#always use brain and caution for tunnel games guys

[stormxpadme]

Whumptober 2023 No. 3 - "Make it stop."

READ THE FIRST SCENE OF THAT STORY ON AO3.

That the promised night of passion together with his more-or-less-boyfriend would be even far more challenging than expected, Scott already realized on the way to the car.

What had been a minor annoyance before turned into a serious affliction with every step, especially on sensitive membranes inside not meant for contact with ingredients like pepper and Tabasco. Nothing that a cleanout couldn’t fix but only now that the excitement dampening his senses was wearing down for the moment, Scott became aware of how enthusiastically Logan had been with his hand earlier. One or two small abrasions on his slightly swollen rim and deeper was something he gladly accepted for the arousal that came with such explorations, usually even welcoming the spike of pain that added even more sweet adrenaline to that ride of occasional total submission … But in combination with what was left of that sauce in locations where the latter shouldn’t be, every foot up the stairs from the bar and to the parking lot nearby became torture. Not wanting to burden his lover with such a triviality, Scott gladly, silently accepted Logan taking the wheel, not least because he'd lost count of his alcohol consumption at some point in the course of the evening, and sat down in the passenger seat as gingerly as possible, swallowing every smallest noise of pain down, though that cramp in his lower body became a nuisance at this point. Stubbornly suppressing that best as he could, he turned the radio up to let the sheer shrill volume of Jagger's pipes drown out the slightly too uneven breathing on his lips and closed his eyes behind his glasses for a couple of minutes, with the not entirely wrong excuse that he was beat as fuck after this too long day. He must indeed have dozed off because he only came around to the bang of the jeep's driver's door being slammed shut far too brusquely. Blinking his vision clear, he, slightly clumsily in his disorientation, opened his seatbelt, wincing softly at the sting in his lower abdomen from just the pressure of his lower arm reaching across.

By that time, Logan had almost made it to the door leading inside the mansion already, without even looking back over his shoulder. For a moment, Scott was convinced, his lover wouldn’t react at all to Scott calling out to him, with Logan's hunched posture, the way his fists were clenching inside the pockets of his leather jacket, revealing how pissed off he suddenly was out of the blue. When Logan turned around to him, with an expression of both honest hurt and unbridled aggression distorting his rugged features, he almost wished, his lover would have left. "What's the problem, Slim? Could swear you'd rather be on your own, with you keeping your mouth so firmly shut about how I just fucked you up and all."

Scott rubbed his still slightly heated forehead with a sigh, feeling his cheeks suspiciously flush next. At this point, he really should know better. "I didn’t think you'd …"

"What? Not smell that that you're bleeding? That your shirt is soaked with sweat? The rustling from your jeans because you can't sit still for a second?" Still visibly fuming, Logan at least came back to him, crossing the at this time fortunately entirely empty garage to lean against the car opposite to where Scott had sunk back against the jeep's frame with helplessly crossed arms and his head lowered. His voice only softened when Scott's shoulders grew tighter with every word and he was looking for an explanation in vain in his usually rich vocabulary. "You wanna tell me why this keeps on happening, Slim? You got no problem telling me when I make mistakes in the field. I'm not made of glass, you know. There's no need to go easy on me as soon as we're in private."

"That's not what this is about," Scott replied hesitatively, not sure if he could – should – voice what was going through his head. He already had a pretty good idea of what Logan would have to say about it, and actually, the guy was pissed off enough already. But Logan had also just very unambiguously told him something, and if Scott wanted to treat him with the same respect and affection he was feeling for this peculiar feral more by the month, he indeed couldn’t hold his tongue just to avoid a little arguing. That was exactly how he'd lost Jean for good at some point. "It's just that I'm not made of glass either, Logan. And I love everything we do. You should be able to sense that too. Sometimes my body just doesn’t get the whole memo. Nothing that won't be fixed in a couple of hours though. I didn’t want that to ruin our night. We don't get too many of those as it is. I don't want to be the reason that we have to cancel a little bit of fun when that would never happen the other way around, don't you get that? I guess ..." Untypically shyly, he reached out for his lover, glad when Logan stepped into his circle, rolling his eyes, still chewing on his cigar and his anger, but possessively buried his hands in the back pockets of Scott's jeans. This time, he didn’t bother trying to hide his wince when another cramp hit at the too-tight pressure of the fabric against his groin. But Scott only tightened the grip of his arms around Logan's shoulders when his lover tried to pull away again because that rare, harmless embrace felt far too good to want to give it up again already. "Guess I'm just trying to keep up."

