#always our Payno

[ignitedminds27]

The city of Wolverhampton has decided to shift Liam's Memorial to West Park and look at these workers handling every bouquet and offering delicately and respectfully.

They also created a beautiful tribute with all of the offerings fans left at the memorial. I'm all teary. Thank you for showing love and respect to our boy. He must be rejoicing seeing his town do this for him.

[whenziamwere18]

One

Month

Without

This

Beautiful

Smile

And

Soul. 🕊️

[quietnade]

Which Hogwarts houses would the boys be in?

This is just my fun take on each lad's Hogwarts house!

💙 Louis - Gryffindor. Of course, Louis has Ravenclaw qualities like wit and intelligence, but he always lets his brave heart lead the way. He is extremely mentally strong and always stands up for his friends. If that doesn't SCREAM Gryffindor, I don't know what does.

❤ Liam - I think, again, Gryffindor. While Louis is more of a Fred & Geroge-like Gryffindor, Liam would be a Hermione-like Gryffindor who would likely to start a "how to behave yourselves" workshop for the boys, to which none of the boys would attend! He's headstrong, bravehearted and takes the lead. If I have to pick between the other obvious choice, Ravenclaw, I sort our Payno into Gryffindor.

💚 Harry, Styles not Potter (I know, it's such a lame attempt at a joke but I couldn't resist 😭) - Ravenclaw. Yeah, I know. He's the kindhearted softie with so much Hufflepuff energy, but his intelligence and the way he embraces his individuality unapologetically makes me think of Luna Lovegood. So, I think our Harry is a Ravenclaw.

🤍 Niall - Hufflepuff. I cannot sort this sweet, church boy Niall into any other house! I can literally picture blond-haired Niall spending his time occupying the same spot to chill by the lake with his guitar while having a good laugh with his lads.

💛 Zayn - Slytherin. Because he's so... well... cool as hell and ✨ MYSTERIOUS✨. In all the good ways, of course. He'd be that cool Slytherin guy with his furrowed eyebrows look, the one all the girls would fall for.

[moonlightseranade]

i agree the funeral should have stayed a private affair and it wasnt our right to see the guys grieve when we already know they are grieving right now.

sadly however the media was going to be scummy. "fans" however should have known better and acted on it because i know for a damn fact they knew better. this wasnt that kind of reunion and i really doubt we'll ever get that from them any ways. we are not owed anything by them.

lowkey seeing simon cowell crying on liam's parents to me felt dispicable. the man who worked these then boys to the bone and brim of exhaustion suddenly now filled with sadness and probably guilt, yeah right give me a break.

i just hope that whatever small quarrels could somewhat be set aside now between the lads. more so i wouldnt be at all surprised or upset if they guys dont preform or work for a while, go off the grid sort of speak. this was something no one was expecting and in my opinion they lost their mentor.

liam had done a previous round of xfactor, guided the guys in the limelight, and was always besides louis like two older brothers trying to keep their younger ones safe. he was the glue even if some might disagree, liam kept the one direction legacy alive. i really hope his brothers carry that flame in his honor. 💔 rest easy payno.

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

When I first discovered One Direction as an 11 year old girl, the band had already gone on hiatus. But it hardly mattered. I was so starstruck, constantly immersing myself in video diaries, music videos, and interviews so fully that it felt as though they were happening in real time. That little girl was so different from who I am now. She grew so much, learned so much. And you and the boys were right there with her the whole time- whether you knew it or not. When I was so insecure I wondered if anyone even cared if i existed, I could always turn on What Makes You Beautiful and remind myself that you loved all your fans. When I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, the comment sections under your video diaries were always full of inside jokes that only us Directioners understood. We had a family. And when I was scared of the future, my feelings too complicated for me to understand or explain, you had a knack for saying it for me, all while reminding me I would be okay. I remember so clearly the feeling of comfort I felt listening to Night Changes for the first time- and it was a feeling I held onto, one you continued to give me no matter where I was in life. I always thought I would have the luxury of continuing to grow up with you. I could see you were struggling, and as much as I worried, I guess I took it for granted that you would always be there. I never thought enough about what it must have been like for you. I don't think I could fully comprehend the weight of it. You sacrificed your childhood for ours, and though I am forever grateful, it breaks my heart. You were just a kid, 16 years old. You just wanted to sing, and to make people happy. And you did. Truly, more than I can explain. This world was far too cruel to you, and you deserved so much better. But despite the unfairness of it all, it comforts me to think that you made beautiful memories as well. I know you were hurting, more than I could ever fully grasp. But I hope more than anything that you still cherished the laughs, joys, and accomplishments you got to feel. You were always a positive person, and something in me tells me you did. I'm so sorry I couldn't help you the way you helped me. I never got to thank you. For being my escape when the world felt too loud. For opening the door to things that were so new to me in the most exciting way. For teaching me so much about the world. For all the laughs, the screams, the jokes, the tears. For the cherished memories, for being a highlight of my childhood and youth. I wish I could have told you all this, but I'm saying it now, now that we've reached the end of this magical and unforgettable chapter of life. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Liam. I will never forget you and all the memories you gave me. I will always miss you. I will always remember, and I will carry you with me throughout my life. I know you will continue to be a part of me and my life forever, I know I will continue to learn from you, and you will continue to give me more than I could ask for. If I am lucky enough to have children one day, I will tell them all about you. You will live on through me and all of us who love you unconditionally, I promise. You were a beautiful soul, and you changed so many lives without even knowing it. I hope you're in a better place now, somewhere you can finally be treated the way you deserve. I hope you know how loved you truly are, and I know you'll be watching down on us, taking care of us the way you always have. It has been such an honour and a blessing to experience my youth with you. Love you, Payno. Sleep tight. Xxx

[thebritishboyfriends]

I don’t know if anyone will see this

but I’ve been sitting here since the news broke, still trying to process that this happened. That this is reality. This fandom kept me afloat through my hardest times— college, graduation, grad school, coming out, my mom dying— and it meant the world to me. It still means the world to me, if I’m honest. The people I met, and this silly and brilliant band, have burrowed so deep into my heart. It felt like a warm comfort, always there as a “maybe they’ll reunite,” or a, “hey, let me reach out and see how _____ is doing!” It feels like something is shattered now, obviously so broken beyond repair.

Liam brought so much to the band. He gave his heart and soul to this. Even when we weren’t the best to him, he showed up and he gave us his all. I wish so much that the outpouring of love for him now is something he could have felt when he was here, to lift him up and comfort him. Liam was bright, but he was also steady and headstrong, and brave, and he was hurting. We can only see such a small, calculated glimpse into who they are— the authentic glimpses of Liam tell us that he was so much more than anything we could read about, or gossip, or more. He was a person, and people are complicated and flawed. His were unfairly thrust into an international spotlight.

