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lucidpantone · 5 years ago

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Chapter 2: Visitations

Someone recently asked the tag if Sander and Robbe stayed together forever. Here’s a fic giving you the answer. Thanks for the inspiration.

Read the rest on Ao3

Italics is the Past. If not, it's August 15th.

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Sander sat in the dark. Questioning, why did he have these thoughts, retracing each one, letting one dark thought morph into another. Asking himself why do my thoughts do this. If my last thought had been different from my previous thought I wouldn’t be thinking what am thinking right now but they just kept going and going and going because thoughts never stop. Even when you’re sleeping. Thoughts only ever stop when….

The hospital room door swung open.

The harsh glare of the hallways fluorescent lighting poured into Sander’s room.

Sander eyesight took a moment to readjust and as it did he saw him standing there.

He looked like an angel drenched in a yellowish afterglow.

“Sander…” hearing Robbe say his name brought a small smile to his face. They hadn’t seen one another in awhile.

“I told her not to call you.” Sander grunted as he rolled himself on the bed to face the wall.

“Your mom didn’t call me. The hospital did. I am still your emergency contact.” Sander heard the door close behind Robbe.

He could hear Robbe rustling in the darkness. Curiosity got the better of him and Sander turned back around towards Robbe. Sander hadn’t even noticed that Robbe was in his work clothes. It was such a departure for Sander seeing Robbe like this in a shirt, tie and trousers instead of his usual beat up vans, black Trasher hoodie and slightly too big jeans. Robbe looked good, he looked so adult.

Sander noticed Robbe’s work bag already on his desk chair. Sander watched Robbe unbutton his shirt, slip it off, remove his tie and pull his undershirt over his arms. Robbe was standing in the dark, bare chest. He took a moment to kick off his loafers and head towards the bed.

Before he got under the covers Robbe checked the time on his beat up Casio watch shaking his head at whatever information the device was providing him.

Sander knew the drill. They had this routine down. Sander and Robbe had been in this exact situation several times before. In this exact hospital actually, maybe even in this exact room. All the sterile white hospital rooms looked the same to both of them now.

Sander’s back felt cold as he pressed it onto the hospital wall. Robbe slid into bed with him. The beds in the observation rooms were all singles so to fit Robbe and Sander onto one bed Sander had to lay on his side with his back to the wall and his upper body sprawled onto Robbe’s chest but Sander and Robbe both already knew this. This wasn’t the first time. As Sander put his ear to Robbe’s chest he felt his warmth radiate onto him. It felt calming. They laid there for a minute until Sander spoke up.

“You don’t need to come back here to take care of me. I am not your sick boyfriend anymore.”

Robbe looked down at Sander and grabbed onto the nape of his neck slightly pulling at the ends of his hair.

“No big deal. I was in the neighborhood” Robbe said in a dry tone. Sarcastic but with a hint of sadness to it.

Both Sander and Robbe knew that he most certainly was not in the neighborhood. Sander imagined that Robbe made up some lame excuse to leave work early and hop on a train from Brussels to Antwerp in attempts to make the 8pm visitation time cut off. Sander was glad he came. He hated that fact. Robbe deserved better, they weren’t even together anymore but Robbe made everything better. When Robbe was around it made Sander feel almost safe. Hopeful that eventually this darkness that clouded him would leave him.

Can I ask you for a favor? Sander whispered.

Robbe nodded. Their bodies relaxing into one another.

“Can you take Bowie with you?” Sander looked up at Robbe trying to find his eyes in the darkness, and when he did, he let some honest truths come out. “I just think i'm going to be here awhile…... am not doing so great.” Sander murmured the last part of his confession.

Robbe responded by giving Sander a kiss on the forehead and pulling him in closer.

“I don’t know if you still remember but it's …” Robbe finished Sander’s sentence for him.

“Fresh in the morning and a third of a cup of dry food at night. I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry.”

Robbe kissed Sander’s forehead again. He pulled Sander even closer to him. Tighter. Sanders lips were practically meeting Robbe’s jawline now. Robbe cradled him towards his chest as he ran his fingers down his arm and onto his ribcage. Sander buried his face into Robbe’s neck to muffle a sob as he felt Robbe tracing the outline of Sander’s first tattoo. Sander could practically visualize the text.

In Elk Universum

Sander was crashing. Robbe tried to distract him.

“You want to hear a story baby?” Robbe asked ever so softly.

Sander was crying now but he responded in between sobs. “Is it the one about the house by the beach?”

“That’s the one” Robbe said sweetly. Taking a moment to kiss away the tears on Sander’s right cheek.

Robbe began to recant the story about the two boys who fell in love at the house by the beach. He walked his index finger and middle finger across his chest to depict the first boy a small brown hair skater type. Robbe moved his hand which was placed on Sander’s nape, down Sander’s arm and grabbed Sander’s hand. Robbe gently unfolded Sander’s index finger and middle finger and began to walk Sander’s fingers across his chest to meet the brown hair skater boy.

Once both the brown hair skater boy and the artist were standing directly across from one another Robbe continued the story.

“So we had our artist who fell in love with his skater boy.” Robbe took a second to use his index finger to slightly massage the top of Sander’s index finger and then he continued.

“The artist would say that he saw the skater boy in the moonlight and that he just knew….”

That was Sander’s queue. “That he was the one”.

Robbe gave out a long sigh “Yeah, that he was the one”.

Robbe walked his fingers over towards Sanders fingers and placed his index and middle finger underneath Sander’s fingers allowing his thumb to massage the top of Sanders fingers.