"And how exactly do you think you can when you end up on the sick bay because you fail to show me your limits?" When Scott already opened his mouth for another defense but closed it again because he couldn’t think of any, Logan nodded bitterly. Now he let go of Scott after all, but only to sneak his hand between their bodies and open two of the buttons of Scott's jeans again as if they were still in the darkness of that damn bar, then pulled his shirt back over that slightly improper appearance that immediately ended that painful clench inside though. "Which is where we're going now, by the way. I'm sure your ex will be delighted to be called from Warren's bed at this time to see you naked instead."

"I don't need a doctor, Logan." Scott shivered just at the thought of what Jean would say about having to deal with a stupid little accident like this at 3 fucking a.m. in the morning. "I don't," he insisted when Logan snorted and tried to turn away, pulling Scott with him. With a little bit of effort and enough practice after a couple of years of sparring against that bastard, he managed to keep him where he was with the right pressure against sensitive muscles on the side of Logan's thick neck. "Stop. You want me to talk to you, then I'm going to need you to listen. This isn’t my first rodeo. You think Jean never went wild on me with her telekinesis? I know what to do, I got the stuff in my room. I'll be alright in an hour. You rather want to watch a game and crash on the sofa in the meantime, I get that. It's me who fucked up tonight, not you. It's only fair that I get to jerk off alone in frustration before going to bed tonight."

"Yeah, not gonna happen. That would mean punishing myself, and I'm not half as masochistic as you, Slim." Logan shook his head at Scott in growing exasperation and turned away again, without letting go of Scott's hand though. "Until you finally get it in your thick head that no one's asking you to be invulnerable, least of all me, you need someone to watch that dumb back of yours. Move it before I get tempted to call Jean on you after all."

Scott found that a very convincing argument to hurry.

*****

Logan insisted, of course, so it wasn’t but 10 minutes before Scott found himself stomach down and buck naked on his bed, with a thick pillow under his hips, and his cheeks once again flushed for a whole unsexy reason. Logan's slightly shocked hiss when he sat down next to him on the mattress had him draw in his shoulders again but this time, he didn’t even try to come up with an excuse. "Looks worse than it is, I reckon."

"Don't tempt me to photograph your damn ass just to prove you wrong. I don't put it beyond some of the kids here to hack our damn phones." A growl on his lips, Logan bent down to him for a surprisingly gentle kiss to the side of his neck, to his shoulder, distracting him from the suddenly no longer half-as-pleasant sensation of a carefully probing touch in most intimate places. The result of that slightly clumsy scan apparently was indeed not half as dramatic as Logan seemed to have feared because Scott could see his tense posture give in from the corner of his eyes, and his hand was no longer shaking when he reached for that small unmarked tube with Shi’ar instant healing salve that Scott had laid out on the pillow.

That Logan had brought something on his own to this improvised First Aid session, Scott didn’t realize until he felt a frown on his face because nothing was happening. He forced his eyes open again, cranking his head to the side to try and look his lover in the eye. Immediately, his heart was pounding faster in his chest. A very welcome, familiar kind of heat started to pump through his veins again when he saw a considerably thin but long toy in his lover's hand not holding that tube. Oh.

"That would speed things along if you can handle it," Logan said calmly, making no move yet to use those two items in combination. "I've had some bad experiences with making assuming about the latter though, so you're gonna need to give me some pointers here."

