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secretsolenoid · 4 years ago

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A Secret Solenoid gift for @babyclownmyers!

As Bumblebee races through Detroit, finishing his patrol, he watches the sky with worry. This time of year, Detroit receives plenty of snow and harsh winds, and the young Autobot wants nothing to do with the cold. While he enjoys his alt mode, he was still upset when he learned that it didn’t come with proper heating, leaving him vulnerable to weather such as this.

He pushes down his worry, however, when he remembers how close he is to his friend. Bumblebee pulls a sharp right, crossing a bridge that goes straight into the woods on the outskirts of the city. In no time at all, he sees the massive form of his companion.

Blitzwing turns toward the sound of a small, racing engine. He crosses his arms. “About time,” he mutters, spying the Autobot with a small smile of his faceplate. “What took so long?”

Bumblebee transforms in a flurry, mirroring the con’s stance. “I’d like to see you patrol through Detroit in that tank mode of yours and be faster than me!”

Blitzwing’s face swings into a black and red grin. “Ooh, what a great idea! It would be like hide and seek!”

“Ha ha, yeah! Anyway, check out this game I got from Sari!” Bumblebee reaches into his subspace and snatches the new disc his human friend got for him. Blitzwing kneels down to see it.

The cover for the disc shows various different characters with futuristic weapons, the title of the game stamped in bold, flashing letters. The con tilts his head in confusion, his face spinning again. When it settles, he zooms a little more on the cover with his monocle. “What is it?”

Bumblebee grins, bouncing on his pedes. “It’s an FPS! I had racing games or puzzle games for the longest time, but this one actually has action! And it’s multiplayer! I’m so excited to try it out!” The young bot gasps, a bigger smile appearing on his face as his optics light up. He turns toward the tall Decepticon.

“We can try it out together! I told you about my mini base, right? The one Sari and I go to for games when Prowl’s around? We could go there and actually hang out! I know that this is technically hanging out, but we could actually do something together for once! Come on, Blitzy, it’ll be fun!”

Blitzwing narrows his eye in hesitation. “Won’t your friends find me? I’m not sure this is such a good idea, bug.”

Bumblebee wears a pleading expression. “They won’t find us! It’s secret for a reason! It’s really far away from our real base. Only Sari and I know about it. Come on Blitzy, just this once?”

The con tries to come up with another counter, to try to fight out the stupidity of this plan, but he does not last long against that face. His optics shine like stars. Blitzwing sighs. “Fine. Just this once, but,” his face switches into an angry growl, “if I’m caught, I’m blaming you!”

Bumblebee smiles, unfazed by the threat, and pumps up a servo. “Yes! This is gonna be epic!”

Fortunately for Blitzwing, this secret base is in the outskirts of the city. He flies to the coordinates his small friend gave him. When he lands in a clearing of the forest, he trudges his way through the snow until he breaks through the tree line.

It is just like the Autobot said: a small, abandoned warehouse nowhere near the bustling noise of Detroit. The structure is still stable, shielding the inside from the cold outside. And from the outside alone, it looks fairly inconspicuous. It’s a perfect getaway.

The con steps away from the forest towards the large entryway of the warehouse. He pauses. There is movement inside.

When he peers in, he sees the sporadic movement of Bumblebee, who is hastily throwing things around the small room. The warehouse seems to be one large room, although the center of activity is in the back corner. There, a giant monitor sits on a table, with miscellaneous wires strewn hastily around behind it. A small, black box sits near the screen, a green light softly emanating from a button. Two extra large beanbags lay in front of the TV set, with strange, tiny items thrown in various places.

As Blitzwing makes his presence known through his loud footsteps, Bumblebee turns to greet him with an excited smile. “Hey Blitzy! You like my base? Oh! You can sit down if you want, just make sure not the crush the controller,” Bumblebee says, pointing at a beanbag as he fiddles with the black box.

When he looks down at the seat, Blitzwing finds a compact, black object sitting there. It is way too small for the con to use, but he supposes the yellow bot would be able to use this. Somehow. He places the controller on the floor next to the other beanbag before sitting. Having never sat in one before, he is pleasantly surprised by how comfortable it is.

Finally, Bumblebee jumps back into his own beanbag, landing with an arm pumped up in eagerness.

“Alright! I can’t wait to try this out!”

“You still haven’t told me what is going on,” Blitzwing says, his optic narrowing.

The Autobot freezes for a moment before he lowers his arm. “Oh, uh, sorry. I’m just really excited to be doing something with you, yanno? Anyway…”

Blitzwing listens as Bumblebee explains the game and how to play. He still doesn’t understand yet, but it makes a little more sense now. But for Blitzwing, watching his friend talk so passionately about something makes it worth coming here.

When Bumblebee finishes his explanation and launches the game, he perks up, grabbing some sort of green liquid. “Oh yeah, there’s some snacks if you want some! It’s not energon, but it’s really good!”

The taller bot has to crane his neck to analyze the assortment of bags and bottles scattered around the beanbags. So that’s what those are. Fuel, huh?

Intrigued, Blitzwing picks up a neon green bag, the labels bright and flashy. This looks like something Bumblebee would intake, no doubt. Very careful not to tear apart the package, it takes a moment for him to open the bag with his larger digits. When he is successful, he pours a few of the chips into his mouth.

Immediately, his faceplate feels hot. There are multiple burning places in his mouth. But, Blitzwing has manners (somewhat), and swallows the toxins as his optics start to become fuzzy. His face switches into a furious growl.

“What are you trying to pull? Are you trying to poison me!?”

Bumblebee glances up from the game to Blitzwing, then looks at the bag. “Oh! No, no, no! Those are, uh, very spicy chips. I probably shouldn’t’ve brought those out. Here,” the small bot passes a tiny, clear bottle towards him and another bag, “these are not spicy. They’re good, I promise!”

This time, Bumblebee helps to open the bottle and chips for the larger con. The burning sensation still hasn’t left yet, so Blitzwing snatches the bottle first, switches to his first face and drinks all of its contents. Thankfully, the water washes away the bad taste in his mouth, and he feels his face start to cool. He sighs and eyes the bag Bumblebee had passed him.

It’s significantly calmer than the poison bag. A simple, yellow color with a simple, red logo. With caution, Blitzwing shakes a few chips into his servo before eating some. They’re only a little salty, but the taste is bearable. Not that bad, actually.

Bumblebee looks to him. “Better?”

“Much,” his face turns into a chaotic grin, “So, is the game ready? I want to watch! I want to play!”

The yellow bot laughs. “Alright, alright! Let’s play!”

The sun had set a long time ago, plunging Detroit into a nighttime setting of glowing lights. The occasional car horn would blare. The thumps of music on street corners would slowly fade out as the night progressed. But what would remain constant throughout the night was the small warehouse bordering the woods.

It was a mess.

Soda cans, bottles, bags, and packages were thrown about. There were a few spills here and there, and some chips found their way to the floor. The lobby menu for the video game the Cybertronians’ were playing was on screen, although the sound was muted. But it was the bot and con that drew the most attention.

Blitzwing knelt his head in his sleep, his optic closed and the monocle dimmed. His engine hummed quietly, although the same could not be said for the bot in his arms. Bumblebee was sat in Blitzwing’s lap, his upper body secured by the con’s grasp. Despite his not needing to breath, he snored softly. Both slept comfortably like this, close to each other.

It was peaceful. And although Bumblebee dreads the stern talking-to he knows he’s going to receive in the morning, he would say that this might be the best night of his life.

#Secret Solenoid Gift #Secret Solenoid 2021 #Fic Gift #Blitzwing #Bumblebee

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path-of-my-childhood · 5 years ago

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Taylor Swift: ‘I was literally about to break’

By: Laura Snapes for The Guardian Date: August 24th 2019

Taylor Swift’s Nashville apartment is an Etsy fever dream, a 365-days-a-year Christmas shop, pure teenage girl id. You enter through a vestibule clad in blue velvet and covered in gilt frames bursting with fake flowers. The ceiling is painted like the night sky. Above a koi pond in the living area, a narrow staircase spirals six feet up towards a giant, pillow-lagged birdcage that probably has the best view in the city. Later, Swift will tell me she needs metaphors “to understand anything that happens to me”, and the birdcage defies you not to interpret it as a pointed comment on the contradictions of stardom.

Swift, wearing pale jeans and dip-dyed shirt, her sandy hair tied in a blue scrunchie, leads the way up the staircase to show me the view. The decor hasn’t changed since she bought this place in 2009, when she was 19. “All of these high rises are new since then,” she says, gesturing at the squat glass structures and cranes. Meanwhile her oven is still covered in stickers, more teenage diary than adult appliance.

Now 29, she has spent much of the past three years living quietly in London with her boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn, making the penthouse a kind of time capsule, a monument to youthful naivety given an unlimited budget – the years when she sang about Romeo and Juliet and wore ballgowns to awards shows; before she moved to New York and honed her slick, self-mythologising pop.

It is mid-August. This is Swift’s first UK interview in more than three years, and she seems nervous: neither presidential nor goofy (her usual defaults), but quick with a tongue-out “ugh” of regret or frustration as she picks at her glittery purple nails. We climb down from the birdcage to sit by the pond, and when the conversation turns to 2016, the year the wheels came off for her, Swift stiffens as if driving over a mile of speed bumps. After a series of bruising public spats (with Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj) in 2015, there was a high-profile standoff with Kanye West. The news that she was in a relationship with actor Tom Hiddleston, which leaked soon after, was widely dismissed as a diversionary tactic. Meanwhile, Swift went to court to prosecute a sexual assault claim, and faced a furious backlash when she failed to endorse a candidate in the 2016 presidential election, allowing the alt-right to adopt her as their “Aryan princess”.

Her critics assumed she cared only about the bottom line. The reality, Swift says, is that she was totally broken. “Every domino fell,” she says bitterly. “It became really terrifying for anyone to even know where I was. And I felt completely incapable of doing or saying anything publicly, at all. Even about my music. I always said I wouldn’t talk about what was happening personally, because that was a personal time.” She won’t get into specifics. “I just need some things that are mine,” she despairs. “Just some things.”

A year later, in 2017, Swift released her album Reputation, half high-camp heel turn, drawing on hip-hop and vaudeville (the brilliantly hammy Look What You Made Me Do), half stunned appreciation that her nascent relationship with Alwyn had weathered the storm (the soft, sensual pop of songs Delicate and Dress).

Her new album, Lover, her seventh, was released yesterday. It’s much lighter than Reputation: Swift likens writing it to feeling like “I could take a full deep breath again”. Much of it is about Alwyn: the Galway Girl-ish track London Boy lists their favourite city haunts and her newfound appreciation of watching rugby in the pub with his uni mates; on the ruminative Afterglow, she asks him to forgive her anxious tendency to assume the worst.

While she has always written about relationships, they were either teenage fantasy or a postmortem on a high-profile breakup, with exes such as Jake Gyllenhaal and Harry Styles. But she and Alwyn have seldom been pictured together, and their relationship is the only other thing she won’t talk about. “I’ve learned that if I do, people think it’s up for discussion, and our relationship isn’t up for discussion,” she says, laughing after I attempt a stealthy angle. “If you and I were having a glass of wine right now, we’d be talking about it – but it’s just that it goes out into the world. That’s where the boundary is, and that’s where my life has become manageable. I really want to keep it feeling manageable.”

Instead, she has swapped personal disclosure for activism. Last August, Swift broke her political silence to endorse Democratic Tennessee candidate Phil Bredesen in the November 2018 senate race. Vote.org reported an unprecedented spike in voting registration after Swift’s Instagram post, while Donald Trump responded that he liked her music “about 25% less now”.

Meanwhile, her recent single You Need To Calm Down admonished homophobes and namechecked US LGBTQ rights organisation Glaad (which then saw increased donations). Swift filled her video with cameos from queer stars such as Ellen DeGeneres and Queen singer Adam Lambert, and capped it with a call to sign her petition in support of the Equality Act, which if passed would prohibit gender- and sexuality-based discrimination in the US. A video of Polish LGBTQ fans miming the track in defiance of their government’s homophobic agenda went viral. But Swift was accused of “queerbaiting” and bandwagon-jumping. You can see how she might find it hard to work out what, exactly, people want from her.

***

It was girlhood that made Swift a multimillionaire. When country music’s gatekeepers swore that housewives were the only women interested in the genre, she proved them wrong. Her self-titled debut marked the longest stay on the Billboard 200 by any album released in the decade. A potentially cloying image – corkscrew curls, lyrics thick on “daddy” and down-home values – were undercut by the fact she was evidently, endearingly, a bit of a freak, an unusual combination of intensity and artlessness. Also, she was really, really good at what she did, and not just for a teenager: her entirely self-written third album, 2010’s Speak Now, is unmatched in its devastatingly withering dismissals of awful men.

As a teenager, Swift was obsessed with VH1’s Behind The Music, the series devoted to the rise and fall of great musicians. She would forensically rewatch episodes, trying to pinpoint the moment a career went wrong. I ask her to imagine she’s watching the episode about herself and do the same thing: where was her misstep? “Oh my God,” she says, drawing a deep breath and letting her lips vibrate as she exhales. “I mean, that’s so depressing!” She thinks back and tries to deflect. “What I remember is that [the show] was always like, ‘Then we started fighting in the tour bus and then the drummer quit and the guitarist was like, “You’re not paying me enough.”’’’

