#am i going to jail for my sick and twisted desires

[dgaftilwedie]

headcanoning hoffman as being like 6'2 because im horrible

[cloud9in]

You’re the only one who’s writing poppy x mc fics sooo, i have a request “ bea is a bad girl (like in a gang) in high school and also went jail couple of times for getting in trouble in high school senior year poppy was new transfer student and after 2 months bea join back school and met poppy bea and they just click yk like a connection slowly they started dating and in school everyone was shocked to see bea in a relationship ( bad girl and new girl) poppy is always worried about bea and few days before graduation bea got hurt really bad and poppy gives bea 2 options that she has to choose between her or her this (gang).. bea didn’t say anything to her so poppy left, after 2/3 years they met in college bea was a different person but so does poppy they become enemies (no one knows why they hate each other) one day they were arguing and poppy shout at her and says why you're back and bea put her hand on her cheek and smile and say i am here to win you back because i love you 😬

Promises (Poppy x MC)

Part 1/?

Can i just say I'm absolutely invested in this plot? You've got me hooked on my own story, as hectic as my life is, this is enjoyable to write. I hope you like it as well @iamsimpforpoppy

Word count: 1.8k (i got carried away)

“You know what to do Jackson, same old shit.”

“Yeah but it feels like a movie every damn time”, Bea responds confidently as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She sports a black mask with a yellow bandana, a vivacious color worn by only the Southside Spades, a notorious street gang who were known for robbery, and occasional blood.

Bea found herself wrapped up in the world of gangs when she turned sixteen. But before that the brunette would assist in transporting goods, also known as hardcore drugs. There was plenty enough to go around so Bea could indulge in any she wanted. Drugs didn’t give her the high she craved though, instead it was the thrilling game of cat and mouse with the cops.

Every now and then she’d get thrown in the slammer overnight. But this particular evening earns her one year in the NY State Penitentiary. See, the cops never gathered significant evidence to build a case against her, even though she was well aware of Detective Steinhelm who had some sick obsession with her. Following her everywhere, until Bea confronted her directly after noticing the same black sedan parked a street down from her house.

But she played the game right, and nothing ever led back to her. Until now.

“Where’s the money Bradley? I feel like I’ve been kissing your ass all week, the boss needs it now.”

A skinny blonde boy who looks like he had better days grunts in annoyance, “You’ll get your money...I’m just a little short right now.”

“Time’s up Ken doll, you know Carter will have your head for this.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have to know. Maybe this can be between us…”, Bradley strides carefully towards the blonde, a disturbing grin on his face which screams junkie. “Back the hell up now.”

Bea pulled her knife out with ease and pointed it towards him. She didn’t plan on actually using it. Murder was way out her budget for a simple money pickup but she knew that it would scare the boy easily. Except he kicked the blade out of her hold which prompted it to screech across the concrete before coming to a stop. Before Bea could think her fists reacted as she intercepted a punch that aimed straight for her jaw. She twists Bradley’s arm and he falls on his knees in pain. With his back to her, she kicks him down until he’s flat on his stomach.

“What is it exactly that you plan on doing now Bradley?” The blonde boy struggles under Bea’s foot but manages to reach around and slash at her ankle with a surprise shiv. Bea yelps in pain before kicking his head, rendering him unconscious.

“Stupid idiot. Had to make this harder than it should’ve been.”

Bea eventually finds the stash of money hidden under his mattress, an amateur hiding place at best. She congratulated herself for another job accomplished (kinda) and headed home. What the seventeen year old didn’t expect was the repulsive sound of a siren filling her ears as she stepped out onto her driveway. Her blood rushed to her head when she spotted Detective Steinhelm among the police officers surrounding her and retorts, “oh come on. I thought I told them about you harassing me. What do you want? Back here to strip search me again?”

The older woman only watches the blonde in eerie silence before smiling and gesturing to a police officer. “Beatriz Jackson you have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law-”

“What the actual fuck!” Bea yanks her arms out of the officers reach which initiates a struggle for dominance. This was nothing new to her, but it still felt sickening. Like she was some pet.

“You have the right to have a lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire.” Detective Steinhelm finishes speaking and approaches the still scuffling blonde, “if you keep resisting I will tase you myself.”

Bea bites back the urge to headbutt the old hag right in her stupid face but she didn’t need any extra charges, for whatever the hell it was she was being charged for.

“Tell me why the fuck I am being arrested and I’ll calm down.”

That’s when Bea notices a familiar (bruised up) face from earlier. His smirk was enough to eat at her skin and she felt burning hot rage.

“Your blood was found at the scene of Mr. Denbroughs assault. You are being arrested in the case of second degree assault with intent to hurt someone with a deadly weapon.”

***

Bea only got one year in prison due to her kickass lawyer Ina Kingsley who played the minor card at every opportunity given. She also pointed out the fact that the knife wasn’t bloodstained, and Bradley never had any stab wounds so there is no proof the weapon was ever used against him. And it technically wasn’t. Good thing she didn’t bring a gun instead.

She did miss her 18th birthday though. And a few months of her senior year. But that’s what summer classes were for right?

All eyes were on the blonde when she returned, and whispers spread throughout the school about a certain new girl. Bea paid no mind to the fingers that pointed in her direction but the newcomer did manage to catch her attention, and pretty quick at that.

“Hey Jackson, how was solitary confinement?”

“I heard they make you use the bathroom right through the tiny food slot.”

Bea rolls her eyes and pelts a piece of not-so-fresh bread right at Ford’s head. The other people at the table join in on the laughter and Bea shakes her head and smiles, “it was Juvie you dumbass, and they made us sit in a circle together every Thursday like we were in an AA meeting.

“That’s jail for babies, goldilocks here wouldn’t last a minute in a real prison”, Carter joins them at the table with a cocky smirk, yet his eyes soften when landing on Bea. She shares a similar look with him knowing they’ll have a real conversation later. Because they definitely didn’t get to have that when Bea was getting dragged away to the police station in cuffs, and every event after that.

“It’s our girl’s first day out, we have to celebrate. And it’s not like she’s on probation...right Bea?”

“I do have a curfew, and I’m on juvenile probation so…when we partying?” The crew laughs as Bea shrugs. Her mother will deal with it. Zoey scoots in next to the blonde and wraps her arm around her shoulder in a side hug. “So glad to have you back Bea, and we are not risking you breaking parole so let’s just go to a sport’s bar tonight.”

Bea nods her head in agreement as the first warning bell goes off and everyone starts to clean up. Zoey taps on her arm and points towards one of the farther tables where a lone figure sits, wiping her hands with a napkin. All Bea saw were blonde tresses until she turned and they made brief eye contact.

“She’s the new girl, Poppy Min Sinclair. Rumor is she’s got a rich white daddy. You should totally invite her to the party.”

“And why would I do that?”

Zoey squints her eyes and leans in closer, her hands under chin in thought, “she seems like the broody type, you two would click.” She laughs at Bea’s comical expression but the blonde can’t bother to look in her direction, she’s way too wrapped up in what little the stranger a few tables away had to offer. She would sit on that thought, Bea was not one to shy away from anything.

***

The two became friends quicker than anyone could think.

One day after school, Poppy’s car wouldn’t start. It just didn’t comply. You would think she’d be poised and call her mechanic to come fix it, but instead the blonde slumped against the driver’s side window and let out a visibly frustrated, high-pitched yelp. Bea watched her pace around the car and even...kick?...the front bumper with her heels in efforts to wake it up.

“You know I may be wrong but I think that only makes it worse..” She approaches the helpless blonde with a small grin. Poppy’s persistence amazed her though, she’s never seen anyone determined to beat a car up. An expensive one at that.

“I hope you have some idea how to fix it, unless you’re here to waste my time and ask me on a date.”

Woah.

Okay that definitely threw Bea on a whim. She lets out a sharp laugh and bites her lips in amusement. She strolls towards the front of her car, holding Poppy’s gaze the whole way. She liked that the blonde didn’t avert her eyes. “And if I did? We couldn’t take your car of course, it’s obviously impaired.”

Poppy smiles and turns to look at Bea properly. She checks out every inch of her with no visible shame. An assessment so to say, and she likes what she sees.

