#also?? even though i love the movie his louis really is so bland to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ashtonirwins · 4 years

Text

➵ hold on to me (i’m a little unsteady)

harry has a migraine; louis takes care of her (ft. trans harry, nourry friendship, and pet names galore) | 1.7k words | ao3

The apartment is dark when Louis finally manages to push the front door open. The porch light hadn’t even been turned on, so Louis had to fumble with his phone to light up the lock before succeeding in getting his key in.

He drops said keys in the bowl on the table next to the door, trying to be quiet. He has an assumption; there’s usually a reason for a dark and quiet apartment when Harry is home.

Sure enough, when Louis makes his way to the bedroom - stumbling through the dark guided by the flashlight from his phone - Harry is tuckered out in bed. It’s so dark, it takes Louis a few moments to adjust and realize there’s someone else in bed with Harry. Louis uselessly panics for a heartbeat before common sense kicks in; it’s just Niall.

The moonlight coming in from the window allows him to see Harry curled up in the center of the bed, her head pillowed on Niall’s chest. One of Niall’s hands is in Harry’s hair, but they’re both dead to the world. Louis doesn’t want to disturb them - definitely doesn’t want to disturb Harry - but he also wants to be the one Harry is curled up with.

It doesn’t matter either way, it turns out. Niall blinks his eyes open, causing both of them to startle as Louis had, at that moment, been bent over his and Harry’s bodies. His intent had been to drop a kiss on Harry’s forehead, not to give Niall a heart attack.

They both freeze, watching to see if Harry’s going to wake up. She just grumbles unhappily under her breath and rolls over, effectively freeing Niall.

Louis tugs him out into the hallway.

“For fucks sake, Lou.” Niall has a hand to his chest, still breathing heavily.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry. How bad is she?”

Niall sighs. “Left in the middle of class.”

Louis frowns at that, pulling out his phone to see if there’s a text or call he’s missed.

“Mate, it came on so suddenly. Even the light from her phone was too much for her.”

“Oh. You could’ve called me.” He tries not to sound put out, but well.

“She was pretty insistent I didn’t.”

Figures. “How bad s’it?”

Niall makes a face, nose crinkling up. Louis waits patiently, one ear listening for movement in the bedroom while he catalogs the changes in Niall’s expression. Harry’s pretty stubborn when it comes to talking about pain. Harry even admitting she’s in pain is a pretty big indicator; actually leaving class mean it’s serious. Louis just doesn’t know how serious.

“Pretty bad,” Niall settles on. “A seven or an eight, I’d guess. Didn’t take her sunglasses off till she was under the covers. Might’ve been crying a bit. But not as bad as I’ve seen it.”

“Couldn’t eat anything,” he guesses.

“No. Nearly threw up when I suggested it. She only fell asleep a little while ago.”

Louis nods and some of the tension eases in his shoulders. He knows he won’t relax completely until Harry is feeling better. Though, he supposes, that’s not quite fair since living with chronic migraines means Harry is rarely, if ever, feeling one hundred percent.

He pulls Niall into a hug, leaning into the other boy momentarily. A little bit of weakness he wouldn’t let many others see. “Thank you for taking care of my girl.”

“Course, Lou.” Niall rubs his back with one hand. “She’s my best friend.”

Niall leaves shortly after that, and Louis makes a mental note to take him out for a pint in thanks soon. He returns to the bedroom to find, in the short time he’d taken to walk Niall to the door, his girlfriend has woken up.

Harry blinks up at him a couple times before her eyes seem to focus. She stretches out a hand across the sheets, and Louis climbs in beside her without hesitation.

“Hi, baby girl.” He keeps his voice quiet, unsure how she’s doing and not wanting to unintentionally trigger anything. “How are you feeling?” He doesn’t touch her, not yet, but Harry curls her hand in the front of his shirt weakly.

“Better,” she says after a moment, voice heavy with sleep. “Don’t wanna move yet, just in case.”

Louis nods understandably and runs a hand through her thick curls. Harry leans into the touch slightly, so he keeps it up while he talks. “You need anything? Want anything?” He has to specify both because God forbid Harry asks for a glass of water if she’s not dying of thirst.

Harry doesn’t answer right away, just sighs with content as Louis massages at her scalp.

“Want me to rub your back?” he prompts.

“Always,” she replies immediately. “But I don’t want to move.”

Louis starts to sit up, but she clutches at his shirt tighter.

“I can move,” he offers.

“No, want you here.”

He settles back down. Slowly, so slowly it feels like full minutes pass, Harry shuffles forward till their chests are pressed together and she can nose her way under Louis’ chin. She settles, her whole body going boneless. Louis rubs a hand down her back as best he can from this position, tries to massage into her tight shoulders gently.

“Think you could try eating something?” he murmurs.

“In a minute. Just want you right now. Missed you.”

Louis kisses the top of her head. How her hair still manages to smell like her coconut shampoo even after classes all day, he’ll never understand. “I missed you, too, darling.”

They stay like that for longer than a few minutes. In all actuality, it’s probably 15 minutes later that Louis feels Harry start to stir again. He thinks they’ve both started to drift off. His limbs feel heavy with sleep, but when Harry mumbles about food, he kisses the top of her head again and slides out of bed.

He digs through the kitchen for something light on the stomach; something bland without much scent is always a safe bet when Harry’s recovering from a migraine. When he makes it back upstairs, Harry is sitting up in bed, long legs crossed, eyes closed. He pauses at the end of the bed, and Harry opens her eyes.

“I have to pee,” she explains.

“Do you need help?”

She moves to the edge of the bed with glacier slowness. “I don’t think so.”

Louis watches her closely, ready to catch her if she shows signs of feeling weak or dizzy. When Harry finally makes it to her feet, she pauses for a few long moments and then straightens to her full height.

“I’m okay,” she says.

One she makes it to the bathroom, she pauses again. Louis watches her hesitate momentarily before she flicks the light on. He holds his breath, waiting, and then she moves again to stand in front of the toilet. He looks away just as she goes to tug down her pants. She comes back into the room a minute later, smelling like their lemon hand soap, the rings missing from her fingers, with damp palms. She curls into the bed and nibbles on the toast he’s brought her.

“Rubs now?” She looks up at him, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Of course.” He slides in behind her, his hands automatically going for her hair which falls in a mix of ringlets and waves down past her shoulders. He runs his fingers through it a few times, massaging at her scalp gently to help her relax. He knows it works because it almost always works, and her shoulders droop almost instantaneously. Her chin drops to her chest, baring the back of her neck for him.

Louis smiles and tucks her hair out of the way so he can press a kiss to her exposed skin. “Finish your toast,” he teases.

His fingers move to her neck when she complies, and he starts massaging there, moving up into her hairline a little before moving on to her shoulders.

By the time Louis makes it to her lower back, Harry has been reduced to the human equivalent of a puddle.

Louis eases her onto her side and spoons up behind her. “How do you feel?”

Harry’s response is a quiet, unintelligible noise.

“Sleep, baby girl.”

Louis stays home with Harry the next day. Her migraine is gone, but she’s still recovering. Nobody ever really talks about after a migraine is gone. The nausea lingers, as does the dizziness and general weakness. Like getting over the flu, Harry had once explained.

They cuddle on the couch, Harry swaddled in blankets with her head in Louis’ lap. Louis plays with her curls and rubs at her shoulders.

In the middle of watching Tangled, Harry rolls over onto her back and smiles up at him. Louis pokes at her dimple, and her smile deepens.

“I love you,” she says. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Louis presses a kiss to her lips, the barest of touches. “I love you more.”

Harry shakes her head ever so slightly, hair falling over Louis’ knee. “Nope,” she argues, popping the P.

He pokes her in the side, and she squirms. “Yes.”

She leans up on her elbows and presses another kiss to his lips. “I love you most.” He doesn’t respond, too caught up in the lingering kisses.

“You’re trying to distract me,” he says.

She sits up, crawling into his lap. “Maybe I just like kissing you.”

“Don’t see why it can’t be both.”

They kiss for long minutes. Harry bites at his bottom lip before licking inside. Louis runs his hands up her sides to cup her face.

“How are you feeling?” he asks when they separate to catch their breath.

“Perfect,” she says, leaning back in to kiss him.

He pulls away before she can connect their lips, frowning.

“Okay,” she amends, “not perfect, but better. Let me kiss you.”

They exchange kisses, soft and slow, for a few minutes before she lies back down. His hand goes to her hair again, playing with the curls more than massaging.

“I won by the way,” she says. He hums in question. “I love you the most,” she explains.

Louis rolls his eyes. “You cheated.”

She, predictably, elects to ignore that. They settle in to watch the rest of the movie.

“You were my new dream,” Harry quotes along with Flynn.

Louis smiles, overwhelmingly fond. He wants to stay right here, in this moment, forever. He presses a kiss to the side of her head. “And you were mine,” he whispers.

#sometimes i write things #larry fic #larry fanfiction #larry fanfic

70 notes · View notes

hapuriainen · 4 years

Text

Hapuriainen's Animation & Comics & Games of 2020

It is again time for the annual compilation!

Manga:

Attack on Titan

I'm so sad this is so close to end... It's been my main thing for a few years now. Eren definitely didn't take the route I expected but I still find this consistent with his character and a bold and interesting move from the author.

(My notes say I also finished the jr high spin-off manga but it's not worth talking about)

Awards given: Best Side Girl (I still like Gabi, haters gonna hate), Best Boy (ditto Eren)

One Piece, My Hero Academia My interest in OP is still at an all-time low and I'm just waiting for the arc to end. There are so many characters and I have little idea what their deal is, Carrot hasn't been interesting in ages and currently Yamato is the only character I care for. Same for HeroAca; at least the excruciatingly long action scene is finally over.

Undead Unluck New Jump series! I think the main duo have a really good dynamic, but they're pretty much the only thing I care about and I'm very lost with what the plot is actually supposed to be about.

Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro

I like detective stories so here's one from the Assassination Classroom creator! The detective stuff itself could get rather nonsensical and as the story progressed more and more fantasy elements were added, but the titular character was entertaining enough to keep me interested. The viewpoint character was refreshingly (for a Jump series) a girl and her dynamic with Neuro (an ordinary schoolgirl and an arrogant amoral troll demon) was great.

Awards given: Best non-romantic relationship (Neuro & Yako)

Spy x Family

Super fun and the characters are cute! The main couple has such great chemistry and in general I enjoy following characters who are really competent at their job. Not surprised that this has become hugely popular.

Awards given: Best romance (it is rare to get me to ship anything but the main couple here is just so cute)

Delicious in Dungeon

This manga has amazing character design and the author clearly loves to play around with it, like by drawing each character as each other's races, or making clones of everyone but each clone is a little different so you can guess which is the real one with the characters, and there's so much thought put to the outfits too. And then there's of course all the worldbuilding around how an RPG dungeon and the creatures in it could work, but it's presented simply enough that the story is still easy to follow. I also like the upbeat atmosphere; maybe I could get a bit more emotionally involved if there was more drama, but I still really like this as it is.

