#altarkept [002]

[wolfcaged]

@altarkept

a  month  ago,  ethan's  life  changed  beyond  anything  he  ever  could've  imagined.  or  dared  to  imagine,  more  so.  had  he  dreamt  of  being  reunited  with  the  love  of  his  life  again  once  day?  oh,  many  ..many  times.  but  he'd  never  dared  hoping.  hope  was  dangerous  &  while  he  might  never  have  truly  given  it  up,  he'd  not  let  it  take  root  within  his  heart  either.  he  didn't  have  the  time  to;  he  had  two  little  kids  to  care  for.  one  likely  more  traumatized  than  the  other,  but  he  knew  they  would  both  be  fine.  he  never  once  doubted  it.  doubted  them.

when  he  saw  wilfus  in  the  dirt  that  day,  drunk  &  ready  for  the  moon  to  take  him,  he  thought  he'd  lost  his  mind  -  truly.  he  wouldn't  have  blamed  himself,  because  after  everything...?  he  deserved  to  be  ...insane  sometimes.  but  he  wasn't.  it  was  real.  wilfus,  the  alpha  who  stole  his  heart  was  back  in  his  life  &  he'd  been  determined  not  to  let  him  go  again.  never.  they  were  meant  to  be  one  &  nobody  could  change  that  -  clearly,  because  not  even  all  this  &  an  ocean  could  keep  them  apart.  fate...  had  spoken.  he  trusted  in  his  destiny.  there  was  nowhere  else  he'd  rather  be  right  now.

adjusting  ...took  some  time,  but  he  thought  they  were  doing  pretty  well.  wilf  met  the  kids  a  few  weeks  ago  &  while  he  knew  it  would  take  some  time  for  all  of  them...  he  thought  it  went  well.  after  the  first  week  of  wilf  living  with  them,  tal  let  go  of  his  fears  &  hesitation.  he'd  yearned  to  meet  his  sire  &  ethan  had  promised  him  over  &  over  again  that  they  would  meet  &  that  the  wait  would  be  worth  it.  he  was  sure  he  kept  that  promise.  so  wilf,  his  big  fox  ..  now  had  a  little  fox-shaped  shadow  trailing  alongside  him.  it  didn't  wake  much  to  impress  the  little  boy,  but  he  also  had  the  most  wonderful  sire  one  could  imagine  &  he  was  also  the  only  one  who  could  truly  understand  him.  ethan  loved  his  boy,  but  he  was  no  fox.  he  would  never  understand  all  of  him.  he  didn't  have  to.

emyr  needed  more  time  initially,  but  he  -  too,  accepted  his  sire  eventually.  he  was  still  a  dame's  boy,  but  ethan  saw  no  issue  with  that.  everything  was  perfect.  almost.  he  ...still  struggled  sometimes,  but  wilf  was  ..patient.  a  saint,  really.  ethan  couldn't  put  in  words  how  much  the  man  meant  to  him,  no  matter  what  he  said,  words  would  always  fall  short.  it  was  not  for  a  lack  of  trying  that  they  hadn't  ....been  intimate  yet.  when  his  alpha's  arms  wound  around  him,  he  felt  safe.  loved.  protected.  like  nothing  or  nobody  could  ever  harm  him  again.

when  their  lips  met,  he  felt  blessed  -  his  mate's  scent  filling  his  nose  &  lungs,  making  it  seem  like  no  time  passed  at  all  &  they're  back  in  their  old  lives  when  everything  was  perfect  -  not  that  ...it  wasn't,  now.  it  was.  ....almost.  there  was  always  a  little  shift  in  the  air,  a  noise  that  caught  him  off-guard,  a  scent  he  didn't  expect  or  recognize  in  a  moment  of  lustful  haze,  or  just  a  memory  flashing  before  his  eyes  due  to  touch.  one  moment,  ethan  was  sure  they  could  finally  be  one  again  &  the  next  he's  sweating  &  shaking  on  the  bedroom  floor.

couch  ..was  one  option,  but  something  else  would  set  him  off.  wilf  was  patient,  but  ethan  didn't  want  him  to  be.  he  didn't  want  him  to  have  to  be.  "i'm  sorry."  he  knew  wilf  would  disagree  -  he  always  did.  but  ethan...  was,  still.  frustrated,  sad,  annoyed.  yearning  for  his  mate  &  yet  terrified  at  the  same  time.  there  was  no  reason  to  be,  he  just  ..  was.  weeks  ...  passed,  gone,  wasted.  sitting  on  the  edge  of  the  bed,  gaze  cast  down  on  feet  dangling  off  it.  at  least  he  didn't  try  crawling  under  the  bed  this  time.....right?  small  victory,  it  felt.  too  small.

today  was  meant  to  be  festival  day,  for  them  the  kids  would  wake  soon  &  truthfully,  he'd  hoped  to  have  something  to  celebrate  during  the  fireworks  tonight.  seemed  like  they  wouldn't.  soft  sigh,  fingers  in  his  lap  playing  with  the  cords  of  his  sweatpants.  his  shirt  had  been  dropped  somewhere.  this  had  seemed  like  a  good  idea,  because  he  woke  feeling  kind  of  frisky  &  after  putting  the  little  ones  down  for  a  nap...  they  had  time.

