#also. it's 6 am. I haven't slept. awesome! :)))

[running-in-the-dark]

I've been looking at job listings for like two hours and I feel more useless and stupid than ever before.

[meercacchi]

Tag game! What are you top 10 fandoms of all time? Name them and then tag ten more people. Feel free to write as much or as little about why you like them!

Tagged by @supreme-sauteer~ These are in no particular order and I ended rambling a lil too long LOL.

1. Kuroko no Basuke

Jk, ofc knb has to be first! It's been almost 10 years since I got into it and it's just the gift that keeps on giving. It's one of my comfort shows and it's gotten me through a lot tbh. Special shoutout to Kise, my baby who will forever be one of my favorite characters in media, and Kasamatsu, who I love with my entire being. Kaijou deserves better!!

2. Pokemon

My original hyperfixation before I even knew what that was, LOL. Pokemon has been there for me for as long as I can remember, and I don't think anything will ever quite replicate the feeling of home I get from this franchise, whether it's the games or merch or the show. I will def be there when gen 5028373 comes out, still playing the newest Pokemon game on the newest console no matter how old I am.

3. Xenoblade Chronicles

A newer fandom but one I fell into HARD. XC3 actually altered my brain chemistry and is probably my favorite game ever. My journey through the Xenoblade trilogy was magical and I can't get over how well the characters and stories are written, on top of having pretty fun gameplay. I'm super excited to finally check out XCX in March too!

4. TMNT 2003

Another childhood fave and another comfort show. These boys genuinely feel like family to me, they're just so cozy. I'm honestly shocked how well the show holds up even today; the writing is too good! It's criminal how slept on this version of the turtles is compared to others and I will die on this hill.

5. Akatsuki no Yona

The other day I realized I've been reading this manga for ten years which really made me have a belated quarter life crisis LOL. I migrated over from the anime, but man, it's SO SAD that they haven't animated the arcs after bc I love Yona (and everyone else's) growth through the series. I'm really anticipating how the series ends! Last chapter ripped out my heart thx.

6. Love Live!

I haven't kept up with Love Live and I was introduced to it through LLSIF (RIP) but I still listen to so many of the Muse/Aqours songs to this day! Kotori is incredibly special to me in particular bc I relate to her and I'll always smile when I see her pop up. Also I sometimes use the cards for fashion inspo bc their fits are too cute!

7. Rurouni Kenshin

I haven't felt comfortable following new RuroKen stuff considering everything, and tbh I don't think I'll ever be able to even reread/rewatch it bc it's forever tainted in my mind. But I can't deny how big of an impact it (esp Sano) had on me in my early teens, so here it is!

8. Sengoku BASARA

Tbh I'm not really in the fandom anymore, but I met SO MANY of my mutuals who I'm still friends with today through it, so it'll always hold a special place in my heart <3 Those were some wild and fun times LMAO.

9. Ys

Still making my way through all the older Ys games, but Ys 8 will forever be a legendary game imo and it has one of my fave OSTs of all time. Ys 9 and esp Ys 10 were also awesome! I finished Ys 10 a couple weeks ago and I'm still having withdrawals lol.

10. EXO

Alright this one is kinda eh bc I never got super into fandom stuff, but it's been such a crazy ride watching them from debut to now! Jongin esp is one of my favorite humans on the planet and as cheesy as it is, his words helped me tackle some of my insecurities growing up. I'll always be an erigom and an EXO-L <3

[galaxyposting]

Dear Adi;

if you're not Adi, scroll past this. Now that they're gone, feel free to treat this as a letter, open this when you're ready to. Whether it be on the way to the airport, before your flight, or when you land - ( i know you said you hadn't come to terms with it yet, so I don't want this letter to make it sink in for you ) whenever you feel like you're ready to cry ( i know how crying in public can be so vulnerable )

Hello! How are you doing? It's 6:28 am right now, and I actually haven't slept. I fear the alcohol and weed kept me up... But I actually am glad because I can write this letter to you in a timely manner. To be honest, I set an alarm for 9 am so I could text you "have a safe flight!" and then fall asleep after. Unfortunately, I am a big sap so I will be writing you a whole post. I like the idea that this post has a sort of ephemeral energy to it - while things on the internet stay, the average person doesn't know how to access it. So if tumblr ever takes down this side blog for some reason, it will be another 404 on the internet. Anyways, that was a tangent. I wanted to wish you, first and foremost, a safe and boring flight. No turbulence, no babies crying, and certainly no seat kicking. I also hope the 3 hours of sleep lets you sleep through your whole flight, I love sleeping through roadtrips/flights.

