#also you know how i mentioned that there are people who act like ashton is the only smart member of bell's hells because of their bluntness

[cringefaecompilation]

I always wondered how people can take the meta of this user serious, when 99% of the character meta is about characters they say they don't like and 1% is meta about "fave" characters......

it's so odd since they don't even seem to be having a good time. all they do is talk about how much imogen sucks and how she's going to turn evil and how much she hates the male* characters and makes fun of them for being traumatized (i've seen some "female characters only" cr fans do that, but not imogen herself) because they're still sour about fandom reaction to campaign 2. all of their complaints about imogen are just thinly veiled complaining about the fandom. they think drawing her with glasses is traumatizing to laura bailey because some jerks bullied her for her jester art choices. clearly the second campaign truck a chord with them and they have never gotten over it.

if you are angry about the fandom of something you liked tainting it for you and do not like the sequel... have you considered just... going into another series and leaving this one behind? maybe talk about stuff you actually like instead of complaining about the characters until the cast says things that you want to hear?

*and ashton and fcg. though i have not seen one single person who loves imogen hate on fcg myself, statistically i guess there'd have to be at least one.

[utilitycaster]

@thmtrnfrvns replied to your post “ok so I was wrong about The Emissary and the...”:

didn't matt say that if you popped the bubbles those people turned to dust? Like the bubbles are the only thing preserving them? I might be totally wrong but I keep seeing this question being asked so I'm confused

​He hasn't, and I actually want to cover this. The lore has thus far been noncommittal, both from an out of world perspective (ie, the EGTW, for which this serves as a potential plot hook should people wish to explore it) and in-world (ie, in the canon of Exandria from the main campaigns and other canonical works such as The Nine Eyes of Lucien). We don't know if it's possible; we also very much don't know that it's impossible.

Which is what I want to talk about, because it's weird to me that this idea spread so much within the fandom - that the bubbles are an outright lost cause. I mentioned it before, but the argument the gods should be destroyed (even from behind the Divine Gate) in some sort of retribution for Aeor barely holds up as is; it certainly won't bring back Aeor, and the Divine Gate serves to hold back the gods already so destroying it only in order to kill them is purely an act of vengeance. But it really falls apart if there could be survivors of Aeor.

It's very easy to hold yourself up as the champion for people who cannot speak. They can't contradict you; you can say their motivations and desires are whatever you want. This is something explored in modern political thought, both in the many critiques of the anti-abortion movement (fetuses are fundamentally agency-less things) and in, for example, Dara Horn's People Love Dead Jews. Obviously this is true for any fictional character - none of them can respond to their advocates directly - but especially one who can't even in canon speak on their own behalf. If you say that Ashton would be on Ludinus's side, Ashton might, within the narrative, prove you wrong; but if you say the Aeorians would be, well, who knows. They're dead. Unless they're not. Bringing back anyone from the stasis bubbles fucks over that argument twice: now there are survivors, and those survivors can speak. (Worth noting that the two Aeormatons we've seen in C3 directly have not been in Ludinus's favor, and that his generals at least had no vested interest in sparing the Aeormaton they knew about; this isn't about the people of Aeor or what was lost, it's about pointing at corpses and saying they'd have your back if only they weren't dead.)

This a pattern for the people making arguments in Ludinus's favor. They invoke the titans (dead long before the narrative, and the person who killed the last two of them was Laerryn Coramar-Seelie, whom they don't seem to condemn for it, and they never really talk about what life for the titans must have been. It's not about the titans). They invoke FCG (dead, and they didn't really like them much when they were alive because of, you know, the whole faith in a deity thing, but now that he's dead they can pretend he's a mouthpiece for them. It's not about FCG, or Aeormatons, or Aeor.) They tried invoking the characters who were vaguely critical of the gods in the past but didn't have the lore to back it up and those characters (Keyleth, Essek, Percy) have all sided very clearly with the Accord, so now they stick only to people who can't weigh in and disprove the point. They make up hypotheticals about Bor'Dor and Petrov, the former of which is, again, dead, and the latter of which is a minor NPC with but a slim chance of appearing again whether he lives or dies and both of whom are equally representative of how the Vanguard preys on disaffected young people and chews them up and destroys them while telling them it's for the best, and ignore the many, many living who have been irrevocably harmed by the Vanguard.

It might end up being true that the stasis bubbles are a dead end, and I think it's pretty likely they won't get explored in-game, but if someone says they're absolutely a dead end - especially when Ludinus is going to invoke the fall of Aeor - it's worth exploring why they're saying that. Are they just misinformed (in which case you should still examine their argument, for, you know, not knowing the source material sufficiently well to craft accurate premises from which to argue)? Or would even acknowledging the possibility that they're not a lost cause destroy their argument?

