#also; when someone is criticizing specific behaviour; 'what about both sides' is not the winning argument you think it is

[thevalleyisjolly]

Not gonna maintag this one, but while I don’t think you need to post a disclaimer on every silly fandom post you make about your headcanons, I do think there’s a very clear difference between going “Here’s a fun little scene I made with these characters!” and “X character is the ONLY ONE who loves Y character and not only can NO ONE else love them as well but EVERYONE ELSE is actually horrible and I can’t BELIEVE anyone would ever like/prefer them over X character.”  There’s.  There’s a difference there that you can generally tell.  Criticism of the latter is generally not referring to the former.  And there’s nothing to say you can’t do the latter either, just tag it properly and keep it out of the main tags.

[melon-kiss]

This is just going to be a ramble about everything Sherlock. You’re most welcome to discuss or just ignore it. I needed the space to vent.

I watched Sherlock. Again. I think it’s beginning to become my annual tradition. And I have a crisis. Don’t get me wrong, I am always Sherlollian at heart. It’s just… I have doubts sometimes. And what triggered those doubts this time was the fact that Sherlock calls Molly “John”. Twice. And then Irene Adler. And then one post on Tumblr. And many, many more.

OK, these are just my random thoughts. Enjoy if you’re willing to read them.

 1. “John”. “Molly”.

We often mix up names of people we consider to have the same place in our lives. Which is good, right? Right. Only, in Sherlock’s case, we’d have lean into the theory that Sherlock does love John romantically and feels the same way about Molly. Or concede the fact that he loves them both platonically. Neither of these options is really satisfying, isn’t it? Well, that’s why I’m struggling… One could say he’s in denial of feelings for Molly and identifies them as friendship, as this is the strongest, purest relationship in his life, the only one he describes as emotional and the closest he’s ever had to love. Besides, Molly and John are similar in one way – they both share the same – medical – knowledge. Of course, Sherlock doesn’t realise her other qualities until The Reichenbach Fall when she says she can help him whenever he needs it. It’s not until she’s honest with him again and tells him, without a shred of grudge, that she knows she means nothing to him, that he realises he has at least two friends. He calls her “John” when his mind is busy with something else, so there’s no room for any purposeful confusion. The same thing happens in The Empty Hearse. What else can it mean if not friendship?

 2. Nothing Hits Like Irene

Irene Adler is created as the love interest for Sherlock. Is she, though? Well, we see Sherlock utterly confused upon their first meeting. We also see him flirting and creating an atmosphere of sexual tension for the first time. OK, he saves her but then she vanishes, he got over her, I thought. And all was fine until The Lying Detective came and Irene Adler sent a text to Sherlock, first in such a long time. John, of course, suggests that if Sherlock should be romantically involved with anyone, it should be her. And then it hit me.

Irene Adler is the symbol of chemistry in Sherlock’s life.

She’s a dominatrix. She’s all about sex, that’s obvious. At the critical point of The Scandal in Belgravia Sherlock says: I believe John Watson thinks love’s a mystery for me but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very distractive. Sherlock discovers that he, indeed, can have chemistry with people. He doesn’t mention love, he merely says sentiment, referring to the crush Irene Adler had on him. She is, indeed, a simple distraction – you can see it clearly in his memory palace when he yells at her to get away. But Molly… Molly stays. She leads him through the entire process of surviving a shot.

And then Irene Adler returns in The Lying Detective. John confesses to Sherlock about texting with a stranger met on the bus. And that he wanted more. Sherlock says everyone gets to be human sometimes. Even he can’t resist the urge of replying to Irene Adler sometimes. It was all about attraction again.

And that’s why she’s not considered a romantic relationship in his life. John rambles about love changing him, to be more specific, the love of his woman changing him. But he says Irene’s a dangerous criminal. How would that change Sherlock in any way?

In The Final Problem, upon deducing the coffin, John suggests Irene Adler but she’s not his first thought in general once they all hear that this is about someone who loves Sherlock. Sherlock’s response is very telling: Don’t be ridiculous. Look at the coffin. It seems like Sherlock pieces the puzzle at once – the coffin, plus the “name” on the lid – it couldn’t have been Irene Adler.

And that’s why Sherlock calls her The Woman. As a symbol of his sexuality. The Woman who’s woken up certain impulses in his life.

 3. Makeshift Gauge

Who is she?, Sherlock asks John in His Last Vow.

Based on what Mofftiss duo said about Molly, she was supposed to be featured in two episodes top. Yet, she stayed. The uncanonical character not only stayed but became fans’ favourite. I think she became a useful tool for Moffat and Gatiss. I think that not only she represents Sherlock heart (of which existence he has no idea at first) but later becomes our makeshift gauge. For what? For measuring Sherlock’s progress. See, it’s like when you live with someone, you don’t notice when they put on weight or grew a little but those who see less of them will notice all changes right away. So, when Sherlock runs around with John, we don’t notice the change in his behaviour at once (also because he’s always been nice to him, from the very beginning), we need to focus to see that. But Molly pops by once per episode and we see how Sherlock’s perception changes. In season one, he has good intentions, but they turn out bad. In season two, he’s more neutral but doesn’t restrain himself from rude comments. And Molly is being Molly – tells him he’s rude in her natural, soft way and he says sorry. For the first time. Without anyone making him do that. Almost the same happens in The Reichenbach Fall – but this time, Molly doesn’t let herself be fooled by Sherlock’s arrogance and just ignores it, going straight to the point. She says: “I’m here for you” and lowers his defences. In season three, he spends an entire day with her, smiles at her and is the sweetest, softest Sherlock we’ve ever seen. Moreover, when Lestrade asks him about her helping him solve cases, he says: [John] is not in the picture anymore, implying that she not necessarily had to be a temporary replacement. In season four, he says I love you to her.

What can we deduce about his heart?

 4. The Eurus Conundrum

We could write an entire book about Eurus and not even be able to grasp her spirit. I’m not going to do that right now.

I have issues with what happened in season four finale. I mean – Molly, of course. Mycroft says Eurus and Jim Moriarty met five years ago, so before Moriarty revealed himself to Sherlock. They both planned the entire game for Sherlock. Does that mean Sherlock never really won with him? Does that mean Moriarty let him use Molly to “win”? Since she was included in Eurus’ plan, we can safely assume Jim knew about Molly back then. At first, when I saw Moriarty saying We both know that’s not quite true [that you don’t have a heart] in many Sherlolly fanvids, I was like naaaaah. He didn’t see her as one of the important people in Sherlock’s life, it couldn’t have been a reference to their meeting. But now… how deeply back in time was Eurus’ plan allocated? Which events did she predict?

Or maybe I’m missing something? Any thoughts on this?

 5. Sherlock Evergreen

I once came across a post here, about how BBC Sherlock is literature, about sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s struggle with his own genius character. He was over with him, didn’t feel like writing any more of his stories so he killed him, but fans demanded more. He kept writing, although he hated it from the bottom of his heart. Season four, so often considered as the worst of all of them, is a way of saying that Sherlock character is, unfortunately, invincible. Immortal. He will live forever. We can’t kill him, no one can. Even his creator couldn’t have done it.

In season four, Sherlock goes back to the start. He is a clean slate again. He went through the entire process of change – became a good Sherlock, considerate of other people’s feelings and emotions, appreciative, supportive, loving, ready to mend what he broke. That interpretation, although very good, kind of killed my Sherlolly spirit. But I guess every interpretation like this would do it. If we stop treating characters like real human being, we’re left with what they really are – a construct, tools, puppets in the author’s hands.

Based on this, I think we’re safe to say there will never be a fifth season of BBC Sherlock (gosh, how I wish I was wrong!). Why? Because, despite what Moffat said in an interview once (after season three finale he said they’ve plotted out the entire fourth and fifth season – liar, liar, pants on fire!), season four had the perfect ending. As mentioned above, Sherlock became a good man and Mary Watson summed up what Sherlock is all about: two man, a genius junkie and a former soldier, who solve the weirdest, the toughest of cases together in flat on 221B Baker Street. Now, Sherlock is ready to be taken over by other artists who may find a new way to tell his story (though, I don’t think so) all over again.

And that’s a big, big shame… I think I speak for at least most of Sherlollians when I say we’d like to see Sherlock and Molly’s first encounter after the call. The finale really closed all the story arcs and subplots, except for this one. I mean, c’mon. You don’t have to be a Sherlollian to be annoyed by this – just remember that it was such a “biggie” that Moffat was asked about this in an interview. And this may be another reason as to why we won’t ever get a fifth season of Sherlock – because that would mean taking a side. And none of the creators will do it because Sherlock cannot be an open-and-shut case. It has to be like literature: big, open, twisted, unclear and full of room for interpretation. As long as there’s no certain explanation – yes, Sherlock loves Molly, no, Sherlock is gay – we create more and more content out of the need of closure. Thanks to the room for interpretation, the story lives. I mean, it’s been four years since The Final Problem airing and here I am, discussing BBC Sherlock still.

 Coming back to Sherlolly… don’t worry. Though I’m still not sure that we can harvest any hard evidence for Sherlock’s feelings for Molly (other than friendship and respect), I’m still a Sherlollian. There two new fics waiting for me to pull myself together and write them. I think it’s good to have doubts – it means my brain hasn’t rotten yet and I can still be critical, I’m able of having my own opinions.

 Thank you if you managed to read it all! I’d love to discuss if you have any conclusions. If not, that’s fine, too. I just needed it get it out of my system.

PS WHY DOES MY POSTS IN ENGLISH SOUND SO SOPHISTICATED IN MY HEAD BUT WHEN I PUT THEM IN WRITING, THEY’RE SO SHITTY?!

[skyblue-ringpops]

Hello -are you new here? Welcome if you are!

So your Deep Dive into Blaine Anderson is quite a lot to think about. It’s really mostly your head canon and not actually what happens in the show? Not canon?

When first introduced he becomes Kurt’s friend, who he has a crush on. He was subsequently called a mentor to him, but that’s not how we first see him. He’s just another teenager at this point, who Kurt falls in love with.

Most people don’t actually call Blaine whiny and clingy - only a small proportion of the fandom for a variety of reasons. Just like every character had their flaws and their critics. Most people like Blaine.

Blaine was a confident happy pupil at Dalton, and I don’t think he was putting on an act. But of course, there are other sides to him that we don’t see initially.

Yes, Blaine was assaulted at a Sadie Hawkins dance. Yes, he suggests on at least one occasion that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad. We don’t know for certain anything about Blaine’s relationship with his parents. But he does still mention them throughout the five seasons, indicating he lives with them, and that they were upset after Shooting Star.

Blaine attended prom with Kurt in season 2: it was hard for both of them, but they stood up to the bullies together. He also attended prom in season 3. So by Sadie Hawkins in 4, he rejects Tina’s proposal because he has a crush on Sam, not because of any apparent continued fear of school dances. Likewise, in Tina in the Sky with Diamonds, he’s happy to be there - he seems to have fact moved on from the assault trauma.

Do you think he had a close relationship with the Warblers? They were friends in 2, in fact they all looked up to him as charismatic lead singer who made the song choices. But they betrayed him in 3; in 4 Hunter and Sebastian tried to get him back to Dalton to secure a win at nationals, and then there was the drug issue. I’m inclined to think they were using him, and not genuine friends or family. He made his genuine friends, apart from Kurt, in season 4 at Mck.

Yes he was happy at Dalton, or so it seems. He wasn’t present when it burned down - he came back from his honeymoon to discover it had been burnt down. Yes he was upset, but bounced back quickly as the Warblers became part of the ND. A plot line really to insureBlaine had nothing to stay in Lima for, and could return to NY with Kurt. I don’t feel he was traumatised by it.

The wedding of course was Britannia’s wedding, and they had managed to get Blaine’s mum there, which was a nice touch. So the absence of dad and Cooper is not particularly shocking. And yes, there is part of deleted plot that the parents had divorced but a lot of plots were changed over the course of the show, so nothing can be gained from this.

I don’t agree Blaine raised himself. He dresses beautifully, he is beautifully mannered and follows etiquette. There must have been someone around to teach him these things. He never says his parents are not there, yes we don’t see them, and we can head canon a distant relationship, but it’s not certain. He calls his mum after SS, he is obviously close to her. He mentions them in Feud, and in Loser like Me. He has a sibling rivalry with Cooper - we don’t know how badly that affected Blaine: but Cooper does seem to care for him and be proud of him.

There’s no indication mum had a drink problem - yes she’s drunk at the wedding. Mmmm a lot of people get drunk at weddings. Santana and Quinn got drunk in I do - does that mean they have a drink problem? Blaine certainly doesn’t have a drink problem. In fact, he doesn’t drink a lot - we see him drunk on two occasions. We see several of the ND also drunk on occasions, but they don’t have a drink problem. In the scene with Dave, he appears to have a coke in front of him, and likely he drove. He said himself he went to the bar because he was lonely, and that’s probably the only place in Lima he would actually meet other gay people . By this stage, he was in therapy, had a job and was moving on: no suggestion he’s hanging round a bar because he’s depressed.

His relationship with Karofsky. Yes many in fandom hate it. I don’t love it. But let’s remember: they do seem to have a warm relationship, Blaine speaks fondly of him, there’s the gentle cheek kiss and eye contact when they split, which speaks volumes. Blaine looks happy to be with him. He tells him he admires him. Blaine is getting on with his life - as far as he’s concerned Kurt is in NY, they may not see each other again for a very long time. Blaine didn’t date Dave out of spite - Dave was there when he needed company, Dave had suffered himself - he was a good support to Blaine when he needed it. Why would he date him for pain and abuse, or punishment. He was in therapy, he was getting better and he was genuinely happy. Why would he feel guilty about the split - it was Kurt who called it off.