Sander broke Robbe’s grasp and clasped their hands together interlacing their fingers between one another.

Sander looked up at Robbe and in a sudden moment of courage he asked him..

“Do you think they make it? The skater boy and the artist?”

Robbe looked down at Sander gulping down on whatever seemed to be stuck in his throat but before Robbe could respond Sander added on.

“You know if the skater boy could forgive the artist for all the shit he put him through.”

Sander then collapsed onto Robbe’s chest before Robbe could even form a response. Sander pulled on Robbe’s hand turning it over while still tightly clasping onto it.

Sander brought Robbe’s hand towards his mouth and gently placed a kiss on the text tattooed across Robbe's wrist.

Neither of them spoke after that. They just laid together in silence.

But as Sander began to drift off into slumber he heard Robbe faintly say.

“Always. They always make it back to each other. In every universe Sander”.

*************************************************************************************************

“Sander”

“Sander Driesen” The nurse rattled off.

Sander popped his head up from in between his legs and walked across the waiting room towards her direction.

He followed the nurse through the double doors into a patient room. Sander despised talking to shrinks. He had talked to so many over the years that he had constructed a well prepared monologue by now. This shrink was new he had never seen her before. He had been referred to her from his previous therapist because he concurred that he needed a more senior medical professional to evaluate him. It was all the same to Sander. He had this role down. He would be quick, say what they wanted to hear. Maybe throw them an emotional bone here or there and be on his way.

The doctor was roughly in her late forties. A curly haired brunette with strands of grey hair sticking out and large black rim glasses. Sander was perceptive with these medical types they’d been around him his whole life and he already knew by looking at her she was going to make him work for it. Sander threw his leather jacket off and splashed down on her couch and waited for her to start her shtick.

“Hey Sander, I am Dr. Bakker. I hear you came in to request that your meds be recalibrated?”

Sander leaned forward placing his elbows on his knees answering back.

“Yeah, I’ve been edgier than usual” Sander told her, making a hands shaking motion.

“And I'm having trouble sleeping.” Sander was always having trouble sleeping. This was nothing new but the start of autumn always made him blue. He wasn’t sure why, I mean he was but he wasn’t ready to admit that to himself just yet.

“It looks like you have had a recalibration every year for the past 4 years”

The doctor stopped there. Goating him for more information. Sander considered playing his usual game but he wasn’t in the mood. So he gave it to her strait.

“What can I say, I get a little more crazy every year” Sander twirled his index finger in a circular motion around his temple.

Dr. Bakker wasn’t amused.

“Sander, what's your earliest memory?” Sander thought not this freudian shit again. This is why he despised talking to shrinks. Memory this and memory that. Parents this and parents that. So he changed gears.

“Doc, do you ever question memories?”

“How so?”

“I mean do you question the concept of how you remember them. Capture them?”

“How do you decide which one to remember? Which one was good? and which one was bad?”

“I don’t know Sander, how do you remember them?”

“I draw them.”

“On your body?” Dr Bakker said pointing her pen at Sander’s arms. His full sleeve tattoos on full display.

Sander gave the doc a wicked grin. Okay he thought. Let's play.

“When I was younger I used to draw my favourite memories. The good ones. The ones I wanted to capture? ”

“The ones that made you feel safe?” Dr. Bakker added on.

“Oh, your good doc” Sander giggled making a trigger signal towards her direction.

“Sure” Sander clasped his hands in front of him and replied with a tinge of drama in his voice.

“The ones that made me feel safe”

“I’d draw them and place them around whatever room, surface, habitat I was infiltrating on the day”

“And they made you feel safe” The doc probed again. In a condescending manner. Pressing her pen onto her scratchpad.

Sander was annoyed now but he flashed her one of his typical fall back asshole smiles. In attempts to brush her off. It was the Robbe smile the one he had learned to weaponize long ago. Sander never quite got it right. Sander was always better at obvious distractions, not overt strategy like Robbe. Robbe’s smile confused his recipient, made you think that you thought of that, when you hadn’t. A smile wrapped up in qanswers a question within an answer. Sander had tried to make that smile part of his arsenal but Robbe was always better at flipping the axis, breaching for impact, navigating the fall outs. He could simultaneously be your guardian angel or your ruthless protection squad.

Sander had drifted off for a second. The doc’s pen taps pulled him out of his own conscious.

He finally responded “The good ones, sure”.

“So how do you decide what's good or bad? black or white?”

“Me” Sander pointed at himself. Acting dramatically astonished that the doc would even consider him capable of making these decisions for himself.

“Wouldn’t have a clue. I only stopped drawing because I couldn’t afford to buy new sketch books everytime I thought about throwing myself off a bridge.”

“Do you know how expensive sketchbooks are doc?”

Sander was entertaining himself now.

He looked up at the doctor. She was expressionless.

His eyes shifted.

“It’s a joke doc. Jeeezz” Sander threw up his hands. In a give me a break fashion.

“Anyways I don’t know anything about good or bad, black or white. I, myself, am a maverick. I operate in shades of grey.”

Dr. Bakker was visibly frustrated by Sander’s grandstanding. So she let go of all the niceties.

“Who’s Robbe?”

And now….Now Sander had had enough. This was going to be a throw away session.

He threw up his muddy Doc Martens on Dr Bakker’s Beige couch and sprawled himself out. He turned his cheek towards her and said.

“Robbe who?”

Dr. Bakker replied sternly.

“You have had almost half a dozen in-patient stints in the last five years. You’d checked yourself out against doctor orders every time. Robbe is noted on your personal records as your emergency contact. Who is he? ”

She was starting to sound demanding. Sander was getting under her skin.