“It’s your lucky day Poppy, I happen to know a thing or three about cars, and I desperately want to get this thing working so we can go on that date.” She winks playfully but god does she mean it. Bea silently prayed that the blonde wouldn’t take it the wrong way, but she knew she won when Poppy didn't protest, instead getting comfortable under some shade and holding her hand out, “the stage is all yours Jackson.”

***

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that I can’t jump over this obvious not-so-protected fence?”

“Judging by the sign right next to it that says...oh wow who would’ve thought, “DO NOT ENTER”, I don’t think so”, Poppy deadpans. It didn’t phase Bea of course because she was already halfway up the fence when the blonde turned away from the sign. The girl had a point to prove, maybe not a valid one, but still a point.

Poppy pinches her eyebrows in exasperation before looking back up to a nonchalant Bea swinging her legs from the top of the fence. She winks down at the blonde, “join me?”

Poppy didn’t expect to be climbing fences with a charismatic girl who had the same color hair as her when she moved schools, but she found herself embracing every moment of it. Although the trip up there was a struggle and some.

“I swear to god there’s a wire in my ass.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“And we’re both going to end up in the hospital. Get. me. Down.”

Bea tries to hold in her laughter the whole way down but lets it loose when she sees Poppy still up there, partly hovering in the air. “Pops...I’ll catch you, don't worry. Climb down slowly.” She doesn’t. But Bea had her feet planted and ready because any moment with the sassy blonde was unpredictable.  And she loved it. Especially because she had Poppy engulfed in her arms and they were so close their noses touched.

Bea promised herself she’d kiss the girl next time.

***

“You’re...in a gang?”

Bea felt a clasp of cold air enter her lungs as she stared ahead. It wasn’t like she could hide it from Poppy. She has a reputation, and word has gotten around about the two getting close. This was just like that one time at the end of sophomore year where Bea met Kelly Hall, a beautiful girl with golden rimmed glasses. Unfortunately she only could imagine what could’ve been after whispers ended up right on the doorstep of Kelly’s parents, and she suddenly changed her number, and switched out of every class she had with Bea.

The blonde didn’t want to entertain the thought of Poppy doing the same, but this was a lifestyle she chose.

“I mean...how?”

Bea sighs and turns to look at her, “I fell into the wrong crowd. Or maybe it’s the right one because I never found a true home until I met them. They’re family, I wouldn’t expect you to get it though and I understand if you want to distance-”

“I of all people know what it’s like to not fit in Jackson. You’ve found people who make you feel safe. Maybe I don’t agree with the troubles that come with being in a gang but I don’t know the whole story.”

“Do you want to?”

Poppy wraps her arms around Bea’s and lays her head on her shoulder, “I want to know that you won’t get yourself hurt but I know that’s nearly impossible.”

Bea exhales slowly, not knowing what to say. She knew that this would upset Poppy but her acceptance meant more. She didn’t know what this would mean for the two of them, if there was a “them”, but she felt more encouraged to share more of her other life with the blonde.

“Just promise me one thing Jackson.”

“Yeah?”

Poppy’s voice comes out softer than expected, and Bea ingests every emotion that comes with it, “Promise me you won’t ever put yourself in a position where you have to choose between me or the gang.”

Bea finds her hand in the space where their thighs touched and latches onto it like a lifebuoy,

“I promise.”

***

“I just remembered something Poppy.”

“What, that you have half a brain cell? I thought that was established Jackson.”

Bea launches a pillow that (purposely) misses Poppy’s head by an inch. If she actually hit her and frizzed up her locks then she’d never hear, or see..or walk again.

“I’m being serious. I just remembered this too, we never went on that car date we talked about.”

Poppy squints her eyes in confusion, but was fully aware of what Bea was referring to. “You mean the first time we met?”

The blonde smiles to herself as she replayed that day in her head over and over again. She couldn’t decide if Bea’s openly flirty behavior is what drew her in or if it was her ability to fix any of her possessions with ease. And for free.

Bea pulls Poppy up by her hands until her back is against the lockers. Another perfect opportunity for the blonde to make do of that promise she made to herself, but something told her to wait just a bit longer. “So what do you say? Poppy Min Sinclair, will you go on a date with me?”

Poppy rolls her eyes playfully, pulling Bea in closer by the collar of her letterman, “now who’s being dramatic?”

“I didn’t hear a no”

“I think you know what the answer is.”

That night Zoey helped Bea prep for her first date with the girl that she could say she was almost in love with. The taller girl brushed some dust off of Bea’s jacket and planted her hands on her shoulders, “remember Jackson, give her the ride of her life. And I mean that in every way possible.”

Thanks Zoe.

Bea watched Poppy drive up in front of her house and something inside her mind couldn’t deny the pang her heart let out when she saw Poppy smile the way she did.

Bea took control of the driving and told Poppy to recline her seat and enjoy the ride, with her seatbelt on of course. Safe sacrifices. They cruised through an empty highway blasting Poppy’s spotify playlist named “Rich Bitch Songs” because that was their ideal perfect date. It’s amazing that the two could even come to an agreement, but here we are.

She watched the beautiful blonde sing her lungs out and couldn’t help but mirror her joy, taking her hands off the steering wheel. The pump of adrenaline prompts a new excitement in the air and Poppy wraps Bea into a secure hug, her hair flying wildly with the wind. Bea slows the car down but the rapid beating of her heart made it seem they were going 100 miles per second.

“I feel so alive Jackson.”

Bea stared at the girl in the passenger seat with a look that could only be described as love.

“You make me feel alive.”

Poppy kept talking and Bea found a way to focus on both the road and the blonde next to her. Because when you truly enjoy something, you’ll find a way to keep experiencing it. And Bea enjoyed hearing Poppy’s voice, she loved everything about her.

“I feel like kissing you.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“...Nothing. I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

They kiss when Bea pulls over.  A hot feeling consumes them like fire when their tongues collide and Bea plants her hands around Poppy’s hips, pushing her back into her seat until she’s on top. The windows easily start to fog up in reaction to the heat, and not once did they take their hands off each other.

Promise 1/2 kept

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End Note: This chapter was to build their relationship, more angst incoming. BIG THANKS to @somewillwin for letting me use Jackson <3333

Taglist: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog @a-ghost-girl

[dailyaudiobible]

02/02/2020 DAB Transcript

Exodus 15:19-17:7, Matthew 22:1-33, Psalms 27:1-6, Proverbs 6:20-26

Today is the 2nd day of February, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here as we twist the knob and throw open the gateway and step into this brand-new shiny week. And it's a brand-new shiny month. So, new beginnings all around and we have a story to tell and it's certainly telling the story of the Bible as we read through it each and every day but it's also the story of our lives and we will write that story this week with our decisions and choices and attitudes and we will write the story of this month with the same things. And thank God, right friends? Thank God we have His word to counsel us. So, this week we’ll read from the Voice Translation and we’ll be picking up where we left off in the book of Exodus where the children of Israel have crossed the Red Sea on dry ground and the Egyptian army, they didn't. They didn't quite cross and it wasn't dry and so they ended up at the bottom of the sea. And, so, today Exodus chapter 15 verse 19 to 17 verse 7.

Prayer:

Thank You, Father for bringing us into this new week and into this new month. And again…again, we thank You, we thank You for last month, we thank You for bringing us safely through January and for all that You did in our lives through Your word and that month. And, so, we have great anticipation as we continue the story forward and we invite You fully. New beginnings, new month, new week and we give it to You in advance. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website and that is home base and its where you find out what’s going on around here. So, like I say every day, be sure to stay connected in any way the cam or any way that you want to.