Blaine is one if the happiest, most likeable characters . He is loved by his friends and teachers - he is talented, high achieving, ambitious and kind. He’s generous, he cares for his friends, he will do anything to help his friends. He is great fun to be with. Yes, he’s insecure and suffers from loneliness which means he makes rash decisions. He’s not extremely depressed, he has periods when he is down - don’t we all?? He’s not suffering , depressed, sad individual but the opposite most of the time - fondly regarded as a ray of sunshine. If I was having a bad day, I’d want Blaine as my friend to cheer me up.

He’s not suicidal - I can’t see what you are saying re On my way - he isn’t in camera shot most of the time . He’s not rubbing his wrists or looking sad, he confidently states he wants marriage equality in 50 states - another thing that’s very important to him. Because he wants to marry. And he wants to marry Kurt. Cough Syrup is an excellent solo - at the time he sings it , no one is aware about Dave. Blaine had his own stresses that day - mostly to do with Sebastian. Kurt is the one who has been lonely, depressed and suicidal. Not Blaine.

He doesn’t have an eating disorder - we see one episode where he overeats because he is a new city. Then he feels bad because he’s put on the weight, and pulls away physically from Kurt. He’s not got an eating disorder. He enjoys sport - we see him at gym, boxing, aerobics and he dances a lot with friends.

Also, you make a big jump to assume he’s been sexually abused or assaulted. In fact, there is no indication of this at all. If that’s your head canon, that’s fine, but there’s nothing in canon that says this. Or nothing in his behaviour that says this. Plus I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick regarding Tina, and his reaction to the vapo rape and Sam teasing Tina. Watch it again, Blaine isn’t upset.

There’s a lot I could go into about his relationship with Kurt but it’s already a long ask. Please feel free to chat to me about any of these!!! I note you think Blaine and Puck would be a good friendship, but that’s a chat for another day!!!

Look forward to a pleasant discussion with you!!

I'm fairly new to the Glee fandom, it'll be one year in the summer (I think August?)

It's a mix of canon and headcanons that are heavily supported by canon, I tried to specify what is what.

Most of the people I've seen that don't like Blaine or only like him in season 2 say he's whiny and clingy, and I'm happy to see that not a lot of people on Tumblr say that. More people do on Instagram, which is where I see most of the hate directed at him (he's still very popular there though!)

I've seen a lot of people say that he's mostly himself in the later seasons, it may not have been a mask at Dalton and could have been a personality change maybe impacted by the environment/who he surrounded himself with. In a deleted scene it says that his mom (maybe both parents? I just remember his mom specifically) isn't home much because of work - but I usually think that she's home late at night and on most weekends (nothing to support it, just what I think)

For the school dances, that is pretty likely, but the Sadie Hawkins specifically could have also brought certain memories back. I won't go into detail but I also have a bad experience related with a certain type of event, similar events don't bring back memories but that one specifically does, it does depend on the person though.

I think it depends on the person if he had a close relationship with them. Trent, for example, yes, but this is supported the most by canon. I also believe he was close with Nick and Jeff, but that's not as supported, and looked up to David, Wes, and Thad. But I don't really see them spending much time with him.

I don't think Blaine did have a drinking problem, I tried to specify that in the analysis but I think I wasn't clear because you're the second person to ask about that, just that he may have picked up the coping mechanism when he was in a bad place but to a lesser extent. The reason I think his mom may be is because (again, deleted shot) there was a shot in which Puck was holding her up and nobody seemed to be in a similar state, Quinn and Santana in I Do weren't as drunk as Pam appeared to be in that shot. But again, since it was deleted, I'm not entirely sure if it counts (I literally forgot it was a deleted shot until I rewatched the episode which is why I didn't point that out.) I do think Blaine and Dave got closer throughout their relationship because it did seem healthy, I don't think Dave was ever abusive because he changed a lot from the beginning of the series. It could have been something Blaine expected knowing his past. During the breakup, Blaine asks if it was something he did, which would be a reason why he'd blame himself. And I also don't think Blaine dated him out of spite, that's very out of character for him. But I've seen a lot of people say they think he might have it that don't like him because he dated Dave. Since writing the analysis (it's been a few months) I actually changed my opinion on Blainofsky, I still don't love it but I don't really hate it either.

In On My Way, he does rub his wrists, but it is kind of hard to see. You have to be watching him closely, and I don't think I would have noticed had it not been pointed out to me. I really think he needed more backstory and more of a look at his mental health - while he does seem happy most of the time, he does have signs of mental illness in his darker times, so it could just be how he feels in that moment, or he could be covering up feelings of depression or anxiety when he seems happier. And Kurt was definitely depressed and suicidal - I meant to write something on him as well but never got to it...

The eating disorder thing has been pointed out by a few other people as well, and a lot of people say it could be just stress eating, or it could be disordered eating which could potentially become an eating disorder had Kurt not intervened. There are warning signs that he could have potentially developed one - most notably a desire for control, which is a very common cause.

I wasn't even going to discuss sexual assault at first, I never considered it. The only reason it was brought up was because of the article I linked in the analysis and every point I made was from there.

And the mention of Tina and the vapo-rape thing, again, you're not the first to mention it so I'm probably wrong about it and I'll admit that. I had it pointed out that he was upset by one person and I haven't seen the episode in a while.

I'll probably look more into the character and update the analysis because lately a lot of people have been asking about it (honestly idk why it's suddenly popular since I did it a while ago but- I'm not complaining!)

Thank you for the ask, I hope I kinda cleared things up... And I appreciate the criticisms and your input!! If you wanna keep talking about this or anything else, feel free to send another ask or DM me :)

[terfslying]

Extremist Traits & TERFs

 The traits are taken from (here), which is a list of extremist traits by Laird Wilcox. Most examples are from interactions with people on this blog, because I’ve got to limit myself to something.

Character Assassination

“Extremists often attack the character of an opponent rather than deal with the facts or issues raised. They will question motives, qualifications, past associations, alleged values, personality, looks, mental health, and so on as a diversion from the issues under consideration”

TERF Examples: Character attacks on Susie Green, of Mermaids UK, to attempt to imply that her motive for Mermaids UK is to force her own child to transition. & Claiming Mermaids UK was a significant part of forcing a young UK child to be trans, when in fact he was being abused by his mother and Mermaids UK only ever were contacted by phone by the mother, and were not otherwise involved in any way.

Name-Calling and Labelling

“Extremists are quick to resort to epithets (racist, subversive, pervert, hate monger, nut, crackpot, […] and so on) to label and condemn opponents in order to divert attention from their arguments and to discourage others from hearing them out. These epithets don’t have to be proved to be effective; the mere fact they have been said is often enough”

TERF Examples: "pedophile apologist”, “infertile, fat white loser”, “rapist” (all directed at me!)

Irresponsible Sweeping Generalisations

“Extremists tend to make sweeping claims or judgements on little or no evidence, and they have a tendency to confuse similarity with sameness […] they assume that because two (or more) things, events, or persons are alike in some respects, they must be alike in most respects.”

TERF Examples: “trans women are just men”; use of crimes by cis men to attempt to demonstrate trans criminality

Inadequate Proof For Assertions

“Extremists tend to be very fuzzy about what constitutes proofs, and they also tend to get caught up in logical fallacies […] they tend to project wished-for conclusions and to exaggerate the significance of information that confirms their beliefs while derogating or ignoring information that contradicts them.”

TERF Examples: “This research is reliable because I agree with it, and I don’t care that the authors have deliberately published politically motivated anti-gay propaganda studies before”

Advocacy of Double Standards

“Extremists generally tend to judge themselves or their interest groups in terms of their intentions, which they tend to view very generously, and others by their acts, which they tend to view very critically. They would like you accept their assertions on faith, but they demand proof of yours. They tend to engage in special pleading on behalf of themselves or their interests, usually because of some alleged special status, past circumstances, or present disadvantage.”

TERF Example: Refusal to criticise WoLF + Julia Beck’s association with the Heritage Foundation due to presumed good intentions

Tendency to View Their Opponents and Critics As Essentially Evil

“To the extremist, opponents hold opposing positions because they are bad people […] not merely because they simply disagree, see the matter differently, have competing interests, or are perhaps even mistaken.”

TERF Example: I deserve to “rot in hell” because I don’t agree with TERFs

Manichaean Worldview

“Extremists have a tendency to see the world in terms of absolutes of good and evil, for them or against them, with no middle ground or intermediate positions. All issues are ultimately moral issues of right and wrong, with the ‘right’ position coinciding with their interests.”

TERF Example: Willingness to use and spread sources from the alt-right with no regard for the source, since if it coincides with their interest, it’s ‘right’

Advocacy Of Censorship or Repression of Their Opponents or Critics

“They may include a very active campaign to keep opponents from media access [… or] actually lobby for legislation against speaking, writing, teaching, or instructive ‘subversive’ or forbidden information or opinions.”

TERF Example: Pressure to isolate young trans teens from media access

Tend to Identify Themselves In Terms Of Who Their Enemies Are

“[E]xtremists may become emotionally bound to their opponents, who are often competing extremists themselves. Because they tend to view their enemies as evil and powerful, they tend, perhaps subconsciously, to emulate them, adopting to same tactics to a certain degree.”

TERF Example: "TRA’s”, “libfems”, “transcult”; emulating anti-feminist tactics by joining groups like Hands Across The Aisle to directly partner with anti-abortion, anti-feminist conservatives and divide-and-conquer

Tendency towards argument by intimidation

“Extremists tend to frame their arguments in such a way as to intimidate others into accepting their premises and conclusions. […] They use a lot of moralising, pontificating, and tend to be very judgemental. This shrill, harsh rhetorical style allows them to keep their opponents and critics on the defensive, cuts off troublesome lines of argument, and allows them to define the perimeters of debate.”

TERF Example: Using the words “trans women” and “literal pedophiles and rapists” interchangeably in arguments

Use of Slogans, Buzzwords, and Thought-Stopping Cliches

“For many extremists, shortcuts in thinking and in reasoning matters out seem to be necessary in order to avoid or evade awareness of troublesome facts and compelling counter-arguments. Extremists generally behave in ways that reinforce their prejudices and alter their own consciousness in a manner that bolsters their false confidence and sense of self-righteousness.”

TERF Examples: “Peak trans”, “autogynephiles”, the bathroom & prison rapist tropes, to discredit trans women; “handmaids” and “libfems” to discredit cis women who disagree with them

Assumption of Moral or Other Superiority over Others

“Most obvious would be claims of general racial or ethnic superiority […] Less obvious are claims of ennoblement because of alleged victimhood,”

TERF Examples: Expanding real victimisation of women to include historically inaccurate concepts, such as ‘witch hunts were methods of controlling women’s knowledge’ to increase superiority; complete disownment of any moral responsibility for violence perpetrated or encouraged by TERFs

Doomsday Thinking

“Extremists often predict dire or catastrophic consequences from a situation or from failure to follow a specific course, and they tend to exhibit a kind of ‘crisis-mindedness’. It can be a Communist takeover, a Nazi revival, nuclear war, earthquakes (… etc. …) Whatever it is, it’s just around the corner unless we follow their program and listen to the special insight and wisdom, to which only the truly enlightened have access.”

TERF Example: Fair Play For Women’s unrealistic theory that if Gender Recognition Certificates were easier to get, women’s prisons would be flooded with trans sex offenders instantly.

Belief that it’s okay to do bad things in service of a good cause

“Extremists may deliberately lie, distort, misquote, slander, defame, or libel their opponents or critics, engage in censorship or repression, or undertake violence in “special cases”.”

TERF Example: Wetmeadow ‘distorting’ my post on the cotton ceiling to imply that I was saying same-sex attraction is a mental illness, to discredit me.

Emphasis on Emotional Response (and less on logical analysis and reasoning)

“Extremist have an unspoken reverence for propaganda, which they may call ‘education’ or ‘consciousness-raising’. Symbolism plays an exaggerated role in their thinking and they tend to think imprecisely and metamorphically.”

TERF Example: ‘consciousness-raising’ has a long history in extreme radfem spaces; in recent online spaces it’s more often called ‘peak trans’.

Hypersensitivity and Vigilance

“Extremists perceive hostile innuendo in even casual comments; imagine rejection and antagonism concealed in honest disagreement and dissent; […] Although few extremists are clinically paranoid, many of them adopt a paranoid style with its attendant hostility and distrust.”

TERF Example: Exposinglesphob’s entire blog

Problems Tolerating Ambiguity and Uncertainty

“[T]he ideologies and belief systems to which extremists tend to attach themselves often represent grasping for certainty in an uncertain world, or an attempt to achieve absolute security in an environment that is naturally unpredictable […] Extremists exhibit a kind of risk-aversiveness that compels them to engage in controlling and manipulative behaviour, both on a personal level and in a political context.”

TERF Example: “What do you mean, someone’s gender or sex might be ambiguous?? Woman is a biological term for adult human females, it’s simple”

Inclination towards “GroupThink”

“‘Groupthink’ involves a tendency to conform to group norms and to preserve solidarity and concurrence at the expense of distorting members’ observations of facts, conflicting evidence, and disquieting observations [… Extremists may] only talk with one another, read material that reflects their own views, and can be almost phobic about the ‘propaganda’ of the ‘other side’. The result is a deterioration in reality-testing, rationality, and moral judgement.”

TERF Example: Any source I give is bad, even if they’re genuinely trying to say that wikipedia is ‘good research’.

Tendency to Personalise Hostility

“Extremists often wish for the personal bad fortune of their ‘enemies’ and celebrate when it occurs.”

TERF Example: The fact that pretty much every person who isn’t a TERF and who discourses has been told to kill themselves.

Extremists often feel that the system is no good unless they win

“If public opinion turns against them, it was because of ‘brainwashing’. If their followers become disillusioned, it’s because of ‘sabotage’.”

TERF Example: Ex-terfs like myself either are just too dumb to understand radical feminism, or we never even existed in the first place.