9:23 am: omg, i literally took a detour and talked to an old close highschool friend of mine :) it really makes me appreciate my friends (boom awesome segue) and how i really have all the time in the world for our friendship. I feel like even as you're departing, we still find ways that we're actually connected. I fear if we had discovered we had the same music taste beforehand, we would've been insufferable. Nobody else is gonna listen to our boomboomboom music HAHAHA. I think when I say I have all the time in the world, it's like, I always cherish my moments that I've been able to have with you. I want this letter to actually help you feel excited about your new horizons :) I think this is going to be a new step in our friendship, and as adults it's easy to feel disconnected, especially by distance. So I'm sure we'll all step on each other's toes, but if it's in the name of friendship I'm not afraid of it. I want you to romanticize your brand new chapter in life, because I think a lot of my philosophy comes from a desire of joy derived from whimsy. I sound so gay lol. ANYWAYS. The less blurb version of it is I love to be romantic in my worldview because whimsy is important to me. I think it'll be good for us to have that, because moving back to your hometown after 4 years of... well, independence/freedom can be daunting. But I like to think I'm maybe an adventurer, back from my journey to my home. Haha, I'm trying to think of non white examples but alas. Like lord of the rings or the odyssey, where the hero returns changed but back to the start. Maybe your hometown doesn't have that kind of significance for you, but I do know what it's like living with asian parents. Maybe I am speaking for myself. Either way, outgrowing your home doesn't always have to be bitter. Nor does it mean you don't fit at all in your home. We're humans, not birds. We come back to our nest, if you will. Or, you could totally treat it like you're an animal, migrating back home for the summer.

Back to the topic at hand, I feel like our weekly or monthly zooms/discord calls are going to be so fun! I even feel like we could go as far as to send each other letters. Penpal-ing would be a blast... Plus jeana is doing her postcard project! That's so perfect. I know you said you hadn't come to terms with this new step in your life, but you don't have to do it all in one day, you know. I think it's definitely something to process as you start your new routine. I don't know if change is scary for you, or you work well with change. Either way, I have no advice to give on that, actually, HAHA. I hope this letter is comforting. I intended it to be well structured but alas. I blab too much I fear. And there's a post limit that I feel like I'm going to hit soon. I want to say, that even if we drift apart and don't text as often, I think we will always find each other. I'm confident in that. I hope that this blog specifically will provide you with some interesting things to look at. I feel tumblr is very good for the mind artistically, because you can turn off algorithms. It also has a good system for curating images and artwork, as well as posting artwork. Ugh I'd love to be tumblr moots with you. Is a desire to return to old web like blogs and stuff an indication of recession? Hah, I sound like jaime. I really had a fun time doing the "im passing the shot to" game with you! I can't wait to see where our friendship and conversations take us :) take care, and see you soon!

faithfully,

Reina L

[nathank77]

4/29/24

6:

So l struggled to fall asleep, I took one 25MG of Hydroxyzine, and one 25MG of Benadryl around 9 a.m, I passed out rapidly. I woke up around 3:30 p.m. I slept straight through. I only got like 6 1/2 hours...

Erin canceled again...if only Erin told me she was going to cancel earlier instead of at our appt time... I could have fallen back to sleep and got 7 hours. I see her Thursday. I'm going to the ultrasound tomorrow. I'm taking a 1MG tonight around 4:30 a.m. so I can make it there by 4 p.m with a full bladder.

The cardiologist has been trying to fit me in, calling me everyday, that's a good thing. I am seeing the doctor on May 6th, at 3 p.m. so that's awesome. Minus the fact that it's the same week as my testosterone shot, so I'll have to take a 1MG Monday and Wednesday to make both appts but whatever.

The following week I have my insomnia appt at 3 p.m on Tuesday and then my disability appt on Friday at 1:30 p.m. so I have to take a 1MG Tuesday and Friday that week.

I'm worried about it but the appts are majorly important and I'm sure once I get the heart monitor I'll be seen within a couple weeks after, for the diagnosis....

Anyways, I'm doing my bedding today and I'm going to try to do all my laundry, it piled up fast but the bedding comes first.