“Oh him” Sander considered continuing his smart aleck routine but he was generally curious what the doc had to say.

“His my ex-boyfriend”

“And was he good or bad to you?”

Sander popped back up now. Placing both feet on the ground firmly.

Sander wasn’t sure how to reply. He could lie or he could tell her the truth.

Robbe was the best. The sanguine type of person that if the world knew about them they would in case them in amber like some sort of prehistoric jewel to keep them safe.

Sander noticed the time it was nearly five. The session was nearly at its end. So he told her what she wanted to hear. Tried to expedite the process.

“His a good person”

“What about when he is with you? Is he good then too?”

Ohhh. That hit a nerve.

“I wouldn’t know. We haven’t been together in a long time.” Sander said in a steady voice attempting to give away nothing.

“That's a shame. He seems to have shown up for you a lot, and you know what they say?”

The doc was glib.

“People need people”

And time.

Sander couldn’t have got up any faster and headed towards the door. Dr. Bakker noticed Sander immediacy and asked him. “Somewhere you need to be?”

“On my way to Brussels” he snapped back. He was done playing patient/doctor.

“What’s in Brussels?” Sander paused as he twisted the door handle.

He looked back at her.

“Nothing. Just something I forgot”

As he walked out of the room he heard the door slam behind him.

*************************************************************************************************

Robbe heard him before he saw him.

Jangled trucks, Loose hardware, a slab of maple, the grind of steel.

Lucas Van Der Heijden slid into Robbe’s life unannounced via a four foot handrail above ground.

Front side, lip slide.

Roll up, Fakie.

Drop in, ride the bowl, keep it sweet.

Off the edge, Pop, Back Foot Slide, Flip.

Ride the pocket.

Need a break, back side disaster.

Just for fucks Lucas thought.

Front side, big air, tail grab.

Don’t lose it. Speed it up.

Last one for the cute guy looking at me , Lucas clocked.

Tuck knee, chicken wing, front side air.

He’s still staring…. One more.

Front nose, rail slide.

Clips.

Oh Fuck

Bails.

Lucas’s board flies out from underneath him. Luckily his feet catching him before he eats any real shit.

Robbe sees the board flying towards his direction. He runs to it, grabs it. Thinking, this is his chance.

Lucas pops back up. Running his fingers through his hair, trying to collect himself as he walks towards the cute guy with the black Trasher hoodie on.

The two men stop a couple of feet away from one another.

“Wouldn’t take you for a guy that rides girls?” Robbe shoots out in the cockiest tone.

Lucas chokes on his own spit. Unable to piece a sentence together after that.

He finally gathers himself and gives Robbe his gutsies reply.

“Only for business purposes. Never in private” Lucas lifts his eyebrow towards Robbe.

Robbe lets out a little snort. He thinks to himself this guys funny and gay.

Robbe finally hands Lucas back his GIRL brand skateboard.

“Robbe” He says leaning in to give Lucas a skater bro style handshake. The kind that happens high on the chest but Lucas stops him and grabs his hand and gives him a real handshake.

“Lucas”

“Your Dutch?”

“Your not” Robbe huffs at Lucas. Intrigued by this little shit.

Robbe hopes he isn’t being obvious as he checks Lucas out.

Lucas is roughly 6ft (1.8 meters).He has somewhat longish Hazelnut hair, long enough that you could see it form curls at the ends and a pair of striking glacial eyes the kind that feel like you peering into the bottom of the ocean. Robbe knew eyes like these, the kind that saw inside your soul and turned you inside out. He had experience.

Lucas was a semi-pro skater, just in town doing the rounds. Breaking in another skatepark crossing it off his metaphorical list.

“Do you mind?” Robbe pointed at slightly elevated pavement.

“Going to need a ledge for class.”

“You teach?” Lucas asked curiously.

“Yeah, I teach the under 14’s, Tuesday’s and Friday’s.

“You must be a pretty decent skater to teach….”

“I am okay. I have my moments.” Robbe gives Lucas a flirty smile.

“Ok, Mr. Okay” Lucas taunting Robbe in a ho hum tone.

“If you're the real deal. Name your three favorite skaters?”

Robbe shot back like a gun. “Natas Kaupas, Tommy Guerrero, Mark Gonzales”

“Oh shit” Lucas said surprised. Throwing up his hands apologetically for his presumption.

“You are the real deal Robbe and your old school”

“Yeah. I mean I like my skaters like I like my music” Robbe added.

“Just the classics” Robbe threw Lucas a wink.

Robbe was pleasantly surprised. It had been a moment, since he felt giddy. There hadn’t really been anyone significant in his life since Sander. I mean he slept with guys, went on dates but he was never really into those guys it was more an itch he needed to scratch.

Plus Sander was still awkwardly making cameos in his life.Three years after their break up. He stumbled in every few months saying he needed to visit Bowie. He was in town to tattoo a client. He was “just in the neighborhood” and thought he should drop by.It always ended the same. They’d end up fucking, he hung around for a few days, they pretend everything was okay. They never talked. At least not about them. Sander and Robbe were pros at protecting themselves from the world but never each other.

The set up had become a bit toxic.

Something needed to change.

“So, Lucas. I am here twice a week. How come I've never seen you before?”

“I know most pros that pass through here.”

“How do you know am a pro?” Lucas questioned with a perfectly placed crooked smile.

Robbe rolls his eyes casting them down on Lucas.

“Front side, big air, tucked knee. On a tuesday? Show off!”

Lucas chuckled. Robbe caught him.