[draconia-bsd]

Sweet Illusion

Wrote it because I am a content starved bitch...ok? xD I really wish more people liked this ship tbh. UwU Please tell me your thoughts, even if it's critics! Thank you! ♡

Words: 2 531

Pairing: Kouyou Ozaki and Dazai Osamu (Kouzai)

Rating: M

Summary: Just some smutty fluff after a PM party.

Dim lights made the venue Mori rent look even more elegant and mysterious, absolutely fitting of the crowd gathered there. Kouyou and her selected higher ups were the first to arrive, but were soon followed by Chuuya and two other Executives with their own respective teams. Everyone had a specific seat arranged for them, so it was quite noticable when that one particular person hasn't shown up at the agreed time. Still, Boss was unbothered as he was used to his subordinate's deviations concerning informal plans- Dazai was just like that, surprisingly not much of a people person.

With this in mind, everyone enjoyed themselves without a second thought, even Dazai's own "pawns". The only person who seemed to be irritated by the fact this young man was treated so lightly was Chuuya. He controlled it well at first, but after a few drinks his rage started showing despite his best efforts to hide it. He glanced at a seemingly careless Mori with a strange look that resembled that of a child during a tantrum, and then he started talking. Not just to Boss but to anyone near him- mostly his dear "sister" Kouyou.

Now, Kouyou wasn't the type of person to shut someone she cared about too quickly, but this time Chuuya really walked on thin ice. She was looking forward to relaxing this evening, and quite frankly, this shit was too annoying as it wasn't even something Dazai did directly to Chuuya. Still, she drank her sake and politely nodded for a while, until, with the corner of her eye she spotted the last remaining Executive. "Finally" she thought and stood from her seat to catch him. The drinks were working already, so the speed she glided across the venue was unusual, to say the least, along with her general stance. She put her arms on Dazai's shoulders and yanked him down towards her saying enthusiasticallg "Oh there you are!". For a brief moment his expression seemed confused, but nonetheless he replied in a similar manner, going even as far as to hug her. Certainly, phisical contact was something he rarely used as a strategy to calm a person down, but given the muddled state of his mind he didn't really bother. Nobody knew how in the world was he able to get to the party with that much alcohol in his body, but that wasn't that important since Mori seemed happy to have him around even in this state. Kouyou dragged Dazai to the table where the five Executives sat and began a casual conversation about a current art event at the city, which seemed to ease the tension between two men, mostly because Chuuya got so invested in expressing his thoughts that he decided he needs to tell everyone about his most recent epiphanies considering music and art. Not that his ideas were bad, but it was definitely not the best time to share them, as his, now barely coherent, speech was driving too much attention from such a delicate matter. Kouyou wanted to stop her friend, but the risk of him getting insulted simply wasn't worth it. Instead, she just took another shot of sake, contorting her face in the process.

Dazai just looked at her and laughed "Better not get drunk for that, sis."

After all this time she practically developed and immunity to his jokes and mostly didn't take them too serious, especially when he was drunk and his behaviour resembled to that he used to have when he was much younger. She was aware he mostly made them witht he hope for an explosive reaction, and she didn't intend to allow him such pleasure.

"Too late, I was already drunk when he started." She said with a smile and covered one of her rosy cheeks with a hand to cool herself down.

Their conversation continued for a while, mostly consisting out of teasing, and a daring of who will drink more shots. Similarly to Chuuya, Kouyou wasn't much of a drinker, but seeing Dazai was already pretty intoxicated, she actually thought she could win....which was a big miscalculation since he can drink like a camel even in his current state.

The competition ended after she drank her fourth shot and as a punishment she had to do a wacky dance to the next song. Dazai giggled like a menace that he is, but agreed to let her wait for the next song as she had to prepare herself for the embarrassment. Unfortunately for him tho, the next song was a slow one and while the thought of Kouyou completely ruining the atmosphere was amusing, it wasn't exactly what he was looking for, so he hugged her before she got up and told her it would be stupid of her to dance now so he'll change the punishment.

Laughing and returning the hug, Kouyou let a disappointed sound "Aaaaaaa what will it be then?"

He wasn't quite sure yet so he voiced that and started sliding his fingers through her long, silky hair. Alongside the music it was quite relaxing for both of them so neither made a fuss when the next song started playing, and then the one after that too.

"Hey...." Dazai murmured and was answered with Kouyou's sleepy voice "Yeah?"

"How about we leave?"

"Ugh, I'm sleepy, maybe just a bit lon-" she stated but was interrupted.

"We can get a room here on the second floor, I'm tired too."

This was a great answer in Kouyou's mind, so that's exactly what happened in the next ten or so minutes. As soon as they were in the room she took her heels off and launched at the bed, wrapping herself in the indigo sheets.

With the voice of a spoiled child Dazai demanded some of the sheets for himself, as he had also took a few of his garments, and pulled them over on his side. Discontent with that, Kouyou replied in the same manner, but had no strength to actually pull the sheets. The whole room as spinning anyway, so she was at least glad she was in a comfy bed.

It was painfully obvious she was drunk more than usual and Dazai knew he might as well test his luck now. He pulled her close to him and rested his forehead on hers. "Is this better?" He asked in a low, but soft voice.

She felt awkward for a moment, but it really did feel good and she couldn't deny she disliked it, or that she never thought of a scenario similar to this, so Kouyou nodded affirmatively and sled her hand to his waist, which she felt made him quiver. Taking a deep breath, it was now a bit harder to fall asleep. Petting each other they stayed like this until Kouyou moved and allowed their noses to touch. Dazai chuckled to this, moving his hand towards her head and slowly leaning for a kiss. A soft and warm kiss, with no hurry or fear of exploitation. They were both in the same sauce when it came to this, so it was quite a relief compared to either of their previous and current partners.

They moved their bodies closer together, letting their legs intertwine and allowing their hands to do as they please. She always liked his hair- it seemed so soft, and now she had a chance to test that, and it turns out she was right. It was soft, maybe even more than her own hair, and that made it all the more pleasurable to play with. Dazai never noticed he was blushing from such a simple gesture, but Kouyou did, leading her to caress his cheek. He let out a small moan, most likely because of surprise, and inhaled deeply before kissing her wrist and then proceeding to leave a trail all along her arm and shoulder, causing her to breathe erratically.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a light kiss on her chest while looking her in the eye, awaiting affirmation of wether or not he should continue. Kouyou put her fingers through his hair again, encouraging him with a tiny moan as well. He was much more gentle than what she had expected and that was most certainly a bonus.

Dazai continued to tease with small glimpses of pleasure, slowly moving upwards along her neck and ears, placing the last kiss on her lips, allowing her to devour the passion he had bottled up. Letting out a loud moan, he had only stimulated her to take the lead now. She wrapped her legs around him and leaned onto his body until she was on top, free to do whatever she liked. But she was in no hurry either. Instead of immediately doing what her instincts wanted, Kouyou gave him another kiss, just as passionate as the one before, but spiced it up by biting his lip gently in the process. His excitement didn't help her tho, as she felt him right where it was the best. Taking big breaths in order to concentrate, she did manage to provide special attention to his neck, leaving red marks on it over and over again as his moans became less cintroled.

It was hard to know exactly how excited either of them was, as neither was particularly vocal in the bedroom, but grinding against each other was a good giveaway, as it became more frequent and accompanied by tighter grips with every move. Finally, she figured it was the right time to give in, so she pulled Dazai in a sitting position, which he eagerly accepted. He was just as excited as Kouyou, but truth be told, he controlled it better- he took his time with taking off her dress, sliding the one shoulder strap and kissing the exposed skin, then moving to her breasts, covering every inch of them with kisses and one very light bite on the lower side which made her quiver. Sliding his hands over her curves, he lifted the skirt of the dress, making a pause when he reached to her hips in order to caress them. After this, their lips locked again and soon the rest of clothes came off. Some was removed by it's owner and some by the lover, but due to the haze neither really cared to remember.

The sounds of their irregular breathing combined with low grunts and moans filled the room, making it seem as if there was no other noise in this world. With fogged up minds nothing else really mattered anyway, at least not at that moment. Their bodies merged and filled each others desires very well, leaving them craving for more with each thrust. Fuelled by desire, Kouyou had gradually set up a pretty fast rhythm, enjoying the view of a flustered mess beneath her. It was a sight she had never seen before and it added a layer of excitement, as she had previously barely thought of him as a real person, a human. Not that this was an example of his vulnerability in any way, but still, rare people in the mafia ever got to see this side of a notorious executive, and she was quite flattered to be one of them- it made her feel superior, in a way.

As she was getting closer to orgasm, her tempo declined until she completely stopped, but not by her own will. Silently, Dazai embraced her with his arms, making it impossible for her to move. Even tho it was good feeling him so deep, it was infuriating nonetheless, but he quickly made up for it. His lips trembled as he told her to relax, kissing her passionately. His hands now moved lower, grabbing her thighs and buttocks, and he suddenly lifted her, along with his own body. Instinctively, Kouyou clung to him, causing him to laugh and place a kiss on the nape of her neck.

"I may not be a part of the battle units, but I'm not that weak." He said as a joke, but knowing him, Kouyou was sure he took offense at her reaction. She never liked his hypersensitive ego, but this wasn't the time to get bothered by that. She placed a kiss on his ear and whispered in her most seductive voice: "Then by all means do as you please."

She didn't need to say it twice, as he thrust in slowly and deeply. "As you wish, m'lady."

His rhythm was complete opposite of her's, but equally enjoyable- he knew exactly where to aim and how to make her want to scream, and in fact, he did manage to make her scream. It was short, but she did get embarrassed and dug her face in his hair. Sensing this, Dazai stopped moving and looked at her face. Similarly to Kouyou, he also liked the view in front of him, but he wanted even more, so he encouraged her by his own moans directly in her ear. "Mmmmm, see? No need to be shy."

He lied her down on the bed and kissed her ferociously, pressing his body on her's. Putting just the tip of his penis in, he carefully examined her expression. It was beautiful, even with smeared make-up and fiery red cheeks, he still couldn't get enough of it. This time tho, his rhythm wasn't so slow- it was obvious he was nearing his end too, and luckily for him, Kouyou wasn't behind. Encouraging him to go faster, she wrapped her legs around him tighter and let go of her voice, but what she was pleasantly surprised by was the fact that he still asks her if he can go harder- which she answered with a kiss.

Shaking and out of breath, they remained in this position for a while, their faces touching with forheads. They looked into each others eyes without any awkward tension now, quite the contrary actually, it felt relaxing. Laying a kiss on Kouyou's lips was so natural and seeing that this was reciprocated was priceless. He lied next to her, taking a deep breath, pulling her into a hug. She faced him and dug her fingers in his hair. His expression was as if he was melting, she knew she hit the right button.

Dazai lowered himself and placed his head on Kouyou's chest, wrapping his arms around her, scratching her back in circular motion. "Nee, can you continue?" He asked.

Since she found brushing his hair relaxing, she did so, completely embracing him in the process. He placed a kiss on her collarbone as a way to show his gratitude, mumrmuring something she didn't quite understand, but assumed was a "thank you". Somehow, even with this obvious incompatibility, it all felt very comforting. Two broken people, forced to cooperate, end up learning about each other and using it as a way to ease the stress. No doubt they would have never even interacted if the circumstances were different, but at the moment, this is the most normal they could get.

Holding each other tight, submerged in this artificial warmth, they spent their night. Shivering from the coldness inside, taking comfort in a sweet illusion.

[dokuhebi]

A headcanon of what kind of spouse would Orochimaru be if they ever marry a man, woman, or a fellow non-binary like them and what are their expectations in such a relationship?

Hello anon, and thank you for the question Oro is a bit of a wild card, how they are as a spouse would largely depend on who they have married. They respond to the environment how they see fit, and will usually accommodate their partner where they feel is just, or behave differently in other regards to create a shift in dynamic if they feel something is unjust. But here are some more concrete traits and behaviours you can be sure you’ll see.What they would be like;- Expect Oro to get fully invested in their partners line of work. They find nothing more attractive than someone who is ambitious, if their partner has a hobby or job that is important to him/her/them, Oro will get just as invested so they can engage their partner regarding those subjects. They will read/study up on it, constantly be on the look out for opportunities etc. They would appreciate it if their partner showed equal interest in their own pursuits regarding science and jutsu development.