[exhaustedwerewolf]

still slowly catching up on cr3 and it’s making me so sad that after ashton reunites with the group in e45 they mention being interrogated not once but twice, including more specifically:

“The next thing I know, we were unconscious, tied up in the kitchen, and there was some interrogation on their end, not ours… They were starting to ask me about who I was and what was happening and what was going on and there was some punching, which I'm fine with, but.”

like. I know ashton tends to get squirrely about anything they perceive as pity but christ, guys. are we really just going to skim over that? being tied to a chair and beaten for information (alone) is very different to being on your feet in a (group) fight. talisein’s acting here absolutely betrays ashton feels unsettled and vulnerable and is trying to hide it but also seems to be looking for cues from the rest of the group to how they should respond. I feel like this is a pattern w/ BH and ashton specifically, like when they got impaled on the skyship and the group firstly didn’t notice, and then after they’d removed the debris, let him walk away by himself and (unbeknownst to them) collapse on the floor by the bed. there’s also that conversation ashton has with fearne (can’t remember the ep or exact quotes to find the transcript) where she mentions she wasn’t “really watching” them get the shit kicked out of them at the party and he’s surprised himself by how much it hurts to hear that. they think it’s their job to take pain for the group which is upsetting enough, especially from a character already in chronic pain, but what makes it “worth it” for ashton is other people acknowledging it, which is also fucked up, but BH also aren’t doing that, and neither are they hitting pause and going “woah, hey, are you actually okay?” and giving ashton permission to actually check in with themselves and/or admit they’re not.

[dadrielle]

I’m not worried about Imogen.

It’s probably no surprise that I think that expecting Imogen to go evil at this point, or even to consider it, is a misread of her character. I think there’s something very much missing from conversations that try to parse where she’s at, what her questioning of the worth of the gods means, through a lens of a fight the Vanguard/join the Vanguard binary. It’s actually incredibly strange to me not to see this mentioned more since it is like, one of the cornerstones of Imogen’s arc.

Because the one thing Imogen’s mother has always told her is to run.

That’s been a through line of Imogen’s whole journey through her powers; she started getting answers when she stopped running from the storm, stopped listening to her mother.  But before that? She ran in every dream. And as a highly anxious character, she’s also prone to getting too caught up in spiraling what-ifs to the point of not being decisive. So if we want to keep it simple, the question, I think, isn’t Oppose/Join; it’s Fight/Flight/Freeze. I think that’s the real temptation here for Imogen - not to JOIN the Verity, but to do as her mother has always told her, and run from this. From the responsibility of making the choice, from the pain of opposing her mother, from the fear of fighting Otohan again. If losing the gods isn’t THAT bad, then maybe she could live with inaction. We all know that the idea of the Hells as a party of NPCs is one the cast likes, and while Imogen is definitely less that in terms of story beats, a key thing is that she wants to be one. The freedom her mother showed her as a temptation was the freedom from her powers, yeah, but even more from being someone who is fate touched. It’s the freedom not to have to choose (which of course isn’t a freedom at all).

That’s part of why Imogen’s talk with Laudna is so damn important. Laudna, beyond recognizing how Imogen thinks and needs to talk things out - which, don’t get me wrong, that is SO SO IMPORTANT as well, and I could wax poetic on it for days - recognizes where Imogen’s struggle really lies. Laudna hammers on choice, not just because she wants Imogen to know that she supports her and trusts her, but because she knows that the real temptation here for Imogen is to run, to abdicate the choice. That’s the real power she’d give up, that’s why she says “don’t let them get in your head and make you think otherwise” specifically about choice, rather than anything about the character of the Vanguard’s mission. Laudna reminds her you always have a choice, and that that is a gift, that is real freedom.

I understand why people want to talk about Evil Imogen. It’s super dramatic. And I think we might have gotten it if dealing with Delilah was the only way to get Laudna back. But I also think that time’s past, and stuffing her reactions to her mother being a true believer in the cult into that mold requires either ignoring a lot of what Imogen has said or done throughout canon, or operating with an assumption that she is always lying about everything. And look, I think it’s important to note that every time the Vanguard has come up in any capacity, Imogen has reiterated her opposition to Ludinus et al and their methods. She’s done that immediately every time, it just gets forgotten because it isn’t an impressive speech on their morality like, say, Ashton’s. It’s easy to remember those speeches and think they must have been dunks on her, that she was arguing with them, but that’s simply not what happened.

