#also. why are people are so much earlier than their appointments?? unless they’re running super late we should not be this many people

[superbattrash]

The waiting room is so so tiny and people bring family members which means we’ll be sitting all smushed together ugh

Thank God I grabbed the one chair that’s in a corner away from all the others

[merelliahallewell]

An Order of Embers Roleplay Primer

Hello, friends. A while back I wrote a not-so-brief guide to Order of Embers roleplay that seemed to help a few people. MG’s Kul Tiras community has been growing lately and I’ve also founded a new guild and RP project set in Drustvar, and so I figured I would update this for clarity and ease of reading. In other words? I... am back on my bullshit.

This primer will be headcanon/fanon free, and only reference quest text or other information that can be found in-game in Drustvar. If headcanons are your thing, I’ll be releasing an in-character guide to Kul Tiras’s monsters and dark magic soon. I hope. It is the endless writing project. 

Drustvar’s Woes

On Kul Tiras’ western side lies the mountainous region of Drustvar. It provides most of the island kingdom’s ore, some food, and some of their strongest warriors.

In recent times, a civil war raged across Kul Tiras. A secessionist, N’zoth-aligned faction run by Lord Stormsong in the north and an attempted coup led by Lady Ashvane in Boralus itself nearly toppled the Proudmoore Admiralty, but were stopped by brave souls. Drustvar was strangely absent from these conflicts, and many refugees spilled out into the rest of Kul Tiras telling frightening tales of “wooden demons” who had driven them from their homes.

Most of the land west of the mountains had fallen to a group of terrifying magic-users who enslaved the minds of all they came into contact with... if they didn’t kill them for sport or use them as reagent for foul and perverse rituals. The land east of the mountains was on the brink, as well. Corrupted wildlife roamed the woods freely and witches practiced their dark spellcraft freely, driving the remaining desperate souls into worship of the wickermen or into frenzied attempts to prosecute innocents for the crimes of the terrifying Heartsbane Coven. All of this happens before the player even arrives in Drustvar.

The Order of Embers

During the zone’s storyline, the player and Lucille Waycrest discover that the magic being used against the people of Drustvar is that of the ancient Drust, who were defeated thousands of years earlier by a group known as the Order of Embers. The Drust were a seafaring clan of Vrykul that eventually settled on Kul Tiras sometime after the Sundering. They developed druidic ways that brought them in tune with the land and even earned them the blessing of nature spirits, but those ways were perverted by a sorcerer-king who set the Drust upon the path of death and domination.

The old Order were comprised of those who took up arms against their far more powerful foes, exploiting weaknesses in Drust magic uncovered by scholars. The Waycrests were members of the ancient order, and it was Arom Waycrest himself who led the charge to defeat the Drust king Gorak Tul. In the cavern Gol Var, once a Drust stronghold, they recover an ancient tome known as the Tome of Silver and Ash, a treatise which contained all the old Order’s knowledge on combatting their magic.

In the town of Arom’s Stand, some of the Waycrest Guard’s finest remaining soldiers were recruited to become the reborn Order’s first Inquisitors. The newly-anointed inquisitors brought the fight to the Heartsbane from there.

The Order’s battles with the Heartsbane Coven play out over the latter half of the Drustvar questing experience and also the zone’s world quests. They add new members to their ranks, create new weapons for use against the Coven, and push back against them on all sides. Eventually, they storm Waycrest Manor, cutting off the head of the snake and defeating the Coven’s leadership. Gorak Tul was forced back into the death-realm of Thros, prevented from returning for the time being. (Tul was later killed in Thros during the Pride of Kul Tiras questline.)

It’s unclear how long it took to purge the Heartsbane from Drustvar- if the task was truly completed at all. Blizzard rarely addresses zone stories after the fact, which means the plot thread has been left hanging and was not addressed in any subsequent patches in BfA. The Order of Embers also assisted with the fight against the Horde during the Drustvar invasion.

It may be a reasonable inference that Drustvar is being repaired and de-cursed in the aftermath of the war, but that is not an easy task.

Who leads the Order of Embers? Does it have a hierarchy?

Lucille Waycrest- now the ruling Lady of Drustvar, and the last of her house, is in charge of the Order. All inquisitors are raised to their stations by the authority of House Waycrest. Other important figures are the remaining original inquisitors (Sterntide, Mace, Notley, and Yorrick), the quartermaster Alcorn, and Marshal Joan Cleardawn, a former inquisitor that was given new leadership over the Waycrest Guard.

The Order seems to lack much of a formal hierarchy- most of the named NPCs are simply titled with inquisitor, working together as a team rather than issuing commands to one another. They also seem to be adept at handling missions alone and on their own or with the aid of local allies. 

Can I roleplay an inquisitor or other member of the Order of Embers? Is it lore-abiding to do so?

Sure! The Order didn’t stop at five inquisitors- a world quest boss for the Horde during the invasions has them facing off against a new Inquisitor named Erik. They also have a quartermaster and a cleric, which means there may be support staff involved that do not bear the big title but are still part of the group. The Order is probably not handing out inquisitor garb like candy, but there’s no reason to assume that a worthy and trusted individual wouldn’t be made an inquisitor.

However, it is worth mentioning that the Order of Embers might not be too trusting of those wielding or even infused with darker powers, given the devastation of their homeland by spellcasters wielding terrifying magic. That is just a guess on my part, but an educated one. Drustvar as a whole has a very low-magic culture.

Could a non-human join the order?

I don’t see why not, but there are no non-human methods ingame. I would never say that it is lore-breaking to roleplay a nonhuman as an Inquisitor, just that there’s no real in-game basis to make this judgement on either way. If you want to roleplay an inquisitor that’s not human and you think you have solid IC reasoning: go for it!

Obviously, the Order of Embers may be more hesitant to accept, say, a void-infused elf with tentacle hair or a worgen warlock as an inquisitor than a race they’re more familiar with such as a sturdy dwarf or genius gnome. Ability to serve House Waycrest and being of aid against the Heartsbane are likely strong factors in joining up- they may not make a person an inquisitor if they’re a night elf sorcerer that’s been in Kul Tiras for two weeks and hasn’t ever seen a witch in his life.