Reminding you that the Prayer Wall also lives there in the Community section and that is a fantastic place to go and receive prayer but also to offer prayer. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or if you prefer the mail, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request a comment you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top or there are a number of phone numbers you can use. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078. If you are in Australia 61-3-8820-5459 is number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning, I am Surely Goodness and Mercy from Sarasota Florida I’ve listened to Daily Audio Bible for several weeks now and I enjoy being a part of this group. I’m responding to that prayer request of Paula the child advocate from LA area. Paula’s ladies group friend Dolores committed suicide this week and they thought she was better after her son’s sudden death. Dolores had announced a Christmas for daughter’s engagement the wedding to be held later this year. Father God help Dolores and her Father to heal from this tragedy. Lord God I ask that You’ll please heal this daughters broken heart, give her wisdom and insight into the grieving process, and let her not go into blame but to forgive even though she’s been robbed of her mom and robbed of her mom being mother of the bride and being a grandma and seeing the birth of these grandchildren and I pray God that she’ll not lose the dad as well. Holy Father help this daughter not to blame herself or blame God or blame others. Help her not to linger with anger over these losses. Help this daughter to walk with You and to look to You Father God for answers for the future and comfort and peace. May she enter to God’s Sabbath rest. I pray that she’ll, as an orphan, she’ll not be overwhelming reality to her but to realize that she’s grafted into God’s family. I ask for family members to rally around and be a strong support to her and the ladies that have known Dolores for these 30 years will have a soften heart in a powerful way toward this daughter. If it’s God’s will, please raise up another mom substitute that can encourage and love and step into a significant role of this Young lady as she goes through her wedding plans and wedding celebrations. And then I have a prayer request. My husband’s niece Gail had emergency back surgery this week. They live in New York and have two small children. My prayer request is that the nerve function in her leg return, that everything will be knit properly, and pain will continue…

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is J from Nashville. So, I woke up this morning with some amazing news. Those of you who have been listening for a while know my story and I have, through a friend of a friend, located the state in which my ex-wife and my child are located. So, what I’d like to do is I’d like to pray that God will give me guidance, discernment and clarity and a means by which to have a relationship with my child. Lord Jesus, I thank You Father for this glorious day and this wonderful overwhelming news. Father, every bone in my body wants to completely relocate in the next 30 seconds to that state so that I can be close. But Lord I don’t want to do these things in my own power, in my own wisdom, in my own strength, in my own desires. I want to do them according to Your will. So, Lord I pray that You will send Your Holy Spirit before me and soften my ex-wife’s heart, clear her mind, and open her eyes spiritually to allow her to see me the way that You see me. All the hurt and pain that I’ve caused as undoubtedly caused serious trauma. I pray Lord that You will begin to mend that trauma in a way that will allow a relationship with this child. I pray that in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hello family this is Cindy the flute player. I’ve called in before and been a listener for a long time, but I wanted to call and apologize to my family. When I called in, I was discouraged and just wanted to give up and after 40 years of being a believer I haven’t given up and actually I feel like I’m in the season now where I have seen so many answers to prayer. The one that steepest to my heart, well there’s a couple, I haven’t seen but I am trusting Him. I’m trusting that He will and is moving and I just keep speaking my heart to Him. And I want you to know out there family that I’m listening to your heart and I’m praying for you instantly when you’re talking and you’re bringing your requests to us and I especially have Esther and Anonymous on my heart and want you to know that the Spirit, the Holy Spirit reminds me to pray for you and to not give up and that He sees you and that He loves you and so do I even though we’ve never met. And I want…I just…I’m so thankful for all of you out there and thankful for this format. It really is beautiful. And there’s lots going on on this reservation and by heart is deeply troubled for the children but I’m sure that’s why He’s planted me here. And, so, you know, God bless all of you. I hope, sometime I get to meet you. I’ll be able to come to Tennessee someday. All right. Love you. God bless you.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is for Danny in southern Oregon and I just started listening to the Community Prayer for the weekend and…whew…I’ve got five hours to go but you were in the beginning and I heard you talk about your mom being very sick and that you’re gonna read scriptures over her. I don’t know if that was my suggestion, but I know I had said it. And I just wanted to share with you that at the end of my father’s life he started to see dark figures and he looked at me and he said there are dark men behind me, and they’ve come to get me. And I looked at him and I swore up, but I won’t swear here and I said the bleep they ain’t. And I canceled all of my appointments that day and I started praying with everything I had out loud. He was in and out of consciousness and I was just praying, bringing down the Angels because I said I will not lose my father to whatever has come to get him. And the nurse came into the room and she looked at me and she said is everything all right in here and I said I think it’s…we’re at the end and he is seeing dark figures who have come to get him and she locked eyes with me and she said well we need Jesus. And I said yes we do. And she worked all day and then at the end of her shift she came in. She prayed with me and we…we brought…we opened the doors of heaven and I felt Angels around us and I just read and read and read. I didn’t sleep that night. I went home and I changed it to work out cloths, I broke out into a sweat. I mean I was up all night and the next morning was when he mouthed back the Psalm back to me. And, so, Danny I just tell you, you fight and Lord I just I build up my sister Danny to fight for her mother’s soul and that what she reads over her mother would yield fruit in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hi this is Cheyenne butterfly from Bakersfield I haven’t called in for a long time. I used to call regarding my son JJ. Today’s situation is he got off the spice, still using straight drugs. He has a mental illness. He has schizophrenia and he has a pay service, got his pay service to give him $2000 for a car, brought the car home, the car was worth $200, couldn’t run. I couldn’t get…convince him to let me have the contact person who would sell him a car that wasn’t worth $200 and couldn’t get smogged, couldn’t get registered, car broke down. Some other drug dealers or drug addicts sold him another car for $500. He lived in it for about three weeks. Cops arrested him for Grand Theft Auto for stealing the car. Now he’s sitting in jail. He has a mental illness. He needs lots of prayer. I’m leaving a whole lot of the story out, but the bottom line is this child needs God, he needs prayer, he needs redemption, he needs somebody in his life. God pray that somebody in jail is a Christian and helps him because he won’t listen to me. I’m just calling and asking for prayer for this child his name is JJ. He’s almost 30, he has schizophrenia, he’s been homeless on and off now for the last 10 years. I’m just asking for major prayer for this child. I listen to you daily, been listening to daily for the last couple years and I know the power of prayer on this is strong. I’ve watched it happen. I thank you so much and I thank the Daily Audio Bible for providing us the service. I love you all and thank you so much.

Good morning DABber family this is Walta the Burning Bush that will not be Devoured for the Glory of our God and King. I’m calling for, I believe, Cara and her son Nitch from Denver. I just want you to know that I heard your request and I prayed for you and it meant something special to me because I struggled with what you’re going through. I guess it’s been, gosh since, my son was 17 years old. He’s 22 now he struggled for three straight years with addiction and had problems with the law. And praise God, for the last two years he’s been sober. He’s…he’s back in college and he’s counseling other people with addiction. He’s actually found the Lord. I’m staring this testimony with you so that you know that there is nothing impossible for God. While I was walking through my struggled God reminded me that my son Emmanuel is not just my son, he’s God son who God entrusted to me. God entrusted Nitch to you and now you give him back to God as Abraham gave his son back to God. He is God’s son and God will watch over him and He will protect him while he’s out there in his prodigal phase. But know that God loves niche more than you do and be at peace in your heart knowing that God is faithful to do exceedingly abundantly above our expectation. If God can heal and deliver my son from addiction, if God can save him, God can do the same for Nitch and I’m praying that through this testimony that you will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony I pray that you will be encouraged. I pray that you will be encouraged. Look for Insight, the Insight program online and see if you can find a community with which you can just find support because there are many families struggling with this addiction problem. I love you my sister. I can’t wait to hear your testimony and I will continue to pray for him until I hear…

Hi DAB family this is Tahara in Southern California and there are a few people that are on my heart today. I’ll try to do this quickly. Cara from Denver your call really resonated with me. I have two sisters who were out and using for years and it is so hard. I had a friend once say that loving an addict is like hugging a chainsaw. So, I just pray…first of all I want to thank God for your sobriety and I pray that He will give you supernatural peace and secondly I pray for your son, that God will protect him until he is ready to just fall to his knees in that broken openness that we need for healing. There was a woman who did not leave her name, she has a 22-year-old nephew with lupus and possibly dyskinesia and I pray for complete healing and that God would protect him from despair. I also pray that her nephew would recognize his unique placement to let Jesus love shine through him. Sienna, I heard so much fear in your prayer request. I just want to give you a hug girl. I pray that God will redeem the incredible difficult circumstances that you’re going through. I also pray that He will give you strength to hold healthy boundaries and also for healing over your body. I pray that He would bless you with peace and trust in Him. Diana Davis you are in my heart and on my mind. I pray for your healing as well as for your two wonderful sons. I pray that God will bless them and protect them and surround them with loving people. I pray also for Isaiah who was given mind altering drugs and abused and I just pray for the healing of his mind and soul. Becky from Orlando thank you for the praise report that you shared. I just...I really needed to hear that. I needed a reminder of God’s power. And finally, God’s Smile in England, thank you for your brief and joy filled testimony, it really touched my heart and made me smile.