The first time she showed any kind of sympathy for the Ruby Vanguard’s anti-god sentiment, it was simply because she felt bad about the idea of murdering Tuldus, because he had been abused in the name of piety. And so she….turned him over to the Verity to be further interrogated instead - not exactly a pro-vanguard action. When she spoke with Ludinus not long after they had discussed her potentially acting as a mole, she was demonstrably lying her ass off - saying her mother had been asking her to join them - so to take any comment from her about possibly joining them or being sympathetic as proof of a potential defection ignores the context. And when Ludinus left, she almost immediately said “we have to stop him, I have to find my mother.” Up until the point her mother pushes a vision with feeling into her brain, she was working on the assumption that her mother was caught up in something she felt trapped by, something she didn’t believe in - and she just wanted to get her out. And that vision pushed into her brain - immediately after she blurt out “what if it’s not that bad, what if we’re just fighting change-” Orym snaps her out of it, and she apologizes, says it was just overwhelming, that she wanted to see this through. She says Predathos is selfish, it just wants to eat. Nothing, nothing she says absolves the Vanguard of any crime, or indicates support for them.

You don’t have to care about the gods to oppose the Vanguard. Most of the other Hells don’t care much about the gods, either. I think Imogen’s word choice is interesting too, and feeds into my point. What if they’re just fighting change? She swears she wants to see this through. She asks Laudna if they want to do this. Those phrases to me imply that she’s wondering if they should just bow out of the fight, not swap sides. Those are phrases about whether or not to abort an action in motion, not to do an about face.

And I think it makes sense for Orym and Fearne to be misreading this struggle, too, because they are both people of action. Fearne’s action is more impulse,yeah, but it’s still action. And Orym is the man of duty, who doesn’t think of himself as a big player but can’t even really conceive of not answering the call to make heroic choices. He’s been steadfast in working towards a goal, and taking down these people who took his family from him is that goal. I don’t think in this moment he can quite conceptualize that running might be an option for any of them.

Imogen’s talk with Orym wasn’t about the gods. It was about what Orym fights for, and whether it’s still worth it. Imogen’s talk with Laudna wasn’t about the goodness or usefulness of the gods, it was about choice, and wanting a future. That’s significant. Imogen needed to crystalize why she should fight rather than run, to solidify her convictions so she won’t freeze.

I also think there are actually 3 key things that happened for Imogen in episode 49 that will keep her from running or freezing. Her talks with Orym and Laudna, obviously, but also? The fact that Keyleth is coming. Because up until Keyleth told them she was coming with the calvary? The choice wasn’t just between loosing Predathos, or ignoring it, or stopping it - it was also a choice between martyrdom and possible survival. Until that point, it had the makings of a suicide mission. 7 slapdicks and an untrustworthy Fey against an army, with a big clock hanging over their heads? When the cause is protecting gods you don’t much care about, and you don’t know for sure it will even result in anything that will hurt the people you care about? That will muck up the calculus real quick if you’re not keen to die. But now “It feels hopeful.” They don’t have to be martyrs, just part of the fight. Removing almost certain death takes some of the weight off the decision.

So I don’t think, personally, that there is any chance now of Imogen running, unless hope seems lost and that’s all they can do. I don't think there was ever a real chance of her turning. She might still freeze, when confronted with her mother as an enemy, but I think that’s lessened exponentially as well, thanks to Laudna. Hell, I’m not even real worried about Imogen getting charmed into fighting the other Hells because her psychic defenses gives her advantage on those kinds of wisdom saves. I’m not worried about Imogen. Go get ‘em girl. They don’t control you. You are the storm.

[lashton-is-my-drug]

ok so i don’t even know how i stumbled upon your page but i’m a relatively new fan to the 5sos family and i don’t really ship any of the boys buttt i read some of your posts and i can kinda believe lashton. so my first question for you is, do you ship malum and if lashton weren’t real, what other ship would you believe? also, i saw you mentioned them being managed by modest, and as a larry from the 1d fandom, i know all about them. i was wondering if you could explain more on that. thank you!!

First off, Hi and Welcome! Always nice to meet new people! haha

I also love to discuss and answer questions, so thank you for your good questions!

If you keep scrolling around and clicking through my hashtags you should eventually find my masterposts, lyrics analysis of a handful of songs, etc etc, and theres the matching rings of only Luke and Ash of which neither have ever worn with any other members, there's only been the brotherhood necklaces. When I first looking into them I let myself remain really really cynical until I started seeing that there were ongoing things, one after the other, that was different than was going on with the other guys. Yes, they're a brotherhood of soulmates but Luke and Ash have this added layer of treating each other. Any particular questions you're not finding an answer to even after looking through my blog, just let me know.

