#also... the lich was kind of beautiful in that scene dont ask me why

[giggasnap]

just gonna be so raw and real, the start of EP 9 where the lich prays to Golb and shows an actual emotion made me so emotional and I don't even know why. Like I actively started tearing up and I don't even know why. Something about it felt really vulnerable and open, like we're seeing this being that's been shown to be utterly ruthless and have no remorse take a turn into being emotive and distraught over the completion of its own task, and there's something really really human about it all? Like how often have you done something either out of obligation or a sense of duty, only to complete it, and find that it doesn't fulfill you at all? I'm obviously not encompassing all of the Lich's character here, because his "duty" was literally killing all life everywhere which is obviously inherently evil, but it still made me really feel something-something when he looked to Golb for answers, this entity he's pledged himself to probably since forever and ever, only for Golb to rightfully scorn him. There's something human about that to me

[rogue-rook]

many many highlights from The Crystal Kingdom from a first-time TAZ listener

featuring some bits from the Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs

travis: “it was streaming on witch. that’s like magical twitch!”

SWEET ANGO HAS RETURNED!

i cannot believe griffin went to the EFFORT of making a fantasy costco jingle

the lockpicking garden gnome called the Nitpicker that insults the damn party is a beyond brilliant object for sale at the fantasy costco

I really want to lodge a complaint with the HR department of the bureau of balance on sweet angus macdonald’s behalf bc these grown men are FULL ON BULLYING THIS TEN YEAR OLD BOY GENIUS

so is this new shitty scientist consultant lucas a bigger annoyance than shitty train butler wizard jenkins or does jenkins still retain that title

travis: "anything this touches turns to crystal?" griffin: "yeah, pink tourmaline" travis: "yeah, I'm not gonna say that, because I'm an adult"

CAREY FANGBATTLE is like on par with Jess the Beheader in terms of Cool Names

griffin: “so the three of you are currently sitting in a gondola, which is another word for a little boat” travis, singing: “the more you knoooowww”

“so it’s made of crystal, right?” “yes, everything is crystal” x1000000

the crystal kingdom song is beautiful

griffin: “you see a sign that says The Magical World Of Elevators” justin: “griffin's really stickin it to the people who say he's not allowed to have elevators in this game”

today in failed brand marketing: “Upsy, your lifting friend”

this arc is ACTUALLY set up like a video game level puzzle, when griffin says “ah, you’ve solved my crystal puzzle” it will actually apply

clint: “I rolled a 4 but I get another roll...a 5″ travis: “wow, you're really bad at dnd”

merle: “I'm gonna use Banishment on the cockroach” griffin: “okay, you're just gonna yell GET OUT OF HERE COCKROACH, I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE”

magnus is being fucking mean to lucas, the genius inventor, and he’s been a TOTAL DICK to sweet boy genius detective angus macdonald, and i feel like pointing out that he was WAYYY nicer to shitty evil wizard train butler jenkins who beheaded a guy with a teleportation door

griffin: “one of the signs is labeled Radiation Ventilation Maintenance Chamber, and the other is labeled Lil Genius BuddyBot R&D" travis: "I feel like this is a trick” clint: “I feel like griffin has been playing Fallout”

I LOVE HODGE PODGE THE LIL GENIUS BUDDYBOT!!! EVEN IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE EVIL, THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE MADE ME LOVE HIM PRETTY INSTANTLY AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT

hodge podge: “magnus! merle! take-o” goddamnit griffin

justin: “can we just put the stone of far speech in front of the robit and griffin, you can just talk to yourself?”

hodge podge is exactly the kind of unsettling demon robit with a mostly-adorable voice, except for when he goes demon-y, that I expected from griffy

justin: “my character taako has innate skills in: investigation, nature, history, religion, arcana, and religion” so is he double good at religion then

taako: “okay, I got a question for you: who....do we work for?”

lucas: “hey, are you just mean to everyone?” THANK GOD SOMEONE VOICED THIS LEGITIMATE FUCKING CONCERN, THE GRUBBY GRIFTERS ARE MONSTERS

clint: “I look up what scrumbled means” griffin: “justin said that in a Monster Factory once and I’ve been using it like it’s a real word” justin: “I am the lewis carroll of my generation”

noel the friendly medic robit’s voice started at vaguely-angus like and then became straight up country southern and i really hope somebody calls griffin on it

i really think griffin introduced the nitpicker so he could have a way of introducing his own critiques of his dad and brothers’ dnd skills

the little compact mirror has some shit in it that i think must be important

there’s a rift in space and time and pink tourmaline is coming out of it and the damn song is super ominous and making me MEGA NERVOUS and honestly i don’t know what the flying goddamn fuck is happening but i am SO INTO IT

lucas: “you’re just yelling hugbears at me” magnus: “BUG! HEARS!” “what” “what”

so is lucas just like holding these poor bugbears in fucking slavery

the grubby grifters discover the tourmalined body of boyland and magnus asked if he can DESECRATE THE GODDAMN BODY OF HIS TRAGICALLY DECEASED COWORKER

griffin: “these two figures are just taking these ice robits to Fool School”

awww they’re gonna fight one of my favorite little creepy crawlies! human sized tardigrades that will absolutely fuck their shit up!!! so cute

griffin: “you’re so loosey-goosey with your possessions! ‘hi scuddle-buddy! bye scuddle-buddy! go get on that train to hell!’”