I also ordered 2 more 30 pack gummies of the CBD. I've been taking 100MG a day. I haven't noticed much of a difference but it's early and it builds ups.

I am not going to shower today, I did technically at 4:30 a.m anyways. Also-the Ultrasound is going to make me all nasty tomorrow. So I'll shower when I come home tomorrow.

I fucking hate laundry day. I'm going to try to game and if it doesn't work out, I'm going to watch American Dad. I'm going to try to restore my cloud saves.

I guess I'm going to proceed on my Kristen Report as of Wednesday or Thursday. Regardless of Erin bc I have no choice cause I've been sitting on it for too long and in traumatized.

I really need therapy after that dream and everything I'm going through and Erin had canceled like 4 times in a row. I guess I'm going this alone and I only have Mike on Wednesday if she cancels Thursday.

[pandor-pandorkful]

Man, it's not fair...

I sleep so much better if I do the "adhd meds when you go to bed" trick*, and wake up nice and early. And during the day it still keeps me fairly functional - much moreso than if I hadn't taken my meds at all.

(*Read about it in an online adhd medical journal back around 2018, the article was titled something like "ADHD Sleep of the Dead" and was about how impossible it is for adhd folks to fucking wake up ever. Great article!)

Buuuuuut, if I go to sleep normally, and wake up like whenever my body decides to wake up (90% after 3pm tbh).... and THEN take my meds during the DAY, like a GOOD Pandor.... My functioning is off the charts. I can function executively at least twice! Maybe 3 times!!

HOWEVER THERE IS THE MATTER OF SLEEP QUALITY.

Normal sleep, no meds: TERRIBLE. Takes me AGES to fall asleep. And THEN it takes EVEN LONGER to wake up!!! Alarms don't help, because I haven't taken my meds so I have 0 executive functions and no self control over just turning the alarm off and going back to sleep.

Meds before sleep: AMAZING. Fall asleep quickly and have awesome, vivid dreams! And I wake up early! Maybe too early! I only get 3 to 5 hours of sleep if I do this!!!! If I do it too many days in a row I burn out quickly!!!!!! But damnit it's so much better than the alternative!!! GAH!!!!!

One 3rd option I've tried twice by accident is having coffee before bed... by which I mean I had a coffee craving in the evening and it knocked me out cold. Both times I slept a good doctor-recommended 8 hours, and got up easily...... BUT THE DREAMS WERE SO STRESSFUL!!! (Also both times I had the coffee at around 6-7pm, so while I got a "healthy" amount of sleep.... I was waking up in the middle of the night, ready and raring to go. XD)

SO, it's almost 3 am now. I had a great day due to taking my meds the way I should, in the morning. (Not early morning, but we do what we can manage.) Those are the 3 choices before me: Sleep without my meds and wake up in the afternoon. Take my meds now, but have less energy later. Or make a cup of coffee, quaff it and sleep (but likely have some nightmares or stress dreams.)

........I'm gonna chance the coffee.

[pbandjesse]

My whole body and legs are aching so bad. I know I don't walk as much as I used to but man. It's ridiculous how much all the walking today took me out.

It was a very good day though!! It was full and fun and just so good. I slept alright. And woke up in a good mood. James made the bed and watered the plants while I got dressed and very soon we were leaving for work together.

It was fun being back at the museum for real. Like yes I've been around but I haven't given a tour in months. And today was good. I only gave a partial tour but it was still a lot of fun.

We stopped and picked up breakfast and I didn't check and was very disappointed when I went to eat my sandwich later and it was just meat in an English muffin. Like I ate the muffin stuff but I was bummed.

But everything else was good. I would give my partial tour, to a very nice woman who just started working at the Walters. And she was great. Lots of questions and while I wasn't able to give a perfect answer every time, but she was fun to talk too.

It wasn't a busy day and no one else would ask for a tour. I would wander around and take to people. And turn on machines. I also just went around and found all the light bulbs that needed to be changed and found some issues (like two buckets of water just sitting in the blacksmith area, probably used for quenching but Bob isn't going to be here for 8 weeks so this just seemed like a bad idea) and that felt productive.

I was also proud of myself for finished my book today! The one I was reading the other week and it had like a very sad but hopeful ending. Like yes people die, things change, but the world keeps going and there is still good in it. And that was nice. I for sure would have made some changes about certain things but overall I really liked it. I am looking forward to starting the next book on my list though. Something less romantic.