[woah-imagine-that]

Omg that Izaya and St just killed me, the fool shouldn't have even tried to cheat on her, but with his twisted mind can see why he did it the way he did lol Good job! Maybe you could make a part 2?

I completely agree. The fool. The absolute scoundrel. Will you ever forgive him? Lets find out…

(I also want to apologise for not posting anything for 3 months, but thankfully Uni is out for the rest of the year and I have ample time to answer everyone’s asks.)

You were a fool to assume that was the last you’d ever see of him. When Izaya wants something, he’ll do whatever he can to get it, and he wanted you rather badly, it seemed that way at least. You didn’t feel a tinge of guilt when you left him in that alley, but his expression was one you’d never seen on him before, it was a look full of hurt, regret and grief. You’ll admit a wave of empathy washed over you as you ran into the crowd that day, and it’s still there. Your feelings for him were muddled and hurt, like a disease growing and manifesting in your gut. You tried to get rid of it, but no matter how many times you remembered what he did to you, it was still there. Even so, you were still mad at him, and your threat to him remained true.

It had been several weeks since that day, and thankfully you haven’t seen him around, though you still had that feeling, he wasn’t done with you yet. You felt like he was watching you right now, and knowing him, he probably was. You know Izaya is an excellent stalker, he could rummage through an entire house and not even leave a fingerprint, just the thought of that scared you.

It was midday, and you were taking the rest of the day off, something you haven’t done in a long time. While the incident with Izaya was still fresh in your brain, you wanted to enjoy the holiday.

You could feel your eyelids slowly being brought down by their own weight, and you gladly let the desire to sleep consume you.

You didn’t know how long you slept, all you knew was that something had interrupted. The faint sounds of your door knocking could be heard through your tired state; you groaned, not wanting to deal with whoever was on the other side. You hoped it wasn’t the landlord, demanding that you pay the rent, it wasn’t your fault you were a few days late.

You went up and opened the door… only to immediately go and close it again, you should’ve known Izaya was going to show up sooner or later, but you just didn’t want to deal with him right now. Unfortunately for you, he wasn’t planning on leaving, he immediately pushed the door open again before you had the chance to lock it. “Good afternoon sleepy head,” he announced, “I didn’t expect you to be home.”

“Liar,” you immediately called his bluff. You turned your back to him and went into the kitchen. He wasted no time in following you, “you know I would’ve come over here sooner but I’ve been backed up with my work,” he was about to add on but you suddenly turned on him, a knife in hand.

Izaya didn’t move, not even close to being intimidated to your advances. “And what exactly are you planning on doing with that pitiful butter knife?”  

“I said I’d kill you if I ever saw you again,” you kept moving towards him. You saw him move back a little, but his expression didn’t change, “nope, you said you ‘might’ kill me.”

“Well,” you stayed on your course, knife still pointed at the raven-haired man, “I’ve made up my mind.”

“You’re cute. And where are you going to hide my body? I hope you’ve chosen a good place, jail doesn’t suit you.”

“…It doesn’t matter. They’ll just write it off as some low life getting their revenge on the underground informant, one of them might even say ‘he got what was coming to him.’”

You heard him giggle, “I’ve missed you,” he stopped moving backwards and instead started walking towards you. You brought the knife up higher in an attempt to intimidate him, but he was not phased by your warning, he called out your name with a hint of pity, “why do you resist me?”

Your hands started to shake as he got closer, he was just over arm’s length for you now. You felt weak, although you kept telling him that you wouldn’t hesitate to stab him; but now, when you had the perfect chance, you hesitated.

Your grip on the knife faltered, and Izaya took the chance to easily snatch the knife from you. He twirled the blunt object in his hands playfully as he looked down at you, he had the upper hand now… just like always.

No. You shook your head, you refused to submit to him, not this time. Letting out a determined, albeit meek war cry, you pounced on him. Though he did drop the knife in surprise, he was quick to react, bringing his hands up to catch yours. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to resort to violence, what’s gotten into you?”

“Shut up,” you were struggling against him. “What are you even doing here anyway? Don’t you have another person’s life to ruin?”

“I came here to see you of course,” was his reply. You could see him lean in closer to you and it made you sick to the stomach. “No. Leave,” you turned your head away.  

The raven-haired man wasn’t fazed by your words, instead, he called out your name in a soft voice, you even felt his hold on you weaken, “please look at me.”

You refused, but for some reason you didn’t push away, you hated yourself for not being strong enough to hurt him. “Come back to me,” he whispered, letting his hands go and placing them on your shoulders.

You dropped your hands as well, still facing the other way, “I can’t… Go back to you, not after what you did.”

“Then allow me to make it up to you,” was his immediate reply, “what do you want me to do?”

“Well…” You decided to play along with his game, in hopes that it would get him to leave faster, “you could start by saying sorry.”

“Alright then, I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit.”

You heard him sigh, and you finally turned your head to look at him. He had his eyes downcast, he looked genuinely regretful. Then again, this could all just be a ruse to get you to go back with him, only for him to treat you the way he used to. He must’ve noticed you looking at him because he slowly brought his eyes up to meet yours. For once, you felt like you had power over him, his eyes looked so submissive at that moment, it felt like he was a different person. He said ‘I’m sorry’ again, this time with more sincerity.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” he continued, “to be honest, I thought I’d get over you, but here I am, knocking on your door, begging you to come back like a lovesick puppy.” He brought one of his hands up to caress your cheek, “you have no idea how much I’ve missed you, your voice, your touch. You’ve made me crazy.”

“You were already crazy,” you muttered. “…Alright fine,” you suddenly announced. “I forgive you.”

Izaya looked over the moon by your words, but before he could do anything you continued. “But that doesn’t mean I’m getting back together with you, you’re gonna have to win me back.”

“Oh that can be arranged, do you want to start right now?” He asked playfully, leaning in closer to you.

“No, now get off me you goddamn lunatic.”

[psycheapuleius]

Chapter Five

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.” — Katharine Hepburn

“Why don’t you care enough to help me?”

“I think I am trying”

“You would. Great white doctor helps sick shriveled defenseless lady.”

“I’m not abandoning you. I’m not blowing you off. I didn’t have a lot of time at our last call but I said we could make more time.”

“So if you want I could go from blaming you back to blaming myself for everything.”

“I want you to reflect on that if it’s about blame we might not move forward. Instead let’s find a new way to talk that isn’t about blame.”

So I didn’t give up but all around me wants to give up. Wants me to give up on them. But I didn’t give up. But I share the desire to give up.

Giving up just can’t happen in cookieworld there is no giving up. Giving up is meaningless in cookieworld. Everybody screams about giving up. It’s ringing in my ears. It’s so loud sometimes I can’t hear anything else. It sometimes seems like a chant a dirge a symphony of resignation. It just turns out you can’t kick it. You don’t get a pass. No get out of jail free card. Want like need don’t mean a thing. No swing. No shit. Can’t happen. Won’t happen. The fact that I want to transcend the bullshit is meaningless.

I can’t quit quitting. Not sure if I want to stop wanting to stop. The desire itself comes with a cost; an inclination that only an end satisfies. The satisfaction of end. A satisfaction with finality. An end to all ends. It’s just not happening. It keeps going on like an endless conveyor belt of misery. The plea for perfection and that stops thinking. Again the desire to stop. Stop thinking, stop pain, stop anxiety, stop sleep. Kill sleep. "Glamis hath murdered sleep“ just doesn’t work.

Celebrate the good stuff I’m told. Celebrate small victories I’m told. Victories. Yes let’s look at victories. Let’s all cheer those Pyrrhic victories. Let’s glory in the rise from ashes after we burn down the barn. Pour kerosene on the fire create the conflagration and cheer the ashes. Build up an ashen Frankenstein. An ashen cyclops of death. Yes let’s celebrate failure. Deep failure. Don’t give up due to failure celebrate it.

“Overcoming chronic persistent illness makes you stronger.”

Is that what you really believe. I mean really truly believe it is that a slogan a party line and bit of make believe? A pocket full of rainbows and sunshine. From my twisted sad viewpoint illness causes. Mind numbing bone crushing debility. Debilitating debilitated debility. Sick people sometimes get better and sometimes learn something about themselves and reality that makes them grapple with the gangrenous gorgeous out yonder but that’s pretty rare in these parts.