I don't like to refer to my beliefs as shipping, as I see that they're individually closeted, and then there's the added layer of their closeted relationship. The "shipping" that has gone on is what has muddied the waters of people being affectionate and friends vs affectionate and lovers. Vastly different, as you know the same with Larry, and the other closeted relationships that are in 1D. So, therefore, I don't believe any of the other pairings with Luke or Ash have any sort of romantic validity. Could they have experimented or whatever? Sure, none of us would know. But from the evidences, there's nothing to back that up. Cal and Michael knew each other since 2nd? grade, so they've had lots of time to be really bonded and how they've acted with each other has evidences of being boyfriends along the way. No idea if thats currently going on though. I have suspicions of Cal possibly being with Roy (longtime fellow musical artist friend), who lived with him during lockdown. But I won't get into their whole story right now. Thats a lot to cover.

Luke and Ashton are my faves and who I tend to focus on 98% of the time. So regarding Michael/Cal, I'll answer questions in DM if you're really that interested.

They were managed by Modest right out of Australia back when they first started. I'm about to very shortly post a timeline of Lashton and I'm planning to post a relationship of modest/5sos throughout the years. Think of all the tactics that have been used of modest towards the 1D boys, 5sos has a vast amount of the same things. Lots and lots of stunts/bearding (which I could post a lot more about but I try to keep that negative stuff away but I will talk abut should it be something thats specifically asked or is particularly relevant), being overworked, tabloid narratives including trying to force narratives of what/who songs are about (thankfully the boys have fought to control that as much as they are able to). Is there anything specific you're wondering about regarding this topic? Yes, they were treated like crap with them. So much so that during their 10 Year anniversary podcast where they recounted their career, year by year, they never said their name. Not once. They also weirdly left out the story how Luke and Ash actually met, which they've fondly told a handful of times before... it was kinda just breezed past (Wasn't part of the bands story? 🤔 )

Not sure what else to include so I'll stop here. haha

[faefoundmoon]

pov: ur a punk rock with trust issues - playlist

A collection of songs from my Ashton Greymoore playlist along with my reasonings behind each one! Keep reading below the cut :]

I Can’t Handle Change: Ashton doesn’t feel like they belong with Bells Hells, hence the first line “Hangin' out where I don't belong”. He thinks they’re better people than him and that he doesn’t fit in with people who are so undamaged (of course, they are damaged. Ashton is just too clouded by their own pain to acknowledge it). “I can’t handle change” alludes to their fear of opening up and trusting people again after keeping their walls up for so long. “Nothing I do is ever good enough”. After being left behind by people you consider family, I’d have a hard time believing that he doesn’t blame himself for not being “good enough” to save.

I’m Gonna Win: The chorus of this song is VERY Ashton. I think the phrase “I’m gonna win” in the context of Ashton isn’t so much a pursuit of victory so much as the pursuit of survival. The strategy they’re using to make it through life is a really tragic one. It’s a single-minded focus of trying to survive and doing it all alone. They’ve made it this far. Why would they ask for help now? The imagery of the singer refusing to give up until they’re “bloody and bruised” and have “broken [their] bones” is brutal, and it shows how tough Ashton thinks he needs to be in order to make it.

Problems: “I am a sinner, you are a saint.” Once again, Ashton is comparing himself to the rest of Bells Hells and saying that he is so much worse than they are. The lines comparing chains and cages to love allude to the narrator’s commitment issues, and as we know Ashton “I don’t do friends” Greymoore is certainly someone who avoids commitment.

Trying Too Hard: This song highlights the softer side of Ashton. I interpret the lyrics as Ashton speaking to themself or to someone who they think is similar to them. The lines “You never knew that acts could be too loud. What does it mean to be picked out in a crowd?” stands out to me as Ashton feeling fear over being known, as well as fear that his actions both good and bad mean something to someone now. There is a responsibility that comes with being loved, and it’s scary.

Take a Slice: This is the only song in this particular list of songs that I chose off of pure vibes alone. The theme of sensuality and lust doesn’t have much to do with Ashton, although there are references to alternative culture throughout. But yeah, the main reason I chose this song is because of the gritty and dangerous tone.

Everybody Knows Shit’s Fucked: A political song about anti-Americanism, but putting the literal meaning of the lyrics aside, the energy screams Ashton to me. The unbridled fury and outrage towards a corrupt system is very punk. As is cursing, and there’s a lot of it here.