But that’s not what she used to say. In interviews into her early 20s, Swift often observed that an artist fails when they lose their self-awareness, as if repeating the fact would work like an insurance against succumbing to the same fate. But did she make that mistake herself? She squeezes her nose and blows to clear a ringing in her ears before answering. “I definitely think that sometimes you don’t realise how you’re being perceived,” she says. “Pop music can feel like it’s The Hunger Games, and like we’re gladiators. And you can really lose focus of the fact that that’s how it feels because that’s how a lot of stan [fan] Twitter and tabloids and blogs make it seem – the overanalysing of everything makes it feel really intense.”

She describes the way she burned bridges in 2016 as a kind of obliviousness. “I didn’t realise it was like a classic overthrow of someone in power – where you didn’t realise the whispers behind your back, you didn’t realise the chain reaction of events that was going to make everything fall apart at the exact, perfect time for it to fall apart.”

Here’s that chain reaction in full. With her 2014 album 1989 (the year she was born), Swift transcended country stardom, becoming as ubiquitous as Beyoncé. For the first time she vocally embraced feminism, something she had rejected in her teens; but, after a while, it seemed to amount to not much more than a lot of pictures of her hanging out with her “squad”, a bevy of supermodels, musicians and Lena Dunham. The squad very much did not include her former friend Katy Perry, whom Swift targeted in her song Bad Blood, as part of what seemed like a painfully overblown dispute about some backing dancers. Then, when Nicki Minaj tweeted that MTV’s 2015 Video Music awards had rewarded white women at the expense of women of colour, multiple-nominee Swift took it personally, responding: “Maybe one of the men took your slot.” For someone prone to talking about the haters, she quickly became her own worst enemy.

Her old adversary Kanye West resurfaced in February 2016. In 2009, West had invaded Swift’s stage at the MTV VMAs to protest against her victory over Beyoncé in the female video of the year category. It remains the peak of interest in Swift on Google Trends, and the conflict between them has become such a cornerstone of celebrity journalism that it’s hard to remember it lay dormant for nearly seven years – until West released his song Famous. “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex,” he rapped. “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The video depicted a Swift mannequin naked in bed with men including Trump.

Swift loudly condemned both; although she had discussed the track with West, she said she had never agreed to the “bitch” lyric or the video. West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, released a heavily edited clip that showed Swift at least agreeing to the “sex” line on the phone with West, if not the “bitch” part. Swift pleaded the technicality, but it made no difference: when Kardashian went on Twitter to describe her as a snake, the comparison stuck and the singer found herself very publicly “cancelled” – the incident taken as “proof” of Swift’s insincerity. So she went away.

Swift says she stopped trying to explain herself, even though she “definitely” could have. As she worked on Reputation, she was also writing “a think-piece a day that I knew I would never publish: the stuff I would say, and the different facets of the situation that nobody knew”. If she could exonerate herself, why didn’t she? She leans forward. “Here’s why,” she says conspiratorially. “Because when people are in a hate frenzy and they find something to mutually hate together, it bonds them. And anything you say is in an echo chamber of mockery.”

She compares that year to being hit by a tidal wave. “You can either stand there and let the wave crash into you, and you can try as hard as you can to fight something that’s more powerful and bigger than you,” she says. “Or you can dive under the water, hold your breath, wait for it to pass and while you’re down there, try to learn something. Why was I in that part of the ocean? There were clearly signs that said: Rip tide! Undertow! Don’t swim! There are no lifeguards!” She’s on a roll. “Why was I there? Why was I trusting people I trusted? Why was I letting people into my life the way I was letting them in? What was I doing that caused this?”

After the incident with Minaj, her critics started pointing out a narrative of “white victimhood” in Swift’s career. Speaking slowly and carefully, she says she came to understand “a lot about how my privilege allowed me to not have to learn about white privilege. I didn’t know about it as a kid, and that is privilege itself, you know? And that’s something that I’m still trying to educate myself on every day. How can I see where people are coming from, and understand the pain that comes with the history of our world?”

She also accepts some responsibility for her overexposure, and for some of the tabloid drama. If she didn’t wish a friend happy birthday on Instagram, there would be reports about severed friendships, even if they had celebrated together. “Because we didn’t post about it, it didn’t happen – and I realised I had done that,” she says. “I created an expectation that everything in my life that happened, people would see.”

But she also says she couldn’t win. “I’m kinda used to being gaslit by now,” she drawls wearily. “And I think it happens to women so often that, as we get older and see how the world works, we’re able to see through what is gaslighting. So I’m able to look at 1989 and go – KITTIES!” She breaks off as an assistant walks in with Swift’s three beloved cats, stars of her Instagram feed, back from the vet before they fly to England this week. Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith haughtily circle our feet (they are scared of the koi) as Swift resumes her train of thought, back to the release of 1989 and the subsequent fallout. “Oh my God, they were mad at me for smiling a lot and quote-unquote acting fake. And then they were mad at me that I was upset and bitter and kicking back.” The rules kept changing.

***

Swift’s new album comes with printed excerpts from her diaries. On 29 August 2016, she wrote in her girlish, bubble writing: “This summer is the apocalypse.” As the incident with West and Kardashian unfolded, she was preparing for her court case against radio DJ David Mueller, who was fired in 2013 after Swift reported him for putting his hand up her dress at a meet-and–greet event. He sued her for defamation; she countersued for sexual assault.

“Having dealt with a few of them, narcissists basically subscribe to a belief system that they should be able to do and say whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to,” Swift says now, talking at full pelt. “And if we – as anyone else in the world, but specifically women – react to that, well, we’re not allowed to. We’re not allowed to have a reaction to their actions.”

In summer 2016 she was in legal depositions, practising her testimony. “You’re supposed to be really polite to everyone,” she says. But by the time she got to court in August 2017, “something snapped, I think”. She laughs. Her testimony was sharp and uncompromising. She refused to allow Mueller’s lawyers to blame her or her security guards; when asked if she could see the incident, Swift said no, because “my ass is in the back of my body”. It was a brilliant, rude defence.

“You’re supposed to behave yourself in court and say ‘rear end’,” she says with mock politesse. “The other lawyer was saying, ‘When did he touch your backside?’ And I was like, ‘ASS! Call it what it is!’” She claps between each word. But despite the acclaim for her testimony and eventual victory (she asked for one symbolic dollar), she still felt belittled. It was two months prior to the beginning of the #MeToo movement. “Even this case was literally twisted so hard that people were calling it the ‘butt-grab case’. They were saying I sued him because there’s this narrative that I want to sue everyone. That was one of the reasons why the summer was the apocalypse.”

She never wanted the assault to be made public. Have there been other instances she has dealt with privately? “Actually, no,” she says soberly. “I’m really lucky that it hadn’t happened to me before. But that was one of the reasons it was so traumatising. I just didn’t know that could happen. It was really brazen, in front of seven people.” She has since had security cameras installed at every meet-and-greet she does, deliberately pointed at her lower half. “If something happens again, we can prove it with video footage from every angle,” she says.

The allegations about Harvey Weinstein came out soon after she won her case. The film producer had asked her to write a song for the romantic comedy One Chance, which earned her second Golden Globe nomination. Weinstein also got her a supporting role in the 2014 sci-fi movie The Giver, and attended the launch party for 1989. But she says they were never alone together.

“He’d call my management and be like, ‘Does she have a song for this film?’ And I’d be like, ‘Here it is,’” she says dispassionately. “And then I’d be at the Golden Globes. I absolutely never hung out. And I would get a vibe – I would never vouch for him. I believe women who come forward, I believe victims who come forward, I believe men who come forward.” Swift inhales, flustered. She says Weinstein never propositioned her. “If you listen to the stories, he picked people who were vulnerable, in his opinion. It seemed like it was a power thing. So, to me, that doesn’t say anything – that I wasn’t in that situation.”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump was more than nine months into his presidency, and still Swift had not taken a position. But the idea that a pop star could ever have impeded his path to the White House seemed increasingly naive. In hindsight, the demand that Swift speak up looks less about politics and more about her identity (white, rich, powerful) and a moralistic need for her to redeem herself – as if nobody else had ever acted on a vindictive instinct, or blundered publicly.

But she resisted what might have been an easy return to public favour. Although Reputation contained softer love songs, it was better known for its brittle, vengeful side (see This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things). She describes that side of the album now as a “bit of a persona”, and its hip-hop-influenced production as “a complete defence mechanism”. Personally, I thought she had never been more relatable, trashing the contract of pious relatability that traps young women in the public eye.

***

It was the assault trial, and watching the rights of LGBTQ friends be eroded, that finally politicised her, Swift says. “The things that happen to you in your life are what develop your political opinions. I was living in this Obama eight-year paradise of, you go, you cast your vote, the person you vote for wins, everyone’s happy!” she says. “This whole thing, the last three, four years, it completely blindsided a lot of us, me included.”

She recently said she was “dismayed” when a friend pointed out that her position on gay rights wasn’t obvious (what if she had a gay son, he asked), hence this summer’s course correction with the single You Need To Calm Down (“You’re comin’ at my friends like a missile/Why are you mad?/When you could be GLAAD?”). Didn’t she feel equally dismayed that her politics weren’t clear? “I did,” she insists, “and I hate to admit this, but I felt that I wasn’t educated enough on it. Because I hadn’t actively tried to learn about politics in a way that I felt was necessary for me, making statements that go out to hundreds of millions of people.”

She explains her inner conflict. “I come from country music. The number one thing they absolutely drill into you as a country artist, and you can ask any other country artist this, is ‘Don’t be like the Dixie Chicks!’” In 2003, the Texan country trio denounced the Iraq war, saying they were “ashamed” to share a home state with George W Bush. There was a boycott, and an event where a bulldozer crushed their CDs. “I watched country music snuff that candle out. The most amazing group we had, just because they talked about politics. And they were getting death threats. They were made such an example that basically every country artist that came after that, every label tells you, ‘Just do not get involved, no matter what.’

“And then, you know, if there was a time for me to get involved…” Swift pauses. “The worst part of the timing of what happened in 2016 was I felt completely voiceless. I just felt like, oh God, who would want me? Honestly.” She would otherwise have endorsed Hillary Clinton? “Of course,” she says sincerely. “I just felt completely, ugh, just useless. And maybe even like a hindrance.”

I suggest that, thinking selfishly, her coming out for Clinton might have made people like her. “I wasn’t thinking like that,” she stresses. “I was just trying to protect my mental health – not read the news very much, go cast my vote, tell people to vote. I just knew what I could handle and I knew what I couldn’t. I was literally about to break. For a while.” Did she seek therapy? “That stuff I just really wanna keep personal, if that’s OK,” she says.

She resists blaming anyone else for her political silence. Her emergence as a Democrat came after she left Big Machine, the label she signed to at 15. (They are now at loggerheads after label head Scott Borchetta sold the company, and the rights to Swift’s first six albums, to Kanye West’s manager, Scooter Braun.) Had Borchetta ever advised her against speaking out? She exhales. “It was just me and my life, and also doing a lot of self-reflection about how I did feel really remorseful for not saying anything. I wanted to try and help in any way that I could, the next time I got a chance. I didn’t help, I didn’t feel capable of it – and as soon as I can, I’m going to.”

Swift was once known for throwing extravagant 4 July parties at her Rhode Island mansion. The Instagram posts from these star-studded events – at which guests wore matching stars-and-stripes bikinis and onesies – probably supported a significant chunk of the celebrity news industry GDP. But in 2017, they stopped. “The horror!” wrote Cosmopolitan, citing “reasons that remain a mystery” for their disappearance. It wasn’t “squad” strife or the unavailability of matching cozzies that brought the parties to an end, but Swift’s disillusionment with her country, she says.

There is a smart song about this on the new album – the track that should have been the first single, instead of the cartoonish ME!. Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince is a forlorn, gothic ballad in the vein of Lana Del Rey that uses high-school imagery to dismantle American nationalism: “The whole school is rolling fake dice/You play stupid games/You win stupid prizes,” she sings with disdain. “Boys will be boys then/Where are the wise men?”

As an ambitious 11-year-old, she worked out that singing the national anthem at sports games was the quickest way to get in front of a large audience. When did she start feeling conflicted about what America stands for? She gives another emphatic ugh. “It was the fact that all the dirtiest tricks in the book were used and it worked,” she says. “The thing I can’t get over right now is gaslighting the American public into being like” – she adopts a sanctimonious tone – “‘If you hate the president, you hate America.’ We’re a democracy – at least, we’re supposed to be – where you’re allowed to disagree, dissent, debate.” She doesn’t use Trump’s name. “I really think that he thinks this is an autocracy.”

As we speak, Tennessee lawmakers are trying to impose a near-total ban on abortion. Swift has staunchly defended her “Tennessee values” in recent months. What’s her position? “I mean, obviously, I’m pro-choice, and I just can’t believe this is happening,” she says. She looks close to tears. “I can’t believe we’re here. It’s really shocking and awful. And I just wanna do everything I can for 2020. I wanna figure out exactly how I can help, what are the most effective ways to help. ’Cause this is just…” She sighs again. “This is not it.”

***

It is easy to forget that the point of all this is that a teenage Taylor Swiftwanted to write love songs. Nemeses and negativity are now so entrenched in her public persona that it’s hard to know how she can get back to that, though she seems to want to. At the end of Daylight, the new album’s dreamy final song, there’s a spoken-word section: “I want to be defined by the things that I love,” she says as the music fades. “Not the things that I hate, not the things I’m afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night.” As well as the songs written for Alwyn, there is one for her mother, who recently experienced a cancer relapse: “You make the best of a bad deal/I just pretend it isn’t real,” Swift sings, backed by the Dixie Chicks.