“I am not from around here.” Lucas admits. Seemingly a little disappointed.

“Shame, I could have taught you a thing or two if you took to my class.”

“Oh, yeah” Lucas said pressing the back of his tongue against his front teeth.

“I can come now”

“I just won’t be able to keep up with the attendance.”

“Too bad” Robbe replies as he moves dangerously close to Lucas, invading his personal space. Lucas pulls back slightly. Robbe was making him nervous.

Robbe starts to back away from Lucas finding his board on the ground in his path.

“So what do you suggest I do then?” Lucas shouts back to Robbe with his arms spread out wide.

Robbe flashes him a calculated smile. He pops his board’s tail, slams its back down on the ground and begins to accelerate on the asphalt. He throws a Frontside 360 Ollie a couple feet in front of Lucas and pounds the landing.

The ground quakes beneath them.

Robbe slows to a stop.

Lucas raises his chin into the air with his arms out wide again. Waiting for Robbe’s response.

Robbe seizes the moment and yells out to him. “Try bribing the teacher”.

Lucas stands there incredulous, smiling to himself.

Knowing. He was fucked.

*************************************************************************************************

He fucked it.

Sander thought as he stepped out into the August night and scanned the curb.

Robbe was lighting a cigarette for some in-shape blonde with a fresh crew cut. Sander felt a twinge of jealousy. It wasn’t because he was shocked that someone found Robbe attractive, it's because everybody found Robbe attractive.

Sander was witness to the metamorphosis that Robbe went through in his late adolescents. Robbe went from a neutral tone caterpillar into a rare saturated butterfly. Sander could vividly recall when his precious wunderkind began to emanate. They would go out to bars together and as soon as Sander left Robbe alone someone would stroll up and offer Robbe a drink or sometimes more. It didn’t bother Sander at first, he was glad people finally saw Robbe the way he saw him but the doubt set in. Robbe would linger, he would hold someone’s stare to long, he’d flash his signature smile at some guy, he’d flip his beautiful mop of hair to attract attention and he did.

Sander was losing him. He knew it. All his preferential treatment was dissipating. All the gestures he thought were reserved for only him were becoming public. Robbe wasn’t his special secret anymore. He had options. He could leave whenever he wanted. Find someone who wasn’t so much work.Who didn’t spend months hospitalized, who wasn’t so broken, who didn’t need him. Logically, Sander knew this was unfair. If anything when Robbe sensed Sander’s worries he dismantled them. He poured himself into him. Robbe gave Sander everything, his body, his time, he forgave him. He loved him.

After the break up, Sander was selfish. He knew that much. Robbe would call him everyday in tears adamant that he didn’t want this. That he loved him. That he didn’t need Sander’s charity of time. He didn’t need some trial run to test their relationships dexterity. In the end, Sander’s worse fears crystalized and he hurt Robbe. He didn’t mean it. THEY WERE ON A BREAK. On paper Sander did nothing wrong but in his heart he knew he had gone too far. Push their relationship into some fruitless purgatory. Sander was sure Robbe would leave him but he didn’t. He stuck around but in return he took away the one thing that made Sander feel safe. Robbe stop saying I love you. He didn’t look at Sander the same. If they made love when Robbe would let his guard down it wasn’t really making love it was merely a semblance of a once perfect thing. It only made Sander sadder, it plagued him, it took him into some of his darkest corners.

Sander was tired. He wanted off this roundabout without any exit signs. He loved Robbe, why wasn’t that enough. He spent the last few years coping with the aftermath the only way he knew how. In the almost four years apart Sander riddled his body in atonement. In hopes that Robbe would notice it.Tattoos scattered over every inch of his personal surface. Except the blank canvas above his heart. He kept that for Robbe. He had promised it to him when they were younger. He told him that that’s were the faces of their children would go or some other symbol of his devotion.

Sander lost hope when Robbe texted him asking him to take Bowie back because he was moving to Amsterdam to be with Lucas. Sander knew then, it was over. So he began to draw out the design that would go into the blank space on his chest. It was time to cover it up. Time to let it go. Sander had resigned himself to a life without Robbe in it, but then it happened, he didn’t see it coming. Sander and Robbe chernobyld.

“You ready?”

“Yeah” Robbe replied as he waved off the tall blonde trying to retain his attention.

“Where did you park?”

Sander pointed towards the bottom of the street. They started walking shoulder to shoulder towards that direction. Sander pulled out the joint placed behind his ears and lit it.

“Oh my mom said Happy Birthday by the way.”

“I’ve still got five days” Robbe pointed out.

“I know but I just think she wanted to let you know she misses you”

Robbe blushed a little. “I miss her too”.

Sander signaled to Robbe that they needed to cross over the road and as he stepped off the curb.

Two adolescent girls rode by on their bikes clearly unaware of the world around them.

A blonde and a brunette with electric blue streaky hair yelling at the top of their lungs

“Try this one, I promise this one is really good”. Sander could make out that they were passing back a 16oz can between them. The type that should be illegal to upcharge to triple the price at every concert.

“Dumb kids” Sander scoffed back towards Robbe’s direction.

As they reached the other side of the curb Sander turned around to face Robbe.

“Let’s go for a walk” Sander suggested.

Robbe dropped his shoulders and let his neck slightly relax forward.

“Sander am tired. I've been at work all day.”

Sander clocked the time on his Casio watch.

“It’s only 7:24. I’ll carry you on my shoulders if that helps.”

Sander pulled on Robbe’s arm.

“Come!”

Sander grabbed Robbe’s hand for mere seconds placing it on his shoulder signaling Robbe to jump on his back.