Awards given: Best character designs

Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

Reread one of my favourite manga ever and it's still just as good. I love how the manga still has a positive vibe to it, under it there is the quiet melancholy of a world that is close to ending. And it's wonderful how uninterested the story is answering any of the worldbuilding questions it sets up.

Beastars

This was incredibly interesting in how it presented an animal society where the carnivore-herbivore differences couldn't be just explained away with "the differences don't really exist", and the story looks at this from so many different angles. Pairs really well with Zootopia for a completely different approach. Louis was a really interesting character with how he publicly managed to appear as if he was a good candidate to be the next ambassador for the peace between the animals but was actually very cold and broken inside, and I really liked his breakdown moment. The ending was pretty meh though.

Awards given: Best Side Boy (Louis)

Kannagi

This one has really cute character designs but apart from that it's a pretty generic harem story. Except for the twist that the main girl already had been involved with a boy which caused otaku to shred their manga or whatever. I believe I would have enjoyed this more if it finished back when it went to hiatus since at this point it didn't do much for me.

Witch Hat Atelier

The main girl is the kind of heroic, friendly, plucky goody-two-shoes protagonist I really don't like but apart from that this is a great manga. I love the art, and the way the magic works is really well set up but also easy to understand. Great outfits too!

Anime:

This year I learned that in order to clear stuff from your anime watch list you need to actually watch anime. So unexpectedly I think I watched a lot more different series than usual.

Attack on Titan

It was my plan to watch seasons 1-3 before jumping on board with the last one, and of course I dragged my feet for the entire year and had to marathon the whole thing in autumn. I still prefer the manga, but the anime does have great colours, soundtrack and voice acting and some of the action scenes were amazing. But I really hate what they did to Historia in season 3... The final season has been excellent so far and I can't wait for the big scene in the next episode.

Awards given: Best OP (all the Linked Horizon ones)

Ouran High School Host Club

Haruhi continues to be one of the best girls in the anime and manga industry ever with her confident and no-nonsense attitude, and Tamaki's oblivious and overflowing friendliness makes for a great counterpart to her. And the opening theme is so darn catchy.

Awards given: Best Girl (Haruhi)

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Finally managed to watch this. I love the iconic character designs and all the chaotic energy. Kamina for best bro. I've never cared for mecha, the girls were nice but the writing around them sucked and the second half wasn't as strong as the first one, but still a good package overall.

Awards given: Best ED (don't care for the song that much but Simon looks somehow really cool in the second ending)

Haibane Renmei

Another one that had been on the watch list for years. A lovely quiet and contemplative show. Visuals were rather dull though but maybe it's better for a show like this that the characters didn't have bubblegum pink hair.

Digimon Adventure 2020

This started promising but has since lost steam. I really like how different the story is from the original Digimon Adventure, and compared to Precure it's super nice how not every episode has the exact same structure, and the cast has different roles and regularly gets split up instead of shoehorning everyone into every conflict. But on the other hand the characters feel way more samey and flat, and the original "kids want to return to their home from the Digital World" plot was a lot more personal than the current one about global crises and prophecy jargon. And some of the action scenes last way too long.

Awards given: Worst side boy (Agumon and his evolutions, it is of course expected that he'd get a lot of screen time but I'm so over how much he's constantly pushed in your face in the franchise)

Shuumatsu Nani Shitemasu ka? Isogashii Desu ka? Sukutte Moratte Ii Desu ka?

This wasn't afwul but still left me kind of cold. I think the character designs were a problem here, in general I'm used to brightly coloured anime characters but this was trying to be a very serious story about child soldiers who know they're going to die young. But when they were colour-coded and always wore the same clothes (and mostly had pretty generic animu girl personalities) they felt so artificial which made it harder to get into the drama. Nice OP song.

Yashahime

Inuyasha was my first show after really getting into anime so I was super hyped for any kind of new content. So far this has unfortunately been rather dull since I'm not particularly interested in either of Sesshoumaru's daughters, and the way the show treats the absence of the old cast is annoying. Just either show them or make it clear we're not supposed to care about them, now it's just annoying how their disappearance is treated as a mystery but the three heroines know barely anything about their heritage and don't even seem interested in learning either. But I'll watch this to the end for Moroha.

Kaitou Tenshi Twin Angels, Twin Angel Break, Pretear, Happy Seven, Healin' Good Precure

Watched a lot of magical girl stuff this year too, these being shows that play the tropes straight. The Twin Angel seasons had different flaws but were otherwise watchable aside from the awful Twin Angel Break heroine. Pretear had surprisingly nice character writing and I feel I would really have liked this if I saw it at an earlier part of my anime hobby experience but now it doesn't feel so special any more. Healin' Good Precure has been rather dull.

I also watched a bunch of Precure movies, out of which only the Star Twinkle Precure one was actually good, and the Spring Carnival crossover movie was also good in an absurd way, while the rest ranged from awful to somewhat decent.

Awards given: Worst girl (Meguru - Twin Angel Break), Biggest WTF (Happy Seven suddenly going from monster of the week shenaningans to alien mass destruction weapons)

Concrete Revolutio, Myriad Colors Phantom World, Re:Creators

Also some anime where the magical girl was a side character. Concrete Revolutio was an unpleasant mess with nice visuals, Myriad Colors was a pretty boring otaku high school harem thing and the magical girl episode was also rather bland, and Re:Creators had a lot of potential with the "anime characters come to our world" setting but the result was somewhat uneven. Re:Creators had the best magical girl out of these three.

Awards given: Worst non-romantic relationship, Worst side girl (Setsuna from Re:creators, with the main boy) not really an awful character on her own, but the writing around her was pretty bad, let's also give Worst Boy for the said main boy

Nausicaa

I watched the first half of the movie over a decade ago and didn't manage to finish until now. After seeing so many other Ghibli movies this didn't do much for me, but the animation and nature were still beautiful.

Western:

Most Popular Girls in School

The newer seasons didn't reach the heights of the earlier ones but there's still something entertaining about a very raunchy Barbie doll stop motion show. Also pairs well with the Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse for a fun but more child friendly Barbie experience.

Frozen 2

I'm wondering if these really are the only Western piece of media I consumed this year? I certainly didn't go to movies after March. Anyway, like the previous film I had major problems with the plot and characters (I don't think Elsa's story was set up properly, Kristoff's sub-plot feels like an afterthought when he doesn't factor to Anna's sub-plot at all, Olaf is annoying, too much Lore) but ultimately I still had a good time. I like the costume design, the idea for Elsa's arc is fine, the songs are great and there were plenty of good scenes too, and the lullaby was beautiful. I'd say that like the original Frozen this was patched together from perfectly serviceable pieces that didn't quite work combined.

Awards given: Worst romance (not the pairing itself but the way Kristoff x Anna was written)

Games:

Animal Crossing Pocket Camp

Early this year I just decided not to open this app for the daily money-grubbing grind and haven't touched it since. I'm free!

Animal Crossing New Horizons

However the daily grind continues here! It's been way more enjoyable, primarily due to lacking the microtransactions/limited time item angle and also for being so much more customisable. And the nature is so pretty... But I've reached a point where even this has started to feel kind of stale.

Super Mario Odyssey

My first Mario game since Super Mario World so of course I'm blown away by everything. I like how colourful and welcoming the worlds were, Cappy was a surprisingly enjoyable sidekick/mascot and also the game was easy enough and had a simple linear plot so it was far easier to approach than Zelda BotW which is still on hold.

Plans for 2021

Actually play Zelda BotW

Maybe finally Evangelion?

Finally finish the mostly disappointing Digimon Adventure tri

Various magical girl sequels and remakes

8 notes · View notes

gnuttormen · 5 years

Text

10 favourite characters!

I wasn’t tagged (because I never get tagged in anything sob sob) but stumbled upon this on @sassysportacus blog and wanted to try it myself, so yah!

RULES: List 10 of your favorite characters from 10 different fandoms (in no particular order) and then tag 10 others!

CHARACTER: Mæja Jarðaber FANDOM: Ávaxtakarfan

Because who can’t relate to this character? Sad and lonely. Bullied beyond belief to the point that she herself believes in the statements about her, and yet still full of hope and happiness for the actual moment when Gedda comes to save her from being the lowest hanging fruit (lol). I was close to put Gedda on here, but truth be told, I’m SO IN LOVE with Mæja from the original -98 play so much that I had to put her in this list instead. I mean, look at her, she’s so small! Too cute!!!

CHARACTER: Spock FANDOM: Star Trek

Spock is the only reason why I wanted to watch Star Trek from the beginning, sooooo that’s something! I absolutely adore this character. Smart as a super computer, calm and collected, stone faced, so much in love with Kirk, mysterious yet so open, loyal as all hell, he’s perfect. Had a hard time to decide if I wanted Nimoy’s or Quinto’s Spock as a representative gif, but in the end I chose Quinto - Because god damn he filled those Spock-shoes perfectly and I love him and will protect him to the end of the galaxy.

CHARACTER: Todd FANDOM: Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

It’s Elijah Wood being depressed, sad and hurt over and over again while his detective boyfriend saves him and drags him into more mess. What more can I say? (Also, side note, watch this show. It deserves more fans!!) To be honest, I want to put Dirk (and FREAKING BART!!) on this list too, but if I have to chose just one of them I have to go with Todd... No, it’s not ONLY because he’s played by Elijah Wood, what makes you think that ?? ........ Don’t look at me like that!!

CHARACTER: Robbie Rotten FANDOM: LazyTown

AKA our own favourite meme edge lord. If it wasn’t for this character, I wouldn’t have started to watch LazyTown. I have SO MUCH to thank this character for, it’s kinda insane. Seeing beyond that, though, he’s a real mean villain with a heart of gold deep inside. Even the kids aren’t that mad at him, like ever, at least not for long. The design is absolutely beautiful, he looks like Waluigi but with style, and Stefán Karl’s acting is really nailing this character. A beautiful villain, never too mean, never too black and white. Adore, adore, adore!

CHARACTER: Benedikt Búálfur FANDOM: Benedikt Búálfur

Okay so I’m still new to this incredibly small but lovely fandom and madly in-honeymoon-phase-love with this show so I’ll try to keep myself short (or else I’ll be here all night). This character is perfect. I always love these kind of characters; a bit wild and crazy, lot’s of emotions, lot’s of movement and body acting. Björgvin acts A LOT with his hands too, which is another reason why I am so in love with this character, I can watch him forever (am I talking about Benedikt or Björgvin now? Nobody knows!). I could’ve just as well put any character from this show here to be honest, but the main character was the reason I wanted to see this show from the beginning and he hasn’t disappointed me in the slightest anywhere.

CHARACTER: Bentley FANDOM: Sly Cooper

What can I say, I adore nerdy characters just as much as I love ADHD-stimming “can’t sit still” characters (COUGH Benedikt COUCH). Bentley has always been my favourite, both in wheelchair and without.

CHARACTER: Sans FANDOM: Horrortale

I promise, I’m not a Sans fangirl. I really don’t care for him much in the original Undertale, I just think he’s a rad and cool character but I think that about everybody. In Horrortale, though, he’s SO INTERESTING!! I mean, they all are. They’re so unpredictable, but he’s really something extra. Not 100% psycho, but definitely not right in the head either. So unpredictable, yet the one character so far that we can trust the most (in a sick, twisted way). So much depth, so much character. Ugh, so interesting!!