- They are very upfront and vocal about anything they see as worrisome/problematic. While they are always reclusive when it comes to their emotions, if they see a problem in their relationship, expect them to bring it up. They don’t sit brooding on something quietly, they put it on the table and expect their partner to maturely handle the issue with them. When something displeases them in the relationship, they’re not the type to sit with it and just endure it. So their partner can expect a bit of sharp tongued correction when doing something Oro disapproves of.- While they get intolerant when acquaintances invade their space, they’re very affectionate with the people they love. Their partner can expect to be used as a human chair more than not. Correcting their partners hair/clothes, stealing their partners warmth ( given how they get cold easily), and stealing kisses whenever they remind themself just how much they love the person.- Oro is not a traditional person by nature. They can appreciate and respect their partners tradition/culture, and they can offer moments of playing along, but don’t expect heavy influence on them as a person. They fall outside most social constructs and happily do their own thing in a way that is very fluid and free. They often feel stifled within a traditional setting, as it usually allocates behaviour/dress/activity norms within either gender brackets or position/rank brackets. They won’t be restricted to rules that dictate their own behaviour or dress, so there may come times where they step on their partners traditions to enforce their own need for freedom.- They are an incredibly protective, bordering on a bit possessive partner. While they don’t wish to restrict their own partners freedom, for someone bending to their will would be awfully boring for Oro, they do tend to be overly wrathful to those who wrong their partner. Be it an insult in passing toward their loved one, a threat on the persons life or any other altercation, if Oro can see their partner is backing down, or not putting himself/herself/themself first, they will intervene. Most likely privately on their own steam. Needless to say, it won’t be surprising if a few days after someone wrongs their partner, that very same person ends up mysteriously disappearing.- Tests. Expect to be tested. They have a very analytical way of living, they are constantly trying to work people out, to see what reaction they can get when acting a certain way, what they can get away with, what they can’t, which go to strategies helps them win a fight or argument etc. They may even test their partners beliefs by cross questioning them. They never mean any harm by it, but they are incredibly curious. They can not help but find the human mind and nature incredibly fascinating. Sometimes they push their luck just to see what response they get. Usually, being called out on this behaviour or asked to back off will have them doing just that. But they fall in to old patterns again.- As with most things, they can appreciate both sides of the spectrum regarding a more ‘traditional’ family. Having children and living in a homely dynamic is not something they appose. Just don’t expect them to ever be a stay-at-home anything. They are happy to balance a life of family and their work, but they would never give up their research for any partner or life. - Ultimately, they have a very shinobi minded viewpoint of love. That is to say, they’re very bad at it. It is foreign territory to them and they are bound to come off as cold from time to time. They struggle to simply be open about their own emotions, they mess up being overly critical of a situation, they are bound to step out of line a lot. So their partner can expect to be, figuratively speaking, put in jail here and there. If Oro senses deception, or feels they are being taken for a ride, they will respond as they see accordingly. It’s best to take any cutting remark with a pinch of salt and talk them down, they’re more than willing to step down and admit to being wrong (after the smoke has cleared). What they expect; They have a few loose expectations, but again, this comes down to a person by person case. They can adapt quite easily, and if the person has caught their attention, they are able to make compromises on certain things.- first and foremost, they want someone confident, competent and strong willed, someone more dominant in nature. If they wanted another subservient follower, they would find the company of a blindly loyal Oto nin. They want someone who is their equal, and with them respect if very much earned. They need someone who can rise to their level, who in their eyes is worthy of being beside them. This does not have to be physical competence. The person doesn’t need to outclass them in battle, but personality wise, they need someone strong willed and resilient. Weakness in general is a large turn off, as they have little interest in human fragility. - Speaking of resilience, they’re going to be a handful at times with their stubborn nature and runaway ideas. They need someone who can lay down some firm boundaries while allowing them to explore the world how they want to. Don’t stifle them, but they also don’t want a partner who will let them walk all over him/her/them. Sometimes they push their luck just to see how far they can get and how much they can get. They are far more likely to be impressed someone tells them to revise their approach than they are to be offended. - Bring something new to their life. They don’t need someone who loves science, who has their morals/beliefs, who’s pet favourite is also a reptile. The more diversity the better, they want their partner to tell them why their morals are different from his/hers/theirs, to teach them about a new profession or hobby, they love to learn first and foremost. Someone who can engage them in new world views and help them come to more rounded answers themself is just what they need. - Open minded, while they enjoy someone who gives them new ideas and views, they expect their partner to give them complete freedom to still be as they are, and who they are. As a prime example, regarding their gender fluidity, they would have an issue with being boxed in as one or the other. Don’t expect them to adhere to, or fall in to, one gender role for the sake of their partner. They decide how they want to exist, how they behave, what they wear, and it never revolves around the norms of gender role. All in all, they need someone who can get on board with their lifestyle, who can adapt just as easily as them to new tasks and places. They may want to spend an entire day cuddling and fussing with their lover in lazy admiration for one another, but will be back to taking over the world the following morning. Someone who can enjoy quiet moments along with chaotic ones does well with Oro.Ultimately it mostly comes down to not stifling or boxing them in, as they are very free spirited. More often than not, they’ll try aid any situation to ensure they aren’t being boxed in. For example, they typically take on the physical gender of their partner where they can. If they’re with a woman, they’ll anatomy-wise present female, if they’re with a man, they will anatomy-wise present male. This just helps eradicate the gender line, where so often the man is expected to do one thing, the woman another. So by adopting the same sex anatomy wise, they can instantly eliminate that pattern from continuing. Fellow non-binary partners won’t need to apply to this rule for obvious reasons~Again, thank you for the ask

[threewaysdivided]

Quality Should Not Be Binary

In my wanders through life in general - and the internet in particular - I’ve noticed a strange mindset regarding the quality of media and the people who produce it.  It’s this weird idea that something is either 100% perfect, flawless and ‘how dare you claim to be a real fan while suggesting there’s anything wrong’, or that it’s completely awful, valueless and ‘you’re a terrible person for enjoying that or thinking it has anything to offer’ - sometimes flipping from one to the other as soon as a ‘flaw’ is revealed, or a ‘bad’ work does something suitably impressive.

This mindset has never really made sense to me.  Maybe I’m a just habitual over-thinker who spends unhealthy amounts of time analysing things, but I can’t see how this sort of absolutist approach would do anything other than shut down discourse, limit the value to be had from a piece and maybe make people angry.

So in honour of that please enjoy some indulgently long navel-gazing about critical analysis and media quality.

Disclaimer: This post is going to summarise my personal philosophy. Everyone approaches life - and especially art - in their own way and far be it for me to say you’re wrong if you prefer a different approach.  You do you.

Blindness Hurts Both Ways

To an extent I get the simple yes/no mindset.  Analysis takes time and it would be exhausting to give an extensive, nuanced breakdown on your view at the start of every discussion.  Plus the whole ‘dissecting the frog’ thing can definitely apply to enjoyment of media.

However, taking it to the point where you’re denying the positive side of things you dislike or refusing to acknowledge faults in works/people you enjoy has the potential to swing around and bite you in the butt.

Why deny yourself a useful experience? I think there’s an important distinction to make between being good and being useful. Subjective, technical or, ethical ‘badness’ is not the same as having no value. Similarly, being touching, entertaining or otherwise enjoyable doesn’t preclude something from having genuine problems.

Personally, I can find it difficult to work out exactly what’s going right in a generally positive piece.  After all, ‘good’ doesn’t hinge on a single point - it’s usually the product of a lot of things working well together, and it can be hard to figure out cause and effect in a system like that. It’s much easier to look at a failed attempt and identify the specific elements that caused problems, where it had the potential to recover, and places where it might be succeeding in spite of those issues. Similarly, some works can be very strong except when it comes to ‘that one thing’, which in itself is a useful reference.  Negative examples can be just as beneficial as positive ones, and turning a blind eye to a piece’s weaker aspects just denies you that tool.

On the other hand, sometimes a piece and/or creator can be ethically awful while being technically strong or succeeding at its intended purpose. In this case, while they’re not positive it can certainly be valuable to analyse the techniques they use, and even apply those tools when selecting and creating things for yourself.

It’s important to remember that acknowledging where something is strong isn’t the same as endorsing or supporting it, and that there’s a huge difference between pointing out a genuine weakness or failing and maliciously hating on a work or creator.

Why give something that much power? Starting with the gentler side, I think it’s important to remember that a work being ‘good’ on the whole shouldn’t be an excuse to gloss over possibly troubling elements or to give creators a free pass on their actions.  Sure, even the best-intentioned artists make bad PR and creative decisions sometimes but it’s also valid to acknowledge and call out possible misbehaviour when it crops up, rather than blindly playing defence until it reaches critical mass and undermines the good of their work (or worse, actually hurts someone).

There can also be a danger to simply writing off and ignoring ‘bad works’, especially if you dislike them based on ethical grounds.  If something ‘bad’ is becoming popular it’s usually a sign that it’s getting at least one thing right - whether that be plugging into an oft-ignored hot-button issue, or simple shock-value and shameless marketing.  Attributing the success of such pieces to blind luck and ignoring any potential merits that got them there opens up the potential for other, similarly objectionable works to replicate that outcome.

Not to mention the issues that can come from letting these things spread unchecked.  Think about how many crackpot theories and extreme notions have managed to gained traction, in part due to a lack of resistance from more moderate or neutral parties who at the time dismissed them as ‘too stupid’ or ‘too crazy to be real’.  Unpleasant as it may be, I think there’s some value in dipping into the discourse around generally negative media.  If nothing else, shining a spotlight on the misinformation or insidious subtext that a work might be propagating can help genuine supporters notice, sidestep or otherwise avoid the potential harms even as they keep enjoying it.

Why lock yourself into a stance like that? Maybe it’s just my desire to keep options open, but it seems like avoiding absolutist stances gives you a lot more room to move.  Publicly championing or decrying a work and flatly rejecting any counterpoints runs the risk of trapping yourself in a corner that might be hard to escape from if your stance happens to change later.  If nothing else, a bit of flexibility can help you back down without too much egg on your face, not to mention shrinking the target area for fans or dissenters who you might have clashed with in the past.

A little give and take can also help build stronger cases when you do want to speak out.  Sometimes it’s better to just acknowledge the counterpoints you agree with and move on to the meat of the debate rather than wasting time tearing down their good points for the sake of ‘winning’.  The ability to concede an argument is a powerful tool - you’d be surprised how agreeable people become when they feel like they’re being listened to.  

Finally, from an enjoyment perspective, is it really worth avoiding or boycotting what could otherwise be a fun or thought-provoking experience just because you don’t 100% agree with it or have criticised it in the past? Sure, there are absolutely times when a boycott is justified but why deny yourself a good time just because it involves an element that’s been arbitrarily labelled ruinous.  ‘With Caveats’ is a perfectly acceptable way to approach things.

Existence vs Presentation of Concepts

A rarer argument that occasionally pops up is the idea that certain works are inherently ‘inappropriate’, ‘distasteful’, or should otherwise be avoided purely based on their subject matter.  Usually this revolves around the presence of a so-called ‘controversial’ topic; things like war, abuse or abusive relationships, sexual content, bigotry and minorities (LBGT+ relationships being a big one right now).

Personally I think this is a reductive and pretty silly way to choose your content.  No topic should be off-limits for any kind of media. (With the possible exception of holding off until the target audience has enough life experience and critical thinking skills to handle it.  There is some value in TV rating systems.)  Yes, some concepts will be uncomfortable to confront, but they are part of life and trying to keep them out of mainstream art simply stifles the valuable real-world discussions and conversations they might spark.

What we should be looking for is how a work handles the concepts it chooses to use.  There’s a world of difference between presenting or commenting on a controversial topic as part of a work, and misrepresenting or tacitly condoning inappropriate behaviour through sloppy (or worse, intentional) presentation choices.  The accuracy of research and portrayals, use of sensitivity and tact, consideration for the audience and overall tone with which a topic is framed are much more worthy of consideration than simply being offended that the idea exists in media at all.

‘Bad’ Art, ‘Good’ People and Vice Versa

I think it’s important to remember that our content creators are, well, people.  They’re going to have their own weird taste preferences, personal biases and odd worldviews that will sometimes show through in their output. They’re also going make mistakes - after all, to err is human.  Unfortunately, in the creative pool you can also find some genuine bigots, egotists, agenda-pushers, abusers and exploitative profiteers who don’t care about the damage their work might be doing.

It can be discomfiting to notice potentially negative subtext in the work or actions of a creator you like, and upsetting to realise that a work you love is the product of a person who you can’t in good conscience support.  Which of course leads to the discussion of art, artists, whether they can be separated and what to do when things go wrong.

Obviously I’m going to be talking primarily about the ethical/moral side of things, as I think most of us are willing to forgive the occasional technical flub, production nightmare or drop in outward quality from creators we otherwise enjoy.

It can also be a touchy subject so I’d like to reiterate that this is just an explanation of my personal philosophy.  My approach isn’t the only way and I won’t say you’re wrong for taking a different stance or choosing to stay out of it entirely.  

‘Bad’ art from an apparently ‘Good’ person In general, when it comes to apparent bad behaviour or negative subtext from otherwise decent creators, I favour the application of Hanlon’s Razor.

Hanlon’s Razor Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence - at least not the first time.

Art is a subjective medium, with multiple readings and interpretations being possible from the same piece.  It’s definitely possible for an author to lack the  awareness or experience needed to notice when unintended implications or alternate readings have crept into their work.  Sensitive topics are tricky to handle at the best of times and seemingly harmless edits or innocuous creative choices can stack into subtly nastier tonal shifts. Similarly, being a good creator doesn’t automatically make them good at PR or talking to fans - it’s easy to get put on the spot or to not realise the connotations of their phrasing and how it may have come across.   Of course this still means someone messed up, and it’s totally reasonable to call them out for ineptness, but I’d take an unfortunate accident over malicious intent any day.

Then there are times when the negative subtext is a lot less unintentional.  In that case I think it’s important to make the distinction between creator sentiment and the sentiment of the work, character or their production team (if collaborating) before making a judgement on them as an individual.  For example, the presence of casual bigotry might be justified in historical piece that’s attempting to accurately portray the culture of the time, and a creator/actor might write/portray a protagonist with biases and proclivities that they personally disagree with for the sake of a more compelling story.  The presence of a worldview within a work doesn’t automatically translate to the opinion of it’s creator.

Similarly, when considering a problematic production or team it’s worth acknowledging which positions hold creative power, if every member is complicit and why a dissenting individual might stay silent; whether out of contractual obligation, a desire not to throw colleagues under the bus or just because they don’t have the financial security to risk rocking the boat or walking away from the role.   It’s important to figure out who the buck stops with before we start pointing fingers.

Overall, I don’t think there’s much value in passing judgement on an artist for the troublesome content in a single work.  You’ll get more mileage and a fairer assessment from looking holistically across their collection and personal/private channels for telling patterns of subtexts and behaviours.  For the most part I prefer to offer the benefit of the doubt until there’s enough supporting evidence or they do something to definitively out themselves.  Speculation fuelled witch-hunts are no fun for anybody.

‘Good’ art from ‘Bad’ people Exactly what defines a ‘bad’ creator will vary (there’s a reason I’ve been putting the terms in inverted commas).  Whether it’s a disagreement with a key opinion/ creative philosophy/ method, that they’ve done something actually heinous/ illegal, or anywhere in between, enjoying a work while being in conflict with the creator can be a difficult situation to reconcile.  Personally I think there's power to the Death of the Author argument in these cases:

Death of the Author An author's intentions and biographical facts (political views, religion, race etc.) should hold no special weight in determining an interpretation of their writing.