Heart of Glass: Yes, I took this one from the official Ashton playlist, sue me. It’s a good one! As Taliesin mentioned in his own reasoning for picking this song, it is very literal. Although he did swear it has a deeper meaning. I wonder what that is?

Blood and Money: An anti-capitalism song calling out the American upper class for shamelessly using the lower class to fight their wars and make their money. Much like Everybody Knows Shit’s Fucked, the literal lyrics are less important than the energy here. Also a fun coincidence: the colors that the lyrics use to describe blood and money are also Ashton’s color palette- “red, gold, and green”.

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 61-69

the existence of Colonel Sassacre is 1 of the more bizarre parts of early Homestuck. I guess 1 day Hussie really wanted to do a riff on Mark Twain of all people, except he’s some prankster god with a wizard hat.

yeah I don’t get Hussie’s thought processes a lot of times.

the text itself is kinda amusing, old English fuckery about japing people with “The Creepy-Crawlies” because you just really hate your aunt or some “gent” who-

wait what does that say?

listless- OH! that’s a slur! hi everybody!

Did You Know? Homestuck Has Slurs.

the uh... “discourse”???? around slurs in Homestuck sure is something because people like to fight tooth and nail for their existence in the comic, but in a way that is simply... odd.

most of these shitfests about derogatory language in media involve people who publicly advertise how fucking Cool they are because they Like Things That Are Offensive complaining about how the Liberal SJW Snowflake Democrat Tumblrite Triggered Buzzword Buzzwords are mad at words so they will Cancel Culture the media and they should something something Grow A Spine Man Up Go To The Real World something something.

but in Homestuck’s case you’ll have fans who really want to defend the slur usage as some sort of fight to preserve the work. the discussion of how Homestuck is preserved is a good one, but like

the slurs????

what are you losing with the slurs????????

sure, the language, much like anything else in the comic, is a part of this period piece the work exists as, a very much at the time sort of thing. it’s the late 2000s, Hussie hangs out in forums with edgelords, they’re also Some White Guy who grew up in The Slurs Part of America.

Homestuck Made This World actually goes into this pretty well:

Michael: Old internet history, there's a lot of bad and offensive stuff in there, and some of that comes through into the comic.

CMRN: It was mainstream humor, that's what's kinda weird about it, and that's something that's easy to forget now, right? Y'know there was a popular film in the early 2000s where Johnny Knoxville cons his way into the Special Olympics, and every prank TV show from Jackass to The Jamie Kennedy Experiment, everyone remembers that, people get into X, to uh-  Gosh, what was the Ashton Kutcher one?

Michael: Uh, Punk'd.

CMRN: Uh, yeah, trucker hat, you're right. And that, right? So there was this kind of like general, just like, extremely virulent anti-disability, you know anti-disabled people, element to humor, which I don't really know that was such a prominent thing. Maybe it was at the point where, you know for example, certain forms of race based humor just didn't play anymore, so mainstream comedy had to find a place where it was acceptable to, you know, hate certain people essentially? I don't quite know one or another, but I actually associate Hussie quite often, of course the R-word was used constantly and regularly by basically everyone, I mean it was a huge kind of corner stone of both internet and real world meatspace culture. But for whatever reason, I have this, in mind, Hussie relationship to particularly that form of humor.

Michael: We are going to see what happens when the internet specifically drifts away from this, or not even drifts away, that's putting it too softly. Internet culture, sort of fan culture, is going to pivot away from that type of humor pretty hard. And we can so those tensions bubble up into the comic when we get to those points. Cause of course, you mention, you know, the R-word, it's used, not liberally, but regularly I think throughout kind of the opening acts of Homestuck. And it's one of those things that really jumps out to me looking back, because it did not jump out at me in 2008-2009, right?

CMRN: Yeah.

Michael: Like, I am not free from this, I was never like, y'know, above all of this. I too am a product of culture, and it is bizarre to kind of go back and notice things like that and be like "Oh yeah, we were just like, dropping that, and that was kind of messed up!"

