#although honestly this could probably be read as any gender I think

[yanderes-galore]

Oooh since you want dark stuff how would yandere Alastor who falls for the reader , deal with love rivals 👀

You know he's planning something horrible.

Yandere! Alastor dealing with rivals

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic (Dubious on true intentions)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Sadism, Violence, Blood, Murder, Threats, Mentioned torture, Forced companionship/relationship.

You can bet that Alastor doesn't want anyone touching what's his.

He is a demon who knows what he wants... and will get it no matter what it takes.

Honestly, he'd be bad if he didn't own your soul... and even worse if he did.

I mean... we've seen how scary he can get in the show, right?

For example, remember when he was protecting the Hotel?

Yeah....

Except... if he feels someone has wronged him by touching you... then he'll draw things out.

Trust me, Alastor will know if someone had gotten too close to you.

He can almost smell another demon's stink on you.

This concept will focus on general behavior with demons, although with bigger names his approach would be different.

For example, Vox.

The Overlord most likely wouldn't get close to you without Alastor knowing.

For this concept... maybe you have some friends who are lesser demons.

Another thing we've seen is how others act around Alastor.

Y'know... other demons run and hide or just straight up... well... die.

So imagine if you had friends who felt they could be close to you.

Honestly, Alastor tolerated it since they seemed brave enough to stand before him.

Or stupid... it depends.

If you were talking to your friend or a potential partner... Alastor would interrupt.

I think the exchange would be even scarier if he did own your soul.

He acts charismatic as usual.

He pulls you aside and against him, a permanent grin as he greets those around you.

He's oddly charming... even though he's irritated that he has to share what's his with them.

Perhaps to even prove a point he'll summon the chain around your neck.

If that doesn't show ownership... then they're dense.

He's possessive... ears flicking as he introduces himself.

They better know he's an Overlord.

Alastor can do basic intimidation like any other demon, but the fun part to him is more... violent.

Perhaps your "friends" aren't swayed by his presence.

Maybe they actually try to stand up for you.

Maybe they try to court you anyways?

Or maybe someone hurts you...?

Point is, if they haven't died yet, they will.

Alastor sees no issue in a bit of torture.

He's probably done far worse.

A quick death is merciful for those Alastor considers rivals.

However, if you had a lover or someone similarly close... Alastor likes to drag out their fate.

His own intentions with you are dubious at best.

Can't really call him a lover, can't really call him a friend...

Perhaps he's a master? Even then... you can never read him.

Alastor would love to tie a rival down and play with them a bit.

He'd get as bloody as he wants, he'd listen to their screams like it's the radio.

He can only laugh as they beg.

No one messes with the radio demon's things.

They should've cowered away like the rest.

Now they're dead at Alastor's claws, all while he whistles away and prepares to see you again.

When you don't see them again, you aren't dumb.

You have a feeling they've angered Alastor.

If you were close with this person or tried to use them to get away from Alastor... He'd make you listen to their screams.

Alastor enjoys dealing with rivals.

He thrives off their pain, this is the same demon who's kill Overlords after all.

Safe to say... you aren't getting away from Alastor.

No one's going to be able to help you...

Their screams are a warning to behave for Alastor... even if you hate it.

"Oh, Darling! You have new friends~ This'll be fun, won't it~?"

[izartn]

What's good about KnH is (besides its main char and bc of Maomao) the way it manages the power dynamics and what life was as a woman without falling into utter pessimism and powerlessness or full romanticism; which is a reason I usually avoid like the plague historical/pseudo-historical fiction with female leads.

Usually I'd be super skeeved out by the power Jinshi has over Maomao but the way the series presents both of them, their personalities and their agency (limited as it is for Maomao but it's there and it counts very much) it brings out all the best and interesting parts. I trust this series to get twisty with them bc it establishes so well Maomao own character and understanding of her situation and the ways Jinshi can and does or doesn't take advantage of his power over her.

Like. It's presented as a problematic element, but also unavoidable given their social situation and the world they live in, so I can trust given everything else this show has done when solving the mysteries and presenting us the situations of other women, that the romance will be treated with that same weight.

Honestly if you've read over what I like to read/watch in my tumblr you'll notice that twisty and even toxic/unhealthy dynamics are very much within my favorites, but it needs to be told in a certain way. And I'm much more difficult to satisfy when talking about het romance.

So to watch KnH, notice it's primarily about Maomao life and the various misteries/medicines/palace intrigue and the romance is playing second fiddle riffing on all the themes presented on the plot? And it's complex, and plays with messy power dynamics of gender and class, but never loses Maomao her personhood? Wow.

Also. Jinshi is so BL chara coded omg XD like, he's very clearly based on a kind of shojo ML prototype (hello tamaki suoh!) but it also pulls from BL in his case (nothing to do with their romances but I think of Yan Xiaohan re:his relationship with the imperial power, from Golden Terrace lol)

And yet his romance with Maomao wouldnt work near as well for what is trying to say if they weren't a man and woman (which I love in their case, is what has me fascinated). Yes~! Get into the meat of how fraught it is for a man and a woman to be together when the man has so much power over her. Get into it!!!!

He's so so messy and fun as a chara too. Sheltered and not at the same time, you really notice all the things he misses by way of his privilege of being a noble born man (and specifically royalty, last ep (19) left that very clear he was doing a ritual probably by proxy for the emperor and also bay exchanges people. Maomao noticed and buried that thought far far below her subconscious but we all now who he is lol). Like. The way he fumbles and ends up essentially harassing Maomao at the start sometimes, which is both played for comedic effect and also upsetting. Mmm.

Like I said, I like complexity.

Also that part when he buys Maomao contract and he goes to collect her and she's all dolled up, and the clear implication by everybody but our mains (who clearly prefer to live in willfully blind land although for Jinshi I think the subtext of what he's doing lands when he sees her) is that in any other case she'd be his concubine/side-wife. It's not their situation wight now, and she's put to work as a live-in maid and apothecary and put to study (he wants her to assist him in politics lol I love that, but also he's so so lonely) but it's very much what the palace rumor mill says.

LIKE. I love the messiness! It could go soooo badly, but it also could not and there's Maomao living at the edge bc despite herself and what she says, she wants more from life, but also as she says the rear palace isn't all that different from the high class brothels and ugh. That tension. She has to depend on the favor of a man as a women of low class but she also could lose her head! GAH. And then there's feels involved! Aaagh.

[bitbugbites-re]

𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 | 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰

headcanons on how different RE men would take your virginity !

tumblr exclusive!

characters: Albert Wesker, Carlos Oliveira, Chris Redfield, Ethan Winters, Leon S. Kennedy

gender: gn! reader

cw: NSFW, FLUFF // virginity // ktober

a/n: to everyone reading this, i hope you have/had a good day today! <3

𝕬𝖑𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙 𝖂𝖊𝖘𝖐𝖊𝖗 (any rendition)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

No, it wouldn't be important to Wesker if you were in a relationship or not first. He doesn't come off as the type of guy to believe the notion that first times are sacred

Who initiates?

Probably you. I can't see him being too pushy/eager to have sex, as he seems like he would have a fairly tame-to-low sex drive tbh

Although, that doesn't mean he's against it or other displays of affection. He's just not horny 24/7 (for some reason, despite all of the smut that i've written, i am utterly and completely intimidated by the word "horny." this word is my achilles heel. i fear that i will never escape it's incredible power to make me want to fall to the floor and sob at its horrific-ness. however, today, i have powered through it for you, with only a few tears and trembles involved).

What kind of foreplay?

I feel like his go-to foreplay in this situation would be kissing and fingering, honestly. Very basic foreplay, nothing too insane.

He'd probably make eye contact with you the entire time he fingered you, too.

How long does it last?

The entire ordeal, from foreplay to finishing, would probably last less than 30 mins. I feel like he'd be skilled at both foreplay and penetration itself, and would get straight to the point.

I also feel like he would be a little nicer and more sweet during your first as compared to any other time

I doubt he would drag things out/tease you too much for your first time, unless you wanted him to

Is it good?

Yeah, it'd be good sex. Although, if you're a romantic, it might be a little disappointing if you have an idealized "first time" in mind

Overall? Probably a 7/10. Somewhere between average to pretty decent sex

𝕮𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖔𝖘 𝕺𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖎𝖗𝖆 (re3r)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

If he knows you're a virgin? Yeah. If he doesn't know? Nope!

Tbh I feel like he would forget to ask, and would just automatically assume you've done-the-deed before. Although, he'd probably figure out at some point building up to penetration, in which case, he'd most likely pull back and offer to get to know you better first

Who initiates?

Could go either way. I can see him respecting that first times are important, and thus not bringing it up until you mention it or get overly touchy. However, he likely would try to gently tip-toe around the topic -- he'd make a lot of jokes about it, get a little touchy, put himself out there more by dressing or smelling nice -- all to gauge where you're at or to put the idea in your head

What kind of foreplay?

Anything. Everything. Whatever you want -- getting oral, being fingered, sucking him off or fingering him (if you're into that) -- he'd do it.

HOWEVER. There would be some limits -- I don't think he'd do anything too crazy. He would try to keep it fairly vanilla for your first time. He'd tell you that he'd be willing to do whatever in the future (WITHIN BOUNDS...), but your first time should be like a 'trial period' or something like that

How long does it last?

I feel like out of every other character on this list, sex with Carlos would take the longest. And most of it would probably be foreplay

I'd also bet that he'd be able to last a good amount of time during penetration as well. He knows his limits, and if he starts getting close, he'll change positions or use some other method to prolong intercourse.

Is it good?

YES. I feel like if you like passionate, whirlwind-like displays of affection, then Carlos would be the best one for you out of all the other characters on this list. He knows what he's doing, and he knows where to touch in order to make you feel good

Overall? Around an 8 or 9/10. He would not fail to sweep you off your feet

𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘 𝕽𝖊𝖉𝖋𝖎𝖊𝖑𝖉 (re8)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

For RE8 Chris? No, probably not. If you want to go, he's ready -- relationship or not.

Who initiates?

In a lot of scenarios, most likely Chris. I see it being a very, "Are you ready yet? How about now?" kind of thing (dude's got a high sex drive lmao)

What kind of foreplay?

He'd probably prefer having you give him oral. If you wanted something too, though, he'd be willing to do it -- fingering, oral, etc.

Not too into kissing -- he'd rather make eye contact with you while playing with you or touching you in general

I don't think he'd make a big deal out of it if you wanted to do kinkier stuff for your first time. He'd likely go along with it, thinking that since it's your first time, and you asked, it'd be fine (he'd also probably be impressed that you wanted to ramp it up lol)

How long does it last?

An average amount of time. Not too long, not too short.

