#always our Payno

[ignitedminds27]

Here's to the fans who are having a hard time during the holidays.

[whenziamwere18]

One

Month

Without

This

Beautiful

Smile

And

Soul. 🕊️

[moonlightseranade]

i agree the funeral should have stayed a private affair and it wasnt our right to see the guys grieve when we already know they are grieving right now.

sadly however the media was going to be scummy. "fans" however should have known better and acted on it because i know for a damn fact they knew better. this wasnt that kind of reunion and i really doubt we'll ever get that from them any ways. we are not owed anything by them.

lowkey seeing simon cowell crying on liam's parents to me felt dispicable. the man who worked these then boys to the bone and brim of exhaustion suddenly now filled with sadness and probably guilt, yeah right give me a break.

i just hope that whatever small quarrels could somewhat be set aside now between the lads. more so i wouldnt be at all surprised or upset if they guys dont preform or work for a while, go off the grid sort of speak. this was something no one was expecting and in my opinion they lost their mentor.

liam had done a previous round of xfactor, guided the guys in the limelight, and was always besides louis like two older brothers trying to keep their younger ones safe. he was the glue even if some might disagree, liam kept the one direction legacy alive. i really hope his brothers carry that flame in his honor. 💔 rest easy payno.

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

When I first discovered One Direction as an 11 year old girl, the band had already gone on hiatus. But it hardly mattered. I was so starstruck, constantly immersing myself in video diaries, music videos, and interviews so fully that it felt as though they were happening in real time. That little girl was so different from who I am now. She grew so much, learned so much. And you and the boys were right there with her the whole time- whether you knew it or not. When I was so insecure I wondered if anyone even cared if i existed, I could always turn on What Makes You Beautiful and remind myself that you loved all your fans. When I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, the comment sections under your video diaries were always full of inside jokes that only us Directioners understood. We had a family. And when I was scared of the future, my feelings too complicated for me to understand or explain, you had a knack for saying it for me, all while reminding me I would be okay. I remember so clearly the feeling of comfort I felt listening to Night Changes for the first time- and it was a feeling I held onto, one you continued to give me no matter where I was in life. I always thought I would have the luxury of continuing to grow up with you. I could see you were struggling, and as much as I worried, I guess I took it for granted that you would always be there. I never thought enough about what it must have been like for you. I don't think I could fully comprehend the weight of it. You sacrificed your childhood for ours, and though I am forever grateful, it breaks my heart. You were just a kid, 16 years old. You just wanted to sing, and to make people happy. And you did. Truly, more than I can explain. This world was far too cruel to you, and you deserved so much better. But despite the unfairness of it all, it comforts me to think that you made beautiful memories as well. I know you were hurting, more than I could ever fully grasp. But I hope more than anything that you still cherished the laughs, joys, and accomplishments you got to feel. You were always a positive person, and something in me tells me you did. I'm so sorry I couldn't help you the way you helped me. I never got to thank you. For being my escape when the world felt too loud. For opening the door to things that were so new to me in the most exciting way. For teaching me so much about the world. For all the laughs, the screams, the jokes, the tears. For the cherished memories, for being a highlight of my childhood and youth. I wish I could have told you all this, but I'm saying it now, now that we've reached the end of this magical and unforgettable chapter of life. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Liam. I will never forget you and all the memories you gave me. I will always miss you. I will always remember, and I will carry you with me throughout my life. I know you will continue to be a part of me and my life forever, I know I will continue to learn from you, and you will continue to give me more than I could ask for. If I am lucky enough to have children one day, I will tell them all about you. You will live on through me and all of us who love you unconditionally, I promise. You were a beautiful soul, and you changed so many lives without even knowing it. I hope you're in a better place now, somewhere you can finally be treated the way you deserve. I hope you know how loved you truly are, and I know you'll be watching down on us, taking care of us the way you always have. It has been such an honour and a blessing to experience my youth with you. Love you, Payno. Sleep tight. Xxx

[thebritishboyfriends]

I don’t know if anyone will see this

but I’ve been sitting here since the news broke, still trying to process that this happened. That this is reality. This fandom kept me afloat through my hardest times— college, graduation, grad school, coming out, my mom dying— and it meant the world to me. It still means the world to me, if I’m honest. The people I met, and this silly and brilliant band, have burrowed so deep into my heart. It felt like a warm comfort, always there as a “maybe they’ll reunite,” or a, “hey, let me reach out and see how _____ is doing!” It feels like something is shattered now, obviously so broken beyond repair.

