why I kept it this whole time and even considered using it as a final submission piece. The contrast between broken and un-broken tile is so vast to me. That contrast is the artwork, not the tile itself but the feeling of contrast. Another classmate of mine felt the same, because they too lacked the personal experience and context that I possessed to go with the tile. I also wonder whether personal aesthetic choices are key to these reactions towards ‘things. For example, does someone who is drawn to a minimalist aesthetic shy away from busy piles of rubble, or can their reaction be the same as someone who sees a beauty in decay and destruction? This can be something I research further in the next few years as its something incredibly fascinating to me. Personally, I find this hard to answer as I am drawn to both the examples above and appreciate both aesthetics from a different viewpoint, however being aesthetically drawn to these does not equate to the same reaction I’ve felt from certain ‘things’ that fall into those categories.

A common factor to these objects however is the state they are in, usually broken, decaying or left in a vulnerable state. This is seen with the tile pieces, the rusted bottle caps, the decayed bits of metal, the fire extinguishers, the plaster bin lids, flask piece and the unlucky buddha piece. Am I drawn to these things because of the state they are in, do I find a beauty in the destroyed, the left behind, the decaying? This only really occurred when removing the plaster ‘bin lids’ from their stubborn mould. This was a tough process not too dissimilar to an excavation with chiseling and hammering involved to remove each piece as securely as possible. This whole process was amazing as I was forced to put each piece together like they were jigsaw pieces which was completely different to my original idea on the work but felt more right. The flask piece began as an old, rusted bottle of wood dye, found on the shelf, and bound to be discarded by someone else, instead was given a new life. However not all pieces have this relation and these are the ones that have been ‘less successful’ in my eyes. While a lot of my 3D collages have been successful, some of them don’t have that ‘power’ that the other ones hold. For this reason, it is clear that the broken, the old and the discarded plays a key role in choosing the mediums and ‘things’ for my 3D collages.

As I am approaching the end of my module, my focus has begun to shift onto the presentation of my ‘final work’. This has been tough as there is a wide variety of works that I have produced and ‘things’ I have collated. I do not enjoy working with a final piece in mind and prefer to reflect towards the end of a project to see what worked best. I am asking myself, what do I want the work to show and convey, if anything, any relationships between these pieces, methods of display, and any associated narratives. Ultimately, I think I want my presentation to show my relationship with these objects and works I have gathered, and just like the production of many of these pieces have resulted in bright spark moments that tell me I am on the right track, I believe that the presentation will reveal itself and I will know when it is right.