Same goes for how long he lasts during penetration. He doesn't seem like he would try to hold his orgasm back, so when it comes, it comes. Although, again, it wouldn't be quick, either

Is it good?

Yeah, it's not bad. If you're looking for someone to be a little more rough with you for your first time (not recommended LOL) then Chris is your guy

Overall, it's a solid 6 or 7/10. Very average sex -- and if you do it again in the future, it's going to be fairly the same. Little to no special treatment for your first time :p

𝕰𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖓 𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 (re7, re8)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

Yep -- partially because Ethan views first times as special, but also because he isn't the type to sleep around. He'd require a relationship first for both your and his sake

Who initiates?

Ethan, and it's planned. I doubt he'd spring it on you, either -- the two of you would talk it out first, plan a date beforehand, and then after the date...well, you know (yes, I would like to preorder one sex please!)

What kind of foreplay?

Very romantic, sensual foreplay. Kissing, soft touching, etc.

I feel like he'd be open to the basics -- oral for either person (although he'd ensure you it's about you and he doesn't need it), fingering, etc.

How long does it last?

Anywhere from a normal amount of time to slightly more than what's to be expected. I feel like he would really take his time with foreplay, as well as go slow during penetration

Is it good?

Yes! If you're a romantic at heart, Ethan's going to give you the best first time -- he's going to make sure he does everything right

Overall, probably an 8 or 9/10. This dude's got it DOWN for deflowering mfs

𝕷𝖊𝖔𝖓 𝕾. 𝕶𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖉𝖞 (re2r)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

...maybe. I'm gonna say yeah, just because I feel like he'd be a virgin at this point of time too, LOL. He seems like he'd value romantics and wouldn't really sleep around outside of a relationship unless he had very strong feelings for you

Who initiates?

If you're in a relationship and it's been a decent amount of time since you started dating, probably him. He'd ask you about it and then...yeah.

However, if you're not in a relationship (and he likes you a lot), or you just recently started dating, it'll have to be you who initiates. He's a little reserved, so in either of these scenarios, he won't be the one to ask first

What kind of foreplay?

Lots of kissing, gentle touching, neck kissing

Would be fine with oral and fingering on either sides. Out of all the options, though, his preferred pick would be going down on you. Not just for you, but also because he seems like the kind of guy who gets off by seeing his partner get off

How long does it last?

...oh brother. Anywhere from short to long

Long because it'd probably take the two of you a while to figure out wtf you were both doing...

...and short because that man probably is not going to last long penetration-wise (LMAO im so sorry)

He'd offer to go another round to make up for it though??? Dw, one way or another, he'd make sure you still got off

Is it good?

...it would GET good. But at the beginning? It's gonna be awkward and clumsy (don't worry, he's a fast learner -- in fact, it likely wouldn't take long in your relationship for him to get the hang of it)

Overall...I'm going to have to give the man a 6/10. I'M SO SORRY. He gets an A for effort, but buddy 'ol pal, that man is not gonna know how to wield the friend in his pants right off the bat !!!

For the official and original Kinktober 23 prompts, check here. Credits to @kinktober2023 for the ideas!

[enb-y]

↬ ROTTMNT BOYS FINDING OUT THAT READER OWNS A KITTEN

rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

request: ❝ hello, can i request headcanons where the rise turtles react to the reader having a pet kitten? platonic or romantic, i don't mind, and gender neutral pronouns please ^^ ❞ — anonymous.

warnings: mentions of ticks, deworming, ringworm, fleas, mild swearing, unedited. could be read as platonic or romantic.

characters: raphael, leonardo, donatello, michelangelo.

writers note: cats, my all time favorite menace. I actually have one— well, that felon is my sisters, but I take care of her like she’s my damn cat. (sigh, I miss my cat 😔)

readers pronouns are not mentioned nor included.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆RAPHAEL.

✶ raphael, the one who adores animals of all creatures. although, some of them don’t even like him half the time. most likely do to fear, or simply he’s not their kind of guy. raph is quite the scary and intimidating guy, yet he’s a major softy inside that scary shell. so, the first thing he does is try to smother the kitten, okay not too literally. however, in a more mature manner, he does try to help you with the kitten, especially if you just got it.

✶ raph will help you bathe the kitten if you find it off the streets. he highly recommends you to take it to the vet to see if it has any major issues, and he’ll definitely help you find the siblings and mother, that’s only if it’s not abandoned.

✶ he's really gentle with the kitten, especially knowing his size and strength. the kitten is smaller than his damn hands. he loves animals, he thinks he’s some kind of animal whisperer, snow white headass. let’s not forget to de-flea it, he will not help you pluck you out the ticks. he’s afraid of doing something wrong and the bug's head getting stuck inside the poor animal's skin.

✶ he’s fine with helping you remove the flea’s from its fur and putting medicine on it, but he will never pluck goddamn ticks from it. he does not fuck with them. and knowing that they also suck on anything that has blood? he’s good, he’ll have nightmares though.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆LEONARDO.

✶ leonardo thinks kittens are cute. but he’ll only like them if they feel the same way about him. he’ll most likely back off if he sees or hears a cat hissing. he does not fuck with grumpy ass felines, sure they’re cute, but he does not care. leo likes kittens and he would like to have one, yet he can’t, because all the kittens and cats that he and brother brought home all tried to have their dad as their meal. which, of course, got them gradually kicked out of the sewers.

✶ leonardo definitely tries to help you with your animal, especially if it’s a stray. he’s had his fair shares of beef with stray animals and he’s won every single battle. (no he didn’t, he ran away.) he highly recommends you to get the animal checked for any worms and other issues that it may have. not only that, he’s cautions and he doesn’t want you nor himself catching ringworm.

✶ he probably steals cat food for you, since he can’t be seen by humans and all that junk. but if you’ve bought the kitten from someone, he’s definitely smothering the kitten. he’ll think of it as his child, the single child that he’s always wanted. leo likes animals, to a certain extent, and he’s aware of the responsibility of taking care of an animal, especially a kitten.

✶ leo is more than willing to help you out with it, just ring him up and he’s there in a flash, literally. leonardo thinks that cats are cute and fluffy. he likes their purring and how they swipe toys around with their paws.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆DONATELLO.

✶ honestly, I see donatello as a cat person. he likes their independence and quietness. although he’s aware of how loud they can get and would literally knock just about anything off your desk. but other than that, he likes cats. when he heard that you had just gotten a kitten. he wants to immediately know if that kitten is healthy and to see a vet if it’s a stray. it isn’t surprising that he’s awfully gentle with said kitten.

✶ he’s there with you when you’re picking it up and he wants to hold it the moment you get it, because he said so. this guy absolutely loves cats, he thinks they’re cutest shits on the planet.

✶ he tells you which brand of food is good for the kitten and what litter you should use and what type of litter box you should also get for it.. which some of them are quite expensive. not too worry, he’ll find a way to get you those nice things for your little kitten who will grow up to be spoiled.

✶ he gets toys for the kitten and would love it if the kitten laid on his lap as he pets it. the only thing he doesn’t like is shedding, he doesn’t like things sticking to his clothes that he decides to wear during that day.

*◌ೃ࿔ ┆MICHELANGELO.

✶ he’s also someone who loves animals. he watches enough videos about animals and non-domesticated cats, which he does not like watching all the time, for good reasons too. he literally would help you take care of it, because he wants to and he likes to spend time with the little kitten. he doesn’t care where you gotten it from he just thinks it’s cute to watch over, especially since it’s small and playful.

✶ he’s definitely been scratched and bitten by it. he forgave it because it’s just a baby and they almost always acted out during those ages. if it’s a baby where it still needs a bottle and it’s been abandoned or the mother isn’t around anymore, he’ll take care of it for you if you can’t do it on those days when you’re busy.

✶ he doesn’t really care too much about the shedding that cats do, he keeps those sticky rollers around to take off the fur before he returns home from spending time with you and the kitten.

✶ this guy squealed when he saw the kitten laying on its bed. his first instinct was to hold it. mikey loves animals, so whatever you bring home, he’s the first one, other than his brother raph to hold it and pet it, because he said so. he also adopted it along with you and helps you with feeding and treatments, that’s only if the little one has any, and bought it treats and whatnot.

end - I finally did it. I’ve finally finished this. this has been sitting in the drafts for, not too long, I think. but I’m just glad to have this done, but I’m sorry you had to wait a while for me to finish this. it’s 5:23am so ima try to go to sleep, gm everyone.

[dsudis]

Talk Shop Tuesday: If you could immediately pluck one story/concept/idea from your brain and have it fully formed in front of you, exactly as you would want, what would that idea be? Can you describe it to us, along with any potential factors that are slowing you down/blocking you from creating it in the first place? Thanks! <3 -@fieldsofview

Oh, boy, that is a question!

My first thought is that I'd like to have When Two Become One (or, oh dear, Little and Broken, but Still Good) completed, just to not have the dangling WIP to worry about.

But really, honestly, if I was sitting here with the one-use-only magical wishing stone that would take a story from my brain and give me a ready-to-release perfect version of it? I would ask it to finish the historical-with-magic m/m romance that I started writing a bit over five years ago and had plotted five followups to.

It's such a great story! It has magical soulbonds that are made, not found! It has a whole system of gay marriage fitted into a historical setting in a way that I personally find satisfying and logical! It has the obstacle to marriage between our heroes being that they are too exactly well-matched for each other (and therefore it's painfully difficult to determine which of them ought to become a non-person and lose his independent inheritance and social status by becoming the dependent spouse of the other, because it's 1834 and somebody has to not be a whole legal person anymore after they get married, that's the rules).

It has COMPLEMENTARY MAGICAL ABILITIES REVEALING ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY. It has YEARNING. It has a DUEL (well, almost) and a huge historic disaster that our heroes get swept up in, leading to SWOONING FROM MAGICAL EXHAUSTION. It has the baby sister who the hero wants to protect SOLVING PROBLEMS HERSELF, with the help of her trans girlfriend. (It has magical gender affirmation for trans people, because what kind of magical setting would it be if it didn't??) It has a HORRIBLE COUSIN WHO WILL INHERIT THE ESTATE who turns out in a subsequent book to be not really horrible at all so much as, you know, autistic and traumatized and dashed awkward in sensitive situations, and in need of just the right adorable twink to understand him and love him.

It unfortunately has a terminal lack of writing momentum due to me picking away at it through all the years when my writing had not come home from the wars, and so I just feel sort of exhausted every time I think about figuring out what the fuck happens in chapter five and how to put that into words and sentences and paragraphs, so I've stuck it in the drawer and moved on to things that I feel a bit less daunted by, although just this second I feel daunted by every activity more complicated than playing Cake Sort on my phone and watching a lot of Air Crash Investigations, because life is a lot right now.