"i  thought..."

[wolfcaged]

"i  learned  from  the  best."  ethan  smiled,  truly  glad  they...  had  this  trust  in  each  other,  so  that  despite  him  teasing  &  maybe  hoping  to  poke  at  his  alpha  just  a  little  to  maybe  see  that  ...  that  possessive  side  hidden  within  him,  he  knew  that  wilf  wouldn't  worry,  because  their  love  could  not  be  broken  by  something  as  trivial  as  another  person.  not  even  getting  kidnapped  had  been  able  to  stop  it.  nothing  could,  probably,  though  ethan  didn't  really  want  to  put  it  to  the  test.  not  ...  no.  never.  wilfus  meant  too  much  to  him  to  play  with  fire.  truth  be  told,  when  ethan  came  here...  he  was  a  mess.  injured,  broken,  desperate  &  afraid.  he  didn't  even  remember  how  he  made  it  to  new  haven  in  the  first  place.  bits  &  pieces,  but  after  he  ran  with  the  pups,  he  lived  on  the  streets  until  he  found  out  about  this  place.  someone  had  had  pity  on  him,  or  something.  it  didn't  matter.  safety  for  his  kids  &  himself  was  something  so  new,  so  fragile,  ethan  spent  the  first  week  holed  up  inside,  not  even  opening  the  door  to  the  council.  only  when  it  came  to  the  point  that  he  had  to.

they  helped  him;  they  got  him  medical  assistance,  they  had  the  kids  checked,  they  introduced  him  to  the  perks  new  haven  had  to  offer  -  including  the  gym  where  he  met  the  bear  he  spoke  about,  who  was  more  than  happy  to  teach  him  self-defense.  he  was  still....  getting  the  hang  of  it,  but  he  was  determined  never  to  feel  this  helpless  again.  meeting  simon  through  him  had  been  a  blessing.  being  alone  with  two  little  kids  constantly  was  ...  exhausting.  now  he  had  wilf  with  him,  though,  so...  there  was  that.  they  were  holding  up  okay,  he  would  say.  "we  don't  really  have  a  lot  of  interior,  not  sure  you  should  smash  the  little  we've  got.  but  ...  i'm  sure  we  could  find  a  way  to  amuse  me,  but  it'll  be  more  fun  at  the  festival.  i've  got  the  most  handsome  alpha,  let  me  brag."  let  the  world  see  how  lucky  he  was  &  how  very  unlucky  everybody  else  was.

he  ...felt  safe  in  his  alpha's  arms.  so  safe.  cared  for  &  warm.  he  was  comfortable  as  a  makeshift  bed,  too.  he  could  nap  on  him...for  all  eternity.  in  fact,  that  was  kind  of  the  plan  -  except  for  a  few  interruptions,  like  ...food  &  the  kids...  stuff  like  that.  otherwise  he  had  no  intention  to  ever  sleep  on  anybody  else  again.  the  nap  was  welcome  to  just  recharge  a  little  after  he  got  so  worked  up  earlier.  they  had  a  bit  of  a  buffer  time-wise,  so  he  thought  they  could  do  this  for  a  little  while.  just  ...enjoying  each  other.  scents  &  touch.  feeling.  but  he,  too,  knew  that  they  had  to  get  going  at  some  point  before  sunset  or  the  kids  wouldn't  get  to  see  the  festival  today  &  they'd  been  so  excited  for  it.  so  was  he,  really.  last  time  he  was  on  something  even  remotely  similar  was  long  before  he  got  ...kidnapped.

part  of  him  forgot  the  napping  kids  for  a  little  while,  so  when  their  pitter  patter  of  feet,  accompanied  by  little  giggles  &  some  sniffles  (who'd  been  crying,  huh?)  waltzed  into  their  bedroom,  he  knew  it  was  time  to  get  him.  once  &  for  all.  wilf's  earlier  tried  to  untangle  had  been  fine,  but  ethan  might've  been  unnecessarily  slow  with  that.  he  was  still  laid  on  his  side  when  the  pups  made  it  on  the  bed,  tal  did  so  easily,  but  emyr  needed  some  help,  which  his  older  brother  provided.  he  watched,  his  a  happy  heart  &  well,  a  heart  bursting  with  joy,  as  wilf  played  with  the  little  ones  -  almost  like  he'd  never  done  anything  else  in  his  life,  ever.  knowing  that  he  finally  got  to  experience  this,  even  if  not  all  of  it  ....yet,  brought  tears  to  his  eyes.