I would give James a little break and they went to get us lunch since my sandwich didn't work out. I chatted with Jessica about the upcoming school year. I'm excited to be back.

We did have one guest today who James did not want to connect with people they kept referring to Baltimore as a 'dead city ' and that upset that. But a couple came in and James was able to have a whole conversation in Spanish with them and that brightened them up.

We finished up the day and headed out. Jessica and Beth were leaving just as we were and they hoped we would have fun at the state fair. And while I was a little worried about being hot, I was really excited to go.

We drove home and cleaned up. I found our metro cards for the train and finally activated my new credit card. That I've had for 6 months. I have tap now! Neat!

And then we were off. We got confused and missed the first train. But the other came really quick. And we rode it until the last stop at the fairgrounds.

We got there just as it opened at 5. I had been worried about coming on Thursday but for real this was the best time to go?? No lines!! At all! We could walk around and see everything and no one was crowding around. It was awesome. Like yes I was a little to hot but I had the best time.

Highlights: I got to pet piglets! The mommy pig was also sweet and let me pet her snoot. We got to see some piggy races. We ate good food. James got a corn dog and fried tomatoes, I got a grilled cheese that had local made ingredients. We shared a root bear. I loved seeing the flowers and the hand made items. And I spoke to a woman who was sitting there tatting and she said they are going to add loom knitting into the fair next year and I could submit my temperature blanket. And she also encouraged me to keep practicing tatting. I may submit a whole bunch of stuff, or spend next year making stuff for the next year's fair just to have a goal. I also noticed there were teddy bears but they all had the same tight together eye look and I was like. Why do they all look like this? Maybe I'll enter a bear as well. I'm excited by this new prospect.

I really loved getting to go in the parakeet cage and having all the birds flying around me. And James found a whole display about the negro baseball leagues in Baltimore. While they were reading that I went and looked at the balloon display and talk the the Catholics because they were giving away prayer cards. So I told them about my dad and asked for something that would help bring my parents comfort in a hard time. And she suggested the untier of knots, which is Mary and I always liked Mary even if I don't have the like MOM connection some people seem too. And really dad can use any help he can get at this point.

We would wander around and laugh at stuff and see animals and it was great. But I was starting to lose steam because my feet hurt real bad and I had been in the sun to long. So James took me home.

We got the train almost right away. The walk home from the stop was tough but we made it without me falling apart. And I would take a shower and that helped me a lot. I didn't feel as much like I was going to fall down. James rubbed my legs and got the knit out of my calf. And I hope putting my legs up help them feel better for tomorrow.

I had a leftover piece of pizza and James got down some of our Halloween decorations. And now I have a pumpkin build a bear. And I am very much ready to go to sleep.

Tomorrow I have jury duty. I'm excited. I hope it's an interesting day. And I hope you all have a good night. Take care of yourself. Sleep good!!

[may-we-be-peaceful]

Saturday 31/12/22

1. Slept pretty well last night but also got up when the cat got me up, which was about 7am.

2. Got a trip out to a mall I haven't been to in forever! Saw some awesome Doc Martens lol. Bought some heel grips/protectors for my DMs, though maybe should have got Compeed instead tbh.

3. Got a hedgehog mug as well, and some face mist, chocolates, and Hotel Chocolat perfume reduced from like £32 to £8. The face mist smells really nice and was reduced from £15 to about £4.50 so, y'know.

4. Been trying to buy second hand PIP postage boxes but can't seem to, so am hoping to buy 100% recycled next time, though can't afford it right now as had to replenish a lot of essential oils, butters etc.

5. Erm, PJs!

6. Oh and I had my first ever bubble tea today! I got taro milk tea with tapioca pearls. Unsure whether it actually had any tea in it, but it was nice. Though I was a bit shocked when I checked the calorie content later. I'd have it again but maybe a fruity version. The tapioca pearls were so texturally satisfying once I'd got past the weirdness lol.

[purplethistle42]

Sometimes you take a beautiful thing and make it your own, adding to magic that was already left by the first craftsman that made the object... And sometimes you pull your car over, pick through someone's discarded trash, and decide you're going to save an item that doesn't just need a face lift, but also a major organ replacement...

(( disclaimer: this post is longish and written in the middle of the night while I can't sleep. Basically I made (am making) a thing, it's weird and awesome))

Introducing my current project!

