#also: nevermind‚ not going to class‚ i have too many things to do ill just ask the teacher about my grade by email

[theokusgallery]

i'm abt to go to bed so before i do, i found another song i think fits this au ever heard "the red means i love you?" :) i'm actually not too sure about this one but that's probably because of 1 single phrase in the song??? i always contemplate sending songs here simply because of my Anxiety (I NEED TO STOP CONTEMPLATING💥💥)

The Red Means I Love You is suuuch a good Arsenic song. This is giving me an idea, actually... a terrible, terrible idea. Sunny is going to experience so many horrors today, people. I feel like torturing him.

(Hope you slept well! Sorry this is so late.)

[demonslayedher]

How Does Eating Humans Work?

Hello, Gotou here. We’re shamelessly borrowing from the format of a KnY Fanbook #2 comic to launch an investigation into demon metabolism and development by crossing the Sanzu River again to interview demons in the underworld. While we’ll be using canon materials as a base, the analysis and conjecture herein is personal, so we ask for your understanding. Also, please note that consuming any food in the underworld will make you unable to return, and we cannot promise your safety even though the interview subjects are dead, so please come along at your own risk.

Some of the questions we’d like to answer are, why do demons need to eat humans? How much do they need to eat to survive? Are there factors that influence how eating humans makes them stronger? If they don’t want to kill humans, what are their other options? We’ve rounded up some special guests below the cut (hidden for length and grossness), everyone from the lowly Temple Demon to the lovely Tamayo, to see what their actions in canon might tell us.

First, a review of what canon tells us, mostly as summarized in Fanbook #2: 1. With one exception named Yushirou, all demons were created by Kibutsuji Muzan, for his own purposes. They all have some amount of his blood, and can be divided into four classes depending on how powerful they are. From top to bottom, the Upper Moons, the Lower Moons, demons with special abilities, and other demons without any special characteristics. 2. Demons may be stronger depending on how much of Kibutsuji Muzan’s blood they have. Most beings’ cannot handle a large amount of his blood, and it will rupture the cells and that being will die, but there are demons who adapt well to it. 3. Typically, sunlight is the only way to kill a demon, by either bathing them in sunlight or cutting of their head with a Nichirin blade. However, there are powerful demons for whom chopping off their head does not work, and if it’s strong enough, demons can also be killed by wisteria poison.

4. Demons eat human blood and flesh. The more they eat, the stronger they become, and the faster their regenerative abilities become. Some humans have “Marechi,” a rare blood type, which is especially nutritious to demons, and eating one Marechi is the equivalent of eating several humans.

That’s an interesting thing we’d like to come back to, especially since we’re looking for quantitative information about how demons gain nutrition (though I have my doubts we'll get enough for statistical analysis). As an interesting note, Fanbook #2 also tells us that if demons try to consume the same edibles humans do, they’ll vomit it back up.

I’m told that Miss Tamayo drinks tea, though. That’ll be an interesting question for later. In my notes, it seems she’s also explained to Tanjirou back in Chapter 15 that demons will normally go berserk if they go a long time without consuming any blood or flesh. Berserk is one thing, but I wonder if they can starve to death? We’ll see if these canon clues will lead us to anything. We’ll begin now in an interview format. Hopefully this will go smoothly, but I’ve got a feeling it won’t. First up, we’ve the Temple Demon.

Temple: Who were you calling ‘lowly’ just now? Up there, above the cut?

Gotou: That was in a literal sense, not having Blood Techniques means you’re in the bottom common tier of demons.

Temple: Argh. Fine. What do you want to know?

Gotou: In Chapter 2, you were spotted with three human victims. However, it seems you left their bodies mostly intact and only ate small parts instead of consuming one full human at a time. Could you comment on this?

Temple: I’d have gotten to more later if that whelp with the strong legs didn’t interrupt me! Who’s got time to eat entire humans anyway? I went for the easy stuff first.

Gotou: I see. It appears you might had focused on key organs, like the heart and the liver. Would you say these are especially nutritionally dense?

Temple: I guess. If I’m going to eat humans, I’m going to start with what’s worth bothering to digest. Blood’s easier on the stomach, so that’s what I was busy with on the lady there.

Gotou: Then it takes effort to digest? Hmm. Let’s come back to this later. How many humans would you say you consumed, including these three?

Temple: Not a lot… I tried to get a variety so I could get stronger faster, but…

Gotou: I’ll put down a guess as ten or less. Let’s move on to someone who has a sharper memory for numbers. One of our longer-lived guests at Mt. Fujikasane for 47 years, the Hand Demon. While most of the demons on the mountain had only eaten two or three humans, you’ve eaten a whole 50 of the children who headed into the Final Selection, didn’t you?

Hand: Yes, that’s right. It was hard at first since I wasn’t very strong, and the demons usually all went crazy there eating each other, just like that one brat who got away in Chapter 7 said. If you could manage to kill any of the kids, you had the other demons to fight off to even get a piece to yourself. That was enough to get me by, and stronger, little by little. Your body learns to make your meals last, and make the most of what you can get. I usually only had a bite of one child a year, can you imagine how horrible that was? Most demons who survive usually figure out some way to develop and survive better, and once my cells found something that worked for me, I kept doing it. I got really good at snatching away prey from other demons, and soon enough I was a bigger threat than any of them. None of them could, you might say, lay a hand on me.

Gotou: That’s an interesting point about self-development. A demon named Nezuko was spent two years doing that in her sleep.

Hand: She must have had a big meal before that!

Gotou: Well, anyway. It seems that in near starving conditions, your metabolism made the most of what you had, leading to the most efficient use of whatever food was available to you.

Hand: That’s right, I got really good at it. Wasn’t always pretty, but I made it work. I got to a point where I could go two years without eating and still keep my wits about me while the other demons were going mad. But I chose to eat. I liked to keep my appetite for specific children.

Gotou: That smile is not reassuring. Some humans taste better than others, I guess?

Hand: That’s for sure. This one kid tasted awful, like rust and man sweat! I still don’t have that disgusting taste out of my mouth! But he was one of my more satisfying meals, so I ate more of him.

Gotou: Then why would you… nevermind, I don’t like that smile, no further questions. While I had hoped to keep these interviews focused on quantities of humans consumed, it does seem personal taste is worth asking about. I had tried to invite a Swamp Demon from Chapter 11, but it kept arguing with itself and it felt like I’d be wasting my time. The one definite thing I learned was that this demon is picky, with a distinct preference for 16-year-old girls. Based on the number of trinkets he kept, it seems he had consumed at least seventeen of them, including several in one town. Sheesh, that’s sort of a rough mission to send a first-timer on. I’ve got a more cooperative guest here to discuss her tastes, a Snake Demon who, according to Chapter 188, has a special taste for baby flesh.

Snake: Thank you for having me here. It’s good to be appreciated again.

Gotou: Did you only eat babies?

Snake: Goodness, no. Babies are delicious, but they aren’t very nutritious. And their skulls certainly aren’t that big, the ones I lounged around with were from the people whom I killed and stole from. But you know the nice thing about baby skulls? They’re still soft. They take a long time to digest, but I can swallow them whole.

Gotou: Like… like a snake, then. Sorry, I’m a little ill hearing that. Let’s back up, were all those skulls the remains of adults you ate, then?

Snake: Meh, I ate some of them of better-looking ones, but most of them I only killed. I could usually kill a lot more at a time than I could bother eating, my killing record was fifty women all at once.

Gotou: And you didn’t find that wasteful?

Snake: Wasteful? Not at all. I wasn’t exactly in dire straits, I lived a more luxurious life than most demons do. That meant I could afford to wait for a truly delicious meal, like how you humans might leave something in a slow-cooker to enjoy the perfect combination of doneness and tenderness, plated in the most appetizing of ways.

Gotou: I guess demons and humans are similar in that regard.

Snake: I’m so glad you can relate! Then you understand the frustration of a meal you’ve be preparing for years opening up the slow-cooker and running away right when they were just about done.

Gotou: I have never had that experience.

Snake: I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little snake, too.

Gotou: I think we might have gotten a little off-topic here. It does seem digesting humans comes with some difficulty. I’d like to invite the Drum Demon in next. Your name is Kyougai, I hear?

Kyougai: !!

Gotou: Kyogai, right?

Kyougai: You’ve heard of me! You know my name!

Gotou: I happened to, yes.

Kyougai: What have you heard???

Gotou: That you were kicked out of the Lower Moons for being unable to consume enough humans.

Kyougai: Oh. ……..yeah, that’s me.

Gotou: I thought demons go berserk if they go a long time without consuming humans. Wouldn’t that make an inability to consume them problematic?

Kyougai: It wasn’t that I couldn’t eat them! Like I said in Chapter 24, I had to in order to sustain myself, just like any other demon. But, at some point, I couldn’t eat as much as I used to. That happens to humans too, doesn’t it? When you just can’t stomach anymore?

Gotou: You mean like when you’ve overeaten? In a human’s case that feeling may go away within a few hours.

Kyougai: Sort of like that, but you know, humans reach a time when nothing is appetizing or the thought of eating makes them feel sick, right? Isn’t that the human condition?

Gotou: …uh… maybe if they have a medical condition? Or anxiety? Do demons get anxiety? Or eating disorders?

Kyougai: I… I don’t know. I just wasn’t good enough.

Gotou: I think it’s plenty good if you stopped eating humans. Though to have developed Blood Techniques and been a Lower Moon in the first place, you must had eaten a great number of them.

Kyougai: You think I’m great?

Gotou: What?

Kyougai: No, sorry, I was getting ahead of myself. It’s true, I used to be able to eat as many as the other Lower Moons always consumed. Our stomachs were stronger, you might say. Demons got strong by eating humans, and then the more you did that the better you usually got at it, so the strong ones would eat more and more and keep getting stronger and stronger. At least, that’s how it usually worked. I’ve seen other demons below me reached that point too, where they feel the drive to eat, but then they have trouble digesting it for a long time, so they don’t wind up eating that many people.

Gotou: Then it would make sense to eat the most nutritionally dense parts first.

Kyougai: Or a Marechi.

Gotou: Yes, or a Marechi.

Kyougai: It was a great idea, wasn’t it?

Gotou: I cannot condone any consumption of humans as a good idea.

Kyougai: I knew it. I’m nothing. Go ahead, stomp all over everything I ever tried to accomplish.

Gotou: I think I’m going to move on to my next interviewee now. It looks like we’ve got… oh, would you look at this? Lower Moon One. Enmu, I believe.

Enmu: You can believe whatever you want. I’m happy to help.

Gotou: I don’t need any help, thanks. I’m curious, since you were one of the stronger demons out there, it seems you had a stronger capacity for consuming humans.

Enmu: I did, I was always careful and paced myself so the Demon Slayers wouldn’t notice me. I took my time. I liked to enjoy e-e-e-a-c-h one.

Gotou: Then you had tastes too? Like babies, or 16-year-old girls?

Enmu: I could season any human to my liking. They’re all very easy to prepare.

Gotou: I’m still trying to get quantitative data. Can you tell me at least a rough estimate of how many humans you consumed?

Enmu: I told this more precisely to that boy with the earrings back in Chapter 59, and I can tell you this too. At my best, I could had eaten over two-hundred people at once if I took my time.

Gotou: OH MY GAW----sorry, I dropped my pen. Two hundred, at once?

Enmu: Yes. If I had just. Had. A little. More. Time.

Gotou: Clearly there is a huge difference between what common demons are capable of and what the Twelve Moons are capable of.

Daki: Psh, those were all any random common people. That’s nothing to brag about.

Gotou: Excuse me, and you are?

Daki: Daki, Upper Moon Six. You want something really impressive, you talk to the Upper Moons.

Gotou: I’m sorry, I don’t see you on my list.

Daki: What! Your list is stupid. Look me in the eyes, I’m Upper Moon Six!

Gotou: Very well, then. What can you tell me about your diet, Miss Upper Moon Six?

Daki: That’s more like it. It’s true that digestion takes a while, and takes some effort. Even though we Upper Moons may have eaten hundreds of people in our lifetimes, it’s not as if we gorge ourselves. The clever ones among us save prey for later to eat when we feel ready for it.

Gotou: Food storage? How do you keep them fresh?

Daki: You leave them still alive, numbskull. Nobody wants to eat something cold, that’s gross.

Gotou: I see, so that’s why demons prefer to go after new kills instead of saving what they’ve already managed to kill. That also might explain why the demons on Mt. Fujikasane wouldn’t had eaten many humans, if they found long dead ones in edible.

Daki: You want to know the real secret to eating humans? You can eat what you find tastes good, sure. But to get stronger, you eat strong people. Like your Corp members, the ones besides chumps like you? Using all that Breath makes their muscles really lean and potent, it’s like they come offering themselves as protein bars for us.

Gotou: You make them sound like a fad diet…

Daki: The real secret is eating Pillars. Besides Marechi, they’re the strongest meals out there. Guess how many I’ve eaten?

Gotou: I don’t have the data to make an educated guess.

Daki: Then get educated! Look back at Chapter 88! I’ve eaten seven Pillars, and my brother has eaten fifteen!

Gotou: Your brother? Who is he, then, Upper Moon Five?

Daki: What? Ew. Gross. Gross! No way, ew!

Gotou: Hmm… eating Pillars, huh? Well, I can think of one Pillar who was…

Douma: Me too!

Gotou: Speak of the devil.

Douma: Actually, we Upper Moons can! And he's not Satan, that's not how this works. But I guess Muzan-sama’s curse doesn’t effect us now. Ask me anything you want!

Gotou: That Chapter 143 reference was such a rude entrance. I understand that Pillars are particularly nutritious—

Douma: Oh, please don’t misunderstand! I don’t even eat all the Pillars I’ve encountered. There was the one Flower Pillar who got away from me, but some of the boy pillars I just leave around. What’s really the key to consistent nutritional intake is women! It’s really unhealthy for a demon not to get enough women in their diet, that’s why even if you’re only looking for Marechi or Pillars, your metabolism is going to get thrown out of whack with sudden big meals. You grow a stronger metabolism with consistency, I believe!

Gotou: If I could stop you there, I had an image from Chapter 142 I preferred to focus on for this case study. I see you keep a wide collection of skulls, from victims whom I assume you ate.

Douma: Yes, they all stayed together inside me for eternity, but the room looked lonely without décor.

Gotou: It seems other demons usually go for nutritionally dense organs like hearts or livers, or easy to digest parts of the body, perhaps just blood sometimes. Eating the entire victim, bones and all, doesn’t seem to be the norm.

Douma: Bones are organs too, you know! That’s where blood is made, at its freshest. They do take more practice in learning to digest, and I had to find a way around not having to chew them, but the bone marrow is very, very good for you, so I make sure to consume it frequently. It may take more time and it causes some of my followers to panic more while they wait, though, that’s a bit of a downside. Oh, and I guess bones can make good storage for some sneaky poison. Even fingernails and hair follicles, who’d have thought?

Gotou: I don’t think hair would have much nutritional value in the first place. In all my years, I can never recall seeing a victim with their hair eaten.

Douma: Tsk, tsk! Clearly you haven’t done much metabolism research in advance. I was really impressed by how well Shinobu-chan understood how my digestion would work. Eating hair can do amazing things! Isn’t that right, Genya-kun?

Genya: ?????????

Gotou: Genya-kun!?

Genya: What am I doing here?

Gotou: I don’t think you’re supposed to be here. Isn’t there, you know, another side? The other direction?

Genya: What are you doing here? Did you die?

Gotou: I’m here doing research on demon metabolism and how they get stronger by consuming flesh.

Douma: What can you tell us about what up with having your friend feed you hair you found on the floor in Chapters 170-171, Genya-kun?

Genya: I’m not a demon!! Why the hell are you asking me?

Douma: ‘Hell’! Haha, good one!

Gotou: How do you even know about that? You were dead almost a full volume before that. And Genya’s different, he’s not a case study in how demons consuming humans works!

Douma: Are you certain?

Gotou: I hear the term get thrown around a lot that he’s ‘half-demon’, but—

Genya: I’m not a demon!!!

Gotou: --how would that even work? That would imply that one of his parents had to be a demon, and that—

Genya: What did you say about my mother!?!

Gotou: What? Nothing—

Genya: You say that to my face! You just trying saying something about my mother to my face! My mother never actually ate any flesh, you got that? She doesn’t deserve any of this!

Gotou: Genya, calm down, what—

Douma: I see we’re learning nothing about hair at all. Maybe Kokushibou-dono would provide better commentary on that?

Genya: Mom? Mo-o-o-o-m? Are you down here somewhere?

Gotou: And there he goes… wait, did you say Kokushibou? Upper Moon One? Oh no—he—he didn’t want me bothering him, he did not agree to another interview—

Douma: He-e-e-e-e-y, Kokushibou-dono! How did that work with Genya-kun eating your hair? Hair can be nutritious, right?

Kokushibou: You would gain… nothing… from consuming human hair… it’s not… flesh… you wasted your energy digesting it…

Douma: Aww, cutting it off them would had been sad, though.

Kokushibou: Demon hair… like demon weapons… is made… from our unique cells. It’s not dead… like human locks. Because that boy ate my live cells… it affected him…

Gotou: Yes, because he had a very, very unique metabolism, analyzed separately in this post. To be perfectly clear, Genya is completely human with cells that could temporarily transform, and he never consumed human flesh.