How does writing about her personal life work if she’s setting clearer boundaries? “It actually made me feel more free,” she says. “I’ve always had this habit of never really going into detail about exactly what situation inspired what thing, but even more so now.” This is only half true: in the past, Swift wasn’t shy of a level of detail that invited fans to figure out specific truths about her relationships. And when I tell her that Lover feels a more emotionally guarded album, she bristles. “I know the difference between making art and living your life like a reality star,” she says. “And then even if it’s hard for other people to grasp, my definition is really clear.”

Even so, Swift begins Lover by addressing an adversary, opening with a song called I Forgot That You Existed (“it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”), presumably aimed at Kanye West, a track that slightly defeats its premise by existing. But it sweeps aside old dramas to confront Swift’s real nemesis, herself. “I never grew up/It’s getting so old,” she laments on The Archer.

She has had to learn not to pre-empt disaster, nor to run from it. Her life has been defined by relationships, friendships and business relationships that started and ended very publicly (though she and Perry are friends again). At the same time, the rules around celebrity engagement have evolved beyond recognition in her 15 years of fame. Rather than trying to adapt to them, she’s now asking herself: “How do you learn to maintain? How do you learn not to have these phantom disasters in your head that you play out, and how do you stop yourself from sabotage – because the panic mechanism in your brain is telling you that something must go wrong.” For her, this is what growing up is. “You can’t just make cut-and-dry decisions in life. A lot of things are a negotiation and a grey area and a dance of how to figure it out.”

And so this time, Swift is sticking around. In December she will turn 30, marking the point after which more than half her life will have been lived in public. She’ll start her new decade with a stronger self-preservationist streak, and a looser grip (as well as a cameo in Cats). “You can’t micromanage life, it turns out,” she says, drily.

When Swift finally answered my question about the moment she would choose in the VH1 Behind The Music episode about herself, the one where her career turned, she said she hoped it wouldn’t focus on her “apocalypse” summer of 2016. “Maybe this is wishful thinking,” she said, “but I’d like to think it would be in a couple of years.” It’s funny to hear her hope that the worst is still to come while sitting in her fairytale living room, the cats pacing: a pragmatist at odds with her romantic monument to teenage dreams. But it sounds something like perspective.

#taylor swift #interview #by taylor #the guardian #lover era #lover album #not sure how I feel about the interviewer's approach...there's a lot of irony in it #but a fun read for us nonetheless

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infinitestarsintheskye · 5 years ago

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Agents of Shield Series Finale thoughts (finally)

Or alt title Skye finally sits down to write this after two days of being overtired, overwhelmed and as a result, anxious! Feeling a WHOLE lot better today after a few anxiety naps and watching Phineas and Ferb on Disney + (that show is just pure serotonin I swear)

God what can I say that hasn’t already been said. I’m so beyond happy. I have no idea what my expectations were but by god were they exceeded. I cannot say enough how happy I am. They saved the world with empathy. How utterly beautiful. The endings everyone got were all just so utterly utterly deserved. I’m still in shock really.

If you haven’t already guessed it, I did not make it to my alarm at half past 6 on Thursday morning. I woke up at quarter past 5 after barely three hours of sleep and just could not help myself. I finished, cried for two hours and collapsed for another hour and a half. And she wonders why she’s felt like utter shit the past two days...

ANYWAY

DEKE DEKE MY WONDERFUL MY MOST DEAREST DISASTER SON!!!!!!!!! I love him so much. I know he’s happy in alt. 1983 but losing him was honestly such sweet sorrow. I had a feeling that he would sacrifice himself but I could not have guessed that it would happen in honestly such a good way. He still gets to live, gets to be the director of Shield (god help them) and I’m equally happy and devastated for him. I love Deke so much, he is very dear to me, and the money I would pay for a miniseries of him just absolutely killing it as Shield director in the 80′s with his side business of being a popstar, like the amount doesn’t exist. Also his impersonation of Fitz was so incredibly hilarious, Jeff Ward actually does a not bad Scottish accent and the IMMEDIATE adoption of the pregnant lady pose just ABSOLUTELY SENT ME!!!!!!!!!!

Mack. I’m so happy he lived. His team up with Sousa will forever give me life. Them taping goddamn chronicoms to the missiles to blast a hole in the ship, like whoever came up with that idea, you are now my favourite human on this earth. It is so supremely dumb but I love it so much. As much as there was BIG concern going into this that he was going to die, ta Henry, I never once felt worried for him. Like he never even came close???????? Also a raise to whoever put him in that big long jacket at the end like oh my god are you serious, AMAZING

Yoyo. I had NOT A SINGULAR CLUE, NOT EVEN AN INCLINE of what was going to happen to Yoyo. Her little team up at the end with Piper and Davis (DAVIS ROBO!DAVIS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS BICKERING WITH PIPER WE LOVE TO SEE IT) was beyond incredible. Yoyo had such a great arc this season, and I’m just so happy to see it concluded so well, plus that shot of her zooming out of the car at the end was beyond A+ it was beautiful.

May. May, wonderful May. Her appearing OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE TO JUST ABSOLUTELY END SIBYL IS JUST FOREVER GOING TO GIVE ME LIFE. THE CAVALRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so intrigued with where they were going with her arc this season, like I enjoyed empath May but I was so curious to see where it was going and oh what a pay off it was. I literally shouted AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at my screen when she put her hands into that machine and Coulson explained it, BECAUSE IT ALL JUST MADE SENSE. Also it was 100000000000000000000% her idea to name it Coulson Academy, and no one disagreed with her. I loved her little call back to S1 with her just being the pilot. In general I thought all of the call backs were very well handled and placed, nothing felt too fan servicey it was all very natural and organic bc these writers really just know what they’re about and are just so incredibly good at their jobs. ANYWAY MAY. I’m happy that she’s getting a little bit of rest from the field, she absolutely deserves it.

Coulson. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t sure about Robo!Coulson when he was introduced at the end of last season, but my god am I so happy for him now. He is truly the heart of this show, the whole thing began because a stubborn group of fans refused to accept that he had died. And really isn’t that a theme that has carried us through this entire show haha? I was so terrifed for about 30 seconds that Sibyl was going to turn him against the rest of the team, so the RELIEF of May popping out of the ceiling to JUST END HER ENTIRE CAREER WAS INCREDIBLE. The reappearance of Lola ABSOLUTELY SENT ME. I also love that after years of Coulson refusing to let Mack work on Lola, Mack just went “Fuck it” and built one from, I assume, scratch. He is going to be the best Grandpa to little Alya Fitzsimmons and you can tear that headcanon from my cold dead hands. Again, what a deserving ending. I could not be happier for him, that last shot was just perfect.

Daisy. Oh boy, we’re getting into my heafty emotions now. I would just like to say that her entire arc throughout this entire show is one of the most incredible, most amazing and well crafted and well thought out characters arcs in television history. Watching her go from this lost little hacker with a bit of a smart mouth, to this strong and powerful LITERAL SUPERHERO has actually been a privilege and I cannot stress enough how much I have loved watching her grow and evolve over the past seven years. That being said, I am low key FURIOUS that they made me think that she was dead for even just a SECOND. I WAS SOBBING NO AT MY PHONE FOR THAT ENTIRE LITTLE INTERLUDE LIKE NO FUCKING WAY ARE YOU GOING TO KILL HER OFF AND LEAVE HER BODY IN SPACE I WILL NOT LET YOU, LET ME GO SHARPEN MY PITCHFORK I AM COMING FOR YOU. I will now invite you to imagine the look of absolute and utter joy and relief on my face when I saw she was alive. Skye/Daisy holds such a special place in my heart. Her whole thing with Sousa this season was SO UTTERLY OUT OF THE BLUE BUT SO INCREDIBLY DELIGHTFUL AND DESERVED!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? Like out of everything I think that little plot detail is what surprised me the most, and I surprised myself by really loving it as much as I did. I would have been happy if she had ended the series single but I’m so happy that she has this wonderful partner who loves her so much and has her back and just looks after her like it’s just like the most wonderful added bonus which she deserves. Sousa is also like a whole ass snack and as I have been saying in my tags for the past few weeks, DAISY GET IT!!!! I love that she ended the series with her own little family, her sister and Sousa. I just. I cannot even think about that without welling up. Daisy has a family, and she chose it and she loves them all so much. I know it was last weeks ep too but I will never get over her calling Simmons her sister. Never ever ever for as long as I live. I’m so happy for her. So beyond happy.

FitzSimmons. Here we, here we, here we fucking go. What to even say apart from big, long and loud sobbing noises, cause that’s all I have really been able to do in regards to them for the last two days. Happy isn’t a strong enough word. There is no word big enough, nor all encompassing enough to say how utterly UTTERLY happy I am that they got their most beautiful happy ending. Fitz guiding her through her memories, the second Jemma said Alya I started screaming, I just I knew that was her name, and him just being so gentle with her whilst she was remembering, like oh my heart. I excuse them everything, the lack of Fitz (WHICH WAS NO ONE’S FAULT I WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT HERE) this season was honestly just paid back tenfold in the scenes that we got of him. His frustration IMMEDIATELY at everyone not understanding their plan was so amazingly hilarious. Simmons half remembering everything was both heartbreaking and hilarious, the scene of her asking for a supersuit like Daisy’s was incredible and both Deke and Daisy responding to her like she was a child they needed to trick into doing something for them, like yes if you come with us you’ll get a supersuit and a bit chocolate, incredible. The acting in both episodes from both IDC and Elizabeth was just truly something else. The fact that neither of them have been nominated EVER for their work on this show is nothing less than criminal. Her face when she remembered Alya. Dear god my heart. I have watched that scene of them reuniting with her at least 3000000000000000000000 times since Thursday morning. I won’t ever forget it. What a beautiful scene. What an incredible scene. “You were guarding our everything.” SHE’S THEIR EVERYTHING. THEIR UTTER EVERYTHING! I’M ACTUALLY LIKE SOBBING WRITING THIS I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE GET OVER THE FACT THAT THEY LET FITZSIMMONS LIVE IN PEACE FOR FOUR WHOLE ASS YEARS, LET THEM HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY GIRL AND THEN LET THEM LIVE IN PEACE AGAIN I JUST!!! I HAVE WANTED THIS FOR THEM FOR SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO VERY LONG!!! (also @ marvel I’m not in a place where I want any kind of continuation or spin off at the moment but I would watch a FitzSimmons miniseries of them just being happy and domestic and working in space for 4 years. Just SOMETHING to consider) I cannot thank the writers enough for finally finally letting them have their happy ending. They have been through so much, and it was all worth it because it led them to their happily ever after and to their little girl and I just, that is everything. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! I have talked a lot in this post about people deserving their endings but honestly none more than FitzSimmons. Fitz playing with Alya in their little garden whilst Simmons watches with the biggest smile on her face. How perfect. I could not have dreamt a better ending for them I’m so so so so so SO beyond happy for them. And god that little girl is just the most precious. Her gleefully exclaiming “Mama!” at Simmons is the EXACT moment that I started sobbing and did not stop for the rest of the episode. Also I know they didn’t explicitly say it but they are 100000000000000% at their cottage in Perthshire, again you can pry that headcanon out of MY COLD DEAD HANDS!!! I’m just so so so so so so so so SO beyond happy that FitzSimmons got the ending that they deserved so much. They can be at peace now. I have loved them since LITERALLY day one, and I cannot imagine what would happen if I got to tell little 15 year old me how they ended up. I’m sending her good vibes to the past, I know she got them, because I never ever ever gave up on that hope for them. FitzSimmons, to me, represent so much goodness and hope and just everything I aspire to have in a relationship (without the constant separation and the death and all that fun shit), but just the utter love they have for each other. (thanks for the impossible standard to which I hold all men now JedMo). I have been on just a rollercoaster with these two characters, their relationship and each of them as individuals have taught me so much and brought me so much comfort, especially during some of the hardest times I have ever experienced. I’ll tell some of those stories one day. Not yet. I’m not ready. I’m still honestly just reeling. I have wanted A Happy FitzSimmons ending for SO LONG and I just cannot believe that we got it. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU.

Writing this felt very cathartic. It’s almost been good to just get ALL OF THE EMOTIONS OUT. I think I’m actually going to take a nap now. I forget how tiring it is to be so emotional. What can I say to end this except reiterate again just how happy I am with that finale. I’m so thrilled that they gave us such a beautiful ending, it really was just a love letter to the series as a whole and to it’s message. I think it was quote from Jeff Bell that I saw and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, because of how true it is, and really that’s why I hold this show so dear and why I have done for the past 7 years, and that is that this show is ultimately about hope. What a beautiful thing.

#aos spoilers #7.12 spoilers #7.13 spoilers #agents of shield #Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.#aos #skye really rambles #skye rambles #thank you #thank you so much

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ohstardust · 7 years ago

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You Matter To Me

REQUEST: from @outofworkactress You're gonna kill me I can just feel the anger radiating off the phone but would you maybe do a little something where y/n just feels safe with Aneurin and she hadn't really felt that way before, her brother having verbally abused her growing up and Ni's just so nice and keeps her safe A/N: I became way too involved in this and I finally brought angst back into my writing (where have you been my dear old friend?). Karma is a bitch, Gabs. Also, I couldn’t resist using this song. Title: You Matter To Me by Sara Bareilles & Jason Mraz (Alt: Jessie Mueller & Drew Gehling. That’s my personal fave version) My Aneurin playlist can be found on Spotify (this is what I listen to when I write about him and songs that are featured in fics about him) (x)

I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear It’s hard to really trust someone, no matter how important they are to you, once you’ve had your confidence shattered and every horrible term under the sun thrown at you. It was something Y/N knew all too well. She was nineteen when she first met Aneurin, and quite frankly he couldn’t have come into her life at a better time. Her romantic relationship had dissolved nine days prior to their meet and she was a wreck. It seemed she’d made a colossal mistake with that one.

