#am already perishing and it hasnt even been a week

[mooncalf87]

(Shaking Hetty and Trevor back and forth) Kiss. Fuck. Admit your feelings. Stand near each other. Pls do anything im begging you

[ghoulstars]

i Sure Would Like to not have to be literally relieved/excited when my mom goes to bed every single night because otherwise i feel constantly tense and at risk of something happening to make my living situation unsafe, again, even if we’ve had a good/normal day

shes back on her fucking bullshit today and she usually confronts me on things that have made her Mad(tm) that ive “done” but today she hasnt said jack shit to me. all i can figure is: shes upset that i didnt get up and help her stain the wood for the porch we’re building where our old shitty side deck was shes upset bc i didnt wash all the dishes ?????????? who fucking knows

heres the kicker though folks: i didnt wash all the dishes because for some reason, since replacing our water heater, when the water from the sink starts getting cold it doesnt gradually get cold, it literally goes from like scalding hot (even thru gloves) to hardly lukewarm and i was only washing dishes for about 20? 30? minutes last night before the water temp fucking plummeted so i couldnt finish. bonus is that there were literally only like 5-7 things left to wash and it was literally just 3 styrofoam cups, one pot and like...2 or 3 forks/spoons. absolutely incredible and worth spitefully giving your daughter the cold shoulder over, am i right folks

and me helping stain was only even a fucking a possibility because she gave me an open ended offer to help her last night and i gave an open ended response. she asked me if i wanted to try to go to bed early enough and she would call me in the morning and just see if i wanted/felt up to come out and help, and i said i would be willing to try and id do my best. so when my manic ass had a manic moment and i slept for 3 hrs from 6 am to 8 and was dying and couldnt pass back out for any reason of course i texted her and told her i couldnt fucking help lmao. my fucked sleep schedule is a result of my Crazy Quirky Wacky Bipolar 2 anyway and like she refuses to help me or sympathize with me abt my mental health so ??? guess ill die?????

i didnt get back to sleep around fucking like 12/1 pm and i noticed that she stopped fucking replying to my texts literally right after i said i couldnt help and then every time she walked past my room, where i was Clearly Awake And On My Phone With My Door Open, she flat out ignored me. wouldnt even spare me a side glance.

and when i woke up at 5 pm today, no matter how late i wake up my mom always comes and wakes me up no matter what, today she walked by my room twice EVEN WHEN IT WAS THAT LATE AND I WAS STILL IN BED without saying jack fucking shit to me, and only came in on her third time walking back by to her sitting room and just blankly went ‘youre not laying here in the dark’, turned on my light, then swiftly left

then before that she’d texted me, after telling me for weeks to just use our limited data even if it runs over bc our wifi cant handle my phone being connected along with all our other devices anymore, that im going to have to use my laptop now bc she isnt paying another 200$ phone bill this month. here’s kicker number 2: after literally outright giving me her food plans for tonight and tomorrow yesterday she also texts me that she didnt cook. just a flat “I didn’t cook”. im so fucking depressed all the time that i physically and mentally cannot handle getting up to find and cook myself my own like ACTUAL MEALS and making food that requires actual cooking is often times out of the fucking question, and shes been not cooking for SEVERAL nights here recently, sometimes days in a row, and with my depression being wholly unacknowledged by her, once again, guess ill fucking perish??? unless i can miraculously find the energy to make chicken fingers or ramen noodles im going to be doing what ive fucking done almost every goddamn night this past month she hasnt cooked which is live off of snack foods and ensure lmao. KICKER NUMBER 3: she promised me that either tonight or tomorrow, bc she has a Big Foobaw Game, she wouldnt cook and would instead get me my alltime favorite chinese food from my alltime favorite chinese restaurant that she knows i love a lot, and regardless of what night her game was, she didnt cook tonight and i LITERALLY heard her say less than an hr ago that she’d be cooking tacos (which she intended to originally cook tonight) tomorrow. that being said, her specifically saying she ‘didnt cook’ today when she promised to get takeout in general at some point this week makes me think tonight was just supposed to be tacos (esp if what i think i can remember serves). and now she hasnt cooked anything at all! and tomorrow its gonna be tacos! :) fucking knowing how she is and how she works and functions with her abusive behavior towards me i would not be surprised and am also partially convinced that for whatever reason she’s all DooDoo Angery at me that shes doing this on fucking purpose to deprive me of the treat she promised out of spite/as some kind of passive aggressive ‘punishment’ HAHAHAHA ECKS DEE SO FUNNY XDDD

the only other time shes acknowledged my fucking worthless existence(tm) today was to pull one of her Iconic “im only saying this really ridiculous shit that ive never said before and we’ve never talked about before, ever, just to take digs at my daughter bc she Displeased Me” moments, where she walked by, almost totally ignored me again but stopped like. like she was gonna just keep walking but caught herself and she ended up like...halfway obscured by my doorway anyway and quickly said to me “i need you to sweep.” and then she went to the bathroom and i hear “and take your (cat) poop out too. litterboxes get done every night.”