Liam brought so much to the band. He gave his heart and soul to this. Even when we weren’t the best to him, he showed up and he gave us his all. I wish so much that the outpouring of love for him now is something he could have felt when he was here, to lift him up and comfort him. Liam was bright, but he was also steady and headstrong, and brave, and he was hurting. We can only see such a small, calculated glimpse into who they are— the authentic glimpses of Liam tell us that he was so much more than anything we could read about, or gossip, or more. He was a person, and people are complicated and flawed. His were unfairly thrust into an international spotlight.

I know many of us may have conflicted feelings about this. I understand that this is a complicated grief, because this means so much to all of us. Because he meant so much to all of us. I hope that we can be kind in our judgement, as he deserved while he was here. Good people can do bad things, and this in no way excuses any unethical behavior. It also doesn’t erase the deep love we feel for him, and the gratitude we want to express for the joy he brought into our lives. My heart aches for Bear, and I hope he only knows the love and the vibrancy his dad brought into the world. He deserved a better hand than he was dealt.

Liam, you deserved so much better. I hope, if your spirit returns, it’s into a vessel running wild and free. One without a cage, one without the tethers of fame. I hope you soar, sweet Liam. I loved you, I’ll love you, I love you forever.

thank you for everything, payno.

[amatowriting]

Liam, I don't know if you can read this anywhere you are now but although you didn't become a firefighter itself since the artistic career worked out, you did save lives like you desired.

It's the first time I will say it out loud but I met you when I was five years old locked in the bathroom, contemplating at such a young age about taking my life away because of all the abuse and bullying I was going through. I was scrolling through YouTube and I saw a video clip of What Makes You Beautiful by a band called One Direction and I decided to watch. IT BECAME THE BEST DECISION IN MY LIFE. As I grew up, I discovered your own story of growing up with bullying and Louis' daddy issues extremely similar to my story of life and then everyone person in my life that ever said to me I wouldn't be anyone and that I should kill myself didn't matter anymore...because if the two of you made it and became who you are now, WHY COULDN'T ME? That was the day I realized life was worth living thanks to all of you but more specifically thanks to you and Lou. YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND STILL DO AND FOR THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL ALTHOUGH I NEVER HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY IT TO YOUR FACE, PAYNO.

You carried us through the waters and fires just for our love, you found a way through the dark to us but we weren't able to save you any night, instead you went down in the flames and drowned in the waves.

We all wanted this last couple of day that your tragic premature passing was only an illusion, a twisted collective nightmare.

We are half a heart without you because everything about you is magic, all your little things.

You made us strong with your beautiful smile and fighter background, you have been fighting since you were born…you taught us good, we will keep your legacy.

We could never hate you or forget you; after all, how can you hate or forget someone who gave us so much to remember?

Together with the lads, you taught a whole generation about self-esteem and how to love and be loved by someone else…that’s why we have high standards for love, I suppose!

You were and still are the soundtrack with the best songs ever to the story of our life.

I'm the last one to say it - speaking in first person now because I'm as suck as you all together when it comes to dancing, I'm all clumsy - but even though you five were terrible dancers, you created two of the most iconic dance movements in Best Song Ever and Live While We Are Young - whoever in this fandom admits they never did their choreography neither knows the two of them by heart, is lying.

We weren't ready for you to be the first one to say goodbye so soon and create this space between us, twisting the knife in our breaking hearts.