after  they  both  got  dressed,  wilf  took  care  of  the  bags,  while  ethan  got  the  boys  ready;  brushing  teeth,  getting  dressed,  peppering  their  faces  in  kisses  &  before  he  knew  it,  they  were  at  the  festival.  the  perfect  little  family.  just  like...  just  like  he'd  dreamed  of.  everything  was  perfect  &  while  part  of  him  believed  that  they  deserved  this,  another  ...was  afraid.  it  was  too  perfect.  but  ...  he  didn't  let  it  show,  he  focused  on  the  good  instead.  on  the  little  games,  watching  his  handsome  mate  swing  that  massive  hammer  through  the  air  like  it  weighed  nothing,  excited  to  see  him  win  toys  &  plushies  for  the  kids.  well,  both  of  them,  but  wilfus  definitely  was  better  at  it.  not  that  it  mattered.  he  did,  though,  hand  one  of  the  plushies  to  him.  a  big  puppy  ethan  would  be  carrying  under  his  arm  for  the  rest  of  the  day.

with  the  sun  slowly  falling  asleep,  they  were  headed  back  home  -  but  not  without  grabbing  some  snacks  for  themselves  &  the  kids  to  end  their  trip  to  the  festival  on  a  high.  the  highest  of  highs.  ethan  couldn't  remember  the  last  time  he'd  enjoyed  himself  this  much.  he  couldn't  remember  the  last  day  he'd  been  ...so  happy.  yes,  the  day  he  met  wilf  again  came  close,  but  this  ...was  happier.  the  fireworks  would  begin  soon,  so  ethan  nudged  them  to  make  their  way  back  home  slowly,  hand  in  hand  with  his  mate  &  the  kids  -  he  was  holding  onto  emyr,  while  wilfus  held  onto  tal's  hand  even  though  the  little  fox  argued  he  was  old  enough  to  walk  on  his  own.

lights  were  on  when  they  returned  &  for  a  short  moment,  he  felt  his  heart  free,  but  ethan  knew  who  it  was  &  that  was  confirmed  when  they  came  inside.  simon.  he  had  a  key.  ethan  trusted  him  whole-heartedly.  "i  think  um...  you'll  have  a  slow  night.  they  should  be  exhausted  after  today."  each  of  them  got  a  new  plushie  they  could  take  to  bed,  but  ethan  left  all  that  to  simon,  eager  to  drag  his  mate  back  out  &  towards  the  festival.  "did  you  uh...  ever  decide  lake  or  park?"  arm  hooked  around  the  other's,  he  was  all  but  squished  against  his  side  while  they  walked.  it  was  almost  time.

less than two months ago, he’d been resigned to the fact that ethan may have had someone else in his life (not like his kidnapper, no but someone else ethan wanted to be with). to be proven wrong by whatever powers may be, if any, to have ethan back, meant that wilfus was unbothered by the remark — jealousy was not in the cards with him regarding his mate. that didn't mean he couldn't be possessive sometimes. rumble of a laugh from his core, "and i thought foxes were supposed to be the sly ones." nodding at the connection given, synapses firing in his brain; seemed like ethan knew more people than he did in the shorter time he'd been here. granted wilfus never actively pursued looking to learn more about the people in the town previously, so maybe there were more people that he knew that were related than he realised; barring of course the hints he got from the smell of people when his senses wasn't clouded with substance abuse.

he knew he was broad, muscled. certainly part of what attracted ethan to him all those years ago. still, it was an ego boost to have his mate shamelessly flirting with him. "and i can't look to do that at home? rip out the damn cupboard for your amusement." not something he would actually do unless they wanted to renovate.

"never again." he repeated, nuzzling his face against the crook of the other’s mane. scenting him (more, if that was even possible). followed by a tight squeeze, before he was pushed down and climbed on like koala, almost literally, like he was a tree trunk. "mmhmm. eternally yours." as ethan latched himself onto wilfus and he reinforced that action, arms around the other's body, pulling him closer still against chest as he laughed. head resting on his mate's chin. they belonged with each other. the alpha hummed meaninglessly as they held onto each other. drifting between content consciousness and peaceful sleep as time moved on without them, in their own little bubble.

if one were to track the movement of the sun or look out the window between when they first started cuddling till now, it would have been obvious how much time was spent (not lost) doing just that. to a worthy investment wilfus would add. it took them a bit to detangle themselves from each other, with a little of haggling on both sides. but they had a schedule to keep, somewhat. sure, they could have just postponed the festival visit, but wilfus actually wanted to see the sights and explore the areas, and so did their kids; who had already woken up by this point and had gotten restless and a little antsy. well, bless their little hearts, they eventually wound up in their room and climbed on their bed before ethan and wilfus even fully parted. and the elder fox just had to pick them up one by one and lift them in the air like they were an aeroplane — much to the delighted squeals of all involved.

it was less of a struggle to leave the bed and room after that. a quick change of clothes, finally picking up the t-shirts they had tossed away hours earlier and tossing them rightfully into the hamper. and they got prepared to leave. finally. bottles (both water and milk), some light snacks, wet wipes, plasters packed in a little backpack that looked comical on his broad back. and an empty larger one cause he was just that confident that he was going to win something, a couple of somethings for his family.