CHARACTER: Vladimir FANDOM: NachtWacht

Aaaaah look at my vampire boy!! Best boy! I am so in love with this character. Strong, wise, old, handsome, clever and yet not OP. A perfect vampire (the good kind, on our side, thank god). Out of all of the NachtWacht-character, I also feel he has the most history and mystery to him along with Vega. He is over 100 years old, after all, and from what I know we don’t really know anything about his old life. Not much as least. There are many scenes in which he seems sad and down, in a deep way, and he and Vega has a connection none of the other characters have, like a father son bond (even though he has a real father, played by Louis, the actors, actual father.... UUUHHH I wanna see the movie soo baaaadlyyy!!). My favourite scene is by far when his powers goes away, and for a while he’s a human again, with a heartbeat and a reflection in the mirror. His expression is unbelievable! :( and this is a freaking kids show!??

CHARACTER: The Second Doctor FANDOM: Doctor Who

I haven’t watched Doctor Who in forever, but my favourite doctor will always be the second one. The dapper little guy with his big coat and his boyfriend Jamie McCrimmon flying through space and saving earth from Cybermen while he’s playing a recorder. Splendid! I could’ve put Jamie here too since I love them both to death, but in contrast to Jamie, the Doctor is actually a beautiful character no matter who he’s interacting with, while Jamie is pretty bland as a character when the Doctor’s not around. I mean, who is he suppose to cling to when the Doctor is gone? Huh?? Also, Patrick is a b s o l u t e l y beautiful. So that’s that!

10.

CHARACTER: Octaaf de Bolle FANDOM: Samson & Gert

Yes this character is stupid. Yes, he brags a lot. Yes, he fucks up a lot. But oh I just love him! He tries his best, okay :( He just wants to do good and be loved, god damnit! He tries SO HARD!! .. I relate to this character so much lol, constantly fucks up and then feels ashamed because of it. Ouch.

I actually had a hard time coming up with ten fandoms in the end. I couldn’t decide between three fandoms as n. 10 because I enjoy them all in different ways, but in the end, Octaaf won me over as the fantastic character he is so Samson & Gert took the 10′th spot, lol.

I wont tag anyone because I don’t know that many people and I have no idea who has done this yet and not D: So just do it if you want to!! It was fun ~

15 notes · View notes

keptmanners · 6 years

Note

‘Five times kissed’? They can be platonic too if that works better.

send me five times kissed for a drabble about five times our muses kissed // @privycracked

i. black eyes, blue tears.

it’s not serve, thankfully, the cut ruby’s being presented with. it needs to be cleaned and bandaged but otherwise, it should be fine. ruby tells brody as much, but not before lightly teasing her. “you know yer s’posed to use those spears to get FISH, right?” she asks, but she knows she’s not funny and she drops it before she can piss brody off.

“anyway, just stay still. this might burn a li’l but just bear with me, okay?” she sees brody nod, and she takes that as the go ahead. first, she cleans it off with the water she has at hand, then grabs hold of the anti-septic. that’s where the stinging comes from, but ruby appreciates brody doing her best to stay as still as possible. she tries to be QUICK, while still being thorough. “doin’ good,” she says as she sticks on a few butterfly band-aids and then grabs the gauze to carefully, and securely wrap around the wound.

“there ya go,” she says, satisfied with her work, and, without giving it a second thought, leans down to gently graze her lips over the injury. it’s not until after the fact that she realizes just what she’s done, and she can feel her cheeks burning under their already rosy hue. she can’t even look at brody as she clears her throat and asks, “so…uh…need…anything else…?”

ii. come on over.

ruby doesn’t do so well with horror films; never has, so when brody makes the suggestion that ruby sleep next to her that night, she doesn’t pass it up. she also makes a vow to NEVER let someone like marlon or louis pick the movies they watch EVER again. even if it DOES mean that she might be able to cuddle with her best friend– the torture the movie actually puts on ruby’s mind just ISN’T worth it.

“you know it’s just a movie, right? it ain’t real.” brody pulls the covers up over the both of them, rolling over onto her side, back facing ruby as she reaches over to turn out her lamp.

“yeah, i know… but it freaks me out,” ruby replies as she snuggles under the covers and inches closer to brody til she’s close enough that there’s no doubt that brody can feel her breath on her back. if she minds, she doesn’t say anything, at least.

“well, you’re safe in here,” she responds around a yawn. “goodnight.”

“… goodnight.” ruby knows that brody’s right. really, she shouldn’t be scared but she can’t help it. once a scary movie gets stuck in her head, it seems to play on a loop… though, she has to admit that cuddling with brody makes her feel a bit safer, at least.

so safe in fact, she barely pays it any mind as she sleepily presses her face into brody’s back, a kiss being placed right between her shoulder blades.

iii. send it with love.

they’re close. always have been. so it shouldn’t be too surprising that when brody presents ruby with a packet of seeds to plant, ruby, in her excitement, presses a chaste kiss to brody’s cheek. “these’ll be great! thank you!” she chirps. it’s only basil, but ruby’ll be damned if it doesn’t lift her spirits. in her excitement, she doesn’t notice the stunned look on brody’s face, and it takes her far too long to register it. by the time she does, the two have matching blushes and ruby realizes that maybe she shouldn’t have done that. after all, what if brody didn’t like it? why HAD she done it in the first place? what is WRONG with her?

“i uh,” ruby starts unsurely, “i’m…sorry about that– if that made you uncomfortable, or–”

“no, no– it’s…it’s alright.” despite the reassurance, the relief doesn’t really wash over ruby like it SHOULD, and before she can press further, they hear marlon’s cracking voice calling brody’s name. that’s all it takes for the two of them to return to what they were doing. ruby tending to the greenhouse, and brody leaving to go see what marlon wanted.

the cheek kiss doesn’t get brought up again.

iv. more fun.

attending a house party was probably one of the STUPIDEST things that ruby had ever agreed to. really, she shouldn’t be out at all. if her parents knew where she was– she didn’t even want to think about it. she didn’t want to think about the mayhem that may occur while she’s here. her only saving grace is the fact that she’s got brody with her. the two are attached at the hip and spend most of their time outside since the house is MUCH too crowded for either of their liking. they only agree to go back inside once marlon manages to coax them into it, and it’s not until they’re guided into the living room by him and he downs the rest of the drink he has in his hand, that the two realize just what TRICK he has up his sleeve.

before their of them can talk their way out of it, he’s making a big spectacle, only to be backed up by LOUIS who wholeheartedly agrees that SPIN THE BOTTLE is the most perfect game that they can all play together.

they try to say no, but ultimately crack under the peer pressure and agree. everything seems to go just fine until it’s BRODY’S turn to spin after JUST having to kiss marlon of all people (gross) and once the bottle stops spinning, it comes to a stop on RUBY. they both freeze, turning to stare at one another, and honestly, brody’s just glad that she won’t have to get up and move over to someone – though she can’t stop the nervousness that forms in her gut at the fact that it’s RUBY, her very best friend, that she’ll be kissing. ruby can’t quite believe it either.

“i’m just gonna IGNORE the fact that i just had to watch you lock lips with MARLON over there,” she jabs, resulting in some hooting and hollering from the others in the circle – but the primary noises being louis’ boisterous laughter and marlon’s cry of offense. it all goes ignored, however, as brody wills herself to lean in, ruby leaning in the rest, and the both of them blushing under the dim lights as the room seems to erupt into chaos.

ruby immediately shuts them all down, with a simple, “alright, that’s enough!” while also doing her best to recollect herself and reaches for the stupid bottle. she shouldn’t be at this party, she reminds herself as she gives it a spin, but the damage has already been done.

v. still under the weather.

despite her love of taking care of other people, ruby has never really been the one to like for others to have to take care of HER. it takes a lot for her to even let brody bring her some bland rabbit stew. really, she does all that she can to prevent brody from doing so, but it doesn’t do her much good. every time she goes to stand, the room spins and she has to sit back down. she’s too stubborn for her own good, really, and it isn’t until she nearly face plants that she remains in her bed without much fuss. not that it would do her much good, anyway. she’s in no condition to do much of anything other than sleep. if something happened to any of the other kids, she wouldn’t be able to do anything for them. this thought, as disappointing as it is, makes her resign.

brody is truly a godsend though. no one else dared to be brave enough to go into ruby’s room. brody already shared it with her, so if something happened, she knew it was bound to sooner or later. and besides all of that, she and ruby looked out for each other; had since the day both of them had wound up in this shit hole. and besides all of that, she almost felt like she OWED it to ruby in a way, with how often the shorter girl tended to everyone else. it was the least she could do.

she’d walked in to retrieve an empty bowl, thinking that ruby was asleep as she did so, only to be slightly surprised when she heard her speak.

“brody…? thank you…fer doin’ this.” ruby’s voice was a low murmur, eyes fluttering open, but growing half-lidded as she lifted her gaze to the other redhead.

“it’s no problem, really,” brody replied, offering ruby a smile, and trying – and failing – not to find herself thinking how adorable ruby’s deeper flushed cheeks were. “you should sleep.”

“yeah… i know…” despite being as tired as she was, ruby seemed none-too-pleased about the idea. but, she didn’t really have a choice and was fighting a losing battle, anyway.

brody’s smile grew slightly as she peered down at ruby, watching as her eyes fluttered shut. “sweet dreams,” she said before leaning down to press a feather-light kiss to ruby’s forehead, only realizing after the fact that it MIGHT not have been such a good idea.

the idea of getting sick wasn’t preferable by any means, but it wouldn’t be ALL bad, she supposed, if she had ruby there to fret over her per usual.

#privycracked #{ holy crap i can't believe i got this done...... hopefully it doesn't suck! lmao }#watch your manners / / ✿「 ASK PROMPT 」#keeping the peace / / ✿「 IC 」#bless your heart / / ✿「 ANSWERED 」

2 notes · View notes

mermaidsirennikita · 6 years

Text

March 2018 Book Roundup

I read a lot of books this month! And two of them were actually five star reads, which I would recommend for completely different reasons. Read A Girl Like That by Tanaz Bhathena if you want to be completely devastated. Read To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo if you want a fantastic fairy tale romp with a good bit of blood. But like, read both? There was also one pretty big disappointment (that was still by no means a failure, this book just got hyped to hell) and a book I actually hated. So like, a mixed bag!

The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton. 4/5. In Orleans, beauty drives people--in part because they don’t naturally have it. They’re born gray-skinned, red-eyed, and ugly; and this can only be changed with the help of a Belle, one of the lovely young women with the power to (temporarily) manipulate people’s physical appearances. Camellia is making her Belle debut with her sisters--but only one can get the coveted spot of the queen’s favorite, working on the royal family. Initially, Camellia is passed over; but when her winning sister mysteriously vacates the spot, she is thrust into the role of favorite and tasked with the seemingly impossible feat of healing the queen’s older daughter who’s been in a coma for years. As it turns out, the fate of Orleans could very well hang in the balance. On the surface, I thought that The Belles would be like a lot of those YA fantasy/dystopian books centered on looks that is basically a transparent riff on reality shows/21st century pop culture meets Harry Potter/The Hunger Games/What Have You. In fact, the way the Belles work in their world is very much its own thing, and Clayton does a lovely job of weaving in these super sugary descriptions--obviously drawing from the French royal court of Marie Antoinette or Louis XIV--while never dropping this sense of mystery and dread. Part of that mystery revolves around what the Belles really are, and to be honest I’m still not 100% sure about that--but this is the beginning of a series, and it’s incredibly intriguing. Furthermore, the horror factor was much more present than I expected. It’s a book that gets a lot out of the eeriness behind what people do for beauty--the only thing it needs to work on, for me, is fleshing out the characters a bit more.