Kokushibou: He… vexes me…

Gotou: Um… while I’ve got you here, you’re one of the longest lived demons, clocking in at over three, maybe four centuries. Do you have any estimate of how many humans you’ve consumed?

Kokushibou: ……I see in… Chapter 100… that you are 23 years old?

Gotou: That is correct.

Kokushibou: Do you bother… remembering how many meals… you’ve had in a mere 23 years?

Gotou: I’m very sorry to have bothered you.

Douma: Kokushibou-dono’s ancient compared to the rest of us! But if I tried, I could probably recall. Let’s see. One, two, three, four…

Gotou: Is that? Your finger in your brain? Oh—ohhh—that is disgusting---I really don’t need to know numbers that badly, please stop. Is there maybe just some average you can give me for the Upper Moons instead? Like how many you’d eat in a month?

Douma: I wish I could, but a certain someone was an annoying outlier and didn’t like to eat so many humans. He made me worry all the time about his health.

Gotou: Really? Who might that be?

Douma: Hello-o-o-o-o-? Akaza-dono? Yoohoo! He spends all his time with his wife now and never answers when I call, it makes me so sad. Akaza-dono did eat humans, plenty of strong ones, but any time he wasn’t under orders from Muzan he liked to spend his time training instead of eating. Fanbook #1 says he did that way more than eating!

Gotou: Training? What sort of training?

Douma: Similar things to what your Corp members did, I imagine. Doing squats, throwing punches, things like that.

Gotou: Then demon muscles had similar function to human muscles, and could be strengthened through hard work? That’s surprising.

Douma: I know, right? I’ll let you in on a secret, I don’t think it was the physically repetition that did anything. I think it was his willpower getting honed and shaping his muscles.

Douma: I had to focus when I acquired new skills too, like breaking down poisons. A lot of sad, lowly demons, like that Hand Demon fellow? They focus as hard as they can in their desperation, or focus on some strong emotion or attachment or whatever, and they grow and develop because of it. Sometimes all their weak bodies can manage is an ugly mutation, but that’s proof enough of how much focus they had.

Gotou: That sheds a lot of light on Nezuko, actually.

Douma: Shed “light” on Nezuko-chan, hahaha! Sunlight! You humans are all so witty!

Gotou: Speaking of willpower, I’ve got one more interview I need to get to down here. Of all the demons I have records of, only Nezuko went her whole time as a demon without consuming any human flesh, although she did go through moments of berserk cravings for it. It’s possible that other demons were killed before they could consume anything, but typically they will consume flesh as soon as possible, which is why its common for their family and close relations to be among the first ones killed. Tomioka-san even mentioned in Chapter 1 that these close relations are especially nutritious.

Gotou: A demon about as old as Kokushibou, if not older, is a special case of her own. She was one of the only demons we know of to have escaped Kibutsuji’s curse and acted in dependently of him, including having created a demon of her own after two hundred years of trying. Most notably to our purposes, she trained herself to subsist on small amounts of blood, after having survived on corpses and wild animals for a time, according to the extensive Taisho Secrets at the end of Volume 21.

Tamayo: I explained this in more detail to Tanjirou-san in Chapter 15, but I went on to purchase blood from poor people, and extracted it in ways that wouldn’t be harmful to them. The one demon I created, Yushirou, could subsist on even less. I gained enough self-control that I could treat injured humans without feeling tempted into a berserk state.

Gotou: I was just talking to Douma about willpower making demons capable of accomplishing new physical developments. Was that how you were able to gain this state? I heard you even enjoy a cup of tea now and then.

Tamayo: Yes, I’ve taken a liking to it. I’d offer you some if not for this, you know, being hell. It’s nothing like the hell I went through when first resisting consuming humans, though. My demon body refused to take anything but fresh human flesh at first, but in the hardest moments, I always remembered a kind demon hunter who said he believed in me and my desire to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. I believe Nezuko may have summoned her strength to resist the call of her demon cells in a similar way; she knew she had her brother there to rely on. Once she mastered something as remarkable as resisting the need for human flesh, it gave her the freedom to prioritize other developments.

Gotou: You spent centuries researching demon cells, especially how demons may break down and metabolize poisons.

Tamayo: I had not studied the metabolism of poisons until working with Shinobu-san. The medicine we concocted for Kibutsuji was only possible thanks to her work, and I couldn’t had worked with many of those wisteria-based substances on my own. I feel I was only there to fill in the gaps of her brilliant understanding.

Gotou: You’re very humble. I would pass along my thanks and compliments to Shinobu-sama too, but I’m pretty sure she’s not down here. On that note, did Genya-kun go back home?

Tamayo: He did after a nice reunion with his mother just now, it was very sweet. Shizu-san and I get along well, after all, we both carry similar guilt.

Gotou: Wait, was his mother a demon? That means Wind-sama’s mother was too? Wait?? What??

Tamayo: The worst hell I went through, or that any demon has gone through, is to realize what you’ve eaten after the hunger-driven madness clears. Being similar to your own cells, they’re easy on a volatile new anatomy to break down and digest. That’s why many demons may have driven themselves to forget everything all over again, or to twist their personalities to justify the horror, saying that because they ate the hearts of their loved ones and because demon flesh can live forever, then they never truly killed them. The truth always remained untwisted for me, and to this day, it torments me more than anything in this underworld can try.

Gotou: …

Tamayo: You should wake up now, Gotou. You’ve been through a lot; the nightmares must be taxing on your health. Please remember to eat well.

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n, Tommy, Jack and Tubbo

Requested:yes/no

Pairing: Platonic jack/tommy/tubbo/reader

Summary: another day another adventure

Content warning: cursing / I didn't proof read

An: reader has bright unnatural hair I wrote a lot, I can't figure out how to add read more on mobile I'm sorry

The music you were currently listening to was interrupted by the discord group notifying you that you have a new message.

Tommy: Y/N HOW BUSY ARE YOU TUBBO HAS COME TO VISIT AND JACK IS HERE

y/n: I mean I've currently got hair dye on but it’s being washed off and dried in around 20 minutes, why?

y/n: WAIT TUBBO?!?!

tubbo: oh yeah I forgot to tell you

y/n: how did you forget you know what nevermind, I’m glad you’re here :]

jack: we should be here in an hour so you have plenty of time to get ready

tubbo: what colour dye y/n

y/n: you’ll see soon enough as apparently, you’re all showing up at my house

Tommy: I suggest you wear comfortable shoes

y/n: I am terrified

Tommy: you have nothing to fear... for now

•••

luckily it had only taken you just over 40 minutes to get ready giving you roughly 20 minutes to prepare for the adventure ahead. or so you thought, as soon as you sat down ready to check your phone the sound of Tommy and tubbo laughing could be heard from your room, jack sent a message “hey we got here extremely early I’m sorry there’s no rush the others have been distracted by dreams music :)”

grabbing a backpack from next to your bed you had quickly chucked your phone and purse into the bag unsure as to what you’re going to need today.

•••

as soon as you opened the door you were met with an ecstatic tubbo who instantly pulled you into a hug unable to contain their excitement of seeing their friend

“I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES YOUVE CHANGED SO MUCH LOOK AT YOUR HAIR”

“I look exactly the same”

“Now I’m no genius y/n but last time we spoke you didn’t have unnatural hair”

you paused for a moment as tubbo had a point the last time you and tubbo were on face time your hair was classed as a natural colour however today as a fuck you to your school which didn’t allow unnatural hair you decided to dye it your favourite colour.

“you raise a fair point now if you don’t mind releasing me from your grasp I have to lock the door so no one gets in”

•••

“Tommy unlock the door let tubbo and y/n in”

“Y/N YOU'RE HERE- HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR! JACK ARE YOU SEEING THIS”

“Hello to you too Tommy”

“well if we weren’t going to get noticed at the shopping centre earlier y/ns bright fucking hair will definitely cause people to notice us”

“oh I’m sorry I didn’t expect to be going shopping with a bunch of Minecraft streamers today”

“don’t you stream Minecraft?”

“This isn’t about me jack”

the trip to the shops was surprisingly relaxing y/n sat at the front listening to jack sing along to songs playing on the radio, however, it was clear the boys had something they weren’t telling y/n which became evident through Tommy and tubbo bickering in the back of the car about who was going to tell them. it was a relatively short journey due to the fact you lived close to the city centre

•••

“let’s go shopping boys” Tommy practically yelled to everyone, tubbo held his phone in your direction then looked towards you, nodding at him you grabbed his phone and began recording

“I'm vlogging”

Tommy walked over “YEAHHHHH”

walking past cex you had to put up with Tommy making sex jokes until you made it to game, you stood holding back your laugh as you filmed Tommy and tubbo fighting about who’s paying whilst jack went off to buy a Minecraft squishy and mug despite everyone’s arguments against it. soon enough fans came over asking for photos with you all once the group of fans left jack took over recording for tubbo whilst you went off to quickly buy some games that you could play on stream.

•••

“want a wig bro? jack!”

the four of you walked into the shop, you couldn’t help but stand in awe looking at all the bright colours already questioning what colour to dye your hair next the sound of Tommy and jack being amazed pulled you out of your thoughts

“Gogy goggles, I’m actually buying them”

“i wan’t a pair”

“no, you’re getting a wig jack”

“I don’t want a wig I want George”

“y/n has bright hair and they’re not complaining”

“what do you have against people with colourful hair jack hmm?”

•••

“I'm not happy”

“you look lovely jack”

“we’re getting so many looks”

tubbo stopped everyone to ‘fix’ jacks wig which resulted in everyone laughing once you had finally stopped laughing you noticed tubbo had walked off and you were convinced jack had randomly decided to record strangers until you saw tubbo going up and down escalators

“oh there he goes again”

“pov you’re thinking about bees”

“where to next boys?”

Tommy pointed towards the lift

“Is this a lift for us”

Tommy noticed the safety sign and automatically made comments about it

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if I wasn’t carrying a knife”

“oh same Tommy”

“look you can see me”

taking that as an invitation to join the vlog you stood behind tubbo and pointed at the sign again and looked at Tommy and jack

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if we weren’t about to do this-“

the three of you went to jump up and down

“NO”

the four of you quietly left the lift however you were convinced that the public heard Tommy comment on having a knife and you threatening to jump as once the lift opened everyone was staring at you but it could also be due to the fact you had brightly coloured hair and somehow convinced jack to keep the wig on, you all spent a long time trying to convince Tommy to get a new outfit, eventually you went into another shop a certain keyboard caught your eye

“I’ve found my home, ill stay here at the gamer bunker”

you decided now was the perfect time to sneak off to buy the keyboard that had caught your eye, once tubbo noticed it was too late you stood holding the bag with your purchase leaving you stood in the middle of the shop defending your purchase to him claiming that it was a business expense and not just because you thought it looked cool.

“you told me you wanted to save your money”

“it lights up tubbo and it fits the vibe of my room”

Tommy placed his arm on your head treating you as an armrest as you were shorter than him and he knew it annoyed you

“they have a point tubbo it lights up”

once the recording ended you made your way back to the car

“say y/n you wouldn’t mind if me Tommy and jack stayed the night as tomorrow we were thinking-“

“sure thing”

“YESSSSSS”

•••

the next day you were woken up at 9 am by Tommy stood at the foot of your bed

“hi y/n”

“WHAT THE FUCK- oh hi Tommy Jesus christ do you know how horrifying that was to wake up to”

“Sorry bout that but if I didn’t wake you up now you’d only wake up in the afternoon and we need to go soon I’ll leave you to get ready”

you noticed a note was next to a jumper on the floor ‘hi, thanks for letting us stay the night I really liked your hoodie so I decided to wear it today here’s mine in exchange- Tubbo :D’

normally you’d be concerned that someone stole your hoodie as you live with your parents however today was an exception once you were all ready you set off jack pulled into a McDonald's drive-through so you could all get breakfast

“nice hoodie y/n”

“Thanks, someone took mine and decided to make a trade”

“you’re welcome��

the journey was quiet again you sat next to tubbo in the back Tommy sat at the front screaming at jack and trying to distract him and people around you decided to took a picture with tubbo who now had his arm wrapped around you as it was rather cold in the car and posted it to Twitter ‘@ ranboosaysstuff wish you were here :D’ less than a minute later you received 2 notifications ‘ranboosaysstuff replied to your tweet: same’ ‘ ranboosaysstuff has tweeted: *the spongebob gif*’

•••

soon enough you all arrived at mint golf to say you we’re excited would be an understatement

“can I get the shortest club you have”

you stood hiding your face in the jumper tubbo left you whilst you laughed a few minutes later you received a call from ranboo the others said they’d sort everything for you whilst you answered

“what’s up tall one”

“stay safe okay”

“ranboo it’s mini-golf I’m not fighting criminals”

“yes but I know how clumsy you are”

“first of all rude second of all fuck you third of all jealousy isn’t a good look on you” you managed to say through laughter

“jokes aside please come to the UK boo”

“oh sure I’ll go book a plane ticket now” *ranboo ended the call*

ranboo made jokes like that before however this time sounded a lot more serious and you had no idea why he called you so you made a mental note to call him again later. once with friends again you were met with Tommy telling the worker all about you all

“yeah we’re big on the influencing”

“What on earth did I walk in on”

“no time to explain let’s go golf”

you were handed a club and a ball and were dragged away by jack

•••

tubbo joked about getting a hole on one as soon as it was his go, you bet £10 with jack he wouldn't

“hand over the money y/n”

you looked at Tommy who was now recording you handing jack the money “so today we have learnt to not underestimate your friends and that gambling is bad. you lose your money to a tall bald guy”

to put it politely you and Tommy found out that mini golf is not your calling in life

“ill stick to streaming“

“you’re both losing by the way”

“yeah well- why and how does tubbo have soup”

tubbo stood cradling the soup as though it was a child

“Some things I can’t explain to you”

you stood tilting your head to the side questioning where the hell he got soup from

“eh”

“soups like a small child I take care of it as if it was my own”

you couldn’t contain your laughter at this point the confused faces of your friends alongside tubbos happiness of soup sent you over the edge so you decided to just sit down before you fall as your knees were already weak from laughing too much

“where did you get the soup from”

“I manifested it”

•••

after a few solid minutes of arguing over soup you and Tommy dropping the phone you all continued with bowling.

“tubbo get out of the way of my dream ball”

you stood recording jack cheering him on tubbo had different plans and kicked the ball away resulting in jack giving up and copying what you had been doing most of the rounds, after missing the hole 3 times each go, picking up the ball and placing it in the hole however again he missed

“you can’t be serious”

“golf isn’t for everyone big man”

Tommy took the phone from you to record “pov you’re me golfing”

•••

“how do we get across there”

“probably the bridge”

Tommy pulled to rope moving the bridge across the gap

“Why thank you, Tommy, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you”

you laughed

“you're extremely welcome y/n it was extremely easy because I’m a big muscly man”

golf was finally going well till you hit the ball a bit too hard causing it to go over the fence tubbo was able to get the ball back

“I’ve been watching a lot of doctor shows” you stood amazed at how far you made the ball go

“see the issue is its mini golf. if this was regular golf I'd have got a hole in one I'm telling you”

•••

“I'm never being in your vlog again”

jack looked at you and tubbo who was now laughing at you pretending to worship the can of soup in the hole

“Tommy please come back”

the rest of the game was chaos, you kept missing the hole then claiming to rage quit golf tubbo and Tommy kept making jokes jack left his drink somewhere then had to go back and find it, no one had been paying attention to you which allowed you to take the score sheet and make it so you had won the game eventually he game was over you had declared yourself the champion of golf despite the fact everyone was better than you including Tommy

•••

the journey back was chaos you called ranboo who claimed he only called you to plan a video/stream with you however it was clear that wasn’t the reason tubbo whispered to you so no one could hear

“I think he wants to be here with us I think he’s jealous”

you laughed and nodded

“of course”

eventually, you all made it back to yours, ranboo said goodbye to everyone then ended the call now it was time for you to say your goodbyes. since your love language was physical touch you hugged everyone. As you walked into your house Tommy yelled “Y/N HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PLANES”

[udonthreens]

top 5 disco elysium moments i have never played the game but ithink you should explain it like i know everything already anyways

anon uve triggered my autism beam

these r vaguely ranked but also i. i dont promise coherency and if i thought abt it with more brain theyd be different.

5) ok this is the last one im writing and idk. theres so many good scenes and moments and nevermind. the chair. the fucking CHAIR and evrart. it took me 200hrs to see what happens when u PASS the composure check like. tbh failing this check is basically canon. slide down it like a jello shot. again like the megarich container guy this is one of those possible early moments of 'ou this games a fucking weird comedy' and i just. best way to assert dominance with the corrupt commie boss like 'what a great display of... idek what that was' and im pretty sure u lose a rep point with kim if u fail it too like. kim dont be mad this is just my interogattion technique im not giving the rcm a bad rep i promise kim

actually some honourable mentions: lamby, boardgames with kim, joyce pale convo, kim voice dilligent boy, THE CHURCH I DIDNT MENTION THE CHURCH i love doin the dance after gettin shot its so funny. love the rave kids. shivers voice theres a hole in my heart. the fucking 'lookin to score some d girl!' bit with kim & acele thats comedy gold actually. thats brilliant. i might just start listening everything. pinball with kim when u pass it im just like. kim why dyou sound so smitten . the piss and fuck jackets. actually i really like the whole bit with the working class woman that was Devasting. even more so when i realised u could actually tell her ud look for her husband ...... i liked the jamais vu viscal pleasure wheel bit after (i think that was added with the update? yes it was) altho i dont remember specifics just. his brain reconstructin smth as idk.. smth to make him feel better? felt bittersweet. i should go see that scene again.

ok ill fuckin wrap this up. 'are u... a really good detective?' great line and not a moment per say but. the fact that jean just. hangs around the whirling for several days in that fuckin wig like, obvs he doesnt move spots bcs its a video game (despite the edc lines showin that he does do other shit) cuz u need to know where to find him. but he just fuckin commits like. the character building from all this shit for whats technically a minor character. brilliant. doesnt HE have a fuckin job to do. also titus is always in the whirling for the same video game reason so like. yes. yes to that rarepair.