a short walk to the main event space later, looking like a perfect picture of a family, and the reid-bell-knight family was well on their way to partake in the festivities. at first, wilfus did find himself a little overwhelmed at the sheer number of people but more so the atmosphere. he warmed up to it after a little conditioning, fuelled by the excitement of his family, the bond with his kids and his mate. so much so that the time they'd spent the late afternoon there passed by faster than he thought it would have. the alpha and the omega both ended up winning a couple of prizes; and wilfus, he showed off a little, strained his muscles some, especially on the festival games that required a show of strength — to the benefit of ethan and his ever bright eyes. he won some soft toys, mostly for the kids, but he did save a puppy plushie just for his mate.

low in the sky sat the sun, and the streetlights and fire lamps had begun to light up. tal was between ethan and wilfus, holding both of their hands, with emyr on his sire's shoulders as they made their way through to a couple of snack stores near the exit; all the way shoring up whatever snacks they so wanted. wilfus, old in years, wasn't full out of energy yet, but certainly he'd was glad the day was coming to a close. he'd enjoyed himself immensely, the time spent with his family, his mate, their kids. way more than he presumed he would have, and in his mind he figured it would have been a lot already. especially for the first festival he's ever attended. he didn't think he'd enjoy it if he'd come by his lonesome all those years prior, and for good reason. and he was glad he didn't have something to compare to. no tainted memory to dissect. because this... this was perfect in his eyes. but he was also excited for the sun to properly set, to let himself have a night with his mate completely unbothered, romantic in nature (pun intended), just relaxing under stars and fireworks, enjoying each other's company, presence, scent, closeness, and warmth. it would be a wonderful highlight to end an already perfect day, mishap at the start of it long since snapped away like unneeded minor inconvenience.

[wolfcaged]

what's  a  while  more.

while  ethan  knew  wilf  was  right  &  that  forcing  it  would  only  make  it  worse  -  clearly,  he  ....  hated  that  his  mate  was  right,  because  this  once  he  didn't  want  him  to  be.  a  while  was  too  long.  they  lost  years  already.  years.  no  more.  he  wanted  to  feel  the  other  more  than  this  -  more  than  careful  kisses  &  gentle  touches.  though  deep  down  he  knew  he  should  be  grateful  for  it  all;  for  having  been  given  another  chance  to  be  with  his  other  half  -  to  have  been  granted  cosmic  permission  to  stop  hiding  from  the  world  &  embrace  life  to  the  almost  fullest  again  now.  soft  sigh.  "i  know."  what's  a  while  more.  just  one  more  obstacle  trying  to  get  in-between  them,  but  ethan  wouldn't  let  it.  no  way.

he  missed  enough  time  with  his  mate,  he  wouldn't  let  his  own  issues  take  more  from  them.  he'd  find  a  way  to  forget  &  overwrite  everything  that  held  him  back  with  new  memories.  maybe  the  festival  was  a  perfect  start  for  this  ...shift  he  hoped  to  find  within  him.  couldn't  get  worse,  could  it?  "mhm.  he's  tall,  dark-haired  and  oh  so  strong."  ethan  hummed  in  only  partially  fake  awe,leaning  in  closer  to  his  love's  ear,  careful  kisses  peppered  to  the  shell  of  it  &  down  towards  his  cheek.  "and  an  omega."  quiet  chuckle,  forehead  against  his  mate's  cheek  so  he  could  breathe  him  in.  "he's  also  a  great  fighter  and  he's  been  training  with  me.  simon's  uncle."  he  didn't  think  wilf  &  zyair  ever  met,  but  maybe  they  should.  one  day.  for  now,  simon  was  the  only  person  wilf  needed  to  know.  their  babysitter.

pulling  back  a  little  again  to  get  more  comfortable,  indescribably  happy  to  feel  &  smell  the  other  so  close  to  him  once  more,  he  let  go  of  a  laugh.  small,  yet  it  was  truthful  &  sweet,  traveling  across  the  room.  flowers  would  bloom  if  ethan  had  any  in  the  apartment.  "need?  hmmmm,  no.  would  i  love  to  see  your  muscles  strain  with  effort?  yes."  wilf  ...was  beautiful.  top  to  bottom.  ethan  often  found  himself  just  ...staring  at  the  other;  whether  he  brought  their  kids  to  bed  or  helped  him  in  the  kitchen,  or  even  just  sat  on  the  couch  with  some  tv  -  or  on  the  phone,  he  was  mesmerizing.  his  strong  body  an  ode  to  life  &  any  ...all  goddesses  of  beauty  someone  could  believe  in.

"i'm  not  planning  to  go  anywhere."  he'd  like  to  state  he'd  rather  die  than  live  without  him  again  &  for  the  most  part  it  was  true,  but  he  would  never  abandon  their  kids,  so  he  couldn't  say  it  without  ...indirectly  lying.  "never  again."  he  had  only  few  reasons  to  even  leave  the  apartment  anymore  now  -  he  had  everything  in  there  he  needed,  everything  he  ever  wanted  &  maybe  part  of  him  still  felt  somewhat  afraid  that  he  was  found  after  all.  just  like  last  time.  "good,  because  you  can  never  get  rid  of  me  again."  which  was  a  promise  ethan  did  not  make  lightly.