Initiation Ceremony

To become a member of the Order of Embers, the initiate undergoes a short ritual where they are presented with their garb.

Brothers and Sisters, today you become the searing fire that burns away the darkness.

Today you become the shining blade that cuts through the wicked.

Today you become the beacon of hope against the endless foe.

By the authority of House Waycrest, I name you inquisitors of the Order of Embers!

Clothing and Armor

Upon being appointed to their new stations, inquisitors are offered a set of garb inspired by drawings in the Tome of Silver and Ash of what the ancient inquisitors wore. This armor seems to be dark brown leather gear and also has a feathered cap involved- though only one of the inquisitors seems to have chosen to wear that accessory. The specific in-game set is the “Armor of the Dashing Scoundrel,” which comes from Antorus. It drops from the heroic difficulty of the raid. It should be noted you don’t need the whole set- each inquisitor wears different pieces of it and matches them with other clothing or armor pieces. The hat also has a chance to drop from the Commodore Calhoun rare in Vol’dun. Not sure if it would drop for non leather users, so be careful.

Don’t feel like you have to be a rogue to play an Inquisitor- going for tones of brown with some silver or grey mixed in will likely net you a pretty good-looking set. There are Kul Tiran questing and dungeon plate sets that look fantastic and are worn by Waycrest Guard/Marshal NPCs that would work great as an inquisitor’s battle armor.

The Order also has a tabard, which is worn by the quartermaster who sells it. While no inquisitors actually seem to wear it, it’s one of the better-looking tabards added that expansion and has a distinctive look. It matches well with just about any gear that has brown or tones of silver/grey.

If you’re looking for some transmog ideas, this is a link to the Order of Embers mogs on /r/transmogrification. There is a super sweet plate set OoE set on there that actually won Best Dressed of 2018 for that armor class.

If you’re looking for a great Order of Embers-type transmog, the Leather PvP set from Shadowlands’ first season really hits those vibes. It has a very witch hunter theme to it, is colored largely brown, and the belt has fucking potions and silver spikes on it for use on... enemies. I cannot understate how badass this set is. The best part? It is not class locked, meaning that this armor is available to anybody that can wear leather gear, if you toggle the vendor pane to show “all classes.” However, it does cost Conquest points (and a lot of them), so you may want to be picky with what you grab unless you don’t intend to gear through PVP this season. We don’t know if it will be available after the season ends, so you may want to pick that up soon if it’s your thing. Also, it’s just a nice-looking coat and we don’t have a lot of those in-game. 

Weaponry

The inquisitors of the Order of Embers wield a number of different weapons, taken from their prior occupation as members of the Waycrest Guard. Everything from two-handed swords to crossbows are used by them- and that’s just primary weapons. Their armor features throwing knives as well. Inquisitor Mace even carries a trio of daggers sheathed at her belt- it seems they have no shortage of tools for dispatching foes with.

Players who have completed the zone’s Bleak Hills Mine quests also have a buff called Silvered Weapons. Silver can disrupt the magics of the Drust, and stun abberations, elementals, and undead in the zone. This is an inference, but it may be because all of those monster types in Drustvar are powered by this magic. The silver recovered from one of the region’s mines was used to begin producing weapons for the Order such as the silver-plated hand cannon Witchrend, which seems to shoot silver shrapnel to great effect against the Heartsbane.

It should be pointed out that silver is a shitty metal to make a weapon out of. It is not half as strong as steel or whatever else they make weapons out of in Azeroth. The original Order of Embers got around this fact by making weapons with a steel core and covering them with a layer of pure silver- you find one of their long-abandoned knives out in the world.

Other universes have done similar things with silver weapons- D&D has a ruling about silvered weapons, and The Witcher series has a whole class of silver swords created with special forging techniques. It may be wise to take a page from the latter universe, as Witchers face the same issue regarding silver’s weakness as a weapon. They get around that by carrying two swords- one for men, the other for monsters. I’m not telling you that you should roleplay a Witcher but I am saying that’s kind of half the reason we’re here, so it might be okay to borrow that idea since they face that very legitimate problem with a smart solution.

Storm Silver is a metal found abundantly in Kul Tiras, and is used for building ships, making armor light enough to swim in, and consecrating for various uses by Tidesages. It is likely not the same as pure silver, but we don’t have explicit confirmation either way.

Alchemical fire is also a potent weapon against witches and Drust alike, crafted by Master Ashton. The original text specifically says it was used to “burn away the Drust.” This concoction is tricky to make, requiring the reagents Heartbloom, Saltpeter, volatile sap, and Sulfur. The fire is carried in a reinforced flask that is made to withstand the test of time, able to hold the volatile components without igniting. Inquisitors use alchemical fire to pour over dangerous objects or to shift into more breakable containers for throwing. This is seen in the Gorak Tul fight, when alchemical fire is put into flasks which are shattered over the corpses of his minions to prevent them from rising again. 

It isn’t addressed whether magical fire has the same effect as this alchemical concoction. A fire mage, destruction warlock, or priest wielding holy fire might be a neat character concept to bring to the table for an order that doesn’t have a lot of magic.

Rowan wood is also useful against Drust magic. However, it is not specified how exactly it is helpful. Rowan trees don’t grow in Kul Tiras, so an inquisitor seeking that wood would need to travel overseas for such a reagent. It could, however, be extremely helpful and far cheaper than making a silver weapon. 

Non-inquisitor Roles

If you find the Order of Embers cool, but don’t think you like the idea of hunting witches all day, they have more than just inquisitors. The witch hunters rely on specialists to help them get the tools they need to beat back the Heartsbane, and even simply through the questing experience they gather new allies. The blacksmith Angus Ballaster and the alchemist Master Ashton both are essentials. As mentioned before, they are also joined by a cleric, Loriette. A skilled smith or alchemist could find work alongside the Order of Embers, perhaps helping to craft more weapons for them or concocting potions for use in the field.

Allies

The witch hunters are not the only ones out to defend their homes- they are joined by a plethora of others trying to protect the region. Whether you believe the Coven is still an active threat or not, these are still the most common friends an Inquisitor may find in the field.