Robbe shook his head side to side.

“No, no, old man. Wouldn’t want to injure you.”

Robbe walked in front of Sander.

Sander took a moment to lightly punch his shoulder and proclaim.

“I am only twenty eight asshole.”

Robbe gave Sander a smile. A genuine one. He pushed his man bag to the side stepped directly in front of Sander and tapped his shoulder.

“Come...”

Sander was way to cool to be seen being carried around in public but he thought fuck it. For Robbe. He jumped on, maneuvering his arms awkwardly as he held onto whatever was left of his joint.

He settled in. Hovering his chin over Robbe’s shoulder.

Robbe teased. “Remember when I use to carry you all around your house when you were sick.”

“When I was “sick” Sander replied repeating the word sick with a tone of disgust.

“You mean when I was having an episode.” His tone soften.

“Well yeah…. Whatever. Anyways, I use to carry you off the bed, to the shower, down the stairs, to the kitchen. So your mom could feed us.”

“I know. It was great having my own personal mode of transport.”

“Fuck off” Robbe said jokingly.

Sander drew the last pulls of his joint towards Robbe’s mouth. Robbe popped his head out and sucked on it. The smoke of his exhale disappearing readily into the twilight.

“Yeah it was great getting paid”

“What” Sander questioned.

“Oh did I forget to mention that. Your mom was paying me.”

“Sander Driesen. Robbe Izjerman’s first client. Who knew I was such a great personal assistant.”

Sander gave out one of his signature snorts.

Robbe took one final puff of the joint and Sander threw it away.

He finally adjusted his arms and wrapped them around Robbe’s chest. He placed his head onto Robbe’s shoulder a moment of tenderness that took Robbe by surprise because Robbe knew that's where Sander use to always place his head. That’s were Robbe’s first tattoo is located.

They walked down the road. Robbe pushed Sander up his body slightly adjusting his gripped.

Sander finally broke the silence.

“No, but seriously did she really pay you?”

Robbe let out a thundest laugh turning his head towards Sander and lifting his eyebrow as some sort of admission of truth.

They continued to walk down the street.

Riffing back and forth on this joke.

Blurring into the dusk of night.

*************************************************************************************************

They always made love at dawn.

Before the heat of the day submerged them.

It was the lazy type of love making where your body mostly reacts on instinct versus effort. However this morning was different Robbe woke up slightly feverish a sudden hunger to feel Sander underneath him. Robbe dragged his body on top of Sander, straddling him. He was still a bit sleepy so he moved slowly in no mood to rush through the moment. Robbe pressed his right hand on Sanders chest steadying himself as his left began exploring the plains of Sander’s chest. His hand slid down till he felt the coarseness of Sander’s pubic hair and then the girth of his cock slewing in his hand as he took a hold of it.

Robbe stretched his body over Sander shoulder extending his right hand to grab the bottle of lube on the nightstand. A souvenir from the night before. Nowadays they weren’t so stringent about condoms they had been together for several years, completely trusted one another and had a couple of dozen STD tests between them.

Robbe poured an excessive amount of lube on his hand letting the overage dripped onto Sander’s dick. He moved his hand up and down Sander a couple of times until he felt a rapture possess him. He couldn’t hold back any longer.

He elevated his hips and pushed them forward. His ass practically hovering over the tip of Sander’s penis. Sander hadn’t participated much as of yet aside from shooting Robbe a smile when he felt the liquid friction on his growth.

But Robbe gave Sander a soft plea signaling for him. Sander used one hand to grab Robbe’s waist and the other to guide himself inside of Robbe.

As soon as Robbe felt Sander enter him he sucked in hot air through his teeth.

He closed his eyes and let his hips crash onto Sander. Waves of pleasure violently dragging him through the water.

The tide beneath him gaining traction. Robbe was mesmerized by the molten sensation engulfing him.

Making him move closer and closer to his own edge.

At first he thought Sander’s voice was a daydream.

“Baby, look at me”

No, Robbe thought. He didn’t want to let go of the moment. Hid eyelids felt like cinder blocks. Weighted down by his own euphoria.

But Sander implored, “Baby, please”.

It took everything Robbe had to will his eyes open. Sander’s bejeweled gazed watched over him. Protective but ravenous.

Sander pressed his heels into the linen sheets and picked up the pace. Robbe readjusted and placed both his hands on Sander’s collarbone arranging his thumb directly over Sander’s guardian angel. He had etched Robbe’s charm and chain onto his body. Looking down at Sander’s act of fidelity wound Robbe up so tight he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t hold on. Robbe let out a rough gasp as his body uncoiled. The spurts of cum decorating his chest and the back of his elbows.

Robbe began to freefall onto Sanders chest but Sander caught him from the back of the neck and dug his fingers into Robbe’s hair. He pounded his hips into Robbe accelerating the pace faster and faster as he released one final jerk into Robbe. Sanders head and shoulders uncontrollably shoot up causing Robbe to catch his boyfriend’s mouth as Sander let out the longest moan into his mouth.

Sander fell back onto the sheets as Robbe kissed him deeply.

Once they both stop spurting Robbe peppered Sander with kisses from his lips, down his neck, taking a moment to nip at the three icons right below his adam’s apple. A lightning bolt, a sun, and the black side of half a ying yang.

Robbe nuzzled his head underneath Sander’s chin and just laid still for a moment.

Neither of them noticed when they fell back asleep but the heat woke them.

India was sweltering in the summer.

Sander had surprised Robbe with a graduation present/early 22nd birthday present and booked them a trip.