"no."  he  ...didn't  want  to  let  go  yet.  huddling  even  closer  against  the  other,  he  shook  his  head  no.  he  never  wanted  to  get  up  again,  never  wanted  to  not  feel  his  touch  against  him,  his  breath  against  his  skin  &  his  love  in  his  heart.  life  had  felt  so  cold  &  dark  without  him.  "i  do.  i  think  we  can  stay  a  little  longer."  they  weren't  in  any  rush.  simon  wouldn't  be  here  until  evening  &  the  kids  were  still  napping,  so  even  if  they  only  did  a  short  trip  to  the  festival  today  due  to  extensive  cuddling,  they  could  still  go  tomorrow  or  another  day.

so,  pleased  &  confident,  he  sat  up,  fingers  moved  over  the  alpha's  hips  up  across  his  chest  &  found  his  side,  gently  pushing  (though  with  determination)  to  roll  him  on  his  back.  one  leg  lifted  &  slung  across,  he  ...  got  comfortable.  arms  folded  against  wilf's  chest,  head  tucked  under  the  other's  chin  &  both  legs  wound  tightly  around  the  man's  hips.  this  was  where  he  was  meant  to  be,  truly.

"mine."

"we had years apart. what's a while more." repeating the sentiment he had in his head, this time aloud. "i want you too. but at least we have each other." oh how he yearned for the other, to touch him like mates should. to slot into each other like puzzle pieces made to be together. the physicality of it paled in comparison to what it meant, for them — the intimacy that could only be shared with loving mates; it transcended beyond the corporeal. they did their time. they were owed better. not to mention the ever looming ticking of the clock: the thought of age and their different cycles. but either way, every breath spent together was a treasure to be cherished. not to be taken for granted. ever.

he hadn't really been to the festivals in his years here. there were a bunch of them in new haven, for many different occasions. too many people, too many kids — he couldn't, not at the time — too festive, too joyous. he'd been known as the grumpy town drunk, a recluse, at least by people that recognised him around his usual haunts; and well, how he'd changed since then. he's sure at least some of them have seen him around by now, and perhaps some wouldn't have even realised it was him if they'd spotted him, all cleaned up, happy, in love, with a mate.

"guy at the gym eh?" wilfus teased, no jealousy spiking his words. "lake'll probably attract more of a crowd." in addition to the meres and selkies, it was a nice locale. not to mention, the fireworks would probably reflect off the surface of the water too, enhancing the experience. it was no wonder it might be crowded. the park would probably be quieter, and still have a clear view of everything: the deep dark sky, shining stars and blazing fireworks. maybe he'd finally get to see and appreciate them. the most he'd even caught sight of them was through his window or out on the streets if he even bothered looking up.

wrinkle around his eyes, definitely more pronounced than ethan due to his age. leaning back against the wolf, hand and fingers tracing meaningless patterns on the other's side. "my love, do you need me to impress you all over again?" he also heard about some of the games around the festival, he's sure he can conquer a few of them at the very least. if not for his own fun. then for ethan. "i'm sure i can win something for them. and for you too." every time the fox looked at his mate, it was like he'd fallen in love all over again. completely mystified by the other's visage and warmth in his heart.

"hush now, darling. i love you too, eth." he wasn't going to diminish how ethan felt but wilfus wanted to reaffirm his mate and their love for each other at the same time. the sentiment was the same. he would die in exchange for ethan. without more than a thought. "but your life is important to me. a life without yours is no life worth living." it was a vow to uphold. to love and to take care of. and he'd failed once at the latter part. not this time, not ever again. by his tooth and claw. that physical symbol of his promise, the ring on the necklace he had; now given to his love, renewed in a way. his to keep, his to hold. "ti yw fy nghalon. you're my heart. you're mine. you're never not mine. and i am never not yours."

a peck on ethan's cheek, "now come, are we going to get ready?" thought he didn't make the move to part from his mate's presence. wilfus wouldn't mind staying in bed cuddling for a while. they had the time to spare. "or do you want to stay like this with me."