We thought we would have more time…if only we had asked you to stay - we would have found the words to say, would you have changed your ticket home and changed your mind to not have left us that day?

We could have started all over again…maybe that wasn't meant to be indeed.

Maybe the gods above can separate the two of us…physically speaking.

You belong in our hearts and we better think you never forget it.

We are sad and, until we die, our hearts will forever miss a piece but we are going to be alright, eventually.

After all, you will be by our side anytime we need you, we just have to close your eyes and see.

You made us feel alive and never forget where we belonged so we will move on with our lives for the two of us.

Until the day we finally rest in peace too and you receive us with open hearts and arms for your tight hug and your unique genuine bright smile and charisma that enchanted our hearts for the last fourteen years.

Goodbyes are bittersweet but it's not the end, we will see your face again.

We can see that you are in peace as you are walking in the wind gracefully.

Our history is not over as long as we continue celebrating your wonderful life and heartwarming songs on and on! We live forever!

Protect us from above like you always have done, our musician firefighter, and we will protect your loved ones forever down here, from the world’s cruelty making sure they feel the love we and you have for them and what you truly meant from us instead of those sick sensationalism media that is dirtying you.

We are the greatest team the world has ever seen!

Thanks for all the memories, Payno, we love you!

[onelostpanda]

I just want to write something, anything, I feel like I should but words are failing me, it's like they left my body at the same moment I got the news. The boys are the reason I started writing in the first place! They got me into fanfiction, fanfiction got me into writing and just like that I was putting my feelings into words every single day, that's what got me out of my depression. THEY DID THAT! NIALLER, PAYNO, ZAYN, HAZZA, LOU! THEY SAVED MY LIFE, I don't care how cheesey or unbelievable that seems but that's exactly what they did. For me and for thousands of girls around the world.

They got us out of our darkest times, they made us believe we were worth something, we were loved, so far away but always seeming to close, always making us believe in everything their music transpired...music changes lives, their music changes ours, changed theirs, it changed the world. The friendships made because of them are some I hold on to to this day, 26 years old still talking everyday to some of those people I connected with over a decade ago, because of them. Because that's what's is always been about, friendship, their friendship inspire us to create our own relationships, sometimes with people so far away we never got the chance to even hug but still care about, and still reached out as soon as we heard what happened, just to check in, just to say "hey I'm here I still love you, you are still a part of me".

So, even tho I still can't really talk about his death, and I don't know if I will any soon, right here, right now, while listening to the same songs I haven't stopped listening to for the last three days, I just wanna say this:

LIAM, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'M HERE, WE'RE HERE, AND I STILL LOVE YOU, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME!

[faithinthekindness9194]

Hey guys,

I managed to finally listen to the boys music on Wednesday… I was out in the car and put on their playlist but I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel anything. I just felt numb.

I sang along but not to have fun or because I was happy but because I always sing along. No matter how I’m feeling.

I feel so bad for just being numb. It still hasn’t sunk in that it’s been 2 weeks. I miss Liam more than anything. He was the first member of One Direction that I fell in love with. I knew Liam’s Grandad through my auntie. She is a hairdresser and cut his hair. I had weekly conversation with him about Liam and the boys. He was so proud of him, you could tell every time I spoke to him. I never got chance to meet him but the conversations were enough. I managed to send Liam a drawing and a birthday card to which he tweeted and followed me. It made me feel a little closer to him even though I didn’t know Liam.

My heart is still so broken that he’s no longer on this earth. He shouldn’t have gone so soon. The boys have saved my life so many times and in so many ways. I probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for them, my depression and anxiety wouldn’t be as calm as it is if it wasn’t for them. I’m 27 and still as obsessed and in love with them as I was at 14/15.