I know many of us may have conflicted feelings about this. I understand that this is a complicated grief, because this means so much to all of us. Because he meant so much to all of us. I hope that we can be kind in our judgement, as he deserved while he was here. Good people can do bad things, and this in no way excuses any unethical behavior. It also doesn’t erase the deep love we feel for him, and the gratitude we want to express for the joy he brought into our lives. My heart aches for Bear, and I hope he only knows the love and the vibrancy his dad brought into the world. He deserved a better hand than he was dealt.

Liam, you deserved so much better. I hope, if your spirit returns, it’s into a vessel running wild and free. One without a cage, one without the tethers of fame. I hope you soar, sweet Liam. I loved you, I’ll love you, I love you forever.

thank you for everything, payno.

[amatowriting]

Liam, I don't know if you can read this anywhere you are now but although you didn't become a firefighter itself since the artistic career worked out, you did save lives like you desired.

It's the first time I will say it out loud but I met you when I was five years old locked in the bathroom, contemplating at such a young age about taking my life away because of all the abuse and bullying I was going through. I was scrolling through YouTube and I saw a video clip of What Makes You Beautiful by a band called One Direction and I decided to watch. IT BECAME THE BEST DECISION IN MY LIFE. As I grew up, I discovered your own story of growing up with bullying and Louis' daddy issues extremely similar to my story of life and then everyone person in my life that ever said to me I wouldn't be anyone and that I should kill myself didn't matter anymore...because if the two of you made it and became who you are now, WHY COULDN'T ME? That was the day I realized life was worth living thanks to all of you but more specifically thanks to you and Lou. YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND STILL DO AND FOR THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL ALTHOUGH I NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY IT TO YOUR FACE, PAYNO.

You carried us through the waters and fires just for our love, you found a way through the dark to us but we weren't able to save you any night, instead you went down in the flames and drowned in the waves.

We all wanted this last couple of day that your tragic premature passing was only an illusion, a twisted collective nightmare.

We are half a heart without you because everything about you is magic, all your little things.

You made us strong with your beautiful smile and fighter background, you have been fighting since you were born…you taught us good, we will keep your legacy.

We could never hate you or forget you; after all, how can you hate or forget someone who gave us so much to remember?

Together with the lads, you taught a whole generation about self-esteem and how to love and be loved by someone else…that’s why we have high standards for love, I suppose!

You were and still are the soundtrack with the best songs ever to the story of our life.

I'm the last one to say it - speaking in first person now because I'm as suck as you all together when it comes to dancing, I'm all clumsy - but even though you five were terrible dancers, you created two of the most iconic dance movements in Best Song Ever and Live While We Are Young - whoever in this fandom admits they never did their choreography neither knows the two of them by heart, is lying.

We weren't ready for you to be the first one to say goodbye so soon and create this space between us, twisting the knife in our breaking hearts.

We thought we would have more time…if only we had asked you to stay - we would have found the words to say, would you have changed your ticket home and changed your mind to not have left us that day?

We could have started all over again…maybe that wasn't meant to be indeed.

Maybe the gods above can separate the two of us…physically speaking.

You belong in our hearts and we better think you never forget it.

We are sad and, until we die, our hearts will forever miss a piece but we are going to be alright, eventually.

After all, you will be by our side anytime we need you, we just have to close your eyes and see.

You made us feel alive and never forget where we belonged so we will move on with our lives for the two of us.

Until the day we finally rest in peace too and you receive us with open hearts and arms for your tight hug and your unique genuine bright smile and charisma that enchanted our hearts for the last fourteen years.

Goodbyes are bittersweet but it's not the end, we will see your face again.

We can see that you are in peace as you are walking in the wind gracefully.

Our history is not over as long as we continue celebrating your wonderful life and heartwarming songs on and on! We live forever!

Protect us from above like you always have done, our musician firefighter, and we will protect your loved ones forever down here, from the world’s cruelty making sure they feel the love we and you have for them and what you truly meant from us instead of those sick sensationalism media that is dirtying you.

We are the greatest team the world has ever seen!

Thanks for all the memories, Payno, we love you!

[onelostpanda]

I just want to write something, anything, I feel like I should but words are failing me, it's like they left my body at the same moment I got the news. The boys are the reason I started writing in the first place! They got me into fanfiction, fanfiction got me into writing and just like that I was putting my feelings into words every single day, that's what got me out of my depression. THEY DID THAT! NIALLER, PAYNO, ZAYN, HAZZA, LOU! THEY SAVED MY LIFE, I don't care how cheesey or unbelievable that seems but that's exactly what they did. For me and for thousands of girls around the world.

They got us out of our darkest times, they made us believe we were worth something, we were loved, so far away but always seeming to close, always making us believe in everything their music transpired...music changes lives, their music changes ours, changed theirs, it changed the world. The friendships made because of them are some I hold on to to this day, 26 years old still talking everyday to some of those people I connected with over a decade ago, because of them. Because that's what's is always been about, friendship, their friendship inspire us to create our own relationships, sometimes with people so far away we never got the chance to even hug but still care about, and still reached out as soon as we heard what happened, just to check in, just to say "hey I'm here I still love you, you are still a part of me".

So, even tho I still can't really talk about his death, and I don't know if I will any soon, right here, right now, while listening to the same songs I haven't stopped listening to for the last three days, I just wanna say this:

LIAM, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'M HERE, WE'RE HERE, AND I STILL LOVE YOU, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME!

[faithinthekindness9194]

Hey guys,

I managed to finally listen to the boys music on Wednesday… I was out in the car and put on their playlist but I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel anything. I just felt numb.

I sang along but not to have fun or because I was happy but because I always sing along. No matter how I’m feeling.

I feel so bad for just being numb. It still hasn’t sunk in that it’s been 2 weeks. I miss Liam more than anything. He was the first member of One Direction that I fell in love with. I knew Liam’s Grandad through my auntie. She is a hairdresser and cut his hair. I had weekly conversation with him about Liam and the boys. He was so proud of him, you could tell every time I spoke to him. I never got chance to meet him but the conversations were enough. I managed to send Liam a drawing and a birthday card to which he tweeted and followed me. It made me feel a little closer to him even though I didn’t know Liam.

My heart is still so broken that he’s no longer on this earth. He shouldn’t have gone so soon. The boys have saved my life so many times and in so many ways. I probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for them, my depression and anxiety wouldn’t be as calm as it is if it wasn’t for them. I’m 27 and still as obsessed and in love with them as I was at 14/15.