Aneurin had brought light to the darkness of her life and made her smile, even if it was just for one evening. He’d vanished after that night in the university library and she didn’t see him again until she was pushing twenty-three. He hadn’t changed all that much aside from his face slimming a little and his features were more pronounced. They’d vowed to themselves after that study night that, if they were to ever meet again, they wouldn’t let the other go. They’d had an intermittent relationship over the remaining few years thanks to busy schedules, careers fully taking off and a change in geographical locations. But they had a friendship that would defy everything thrown their way regardless. Over the past year or so, they’d become close friends. She’d encountered a few more snakes in terms of relationships and it felt like one bad omen after another. Y/N had confided in Ni about her appalling track record and the verbal abuse she’d received in her younger years, it felt like punishment for something she wasn’t aware she’d committed. The moment he heard, he’d promised himself to never stop trying to make her see her worth. Not until his last breath.

Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you And I'll stay there as long as you let me “I’m such a fucking joke, Ni,” she sobbed. She’d gone beyond the anger stage at this point, her photos of him had been torn apart and everything he’d bought her had found its way into the bin. What was the point in trying to be happy if it wasn’t meant to happen? Aneurin leant against the doorframe and had watched her during her outburst, letting her hash out her anger. That he could deal with. What he couldn’t deal with was her head buried in her fists and her shoulders shaking as her heart broke yet again. He was angry at that bastard, he was hurting for her, his own heart breaking as he saw her in pain. Aneurin felt useless. He pulled himself from his slouched position and knelt before her, his hands pulled at hers and clasped them in his own forcing her to lift her head, “Don’t you ever say that again, you hear me?” Y/N took one look into his eyes and broke down further. She shook her head and continued to avoid his gaze, she didn’t want to see how much upset she’d caused him by what she believed to be her own stupidity. “Why else would I let them walk all over me?” her voiced lowered further until she whispered, “Why would I allow myself to be hurt when it’s already inevitable? Why don’t I stop it before it gets that far?” “Because you want to believe it’ll be better this time.” Y/N’s weakly laughed and glanced at the man on the floor, her eyes looked tired, “but it never is, is it?” “It’s not your failing, Y/N, you’ve done nothing wrong.” He tried to smile at her and lighten her spirits, to reassure her but he feared it had come out more as a grimace. “Then who’s is it, Ni?!” her voice raised and Aneurin startled at the change, “If I’m not the problem then who is?” “These vile men that think it’s acceptable to treat you like this,” he spat, absolutely furious that she saw herself as the one to blame when all she did was date the wrong men. “He told me this would happen, he told me I was worthless and that no one would ever really love me, I just didn’t want to believe him.” Aneurin felt sick as soon as she referenced that poor excuse of a sibling of hers, the one person who destroyed her before anyone else. His hands gripped her cheeks softly but commanding her full attention, adamant that now was the time to make her see what he saw in her, how truly incredible she was and how loved she was. Y/N’s eyes closed, she felt defeated and tired and so sick of feeling like she was so much lower than everybody else. “You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and I’m not just telling you this because I want to cheer you up, I’m saying it because I honest to god mean it. That night in the library, where we told each other our deepest secrets, thinking we’d never meet again, was the best night of my life. Everything is so much better when you’re there, every happy memory I have seems to involve you somewhere, whether it’s because you were physically there, or because I knew I could call you and just hear your voice. You’re the bright star, my angel. Everything he brainwashed you into thinking for all those years was wrong, all horrific lies, Y/N. I know it doesn’t feel like it, I know you think the world is against you, you have every reason to, but I love you so very much and nothing can put a stop to that. I’m sorry I haven’t protected you enough, I’m sorry I failed to stop you hurting, but I promise I’ll do better, I promise to make you happier with life. I’ll do anything to make you smile, yeah?” Her eyes were still closed but her smile had risen and for a moment she felt like she was floating. “You honestly mean all that?” “Every. Single. World.” He pressed kisses to her cheeks in unison with every word. “Will you sing for me?” he kissed her forehead and nodded, then stood up to take a seat beside her. Her head rested on his shoulder and he stroked her hair to keep her calm, it always comforted her and he swallowed hard in realisation that he knew so much more about her than he ever realised. Because you matter to me Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody You matter to me I promise you do, you, you matter too I promise you do, you see? You matter to me Just like he knew her favourite songs and her love for musicals, the ones that make her ridiculously happy and the ones that make her sad, the way they make her feel. Most of all, he knew how to love her. She joined in with a whisper, her throat sore and weak, but she wanted to share this with him. She wanted everything with him. It's addictive the minute you let yourself think The things that I say just might matter to someone All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away And for the first time I think I'd consider the stay Because you matter to me And as he sang the beautiful and heart-warming song to her, she lifted her head to look at him once more, and that’s when she realised that he meant every word he was singing. She really did matter to him, and yes, he really did love her. She realised that nothing had ever made her feel as safe as Aneurin had, nothing gave her more comfort than him, nothing made her feel so bright in her darkest moments than he did. You matter to me I promise you do, you, you matter too I promise you do, you see? You matter to me

#aneurin barnard imagine #aneurin barnard #aneurin barnard x reader #dunkirk imagine #dunkirk cast #dunkirk imagines #waitress the musical #you matter to me

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daleisgreat · 5 years ago

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Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

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The time has come to put a bookend to keeping up with Kevin Smith with today’s entry focusing on his latest film, 2019’s Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (trailer). Before we get there, I feel obligated to say I was a huge fan of his first half of his career, primarily of his old ‘View Askew-niverse’ days when he first started off with affable stoner characters, Jay & Silent Bob being carryover characters in his first several films. I think I saw Clerks and Mallrats at least five times each and feel safe in saying those two would stand the test of time, especially Clerks. I dug Chasing Amy, Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back when they originally released in my teenager days, but cannot help but think I outgrew Smith’s style of verbiage and humor he honed in on by that point, and have a feeling I would cringe at going back to them. I think I would like Zack & Miri and Clerks 2 more if some certain scenes got nixed. I thought Jersey Girl and Copout were not among his best, but both solid studio comedies and a nice way to mix it up from his regular output at the time. Red State felt like a hard left turn for Smith, and some parts I detested, but it kind of came together towards the end. Tusk however was absolute dreck and upon hearing how his follow up Yoga Hosers was an all-in spinoff of Tusk caused me to avoid Yoga Hosers at all costs and casually back away from the Kevin Smith fandom. This brings us to Jay and Silent Bob Reboot. The sequel/reboot to 2001’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. 18 year-old Dale, eagerly anticipated Strike Back, rushed out to see it opening weekend and poured through the DVD in multiple viewings of it and all its extras in the weeks after it hit home video. 37 year-old Dale however ignored Reboot during Smith’s nationwide tour where the only way to see it for several months was when Smith was touring it to boutique arthouse theaters and doing a Q&A afterwards for around $50-80. I only reluctantly picked up Reboot a few weeks after it hit video when I noticed it was on sale for half off and thought for that price I could get my fill out of it with some expected callbacks and cameos that were a big standout in Strike Back and I hope would save Reboot….and that is essentially what happened.

Reboot kicks off with Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) up to their old shenanigans loitering outside the Quick Stop, until they are promptly arrested, but saved in court thanks in part to their attorney. The attorney then informs he just tricked them into signing away their names to big budget Hollywood studios who want to reboot the Bluntman & Chronic movie Jay & Silent Bob failed at preventing in Strike Back. Worst of all, the reboot will be directed by Kevin Smith who is advertising fans to attend a fan fest in Hollywood to audition for a cameo! This leads to the duo condemning Kevin Smith, and travelling across the nation to stop Hollywood once again. Conflicts arise during their journey when they run into Jay’s old flame, Justice (Shannon Elizabeth) who informs Jay that he is now a dad. He soon meets his daughter Milly (Harley Quinn Smith), who brings her friends to tag along in order to win that cameo spot in the movie contest. I do not want to be a downer, but the actual core movie I did not care for that much. Jay’s potty-mouth humor had me in stitches in its small doses when he was a side character in the early Smith films, but it is agonizingly overkill here. There are the occasional gags that landed, like a certain free bonus a cab driver offered that appeared a handful of times throughout and Kevin Smith is legitimately good at portraying a kind of over-the-top grating version of himself at the fan convention. Jay eventually putting in an earnest effort at being a good dad in some of the final scenes culminated in some touching moments with Milly. These core parts of the movie that I enjoyed though are only peppered throughout, but what wound up saving Jay and Silent Bob Reboot was the avalanche of cameos littered from beginning to end.

There are some expected cameos from Jason Lee and Ben Affleck coming back as their former View Askew-niverse personas as Brodie and Holden, respectively. I feel safe saying that is not a spoiler since those two had extended cameos relative to the core plot in Strike Back and more-or-less do the same in Reboot. However for the rest of the film, well….I think Kevin Smith dialed in a lot of favors because this is one of the most impressive deluge of cameos in a film yet. Some play amped up versions of themselves, while others are quirky shillers for Funko Pops. During those struggling first two acts of the film, the saving grace was seeing who would pop up next and what Smith had in store for them. There are countless blink and miss it callbacks and references to other View Askew lore and Smith fandom throughout, especially at the convention in the end. I remember Kevin Smith’s early movies being loaded with extra features, and while there is a fair smattering here, it is comparatively lackluster to the deluxe sets from yore. I was stunned the BluRay omits a commentary track which are usually present in most of Smith’s home video releases. I do not blame him since he re-watched it dozens of times on his nationwide tour, but……hold on scratch that after a quick Google search it appears a month ago Smith released a special quarantined-themed commentary track for the film for free on YouTube that can be found right here. Good on him for that! Actual extras on the BluRay are highlighted by a near hour-long bonus merely titled ‘Cast Interviews.’ It is a barrage of two-to-three minute interviews from nearly all the major and minor/cameo players from the film. Lots of good little anecdotes in there and well worth your time! Following that is a half hour extra where Mewes and Smith interview a variety of the cast and crew which a third of is dedicated to….one major cameo I shall not name here. I will give props to Mewes for randomly getting quick interviews from some of the behind-the-scenes crew to make sure they get their proper due. Wrapping up the bonuses is the requisite blooper reel that does not disappoint and a two minute Hair Reel which is solely of Smith and Mewes adjusting their hair between takes.

Part of me wanted to say Reboot was the ideal farewell film of Kevin Smith to watch, but I see he has Clerks III in the pipeline, so I will ultimately have to cave and check that out too. Regardless, if you are a lapsed Kevin Smith fan and wanted one last trek with his style of comedy you grew up with, you kind of get that here and you also get why you left that in the past too. Regardless, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot does have its moments, and the cameos make it well worth riding this out until the end….including all the bonus shots/alt footage in the credits, lots of gold in there too including one last cameo I did not anticipate. Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hercules: Reborn Hitman Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Major League Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Not for Resale Pulp Fiction The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

#random movie #jay and silent bob #jay and silent bob reboot #kevin smith #jason mewes #ben affleck #jason lee #shannon elizabeth #harley quinn smith

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morganbelarus · 6 years ago

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WIRED Book of the Month: It Came From Something Awful

Any page of It Came From Something Awful would be the most shocking page of most books. Reading Dale Beran’s chronicle of 4chan, the anonymous imageboard where some of the internet’s worst scandals have been fomented, feels like scrolling through the forum itself. Each page turn sucks you ever deeper into chan culture, from emoticon cats telling you to “Please die” to harassment campaigns levied at adolescent girls to a man describing how he murdered his girlfriend. “Turns out it’s way harder to strangle someone to death than it looks in the movies,” that man said, alongside images of the woman’s dead body. Eventually, in Beran’s aggrandizing telling, 4chan’s crescendo of furious nihilism delivers President Trump to America.

In 2017, Beran, a writer and cartoonist, published a Medium post titled “4chan: The Skeleton Key to the Rise of Trump,” which explained how a website started by a 15-year-old who was “bored and in need of porn” ended up churning out pro-Trump propaganda. The piece was unusual for its deep familiarity with and empathy for the desires of 4chan’s anonymous users. Beran used to be one of them. He was once young, aimless, broke, and interested in webcomics, which, during the late 1990s and 2000s, before 4chan was consumed by fascism and white supremacy, were the primary prerequisites to participation. Still, he felt “a little too old,” he writes in Awful, a book-length enlargement of the Medium piece, and seems to have been more sympathetic voyeur than active participant. He attended Anonymous’ anti-Scientology protest in Time Square in 2008—perhaps the first time 4chan came together offline en masse—but as a wannabe reporter rather than as a Guy Fawkes–masked agitator.