Waycrest Guard - The Waycrest Guard are Drustvar’s chief protectors, but lost many of their members to the mind-enslaving curse of the Heartsbane. They work alongside the Order of Embers in the Drustvar quests. The original inquisitors are all drawn from the Waycrest Guard, so the Order has deep ties with them. It appears largely as if the Guard protect the settlements, and the inquisitors are the ones striking deep into enemy territory. They could be called to do heavier lifting when the Order alone cannot do the job.

Town Militia - With much of the Waycrest Guard falling under the control of the Coven, the towns of Drustvar were forced to look to their own defenses, such as in Falconhurst and Fletcher’s Hollow. Ordinary citizens have bravely taken up arms in defense of their homes, and the aid of a skilled inquisitor would likely be welcomed. Even with the witches defeated, it’s likely some militia still protect their towns.

Thornspeakers - The Thornspeakers are a faction of Drust and human druids that live out in Drustvar’s woods and mountains. They are led by Ulfar, the last living Drust and the leader of the faction that sided with the humans against their own kind. The Thornspeakers seem to congregate at Ulfar’s Den along the eastern side of the mountains, but watch over all of Drustvar and Tiragarde. They work hard to maintain the balance in nature, and have allies in the mysterious pair of stags that roam the forests...

Drustvar Rangers - Though they only appeared in a few brief quests supporting the Thornspeakers, Drustvar seems to have a number of woodsmen trying to do their part to protect their home. They do not seem to be magical or anything, just some normal folks 

Notes, RP hooks, Excess Lore, etc

The Order of Embers is based out of Arom’s Stand in central Drustvar. The building Lucille occupies is possibly their headquarters. They also may use Gol Koval as a base of operations. 

Onions seem to be anathema to the witches and their servants. 

Witches have been observed to call upon Drust magic without the Coven’s assent- once by a rejected witch in Drustvar, and again in Tiragarde at the Algerson Yard. This could open up the possibility of inquisitors venturing outside Drustvar to battle new threats. Additionally, it seems as if there may be some witches left as of the Shadowlands quests that take you back to Drustvar, so the hunt may not be over.

The Drust themselves have invaded Ardenweald from Thros. Whether it’s Drust artifacts/contraband making their way into Azeroth of the Drust themselves trying a full-on invasion through the yawning portal into Thros that was left unresolved in BfA, there’s a ton of possible plot threads that can be picked up related to them. A journey into the afterlife wouldn’t even be out of the question, since common citizens make it to Oribos and there is talk of mortals being able to join covenants. The Night Fae would be in dire need of a bold soul bearing flame and silver to drive back their foes and protect the cycle of life and death.

The Holy Light may be used by some members of the Order of Embers. Inquisitor Erik uses holy spells for his attacks when engaged by Horde players, and Cleric Loriette casts a fiery blessing on players who have unlocked her, a spell type usually reserved for priests. She’s also a cleric which usually implies the Light in this universe. A Light-wielding inquisitor is not out of the question, it seems, especially since Drustvar seems to have some ties to the Light if you look into it. 

Despite the possibility of Drustvari Light-wielding inquisitors, this is not the same situation as the Scarlet Crusade. The Order of Embers is not a holy or religious order. It owes allegiance to House Waycrest. Religious zealotry is not on their menu. Per the faction description, the Order of Embers fights with knowledge guiding their blades. 

It’s unlikely the Order would be suspicious of magic-users such as druids or shamans, given that they share a continent with Thornspeakers, Tidesages, and even mages (even if those are offscreen). They would have to be a pretty poor inquisitor to confuse the magics of their allies with that of Drust magic, so don’t go inquisitioning random magic users. 

This isn’t really anything to do with canon, but please don’t use the Order of Embers to live out really fringe stuff with purging ‘heretics’ or being racist at elves or what have you. The community has a history with seeing that sort of stuff in inquisitor characters and it is unlikely to earn you a super great reception if you choose to roleplay that. 

Further Reading (Fanon and out-of-WoW information)

This blog post goes over some potential processes for silvering and what happens when these weapons are used on creatures averse to silver.

Matt Mercer has created an interesting Dungeons & Dragons class called the Blood Hunter (which used to be called Witch Hunter.) It provides some interesting ideas that could be brought into an inquisitor character, especially one that might be interested in wielding darker magics to counter evil powers. You can view the class on D&D Beyond, or read the old Witch Hunter PDF which is a prior draft.

I recently did a huge series of writeups on the Drust, the Order of Embers’ perennial foe. If you’re wanting something to face off against or just want to know your lore, you can give these a read!

The Drust Background  - -  The Drust in BfA  - -  The Drust in Ardenweald

Night Fae Campaign (1)  - - Night Fae Campaign (2)

- - - - - -

I hope this post was helpful to anybody who’s feeling like trying out this sort of roleplay! It’s terribly long-winded but I wanted to do my best to cover all of the information out there. If you’d like to reach out to me about this topic or roleplay with an inquisitor, I play the character “Inquisitrix” mainly on both Moon Guard and sometimes “Merciella” on Wyrmrest Accord. 

If you’re looking for Order of Embers-themed roleplay and you play on Moon Guard, the guild <Silver and Ash> might be what you’re looking for, as they roleplay a group of inquisitors! On Wyrmrest Accord, there is a small interguild community called the Hex Hunter’s Society that I believe may be active still. If you’re looking for other Kul Tiran-type roleplay or want to put an inquisitor in a different environment, there are a few other guilds out there that utilize Kul Tiras on both Wyrmrest and Moon Guard. Happy hunting!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #385

“I am a human being, capable of doing terrible things”