Liam,

I am heartbroken that you are no longer with us. I feel numb. You need to know how much you are loved. The whole world loved you for your impeccable talent and your limitless kindness. You lit up this world in so many ways for so many people. You were an incredible person and didn’t deserve the hate and rumours you had to live through. You meant so much to me and so many others around the world. I hope you can see how much we all love you. You made the world a better place, with your smile and personality.

I feel for your family, friends, girlfriend, the boys and especially for your son. Bear will grow up forever remembering what an amazing and talented person his father was. We will never let anyone forget you.

I hope that wherever you are you are now at peace and happy. You deserved the world Liam and it failed you. I can’t believe that we couldn’t save you when you had saved so many of us. I’m so sorry that we let you down, you didn’t deserve it. You deserved so much more than what life dealt you. So from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.

I will never forget you and everything you brought to the world. Stay happy up there Liam, you deserve it. I love you so much Liam and I hope you’re now who you’re meant to be.

Sleep tight and rest in peace Payno.

I send you love and hugs, forever our Daddy Direction.

(I’m sorry for the long post but I need somewhere to write how I feel. I’ve spent 2 weeks trying to put into words how I feel and although this is all I can say at this moment in time, I feel like I’m able to write and help myself and hopefully others. If anyone ever needs anyone to talk to my DMs and Ask Box is always open.)

[random--rants]

It keeps hitting me randomly...

I'm telling myself whatever grief or emotions I'm processing is valid.

Parasocial relationships are weird but Attachment is Attachment even if it's one way. Grief is Grief.

This is how emotional dependance and gratitude works I suppose. It's not overreacting over some celebrity's death but the effect left is real to mourn for ages.

Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand as 1D said💯

Regret in other four boys' statement is what's getting to me...

"Wish I'd asked if you were okay one more time"

"Wish I could hug you one more time"

"Wish we could share same stage again"

"I'm finding myself talking out loud to you"

"Never thought it was our last Goodbye"...🥺😖

This whole situation sums up one thing again...

Appreciate the people around you, Validate their feelings.

Often tell the people you love that you love them.

Hold on to people who hold on to you

Let people know that you care, Slow down because it's just life and it'll be over before we realise.

Five years back, found these boys on a random afternoon, initial plan was just to know their names but....they changed the trajectory of a girl who never felt enough, who never felt belonged anywhere, who always thought she was a bad luck factor in her loved one's life, who had a constant subconscious wish that something should happen to her so she can disassociate from this world.

Sometimes obsessions save people... Atleast in my case. They gave me a sense of belonging and warmth, assuring that it was all in my head.

I've seen someone saying that the hardest part of being a fan is not able to save the person who saved you in your darkest times... 💔

And just like that I've lost one from my Safest HOME.

Payno...our Leeroy, if you are listening... You and boys will always be there in The Story Of My Life. My kids will grow up hearing The Story of Us, how their mum was healed by five random boys, how she got a Home far far far away from Home, how obsessed she was with them, how she'll be forever indebted to them and how One Direction gave her the right direction to love herself atleast a bit.

You'll be timeless Liam. You'll live till the last breath of the last directioner on this planet. Since you saved us you have a share in our souls right 🫂

May be in another life, we had a perfect reunion.

May be in another life, you'll get to see Little Bear grow up into a man.

Just wake me up from this or give me some tips to forget about it 'cause a knife to chest would hurt lesser.

Thank you Liam, Love You Goodbye 🖤

❤️💛🇨🇮💙💚

[ignitedminds27]

Warsaw Directioners sending Liam ❤️

[tpwkwriter]

helllooooo! i love ur fics, they are really great. Could you please do any cute fluff with llh, like make our hearts melt due to his love for his girl and him showing the world how truly in love he is with y/n thank you! all the best <3

Truly.

Awww hello!! Thank you for your request and lovely, words I appreciate it so much!!!💟

We all love a bit of LHH 😚

And also Zayn is included in this he is always a part of one direction 💛

Warnings- none really! Extreme fluff

Hope this is what you wanted and I hope you enjoy this! 🌷

— — — — —

The sound of laughter and banter ricocheted between the lads downstairs.

It was a rare occasion that the 1D lads had a day off and could spend it however they wished.

Despite spending everyday with one another for the last 5 years, they still make time for each other and make sure to have quality time. And y/n was more than happy to accommodate that, she loved them 5 boys.

With messy hair, oversized hoodie and Pyjama bottoms that were tucked into her long fluffy socks y/n carelessly crept down the stairs not minding her state around the boys.

Harry was sitting straightly upright on the sofa, his elbows leaning on his knees as his eyes were glued to the Tv screen that played some video game they took in turn playing.

To his left sat Liam who was leaning comfortably across the sofa with his legs dangling over the matching ottoman that was perched in front of him.

Louis, Zayn and Niall were sat on the 3 seater sofa that sat adjacent to the one Liam and Harry occupied.

Once y/n crept in to living room to see what they were up to, all attention immediately sprung to her.

“Morning y/nnn” the four boys said in almost unison.

“Morning Boys” she yawned using her sweater paw to cover her mouth.

H couldn’t help but stare at the girl that was all his.

Even in the early mornings she still managed to look beautiful, she looked adorable wrapped in his hoodie, fluffy socks and hair down and ruffled.

“Y’alright angel?” He asked all eyes and focus on her.

“Yeah” she smiled glancing at the 5 boys lazing in the room.

“I’ll make us coffee” she yawned once again. And slipping away to the kitchen.

“Need any help love?” Louis called

“M’okay thanks Tommo” she answered.

“I’ll go” Harry interjected swiftly placing his phone done and hurrying to the girls aid.

“Whipped” Liam jokingly remarked

“Oi i heard that payno” he answered taking a quick look at Liams smiley face.

Harry was quick to wrap his arms around the girls waist as she flicked the kettles and prepped the cups.

“G’Morning” he whispered in her ear pressing tiny kisses to the side of her face.

“Morning” she sweetly replied, blushing at his actions

“Sorry couldn’t stay f’mornin cuddles” he pouted.

“S’fine, we get to deal with these cuties anyway” she said referring to 4 giggling men in there sitting room.

“Heeeyyyy, am I not cute enough?” He said holding her waist tighter and pressing his lips to her neck.

“Y’know what I mean” she giggles.

“Hmm m’not sure I do” he said kisses going higher up her face.

“Oi keep it PG yeah?” Zayn called, the rest of the boys immediately sniggering.

“Bloody hell” he said closing his eyes a smile showing.