[wolfcaged]

ethan  knew  that  sex  shouldn't  be  the  reason  a  relationship  like  theirs  ...  a  bond  like  theirs  broke.  he  knew  this,  but  when  he  had  this  obvious  blockage  keeping  them  from  living  their  lives  to  the  fullest,  insecurity  crept  up  on  him  &  there  was  nothing  he  could  do  about  it  than  push  through  &  remind  himself  that  wilf  loved  him.  they  loved  each  other.  they  had  years  of  separation  between  them  &  yet  their  love  hadn't  faltered.  it  stood  strong,  it  ...held.  forever,  he  hoped,  because  he  still  couldn't  imagine  a  life  without  his  alpha  &  he  got  the  feeling  neither  could  his  kids  now.

tal  had  adapted  to  wilf  so  easily  it  was  almost  scary,  but  just  ...almost.  it  confirmed  what  ethan  always  said  &  thought.  wilfus  was  born  to  be  a  sire  &  tal  would  -  even  if  missing  a  few  years,  grow  up  a  son  to  the  greatest  father  a  child  could  have.  emyr,  too.  their  kids  had  a  rough  start,  but  their  future  would  be  oh  so  much  brighter.  now  he  just  had  to  fix  what  was  between  them.  he...believed.  even  though  he  was  frustrated  now,  he  knew  they  could  do  it.  "more  than  the  moon  would  allow."  little  nod,  he  felt  his  heart  swell  at  that,  warmth  engulfing  him  -  his  mate's  scent  in  his  nose  everything  he  could  wish  for.  nothing  ...  nobody  could  come  between  them  again.  he  was  where  he  belonged  finally.  once  &  for  all.  right  here  in  his  alpha's  arms.

time.

for  the  longest  time  since  he  escaped,  ethan  had  been  convinced  he'd  remain  alone.  he  didn't  want  another  mate  when  his  was  out  there  somewhere  -  had  probably  moved  on  &  wouldn't  look  at  him  twice  after  seemingly  dumping  him  without  a  word.  ethan  knew  his  kids  were  safe  finally  &  ...well,  he  was,  too.  that  was  all  he'd  cared  about  at  the  time.  so  whether  he  could  be  intimate  with  someone  or  not  hadn't  been  a  concern  until  a  miracle  brought  them  back  together  in  new  haven.  maybe  wilf  was  right  &  all  they  needed  was  time.  did  they  have  time?  when  both  their  bodies  were  on  the  clock?  what  if  ....what  if  it  was  too  late  by  the  time  ethan  could  bear  his  mate's  heat  against  his  own?  what  if....

if  he  was  the  reason  ethan  would  never  experience  what  he  craved  so  desperately?  what  if...  ethan  shook  his  head  a  little,  curled  against  the  other  &  willing  negative  thoughts  away.  that  won't  help.  believe  in  yourself.  believe  in  your  love.  "it's...  too  slow.  i  want  you."  he  wanted  to  feel  his  mate,  wanted  them  to  be  one.  impatience,  he  assumed,  would  not  help.

"i  can't  let  you  do  all  the  work,  can  i,  my  dear  alpha?"  wilfus  put  up  with  him,  had  accepted  kids  into  his  heart,  had  caught  him  when  ethan  needed  it  the  most.  the  drinking  worried  him  a  little,  but  also  not  much.  they  both  did  the  best  they  could  &  he  knew  his  alpha  was  trying  to  cut  down.  while  ethan  found  his  alpha  to  be  the  most  handsome  in  town,  nobody  else  could  even  try  to  compare.  especially  his  middle,  which  was  something  he  seemed  bothered  by?  ethan  ..  didn't  ask,  but  ...  they  were  mates.  wilf  knew  how  he  felt  about  his  scars  &  he  knew  things  about  the  other.  what  wilf  didn't  know  though,  ethan  liked  him  the  way  he  was.  strong.  broad.  safe.  perfect  to  hold  onto  while  riding  him  once  he  got  his  brain  under  control.  he  worried  about  wilfus'  needs  becoming  too  strong,  but  what  about  his  own?  he  was  yearning.

his  heat  shouldn't  be  far  either.  what  if  he  still  couldn't  by  the  time......?  he  couldn't  imagine  spending  that  week  alone  when  his  mate  was  right  there.  now's  not  the  time.  romantic.  that's  where  it's  at.  yes.  "i  thought  you'd  like  it.  that  one  guy  at  the  gym  told  me  to  avoid  the  lake,  but  park's  a  prime  spot.  we  can  take  a  blanket,  maybe  some  snacks  and  just  enjoy  the  show."  he  heard  the  fireworks  were  beautiful,  he  didn't  doubt  it.  "it's  a  date  then."  he  grinned.  wide.  maybe  with  a  hint  of  relief  in  his  eyes.

"i  also  heard  there's  this  one  game  all  the  alphas  play  to  impress  their  soon-to-be-mates."  little  grin,  crinkles  forming  around  his  eyes  while  he  leaned  against  the  other  still.  "the  ultimate  test,  they  said."  maybe  he  was  over-exaggerating  a  little.  "i  don't  have  much  for  the  kids,  maybe  we  can  win  some  plushies  or  toys."  little  more  on  the  serious  side  of  things.  when  he  fled  ...  he  had  barely  anything  to  his  name.  he  fled  half  naked  with  two  kids  in  his  arms.  it  rained,  it  was  pretty  cold  out...  not  a  night  he  liked  to  remember  &  yet  he  did,  because  it  also  reminded  him  how  far  they've  come  since  then.

a  roof  over  their  heads,  toys,  clothes,  their  sire.  he...  was  so  lucky.  "i  love  you,  wilf.  more  than  my  life."