I’m too negative. Is that right. I’m too negative. Well. Let me set the record straight. Let me set the tanker for you. Ok. I was positive. I was so damn positive that I floated up to heaven. I kissed the sky. Yeah man. Positivity to beat the band. I was a living breathing tsunami of positivity. You know what happened. Push met shove. It met fan. Face vs fist if you get man. So no I’m not a positive person.

[laracroftm]

Why You Should Stop Hating Aria Montgomery: A PSA.

OUT of the four liars, Aria Montgomery is the one I related the most to. Aria Montgomery is every single one of us - starting with who she was as a teenager up until the most recent episodes. She’s human and I will fight you if you call her selfish like it’s flaw - no one isn’t selfish. It’s called self-preservation - you’d die without it. Anyways, let’s get started on this. 

Aria & Ezra, Ezra & Aria....

Seasons 1-2, Ezria was definitely a favorite ship on the show. However, at the time, I wasn’t even aware of the concept of statutory rape. I mean, I was like 13 I believe? After the Season 4 rather nauseating revelation that Ezra not only actively sought out Aria in the bar while knowing how old she was, he’d previously been involved with her dead best friend. Now, if he’d approached Aria and introduced himself as an author interested in writing a story on her friend’s death, and Aria had agreed as a way to escape the stresses of her parent’s drama as well as to divulge just who alison really was (a fucking horrible person btw, i despise alison dilaurentis with every fiber of my being) -- i believe a more romantic arc would have been spun, all without the cringe-instilling shit they forced on us. 

Now, on why Aria would marry Ezra, even after all he’s done. 

Aria was at the most impressionable age of her life. Her parents’ lives was falling apart, she was being stalked by a god-knows-who who was out to get her and her friends, and she and her friends were still struggling with dealing with the way alison disappeared from their lives. After Alison’s disappearance, Aria’s the character who grew the most and become her own person, and as soon as Alison and her shit got reintroduced back into her life, all she’s built over a whole year was shattered -- she sought out the one person who gave her the sense of the person she was, and that was Ezra. 

I’m not saying Ezra is a saint - no, he’s an asshole, and him getting shot for Aria and the girls doesn’t amend to his sins. But again, over the course of her high school life, Ezra may have the been only sane constant in Aria’s life. I won’t say it’s love that drove her to accept an eternal life with Ezra. But it’s a desire for a semblance of safety and stability. It’s a self-defense mechanism that a lot of population is open to doing. You can’t blame her for accepting to be with someone who’d tricked her like that - especially when he’s actively been trying to redeem himself since then. 

When A.D. threatened to send Ezra to jail - Aria’s self-defense mechanism was to of course comply. It was a no brainer to her, and it would be a no brainer to all of us. She didn’t do it so that she and Ezra could get married, and she did not do it because she was afraid Ezra would find out about the report. If anything, Ezra deserves to be target practice for Aria’s self-defense classes and that would still not be enough to make up for what he’s done (Because everyone said that Aria was stupid for helping A.D. when Ezra knew about the report to begin with, but that’s not why Aria did this.) 

Now, onto the good stuff --

the AriA BetrAyal ReveAl...

Before I begin discussing this, I wanna highlight on why A.D. chose Aria out of all the liars to do her bidding, and why not Spencer or Hanna or Emily (Alison’s not one of the liars she should have stayed dead.)

On the contrary to everyone’s quick jump to conclusion, Aria’s actually the least selfish liar out of all of them. She’s also the most passionate.  And by all of them, I do mean all of them. That being said, at least both Hanna and Spencer have done some shit for A once before, so are we really gonna be judging Aria right now? Over the course of the 7 seasons, we’ve seen Aria lie and keep secrets to protect people she cares about. I don’t have time to recount how many times or occasions Aria’s done this but she always has, while the liars have on one time or another have all betrayed each other at some point. 

What stood out to me the most was Spencer Hasting’s enraged reaction to Aria’s ‘said betrayal’ 

Spencer claims she didn’t hurt anyone by being A. And that is not true --

Spencer didn’t join the A-Team to freaking be a double-agent. She was driven to join after a mental breakdown when she thought Toby was dead. Mona may have told her that Toby was alive, but Spencer was told that Toby would be her reward if she could get the liars at party on friday --- which is why Spencer’s parents throw a party to celebrate her departure from Radley. Spencer joined the team to save Toby, just like Aria joined the Team to save Ezra. She may have turned midway when she finally actually saw him, but so did Aria. So let’s not paint Spencer as a hero and Aria as a betraying bitch - they’ve both done the exact same thing, and the writers are recycling old plots because they have nothing better to do. 

Spencer slipped some of her sleeping pills into Malcolm’s ice cream - I’m not sure why she did this, I don’t know if she was hoping Malcolm would forget what she looked like or not, but that was dangerous. Sleeping pills specifically are dosed for adults. It’s a miracle she didn’t kill him. 

She claims that the A who took Malcolm wanted to get caught - and if she did, she wouldn’t have told Malcolm her name was Alison. She wasn’t trying to get caught. 

Later on, Aria snaps, saying that Malcolm is off-limits. If Spencer really wanted to prove a double-agent status, Aria should have been in on this. Being a double-agent doesn’t count if Spencer’s the only one who knows what she discovers; she should have told Aria. Aria didn’t agree and had to be threatened twice to comply to A.D’s wishes. Spencer didn’t even waste a heartbeat thinking what taking Malcolm could possibly do to Aria.

Last but not least, Spencer’s parents going through a divorce is not Aria’s fault. Spencer is deluding herself to think that her parents even stood a chance, back from the day they found out Jason was Spencer’s brother. But that’s not a point I should mention because everyone agrees with me anyways.

Troian revealed in an interview that Spencer was supposed to be A. Which brings me to a point that, Marlene didn’t even know where she was going with this show after season 2. She just kept adding plots and twisting pasts and creating plot holes to add to the shock factor. 

Now onto the infuriating part of this, Alison Dilaurentis

“So what? It was just a no brainer for you to pick Ezra over us?”

If Alison Dilaurentis was a part of my life, I’d run her over with a truck the first chance I had. 

But Aria hasn’t done that - Despite all the shit that Alison has put Aria through, Aria was the most welcoming and embracing of Alison’s return. Aria’s the one who married Alison, and Aria’s the one who took her back to the sanitarium and promised over and over that everything would be okay. Even after finding out that Charlotte, Alison’s sister, was the reason they’d all gone through what they went through, even when they all should have cut ties with Alison and laughed in her face when she asked them to testify in Charlotte’s behalf, she and the girls didn’t. 

But Alison is also the prime reason why all of this is happening to those girls - so yes, Alison, it would be a no brainer for people to not pick you, you selfish, manipulative, conniving bitch. 

It just honestly made me laugh my ass off when Alison said that - because of all people, Alison would run them all over for her own self-interest. She’s always been like that, surviving like she lived in the jungle, surrounding herself with possible prey if the food ran out. If A.D. had approached any of the girls, I’m sure none of them would have hesitated. Given the current situation, if it’d been Hanna approached by A.D. to do this to save Caleb from some illegal hacking he’s probably done in his past, I can guarantee you that Hanna Marin would have done more that break a crib and plant a phone.  If it’d been Emily to protect Alison, I don’t think I have to say Emily would have sold her own kidney cause she’s already done something akin to that (not joking, that relationship is even more toxic than Ezria. It’s disgusting and everyone who ships Emison needs to do a reality check. It’s bad LGBT representation. It’s bad general romantic relationship representation. It’s sick and twisted and I just can’t.) And Spencer’s already at a fragile mental space, she’d have anything with proper pressure anyways.

If anyone else had said that to Aria I may have conceded, but it had to be Alison Fucking Dilaurentis, Queen of Selfish Bitch Land. 

That last thing I wanna say is that I am HEAVILY disappointed in Spencer, Hanna, and Emily. Mona’s probably one of the few characters with an actual clinical mental disorder diagnosis. Their past with her alone should be enough for them not to trust a word that comes out of her mouth. When Spencer asks for proof and Mona plays a damn recording I was SURPRISED that THAT’S all they needed to believe it was Aria. Aria should have been given the benefit of the doubt, and given a chance to explain. Instead, Mona turned them on Aria and I believe Mona’s done this to forcefully pull the girls apart. I think Mona’s the one who planted the phone in the Brew for Aria, and she’s been the one talking Aria that whole last episode, not A.D. A.D.’s work with Aria ended with the puzzle piece. This was all Mona. 