— — — — —

The boys carried on with there game that took place the flat Tv that sat on the wall.

Though to be honest even if y/n had no clue what was going on, seeing them get competitive against each other and joke around made her heart happy.

Y/n leaned against the doorframe watching all the boyish banter unfold.

Harry determined that wasn’t close enough.

“C’mere m’darling” he says patting his lap.

Y/n knew the boys wouldn’t mind, so she accepted his offer.

His back leaned against the sofa, as y/n perched herself on his lap comfortably.

She then leaned onto his chest, legs still dangling over his knees and head resting just on top on his shoulder.

Allowing that safe familiar scent to take over.

As the day continued laughs and jokes were made.

Y/n’s phone starts going off a Bit more than usual.

“Baby y’phones going mental” Harry says slinging his arm out lazily to reach it for her.

She opens it which leads her to Twitter to reveal a post Niall had made.

It was a snapshot of the couple on the sofa, the timing being to perfect that it captured harry pressing a kiss to the girls forehead.

The caption read: look at these lovers.

It was safe to say Twitter was going feral.

“Niall! You shitter!” She jokes, very much loving the photo.

“Let’s see” Harry said moving the girls hand with his own.

“Heeeyyy, y’caught me in my most vulnerable state” he smiled, pressing another kiss to the girls hairline.

“S’pretty damn cute if I say so myself” Louis smiled, scrolling down Twitter.

Harry then presumes to retweeting the photo which further leads the fandom into frenzy, many of this is them trying to work out who y/n is, how long they’ve been a thing, them gushing over how adorable boyfriend Harry is.

Y/n was glad he was all hers.

— — — — —

As the day progressed, the boys and y/n spent the day at home with continuous banter and laughs.

“Mmm I love you” he said pressing a kiss to the girls cheek after closing the door to the boys who had just left.

“I love you” she replied.

“M’social batteries dead though” she sighed.

“Looks like m’just gonna havta cuddle you then hey?” He said plopping down next to her and leaning his head on her lap.

The Tv played some random drama that caught the attention of y/n, her fingers playing with his long curls that splayed all over her lap.

“Y’so pretty” he randomly admits

“Y’are” he said eyes scanning her features, as best he could considering he was under her chin.

“Harryyyyy” she dragged.

“Don’t start this, y’know y’gorgeous” she blushed.

“I love you my sweet girl” he said, melting into her soft and loving touches.

“Love you more than life”’

“Love you too Harry”

“I do” she mumbled

As they sat in comfortable silence feeding into the programme on the TV.

Y/n’s phone pinged allowing her screen to light up, the random light in the corner of his eye made Harry glance at it, and he wasn’t expecting to see the newly posted photo to be her lock screen.

“Baby?” he wondered

“Hmm” she hummed.

“Is that photo your lock screen?” He smiled.

“Maybe”

— — — — —

Bit crappy ending but I hope you enjoy nonetheless! ❤️

[cinnamonbungirl]

The new year 🩷

I am super excited to go into the new year and this has been perhaps the most significant and drastic year of my life. Im friends with people i never thought i would be and done things i never thought i would, but losing Liam was nothing i could have ever predicted.

Liam made up a large part of my childhood and his impact on this world will forever be lasting. His smile was always my favourite thing about him; it was the most genuine, innocent and brightest smile and it made me smile too.

And going into 2025 without you doesn’t quite feel right. I still cant believe you are gone and i think of you everyday.

I wanted my last post of 2024 to be in memory of liam because I think anything else would feel wrong. We will miss him eternally and we appreciate all the joy he brought us. You live forever in our hearts. 🩷

Rest easy payno x

[quietnade]

Dear Liam

Dear Liam,

I know Liam, I know with all my heart that you are watching over all of us as an angel. Just like how you did when you were on this earth, even now, you still continue to change our lives with an impact, so much larger than life itself.

It's been more than 3 months since you left this earth, but we miss you every single day. It's one AM and I'm crying in bed again, how can this be real Liam? How can we ever let go of that messy haired boy who smiles with his eyes? But I know now, I know that you are not gone. You are everywhere. You are in the clouds, in the little signs that look like your arrow tattoo, in every song that plays and in the faces of thousands of Directioners. Every time I talk to another Directioner, I swear, you live through us.

And Payno, let me tell you something, I hope it'll make you smile... Even though most of us never left, we were quite scattered, but you bought all the Directioners back together, and now we hold each other a little tighter. we keep on listening to songs you guys made together, on repeat. And then you know what Liam? Your Zayn and Tommo found their way back to each other! You brought them back together. You always had a way of mending hearts, and somehow, even now, you're still doing it.

So here's my promise to you, from just another fangirl living in a quite corner of the world, but I know it matters to you. I promise to you Liam, I'll never let you go. Just like how Lou wrote, I'll make sure to live one life for the two of us. And I'm sure thousands of others who love you forever are doing the same. I will blast your favorite 1D songs, sing at the top of my lungs, and dance like we’re at a show again. I'll hold hands with my fellow Directioners and talk about every beautiful thing that makes you who you are and you gave us.

I know, you wouldn't want us to remember you only with tears in our eyes. You always brought happiness and light into every room, and I'm sure that's how you'd want us to remember you, laughing, sharing your jokes, watching your old interviews, and smiling at the happiness you created. So, yes our dear Payno, that's exactly what we'll do. You will live on forever through all of us.

I love you Payno. We all love you 💗

[zayns-beer-can-gainz]

teardrops: a liam payne tribute fic

by: remy andersen

a/n: i wrote this probably a few days after liam’s passing. i was reluctant whether to share it on here but figured eh, might as well, what’s the worst that could happen. hope you guys enjoy!

~

“please let this be the right address.”

i found myself muttering that through my teeth with fingers crossed as i turned the rainy and grey street corner in the middle of wolverhampton.

the boys had called me there as they’d just signed to a new management label, under the name payno records, a tribute to their fallen friend, and one that would be wholly owned and operated by them; well, louis would most often take the helm. i always saw him as the leader of the group anyway, at least he had the voice and mentality for it.

still, anything was better than psychic cowbell or, whoever the hell that monster was.

he was responsible for tipping that first domino that indirectly led to the giant domino being toppled in argentina 2 years ago.

i still had a bitter taste in my mouth over that day. the day that was never supposed to happen. the funeral that wasn’t supposed to happen until i was on the verge of death myself.

wolverhampton was a quaint town. it always rained, apparently. a shining star from that area was snatched from this earth far too soon, and ever since that day, the sun always chose to hide behind the clouds, unworthy of shining down on that grief-riddled town, even two years on. it was never the same.

still, this didn’t faze me, as i approached the door i was looking for and strode up the steps. this one still had one of those old-fashioned knockers, i thought to myself. adds to the charm.

i shivered slightly due to the seemingly never-ending cold as i waited for the door to open.

once it did, my eyes got a small taste of how it looked inside. the light was ambient, soft, warm. the tv was on, blaring as loud as i would expect a man-cave tv to sound on sunday evening. and who else answered the door but the man i was expecting.