His voyeurism means he knew the right questions to ask, then and now. When a masked anon told him the protest was “serious business,” he saw layers most would miss. “‘The internet is serious business’ was a meme, a joke on 4chan,” he writes. “One that weev [a notorious neo-Nazi-aligned hacker] claimed he had invented. And so it went down the line: Anonymous protesters, all following Rule 1, trying to conceal 4chan from me, and obscure the source of the joke, just like a raid into a chat room, each hiding their motivations behind a mirrored chamber of repeated memes.” The amount of lurking required to see through this funhouse of references is prodigious—and rare among those who have not fallen through the looking glass themselves.

It Came From Something Awful, by Dale Beran Buy on Amazon

Macmillan

Naturally, Beran explores the psychology of young, disenfranchised masculinity that 4chan represents and the sociopolitical context that molded its minds, which is the book’s greatest strength. As Beran explains, many Gen Xers and millennials, raised to expect boomer-era prosperity, instead found themselves scuttled by the Great Recession: jobless or doomed to 1099-R subcontracting gigs, drowning in debt, unable to make real-world romantic attachments, slowly realizing that the future they’d been promised was canceled. At first, they escaped into the internet, into ’80s and ’90s references. The nostalgia drifted further back, becoming more twisted. Anons yearned for the 1950s, not just for its unionized jobs and for the “greatness of America” but also for the ability to call the cops on a black man and “watch as they beat him into a coma while sipping a Gimlet” and to “fuck my wife in the missionary position with no concern for her pleasure.” Prosperity and fascism, understood as one. The rise of the so-called alt-right in America, explained. It’s a more satisfying and complete answer than many others.

Beran understands the grotesqueries of 4chan as a kind of modern monument to disconsolate male heartbreak. Other eras have gotten yearning sonnets or the Taj Mahal; our time has given us misogynistic meme culture and boxes of My Little Pony figurines covered in lonely teenagers’ ejaculate. The joke with that latter example is that prospects are so grim that fictional characters are likelier romantic partners. The trouble, Beran argues, is that it’s not a joke anyone else gets. Or even a joke at all. “There’s no word for a farce of a farce. The story of anime to anime Nazi. Internet utopia to dystopia. Reality TV to reality. America to Trump,” Beran writes. “Time to pick up the pieces. I hope you laugh too.”

I did not laugh (or cry). Maybe that’s because 4chan can’t shock me anymore. I, like Beran, lurked there years before the website became weekly headline fodder. As a young teenager, I logged in because I wasn’t supposed to. I stayed to confirm my suspicions that there was something off about the way the world reacted to me—the old 4chan slogan, “tits or GTFO,” directed at any female person on the platform, cleared things up fast. I didn’t credit 4chan with inventing sexism then, just as I don’t agree with Deran’s multilayered title now (“it” refers to both 4chan itself—whose ethos originated with the predecessor site Something Awful—and Trump). 4chan didn’t meme Donald Trump into office. Its angry anons, like everyone else, are surfing the same economic and emotional tide that brought everyone to this moment. They’re just unsubtle and evangelist with it, and their sentiments are (somewhat) searchable. They’re as much a symptom as overweening progressive outrage culture is, rather than cause.

Still, while I think Beran gives 4chan a bit too much credit as world-shapers, I likely gave the site too little. When you’ve finished It Came From Something Awful, it’s hard to hold it all in your head. As the book pings from rickrolling to pedophilia, Milo Yiannopoulos to Tumblr, Berkeley brawls to Japanese internet forums, it leaves you with a more or less singular impression: 4chan’s tentacles encircle the world, undulating above and below public consciousness, electrifying culture whenever they break the surface. Not because they’re driving it, but because all they do is sit there, twitchily watching.

If Beran is a 4chan voyeur, he’s made me see 4chan as something like Voyeurs Anonymous. They feel isolated and powerless because they are. There’s a reason its most fervent users are teenagers, NEETS (that’s “Not in Education, Employment, or Training”), or both. In some cases, that distance has driven them to extremism, but it's also made them uniquely able to reflect the world back at the rest of us. It’s just the part of the world that, for a long time, everyone was pretending not to see, creating that vague Wrongness that drove me to 4chan in the first place. We’re franker about the state of the world now, and 4chan’s “lol nothing matters” spoofing is partly responsible.

To me, the most interesting idea in the book is one Beran only touches on: why some people could pull up from the smug, furious, post-truth hate that consumed 4chan in the last decade while others could not. Beran credits his narrow miss to his father’s experience with Nazis during World War II. (I’m not sure why I avoided the fate of women like the user Loli-Chan, who was groomed by trolls from a young age to trade sexual images for virtual currency. If middle school locker-room chat is to be believed, girls around me courted a similar fate.) In that question Beran and I are asking—why not me?—might be a solution, a way to snatch vulnerable people away from communities that will contribute to their radicalization. As it stands, all we have is 4chan, and books like It Came From Something Awful: grainy upchucks of memes and scandals and news items spattered across the internet, leaving stains of so many different partially digested ideas. We may never know which ones made us sick.

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Original Article : HERE ;

WIRED Book of the Month: It Came From Something Awful was originally posted by MetNews

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fitnesshealthyoga-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/game-of-thrones-women-whats-next/

‘Game of Thrones’ Women: What’s Next?

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Don’t be pissed at the messenger, but we thought you should know, it’s time to let go of Game of Thrones. HBO’s smash series is about to come to a thundering end, and we suggest that you prepare yourselves. However, this doesn’t mean the ladies of Westeros will vanish from our lives forever. The women of GoT have some fantastic new roles already lined up. Here’s what’s next for the women of Game of Thrones.

Though GoT is inspired by the George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series and is generally beloved globally–the series has notoriously failed its women. During Season 8, Episode 4 –we all looked on in horror as Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel), the only woman of color on the show was beheaded. (Shrugs in spoiler.) This isn’t the first time GoT has had some serious missteps with its female characters. From depictions of sexual violence to is glaring lack of diversity–Game of Thrones has broken many TV barriers while keeping women in a box.

Many women–including actress Jessica Chastain and director Ava DuVernay have slammed the series for its use of sexual violence as a character-building tool. Assessing Sansa’s (Sophie Turner) journey on the series, Chastain recently tweeted, “Rape is not a tool to make a character stronger. A woman doesn’t need to be victimized in order to become a butterfly.” She continued, “The #littlebird was always a Phoenix. Her prevailing strength is sole because of her. And her alone.”

After a near-decade-long journey on the series, for most of its leading ladies –the actresses are ready to embark on new (and hopefully more female-positive) projects. This is where we can find them next.

Image: Shutterstock.

Maisie Williams

Maisie Williams was just a preteen when Season 1 of Game of Thrones began. As Arya Stark, Williams’ character’s arc has been one of the most revolutionary on the series. As a little girl–Arya was a precocious little fighter, more at ease using swords with her brothers than learning to sew or wearing a dress. Over the past eight seasons, we’ve watched Arya blossom (out of necessity) into a bold killer who will do anything for her family. All hail the Night King Slayer!

Williams auditioned for GoT because she wanted the money to buy a new laptop, but it looks like she’s ready to make a career out of acting. X-Men fans can catch Williams in The New Mutants which will debut on Aug. 2. She also just wrapped filming for the ’90s set film adaptation of the comic book series, The Owners. The movie is also set to star Sylvester McCoy and Rita Tushingham.

Image: Shuttershock.

Sophie Turner

Like her on-screen sister, Sophie Turner had little acting experience before she stepped into Sansa Stark’s gown. When we first met the auburn-headed Stark–she was an exhausting and annoying little girl who was desperate to win the affections of a prince. Sansa did not live happily ever after. Instead, she was held captive by Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey), raped and tortured by Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) and manipulated by Petyr Baelish aka Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen). However, what Sansa did learn from all of her experiences was to play the game of thrones. As she told Littlefinger right before his execution, “I’m a slow learner, it’s true. But I learn.”

Though it’s a wrap for GoT, Turner is about to step into the shoes of another red-headed legend. She will reprise her role as Jean Grey in X-Men: Dark Phoenix which is set to drop June 7. The newlywed first played Jean in 2016’s X-Men Apocalypse. Following Dark Pheonix, Turner will star in Jouri Smit’s Heavy.

Image: Stephen Lovekin/REX/Shutterstock.

Gwendoline Christie

So, we’re never going to forgive GoT for leaving Brienne of Tarth aka Brienne the Stallion standing in her housecoat in the biting cold begging Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to pick her over his evil ass twin sister. It really boils our blood just thinking about it. To beg a man who has THREE (maybe four) kids with his twin sister! The GoT writers tried it. However, that’s neither here nor there.

Before she slayed as Ser Brienne on GoT, Gwendoline Christie was slowly making a name for herself in the entertainment industry. However, she exploded in 2012 after her first appearance on GoT. She’s already starred in the Star Wars franchise and the critically acclaimed mini-series, Top of the Lake. After she lays down Brienne sword, you can catch the 6′ 3″ legend as Jane Murdstone in The Personal History of David Copperfield opposite Tilda Swinton. She will also appear in 2020’s The Friend with Dakota Johnson and Jason Seagal.

Photo: Getty Images

Emilia Clarke

Are y’all going to crumble when the Mother of Dragons dies? We aren’t. Admittedly we loved Emilia Clarke’s Daenerys Targaryen for the first several seasons of Game of Thrones, but lately, homegirl has been working our last nerve. She’s clearly showing signs that she has some real anger issues and her lust for power certainly isn’t helping. Still–we will give Khalessi credit for her journey to try and take back her family’s throne.

Though her character is no longer our fav, we absolutely adore Emilia Clarke. She’s already delighted us in several franchise films including Terminator Genisys and Solo: A Star Wars Story. She also gave us all the feels in the movie-adaptation of, Me Before You. Up next, Clarke probably won’t be riding any more dragons, but you can catch her in Above Suspicion which tells the story of the first ever conviction for the murder of an FBI agent and the rom-com, Last Christmas opposite Henry Golding and Emma Thompson. Both flicks will debut in Winter 2019.

Image: Danny Moloshok/Invision/AP/REX/Shutterstock.

Lena Headey

One way or another, Cersei Lannister is about to hang up her crown on Game of Thrones. Whether she wins the throne or Dany and Jon Snow take her out –Lena Headey who has played the sinister queen since Season 1 is ready to move on. Headey isn’t a stranger to film or TV. Her career stretches back into the ’90s. While filming GoT— the British-born actress did some extensive voice work as well.

Following GoT you can catch Headey in The Flood, Gunpowder Milkshake opposite Angela Bassett and Paul Giamatti, and the movie Crooks. Hopefully, she’ll ditch that tragic blonde cut though. And honestly, we don’t know how we feel about seeing Headey in pedestrian clothing. God forbid her character is courteous and friendly.

Image: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/REX/Shutterstock.

Oh, Missandei, she had the best twist out in Westeros, and she and #BaeWorm were supposed to live out their days on some warm sandy beach somewhere away from the racists of Westeros. Nathalie Emmanuel’s days as Missandei may have come to an unsettling conclusion. However, Nathalie Emmanuel is just getting started. Before snagging a role on GoT back in Season 3–Emmanuel was known for her work on Hollyoaks. Since then she’s been in everything from The Fast and the Furious franchise to Maze Runner: The Death Curse.

Up next the vegan actress is saying farewell to HBO and hello to Hulu and Netflix. She is starring on two different forthcoming original series. You can spot her in Hulu’s Four Weddings and a Funeral written by Mindy Kaling. You can also see her in Netflix’s The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance which stars Helena Bonham Carter, Outlander’s Caitriona Balfe, Natalie Dormer as well as everyone else and their mama.

Image: Joel C Ryan/Invision/AP/REX/Shutterstock.

Carice van Houten

So… no one was that pressed when Melisandre took off her choker and withered away at the end of the Battle of Winterfell. We don’t know about you, but we’ve been ready to pull up on her since she burned Shireen Baratheon alive in Season 5. But we suppose we can’t hold that against Carice van Houten. She spoke to the New York Times about her character’s “timely” demise, “I was actually happy and quite sentimental when I read the script. I thought it could be a beautiful ending to this character.”

Like Lena Headey–van Houten has been a staple in entertainment since the ’90s. Post-GoT, she’ll be starring in Brian De Palma’s Domino opposite her former Game of Thrones co-star Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as well as the thriller, Lost Girls and Love Hotels.

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#emilia clarke #entertainment #game of thrones #hbo #health insurance news usa #healthcare news usa #latest health news usa #maisie williams #tv + movies #Skin Care

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thran-duils · 8 years ago

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You’re Standing Up For That? (ALT Negan, Part 10)

Title: You’re Standing Up for That? (ALTERNATIVE Negan Part 10) Pairing: Reader/Negan, Reader/Daryl Summary: Reader volunteers to go into Negan’s compound willingly to get inside information. Eventual Negan smut. Implied feelings between Reader and Daryl. Words: 2,235 Warnings: Language

Author’s Notes: Sorry it took so long for me to update since the mid season premiere. I was behind! This is a continuation of Part 9 going the different route following the show’s plot line. I will always tag these ones ALT/ALTERNATIVE.

Part 9 || Part 11 || Masterpost || Fanfic masterpost

Negan had not come back to his room until late and he crawled into bed, wanting to go to sleep. Secretly, you were pleased. You were not up to sleeping with him so soon after Daryl had tried to convince you to run away with him. You needed a bit of time to process your feelings and ground yourself again to be able to withstand the storm you were fighting against: surviving here.

When you had come down to the women’s room, Sherry had told you that Negan had brought back one of your people. She didn’t know his name, except that Laura called him ‘haircut’. You had a strong inclination that you knew who it was and you wondered why the hell Negan would choose him out of everyone to bring back. You were itching to find out if your hunch was correct. It had to be Eugene.