Bygone Badass Broads by Mackenzi Lee. 3/5. Lee expands on her popular Twitter series, telling the stories of women who have been scrubbed from history because they’re not white enough, not straight enough, not cis enough, or otherwise too transgressive in some other ways. Basically, this is one of those books that lists dozens of rebellious or unusual women, and I tend to love that. I wouldn’t say that this book is bad, but it also doesn’t rank super high in the subgenre. Yes, Lee does a great job of digging up women that even I hadn’t heard of (and I say “even” because again, I read a lot of books like this) but the write-ups are so short (about three-ish pages on Nook each) that I didn’t get a lot out of them. Which of course allows Lee to include more women, but I would have rather seen more about each woman and less women in general, especially as some were honestly--less impressive than others. As important as lady publishers are, I feel like there’s less intrigue and yeah, importance overall to their stories compared to those about women like the Maribel sisters. There were a couple of women included who were borderline legends as well, and I don’t know... Maybe cut them in favor of the women who definitely did something? Furthermore, there’s a huge imbalance in time periods, or at least it felt that way--I mean, it seemed like most of the ladies were from the nineteenth century and onward. And that’s just a matter of personal taste--I’m more interested in history from ancient times to the eighteenth century. Nineteenth century is where my interest begins to wane a bit! But with that being said, it’s not a bad book and definitely a nice, quick read when you want to discover some interesting women written about in a chatty tone.

A Girl Like That by Tanaz Bhathena. 5/5. For most of her life, Zarin--an Indian immigrant to Saudi Arabia--has been viewed as a bad girl. She’s seen that way by the mentally ill aunt who raised her, subjected to abuse in part simply because she’s a “bastard orphan”. Her uncle sympathizes but won’t actually help. The girls at school and their mothers see her as a flirt and a bad influence. The only person who seems to give Zarin a chance is Porus, the boy who worships the ground she walks on, no matter how careless she is about his feelings. Now Porus and Zarin are dead in a car accident, and few know what actually lead up to it; in bits and pieces, from multiple perspectives, we learn the reality of Zarin’s life, and why she was far more than “a girl like that”. First off, this book is absolutely heartbreaking. Though you know from page one that Zarin and Porus are dead, you still fall in love with them and there’s this sense of dread throughout as you get closer and closer to their deaths. Zarin is one of the best YA protagonists I’ve read about in a while--flawed but incredibly human, easy to relate to, and terribly wounded in a way that isn’t over the top. And Porus isn’t a knight in shining armor, he’s a romantic boy in love with a girl who may or may not want him back, and the book doesn’t hesitate to call him out for his white knight-ing while not abandoning his inherent goodness (which is implied to be present because he had the influence of a good father, whereas the other, less good boys in the book are following the examples of shitty fathers). It was great to read a YA contemporary novel that was set somewhere other than America, or even Europe. The author has a background similar to Zarin’s, so she’s not talking out of her ass here. And there’s a deep sympathy for almost every character in the book--even when they’re horrible, they aren’t mindless villains. There are cultural and religious elements at play, and none of them are good or bad without cause. As a warning, rape and abuse (sexual and otherwise) are themes throughout the book, as is depression, suicidal ideation, and more. It’s not an easy read. But it should absolutely be read.

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn. 4/5. Anna is an agoraphobe and classic cinema fan, spending her days talking to fellow agoraphobes on a message board and her nights watching movies--and spying on her neighbors. She hasn’t left her home in ten months, doesn’t live with her husband and daughter anymore, and seems beyond hope when her new neighbor Jane visits and breathes new life into her boring routine. No sooner has Anna made a friend, however, than she sees something horrible happen in Jane’s home. The issue? Everyone--including the police--say that it didn’t happen. This book is a clear Rear Window tribute, and acknowledges as much--in fact, Anna’s obsession with classic thrillers, along with her alcoholism and psych meds, probably contribute to her status as an unreliable narrator. And I love an unreliable narrator. Anna is flawed without losing my sympathy (another favorite character type) and while I can’t say that this is the most original thriller I’ve read, it’s entertaining and well-done and even a bit emotional. Definitely satisfying.

Rosemarked by Livia Blackburne. 2/5. Zivah is a healer, struck down by the same plague she’s been treating people for--the rose plague. It will shorten her life but kill her slowly, isolating her in a little cottage (think shades of leprosy, but not as gross, of course). Dineas has survived the same plague, leaving him immune, and has escaped the Amparans who tortured him to the point of breaking. His desire to liberate his people brings him to Zivah, who wants to make the remainder of her life mean something--and together the two unite on a mission to steal from the capital. I think. Honestly, this book was so boring that I wasn’t really absorbing much of the plot. In theory, it’s such a cool idea: a slow-burn romance between a warrior and a dying healer that has them acting as spies. But it’s told in alternating perspectives, and Dineas and Zivah are both so bland that I couldn’t really tell the difference between the two of them. There was a lot of summary without much urgency. Also: the romance is clearly meant to be a big part of the story. However, Dineas and Zivah lack chemistry, and this issue is only exacerbated by the fact that... for reasons... which I didn’t totally get... Dineas keeps having his memory taken away? Willingly? “For the mission”. So Zivah is supposedly falling in love with amnesiac Dineas, who isn’t even really Dineas completely--or is he??? God, it made no sense.

Awayland by Ramona Ausubel. 3/5. A collection of short stories capturing the feelings of dreaminess and wanderlust, often with a dose of magical realism. This book is very difficult for me to describe, in part because it’s just kind of weird? Definitely well-written if you like pretty, sometimes purple prose. There were a few stories I really liked, some that simply baffled me, and in general I loved the sense of the different lands the author described. However, one story made me particularly uncomfortable in the almost fetishistic way that it described Africa, and I can’t help but feel how... deliberately vague... it seems to be. And I’m not sure what to think about that.

To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo. 5/5. Princess Lira has seventeen hearts in her bedroom. The daughter of the siren Sea Queen, Lira waits for the day that she takes her mother’s throne, building a fearsome reputation by taking the still-beating hearts of princes. Prince Elian isn’t so dissimilar--however, he sails the seas killing sirens, and his reputation has made him a prize for the sirens. After killing one of her mother’s subjects, Lira is punished with a human form. The only way she can return to her true body--and remain her mother’s heir--is to get Elian’s heart--without any of her powers. This Little Mermaid retelling is dark--focusing a good bit on the effects of abusive parenting--and bloody, starring a monster princess and a prince who isn’t so nice either. Yes, it’s a story of two people who are mortal enemies hating each other until they maybe don’t so much. Yes, it’s full of the various lands Elias and Lira visit and all of their royal families. Yes, it was one of the most fun and engaging books I’ve read in a long time, and certainly one of the best fairy tale retellings I’ve read. READ IT.

Blood Water Paint by Joy McCullough. 3/5. A verse-driven retelling of Artemisia Gentileschi’s rape and its aftermath, interspersed with stories of the women who would inspire some of her most famous works. Let me tell you this upfront: I feel that other people would enjoy this book much more than I did. It’s written in a lovely way--the stories of Judith and Susanna are told by Artemisia’s mother, almost as bedtime stories, which is... a bit weird, but cool--and it is an incredibly important, if brutal, story. It’s also, at face value, pretty accurate: Artemisia was the daughter of a mediocre painter who she learned from and surpassed; she was raped by Agostino Tassi after an initial romance; she was tortured in court to prove that she wasn’t lying about her rape. The story does skirt over the fact that Artemisia wanted to marry her rapist, and his refusal to marry her drove her to seek justice--not the rape on its own. And that bothered me, the lack of real confrontation of that fact. Because it renders Artemisia an “imperfect victim”, and few rape survivors ARE perfect victims. Certainly, few in the seventeenth century fit a twenty-first century idea of what rape survivors are like. And that was a huge issue with the book in general. Artemisia--and her mother, to an extent--thought and sounded like twenty-first century women. Artemisia approached painting like a twenty-first century artist. As someone who has studied Italian painting of this era, and how Italian women painters were treated and acted, it just... didn’t sit well for me. Sure, the whole book was stylized, but you can have a stylized story without losing authenticity. Again, this will probably be a fantastic book for people who don’t share my background with the story. But it didn’t work for me.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw. 1/5. Two centuries ago, the people of Sparrow drowned the three Swan sisters, all accused witches. Ever since then, the sisters have returned every summer, possessing innocent girls until the solstice to seduce and drown boys. Penny Talbot is familiar with the legend, and therefore hasn’t let herself get attached to the local boys. Bo isn’t local--but he does have a connection to the sisters. As they zero in on a boy she’s growing increasingly concerned for, Penny hunts for an answer to what the sisters really want and how she can stop them. This was so bad. So bad. Bad because the idea was really cool--ghost witch sisters, possession, seduction, drowning--and there were some really interesting descriptions. Basically, some of the bits that were just about the Swan sisters’ past were cool. Some of them. Until the end. The rest was basically a hodge-podge of incredibly predictable “twists”, chemistry-less instalove, and a total inability to write people as people. They made ridiculously stupid choices, experienced inexplicable emotional reactions, and in general just felt fake. This should have been SO cool. But it just made me want to write the opposite thing in order to prove a point. (Also: it is set in OREGON. Near Portland. In our time, or at least a time where stereos are a thing. I know that shady shit can happen anywhere and especially in small towns, but fuck. Around 3 or more young boys from this town drown EVERY SUMMER, and not only is the town able to sustain itself but the FBI hasn’t gotten involved? These all seem to be young white boys, in Oregon, just drowning. Literally if this had been set in a made-up town in a made-up time, this would have been much more believable.)

The Merry Spinster by Mallory Ortzberg. 3/5. A collection of short, spooky retellings of not only fairy tales, but classic children’s stories like “The Velveteen Rabbit”. Overall, I’d recommend this book if you’re in the mood for something lyrical yet genuinely grim--but be warned, it can be a bit self-important sometimes. A few of the creepier bits felt almost too self-aware; like, “this is scary because these are children’s characters acting really weird, oooh”. Some of the stories I could have done without. Standouts include “The Daughter Cells” (The Little Mermaid), “The Six Boy-Coffins” (The Six Swans, also the best story in the collection), “The Rabbit” (The Velveteen Rabbit) , and “Cast Your Bread Upon The Water” (Johnny Croy and His Mermaid Bride).