Liam,

I am heartbroken that you are no longer with us. I feel numb. You need to know how much you are loved. The whole world loved you for your impeccable talent and your limitless kindness. You lit up this world in so many ways for so many people. You were an incredible person and didn’t deserve the hate and rumours you had to live through. You meant so much to me and so many others around the world. I hope you can see how much we all love you. You made the world a better place, with your smile and personality.

I feel for your family, friends, girlfriend, the boys and especially for your son. Bear will grow up forever remembering what an amazing and talented person his father was. We will never let anyone forget you.

I hope that wherever you are you are now at peace and happy. You deserved the world Liam and it failed you. I can’t believe that we couldn’t save you when you had saved so many of us. I’m so sorry that we let you down, you didn’t deserve it. You deserved so much more than what life dealt you. So from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.

I will never forget you and everything you brought to the world. Stay happy up there Liam, you deserve it. I love you so much Liam and I hope you’re now who you’re meant to be.

Sleep tight and rest in peace Payno.

I send you love and hugs, forever our Daddy Direction.

(I’m sorry for the long post but I need somewhere to write how I feel. I’ve spent 2 weeks trying to put into words how I feel and although this is all I can say at this moment in time, I feel like I’m able to write and help myself and hopefully others. If anyone ever needs anyone to talk to my DMs and Ask Box is always open.)

[random--rants]

It keeps hitting me randomly...

I'm telling myself whatever grief or emotions I'm processing is valid.

Parasocial relationships are weird but Attachment is Attachment even if it's one way. Grief is Grief.

This is how emotional dependance and gratitude works I suppose. It's not overreacting over some celebrity's death but the effect left is real to mourn for ages.

Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand as 1D said💯

Regret in other four boys' statement is what's getting to me...

"Wish I'd asked if you were okay one more time"

"Wish I could hug you one more time"

"Wish we could share same stage again"

"I'm finding myself talking out loud to you"

"Never thought it was our last Goodbye"...🥺😖

This whole situation sums up one thing again...

Appreciate the people around you, Validate their feelings.

Often tell the people you love that you love them.

Hold on to people who hold on to you

Let people know that you care, Slow down because it's just life and it'll be over before we realise.

Five years back, found these boys on a random afternoon, initial plan was just to know their names but....they changed the trajectory of a girl who never felt enough, who never felt belonged anywhere, who always thought she was a bad luck factor in her loved one's life, who had a constant subconscious wish that something should happen to her so she can disassociate from this world.

Sometimes obsessions save people... Atleast in my case. They gave me a sense of belonging and warmth, assuring that it was all in my head.

I've seen someone saying that the hardest part of being a fan is not able to save the person who saved you in your darkest times... 💔

And just like that I've lost one from my Safest HOME.

Payno...our Leeroy, if you are listening... You and boys will always be there in The Story Of My Life. My kids will grow up hearing The Story of Us, how their mum was healed by five random boys, how she got a Home far far far away from Home, how obsessed she was with them, how she'll be forever indebted to them and how One Direction gave her the right direction to love herself atleast a bit.

You'll be timeless Liam. You'll live till the last breath of the last directioner on this planet. Since you saved us you have a share in our souls right 🫂

May be in another life, we had a perfect reunion.

May be in another life, you'll get to see Little Bear grow up into a man.

Just wake me up from this or give me some tips to forget about it 'cause a knife to chest would hurt lesser.

Thank you Liam, Love You Goodbye 🖤

❤️💛🇨🇮💙💚

[tpwkwriter]

helllooooo! i love ur fics, they are really great. Could you please do any cute fluff with llh, like make our hearts melt due to his love for his girl and him showing the world how truly in love he is with y/n thank you! all the best <3

Truly.

Awww hello!! Thank you for your request and lovely, words I appreciate it so much!!!💟

We all love a bit of LHH 😚

And also Zayn is included in this he is always a part of one direction 💛

Warnings- none really! Extreme fluff

Hope this is what you wanted and I hope you enjoy this! 🌷

— — — — —

The sound of laughter and banter ricocheted between the lads downstairs.

It was a rare occasion that the 1D lads had a day off and could spend it however they wished.