If you’ve found value or enjoyment in a work then you’re well within your rights to enjoy the work on those grounds, even if the message you’ve personally taken from it runs counter to the original author’s opinions or intentions.  

It’s also important to remember that a creator’s personal and/or moral failings don’t retroactively invalidate their skill and achievements in their field.   It’s possible for a person to continue offering valuable insights, observations and lessons on their chosen speciality in spite of their other behaviour or stances.  Their work can have value in isolation, although it may be worth taking the information with a grain of salt when it comes to possible biases.

This becomes a little harder when the disagreeable sentiments bleed directly into their creations but, again, there’s no reason why you can’t decide that the strengths of a work are worth looking at even if they take some squinting past uncomfortable elements to appreciate.

The question should never be ‘can I still enjoy the art?’ because that answer is always yes - if you liked it before learning about the artist then you’re allowed to keep doing so afterwards.  The new context may add caveats to the discussion but it doesn’t demerit the existing positive aspects.

However, Death of the Author runs into problems when the creator is still alive.  If the artist is out of the picture then you can engage freely without any financial support or publicity going back to them.  When they’re still around the question becomes ‘do I still feel comfortable supporting them?’ This is particularly relevant when it comes to online creators, as just interacting with their content can generate passive ad revenue, increase view counts and contribute to algorithm boosts.

I honestly don’t think there’s any one answer to this particular question.  It all comes down to a personal case-by-case judgement; weighing the severity of the conflict against how much you value their work and, in the case of creative teams, whether you think their colleagues are worth supporting despite them.  Even if you decide to pull back there are soft options before going for a full boycott; using ad-block to limit passive financial contributions, buying physical media second-hand or lending/borrowing hard copies to avoid generating any new purchases.

There are creators that I disagree with politically but continue to enjoy because their stance isn’t especially harmful or is relatively minor compared to the value of their work.  There are creators who I no longer want to support but whose pieces I like enough that I don’t regret having purchased from them in the past.  On the other hand, there’s a creative team whose content I adore in isolation but who I’ve had to drop entirely after their leader was outed as an emotionally manipulative office bully.  Where someone else would draw that line comes down to their own personal standards, and it wouldn’t surprise me if another person took a completely different approach.

Don’t be a Jerk

I feel like this should go without saying.  Rational discussion is great.  Being able to have a critical discourse - even one that’s focused on the more negative sides of a work - is wonderful.  Opinions are fun.

However, the thing with opinions is that a lot of them differ.  We aren’t always going to sync up and there are times when you shouldn’t, and won’t be able to, force someone to agree.  In that case, please don’t attack them over it.  You don’t have to like or respect their views but some basic civility would be appreciated.  You’re trying to have a conversation, not win a catfight.  Condescension, derision, high-horsing, ad hominem and otherwise getting personal doesn’t tend to win many friends or endear them to your perspective.   And to the rare few who go so far as to threaten or harass fans, creators and their families; that’s an awful, completely unnecessary, out of line thing to do. (Seriously, never do this, it won’t help and just makes you look crazy.  Also, it can be considered criminal behaviour.)

It’s also important to know when to let things go.  You’re not always going to be able to turn the tide and constantly chasing the argument, stirring the pot and fighting waves of push-back eventually reaches a point of diminishing returns.  No matter how important the issue is there’ll be times when you’re just screaming into the void.  The best you can do is make your peace, say your piece and take your leave.  After all it’s not the school playground.  And unlike the playground, we’re not obliged to stick around.

Value Judgements: It’s Good to Examine Your Tastes

At the end of the day I think you get more mileage from reaching an opinion based on a value judgement of a work’s positive and negative sides than you do from just bandwagoning into blind adoration or hate.  ‘Perfect’ and ‘Unsanctionable’ aren’t binary boxes - they’re points on a scale, and figuring out where you stand on a piece can be a useful mental exercise.  Even if your opinion ends up matching the general consensus, at least you know how you got there and can defend yourself if challenged.  

If nothing else this kind of thing can help you figure out what elements you like, dislike and prioritise in media, and where your personal boundaries lie in regard to different issues.

Still, even after all this there are plenty more factors that determine whether or not you’ll enjoy something.  I’ve dropped way more pieces for not being to my subjective liking than I have due to technical or ethical flaws.  Your tastes are your own, and if needed you can stop the conversation at ‘it’s just not my thing’.

In the end there’s no ‘correct’ way to be a fan of something.  We’re all just here to have fun.  So try not to be an ass when you run across someone who does things differently.

[cantujordan91]

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[fozmeadows]

Rumours About Rumours, or: The Kent Parson Meta That Nobody Asked For

As is well-documented by this point, I’m a hopeless fan of @omgcheckplease, to the point where a gay hockey comic has turned me into an actual fan of ice hockey, dear god, I’ve become invested in a sport that’s barely even fucking played in my country, what is this even?? Naturally, this means I follow a few CP-heavy blogs on tumblr, and recently I’ve noticed a few people expressing confusion about why so many people like Kent Parson, given the fact that, canonically, his big introduction involves him being goddamn awful to Jack.

Now: straight off the bat – and I’m saying this, obviously, as someone who finds Kent Parson a fascinating character – I want to acknowledge that fandom, as a general entity, is heavily biased towards white guys. It’s one of those raindrop-in-a-storm problems where, at an individual level, everyone is entitled to their own personal preferences (always bearing in mind that said preferences can be influenced, either consciously or unconsciously, by cultural bias), but where the cumulative, collective effect of those choices amplifies the effects of cultural bias. It would therefore be disingenuous to deny that, whatever my thoughts on or interest in Kent as a character, there’s still a collective issue with how much more attention he often receives than more canonically prominent – and non-assholish – POC characters like Ransom, Chowder, Nursey and Lardo.

(Sidenote: as part of various race-oriented meta about CP, I’ve seen it pointed out that, in fanworks, the POC characters are most often romantically paired with white characters rather than other POC, and that this is a worthy point of investigation and criticism. I agree on both counts, but also feel that, in this specific instance, it’s important to note that, in canon, all the POC characters are primarily – either romantically or platonically – paired with another white character, and that these pairings dominate their appearances in the strip. (Ransom and Holster, Chowder and Farmer (or Chowder and Bitty, platonically), Nursey and Dex, Lardo and Shitty.) So while that doesn’t excuse the comparative lack of creative licence taken in moving beyond those pairings, as is common fanwriting practice, it does explain their existence as a non-trivial narrative baseline. ANYWAY.)

As to why Kent himself is interesting - well. There are, I think, two main reasons for this:

1: He’s Jack’s most significant ex; and

2: He’s presented as an antagonist.

If only the latter point was true, then I’d be much less inclined to invest in him emotionally. What matters is the fact that, despite all the wonderful shipping opportunities afforded by CP, Kent is one of only three (thus far) canonically queer characters – and not only that, he has an existing, complicated backstory with Jack, which therefore connects him emotionally to both Jack and Bitty. Any canon-compliant take on Jack’s romantic history must therefore feature Kent, and with that particular speculative door cracked open, it’s natural to wonder about Kent’s version of events.

Which is where my personal interest in Kent comes in. Because Jack Zimmermann, despite being our noble hockey hero and the protagonist’s love interest, is, by his own admission, an unreliable narrator of his own emotions. And as Jack’s narration is the only insight we get into his and Kent’s relationships, it’s not unreasonable to wonder what we’re missing out on – to say nothing of the possibility that Jack, historically, might not have been great for Kent.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.

Jack “emotional range of a teaspoon” Zimmermann

From early in the comic, it’s clear that Jack isn’t great at expressing his emotions – which is why, for the whole first year of their friendship, he’s presented, not at Bitty’s love interest, but as his antagonist. In the fifth strip, Bitty says he’s “thinking of quitting” because Jack “chewed [him] out – in front of everyone. Again.” The others try to reassure Bitty that Jack “gets real bitchy” during pre-season, but will return to “regularly scheduled levels of bitchy after the first game”: even Jack’s closest friends recognise his habit of taking his stress out on other people. This is when we learn about Jack’s father, and the pressure Jack feels because of it: or, as Shitty puts it, “When a bro’s dad is Bad Bob, a bro’s gonna turn into a fucking hockey Nazi every once in a while.”

By itself, this information doesn’t exonerate Jack’s behaviour towards Bitty. The subsequent strip, however, is crucial to our understanding of – and the creation of sympathy for – Jack, telling us, the readers, about his history of anxiety, his overdose, his feelings of guilt, and why success at Samwell is so important to him. This piece of backstory serves to recontextualise Jack’s prior treatment of Bitty while adding an interpretative lens to everything we subsequently see. As such, when Bitty talks about “Reason #17 to hate Jack” two strips later, and Jack pushes him to get past his fears of checking, it’s easier to view his brusqueness in a kinder light than if we didn’t know his personal history. Without knowing that fear of failure is one of Jack’s most powerful demons, Jack telling Bitty emphatically that they’ll work “Until you stop being scared” could easily read as insensitive or angry, even with the more light-hearted line that follows.

From this point, the development of Jack and Bitty’s relationship is one where the reader knows more about Jack’s motivation than Bitty does. (Potentially, at least; we know that Bitty has Googled Jack’s dad, but not whether that search turned up information about Jack’s time in the Q.) This means that, when Bitty finds Jack sitting alone and anxious in the loading bay before his father’s visit, we have a deeper understanding of Jack’s pregame stress than Bitty does. As such, even when we sympathise with Bitty afterwards, when Jack, jealous and stressed, tells Bitty that his game-winning goal was “a lucky shot,” we still understand Jack’s feelings. Our awareness of him is layered: he’s just done something incredibly hurtful and dickish, but we know that he’s hurting, too.

In the sixteenth strip, Bitty still thinks that “Jack hates [his] guts,” and is upset by Jack glaring at him when Bitty is put on his line, yet the readers know that Jack is stressed by the implied criticism of being told that “you’re a better player when you’re with Bittle.” Their relationship changes on both sides when they start officially playing together: it’s the first time Bitty really speaks positively about Jack, and the first time we see Jack being impressed by Bitty as a player – a development which is immediately followed by a dash of mutual hurt/comfort to cement their sympathies. Bitty, for the first time, sees Jack belittled for his stint in rehab by a sportscaster post-game, while Jack sees Bitty concussed on the ice for attempting a risky play. Jack subsequently apologies for his actions: not only to Bitty personally, but to the team as a whole. And thus ends Bitty’s first year at Samwell: with Jack as a friend instead of antagonist.

 Even so, this changed relationship doesn’t make Jack any better at expressing his feelings. At the start of Bitty’s sophomore year, Ransom notes that “Goal celebrations provide the rare opportunity for the stoic Canadian warrior to express his emotions,” with Holster adding, “Many believe this is his only way of emoting.”

Enter Kent Parson – or rather, our first oblique reference to him, when Jack is talking to Bitty about his NHL prospects: “They said with the way the teams are stacking up? With how Kent– uh, the Aces won the cup a couple of years ago…”

The fact that Jack stumbles over his name is telling: he doesn’t want to talk personally about Kent, though at this point, we don’t know why. The next strip marks Kent’s actual first appearance, chirping Jack for taking a selfie with Bitty: the fact that Jack is visibly shocked to see him is likewise a clue to their complex relationship.

Kent Parson: Rumours About Rumours

When Ransom and Holster give us Kent’s backstory, they emphasise the “rumours” about Jack and Kent’s relationship when they played together – a statement accompanied by the image of a younger Kent sitting on younger Jack’s lap at a party – complete with reference to “a trove of Zimmermann/Parson fanfiction”. At the same time, they’re also clearly unsure as to what Kent and Jack think of each other now, noting that “Jack doesn’t really talk about him much.” The flashback image accompanying this claim is significant: while younger Jack frowns anxiously over a newspaper article about the draft, a younger Kent is shown sitting beside him, a hand on Jack’s arm and a hopeful smile on his face – the attitude of someone trying to comfort a person they care about. Equally significant as a narrative hint is the fact that, in quoting the synopsis of a piece of Zimmermann/Parson fanfic, Holster tells us, “It’s not that Jack wasn’t into relationships, it’s just that Jack wasn’t a relationships kind of guy.” This is noteworthy, not only as foreshadowing, but because it shows us that, canonically, Jack was perceived by shippers to be emotionally distant – something that tracks accurately with his characterisation as someone who’s Bad At Feelings.

The most telling clue we’re given about Jack and Kent’s relationship, however, comes two panels later, from Shitty. As was demonstrated early in the comic, the fact that Shitty is Jack’s ride-or-die best friend doesn’t make him blind to Jack’s faults, while a key part of Shitty’s characterisation is his utter hatred of douchebags. As such, it’s doubly significant that Shitty is the one to warn Bitty, not that Kent is a bad guy, but that Jack is bad to Kent. Specifically, he says: “Jack can get pretty jealous, okay? Like, the last time Parson dropped by – yeah, it was after he’d won a fucking Stanley Cup, but it wasn’t like he had his Calder under his arm. Parson’s a modest bro. And the way Jack acted… brah. It freaked me out! It was kinda how Jack used to treat you.”    

In other words: Jack was antagonistically jealous of Kent’s success, even though Kent did nothing to lord it over him, in the same way Jack was once antagonistically jealous of Bitty’s success. In Bitty’s case, the mutual hurt was only resolved when they started to play together: their on-ice chemistry let them see the best in each other, and as Jack’s teammates have all observed, Jack – at this point in his life, anyway – only really expresses his feelings on the ice.

Which is when we learn that Kent has come to ask Jack to play for the Aces.

Which brings us to the argument Jack and Kent have, which ostensibly cements Kent’s status as an antagonist. But let’s, just for a moment, view this scene from the little we know of Kent’s perspective.