The Radical Element ed. Jessica Spotswood. 2/5. An anthology of short stories about young women who are “radical” in some what, from the nineteenth to twentieth century. Because really, for a historical fiction anthology, this is pretty limited in time periods and locations--it’s nineteenth and twentieth century America, barely stretching a century. Which is something I found irritating about the last anthology edited by Spotswood that I read (A Tyranny of Petticoats) but I liked that more because there were more stories for me to connect with. Honestly, many of these read very young to me, so regardless of the writing quality I didn’t like most of them. The only one that really stood out to me was Anna-Marie McLemore’s “Glamour”. But this isn’t a bad anthology, in my opinion--I just think I’ve outgrown much of these stories.

Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney. 2/5. Amber is in a coma. She can sense everything around her, hear everything people say, but can’t move her body, even to open her eyes. She remembers nothing--only that her husband doesn’t love her anymore, and she believes that he had something to do with the “accident” that people refer to. Alternating between Amber’s present in the coma, the days leading up to the accident, and a series of diary entries, the truth slowly unravels--or maybe. Because sometimes Amber lies. Basically, this had all of the plot elements it needed to have... But it moved at what felt like a glacial pace, and I couldn’t get into anything because the voices were dull. Also: Amber has no control over her bodily functions while in a coma, and is sure to remind us of this every possible moment. Furthermore, there is such a thing as too many twists, and to a degree, this book went there.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. 3/5. The land of Orisha was once full of magic--and Zelie’s mother was one of those who had it. Until, that is, magic disappeared. King Saran conducted a raid that killed all--or supposedly all--magic users, including Zelie’s mother. Years later, Zelie and her brother Tzain embark on a quest to restore magic, aided by the runaway Princess Amari, and pursued by Amari’s brother Inan, who is determined to inherit his father’s ruthless legacy. So... This book. I wanted so badly for it to be at least a four star read for me. It’s been intensely hyped up, with the movie rights being sold ages ago. Is it worth the hype? For me, obviously not. The hype oversold it. Because Children of Blood and Bone is an enjoyable read with a ton of potential--but it’s also one of those books that was so clearly written by a debut author. And I hate to say that, because I want to be a debut author someday; but there is a standard we need to hold ourselves and others to, and to me, this book needed some editing. It was very overlong, with some parts dragging because I wanted to get back to the action. The character beats sometimes felt rushed, comparatively--especially when it came to, you guessed it, the two central romances. One of them was MADE FOR ME, but though I liked the pairing I wished that there had been more a realistic buildup. The interesting thing about Children of Blood and Bone is that Adeyemi--who as I understand it is Nigerian-American, raised in America--based it off of West African culture. As a white American, I obviously cannot speak to the authenticity of the usage of Yoruba, but I have seen a couple of Nigerian reviewers claim some issue with it, and that does make me wonder. I do know that Adeyemi used, again, Yoruba in her book as well as several real place names. This bugged me a bit. Orisha is a fictional world--why refer to real African cities and a real language? Obviously, most of the dialogue is in English, but Adeyemi could have referred to an imagined language as many fantasy novelists do. To me, this all felt like... I don’t know, Jon Snow saying that he’d learned French from a tutor, or Gandalf saying that he was from Belfast. It was a worldbuilding issue that knocked me out of the story. For that matter, the fact that the catlike animals were referred to as “leonaires” (leopards), and so on... it seemed kind of weak. There were a ton of very usual beats here--rebellious princess, young characters doomed from the first page, evil king who is evil because he is evil and had a dead love that is the sort of root of all of his problems... It seems like I’m critiquing the fuck out of this book, but it had such a great idea and was so set up to be great that I don’t know. I’m just disappointed, and it all could have been much better because the bones were there. All that said, I’m probably going to read the second book because I was invested in the characters and do want to see what happens next. But if the next book isn’t better, I probably won’t read beyond that.

In Search of Us by Ava Dellaira. 3/5. Angie has never known her father; the biracial child of a white mother, she has never known the black side of her family, as her father apparently died before she was born along with his brother. After discovering that her uncle is actually alive, Angie embarks on a trip to LA with her ex-boyfriend to seek the truth about her father. In a parallel story, we see the journey of her mother, Marilyn, as a teenager being pushed by her mother to support them through a modeling career she doesn’t want. After meeting James, Marilyn sees the opportunity for a new life--the question is how she’ll come to be the single mother of a daughter she keeps secrets from. This book is really lovely and sweet in a lot of ways--the writing is quite pretty. Marilyn’s story is, to be honest, much more compelling than Angie’s simply because she has a more dramatic arc. Angie is essentially on a trip to uncover something you can probably guess fairly early on, and though her struggles are totally understandable, it is kind of difficult to watch her treat her very sweet ex like shit and kind of take advantage of his feelings. Marilyn has this struggle of attempting to escape her mother’s impossible dreams, while engaging in genuinely sweet and sad romance. The issue for me was that nobody quite as accessible as Marilyn, and while I appreciated the message the book was sending, it seemed a bit heavy-handed and abrupt towards the end. Tacked on for points, to be frank. Also, there was one sex scene that seemed... while not physically impossible, very unlikely. But overall, if you want to read something sort of gentle and sad with good romance AND mother-daughter elements, I’d recommend it.

The Flight Attendant by Chris Bohjalian. 3/5. Flight attendant Cassie is something of a train wreck, using her career to facilitate a habit of heavy partying and one night stands. In Dubai, she has a one-nighter with a man named Alex, only to wake up to find him brutally murdered in the bed they shared. Unable to remember the entirety of the previous night’s events and terrified of what will happen to her, Cassie sneaks out of the hotel room and finds herself embroiled in an international scandal. The book follows not only Cassie’s perspective, but that of the mysterious Elena, who seems to be keeping tabs on Cassie. This is definitely a gripping book, and I sped through it. Honestly, much of the interest had to do with just how odd and intriguing a flight attendant’s life can be, and it was certainly a great profession for the main character of a thriller--Cassie was constantly jet-setting. The issue was that she was also a total idiot, to the point that sometimes her stupidity felt less like a character trait and more like a plot device. But I could have gotten over that. What bumped this down from a 4 to a 3-star rating was the ending--the big twist wasn’t something I called, but it also wasn’t very thrilling. You pretty much knew what was going on before the end. And of course, everything was tied up in a very... borderline sexist way? But it’s not the worst thriller I’ve read; I mean, it wasn’t even the worst one I read this month.

#books #book recs #book roundup

7 notes · View notes

needsmoresarcasm · 7 years

Text

The Definitive Totally Objective Ranking of Every One Direction Song

As the title says, this is a totally objective and absolutely not biased in any way* ranking of every 1D song recorded. Except like, not remixes or covers because that’s the line I drew in the sand and I’m sticking to it. I mean, it’s still ninety damn songs, so like, there’s enough there there. Anyway, let’s get to it. (Also, as a note, as always, I kinda view language as an impressionist painter would... up close these words might not mean anything, but if you take a step back the general feeling should be there.)

*I am lying.

90. Little Black Dress

1D has a pretty serious discography at this point. Five albums, all ridiculously overstuffed with deluxe, Target-exclusive, Japanese B-sides that must be collected by depositing $20 into the eager gullet of your nearest Sony executive. So like there’s a lot of songs. And not all of them are gems. So being last is a truly impressive feat of strength. But here “Little Black Dress” is. Little Black Dress is just a wall of noise. It’s a rock song written by someone whose only point of reference is a Kidz Bop cover album of the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack and then was recorded using GarageBand on a laptop in the middle of a construction site. It’s a truly meritless sonic attack, devoid of personality or melody. The best thing about it is that it clocks in at a mercifully brief 2:37.

89. Nobody Compares

Find Liam Payne in this song. Oh, what, you can’t? Because he’s literally not there? Like, at all? Like, not even kinda mixed in to the back of the chorus somewhere? Huh. Funny. Now on a totally unrelated point, Nobody Compares is a trash garbage dumpster fire.

88. Something Great

You see, the thing about Something Great is that it really shouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

87. Gotta Be You

You know how I know there must be like mystical forces behind the power of 1D? They released this as their second single and the world didn’t immediately throw them into the abyss. A lot of 1D’s ballads are boring, but Gotta Be You is special because it is somehow both boring and also has one of the most grating choruses ever crafted. And most of Up All Night is shoddily produced, but it’s real noticeable on parts of Gotta Be You (see the very beginning of the second verse). And then they released a “US 2012″ version that is the exact same thing??? Except like Liam resang the line about making a mess on your innocence. BECAUSE REASONS.

86. Taken

Try singing Demi Lovato’s “Skyscraper” over “Taken.” It’s easy. Because they’re the same song. Except Skyscraper is significantly better. Taken is what happens when you ask the writers of Skyscraper to rewrite Skyscraper, except this time use even more cliches and make sure that there’s no discernible build anywhere in the entire song. It doesn’t help that the children singing are not actually very good at singing at this point. Like, Zayn whiffs at the beginning of the bridge. On the studio version. And I feel like that’s all that needs to be said, really.

85. Little Things

One Direction have a bad history with second singles. And Little Things is no difference. First, it is written by Ed Sheeran and like, every single one of them sounds like they’re trying to do their best Ed Sheeran impression. And none of them are great at it. Next, the lyrics are aggressively bad. No one should ever be forced to say any of the words that Harry and Liam are forced to say on this song. It’s a crime. But mostly, it’s the worst type of acoustic college dudebro song that should be banished forever from polite society, for the benefit of everyone who isn’t a nineteen year old white dude that’s finding himself.

84. Once In A Lifetime

With the pacing of a funeral dirge and the personality of your local DMV, Once In A Lifetime is a true stunner. I don’t know if the soft acoustic guitar or the barely audible whisper on all the vocals is more innovative, but man is this song exciting. At least, again, they seem to be fully aware of their worst songs and end this one after 2:38.

83. Night Changes

Was this a second single? I don’t remember. It sounds like a second single though. It’s got all the hallmark points of one: indistinct ballad, saccharine lyrics, and like the Glade plug-in air of romance to it. But Night Changes also manages to have the worst 1D music video as well. A video where they decided it’d be a good idea to split everyone up and then not have any of the hyena children antics. I call a do-over.

82. Spaces

Have you picked up on the theme of terrible 1D songs yet? It’s faceless ballads that would be better suited playing on repeat in my own personal hell than on a One Direction album. Like, if you’re gonna make a ballad as a vocal group, then at least serve me some lush harmonies to bask in. And like, the reason Spaces is better than all the ones before it is because it does that for exactly .5 seconds after the bridge when the beat drops out and there’s a delicious “oh spaces between us.” So thanks, Spaces, for not being totally worthless.

81. Same Mistakes

The only surprising thing about Same Mistakes is that it was not written and produced by Ryan Tedder.

80. Infinity

Honestly, I’m shocked that Infinity wasn’t the second single off of Made in the A.M. because it sounds exactly like it should’ve been. And like, comparing Infinity to Gotta Be You shows just how much better they got at singing and how much better their producers got at producing their voices. But like, it’s still a boring song, Jan, with a particularly bland chorus.

79. Temporary Fix

Temporary Fix is kinda the spiritual successor to No Control. But just like, much worse. The vocal tones are all poorly matched and both verses end up sounding like total messes. The chorus sounds like it might be interesting, but then quickly dissolves into a puddle of adult contemporary insipidness. And like, it’s just a lot of overproduced noise.