Mona’s the one who who provided evidence to the police to give Aria an alibi on the night of Charlotte’s murder. After all, we all know Mona is tech savvy, she can do anything. She wanted to drive Aria away and seclude her so that at some point, Aria would lead her to A.D. I think Mona too was blackmailed by A.D. But given her illness, she just couldn’t stand the idea of someone not only stealing the game from her but actually controlling her to do their bidding (Mona’s the body used to create avatAria.)

When the liars froze Aria out, they chose who was going to lose. That’s what the endgame of this whole episode was. To drive one girl apart enough for them to not even consider looping her in on this. And they succeeded, by freezing aria out, the girls chose Aria to be the one to take the blame. And even if Mona did send an alibi to the police, it can be easily refuted. 

What I’m trying to say is shame on them for trusting Mona Vanderwaal. 

This is been a ranting PSA. Please, feel free to send me all the hate and attacking anonymous messages your heart desires, because I’ll delete them all anyways :)

[5hfanfiction]

Fangs and other Fairy tales - Chapter 53

Camila’s POV

‘We’re at war!?’ I exclaimed. Dedrick and I were currently standing in a large hall that was surrounded by other small settlements while the girls were getting settled.

Calling this place a camp really didn’t do it any kind of justice, it may have started out that way thousands of years ago but today it’s a towering fortification that could withstand any form of assault like the great walls of Camelot. Or so i had thought. Apparently something or someone thought they could take us on, and Dedrick actually considered them a threat. 

'Yes we are at war. It’s not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last’ Dedrick explained atop his throne. It was a little much but he was born in a time when kings, queens and nobles were the only people that really mattered so i see where he got his inspiration. 

'But with who?’ i asked. The only people we’ve ever been at war with are the Vampires, and even they aren’t dumb enough to come this far into our territory, so that leaves me to ask what other form of intrepid supernatural creature has a grudge against us. 

'They’re a renegade pack made up entirely of supernatural creatures, and not just of one kind. There could be hundreds for all we know’ he continued and i looked at him with complete and utter disbelief.  

'A pack of supernatural creatures!? That’s who you’re so afraid of? You have an entire army of Werewolves at your disposal and you’re still worried? You have got to be kidding me’ i argued. 

'Look at my face, do i look like i’m kidding?’ he growled and i flinched. 

'Okay you’re not kidding. So what exactly makes them so special?’

'They’re all pure breeds, and i’m not talking about the half human, half creature variety. I mean pure blooded beasts, born in the darkest corners of the world’

'You’re talking about The Precursors’ Another voice carried into the room and i turned to see Ally walking towards us. 'But they were all hunted down and slaughtered hundreds of years ago, we made sure of that' 

'Yes, or at least we thought we did. It seems a few managed to survive’ Dedrick sighed. 

’Woah wait what are The Precursors?’ i asked looking between the two.

'The Precursors are a horde of truly evil monsters, the original form of every supernatural creature on this planet. It is said they didn’t have enough humanity within them to achieve evolution and remained stuck as these twisted, corrupted souls. No more than beasts, yet they have a human conscience. They have no other desire than to destroy everything they touch and take their hate out on a world that left them behind’ she explained. 

'So we killed the original Werewolf?' 

'Yes Karla that is correct. The original was no friend to our kind or any other supernatural beings for that matter, it killed without remorse, humans, Werewolves, anything it could get its hands on. So we had to put a stop to it’ Dedrick replied. 

'What have you done to try and stop these things?’ Ally asked. 

'They’re not easy to track down, it’s like they’re constantly moving and leaving their scent all over the forest; and their tracks just lead us off of mountain sides or into rivers, it’s hopeless. I’ve already lost too many wolves trying to locate where they’re hiding' 

'What makes you think there are hundreds? Have you actually seen them?’ she questioned and he shook his head. 

'When or rather if a scouting party returns they all describe seeing something different, some have mentioned seeing a tail, horns, wings, glowing eyes, talons, the list goes just goes on and on. I refuse to believe all of those features are from the same creature, it just isn’t possible’ he replied. 

'Seems you have a big problem on your hands' 

'And that’s not even the worst part. Follow me’ he instructed and led the two of us down some steps into a lower hall. My heart felt like it stopped beating when he pulled back a large curtain to reveal hundreds of bodies all laid down on small hospital mattresses with people in long white coats walking here and there; scribbling down notes on their clipboards and checking the temperature of what i presumed to be their patients. 

'What’s wrong with all of them?’ i asked walking into the room, and almost bumping into a nearby bed. I looked down to where my foot had grazed and saw a female Werewolf, laying in what looked to be unbelievable pain, i could feel her warmth from where i was standing and beads of sweat rolled down her forehead. 

'They were all poisoned as far as we can tell. From what the doctors have discovered they’re all paralyzed from head to toe, whatever got into their body is attacking their nervous system and if we don’t figure out how to help them in time they could die’ he informed us. 

'One of the monsters did this?’ Ally perplexed and Dedrick hummed. 

'I can only assume so. Werewolves don’t get sick and our bodies protect us from things like poison, we regenerate and metabolize it too quickly for it to do any real damage. But i’ve never seen any thing like this' 

I started walking down the narrow walkway looking over each of the victims carefully but they all looked the same, each one lay deadly still; and only their facial expression along with the amount of heat radiating off of them gave away any sign that they were in pain. It reminds me of how i feel every time i’m trapped in one of my nightmares, i try to force my body to wake up but i can’t move, instead i just have to lay there and wait for it to be over until it finally releases me. Unfortunately for them this isn’t just something they can wake up from, they need medicine, a healer, a…

S-Sofi?

Sofi…

'SOFI!!!’ I cried. As soon as the word fell from my lips four cold bodies raced to my side and looked me over worriedly.  

'What’s wrong Camz?’ Lauren asked and tried to catch my gaze but when i wouldn’t look away from a single spot in front of me she looked up at at the figure laying in the bed. A look of realization fell similarly across her face as it did mine and she grasped my hand tightly.  

'Sofi? Why is that name familiar?’ Dinah asked. 

'Dedrick, why didn’t you tell me Sofi was here or that she was alive!?’ i bit out through gritted teeth. 

She’s been here this whole time and he didn’t think to say anything sooner? My sister, my beautiful little sister, she’s here, she’s alive. Though she’s not nearly as little as she used to be, that’s why i had to look a little harder at the teenage girl lying in the bed. It seems she decided to become immortal after all. But what’s she doing here? And why is she fighting Dedrick’s battles for him? That asshole has a lot to answer for. 

'WELL!?’ I roared and ripped my hand out of Lauren’s to grab him by the cuff of his shirt. 'WHY IS SHE HERE!? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!' 

'Mila stop!’ Normani yelled. 

'A lot has been going on Karla, it slipped my mind. I don’t have time to keep track of everyone and their sister’ he argued. 

'YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME, YOU KNOW THAT AND IT SLIPPED YOUR MIND!!!’ I continued to bark at him and pushed him backwards; before i had the chance to grab him again Ally stepped in between us. 

'Mila, he told us what happened to her. But if you want to know why she’s here try asking nicely’ she suggested and with great reluctance i blinked away the yellow from my eyes. 

'How long has she been here Ainsworth?’ i snapped and he looked down at the ground. 

'She’s been here for about twenty years now. She arrived not long after your mother passed away. She had been searching for you, for years she kept on trying but came up empty handed; so she came here and asked me for help. We searched far and wide, but there was no finding you and eventually she gave up hope that she would ever see you again’ he replied. 

'Was she immortal when she got here?' 

'Yes, she was. I’m guessing she wanted to buy herself more time. No one wants to be an old woman when they reunite with their long lost sibling' 

So i was right, mum did pass away, a while ago in fact. And Sofi, did she stick around all this time just for me? She must have been all by herself for years before she realized those Vampires made sure that no one would find me for a very long time. Of course it would only take one Vampire family to stumble across me accidentally before i would be freed.