3) communist book club and the tower building that was soooooo cool not to mention the fuckin hilarity of readin bout inframaterialism for the first time nd going "???? is this pseudoscience in the game or can it ACTUALLY fucking happen like wtf"

2) karoke. pass over fail tbh limbic system KILLS it (and its more lyrical spoken word doesnt fit the song nd also i thot id actually hear harrys voice during that scene and we kinda did but like thats a different tangent) and kims support 'detective du bois... it was down right tragic' and the edc or concept check? concept i 5hink that was like 'to him that represented being an rcm member perfectly' like HELLO??? kim bestie its not 2 late for a career change. AND not to mention gartes reaction to it like... u really get the feeling that he Will get rid of the machine if harry fucks it up. however i do like the pass as well bcs a) harrys had enough cringe fail b) jeans deadbeat litany of 'yeah its shit it sucked awful' like. thats how he talks 2 harry when hes being NICE its so funny. het life partners <33

4) mega rich light bending guy. AGAIN the weiss thingymay coefficent where ur like 'is this an actual Thing or is harry just fuckin insane' nd also i crit succeeded on my first playthru real early on when i hadnt seen any of the wacky shit yet nd it just. the -2 if u have the artcop thought the fuckin ultralib shit . u get like 4 ultralib points at LEAST if u pass/fail the right concept check. god not to mention kim earnestly suggesting rcm reforms like kim bestie kim kim my bestfriend kim its not 2 late for a career change. also if u get the 100 real and kims like 'ur full of surprises most of them bad but some of them good' soooo true <33

1) salami man.

[httpswwwtbhkcom]

"Komaeda? He’s sick today.”

[Oneshot/Imagine]

Pairing: Nagito Komaeda x Reader

[@httpswwwtbhkcom’s masterlist]

Summary: You didn’t see Komaeda in school, worried, you asked your instructor to learn that he was sick. So after school, you decided on visiting him, and maybe taking care of him too.

Warning: Mikan’s clumsiness, Nagito’s death picture/burial mention (don’t worry he’s fine), grammar errors, 

Genre: Fluff,

Keys:

Y/n- your name, L/n- last name,

A/n: I might make a part 2.. Cause why not?

Reader: Neutral

Click here to see the other part(s) - Part 1 (Here) - Part 2 - Part 3

Made by: ??? (Please tell me who owns the art so I could credit them!)

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

“Instructor, Where is Nagito?” You suddenly asked when she was in the classroom. “Oh? Komaeda’s sick today. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine soon.” Your instructor, Chisa Yukizome, answered. You could hear the others say “Oh thank god!” “At least nothing bad won’t ever happen to me again..” “The rain was heavy yesterday..” “I hope he’ll be fine soon.” and so on, so forth.

‘Nagito’s sick? What did he do?...’ You sighed to yourself. Resting your cheek on your hand as you listened to Yukizome discuss. Few minutes later, you were zoned out, blankly staring at the window. You felt a small tap on your shoulder so you quickly looked at the person.

“Y/n, You should pay attention to the lesson.” Yukizome mentioned. You blushed in embarrassment and gave her a small apology. “It’s fine, Just don’t zone out in the middle of the lesson, kay?” She chirped. You nodded and actually paid attention this time.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

After the lesson, break came. Mahiru immediately came to you, worried. “Are you okay, Y/n? You seem gloomy today...” She asked in a worried tone. “I’m fine, Mahiru. Just worried.” She gave you a skeptical look. “Worried?” You nodded. “Nagito’s sick right? I’m just worried of him. His luck is just too... Unpredictable that it worries me.. He’s my friend too.”

She placed her hand on your shoulder to reassure you. “Don’t worry Y/n, he’ll be fine. You’re just overreacting. You can check on him later.” She gave your shoulder a gently squeeze and gave you a small smile. “Your not coming with me?” She shooked her head. “Apparently, no. I’m going to be with my friend later and we planned on spending time together. Sorry...”

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have asked.. I-”

“Big sis!” Hiyoko shouted, running towards her with a picture in hand. “Is this picture okay?” She showed the picture of Komaeda to Mahiru who was confused. “What’s this for?” Mahiru asked. “It’s for Komaeda’s burial of course! He’ll die soon so we need a good picture!” Hiyoko stated proudly.

“B-B-BURIAL?!” You jumped at Mikan’s sudden outburst. You snapped your head to the loud sound to see a squirming Mikan on the floor with a bag on her chest and a fallen chair between her legs. You quickly went beside her and tried to help her. When she was free, you gave the laughing Hiyoko a glare. “I-I’M SO SORRY!!” Mikan cried. While you, Yukizome, and Ibuki tried to comfort her.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

“Alright, Class dismissed! See you tomorrow!” Yukizome announced. Everyone gathered their things and left, saying their farewells. You were the last person in the classroom with Yukizome. “Instructor.” You called to her. Her attention changed from the door to you. “Yes, Y/n?” She looked at you, curious. “May I ask why Nagito’s sick?”

“Ah.. Sadly, Komaeda’s butler didn’t mention to me why he was sick.” You nodded at her statement. “I see.. Thank you. See you tomorrow Instructor Chisa!” You both waved at each other before you left the classroom.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

You were in front of Komaeda’s home, mansion. You didn’t even tried to go back to your house and change. Ringing the doorbell, you patiently waited. You heard the door opening and saw one of Komaeda’s butlers. “Ah, Hello Madam/Sir L/n. Are you here to see Master Komaeda? He is sick.” The said butler bowed. You did a small bow and nodded. “Yes, Is he feeling better?” You asked, as the butler went to the side of the door, you went inside. (A/n: I suck at this.)

“I’m afraid not. His illness just got worse earlier this morning.” The butler sighed, escorting you to Komaeda’s room. “Though, I advise you to not get too close... Master might get worried of you getting sick. May I know the reason you came here Madam/Sir L/n?”

“I was worried when he didn’t came to school earlier and Instructor Chisa said he was sick so I thought on visiting him to check if he was okay. Maybe even take care of him for a while..” You admitted sheepishly, as you both passed other maids and butlers. Some even greeting you when they have noticed you. The butler let out a quiet chuckle.

“You and Master are very close. I know Master’s very happy of you being his close friend.” Then the two of you continued to walk to Komaeda’s room in comfortable silence. The butler opened Komaeda’s door for you and you gave him a small ‘Thank you’ and went inside the room.

“Oh, Do I have to take another me- Y/n?” Nagito looked at you with wide eyes. “Why are you here?” You stood in front of him and smiled. You first noticed him still in his pajamas. “I came to visit you here, Instructor Chisa said you were sick and I was worried. I thought I could also help you if I can.” You explained.

“No need- I have enough people taking care of me. I don’t need more people- especially you- to take care of me. You might get sick- I don’t want an ultimate risking their life just to take care of a trash like me.” You furrowed your brows at his words. Him? A trash? As much as you heard him say that you would never get used to it.

You stepped closer to Komaeda and held his hand. He tried to pry it away from you and move away to a safe distance but you held it tighter. “Nagito. How many times have I told you your not a trash? And I will also take care of you. Even if I get sick, at least it was worth it. Plus, didn’t I tell you I’ll be beside you no matter what?”

He covered his face with the blanket surrounding him. “It’s not worth it, Y/n. Please go home.” “No.” He sighed in defeat, lowering the blanket a bit so he could look at you. “Fine, you can ‘take care’ of me. But please keep a safe distance. I don’t want you getting sick.” You grinned and backed away, nodding.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

“Are you hungry, Nagito?” You asked him as you dipped the wet cloth and placed it on his head. “Hm....Mhm.. Please grab me food.” He grumbled. You nodded and quietly walked out of the door. But before you left, Komaeda said “And please tell them they can have an hour break, they’ve been working since the morning...” You hummed, telling him that you heard it and left, making sure that you closed the door quietly. 

You went to the kitchen and saw two maids cleaning. “Nice to meet you again, Madam/Sir L/n. How is Master Komaeda?” One of the maids asked. “Hello, Nagito’s feeling a bit better. Can you please make Nagito a snack? He’s hungry.” The maid nodded and began pulling out food from the refrigerator.

“You can go back to Master Komaeda’s room. We could bring the food there instead.” The maid suggested. You shooked your head and explained you want to be the one who gives Komaeda the snacks. “Oh, And Nagito said for all of you to take an hour break. He told me that you’ve been working since the morning. You all are such kind and hardworking people. Please tell the others to have a break too.” The maids lightly blushed and nodded, continuing their work. 

“How are you Madam/Sir L/n? It’s been a while since we have seen you.” The other maid tried to make a conversation. “I’m doing well. School’s the same but my grades are improving.” You stated with a proud smile. The maids only giggled in response.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

You were walking back to Komaeda’s room with a tray of foods on your hands. You were near his room until a maid noticed you and immediately volunteered on opening the door for you. “Thank you.” You said, giving the maid a small bow and went inside the room.

“Your still here?” He asked, looking at you questioningly. “Yep. I’ll probably leave at 6.” He quirked his brow in confusion. “It’s not 6 yet? It felt like hours ever since you left the room.” You placed the tray on the table beside the bed and helped him sit. Then sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you miss me that much?” You joked. You saw his face go on a deep red. “Of course! Your an Ultimate of course!” He exclaimed. “Hm? I feel like that’s not the only reason~” You said seductively slowly leaning to him and stopping until his inches away from you. “Y-Y/n... I’m sick remember? Please keep your distance..”

You backed away and giggled. “I was just joking with you Nagito. Your so fun to tease y’know?” You took a spoonful of the food on the tray. “Say ahh, Nagito.” “A-ahh?” He opened his mouth and you slowly began to feed him. “T-there’s no need to feed me, My Ultimate hope! I- I can feed myself. You don’t need to feed a tra-” You placed a finger on his lip that immediately shushed him.

“If you want this to end, you better cooperate or else your sickness will get worse.” You deadpanned. ‘But I don’t want this to end...’ Komaeda thought. He sighed and nodded. You continued feeding him, checking his temperature. Every few minutes, someone will go in the room to check on Komaeda.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

“You’re leaving already..?” He asked in an almost whined tone. You nodded sadly. “I have to, Nagito. My parents might get angry at me staying for the night.” He pouted. “Can- Nevermind... I’ll probably bother you... You can leave I guess... Good bye.” He said sadly. You looked at him and gave him a quick hug.

Taken aback by your action, he said, surprised. “I told you to keep a safe distance! You’ll get sick.!” You ignored his statement and gave him a smile. “See you tomorrow kay? Bye!”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

When you were walking towards your house, you remembered the cute pet name Komaeda told you earlier.

“My Ultimate hope huh?” You chuckled to yourself. “Cute..”

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hey, I love your writing! Could you please write one where it’s slytherin! Sirius and gryffindor!james. Can you make it that they find out their mates like they have creature inherences ( since their both pure bloods). At Hogwarts btw if it was unclear. Don’t feel pressured to write this if you’re busy.

((A/N: I’ve never written creature inheritance before, so it’s a little choppy))

Personally, Sirius thought this whole thing was a load of shite. Not like it was fake, because it was definitely real, but it was an absolute pain in the arse. It was going through puberty again, and he'd hated it the first time, thanks. And also? This was worse. He felt like a bloody toddler again, unable to control his magic. It's not like it was lashing out at random or summat, but his spells rarely turned out the way he wanted. Too much power or not enough, and he never knew which way it would go.

Regulus kept assuring him that he'd be ecstatic when he finally settled and got his creature inheritance, but Sirius would prefer to just be comfortable now. Besides, the only creature in the Black line was Veela. Sirius had too many people staring at him without adding a magical element to it. Did he mention the whole process was shite? Because it was. In addition to his magic not responding like it should, his entire scalp itched and his eyes responded to any big change in lighting with pain and his gums ached like a fucker. It made eating ridiculously difficult, and it had been that way for three weeks straight. It was supposed to all even out on his birthday, but that didn't make it any less miserable to live through.

He would love to commiserate about it with someone, but there were only a few other people in Hogwarts that had the possibility for a creature inheritance, and he wasn't exactly friends with any of them. He wasn't friends with anyone other than Regulus actually, so commiserating-- if it was going to happen at all-- would have to wait a few years.

When Sirius got his creature inheritance-- gasp! Veela! what a surprise!-- he walked into the Great Hall and wanted to walk right back out again. He didn't really know how to control the allure. Make that, the allure was running rampant and he couldn't make heads or tails of it-- the fire throwing part had been easy; he hadn't even had to practice-- but even that wasn't enough to make him want to leave. He took one glance at the Gryffindor Table, saw one James Potter, and realised there was a connection.

His parents had sent him a book about Veela inheritances when he started showing signs, and there had been a section on mates. Recognizable on sight. And that's what James Potter was. Sirius had two words for that: 'hell' and 'no'. It's not like Potter was bad looking or an unforgivable arse, but he didn't exactly like any Slytherins, and Sirius was one. He knew that mates weren't something that could be avoided, but how the hell did he explain that to Potter? 'Hi, I know the most time we've spent together was in detention from hexing each other for like, the entirety of fourth year, but you're bloody gorgeous and also we're mates? Wanna hook up sometime? Maybe spend the rest of our lives together?' Yeah. That wouldn't go well.

Sirius wished he could leave-- after all, who needed breakfast every single day?-- but there were appearances to keep up, and everyone would give him shite if he left right now. He was supposed to not act any different now that he had his creature inheritance. He was supposed to pretend he felt the same and didn't think he was better than anyone and all that rot. Nevermind that Sirius had thought he was better than everyone else from the age of five.

He didn't bother to keep in a sigh as he walked to the Slytherin Table.

"What?" Regulus asked, because of course Regulus was with him-- just to be clear: not complaining.

"Everyone's staring."

"Of course they are. You're the first wizard to get a creature inheritance at Hogwarts in the last decade."

"Hooray," Sirius said flatly. "I'll just pose for photos then, shall I?"

"There's no need to be a prick."

"How long have you known me?"

Regulus rolled his eyes, which was pretty much the response that Sirius had expected.

*

Sirius might have stared at James. A lot. It wasn't his fault, okay? There was no ignoring your magic screaming at you to go be with someone, but Sirius refused to give in so easily-- just to give him something to do, his classes were kind of boring right now.

So he stared, but he didn't talk to James. Maybe he should make friendly chit-chat between classes so that they had a foundation other than rivalry and the other person being gorgeous. And okay, it's not like they were total strangers, but being friendly with each other wasn't something they were familiar with. Like he said, rivalry. 

He got caught by James one time in the corridor, but he didn't bother to pretend like he hadn't been staring. It was only the two of them, after all. An empty corridor was a rare thing this close to the Great Hall, but not so surprising this time since it was dinnertime. They were probably the only people not eating right now.

"Is there a reason you're looking at me all the time?" James asked.

"Yes," Sirius said and didn't elaborate.

As expected, James looked bewildered. "Are you going to tell me why?"

"No. What were you in the library for?"

"Books," James said. He was trying to make his voice flat, but it was obvious to Sirius that he was hiding something.

He cocked his head curiously-- an unfortunate habit he'd picked up since his creature inheritance, replacing his usual skeptical eyebrow raise. "For what?"

He shifted, holding his bag tighter like he thought Sirius would snatch them from three meters away. "Nothing," he muttered unconvincingly.

"C'mon, who am I going to tell?"

"Stop mocking me."

"I wasn't aware that was something I was doing."

James glared at him.

It was probably the mate part of him that found it attractive, but Sirius had never had the smartest taste when it came to men. "Honestly. It was an innocent question."

"So you weren't staring at me because you... y'know, know?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius said honestly.

James sighed, relaxing from the somewhat rigid posture he'd been holding. "That's good. Or- I guess bad? If you knew, I could ask- but no, we're not friends."

"What's got you in a spin?"

James chewed on his lip.

Sirius's heart beat a little harder in his chest at seeing that-- his imagination was more than happy to provide him with ideas about James's mouth-- but he was going to ignore that for the moment. There were more pressing matters, like what the hell James was talking about. "Honestly, who would I tell?"

"Your brother."

"Right, but who would he tell?" Regulus didn't have any friends either. Their parents had made a point to tell them that they could only trust family, and now look at them. "And who would care?"

"Most people care about creature inheritances. You should've heard the way everyone fawned over you when you presented."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, I have eyes, love; I'm well aware of how much attention people were paying me." Then, because it was more important, he said, "So that's what this is? You're coming into a creature inheritance too?"

"No," he said instantly, then he shifted. "Maybe. I dunno, that's what the books are for. I thought you could, like, tell from looking at me or summat."

"I don't have a creature sensor."

"Well how was I supposed to know that?" James asked defensively. "Nobody knows anything about creature inheritances unless they have it, and then they keep it in the family because it's personal. It's not like I could just ask you."