Despite spending everyday with one another for the last 5 years, they still make time for each other and make sure to have quality time. And y/n was more than happy to accommodate that, she loved them 5 boys.

With messy hair, oversized hoodie and Pyjama bottoms that were tucked into her long fluffy socks y/n carelessly crept down the stairs not minding her state around the boys.

Harry was sitting straightly upright on the sofa, his elbows leaning on his knees as his eyes were glued to the Tv screen that played some video game they took in turn playing.

To his left sat Liam who was leaning comfortably across the sofa with his legs dangling over the matching ottoman that was perched in front of him.

Louis, Zayn and Niall were sat on the 3 seater sofa that sat adjacent to the one Liam and Harry occupied.

Once y/n crept in to living room to see what they were up to, all attention immediately sprung to her.

“Morning y/nnn” the four boys said in almost unison.

“Morning Boys” she yawned using her sweater paw to cover her mouth.

H couldn’t help but stare at the girl that was all his.

Even in the early mornings she still managed to look beautiful, she looked adorable wrapped in his hoodie, fluffy socks and hair down and ruffled.

“Y’alright angel?” He asked all eyes and focus on her.

“Yeah” she smiled glancing at the 5 boys lazing in the room.

“I’ll make us coffee” she yawned once again. And slipping away to the kitchen.

“Need any help love?” Louis called

“M’okay thanks Tommo” she answered.

“I’ll go” Harry interjected swiftly placing his phone done and hurrying to the girls aid.

“Whipped” Liam jokingly remarked

“Oi i heard that payno” he answered taking a quick look at Liams smiley face.

Harry was quick to wrap his arms around the girls waist as she flicked the kettles and prepped the cups.

“G’Morning” he whispered in her ear pressing tiny kisses to the side of her face.

“Morning” she sweetly replied, blushing at his actions

“Sorry couldn’t stay f’mornin cuddles” he pouted.

“S’fine, we get to deal with these cuties anyway” she said referring to 4 giggling men in there sitting room.

“Heeeyyyy, am I not cute enough?” He said holding her waist tighter and pressing his lips to her neck.

“Y’know what I mean” she giggles.

“Hmm m’not sure I do” he said kisses going higher up her face.

“Oi keep it PG yeah?” Zayn called, the rest of the boys immediately sniggering.

“Bloody hell” he said closing his eyes a smile showing.

— — — — —

The boys carried on with there game that took place the flat Tv that sat on the wall.

Though to be honest even if y/n had no clue what was going on, seeing them get competitive against each other and joke around made her heart happy.

Y/n leaned against the doorframe watching all the boyish banter unfold.

Harry determined that wasn’t close enough.

“C’mere m’darling” he says patting his lap.

Y/n knew the boys wouldn’t mind, so she accepted his offer.

His back leaned against the sofa, as y/n perched herself on his lap comfortably.

She then leaned onto his chest, legs still dangling over his knees and head resting just on top on his shoulder.

Allowing that safe familiar scent to take over.

As the day continued laughs and jokes were made.

Y/n’s phone starts going off a Bit more than usual.

“Baby y’phones going mental” Harry says slinging his arm out lazily to reach it for her.

She opens it which leads her to Twitter to reveal a post Niall had made.

It was a snapshot of the couple on the sofa, the timing being to perfect that it captured harry pressing a kiss to the girls forehead.

The caption read: look at these lovers.

It was safe to say Twitter was going feral.

“Niall! You shitter!” She jokes, very much loving the photo.

“Let’s see” Harry said moving the girls hand with his own.

“Heeeyyy, y’caught me in my most vulnerable state” he smiled, pressing another kiss to the girls hairline.

“S’pretty damn cute if I say so myself” Louis smiled, scrolling down Twitter.

Harry then presumes to retweeting the photo which further leads the fandom into frenzy, many of this is them trying to work out who y/n is, how long they’ve been a thing, them gushing over how adorable boyfriend Harry is.