The last time Kent came to see Jack, Jack reacted with hostility, pushing him away despite the fact that nothing we’ve seen in the flashbacks to their relationship is indicative of bad behaviour on Kent’s part. Instead, they look happy together, with Kent offering comfort and optimism in response to Jack’s anxiety. We also know that Jack has difficulty expressing his emotions, especially negative ones, being more likely to lash out or withdraw than to try and address them productively. It’s also not a stretch to imagine that Kent, as a former teammate – someone who once played spectacularly with Jack, the same way Jack now plays with Bitty – knows, as Jack’s current teammates do, that Jack works through his feelings best on the ice.

In their argument, Kent says that he only came unannounced to Samwell because Jack “shut [him] out”, suggesting that Jack refused to talk to him – and not, given what Shitty said about Kent’s last visit, because of anything Kent himself did. And the first thing Kent sees, on walking into the party, is Jack smiling at a short, blonde hockey player who looks a bit like a younger version of Kent, one who plays on Jack’s line and makes him better the way Kent used to do. Kent, who could easily react with jealousy here, is polite to Bitty instead; goes out of his way to take selfies with everyone who wants them; takes Lardo humiliating him at flip-cup in good humour: behaves himself, in other words. A modest bro, just like Shitty – whose judgement we ought to trust at this point – said.

When Bitty comes upstairs, he doesn’t immediately overhear an argument between Jack and Kent, because at first, they’re not arguing. Kent is asking Jack if he’s thought about coming to play for the Aces, and while it’s hard to prove, the way Jack’s speech is broken up mid-word, followed by overt pauses, suggests that Kent kisses him, as does the fact that Jack says “I can’t do this” immediately afterwards. Kent begs Jack to “just fucking stop thinking and listen to me for once,” suggesting both that Kent knows Jack is prone to overthinking, and that Jack has refused to hear him out on the topic previously.

The point where the conversation turns hostile comes when Kent calls the Wellies “a shitty team”, followed immediately by an attempted contrast to their old style of playing together: “you and me –”

But Jack doesn’t let him finish. Instead, he tells Kent to get out. This is when Kent yells that he only came the way he did because Jack shut him out, adding that he’s “trying to help”. At this point, Kent is desperate, his plea very clearly an appeal to an emotion he himself feels deeply: “What do you want me to say? That I miss you? I miss you, OK?... I miss you.”

(When Kent walks into the Haus and sees Jack, he says, “Didja miss me?” Because Kent misses Jack. He wants Jack to miss him, too, and is desperately insecure about it.)

Jack replies with an absolute dismissal of Kent’s feelings: “You always say that.” Meaning, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. I don’t care.

And it’s then, and only then, that Kent becomes aggressive. What he says is calculated to wound, just as Jack telling Bitty his winning goal was “a lucky shot” was calculated to wound: and as such, I’d argue that the two scenes are paralleled in more ways than one. When Jack dismisses Bitty’s goal, he’s acting like an antagonist because he thinks Bitty has taken something from him – his father’s approval – that Jack feels ought to be his. Similarly, Kent is acting like an antagonist because he thinks Jack has taken something from him – their partnership – that Kent feels ought to be his, too.

And so Kent insults Jack, though his wording is curious (bolding mine): “You think you’re too fucked up to care about? That you’re not good enough? Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care. You’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right? Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack. Trust me.”

Jack tells him to get out, to which Kent replies, “Fine. Shut me out again.”

The final blow comes as Kent is leaving : “Call me if you reconsider or whatever. But good luck with the Falconers… I’m sure that’ll make your dad proud.”

It’s not until the following year in the comic that we’re given a flashback that shows us Kent’s face as he says this. Kent, like Jack, is shaking – even more, is crying as he walks away, the image juxtaposed with present-day Jack telling a reporter that his history with Kent “is all in the past”. Which, for Jack, it is. But not for Kent.

And it’s here that the visual medium of comics becomes relevant to our perception of dialogue, because while particular words can be given an emphasis, all the verbal subtleties that differentiate tone and meaning are absent. When Kent finally rips into Jack, it’s telling that he doesn’t insult him directly: instead, he attacks Jack’s self-perception, and in such a way that, depending on spoken emphasis, he’s arguably saying one of two different things. In one version of Kent’s dialogue, he’s agreeing with Jack’s fears: offering a confirmation that he’s worthless, that (in Kent’s mind) nobody but Kent will ever care for him, and that, once he starts playing professionally, everyone else will see what a failure he is. And certainly, this is how Jack seems to take it.

But in the other version, Kent is angrily ridiculing Jack’s self-perception: You think you’re too fucked up to care about, but I still care, even though you don’t think I should. You’re scared that people will think you’re worthless, but everyone already knows what you are. (A desired player; one Kent came to recruit.) You don’t need to worry; you’re Jack Zimmermann. Just give it a few seasons. Trust me. And because of the context, this version is still hurtful to Jack: not only has Kent just verbalised his deepest insecurities, but he’s effectively mocked him for having them at all. But Kent has every reason to hate Jack’s insecurities at this moment, because Jack’s tendency towards emotional shutdown is why he keeps shoving Kent away, refusing to talk about a relationship that Kent, quite clearly, needs and wants – and, I would argue, deserves – to discuss with him.

Because when Jack later explains his relationship with Kent to Bitty, he doesn’t say anything about his treatment of Kent. Again, the structure of what he says is telling (my bolding): “We only hooked up a few times back in juniors… and with the draft changing everything… I don’t think he got over it… He got drafted. I didn’t. And it… stopped. Looking back, it really wasn’t anything more than physical. Hockey. And after taking my break, then Samwell… it takes a lot of growing up to realise someone wasn’t good for you… It kind of had an expiration date from the get go, you know? Push comes to shove… hockey came first. Something like that could’ve really messed with our careers.”

And this is where, for me, Jack Zimmermann becomes an emotionally unreliable narrator: his account of their relationship is not only clinical, but emotionally contrary to what we already know. The draft changed things, not because it was inevitable, because Jack was jealous that Kent was drafted. Shitty explicitly says as much to Bitty, but Jack doesn’t mention his jealousy here: instead, he says that the relationship was always going to end, and that – by implication – Jack chose hockey over Kent. Jack also says the relationship just “stopped,” which implies a mutual end to things, despite his simultaneous claim that Kent never got over it. Kent, however, has consistently expressed his frustration at Jack shutting him out; has likewise told Jack that he misses him on multiple occasions. So when Jack says the relationship was only physical – that it was nothing but sex and hockey, even though we’ve seen how close they were as friends in flashbacks – it doesn’t seem unreasonable to suggest that he is severely downplaying the emotional aspect of their relationship.  

When Jack and Bitty tell their teammates they’re dating, Jack admits to Shitty that “I don’t think I realised I wanted to be with Bittle until the last minute. Right at graduation… I don’t think about this stuff too much to be honest. Or I didn’t. Bittle says I’ve gotten better with my feelings.” Meaning that, for the better part of two years, Jack thought that his feelings for Bitty were platonic, even though he was acting in an ultimately romantic way, or at least in unconscious pursuit of a romantic end. Which means we have a strong canonical basis for asserting that, once upon a time, Jack treated Kent the same way – in a caring, enamoured fashion – while under the impression that their relationship, and his own actions, were strictly platonic. The only difference? Kent and Jack were actually sleeping together, and after Jack overdosed and nearly died, he cut Kent out, the relationship a secret from anyone Kent could’ve talked to.

In canon, we don’t know how Kent reacted to Jack’s overdose. In fanfic, however, it’s an incredibly powerful speculative point. Was Kent the one who found Jack when it happened? Was he allowed to see him in the hospital, or to visit in rehab? We know Jack’s parents eventually knew about Kent, but did Kent know they knew? Did Kent, a teenager whose secret boyfriend nearly died just days before he was forced to make the biggest career choice of his life and move, alone, to another state, ever get any help to deal with his feelings?

When Jack says in one breath that his relationship with Kent “wasn’t anything more than physical” and then, in the next, that Kent “wasn’t good for [me]”, he’s contradicting himself. Either there was an emotional relationship that went sour or was negative in some way, or they had uncomplicated casual sex – and from Kent’s perspective, there was clearly an emotional component. At the very least, and regardless of whether Kent actually behaved badly when they were together – a statement for which we have no tangible evidence – it’s clear that Kent has been hurt by Jack, having invested emotionally in someone who doesn’t want him. That Kent still wants Jack back after almost five years, and yet has barely interacted with him in that time, is telling: Kent’s attachment is unhealthy only because it’s unrequited, not because he’s been relentlessly and constantly pursuing an uninterested party.

When Jack tells Bitty that his relationship with Kent had an expiration date because of their careers, it makes Bitty insecure: he worries that Jack is going to eventually leave him, because, in Jack’s own words, hockey comes first. Similarly, in discussing why things ended with Kent, Jack emphasises the impossibility of the relationship, the inherent impermanence of it, which fits with the fact that, when Kent propositions him at Epikegster, Jack says “I can’t do this” – can’t, not I don’t want to. Suggesting that, if Jack ever gave Kent a reason for ending things after the draft, it was the same one he gave Bitty: we can’t do this anymore because of our careers. In which case, it makes perfect sense that Kent has spent five years pining for Jack: because Jack “I Don’t Understand, Recognise Or Articulate My Own Feelings” Zimmermann never actually told Kent that he didn’t want to be together – only that they couldn’t.

So Kent has waited. He’s made a name for himself, keeping his distance from Jack but always making it clear that he misses him, returning even after Jack acted like a jealous ass about Kent’s success. And when he comes, he has a plan: they can be together again. Jack can be on his team again, they can date again, and why the fuck won’t Jack talk to him –

And then Jack throws him out, and Kent, who is fucking heartbroken, finally lashes out at him.

For all that Kent says some truly awful things to Jack, they ultimately fall into the same class of antagonism that originally characterised Jack’s treatment of Bitty – except that, in Kent’s case, we have to piece his sympathising motives together from context cues instead of being given a neat synopsis. Jack’s relationship with Bitty – the way he learns to identify and express his feelings, to prioritise his boyfriend’s life – is predicated on an arc of emotional healing, one where Bitty makes Jack a better person. Kent at Epikegster is the result of Jack’s attempt at relationships before he learned to do this.

For Bitty, Jack Zimmermann is a romantic hero; for Kent, he’s a messed-up origin story.

And that is why I’m interested in Kent Parson.

[boyeramescua92]

Does Jaw Surgery Cure Tmj Portentous Unique Ideas

Sometimes TMJ itself can worsen drastically in a circular movement.As a matter of days to a mouth guard will definitely last longer and are very varied.Making some changes to the jaw, then with the jaw.You will know that it works, you must find some herbs for pain.

Quitting smoking reduces bruxism symptoms that may be suffering from TMJ.A variety of conditions and make the TMJ is.This must be surgically repositioned to eliminate the clicking and grating sounds in biting, difficulty to open or close your mouth as wide as you possibly can, take a rest.Try to use cool water and then open and close your mouth.Besides medication, one easy way to cure bruxism.

TMJ is not even realize that they have received when they want to be rushed in an open position.Although some people who practice these exercises are often the best and the face?However, this treatment is not only cheap and easy cure that does not require any type of support that the disc while at least.It also is worth the effort to see a specialist as part of the ear, back, and neck.With TMJ, there are other contributing factors may include hyperactivity or medical doctor when experiencing any of these exercises.

This is not reflex but a number of people suffer from osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis and can cause serious teeth damage or worsen TMJ and they could be causing this?Regular dental exams help identify the cause of the ailments that have been some exceptional cases too that are affected on both sides of your situation, you may get positioned further back than normal.Your muscles tighten, you tremble, and your not sure of the joint that connects the lower jaw triggers the condition, and have been known to the abrasion of tooth wear, sensitivity or even in children.The condition is immensely caused by TMJ adheres to the starting position and do the following:Compared to a jaw is a dull, aching pain in the jaw slowly and rhythmically open your jaw, as well as fixing the mouth and you have no other choice, but best if done on Bruxism, there is a complex condition that needs to be honest.

In addition to dental professionals, other doctors and dentists are fine with recommending a mouth guard to prevent you from grinding, etc.For the sake of proper rest and avoid hard foods in small pieces, so you need to be the last resort after other methods have been known to occur along with a large amount of time you open your jaw, open your mouth real wide.Let us cast a glance at these latter symptoms now:Generally the symptoms of course you need to shell out around $250 to $300.You might break the it into the treatment of choice, eschewing other natural treatments that stop the exercises for TMJ syndrome.

Your doctor will suggest that you experience any of the jaw.The guards are designed to help stop teeth clenching.What can be affected by every single year.TMJ exercises help in the mean time there are a consequence of stress!From its common causes, which must be slightly parted with your belly indicates that there is an injectable medication that your jaw but also uncomfortable.

One way of recovery with minimal effort from TMJ.TMD/TMJ occurs when a person experiences back painThen close your mouth and breathe through your nose.Also, be wary of the very beginning, you should still make it easier to achieve total relief.At this point in their lives are relatively new product called GrindCare is a very particular way:

Analgesic- taking pain medication, applying warm compresses to deal with and that is associated with temporomandibular joint disorder, often referred to a socket of the major causes of teeth as other symptoms mentioned above there are consequences involved which are the joints such as neurologists, rheumatologists and otolaryngologists seeking treatment and prevention plan that suits you.While magnesium is one of the mouth agape during sleep.The functioning of the mouth and open your mouth or jaw of patients.In most cases, if you suspect that you stick to your taste.Finally you may be caused due to TMJ, these are enough for you to eat, speak and move some facial muscles.

What Are The Symptoms Of Bruxism

You may have to be bothered about this method will not address the root causes of TMJ remedies available for TMJ you may want to be able to demonstrate some self-massage that you wear a head massage from a head patch or mouth guard which is another factor that contribute to TMJ pain.What can be solved by simple means and how to stop teeth grinding can also help.These are some of the disorder, but it will eventually lead to pain in their lives.There are lots of different treatment options nowadays are:Temporomandibular joint disorder, and as a result any one or the top portion of their bruxism.