Scott was many things but – though he knew a couple of people who would probably disagree – not a slow learner. And he was usually only irresponsible about his own health until persons caring for him hit him over the head with a brick to get him to seek help. He apparently just needed to get used to the thought that Logan, his old rival of old people, was indeed now part of that intimate circle of beings allowed to get so close to Scott. He closed his eyes again with a reluctant shudder and spread his legs slightly more in a clear invitation, letting out a groan at the next cramp hitting, making him feel like something between his legs was on fire. "Please. Hurts. Make it stop …" Another tender, appreciative kiss to his neck made it easier to relax the way he needed to, because that still wasn’t a horribly pleasant affair, alien miracle medicine or not. But when the toy was finally in place, quickly and without too much agony thanks to his lover's surprisingly gentle movements, and the touch of the cooling substance on raw spots immediately brought relief, Scott sank deeper into the mattress with a sigh of gratefulness, blindly reaching out to rest his hand on Logan's still fully clothed leg. "Thank you."

"See? Wasn’t that hard. Next time without the whole screaming and arguing part." Only now that Scott was quickly doing better, Logan gave him a well-deserved slap to the back of his head. Then he reached for Scott's hand where it was already – half out of teasing habit, half following the re-rising warmth in his cells at the arousing sensation of a harmless stretch inside – drawing small provocative circles on the inside of Logan's thigh. Instead of pushing it away as Scott had half and half expected, he guided it higher much to Scott's delight. "You know, for someone who pretends to hate to be called that so much, you sure as much do your best defending your slut reputation."

"I have yet to hear you complain, Claws," Scott answered lightly, the lewd grin on his lips already feeling a lot more natural, with every second that the burn and itch inside eased up more. The light brush of a certain plug against a highly sensitive location inside as he braced himself on his elbow to get closer to his lover, quickly went to his middle, hardness beginning to stir between his legs again. "Now, since we're gonna have to put a rain check on all those things I've asked you for earlier … I remember someone asking for a blowjob in that bar."

Logan let out an unbelieving huff but lost no time, falling back on the mattress to offer Scott's searching hands and wandering lips more room to play as buttons and zippers quickly were a thing of the past. "One of these days, I'll let Jean know in detail what she gave up on so lightly with you, Slim."

"Unless you want me to shoot something off your body that will take at least a month to regrow, I'd reconsider that," Scott warned him dryly. Then he knelt over his lover's legs with his lips pressed against the coarse hair of those broad, strong loins, to dedicate his mouth and hands for a few minutes of apology only to said, already swollen and leaking body parts. It soon turned out, not everything that they'd put on the wish list for tonight over their drinks earlier was off the table after all.

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Please note that this was once a preexisting oneshot based on a prompt, to which I added the above scenes to make it a legit Whumptober-entry.

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@whumptober | @whumptober-archive

[darkestwolfx]

Fight or Flight - Re-Review #38

The perfect scenery for an episode which is taking it’s title from an old saying relating to the natural instincts of animals and humans - the fight or fight instinct; whether you stay and hold your ground (a little like Kayo), or whether you try and run in fear of your life (I can imagine Gordon having to do this quite often when he is caught pranking his brothers). Oh, but did we mention, it’s actually in the air? Yeah, it took two minutes to get to that point!

So, because this episode darts around all over the place, I’m doing this review (again) in sections according to character and storyline, because I like everything to be all neat and tidy, okay? I’m thinking of all of you here by giving you ease of access to a complicated and jam packed episode - you should be thanking me.

Also, I will apologise in advance now for the fact that this review is mostly picture based - literally I think this section here is the wordiest of all.

So, moving away from the ominous cargo hold, which is no doubt bound to be full of idiots - because let’s face it, that is just the way that things work in TAG - let’s start with the fact that we are opening in space again! Yay, John’s domain. And the scenery is pretty damn right on this one. I love how if you look really carefully you can make out the different shapes of the continents below.

And here we have a space spider - someone call Gordon and Alan, it’s an alien! Oh wait, no, hang up, it’s only Brains. A rather nervous Brains - obviously the ‘flight’ part behind the title of this episode. It’s nice to see him up in (or on) Thunderbird Five again. It happened in TOS in ‘The Cham-Cham’.

“I’m just having a little trouble adjusting to being weightless.”

“It was the same for me when I started. You get used to it.”

But of course, they can’t even manage to do repairs and maintenance without something coming there way!

“Your databases are offline because I started a systems check. It’s ok, I backed everything up onto MAX.”