we have two litterboxes. never in the history of ever has she said anything to me about they get done Every Night >:( and that has never been an established rule, nor have we ever even spoken about me doing that. i do them every few nights, usually on different days, bc there’s Two Litterboxes. and surprise surprise my depression impedes my ability to keep up with them without her having to tell me to clean them most of the time which pisses her off, except i literally did them 1-3 nights ago and theres no way that they both need cleaning again already and now shes suddenly on her shit like. they get done. every night. in that fucking vaguely militant voice she gets when she’s mad like that and is fucking with me on purpose

but fucking like even regardless of all this other shit, point blank, she is the one who has not expressed any of her annoyances with me today to make her act like this. how can i fucking communicate about the issue when she doesnt TELL ME WHAT HER ISSUE IS and instead opts to mentally and emotionally screw with me for her own satisfaction--and even then!!! she has no right to be this mad with me over not helping with the porch bc SHE left it OPEN ENDED and NONCOMMITTAL, SHE could have easily asked me why there were dishes left (though bc i have to do them so late at night/early in the morning bc im fucking depressed shed prolly just blame me FOR doing them at that time bc if i do them TOO LATE at night then the WATER TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN because its COLD AT NIGHT or something like that) but she didnt and now like everything else, fresh off my period, still manic, always rapid cycling, just got off the manic depression train slightly after being on it for two days and then before that it was Severely Uncomfortable Euphoria, feeling just so fucking wrong in my own skin and feeling too many emotions that are too strong that i dont want, so on and so forth, im the one whos suffering because of her unresolved neuroses and narcissism

and like....to be honest, real shit? with how fucking unpredictable and fucky she’s become since our Big Fight i also would not be surprised and sort of have half a mind to think she’s just mad for literally no reason (related to me or otherwise) and is doing this just because lol

[viralhottopics]

‘Where is the help?’: black tea and dark despair as Somalia edges closer to famine

With nothing to eat and no sign of respite, people in the Somali town of Caynabo are fighting to stave off malnutrition and disease as they survive on scraps

On a rock-hard dust bowl of barren land outside the Somali town of Caynabo, more than a thousand people have pitched up makeshift shelters as they figure out how to survive. Searing drought has all but destroyed their pastoral lifestyle and now it threatens to kill them.

They are among 6 million people here in Somalia in need of urgent food assistance to prevent a repeat of the 2011 famine that claimed a quarter of a million lives.

Amina Dahir, a mother in her 30s, travelled for two days and two nights to get to Caynabo after the last remnants of the familys livestock perished. She was accompanied by her six children and other relatives.

People are coming every day like us, carrying what little belongings they have. But there is nothing here for us nothing to eat, nowhere to go, she says, holding up the empty bowl from which the family consumed their last remaining food this morning a few portions of plain rice along with their final water reserves.

Dahir is among the many people here who say little or no aid has arrived. As acute malnourishment and disease take hold among the groups children, she asks a simple question. Where is the help from our own government or the international community?

Temporary shelters near the town of Caynabo in Somalia. Photograph: Kate Holt/Unicef

Somalia is one of three countries at risk of famine. In parts of South Sudan, it has already been declared. The world faces the unprecedented prospect of four simultaneous famines.

Three consecutive years of drought have left two regions of Somalia on the brink of emergency. These areas are marked out in red on the food security maps compiled by UN agencies (pdf), the final stage before a darker hue denotes famine.

The red areas include a large, densely populated area of south Somalia where some districts are under the control of Islamist insurgents al-Shabaab, making access complicated. In the other red areas, which spread over the self-declared autonomous states of Somaliland encompassing the region where Amina Dahir and her family find themselves, and Puntland security is less of an issue.

Here, once green pastures have become dust, the scale of the crisis evident in the carcasses of goats and sheep that litter the roadsides.