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) Uhhhh. I don't know. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What’s your favorite movie series? I think Shrek when you consider all the movies' (well, I haven't seen the last one, but...) quality. No memeage here, I just genuinely love Shrek, haha. I would say The Lion King, but miraculously when you consider the focus on meerkats, I actually don't like 1 1/2 much. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? Hm... I think I got purple highlights? Do you want to move anytime soon? Even though we haven't even lived here a year, yes. I don't like living in an urban area, and I also reeeeaaaally don't like our family friend being our landlord. I know that sounds very weird, but she's just a very controlling person who forcefully inserts herself into my family's lives now more than ever, and I have a pretty deep fear that a potential argument finally erupting will lead to us being kicked out. I genuinely don't think Tobey would ever do that, but the fear is still there. How good/bad was the quality of education you received in high school? Average, I guess? What was the most interesting year of your life, and why? "Interesting," maybe... 2017 or 2018? I learned a lot about myself in that time range. But at the same time, my life was (and still is) VERY uneventful. Just a lot of mental stuff went on. What was the first social media site you ever used? Myspace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? REALLY regret? No. I wish I'd never dated Tyler, but it's not a massive regret or anything. He was still a cool guy that I have a few nice memories with. Have you ever lied on a resume? Or even in a job interview? Ha, I'd definitely stretch the truth about being more of a people-person than I am. I couldn't go too far with lying, though; I'm just not comfortable doing that, 'cuz like, they're gonna find out eventually that it's not true. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Maybe my friend Summer. Her room has always been super cool. What brought about the end of the worst relationship you’ve been in? Apparently, not talking to him every second of every day two weeks into a relationship was a no-no. Where was the last place you spent the night other than your own home? The sleep study building or whatever it's considered in the medical plaza. Do you have any step- or half-siblings? I have both. What do people always seem to think is weird about you? The fact I don't watch TV. Do you ever braid your hair? It's way too short for that. Even when it was long, I didn't do it frequently at all. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Roman, in particular. What was the last thing you gave up on? uhhhhhhhhhhh If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? I don't. What’s the last DIY project you did, if any? If you can’t remember, what’s something you’d be interested in doing? I'm not really into DIY stuff, honestly. I'd rather just buy products that were made better than I could, or commission someone who can. What's a song that makes you feel happy? I dunno. It's rare a song alone makes me happy. What is your favorite clothing store? Rebel's Market. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it was a more social platform. What is something you do well? Catastrophize any situation. Assume the worst of everything. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably to re-engage with a calorie-counting app I used to use. I'm back to trying to use it consistently. Do you like to wear high heels? Does ANY person LIKE to? How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three depending on my appetite and the size of the pizza. Do you play any instruments? Not anymore. Do you always smile for pictures? Not always. What are you most excited about right now? To see the results of my TMS therapy. What's the last song you listened to? "Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King. What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching an Erosium livestream rn. Newest channel binge, haha. Do you know anyone who's died in childbirth? No. Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. I don't want to leave my family. Do you wear foundation? No, I hate the feeling of that crap. Do you know anyone who has run for public office? No. Do you have a cartilage piercing? I used to, but the hole closed when I had to take it out for the hospital. :/ I plan on getting it repierced. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room or urgent care? If so, why? Yes; for being suicidal, a suicide attempt, and when I had a horribly infected cyst and just existing made me want to sob with pain. Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital? Yeah, a few times. What is the most pain (physical, mental, emotional) you've ever felt? Physical: having the aforementioned cyst drained when I was not nearly numbed enough. Mental and emotional (what's really the difference?): my breakup with my first real boyfriend. What is the longest time you've spent crying? Oh, hours on end, fluctuating with intensity. Have you ever been stolen from? Yes. Have you ever been to a ghost town? No, but I would FUCKING LOVE to. Let me bring my camera and it's a field day. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this current house. Have you ever been inside of a vacant house? No. Have you ever been attacked by a dog? No. What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? The massive cyst my late dog Teddy developed on his lower belly. That fucking thing hung on by a THREAD and was absolutely nauseating to look at. How old were you when you learned how to read? I don't recall, I just know it was earlier than most children. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Cats. Which book series was the first you read? I want to say Hank the Cowdog. I was hooked on it. Would you rather write a book or direct a movie? Haha, what a question, as I've considered both of these as potential careers. I think write a book. What dream that you’ve had has stuck in your head the most? Describe: A nightmare about my dad that I'm not going into. What emotion do you find yourself trying to hide from others? I'm very uncomfortable revealing jealousy or envy. How emotional/sentimental would you say you are? Extremely. What is the most fun game to play? Shadow of the Colossus, probably. What is your sense of humor like (dry, dark, sarcastic, etc.)? I don't know, maybe dry. How many languages can you say "hello my name is…" in? Two. What language do you think sounds the nicest? I don't know, it's not like I've heard every language be spoken. What language do you want to learn more of? German. Do you have any form of OCD? I'm diagnosed with OCD. Do you make promises often? No. I take promises VERY seriously and am not about to make one unless I'm certain I can keep it. What is it that you are responsible for? My pets, keeping my room clean, stuff like that. Do you have a lot of secrets? Not "a lot," no. Are you more likely to be verbally aggressive or physically? Verbally. I'm only physically aggressive in my nightmares. What warning has someone given you that you wish you’d have listened to? Hm. What warning has someone given you you are glad you didn’t take? I also don't know. What is your favourite video of on YouTube? I can't pick just one. Name one creature that freaks you out/scares you? Maggots. Just the word makes me squirm. What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? My signature. Have you ever watched Breaking Bad? No. Are your fingernails always painted? They never are. What color is your bed frame? A rich brown. Did any of your neighbors come over to welcome you when you moved into your current house? No. What's something you didn't realize how bad it was until it happened to you? Heartbreak. Do you like Taylor Swift's singing voice? No. It's squeaky and annoying to me. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Why the fuck would it bother me? Let people be in touch with their emotions. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Ummm I want to say Starbuck's w/ Mom after my TMS appointment. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural "things?" No. Does your house have any unoccupied bedrooms? Yes. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and she personally suspects something's up with Dad, but idk. He's never seen a doctor about that kinda stuff. What fun things are there to do where you live? Ha! Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? I know many like that. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? My parents owned it. Can you see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't paid attention at this house. I'm certain it'd be harder now living in an urban area, though. What job do you know you'd be terrible at? Like, everything? I'd probably be worst at promoting stuff to people and trying to push them into buying something. No being a salesperson for me. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Who doesn't? And now, for the greatest question of all time! Toilet paper- should it go over or under? I literally couldn't care less about this. Fun fact though to "end" the argument, the original concept art of the idea (the word for that is evading me...) has it designed to go over. Are you afraid of mice? Not at all, they're adorable. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I don't have a specific "type" of thing I get, really. It depends. Do you vacation often? Not at all. Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? It depends on the place, really. Generally, I really don't care, so long as I put a bra on. What’s your favorite candy bar? That one that's a bunch of Reese's squares composed into a rectangle. It. Is so. Fucking. Good. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Do you own a helmet of any sorts? No. Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? Just for Christmas, really. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I'm not a soup person. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? I saw one or two episodes with Sara. If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet? N/A Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? No.