You got your answer later in the day when you spotted Laura leading someone out the doors. From behind, you knew it was him. You felt a sudden urge to reach out and protect him. He wasn’t as emotionally stable as the rest of the group and you knew he would buckle under someone like Negan. You didn’t want that to happen.

Waiting impatiently, you paced inside, letting Negan gloat and play with Eugene outside the doors.

When it sounded like it was breaking up, you pushed your way through the doors and took a deep breath. Eugene was clutching a jar of pickles and you had to resist the urge to laugh. You made your way down the stairs.

“Eugene!” you exclaimed trying to run forward.

Eugene’s eyes widened, looking elated to see you. A familiar face in a crowd of threatening strangers. The moment was lost when you were stopped abruptly by a bat – an all too familiar bat – landing in front of you, cutting you short of your goal. You turned your head to the left and saw Negan standing there, his face stoic.

Negan pushed Lucille back against you gently, forcing you to scoot back a few steps and Negan dropped her back down to his side.

Facing you fully, he placed Lucille on the ground, glowering down at you.

“What have we talked about with your old group?” He asked you, his tone annoyed and firm. You opened your mouth to respond but he cut you off, pressing hard, “Especially since one of yours escaped?”

Straightening up, you questioned, “You don’t believe me?”

“Oh, no, sweetheart. I believe you. You have witnesses and a strong alibi. I don’t believe your group.”

Straightening up, you stared him straight in the eyes. “Eugene is a good person.” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Eugene’s expression lift a bit.

Negan shot a look over his shoulder before looking back at you chuckling. “You’re standing up for that?” Eugene’s expression fell again and it angered you.

You narrowed your eyes, clenching your fists a bit in frustration that he would insult one of your friends. It did not go unnoticed by Negan, whose gaze fell to your hands before meeting your eyes again, looking curious. “Yes. He’s been a good friend. And I don’t like you insulting him just because of shallow reasons. Although I shouldn’t expect any less.”

(gif)

Negan studied you a moment before chuckling. “God-damn, baby. You are sure getting fucking testy!” He chortled again before relenting, “Fine, baby. I get it. He’s a goddamn pussy. I can see it in his eyes. The way he fucking blubbered like a bitch when I was going to hurt that other piece of ass. He’ll be fine here. I promise.” He turned to look over his shoulder at Eugene, who he knew damn well could hear the conversation. “As long as he follows my orders. But the moment he goes against them, I’ll be sure him and Lucille get fucking real fucking goddamn acquainted.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Eugene got out, avoiding eye contact with Negan.

This drew another low chuckle out of Negan. “Well, we will just see how that plays out. Laura, take him back inside. Get him settled into his new quarters.”

Eugene looked surprised at this and your heart fell a bit. Daryl was able to withstand Negan’s offers. You hoped Eugene would do the same. Even if he wanted to protect himself – and you wouldn’t blame him – hanging around with Negan’s people wouldn’t have a good effect on him.

As soon as he was lead away, Negan turned his attention to you again. “What are you doing with him?”

“Need him,” Negan replied simply.

“For?”

“Is that really any of your fucking business?”

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

Negan smiled at you. “It’d probably be best to not.” You closed your mouth, glowering at him. His eyes slid to Simon and he ordered him, “Don’t let him out of your sight.”

“Right.”

“And make sure to… assimilate him properly. Scare him a little bit.”

“He’s already scared,” you informed Negan, unable to keep an edge of annoyance out of your voice, catching both his and Simon’s attention.

Negan informed you, “Needs to be done. I don’t think it’ll take a lot to break him but just in case.”

“I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him.”

Your firm tone surprised even you.

Negan looked at you more in surprise than amusement. Simon chewed on his lip, looking away from the pair of you, seeming uncomfortable with the intimacy of the conversation.

Cocking an eyebrow, Negan regarded you a for a few more moments before offering, “I’ll do my best, sweetheart, to not disappoint you. You are quite a shining beacon in my miserable life. You and that precious little bundle.” He rested a hand on your stomach and you looked back up at him with determination. He smirked, “That’s the look I need to see from you, baby. Perseverance and strength.” He leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “I chose the right woman. Now run along. I promise I won’t hurt the teddy bear too bad.”

<> <> <>

Sherry left. Without telling you. It had to have been when Negan and them were searching for Daryl and you were distracted with trying to get a word in to see if it was Eugene Negan had brought back. You felt hurt. You thought that the two of you had made a relationship but she hadn’t been bothered to even hint that she would leave. Now you lost her and Daryl. Amber was drinking herself sick all the time and she wasn’t the best confidence to have. You felt alone again.

Frankie and Tanya walked by and you sat up in your chair, curious.

“Where are you guys going?”

Tanya and Frankie exchanged a look before Frankie told you, “We’re going to hang out with Eugene.”

“Why?”

“Negan asked us to,” Amber responded from beside you. You could tell she had already started drinking.

“Can I—“ you tried to say but Frankie cut you off.

“You know he chose us for a reason and left you behind for a reason.”

You knew she was right. You closed your mouth, grinding your teeth a bit.

Amber touched your arm and said, “We will be back soon. He doesn’t seem like the type to hold out long.”

You snorted a bit, “You would be surprised.” The three of them shot you a look and you cleared your throat. “Well… good luck. I guess?”

“Yeah, I’m so stoked,” Tanya muttered sarcastically before turning towards the door and making her way out, Frankie and Amber following her. Amber had a bottle in her hand and your heart clenched a bit. She was not doing well.

<> <> <>

You were laying on the bed, holding a book that you were unable to focus on. You had not stopped thinking about Negan throwing Carson into the fire. The more you thought about it, the angrier it made you. You tried to distract yourself with the book but it was proving futile. You weren’t only angry – you were scared. What were you going to do without a doctor? What the hell was Negan thinking?

The moment he entered the bedroom, you threw the book down on the bed and sat up straight, your eyes fixated on him.

“The hell are you doing?” you demanded immediately. Spending time away from him had definitely not cooled you down.

Negan cocked an eyebrow, leaning back a bit at this greeting. “Good fucking evening to you too, sweetheart.” He gestured wide, “Is there something I can help you with?”

You were seething. “Why the fuck did you kill Carson?”

Realization dawned on Negan’s face and he had a simpering smile on his face, which only fueled your fire. He turned away from you, placing Lucille down against one of his couches. His nonchalant response to your question and your obvious anger was drawing fury out that you knew you should keep in check.

“Have you forgotten I was pregnant? Or do you just not care?” you spat.

“Of course I didn’t forget, baby. That was one of the best fucking nights of my whole fucking goddamn life. Wouldn’t forget it for the world.” He threw you a wink.

Goddamn him.

You practically snarled, “So, you just don’t care?”

“Why are you being so fucking melo-goddamn-dramatic? The shithead betrayed me.”

“I don’t give a fuck!”

Negan furrowed his brow a bit and the smile was gone from his face. “Well, you should give a shit. I know you’re probably secretly goddamn elated about your potential boyfriend escaping but you know what happens when the goddamn machine doesn’t work right. I can’t have fucking traitors in my midst. And to keep the fucking machine working the way it should, I need to deal with people to keep everyone here fucking safe. And that includes keeping your sweet ass safe, baby.”

You rolled your eyes, furious with him. “Tell yourself whatever bullshit you need to, Negan, to justify what you did. But you and I both know what you did was stupid!”

Negan had had enough. He closed the space between the two of you, peering down his nose at you. “Watch your fucking mouth, Y/N! I let you run it a bit more than others but there’s a damn line. And your little toe is creeping the fuck over it.”

“Good! Maybe you need someone to tell you when you’re being an idiot! You’re a hot head! And you do shit to flex on people without thinking about long term consequences!”

He looked shocked you were still talking.

“You don’t think I fucking think about shit before I do it?” Negan demanded, his tone dangerous. You knew you should back down but you were already in it.

“If you did, you wouldn’t have killed the only doctor you have to deliver your baby!”

Negan rose his brows before telling you in a condescending tone, “Well, sorry to burst your bubble on whatever goddamn fucking psychoanalysis you’re trying to fucking shit on me but I’m sure you’ll be pleased as fucking punch to know I have another doctor.” You said nothing, wondering what the hell he was talking about. “Another Dr. Carson to be exact. Same name, same bullshit degree. Just have to fetch his ass from the Hilltop.”

Of course he didn’t care about leaving another camp without a doctor on hand. You wanted to swing your arm back and slap him across the face.

“And if someone there gets sick?”

“They can request us to send him back for a couple hours or they can find themselves another permanent doctor.” You shook your head and Negan demanded, his tone angry, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, don’t fucking do that stupid bullshit. Talk your shit straight to me.”

“I thought you didn’t like me talking back?”

“You’re testing my patience!”

“I just happen to worry about other people and taking something as valuable as a doctor from them isn’t a very kind thing to do! If you want those people to work for you, you should make sure they are healthy.”

Negan rubbed his mouth angrily, staring you down. He got close, glaring down at you. He growled at you, “If I ever want some counsel from you about how to run a place, I’ll let you fucking know, baby. I’ll send you a pretty little fucking notecard and let it be known. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. I made pretty fucking goddamn sure to look at my options and when I realized I could fucking give the prick a dramatic exit – one he deserved – and still keep the people here safe – ESPECIALLY you considering the fact you need special care – I went for it. And that’s the fucking end of this goddamn conversation. And I want your attitude to be better when I come back later.” Your jaw was set, staring at him. “You understand me fucking clear as fucking day?”

“Yes,” you said through clenched teeth.

Dipping his head down, Negan kept eye contact with you and ordered, “I want to hear you mean it.”

Forcing yourself to relax, you exhaled before stating in a nicer tone, “Yes.”

Negan studied you for a few moments before pulling away. “I’ll give you some time to calm down and rethink how you wanna approach me.”