But if I just had this novel straight from the wishing stone, I could read it, and I'm sure I would love the whole thing again and be ready to write the next five books, and also I could publish the dear thing and tell people it's a bit like a KJ Charles (with less murder) or Jordan L Hawk (with less eldritch horror), and it would probably sell pretty decently and I could be firmly on the way with my five year plan to be able to do more writing and less day-jobbing. And that would be awfully nice.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Ask me Anything -- Tal Smithson

Have you heard of the magical girl genre?

Fuck yes, have you read Sailor Nothing? World-changing. Preneek. Literature. I mean we only have two thirds of it but they were a great two thirds.

If you had awoken in Captain Aspen’s situation, would you have waited as long to wake others up?

I wouldn’t have woken anyone up. I don’t think it would even have occurred to me.

Do you feel more lucky or guilty that you’re the only one to survive your Ring’s ejection? Sorry if this one is too personal.

Why would I feel guilty? I was asleep.

If this is not too rude to ask, could you tell me a little about the Brennan gender identity, and grammar around pronouns?

I don’t know what you’re asking. It’s just a gender. Some people are men and some people are women and some people are brennan. And some people are something else I guess, like Aspen or the Friend.

Did you have any pets, or tend to animals growing up?

I had a pet monitor lizard named Cthulhu.

Have you done any work salvaging preneek data?

Yeah I used to be involved in tracking down and scraping old hard drives and servers for any possible recoverable data. Fillmore! Episode 5, Red Robins Don’t Fly? That was me. I found AND recovered that. You’re welcome.

Would you download a car?

I did once but the machine shop wouldn’t build me anything from unverified files. Also I don’t drive, obviously. Also I have nowhere to put a car.

What is Neocambrian meme culture like?

What’s meme culture?

Do you think the developments with Amy are as wild as I do?

Amy makes no fucking sense, my entire life since waking up on this ship has been a fever dream. In fact I’m not entirely convinced it isn’t a fever dream. Possibly I went to sleep and the neurostimulator started making me dream to preserve my brain on the trip and that’s what’s still happening right now. We’ll all wake up at Hylara super disoriented and filled with years’ worth of false memories.

What do you think should be done with the colonists that are too affected by Amy when the ship reaches Hylara?

It’s hardly up to me, is it? They’re going to die. I’m not a necromancer.

Do you ever worry you are in some sort of preneek science fiction novel, or movie?

What kind of weirdo would write something like this?

You are good at being a cybercriminal, how did you get caught?

The police, as it turns out, are also good at catching a cybercriminal.

If you could bring sometimes from earth with you, what would you pick?

Reget Bryce. Fucking arsehole. I hate that guy. He should have to be on this ship.

Do you want to give some of your dreams to Amy?

No, I’m very glad to have woken up before that could happen. Although maybe if she had a brain that knew literally anything about computers she wouldn’t be such a fucking mess in there.

What you hate the most?

People who think Star Trek and Star Wars were alternate names for the same franchise and totally fuck up our databases through unnecessary combinations. No Spock wasn’t a Force user. That took so many months to fix.

Are you scared of being made into a slave when you land?

I honestly don’t see how things are going to be significantly different to our current situation, except that we will be on the ground and presumably have less gaming time.

Kill someone innocent or be killed? Choose one.

We’ve got like four thousand spare innocent lives on hand, it’s not like it’s a limited resource. I probably will end up fucking up and killing at least one of them anyway. Just based on probability and this fucking nightmare of an AI.

Have you even be out of Texas?

Yeah I went on this submarine trip once to follow an old internet cable we discovered in the hopes that it would lead to some interesting server with some interesting information. It didn’t. It just lead to a small bunker from the time of the collapse, a seal had been breached and the entire thing was flooded. Nothing electronic was recoverable. There were some cool skeletons in there though.

[zgvlt]

acquired tastes trey clover x reader

summary: how food has brought you and trey together as friends, and later on as something more

tags: gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff, friends to lovers, 3.2k+ words, kissing, not descriptive but food is mentioned a lot, not beta read

author’s note (see end notes for more): The second fic to my five senses series. also, i did not write half of this sober oops and still not very sober, so if you see any typos... i will fix them when i can

[you can also read this on AO3]

You had shocked everyone the day you called him your husband, although nobody was more shocked than he was. As far as he was aware, he was not even your boyfriend, so being handed the title of your husband felt like… a promotion through nepotism and bribery. 

The nepotism equating to his being your close friend, the bribery being the food he began to habitually make for you. Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to him that it happened so often that once-in-a-while gifts and favors had turned into routine and grateful expectations.

“Husband?!”

And of all people you had to say it in front of, it just had to be Riddle, who was somehow more flustered than he was… which was saying quite a lot, considering he was one wrongly-timed swallow away from choking. That would probably lead to the both of you getting lectured by his childhood friend.

Well, Trey thought to himself, he was probably going to get dragged into this conversation anyway, and he had no real plans of being in opposition to it.

There wasn’t like he had much to explain, considering he was relatively curious as well.

“Oh, you know, like a work husband… but for school?”

“A what?! Why would you have a separate spouse for work?” asked Riddle, and Trey wondered why you would even think that Riddle would know what a work husband was. “Or is it like the opposite of a stay-at-home husband? So… if it’s for school, a student husband? I know that Trey had his birthday recently, but that’s still…”

“Okay, okay, I’m not married. No one is, Riddle,” Trey finally interrupted, not sure he would like the way his friend’s train of thought was heading. 

“I don’t actually think the two of you are married,” Riddle said with a huff, although Trey’s not quite sure he buys it completely. Perhaps that had been Riddle’s attempt at mocking a friend? “It’s just… a weird choice for an endearment for two people of your age.”

“I mean, in this case it’s less endearment and more… It’s just an expression for two people who share a close relationship, and those two happen to work together. A relationship as friends.”

“Yeah! It’s like… because Trey is so supportive and trustworthy and kind and—”

“Okay, I know you want to help explain, but aren’t you saying too much?” Trey interjected, self-consciousness growing as he watched the look of realization slowly appear on Riddle’s face. What exactly was being realized Trey could not determine, but he doubted it was anything short of embarrassing. 

“—and Trey also makes the best pastries and desserts, and he’s also gotten pretty good at making lunch as well, and also he’s…” you trailed off upon catching his eye, as if you saw something to convince you enough compliments had been said, “basically, he’s wonderful and the epitome of an ideal partner in marriage, or just partner in general. So, you know, school husband!”

After a moment of silence, likely held for Trey more than anyone else, Riddle nodded his head in understanding.

“Not that I don’t agree, because I would say Trey possesses the qualities you speak of, but… isn’t husband quite a step too far? People will get visceral reactions,“ case in point, Riddle, “so why don’t you just call him your–”

“Riddle, fifteen minutes have passed since you’ve finished your meal. Shouldn’t we all head out of the hall now?”

Heartslabyul’s vice dorm leader never thought he would bring up the rules like this, especially in front of Riddle who he wished would stop following the rules too much, but he realized he was not against doing so if it helped him escape a tough situation. 

As Riddle grumbled over how he was less than a minute away from breaking a rule, he did not miss the pointed stare you threw him. 

“Maybe Riddle has a point. Should I just call you my school boyfriend, then?”

Boyfriend or husband, one thing stayed the same—Trey could not say he minded you considering him as either one, and that fact had served as the primary reason as to why he did not stop you from calling him as such.

It was easy to see where it had all begun—easy for him to see, at the very least. 

It had to be the night you chose to sneak into Heartslabyul's kitchen, far past bedtime, perhaps not quite realizing that he would still be in there, busy making sure every tart and cake would be put into the refrigerator for cooling, that no one would go steal something without replacing it. 

He tried not to make a habit of staying up too late for anything other than academics, but he supposed some habits were meant to be broken once or twice or every once in a while. Maybe he should be thankful he had been awake that night, only because he didn’t think he could ever have gotten close to you otherwise.

“Midnight snacking?” he had asked calmly, only really staring you down to make sure the food you retrieved wouldn’t be needed for tomorrow’s unbirthday party. On that note… were there actually any? His dorm’s first years were growing boys who enjoyed large portions, so premade food was usually low in quality. “Just make sure to brush your teeth after.”

“Will do~” he remembered you agreeing quite easily, too busy opening cupboard to cupboard in search of something edible to argue against the importance of good dental hygiene. By the disappointed look on your face, though, it was evident you couldn’t find any outside of the ingredients he often used in baking. 

To this day, Trey wonders if he would have stopped you then if you had asked to take some of the berries and chocolates reserved for pastries, or if he would have offered you a tart of your choosing from the selection to be served later that afternoon.

“You usually aren’t here this late, so I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

“So you’ve been here past midnight more than a few times?”

You had only laughed, although it appeared as though you were more ashamed of admitting it to him rather than the actions themselves. 

“On occasion,” you had replied with a hum, quietly eyeing him as he worked away with the last tray of dough. Back then, he had expected you to ask him for one—perhaps you were, wordlessly, a stare that remained intense even as you innocently batted your eyes at him. “Would you kick me out, then?”

“I’m not doing that,” he shrugged, more concerned over the fact that someone else was up this late rather than curfews or rule-breaking or anything of the sort, “but you should probably go back to bed. I can’t send you off with anything to eat, but what about a drink? Tea, milk, hot cocoa…?”

Trey remembers what you asked for, of course but what had really stuck in his mind was the way you gave him a knowing smile—he had never really had the chance to properly talk to you before then, but there you were, smiling at him like you’ve known him for years, like you understood him and his very being.

“Trey is a really caring person, isn’t he?”

Because Trey has been far gone for far longer than he would like to admit, he’s increasingly lenient with you. That’s not to say he just lets you get away with whatever you want (although you’ve never actually asked for something unreasonable before) but he definitely lets you get away with more things than he should.

“Now that’s not very nice,” Trey chided playfully… or, what he presumed had come off as playful. People tended to take his jokes seriously, and by the way you froze mid-scoop of the batter, he really did think you thought he was actually scolding you. Seriously, what had become of his reputation… “as long as the spoon is clean and you don’t double scoop, you can taste it.”

“Ah, I mean, I can just wait,” you laughed awkwardly, as though you felt bad all of a sudden, “geez, now it’s coming off as if I’m expecting you to give me… whatever it is you’re making.”

“Because you do expect it, and I always end up giving you some of everything,” Trey said, perhaps more self-aware than you at this moment. “I don’t mind, really, it’s always nice to get a second opinion.”

“Why are you making it sound like it’s my fault you give in so quickly?” you said, giving him an accusatory glance, “and hello, we know you’re confident when it comes to sweets. You’re wonderful 99% of the time—”

“Just 99%...?”