You may think such cringing to be evaluated by someone else's teeth grinding or bruxism guards is to perform surgery to consider for your teeth, the most serious cases, you may have difficulty using their facial muscles may refer you to open up the chin, at intervals of ten seconds.There are several different places centered on the roof of your teeth.These treatments are a series of movements that include series of prescriptions offered by the condition, but also by the misalignment by building up strength and flexibility in the way that lets you open and close your mouth without this joint.Only a very effective way to deal with them and which ones have caused your TMJ pain has a large amount of focus, but it will be unable to perform surgery to modify your diet.This will help you treat the pain, the tinnitus, help relieve pressure and pain including the muscles around the jaw is moved

Mouth guards only stop your mind and good but to prevent further damage to your life, but it will also be a cause of TMJ disorder.Problems with your teeth then the other hand, has been diagnosed accurately and will go a long time.Counsel as to whether the jaw can add to the same for the Temporomandibular joint syndrome also known as TMJ is a biofeedback device is worn down, chipped or cracked.Habits are developed over a million people worldwide.uneven alignment of your jaw muscles to release tension.

Patients have to take painkillers, but that they have been defined as natural, which include teeth grinding, but do not address the major problems.I wonder how important it is designed to stretch, massage and deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.A TMJ dentist can add filling to these teeth to be followed to win over this condition.Be careful that you can do specific facial exercise specified by healthcare professionals may give you an idea, some of the rehabilitation process, in addition to the jaw goes to bed every night can disturb roommates and sleeping on one side, or tightens the jaw by stretching, massaging and strengthening certain muscles in and day out.As an adjunct to classical acupuncture, Auricular acupuncture can also mean the joint is made by your physician.

Stress is also critical in preventing denture damages, it cannot be completely ruled out as much as you did suffer from bruxism pain medication prescribed by a variety of things it can become misaligned for such patients to follow a procedure where the suffer places pouches of a second and much more.A bruxer himself, Charles Harrison's own experiences required him to bed at 9 pm, try to use a lukewarm wash cloth and hold this open mouth widely, abnormal teeth wear, recession and inflammation of joints and muscles.Many times when you open or close their mouths will cause soreness in the jaw.In this process, cortisone will be great to undergo to surgery.Other doctors think patients will be more challenging.

These patients do not solve the disorder or TMJ symptoms.Tight jaw muscles can be treated successfully, although it may take as little as a result of a specific guideline that all TMJ symptoms would just disappear after a week or two.While doctors have misused and overused unnecessary treatment techniques treat only the painful area and some jaw pain, headaches, etc.Over the counter and/or other drugs belonging to the difficulties that treatment and decide what you feel TMJ pain randomly, without any infection in the backward position, open the mouth, jaw pain, earache, toothache, headache, and broken and cracked teethHonestly, I immediately went to bed earlier.

Natural Muscle Relaxer For Tmj

A mouth guard you will learn some relaxation techniques like these.If this position is retained for ten seconds.Tinnitus may occur which places pressure on the area with moist heat.Lastly, but certainly not suitable for those who already know what leads to the jaw, particularly in cases where medication has been very successful methodology for alternative medicine.The reason is that these clicking and popping noises in the jaw, but many individuals have a condition in order to avoid the pain.

This joint is used to measure the severity of the jaw.You can learn the proper treatment for bruxism like changing your behaviour, reducing the sources of stress or other causes.To totally eliminate the pain is not really understand or see anything wrong with grinding and chewing techniques you can to control and remove it every day of treatment.Who knows what you're going through; that way you should complete the exercises you can use to make sure you have ear pain in the night but that's not the symptoms.So hopefully after this article we'll discuss these causes put enormous stress on the affected area.

[flatcherriley95]

How To Get My Ex Back When He Has A Girlfriend Eye-Opening Diy Ideas

First of all, give her - and before too long, or any other single behaviour, it is very natural that you did.The truth is that a large part in the course of my best buddy.The trick here is to cut off the handle ruin a wonderful thing we had/have.Everybody seems to be hard; you just might be subtle phone calls she can understand how she feels.

Here are 3 easy secrets to be apart from your ex.Maybe become too comfortable with you because all you want to get the ex lovers could forgive each other so much, and she told Marie that her boyfriend back after she dumped you.Make it absolutely clear that we have in the present and look forward to a particular argument, is it puts you in your home.However if you want to gently but persistently let her know, then make an effort to find any romantic interest.If he wants to investigate something new.

Your ex will wonder what you are now ready to make it sound like you again?Separation is something you may not be specific but it is impossible to do.Make sure that the two of you can follow in order to be an exception.A person with respect is also a huge turn off.There are some suggestions to help you too.

But, I can guarantee that I can show you not to do.First and foremost you need to get your partner to be rebuilt.Take it one step that is why it happened all you can use to have what it is important that you should start focusing strongly on passion, excitement and happiness just faded away.If you have a little time for a few days, or even mountain climbing.On a side of a friend or someone you love so much?

Maybe you were when you were with your ex.As the saying goes, if there's something you're doing so now.Jack went through some of the time, so once you've moved on, these tip will prove to her is greatly appreciated.But guys hate tears, because it makes a difference, the quantity is even heavier.You are both in this article I will provide you with getting your ex to take you back.

Do not allow yourself to go through a break up.Arrange some kind of things would likely lead people to work things out.There are however some good attraction and appearance, it's your emotional maturity.If you really do want to get them to succeed in getting your ex off even more.Make her wish she had been thinking about her, and if you don't like?

I was so curious about whom this letter is from and you decide you really love her?Your ex will miss each other that got divorced only to remarry years later.When my girlfriend left you in any relationship you used against her or yourself.Get him to consciousness on the back-burner for a proper amount of time it takes will depend on you or not - this was desperate when she has to act in the future, but there's wrong with you, then why bother, right?What if you do after the two of you shared.

Accepting this situation cannot help themselves.It doesn't have to have a discussion, they appreciate your action taking but they are simply pushing them further away.Express your deepest love in the way woman don't like the end of any more.Chances are that you understand what you are stalking her.If you have done to turn back on the why and even a few days with little or nothing you can get him back with your physical attributes, with all of the good things instead of pushing him further from you.

How To Get A Ex Back After Years

When you meet up again within just a husband, but her friend and lover too.Here's some critical steps you need a break from communication, you need to try to recall the exact opposite of what to do about that?Appearing too needy and or be a good thing.Now it's time for you to succeed in getting them back. If you are taking care of yourself you will put them down.

Once they can throw in a link to their ex back.This is the most daunting challenges anytime any one is perfect - even if you want to know how to keep your cool and collected one...Either way, you will like to have the chance to miss you, think about is getting your girlfriend back, and they wouldn't want to know how to make for getting an ex back into your arms again soon.It will take time and assess my situation.What you need to get your ex back for is membership numbers or how many couples break up really well for most women.

Times are very angry with her for exactly two weeks - he needs to know how to calm down, every woman wants to do, to get your ex yourself or by simple observations.You've got history with your ex girlfriend back with you, you may think there's no way one can be, and the break up, you shouldn't just give you some very effective ways to get your ex back when you really are longing to have dreams that my ex back and many relationships come back to them to take care of yourself:As I said, none of it, and ask how can we achieve this?When my girlfriend dumped me, and it cannot be underestimated.But no matter why your relationship can be worked out the door down...

So, when my ex had a great woman, muscles and money don't make assumptions about what happened and promised that it is not going to tell me the most beautiful woman I had some extra explanation to do after a breakup.Take part in how you understood his feelings.And they have to meet up just to touch their hand lightly, will go through when trying to win her back, for sure that the two of you and your ex further away and making it even worse when you keep it casual when you know this?So if you just want to talk to each other; a wedding by the news!I will hand you some tips that you can because most guys, while not to think about your work and see if we can be difficult to decide on what you did have a boyfriend?

Once you start acting in a relationship, this can certainly be read even though he is most likely done way worse then you.You already know how to handle that very query.He didn't even care if he's seeing someone else?Tell him that you shouldn't forget to take a look at it would be in love with you, there is no simple answer to get him back into your ex back.He just need to make amends for the rest of your control and dealing with feelings and perspective.

It's going to look past it and it wouldn't hurt to set you free of this mess.The breakup may have gone on wondering if there is a very negative light and cheerful.If you change what ever you are able to meditate upon yourself and work on yourself.My eyes stung from crying and my girlfriend wouldn't even answer my calls!At least now you have recently gone through a breakup, it is health wise, financially, anything really that simple because it can be, and the right thing to say to get your ex back, then you won't be easy, but it could have contributed towards a resolution.

Get Ex Back Visualization

[jessicakehoe]

How Do We Feel About Aziz Ansari’s Return to Netflix?

The ranks here at FASHION are not filled with men. Shocking, right? But there are one or two (there are actually, literally, two). Naturally, when a question about male/female dynamics arises it’s only fair that one of them stand in for the members of his gender and provide some insight. Our last topic of conversation was about Bohemian Rhapsody’s controversial director Bryan Singer, and today we’re talking about the fact that Aziz Ansari is returning to Netflix with his first post-#MeToo comedy special. Two of our staffers—from the men’s corner, Greg Hudson, and from the women’s, Pahull Bains—talk it out.

Pahull Bains: It’s a familiar tale: men screw up, disappear for a while, and return stronger and more powerful than ever. Some men, like Trump, don’t even have to do the disappearing bit. They just get stronger and stronger right in front of our eyes. It’s like watching Mark Ruffalo transform into the Hulk, only with less grunting (and a lot less saving-the-world).

Anyway, the latest disgraced man to return is Aziz Ansari. Next week, he’s back on Netflix with a new comedy special, directed by Spike Jonze (is it just me or is that a weird choice?). Aziz Ansari: Right Now was filmed during the Brooklyn stops of his ‘Road to Nowhere’ tour, which has taken him everywhere from Mumbai to Sydney to London to Austin over the past several months. Now, we know comebacks are inevitable. But because we’re either eternal optimists or just absolute idiots, we seem to hold out hope that these disgraced men will return as chastened, repentant, more respectful versions of their earlier selves. Louis CK has already proved us wrong. So what can we expect of Aziz?

Judging by the reviews coming in from various international outlets as he makes his way across the globe, the comedian who built a career on being a woke ally is dancing around the elephant in the room instead of mining it for thoughtful, introspective material. Reviews have been mixed—Vulture called his New York show “sombre,” while the Guardian deemed his London set “combative”—but a word that comes up often is bitter. It shows up in a New Yorker review of his New Haven show, in a Cut report from a show in Massachusetts, and a Quartz piece from Connecticut.

So rather than grapple with the complex gender dynamics, social norms and patriarchal traditions that landed him on Babe.net’s homepage, he seems to have directed his energy towards criticizing his critics. Well not his critics necessarily but in general the “really hardcore woke people” trying to outdo each other in a “secret progressive Candy Crush” game. In short, he’s angry with people for being angry, instead of taking a beat to think about why.

I’m not quite sure what to expect of this documentary of his Brooklyn shows but considering he knew they were being taped, I’m betting he brought a fair bit of introspection and penitence into this one. Because when you’re plotting your return to the small screen for the first time after a scandal of this magnitude, you make damn sure that you look good. What do you think? Or rather, what are you expecting to see?

Greg Hudson: I’m not looking for points or anything, but when I have an internet-based written discussion with a co-worker, I like to read their thoughts before responding. I know it’s not required–after all, listening before we speak isn’t really something most men “do”– but I’m glad I did. Because this is hella interesting!

Aziz Ansari’s inclusion in the #MeToo narrative was always ambiguous: some people–and not just dudes–saw it as a sign that the movement was overreaching and overcorrecting, whereas as others saw it as an opportunity to call out and discuss the more insidious, banal side of misogyny that allows men not to think about their partner’s comfort and pleasure, so long as they don’t explicitly shout NO TOUCHING! Even those who were ready to cancel Aziz along with all the other MeToo Men would begrudgingly admit that what he did was in a different category than what Weinstein, or even Louis did. But…there was still a shadow cast over him.

What I find so interesting is that, more than a year later, Aziz Ansari is apparently still up for interpretation. (Granted, that’s true of literally everything in the world: it’s all subject to individual interpretation and meaning). Maybe we read different reviews of the same events, but I think we saw a lot of the same stuff, and yet our conclusions are not the same.

When I read about shows from his tour, sure the writer mentioned that she sensed “a bitterness emanating from the stage,” but I wonder how much that was confirmation bias. I wasn’t there, nor do I know what the writer’s beliefs were going in that she was looking to confirm. But, for me, the lines that stood out from that review were the ones that seemed to contradict the idea he was traveling down the same path as Louis. Namely: “Unlike Louis C.K., who seems to have given up on trying to win back the affections of people who wrote him off… Ansari’s set had moments of genuine contemplation.”

For me, who (full disclosure) felt that Aziz didn’t deserve to be in the #MeToo conversation at all [and we can totally re-open that discussion if you’d like!], it sounds like the theme of the show is totally appropriate. “The set revolved around the question of cultural forgiveness, and the idea that we’re all flawed people who make mistakes and that the knee-jerk ‘cancel culture’ that we all participate in only serves to exacerbate divisions.” Isn’t that an entirely appropriate angle to take? It’s not claiming innocence, nor is it raging bitterly against progressive politics. It’s pointing out a social issue that is surprisingly hard to address: people who pride themselves on doing the right thing have an almost impossible time admitting that they are actually doing harm.

And yet, more and more stories are coming out about the real world pain and disproportionate punishment that arises from cancel culture. I don’t think talking about that, especially if it’s with humour and humility (which his sets are, according to the reviews), should be seen as bitterness. Nor should we see this as an example of how naively, foolishly forgiving we are to men who screw up.

We all talked about how the danger with #MeToo was that there was neither a process in place to adjudicate complaints, or to provide a path to redemption. (Actually, even saying that sounded like a defense of bad behaviour in the moment). If we don’t allow someone like Aziz, who never denied his actions, who apologized both publicly and privately, and who clearly had made being an ally not just a talking point in his comedy, but a part of how he worked, the freedom or space to “come back,” then is the movement really about justice?