Y/n was glad he was all hers.

— — — — —

As the day progressed, the boys and y/n spent the day at home with continuous banter and laughs.

“Mmm I love you” he said pressing a kiss to the girls cheek after closing the door to the boys who had just left.

“I love you” she replied.

“M’social batteries dead though” she sighed.

“Looks like m’just gonna havta cuddle you then hey?” He said plopping down next to her and leaning his head on her lap.

The Tv played some random drama that caught the attention of y/n, her fingers playing with his long curls that splayed all over her lap.

“Y’so pretty” he randomly admits

“Y’are” he said eyes scanning her features, as best he could considering he was under her chin.

“Harryyyyy” she dragged.

“Don’t start this, y’know y’gorgeous” she blushed.

“I love you my sweet girl” he said, melting into her soft and loving touches.

“Love you more than life”’

“Love you too Harry”

“I do” she mumbled

As they sat in comfortable silence feeding into the programme on the TV.

Y/n’s phone pinged allowing her screen to light up, the random light in the corner of his eye made Harry glance at it, and he wasn’t expecting to see the newly posted photo to be her lock screen.

“Baby?” he wondered

“Hmm” she hummed.

“Is that photo your lock screen?” He smiled.

“Maybe”

— — — — —

Bit crappy ending but I hope you enjoy nonetheless! ❤️

[ignitedminds27]

The city of Wolverhampton has decided to shift Liam's Memorial to West Park and look at these workers handling every bouquet and offering delicately and respectfully.

They also created a beautiful tribute with all of the offerings fans left at the memorial. I'm all teary. Thank you for showing love and respect to our boy. He must be rejoicing seeing his town do this for him.

[zaddyluv]

Payno you will always be in our lives, our hearts and our memories... Rip Liam 💔

[ibelongtotheclassics]

An indescribable mix of conflicted thoughts and complicated emotions stirs as we begin to process the recent events that have transpired and understand what went wrong.

But how do you go about sending off one key member of a band who you grew up with - has been an integral part of your teenage years and deeply ingrained in one of your fondest memories? 💔😢😭

Our introduction to One Direction began in our 2nd year of high school when we stumbled upon the WMYB music video. Instantly amazed, we dove into their humble beginnings - X Factor days, their iconic staircase video diaries, and eagerly devoured every 1D content we could find.

We even scribbled down fun facts about them in our little notebook, a testament to our growing predilection. They became our joyful fixation throughout that Christmas break, and by the time school resumed, we proudly identified ourselves as full-fledged Directioners joining the community with fellow fans.

1D was one of those first major music artists we truly held so dear to our hearts, whose music saved us, the first concert we ever attended, and the first boy group we fully supported before knowing EXO.

When Zayn left and the group went on hiatus, it felt like the first crack in our Directioner hearts, thinking this might be the end. We knew it would be OT4 from then on, but deep down, we clung to the hope that one day, all 5 would reunite and perform.

As we grew older and focused on other matters, so did the members pursuing their solo music careers. And though we became less vocal, the idea of selling our 1D merch never crossed our minds. Sentimentality kept everything safely stored, and we continued to quietly support them and occasionally check in on their individual endeavors. Now, with Liam’s passing, it feels final and permanent. What once seemed like a distant hope now is impossible cause things will never be the same again.

It's beyond devastating and terrible of what everything has become but we all know one thing for sure - we want to remember Liam and the rest of the lads as these bright-eyed dreamers, alive with energy and ambition. While inevitable changes, both good and bad, have occurred, the youth in us will always have a genuine love for One Direction. It will always remain.

OT5 forever!!! 🤗

Payno, Tommo, Dj Malik, Hazza & Nialler

One Dream. One Band. One Direction.

Rest in peace and power, Liam. 🙏🕊️🕯

We always considered you as the leader of the group.

We hope you're okay now wherever you are. Condolence to the family, friends, and to people who knew him better.