(gif)

~~~

Tags: @donnanoblerocks @sweetvengeancee @angelfuzzy2 @kathyjimenezg1 @soraxa101 @papatwd @megustacuandosonreis @faythelyse @bandimagines22 @sylvanasthebansheequeen @constellationsolo @thatgingefromtheinternet @klaineaholic @queen0fants @prince-halfblood @summer-binging-spn @toxic-ink @nicholeex @hunters-hiraeth @jessatrophy @abwrites @sammskellington @hellokittyswiftie @nuvoleincielo @adaliamalfoy @lauradoesnotexist @themadhattersqueen @hayleighloatx @castielsnonexistantharp @p0wderedtoast @jdmsrovia @voidobsession @artemisxeros

#negan x reader #negan fanfic #twd fanfic #twd fanfiction #my shit

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torentialtribute · 6 years ago

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VAR denied scintillating City their due against Tottenham

Now we can waste another week going around VAR, or consider one of the most amazing teams this country has seen – or probably will

Manchester City did not win on Saturday, but almost everything did it. They had 30 shots for the three of Tottenham ; they had ten on goal for the two of Tottenham; they had 52 hits to Tottenham & # 39; s five in the opposition's penalty area; and if expected goals are your thing, the Manchester City 3 Tottenham score was 0.22.

Apart from that, it wasn't because there is no such thing as expected goals. There is a score and it shows that for the first time since a 2-1 defeat on January 29 in Newcastle Manchester City dropped points in the Premier League

Manchester City feels robbed by VAR against Tottenham but their performance was

Nobody knew how they lost that night, just as nobody knew how they got here. Even Mauricio Pochettino did not try to confuse his audience with unsustainable claims of equality.

He admitted that City was the better side. How could he deny it? He saw the 90 minutes as we all did. This was one of the best performances of the Pep Guardiola team in England and in the given circumstances a draw felt like a defeat. Not only because it was a VAR call that took away two points in injury time, but because playing like City did and did not win was a travesty.

& # 39; Football is like that & # 39 ;, Guardiola said. It is the only sport where you can make 30 shots and the other team two and tie – or even lose. If you do what we have done in other sports – in basketball, tennis, golf – you win. That is why football is fascinating. & # 39;

That's one word for it. Another would be furious. Unfair, a third. For those who crave a little VAR chat, here's where it sucks. It signed City's winning goal for handball, and fair enough. But when Rodrigo was clearly knocked to the ground in the penalty area by Erik Lamela, and referee Michael Oliver missed it, nothing.

A few minutes later, Raheem Sterling was booked halfway through the field and Oliver gestured that he had his arms around his opponent. So if that was a violation – and a booking – what about the penalty? It was a clear and obvious error. Isn't that exactly what VAR is for?

Back to the city and strangely enough for a team that consistently scores scores, they sometimes have a problem with conversion rates. Those who invest in the concept of expected goals will claim that the close title of last season was actually a sham.

In theory, City approached eight points better than Liverpool and their points were only back what they earned. It was Liverpool who often defied their expected overall goal, finding ways of scoring and winning, while not always deserving of it.

The title race was exciting because Liverpool was getting closer than it should be; just like Tottenham on Saturday. Guardiola could easily worry about this development. After all, given last season, who knows if two drop points might be needed as May, but instead he saw his glass as half full.

The argument was simple: how could he condemn a team that created 30 goal chances against opponents playing the Champions League final three matches ago?

Pep Guardiola still reserved praise for Tottenham despite the feeling of being hurt by the late call

& # 39; I am also a spectator, & said Guardiola. & i am sitting at home watching games and enjoying – and today I am more than happy. From the first day I came here, my idea was to try and play as we played today, I think we are worthy of this sport, we are worthy of the people who pay to come and see us and to see how honest we are – we play for the people.

And above all I would like it if I have my period here to leave it. Especially the last two seasons we are an incredible team. I know who we played against today. Tottenham – a team with a top manager and players and what we have done, I don't know if teams can compete against them. & # 39;

He's right. Tottenham is an excellent group, Pochettino an excellent coach and no team – not Liverpool, not Ajax, not even Barcelona – have made City look like. There was a considerable gap – not in ambition, because Pochettino is a brave manager, which he demonstrated by introducing Lucas Moura for Harry Winks and being rewarded 19 seconds later with the tying goal.

No, the gap here was in the raw talent of individuals such as Kevin De Bruyne, Raheem Sterling and Bernardo Silva. Tottenham has very good players, but this trio distinguishes City. Van Bruyne in particular was exceptional – the creator of both city goals and, if done right, maybe two or three others.

When Pochettino talks about Tottenham who is at a different stage of development, this is what he means. He has players who keep going – Winks, Kyle Walker-Peters, even the big summer with Tanguy Ndombele. City had 399 international caps on the bank.

& # 39; If you face a team like Manchester City, you are exposed, & # 39; Pochettino admitted. & # 39; We know our level and it is hard to come face to face with a team that has been building to win in the last three seasons and is so clinical in the way they are active and players sign .

An upset Gabriel Jesus confronted Michael Oliver with the decision after the game

We stand in a different way. When Kyle Walker was with Tottenham and we sold it to Manchester City, Walker-Peters was a child, the fourth or fifth option. Now we have also sold Kieran Trippier and Walker-Peters is playing against Sterling. I think it is important that people build players and they are still young.

It is a very different process when compared to Manchester City. They are preparing to win. We sign players who have potential. Ndombele played only two seasons in Lyon, won nothing and we brought him here to try and make him a top player. Giovani Lo Celso is similar.

If you compare it to the teams that are in the same race as us, it is completely different. & # 39; It is also the reason why Pochettino is so opposed to the early deadline of the Premier League.

He feels a vulnerability to predators abroad who has no influence on a coach like Guardiola. Pochettino is rightly paranoid that his best plans could suddenly be overturned by a late move for Christian Eriksen, Toby Alderweireld or Jan Vertonghen. City would be confident or keep their team in similar circumstances, just like Manchester United or Liverpool.

Etihad erupted in a wild celebration extra time just to experience VAR heartbreak

Ironically, Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy was one of those who preferred closing the summer window before the new season started, although Pochettino believes that he has since changed his mind.

& # 39; I did not agree with the decision but they thought it was best for the clubs, & he said. & # 39; I think Daniel Levy and many people now realize that it was a huge mistake. I hope we solve the problem for the next season because I think we should go back and work in the same way as Europe.

I think it's huge if you start competing in the Europa League of Champions League and other Champions League teams can make you a problem. I can't be happy as a coach – in the last three weeks, clubs from Europe can disrupt my team.

It's not common sense to me and we have to go back soon, and I hope they have a good talk about that in the Premier League. & # 39;

But for the time being, Pochettino will have to hope that Tottenham is resilient in the light of international overtures as they were against City. It cannot afford to widen that gap. Indeed, nobody can.

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#VAR denied scintillating City their due against Tottenham"

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nicemango-feed · 7 years ago

Text

Free Speech Activists Deplatform Speaker From Free Speech Event - Not The Onion

This post could alternatively be titled: *Anti Free Speech Regressive SJWs Silence Dissenting Thinker At FREE SPEECH EVENT* The irony here is really something. Gad Saad & Jordan Peterson were on a Free Speech panel last weekend, (at an event that was previously cancelled) where this time they actually justified having someone uninvited, de-platformed even, from a SACRED... 'FREE SPEECH EVENT'. I mean you know these guys right? (Please note there were two other people on stage who I don't really know much about so I will keep this post about my faves, JBP and The Gadfather, yes he really calls himself that)

I mean ...really....this is pretty much ALL they talk about.

In a hilariously hypocritical twist these Politically Correct Regressives were trying to justify silencing a 'different viewpoint' just last weekend.

Nevermind the person they uninvited was probably well worth uninviting (in my cucked leftist opinion) as she was the Rebel Media 'Journalist' Faith Goldy who appeared on the Neo Nazi Daily Stormer affiliated Podcast after Charlottesville. But what do I know, I'm not the one constantly advocating for & promoting alt right/light figures. It's especially rich coming from them because Saad has on more than one occasion promoted White Genociders such as this person (who also happens to be a holocaust denier, suprise surprise):

Click to enlarge. Read full story here

And Jordan Peterson has himself had a friendly chat on a Neo Nazi podcast about 'Western Civilization' with a person who advocates for using violence to remove non-whites from her future fantasy ethnostate:

Host of that show is another extreme race & IQ obsessive wanting to deport non-whites. http://pic.twitter.com/QF00K9Tr3d

— Nikolashvili (@ViniKako) March 12, 2017

How do people with such associations and endorsements think they get off for disinviting someone for associating with better known Nazis/White Nationalists? Speaking of 'guilt by association', you'll never guess what Gad had to say about Faith Goldy:

Image from 'Free Bird Media' video - another outlet that appears to be White Nationalist/Alt Right friendly as the host himself claims he does associate with those types of people and doesn't appreciate getting thrown under the bus by Gad.

Well well well, in this situation...Gad thinks you are who you hang around with ...that doesn't mean good things for him now, does it - as someone who's literally called a holocaust denier a "Viking Heroine". Or is this standard selectively applied?

After basically begging for Infowars-Paul's approval Gad makes a weak joke about how people want to punish him for associating with people like PJW who does, by the way, also spout white genocide stuff. He had to make the joke himself you see because no one was that outraged in that moment, so he has to kind of perform the outrage to fulfill his desire for victimhood.

Here, once again Gad disapproves of 'guilt by association' ....when it's applied to him.

Now, let's take a look at their explanation for deplatforming Goldy,

Image from Free Bird Media. Watch the full clip here

First point I'd like to make is, that it's disturbing how softly they all tiptoe around someone they themselves just mentioned was on a Neo-Nazi affiliated Podcast after the Charlottesville tragedy. None of the panelists are able to disavow her.

Instead it goes something like this;

Peterson: I know Faith, I don’t believe that she’s a reprehensible person (after knowing of and saying he watched her appearance on a Daily Stormer related show, which he himself didn't find acceptable to the point that he's having to justify to a full room why he, the free speech hero is de-platforming someone.)

Peterson: ....She was associating with people who’s views she should have questioned. (Well, that's putting it mildly, Dr P.)

Peterson goes on to talk about how she should have asked some hard questions but then immediately backtracks and starts making excuses for why she didn’t challenge any views on the nazi podcast. You know who else went on a nazi podcast and didn't ask any really tough questions right? Jordan Peterson himself. In fact he's criticizing, leftist, postmodernists, "neo-marxists" in most of that conversation and even claims to the *neo-Nazi woman* he's conversing with that "their aim is to shake the foundations of western civilization to the core" - just imagine sitting with a Nazi and dumping on leftists as destroying western civilization, then going on to deplatform someone else for appearing on a nazi podcast while not asking tough questions. The hypocrisy is astounding.

Now back to the video where he's explaining why they deplatformed Faith Goldy:

Peterson: ....its more difficult than you might think when you’re facing people , even if u don’t believe them, to be rude enough to challenge them.

Just take a minute to let that sink in… JBP who is furious with liberals, postmodernists and SJWs all the time, thinks its hard to be rude enough to challenge ppl on a nazi podcast.

You can see what his priorities are.

“...that’s not so easy, especially if you’re an agreeable person” continues Jordan

The panelists go on to blame it on the fact that she’s a journalist and that she didn’t do her job as a journalist…lol

...as they sit next to Gad Saad who’s done a glossy softball interview with several white genociders and even a holocaust denier.

Gad says in his explanation to the audience, “…there is also a pragmatism right, you may decide you’re all for freedom of speech BUTTTTT [emphasis mine] that doesn’t mean that you invite to the dinner party someone who’s views you don’t agree with… (isn't this pretty much what people's argument has been against shutting you and your selective free-speech friends down in the past?)

And then he immediately softens the blow by jumping to “I..I’m not saying that was the case with Goldy” [Yeah heaven forbid Gad, that you do the decent thing and come out against her views openly, without hesitation, at the first go after knowing she went on Daily Stormer related media for a friendly conversation.]

Here's Gad on Free Speech when it's not being applied to people *he* wants de-platformed:

Oh - looks like we have some new 'enemies of reason', and 'intellectual terrorists' in town.

Image from: http://ift.tt/2yUqFEQ

Guess him an his pals are fascist castratos, by this standard....because guess who used a but clause.

Sounds like you, wanting someone de-platformed from a Free Speech event, Gad.

“So the fact that you might for some event decide to disassociate from that person doesn’t suggest that you are being hypocritical to freedom of speech” —— LOL except you’ve literally been outraged at people about this same thing before…you hypocrite!! You didn't just personally disassociate from her, you wanted her de-platformed from a free speech event.

And here's Jordan, unable to stand for his own actions...."I didn't say we were correct". Let's face it, these guys were a mess. Maybe now they will think about why it is that people don't want to associate with them, for 'pragmatic' reasons... or with Milo.

Anyway, their own rightwing fans weren't having it:

"Aryan Soul" was very upset indeed.

And then of course there were the mutual fans, upset that there was any tension between these lovely people at all.

Gad soon released another video on his channel explaining his side of what went down, excuses, excuses. By this time he'd been experiencing some hate from Daily Stormer-friendly Faith Goldy's fans so he wasn't quite as soft, but note that this change didn't come from principle, it came from Faith Goldy's fans personally attacking Gad with vile, unacceptable anti-Semitic comments. The fact she went on Daily Stormer related media still had him tiptoeing around whether he disagreed with her views or what kind of person she is.

The Youtube comments on his video ranged from his disheartened anti-sjw fans depicting him as a buzzword using SJW to being just disgustingly bigoted.

Gad shared some of these anti semitic comments on Twitter and they truly were horrific.

Seeing the corner he'd backed himself into by palling around with and sucking up to white genociders, white nationalists, holocaust deniers and general alt lite/right figures, made me feel quite sad for the man who had in the past instigated pile-ons on me, and tweeted angrily about me for days for just pointing out his evident shady associations...."for pragmatic reasons", you know.

On twitter people pointed this out to him repeatedly. I wonder how that made him feel...I wonder if he actually gave it some thought, the fact that he was propping up and associating with people who would drop him the second he stopped being useful to them.

No matter how hard he panders...Gad won't ever be welcome in the ethnostate as a Jewish immigrant from the Middle East. I sincerely hope he thinks about the consequences of his actions in light of this incident.

Gad's own views about Muslim Refugees aren't so non-bigoted either, maybe some self-reflection can happen after this?

He views 25K refugees being allowed into Canada as 'collective suicide' - especially strange coming from someone who has describes himself as a refugee.