Dr Hamud Mohamed needs no coded maps to gauge the scale of the problem. At his small clinic outside Somalilands second largest city, Burao, dozens of mothers wait patiently with their babies for immunisations, antenatal care and other treatment. He gestures to a wall chart that shows the alarming rise in the number of moderately and severely malnourished children.

Sara Fara Mohamuds two young children are suffering from flu and diarrhoea. She has been able to obtain medicine but has no food. Photograph: Kate Holt/Unicef

We are seeing malnourished children coming in every morning, but the most severe cases are from families who have been forced to move to this area recently because of the drought, says Mohamed, whose clinic provides nutritional support through schemes funded by Unicef, the UN childrens agnecy, and the World Food Programme.

Treatments include the use of Plumpynut, the peanut-based paste, rich in calories and protein, used to help starving children gain weight

Roda Mahamud and her niece, Ayan, who hasnt eaten properly for weeks. Photograph: Kate Holt/Unicef

The other problem with a drought is how malnutrition complicates other medical conditions. Weve already seen an outbreak of measles and other conditions that worsen and reduce the lifespan of a child, says Mohamed.

Some new arrivals in the area are too disorientated or distressed to find help. At Burao airstrip, less than 20 minutes away by foot, Roda Mahamud sits with hundreds of other families. She quietly rocks her pale and listless two-year-old niece, Ayan, who she has been looking after since the childs mother died giving birth. The family, which includes 10 children, has been surviving on occasional portions of rice and sometimes just black tea. They had arrived weeks earlier, but were still unaware of the clinic.

Mahamuds relative, Keyse Farah Abdi, says they walked for days to come here, having heard a rumour that the Somaliland authorities were bringing assistance to the area.

They waited, availing themselves of water from a tanker as well as small amounts of rice and donations of tea and sugar from the community, but aid has yet to materialise. Their few remaining goats are slowly dying.

We heard from people that grass and water would be here but there is nothing. Now we scavenge and get donations, says Abdi, a softly spoken pastoralist who has traditionally moved with the goats a few times a year to find grazing land. His anxiety about the desperate plight of his family was etched on his face.

Humanitarian workers and NGOs have issued repeated warnings. Save the Children cautioned this week that the international community is failing to learn the lessons that led to the last famine, stressing that all the early warning signs of an avoidable catastrophe are evident.

The charitys chief executive, Kevin Watkins, said on a visit to Puntland this week that the scale of the suffering is even greater than at the equivalent stage in 2011, with deaths from cholera and acute diarrhoea rising sharply.

Six-year-old Tirig, left, with her sister Saua in Burao, Somalia. The family was forced to leave home in search of water and food. Photograph: Kate Holt/Unicef

Given the weight of evidence, the scale of suffering and the memory of 2011, the international communitys response to the crisis facing Somalias children is indefensible and unforgivable, said Watkins, who called on aid donors to act urgently. An estimated 677m is needed by June to keep people alive and start the recovery process.

Similar criticism was voiced by ActionAid, which pointed out that the 2017 UN appeal for Somalia has received 110m from donor countries just 11% of what was requested.

Hunger and disease mean countless lives are at stake yet at this rate food wont arrive until after people begin dying, said head of humanitarian response Mike Noyes.

Of the aid already in the pipeline, Britains Department for International Development has allocated 100m to Somalia as part of a wider Horn of Africa response. More than 20m of that is already being spent by Unicef on work such as screening and treating malnourished children, rehabilitating water boreholes and immunisation programmes.

As with other pre-famine appeals however, the financial clout of the US has yet to be felt. While the US contributed nearly $855m to support relief interventions in the wider Horn of Africa in 2016 (pdf), USAids food aid programme for 2017 consists of an estimated $171m of assistance spread across Djibouti, Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia.

Back on the side of a road half an hours drive outside of Caynabo, Nuur Mohamed says he has been reduced to begging for food in the town and trying to catch scrawny dik-dik antelope by night. His family and others erected shelters near to the leaking watertank here after his entire herd of 25 camels and 100 sheep and goats died.

A veteran of Somalilands war of independence, the 56-year-old says: Were proud of the country that we have become and whatever happens I am proud of my part in that. We have our freedom still. But only now we have this drought. It was brought by God. I dont have any other answer.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2nwfiwC

from ‘Where is the help?’: black tea and dark despair as Somalia edges closer to famine