"Couldn't you ask your parents? Like you said, it's a family matter."

"There's no history of it in the Potter line. Whoever was a creature that married in? They never recorded it. I went over the bloody family tree with a fine tooth comb, and I came up blank."

"I don't know how much help I'd be. Different families, different creatures," Sirius said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall.

"I don't need specifics, but- Merlin, did it buggering itch like this for you? I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin."

"Can't say that happened to me, no. Mostly it felt like my teeth were about to fall out."

"Right," James said, nodding, "Veela have fangs."

Sirius cocked his head again. "Most people don't know that." 

James blushed. It wasn't very noticeable, but Sirius had eyes on him-- he had a theory that he had enhanced eyesight specifically when it came to his mate, but there was nothing to verify that; it just felt like he was capable of noticing more about him since becoming a creature. "I've done some research."

Sirius hummed, smiling.

*

"Nice wings," Sirius said, trying to keep from looking overly delighted.

One of James's wings snagged against a suit of armor because he'd been walking too close to the wall. "They're a pain in the arse," he muttered, flushing bright red as he tried-- and failed-- to get himself out.

Sirius walked over and stepped behind him. It was a lot easier to do it from this angle. Push, nudge, and he was free. "I kind of thought your wings would be red."

James turned to face him, and Sirius had to step back or risk getting hit in the head with a wing. "Why? Because I'm in Gryffindor?"

"That, and because you look so good in it. I'm not sure black is your colour."

"I look great in black, and you know it," James said.

He did, but Sirius wasn't about to say that. "Do these things not go away?" Sirius asked, looking at the wings curiously. This was the first time he'd seen him since his birthday, and it was no exaggeration to say that James had never looked better. Ill-coloured wings aside. It's not like the black feathers made him look bad or summat, but red would look better.

"If they do, I haven't figured out how." Then James squinted at him. "Did you change your hair?"

"No? It's the same it always is." Which is to say, fabulous. But he hadn't changed it at all. When he'd become a Veela- oh, maybe that's what it was. It had looked different to him in the mirror after that, but Regulus had said he didn't notice anything. "It did change on my birthday though. Maybe you can finally see it."

James reached out, strands of Sirius's hair sliding through his fingers. "It's beautiful," he breathed.

"I get that a lot," Sirius managed to say while sounding normal, but all he wanted to do was step closer and lean into it.

*

Unsurprisingly, James was the one to kiss him first. Sirius kept wanting to, but he also kept chickening out. So it wasn't really a surprise that James made the first move. What was a surprise, was about a month into their relationship-- still a month away from the end of the school year-- and James stopped a rather delightful snog to say, "Does this seem kind of sudden to you?"

"Er, no, we had to sit through like ten hours of class in order to get here."

James chuckled, pressing leisurely kisses to his cheek and down his neck. "No, I mean..."

"You mean?" Sirius prodded when he didn't continue, running his hands down James's back and into his wings. His fingers worked on straightening his feather automatically.

"I dunno. Like, I always fancied you, but after my creature inheritance, it's like I couldn't take my eyes off you."

"I know what you mean. Probably the whole 'mate' thing."

Abruptly, James stopped what he was doing and tilted his head up to look at him. "What mate thing?"

"That creatures have." When James still looked confused, he added, "Because we're mates?"

"Like... soulmates?"

"I guess? There wasn't a whole lot of information about it in the books my parents sent me. I don't think they thought I'd meet my mate at Hogwarts." Sirius snickered. "Their heads would explode if they knew it was you."

"Wait," James said, sitting up, "you knew about this?"

"Er, yeah?"

"Since your birthday?"

"Yeah."

James looked upset, which Sirius didn't understand in the slightest. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sirius sat up when it was clear that James wasn't willing to let this slide. "Because we weren't exactly friends? You say that you fancied me back then, but it sure as hell didn't look like it. What was I supposed to do? I wasn't going to walk up to you and say we were destined for each other. You would've hexed me."

"I would not have."

"Sure," Sirius said flatly.

"Alright, so I might have overreacted if you told me, but it's not like you wouldn't have too in my place."

"Is there a reason this is bothering you?" Sirius asked. "It all worked out. I didn't trick you into anything by not telling you."

James opened his mouth to answer, then paused and frowned. "That's true," he said, sounding a touch bewildered. "I mean, this goes both ways, doesn't it? You didn't tell me, and I didn't tell you when I first noticed something was going on so..."

"So we can keep kissing?" Sirius said hopefully.

"You're so bloody weird."

"That sounds like a yes."

James snickered. "It's a yes."

*

"Woah," James said, eyes wide.

Sirius may or may not have snarled unkindly at being woken up before he was ready. "Sorry," he muttered. It was a gut reaction to flash his fangs when he wasn't happy, and when he was tired, it just sort of happened. He yawned, fangs retracting.

"I didn't know you could do that."

"Mm."

"Really though, you have to get up. You'll get caught if you leave any later."

"Don't care," Sirius said, snuggling his face into the pillow.

"You told me to make sure you get up."

"Past-me was an idiot."

"I trust past-you more than tired-you."

Sirius opened one eye to glare at him. When that did nothing, he turned to pouting. "Are you really going to throw me out?"

"Using your allure is A. cheating and B. not going to work."

"I should date someone who's nicer to me," Sirius grumbled, slowly pushing himself up with another yawn.

James snorted. "You have fun with that." He nuzzled at Sirius's cheek before giving him a quick kiss.

[yan-twst]

CYOYA - part II

and finally it’s here! chapter ii of the cyoa fic! last time you all voted on what our protagonist should do, and the winning choice was to ask malleus to study with you! so the story will be picking up from there!

“Hmm, I’m sure Silver would enjoy sharing his cookies with a friend, especially after a hard day of studying...” hummed Lilia, and it was at that moment you knew that you had to get away from the short fae as soon as possible, lest you fall victim of what would probably be the world’s most horrid food poisoning.

It’d be rude to just run away all of a sudden; Lilia was still your superior in terms of authority, and he didn’t seem to have any ill will. You nervously glanced around, eyes settling on Malleus’ imposing figure; how you had forgotten he was there for a second was beyond you. Tall, imposing, with green eyes that almost seemed to glow in the dark, you could understand why so many people feared the dorm leader just based off looks alone, but in this sort of situation...

“Um, I was actually, uh... Hoping I could ask our Dorm Leader here for help with studying.” you hoped the anxiety in your voice didn’t show through. It was uncharacteristic of anyone to get close to Malleus, be it out of respect or fear- and usually you’d keep your distance too, not wanting to annoy the fae prince (and also being admittedly intimidated by him, but you figured everyone was).

Despite your odd request, Lilia didn’t seem confused. He merely grinned and nodded, almost as if he’d been expecting this outcome. Malleus, on the other hand, did not look nearly as knowing as Lilia. His eyes opened wide and his posture stiffened for a second, telltale signs of him being shocked, as he opened his mouth soundlessly. You prepared yourself to get roasted by his fire breath or something for your request; surely you’d crossed a line or something by so carelessly asking for his time. He wasn’t just your dorm leader, he was also a prince and one of the most powerful mages, surely you shouldn’t have just-

“Is that truly what you wish for?” no green fire left Malleus’ mouth, instead a simple question to answer your request. You blinked a couple of times, releasing tension you’d gathered in the seconds of arduous wait.

“Y... Yes?” you repeated, a bit taken aback by the response. Malleus had composed himself quickly, back to his usual way of standing and his eyes no longer wide open; but there was just something about his body language and tone that was off. It wasn’t annoyance or anger (thank gods, because he could probably wipe you off the planet without much effort), but rather something akin to... bashfulness? “Oh, um- only if you have time, of course! And if you want! I don’t want to impose...”

“Ufufu, don’t worry little one, I can assure you he doesn’t mind.” said Lilia with a smirk so wide you had to wonder if he really had intended for this ordeal to go down like this. “Now, Malleus, it’s no time to be shy, one of your dorm members has come to ask you for help! Go on, show them what you know.”

“Don’t you have to deliver those... Cookies before they cool?” Malleus’ tone didn’t change much, but the faint tint of pink in his cheeks told you Lilia’s words had definitely made him flustered. It was an odd sight, to see him acting in such a way- after all, the image you had of him was shaped by watching his imposing figure walk around campus surrounded by his guards, by rumours and whispers, and the occasional viewing of him ruthlessly winning at magift. Nothing could have prepared you to see such a humane side to him; but maybe this was just how he acted when he was with people he trusted...? Lilia did seem to have a deep connection to him, after all.

“Oh, you’re right!” Lilia’s attention was immediately driven back to the plate of charcoal black masses resting on the table. He picked it up and began to walk away, not before turning around and saying goodbye. “Well you two, have a nice study session! Don’t go to sleep too late, (name)!”

“We will!” you replied, waving goodbye to him. In all honesty, you were just relieved you weren’t going to get peer pressured into eating one of those toxic looking cookies- but now that Lilia was gone, you were suddenly left alone in the common room. 

“... You’re quite daring, to ask me for help.” mused Malleus, although his tone didn’t seem to hold malice. He looked more curious than anything, as he gazed down on you, as if he were trying to understand your actions. It was nerve racking, sure, but on the very least he didn’t seem upset.

“Should I have not done that?” you said, almost biting your tongue once the words were out. Were you being too casual? He was a prince and he was powerful, and you were just a normal student- but... The only person you’d seen advocate to treating Malleus like absolute royalty was Sebek, and even Malleus seemed to get tired of the first year’s antics from time to time.

“I never said that.” he replied, an amused twinkle in his eyes as he smiled. He uncrossed his arms from his chest, a small action, but one that made you feel just so much more comfortable in his presence. Surely if you stepped out of line, he’d let you know, right? So far he didn’t seem like the type of guy who’d just zap you to death for a mistake. “I’m simply... Surprised you did so. Most students would be too scared to do so.”

“Well, that’s...” what the hell were you even supposed to say to that?! As powerful as he was, it seemed Malleus wasn’t a great conversationalist, with how he was pushing you into a corner in the conversation. “... I haven’t talked to you much, but you’re my dorm leader, so it’s not so shocking I’d ask for help, right? I know you’re very skilled and powerful, too, so... I guess I just didn’t think it’d be that weird.”

“Hmm...” he seemed satisfied with the answer, maybe even... Happy? He wasn’t easy to read, and you didn’t want to seem like you were staring. Still, you could have sworn you hear him whisper ‘that’s quite interesting, indeed’ under his breath, but he quickly spoke up again. “You’re right that as your dorm leader, it’s my duty to help you. Do you have your class materials with you?”

“Yes, here they are.” you said, opening your notebook to the page with the draught’s ingredients and preparation steps. “... It’s a bit dark here, sorry if it’s not very readable.”

“Is it troublesome to study here for you?” asked Malleus, raising his eyebrows. Glancing at his green eyes, the fact he’s probably got no difficulty looking in the dark- or in the not-so-well lit common room- hit you, judging by his slit pupils. 

“No, no, it’s ok, I can read, it’s just a bit dark here since the torches’ fire is dimmed at night.” you said, not wanting to seem like you were causing one problem after the other. The torches lighting up the common room were lit with magical fire, and at this time of the night, they became quite dim, probably to discourage students from lingering too long and make them go to their respective rooms. It didn’t make it impossible to use it as a study room, just not an effective one; ideally, each student would do their late night cramming in their own room, but there was no way you were asking Malleus to go to your room. First of all, it was messy, and second of all, your dormmate was there snoring the night away.

“There’s no need to lie to me. You shouldn’t strain your eyes to read in the dark.” Malleus picked up your notebook before you could complain. For a second, he looked like he was thinking; you guessed he’d offer the library as a good place to study (although you didn’t want to go all the way there, if he offered so you’d accept), or maybe he’d use his magic to make the torches burn brighter. After his deliberation, he tucked the notebook under his arm carefully and motioned for you to follow him out the common room. “Follow me, (name). We’re going to my room, if that’s ok with you.”

“That’s-!” your body froze at his words. No, no, absolutely not. Even if he offered it, it felt like too much to do that- you’d already been enough of a thorn on his side asking for his help, it was getting late, and he probably had his own things to do. “I’d hate to intrude- listen, it’s ok, I can read up my notes tomorrow morning, and-”

“I would not have offered if I was not ok with it.” Malleus’ response cut you off before you could try and excuse yourself out of the situation. He was still looking at you with that odd expression, a mix between curiosity and interest, as if he were staring at some odd flower of sorts. “Follow me.”

You certainly didn’t feel like starting an argument with him, and so you did. The halls were a bit too dark for comfort at this hour, the torches dimmed here as well to deter students from wandering around at such hours. An ironic thing, really, considering most of the Diasomnia student body stayed up until odd hours studying or simply killing time. Following Malleus, you stared at his broad back and his tall form, the way his horns curled from his head and reflected the greenish glow of the fire; truly, he looked like a prince. And then you decided to resolve something nagging you at the back of your mind.

“Um, Dorm leader, just a quick question... How did you know my name?” you asked. He’d called you by your name when inviting you, hadn’t he...? You couldn’t recall presenting yourself to him- but as soon as you finished your question you realized the answer to it. “Oh, nevermind! You probably heard Lilia say it when he left, my bad.”

“It wasn’t from Lilia.” Malleus’ response was rapid, almost as if he didn’t even have to think. You furrowed your brows at this; no, you were sure you’d never formally presented yourself to him, and you weren’t in the magift team or anything like that, so why...? “Silver talks a lot about you.”

“Oooh, of course! That makes sense.” you almost wanted to slap yourself for not realizing such an obvious connection. Silver was a friend of yours, and he did spend a considerable amount of time guarding Malleus. He’d probably mentioned you a couple times or something, nothing too weird. 

“... But Lilia did tell me about you in the entrance ceremony.” added Malleus. You couldn’t see his face as you followed him from behind, but the tone in his voice had softened just a little bit. You didn’t want to make any assumptions, but it almost sounded like he was thinking back on a fond memory. “Diasomnia doesn’t get as many students as other dorms. I wasn’t even invited to the sorting ceremony, but Lilia told me how only a handful of the new students got sorted here.”

“Ah, that’s right, I remember the vice dorm leader- I mean, Lilia, telling us you were missing that day.” you said, tracing back on memories. Honestly, you’d been so anxious and excited the day you’d arrived at NRC, you hadn’t even cared about what dorm you got sorted into; you considered yourself a pretty average person, without anything too surprising or any curious talents, so you didn’t know where you’d get sorted. Unlike many NRC students, you also lacked a family history in the school; most people guessed their dorm based on what dorm their siblings or parents had been in, but you’d just... Never had a family member you knew attend NRC. 

“... Lilia said the mirror claimed you held great magic potential.” he seemingly skipped over the fact he wasn’t in the ceremony (he said he wasn’t invited, right? You figured he had his reasons to not want to go over that), but his comment still caught you off guard. “It’s not often the magic mirror will say that about a person.”

“Is that so...? Haha, I’m not so sure about that. I mean, I don’t think I’m too amazing at anything.” you said, chuckling. You’d simply thought the mirror said some cheesy stuff to everyone who got sorted, as some sort of ego boost to the first years or something. “Well, I am glad I got sorted here, though. I like Diasomnia.”

“You shouldn’t say that about yourself.” Malleus didn’t turn around when he said this, but you just knew he’d narrowed his eyes as he said that. “... Just the fact you even dared ask me for help, and followed me to my room like this goes to show you’re quite different. I have no doubt your skills in magic will flourish in time.”

“I- um, thank you...!” you truly hoped your voice didn’t sound like a squeak, but it was hard to keep cool when Malleus Draconia spoke to you like that. “It means a lot to me, um, coming from you.”

A comfortable silence fell between you two. The sound of Malleus’ heeled uniform shoes against the stone floor echoed in the halls, mixing with the noise of rain outside- soon, you were faced with stairs. Being constructed like a castle from the Valley of Thorns, there were plenty of towers; of course the dorm leader’s room would be on top of one.

“We’re here.”

You were a bit surprised at how much you walked to get to his dorm- the amount of stairs you’d gone up was enough to leave you breathless, although Malleus looked fine. The door to his room was made of a beautifully dark wood, with intricate carvings and a metal doorknob. He opened the door and walked in, holding it open for you (you wondered if the door had a lock and key and he just kept it unlocked knowing nobody would dare come snooping, or if it was some sort of magic door that only opened for him). 

“Come on in,” he said, and not wanting to make him just stand there holding the door open, you quickly walked in despite feeling like someone as common and unimportant as you shouldn’t just be waltzing into his room.

As he closed the door behind you, you couldn’t help but wonder at the sight of his room. It was big- dorm leader benefits, you guessed, because this one-person dorm was about twice the size of the dorm you shared with your roommate. The floor was tiled in white with black accents, and the thing that caught your eye first was the huge canopy bed. The way the canopy was built almost reminded you of the very building of the dorm. Immediately your eyes flew to the giant dragon statue next to the dresser- why was that there you had no clue, but it certainly looked cool. It was probably related to Diasomnia’s origins and its logo, since the Witch of Thorns could turn into a dragon.

The more you looked, the more details you picked up. The loveseat in front of his bed was currently occupied by books and trinkets, as if he’d been cleaning and put them all there while he found a space for them. There were many magift team banners in the wall above his desk, and you couldn’t tell why, but you found that adorable. Besides the loveseat, there wasn’t much clutter in the dorm- it was quite clean, actually, almost as if he didn’t spend much time there. His desk was probably the most well-loved spot, the chair still ajar as if he’d stood up and not put it back in place, papers crowding the surface of the desk.