wilfus wasn't going anywhere. wouldn't look elsewhere, not when everything he ever wanted was right here with him, in this house, beside him. being with ethan was never just about the sex and wilfus, at his age could handle living without — at the very worst, if he ever really needed to, he could use his hand to satisfy himself when the urge struck.

it was easy to let go of the lust, the ardour and just fall back into the deeper feelings, into companionship, into love when the carnality of the moment was over. ethan's jumbled scent would have been a wake up call if his actions didn't jot wilfus into action first. his own shirt was by the floor at the corner of the bed, lost to heated passion. the fox had been trying to get back into shape, well, he always had been well-built, even in the years previous; but now he was trying to get back to beforehe let himself go slightly, before the alcohol gave him a little bit of a gut. and that was something he had been trying to wean himself off too. that wasn't easy, but it was something made easier by the presence of the love of his life and by their kids and needed to do right by them both.

what also wasn't easy was convincing his mate that none of it was his fault. the alpha would repeat it time and time again, as much as necessary for ethan to not feel that way anymore. relief washed over him as ethan assured him that he was okay, as he leaned into him. they were okay. his mate was okay. "i know." it wasn't him that the wolf was afraid of, nor was it the environment, no particular triggers lying around; that he knew, but if something set ethan off then it did, no way around it at the moment. "i haven't been happier too. being with you again." with the kids too. his face a gentle smile as he continued, "getting to know you all over again, getting to love you again... more than the moon would allow, remember?" they'd have the impossible task of trying pry ethan out of his claws this time if anyone ever thought to separate them again.

"time, annwyl." as much wisdom as he could provide; at least he hoped it was sound advice. his hand went to the other's side, rubbing it up and down in a soothing motion. some physical, skin on skin contact was good for them. they just had to roll with the punches, so to speak. they had each other. he was sure they could overcome this, eventually. they didn't have forever — his age was certainly a factor to think about; but they had time, he knew they did. waiting this long just to see ethan again, to touch him again, what was a little more for a little more. "you're safe now, just it takes a little bit for your mind to catch up sometimes."

wilfus pulled the omega closer to him, if that was physically possible. when ethan suggested a plan for today's festivities, he smiled again. "yea? give us some alone time? you asking me out on a date ethan bell-knight? fireworks sounds romantic." between the kids and the apartment, well, they really hadn't had much time together without them. and what little time they had, they didn't have the luxury for dates. no, dates were few and far between, if ever. the alpha leaned forward, breathing his mate in before planting a soft kiss on his lips. "i like the sound of that."

[wolfcaged]

it  was  frustrating,  because  ethan  knew  better  than  this.  he  should  know  better  than  this.  he  shouldn't  let  the  past  mess  with  him  &  up  until  it  did  ...it  didn't.  he  was  fine,  he  was  happy,  he  felt  blessed  to  be  given  this  chance  after  everything  he  endured.  it  was  perfect.  wilf  was  the  love  of  his  life  &  yet  he  couldn't  help  it.  one  moment  he  knows  all  this,  the  second  ...everything  is  different.  he  hated  it.  he  hated  himself  for  it.  he  was  so,  so  angry  when  he  didn't  feel  like  crying.  out  of  frustration.  he  was  sad,  not  per  se.

it  was  just  exhausting  to  fail  ...  time  &  time  again  when  he  wanted  nothing  more  than  to  succeed.  he  didn't  want  to  keep  putting  his  alpha  through  this,  either.  the  up,  the  many  downs.  when  would  it  stop  being  worth  it?  soft  sigh,  gaze  still  cast  down  on  the  carpet,  because  ethan  wasn't  sure  what  he'd  find  on  the  other's  face  &  right  this  moment  he  was  too  fearful  to  find  out.  though  it  seemed  like  wilf  ...  didn't  agree.

when  their  eyes  met,  it  was  nothing  like  he  feared,  but  it  still  didn't  help  that  pang  of  guilt  he  felt  when  he  saw  him.  wilf  deserved  better.  whether  he  pushed  for  intimacy  or  not,  ethan  knew  he  deserved  better  than  what  he  got.  years  apart  or  not.  what  if  it  got  too  bad  &  his  alpha  had  to  look  elsewhere  to  find  what  he  needed?  no  way,  he  wouldn't.  he  wouldn't.

it's  not  your  fault.

is...  it  not?  he  was  the  one  fucking  this  up,  wasn't  he?  wilfus  was  doing  to  well,  accepted  the  kids  &  cared  for  him,  but  he  just  ...  had  to  go  mess  up.  he  didn't  even  know  why  it  happened.  it  ...  wilfus  was  nothing  like  him.  it  was  nothing  like  it,  none  of  it.  maybe  he  was  broken.  "still  feels  like  it."  he  said  in  return  with  a  soft  sigh  accompanying  his  words.  like  a  silent  choir  that  spoke  of  mental  drain  &  frustration.  he  wouldn't  even  get  into  physical  frustration.  "i'm  okay."  he  was  fine,  really.  it  all  happened  so  fast.  once  he  realized  what  happened,  it  was  somewhat  easy  to  calm  down  again,  because  wilf's  scent  would  fill  his  lungs  &  when  it  did  ...  he  felt  safe.  why  that  wasn't  enough  to  allow  for  them  to  have  sex  ....  he  didn't  know.