CMRN: Yeah, I think one thing that is important is to even have like a short historical kind of memory about this kind of thing, because yeah, like I was just saying. The R-word and making fun of people with intellectual disabilities, just broadly, was a corner stone of comedy, I would say that maybe one third of jokes, period, from stand up to- I mean, this is obviously a little bit of hyperbole, it's not straight up a third, but if you look at sketch comedy from the time, from its mainstream to whatever obscure, you're gonna find a huge amount of that, that's a massive part of it. And it was just part of our comedy culture, I mean, that's a historical reality, and it's a historical reality that we live through. And I guess the beneficial thing, or the good thing, obviously there is no good thing about doing that, but the good thing of living in the moment that we do now, is that we seem to have, as a culture, completely gotten rid of that, or at least in parts of culture who were not interested in just trolling other people and purposefully offending other people. I think for the most part everyone, or people were in involved in cultural production have realized "Yeah that was- that was pretty bad. Like, why are we engaging in that." And that's heartening. But yeah, it was just a part of it. And I agree, while reading this kind of section that we read for episode one, it really sticks out when it shows up. But also, if you're reading Homestuck and you're like "Ah, that's kind of a bummer that that's showing up." Or "That's awful that that's showing up." The way it's just peppered in and used normally in conversation is the way it was used in 2008-2009 by many many people, obviously not everyone, obviously some people realized how bad that was, but I would say the majority of conversation. Certainly the people I went to high school with, and even when I was in college was when this was kind of moving out, and certainly when I got to college is when I was like "Oh, this, you shouldn't say this. This is bad."

but many arguments about how humor and language was back in that context is often used to absolve Hussie from any sort of blame. they didn’t mean to do it, it just seemed fun! what’s a little slur usage between online besties? however, you see, not everyone who lived in the 2000s was a massive bigot and/or liked dropping slurs. I can tell you that because I was there and I was not racist, actually. at the same time as 4chan and Something Awful users were spewing whatever you could find in the depths of the Wikipedia page for every racial slur in existence, you’d have high school to college campaigns, TV PSAs, informative pamphlets, and whatnot yelling in your face that you should probably not say slurs because slurs are kind of bad. it was “acceptable” in some areas to throw around an r-word, but there was certainly a pushback.

it’s not even like Hussie just suddenly stopped using these words afterwards, because they gladly repeat the r-word a million different times in a paragraph of commentary for Act 2 in its Topatoco book print, which was published in 2012.

I'd paste the entire thing word for word but:

I am not really comfortable considering how bad this gets.

it’d be easier to have the original panel itself for context.

so here’s a screencap instead:

bare in mind this was kept for the reprint by Viz Media in Book 1.

in other words, no, Hussie was not an innocent victim of the Big Internet Hivemind that decided that people should say slurs as a form of greeting, they were a human being who made a conscious choice to add these words to their work.

they don’t add anything, they’re only in the comic because that’s how Hussie spoke at the time and for some reason they couldn’t keep them out of their mouth.

and I’m serious on that last bit because some are thrown around from Rose and in the narration of Jade’s perspective and... no... they wouldn’t say that.

the goth girl who tries her hardest to look highbrow and the ray of sunshine herself would never utter such foul language that’s literally just Hussie speaking through them.

Dave would totally though he’s just that kind of guy.

on the other side of the coin I’ve seen fans recommend new readers to download the Homestuck Slur Replacement Project mod to make the experience more comfortable, that’s good.

but also a lot of them act like it’s just the slurs that make the comic a hard sell in terms of controversy, and

buddy,

there’s still a lot of fucking weird shit. the entire work is not suddenly completely accessible because you get rid of a bunch of r-words and an f-word. we’ve all seen the fucking content warnings people make for new readers, this comic is fucked.

what is a new reader gonna think when they go through the comic thinking nothing worse than some slurs will pop up and then this guy makes a grand fucking entrance.

yes I am singling Kankri out, fuck him.

but then, flipping back to the side I was originally talking about, I’ve seen those who decide that mods such as the Slur Replacement Project are cardinal fucking sins against Homestuck itself. and

why???

what does it matter that someone’s personal copy of Homestuck is slightly edited???

again, really interesting stuff could be discussed about how Homestuck was being consumed at the time and how it should be consumed now, but this is just petty.

basically in summary uhhh this video:

[winderlylandchime]

The fact that he kind of dreamt your future fic is making me laugh so hard. He really is an idiot by day and a psychic by night. This also now made me excited for your future fic, can’t wait for when that comes around. I might fuck around and actually do give him fics to read ngl.

Also yes! When we first started watching the show, he did think that Gale looked a little bit like Ashton and it was the funniest thing ever to me. He did only talk about it in the pilot though. Btw I am so tempted to later on give him Gale’s out of the box interview to watch. He was asking me yesterday about the actors and if they still act and where are they and I didn’t answer because well, one of them abandoned his podcast so i don’t know what he’s up to and the other one we dont even know if he’s still alive since theres been no new photos. I do wonder how he will react when he finds out Gale is straight though because he mentioned to my neighbor and i did get the feeling that he thinks everyone is gay. So i am tempted to ask him questions about what all he thinks of the cast since his only introduction to them is the show.