“hiii,” louis greeted me, eyes lighting up as he gave a small trademark wave, before embracing me as i anticipated.

the way that he hugged was gentle, and the way that he spoke was rather hushed, even if he hadn’t seen me in what felt like ages.

as if he was afraid of hurting me or breaking me.

as if he knew how precious of a commodity, how valuable of an asset i was to the band.

to him.

“come on, the rest of ‘em are inside,” he motioned for me to follow him as we stepped foot into the house.

it felt like a proper home. not some cheap hotel. not some makeshift bunkhouse that was set up to the point where they felt like prisoners, but could never speak on the matter. no, this was more like your mother’s house. the air inside could wrap around you like a fleece blanket, and the smell could waft through your nostrils like you were smelling a bowl of hot soup on a cold winter’s eve. this was home. i already adored it.

“you guys own this?” i asked as i looked around, shoving my still-trembling hands in my sweatshirt pockets.

“mmhm,” louis proudly nodded. ���we ditched the rental a while back, found this place… here we are.”

suddenly a voice from further down the hallway called out “looehh!”

i laughed, “that sounds like zayn.”

“i’m needed,” louis replied with that twinge of familiar sarcasm as he rolled his eyes with a small shake of the head. “be right back love,” he patted my shoulder as he turned to run back there, shouting over his shoulder, “make yourself comfortable!”

i chuckled nervously as i scanned the room some more.

“pst! over here!” that familiar irish twang came from the couch, motioning for me to come closer.

our eyes lit up in parallel recognition when we spotted each other.

“nialler,” i replied warmly as i ran over to him, instantly enveloping him in a proper hug.

i was half-expecting harry to be right next to him, but the seat next to him was indeed vacant.

i cocked my head at this. “where’s harry?” i asked, quietly just in case.

niall shrugged, looking around himself, “think he went to goof off with zayn or… or something, dunno.” he grabbed the remote and turned the volume down on the tv. “how ya been girlie? we missed ya!”

“yeah, it’s been since you left the grieving house last year and moved into pumpkin spice and everything nice,” i gestured around the place.

niall laughed at this. “yeah, it is nice, isn’t it. i take it louis’ already greeted ya at the door there,” he pointed.

i nodded. “sure has. he always has such a warm smile.”

“what about me?” he cocked his eyebrow at me like he was playfully offended at what i said, folding his arms. “surely i’ve got the smile to please.”

then he did his classic chin-in-the-hands cheeky grin like he graced so many audiences with over the past couple years.

“yeah, i’ve seen that too many times before,” i shook my head, hoping he’d catch that i didn’t really mean it.

niall was a warm person too. he always was.

we could just sit in silence, barely say a word, and find comfort in the virtually inaudible sound of our breathing.

but after a while, i realized louis hadn’t come back yet.

“you’ve any idea where louis ran off to?” i asked.

niall shrugged, “out back to have a smoke, probably. with zayn.”

i shuddered at the thought of smoking. it was attractive when someone else did it, but me? i could never. i was too pure to even consider it.

an advertisement suddenly came on the television, something about a mental health clinic and tips on how to grieve, or just to process loss in general.

“can we change the channel?” i mumbled, “every time this comes on, i can’t help but think of it.”

“yeah, sure thing,” niall reached over and grabbed the remote for me. “you decide what we wanna watch.”

“okay,” i smiled in response and began casually flipping. as i did so, i continued the subtle conversation.

“so what other commodities you offer here?”

“a backyard swimming pool,” niall joked. “nah, but i wish though. we’ve got our sleeping chambers upstairs.”

“you mean bedrooms?” i chuckled.

“well, yeah, but once you get so used to life on the road, you develop new names for ‘em, i suppose. but yeah, you know them as bedrooms.” i knew niall was joking when he said that. he was the funny man in the group, well, harry tried to be sometimes, and zayn did an even worse job. but i knew they all had a sensitive side to them. the ones with the brighter smiles hid the bigger ones.

“have you put your stuff away yet?” niall asked me, turning my way.

i glanced over at the suitcase i’d parked beside the door, shaking my head. “nah, i probably should.”

“here,” he sprung up, “want me to show you? it’s right upstairs, follow me.”

and so i sprinted behind him, lugging my zillion-ton suitcase clumsily behind me.

“you’ll be sleeping across the way from harry,” niall gave my side a nudge, looking at me knowingly.

“since when did i say he was my favorite member?” i retorted with a laugh.

“zayn told me. he sees straight through sometimes. especially with you.”

“ugh,” i folded my arms and rolled my eyes, “can’t stand that bastard sometimes.”

“yeah, he can be a bit of a smartass sometimes. but we all can.”

suddenly a call from down below. “nialler, lad, where’dja go?”

“coming!” he shouted back, turning on a dine and trucking back down to meet louis.

i stayed upstairs, taking careful note of my accommodations.

liam would have slept here if he were still around, i mused to myself somberly.

i looked outside my window and viewed a clear sight of him, in the dusky sky, painting a beautiful orange and fuscia tinted landscape up above, the clouds forming that signature v-pattern that i’d took notice of all the times before.

suddenly i heard voices creep closer to my room, the footsteps making their way up the stairs.

“have you shown her the room yet?”

“yeah, yeah, it’s all fine and dandy, she’s cool with it.”

i froze slightly before i heard the door behind me open.

“ah, there you are!”

“hey, we need to talk to you for a sec.”

oh lord, i thought to myself. just a sec? usually those turned into a whole minute, proceeded by another 59.

but it really didn’t feel like any time at all, zayn was standing by the door as well, and he gave me a friendly smile and wave, and i proceeded to hug him back as per the norm. he, too, was a gentle hugger.

“what would you like us to know about you?” louis asked, standing the closest to me.

“this feels like an interview,” i nervously chuckled, “uhh…”

“reason why we need to know,” louis semi-rudely interrupted, “is that you’re gonna be staying with us here for a while, right? and we kinda gotta sorta take you under our wing, in a sense, you get what i mean?” the speed at which he was talking and all those damn dramatic yet quick hand gestures only made me even more confused.

yet, i cleared my throat.

“please be patient with me,” i responded quietly to them. “i know absolutely nothing. that’s all i ask of you.”