A big & warm hug to all Directioners around the world.

Sincerely,

Pam and Pat

[lightsoffwhentheyshouldbeup]

With the anonymity this blog gives me, this is kind of the only place I feel comfortable sharing my grief publicly.

For over a week, I kept coming back to our local Liam memorial. I added candles, flowers, a sea shell I collected from the beach at home, 3D printed dinosaur paper clips, a letter to Liam and a bracelet trading jar. I brought a sign with a green ribbon that says “mental health matters” and put bracelets that say “safety pin” and have a safety pin in them next to it, with a note “let this be your safety pin if you need one”.

If anyone irl asked me how I was doing, I would reply with “good, thanks”. Because there is something so private about my grief that I don’t want anyone to see. Something no one would understand.

I 100% believe that Liam’s death was an accident that happened under the influence of drugs and alcohol that happened due to mental health issues. I had people on the internet scream at me “it wasn’t su!c!d3” for days when I brought up mental health in this but I never thought it was. So I went quiet on the internet, too, because I did not feel seen there, either.

Liam wasn’t my favourite in 1D. He wasn’t my favourite solo. That has always been and will always be Harry and Niall.

But from the moment Liam spoke up about his mental health problems, I felt some sort of twisted connection to him. Sort of because for years I struggled with my own mental health, sort of because my step-brother struggled with his mental health and addiction for years. Without knowing him personally, I always felt like he was another one of us with hurt inner children. One of us who had to grow up too fast under circumstances they couldn’t control. I never got into Liam’s solo music, yet I always admired his talent for singing and dancing. And I cared about him as a person, because I usually care too much about other people anyway.

What hurts me the most about Liam’s passing is that he didn’t get a chance to recover and heal. And that too many times this could have happened to me or especially my step-brother far too easily.

Yet I decided, that is my personal pain. This doesn’t regard Liam. Wherever he is now, I hope there are dinosaurs and water pistols and everything he needs to feel free like a child there.

Fly high, Payno, and try not to bump into those flying dinosaurs too often. x

[chaoticxaesthete]

\\ TW: DEATH //

i've been wanting to vent out for so long now. it's been a week since i saw the dreaded headline about Liam Payne, and it's been a bad emotional low since then. i spent my teens listening to One Direction apart from other artists and have always loved Liam. i've listened to their band albums and their solo albums. never once did i fathom i'd be mourning the death of a 1D member this early. never once did i imagine this would be the reunion we were wanting badly. it got me thinking about how i'd react to such news about other artists who've had an impact in my developing ages; Justin Bieber, Halsey, and BTS. i might just shut down for a while if the scenario arises.

if you're mourning Liam's death right now, please take your time and grieve. you're grieving the death of that young boy full of dreams and hope, who made people happy with music.

fly high Payno. you'll always live in our hearts. thank you for everything. 💔🥀🕊

[cleverlarryusername]

I can’t believe it’s been a week. I still find it hard to find the words to properly articulate how I’m feeling because I’m still feeling so many things. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m still in shock, my 16 year old self is mourning as well as my 28 year old self. I have my best friend because I wore my up all night tour shirt to band camp. I got through extreme loneliness at the beginning of college because I had them to turn to (and ended up making some friends because of them). These five boys have been such an integral part of my life and I never imagined I would have to lose one of them before I turned 30. We were all supposed to get old and gray together. We were supposed to be reliving our youth at the reunion tour. There’s so many milestones they were all supposed to be around for and it’s been very hard to mourn the loss of that possibility. I’m very grateful that I got to experience 2 One Direction shows and see everyone except Zayn (for now) do at least one solo show, but a reunion with all 5 of them would’ve been a different kind of magic than any of that. I’ve been wanting a One Direction tattoo for a very long time, but once I came up with my ideas I wanted to wait for the reunion to get it as a celebration. Instead it’s now a reminder. A reminder that no matter where any of us go, those 5 boys will always point me forward. Thank you for everything, Payno.