“Atta boy, MAX.”

Thank goodness for MAX, ey?

And here’s the situation;

“A cargo carrier experienced a missives systems failure. The ship is on a crash course for Anderbad City.”

Anderbad City first appeared in the TOS episode ‘Perils of Penelope’, with Anderbad being a play on Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s surname. It was given notable features such as the Anderbad Tunnel and the Anderbad Express, but it was never shown in full. TAG have added a Flight Control Tower, so we can assume that Anderbad is a big city with travel at the centre.

So, here we go, I thought I’d go back to the cargo hold first which is a little backwards I know, but I’m doing it because... just because okay? Reviewers choice.

Run for your lives! The machinery is striking back!

Scott nearly getting hit and then running back for the flight deck is absolutely hilarious. 

“We have a new problem.”

And I won’t deal with that part, I’ll choose to fly the zeppelin, is probably what Scott was thinking. Because, yes, that option seems so much better!

“Looks like we’ll need that back up, Kayo.”

It was probably a good thing that she was ready and waiting in this instance, because Scott couldn’t have done that much multitasking, great though he is.

“How are you guys doing in there?”

“Oh you know, just playing hide and seek with a giant bone crushing claw. You know, no big deal.”

Yeah, you’re right, the bigger deal is that you might die anyway, so playing hide and seek is probably the least of your worries right about now. In fact, that might be preferable depending on your viewpoint. At least that might be marginally more entertaining than sitting and waiting for death to come.

“How does a giant, mechanical loading claw take it’s tea?”

“I don’t know.”

“With a pinch of sugar.”

“That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard.”

I have to admit, I’m with her on that one. Who even thought that joke up! And who heard that joke and then thought ‘hey, that’s a good one to go in the script!’ I didn’t even laugh, I will be perfectly honest.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get them out.”

“Why would I worry?”

Hmm, maybe because it’s a life threatening situation? Just hazarding a guess here.

Kayo should be happy anyway - she got to show off her bad-guy chasing gymnastic skills, even if it was only against machinery.

“International Rescue. Time to go. Follow me!”

“You’re kidding right?”

“No, I’m pretty serious.”

“We can’t jump and flip around like you just did!”

No, I don’t imagine you can.

“I’ll distract the claw so you can make a run for it.”

Literally the point of this episode,  isn’t it? Running for it?

I have a theme song for it - look up ‘Run for It’ by (you won’t regret it).

“Where does that lead?”

“Emergency exit.”

“This definitely qualifies as an emergency.”

Hell yes, I would think it does!

“Kayo, you need to get out.”

“Great idea, Scott, thanks for the suggestion!”

No need to be sarcastic - he’s just looking out for you, remember?

As a side note, look at the robot! I want one... I bet its more environmentally friendly than my car.

“The ship’s loosing altitude faster than my projections. But why?”

“It looks like the liquid hydrogen fuel cells have cracked open.”

“And I’m guessing that’s bad?”

Yes, Scott, that’s bad.

“The tanks keep the fuel isolated. but if an electrical fire starts on impact, you’ll get what we scientists call a big ka-boom. Which is also what my insides feel like.”

“What’s the time frame?”

“John says I’ll feel better once I get used to zero gravity.”

“I think he means before the zeppelin crashes.”

“Oh right. Factoring in altitude, wind speed, ship weight, adjusting for cargo, and letting x equal the rate of fuel loss, we get... oh my!”

“Scott, you’re gonna’ need to move. Fast.”

“FAB. And Brains, that means feel better soon.”

Yeah... that conversation gets me every time. They never said how fast Scott needed to move, but hey, it’s okay, because he listened. Considering the zeppelin appeared seconds later.

“Thunderbird two could nudge the ship and change course that way.”

Of course that is the first suggestion that Scott comes up with. Just shove it out the way and be done with it. Good plan.

“I would strongly caution against that. Those leaking fuel cells could easily rupture.”

Or not.

“Ka-boom, got it. Ok, I’m gonna’ need to get on board. Maybe I can regain some control of this thing.”

Yay, we get to see Scott pilot a zeppelin! That’s a change.