Because you know....refugees = automatic anti-Semite, cuz Muslim. That's not bigoted at all...its interesting that his anger was directed always at refugees for potential anti-semitism, but never once directed at the many far right figures he's promoted.

I wonder how he's feeling about "right-wing extremists" right about now. It's in quotes because...you know...right wing extremism is not a real thing, right?

Will Gad and Peterson reflect on their own associations and others wanting to 'pragmatically disassociate' from their types of viewpoints now? Or will they go on as if none of this happened and they are still the Free Speech Warriors they claim to be?

Hopefully people will start to see through their many hypocrisies and double standards, but maybe that's a lot to ask of alt-right/lite friendly audiences. I mean some of these fans willingly refer to themselves as "Gadfellas" and make religious artwork for Peterson....which he tweets unironically of course.

Totally normal Rational Skepticism.

****

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A huge thanks to all my Patrons who make this work possible. And a shoutout to the newest ones, Greg D., Anthony R, H.S, Graham, Joey, Michaela.

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b-sidemusic · 7 years ago

Photo

FEATURE:

(FROM THE ARCHIVE - Originally posted in January 2012)

FALLEN HEROES: #1: JACOB’S MOUSE

Jacob’s Mouse were a three-piece rock band from Bury St Edmunds. Between 1990 and 1995, they released three albums, one compilation and a string of EPs, earning high-profile fans in John Peel and Kurt Cobain. For the first in our new series celebrating Fallen Heroes of the local scene, B-Side's Seymour Quigley takes a guided tour of the band’s discography.

Back in the 60s and 70s, Bury St Edmunds town centre was, by many accounts, a little bit rough. Bury had its own musical dive bar, the now partially-demolished Griffin, (which stood half-proudly on the narrow strip of land between Cornhill and St Andrews Street South now occupied by Officers Club and Karooze), where local bands could “cut their teeth” and where on weekend nights and market days, mods and rockers, juiced to the nines on booze and cheap speed, would spill freely out into the marketplace, merrily beating seven shades of intoxicated shite out of each other, the Police and anyone else who happened to be standing around.

When the first wave of punk arrived in 1976-77, with bands like the Sex Pistols and The Clash pushing an agenda of Total Freedom to Express Yourself, it unwittingly helped encourage its weaker-minded disciples to take acting like a total prick in public to its logical conclusion and made punk a cause célèbre for the frothing right wing. So when The Clash visited the Corn Exchange during the Out On Parole tour of 1978 (in the face of strong opposition from the Council), popular legend has it that Bury’s punks, teds, mods and rockers were out in force and that the ensuing carnage saw blood on the streets, property destroyed, general indecency and the overall erosion of society. Whether this was the case or not – by several written accounts, there was no trouble whatsoever, The Clash signed a few autographs and everyone went home happy – so began the start of a Council-imposed 19 year ban on gigs in any public buildings within the town (Conservative towns have a long memory – until 1997, when Councillor Jackie Smith finally broke the embargo with a tentative inaugural BurySound gig, well-meaning promoter after well-meaning promoter found themselves turned away with the mantra, “When The Clash played here in 1978…” ringing in their ears).

So the big names stopped coming to town, the scene dried up, the rougher pubs were shut down, and – as is time-honoured fashion in places where creativity is stifled – Bury became a pub rock bore. Throughout the 80s, a small resistance movement of Goths, grebos and metallers kept the flame of DIY alive with local bands like The Never Never and Cutting Edge trying, but never quite managing, to lift the local scene out of the doldrums of endless cover band hell.

Then, at the dawn of the 90s, something miraculous happened. A group of KEGS students (that’s King Edward VI Upper School to you non-Bury types) – twins Hugo Boothby and Jebb Boothby on guitar and bass respectively, and singing drummer Sam Marsh – inspired by the rumblings of US alt-rock and proto-grunge (Fugazi, Minor Threat, Big Black, Pixies, Hüsker Dü) and the nightly clatter of Radio One’s John Peel show, released a 5-track, 12”-only EP through Liverish Records, an imprint set up especially for the release by much-missed second-hand record shop and local institution, The Record Pedlar. The Dot EP – with its iconic “big black dot” sleeve – didn’t set the World alight, but its mixture of new wave-meets-exploding guitar-meets-shitkicker drums-meets-screaming rage plus violins pricked up the ears of indie (which, in the early 90s, was still short for “independent”) types all over the country. Jacob’s Mouse had, in their own small way, arrived.

The Dot EP was followed in 1991 by the band’s first CD release, 8-track mini-album No Fish Shop Parking. Released on the band’s own Blithering Idiot label, and named in tribute to a chalk-drawn sign outside the Elephant & Castle pub, No Fish Shop Parkingstill sounds, even by today’s standards, absolutely furious. Recorded, like all their output, in a shed in Norfolk, No Fish Shop Parking perfectly encapsulates what it feels like to grow up, burdened by intelligence, in a town like Bury St Edmunds, with all the rage and frustration and inertia perfectly summed up in every seething groove of every twisted song. From opener Tumbleswan, which sees mournful violins collide with triumphant guitars while incomprehensible lyrics spill higgledy-piggledy over themselves, through She Is Dead (only lyrics: “She is dead… now!”), to the syncopated, nonsensical dub-jerk-guitar-aargh of Carfish, to the actually-quite-frightening Justice and, best of all, on the truly phenomenal Twist (written and recorded months before Nirvana unleashed Smells Like Teen Spirit), No Fish Shop Parkingperfectly demonstrates what can be achieved when newly-tapped talent meets genuine, simmering anger, and when Sam screams, “I’M SO CONFUUUSED!” in the dying moments of final, blistering track The Vase, you know exactly what he means.

No Fish Shop Parking earned the band a mountain of hype, a string of high-profile supports with pretty much every big indie band of the day (from the Manics and Suede, to Swervedriver and Th’ Faith Healers, to Babes In Toyland and Nirvana, whose singer – I forget his name – went on record as stating that Jacob’s Mouse were one of his favourite bands), Peel Sessions aplenty and, best of all, a record deal with influential, London-based Wiiija Records (home to Therapy?, Cornershop and, later, BiS).

The band’s first release for Wiiija, 4-track EP Ton Up, was a curious affair, with the band seemingly determined to take relatively straightforward pop songs – Motorspareis pure frantic Hüsker Dü punk, This Room carries a reggae shuffle underneath semi-spoken vocals, Oblong manages to be both obtuse and catchy – but subtly warp the edges, tempering their more rockist tendencies with avant-garde flourishes (most effectively on closer Fridge, which follows a full minute of white noise with a gigantic drum fill and none-more-Sabbath guitars). A minor triumph.

And then came I’m Scared. Their first “proper” album in that it contains 11 songs, I’m Scared marks the moment where Jacob’s Mouse began to decisively sever their ties with the outside World, and began doing exactly as they pleased. So whilst Kettleopens proceedings with a barrage of metallic angst, and album highlight It’s A Thin Sound applies dub grooves to shoegaze guitars, elsewhere things get really weird, really fast: Deep Canvas Lake is ushered along by urgent mandolins; Box Hole contemplates the nature of mortality via ear-piercing treble-shredding guitar; and Coalmine Dig eschews conventional percussion for what sounds like an army of schoolchildren employed to dispatch the contents of the music cupboard with hammers. Take that, woodblock!

If the music press – who generally gave I’m Scared baffled but appreciative reviews – weren’t quite sure what to make of Jacob’s Mouse by this point, the band’s next run of singles did nothing to help press relations. From the point of view of sheer creativity, 1993-94 was a good era for the ‘Mouse, and three EPs (the band having long since decided that nothing appearing on a single should also appear on an album) followed in swift succession: the deceptively poppy, 60s tinged, bass-led and thoroughly splendid Good, followed by the unsettling, down-beat, reverse-guitar semi-folk of Group Of 7, followed in turn by the splendidly-titled and genuinely odd Fandango Widewheels, the verses of which feature the band’s (clearly amused) neighbour reading random nonsense over angry grunge, before an unexpectedly anthemic chorus sees Sam screaming, “Ban the human being! / Kill the bastard!” Decidedly not Oasis.

Although the three EPs seemed, in isolation, somewhat disparate, when collected together and re-released by Wiiija as the 10-track Wryly Smilers compilation, their jointly fractious nature gave the songs a context and some kind of sense. It’s doubtful that there was any kind of masterplan – and, speaking many years later, Sam Marsh has indicated (in an unpublished interview for Mmmmm, Juicy! fanzine) that the band were literally throwing every idea they had down onto tape just to see what happened – but the sheer scope of Jacob’s Mouse’s creativity at this stage was truly astonishing. So whilst, on one hand, Palace – arguably the band’s finest punk moment – is an almost-unbearably exciting barrage of noise, Sag Bag sees dark subject matter (a first-hand account of a road traffic accident ending with the calm observation, “I can see there’s a bone jutting out of me”) grinding against unusual chord progressions and unexpected recorder outbursts, whilst Keen Apple – an impassioned diatribe against an un-named misogynist – comes across like gypsy psychobilly.

And then it all went really weird. In 1995, with Britpop in full swing, UK Indie Nation found itself gripped by a new-found, half-baked nationalistic desire for all things British. Blur and Oasis went head-to-head for the Number One slot as part of a pointless flesh carnival to prove absolutely nothing. Terrible bands called things like Sleeper and Powder were elevated almost overnight from backroom toilet venues to gigantic arena supports, simply on the strength of their hair. More than ever, indie labels were snapped up as credible fronts for the majors and along with the salivating A&R men, the stylists swept into town, dictating a “look”, a “sound”, an “attitude”. And did we mention cocaine? A blizzard of the stuff. A mountain of it. Well, it takes the edge off the smack.

As the music biz types of London and Manchester left their souls in a taxi somewhere between a maelstrom of outrageous fortune and an orgy of self-congratulation, a newly-received wisdom spread through the indie World: That pre-Britpop, everything had, in fact, been shit. All those records you thought you’d like at the time were, it turned out, rubbish. So unless you subscribed wholesale to the notion that only bands pushing an agenda of “Britishness” – Union Jacks, 1966, fish ‘n’ chips, The Beatles, Mary Poppins, cup o’ tea – were any good, and wore the exact clothes sported by Liam, Damon, Louise from Sleeper or one of Menswear, you were, quite frankly, dead in the water. Overnight, mighty bands who’d helped shape the sound of things to come, from Pop Will Eat Itself (who, in the mid-80s, had dared to combine metal riffs with clumsy hip-hop and creative sampling, in the process inventing The Prodigy) to Carter USM (Glastonbury-headlining indie giants whose mixture of clever-clever lyrics, Kylie arrangements and rockabilly guitars influenced misfits like Art Brut, The Indelicates and the Arctic Monkeys) were all but written out of the equation in a Stalinist putsch/proto-New Labourite misconception that the only way to learn from history is to pretend it never happened. There was, literally, no place in the World for a band like Jacob’s Mouse, and Jacob’s Mouse reacted by retreating from the World entirely. And so it was in these jingoistic times that Rubber Room, the band’s 2nd (or 4th, depending how you look at it) and final album, landed to universal bemusement in 1995.

Rubber Room is the sound of a three-piece band falling apart. It makes no sense whatsoever. Every beat of every drum, every distorted vocal, every skewered noise, every incongruous bleep and blatter and skronk that roars out of the speakers is the sound of three people gone completely insane. In terms of pop-gone-wrong extreme mentalness, at its most deranged it makes fellow artistic masterpieces of the era like the Boo Radleys’ Giant Steps and the Manics’ The Holy Bible sound comparatively tame. It is, needless to say, incredible. Of the 12 tracks on offer here, only two – unlikely single Hawaiian Vice and reasonably conventional US alt-thunderer Blither – could reasonably be described as “commercial” in any recognisable sense, but still see their vocals fuzzed up and mixed down so low as to be near-indecipherable. The rest of the album takes in looped keyboard jazz terror (Poltergeist), psychedelic dub grunge (Public Oven), unsettling acoustic/electric guitar trade-offs (Domestic) and, in general, jarring barrages of noise and confusion. But the absolute and inarguable album highlight, suicide note and distillation of all that made Jacob’s Mouse such an intensely wonderful band is Foam Face. Essentially the sound of three people playing three different songs at the same time, Foam Face is, simultaneously, a trance bass groove, a metal guitar workout, a softly-intoned paean to God knows what, and a full-on noise whiteout, culminating in the sound of a lawnmower committing suicide. To this day, no other band on a reasonably large indie label has released anything quite this unique.

By Sam Marsh’s estimation, Rubber Room sold less than a thousand copies; the band called it a day shortly afterwards, and as the 90s rumbled towards their tiresome conclusion (The Verve without Nick McCabe, Stereophonics everywhere, Turin Brakes, the much-vaunted “death” of guitar music as Fatboy Slim conquered the globe), Jacob’s Mouse were all but forgotten. In recent years, whilst one-time peers (and fellow early 90s Peel favourites) Th’ Faith Healers have reformed and found themselves embraced by the ATP set as returning heroes, Jacob’s Mouse have been seemingly happy to let rabid dogs lie. So while Sam has continued to write, record and release music (firstly solo as The Machismos, later with hardcore legends The Volunteers and short-lived dub types The People’s Choice and Zen Reggae Masters), Jacob’s Mouse have remained, for the most part, a footnote in John Peel’s autobiography.

But their influence is out there. The first hints could be seen, 10 years back, in the NME’s tenuous “No Name” scene, with the 80s/90s alt-rock influenced likes of Ikara Colt and, in particular, the mighty Mclusky sporting a distinctly Mouse-esque line in seething bass-propulsion, abrasive guitars and off-kilter lyrics. And on a purely empirical basis, your correspondent has been bowled over in the past few years by the number of music-loving types from all over the UK who, at the mention of Foam Face or No Fish Shop Parking in any kind of “favourite songs/albums” discussion, have responded with some variation on, “Oh my GOD! Jacob’s MOUSE! They were fucking INCREDIBLE!!!” The love is out there, and the love is strong.

Jacob’s Mouse mattered. From a musical point of view, they were a phenomenal band who released a string of incredible, genre-defying, increasingly deranged but always brilliant records, without ever sounding like they were trying too hard. But from a personal point of view, they were important because they demonstrated, single-handedly, that a band from Bury St Edmunds could achieve some degree of success, and make records than truly, genuinely, speak to you about how it feels to be in a certain place at a certain time in your life, with all the uncertainties of what the future might hold. Jacob’s Mouse may never receive the recognition they deserve; but they made the records they wanted to make and, for those who took the time to notice, they made a difference.

The entire Jacob’s Mouse Wiiija back catalogue (with the exception of 'Wryly Smilers') is now available on all major digital platforms.

HISTORY: Formed in the late 80’s in Bury St Edmunds, disbanded in 1995.

PERSONNEL: Hugo Boothby – guitar Jebb Boothby – bass Sam Marsh – drums/vocals

DISCOGRAPHY: The Dot EP (5-track EP, Liverish Records, 1990) No Fish Shop Parking (8-track album, Blithering Idiot, 1991) Ton Up (4-track EP, Wiiija, 1992) Company News (2-track single, Rough Trade, 1992) I’m Scared (11-track album, Wiiija, 1993) Good (3-track EP, Wiiija, 1993) Group of 7 aka Chocolate Cake 100 (3-track EP, Wiiija, 1993) Ton of Scum (2-track single, Wiiija, 1993) Fandango Widewheels (4-track EP, Wiiija, 1994) Wryly Smilers (10-track compilation, Wiiija, 1994) Hawaiian Vice (1-track single, Wiiija, 1994) Rubber Room (12-track album, Wiiija, 1995)

LINKS: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacobsmouse/ Unofficial MySpace: www.myspace.com/jacobsmouse Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob%27s_Mouse

#feature #features #Jacob's Mouse #from the archive #fallen heroes #seymour quigley

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