[thelastspeecher]

Superhero/villain AU - Moms, Part I

Why yes, the “Part I” means that there will be a “Part II”!  No clue when Part II will happen, but here’s Part I.  Finally, we get some quality time with Ma Pines in this AU!  Specifically, we get to see when Angie meets Ma Pines.  Don’t worry, it goes much better than when Stan meets Ma McGucket.  There’s no threatening of bodily harm.

Enjoy.

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              Angie raised a hand to knock on the door.  She paused.

              Is this really somethin’ I should bother Stan with?  Or will he not like that I came over fer somethin’ so small as the babies kickin’?  The excitement that had motivated her to walk all the way to Stan and Ford’s place was beginning to dim slightly.  Her hand hovered uncertainly in the air.  No. He’d want to know.  She knocked on the door.

              “Coming!” Stan shouted from inside.  Angie rested her hand on her baby bump.  The sensation of butterflies in her stomach had returned.  Her excitement began to build again.  Stan opened the door.  He froze at the sight of Angie.  “Uh…”

              “I know I don’t really show up unannounced, but, well…”  Angie beamed at him.  “They started kickin’!”

              “They-”  Stan’s face cycled through a series of emotions, including excitement and trepidation. “That’s- that’s great.”  Angie blinked, surprised by Stan’s lukewarm tone. Her shoulders slumped.

              “I apologize,” she mumbled.

              “For what?”

              “Botherin’ you.  I just- it started happenin’ and Lute wasn’t home and I wanted to tell someone and-”

              “Angie, I’m excited,” Stan said.  He put a hand on her shoulder.  “I really am. This is- this is awesome news. It’s just also a bad time.”

              “Pardon?”

              “I’ve got a visitor,” Stan said.  Footsteps sounded behind him.  He paled.

              “That’s awful rude,” a voice with a thick New Jersey accent drawled.  “To call your own mother a mere visitor.”  A woman appeared behind Stan.  For the most part, she didn’t look much like either Stan or Ford, aside from having the same brown eyes.  But something about the way she carried herself proved she was in fact Stan’s mother.  Mrs. Pines frowned at Stan.  “Who is this young lady?”

              “She’s- this is-” Stan started.

              Fer someone who thinks on his feet so fast under normal circumstances, he’s really strugglin’ here.  Is it ‘cause she’s his mom?  Angie opened her mouth to say that she worked with Stan or that they were friends.  But before she could utter a word, someone else answered.

              “This is Stan’s girlfriend, Mom,” Ford said, also popping up behind Stan. Stan paled further.  Angie could feel herself having the opposite reaction. Her face burned from the force of her blushing.

              “His-”  Mrs. Pines propped a hand on one hip, now glaring at Stan.  “Stanley Stanford Pines, you have a girlfriend and didn’t tell me?”

              “I didn’t know I needed to tell you about every single relationship I have,” Stan mumbled.

              “No, but I’d like a heads up when they get serious enough to result in a child!”

              “Children.”

              “What?”

              “There’s- there’s more than one in- in there,” Stan said, nodding weakly at Angie.  Angie frowned at him.

              “More-”  Mrs. Pines’ eyes widened.  “Twins?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Mom, maybe we should let Angie and Stan have a couple moments to themselves,” Ford piped up.  “I think she came over to tell him something.  Right?” he asked Angie.  Angie nodded.

              “Oh, of course,” Mrs. Pines said.  “And once you two have caught up, join us.  I want to get to know you…Angie, was it?”  Angie nodded again.  “I’d like to get to know you, Angie.”  Mrs. Pines and Ford walked away.  Angie glared at Stan.

              “Stan!”

              “Angie, I’m so sorry,” Stan whispered.  “I didn’t- I know you were nervous about my mom, since she’s Libra and-”

              “What was all that about ‘more than one in there’?” Angie hissed. “Really?  ‘In there’?”

              “I-”  Stan seemed taken aback.  “Is that what you’re angry about right now?”

              “It’s one of the things.”  Angie dragged her hands down her face.  “You also couldn’t come up with some sort of lie ‘fore Ford had to step in?  Now yer mom thinks we’re datin’!”

              “Look,” Stan said desperately, “I’ll tell her you had an appointment, you can go back home, I’ll come up with a better lie at some point- hang on, where’s your truck?”  He stared at the driveway, which was completely devoid of the white pickup Angie and Lute shared.

              “With Lute.”

              “Where’s Lute?”

              “At work.”

              “At-”  Stan sighed. “You know you’re not supposed to fly until-”

              “I didn’t.”

              “Then how did you get here?  There aren’t any buses that run even close.”

              “I walked.”

              “You walked?  It’s like a mile.”

              “And?”

              “You’re pregnant.  With twins.”

              “And?”

              “Goddamn, you’re stubborn,” Stan muttered.  

              “Yer one to talk.”

              “Yeah, yeah.”  Stan sighed. “Okay, lemme grab my keys.  I’ll take you back home.”

              “Stanley, you better not be shooing away my future daughter-in-law!” Mrs. Pines shouted from inside the house.  Stan grimaced.

              “…It’s fine,” Angie said softly.  Stan furrowed his brow.

              “What?”

              “I’ll- I’ll talk to yer mom.”

              “You don’t need to-”

              “Is she goin’ to let me leave without a fight?”

              “…No.”

              “I thought so.  Well, I was goin’ to meet her at some point anyways,” Angie said.  She took a breath.  “We’ll tell her I only have a short while ‘fore I have to leave.”  Stan stood to the side, allowing Angie to enter.

              “So they were kicking, huh?” he asked quietly, once Angie had crossed the threshold.  His eyes were lit with excitement.  It was the same expression he’d had last week when they were buying baby clothes.  The same expression he wore any time something reminded him he was going to be a father.  Like usual, Angie felt herself soften at his unbridled joy.