And yes! He has been going on and on about Brian’s growth and how he’s changed since he clocked it around 4th episode. He is so happy that he’s growing and allowing himself to be happy and in love even if he doesn’t want to admit it, that i just know the second 5x01 will start, he will have a mental breakdown and it will be very valid of him.

Your celebrities/therapist story actually made me curious now because how can a famous celeb that is known everywhere, even get a therapist then omg. I had no clue this was kind of a thing. And yes! My brother would absolutely launch into it, he’d have pictures and everything ready for it. I mean his confidence when it comes to talking to everyone and anyone about anything in his life (usually interests and shit he’s done thats funny to him or in this case the show) is impressive as fuck but also for an innocent bystander like me? actually a nightmare to be around that. He truly doesn’t give a single fuck! He just tells anyone who will listen (not in a trauma dumping type of way but his interests and such? No shame) When he was in high school he made an entire poster presentation for his class to talk about his love for the movie School of Rock and HE DID IT BY SINGING A FAKE ROCK N ROLL SONG (id give anything to remember the lyrics). Mind you, the presentations was supposed to be about current events in the world and School of Rock came out like a year or two prior so it had no relation to the exercise and yet that didn’t stop him. So you best believe he would do the exact same for Gale or more importantly QAF/Brian. And as someone who does shy away from talking about qaf just because it is a lot, it is insane watching him talk about the show because he truly gives zero fucks. When we started watching the show, he was fully explaining to the nurses/doctors/anyone that would listen about how the show is AND HOW BRITIN MET! He TALKED ABOUT THE RIM JOB! I NEVER EVEN FUCKING TOLD YALL THAT! IMAGINE MY SHOCK WHEN HE RANDOMLY BROUGHT UP THE SHOW FOR THE FIRST TIME TO SOMEONE RANDOM! AND HE DECIDED TO DO IT BY BRINGING UP THE SEX SCENE! HE TALKED TO OTHER HUMANS ABOUT THE RIM JOB! So if you ever feel like maybe you’ve said a bit too much about something you like? Fear no more because my brother has for sure shared even more.

Dear sweet anon. I just signed onto tumblr on desktop and it looks like I never responded to this message?!?! It says it’s from 4 days ago.

I thought I did. I’m sorry <3 <3

I am still dying over all of this. Your brother has no embarrassment. Maybe we can all take a page from him (although don’t corner people at their place of work to discussing rimming, even fictional rimming).

[we-are-all-of-legend-now]

In chapter 12, Anna woke up and gave herself a makeover montage, complete with staring at herself in the mirror and thanking the universe that she has the cure all magic dick in her life because she's totally healed by him. She dresses up sexily and gets Ashton to take her to the shooting range even though she's terrified of guns because she saw Carter shoot/kill people (yep, that was just dropped in the text and hasn't been mentioned again). They talk about cars and act out heterosexual gender norms and then Anna shakes a little at the gun range, gets cuddled by Ashton in public, and shoots a gun.

No character development, again. I don't know why these two chapters are here.

Chapter 13:

"On the way through the house, we stopped by the kitchen to grab a drink and sandwich for lunch."

I am so fucking riveted I can't breathe

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I pulled out my laptop and started to sync my spare iPod to my iTunes"

Do you even know his music taste? Do you even care? Does it even matter because you two are SoUlMaTeS and you're gonna have the same music taste because SoUlMaTeS mean you're the same

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"grinning, remembering how I ditched him on his first day."

I am so glad you can remember three days ago.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"His arms closed around me quickly, lifting me off my feet as he stalked towards the pool.

“No!” I shouted, just as he threw me into the water."

Because her not wanting to be touched and him not listening to her say no is such a cute scene.

Ugh. This is gonna be the whole book. We all know it so maybe I should start leaving it alone but there's so much of this it's sickening.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I’d never envied a towel before that moment."

That's because it's more interesting than you

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

~ Ashton ~

Stop jumping heads inconsistently and stop doing it in the middle of chapters!

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I genuinely didn’t understand how there could be such a perfect creature like her in the world, and yet all those terrible things had happened to her."

Karma happened to her.

Also, this is so not who Ashton is as a character when he's from Anna's perspective. This is the author wanking about Anna.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"Clearly she needed a friend right now, so that was what I was planning on being for her."

Ashton you keep groping her even though she set boundaries. Clearly that's not what you're intending.

This is so imprinting in Twilight logic fail

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"At least she didn’t realise I was perving on her."