clint/merle’s immediate panic when they decide the only option here is to CHOP HIS GODDAMN ARM OFF

killian, after picking lucas up: “THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST SHITTIEST DAY EVER, WE ARE TWO PEOPLE DOWN, YOUR LAB SUCKS!!” #relatable, I feel u killian

during this arc the mcelboys keep talking about how they don’t remember shit from the beginning of the show bc that was two years ago and im like what? what? that was three days ago, friends!! its bc ive binged this shit in under a WEEK

merle basically has a plant fetish okay, that’s the only reason this soul-wood shit worked

griffin: “it actually curls up and gives you a thumbs up as if to say 'hey! I'm your arm now!’”

so like this planar system shit is probably important, right

this parseltongue motherfucker that’s like fucking haunting the grubby grifters needs to start explaining what their whole, like, DEAL is

this Red Robe dude is having a FREAKOUT over the damn umbrella and im like mmmmm maybe taako shouldn’t have just taken the damn umbrella, no questions asked

killian’s scanner is having a major freakout over a lich being present and im like, yeah, its the fucking umbrella, yall

oh, real quick, the mcelboys gotta pause the action to whine at each other about character voices

killian: “I am going to ABSOLUTELY murder that man” yeah, killian remains the most goddamn relatable npc in this fucking world

i sure hope The Adventure Zone Zone doesn’t have any super important info in it, bc im not gonna listen to the mcelboys talk about the maxfun drive from two fucking years ago

the crystal golem just called the grubby grifters bounties, and said it was time for noelle the friendly medic robit and the grubby grifters to all go back to the astral plane and im like WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? GRIFFIN! WHAT?

OH FUCK ITS BEEN KRAVITZ THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME!!!!! KRAVITZ!!!!!

griffin: “a D6 is like a dice-ass-dice! that's like some monopoly shit!!”

kravitz: “i don’t even know how that even worked, like with physics”

taako: “luke! use the fork!” merle: “the fork will be with you, always”

magnus: “I want to roll an investigation check on noelle...I rolled a 2″ griffin: “okay well you know noelle is a robot”

YALL!! SHITTY TRAIN BUTLER WIZARD JENKINS AND MAGIC BRIAN THE GERMAN MORON BOTH CAME BACK!!

magic brian the german dumbass: “i had an invitation to my wedding for you, and instead of RSVP-ing, you murdered me!”

travis: “when you say they evaporate, do they go back to heaven or hell or the after plane, or whatever, or are they GONE?” griffin: “it kinda seems like you obliterated their soul. kinda seems like you just kinda ERASED them” travis: “you know, at the end of day, I punch people, but dad unmakes their existence, who's the real monster?”

the fact that noelle died in phandolin when the grubby grifters and gundren rockseeker turned the whole town to glass is so goddamn fucking tragic, THANKS GRIFFIN!!!!

lucas miller: yet more proof that dickin around with science and magic and mad scientist shit is always gonna end badly for everyone

kravitz: “taako, you’ve died eight times”...[...]..”magnus, you’ve died 19 times”...[...]...”merle highchurch, the richest bounty i have ever hunted, you have died 57 times” WHAT?? WHAT? WHAT???? WHAT???? GRIFFIN!!??? WHAT????

THIS STORYLINE IS LIT

griffin: “a legion of ghosts” justin: “great”

i think both griffin and I have forgotten that carey fangbattle and killian are in this scene. also merle has had a soul-bond wood arm this whole time

the grubby grifters beat a goddamn LEGION of ghost robits, or ghrobits, and then kravitz slides back into the scene all like “uh, hey, assholes, thanks for saving me, I’ll make up some legal loophole bullshit to thank you” that’s not a direct quote, that’s me editorializing. i fucking love kravitz

taako: "they found new bodies, just because they're mechanical doesn't mean the life is any less valid - battlestar galactica"

oh fuck magnus got a cheating deck of cards in like episode goddamn THREE and he just whips em out in episode fucking 39 against kravitz

kravitz, massively misunderstanding the assholes he’s talking to: “the rules of nature are there for a reason, so lets just stop running afoul of them, as if this all just funsy-fun make-believe!”

magnus: “kravitz! tell julia I love her” TRAVIS!!!! TRAVIS MCELROY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY HEART!!!

lucas: “you'll never see me again, but if you do, i'll be doing good, and please don't kill me instantly”

justin: “i give angus a thumbs down” motherfuckers

killian: “hell yes! I love this plan! me and carey, and a robot ghost with a gun arm! sounds like a plan!” magnus: “sounds like a spinoff!” killian: “that’s sounds like some torchwood shit!”

davenport the goddamn pokemon

on one hand, I’m really goddamn suspicious that the director isn’t actually destroying the relics but is collecting them for her own gain. but on the other hand, if this turns out to not be true, I will feel bad for suspecting her so hard

taako: “director, here’s the truth. what did you have for lunch on Dec 3 2015? you don’t remember right? that’s when you told us not to talk to the Red Robes. what’s I’m saying is WE FORGOT!”

YOOO THIS EPILOGUE PROPHECY IS SOOOOOOO COOOOOL GRIFFIN!!! WHAT IS THIS!!!! ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

this was a wild wild wild wild ride and whatever griffin is doing with this story is LIT