“—and the other 1%, you can just use your UM. You messing up is not even in the realm of possibilities.”

“Well, that aside, you were going to taste it if I didn’t catch you, so might as well?”

It takes Trey a while to realize what he’s really doing. He’s conscious enough to know that he’s grabbing a spoon from one of the drawers, to know that he’s scooping up a small but sufficient serving of batter with it. It’s only when the spoon is already against your lips that he recognizes the implications of his actions. What’s more, he can’t even retract his hand, not when you take a small bite, ultimately spoon fed by him.

Both of you look shocked—at each other’s actions, and at the actions you yourselves have committed. With the way the both of you reacted, it was as though some obscure rule by the Queen of Hearts had been broken, although from the half that Trey had memorized, he sincerely doubted it.  

What question had prevailed more in Trey’s head—the question of why he tried to give you a taste in that manner, or why you took a bite anyway instead of calling him out immediately?

“Aha, um, Trey–”

“It’s not what you think,” Trey immediately cut in, trying to look for a justification. Perhaps he should have thought harder, taking the time to word an explanation in his head rather than simply pouring his thoughts out like piping hot tea. “It’s not that I think of you as one of my siblings or as a kid. That’s not it at all.”

He said it as if that was the pressing matter, the misunderstanding to be avoided.

Perhaps it was, by the way your confused expression changed into relief with just a lingering hint of surprise. 

“That’s… pfft, that’s good to know. Thank you for letting me know, Trey.”

Trey’s not dense—he knows why his juniors have begun teasing him (and you), he knows the reason behind Vil’s snickering near-perfectly covered by his gloved hand, and he recognizes the inspiration behind the countless poems Rook has insisted he listen to.

The both of you, he thinks, are sensible people (sensible enough to not repeat the same actions in public, to keep everything in the kitchen—although he’s had one or two close calls, usually when you can’t help yourself from joking about it), but sense and sensibility can only go so far when his mouth listens less to the brain and more to the heart.

“Sure, I gotcha,” Trey agreed, not quite grasping what he’d committed to doing until the words leave his lips, “I’ll make lunch for you tomorrow.”

By all means it probably should not sound so big a deal—he made you small snacks and sweets all the time, taste and ingredients used adjusted to your liking. There was no denying anymore that those were for you specifically, not just things he was willing to give you bite-sized portions of.

But a meal was a big deal. The moment sugar and flour get taken away from the recipe, Trey’s confidence dwindles in his abilities. 

Not completely. He’s decent in regular cooking, just as he thinks himself decent in most things, but just decent would be troublesome in the long run. There was the Salisbury steak he specialized in, some variations of that, and the recipes he learned from the cooking elective program, but what would happen after that?

Yes, Trey knows that once he cooks lunch for you, there will be more and more times—whether it be by your request or his own volition—where he cooks you breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. Trey understands himself quite well, after all, so that much is just an inevitability. 

Should he search up recipes online, or should he consult the books in the library? He could send a text message to his parents and hope that he’ll sound normal enough—though they might question his intent considering there’s plenty of cooked food for purchase and consumption at school… 

“Wait, you don’t have to,” you protest, “wow, I can’t believe I’m actually protesting receiving food from you, but… isn’t that a waste of time? I should at least pay you.”

Trey’s natural instinct is to outright refuse. He doesn’t do these things to gain something out of it, just does it because he can; that your time and the evident admiration you hold for him—whatever extent that may truly be—was more than enough payment, enough to convince him to keep going.

His and your respective actions hurt neither one of you, so there was no reason to stop.

Trey’s second instinct is to joke, to tell you that you could pay for the ingredients, perhaps ask for an incredibly absurd amount of money that would be easily understood as a joke even with his line delivery.

He does neither. Instead, he asks—

“Maybe you could help me make lunch instead?”

The both of you are in the kitchen again. At some point, it had become common knowledge that if anyone needed to find either one of you, the first and best place to look would be Heartslabyul’s kitchen.

With all the time spent there, people would assume the both of you were cooking 24/7… but how sorely mistaken they would be.

Not to say there were no attempts, it was just… slow. Particularly when there was no schedule to be followed or deadline to be had.

Trey’s not one to push blame onto one person even for the most obvious of faults, definitely not so candidly, but the turn of events would be more your fault than his. It was a current that Trey did not get caught up in, but rather a flow he willingly went along with.

“Boyfriend, huh?” Trey asked, absentmindedly flipping through the recipe book displayed on the stand. The cake to be served for this afternoon’s unbirthday party had already been prepared, simply cooling in the fridge and waiting to be served, so there was no real reason to be looking through the pages.

If you asked, he was simply thinking about dinner… even though the book was primarily for sweets and pastries.

“Actually, it was husband first, and then boyfriend,” you corrected.

“Yeah, almost forgot my demotion there for a sec… or was it meant to be some form of promotion?”

“Not really, they’re the same thing. I was just letting you choose which one you liked more,” you laughed, opening the fridge to retrieve the sweets to be served in just a bit. That was the reason both of you were in the kitchen, after all, to get the food and not to chat, not to tease and be teased, and certainly not… would this classify as flirting? 

Yes, absolutely yes. He supposed he’s just been lulled to the idea that you simply do act differently with him, but there are certain things that you do and say that are new, as if something had finally clicked for you. 

As for Trey, something’s clicked for him too.

“Hmm… I suppose I’ll leave the choice to you,” Trey replied, pretending to look for the cake knives. He knows where they are, he’s simply… stalling. He wouldn’t call himself a coward, but building up courage requires time away from you in his line of sight. “But aren’t you worried?”

“Of what? Having other people hear?” you seemed to find his question funny, and he could imagine you rolling your eyes behind his back. “I said it in front of Riddle. The only reaction worse would be Ace’s—he’d pretend to be nauseated by us all the time if he heard.”

“Haha, yeah, but that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“I mean, won’t you… people are going to think I’m actually your boyfriend, so there’ll be less people approaching you,” he said. While he wasn’t exactly satisfied with his wording choice, he thought it got the job done without having to outright ask you directly.

“Ah, I thought it was already obvious that I don’t care about that?” If that wasn’t enough of a green light, you continued, “I… Do I seem interested in others, Trey?”

“Not really, no,” Trey answered with a surprising amount of ease. With how much time he had spent around you, he would notice… and he would admit with the slightest bit of a flush that he was aware that your eyes weren’t wandering around, looking for some other student you were interested in. You kept them on him and when they were not, he kept his own on you.

“I just needed to make sure.”

“Okay… and now that you’re sure, what will you do about it?” 

He pushed the question back to you, “what do you want to do about it?”

He finally turned to face you again, but your eyes did not meet his, not at first. You looked down at the cake on the table, a pretty purple thing with his favorite candies violets topping it.

“I’ll tell you some other time,” you responded. Without missing a beat, leaving no room for Trey to be disappointed, you added, “what I want right now… is a taste.”

Trey does not need to clarify what you pertain to, not when you blatantly look back up in time. Instead, he asks, “are you sure?”

You nod, and he takes a deep breath, holding it, a second for each step towards you. 

“Alright.”

You taste like the biscuits he gave you earlier—that’s the first thing Trey notices the instant his lips touched yours. There are other things, of course, like the spinning of his head and beating of his heart, and some other descriptions he would be able to write out if he had been granted the ability to wax poetic, but it is that lingering taste he focuses on.

It should be embarrassing how much he likes the idea—and more than just the idea—of it, the taste of his cooking in your mouth. Egotistic, something that provides him an unnecessary amount of pride. 

But he likes it for the mere fact that it reminds him of what brought you together in the first place. It is a simple reason, but it is reason enough for him to keep his lips hovered over yours, as if ready to go for another should you allow it.

You laughed, the movement and breath felt against his skin. Then, still quite joyfully, you murmured, “you taste like toothpaste… and maybe mouthwash, too.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” you said, shaking your head, “it reminds me of you, so I like it.”

my other trey fic and the sequel to the other trey fic end notes | masterlist of all my works | series masterlist

[1] This WHOLE thing... the original plan was just to have them kiss and for reader to go "haha you taste like mouthwash", yeah I just wanted to clown on Trey, but then I decided to give them some plot. It's quite standard and not exactly original, I admit, but hopefully it gives some background on how they see each other and their dynamic.

[2] This will probably be my last Trey x Reader for a while… meaning this year. I like him a lot, but it's time to put some focus on other characters, lol. I have characters I've yet to write for, so I should complete my WIPs for them.

[3] The fic banner… I chose the design because candied violets are Trey's favorite food. The cake I was imagining was ube (purple yam) and chocolate cheesecake, topped with candied violets… although I only put one in the design, lol. I got lazy to add more, sorry!

[4] Title Choice: acquired tastes… I usually take a while to figure out a title, but I knew this was the title I wanted even before writing out the fic. I just like how it's like they have acquired a taste of each other, but also they are each other's types -> to their tastes, but also just… food therefore taste. Yeah.

[5] Reading Trey's birthday story, I thought it was amusing that people took his jokes seriously, so I wanted to write Trey more playfully here. Reader is also playful in a different way than Trey, so because their teasing styles are different they get affected by each other, lol.

[6] Like I mentioned, I wanted to get this out for Trey's birthday, but I figured that this wouldn't be very good at all if I tried to make it to the deadline. Anyway, this was originally written for the Five Senses Mini Series I have and not his birthday, so I decided to take my time.