I found this jewelry cabinet, it wasn't actually in the trash... But it should have been... I actually paid a little money for it... Still not sure how I feel about that, mostly ok, but It really should have been in the trash pile. It was, and still is, in horrible shape. the doors on the front didn't open or close right, they have been removed completely. Also, at some point it got knocked and broken enough that all the shelves don't sit on their runners correctly, they fall off, a lot... But it fixable, at least enough for my purposes... Then there is the smell. I'm pretty sure this baby lived in someone's chain-smoking great grandmother's house because every time I touched it that first day it tried to sell me cigarettes and kiss me on the cheek.

However, This trash bit, for all her smelly history and issues she has stolen my heart, just like a chain-smoking grandma who tells awkward, inappropriately timed storys, my life is more fulfilled now that I can interact with her. she ( the jewelry cabinet, not the hypothetical gramma) was destined to live a second life in my workshop, being touched every day with sawdust covered hands, to assist me in my making by holding my sandpaper, my drill bits, my wood lathe tools...

I'm not done with her. In truth, I just got her Saturday.but some projects are exciting and you just have to share as you go... Saturday, I lugged her outside and she slept on the porch in hopes the air would curb the smell... It was a nice dream, she came back in yesterday the same 6 pack a day smoker I took outside... I wish I had taken a picture of the rag I used to wash the fake wood with... That rag just got thrown away...

However, after her bath and in true American style, since there are both major foundational issues and cosmetic issues, I spent all of yesterday puting on her lipstick. I mean who actually need shelves that work right if it's pretty😍. The structural fixes will happen this week when I drag her out to my actual shop.

I had 0 plans... I mean, I knew that it was really bad and that I didn't really want to look at the super sad thing I had spent money on as it was and feels that empty void of despair... But beyond that this project was sooo outside my normal art zone because it's some weird fake veener with mdf board inside... The shit that's basically saw dust, glue and prayer, that stuff that when you get it wet it swells... Yea, it's been a while since I put my hands on anything that's going to swell if I sweat too hard near it...

So, I said what the hell and went back to the tried and true idea of everything is better with more glue on it. Glue will stabilize it, seal it from additional moisture damage and I haven't decoupage in ages so why the hell not!

So out came the drawers, and in came the gallon of mod podge I had sitting around... Cause who doesn't have a gallon of that shit just hanging out... Am I right... Or is that just me... Someone? Anyone? This is normal right...

Then came the issue of what I was going to glue onto the sucker... Cause again I have 0 good ideas or a plan... But one of my kids said I should go mermaid with it because the base and doors had shell patterns... And that was a good an idea as any so I spent like an hour looking at mermaid art and scales, then more time cutting circles from tissue paper... To not use the idea at all.. cause that's how I roll. But I did end up using the tissue paper and the trash bits from where I cut out the mermaid circles to make some bright late 80 early 90s pop of color piece.

And it's at this point that the magic has starts flowing... That energy that builds when you're deep into the primal feeling of being a kid with your fingers covered in glue just making for the hell of it, without purpose or goal, just to feel and be one with the mess...

And drawers

Even my cat got into the flow and battled back the bits of stray paper that dared to land on her floor

And it's at this point that I know where I want to go with it... And I find some artwork and print it out, splice it together, cover it with more technicolored tissue paper,

then pull out my markers and redraw the artwork. I didn't really take pictures of that process, I was in the zone, my inner kid was fully engaged with sticky fingers and sharpy markers. Here's, what she looked like after the added color

And the "finished product"

There is going to be a part two, of this great adventure... One where I actually make her stable, add holders for drill bits and Dremel and sand paper... But that will be next week... Maybe... Life and things... But when I can I will take shots of her in her new home next to my wood lathe... Thanks for coming with me through this adventure!

[stevenstamkos]

hey, sorry to bother you, i was just wondering if you've ever come across any primers for the lightning? if you haven't, or if you don't mind, i'd love to hear anything you'd like to share about them. they seem like a rad team, and like, at first i was just like "well stamkos is awesome and, as a team sweden fan, god bless hedman" but i am weak and curious, and requesting information. thank you for any help you may offer!