“Hey, Virgil, just taking a little air!”

“I’ve got Thunderbird One slaved to my controls.”

Yeah... because a line like that always means good things are coming. I love how Virgil at least knew what it meant - take Thunderbird One.

“All systems critical. We’re on auxiliary power with almost no altitude control or steering. I can’t risk landing with that fuel leak. I’m gonna’ point her down and bail out. She’ll crash safely into the lake before reaching the city.”

You can’t say something like that without expecting trouble.

“Crash course set, ready to bail out.”

“Hello? Anyone there? We’re stuck! We can’t get out! Trapped!”

“Hello? Can you hear me? John, did you get that? I thought everyone was off this ship?”

“Me too. Hang on. The numbers don’t match. They messed up their count.”

Great! And so we revert to the cargo hold, which I’ve already covered.

“Do we have time to get the crew out before we reach the city?”

“Negative. You’re gonna’ have to fly over the city, and bring it down in the open countryside on the other side.”

“We’ll never make it. We’re still losing height.”

“If you offload 90% of the fuel, there’s a chance you’ll be light enough to make it over the city.”

A chance? I suppose we have to take it because there’s no other option really.

“Ok, I’ll keep flying. Virgil, you start pumping out that fuel.”

Yeah, because that will buy us lots of non-existent time! At least it’s better than nothing.

“Oh, it’s going to be tight.”

“Tight, but we should make it tight? Or John’s space suit tight?”

“I don’t know if I know how to answer that question in a way that’s reassuring.”

“Space suit tight.”

Scott’s doing a really good job of flying under pressure here, I would just like to say.

“I think it should be enough.”

“You think or you know?”

“I think I know.”

Very reassuring Brains. I feel very non-reassured.

“That should do it, Scott.”

“Got to be sure.”

“Now, Scott, get out!”

Listen to John, for goodness sake, Scott.

Fly for your lives! There’s an explosion!

You know, Wolfie definitely understands the reason for this episode title now. They were being really clever - well done Dan Berlinka.

In my opinion, this is one of the closest calls that they’ve showed us, and I really appreciated that. TOS did it a few times in ‘City of Fire’ and ‘Danger at Ocean Deep’ (I’m talking proper close calls here, because I know there are many near misses), and TAG have done it quite often with Gordon, but this one was a really nice show of skill and panic, and absolute expertise at the end of it all.

“Yes! He made it!”

Hooray! We’ve succeeded! Let’s all go home!

After a hug... but maybe remember to not hug John... he looks like he’s feeling a little awkward there, Brains.

“Nice work everyone. We limited the damage at Anderbad city to one billboard.”

That poor billboard. But yes, successful.

And look what’s waiting at home!

I was wondering where Gordon and Alan had got to... “on a supply run”... yeah right, who’s great idea was that. They only have themselves to blame for what the boys bring back. Interestingly, they never said where Scott and Alan were at the end of the last episode (and I was waiting for that), so it was nice to actually see the pair pop up right at the end.

“Hey guys!”

“How was the supply run?”

“Routine. But wait till you see what me and Alan picked up at an antiques store on the way back.”

“It’s the same game John used to play all the time.”

A nice little reference back to ‘Skyhook’ here. Continuity at it’s best.

“You grab prizes with the claw!”

Yes, we do have eyes, thank you, Alan.

“Who wants to go first?”

Cue mass exodus of the lounge... And a tumbleweed to roll through in the wake of it all. (Actually, could some one get me a tumbleweed please? I feel like my cat would appreciate it. Shes called Munchies, by the way.)

“What did I say?”

“We should have brought some prizes.”

This is funny, because Alan probably said that, and Gordon probably ‘ignored’ him.

“Oh, claw machine needs prizes!”

“No wonder they didn’t want to play!”

I don’t think that was quite it, but hey, let’s not disappoint them anymore. Look at Gordon’s face.

P.S. This ended up more wordy and longer than I had expected! I’ve outdone myself for midnight pieces of work (and a very dodgy internet connection).

