#alyx’s drivel

[ethereal-drivel]

realizing i never actually see self love/positive posts about schizophrenia so that’s my job !! i love you so dearly, i love your mind for its way of working and for the things those around you will never see, hear or touch. i know it can be too much sometimes, and frustrating to explain, and sometimes words never seem to come out right. regardless of where you are in life, whether you’ve come to learn what works best for walking through this world as schizophrenic or not; you are so wonderful, and doing so good today. even if you don’t feel it today, it will come with ease on other days, i promise. good luck my friends 🤎

[cottagespirits]

Name: Alyx Jeann

Requested by @ethereal-drivel

[ethereal-drivel]

there’s literally nothing trans ppl can do to make ALL cis ppl respectful and understanding of us. this whole “doing things like xyz makes the community look bad!!” is just blaming ourselves instead of cis ppl who would so happily be openly transphobic if they weren’t afraid of being called a bigot. cis ppl who are willing to “accept” trans people so long as they fit their idea of what gender and presentation means. we must be kind to each other... we must understand that not everyone WANTS to be understood by those steeped in cis ideas

[ethereal-drivel]

i don’t have a want for short skirts except... for this kind....

[ethereal-drivel]

hello! i wanted to tell folks that as i’ve been unsuccessful in finding work and am taking a break from school (i can’t afford tuition as it is and doing it all online is pointless) so as a way to keep busy, i have started an at home bakery!! i’m only able to sell to people within new york state, but i wanted to say if you want any sort of baked goods like these, DM me either here or on my instagram and i’ll have em sent your way:

if you wanna, you should check out my instagram!! it’s @ honeycomb_and_buttercup !

[ethereal-drivel]

while i’m fairly at peace now with my disconnect from transmasc communities i will admit that the immediate assumption in transmasc spaces that youre a gay man was... extremely isolating

[ethereal-drivel]

quick someone bully me into writing about my interpretation of frankenstein as a disabled person

[ethereal-drivel]

watching the great br*tish bake off only reminds me that you bastards don’t know what to call food

[ethereal-drivel]

would anyone wanna join a fairycore/fairytalecore discord that has a focus on like books, baking and art?

[ethereal-drivel]

hey!! i added the name clover to my bio, still totally comfortable with the name alyx and still love that name! but just adding something new!! 💛 u can use both or either or just my url haha

[ethereal-drivel]

“hasten then, my dear friend, to return, that I may again feel myself somewhat at home, which I cannot do in your absence.”

-Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

[ethereal-drivel]

does anyone want me to make moodboards again... i was thinking about it and if anyone wants to send in like queer/trans themes and like vibes i would love to,, i think they’re cute 💕

[ethereal-drivel]

my friend and i were talking about mental institutionalization last night so i re-read my final essay for a class this semester and i truly don’t remember having the coherency to be able to write this but:

“The external world is now completely uncontrolled by the individual, and the schizophrenic internalizes the idea that they are unable to control their own mind, and have no will over it. Their will, their ability to act externally is revoked, and the schizophrenic is left with nothing. Psychiatric hospitalization does not stop at the control over the body, or the actions of the body, but controls the mind as they are supposed to correct thought process, or if not, believe their thought process is not their own but illness.”

[ethereal-drivel]

listening to lucy dacus just makes me think about being tired and sad at my freight job at a furniture store last year and blasting “night shift” while i moved tables around at three in the morning

[ethereal-drivel]

sometimes i ease up on therapists/psychiatrists for “trying their best” when it comes to “complex” patients, but then i see my hands shaking and i remember i was an underweight, underdeveloped 15 year old who was given 250 mg of sertaline, 3 mg of risperidal, 2 mg of prazosin, 50 mg of trazodone and a beta blocker every day because that’s what would “keep me functioning” and was never told what Any of this would do to my body over years of treatment. expectations on children to act “normally” and finish their education on schedule destroyed my teenage years, left me with TD and a strong belief of being incorrect at my very core. i think of how my teenage suicidality was not taken seriously because “it’s to be expected with what you’re taking” and when i’d finally had enough everyone was shocked that i attempted. how at some points i just stopped eating for days because of constant nausea and night upon night without sleep because my senses were so fogged i couldn’t feel tired anymore. i think of how every complaint i had was met with disagreement because “all schizophrenic people think their medicine is hurting them” and by god i beg of you to listen to psychotic people and to just care about the actual wellbeing of psychotic children instead of your idea of who they’re supposed to be

[ethereal-drivel]

*me reading about the history of diagnosis of schizophrenia in the 1960’s and it’s over diagnosis in black men arrested during civil rights protests, thus leading to the idea of violence and non-complacency that is still how doctors and police are trained to confront psychotic people, and justifying violence against black men because it is considered self defense in the face of potential violence, and removes the legitimate critiques and beliefs they have by assigning them as unable to process reality* i will burn every DSM and cop car that has ever existed upon this earth