“that’s it?” louis prodded.

i nodded. “i don’t know much, forgive me.”

“that’s quite alright with us. we don’t expect you to know anything,” louis reassured me.

“do you think you’ll feel happy here?” zayn then asked me.

“of course,” i quietly reply, a bit more sure of my answer. “i’m with you guys.”

i felt bad when they all had to lean in to hear me. but sometimes i only spoke at one volume. louis did too, and it was frozen on *loud.*

“anyway,” louis continued, “get situated in your room, unpack, put your belongings away, whatever, we’ll be back to check on you in a little while.” he whipped a pointing finger out on me, “you got our contacts right?” it sounded like one long word strewn together, but i just smiled and nodded, taking my phone out of my leggings pocket and waggling it in front of them.

“so you know who the best contact would be, right? either one of us?” louis’ frantic finger pointed to himself, niall and zayn in one split second.

“yeah, yeah, sure sure,” i laughed. “i’ll just call up my mum and tell her how homesick i am.”

“oy, don’t do that quite yet, love! get settled in first! then you can have the dramatic chit chat and all that jazz, y’know?”

“we’re holding you hostage for a while,” zayn joked, before turning to go back downstairs.

“you’ll feel real comfortable here, promise,” niall patted my shoulder. “just let us know what’s troublin’ ya, if anything.”

i nodded slowly, beginning to turn away. “alright.”

“alright, see ya on the other side.” he bounded back down the stairs after his bandmates.

still, i hadn’t quite gotten my one question answered by any of them, partially because i was too shy to ask anyone other than niall.

where in the world was harry?

night fell, and i found myself sitting alone in my room, having to overhear the loud conversations going on downstairs, primarily between louis and zayn, niall occasionally butting in with that pronounced irish tongue. they were having chinese takeout. gross.

i stared outside the window at the full moon. the storm seemingly ceased for just a brief moment, giving way to a sky crystal and blue, something i never thought i’d know again.

i could only trace a couple of stars, in the pattern of four congruent arrows. that was liam checking in on us.

i gave a wan smile back, with a tear in my eye. i did miss him, truly. i really could find him in the region of the summer stars, even when it was in the middle of a harsh and bitter winter.

somehow, the tears never stopped, even as i broke the glimpse, swiveling my head back to the door.

i looked around for a box of tissues, but there was none to be found.

the room was dark, but i didn’t feel like turning the light on.

this was the somber hour for me. it always occurred at night, when no one could see my bloodshot eyes, my insomniac mind racing, and i truly hated how i got those thoughts. how could you tell that small organ inside you to shut up? shouldn’t it carry more insignificance to me, less weight?

i got interrupted by a buzz i felt in my hoodie pocket.

i whipped my phone out to see a text from harry flash on my screen.

“you good?”

almost instantly following that, i heard a single barely-audible knock on my door.

i looked up, and in the moonlight streaming into the room from the window, a faint light shone on the figure standing in the doorway, propping himself against it.

i could almost see the corners of his lips turn up slightly as he wiggled his fingers in barely a wave, his other hand holding a barely-illuminated phone.

i smiled and allowed more tears to fall.

tears of happiness.

he was there the whole time, even when i wasn’t aware.

“you good?” harry mouthed to me, as if i hadn’t received the text in the first place, turning the waving hand into a thumbs-up gesture.

i hung my head down slightly and gave a small shake of the head.

not bothering to look up, i felt him sit cross-legged next to me on the bed, our knees nearly touching one another.

“what’s wrong?” he whispered, leaning into me with his hands folded in his lap.

i swallowed hard. “i miss him.” i nodded over to the window, at the arrows in the stars.

harry pursed his lips and nodded in thought. “we all do,” he softly mumbled in reply. “but we try not to think of it. we let ourselves focus on the happier times, the times that once existed, and flourished. we can look back on the past, and accept that… it was there, it happened, but the present, the now…” he pointed down with his finger, “is here to stay.” he paused for a moment. “as much as i wish it were possible, we can’t physically reverse the hands of time. but in our minds, we can produce an effect close enough, through mere reminiscing.”

i let an acceptable period of silence pass between us, a question floating from the recesses of my mind that i’d been meaning to ask, well, any of them. louis primarily, but harry was a good second route.

“do you… do you think li would have liked me?”

harry didn’t even have to consider it, nodding with a growing smile. “yeah. he would have adored you. you’re full of life, of light, of energy. you’ve got attributes that mirror his. although, obviously, you’re not him and there’s no replacing his soul and his spirit, as unique as it was… there’s a lot of liam in you. i wholeheartedly believe it.”

this made me cry all over again. i didn’t even come close to matching liam in any respect. i didn’t understand how i could even be worthy of that title. there was only one liam payne. i wasn’t liam 2.0. it just couldn’t even come close to sitting right in my mind.

so i shook my head at this. “you don’t mean it.”

“i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it.” harry was studying how my lips morphed into a frown, how i refused to make eye contact, how i just kept focusing on my kneecaps, my shins, as i sat there.

“what makes you happy?” he suddenly asked me, tapping me with a gentle touch of the finger on the shoulder.

“uh…” even through my tumultuous thoughts, i could still carve a pathway for my universal, simple answer that i could always trust myself to give to this question, as often as i was asked it. “music,” i nodded.

“what kind of music?” his voice grew just a touch softer.

i shrugged. “your music… 80’s…”

“do you have a favorite artist you like to listen to?” i knew he was trying to distract me from my stress, from my sadness, trying to relieve the pressure through the placement of sunny thoughts in my mind.

“not really,” i shook my head. “lately i’ve been listening to michael jackson’s discography. or re-listening, rather. but i’m also into disco and yacht rock, maybe some love ballads, power ballads…”

“ah, so you go for genres rather than artists. interesting approach there,” he waggled a finger at me, smiling admirably.

“yeah,” i shrugged again. “i dunno.”

another period of silence, a bit more prolonged.

“what about… what about you?” i tried not to let the hesitation show, as i knew he was the type to instantly detect it. “what uh… what makes you happy?”

“i’m so happy you asked,” he gently replied, whipping out his own phone.

the lock screen was of a young girl who looked no more than two, smiling and happy in a sunny yellow dress.

i knew harry was very subtle and private when it came to sharing glimpses of his personal life, contrary to louis who always seemed to overshare (well, he overshared in general, which i always found humorous).

“is that… is that your daughter?” i asked, playing completely dumb.

“that’s my niece,” he replied with a warm smile, swiping up and immediately tapping on his camera roll.

he scrolled a bit back but landed right on the video he wanted to show me.