              If he weren’t a hero, he’d be the exact kind of person I’d want to date.  Stubborn as an ass but with a secret soft center.

              “Yep,” Angie replied.  Stan reached out a hand, but hesitated, likely remembering the last time someone had touched Angie’s baby bump without asking.  He’d had to physically drag Angie away before she broke the person’s hand. “Go ahead.”  Stan set a hand on Angie’s baby bump.  His eyes widened.

              “Holy shit,” he whispered.  He grinned proudly.  “They’re kicking so hard.  Like the boxers they’re gonna be.”  He looked at Angie.  “Does it hurt?”

              “No.  Actually, it feels like butterflies in my stomach more ‘n anything,” Angie answered. Stan’s grin eased into an affectionate smile.

              That’s another increasingly familiar look.  Angie could feel the blush from earlier beginning to return.  She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear.

              “All right, that’s it,” Mrs. Pines said.  An unseen force began to push Angie forwards.  Angie let out a small yelp.

              “Mom!” Stan shouted.  “Cut it out!” He grabbed Angie’s hand and set his stance firm, resisting whatever was moving Angie.  Mrs. Pines poked her head into the hallway.

              “I’m not joking, Stanley, I-”  Mrs. Pines fell silent.  “Angie, dear?”  Angie could feel herself shaking.

              “We’ll be in there in a second,” Stan ground out.

              “Is something-”

              “Mom!”  Stan’s hair caught fire.  Mrs. Pines frowned at him.  “Most people aren’t used to your telekinesis, okay?”

              “…Oh.”  Mrs. Pines had the grace to look abashed.  “Right.  I’m sorry, Angie.”

              “It’s fine,” Angie mumbled.  “I just need a second.”

              “Of course.”  Mrs. Pines went back into the living room.  Stan put his hands on Angie’s shoulders.

              “You okay?” he asked quietly.  Angie nodded. “You sure?  ‘Cause after that, I think my mom might be willing to let you go home now.”

              “No, it’s- it’s better to get this over with.”  Angie scowled at the quiver in her voice.  “Gimme a mo’.  My ma, she- she taught me tricks to keep telepaths out of my mind.  I don’t want yer mom pokin’ ‘round in there.”

              “She won’t-”

              “She just used one of her other powers on me.”

              “Yeah, but-”

              “She’s Libra, Stanley,” Angie whispered.  “Ma told me about her.  I might trust you, but I don’t trust her.  I can’t.”

              “Libra,” Ma McGucket said scornfully.  She sat at her sewing machine, hemming one of Harper’s old shirts to give to Lute.  “The most annoying hero I’ve ever met.”  Angie looked up from her book on meteorology.

              “Why?” she asked.  Ma McGucket sighed.  At six years old, Angie was beginning to properly come into her powers.  It was a bit early, even by elemental standards. Since her powers were growing stronger by the day and she was still very young, Angie had to spend nearly every waking second with her mother, just in case her powers got out of hand.  Angie didn’t mind, though.  She liked sitting at her mother’s feet, the sewing machine a soundtrack to whatever book she was reading at the moment.

              “A few reasons, junebug,” Ma McGucket replied.  She ruffled Angie’s hair.  “First is that she’s got that old school mentality.  Black and white.  No gray area. Either yer all good or yer all bad. Disgusting.”

              “Disgusting,” Angie echoed obediently.  Ma McGucket smiled at her.

              “That’s right, sweetling.  Remember, there’s plenty of space between the best person in the world and the worst. Heck, that’s where the vast majority of people fall.”  Angie nodded. “To completely disregard that reality is irresponsible at best and dangerous at worst.”  Angie nodded again.

              “What else is bad about Libra?”

              “She always tried to convince me to quit villainy.”  Ma McGucket rolled her eyes.  “That’s just bad manners.  Ya don’t do that.”

              “Yeah!”

              “Sometimes I wondered if it was an act, though.  Some folks do that.  Adopt a dif’rent personality to help their disguise.”  Ma McGucket pointed a finger at Angie.  “But that’s dishonest.  Be yourself both in and out of the mask, got it?”

              “Yep!”

              “Good.”  Ma McGucket smiled.  “You’ll be quite the villain someday.”  A shadow crossed her face.  “Hopefully you’ll never deal with someone like Libra.”

              “Ma, what else is there?” Angie asked.  Ma McGucket cocked her head.  “That can’t be all.  Those things aren’t super duper bad.  What really made ya hate Libra so much?”

              “Yer too smart fer yer own good, honey-bun.”  Ma McGucket sighed.  “I don’t think she was as responsible with her powers as she should have been.”  It was Angie’s turn to cock her head curiously. “She tossed her telekinesis left ‘n right with no regard fer public safety, dove into folks’ minds and hijacked their bodies…”  Ma McGucket shook her head.  “No masks come off unless it’s someone removin’ their own.  It’s a real law, to protect the families of masks, not just the heroes and villains themselves.”

              “Did Libra remove masks?”

              “No physically, no.  But a hero who throws their weight around like she did, focusin’ on the fight of the moment rather than any innocent folks nearby, well…”  Ma McGucket trailed off.

              “Ma?”

              “I don’t have any proof that she pried into the minds of villains she possessed. But that don’t mean she didn’t do it,” Ma McGucket finally said.  Angie’s blood ran cold.  Ma McGucket looked down at her.  Her eyes widened.  “Oh, sweetling, I didn’t mean to scare ya!”  She pulled Angie onto her lap.  “Look, I’ll teach ya how to keep telepaths out.”

              “But I don’t wanna be ‘round Libra,” Angie squeaked.

              “And you never will,” Ma McGucket said soothingly.  She stroked Angie’s face.  “But it’s common sense to have some protection against telepaths.  Just in case ya ever come up against one.” Angie nodded.  “Seriously, junebug, don’t you ever worry ‘bout bein’ face-to-face with Libra.  By the time yer a villain, she’ll have retired.”

              “Why hasn’t she retired yet?”

              “I think she’s still tryin’ to track me down.”  A vicious smile appeared on Ma McGucket’s face.  “She don’t have a chance of doin’ it.”

              “You got the last laugh,” Angie said, parroting a phrase she’d picked up from watching cartoons with Lute.  Ma McGucket’s smile broadened.