“This should be well-lit enough.” he said, and with a flourish of his hand, lit the candelabra on the desk. That much was overkill, really, considering the giant chandelier hanging from the ceiling, but you appreciated the gesture- and also admired how easily and precisely he’d just cast fire magic. “Take a seat wherever it’s comfortable for you, and we can begin studying.”

Upon being presented with that choice, you blanked. Picking where to sit down should be the easy part of this whole ordeal; asking your intimidating dorm leader for help and accepting to go in his room was the ‘hard’ part, sitting down was the easy part, but in that very moment you weren’t so sure. The loveseat was occupied by his stuff, and you’d really rather die than start moving around his belongings for a seat. That left the floor, the desk, and the bed; of course you wouldn’t just sit on the floor, because then he’d also have to sit on the floor to explain, and that didn’t feel right at all.

The desk should have been the logical choice, but as you glanced at it, it was very clear that having only one chair would pose a problem. Sure, he probably wouldn’t mind- in fact he most likely expected you to take a seat there- but... Then he’d probably have to stand behind you to explain, hovering over your shoulders the whole time. He’d have to lean down to your level to check your notes, and- gods, if it were some random student you wouldn’t have cared this much, but... Something about having Malleus stand behind you, rest his hands on the back of the chair where you sat, and to have him lean down and be so close to you just to read the notes made your stomach flip. But that was your problem; you were the one making a big deal out of just sitting in a desk, of all things.

Then there was the bed- honestly you mostly studied sat in your bed, with your notebooks spread out around you. But that was in the privacy of your own dorm. Sure, if a friend was over you wouldn’t hesitate to tell them to sit on your bed with you to chat or just chill, and you’d even helped your roommate study before while you both sat down on his bed to review and exchange class notes. But this- this was Malleus’ bed. Was it too out of line to sit down on the bed to study...? It was just sitting down; he probably wouldn’t even give it a second thought...

— time to make a choice! vote in the poll linked below to choose how to advance in the story! choosing where to sit may seem innocent enough, but this particular choice is the one that may begin some interesting developments

poll: https://www.strawpoll.me/21192129

[writergamermom]

Promo and Live Blogging #6

Ship Your Own Adventure

by

Emblue_Sparks

 Mature

Chapter 1 Billie/Crowley; Chapter 2 Sam/Eileen; Chapter 3 Dean/Crowley; Chapter 4 Kevin/Aaron; Chapter 5 Claire/Kaia; Chapter 6 Sam/Gadreel; Chapter 7 Crowley/Mick Davis; Chapter 8 Dean/Benny; Chapter 9 Bobby+ Rufus; Chapter 10 Dean/Castiel

Liveblog

Man Emblue Sparks did their own art! How can I top this?

His beloved Imperium Innocentia never ceased to fill him with wonder, and yet as of late, he'd begun to feel a worrisome unease when visiting. The loyal ferrymen were paid handsomely to usher his precious souls from there to the shores of Elysium and Asphodel Meadows. Neither Castiel nor Gabriel had reported any bumps in the proverbial road, so that couldn't be the source. 

               To be honest I am rather confused.

The realm was fiercely protected by thousands of wardings and enchantments. His rambunctious rescues were all squeals and delight as their tender souls regained the sweet innocence lost, as was the realms purpose. However, when visiting recently, his grace sensed...not a presence really, but a watchfulness. As if some all seeing eye was casting itself upon it.

So a place in the Scottish highlands is the first circle of hell where all the unborn or unbaptized babies are? Wait Crowley has GRACE? So confused.

Perhaps she'd care for some tea..or Craig? No, no scotch wouldn't do, how would that appear? Lovely to make to your acquaintance. May I invite you into my home for strong spirits on a whim?

I mean I wouldn’t say no, but I am drunk so what are you going to do.

He'd longed to ask her why she felt so familiar. Why in her presence he felt they might have been from another time altogether. A far away memory tiptoed on the edges of recollection just out of his mind's reach. Crowley would spend untold hours in contemplation, opening his mind in hopes the memory in which he sought might emerge from its shy shell and present itself. Alas, to his disappointment, none had stepped forward to claim that missing piece of neurological real estate thus far.

Wow, this is some kind of poetry.  Okay there are some major spoilers so I won’t post any more for this chapter. But I want to read more. There are like layers here man.

Chapter Two Notes: Because I cannot abide the logic surrounding Eileen's absence in the finale. Every actor is entitled to their opinion, as are we, the fans. Though I disagree with Jared, I'll defend his right to express his thoughts. But seeing as how this is my interpretation of this pairing, I'm giving Sam and Eileen this ending I feel they deserved because this handling of the finale among other things had me livid.

               Ooops, I have not watched the last season. Oh well.

And yet for Sam, the fates had been so unkind. For as his son grew and garnered a beautiful life of his own, one he happily shared with none other than Castiel Fitzgerald, his memory of Eileen began to fade. Once Dean Jr had realized it was happening, he'd prayed.

               Dean Jr. and Castiel Fitzgerald are together and Sam is losing his memories.  Bittersweet!

"Dean is well, although he misses you. We're happy, he and I. Eileen as well. I've heard your son's prayers. He fears you'll forget her due to your memories' condition. You sustained many concussions throughout your life. She grows..blurry for you, does she not?"

               Yeah Sam got hit in the head a lot!

Without warning, Jody walks into his home.

"Saam?"

He turns his head, stunned. She shouldn't be even be driving anymore let alone-

"Yo!"

Anybody home?" Claire and Kaia both called out as they too enter.

               Aww I love these girls. Imagine Old Jody still kicking ass and filled with sass.

"Let's get this party started," Jody suggested, busting a bottle of Johnny Walker Black label from her oversized old lady purse.

               YES!

Chapter 3  It wasn't the first time he'd watched Dean Winchester sleep, nor would it be the last. But he'd paid close attention when overhearing the very true sentiment expressed, "It's just creepy." Since then he'd taken extra precautions not to make the seraph's mistake.

               So it’s Dean and someone not Cas.

Dean was as tenacious as any demon,

               It’s Crowley!

They'd had a deliciously rambunctious role in the proverbial hay with triplets earlier that evening.

               Yeah I knew they had an orgy!

He began slowly pulling his hand back, so slowly in fact, he hoped it would go unnoticed. However, before it left the warmth of Dean's skin, he felt Dean pointedly grab his hand. 

               Wow. Yeah. That’s the good stuff.

Chapter 4: You got the job?! Awesome! Well, I knew you would. You're an outstanding accountant," Kevin glowed at his best friend Aaron, whom he'd helped land a position at the same company he worked at.

               WOOT KEVIN! I love Kevin. And Aaron.  I can see it.

Kevin had found an outstanding job at "Write Your Own Story," a place kind of like Total Rekall, only no memory sorcery involved. His friend Claire and her wife Kaia had inherited a typewriter from a long lost uncle...Megatron or something like that. They discovered its magic and sought to use it for good but also a career. It was gaining steam, paid the bills, but barely out of the beta phase.

               Nice! I dig all of this.

Over the next few weeks business boomed with the coming holidays. People wanted to write those they loved beautiful dreams as gifts. And as Kevin discovered, it was all the ink.        

               I would love to give someone good dreams.

Get out. I can’t believe you would do something like this. And you used a sacred holiday too..ya know what? Nevermind, I'm late for service, make sure you're not here when I get back."

               Oh NO!

Chapter 5: "We all missed you and mourned you. Just because we'd just met didn't mean we hadn't looked forward to welcoming you into our little family," Jody declared to Kaia as they pulled out from the bunker and started their five hour journey plus change back to Souix Falls.

I have not watched season 15, did Kaia and Claire get a reunion? I think I remember hearing something about Jody and Kaia. How sweet if she got to bring her home.

"I'm not gonna intervene with you two beyond this, but hearing from Sam all these years about how Dean and Cas keep dancing around each other,

               Poor Sam

"It's really you…" the golden lightning in a bottle whispered before slamming into her, squeezing so hard her eyeballs almost popped out.

               Nice

Chapter 6 Sam's crushed on the martial arts instructor at the Men of Letters Academy for a year and finally finds an opportunity to do something about it.

               I don’t know what this is.

Sam Winchester had been working at the Letters Academy for all of one year as a Professor of Supernatural History and Lore. Dean had graduated ten years prior and was a field agent with a partner of the celestial variety, Castiel. Sam preferred employment on the educational side of operations and prepared his students well, heavily arming them with the knowledge of what was out there and how to effectively neutralize it, if necessary.

               Cool. I am down for this

The instructor had joined the academy's faculty the same time as Sam and to say he had a crush on the guy was putting it mildly. His name was Gadreel, and like Dean's partner,

               Man they would make a mightily tall couple.

"Heard Max Banes is working through the ranks of Tai Kwon Do pretty fast. Aces all the tests and assignments in my class. Seems pretty motivated.." Sam tossed out for conversation.

               Before Covid I was doing pretty well with Taekwondo. I have not kept up.

"Those are effective, until knocked out of your hand or your mag runs out. Come by sometime, I'll show you some stuff..if you want."

               Yeah Ill show you some stuff too. In my pants!

"Private lessons I see, Gadreel. I'd no idea they were on the table. Perhaps we can come to some..arrangement." Sam looked up to see Arthur Ketch standing in the doorway aiming a lascivious grin at Gadreel.

               EWWW. Can we say creepy

It had Sam considering the length of his wingspan.

               Wingspan… Sure

[daringdarlingdt]

So I enjoy a good melodramatic workplace or teenage drama tv show (or movie) even if they’re not technically “good” like writing wise.  For example I’m a huge Grey’s Anatomy fan (the first seasons were still good but everything went downhill after Derek’s death- still watching though) 

But this post isn’t remotely about that.  (i need to work on my introductions- making it more to the point).  I want to talk about the “suffering bad boy” trope and specifically its use in Gilmore Girls.  These characters are often my favourite,,, and watching Gilmore Girls I’ve realized something and even though I’m literally in a google meets class right now I want to share it with the world before I forget.  I’m in season three and I’ve been bingeing like a maniac because I can’t stop watching until this character either leaves completely for a while or... nevermind that’s it.  Even if they have a happy ending I’ll still wanna see him happy.

I’m talking, of course, about Jess Mariano.  Watching this season and focusing on Jess I made the realization that in order for gloomy boi to be gloomy he has to be all self-pitying and sad and traumatized.  I said bad-boy earlier but the ratio of rebelliousness to sad-boi-ness varies (for example this theory also applies to another of my favourite characters- Nico Di Angelo).  In order for gloomy boi to act out and be gloomy many bad things have to happen to him.  This results in the fangirls (myself included) going “the poor baby he doesn’t deserve all of this!!  Don’t judge him for being sad boi he’s deserved to mope!!!”  Often the trauma stuff is revealed after we meet said character and have been questioning why they’re a jerk or moody or whatever and them being the moody jerk (with a secret heart of gold) is what draws the fangirls to them in the first place (I’m thinking Alex Karev now).  But the problem with that is then you can’t let the character get too happy bc their entire character would change and maybe the fangirls won’t care as much.  It’s hard to excuse someone being a moody jerk when they’ve got their happy ending.

Nico- at this point in the fandom he’s got a boyfriend!!! yay happy!!! and he’s generally a lot less angsty than he was for the second half of pjo and a large part of HoO.  On the other hand his list of trauma goes ON and On and so he still gets to be snarky when he wants to.

Alex- eventually becomes friends with main characters and slowly lets down his guard to reveal his bad childhood and family life and then (prior to his sudden leaving the show) get’s married to Jo and is able to be happy.  When we need to pull on thoe heartstrings: his dad shows up! wow shock!  He has to go take care of his mentally ill mom! theres still something.  

 Jess-  We knew from the beginning he literally came to stars hollow because his mom???  didn’t want to be responsible for him??? plus daddy issues bc he was abandoned as a kid.  then for a while it was just that he didn’t wanna be in stars hollow and then he wasn’t able to be with Rory bc dean and that’s why he was a menace.  In this season he gets the girl (yay!) but then there are various fights, he doesn’t know exactly how to be the bf Rory is expecting he... gets attacked by a swan... but then he flunks out of school, which leads to being upset at the party with Rory and issues arise then the large fight with Dean, only the day after his estranged dad that he’s never met showed up so obviously he’s got stuff going on and then he has to tell Luke about all of the various crap and then he just... leaves... and goes to LA to meet his dad I guess?  Idk that’s as far as I’ve gotten but the point is this roller coaster of bad things happening has been keeping me from sleeping and doing my work because I have to know what’s gonna happen to my sad boi next and when he and Rory are getting along and he’s happy that’s even better I wanna see more of that too!

anyways idk that this has a point I may rewrite it more succinctly, clearly and eloquently later but I think it’s important... maybe obvious but I needed to put the phenomena of our sad bois never reaaalllyyy having a happy ending so we all wanna comfort them into words.  

[smokeybrandreviews]

Oh My God

Apparently, the Zoomers don't like Friends because they think it's racist and homophobic. I mean, they ain't wrong. There are a lot of red flags with that show which i recognize as an adult but i wouldn't go so far as to say it's as problematic as the youths believe it is. I have no love for Friends. I think it's a garbage show and have been consistently vocal about that, but problematic? Friends? Really? Friends is the whitest, show to ever air on television, man. That sh*t was focused-grouped and mashed together by committee, in an effort to capture that suburban, middle-class, white, appeal and it succeeded wildly. That sh*t is the safest television i have ever seen in my entire life, which is funny considering it's a total and complete rip-off of Living Single.

Black television dealt with real social issues because we lived that sh*t long before we had the opportunity to film that sh*t. That's why Living Single never reached it's full potential; It was intrinsically black. It was created with the black experience in mind and, while most major networks chose to ignore our demo for years, Fox said f*ck that. They tapped directly into that chocolate treasure trove. We built that network. Shows like In Living Color and Martin no only gave Fox hits and legitimacy, but launched entire careers. One show, in particular, would become the envy of all major networks at the time. It was a show that found an audience without patronizing them or ignoring their circumstances. It was a show that was female led, hilarious, and heartfelt. That formula would become a staple on television going forward, often imitated, never executed as effortlessly as it's progenitor. Living Single came through and f*cked every metric measurable by Nielsen standards, right the f*ck up.

Living Single pulsed with an unapologetic black excellence. Even so, even with a staunch focus on the black experience, a female lead, and an all black cast, it still hit the market like a wrecking ball, garnering a fervent fan base from all people, not just the dark ones. Even white folks loved this show but only to a certain extent. They couldn’t only enjoy it as much as they should have, mostly because these characters, as dope, realistic, and dynamic as they were, were also the wrong goddamn color. White people didn't want to see that sh*t. They didn't want to see the darkies thriving on television like that. They let us have The Cosby Show. That's more than enough positive representation for the negro. They wanted their own version of this show and frothed at the mouth about it. Who'd have thought that bleached-Living Single could find so much success, so quickly? We did. The black folks did. The people who supported Living Single did. Fox had a hit. the formula was proven. Executives were already trying to figure out how to steal that aforementioned black excellence and remove all of the melanin. NBC was the first to hit the sweet spot sans all of the color. Clean up the jokes, ignore real issues, turn up the quirkiness while downplaying the already underlying day-to-day conflicts, and voila! Highest rated sitcom for most of it's run because the whites like to see sanitized versions of black sh*t. I mean, Elvis Presley, man.

Friends is creatively bankrupt and follows that base, prime time sitcom, formula that Living Single perfected, to the goddamn letter. Unlike it's minority focused template, however, Friends does nothing new with the material. It doesn't innovate or titillate. It's literally more of the same, masquerading as something new, delivering familiar content with familiar faces. Somehow, even with all of it's non-challenging, white-breadness, Friends still garnered controversy for the time it aired, in the time slot it aired. For whites. Not for literally anyone with an ounce of melanin in them because, you know, life. I don't like Friends. At all. It's a stolen show that did nothing even remotely original with the formula or the characters it ripped-off. It's literally an exercise in focus grouped pandering, the worst way to make anything creative.

Friends is a non-show filled with stereotypes. Except for Phoebe. I like Phoebe. She's arguably the only character in the entire goddamn series, which is unfortunate, because that means she never actually gets a character arc. None of them do but Phoebe was far more developed than any of the cast. She had roots. None of that matters though, because by the time we end up actually tagging in on her story, her growth is eschewed for nonsense writing and bullsh*t canned laughter. The fact that Friends is so popular among my generation absolutely boggles my mind. How? None of that sh*t makes any sense. It's a bad f*cking show, nevermind the fact it was outright stolen from black folks. The fact that it's so unpopular with the Zoomers is a frustration, too. You're mad at some jokes, made in bad tastes under the current pop culture climate? This f*cking thing started over twenty years ago. Of course there are different sensibilities. There are so many more pressing issues with this goddamn sh*tshow than your offended ideals and attacked safe space.

Friends is a terrible show that deserve way more hate than it's getting and not because they made a few gay jokes or sprinkled some light misogyny to move an arc forward. That sh*t was considered legitimate character progress for this show. They made fun of mental illness, made everything a caricature while relying on guest stars and gimmicks to crib ratings; All things worthy of hate. But if you refuse to acknowledge the crime committed against Living Single or disqualify the sordid circumstances that gave birth to Friends in favor of your ridiculous SJW agenda, f*ck right off. You're a coward and a hypocrite. You don't deserve the entitled outrage you so ardently exclaim.

