#also you're two cis white women can you not talk like you're The Voices Of All Women

[llycaons]

someone liking the ehr podcast posts I've made reminded me how pissed off those women make me because they'll confidently say 'all religions are cults' in one episode then get all upset over mormonism being described as a cult in another because 'ohhh that's PERSONAL we GREW UP with that it's our FAMILY' look lady you can't have it both ways

[tdicksupreme]

i'm v happy to discuss my partial & conditional male privilege as a trans guy. my frustration is that people are never asking this question in good faith.

by good faith i mean genuine curiosity and expansion of our shared understandings as people: these discussions never seem to be about how my experience can help illuminate the oppression of being a woman or what that consists of, where the line is, what our lived experiences are like. i have never seen people ask/assert "trans men have male privilege" in ways that weren't v obviously trying to give people permission to not think about us. trans men have male privilege i'd argue can be partially true, depending on contexts, but it should be pretty blatantly bad-faith that such a complex topic is treated as a settled issue.

we have male privilege, it's settled, that's it, and you never have to think about effeminate trans men, flamboyant gay trans men, the complexities of how we move through the world, what it means (in my case, for example) to be a guy who's generally seen as a guy, but has not had top or bottom surgery, has long hair, & what that means for how i get treated in different contexts.

what are we talking about? the privilege to not be seen/treated as a woman on sight? reproductive freedoms? respect in the workplace? economic security? etc.?- so many trans guys, even guys who have passed for quite some time, never experience so many of these things, and instead of having genuine curiosity about our unique experiences you want to slot us all categorically into the cis-het-white-man box so you don't need to think of us as people who can ever have power leveraged against us

people seem to have two settings, either "trans men are women and don't know what it's like to be a guy" or "trans men are cis men and never experience their own unique challenges," even though i think it's pretty obvious that we have a mixed/complicated gender experience simply by virtue of being trans

and every tguy i've ever seen say "i have male privilege all of the time" never brings up all the things he had to do to get & retain patriarchal power. having- idk, been a guy, it's so fucking disingenous to pretend like being a man doesn't involve a performance of ten thousand different choices & behaviors to make sure other guys continue seeing you as a dude. it's not just "having facial hair" or w/e, and if that's what you think then you are literally by definition a transmisogynist lmao. it's the high-and-tight haircut, the gym shirt, the workouts you did to build those arms, the ways you learned to socialize with straight-acting men so they feel comfortable, the things you don't express & feminine mannerisms you stopped using because it would get you clocked. IMO, participating in sexism is a system men participate in so they don't become targets of it.

like, insisting trans guys universally attain male privilege isn't an innocent statement, it's one that in my experience gives dudes a skewed idea of their own safety. what do you think happens when i have a scruff, deep voice, and people realize my boobs are not cis guy moobs? why do so many people think that i'm seen unilaterally as a cis straight man, rather than a mostly-man sort-of-woman you're allowed to condescend to & also physically fight?

[queercapwriting]

hey :) i fully appreciate you're busy and closed the prompts and all so please don't worry about writing this but i really like the idea of adrian reassuring a younger trans kid who's struggling with accepting themselves that they're valid and maybe sanvers walk in and give their two cents idk i'm just having a really rough time and yeah sorry

He’s had a key to Maggie’s apartment since he and his parents moved to the other side of the city and he needed a place to crash closer to his job after school when he was on the graveyard shift.

He uses it frequently enough, but less so now that he spends most of his time off at college in Star City.

But he’s used it tonight, because she needed a place to go, a place to just breathe, a place to be alone with only good people, only safe people, and Maggie’s apartment was perfect for the job.

He sent her a quick text to let her know he was over, because while he’d gotten fairly used to being over when Alex and Maggie got home, kissing and taking turns slamming each other into the front door before realizing he was there, he didn’t think that’s what Kaylee needs tonight.

Because Kaylee was only fourteen and she’d called him in a panic and he’d skipped biology lecture to drive all the way home, home to his old high school, because Kaylee was a freshmen and she knew – like all the other queer kids in the school – that they could always call Adrian when they needed anything.

And Kaylee had been misgendered three separate times by three separate people today, and a couple of other girls had snickered when she walked out of the gender-neutral restroom that Adrian had gotten at the school a couple years ago, and she needed him, needed him, needed him.

“I’m sorry, Adrian, you didn’t have to drive all this way, I wouldn’t have called if I thought you’d – “

“What, you wouldn’t’ve called if you thought I’d give a shit about what you’re going through? Pretty sure that’s actually literally the reason you called me, girl.”

Kaylee smiles through her wet eyes at that, and she sits up a little straighter. Adrian holds her closer to him and waits, waits, because she’s spilled all about her day but hasn’t yet started to use feelings words, and he’s had this talk, this cry, himself, enough times with Maggie to know those were next.

“I just…” She wipes her tears and he nods, gives her a small smile. She puts her hand up to his face and pauses, and he nods again, a bigger smile now. She touches his stubble and grins through her tears.

“It was a pipedream when I was your age, honey.”

“I just feel like I’m never gonna get to where you’re at. Like… like, people are always just gonna see me as a guy in a dress, and what if like, what if I’m just gay, what if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing? So what if I have to wear a collared shirt when my mom wants to take me to a thing, right, I mean girls wear collared shirts – “

“But babygirl, when cis girls wear collared shirts, ain’t nobody trying to tell them they’re not legit women like the fuckers are trying to tell you.” He stops, bites the inside of his cheek, and sighs. “Butch women aside for a second, bless them.”