              “I sure did, sweetie.  As annoying as Libra was to me, I’ll forever be more annoyin’ to her, just by virtue of quittin’ ‘fore she could find out who I was.”

              Angie shook off the memory and did her best to think of only one thing: a brick wall.

              “A brick wall thick enough to keep anyone out,” Ma used to say.  More settled, Angie straightened her back. Stan eyed her.

              “Better?” he asked.  Angie nodded.

              “Yes.”

              “All right.”  Stan gestured towards the living room.  “Ladies first.”  Angie rolled her eyes, but headed for the living room.  The second Mrs. Pines caught sight of her, she jumped to her feet.

              “Angie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Mrs. Pines said, wringing her hands.

              “It’s- it’s fine,” Angie said with a weak smile.  She took a seat in Stan’s armchair.  Stan stood next to the chair, protectively resting a hand on her shoulder. He’d done this before in emotionally charged situations.  Lute hated it, but Angie couldn’t help but be comforted by the gesture.

              “So, Angie, tell me about yourself,” Mrs. Pines said, sitting back down on the couch.

              “Ah, well, um, I’m from Arkansas, originally.”

              “Arkansas?”

              “Yes’m.”

              “I used to run up against villains who operated out of that state,” Mrs. Pines said casually.  Angie visualized the brick wall again.

              “It’s a big state,” she said with a weak smile.  Mrs. Pines’ eyes widened.

              “Oh, shit, I just let slip-”

              “No, you didn’t,” Stan interrupted.  Mrs. Pines frowned at him.  “Mom, don’t bother trying to deny it.  You’re trying to show off, like you always do for my girlfriends.”

              “She might not know-”

              “She does,” Stan and Ford said together.

              “I asked him why he decided to be a hero,” Angie said.  She shrugged.  “He said his mom was one.”  Mrs. Pines leaned forward eagerly.

              “And are you excited about getting involved with a hero family?”

              “…Sure,” Angie said after a moment.  Mrs. Pines raised an eyebrow.

              The wall!  The wall! Angie focused on the mental image of a brick wall.  Mrs. Pines raised both her eyebrows.

              “You’ve got some telepathic defenses, my dear,” she said in a low voice. Angie jutted her chin out proudly.

              Screw bein’ polite!  This is Libra.  Libra doesn’t deserve politeness.  Do yer ma proud, Angie.

              “And?” she demanded.  Ma Pines leaned back, a small smile curling her mouth.

              “You’ve got spunk.”

              “Only someone with spunk could handle Stan as a significant other,” Angie replied.  Mrs. Pines chuckled.

              “True.  True.” Mrs. Pines met Angie’s eyes. Angie met her gaze with determination. Mrs. Pines smiled crookedly.  “Stanford was telling me you work at that fancy school, that you’ve got a doctorate.  With that shy, polite little persona and that brainy background, I was wondering if you were more Stanford’s type than Stanley’s.”  Stan let out a small snort.

              “With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t think I am,” Angie said, her voice more clipped and short than it normally would be with a near-stranger.

              “Oh, you’re right.  Not many people could look a telepath in the eyes and defy all attempts to break into their mind.  And those who can?”  Mrs. Pines smiled at Ford, sitting on the couch next to her.  “Might be a bit too intense for my darling son to handle.”

              “Gee, thanks, Mom,” Ford muttered.  Mrs. Pines tousled his hair.

              “Don’t worry, you’ll find some lovely lady someday.  If you ever take your nose outta a book,” she teased. Stan let out another small snort. Mrs. Pines returned her attention to Angie.  “Anyways. As I was saying.  None of Stan’s girlfriends have been able to do what you just did, Angie.  And my youngest has dated a lot.”

              “…Did you really have to say that?” Stan mumbled.

              “It’s the truth.  And also the truth is that I’ve never approved of a single one of them.” Mrs. Pines’ smile finally reached her eyes.  “Until today.”

[braindamageforbeginners]

Neuralgia/ADA/GOP-On-The-Run

Cycle 7, Day 19

First of all, next week’s my “week off,” which is usually just a blood-draw, however, because it also marks Dad’s birthday, which he’s intimated is supposed to be A Party of Special Magnificence, so I’ll be in the greater SoCal area during my “off week,” and, with my brother at hand in a festive mood, there’s a chance I won’t come to my senses until November. So, unless something goes spectacularly wrong at next week’s blood-draw, there’s a chance I’ll only update/write about random goings-on, or Dad’s giant, dragon-shaped firework (that isn’t a euphemism, I’ve been explicit that I want to see wizards, halflings, the whole deal).

Today, however, I’d like to draw some attention to my own physical disabilities (such as they are), why large chunks of the country aren’t ADA-compliant (I don’t even mean in a paved sense), and your very corrupt, local congressman, if you’re from a rural area (almost guaranteed).

So, even though I am automatically, federally-qualified as disabled (look it up under “compassionate allowances”). However, 80% of applicants eventually get disability coverage because - here’s a shocker - when people can’t do their jobs or survive normally, that tends to be noticeable, unless you have an extremely advanced neurodegenerative disease (in which case, you get to be president). And when I applied for disability, no one was, shall I say, directly unpleasant, but I got the very distinct impression that everyone would rather be doing something else. It wasn’t until I actually wrote my own condition down and told the social security rep to call their boss and give them that diagnosis that I got a bit of an attitude change. So, most disabled folks tend to be somewhat sensitive about it, because it is a pain in the ass (sometimes literally) and society is very much stacked against us. I actually wouldn’t even have given it much thought unless I had to fill out and file paperwork on it. Again, be kind and patient (that’s the general message), and don’t assume. I prefer to be called “crippled,” because I feel that word accurately captures both what happened to me, and and how it’s effected me.