It was perfect timing as it also coincided with a training course Sander had been dying to attend. He had become bored of his usual work. All the shop’s patrons asked for the same tattoo designs and Sander needed a new challenge. He had become obsessed with hands. He wanted to learn how to tattoo hands but none of that silly juvenile shit like a heart on a knuckle. Sander wanted to learn how to do intricate henna style mehndi patterns. The kind of designs that require a commitment. The shit that was needle to bone. The shit that fucking hurt.

He looked up who was the best in the world at this craft and found out it was a little old lady in Mumbai. She looked like she could be your grandma but she also looked like art. Mehndi patterns all over her body. Sander just had to meet her. He was completely fixated, Robbe wasn’t opposed to India but it wouldn’t have been his first choice but he really just wanted to make Sander happy.

It had been a rough year for them both. Sander had had two in-patient stints at the hospital. One occurring during Robbe’s final year university exams. Robbe was completely burnt out. In between trying to be there for Sander and staying up till early hours every morning studying he was glad that Sander suggested getting out of Antwerp. India completely revitalized their relationship. They made love everyday, Sander began sketching images that actually inspired him and Robbe worked on his portfolio. Somehow between the chaos of Sander’s hospital stints and his late night study sessions Robbe managed to get decent marks at university and landed himself into a master certification program in architecture. Robbe never thought he would consider architecture but over the years by Sander’s side he learned how to somewhat draw at least enough to draft renderings. The rest he mostly did on his computer. Sander was usually by his side showing him what programs to use; guiding him on shapes, colors and dimensions. In truth without Sander, Robbe wouldn’t have made it as far. Sander’s passion for art inspired Robbe to find something to be passionate about too.

“Mama Riddhi is going to love you” Sander snapped Robbe out of his concentrated navigation. Robbe was getting dizzy as they whine through a maze of corridors that seemed never ending.

“I can’t wait to meet her, you won’t shut up about her”

“She’s amazing, a true vet. She knows all about Plato, Darwin, Bowie. She’s got a killer eye too. She’s a visionary.”

It warmed Robbe to see Sander like this again. His eyes wild with eager.

They finally arrived outside the school-like building. Sander guided them inside. Robbe scanned the rooms. He was in awe of their adornments. Multi size vishnu statues sprawled out everywhere, Hindu mantras written all over the walls, lavish carpeting covering the floors. The rooms looked alive.

As they entered the back garden. Robbe saw a crowd of people gathered around who he assumed was Mama Riddhi.

“Mama Riddhi, I brought you someone”

Robbe stepped forward and saw her. Sander was right, she did look like she could be your grandmother but she also looked like art. Mama Riddhi wore a teal Saree her arms completely exposed, her artistry on full display. Patterns upon patterns etched onto her skin; on her hands, her forearms, her elbows. Her designs graffitied onto her body like some sort of second skin.

“Your right, he is beautiful” Mama Riddhi confirmed as Sander and Robbe walked up to her hand in hand.

“I told you so. He's my inspiration.”

Robbe could feel his cheeks turn a rosy hue.

Mama Riddhi stepped forward to meet them. She took ahold of Sander’s free hand examining it making sure the wrapping had stayed intact.

“Are you ready?” she asked Sander.

Sander nodded like an excited toddler. Robbe knew the likelihood of Sander leaving India without some sort of tattoo was unlikely. They didn’t travel halfway across the world for Sander not to get something but Robbe was a little apprehensive when Sander told him he was going to get Mama Riddhi to do his hands.

Sander insisted that he design the tattoo himself. Robbe had seen early drafts of it and for all intent and purpose the design was pretty tame for Sander. It was a back of the hand design, a horizontal black line down Sander’s middle finger and three vertical black lines on his thumb and a couple of black bands on his pinkie finger. Sander didn’t let Robbe come to the sitting for it he said he wanted to surprise him at the unveiling.

So here they were about to uncover what Sander had decided to do to himself. Mama Riddhi sat Sander down on a garden chair and slowly began unwrapping his hands.

“Oh Mama Riddhi tell Robbe the story you told me”

“The one about humans?”

“That’s the one” Sander said sweetly.

“Do you like love stories Robbe?”

“I mean, sure, yea” Robbe responded looking over towards the grandma as she unwrapped Sander’s hand.

Mama Riddhi began.

“Okay...this one is Sander's favorite.”

Sander scrunched his nose as confirmation.

“So, originally humans had two faces, four arms, four legs, and they were happy like that. Complete.”

Mama Riddhi grabbed Robbe’s hand and pulled him in front of Sander as she spoke. Exposing Sander’s hands to Robbe as she continued.

“Then we defied the gods. So the gods split us in two as punishment. And by doing so they tore us away from our other half. “

Robbe could see Sander’s tattoos now. He looked at them closely. He could make out ornate loops on his wrist, and hidden within the loops was an S on one hand and an R on the other.

“And each of us, when separated, are always looking for our other half because that's our nature.”

Sander read Robbe’s expression. To see if he had noticed it yet.

“So when one is met with another's half. The pair are lost, in an amazement of wonder, friendship and intimacy. And one will not be seen out of the sight of the other.”

“And the reason is. Human nature was once originally one.”

Robbe finally spotted it. Sander had carved a black band onto his ring finger.

“We were whole.”

“And the desire, and the pursuit of wholeness is love.”

Sander and Robbe said nothing to each other. They stayed suspended. Lovestruck. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them broke their gaze. They just stood there. Taking in the story, remembering it, frozen, itched into that moment.

Eventually they flew back home.

A couple of weeks later Robbe would move to Brussels to start his certification.

A month after that.