[latent-thoughts]

The Pursuit of a Simple Life (Chapter 6 - Goddess of Wrath)

[Co-Authored with @emeraldrosequartz​]

Rating: 18+ (there be lots of citrus here).

Warning: None

Pairing: Loki/Original Female Character

Summary: Three years after returning to Earth with the other Asgardians following Ragnarok, Loki finds himself working for SHIELD, truly just trying to fight the boredom. While on an undercover mission, he unexpectedly begins to fall for his co-worker, Gemma, and she seems to feel the same way…about Dave, his alter ego while in disguise. Can Loki continue a relationship with her while keeping his true identity a secret? How many lies can the ‘God of lies’ spin to keep his pursuit of a simple life?

[Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017); THOR IS A GOOD BRO AND TOTALLY NOT HOW HE WAS IN RAGNAROK, THNX; Infinity War Doesn’t Exist; Everyone lives]

A/N: Gemma shares some sad details of her life with Dave, and then she has to face her boss again.

________________________________

IMPORTANT NOTES:

Bold Text = Loki’s POV

Normal Text = Gemma’s POV

________________________________

Loki wanted to murder Oliver. Painfully.

In the time the pudgy man had taken to humiliate poor Gemma, Loki had thought about twenty scenarios where he could end up dead, with no evidence indicating any foul play.

He could do it. But he knew that it would not work well for the mission. The man would most likely be declared a martyr who had probably leaked important information against the company.

In his three or so years on Midgard, Loki had learnt quite a bit about how the media of the realm worked.

Hence, after considering everything, he lowered his murderous gaze from the man and tried to appear engrossed in his work.

He'd deal with Oliver later...

For now, he focused on Gemma. His poor Gemma...

Once Oliver was gone, Loki slipped from his desk and walked past hers on his way to the printer, dropping a note down to her surreptitiously.

It was a simple note, stating that he thought Oliver a callous and uncouth monster, and that he believed she wasn't at fault. Lastly, he gave her the venue of their lunch date, to uplift her spirits.

Gemma read the note, like, 300 times.

“Callous and uncouth”...? Who TALKS like that? Dave talks like that. Perfect, handsome, wonderful, sexy Dave talks like that.

Not my fault...well of course it’s my fault. I didn’t get the work done, and now I’m in trouble for it. But it’s nice of him to say so...

WOW he wants to go THERE for lunch?!

By the time noon rolled around, she had memorized that note word for word...and she could not WAIT to get out of there.

She clocked out, grabbed her cardigan, and headed over to Dave’s desk.

“Hey, thanks for the note. That was really sweet.” She smiled and wrung her hands together. “So...ready to go?”

Loki rose from his desk, closing his laptop and grabbing his bag and pea-coat.

"Absolutely," he declared cheerfully, grasping her hand to lead her out of the hall. "Also, you'd do well to learn that I don't accept expressions of gratitude for acting with bare minimum decency."

He helped her put her cardigan on once they reached his car, feeling her tremble as he did so. He kissed her cheek softly to ease the tension in her body, and it only made her jump.

"Relax," he stated, holding her close for a moment. "Everything will be fine. Your reports will be done on time. Now forget the work related hassles and try to take a break."

He opened the passenger door for her as he said that last bit, helping her into the car.

She couldn’t believe he actually held her hand the whole way to his car. His incredible, gorgeous, fancy-as-hell car. Ooooh, she loved it.

And she was kind of starting to think she loved him even more. Not like LOVE love, but, you know, like how you love a cool drink of water on a hot day. And Dave was definitely a cool drink of water.

“Ok, I’ll try,” she responded. He was acting so familiar with her, with the kisses and the chivalry. It almost frightened her...she could get VERY used to this, and then it would hurt that much more once reality set in and he disappeared from her life, nothing more than a fond memory.

Because, deep down, she just knew this was too good to last. Stuff like this didn’t happen to her. But in the meantime, she would enjoy it as much as possible.

She clicked in her own seatbelt this time, and giggled as he drove out of the parking lot WAY too fast, grabbing his hand on the stick shift.

He grinned in response as she giggled, really enjoying the lilting sound it made in her throat. He wanted to make her laugh more often. Every day...

But he couldn't get ahead of himself. Not right now...

Once they reached their destination, he led her out of the car and into the restaurant of his choice.

"So, still want to have sandwiches?" he asked playfully as they settled into an intimate corner table with a large window overlooking the sea. "Or can I endeavour to change your mind?"

“Please...change my mind,” she said. Her tone was verging on sultry, and she dared to put her hands on his over the tabletop. She felt tingles radiate from where she touched him. This was their first actual date!

“Um...actually, why don’t you go ahead and order for me?” She watched for his reaction nervously--she’d never asked her date to order for her before. Then again, she’d never dated anyone like Dave before.

This was all becoming so unbearably and fantastically romantic...

Loki ordered for both of them while still holding her hands over the table. He didn't care if the waiter frowned upon it, he just did it because he wanted to.

"So... " he murmured as the waiter went off with their order. "I want to know something about you, Gemma. Will you tell me?"

He saw the hesitance in her eyes, but still, she nodded.

"Why do you work at PAC & Co.? It's not a very friendly work environment, from what I've seen in my three months here. Surely you can find a better place than this?"

Gemma wanted to bring her hands back to her body, to wring the bottom of her shirt like she always did when she was nervous. But he felt so good holding her hand, and she couldn’t bring herself to let go. So she pushed through the nerves.

“I...well, I never thought I’d end up in a place like that, doing that kind of work. I always thought I would be--oh, nevermind, it’s stupid...”

She sighed and looked away. “I just...needed to pay the bills. And a monkey could do that work, so I knew I could do it. I don’t know. Things just didn’t turn out the way I planned, so I kept settling for less and less until...I got here.”

She hated that THAT was the story of her life--giving up on her dreams and settling for the absolutely dull and tedious world she’d built around herself. But it was the truth, and she felt like she owed that to him, at least.

“I know. Not very impressive...but that’s how it goes sometimes, I guess.”

"I see." Loki didn't like that she was letting go of her wants and wishes and just settling. So he pushed for more information. "And may I know what you actually wanted to do?"

He rubbed his thumbs over her wrists, trying to calm her down the moment he felt her growing restless. She was like a little hummingbird in his hands... so tiny and vulnerable. He wanted to protect her with all that he had.

She looked at him, feeling incredibly exposed. But he’d done nothing except be kind and patient with her; he’d shown her time and time again that he harbored no ill will toward her. But instincts and hard lessons learned were difficult to overcome.

Still...she wanted to tell him. And if he laughed at her, well, then it would be just that much easier when he went away.

“Um...geez, I haven’t told anyone this for a long time. I...I moved to New York City because I wanted to act on Broadway. I was in plays and musicals my whole life growing up, and when I could finally move out of that podunk little town, I came straight here and started auditioning. I took whatever classes I could afford, started meeting people, and then...well, then the attack happened...”

She closed her eyes, knowing she was close to tears but doing her best to keep it together.

“I was waitressing when it started...and I almost got killed. Captain America saved my life...along with everyone else in the building. I was so grateful to be alive!

“But then...well, my apartment was destroyed, along with all my stuff. I didn’t have renters’ insurance--it was too expensive. I was barely making ends meet, and I couldn’t move back home--I couldn’t stand the thought of living with my parents again. So I figured I’d get some admin job, just until I could get back on my feet and start auditioning again. But that was...god, it feels like a lifetime ago. And I just...I don’t feel the passion I used to, you know?

“Maybe if the attack hadn’t happened, I’d be where I wanted to be, but now...well, nothing I can do about it but tread water and try to put my life back together. And a steady paycheck is a big part of that, even if I have to sell my soul for it.”

Loki felt as though he had been slapped in the face, several times, with a hand made of uru metal...

While several centuries' worth of experience gave him enough fortitude to keep a straight, concerned facade on, internally, he was wilting. He had not felt this deep a bout of self-loathing in years.

The attack. His attack on New York had destroyed and forever changed many lives. One of them had been Gemma’s life. His sweet, loving, kind Gemma...

He had almost killed her.

Norns, he hated himself so much...

But there was nothing he could do to undo the past. That was the most frustrating part of his life.

His grip on her hands tightened slightly as he spoke. "I understand, though I cannot empathize fully. Being here when the attack happened.... it must've been terrifying. That monster changed your life forever, and he didn't care one bit about it. I'm sorry, Gemma... so sorry."

His voice nearly cracked as he tried his best to apologize for his deeds, though covertly. He knew that he didn't deserve forgiveness, but still, apologizing was the least he could do.

“Yea...” she sighed, finding it hard to meet his eyes. “But it’s not like I’m the only one it happened to. Plenty of people died that day, and I didn’t. So I have to believe there’s a reason for it...even if that reason is pretty far out and I can’t see it from here...”

She was shaken out of her thoughts when the waiter placed a beautiful cut of filet mignon in front of her, with a side of roasted vegetables and a few crostini. She thanked the server and cut off a generous bite of the meat, and as soon as it hit her tongue, her eyes rolled up and she moaned.

“Oh MAN--this is delicious! You ordered me filet mignon for LUNCH?! It’s like you’re trying to impress me or something...”

She giggled, letting the somber moment pass. Her depressing life story wasn’t going to change, and this incredible lunch was in front of her NOW.

“So, Dave...” she said, still chewing. “How did you get into sales? Family business?”

Loki was still feeling shaken, so he just looked down and played around with his food while she spoke.

Even though her little moan was distracting, it couldn't pull him from the pits of despair he was presently wallowing in.

"Not really. I was told that I was very persuasive from a very young age. So I suppose going into sales was a natural progression." He shrugged, trying to give her a little smile. It felt strained.

“Hey...are you ok?” Gemma asked. He had been so enthusiastic before her story, but now he seemed...depressed. She swallowed, then sighed heavily. “God...Dave, I’m sorry. I ruined the mood... Talking about the attack probably isn’t the best way to have a fun afternoon, is it...”

She sighed again. She’d blown it, just like she knew she would. There was still plenty of food on her plate--delicious food, better food than she’d eaten in years--but now, she wasn’t hungry anymore.

“I...I’ll just catch a cab back to the office. Thanks for lunch, Dave. Have a good one.”

She wanted to offer to pay for her meal, too. But she knew she couldn’t afford it, so she had to leave before he asked her to.

"Gemma," Loki said firmly as she tried to rise from her seat. "Sit down."

Norns, he had upset her now. First, he had nearly killed her in New York, destroyed her life, and now he was ruining her day as well.

No, he would no longer be a cause for her misery. He wanted to give her joy... to mend the life he had nearly snuffed out...

He looked up at her with an earnest expression. "I'm sorry. You didn't ruin the mood, I did. I shouldn't have pried into your life like a rampaging bilge--like an untamed bull. It was insensitive of me. Stay, please..."

That look he gave her nearly melted her heart.

Stay, please...

How could she not?

With another nervous gulp, she sat back down and looked at him softly--he looked almost more upset than she had been. What an odd reaction...

“I didn’t really want to leave anyway...” She smiled and took his hands in hers again. “And, thank you...for asking, I mean. It’s been a long time since...well, actually, I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before, about why I work at PAC & Co. It’s nice that you care.”

Their eyes locked, and she found she couldn’t look away from him. There was so much in his eyes, in his face--sadness and joy, nerves and excitement, concern, desperation, longing...she’d never seen anyone more expressive than him in that moment.

She was lost for words...time stopped. Her universe zoomed in and all she could see--all she wanted to see--was this incredible man who had suddenly shown up in her life and, for reasons she couldn’t even fathom, wanted to be with her.

"I do care," he stated truthfully, picking up the fork and offering her a piece of the fillet. "I wanted to know you better. I still do."

He squeezed her hand, almost afraid that she'd pull it away and run from him. It was an irrational fear, but still, it was there...

He didn't want to lose her.

She didn’t want to lose him.

She squeezed his hand in return and ate the filet off of the fork as he offered it to her. And the next. And the next. Until the meal was over.

She checked her watch, realizing she had gone WAY over her lunch break time, but...it didn’t matter. Let them fire her. What she needed--what she wanted--was to stay here as long as possible, pretending the outside world didn’t exist.

As the meal concluded, Loki paid for it, watching her as her eyes tried to discern the bill surreptitiously. That made him smile.

He didn't let her see the amount.

"I suppose it's time to go back to work, even though I honestly don't want to," he said as the waiter left with the bill and the amount paid. "But we both have things to finish."

He kissed her hand and rose from the seat, pulling her along.

"Do you think that Oliver would've lost his shit over your reports by now?" he asked casually, wrapping his arm around her as they made their way out of the restaurant. "Or would he not care till tomorrow morning?"

“I don’t think he’s even going to be there tomorrow. He’s probably already left for the weekend.” Gemma said drowsily. That lunch was MUCH bigger than what she usually ate, and the extra food in her system was making her sleepy. She curled into him and put her arm around his waist in return as they walked to the car. “He doesn’t like me...so he just tries to make my life miserable. Little does he know I’m a pro at having a miserable life. Sucks for him, right?”

She chuckled morosely as she climbed back into Dave’s amazing car, settling into the leather seat with a contented little moan.

“Thanks for the lunch, Dave. Truly. That was the best meal I’ve had in ages. And the best company.”

She smiled warmly and held his hand, letting him go when he needed it to change gears but otherwise holding on to him the entire way. As they pulled back into the parking lot, she pouted.

“I don’t wannaaaaaa...” she cried sarcastically.

Loki laughed at her childish little whine as he got out of the car and opened her door for her.

"I'd honestly take you back to my place and ravish you in all the ways I want to," he confessed as he pulled her out of the car and pressed her against it with his body. "But I'm trying to practice restraint. We ought to be more responsible, no?"

“No,” she answered cheekily, narrowing her eyes in a scrunchy little smile. “Let’s not be responsible. Let’s run away from this two-bit town and never come back.”

She was joking, of course...wasn’t she? Also...who said “ravished” these days???

Dave. Dave says ravished.

She enjoyed the little shiver that ran down her spine at the thought of it

But as they walked back through the doors with their arms around each other, fielding the raised eyebrows and sudden titters from their co-workers, Gemma just smiled. Maybe, JUUUUST maybe...things might work out.

And then she saw Oliver waiting for her in the lobby, tapping his foot and looking at his watch...

Oh...FUCK...

Loki was feeling elated once again. Gemma was in his arms and she looked so happy. She was glowing.

Because of him. Or Dave... it was the same thing, really, for his affection wasn't any different in either form.

While he was lost in his own thoughts about Gemma, Gemma's step faltered. That brought his mind back to the present, and he saw Gemma's face fall.

Following her line of vision, he saw their boss, Oliver, waiting in the lobby, looking none too pleased.

Oh, what did he want now? He was going to undo all of Loki's attempts to cheer the girl...

Very subtly, Loki stepped ahead of Gemma and tried to shield her from the portly man's renewed ire.

Gemma and Oliver’s eyes locked. She could see the hint of a malicious smirk on his face...he was going to chew her out--AGAIN--in front of the entire team. Twice in one day. For whatever reason, he seemed to love singling her out...he’d done it for years, and for all that time, she had taken it. Just sat there and let him do it...and she was sick of it.

Had she NOT been through enough? Talking to Dave over lunch had helped her put her life in a bit more perspective; just because she hadn’t succeeded in what she’d expected to do did NOT mean she deserved to be abused by a bully.

She. Was. Done.

Gemma felt Dave beginning to move in front of her, and she stopped him. He turned to face her, the same heart melting concern on his face, and she gave him a firm, resolved look. She let him go and walked up to Oliver.

“Have you been standing here waiting for me to get back from lunch, Oliver?” She put her hands on her hips, eyes narrowed.

Loki's jaw dropped. He hadn't expected Gemma to confront Oliver straight away...

That seemed to affect the idiot as well, for he seemed at a loss for words for a few seconds before he responded.

"I was wondering why you had gone out for lunch when you have work left to complete! Do I need to remind you that I want the reports on my desk by Saturday morning?" he asked with malicious glee, most likely expecting to see Gemma wilt against his verbal tirade again.

But Gemma didn't wilt this time. Much to Loki's surprise, she kept staring at Oliver with an even gaze.

Gemma felt a fire in her belly...she didn’t know where it came from, but she liked it. She wasn’t going to let Oliver push her around anymore.

Because if someone like Dave thought she was worth something, maybe she should start thinking that, too.

“Is it Saturday morning yet, Oliver?” she challenged him, a hint of sarcasm slipping into her words. She practically spit his name out.

Oliver sputtered and turned beet red, eyeing Gemma as though she had sprouted another head.

Loki was enjoying this immensely. His Gemma was fighting back! This was glorious...

"No," Oliver finally answered, glaring at her while also knowing that she had him. It was written on his face, clear as the day.

“Then what’s the problem? Seems like I still have plenty of time to finish those reports you asked for--which I’m assuming you must need so urgently that you’re going to meet me here tomorrow, right? Otherwise, this could wait until Monday?”

“What? No, I won’t be here tomorrow...” Oliver’s face turned that purplish-crimson color she despised, and she scoffed at him.

“So why, exactly, do I need to get them to you by then, hm? Could it be that you needed to make yourself feel better by putting me down, just like you have for the last three years? Your fragile little ego needed a boost? Because if that’s the case, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but a TPX report isn’t going to fix that. And I’m not taking your shit anymore.”