Kaylee smiles and nods softly and sighs into his chest, his binder stiff under his shirt.

“You gonna get surgery soon?”

Adrian grins and nods, still waiting.

“It’s just long. Every day. Every day at school and every night with my parents and all those stupid times in between when I’m just trying to be in the library or go bowling or some shit and everybody needs to stare and try to figure me out, and my parents won’t let me get pills or even patches and my voice is starting to drop and it makes me want to just never say anything, not in school, because it’s just my body proving that I’m not real, that I’m just never… never gonna… I just… Adrian, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you should be in class, I just… I’m sorry…”

“Shhh, no, babygirl, no no no.” He gathers her into his arms and smooths her hair away from her forehead and he smiles softly down at her. “Kaylee. You are so fucking beautiful, you know that? Even with all that snot you got going on,” he teases as he offers his sleeve. “High school’s not gonna last forever, hun. I mean, it feels like it will, especially when you’re just starting out. But I promise you, you’re just as tough as you are gorgeous, and you’re gonna get through it. And then life doesn’t get better, not automatically, that’s some rich cis white guy bullshit, but you’re not by yourself, Kaylee. You’ve got me, you’ve got the rest of Spectrum at school; Ms. Macguire’ll fuck anyone up if you tell her about what happened today, she’s good people. And Detective Sawyer – “

He gestures all around them, at the apartment littered with evidence of two women living and loving together. “She’s got your back, just like she had – still has – mine. The world’s shit, Kaylee, but you? You’re a princess. Nah, better, you’re a motherfucking queen. You gotta know that you’re perfect, just like you are, even – maybe especially – on days like today when the whole universe tries to make you forget. Okay? You’re perfect, Kaylee, and you’re gorgeous, and you are a beautiful young woman, no matter what motherfuckers try to tell you. You get me?”

Kaylee nods and sighs and jumps as the front door opens, as Maggie and Alex appear in the threshold with two large pies and a six pack of root beer.

“I heard we have a beautiful lady joining us for dinner tonight,” Maggie announces, her eyes falling on Kaylee as she beams, and Kaylee blushes, hard, at being addressed like this, at being validated like this, by a grownup – by a police officer – that she’s never met.

“I’m sorry to crash your place, Detective Sawyer,” she says, and she starts to get up to shake her hand, but Maggie waves her down.

“Sit, relax. Ally, baby, you wanna give the kids their pizza, I’ve gotta pee like you can’t believe.” Maggie winks at a giggling Kaylee and kisses Adrian on the cheek briefly as she strides past him to the bathroom.

Alex stares after her for a moment before also kissing Adrian and offering a hug to Kaylee.

“I’m Alex, Maggie’s girlfriend.”

Kaylee blushes again. “Well, I figured, otherwise Detective Sawyer’d be bringing home some other woman and from what Adrian tells me, I don’t think she’d do that.”

Alex laughs heartily and Maggie shouts from the bathroom, “Damn right I wouldn’t, Alex is with the FBI, she’d kill me and the poor girl before I even got the chance!”

“Oh please, Maggie, don’t be fronting like you’re a player, Alex’s got you in the palm of her hand.”

Alex smirks and preens and high fives Adrian as Maggie mutters something incoherent from the bathroom and Kaylee watches it all with tears in her eyes, tears because is this really what she can have, one day? Is this really what she can be part of, even now?

“Rough day, sweetheart?” Alex asks as she doles out pizza, remembering when Kara was her age, remembering when she was her age.

Kaylee nods and looks at Adrian so she doesn’t have to tell it again.

“She got misgendered and laughed at a bunch. Sometimes it happens randomly, you know, and sometimes it’s like all at once and you just can’t, you know? Today was one of those all at once days,” Adrian explains quietly as Kaylee bites into her pizza and lets Alex hold her hand gratefully.

“I’m sorry, beautiful,” Maggie says as she slips back into the living room, kneeling in front of Kaylee like she does in front of Adrian when he’s got a similarly dejected, defeated look on his face.

“We’ve never met, right, but you wanna know what I see when I look at you?” Maggie asks, and Kaylee nods with wide eyes and frozen fingers.

“I see a beautiful, brave young girl who’s not in the place right now that she’s gonna be in forever. I see a massive science geek, because only the geekiest of us let the iodine stain our fingers like that so that everyone knows exactly how much we love bio lab. I see a young woman confident enough to wear circle glasses in a world that still associates them with either John Lennon or Harry Potter. I see a girl who is perfect, exactly as she is, and who’s only gonna keep getting more perfect as time goes on, if she just sticks with it, keeps being herself, because the girl I see in front of me? The girl I see in front of me is absolutely amazing. And for the record, I’m talking about you, Kaylee, not my girlfriend, whose glasses are distinctly rectangular.”

Kaylee laughs and Kaylee cries and Kaylee lets herself fall into Maggie’s arms because Adrian is like a grownup to her and Adrian will always be her queer parent, but maybe she can have more than one.

Pizza and root beer and queer parents all night?

Maybe she can get through school tomorrow, after all.