Well i’m here now kiddo, you found me, you did it. And i’m going to make you better again, i’m going to make them all better. Then i’m going to become an alpha so i can protect my family and my friends on the blood moon and hopefully run off into the sunset with Lauren… that doesn’t sound too difficult right? Yeah who am i kidding, any threat that has an eerie name like The Precursors aren’t just going to roll over and give up. And i wouldn’t even know where to start looking for a cure. 

'Is there nothing we can do for them Dedrick? I mean, isn’t there someone who can help?’ i asked and he smiled. 

'Actually there is, his name is Tyrus Norgrove. He’s one of the most powerful witch doctors in the world and specializes in cases such as these' 

'In poison?’ Lauren queried. 

'In the un-explainable’ he clarified. 

'And where is this Titty Nickleback guy?’ Dinah asked and Normani almost choked laughing. 

'Tyrus Norgrove is currently imprisoned in a high level security facility located within the heart of  jungle cat territory. 

'Why, what did he do?’

'They accused him of letting one of the panther leaders die from some kind of illness and locked him away. Someone is going to need to get in there and ask him how to make the cure’ he told us and i furrowed my brow. 

'Why can’t we all go?’ i asked. 

'Because two of you must retrieve the ingredients we need to make the cure. But i warn you, it will not be an easy trip, if it was i would have gone myself’

Great so not only do we need to break a suspected murderer out of jail but we also need to find some herbs or something in a vast woodland area. Talk about trying to find a needle in a hay stack. 

'You know what we need to make the cure? How?’ Ally asked. 

'They are suffering from a  special kind of paralytic. The doctors have tried the usual stuff, but nothing seems to be working, it’s not strong enough to battle the infection. So they came up with a resolution, a stronger sample made with two very specific ingredients that are almost impossible to get your hands on’ Of course they are *eye roll*.

'Then why do we need this Tortoise guy if they already know how to make the cure?’ Normani chimed in. 

'What is it with kids today? They know what they need but they don’t know how to use them. These two herbs must be specially prepared otherwise their healing properties won’t work and Tyrus is the only one with enough experience to know how to do that. Got it?’ he huffed frustratedly and Normani nodded her head before taking a few steps away from him.   

'Fine, Normani and Dinah, you two go find out how to make the cure from Trippy Nightingale while Lauren, Ally and I go find the ingredients we need. Sound good?’ i perplexed. 

'Sounds good to us’ Norminah replied in sync.  

'Actually’ Ally piped up. 'If it’s all the same to you i think i should stay here and keep an eye on Sofi, i can let you know if she’s getting any worse and how much time you have left’ she suggested and i agreed implicitly. 

'Good thinking Ally, are you sure though? Maybe i should stay instead’ i pondered. 

'No, trust me. You need to be the one to go. No one is going to fight harder for your sister than you. Right?’ Of course she’s right. 

'Okay. Well then it looks like we have our game plan. We leave at dawn’

  A/N: Gee wizz Batman, Sofi’s alive!!!! Anybody call that one? :p 

Just so you know i’ll be telling Camren, Norminahs and Ally’s story inter-changeably over the next couple of chapters. A lots gonna be going down so try and keep up. 

- Alex XD  

[oneofmanyambassadorsofchrist]

DO THE DEMONS KNOW YOUR NAME?

I can’t breathe. My throat is constricted like hands grasped around my neck. I can’t move. What’s holding me down? I can’t see. Heavy darkness surrounds me. I can’t speak. I’m yelling and nothing is coming out because the hands are too strong around my throat. “In….the….name….of….Jesus…” I try to scream out but there’s no voice. I try again. Again. Silence. Suffocation. “BRETT!” I try instead, forcing my arm to try and hit it him as I lie paralyzed in bed. Finally after fighting, I feel him. He moves but rolls over. Then I’m released. I sit up exhausted. Confused. I lie back down and fall asleep. Yes, this happened to me one night last year. When I woke up in the morning, I asked Brett if he felt me grab him. He said no. I told a close friend of my experience and she said it was similar to what she experienced in her life from her past: demonic physical oppression. The next night, Brett and I prayed over our bedroom asking God to remove any spiritual darkness and protect us. However, for whatever reason it happened to Brett. I woke up to him screaming, “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!” over and over again, which released the demon’s hold on him. Prior to the oppression, Brett was dreaming about the calling God has given him to be a missionary who makes movies. Some people may read this and be skeptical or think it was just a dream. Or wonder why we would be spiritually oppressed like this. It was real, and here is why. Let me start from the beginning. Brett became very active on Facebook at the beginning of 2016 using it as an avenue to share the gospel and minister to people. Brett led a girl to Jesus, whose powerful transformation by the Spirit was a domino affect to leading others to accepting Jesus into their life as well. However, this new daughter of God had a horrific past of abuse, and specifically to this topic, demonic oppression. Let’s just say, Satan was not happy that he was losing more and more people from his grasp as they were found by the Savior. And if Satan can’t have our souls, he will try to ruin us in any way possible by distracting us from our mission on this earth and forgetting that he is the real enemy. He causes as much confusion and disunity among believers as he possible can to deter us from our calling and winning more souls for Jesus. Facebook can be a great tool for Christians to use to share the gospel; however, more often than not Satan is in the background playing his games of destruction. Brett, this girl, and others were being attacked by satanists on Facebook. Yes, you can block and report, but it won’t stop Satan’s work. Then one February night, Brett was messaged by a satanist. Over the course of 2 days, Brett talked to him. He could feel the presence and weight of darkness through his computer screen. He responded with the only thing that has power over the darkness: the Word of God. The man was demon possessed at times throughout their conversations and the Word penetrated making him physically sick and blurring his vision, until Brett told him to cry out to God and ask if He was real. Immediately he was made well. Sadly, he still did not choose Jesus in fear of what his cult would do to him. He ended his conversation with Brett by telling him he failed his mission to distract Brett from serving God. Then the words that I try not to let haunt me, “Just know that the demons now know your name.” Brett and my physical oppression is one evidence from this past year that the demons know our names. The satanist told Brett that since Satan and demons are not omnipresent like God, they do not know every Christian. They know only the ones who are a threat to their mission to keep souls from Jesus. This is not bragging rights; this is the reality that we are in war. This may be changing very soon, but here in America we have not been in war against other people for our faith. Yes, you may get criticized, rejected by a friend, unfriended on Facebook, laughed at, questioned, etc. However, unlike our brothers and sisters over seas, we are not getting tortured, shot, burned, beheaded. It may only be a matter of time, but at least right now, Brett and I are not being thrown in jail or threatened for being missionaries who make movies. No one is stopping us. Except….Satan and his demons. The year of 2016 has been a year of waiting. God has made his mission for us known, yet like David, Joseph, and even Jesus, we must wait for His timing to live it out. And in the wait, Satan has been working behind the scenes trying to distract with sin, plant seeds of fears and insecurities that have grown to paralyzing mountains, discourage us from our calling, doubt who God really says He is and who we are in Christ, destroy relationships….all to hold us back from obeying God even in the wait. Satan is the real enemy. Even for other believers who face persecution from people, Satan is still the enemy behind it all. This sounds pretty discouraging and even haunting, especially since our culture has its own ideas of the spiritual forces around us. My response can be to fear him and be intimidated by him. Honestly, that is has been my initial response and I’m still battling it. And I can tell you by experience, that’s exactly what he wants. It gives him more power; he knows my weaknesses and can shoot his flaming arrows right where my armor his down. He sets up camp in my territory and whispers that lie. That thought of doubt or insecurity. That tempting fruit of desire that if I don’t take captive it will lead to sin. He also likes to give me the club and I beat myself over and over with it while he sits back and enjoys the show. Many times I think I came up with the thought or lie, and because “there is a way that seems right to a man (Proverbs 16:25),” I don’t instantly shove it out. I easily think it could be truth. Where as if I focus that my enemy, the devil, who is prowling around like a lion looking to devour me (1 Peter 5:8), spoke that lie, doubt, tempting desire, it’s easy to fight back! To face him and chase him out of my territory. To speak the truth of God’s Word to shine the light which scatters the darkness (1 John 2:8). Not only do I need to remember that Satan is the enemy, but that people are not the enemy. Even people who do not have the Spirit inside them are not the enemy. They have been blinded by Satan from the truth of Jesus Christ and his saving gift of grace that He offers them (2 Corinthians 4:4). I was once lost and blinded; yet in God’s grace I have been found and forgiven. This past year I have understood the grace of God more than ever before. And because of that, the Spirit has enabled me to show more grace to others and look at them differently, no matter who they are and what they have done. I have been living my life with fuzzy blinders over my eyes. Now, God’s grace, unconditional love, and forgiveness towards me overflows even more to others. Whether it’s someone from a completely different walk of life or someone who has sinned against me, they are never the enemy. I can love with open arms. I can be rejected and know that I’m still a daughter of the King and no one can change that. I can forgive completely when someone has hurt me. Instead Satan wants division, arguing, unforgiveness towards one another. When we see people as the enemy, it is so easy to do this! Someone hurts us or someone we love, and we want to fight back and get revenge. We feel unloved or unwanted by someone who should love or want us, so we start to believe we are unloved and desperately try to find love in the wrong places. Or we stuff down pain from the past and put up a wall from those who do love us, causing bondage rather freedom. We fight over the meaning of a Scripture passage and churches are split into two. Our spouse sins and we add it to the list of wrongs, and even bring it up in a later argument. Our children are acting like little demons (can I get a raised hand!?) and we yell, become impatient, and frustrated that they are not obeying every word we say. We even can struggle to forgive ourselves for hurting the people we love. And Satan loves it. He is the master of disguise. He is not the devil with the red suit and pitchfork. He’s beautiful; he even twisted our minds in our culture to think that beauty is to strive for and without it, you are not worthy. Another deception. So he is weaving himself unnoticed throughout our minds and our relationships, and without realizing it you are believing that you (beating myself with the club example) are the enemy, or your spouse, children, friend, coworker, annoying Facebooker who won’t shut up about the election, the persecutor, yes, even the ISIS leader who has been brainwashed by THE enemy. My friend who is reading this, there is hope. Satan is a wimp. It doesn’t sound like it from what I wrote above. And as I said, I struggle with seeing him for who he really is: a punk with cheap parlor tricks as Brett tells me. But the only way I put him in his rightful place (um…hell), is to look to the One who is on the Throne. When I see Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, in His rightful place, everything changes. I remember that the Spirit of God lives in me! He’s not in a tabernacle where I go worship. He’s not here in flesh and bone like Jesus walked on the earth 2000 years ago. He is here with me. In me. And that blows my mind. That God the Creator, the powerful I AM would come live inside me. I have the same power to defeat Satan and my sin as Jesus had to raise from the dead! I do not live like this every moment of every day. What would my days look like if I did? Satan’s doubts, lies, deceptions, luring temptations would have no place in my mind. Oh but if only it was easy. This is war. It’s a daily battle. Some days the struggle is so real and I feel so weak. I have sat in my shower crying out to God to take the battle away because I don’t want to fight anymore. I have 2 choices in that moment: 1. Allow Satan to stay in my territory, giving in to despair while focusing on my fears, doubts, insecurities, and temptations of sin. Which then paralyzes me and weakens my effectiveness in the mission God has called me on this earth. Causing me to miss out on receiving and giving blessings. Wondering through life without joy or peace. -OR- 2. Ask God to fight for me, to give me the strength I need when I am weak. Take his grace that is sufficient for this day (2 Corinthians 12:9). Give up control. Close my eyes and see Him as John did: “…like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.” (Revelation 1:13-16) Then I stand up and be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that I am ready to take my stand against the devil’s schemes. (Ephesians 6:10-11) The best part: we already know who wins the war. And it surely is not Satan. He will be thrown into the lake of fire for all eternity (Revelation 20:10). Meanwhile…. “I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords.” (Revelation 19:11-16) This rider called Faithful and True is on my side. I have nothing to fear when I trust the Word of God. What about you? Do you see the war around you? Is the king of kings and lord of lords on your side? If so, are you allowing Satan to devour you or are you standing firm in the strength of the Word of God? Do you think the demons know your name? The battle has been won. The victory is ours. Let’s live with this Truth in mind. (Souce: https://varvelicious.wordpress.com/)