She pushed past him, saying quietly so only he could hear. “Now please leave me alone so I can finish the work you so desperately need completed, despite the fact that you won’t see it until Monday when you get back from your weekend of self-destructive binge eating and coddling your porn addiction.”

His eyes went wide and he sputtered as she glared at him one more time.

“You really should clear your browser history more often when you’re at work.”

With that, she headed to her cubicle, absolutely vibrating with nerves.

Loki was absolutely stunned, as was Oliver.

Gemma was... Norns, she was a GODDESS of WRATH!

The way she eviscerated that buffoon, with class and dignity, was breathtaking to watch. Loki had a front row seat to that, and it wasn't at all disappointing.

He was so excited to see her stand up for herself that he wanted to jump up on his desk and give her a big round of applause.

Oliver was now standing there like a man emasculated. And justly so. The absolute wretch that he was, he deserved every word of her scathing response.

As Gemma settled into her chair, the pudgy man made himself scarce, leaving the hall with his tail between his legs.

Loki couldn't help himself. He skipped over to Gemma's desk and grasped her hand.

"That was great, Gemma. I'm pretty sure that he's not going to bother you for the rest of the day now," he said, feeling nothing but pride soaring in his heart for her.

And just as he finished speaking, other people from the hall came rushing to her cubicle to tell her how wonderfully she had dealt with Oliver.

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strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally  E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: where the fuck mckenna Joe: stuck at this thing Ronnie: like i fucking said Ronnie: where Joe: oh Joe: this kid from my course was doing open mic so we all had to show up Ronnie: youve done youre time then yeah Joe: overtime Joe: i wanna be home bad Ronnie: leave Ronnie: whats keeping you there Joe: them Joe: you know how people are Joe: buying me more drinks Ronnie: fuck em Ronnie: down whatever youre on & fuck off Joe: i will Joe: i am Joe: you picked up or am i Ronnie: its on you Ronnie: for the radio silence Joe: come on baby Joe: can't hear myself in here nevermind my phone Ronnie: not your fucking baby Joe: don't be like that Ronnie: i dont only exist when its quiet in your head Ronnie: thank fuck Joe: no one does then Joe: that's the whole point ain't it Ronnie: the point is where the fuck have you been Joe: i told you ron Joe: if i didnt have to i wouldn't be gone from you Ronnie: if you werent a pussy you wouldnt have to do fuck all Ronnie: grow a pair for christs sake Ronnie: baby is fucking right Joe: ive got to go out sometime Joe: if i didn't show to uni i couldn't afford half the shit we cop Ronnie: you aint at classes Ronnie: so unless some bitch off it is paying you to escort i call bullshit Joe: sadly not Joe: see if any of 'em are game maybe Ronnie: with 1 foot out the door Ronnie: you wish Ronnie: no fucking game when youre trying to play fuck all except cello Joe: 💘 for my cello skills Ronnie: youve got groupies Ronnie: go cry to em like Joe: you're sick of me, yeah Ronnie: work it out cunt Joe: we don't need to play games Ronnie: goin from baby to middle fucking aged aint cute Joe: you've got it covered for the both of us Ronnie: fuck you Joe: now I can't call you cute Ronnie: you cant call me old shithead Joe: i weren't idiot Joe: come on Joe: it'll all be good when i get there Ronnie: you come on Ronnie: I could be fucking dead Joe: you aren't Joe: don't say that Ronnie: no thanks to you Ronnie: or fucks given by you Joe: stop it Joe: you're the only person i care about Joe: literally Joe: not even myself Ronnie: & this is how you show it yeah Joe: i'm shit Joe: i know it but i never told you no different Ronnie: get another drink bought for you mckenna Ronnie: drown in it Joe: we got better plans Joe: and methods Ronnie: stop pissing about then Joe: will you be my baby again Ronnie: not that easy Joe: what if i get you something special Ronnie: do it & find out Ronnie: why the fuck would i commit to a yeah for a maybe Joe: 'cos you know i'm gonna Ronnie: your word is for shit Ronnie: i know that Joe: fine Joe: i'll stop talking Ronnie: promises promises baby Joe: 😶 Ronnie: left yet Joe: just me and my two feet Joe: no promises Ronnie: if you aint & youre silent on me to talk to some other bitch you wont be walking anywhere Ronnie: thats a fucking promise like Joe: if you were trying to get me to go faster Joe: why would i wanna talk to anyone else Ronnie: why else go out with those doss cunts Joe: part of it is keeping 'em thinking i'm normal Joe: can't just show up and nod out Ronnie: youre the only 1 with your ma on speed dial Ronnie: who fucking cares Joe: means i don't need to go back don't it Joe: or would you rather i was in dublin every other weekend Joe: i do what i gotta for a reason you know that Ronnie: theres fuck all need to have that many playmates Ronnie: if you planned that it was to piss me off Joe: i wouldn't need to plan that Ronnie: fuck you Joe: and i didn't Joe: they're boring Ronnie: 💔 Joe: i am Joe: i miss you Ronnie: you dont Joe: yeah i fucking do Ronnie: you fucking dont Joe: how do you want me to prove it Joe: tell me Ronnie: i aint spoonfeeding you ever day of your fucking life Ronnie: not that bitch Joe: you want it you ask for it Ronnie: you wanna prove yourself do it Joe: i will Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: picked a boss day for romance Joe: have i Joe: i'm always romantic Ronnie: dont you know what day it is Joe: oh Joe: lol yeah Joe: i'll get you garage flowers instead Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: theyll die quicker than you Joe: picky Joe: put the rig to another use after then Joe: 🥀 v classic Ronnie: ill carve it into my arm as you like it so much Ronnie: cheers for the easy design Joe: you could wait 'til I'm there Joe: so mean, baby Ronnie: course you wanna watch Ronnie: putting down the glass like Joe: if you don't know me by now Ronnie: so misunderstood yeah Joe: 💔 Joe: you wish Ronnie: yeah you know me proper well Joe: bollocks Ronnie: keep the sweet talk coming baby Joe: that's not what you like Joe: silence is golden Ronnie: you reckon you know what i like now Joe: yeah Ronnie: took you long enough Joe: you been waiting all your life yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Ronnie: puked enough today cheers Joe: see? s'your favourite Joe: can't get enough Ronnie: hating you fuels me Ronnie: aint denying it Joe: you're so welcome Ronnie: got that from your avoidance tactics Joe: i'll turn around then Joe: give you a real reason to live Ronnie: try it Ronnie: ill fucking kill you Joe: have to come find me first Ronnie: yeah & Joe: you threatening me with a good time ain't how this day is supposed to go Joe: know that much Ronnie: itll go however the fuck i say Joe: yeah? Ronnie: you know that much about me mckenna Joe: ain't denying nothing me Ronnie: too busy doing it round your besties Joe: 'cos i don't owe them shit Joe: only you get to know me like that Ronnie: you said you were killing the sweet talk Joe: it ain't its just how it is Joe: you know me Joe: no one else, end of Ronnie: come be with me then Joe: i am Joe: one stop but that'll be worth it Joe: come to mine and stay yeah Joe: don't wanna see the others Ronnie: ill be there before you Ronnie: few streets away Joe: good Joe: i like it when you're there Ronnie: want me to kick the door in so your flatmate girlfriend has a heart attack Joe: go on Joe: if she lives i'll say you forgot your keys Ronnie: ill say its your 💘 day pressie Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: if you're also in a mac, believable Joe: her boyfriend dumped her so she'll definitely be in Ronnie: tonights the night for that 3some Ronnie: hot Joe: only if you kill her first 😏 Ronnie: we need her tears for lube Ronnie: think it through like Joe: we've always got blood, baby Ronnie: keep it up & ill deffo stay Joe: forever Ronnie: ive been waiting all fucking day for you Joe: i'm sorry Joe: i'm making it up to you, alright Ronnie: i mean hurry up Joe: 🚖 it and everything Ronnie: your gf will be thrilled Ronnie: can hear her crying from here like Joe: maybe its the cat Joe: very similar Ronnie: watch your fucking mouth bitch Joe: 😂 Ronnie: 😾 Joe: you're both very cute Ronnie: say that again & well both fuck you up Joe: adorable Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: 👼 you Ronnie: you wish soft cunt Joe: nah Joe: but i'll survive Ronnie: you fucking wont Ronnie: i know you like Ronnie: & what you like Joe: 'cos its you Joe: all you Ronnie: ruined your gfs rom com Ronnie: shes gonna need some of whatever the fuck youre bringing Joe: too bad Joe: its for you Joe: i might have some benzos she can have though Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: its wild being here when you aint & she is Joe: rude of her to have her drug-fuelled orgies when i ain't in Ronnie: party can really start now i am Ronnie: know shes dying to break the tension Ronnie: 👊💋 Joe: won't make you wait for me on that score, babe Ronnie: like you could Ronnie: bitch is ready to go Joe: you trying to make me jealous of sophie Ronnie: wouldnt use her Ronnie: fuck that Joe: awh Joe: 👼 Ronnie: you trying to say shes hot enough to bait you Ronnie: step your pussy up mckenna Joe: no Joe: i'm saying if you wanted to i would Joe: i'd obviously do anything for and with you Ronnie: we aint taking her virginity Ronnie: youre hard enough fucking work Joe: shut up 😏 Ronnie: make me baby Joe: that's part 2 of the plan Ronnie: you gonna talk me through it or you gonna do it Joe: i know what you like Joe: and how you feel about talking Joe: even if it ain't no empty words bullshit Ronnie: youve still got your tongue Ronnie: means i must wanna hear some shit youve got to say Joe: that means i can tell you all how you won't regret giving sid my tongue as a toy when it can be yours Ronnie: you wont regret leaving those cunts there & coming back to me Ronnie: [pics from his bed like hey it's me] Joe: i already knew that Joe: but keep reminding me whilst i wait for the man Ronnie: you gotta know it harder Joe: you'll know how hard i know it Joe: i'll make you feel it too Ronnie: you can keep you fingers unbroken too like Ronnie: typing that shit while we both wait Joe: don't reckon much to a dealer's idea of foreplay Joe: and i've waited too long for you already Ronnie: youve gotta bring it to em baby Ronnie: junkie law states it aint a real addiction til youve sucked a dick for it Ronnie: romance him Ronnie: [pics again like these will inspire you] Joe: fuck Joe: how 'bout I stay up here on my high horse and enjoy just being addicted to you then Ronnie: how bout you come the fuck home Ronnie: now Joe: yeah Joe: i gotta Joe: i need to see you right now Joe: i got what i really wanted we can top up later Ronnie: ill go out then Ronnie: they plug me faster than theyll do it for you Joe: can't blame 'em Ronnie: yeah you still smell like 🍒 Joe: and they know they ain't getting nothing sucked Ronnie: you could do a toe Ronnie: dont be a pussy Joe: 😂 Joe: i think they'd rather my money Joe: not cute like you Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: big cal is well into it Joe: tempting Ronnie: hell tell you how pretty you are Joe: just what i need Ronnie: yeah i know Joe: nah you know what i really am Joe: and that's what i want Ronnie: ive got eyes like Joe: me too Joe: even when they're half-shut or pinholed Ronnie: cute Joe: you Ronnie: dont Joe: why Ronnie: cause fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: forget it Joe: i'm practically in the door Ronnie: make me

[bloodfcst-a]

Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang. 

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘  meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. 

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions &  pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal...  I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands. 

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #181

UPDATE 181: Meat

A long time ago, I finished reading Homestuck. It was quite the long tale, and it was rather enjoyable! At the time I thought there ‘d be nothing else, because Act 7 seemed like quite the final chapter – or if there was anything, it’d be bits and pieces that wouldn’t warrant a liveblog. Yet here we are! Turns out, after this long, there’s epilogues. In plural, as you can see. Somehow, there are now epilogues and they’re said to be quite long, too. After taking a cursory read that made me read more than I thought I would, here I am, reopening this liveblog to explore the epilogues.

What I have read so far...is not particularly enticing or even likable, at least in terms of enjoyment, really, but there’s something about the writing that makes me want to continue. Credit where it’s due, yeah. Still, I’m interested in seeing where this is going, and now, I’m posting my thoughts here for everyone to see. Here we go! So, let’s start with the epilogue liveblog!

You know, before that, I should note that now the story has its own URL instead of being into the old mspaintadventures website. Kind of late in the game for this change, Mr. Hussie. I mean, the story is over, and although there’s a whooole lot of new content, it seems a bit senseless to have this in its own domain. Then again, the rest of the mspaintadventures stories were kind of...hidden away in the website? I don’t remember links to them, when I used to read Homestuck. Maybe Homestuck getting its own domain is for the better. I do wonder if this is a hint more stuff will come in the future. The extra-epilogue. The postscript-extra-content. The seriously-guys-this-is-the-end chapter.

There are two epilogues, it seems. One is meat, the other is candy. I immediately notice this is related to the cherubs’ food. I wonder if it means one epilogue will be...bloodier? Crueler? More chaotic and violent? I mean more like something Caliborn will like, while the other will be more to Calliope’s tastes. I’ll start with the meat epilogue, simply because it’s to the left.

From what I can tell at a glance, there are no images, but there are colored words, most likely from conversations between characters. That should be fine, although Homestuck was pretty visual at times, its strength was the writing and characterization.

Well then! The very first paragraph already beats most of Homestuck in terms of extremely descriptive stuff. Heck, this reminds me of Worm, with its extensive paragraphs about bugs and how they crawl on people and cause all sorts of nasty effects. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Meat was definitely the right choice, you think, as grease drips down your chin. The meat is cold and undercooked, so you have to grab it with both hands while you rend it apart with your incisors. It bursts in chunks, filling your mouth with blood and your throat with mangled knots of gristle and long strings of muscle fiber. You take big bites, almost too big to swallow, so big that you choke on the meaty mulch and hock some of it up into your nasal cavity. You sneeze out a gooey rope of phlegm and flesh. You stop for a moment to wipe your face, but your chin is still slippery after you swipe the mess away. Slivers of meat catch between your teeth as you masticate with bestial enthusiasm. You use your thumbnail to fish them out.

...am I eating this meat straight from the cow.

Apparently the person who is eating meat that’s almost raw is John, who I guess gained a taste for raw meat at some point. Maybe he’s trying to emulate Jade’s canine half, for all I know. He’s with Roxy and Calliope, the later providing the meat. I suppose cherubs wouldn’t know about cooking meat. Speaking of cherubs, eating meat reminds John of Lord English, and he gets so sick thinking of Lord English he decides he knows what he must do. Alright! Didn’t waste any time dilly-dallying around!

JOHN: i have to go back and kill lord english.

ROXY: u sure?

JOHN: i think so. it will probably be hard. but i think it’s the right thing to do.

JOHN: everyone is counting on me.

When is this epilogue set? Before Act 7? I thought by now Lord English was dead and gone, not that it still was something that needed to be done. Then again, it’s not like Lord English’s death was shown on screen, if I remember correctly. Maybe this is after Act 7 and he’s going back in time with his retcon powers. I suppose he’d still have them.

Roxy seems disappointed, so I suppose she knew this had to be done at some point. Given John’s retcon powers, it’s not impossible this is the last time she sees John if things go wrong. Calliope is more accepting, saying it’s John’s decision. Time to leave?

Seriously, things have gotten quite more descriptive now. Still unsure if that’s good or not.

The farewell is quite unsatisfying, and the moment passes without John being able to make it better, so he goes to prepare himself and write a note for Roxy as a farewell and/or apology. Not only to her, to all of his friends. It’s like he’s aware the chances he’ll return here aren’t that high. I wonder if John would die here at the end. It’d be quite...something!

In this epilogue, there’s a Troll Kingdom, which I imagine is ruled by the trolls who survived Homestuck, raising the grubs created by ectobiology. Dave and Karkaroni are there, Dave lives with the trolls, I suppose because his relationship with Karkaroni now includes living in his hive.

KARKAT: NOT NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS IS ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogling jakes ass this is important

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHOSE ASS I SHOULD STOP OGLING.

Apparently the reason why Jake’s ass is on TV again is because he and Dirk have a show involving rap battles and robot wrestling, which I suppose is the natural progression from when Jake used to get said ass kicked by a robot. People like the show, and I’m already convinced it’s partly because of the schadenfreude of seeing Jake losing against robots – because no way Dirk is losing, hah

Karkaroni has a few choice words for the fake gladiatorial show, and points out this show is all about zooming onto Jake’s ass. Maybe ‘pumpkin patch’ is an euphemism. Either way, the relevance of the TV show is eclipsed by the announcement Jane is running for president of the entire Earth. Aha, truly the wretched pastry baroness’ descendant.

DAVE: i dunno crocker is just an ambitious woman i guess

KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS FUCKING AWFUL.

DAVE: oh it is

DAVE: it absolutely is

DAVE: also like

DAVE: dont tell her i said this but

DAVE: i think shes basically a fascist

...well then. Oh all things that could have been used to describe Jane from what I remember of her, ‘fascist’ didn’t come not even close. Then again, it’s not like Karkaroni had any meaningful contact with Jane, and all Dave did was call her hot, which isn’t really the epitome of camaraderie and intimidate knowledge. They both even admit to that.

DAVE: oh also shes a fucking xenophobe

KARKAT: OF COURSE SHE’S A XENOPHOBE!

...ah.

...