can  i  hold  you?

how  terrible  must  it  be  for  wilf  when  he  had  to  ask  that?  when  he  was  afraid  of  setting  ethan  off  into  another  frenzy?  he  didn't  want  it  to  be  like  this.  "of  course."  he  hummed,  though  he'd  already  crawled  into  his  alpha's  arms,  had  curled  against  his  side  to  breathe  him  in  deeply,  let  their  scents  mix  &  become  one  at  least.  "i'm  not  afraid,  you  know?  not  of  you,  not...  at  all.  i  haven't  felt  happier  than  i  do  now.  i  don't  know  why  it  happens."  it  hurt  him,  it  tore  him  apart  inside  out,  because  he  felt  so  helpless,  almost  like  he  did  during  the  events  that  caused  these  ....episodes.  how  long  would  it  take  for  him  to  be  normal  again?

"i  don't  know  how  to  stop  it."  eyes  fluttered  closed,  the  wolf  neatly  folded  against  his  mate's  side  almost  as  if  he  tried  to  disappear  within  him,  which...  given  his  body  mass,  wasn't  going  to  happen.  intimacy  off  the  table  for  now,  he  made  a  few  mental  notes  for  later.  though  one  thing  would  depend  on  wilf's  decision,  too.  "i  uh...  i  was  thinking  maybe  we  could  drop  the  kids  off  at  home  for  the  night  after  the  festival  today,  call  the  sitter  and  maybe  uh..  watch  the  fireworks  together?"  maybe  not  what  wilfus  wanted  to  hear,  but  maybe…  it  could  help.  maybe  they  needed  to  get  out  of  the  house  or  something.  he  wanted  to  spend  time  with  wilf,  as  much  as  he  could,  even  if  more  than  that  didn't  …work  out  yet.  yet.  because  he  wasn't  giving  up.  being  away  from  the  kids  sounded  scary,  but  also  good.  being  huddled  up  on  a  blanket  while  fireworks  lit  up  the  sky  …also  sounded  good.  right?

wilfus was frustrated, but not at ethan, he could never be, especially for something out of his control; in truth, it was more sexually than anything else really — that and the situation they found themselves in time and time again, but chiefly the alpha was frustrated at the cause of his mate's woes. he understood or at least tried to be as understanding as he could. he was as patient as can be, which pained his heart every time ethan had to stop when he had a panic attack... only for him to apologise after. wilfus hated that ethan thought he needed to be sorry for any reason whatsoever. “don’t be, love.”

he hovered in his own position on the bed next to the wolf. ready to provide comfort and security when needed. any touch could set ethan off again. hesitantly, a hand reached out to the other’s cheek to tilt his face towards him. hoping it was okay to touch him. “hey, look at me. don’t be, it’s not. your. fault.” emphasis on the last three words. slow, firm but voice soft. wilfus needed ethan to not that with absolute certainty.

“are you okay?” it seemed like the worst of it was over for now. the fox had been genuinely frightened for his omega. every time ethan shut down, wilfus was a loss. it wasn't something he had dealt with before and the best he could do was be there for his mate when he needed him.

it had been amazing. reuniting with his lover, his mate. it had also been difficult adjusting. getting to know his kids, readjusting how he fit around ethan, how ethan fit around him, with their kids in tow. being with his mate again, having a family. learning about each other again. some things stayed the same, but some things really changed. eight years was... a lot.

tal. tal took to him like perhaps wilfus should have expected him to, with how he fit beside him, tailed him after. like a little him, which he was. unsurety and doubt had bubbled within him at the start, not sure how the young fox would have taken to him. all that shed away quickly, he'd long since accepted tal and tal had done the same soon after. his heart was full every time he held his son, one he never got to see, to touch, to hold till now.

emyr on the other hand, was more hesitant. he as he rightly ought to be. wilfus for his part had his own — both for the youngling's sake and his own trepidations. letting go of the past that resulted in emyr being with them was hard but the alpha had been able to decouple that and see emyr for what he truly was, a kid that needed a sire. and wilfus knew he needed to be that for him.

then of course there was being intimate with his mate. trying to refamiliarise themselves with each other. slow touches that increased in speed and intensity, soft kisses that turn heated. almost every time he’d let ethan be the one to initiate — and then he followed, and if not, if things were starting to get heated between them, he’d pause and ask, ensuring ethan felt safe with him.

“what do you need? can i hold you?” he wasn't sure how to handle this, handle them. perhaps ethan ought to see someone about the trauma he endured while imprisoned. they both should; he had his own to work through as well, together or otherwise. but in ethan’s own time, when he was comfortable enough to open up to a stranger. it was not something wilfus was willing to push.