78. Illusion

This might be the worst chorus in 1D’s discography. It has actively mundane lyrics and sounds like the worst kind of Disney channel original movie song reject. It’s melodically repetitive and also hookless, a combination that defies sense. But like, the verses kinda bop, so the song isn’t the worst ever.

77. Home

So like, if I’m being real honest, I heard Home for the first (?) time when writing this list. And... I can’t say I’m ever going to be hearing it again. Harry’s falsetto is not a good sound here. The entire instrumental is a plodding disaster. The song sounds the exact same the entire time, but it also sounds like they stitched four separate songs together at the last minute. And how it manages to be both disjointed and boring is beyond me. But like, yikes.

76. Another World

Okay, so, objectively Another World is a terrible song. It kinda sounds like a song that would be playing in the background on a Japanese commercial for like some chocolate snack. And it also sounds like it was produced using only the preloaded Casio beats. But otherwise, it’s a hilarious relic from One Direction, a band that released B-sides in the year of our lord 2012.

75. Right Now

Oh, Right Now. What could’ve been. I actually quite like Right Now as a song. It hits that plaintive vibe pretty well. It builds well. It’s kinda an ideal pop midtempo song. But all the vocals on the studio version are tragic. (The live performances are significantly better. Which is not a thing I say about One Direction songs, ever.) Louis sounds like he’s both singing through his nose and chewing on sandpaper. Niall digs in to the most grating parts of his tone. Zayn’s falsetto sounds paper thin. Liam is barely hanging on to some of those higher notes. And, like, Harry actually acquits himself of the mess pretty well. But come. on.

74. I Wish

At this point, I harbor no resentment for any of these songs. But like, this song is just total album filler. It’s the most nothing a song could nothing. You could’ve replaced this song with any other song from any other artist on any other album and no one would’ve noticed. Because it’s the equivalent of the raspberry jelly beans in a packet of Jelly Bellies. Like fine, but no one’s looking out for it.

73. Stand Up

“Oh oh oh oh / so put your hands up / oh oh oh oh / cause it’s a stand up / and i won’t be leaving till i finish stealing every piece of your heart” is the greatest chorus written in the history of music. This song is a masterpiece, whose chorus is somehow dwarfed by the bridge: “And I will steal us a car / and we will drive to the stars / I will give you the moon / it’s the least I can do / if you give me the chance” where “chance” and “do” are written as a rhyme???? And then “I’m a thief / i’m a thief / i’m only here / i’m a thief / i’m a thief / because you stole my heart.” GOD, I should’ve ranked this song way higher. I regret this already.

72. Midnight Memories

Oh, Midnight Memories. The album where One Direction decided that they weren’t going to deliver pure pop jam after pure pop jam and were instead going to give me subpar rehashes of dated rock songs and modern folk tunes. Great. And like, Midnight Memories is probably the least inspired of all the subpar rock rehashes. But like, at least it gave us the fun anecdote about having the lyrics originally be “I love KFC,” which I think could’ve made for a deeper, more contemplative song, tbh.

71. Na Na Na

It’s another lovely B-Side, and you can tell once again by its middle school music project-level production quality (and the fact that Liam sings basically the whole song, the other stalwart pillar of 1D B-sides). And, as the great William Shakespeare once said, they were like na na na, then they were like yeah yeah yeah. But wait, here’s the twist, then they went na na na. I know, it’s really quite an emotional rollercoaster.

70. Diana

Basically all that stuff I said about Midnight Memories, again. Except this time about The Police. At least this has some fun 80s pop-style synth going on.

69. Love You Goodbye

Liam serves some serious vocals on the opening of this song. And honestly, that’s the entire reason this has managed to escape the lower echelon of this ranking. Because this is every bit as insipid as Infinity, except at least this kind of leans into it with the snare drum and the overly dramatic strings.

68. Happily

Oh hey, it’s the other type of song on Midnight Memories that drives me up the wall. I think when it first came out I called it Mumfordian riff raff, and that’s basically what I’m gonna stick with. It’s Mumfordian riff raff. And not a particularly good iteration of it. So, like, what’s the point. If you’re gonna trend hop, at least do it well.

67. Stockholm Syndrome

I really, really love Everybody Wants To Rule The World.

66. Why Don’t We Go There

This song might be incredibly generic, but it’s also great to just blast while driving down some empty highway that I have heard exists in places that are not Los Angeles. There are fun little oohs throughout the song, and so I can mostly overlook the fact that most of the instrumental to the song sounds like it was lifted out of the beginner level of a knock off Guitar Hero that couldn’t get licenses for any actual song.

65. Still The One

The Take Me Home bonus tracks are all certifiable jams. They’re hilarious and cheesy, but like unapologetically fun and totally unpretentious. No one told any of these tracks that they weren’t cool, so they just all do their own terrible Carlton dance in the street without apprehension. It’s beautiful. Still The One is bouncy and energetic and it doesn’t care that Niall and Louis definitely cannot hit the low note it asks them to because it’s just as certain as I am that no one ever listens to these songs. And that’s beautiful.

64. Ready To Run

The chorus of Ready To Run has the line “escape from the city” in it, which obligates me to mention the best video game song of all time: City Escape from Sonic Adventure Battle Fight Club 2: 2 Fast 2 Sonic. It’s not relevant to the song or this ranking, but do yourself a favor and jam out to it. Ready To Run is no City Escape, but it’s got some solid vocals and the lameness of the chorus doesn’t offend my core.

63. Magic

Another pop perfection Take Me Home bonus track that never should have made it out for public consumption but somehow managed to sneak out and thank god for it. I want someone to hunt Harry Styles down and ask him to sing this song. Do you think any of them even remember that this song exists? If you played this song for them, would they have any recollection of recording it? Does this song even exist?

62. Walking In The Wind

Not to state the obvious, but this song is just wonderfully light and breezy. Louis’s verse is impeccably delivered and the song manages to draw a more resonant sound out of his voice than usual. And that would elevate the song even higher if the bridge didn’t sound so horrifically strained the whole time. But you know, you can only have so many wins in one song.

61. A.M.

A.M. isn’t great, but its placing at the end of their last album is one of their better tracklisting calls. Everyone shows up to play vocally and the choruses have some well crafted vocal arrangements. It’s simple. And it feels like a somewhat dignified send off for the band. I don’t know. I’m not made of stone, people.

60. Truly Madly Deeply

Once I got over the fact that this wasn’t going to be a Savage Garden cover, I appreciated Truly Madly Deeply for just really going all in on the sappiness. (Really though, these Take Me Home bonus tracks feel like they were all imagined for a different band. A better band. A band that would be fueled solely by the hopes and dreams of the innocent.) It’s all just such a wonderfully boyband-y affair.

59. Irresistible

Listen, the video I had to watch in order to listen to this song had an annotation that said “PLEASE READ MY HARRY FANFIC ON WATTPAD” and I feel like that really sums up the essence of this song better than I can. It’s Jamie asking people watching her youtube video in 2012 to please read her Harry fanfic on Wattpad. And like, there’s a unique charm to that.

58. I Want To Write You A Song

The difference in the vocals from their early ballads to this song is ridiculously stark. Like comparing this to Taken sounds like two entirely different groups of people. Those verses are just like a wonderful, rich, warm honey. (... we’ll just ignore the chorus.) But just like, don’t pay attention to the sound of the pencil writing in the background because once you hear it, you’ll never unhear it. *glass shatters* Oh, uh, sorry?

57. No Control

No Control is here solely on the shoulders of one of the best fanworks ever created. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

youtube

56. Story Of My Life

Here’s another 1D foray into the seedy underworld of the Lumineers & friends. It’s not the worst thing ever, and like, it smashed pretty hard so at least it has that going for it. And the music video is pretty great, like gj Ben Winston. But also the radio version for this song cut out Liam’s part in the second verse and I’m forever angry and bitter about it, because that’s the best part of the song. ... huh, do I even like this song? I feel like maybe I am learning that this should’ve been ranked ~20 spots lower.

55. Best Song Ever

This basically sounds like all their other lead singles, so let’s not waste any time talking about it as a song. (That’s not entirely true, it’s the only song where I am actively anxious about Liam whiffing a note.) Instead, let’s talk about the amazing music video it produced that actually forced all of them to “act.” And like, just do ridiculous things generally. And made it abundantly clear that they’re somehow the most boyband-y boyband to ever boyband but also totally unfit to do anything a boyband does. It’s a theatrical masterpiece that should’ve been eligible in the short film category of the Oscars.

54. End Of The Day

I remain convinced that End of the Day was two separate songs that they merged into one. Because the verses and choruses are totally unrelated to each other. But I’m okay with that, because both halves are great. And so it might not be a Reese’s Cup where two things blend together to make an even greater whole, it’s at least a tub of Neapolitan ice cream where the separate parts are delicious and don’t detract from each other. Am I hungry? I might be hungry.

53. Act My Age

If you were in Portland and walked into an Irish pub at like 1:45AM and then just started yelling, you would probably end up composing Act My Age. Like it’s just a lot of yelling, and there isn’t a whole lot of musicality happening. And I’m not entirely sure at any point during the creation of this song did anyone stop and think, “is this a good idea?” But like, that’s the point. That’s the whole point. And if you can’t appreciate a little sloppy fun, then maybe you shouldn’t have gone to a pub at 1:45 AM. That seems like it’s on you.

52. I Want

THIS IS GREAT. Because this is totally the “rock” song on Up All Night. And just typing that sentence out is hilarious to me. It’s very baby’s-first-rock-song, and there’s a real charm about that. But the best part of I Want is the staging of the live performances during their first tour. The ridiculous dinner party set up and all of them dressing up in formal-ish wear and like the ridiculous video they played. It was wonderful. They should’ve kept doing that.

51. Hey Angel

Much like A.M., Hey Angel on its own is not that great of a song. But also like A.M., its placement on the album makes it so much better. It’s kind of the perfect album opener for Made in the AM. It’s got that super lush instrumental opening and those epic layered backing vocals throughout. It’s like their producers said, “hey, we learned how to do our job and now we’re going to show it all off at once.” And then they did. It establishes the slightly-more-grown-up pop sound that MITAM just nails.

50. You & I

The chorus of You & I embodies the sweeping pseudo-romance that every sappy pop ballad attempts to be. And like, man does You & I really nail it. It soars just enough to make me almost forget some of the downright terrifying body horror-level of animorphs shit that the music video wrought upon my eyes. Also like, Zayn goes off at the end of the song, and not just on the high note. He hits some of his best runs on those adlibs and it’s money.

49. Loved You First

God. Take Me Home is a great album. Even the forgettable bonus tracks are pure pop perfection. They just like dig their elbows all the way into the soft bubblegum beats that have been churned out of some faceless stainless steel factory just for them. And it just carves out that perfect One Direction niche, a pop sound so ubiquitous that literally no one else even comes close to it.