Did I miss something? Was there something between Act 7 and these epilogues that revealed Jane harbors xenophobic inclinations? Why am I having to ask aloud ‘hey is Jane a xenophobe’

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED, BUT

KARKAT: A LOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DAVE: yeah ive noticed

Well, that part isn’t really surprising. Humanity just has a knack for looking down on other people, I can only imagine how it’d be when it’s about other sapient species. If aliens ever make contact with humanity it’ll be a social mess.

Since letting Jane claim the spot of president of Earth is not good, apparently, Dave wants to stop her, eliciting laughter from Karkaroni who is already imagining Dave running against her. No, Dave couldn’t handle that responsibility, no way.

DAVE: anyway no

DAVE: im not running

DAVE: you are

Hm...unless Karkaroni got over the many issues he had from his leadership attempt during Sgrub this can’t end well. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t like the idea, precisely because he doesn’t feel like he has what’s needed to be a leader. It’s not that he would lose horribly – Karkaroni actually is rather popular. I suppose all of the Homestuck survivors are popular – it’s that he doesn’t feel ready and he seems to hate the attention. Understandable.

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING FAMOUS?

KARKAT: AND MAYBE THAT’S AS GOOD A FUCKING REASON AS ANY *NOT TO RUN FOR THE FUCKING PRESIDENCY OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION THE IDEA OF AN ELECTION IS KIND OF A FUCKED UP AND WEIRD THING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, AND I’M STILL KIND OF GETTING USED TO THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE CAN JUST... “CHOOSE” THEIR FUCKING LEADERS AND NOT HAVE THE SAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH IN POWER FOR SEVERAL MILLION YEARS.

Perfectly valid reason. I mean, it’s not something kind of inconsequential as being the class president of sophomore year in school or whatever it’s like up there in America. It’s president of the entire planet. If Karkaroni wins there will be consequences, even if he steps away immediately. Either he commits to this fully, or he simply shouldn’t run.

DAVE: ok ill just be the one to come out and say it

DAVE: shes going to be a fucking disaster for the economy

So Jane’s a republican. Haha! Ah, I shouldn’t touch this not even with a ten-foot pole. Nevermind that.

DAVE: i guess i have to admit

DAVE: part of this

DAVE: for me personally

DAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DAVE

DAVE: its about obama

Somehow, I didn’t even bat an eye with Dave described part of the reason why this is personal for him is because Obama didn’t get to be president due to, you know, the end of the world. I find it in-character, somehow. This isn’t the first time Dave extols Obama’s virtues, and after quite an extensive diatribe, he says maybe Obama reincarnated in Karkaroni. Thaaaat has to be the most Dave-y encouraging thing he could have ever thought. It’s for things like these that I like Dave, haha

Apparently only humans have tried to get to high offices, because no other species has even tried. They lack ambition, and given what I remember from Sburb, that’s believable. The only species that could come close to taking part in this are the trolls, and they’re not used to elections. No wonder humans have the high spots of politics.

DAVE: karkat dont stereotype

DAVE: remember the mayor

DAVE: remember how at one point a long time ago he raised an army and rebelled against an evil king

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KARKAT: KIND OF MIND BOGGLING, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MISS THE MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

Ah, yeah...I miss him too. I wonder what happened to him.

The government is in charge of troll reproduction through cloning, I suppose because the mother grub isn’t ready yet. In the meantime, the balance of power will get entrenched to the point where even when there’s a functional mother grub, humans will restrict troll population so they don’t take over the planet and make the horrors of Alternia happen. No lie, that’d be pretty bleak for humanity. Last time the horrors of Alternia were forced onto Earth everyone died. No troll right now would try, buuuut yeah, that’s not going to be forgotten...for a while.

Somehow, Dave’s arguments about how Jane has zero business acumen, is sinister, and trolls are getting the raw end of the deal are actually getting Karkaroni to pay attention, until he finally caves, simply because it’d make Dave happy. That’s sweet. But yeah, this is...not what I expected what would happen in the epilogue. Well then!

DAVE: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this is gonna be dope

DAVE: i think we have a great shot too

DAVE: with my political savvy and economic genius and outrageous flair for subversive anti establishment messaging and propaganda, and your big loud fucking mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK

DAVE: um i guess also your charisma and likability and shit

KARKAT: YEAH.

KARKAT: YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN FAKE THOSE THINGS WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE: oh also

DAVE: your weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFER THE TERM “SELF LOATHING” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok lets try to avoid that phrase on the campaign trail too

KARKAT: THIS ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE A PAIN IN THE ASS.

I’m not a political strategist, but if Karkaroni is going to run on a platform about how Jane sucks and there’s inequality towards the trolls, I’m not entirely certain it’s good there’s a shadowy human pulling the strings in the campaign. Kind of seems like bad optics to me. Then again, can’t say I know where this is going so let’s just wait and see.

Yup, Dave definitely will be the brains behind this presidency. They already agreed he’ll write what Karkaroni will say, even though he should improvise and speak from the heart, like he tends to do. Not a bad idea, it’s part of what makes him endearing.

DAVE: time to talk some strategy

DAVE: we need to rally as much high profile support to our cause as we can

DAVE: but there are some uh

DAVE: “lines of loyalty” to figure out

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: i mean which of our friends are going to side with us and which ones will side with jane

It’s a safe bet to think the New Wonderteam will side with Jane and the Original Flavor Wonderteam with Dave and Karkaroni. Calliope likely will stick with Roxy, so she’d be on Jane’s side. All the living trolls would go with Karkaroni, so...overall? It seems to me the advantage is clear. Dave is slightly less optimistic than me, but he does think they can get many on their side.

...okay, what happened to Jade? What kind of twisted scenario involved her to the point where neither Dave nor Karkaroni want to talk about her? I’m almost afraid of finding out.

So there are four kingdoms, if I understand this correctly: one for humans, one for trolls, one for...carapaces, I guess, and one for the consorts, which would be aaaaaall the silly reptiles and amphibians from Sburb.

Jake’s support will be pivotal, and since I’m already betting he’ll be on Jane’s side out of, you know, being friends with her for quite some time, it seems like she’ll have the edge there. Then again, it’s true Jake is fairly timid, so there’s also a chance he’ll refuse to take a side. I’m starting to think any sane person would stay the heck away from any side in this mess, honestly. These two haven’t even announced Karkaroni as a candidate yet I already kind of dread what’s coming. I don’t know, it’s just this...constant atmosphere that something’s pretty wrong. I don’t really like it.

During all this, Dave receives a call from Dirk, so he calls back to ask what’s going on. This page ends with Dirk abut to insinuate he needs Dave to cut his head off again. I see these two’s weird pseudofamilial relationship is as messed up as ever. Charming.

So, back to the more Homestuck-y stuff. John zaps back to the story, apparently he agreed with Rose what needed to be done. First he makes sure Aranea won’t be up to shenanigans, taking off that ring of life from her finger. Good! Then he stashes Gamzee into the fridge again. Good! Everything’s fine over here. John zaps to the next plot point.

Ah, I have to read just two paragraphs to know what moment is this. The conversation below confirms my thoughts. Wait, I have to get the image for this moment:

There we go. Boy was it a pain to find it now that the long outline list is gone.

I think in Homestuck they had noticed John hanging out above them, and this time they see three of them, one of the Johns being an adult version. That’s going to be difficult to explain. Questions are asked, and evil Jade is zapped away to maybe get ready for the fight against Lord English, hopefully she won’t still be evil when the time comes, even if she technically is against Lord English and wants him dead. John is here to talk with Dave, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dave was supposed to give the final blow with that sword with the Welsh name, so my guess is that John is here for that. Get ready, Dave, you’re going to fulfill the fate you didn’t want in the first place! But at least I’m fairly certain John will be more successful at this than evil Jade was.

Turns out I’m not wrong about why John is here. In fact, the narration even says this:

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being.

Pretty unfortunate, really. It sucks to be Dave.

As I said before, Jade is zapped away to parts unknown, and Dave is informed of how everyone was spending their lives as normal adults with no big problems and a fairly peaceful life. Clearly John left the present before Dave and Karkaroni started their political war against Jane. Oh well. Off you go, Dave, get ready for a fight with Lord English. In the meantime, John will gather the rest of the team.

You know, I’m starting to realize I had a lot more to say about Dave and Karkaroni’s new political adventures than about the more familiar Homestuck-y messing around John is doing with the plot. I guess it’s because, as strange as the other plotline is, it just has...a lot other stuff to comment about that hasn’t been present in Homestuck before? Hm.

Yup, Dirk immediately asks for his decapitation as a solution for the tremendous defeat he has suffered at Jake’s hands, defeat that shouldn’t have happened because, as Dave states, Jake is pretty awful at everything. Either the show is rigged or Dirk must have quite a lot in mind for him to not even make an effort.

Yep, it’s rigged. I hope Jake knows. That guy never had a break during the game, hopefully he’ll get a break now. Speaking of Jake, he has to take the brunt of entertaining everyone while Dirk takes the call in the middle of the show. Whatever he has to talk about must be somewhat urgent, if he felt like calling Dave in the middle of it.

This narration sure is calling attention to Jake’s ass a lot, I lost count of how many paragraphs include something about it. Hussie, is there something you’d like to share with the class? Last time I checked the story he didn’t seem particularly interested in Jake’s ass, or in...Jake in general, really.

It seems what Dirk is doing here is intentionally making himself the villain of this show, but it’s not because he’s throwing Jake a bone or anything. No, it turns out there are more sinister goals here, or at least they’re sinister for Dave and Karkaroni’s newfound political ambitions.

DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma.

DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital.

Sounds like they were planning Jane’s campaign for quite a while, if they went so far as to make Jake the hero of their show just for political capital. I bet that was the plan all along, right from the very first time this was broadcasted. How long ago was that, I wonder? But yeah, as Dave predicted, Dirk is fully on the Jane corner of this mess. He’s fully aware of Jane’s flaws and theoretical fascist/xenophobic tendencies, I presume, and he believes Jane’s the best for the current situation of the world. Whether he’s right or not...well...until proven otherwise I believe that too, yeah.

DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition.

DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place.

Won’t lie, that never crossed my mind at all. From the way Act 7 ended, and how happy the ending was supposed to be, I simply thought things were going to be just peachy. I’m interested in knowing just how exactly it’s a quite a dangerous and unstable place. Care to explain, Dirk?

Guess not. I hope he explains how he knew what Dave and Karkaroni are planning, then. They took this decision like ten minutes ago.

DIRK: I think your heart is in the right place, but the dude is a complete amateur.

DIRK: He’ll get eaten alive. I also have a hard time imagining he even wants the job.

DIRK: Really, it’s an awful idea for him to even run. Think about how much it’s going to inflame the interspecies tensions on this planet. Is that what you want?

DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly.

To be perfectly honest, other than the part about inflaming interspecies tensions on the planet, that was more or less what I thought. So far I agree. Even the part about inflaming interspecies tensions sounds plausible.

You know, it’s kind of fun both sides have a savvy Strider political operative. These two are more alike than Dave would like to admit, really.

The reason why Dirk is calling is because he wants to dissuade Karkaroni from running, even if he doesn’t say it. He admits Jake is not under Dirk’s beck and call, though. Does that really change anything? Dirk may not be on Jake’s good graces, but perhaps Jane is? Either way, this is a call to subtly dissuade and it’s not going to work because Karkat is stubborn as hell once he gets his head into something and he did. Tough luck.

The call is over, Dirk is back into the staged fray, so Jake thinks about Dirk’s capricious nature.

DIRK: Sorry for the momentary diversion, Jake. Now where were we?

JAKE: Momentary??? Gadzooks man you were on the phone for half a friggin hour!

JAKE: I know you like to get the crowd all hot and bothered but we are supposed to be professionals here!

...no wonder the crowd was starting to get so upset. Half an hour?! Just how slowly were the Striders talking?

Jake pulls out rhymes that honestly reminds me of Dave’s old rapping convos from like Act 1 or 2, peppered with old-timey sayings. It’s the kind of thing that makes me wonder how Jake is popular all over the planet. It’s said it’s out of pity, but goodness, that must be a metric ton of pity. The rap fight ends with Dirk sedating Jake to take another call. Geez, no wonder you’re not on his good graces anymore, Dirk.

Aaaanyway, back to John. He has gathered everyone back at his childhood home, ready to start the discussion on how to get rid of Lord English once and for all.

Jake is sort of ruining the mood anyway by bouncing away on your old Green Slime pogo. Doesn’t he realize how dangerous that thing is? Of course not. The fool.

To be frank that thing looked fun to me, even though I wouldn’t ride it without a helmet. John needs to appreciate more the painful playground elements in his life.

It’s nostalgic to read a convo with the kids. I hadn’t realized until now I missed Jade’s goofy mannerisms. Jade was always someone I was so fond of. Heck, all of the kids are people I’m fond of, although I’m less fond of Dirk and Jake than the rest. My opinion of Homestuck may not be as high as it once was, but the characters are something I still appreciate.

John answers a question: what happens to the people from the timelines they all left? Who knows. They may have stopped existing, which I’m sure is something they’d have liked to know before, but there’s nothing that can be done about that. Better start planning so they don’t die horribly and make nothing matter, alright.

The planning is mostly disorganized and structureless, although some common themes that often recur involve you and your original three friends leading the charge, since you are the oldest and wisest, and therefore the strongest, with the exception of Jade, whose gaudy array of powers make her the most formidable of the group, bar none. Aside from that, it appears the consensus is that the melee will likely devolve into an absolute free-for-all—at least going by the general patterns of incoherent banter, shit-talking, and points of pedantic tactical disagreement plaguing the jam session.

Sounds about right. I still think Jade would be very useful in the fight as long as she’s actually there and not...getting knocked out by mailwomen-turned-winged-dog. Maybe this time there’ll actually be something about the kids getting into a fight with Lord English. I’m not really going to hope for that too much, given how Hussie is not into catering to orderly narratives, but eh. No harm in dreaming.

The reunion ends when Jake eats dirt when he falls from the pogo, and in all this there wasn’t even a word about the plan. Not a good omen for the ‘show everyone fighting Lord English’ dream, really. The kids all talk together, some of them meeting each other for the first time, while John wistfully stares at Dad Egbert who is visible through the window.

The sun is hitting the glass in such a way that you can’t see his face.

Ah, yes, how could I forget the eternal sun that was in Dad’s vicinity all the time, that’s why his face always appeared mostly blank. That’s why the sun was right beside the Homestuck letter logo, it’s always there. Besides, if it’s a bad idea to go talk with Dad Hebert, may I ask why they’re all gathered in this yard, one week before the meteors strike? I know I’d be alarmed if I looked out of the window and saw seven hooligans and one adult hanging out in my yard.

There are other things to be wondering about, anyway, like the fact John may not be seeing these as real versions of his friends. Then again, in my opinion, he’s thinking a bit too hard about this. Of course he’d feel kind of detached, simply because of the age difference. That’s hard to overcome. Is it time to leave and go possibly die? Grab hands and hope it’ll go okay!

No, seriously, why am I taking like a page for John’s retconning and like three and half for Dave and Karkaroni’s Elect-a-Troll 20XX? Oh well. Dirk is still in the stadium, apparently their shows always ends in a riot, making me wonder how are they popular with people. Public disorder doesn’t really paint a good image of you. The caller is Rose, and she’s not feeling happy.

ROSE: The bottom line is this.

ROSE: I am ascending, and it is terrible.

Is Rose reaching Nirvana? How else am I supposed to interpret ‘ascending’? It’s not like she’s not a higher existence already, what with godhood and all.

What’s going on is that Rose is being plagued from visions and a higher awareness of her alternate selves’ lives and tribulations, giving her something close to omniscience when it’s about the universe, and Dirk is going through that too, which I suppose helps explain how he knew what Dave wanted to do. That’s what Dave will have to go against? Good luck to him.

I have to wonder if Dirk being such a stalwart Jane supporter is fueled by his recent omniscience. Maybe he knows something Dave and Karkaroni don’t, maybe the warning he gave them was something he foresaw. That aside, then he also must have known how useless it was to call Dave and that it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Having omniscience must seriously suck. At least Dirk has a way to work with his omniscience in a way that won’t wreck him apart, and I’m curious what it’s going to be. That said, though, a story about Dirk and Rose having foreseen a nasty future and working to stop it even at the cost of a few valuable friendships would be interesting. I’d read that.

Any conversation that will come from this will be at the studio later. I for one am looking forward to it, I admit. It’s an interesting topic, rich with possibilities and potential for development. It’s a shame these are epilogues, though. In the end, this will go nowhere, I imagine. Isn’t it a pity when you come across an idea or a plot that could span an entire story, but you know it’s not likely to come to fruition? Real shame, that.

I think I’ll stop for now. I have read only seven pages out of forty-three or so, but this should be enough for now. I can’t say I have been...enjoying this. I’m interested, but not really happy so far. Maybe it’s because a couple rather questionable things have come out of the blue and for the life of me I can’t make them fit with the characters or the story. Strange.

Also, something about the writing style is...off. It’s far more descriptive than Homestuck usually was. Most of the time it’s nice, other times I wonder if it was necessary. Still, I wonder where this will go, so at least the epilogues have that on its favor. Just for that, I think liveblogging it will be worth it.

Still, these epilogues are non-canon, aren’t they? If they’re canon can you please tell me that? Thanks, readers! So, for the time being, this update ends here.

Next update: next time