[frecklenog]

after spending an evening listening to jessie gender tell me about starfield, capitalism, gender, selfhood, and ursula k leguin, i had. some Thoughts about another science fiction series; one you're probably at least somewhat familiar with if you follow this blog or watch ms gender's videos.

to start off; hey. this is partially based on my own experiences, my understanding of them, and how that lens can be applied to star trek. it's also very much inspired by the work of jessie earl, whose channel i can't recommend enough. she's funny, intelligent, kind, and an incredibly gifted writer, and she's a gift to both the star trek, trans, and "video essay youtuber" communities. show her some love!

that said, i want to start by looking at star trek. we all know the vulcans, don't we? pointy ears, green blood — spock's dad's side of the family. gifted with telepathic abilities, vulcans are practitioners of the mind meld, also called things like a mind link, probe, touch, or fusion, which is exactly what it sounds like. it allows two (or more, on occasion) sentient life forms to exchange thoughts as though they were one being.

of course, this kind of thing is common in media. steven universe has gem fusions, which should be examined from a plural viewpoint in their own right. x-man charles xavier almost routinely delves into the minds of others. but rarely does it have any lasting impact on the characters. even star trek itself falls into this, with doctor leonard mccoy not getting nearly enough screentime in the voyage home to show off what must have been the intensely strange experience of carrying spock's katra within him. (maybe that's addressed in a novelization or comic that i'm just unaware of, but regardless, i haven't seen it, and i think that's a travesty. (and if you know of a book where that gets touched on oh my god give me the fucking link now-))

there are instances of star trek mind melds having lasting effects, as discovery shows part of sarek's katra being permanently linked to michael burnham, though that could be considered an extenuating circumstance, what with her being on death's doorstep at the time of the meld. which most trek fans probably already know, and is honestly more fantastical than i care to bother reading with a plural lens. however, star trek is a fandom with nearly sixty years of history, including hundreds of books and comics from various authors and publishers. these stories are plentiful, bizzare, and sometimes outright terribly written. i don't blame anyone for not having read them all — to do so seems like a terrifying task.

but the one i want to look at right now is a particular run of the star trek: the next generation comic, published in 2000 by wildstorm comics.

the run is called perchance to dream — a lovely, flourishing name for a comic where half of the plot could be it's very own jessie gender video for how much sexual weirdness goes on (but i'll leave that to the professionals). the part we're going to focus on is that the b-plot of the run surrounds captain jean luc picard, captain of the uss enterprise-d. the comic is set after the events of the star trek: the next generation season 3 premiere, best of both worlds: part 2. in that episode, the captain had been disconnected from the borg hivemind (after being assimilated in part 1), and he returned to duty as usual at the end of the episode (though he does choose to go on leave in the following episode). it's also set after another episode from later on in season 3, — episode 23, sarek, wherein picard preformed a mind meld with sarek in order to allow the aging ambassador better emotional control, as it was being ravaged by his bendii syndrome — essentially, vulcan dementia.

the a-plot of the run isn't really important to us, i'm afraid — although it reveals to us in the second issue that worf accidentally killed a kid on another soccer team as a child. suffice to say, one of the abilities of the aliens the crew has to play diplomacy with is that they can prod into people's traumas through their nightmares. they have a lot going on. it's a comic book from 2000, what did you expect?

and, speaking of things that are easily dated, the third issue of the run brings us to the second part of today's topic.

image id: a comic book page. beginning at the top, a narration box reads: "chief medical officer's log, stardate 48503.8. lieutenant commander data, doctor selar, and i have gone through the damiano [alien] records regarding the chova. while no direct way to combat the weapon was ever developed we have discovered that certain people were immune to the chova's effects and could destroy the weapon." doctor beverly crusher is beside the narration box, depicted from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the right and saying "there has to be another way." a vulcan -- doctor selar -- is viewed from the waist up, holding a padd in her right hand and facing to the right of the page. she is saying "we have been over the records six times a piece, doctor. if there is anything to find, it is likely that we would have found it by now." data, an android designed to appear as a human with pale yellow plastic skin, is holding a book slightly behind doctor selar. his mouth is slightly open as he speaks. "i believe doctor selar is correct. this is the only course of action open to us under the circumstances." to the right of this panel is another shot of beverly from the shoulders up, this time facing to the left. her expression is stern as she says "i know, i know, it's just-- it could kill him." in the next panel. beverly is shown from the back, and captain jean-luc picard enters, saying "you sent for me, doctor?" beverly responds, "yes, jean-luc. please sit down." below this, the left panel takes most of the remaining page. this time we see captain picard from the back, while beverly faces the reader head-on, speaking first. "we've gone through the records chief du're [irrelevant one-off character from the a-plot] provided. it turns out that there was one group of people who were immune to the chova when it was first used. mpd's." jean-luc repeats "mpd's?" curiously. to the right, data is shown from the shoulders up, saying; "mpd stands for multiple personality disorder. mpd can come about through psycholo--" but beverly interrupts him; "not now, data." end id.

ah, multiple personality disorder. a term that hasn't been clinically used since 1994. these days, we call this dissociative identity disorder (did), but it's one dissociative disorder of many, which is what beverly is talking about. for whatever reason, people with this sort of dissociative plurality seem to be immune to the specific trauma nightmares induced by these aliens. (finally, some good news.)

okay, neat! so, dissociative disorders and plurality have been canonically addressed in star trek. let's see how it goes!

image id also available unbroken in alt text. image id pt 1: beginning in the top left corner, beverly is shown from the shoulders up, facing the right side of the page as she speaks. "the point is the people who are afflicted with more than one personality would destroy the chova before it could affect them. the chova was only built for one personality. mpds would literally overwhelm it." in the next panel, to the right, picard is shown from the chest up, partially obstructed by speech bubbles. facing right, he asks; "how does this help us?" beverly is also in this right panel, although from behind, and nearly completely obfuscated by speech bubbles. she answers; "well, mpd was never a common occurance, and it's almost unheard of these days.there've only been two cases reported in the federation in the last two hundred years -- and damiano [the alien planet] hasn't seen a case in the last fifty."beverly continues. "however, we do have someone on the enterprise who has the makings of a classic mpd. i'd like your permission to ask this person to volunteer to undergo a mind-meld with doctor selar in order to bring the submerged personalities to the fore."

this particular line, i take umbrage with, as dissociative disorders are a lot more common than people might think, and star trek has shown us a future as tumultuous as our own present for decades. there would absolutely be people experiencing some level of multiplicity in everyday life both within the federation and without. but, again, this was written in the 90s, i think? i don't know how long it takes a team of professionals to make a comic book. but, i digress.

image id pt 2: picard responds; "permission granted, as long as it remains on a volunteer basis. who is the officer in question?" below, the leftmost panel is larger than the right. beverly crusher is shown in profile, facing right, with doctor selar and data behind her from the chest and shoulders up. picard is on the right of the page, slightly smaller, but also in profile, facing right to contrast beverly as he listens to her speak. "it's someone who's been exposed to an especially intense vulcan mind-meld, who lived another life for thirty-five subjective years— and who had a second personality grafted onto his own for a brief period by the borg. the next panel takes the entire width of the page, and much of the height. picard is shown in the middle, standing in a purple void. around him are three other male characters shown in bust. from left to right, they are; kamin, a humanoid man bearing great resemblance to an older imagining of jean-luc picard, wearing a plain blue shirt. sarek, a vulcan with grey hair, a turquoise shirt, and a green stone amulet on a large gold chain around his neck. he is cast in shadow and his eyes are not visible. locutus, an ashen version of jean-luc picard, with about a third of his face obscured by black metal exoplating and implants that surround his right eye. tubes come off of his face and neck, trailing behind him, and a red light made to shine at his point of focus shines from the side of his head. there are several yellow narration boxes, which read as follows. "sarek of vulcan. picard mind-melded with the legendary ambassador in order to lend him strength for an important negotiation — an act that almost cost picard his sanity." "kamin of kataan. a probe sent out by kataan before their sun went nova allowed picard to live most of kamin's adult life as a way to remember his people."

oh, yeah. did... did i not mention that that happened?

basically, he was targeted by a device that beamed him into the world's most immersive vr game — kind of like the one from rick and morty? if you watched that? if you didn't, sorry for bringing it up, and if you did, ditto. but it forced picard to live out an entire life as though he'd been abducted by aliens and placed in a sims game. though, ultimately, the plot intricacies of the inner light are beside my point.

image id pt 3: "locutus of borg. quite simply, the greatest nightmare of picard's entire life. the subversion of his intellect, his will, his very self to the collective of the borg." "all three are part of him, but they do not dominate. if picard does as doctor crusher suggests, he will subsume himself in order to let the others come to the fore. for sarek, for kamin, he would be willing." "but locutus--?" the next panel takes a little more than half of the remainder of the page. a narration box in the upper left reads; "then he thinks of his first officer, counselor, chief of security, chief engineer, and all the others who have fallen victim to this vicious weapon." the rest of the panel shows two sleeping figures, both humanoid, in what is presumably sickbay. the last panel takes the remainder. a narration box in the upper left reads; "and jean-luc picard makes the only decision he is capable of making." captain picard is shown from the shoulders up, facing slightly to the left and saying; "what do i need to do?" below his speech bubble is another yellow text box, which reads "to be concluded..."

...which is how issue 3 leaves us.

fortunately, we can pick up in issue 4 with ease, since these comics are over twenty years old. i'm going to do my best to limit my use of comic pages, juuuuust in case, but once we reach the sixth page, with the credits...

image id: a two-page spread. beginning in the uppermost left corner, narration boxes read; "welcome to the mind of jean-luc picard." "'locutus' was a personality superimposed upon picard when he was taken by the borg, meant to serve as the spokesperson for that cybernetic race's ruthless assimilation of what they described as the 'authority-driven culture' of the federation." "ambassador sarek of vulcan suffered from bendii syndrome. in order to keep the effects of this devastating illness from endangering his final mission, sarek entered into a deep mind-meld with picard in order to give the ambassador emotional control and stability." "kamin was a prominent member of the community of ressik on the long-dead world of kataan. a probe sent by the kataan people allowed picard to live kamin's life for several subjective decades, although less than half an hour passed in reality." "all of these personalities have made up a part of jean-luc picard, but he remained dominant." "until now." "this is the mind of jean-luc picard." the left page is mostly taken up by a large illustration of locutus, drawn in far more detail than before. trailing off to the right are two tubes or wires, as well as a speech bubble that reads "resistance is futile." also on this page are the details of the comic title, run, issue number, writers/artists, and copyright. taking up most of the right half of the right page is sarek of vulcan, drawn in less detail than locutus, but easily recognizable. his hair is a lighter grey, he is wearing white and cream robes and an amber amulet on a thick gold ring around his neck, and he is holding up his right hand in a vulcan salute/ta'al. depicted below sarek is kamin, drawn from the shoulders up, wearing a plain white shirt with a collar. below kamin is captain picard, also shown from the shoulders up, in his starfleet uniform, and surrounded by four lights, with two on either side of him. (there is also further copyright information beside him in fine print.)