“this is from when i was babysitting a while ago,” he pressed play. “just look at her.”

it wasn’t even like i was seeing much, she was walking towards him with wobbly steps on a super-clean carpet.

“is that your sister’s house?” i asked.

harry nodded, swiping left to another video.

this one was almost identical, expect midway through she fell right down in front of him, and i could hear harry quietly laughing in the background.

“she loves me,” harry shook his head, trying to hide his smile, “she can’t get enough. she’ll always want to walk over to me, like, she’ll want me to check her out. like some fashion show,” he chuckled.

“future runway model,” i jokingly replied.

“mmm, right.” he showed me one more video, well, at least i thought it was going to be one more. it ended up being ten more. he had videos all the way from when she was only a few days old and just sleeping in her crib. just photos though, not videos.

“so you’re like the annoying aunt who won’t stop taking photos of their niece or nephew,” i laughed. “i’ve got one of those.”

“my mum likens me to it, yeah,” harry nodded with a soft chuckle. “but she deserves to have one of those. even if it’s me.”

“would you… would you want kids of your own one day?” i couldn’t help but ask, the thought pulsing up to the front of my mind.

harry sighed out slowly. “my time will come.” it was a simple answer, but maybe there was more behind it that he chose not to tell me.

he was quick to redirect the conversation, though.

“how about your fiancé and… have you guys talked about it at all… yet?”

“nahh,” i shook my head with a light giggle. “no way. i only know how to look after houseplants, and even so, i can barely do it.”

“no pressure, obviously,” harry laughed softly. “it’s not for everyone.” right then, he flipped back to his phone and showed me even *more* pictures of his niece.

“had to go to an exhibit right afterwards, unfortunately. for valentino. was a lovely show but… definitely missed being away from her. my sister too. her husband. they’re great parents. great people. my mum… bless her… she was born to be a grandmother. she handles it so well.” he had broke out into a fond grin, staring at his screen with even fonder eyes. “seeing her takes away some of the mental anguish that i’d be facing.”

“from li?”

harry nodded. “yeah.”

i thought for a minute. “you know… speaking of the relationship you guys have with each other… you always refer to each other as brothers. i like that.”

“yeah,” he quietly laughed, taking the time to reflect himself, “we’ve always been that way with one another. we are brothers. and louis will tell you too, y’know, like… he’ll say ‘we’re just brothers here,’ and that openness alone will make you feel so welcome.”

“well, i hope you guys don’t mind a little sister.” i felt a pinging in my heart as i said that, for some reason.

“never,” harry rubbed my back, moving a bit closer to me.

“i already feel welcome here,” i nodded. “very much welcome.”

“i’m glad you are.” he put his arm around me, which sent a shiver down my spine, followed by the most overwhelmingly warm feeling in my chest. i leaned into it as he held himself there.

i glanced in the direction of the door, still hearing a tiny bit of commotion. “did you not… have dinner down there with the rest of the boys?”

“oh, no,” he shook his head, “had a bowl of cereal for dinner. wasn’t feeling too hungry,” he rubbed his stomach. “haven’t really been feeling hot down there, anyway.”

i looked up into his eyes with a softened glance. “are you sick?”

he shrugged. “dunno. maybe it will pass in time. only one way to find out.”

“well don’t get *me* sick!” i laughed, pushing myself back from him, and this earned a quiet laugh from him in return.

then we both leaned back and flopped down on the bed, not even planning on it, but i suppose we could communicate telepathically in that second.

then i bit my lip, unsure whether or not i should say what was on my mind next.

“i’ve always wanted a big brother,” i whispered to harry, “ever since i was little. i… i’m an only child… it gets lonely…”

“mmm…” harry nodded thoughtfully, looking straight up to the ceiling.

i followed his gaze, sighing out softly.

“but like… you guys have your sisters already. louis’ got four of them, plus a brother… good lord,” i shook my head. “i don’t think i could ever handle that. zayn i think’s got three sisters… and you’ve got gemma…”

“niall’s parents are divorced, and he kinda sorta… broke contact… with his older brother, while back… i actually forget when he told me this, but, point being,” he turned to face me with a small smile, “i’m sure he’d love a sister more than any of us.”

“are you gonna tell niall that?”

“tell him what?”

“that i want to be his sister.”

“do you want me to?” harry chuckled. “no, you should tell him. speaks from the heart, and it’s your heart, not mine. y’know?”

“yeah,” i nodded, pursing my lips, “i get it.” then i looked around, as if niall was somehow also in the room with us. “where is he?” i turned back to harry. “surely they’re done eating now, right?”

“dunno, wanna check?”

as we both stood back up from the bed, i made sure to hug him one more time before we headed downstairs again, me leading the way, and harry barely able to keep up.

through the closest window, i could see louis and zayn sitting out front, presumably having another smoke.

but niall was all alone on the couch watching some netflix film.

i was nervous to tell him, honestly. i didn’t know what he would think. he’d probably laugh at the idea.

as soon as we got to the base of the stairs, harry took off in the other direction, towards the bathroom.

poor thing, i thought as i looked on with a worried glance. maybe he had a virus. i didn’t know.

then i turned my attention back to the couch, taking a deep breath in.

maybe he would think it was cute. that i was cute for thinking that.

oh well. it was now or never.

so i came around and sat on the far end. glancing over, i could see he was on the phone with his girlfriend. they could have facetimed. i wondered why they chose not to this time.

he must have felt the weight shift below his seat, because he turned his head to meet my eyes, suddenly muttering quickly into the speaker, “gotta go babe, love ya.” he waited for the “love you too” before he clicked off.

“hey,” he smiled and motioned with his finger for me to come closer.

“how’s your… how’s your girlfriend?” i asked as i slid next to him, suddenly not knowing what to say.

“she’s good! too far away, obviously,” he joked. “but uh… yeah. how ‘bout you? how’s your fiancé?”

“too far away,” i repeated with a laugh.

“ah, same boat then,” niall laughed with me.

i tried to think of a proper way to bring up what harry had wanted me to say to him.

“you miss your family at all?” i asked. “you ever miss them?”

“erm… yeah, well, certainly, i mean… i…” he sighed, “i do miss them, sure.”

“do you contact them a lot?” i asked.

“certainly.”

“do they contact you a lot?”

“ehh… nah, not really,” he waved it off with a nervous chuckle. “but they’re busy with their personal lives, i get it, honestly.”

but for some reason, even though he was smiling about it, my mind was tinged with sadness over thinking that… he was probably used to it. i bet that’s why he spoke to his girlfriend so much, and liked having her in his company. normalcy had been a foreign term to all of them for what seemed like forever. being away from any familiarity must have come as a shock a long time ago. now… they’d been through that trial so many times to the point where they were numb of feeling, of longing. it was painful to even fathom, how i was on track to become the next one of them.

those anxious thoughts were looming, always on the verge of racing in my mind at the most inconvenient of times. i wasn’t sure if i was ready for that.