They broke up.

#wtfock #wtfam #sobbe #rosander #robbe x sander #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #wtfock fic #sobbe fic #rosander fic #wtfock robbe #wtfock sander

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peacefulheartfarm · 4 years ago

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What is a Freemartin Heifer?

What is a freemartin heifer? That’s today’s topic. It is related to one of our cows having twins. Stay tuned for those details. In other news, “is that a skunk?” That’s what I thought yesterday when I was walking out to get the cows. You never know what you are going to run into on the homestead. And the dogwood trees are in bloom what a treat. It’s different for us out here in the country. Driving along the highway, there are lots of dogwood trees in everybody’s yard. These are well-trimmed and very round trees. They are quite lovely. The dogwood trees here on the homestead are sprinkled through the woods. It looks like it is snowing in patches everywhere. I love this time of year.

I want to take a minute and say welcome to all the new listeners and welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars who stop by the FarmCast for every episode. I appreciate you all so much. What would I do without You? I have no idea. I’m so glad you are here. I’m so excited to share with you are the various stuff going on at the farm this week. There is a lot of it.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

This time of year, everything is kicked into high gear. It seems like one thing is happening right on top of another. And when you have the odd thing pop up – like your windshield getting a ding by a flying rock on the highway that quickly expanded to a lengthy crack requiring a windshield replacement, it makes it that much busier. To top off that cute little story, you never question how much it is going to cost for those great auto-driving gadgets if something breaks. The windshield has a camera right behind the rear-view mirror that required recalibration after the glass was replaced. That lovely service cost one and half times the cost of the windshield replacement itself.

A day later I find out that the automatic headlight features are no longer working. I have to make a second trip to town for some codes to get cleared out. That fixed the problem but it took another three hours out of my day. Do you guys have days like that? You have so much to do and you end up doing something completely unrelated to anything on your “to-do” list. I still have a pending “to-do” regarding that windshield replacement. In Virginia, every county has an annual inspection that requires a sticker to be displayed on the windshield. Yup! You guessed it. That little feature didn’t survive the procedure. I got it back in pieces with an apology and a reminder that I would need to get that inspection sticker replaced. When am I going to get that done? Geesh. It has been one of those weeks. On to the homestead happenings in and around these minor annoyances.

Gardens and Orchard

The strawberries are doing really well. I can’t wait for them to start blooming. Speaking of blooming, the blueberries are busting out all over. Keep the second week of June in mind. That’s likely when we will have blueberries available at the farmer’s markets. I’ll be making lots of blueberry jam again this year. At least I hope I will be.

If you’ve been around the podcast a while, you might remember that we have had some trouble with racoons in the past. These are really cute creatures and I’m willing to share a little of our abundance with them. However, when they start eating the entire crop of blueberries, that’s where I draw the line. We put up an electric fence two years ago. It worked beautifully. In fact, it worked so well that we didn’t even have it working last year and we still got all the berries. I guess the experience the previous year was so “shocking” that these little guys decided not to even try last year. I wonder if that caution will hold up for another year. Naw, let’s not test it. That electric fence needs to be reinstated in the coming weeks to ensure that we are successful in harvesting our wonderful blueberries.

The blackberries are growing lots of leaves but have not started blooming quite yet. It is a wonderful time of year when the blackberries bloom. A related plant, the wild rose, also blooms about the same time. Between these two plants, the fragrance in the air is heavenly. The goats have cleared out most of the wild rose and wild blackberries so we may have to rely solely on the domestic blackberries for our perfumed air this season. We shall see.

The green peas are jumping up out of the ground. Scott built a wonderful trellis for these lovelies. We have two 70-ft long beds with six rows of peas in each that are coming up. Peas love the cool weather. It’s a good thing they do. The temps are going to drop into the low 30’s tonight. But I expect the peas to be fine. There might be a very light frost, but we should be okay with that.

The early blooming fruit trees are done and will be setting fruit at this point. That is a greater concern. If it gets too cold, the cherries, peaches, and plums could lose their fruit. I was looking at the peach trees yesterday and I didn’t see any small fruit. Perhaps it will be all right. We shall see.

What was I doing out in the orchard yesterday? I was chasing a small quail.

Quail

While I was testing the automatic waterers, one of the younger girls slipped by me and jumped to the ground. I chased her and chased her and chased her. She got into the orchard and the grass is about 8 inches tall in there. I saw exactly where she landed but when I got there, she was gone. I walked outward in a spiral, expanding larger and larger, but I never saw her. I guess she’s gone for good. Sigh! I hope she has a great life out there on her own. Hopefully, she will be able to fend for herself. It’s hard to tell though. She has always had her food presented in an easily consumable form with no effort on her part. Out there on her own, she will need to scratch around a lot to find bugs and worms and such. Quail are very carnivorous and require lots and lots of protein. I wish her the best. Who knows? She may turn up in a day or so and I will be able to catch her. We had that experience a couple of years ago. Scott lost two hens that time and we eventually caught both of them and returned them to their cages. So, there is hope.

The rest of the quail are doing very, very well. Twice a year Scott gives the quail hutches a thorough cleaning. He finished that job just as the new babies went out into the grow out cages. They are doing really well. We have 36 of them at this time. Figuring out how to work the automatic waterers is always a challenge, but they mastered it in no time.

Just this morning 72 more eggs went into the incubator. The second cycle of baby quail has started.