...i'm pretty sure that this analysis falls under the "commentary" part of fair use. right?

but, regardless, this is kind of a huge thing to drop in a comic that virtually no one has bothered to read. i mean, especially when, amidst the clashing of picard's plurality with the a-plot, we get this panel;

image id: a single comic panel. kamin is shown from behind, speaking to locutus and sarek within a noneuclidean space with four circular white lights shining in the distance. "what is going on?" kamin asks. "we have been subdued for too long. but now we shall dominate, as we were meant to." locutus replies. sarek interrupts. "your logic is flawed, locutus. we are all merely aspects of jean-luc picard's mind." "you may be sarek of vulcan, but we are of the borg."

sarek is able to acknowledge himself, kamin, and locutus as "aspects" of captain picard, despite picard rarely if ever sensing them or their influence. picard is being, not just implied, but explicitly stated to have a latent form of plurality, and perchance to dream depicts it in a way that strikes true to members of my own system, at times, with certain alters first making themselves known in the front already well aware of who they are, and having existed without the my knowledge due to dissociative barriers that only came down later in life.

unfortunately, because this is a star trek media, locutus ends up assimilating kamin in the headspace and forcing himself into the front. however, as he does it, he says something that does, to an extent, resonate with the experience of being one among many, for better or worse.

image id: a single comic panel. locutus is shown facing the viewer, and his chin and the top of his head are cut off by the borders of the panel. his light breaks the plane of the panel to simulate the effect that it is shining into the "camera." locutus's mouth is open as he speaks; "for too long you have suppressed us, picard. but you are of the borg."

plurality is a defense mechanism by the brain to protect against trauma. it is, from what i have seen, more common among those who are already neurodivergent, which already presents in a myriad of ways. mixing the ugly truth of trauma with the raw reality of mental illness caused by it can result in certain alters feeling as though they are being suppressed by not being allowed to front and live their own life, depending on how the system functions. admittedly it is more common in fictional depictions of dissociative disorders for these alters to simply live their own lives in secret anyway, as is the case in the marvel tv series moon knight with marc spector, steven grant, and jake lockley (along with the other possible members of their system who may or may not be present depending on the canon, but those are the main three). but, in reality — or at least my experience — this more often translates to alters making themselves social media accounts, or using services like tupperbox or pluralkit on discord, or finding other ways to more discretely express themselves, such as icon changes or status updates.

but, getting back to star trek, this is ultimately a one-off comic. so captain picard saves the day with his secret alters, ends the mind meld with doctor selar, and goes back to living his life as a singlet, ready for the people of the future to be able to easily comprehend without having to read a very specific comic run from 2000.

...right?

image id: part of a comic page. each panel takes up roughly one quarter of the page each. in the first panel, counselor deanna troi is seen standing, having just entered captain picard's ready room. picard is shown from the back, sitting at his desk. "counselor! good to see you up and about." he greets her. "it's good to be up and about." she responds. "playing some old tunes?" [picard had been playing the ressikan flute prior to her entry.] picard responds. "mmm. i wanted to make sure that i still remembered how." in the next panel, we look over counselor troi's shoulder and across the desk at captain picard. "were you worried that you wouldn't?" she wonders. "actually, yes," picard answers. "after what happened..." the third panel shows picard facing the viewer head-on from the shoulders up. he continues, "i suppose i knew intellectually how close to the surface locutus, sarek, and kamin were. but i never really thought about it. they were — memories, experiences. no different from any other. but they're much more than that." the fourth panel shows counselor troi, facing slightly to the right as she speaks. "not much more. all three of them are part of you. but the important word is you. the fragmentation was artificially induced." picard asks; "was it?"

ultimately, yes, this is a one-off comic run that isn't very well known, and i only read because i took a personal interest in the subject matter. i knew going in that it wasn't going to fundamentally change the entire fandom's understanding of captain picard, or make the star trek fandom an instant haven for systems everywhere. but, still, captain picard has his doubts, and that truly touched me when i first read it as someone who was actively reckoning with the fact that past traumas that had impacted me more than i realized.

the comic goes on for a while longer, but the last thing it has to say on the subject of plurality is this.

image id: a single comic panel. counselor troi is seated in one of the chairs in captain picard's ready room, facing him from across his desk. she is on the left, facing partially right, and he is on the right, in profile facing left. the dialogue reads as follows. picard wonders, "was it [the dissociative fragmentation of his identity] truly a creation of the mind-meld, or was it simply breaking a dam that was already cracked?" riker interrupts over the comm. "riker to picard." "go ahead, number one," picard tells him. "it's time to beam down to damiano for the ceremony, sir." "thank you, commander."

and that's it. picard asks a question, then gets called away and never tells us his answer.

i think, at least subconsciously, that might be part of why i held star trek: picard to such a high standard.

to be clear, i hadn't read this comic when the first season of picard was coming out. but i was starting to grapple with my plurality, and i used fictional media as a means to do that (as is still evidenced by things like my system simon tag). the first season of the show was centered around both picard's relationship with both his legacy and his history with the borg collective. as mentioned in perchance to dream, captain picard had previously been assimilated by the borg collective — a cybernetic hivemind from the delta quadrant that absorbed cultures and species into itself, effectively wiping out the cultural histories of entire planets, at times, in their quest to become the "perfect" life form through a combination of genetic engineering and mechanical augmentation. and, as this happened, i came to know a young man named hugh who took form within my mind. a fictional introject, or fictive, of the character of the same name from season 5, episode 23, i, borg. with his help, i grew to further understand my own plurality, and saw the potential for our stories to be told in the wake of reclamations from the borg collective. the reclamation project became a hyperfixation, and—

and then came the jurati collective.

my own system bears no connection to the jurati collective, but it is a wonder, and can be examined through a plural lens as an allegory for our own experiences as dissociatives. many consciousnesses, all working together as one towards a common goal, and willingly. after all, what is a system if not a hive within one body?

and then came picard's third season, completely ignoring her, along with all the unique perspectives that stories surrounding her might have offered in favor of what felt like a final next generation movie.

ignoring me, it felt like.

is that silly? probably. but, try as i might, i am human, and so i have a propensity for illogic — no matter how much my autistic brain craves structure and definitive explanations in order to understand the world.

i'll be honest, i'm not sure how to end this. but, sometimes i remember the time in season 6, episode 20, the chase, when picard became incredibly excited about an ancient alien society that believed people were, indeed, collectives within themselves.

"...the kurlan civilisation believed that an individual was a community of individuals. inside us are many voices, each with its own desires, its own style, its own view of the world." -captain jean-luc picard

and i realize that, with the core tenant of this series lying in the infinite diversity of both the known and the unknowable — the building blocks are already in place. star trek is a media that has grown over the decades, and hopefully will continue to do so, because there are still so many ways for new and interesting and meaningful stories to be told within this franchise.

but, if you can't summon your representation from a nostalgiabait sequel/reboot within a preexisting intellectual property... there's nothing to stop you from crafting your own story and letting loose as many systems as you like.

[yanderehsr]

OC x CANNON event, thingy. . ?

### ﹒﹏﹒✦﹒`[Noriku Reiko]`

✸ ── age :: 16

✸ ── gender & prns :: female, any prns

✸ ── sexuality :: Pansexual

⌣  　⊧ 　 　🩰　 　❀

✸ ── personality ::

she’s erm, a little full of herself! ^v^ She is often quite blunt with her words, not really afraid to say what’s in her mind, No matter their role, status. Although some might view her as rude and such, it did not deter her from acting as a ‘savior’. Saving others was what mattered to her, and as long as people were grateful for her services, she would continue to do so. Good or bad, her reasons for saving others were irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

> Noriku's brutally honest nature often led her to point out others' flaws without hesitation. She was not afraid to express her dislike for certain individuals, and could be quite spiteful about holding grudges. That, combined with her tendency to be hard to please, made her a rather difficult person to get along with.

✸ ── background ::

> In her childhood, Noriku often felt overlooked and even ridiculed. As a result, she craved acceptance and adoration from others, to the point where she started behaving in a false and pretentious manner. She put on a pretense of being a "kind and loving girl" when she started attending school, even if it was not her true personality. She figured that this act would please people even if it was not authentic.

> However, now that she has gained popularity and admiration at school, she has become self-centered, vainglorious, self-absorbed, impolite, and unscrupulous. She manages to get what she wants through trickery and deceitful means, regardless of the consequences.

✸ ── trivia ::

➜ pink is her favorite color .

➜ she dislikes intrusive people .

➜ she likes physical affection

➜ speaks in third person.

✸ ── relationships :: Noriku is fine with whoever, as long as they like her, she doesn’t care.

✸ ── Appearance :: a little lady of 16, she has light pink hair, which is often held in pig tails. With some of her hair sticking out behind her neck. Her eyes are dark - bland pink.

“Well, Noriku doesn’t dislike much anything, honestly. Noriku gets whatever Noriku wants already, so why should Noriku dislike anything? Noriku likes herself best.”

—

Platonic yandere, I doubt you want to write pedophilia.

Genshin please! I don’t really mind any character.

Congratulations on the 1k by the way! I love your writing ^^

(I hope I did this right…)

I have stated it before, but I am able to write romance for character 16 years or above, I feel since I don't write NSFW that it's okay.

Anyways, hope you'll enjoy😄

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour

Hu Tao: She immidiatly figures out Noriku's real personality, Hu Tao is a trickster, she loves joking and playing pranks, and she is especially good at reading people, but even if she knows how Noriku really is, she just finds it really cute.

Hu Tao will tease, taunt and pull on every string to get those cute angry reactions out of Noriku, she will probably hate Hu Tao but she can't do anything about it, Hu Tao will threaten to reveal to everyone how she really is, and then no one will want to be around her.

Since Hu Tao is always around Noriku, everyone mistakes them as best friends, Hu Tao doesn't refute it cus it's true, Noriku is her best friend and it doesn't really matter what Noriku wants, Noriku is stuck by her side with no way out.

"I couldn't help but notice you weren't by my side yesterday, wanna explain that Nori... I'll forgive you this time, it better not happen again, okay"

Barbara: She worships Noriku, every word, every move and literelly everything she does is worshipped by Barbara. Noriku is like a goddess to her, she even quit her daily prayers to Barbatos and is praying to Noriku instead.

Barbara believes whatever Noriku tells her, and she doesn't believe it if anyone told her what Noriku's true personality was, she thinks they are trying to ridicule her precious goddess, so she ignores every warning she gets.

Barbara is clingy, wanting to hold Noriku at all times, the best part is that Noriku doesn't seem to mind it at all, Barbara sticks around Noriku so much and threatens the other ones around Noriku that Noriku doesn't notice that the only one left by her side is Barbara.

"Noriku doesn't understand, where is everyone?"

"Oh they just can't see how great you are, don't think about them too much, I'm here after all"

[yanderes-galore]

Do you have any saiki k headcanons? Like how he would be before kidnapping and after?

Probably, yeah, he's honestly not too bad. Aged up but you're still in school (Y'know, 18 and all)

Yandere! Saiki K Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Manipulation, Stalking, Brainwashing mention, Reading minds, Invasive behavior, Kidnapping mentioned.

Saiki, if I'm being honest, is really passive with his darling.

He hasn't really been a big one for attention.

He'd also probably deny his feelings towards you at first.

It starts really small for him.

He notices the new student in class and doesn't think much of them.

Saiki picks up little things he likes ahout you but his obsession is rather slow in nature.

He's not the best socially so he mostly uses telepathy to hone in on your thoughts.

He doesn't mean to do it on purpose at first.

Subconsciously he hones in on your thoughts like white noise.