“i miss my family,” i lamented to niall, nodding slowly and in thought, eyes rolling up to the ceiling. “my fiancé is part of it, sure, but… i grew up with my parents, and nobody else in the house. i grew up not knowing a sibling, what a sibling was like, what having one was like…” i hated how my voice grew shaky in that moment.

“yeah,” niall chuckled, “but you probably wouldn’t want one. my brother and i, when we were younger, we were crazy, driving our parents off the rails.”

“yeah, and i was too good of a child. i got far too much attention from my parents. i was spoiled, really.”

“i’m sure you were,” niall laughed.

“no, but like…” i shook my head, “i hated attention, and i still do. nobody in my family seemed to understand that. and i was too shy to tell them.” i sighed a shaky breath out softly, “i’ve always been shy. always.”

“me too,” niall nodded in agreement. “even as a performer, as someone who’s gotta grace that stage with all those fans for multiple nights at a time. it’s crazy to think about, i know. but… that’s what’s going on inside.” he tapped his temple with his finger. “and all of us can relate to it.”

i inched a bit closer to him.

“my biggest wish is that i had someone to always turn to who actually… understood how i was feeling, just like…” i swallowed, “just like a sibling would.”

“aw,” niall put an arm around me. “well, i tell you what. out of all of us, you look the most like liam. really. i mean it. and you wanna know what he told me once? just completely off-hand?” he waved his hand to the side as he said it.

“w-what?” i stammered.

“man… i would love it if i had a little sister.” he mimicked his voice to make it sound like liam’s thick wolverhampton accent. it made me giggle ever so slightly. but the words touched me. i was set to cry all over again.

“do you mean it? really?” i found myself blurting out loud to him.

“yeah,” he smiled warmly, “and it’s amazing how i still have had fond recollection of it. like it… like it just happened yesterday.” now it was his turn to swallow hard.

and again, it simply felt too good to be true.

how could liam want someone like me in his life.

i went to bed that night still shaking my head at that mystery.

and when i woke up the next morning, i found myself in a fetal position, clinging onto my pillow, with two wet stains where my eyes had touched, feeling my nose run and tears fall down my cheeks.

teardrops are falling

on your face again

cause i don’t know how to love you

when i am broken too…

“remyyy!!!” i heard louis exclaim in a chipper voice as i heard his feet scurry to the door and his fist knock loudly quite a few times.

“uh… good morning?” i had to snort, seeing how he came bounding in my room like a little kid high on sugar. he never outgrew that, even as the oldest.

“yeah, so we were thinking…” he crept closer to me and instantly noticed the state of my face. “heyy…” his expression softened as he bent down in front of me and took my hand in his. “don’t cry… what’s got you like this?”

i shook my head, unable to produce a steady answer. “i… i dunno… i was crying all night last night.”

“aw, c’mere darling,” he sat me up as he sat next to me on the bed, bringing me in for a light hug. “you’re gonna hang with us majority of the day, yeah? you wanna play some footie out back?” he pretended to kick a ball about as he said it. “just gonna be you’n me, i’m afraid, unless i can convince zayn. harry an’ niall’ve gone out to the gym already, y’know them, early risers an’ all.”

i thought for a moment. “what’s zayn like to do?” i asked.

“ah, shit, i dunno,” louis shrugged, “guess he likes to draw, play pc games. write stuff. does that sound more fun to you?” he pretended to look and sound offended as he said it, which made me break out into a grin.

“no, no,” i laughed, “hanging with you sounds fun. i just… didn’t know…” i sighed, “guess it’s just gonna be us.”

as i started to lift myself up, louis immediately grabbed my wrist and brought me back down, “no no wait… what do *you* like to do? you can tell me, it’s okay!”

“what do i like to do?” i repeated with a nervous quiet laugh, blushing slightly at the question. i didn’t expect him to even care about what i liked to do as recreation, as hobby, if you could even count it as that. “well, uh…” i tried not to sound too nervous, as i was unsure whether it was worthy of explanation, “i like to listen to music and dance, primarily, and write stories. i get inspired by music a lot of times, it’s what keeps me going. besides that, i… i like to swim. i like to rollerblade. i did do karate but… it’s been a while.”

“ah, neat!” louis backhanded me, “how high up are you? like what rank?”

“second degree black belt,” i replied in the most casual way possible.

“fuckin ‘ell, get outta ‘ere!” louis slapped a hand to his chest. “now *please* tell me i was the first person to learn about that just now. please tell me that!”

“yeah,” i laughed, “although didn’t harry take jiu jitsu like a while back? or was i just seeing an article about it?”

“i believe so, you’d have to double check with him but…” suddenly he got up and bolted down the hall, yelling “zayn! you’re not gonna believe this!!!”

i rolled my eyes, checking my texts.

from niall: “morning sunshine :) harry wanted me to tell you that we’ve gone out to the gym for a little while. we typically do that early morning. i know you’re probably not that type, which is valid lol. hope you got a good night’s rest! see ya soon! ~nialler <3”

i smiled and texted back, “have fun doing whatever boys do at the gym… ~remster <3” i knew that was going to be our thing from here on out. i still needed to figure out a thing for me and louis, that would be quick to figure out, everything just came naturally with him. harry’s and zayn’s would each come with time.

“what the fuck,” i suddenly heard a deep voice from my doorway. looking up, i saw zayn propped against there. “when were you gonna tell us? that’s fuckin’ sick.”

“oh god,” i rolled my eyes, laughing. “i know it sounds like quite a feat to you all.”

“no, it is,” he nodded, looking serious as ever, it almost made me laugh. “you gonna show us some moves sometime?”

i tensed up at this, unsure of whether to show them anything. i was super wary of showing off my karate skills in general to total strangers, i just didn’t want to come off as the showing-off type. i wanted to remain humble about my acquired expertise.

“eh,” i shrugged with a smile, “maybe sometime. but yeah, i’ve done it for a while now. fourteen years and counting.”

“shit, that is a long time.”

“you’re impressed?” i raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, playfully of course.

“yeah,” he breathed out, shaking his head. “now help me wrangle up louis and we’ll figure out what the hell to do before the others get back from their little workout.”

i smiled, getting up and joining him. “sounds good to me.”

[zaddyluv]

Payno you will always be in our lives, our hearts and our memories... Rip Liam 💔