Sheep and Lambs

We are done with the lambing season. The last ewe delivered twins a few days ago. Girls!! Yay!! They are doing very well. We ended up with three girls and three boys. Six healthy lambs. Susie Q is still getting her bottle twice a day, but she has been turned loose with the rest of the sheep and lambs. I’m thinking she doesn’t like this very much, but she is getting used to it. Because she was so attached to Scott and myself and literally never left our side, it was important for her to start spending her time with other animals. After all, she isn’t a human and she needs to make friends with the other animals.

It seems to be going well. I always feel sorry for these lambs that have no mother caring for them. But they seem to do very well in spite of their orphan status in the flock. Lambert is our flock ram. He was a bottle-baby last year. Look how far he has been elevated in status. I’ll probably keep Susie Q as a flock ewe also. The bottle babies are somewhat like pets. Not exactly, but definitely more special than the others.

Cows and Calves

Violet is the only animal we have left who has yet to deliver. She is not due until the first week of June. It’s always a relief when we make it through this delicate time for all of our female creatures. Scott briefly talked about having a second set of lambs in the fall. I am not in favor of this as it is quite stressful for me when our ladies are nearly term. I’d rather keep it to just a couple of months in the spring. My nerves need a rest for the remainder of the year.

Butter produced a very big surprise for us. If you haven’t seen and heard Scott’s video on our Facebook page, you have to get over there and find it. It was posted on Thursday, April 15th. He is filming the results of him helping Butter deliver this cute little girl when all of a sudden, he sees another set of hooves. Here’s a link to that post. It’s hilarious. Watch to the end.

The twin calves are really cute. However, there is a problem when twins are one boy and one girl. The heifer calf, the girl, is most likely what is called a “freemartin”. That’s the topic that I want to dive into with more detail.

Butter’s Surprise

I had Butter pegged for delivery in late May, not mid-April. I’m not sure how I got so far off on those calculations. I think I was planning ahead on my spreadsheet, estimating where the dates would fall with various scenarios and neglected to put the dates back to their original settings. About three or four days before she gave birth, it became obvious that my calculations were off. Her udder swelled up and she was just huge. And it was the day before she gave birth that I had the very strong thought that she might have twins. She was really huge. It really is hard to tell though. When they fill their belly up with hay and grass, it can get really big even when they are not pregnant. Add pregnancy and they all look really huge just before they give birth. I just had that very strong thought and then she did, in fact, have twins.

There is no problem when the twins are both girls or both boys. But when one is a boy and the other a girl, there are definite issues. Nothing like they will die or anything like that. No, they will be quite healthy. It’s the freemartin phenomenon to which I am referring. What? You don’t know what that means? Neither did I.

We had actually purchased a calf that was a likely freemartin heifer when we purchased our first milk cows, Claire and Buttercup. We purchased Beta because the price was right and we wanted one additional cow strictly for beef. So, what is a freemartin heifer anyway? Here is the low-down.

Freemartin Heifer

The term freemartin refers to an infertile female mammal with masculinized behavior and non-functioning ovaries. The animal originates as a female with the double X chromosome, but during gestation acquires the male, XY chromosome. This can only happen with a male/female twin gestation. As I said, as long as there are two girls or two boys, there is no problem. This occurs in all cattle species that have been studied, and it can also happen occasionally in other mammals including sheep, goats and pigs. We have never seen this in our sheep and they deliver mixed male/female twins all the time. So, I have to think it is quite rare in sheep. Sheep and goats deliver twins and even triplets all the time. However, natural twins in cows only happens about .5% of the time. About one in every 200 births. A large cattle herd of 200 or more cows would see twins regularly in any given calving season.

With the male/female twin calf set, they not only share the uterus but they also share the placental membranes. That’s where the problem arises. The joining of the placental membranes occurs at about the fortieth day of gestation. After that happens, the fluids of the two fetuses can easily mix. There is an exchange of blood and antigens that carry unique characteristics of bulls and heifers. In the end, both will have some characteristics of the other sex.

The male is only affected by reduced fertility. In the female, over 90% of them are completely infertile. That makes her a freemartin. One who is genetically female but has characteristics of a male. Ovaries generally do not develop correctly and are small. There can be other structural anomalies as well. In the end, freemartinism cannot be prevented. And it really is rare. Even with any set of twins, there is a 50%-50% chance of same sex calves. If I do the math correctly, that means that 1 in 200 births would produce twins and at least half of the time, those twins would be fine – twins of the same sex.

Anyway, that’s the story of our twin calves. They are cute beyond measure, but likely we have two steers. I don’t know about the Hansel. Oh, I forgot to mention we call them Hansel and Gretel. So, I don’t know if Hansel will make a decent bull or not. But we can be pretty sure that Gretel will never produce a calf. What do you think we should do with these two calves? We currently are bottle feeding both of them. They could be sold as bottle babies. We could raise them as steers. We could try to breed Gretel when she is old enough. We could raise Hansel as a bull. He is 50% registered Normande and 50% registered Jersey. If he is fertile, he would make a fine bull for somebody.

Let us know what you think.

Final Thoughts

That’s it for this podcast. It’s a great time of the year here on the homestead. I’m so glad to be nearly finished with birthing. As I mentioned it is quite stressful for me. I just never know what to expect. We have beautiful lambs and beautiful calves. We are truly blessed. The joy of watching all of the plants and animals grow will fill our lives for the next several months.

I hope you all are having a wonderful spring season as well.

If you enjoyed this podcast, please hop over to Apple Podcasts or whatever podcasting service you use, SUBSCRIBE and give me a 5-star rating and review. If you like this content and want to help out the show, the absolute best way you can do that is to share it with any friends or family who might be interested in this type of content. Let them know about the Peaceful Heart Farmcast.

Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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