Something about his darling puts him at ease but he isn't sure what.

Determined to figure out why he likes you, that's what starts his obsession.

He wants to interact with you but he does it subtly.

Full conversations, even with telepathy, aren't something that comes naturally to him.

Instead, he decides to show his care for you in little ways.

Stuff like altering your grades or just making your life slightly easier.

Sort of like him thanking you for making him feel... nice.

It starts as a nuisance, if people see he likes someone he's going to be disturbed.

Kokomi would make his life hell.

He makes his growing attraction hard to detect.

He prefers to keep an eye on you from a distance for the first part of his obsession.

Saiki usually keeps his feelings very subtle.

Soon he may try and talk to you on private, but that's rare.

He doesn't need anyone knowing he likes you...

He'll never hear the end of it, both in thought and voice.

Stalking comes easy to Saiki, in fact he can do it without meaning to.

Hearing your thoughts tell him a lot about you.

Saiki also has a ton of powers, so luckily he is a tame yandere.

He knows better and is very careful when it comes to you.

He carefully learns about you with curiosity, picking the brains of you and those around you to know more.

Saiki befriends you at some point and he actually feels pleasant about it.

He is definitely a yandere who takes his obsession slower and calmer than the others.

Jealousy is easily dealt with.

Saiki just needs to manipulate the people around you if he feels he wishes to isolate you to himself.

Which is why there really is no need for him to kidnap you?

He's powerful, he know brainwashing, he can change your thoughts-

He doesn't need to keep you in a dark room-

He prefers not to, anyways.

Although, if I have to say how he'd act then...

He could probably manipulate his parents and keep you in his house.

That or some other secluded location-

Saiki would also find no use in murder.

He's a yandere that could easily have you without needing to resort to illegal means to have you.

He's that powerful, luckily he knows to be careful.

[atundratoadstool]

I had this theory before reading Dracula that Bram Stoker wrote it as a sort of coping mechanism to suppress his homosexuality by making it monstrous, and the reason why the story went in so many different directions was because he lost his train of thought while writing it. Thoughts?

I definitely feel that readings of the text that focus on how it interrelates to Stoker's probable queerness are fruitful, although I honestly think that it's part of a larger pattern in Dracula (and throughout Stoker's works), in which Stoker tries to grapple with where acceptable desire, gendered behavior, and racial background all lie. While the rest of the novel goes in a lot of different directions, I think there's a lot of consistent pushing at boundaries and then withdrawing from them that occurs in a lot of dimensions that go beyond the question of Stoker's grappling with sexuality.

[CW: Spoilers; discussions of Stoker's racism/misogyny]

In terms of that sexuality, I think you're on point. The Count's possessiveness over Jonathan is portrayed as monstrous, but its contrasted with the unrelenting same gender camaraderie and emotional closeness between all the leads. It's also worth noting that Jonathan might be placed in the position of the traditional gothic heroine and left enervated and weak by his ordeal, he eventually bounces back to be "true grit" and full of masculine vigor. Similarly, while the misogynist, monstrous portrayal of the vampiric women in the text paints them as beyond acceptable womanhood, Mina can be smart, man-brained, and good with a gun while still being framed as pure and maternal. When it comes to foreigners, the acceptable Western ones (Quincey and Van Helsing) are heroic and noble, whereas the people of Transylvania are generally either simplistic or monstrous (and this is much more pronounced, I feel, in other works where Stoker contrasts willful, hyper-competant people of mixed race against appalling racist caricatures of Black and indigenous people).

I do honestly think that--for all of that--Stoker also is not always that skilled or organized a writer (I cannot recommend virtually any of his other books in good faith), and that there's a lot of material that could have been excised (much like proto-Jonathan's zany "Dracula's Guest" adventures in Munich). Still, I genuinely see a lot of Dracula as riffing on the same theme, which is trying to find the line between what makes a person an acceptable deviation from Stoker's conception of societal defaults and what makes them a deviant unworthy of sympathy.

[sp00kymulderr]

Pedro boy sexuality & gender headcanons

A couple weeks ago @perotovar shared their headcanons around Pedro characters and their sexualities and gender identities, here. It was such an interesting read as someone who has had many of my own thoughts around these things, it was really cool to see how someone else sees these characters through a queer lens and the little things in their characterisations that make us connect these thoughts to them, and that makes us connect to them in the way we do.

I mentioned that I would share my own thoughts and so, here we are! We actually have basically the same hcs. Just for a few of the boys for me though as I tend to stay in my Ezra & Dieter corner for the most part. I don’t know some of the other characters well enough to have any major thoughts about them.

I would love love to hear from other queer members of the fandom here, if you have any thoughts to share!

Also obviously these are just my silly little ideas and just for fun, I read all flavour of fanfic and whilst I would love to see more work from an lgbtq+ perpective I will happily consume all the (perceived) straight fic out there.

(I will also just ask that if you feel I have used any outdated/incorrect language here please let me know, I’m always learning, and I’d like to be corrected if there’s anything in here that could be considered harmful).

Ezra – I’ve mentioned it before and maybe it’s just because Ezra is my favourite character of all time but I very much see him as non-binary, genderfluid, using primarily he/they pronouns but doesn't mind any pronouns, and who really doesn’t care about or consider gender much at all. Honestly, this is a sci-fi character and I’d like to think that when we get to the point of living in space gender won’t even be a damn thing anymore lol. In the same vein, Ezra is pansexual.

Dieter – Bisexual king, of course. That’s literally canon. He would most likely label himself as queer and leave it at that though, rather than specifically defining himself as bi. I love to think about Dieter as somewhere under the non-binary umbrella but I’m not entirely sure where yet; gnc although again there is some fluidity there. Also, Dieter’s ideal way to love is in poly relationships, for sure.

Marcus P – Marcus is bi. He is a beautiful bi boyfriend, just look at him. He took a long time to come to terms with his sexuality, but now he is much more comfortable with it and allows himself to have the experiences he missed out on when he was less accepting of himself, and now he can be proud of who he is.

Joel – I actually hadn’t really considered Joel much in this way until Erin’s hcs but now...oh man…Joel is aromantic (and graysexual maybe). I feel it in my gut, like especially thinking a lot about the stuff with Tess. I don’t necessarily think it’s something he fully understands about himself, even in his later years, but it’s there.

Javi P – Hetero. Loves women. We know that. But, I can also see him questioning. I think when Murphy shows up, there’s something there. Something in his mind. He’s the least likely to ever act on it, given the external factors, but he’s certainly had moments of thinking about it which unfortunately probably cause him a lot of anguish.

Din – Aroace. I don’t even know what to say, this just feels very real to me.

Marcus M – Demi oh my god very much demisexual and demiromantic. He needs the connection first, and the rest will follow. He loves hard, and he loves forever when he gets there, much like Erin said he only ever really loved his wife.

[precious-little-scoundrel]

I probably won’t be able to articulate this as well as I’d like so please don’t take any of it as criticism, but it’s interesting to me that you decided to pair up Gale with a woman but also later decide that he’s probably gay. I’m honestly not one for shipping characters into a gay relationship just because but there were definite and obvious homoerotic undertones in MOTA, in fact I’d say Bucky loves Buck in *that way* more so than Gale loves John (although maybe he’s just quieter and more reserved about it). I guess what I’m really trying to say, is that like many others, I don’t particularly like Maureen, she isn’t deserving of Gale but maybe her fate is to have a gay husband who’ll always be hankering after a guy he can’t have (in my head, anyhow) but also I’m upset that we’ll never get to read a Buck/Bucky fic written by one of Tumblr’s best writers :(

Hello, I’m assuming you’re referencing this ask/blurb?

No offense meant back, but I honestly don’t find a great deal to answer in this ask. And I often try to find things to agree with or appreciate even in asks with a varying viewpoint and opinion. But dear, I know I’m not supposed to take it as criticism, so I won’t, but what is it intended for?

You’re informing me you don’t like an OC. That’s fine, and that’s your right. I would ask you to consider how respectful you are being to her author when you weave an entire extra story (in you head is grand but now it’s in my inbox too) about her being condemned to a fate you’re also suggesting is negative, please?

You’re informing me you wouldn’t immediately assume gayness due to onscreen chemistry. Amen. Yeah. Agree with that. And also agree with Bucky being more obvious, of the pair in the tv series. This is a complete AU of a dramatized tv show of real events. We’ve got women in the stalag. We’ve got a gay Buck Cleven. We could have aliens and cat shape-shifters if we want. Because it’s my AU, and those are the definitions of AUs. They’re alternate happenings 😆

You say you find it interesting to ship a certain thing that happened very regularly in the 1940’s. A gay man marrying a woman. That’s fine, but I will. I’m not going to avoid writing other things of the time -the segregation of races, inequality of women, rape of female combatants- and then breeze through the issue this was made to be for every man oriented in this manner. I’m quite passionate about exploring marriages like this one, and it’s not a fate worse than death but it’s also unfair they were the only option. That’s what we have before us..

The same logic rather clearly assumes that being bi isn’t being gay? Or your wording suggests that, though i really don’t think you meant that. There are plenty of sexes who primarily like a certain sex but then are occasionally attracted to the other. Sometimes even a single person of the other, and due to wanting children/social scenes etc, may choose to marry that other person of the opposite gender. Doesn’t mean I’m shipping a “gay character” with someone who will make them somehow less gay.

Sometimes the love of your life is not the one your sex drive goes nuts for either, sometimes. And that’s doubly confusing in those times.

But, now that I’ve hammered on that, because I really feel strongly on this and need some respect for my creative choices here —lemme add, it’s very sweet that you apparently want me to write them. I’ve dabbled a little in the other universe and in this one -we will have a lot of Bucky x Buck.

And who says we might not get an entirely new full on Buck x Bucky story from me one day? 😈 goodness knows I love them, but I also know others are writing them so well and after having embibed so much of their work, it would be near to plagiarism for me to embark on that right now.🥰

[namorslutfanfiction]

I told my friends that this whole situation was giving scorned woman or she’s being used to bring him down since many hate him in Mexico & look what happened!! I’m a SA survivor myself what she did was absolutely disgusting!! I think they were sex buddies but Tenoch said dating to be nice & she wanted more! I also think she’s an opportunist who thought he’d bring her out in public to make her status go up & when it didn’t happen she’s been pissed ever since! He said he had to get legal help a few months ago so that tells me he knew she would try something! Plus she’s a fraud & scam artist cause her music isn’t going anywhere! I think Tenoch told her from day 1 what it was, tried to give her some grace, maybe even pay for her to go away but she couldn’t let go! Any time someone regardless of gender goes to social media instead of the police or a lawyer I look at them funny cause what could social media do but give an opinion?! And then she blocked reporters who wanted to hear from her & told her followers there’s no need to rush when asked for evidence! This bitch is crazy & I hope Tenoch sues her for everything! Funny how she’s been quiet so maybe he sent her a cease & desist letter! #teamtenoch! ✊🏾

Honestly, I wouldn't go so far as to accuse her of a bunch of stuff, although she has done some questionable things. Like her accusation, there is no proof that any of us have to say she is seeking money, fame, or vengeance.