[falafel14]

The Stranger Things Kids: Sorted into Hogwarts Houses

I recently listened to this Weird Sisters podcast sorting all the Stranger Things characters into Hogwarts Houses. And while I didn’t agree with all of their sorting choices, I loved their take on the four boys being a conceptual representation of the Hogwarts founders. Now I can’t help thinking that if our boys actually went to Hogwarts together, then they would all choose to be in the same house and that house would undoubtedly be Ravenclaw. Nerdy Ravenclaw traits are something they all have in common and it’s at least the secondary house for three of them, but the primary house of only one of them. Our Hawkins boys are actually ideal representations of each of the four houses and how these four character types can work together as an effective complimentary unit. So I wanted to expand on why the boys fit their houses so perfectly and then ponder which house Eleven might possibly be sorted into. The jury is still out on her.     

Mike Wheeler: Gryffindor

Like the great Taystee Jefferson before him, Mike is a Gryffindor soul with a Ravenclaw mind. Like all the boys Mike is fiercely intelligent, but it’s his bravery, compassion and recklessness that drives him. Mike’s classic Gryffindor moment of course comes when he leaps off a cliff to save Dustin. It’s worth noting that in this scene Troy actually gave Mike the option of pissing himself or jumping to his possible death. And Mike with his insane impulsive Gryffindor courage chooses to show his bully that he’s ready to sacrifice himself for a friend at any moment rather than trying to negotiate for Dustin’s safety through fulfilling a lesser dare. Mike has another “You will have to kill me before I let you hurt my friend” scene when Brenner’s soldiers come for El at the school. And in the S2 finale Mike is not content with being benched or even just creating some small diversion to help El close the gate. No it’s Mike plan to go right to the roots of the Shadow Monsters hive mind and then set it on fucking fire.

The balls on this kid, seriously. But it’s not just his bravery that makes Mike a Gryffindor. We also see it in his desire and ability to be a leader. As the Dungeon Master of his group, Mike is assertive, motivational, a little controlling and a lot of a show off (as seen in his hilariously theatrical Thessalhydra death performance in the S1 finale). Mike can be arrogant in his leadership sometimes, expecting that no other party members will make decisions without him and furious when he finds out important decisions have been taken out of his hands. Like many a Gryffindor Mike has a hot temper, he shouts a lot and he gets his big ‘caps lock Harry!’ moment when he rages at Hopper for hiding El from him. That scene is the perfect clash of Mike’s righteous Gryffindor fire with Hopper’s cold cunning Slytherin survivalism. I suspect these two will continue to have conflict in future seasons as all great Gryffindors and Slytherins do. I’m also predicting that once they’ve grown out of their sibling squabbles we’ll start to see a stronger alliance between Mike and his sister. Nancy is also a Gryffindor with Ravenclaw wit and Hogwarts house traits tend to run in families, even though the magical Wheeler kids were born to oblivious muggle parents. Just as Nancy grabs a gun when the Byres house is under attack from demodogs, Mike snatches the first improvised weapon at hand, a candlestick. Mike surely doesn’t know how to fight with a candlestick. Point is the boy’s a fighter by nature.     

Dustin Henderson: Ravenclaw

Do not tell me that Dustin is anything other than a Ravenclaw. I will fight you. I will grant that Hufflepuff may be Dustin’s secondary house, but it’d still be a very distant second because this kid is so Ravenclaw it hurts. Though he may at first appear to be the goofball of the group (not that Hufflepuff’s are actually goofs but this is the common misconception) Dustin is really the brains of the operation. It is shown time and time again that while all the boys are smart, Dustin is by far the smartest. Take the scene where Dustin comes up with the plan to use their compasses to find the gate and is a little pained at how long it takes Mike and Lucas to grasp a concept that instantly makes sense to him. This is what makes Dustin so Ravenclaw, his quick comprehension of crazy complex ideas. Though  it is more often Dungeon Master Mike who first comes up with theories on their supernatural problems, it’s Dustin who takes Mike’s ideas, expands on them and guides their party towards possible solutions. Look at how Dustin takes charge of explaining the Veil of Shadows and the Mind Flayer to the group, using textual references from the D&D handbook to support his thesis. He also fussily insists that everyone starts using his newly invented ‘demodog’ terminology, which is another classic Ravenclaw quirk. Dustin is full of them.