Yeah there are some primers! Unfortunately, with the loss of Jo, Bish, Val, and Boyler, our roster has changed a lot. So most 2016-2017 primers are out of date. As it stands, I think there’s this one. And probably some others, but I can’t remember how to find them

Oooh so I guess I’ll add some info on players not covered

First, it is vital that you know that Stammer and Heddy are good friends, and their dogs are friends too. They were drafted a year apart, first and second overall, and they’ve been the backbone of our team in recent years (when Stammer is, y’know, alive). Part of the reason they signed long-term contracts was to stay in Tampa for each other

Goalies:

The primer covers Bish, but our starter is now Andrei Vasilevskiy, our beautiful young Siberian tiger. He loves Bish a lot and he’s generally very lovable. Exceedingly hard on himself, always looks very soft, sometimes a little awkward. Everything he does is very adorable. We’d all die for Vasy probs

We got Peter Budaj from LA, and we’re keeping him, it seems. He’s a good backup and his family is very cute. Uh, we’ve only had him since the trade deadline so I’m not 100% certain on the deets, but I like him

Forwards:

Last season when everyone was injured, our 1C ended up being our rookie, 21-year-old Brayden Point. Our werewolf son, tries hard, good brows. Played for Team Canada in the 2016 WJCs and the 2017 World Champs. So earnest and happy to be here. Pointer was a very pleasant surprise this past season. More on him here, though it’s fairly outdated

Rounding out the Triplets (we have TyJo and Kuch already in the primer), we have Czech angel Ondrej Palat. He loves to jump. He and TyJo are bffs and have the same breed of dog. He’s always dragging TyJo on instagram. Very cute, 10/10 would hug Pally

Another forward is Cedric Paquette, who is slept on despite the fact that he’s beautiful. His eyebrows are magnificent. He’s our fourth line center (probably) and a very feisty French Canadian

Nikita Kucherov was mentioned in the primer, but as he’s my #1 hockey man, I feel the need to give you way more info about him than you’ll ever need. Hence, part 1 and part 2

Uhh so a slightly controversial figure is Alex Killorn. Killer is a funny guy and a smart guy. He’s also making a ton of money and we’d like if he produced more, or if Coop would just stop putting him in the top 6 when he’s under-producing, thanks. Other than that, a literal meme. He’s scared of everything (among them: haunted houses and driving fast)

Oh and I gotta mention that Vladislav Namestnikov is the champion of Bolts creeping, which is a team-honored tradition where players creep in the backgrounds of their teammates’ postgames

Defense:

Listen when is Slater Koekkoek going to be freed from the AHL. That boy needs to be in the NHL already. He’s probably our best defensive prospect and kind of a goof but in that amazing way where he’s not afraid to go out and be funny. You might’ve seen the prominent role he played in some lip sync videos

We have Heddy and Stralsy already in the primer, but I’m gonna just take a second to talk about Stralsy. Anton Stralman is Team Dad. He has like 12 kids (actually 4) and he’s the senior half of our Swedish D duo. We love and support our father Stralsy

Our tall giraffe son is Andrej Sustr. He’s uh. Tall. I’m not really sure what else he’s doing out there but I’m sure he’s trying

Brayden Coburn seems to get overlooked a lot (my bad, I’m part of the problem) but he has sweet curls and is a nice vet. I feel like you gotta ask @misharoux about him though bc I can’t do him justice

Prospects:

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART. I’ve been following the Lightning prospects for a while now and I have all sorts of feelings about them. I’ll make it quick though

We have an amazing crop of forwards in Taylor Raddysh and Anthony Cirelli from the Erie Otters. They were instrumental to the Otters winning the 2017 J. Ross Robertson Cup (OHL Championship). And of course my Q boy Mathieu Joseph of the Saint John Sea Dogs. And one of my absolute faves, Mitchell Stephens. And sort of rounding out our CHL core are Brett Howden and Dennis Yan. There are more but I just don’t know them that well

We drafted in 2017 the very tall, darling Cal Foote, shoring up our blue line. And from the summer trade of Jo, we got Mikhail Sergachev, previously Montreal’s 2016 first round pick, and now all ours

And in goal we have absolute goofball Connor Ingram, who is hilarious. Okay you might wanna search #AskIngram on twitter

Others:

So we just got Chris Kunitz and Dan Giardi. I’m sure some Pens and Rags fans know more about them. And we’ve got a good bunch of guys in the AHL in Syracuse, who we saw last season bc lbr last season we were Tampacuse due to all the injuries. Some of those guys were like, Jake Dotchin, Yanni Gourde, Cory Conacher, Michael Bournival, and Adam Erne

[katiecomma]

Book Review - One Last Stop

I would like to start this review by saying this: these words are entirely my opinion. This is a review of a piece of writing that is based on my opinions and experiences and feelings. That being said, if this book made you feel represented, if you related to the characters, if you loved this book my opinions do not invalidate any of that. We are looking at this from different minds and different perspectives and different life experiences. Which is one of the most wonderful things about art: the interpretation. So, you are still represented and relatable and loved no matter how I feel or what I have to say.