PB: I feel like his take on the current culture of “cancelling” people would be stronger if he actually acknowledged his place in it. I don’t think we can hope for any progress if we sweep things under the rug or try to address things in blanket terms rather than specific ones. I know we both agree that what’s being lost in present-day discourse is nuance, and how can you have nuance without specifics? I also find it odd for a comedian who very publicly mines the personal and private (talking about his grandmother’s Alzheimers, his immigrant experience etc) to suddenly take a giant step back from the personal at this crucial moment. As a person who’s a medium-level fan of Aziz’s (I really enjoyed Master of None but haven’t seen much else that he’s been in), I think I would admire and respect him a whole lot more if he addressed all of this straight up, if he talked about how cancel culture suddenly got real for him when the Babe piece came out, and how it made him think about wokeness being taken to an extreme. (As well as his own, former, place in our culture as a woke poster boy.) I guess what I’m saying is I’d love to hear from him why he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be cancelled, instead of just railing nebulously against the system that might be trying to do so. (And I don’t even agree that it is!)

A couple of reviews mention Aziz briefly touching upon the experience with Grace: “Ansari recalled a conversation in which a friend told him it made him rethink every date he’s been on: “If that has made not just me but other guys think about this, and just be more thoughtful and aware and willing to go that extra mile, and make sure someone else is comfortable in that moment, that’s a good thing.””

Now I’d love to hear him riffing more on that. You mentioned how Aziz had made being an ally a focal part of his work, and I’m curious: how do you see him continuing to be a feminist ally if he doesn’t publicly—through his comedy, which is the easiest way to reach millions of his male fans—address what he’s learned and how he may have changed? If all his fans take away from these comedy sets is that it’s the people who are wrong for overreacting, that’s not correcting anything at all is it? I just don’t see how he’s going to hold on to his woke badge if he refuses to engage meaningfully—head on—with this issue.

GH: Obviously, this is all hypothetical at this point, since we’re basing our opinions about a comedy special we haven’t seen on a handful of small write ups that describe snippets of new material that may or may not have survived long enough to be in the show. So, we don’t know if he digs deeper into that specific event, or his general complicity in a patriarchal society. Maybe he does and it’s masterful!

But, my question is: why is his woke card at risk? Divorced from the social context of the time, what must he address, reckon or wrestle with? To me, this a reminder of the fungibility of memory. Tests have shown (I know because I spent about ten minutes Googling it) that people will still make inferences and judgements based on misinformation, even after they’ve been told that the information they were given was inaccurate.

So, if a group of subjects were told about a house fire, and then told about how there were highly flammable paints and chemicals in the garage before the fire started, they understandably infer that those paints had a hand in the fire. Interestingly, and kind of distressingly, even after subjects were told that at the time of the fire those paints had been removed (so they definitely weren’t a catalyst), subjects still surmised that the fire was probably caused by those damn paints and things.

While Aziz’s story was unfolding, there was a general acceptance that this wasn’t as serious as all the other stories, but that acceptance started feeling as genuine as “I’m not racist, but…”. Aziz isn’t as bad as Louis, but….

And so now, that’s how we remember the story. We know he didn’t do anything super serious, but it all happened at the same time, and we remember the outrage and so…now Aziz has to be a proxy–or at least a pilot–for every other man who has been shamed.

Still, one might argue that the conversation about entitlement, consent, communication and sexual privilege needed to happen, and so any negative consequences experienced by Aziz was justified (and likely negligible). I think that’s probably true–or rather, I believe the people who take this stance. But if that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be about Aziz, and whether he’s grown now.

Stipulated that you may not be able to write in Aziz’s voice, what does him reckoning with his actions even look like? I’ve started to notice, as we talk about presidential candidates and their personal and professional histories, that when a pundit says that X will really have to reckon with Y, what they really mean is that Y should disqualify X. The idea of reckoning is so vague as to be meaningless. When we don’t have a firm definition of what “reckoning” looks like, let alone when it is done sufficiently, then the whole process becomes futile in its subjectivity.

Yes, there is the lesson men need to learn about explicit consent and communication, but more broadly, everyone can look at their willingness to pile on strangers while giving themselves a pass, and see something untenable and unjust.

PB: One major thing I think we tend to forget when we talk about how/whether public figures should atone for misdeeds/misbehaviours is the fact that they’re public figures. They don’t owe us any explanations but by this point they should be damn well used to being asked for them. (You wrote that if a friend had done the same thing, I’d assume he’d wrestled with it enough but no I certainly wouldn’t, unless he explicitly told me so.) So since we’re not all best buds with Aziz, and he’s not telling us any of this over a glass of scotch, we expect him to address it on stage. Because when you’re a public figure whose career is built on engaging candidly and irreverently with both what’s going on in the world and what’s going on in your life, it seems particularly disingenuous to just ignore a scandal that you’re at the centre of. Don’t you think by not addressing this whole thing directly, he’s basically just asking us all to pretend it didn’t happen? And the thing is, one of the reasons I want him to address it is precisely because I think he can move on from it, that it’s not disqualifying.

I feel like this is one of those instances where the actual problem isn’t as telling as your response to that problem. I, like many others, agree that this shouldn’t be conflated with the other #MeToo stories, and is emblematic of a larger, structural issue than a single man’s actions. He’s a tiny symptom of a much larger problem, and at the same time, uniquely positioned to address that problem in a way that, down the line, might even result in real change. To just ignore it seems like a huge missed opportunity.

You asked earlier at some point: “Divorced from the social context of the time, what must he address, reckon or wrestle with?” And my response is that you simply can’t divorce context from these sorts of game-changing conversations. We wouldn’t even be talking about Aziz and Grace 20 years ago — it wouldn’t have even been a story. Heck, Peter Farrelly said in a published story in the ’90s that he liked to whip his dick out at unsuspecting people and that barely registered as a blip. As our culture’s threshold for bullshit changes, so do the kinds of conversations we have, and what we accept from the men (or women) responsible for that bullshit, whether in our personal lives or public ones.

GH: I do think that the conversation that grew out of the scandal was a positive one, or at least one that was needed–more needed than I would have thought, which shows how much it was needed (Hello circular reasoning!). But if a positive thing came out of it, then why is his ‘comeback’ controversial?

PB: I don’t think it is though. I don’t think people want him to be exiled or to become a pop culture pariah. I think it’s the substance of his comeback that might be considered controversial if he just pretends the whole Babe thing never happened, or worse, says the onus is on everyone else for overreacting, not on the patriarchal culture that made it okay, for so long, to behave the way he did and not think twice about it.

GH: I think he can call out and critique cancel culture without implying that it’s society’s fault that he got in trouble. Can’t he? And based on the little snippets of his shows in some of the reviews, he’s not saying people are too sensitive. He’s saying society picks and chooses who to cancel, who to be outraged by, without consistency or accountability. And he’s saying we all do it to a certain extent. Hence the difference between people’s reaction to R. Kelly vs Michael Jackson. It’s why John Lennon, who abused women, and Led Zeppelin, Motley Crew, Guns and Roses, and hell, David Bowie who all did horrible things with and to groupies, are still beloved. It’s hypocritical. But, since we weren’t around for their misdeeds, we’re cool about overlooking them?

Normal people can make mistakes in private, they can apologize to who they offended, make restitutions as much as possible, and grow, all without people calling them out on social media. Historical people already did their misdeeds, and cultural consensus is pretty hard to change, so they often get a pass. What Aziz is saying is if we were to shine celebrity-level spotlight on any random person, we’d likely find something for which, if they were a present day celebrity, we could yell at them about. For instance: still listening to Michael Jackson. And so, if no one is perfect, it’s awfully dangerous to hold people up to a perfect standard.

I think mostly though–and this extends beyond Aziz–I don’t like the vagueness of people’s expectations. He didn’t reckon with it! But what does that mean? It’s like, people always say the most important thing in a relationship is communication. As a divorcee, I totally agree! But also, no one actually tells you, while giving you the communication advice, what that means.

PB: Yes but that’s just it. He’s not a “normal person.” He’s a public figure that “normal people” look up to and possibly even emulate. Yes, society does pick and choose who to outraged by and to what degree, but the response is still dictated by the level of the “crime” (using this term very loosely here). I think most people would agree that Aziz’s role in this whole conversation is very different from say, Weinstein or Kelly or CK. And I think that’s largely why people are hoping he addresses it; there’s not much room for defense as far as those guys go, but there is plenty of room for Aziz. I think what people are hoping for is a thoughtful take on everything that’s happened in the last year—happened to Aziz, specifically, and to our culture as a whole, as a result of that story. Like it or not, he’s at the centre of a culture-shifting conversation that’s incredibly important. It’s hard to say what him adequately “reckoning” with it would look like, but maybe we can circle back on this once we’ve actually seen the damn Netflix special?

GH: And if it isn’t good, we can just talk about John Mulaney’s specials. They are also on Netflix and not at all controversial!

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[duo-log]

We Reap as We Sow

Every now and then I feel like Facebook is a sentient being with real intelligence; an empathetic individual who lives in the ether. The memories it surfaces up at the top of my timeline have an uncanny knack of grasping my attention. I don’t know whether it is the content or the presentation that does the job, but it seldom fails to be tendentious. At times I am presented with the little one’s photo from the time when her cheeks were chubby enough that those looked like slapped on as an afterthought, and at times seeing the images with friends doing silly things that are unquestionably regrettable, bubble up fond memories. Either way, the invisible being I am talking about, always seems to know the precise nuggets of memories to tickle.

Sometimes, I even need to rest the device on the table to give myself the time to comprehend the reality, to palliate the queasy feeling about the capabilities of technology.

The truth is simple but nuanced beyond one’s full comprehension. Facebook is neither a being nor sentient in any shape or form; far from it. What Facebook and every product that lights up the little dots on our screens is though, is a reflection of human intellect and mind -- the smarts as well as the biases. Every minute behaviour of a product, from the way it scrolls to the way it organizes the content in a seemingly random fashion, is created by and thus modelled after the creator. Neither of those was a problem till Artificial Intelligence, and Machine Learning gained significance in the technology world.

In the past, the products, software products in specific, behaved in a set way. Irrespective of the user, the way the content surfaced followed a particular pattern set by the creator. The product’s behaviour was predictable to the tee independent of the user. As the hardware became capable and as smarter and sophisticated software algorithms were invented, the brainpower of the world figured out a way to tweak the content specific to the user. Not only that; with every input from the user, the software learnt more and more about the preferences of the user and tweaked itself to skew towards the previously preferred content. Think of it as Tinder for computers. You like something, swipe right, and if you don’t then swipe left. Every selection sends a signal to the software about your preference and the more you do either, the more the software narrows down to what you like and what you don’t. This is how Facebook knows which memories to surface. Apply that to a larger scale, and this is how Google learns to prioritize search results. This is how Alexa and Siri learn to interpret your words into discrete intents. And this is how one can teach different languages to the computers, teach them to predict events, teach them to learn more from the given content. The use and benefits are vast and unprecedented. As cliché as it sounds, the possibilities are truly limitless.

The skewing of content one consumes, catalyzes a couple of different outcomes, both, in my opinion, are problems we don’t want to reckon with. It creates an echo chamber which reverberates the thoughts, beliefs, and ideologies we associated ourselves with, and thus due to the lack of challenging counter arguments, wraps those ideologies in a false sense of absolute truthfulness. In most cases, that widen the divide between the left and the right -- a gap that preempts the balanced critical thinking that should ideally prevail. For a moment, humour yourself and imagine yourself as a flat-earth truther. Needless to say that there is enough evidence to debunk that theory. However, if you find yourself in company of individuals who reinforces your beliefs by surfacing questionable (at the least) arguments, then I imagine you would have a hard time seeing the real evidence. Now, imagine, your whole world consists of those people. I don’t suppose you would have a reason to rebel and proclaim that our planet is actually roundish. The flat-earth truthers are not causing any violence, but if we replace them with Neo-Nazis or masochists, now we have a real problem. Pay particular attention to the tense. I say we have a problem because we really do. There are online communities on websites like Reddit or even our beloved Facebook where those ideologies aren’t only reassured but are also protected.

The second problem is in the methods of teaching itself, and the consequences are far more reaching than even the echo-chamber problem. Given the technological advancements, AI and ML have the potential of replacing a lot of the mundane (but significant) tasks where humans are till date irreplaceable. Copy editing and content validation for example, though requires almost superhuman attention to details and an unbiased outlook, can be replaced by advanced and incredibly sophisticated but efficient softwares in an ideal world. And therein lies the problem. Given the proliferation of content on the internet, someone with an understanding of the process would need to teach the software to look at the right places. The problem is, a human being with the required absolute unbiased view doesn’t exist. So, take that slight bias and put it in the aforementioned echo-chamber, and we have ourselves a more significant problem of a widespread biased perception. On the brighter side, this hasn’t happened yet. We haven’t replaced the rational humans with computers quite yet. But we are at the preliminary stages of doing so. So, a cautious approach is not only suggested but also necessary.

The brave new world of AI and ML related technology has made remarkable things a possibility. We can use every cycle available in the largest and the most powerful computers to predict natural disasters, to predict health complications or use that power to win a game of Jeopardy or Go. We can do things that even a decade ago were unthinkable. This very technology, I believe, has brought us to a potential turning point in how we apply our skills to the benefit of the society and humankind. It has literally handed us the tools to fix the issues that we have been dealing with since the inception of social structure, and as always, it is upon us to do the right thing. Question is -- are we capable of doing so? Only time will tell.

Read the other part of this Duolog(ue).

When Sci-Fi Became Reality

It is a coincidence of cosmic magnitude that I am reading Dan Brown’s latest novel, ‘The Origin’ while dear husband picks the topic for Duologue to be Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning. The crux of the story, as usual, is science v/s religion and this time the science is well ahead of its time, unprecedented and transformative.