To that, I also get passing privilege, because I can walk (though steep stairs and long sprints are out), and you’d only tell my left side is off if you were familiar with me. So, a neurologically-mangling injury usually occurs in one of two ways, externally (or externally-derived), which is usually what you associate with disabled vets, or internally (either due to clot, stroke, or cancer/tumor).. In the former type, you’d see nerve damage below the injury point. In the latter type, it’s a little harder. Everything in the brain is integrated - physically -  it’s a little harder to keep track of the higher-order, Wile E. Coyote (Super Genius) functions, especially since you develop new neural pathways throughout your life. But, just for the physical functions, damage to the brain occurs on the opposite side of the body, and it’s a half-body thing (most of my left-side is unreliable in the right circumstances, but for day-to-day use, it’s just the lower leg and lower arm). And these can be anything from noticeable motor impairments to, in my case, “diminished sensation.” Again, I’m just speaking for myself, but neuralgia - the reduced/lost sensations and/or pain of nerve damage - is a killer for folks like me. In my own case, if you’ve ever had minor oral surgery or a filling where the dentist got a little careless injecting the novocaine, you’ll be familiar with the numbness issue. Your muscles worked just fine, but without sensation, it’s hard to orient them enough to get them to work. That’s a rather extreme example, and it’s not terribly accurate for me, but it’ll give you an idea of what I’m talking about. Again, unless you know me, it’s kind of hard to spot me (I only hobble on inclines). Unless you knew I’d been trained as a pianist for a number of years when I was much younger, you’d have a tough time guessing my left hand has trouble with buttons. And, fortunately, the legal definition of disabilities isn’t limited to “patient is mostly-functional, but severely reduced by previous-standards.” (I also really do spend an hour or two in the gym every day, if only because I want a body capable of absorbing and metabolizing every last damned drop of marizomib they can pump into me)(which, come to it, is probably some sort of admission of addiction). I am, however, going to start referring to my left arm as “my Grendel arm,” because, if I’m attacked by Vikings, I intend to let that side take the damage (again, it won’t be as painful because of that “reduced sensation” problem I run into when I’m very tired)(and, hopefully, when I’m on fire and being attacked by Norsemen seeking retribution for

Speaking of legal issues, now’s a good time as any to point out that vast swathes of the country are near-impossible to live in if you’re, let’s say, medically-compromised. Now, I realize that I’m a very special, special-needs patient/citizen in that my existence is dependent on technology that’s beyond the ragged, bleeding edge of most hospitals - most states, as it turns out. But that’s going to be true of just being able to access decent care in most places, even for something relatively simple, like the heart disease currently building up in the Boomers. And I bring that up because, in most places, your elected federal officials are actually working against your best interest. Frequently with your consent. And these are, in my experience, always in rural districts. The party of your representative isn’t an issue, I’d bet; the issue is whether you live in a zip code with a population density closer to Los Angeles, or Maine. Americans (or, health-industry lobbyists) made a hullabaloo about Obamacare (or, as it’s formally known, the Affordable Care Act - the ACA). However, for people like me, it did help knock down things that will kill Grandma and Granpa, like lifetime limits (I’ve reached and exceeded those probably ten years ago), and - this is big - prior conditions. These are both weasel terms used by insurance companies to reduce patient numbers. Again that wasn’t a major issue for me until an orange-haired idiot came into office, promising to change all that. At the time - these were in the intertumor years - I was living in Utah. Here’s an important thing to understand when someone is actively working to undermine your life expectancy; they’re not going to be honest about it. And, in my experience, elected officials from rural areas tend to have more in common with Boss Hogg than they do Mr. Smith, but that could be because the first Congressman I met “representing” me was Jerry Lewis (that was his nom de guerre)(but not his real name)(also not his real hair), who was almost hilariously sleazy, and consistently plagued by corruption accusations. Which, uh, I think, describes almost all of the Congressmen who represented that district. So, you can imagine my complete lack of interest at being pushed and prodded and shoved in front of a congressional underling at the sitting Congressman’s office (this was Chris Stewart - or his local office, BTW).

We will ignore the odd decorating decision to include a large photo of a bomber with an explosion on it - I guess it’d been made by a constituent. We were met by - as expected - an office underling. The hiring and firing and promoting of office staff in small districts is usually pretty sordid. That’s not some sort of slanderous accusation; all professional politicians are legally prohibited from directly employing their companies or family members. Most, like Ron Paul, figure out a workaround until those pesky Congressional Ethics reports come out. The assistant in front of us assured us - in the wake of GOP populism that’d swung in just a few weeks earlier, that the Congressman didn’t like his job, only did it because no one else was stepping up, and was all in favor of term limits and revolving door policies - basically, the sort of pep-talk I always look for in the medical industry when looking for a well-qualified specialist (”Yeah, he’s great at his job, but he dislikes it and is only waiting for an opportunity to get out.”). The assistant was not the Congressman’s chief adviser on health care (I can only assume that was some wildly unqualified lobbyist from Pfizer, but that’s pure speculation). You know what really sends out a message of professionalism and receptiveness to constituent needs? When a constituent calls to schedule an appointment to voice concerns regarding health legislation, and the person qualified to answer such things isn’t in the office. Anyway, even though the assistant didn’t have any answers to most of my questions, he assured us that the congressman didn’t want to cut anyone’s insurance, but thought that a free market - the standard BS filler that comes from someone who has never been thrown out of a hospital (yes, this happens, folks, it made headlines in Baltimore a few years ago). Upon later checking, the assistant had actually actively lied about both issues, based on the Congressman’s actual voting record. Again, I don’t think he’s alone, I just think rural Congressman who coast on for a career based on name recognition aren’t used to an informed, angry public making proper inquiries. At least have the guts to tell me it’s more immediately profitable to kill me than to keep me alive; we’ll have to agree to disagree, but I get it. To make a long story short, because of Utah’s combination of hilariously inadequate insurance coverage for people like me, and my stubborn refusal to settle for less-than-best when seeing neurology specialists, I’m no longer a constituent. Thank you, sir, you ran me off your land, kudos. But I’m certainly not alone. Again, the Boomers are at an age where they’re going to be dropping dead of heart disease, cancer, etc. That’s not some dire, emo warning, either, it’s just that they’re all in their 60′s or above, and, until 2013, almost half of the US was either uninsured or disastrously uninsured. I think the HMO system will last two dozen cases of wheeling grandma and grandpa into the cold street before it comes to an end. But what the hell do I know? I’m just a sick person who’s had to learn insane amounts.about the health insurance industry and pharmaceutical companies to make it this far.