On to the review. I'm going to put it below the cut, because it is CHOCK FULL of spoilers. So if you don't want to be spoiled do not continue.

I will also say, this is not a super positive review. I didn't love this book. I didn't even really like it very much.

I'm going to divide this into talking points.

1. The New York Trope

I hate hate HATE the New York Trope. Again, this is a personal thing that's specific to me. It's not to say it's a bad trope, it's just one that I'm SO SO SOOOOO tired of. I hate the idea of someone who could never find a place ANYWHERE else no matter where they've tried to go, making their way to New York where they believe they will finally belong. And then magically, even though they're a loser or an outcast or whatever... they do! They awkwardly stumble into the perfect little found family of weird people that so perfectly suits them it's like where they were made to be. I hate it. Again, this is personal. And it may just be lingering bitterness, but I moved from a small town to the big city and found it almost IMPOSSIBLE to make friends. Those cool people that you wish you were friends with, already have their own groups of friends and they don't often just adopt random new people that they don't really know and make them "part of the family." Yes, I know... I'm bitter. It's fine. See? This is the personal experience swaying my opinions that I was talking about. In addition to having that personal opinion of the trope, I'm just kind of tired of it. I feel like the New York Trope has been very overdone.

2. Forced Trans Rep

I was excited for the trans rep in this book. Afterall, it starts at the very beginning of the very first chapter when August answers a roommate ad that states: "Must be queer & trans friendly." I was like: awesome! I am so on board for this! LET'S GO!

I feel the need to break here to say that I love Niko. He is amazing. And I love his character.

Ok... so, the ad specifically states trans friendly. It breaks trans out from queer, which suggests that someone within the apartment is trans. We meet the three roommates: Niko, Myla and Wes... and nobody mentions the trans thing again. Which is awesome. I'm still on board this rep train. We are led to believe one of the roommates is trans. And we don't need to know which one. Why do we need to know? It doesn't matter. The representation is there, in my opinion.

And then the awkward scene I didn't like. There are baby/kids pictures of all the roommates all over the fridge. August recognizes everyone except a little girl who only looks a little familiar, wearing a princess dress at Disneyland and making a grumpy face. August asks who it is. Niko, very casually goes: "Oh, that's me." At which point August has some internal dialogue that felt very much to me like: Ok, I thought there was something off about him, he's not really a normal guy. That's a paraphrase... but that was the vibe I got. I sent it to a few other people who confirmed that I'm not crazy, it vibes that way. So... in addition to this scene feeling forced to "out" the trans person in the apartment (which felt SOOO unnecessary since the ad let us know there was a trans person in residence), August's reaction came across as accepting, but not feeling like Niko was a normal guy. Which... I really didn't like. It made me not like August at ALL, who is the main character.

The whole thing just felt really unnecessary to me. Especially when there's a scene later on that does it better! There's a scene later where August is asking Niko about his psychic abilities and she goes: when did you know?... and Niko replies: "That I was trans?"... and August waves it off and goes: "No, that you were psychic." That in my opinion would have been a way better reveal moment. It doesn't seem forced, and August waves it off like it's no big deal.

I may be crazy... but that drove me a little nuts. And really made me dislike August. I understand it's important to point out that everyone could have a little bias buried in them still, and it's important to overcome that... but I really didn't need anything to make me dislike August more... which leads into my next point.

3. August Is An Asshole

Yes, I understand there are assholes in the world.

Yes, I understand that they are redeemable.

But I did not like August for most of this book.

I understand that part of it is supposed to be her defensiveness... and her want to be a loner.

But August is an unapologetic asshole and says dickhead things to the people who are trying to help her or care about her. And I just didn't like that.