Some of her actions have been suspicious like the timing of her accusation, the platform she used, and her reluctance to go into any detail.

But there is still however no solid proof from either side.

I was directing my ire more at people willing to believe anything they read on the internet rather than having any critical thought or logical thinking.

Tenoch mentioned that she was already defaming him in their social circles which is probably why he was already in contact with lawyers. He's been under media attack constantly and fears for the safety of his family. Whether or not he suspected that she would go to social media has not been concluded.

As both an SA survivor and a witness to false assault claims, I firmly believe that judgement can only be made once all facts are laid out. Whether she did this out of spite or it really was lascivious will be revealed.

Until then please don't allow anger or anxiety to ruin your day. Right now this is a badly executed fight that we are watching on the sidelines.

[calamitycontrolled]

The Story So Far...

hey there,

I want to write down everything that's contributed to my journey so far in the interest of memory and sharing. So here's my story from the start until now!

I was assigned male at birth, and currently identify as non-binary. I am 22 years old and have been questioning my gender for a long time. Thoughts about gender have been becoming more frequent and painful in the past 2-3 years.

(TW: Sexuality) This post will describe my very personal feelings and detail some parts of my journey that may be uncomfortable to read. I will discuss sexuality, masturbation, and dysphoria.

My earliest memory regarding gender dysphoria or feeling like something wasn't quite right was when I was very young, maybe 5-6? I remember feeling excitement or euphoria when I put on one of my sister's princess dresses. I tried a few on and felt amazing. I didn't understand it at the time, but I guess that was euphoria. It felt almost like I was aroused. That's a can of worms for the TERF/ autogynephilia crowd, but understand that there's no way I was sexually aroused at the age of five from wearing feminine clothing. I would try on my mom's and sister's heels and take their clothing also. I forgot about that stuff for the most part, but still felt like something was off. For as long as I can remember, I've been disinterested in traditional masculine activities and gender norms. I have always hated playing/watching sports, fishing, and stuff like that. I thought I was just a stick in the mud or anti-social, but I never really wanted to do any of those things. When I was younger, I showed a bit of interest in basketball and baseball but that was extremely short lived. I spent most of my time playing video games, playing star wars, and skating. One could argue that these are masculine activities, though. I really hate anything to do with physical strength and competition. I've always been sorta delicate I guess.

Although I desired to crossdress since an early age, I suppressed those feelings to the point where I didn't act on them anymore, but I still felt them. When I turned 12-13 and reached middle school, things took a big turn. I feel like I've been depressed ever since I hit puberty and I can't explain why. Self-esteem and insecurity issues hit me like a truck. I don't feel like a man, but what else is there? I didn't know I had a choice. I desired to be friends with girls. More so I desired to be one of the girls- but I didn't really understand it at the time. I've always been attracted to women, but I don't know if I want them or want to be them. Probably both. I am pansexual, and have always felt strange around the other boys. I never felt like I fit in with the majority of the masculine crowd. I went to a Catholic elementary and middle school, and my two best friends in middle school both turned out to be gay. I wonder if people perceived me as gay sometimes because I recently found a note in my yearbook from a friend calling me his first love? I've always fantasized about being with girls and boys, but didn't figure that out until high school. At that time, I remember desiring to be more feminine, but being extremely scared. It wasn't a choice I could make. I felt so ashamed and out of place. My confusion only made me more depressed and angry at myself. Why would I even think that I was trans? I guess deep down I always sorta knew, but again I suppressed that part of me out of guilt, sadness, and shame. I felt like I would be disappointing my family and causing problems. I still feel like that honestly. Internalized transphobia is real. It's just rage towards my identity that manifests and destroys my confidence and self esteem. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be an ugly woman, which is often the only thing holding me back.

I've largely only dated lesbian or bisexual women. A few of them have turned out to be lesbians exclusively after we dated. Almost all of my partners have identified as part of the LGBT community. That's just one thing I find interesting.

I've been buying my own feminine clothes since I was 17, and recently have been buying a lot more. I love to wear skirts, crop tops, and high socks. Now I feel so dysphoric when I'm wearing men's clothing. I am in such a battle with my body right now. I am constantly fighting body hair, my penis, and my broad shoulders. I absolutely hate to see that I have male genitals in my pants, especially when other people can see it. I really only want to buy women's clothing now. My egg cracked on Christmas Eve 2021, when I was drunk texting my then-girlfriend and told her that I think I'm trans. I lurked on r/egg_irl for a while, and did a lot of research on being trans. I remember lying on the couch after everyone had gone to sleep crying. Again, I suppressed it. I keep trying to "go straight" and embrace masculinity, but I fail every time. I cannot for the life of me be the traditional man.

So, if you expect me to boymode because that's my AGAB then fuck you! I realized that I'm living MY LIFE, and other people need to mind their business or support me. Everything else doesn't matter. They're not me, and I'm not them. At the end of the day I have to live with myself, and I'm going to make sure I love who I am.

Let's talk about my friends and family. I am out to my friends and have made steps in dropping people who are homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise won't accept me for who I am. My friends are a tremendous source of love and support, and I am so grateful for them. My family, on the other hand, is a different story. I've only talked to my mom about gender dysphoria, and while she's supportive, she is definitely confused and almost taken aback by it. She says that I didn't show any signs in childhood, and that crossdressing is something all little kids do. I think she expected me to be gay. She told me she expected one of her kids to be gay because my Uncle is gay, but not one being transgender. She keeps asking me if I like boys. I want to tell my sister but she seems disinterested in the fact that we're even related. I just want the support of my family. I'm tired of being doubted, because I do enough of that to myself. My mom is willing to accept me as a woman, but she said it will take some time. She wants to mourn her son. I want to tell her that she has two daughters now, but it's too early for all that. I even have my new name picked out, but I'm scared to take that next step. It's Siobhan by the way (Shi-vawn). I wanted to choose another Irish name that starts with S.

Sexual Dysphoria: It feels odd to share this information but I think it's important to acknowledge. Ever since puberty, I've primarily tried to penetrate myself and feel pleasure that way. I don't know why I did it, it felt instinctual. But I've never really had romantic feelings for men (not until recently), so I can't be gay, right? I was, and still am, so confused. When I first had sex, I really didn't enjoy it. This feeling that something was wrong persisted, but I didn't know why. I love women, but why can't I enjoy the sex we have? I dread having to be the "man" or top. So I started thinking I was gay. When I had sex with men, I didn't really feel attracted to them, but enjoyed being the bottom much more. It felt better. But I can't see myself dating or being intimate with most men. So I would leave those encounters feeling like shit, confused, and degraded. Now I am in a great relationship with a beautiful woman and she understands how I'm feeling. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but I feel like I can't uphold my end. My libido has been destroyed from anti-depressants in addition to the distress that I feel when "on top." Sex is still pleasurable, but I can't reach an orgasm and sometimes have to almost dissociate to cope with the fact that I have a penis. When I wear feminine clothing, research transitioning, do my makeup, or shop for feminine things, I get the same arousal feeling that I described when I crossdressed for the first time. It's not sexual, but I feel excited. My research shows that this is normal and it will calm down once this part of me is no longer repressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a pervert that gets a thrill from dressing as a woman.

I desire to start HRT and begin my social transition, but there's a lack of doctors/endocrinologists in my area and I'm waiting to keep talking with my mom about it. She seems worried that I'm going to transition. I know that there's never going to be a more convenient or better time, so part of me wants to say fuck it and just do it. It's obvious to me that these feelings aren't going away, I'm not getting any younger, and every step I take I love. If you are reading this, I hope you can understand me a bit better now.

Lots of love,

Siobhan.

[ithaquasbbg]

May I slide in here to request a matchup? I’m a trans autistic male who enjoys reading, writing, drawing, fashion, and makeup. I love cats and snakes, and learning new things. I’m also bilingual (I speak Chinese, my native language, and English), love to read classical literature, yet I spend most of my time playing games. My friends say I’m good at comforting people, and am empathetic and logical in my approach. I am pansexual, maybe polyamorous, and have no preference to any gender, although my type for men is intelligent, and my type for women is those who will top me. I do have a penchant for avoiding things that make me feel uncomfortable and get irate quite easily, and would like to, one day, become a mortician. Please take you time if need be and I hope I’m not bothering you too much. Have a good day!!

Hello! There’s several I think could work.. so here we go ^^

Matchup 05

Aesop Carl

- he honestly gives me the vibes of somebody who would like classical literature as well.

- Aesop is definitely intelligent, and he also seems like he could possibly be multilingual (pretty easily too)

- Based off the gatto costume.. I can assume he probably likes cats as well! You can collect cats together.

- He, unlike you is not good at comforting others, and that may or may not go amazingly, but small differences shouldn’t be a big deal.

- His career path is pretty similar to the one that you want to follow, so he may be able to give helpful advice, and you could learn more from each other!

2) Demi

- Demi gives me the vibes of somebody who would enjoy animals, so if you had cats, I think she’d like playing with them quite a bit!

- She’s probably not as into literature as Aesop, BUT she’d probably be willing to play games with you, even if she… may need to learn how

- She seems like somebody who would appreciate having another person around to comfort her, so the fact you’re good at that would probably make her appreciate you all the more

- For things that make you uncomfortable, you may need to communicate that to her as well as you can, but she seems like she may actually be receptive to things like this.

- I think…. I think she fits in your type for women

- Your career path is very different from hers! But I do believe she’d have an interest in things you do, and would also tell you stories about what happens at her work.

3) Sangria

She’s so… she’s so fine..

- Honestly unsure on if she’s ever had pets or not, though I do think she would like having them around, sort of like an extra friend.

- She honestly is probably multilingual as well, and may know Latin, if that’s something that may be interesting to you. (Saying this because a LOT of opera songs are in Latin!)

- She also seems like the type to like classic literature quite a bit! And in terms of games… you may need to teach her how to play them. She seems like she would be funny to listen to when she gets mad.

- I don’t think she’s much of somebody who would push boundaries, she seems like a more reserved but still flirty type of lover. One that would slowly get to know your boundaries.

-…she also feels really fitting for what you described as your type

- Career wise, theres No similarities at all. But I think she probably sees death in quite an interesting lighting, and that would make her have a definite respect for your career path.

…

Yay! I’m done now