This is a kid who steals library books and interrupts his science teacher’s dates and justifies it by saying he’s on a curiosity quest. Dustin doesn’t tend to be as bold as Mike and Lucas in fights (he’s the one who initially cautions Will to cast protection) but Dustin is a fearless adventurer when it comes to expanding his knowledge. I’d say that it’s his Ravenclaw inquisitiveness rather than Hufflepuff sweetness that drives Dustin to risk keeping Dart as his pet. And while Dustin keeping Dart could be considered a dumb move from a supposedly smart kid, Dustin is vindicated in the end when he successfully uses his bond with Dart to help him and his friends escape the tunnels. Dustin doesn’t get too sentimental over leaving Dart (presumably to die?) seeming more interested in his scientific discoveries as he tells Steve to preserve a dead demodog in the freezer. Indeed, Dustin’s discovery that they can tame monsters from the Upside Down could prove really useful in future seasons. Lastly, I will add that Dustin’s Ravenclaw mind doesn’t always serve him well. He has a tendency to overthink things and assume his theories will always work in practice - such as if he copies the way Steve acts with girls, he will get girls like Steve does. This is why Ravenclaws like Dustin (and dear Luna) are often kooky misfits. Things that make perfect sense in their heads don’t always fit in with reality.        

Lucas Sinclair: Slytherin

This is not to say that Lucas is the dark or corruptible kid of the group. Lucas is actually a great example of how a Slytherin can be a powerful ally, particularly a Slytherin with Ravenclaw brains (see Stiles Stilinski as another great example of this type). Lucas, like all Slytherins, is fiercely loyal to his own people yet very suspicious and hostile towards those outside his circle. To say that Slytherins have a strong sense of self-preservation is not to say they’re cowards. Lucas is clearly a little badass, but he’s also far more cautious, cunning and prepared for battle than impulsively-jump-off-a-cliff Gryffindors like Mike. Lucas has his wrist rocket and his army-style kit bag and he thinks before he acts or trusts anyone. Whereas Mike immediately took El in without question, Lucas gave her a hard time but also exhibited a rational mistrust of a girl so strange and powerful. But when Lucas comes to trust El, he is devoted to her. Lucas initially holds back on bringing Max in and telling her any of their secrets too. Like Mike he has a crush on the girl who he wants to be their new party member, but unlike Mike he is not blinded by his emotions. When Lucas brings Max into the fold he plans for it, he does it in a secure setting, he acknowledges the risks and he makes sure Max is aware of the consequences. And he does all this without consulting the group, because if Mike can take charge and recruit new members then so can he. And he will vet his newcomers more than Mike ever did.

So I guess the main thing that makes Lucas Slytherin for me is how he clashes with Mike. He’s one member of the party who challenges Mike as their leader. Their little row over both wanting to be Venkman speaks volumes. It is not just because Lucas resents being automatically cast as the black guy. It’s because Lucas and Mike both want to be the main man. There’s a sense in S2 that Lucas has taken the leadership role away from Mike, given that they are now playing arcade games, not D&D. As Dungeon Master, Mike led them in a game where they would all worked together as a group, though he was the one shaping the adventures. In the arcade, the games are competitive and Lucas is clearly the best at them, having the most high scores. While Mike seems disinterested and forgets to collect quarters, Lucas is out mowing lawns so he can show off his skills and brag about being top of most of the score boards. This is his Slytherin ambition coming through. Lucas is initially attracted to Max because she is a worthy arcade competitor and he treats his love triangle with Dustin and Max as a competition he’s determined to win. And just like Lucas gets the princess on Dragon’s Lair, he also gets the girl at the Snowball. Ironically though, I’d place Max in Gryffindor, meaning that like Mike and Lucas, they are likely to have a stormy relationship in future. But in Lucas’s case as an intellectual ambitious Slytherin, he thrives on people who challenge him.     