48. Rock Me

“Do you remember summer ‘09,” One Direction asks me. Oh yes, summer ‘09, when Harry Styles was 15 and like, I don’t know, doing trigonometry homework? Maybe Louis was like, hanging out with his buddies at Starbucks drinking those coffee-free Frappuccinos? There were probably lots of cartoons involved? Come on, kids, I hope to god that was not the “best time of your life.” During summer ‘09, I was being an adult and obsessively following Twitter updates of the tour of a reality singing TV show competition. Get on my level. (This song is great and I love it for letting Niall and Liam take lead on the chorus / refrain.)

47. Live While We’re Young

I gotta say, I am surprised at how much I like Live While We’re Young. I kind of always assume it’s boring when I think about it. But then I listen to it, and Zayn is telling me that we’ll keep doing what we do, just pretending that we’re cool, and I am inspired all over again. The song is just like distilled energy, and all the vocals are so crisp and poppy and the guitar is bouncing the whole time, and I just like- someone give me an inflatable banana to hit Liam Payne with.

46. Everything About You

This song is almost painful for me to listen to because it reminds me of the EURODANCE TRASH POP BAND THAT COULD’VE BEEN. The entire song is great, but during the breakdown, when they pull out the beat, and then bring it back in, and then there are those fire falsetto adlibs. God, this song is so slick and brilliant, and they could’ve gone down this path. In another timeline, they went down this path.

45. Strong

This song gets some points just for giving me some of Liam’s lower register (even if it’s approximately six notes total). That’s the real crime of One Direction, ignoring Liam’s incredible lower register. I’m all here for a ballad that you can kinda just scream along to in the shower, and that’s what Strong gives me. It’s a great hairbrush song (I say, as a person who does not own a hairbrush).

44. Steal My Girl

That opening piano for Steal My Girl is iconic. Or like, it should be iconic. Every set from every pop star ever should start with that intro. If that doesn’t get you hyped, nothing does. Like you just know whatever comes next is going to deliver. And, like, Steal My Girl kind of delivers after that. It’s not a total let down. And it gave us Anna Kendrick throwing down with John Krasinski while wearing a shirt silkscreened with a picture of Emily Blunt.

43. She’s Not Afraid

Wow, no song has ever said party on a beach quite like this one. I don’t entirely know what it is, but it’s undeniably beach-y. And like, this is not a song concerned with petty things like moderation or dynamics, it’s all about just going as hard as possible for one hundred and ninety seconds and I could not be more down for that ride. It’s also a song that manages to preserve and utilize Harry’s tone nearly perfectly in that first verse and then gives me Liam harmonizing with himself in one of the most pleasing symphonic moments of 1D’s discography.

42. Last First Kiss

There’s something incredible simplistic about the writing of Last First Kiss, which is unsurprising given that it’s one of the first songs that the 1D members had any actual writing input on. But it’s also really sweet and heartwarming in its simplicity. And sure, I’d rather just like send that second verse into a void, but there’s some real magic happening in the choruses. And that breakdown is just gooey falsetto candy.

41. If I Could Fly

Let me start off by saying that If I Could Fly is a bad song. Everything about it is super boring and bland and I mostly want to never listen to it. But, like, it’s also the single best vocal arrangement on any One Direction song ever. Which puts me in a bind when ranking it. So we’ve ended up solidly in the middle. Because man, for as much as I am bored by the song, the vocal arrangement and production are incredible. First, both Louis and Niall give their best vocal performances on this song. Louis gets to really tap into the natural rasp of his voice in a way that’s lovely and warm. And Niall’s voice has a richness to it that I wasn’t aware it was capable of. But then in the way the harmonies build throughout the choruses, and the way the lines switch back and forth between each person. And then the trade offs at the bridge and in the breakdown. It’s absurdly well put together, and thoughtful and it makes this group seem like an actual vocal band. But like, the song is aural Lunesta.

40. Alive

There’s an audacity to this song that absolutely should not work, but somehow does. Like, this is not a sound that works for One Direction, but through sheer force of conviction, they’ve managed to pull off this one song. Liam alone goes through like nineteen different vocal tones as he shifts from grit to rock to breathy to smooth. It’s a song that sort of bounces off all surfaces when it blares through speakers and just vibrates through your body. And somehow it goes through this journey in under three minutes.

39. Fool’s Gold

Fool’s Gold feels like it’s just gliding along the clouds bathed in sunlight the entire time. I get that it’s lyrically kind of sad and desperate, but it sounds so goddamn sweet and romantic and for a song about fool’s gold, maybe that’s fitting. The verses twist and turn effortlessly, and the choruses are just pure vocal bombast. And all of it comes together in a digestible caramel-filled truffle of pure bliss.

38. Save You Tonight

youtube

37. Clouds

This song is like a shot of adrenaline straight into the bloodstream. It constantly drives forward with overblown production and effects everywhere and at one point I’m pretty sure they just dump the song into the middle of a Star Trek soundboard and go to town. And I’m totally okay with all of that because adding a few caffeine pills to Four is only ever going to be a good thing.

36. Summer Love

I also kind of hate Summer Love. It’s incredibly treacly and the bad kind of cheesy. And honestly, the studio version is mostly terrible. But the live performances of the song throughout the Take Me Home tour are everything. And the song that gave me Liam belting out and then harmonizing with Zayn in one of the most impressive displays of vocal ability in 1D history needs to get some credit. Just like, be impressed with me.

youtube

35. I Should’ve Kissed You

I have a lot of true pop trash favorites from One Direction’s discography, but I think I Should’ve Kissed You is my absolute trash favorite. It’s the stupidest of their B-Sides, and thus the best one. Like, Liam and Harry do this fun back and forth on the first prechorus and then Liam and Zayn do it on the second prechorus, and I’m just really here for any song that makes it sound like they’re singing to each other about their eyes. This is an absurdly fun song and if you haven’t heard it because you don’t live for B-Sides released six years ago, then you should hunt it down immediately because it will transform your life. It’ll be like the Giver, you’ll see colors and shit that you didn’t know existed. (That was The Giver, right? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in The Giver; the main character couldn’t see color, then this old guy played I Should’ve Kissed You for him, and then he could see color and like, wrote it down or some shit.)

34. Half A Heart

Half A Heart isn’t a total sewer rat of a song, but it’s not like great. But once more, a single great moment in the song elevates the entire thing. In the last chorus, Liam sings two separate harmonies, one which is played through the left channel and one which is played through the right channel, and that’s like the best thing 1D’s producers have ever done. I like have waited for them to repeat that but it just hasn’t happened and I demand to know why.

33. C’mon C’mon

One Direction rarely gives me the dance pop that I want, so when they do I really have to savor it. C’mon C’mon is like the exact kind of middle-of-the-road dance pop that my heart desires from this band. The vocal production is kinda breathy and overly slick, and it’s just a great affair. I mean, the fact that Liam doesn’t have a solo and I still think it’s great basically says everything. (But like, also makes it significantly worse than another song...)

32. They Don’t Know About Us

I love me some piano pop ballads. And like, this really leans into it with the wonderful tinkling piano that plinks through the whole song. It’s just like such a genuinely youthful song that is so gleefully exuberant that it’s hard not to get swept up with it. It bites down with the defiance of an unruly kitten and that’s just something I need more of in my life.

31. Don’t Forget Where You Belong

If They Don’t Know About Us grew up to become a college student, you’d get Don’t Forget Where You Belong. It’s somewhat more mature, but still far away from being a fully formed human. The way that the song just swells up through the bridge and then recedes back into that wonderful boom-boom-clap breakdown is gorgeous. And the bit of the second verse with Harry and Liam harmonizing is an aural delight. And there are just so many more small moments like that, where someone has a small vocal frill that gives the song a shade more replay value than your average 1D ballad.

30. Over Again

So, I like basically all of the Ed Sheeran-penned 1D songs (minus Little Things, which remains an abomination sea creature abyss monster). There’s just a deftness to the melodic construction that is more interesting than the average 1D ballad. And yeah, usually there’s a whiff or two in some of the solos (as there is here), but overall it’s a great, simple ballad that brings out a lot of the really nice softer tones of their vocals. (... and Liam kinda kills this song.)

29. Olivia

This might be a blatant grab at a Beatles song, but is there anything wrong with that? Shouldn’t more songs be blatant grabs at the Beatles?? Especially if they’re going to be this fun and boppy? Olivia just bounces along without a care in the world, and comes with some serious vocal firepower from all sides. That rapid fire cadence in the verses drives the pacing of an otherwise meandering melody. And man, those low notes can almost be described as showy, a rarity in One Direction’s discography.

28. Moments

For some reason, Moments comes with a lot of nostalgia for me, even more than the average Up All Night track. Something about it is inextricably sketched into the fabric of 2012 and will always bring me back there. It’s easily the best all around vocal song on all of their first album, which is too often defined by botched vocal production. It gets the various tones and breaks in everyone’s voice and utilizes those things as assets, not liabilities. And they somehow managed to turn that chorus into a larger-than-life chant that could literally fill stadiums. And like, that’s some power.

27. 18

So, while I like the Ed Sheeran songs, they’re all still very much Ed Sheeran songs. You can just hear how Ed Sheeran must’ve phrased the song on the demo because that’s exactly how all of the band delivers it on the record. Except for 18. On 18, we get some of the intricate melodies of an Ed Sheeran song, except with the musical personalities of the actual members of the band. They sort of figured out their own vocal identities and managed to wrest some of the vocal quirks away from Sheeran and into Payne/Tomlinson/Styles/Horan/Malik. And like, I enjoyed getting to witness that evolution in real time.

26. Wolves

Is “jaunty” a word people can use to describe music? Because Wolves is downright jaunty. Like, if you’re not chair grooving throughout the entire song, then there may be something medically wrong with you. It’s carefree and breezy and also comes with a supersized side of twists and turns to keep things fresh. Every damn solo brings a delightful new vocal delivery that just adds an extra layer of awesome to the song. Like seriously, every damn solo uses a different texture or has some offbeat cadence or something and it’s a smorgasbord of bubbly fun.

25. Up All Night

For all the criticisms lobbed against One Direction for being generic and manufactured, it’s hard to find another pop act that was delivering this slice of bubblegum pop in 2011. Which isn’t to say that 1D was producing original, groundbreaking music, but they were definitely filling a niche that had been left wide open since like the early 2000s when the last wave of bubblegum pop acts peaked. And Up All Night like burrows itself right into the middle of that bubblegum pop sound that just nestles into your ears and fizzes with bright, unabashedly catchy hooks. And like, we should all be so thankful that it does.

24. Girl Almighty

“Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty,” they bellow and you know they mean it, because they’re surrounded by a sea of mostly teenage girls that built an empire on blood, sweat, and feels. This is the sort of anthem that is a solid record in the studio, but really comes alive when blasted in a stadium and belted amidst the bone-crushing, world-ending power of the fandom that built House Direction. A power that can bend reality to make sense of a light as loud as as many ambulances as it takes to save a savior.

23. Back For You

This song is total musical whiplash, as it jumps from one big hooky line to the next big hooky line, in search of the perfect earworm. Every line of this song is the catchiest line on the album. And each word somehow vibrates with even more energy and electricity than the last. And like, it just doesn’t stop. It’s bursting and effervescent and every second of it should be cherished like the goddamn gem it is.