Again, I understand she's had a shitty life... but there just wasn't a lot in this book to redeem August for me and make me like her. I spent a lot of the book being like: I hope this nice girl doesn't fall for her because she's a bit of a dickhead.

4. August's Self Hate

In addition to being a bit of a dick... August has so much self-hate I found this book hard to read at times. Every time there is a description of her doing ANYTHING it is tinged with self-hatred to the point that the book was frustrating to read. There is a scene where she's been out in the rain and she's wearing sneakers. She gets on the train and her "sneakers squelched unattractively." So even when things are out of her control she projects self-hate onto them. And I HATED IT SO MUCH. It was infuriating. Even after Jane starts to like her and tells her that she's attractive and that her body is attractive the narrative is still very much "why does she like me though?"

I've had this conversation/rant with a few other people... and I understand that self-hate is very engrained in our society. I understand that girls, especially chubby girls, have this on their mind a lot of the time. One friend said that it would be unrealistic to have a book where the chubby girl doesn't hate herself, the suspension of disbelief of that would not be possible. (I feel I should point out this friend is chubby also).

But as a fat girl I need to say: I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS. I HATE IT SO MUCH. I want a main character like Lizzo, walking around with her skin on display and being confidant. I know that's a leap, honestly, but I would even go for someone acknowledging their body but not in a hateful way. Or having a little bit of a confidence issue but nothing like what was in this book. August hates herself so much that honestly... I was kind of mad about it.

One of the best fictional fat girls of all time is Suki from Gilmore Girls. You know why I loved her? Growing up and now? Because her weight is NEVER brought up. It's never the point of any of her jokes. It's never suggested she should lose weight. She never has any plotlines around dieting for her wedding or trying to fit into an old dress. Her weight is NEVER AN ISSUE. THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN FAT GIRL REP!!!!

Sorry... this point in particular is very close to home for me. As someone who's recently found her confidence it was very hard for me to read an entire book where everyone around the chubby girl is being nice to her but she's rude to them and self hating to herself.

Do girls like this exist? Of course! I was one of these girls! But it's frustrating to read sometimes.

5. Jane's Promiscuity

I found this was a sloppy way of getting them to kiss. And I'm not a HUGE fan of the slut and virgin trope. I don't mind someone having experience. But it seemed like Jane slept with half the women in the US before she was 24. And the only reason there was for her to have SO many partners was for August to kiss her more.

Quick explanation if you haven't read the book: Jane starts getting her memories back via sensory experiences. So they decide she'll remember her partners better if August kisses her to help her remember kissing other girls.

So in the end it just felt like a REALLY lame excuse for them to kiss.

At this point, I feel you being like: did you like ANYTHING about the book at all?

I did!

6. Wes and Isiah and Maya and Niko

I loved pretty much every character BUT August.

Wes and Isiah's love story was much more interesting to me than August and Jane's. Wes had the self-hate going on too... but Wes' was related to being a disappointment to everyone in his past and not feeling like he could be anything else. And he didn't want to burden Isiah with a disappointment. But they were cute as HELL and I loved the development of their relationship.

Maya and Niko are just perfect, and wacky and wonderful and were adorable from the start.

7. Jane

I loved Jane's character (other than the previously mentioned promiscuity). She was fun and happy-go-lucky and had an interesting problem and an interesting history (again, aside from the promiscuity).

8. Queer History

It was only touched on briefly in the book, but I loved the idea that Jane was front and centre for a lot of events in queer history. I liked what it brought up. I liked the way it made August want to learn more about her community. I honestly wish there had been a little more. Especially since Jane lived through it all.

I loved loved LOVED Red White and Royal Blue.

One of the things I loved most about that book was the way she broke down walls and stereotypes. The way that Pez is so effeminate, but only shows interest in women throughout the book, and NEVER labels himself. Having queer rep throughout politics. Having a divorced woman as president. There was so much representation in that book, but it didn't feel forced the way it did in this one. One Last Stop seemed very centred around these tropes and stereotypes... and that drove me a little crazy. I expected more from Casey McQuiston after reading Red White and Royal Blue.

In conclusion. I will not be keeping this book. I will not be rereading it. I did not care for it much at all.

Ok. Rant over.

I WILL SAY IT AGAIN: if you disagree with me. If you felt something because of this book. If this book spoke to you and made you feel seen and represented. None of my bullshit opinion changes that. FEEL THOSE THINGS! Take the art that means something to you and keep it close.