Will Byers: Hufflepuff

Here’s our Hufflepuff. I was impressed that the podcast correctly sorted Will into Hufflepuff after only S1. It shows just how well Will was characterized even in a minor role. Though as they also rightly point out, Will was always most likely to be in Hufflepuff because he was raised in a family of Hufflepuffs. Not Lonnie of course but Joyce and Jonathan are both shown to be hard working, quiet and kind-natured and incredibly loyal to their loved ones. Will might not be working long hours to bring money into the Byers house like they are, but his preference for drawing over action figures hints that he’s a worker bee too. Unlike the other boys who favor games where they fight and win, Will would rather spend time quietly creating something. And while his mom is so gushingly proud of Will’s artistic talent, Will himself is quiet and humble about it. Just as he is humble in the games he plays with his friends. In D&D, the demogorgan gets Will because he was trying to do what was best for their group. He lacks the ambition to win for himself. Will always chooses to be kind and to please others. Like in the story Joyce tells about him giving away his Tonka truck to a little girl who was crying. It makes Will the best peacekeeper of the group - his little “Why can’t there just be two Venkmans?” line was so perfectly Hufflepuff.

However, for all his sweetness it’s not surprising that Will has had the darkest storyline so far. While Hufflepuffs are kind souls, they can also be perilously naive. See Jesse Pinkman as the perfect example of a sweet Hufflepuff who is especially vulnerable to evil influences and manipulation. His open and trusting Hufflepuff nature is partly what makes Will prey to the shadow monster. In S2, Will’s first mistake was to follow Bob’s advice, dear Bob who meant well but had no comprehension of the powerful forces Will was up against. Will is not a fighter like Mike and Lucas are. He survived the Upside Down mostly through hiding and holding on until he could be rescued. When he becomes possessed Will survives in the same way. Will takes Mike’s advice and he quietly spies on the monster inside him and selflessly works to leak his knowledge of the monster through his maps and Morse code messages. Even when being mind controlled by evil forces, his Hufflepuff nature shines through.  

Eleven: Undecided

So all this brings me to El, the character I find that Stanger Things sorting hat posts struggle with the most. The Weird Sisters put Eleven in Ravenclaw on the basis of her telekinetic abilities, but I’d argue that having superpowers in your brain is not the same as being intelligent and cerebral. Ravenclaw is actually the last house I would sort El into, because she lacks a complex perspective on all matters. She tends to view people as either good or bad, she gets angry over lies and broken promises while ignoring any complicated reasons behind them. El does not act based on rationality but on her raw instincts. Her powers may be concentrated in her mind but in S2 they made it clear that her powers are fueled by her emotions. Dustin has described El’s superpowers as being like a battery that they need to recharge. But at the school, it turned out that El didn’t need chocolate pudding to take down Brenner’s men and the demogorgan. The thing that charged up her powers was her love for Mike. It was Mike kissing her and sweetly promising her she can have a normal life. That gave her strength to fight back when she was drained. So given that El is a feeler more than a thinker, I’m stuck between Gryffindor and Slytherin for her house.

As I’ve said with other characters like Will and Mike, Hogwarts houses often run in families. Eleven is a girl who’s been raised by Slytherins. And not just by bad Slytherins like Brenner, but by a more decent Slytherin like Hopper. She has a third Slytherin influence in her lost sister Kali. The Slytherin breeding has rubbed off on El. Like a Slytherin she is also fiercely loyal to her loved ones but hostile to outsiders, like Max. Like a Slytherin she has strong self-preservation instincts. And I suppose most of all like a Slytherin, El has a real potential to turn dark and have her powers become monstrous. However, El is in love with a Gryffindor and it could well be said that their shared Gryffindor spirits is what brought Mike and El together. It’s too early to say for sure but I think El is one of those characters who will slowly move away from her family house. Clarke Griffin was born into a family of Gryffindors and started off Gryffindor herself, but she developed into a diehard Slytherin. I could see El developing in a similar way, but in the other direction. Bred to be Slytherin, yet born to be Gryffindor.    

Other Gryffindors: Nancy, Steve and Max.

Other Ravenclaws: Bob, Murray and Mr Clarke.

Other Hufflepuffs: Joyce, Jonathan and Barb.

Other Slytherins: Hopper, Brenner, Billy and Kali.