22. Perfect

“Perfect” is definitely just Taylor Swift’s “Style” with a slightly different melody. But “Style” is a jam and a half, and so I’m down with Perfect. It’s the perfect song to belt out at the top of your lungs while serving just a little bit more attitude than the lyrics of the song actually call for. Like, it’s a song that wants to make “baby I’m perfect” into a biting insult. But mostly, it’s a song that includes the line “if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about, baby I’m perfect” and that’s the best line written into a 1D song.

21. Through The Dark

In the Mumfordineers Folk Hunger Games, Through The Dark is the victor. Because Through The Dark is an actually fantastic song that takes the swoopy melodies and the jangly banjos and the trawling percussion of the genre and uses them for good, not evil. It’s a decidedly sturdy, not quirky, song with some lush vocal arrangements and tight production. It is a vocal delight from start to finish with some pretty lovely harmonies and some killer adlibs towards the end.

20. Tell Me A Lie

Top 20 is serious business time, where all these songs are masterpieces in one way or another. And Tell Me A Lie is just another goddamn gem of a pop song. We get the first sense of the power of Zayn’s voice on the chorus here, a nice hint of the tour de force yet to come. And Liam hits all the most perfect boybander inflections, down to the breaths. The beat never stops and the vocals are always up to the task and the entire song is an example of what can be accomplished with a lot of fire and a little talent.

19. Does He Know?

First of all, everything about the lyrics of this song is amazing, and I will not entertain any conversation to the contrary. The absurdity of this band singing any of these words halfway between swagger and sincerity is great. And the entire song has the cadence of a pixie sticked-up child on a pogo stick, and that’s the kind of bounciness I’m looking for. But also, have you heard Liam’s voice? Namely, the absurd number of textures he hits on his various solos and harmonies here. He’s Mystique, but for voices. ... so, like, a voice actor, I guess.

18. Long Way Down

Speaking of Liam Payne’s voice. There’s something just personally satisfying about getting to hear him belt out for forty seconds on the melody of the song. He carries a lot of harmonies throughout 1D’s 89 other songs, but here every member sings entirely solo. And for Liam, that means carrying a melody and really going for the throat, throwing the real gravity of his voice around like a damn wrecking ball to my emotions.

17. Kiss You

Alright. I’ve described a lot of 1D’s songs as energetic or bouncy or whatever. But this, this is the pure concentrated shit. This is the shit that you can only buy after signing a waiver. This is the shit they keep locked behind the counter, that you have to ask for. Pound for pound, this song has more energy than any other song on earth. If scientists could figure out how to harness the power of this sun, we would solve all of our world’s greatest problems. The song is turned up to 11 the entire time, and no one is mad about it, because it’s just a fantastic song. The chorus itself has like three separate hooks in it; the prechorus is a hook on its own; the verses move at a breakneck pace. Just like, blast this a few times a day and you’ll be able to forgo your daily workout routine.

16. Where Do Broken Hearts Go

And once I got over the fact that this was not a Whitney Houston cover, I was able to enjoy One Direction’s best attempt at arena rock. This is the kind of stadium-filling rock sound that fits a pop band. Where Do Broken Hearts Go is impossibly big and bombastic and has just enough hard edges to break through the roar of an audience. But it keeps a lot of the vocal pop flourishes that keep the song believable delivered by a band that grew up in the circuits of a drum machine.

15. Change My Mind

I’m sure this song has verses and a bridge and like other parts. I’m sure it does. It must. It’s a song. I can see that it is longer than twenty seconds long. But, are we sure it’s longer than twenty seconds? Can we be entirely sure there’s anything other than Liam’s deliciously clear falsetto on the first chorus? Because that’s a divine musical experience with few rivals. The ridiculous control and clarity throughout the entire chorus, and the crispness of the tone and the certainty of the delivery. It’s a pure and magical chorus that should be enshrined in a museum somewhere, preserved for future generations of children to halfheartedly look at and shuffle past in boredom like all truly spectacular art.

14. More Than This

As far as pure ballads go, More Than This basically is as good as it gets. The melody of the song is so much more carefully constructed than anything else on their first album that I almost feel like they fell backwards into it. And yeah, the vocals on the studio version suffer many of the problems common to the Up All Night tracks, the merit of the song is enough to keep the whole endeavor afloat. And mostly, their later live performances showed that it was a song that they were more than capable of growing into. But More Than This is a genuinely sweet song that just hits all the right notes.

13. I Would

One Direction might not have a solid grasp of the subjunctive mood, but they certainly understand a hook. Because like, WOULD HE SAY HE’S IN L-O-V-E BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME THEN I WOULD. I mean, what? Where was I? I don’t know. Because I’m making the mistake of listening to this song while writing about it, and unfortunately the only thing I can do while listening to this song is belt out the chorus. Because this is an endlessly danceable song and grooves so hard and is all the fun.

12. Little White Lies

The first nineteen seconds of this song have some of my favorite production effects of the entirety of Midnight Memories. I like that while most of Midnight Memories veered into folk/rock, Little White Lies just sat there and was like, fuck y’all, I’m gonna frolic in some dance pop. And again, I love my dance pop. There’s a goddamn drop on the chorus, and it’s everything I could’ve asked for in a One Direction song. Heck, it’s more than I would’ve dreamed of asking for. Everything about that beat just pulses through you; you’re forced to feel the song in your core. And damnit, that’s exactly what I’m here for.

11. Fireproof

Fireproof is almost quaint in its simplicity. But like, it’s not one of those sparse acoustic guitar ballads that plagues bad Youtube cover songs. It’s lush and full and has an undeniable energy pulsing through it. Each solo is steady and assured, and somehow each seems to be pitched in the sweet spot of each member’s vocal range. And then, when there are harmonies, they’re identifiable in a way that One Direction harmonies hardly ever are. And they’re not drowned out by noise. The song is just like the best meal you’ve ever had, but not because of any fancy recipe, it’s just got like the best individual ingredients possible.

10. Change Your Ticket

Change Your Ticket starts with some weird spaceship noises and then only improves. The prechorus is fun and bouncy and then the chorus carves itself a solid groove and rocks back and forth in that pocket. And like most of One Direction’s best songs, it’s right in the center of their sound, instead of being some weird facsimile of something else. I don’t know, this just feels like what they should be singing and writing about and how they should be singing and writing about it. There’s the genuineness of a twenty year old multimillionaire in there.

9. History

So while AM might’ve been a great finisher for the album, History is the true closer in every sense. Their last single, music video, and song. And everything about it is perfect. The You’ve-Got-A-Friend vibe is the perfect vibe to go for. The ode to the fanbase that built them. The weird sentiment that acknowledges that this band has a damn history behind it. The production that makes it basically seem like a live recording, complete with an audience sing along. It’s just a lovely song that delivers on all of its promises and there’s nothing more I could’ve asked for, really.

8. Heart Attack

If you haven’t listened to Heart Attack in a while, do yourself a favor and listen to Heart Attack. It’s the most singable of a slew of immensely singable choruses. The OW! alone is worth the price of admission. The verses and prechorus are playful and like almost conversational. And then the chorus is this stew of oohs and aahs and it’s all ear candy. And like, OW! COME ON. Just like, scream OW! a few hundred times with me and you’ll understand.

7. What Makes You Beautiful

Ah, the song that started it all. There’s a reason that What Makes You Beautiful was a gigantic global smash and ignited the 21st century’s most popular vocal group. It’s fucking magical. Everything about it came together to make the world’s most digestible pop song, and then they filmed a music video that showed the world’s most digestible pop band. And like, there you go, mega international smash hit. But like for as global and digestible as the song is, it’s also brimming with the band’s personality. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and it’s incredibly fun and a little messy. And, y’know, great.

6. Drag Me Down

Have I ever been more hyped than when One Direction dropped this fucking bombshell on me randomly at midnight one day? Has my heart ever stopped faster than when Liam tweeted some shit about their new single? No. The answer is no. The release of Drag Me Down caught me by surprise and then proceeded to grab hold of my brain and imprint all over it. Drag Me Down is definitely One Direction in 2015, which is starkly different from One Direction in 2011. And like, that’s a good thing. It still doesn’t take itself too seriously and incredibly fun and a little messy, but this time it was also a little more confident. Less smiling at the ground, more telling people to step off. And like, still a huge, poppy bop.

5. Better Than Words

What happens when you combine a hugely catchy pop song, a fun lyrical conceit, and a ton of Liam Payne’s vocals? Better Than Words. A song that pleases both the ears and the wit. There’s something about the simplicity of using song titles throughout a song. And then the chorus explodes with an actual hook, and packs some musical merit behind that clever idea. And then Liam kind of just goes off, using the song as a vocal playground for his falsetto and his chest voice and everything in between. And it’s impossible to not grin at the whole thing.

4. What A Feeling

In the top 4, every song is #1 in my heart. What A Feeling is a goddamn masterpiece. One Direction like actually created this legitimately excellent piece of pop music. It is so perfectly produced that I almost don’t know what to say. It just creates this entire atmospheric vibe that envelops the entire song and gives it that dream-like quality. And the vocals are all so smooth and airy and float seamlessly along the melodies. When that sound really fills out in the chorus, the song goes from dreamy to transcendental and it’s a damn journey.

3. One Thing

What Makes You Beautiful might’ve been the song that catapulted 1D to superstardom, but I’m like fairly certain One Thing is actually the song that crystallized the fanbase. Because One Thing, in so many ways, feels like the essence of 1D. The most 1D thing to ever 1D. As a song, it’s not all that different from WMYB, but just like even more carefree about the whole ordeal. It’s a big, hooky pop song with a loud chorus. But the One Thing music video, which is just One Direction rolling through the streets of London, jumping over each other in only somewhat matched clothing and generally following no discernible script basically became the image of 1D. They are stupid and goofy and individualized in a way that has since become synonymous with the band. It’s a great song and a better video.

2. Never Enough

Everything about this song is insane. It has vocal doo wops the entire time. It has weird grunting. It has like a weird honking sound. It has screaming. It has all sorts of absurdly messy adlibs. And I totally love all of it. Every damn part of it. The verses have this rapid fire delivery that builds momentum. And the prechoruses have this funky groove to them. And the chorus explodes. And like, the whole time Liam is just doing the most. There are adlibs and harmonies and melodies and backing vocals and then also that totally unhinged Michael Jackson build. The song presents itself as a cavalcade of insanity and Liam’s vocal abilities. And it’s just like the most fun.

1. Stole My Heart

I need justice for Stole My Heart, the One Direction dance pop anthem of my dreams. Mostly, I need justice for Liam’s vocals on this song. I don’t entirely know what direction the producer gave Liam on this song, but I have to assume it was something to the effect of “fucking kill it.” Because he fucking kills it. He’s super breathy and airy and light but somehow still incredibly controlled and tight. And it’s like his voice was made for dance pop, even though we have 89 other songs in which he never sounds like this ever again. Because the world is the WORST. And yeah, okay, so he’s basically the only one who sings on the song, but that’s okay. Because did you hear him on it??? Stole My Heart is the single greatest human achievement of the 21st century and I just want that to be recognized.

There you go. That’s the ranking. Feel free to disagree! But like, know that you’re wrong.

#one direction #ranking #none of these words make any sense

96 notes · View notes