[kaelanthe]

I am not ashamed

I wanted to live. 

Despite you, despite what you did, despite everything else. All there was to it, really, was me not being able to give up. I was clumsy, ignorant, confused and ineffective but I resisted, the best I could, the only way I could. I survived.

You locked me up in that little dystopia you created just for the two of us. The perfect environment for you, a scrap of hell for me. You took everything away, you left me starving, shivering in the night. You made yourself the only thing visible in the dark. I thought you were warm and loving. I thought you cared.  How hard was it to convince that miserable little thing? Still, you worked so diligently to make sure I didn’t see through you. The patience it took to weave the lies in every fiber of my being. You were the mastermind, so patient and deliberate and methodical. You knew exactly what you wanted and how to get it.

You appointed yourself all-powerful master of your own meticulously crafted kingdom, such a feat. You prayed on weakness and vulnerability. You picked me out in the crowd, singled me out, worked tirelessly to isolate me. You molded me, tried to shape me into the perfect play thing. Your thing. I was nothing else, I didn’t know anything else. How could I? 

You made yourself the one and only thing, the alpha and the omega. You were all I had, even if it wasn’t only you. And I begged you to take care of me, not to leave me. So I wouldn’t be so alone, so hopeless, yearning for the most basic things. There was no security, no protection, no unconditional love, not from you, not form anyone. Everything had a price. I accepted your gifts, knowing damn well what they cost me. I didn’t find the strength to refuse. Even when it tasted like ash in my mouth, bile in my throat, I shoved it all down.

You used and abused me, you burned and destroyed everything for your own twisted pleasure, for your own sick desires. And I loved you.

I loved you despite the hurt and loneliness and misery and self loathing. What else could I do? There was nothing, no alternative. More void, more emptiness. It was better to hate myself than to hate you. Convinced I couldn’t possibly be disloyal to you, while you betrayed me every instant, I couldn’t bring the idol down. What would be left if I did? Nothing. 

Everything would be gone. Everything. Down to the last sliver of hope, the roof over my head, the food on my plate, the only other people in the world I cared about, everything. You held it all in your hand, ready to take it away, to crush it if you wanted to. I knew that, how well did I know that! There was no question. I had no choice. Nowhere to run. No one to turn to. You had made sure of that, that rotting gilded cage.

All this because you wanted me to give myself, willingly. You pretended I was free to decide, when I was ready, it was all up to me. In the meantime, the door was wide open. You had me holding the key to my own jail. You were careful and caring, always asking for permission, making sure you didn’t hurt me, at least not physically. That was everything, wasn’t it? I could say no, you made sure I knew that, right? But in reality, I never had a choice. I never had a chance. There was no escaping you.

No. Until I realized there was a way out, if I created one. As trapped as I was, there was an exit. I could destroy whatever it was you wanted. Die a little everyday so everyone would survive. I didn’t need this husk to go on, to get to the other side. What if I erased myself? Make you not want me anymore. You or anyone, for that matter, what was there to love anyway? Throw me away. Discard me. Disappear. Then I would be free. 

Now I know. Stooping as I was, I still stood as tall as I could. I beat myself so hard for all the times I didn’t find the courage to say never again, I didn’t make it stop. I let it happen.

What I didn’t know then, didn’t see, was that I actually stood up to you. I didn’t break. Somehow. That stubborn will to live, no matter what. That little thing that refuses to give up, refuses to lie down and die. It screams when the mouth is shut. It roars against the silence. It shines through the averted eye. It gets heard. It gets seen.

All this was because of you. All of it. You did this. You made sure I would give myself up. You made me believe things were supposed to be that way.You wanted me be nothing, nothing but a puppet with a soul to love you but no mouth to complain. I didn’t complain. I stood until I couldn’t stand.

Because, you see, when it comes down to it, I didn’t give you what you wanted. Sure, I still loved you after I destroyed you. Sure, I hated myself for much much longer than you were punished for. All that is true, all that is mine to bear. But in the end, at the very end of it, I didn’t say yes and you never got what you wanted. 

Today,

I am not ashamed I gave so much of myself I am not ashamed I broke so much of myself I am not ashamed of my weakness I am not ashamed of my mistakes I am not ashamed of who I was and who I have become I am not ashamed of myself

Not anymore

There was nothing more I could have done. I did all I could do. I made sure it would never ever happen again. I survived, I was true to myself. For that, I am proud. I am alive. More than you ever will.

Today, you go away.