You don't get bonus points because you admit it

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I decided to take that as a compliment. Jack sounded like a good guy from what I’d heard, and he was a damn lucky one too to have her love him so much."

Including this because this is a much more normal and sane response than we generally can expect from Ashton and reasonably understanding.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I hated that she was so sad all the time."

Then stop making her sad?

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"willing myself not to get turned on when she licked her lips and put her fork in her mouth."

You ... Want to be eaten like a pancake?

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"Looks like I may get Dad’s approval after all!"

She has given no indication she actually wants a relationship with you

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"“At the end of this assignment you can name the department of your choice, and I’ll make it happen,” he said sincerely."

Even if Ashton isn't qualified and might put the other people in the department in danger? Great call, Mr. Future President

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I looked at her in awe. Her thoughtfulness and caring attitude amazed me; I’d never known anyone like her."

It wasn an iPod she already had and she only put her music on it. None of this is about you. She didn't go out of her way to make it about you at all.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"Before I could stop myself, I’d leant in and pressed my lips to hers."

This isn't romantic.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"As I scrolled through the music, I was pleasantly surprised by how similar our tastes were"

SoUlMaTeS! Called it

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"I was enjoying the casual closeness a lot more than I should"

You're literally going to be living in an apartment together

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"Peter Burnet, the night time far guard"

Hello, Peter. Will we ever see you again? Are you relevant?

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"My eyes widened in appreciation as I took in the expensive-looking hardwood floors, the perfect paint jobs and the enormous flat screen TVs that hung in each room. The fully-equipped, high-gloss, white kitchen was pure luxury. The apartment was huge and stunning."

Only the best for Anna

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"“Tell him we’re going for a drink after too.”"

Well, if Ashton's on the clock as her bodyguard he should probably be sober. Or they should have another guard with them.

¯⁠\⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠/⁠¯

"it made my insides tingle with happiness."

What are you, twelve?

Currently reading: I was broken, numb to want and desire, but then he came along...

Three years after the tragic events of Anna’s sixteenth birthday which saw her boyfriend killed and her kidnapped by his sadistic murderer, she’s no longer the happy-go-lucky girl that everyone used to know and love; she’s now cold, hard and suffers from night terrors.

Carter is currently serving time for the murder of Jack–a conviction that Anna helped secure–but his retrial is coming up because some key evidence appears to have been tampered with.

Needing to ensure his daughter’s safety, presidential candidate, Senator Spencer, tasks in Ashton Taylor, a newly qualified SWAT agent, to guard the broken girl and keep her safe until the end of the trial.

For three years Anna has refused to feel emotion or pain. Can Ashton help her rebuild her life and finally deal with the grief of losing her childhood sweetheart? Will he be the one to make her see that life is, in fact, worth living and that not all men will hurt her?

Author's note: This edition contains Part 1 (Guarding the Broken) and Part 2 (Blurring the Lines) and combines them into one novel of epic proportion!

[floral-poisons]

twst characters: idols

who knew you could have so many shower thoughts! i was listening to some music when i began to trail off and think about how the twisted wonderland cast would be as idols. so here’s another shower thought post.

for reference, we are going with each dorm being its own idol group/act that is under one company, nrc. you just happen to be the new manager of all these groups.

NRC STAFF

the senior group. they’re the super juniors of nrc. except for mozus who’s their manager. dire crowley is the member that’s appeared the least on variety shows after the group called for retirement. no doubt the visuals used to be sam and divus. ashton joined after their debut and even though he was older, he was still considered the baby of the group. nowadays they all specialize in helping train new idols and trainees.

DIASOMNIA

diasomnia is the idol group that everyone forgets is an idol group. rather, they’re a band instead similar to day6 and the rose. their music takes direct inspiration from rock. their key visual and leader is malleus draconia, who also is the lead vocalist in the band. lilia vanrouge is the eccentric guitarist who’s bat themed fashion has taken over the alt space. younger members sebek zigvolt and silver occupy the drums and keyboard interchangably. it has stirred a lot of debate within the fandom over who is better at which instrument.

HEARTSLABYUL

heartslabyul is probably nrc’s newest and coolest group. currently they have a pop sound but their leader riddle rosehearts has expressed he wants to branch into different sounds later on in their career. heartslabyul is probably the most idol group out there. all members are trained in singing and dancing. they sound like current day bts. trey clover is their primary songwriter and music producer. cater diamond is seen as the visual of the group and he’s also the most active on social media and hosts the most lives. younger members ace trappola and deuce spade are vocalists and both are treated as the maknae of the group. it’s also very humorous to watch them not get along.

POMEFIORE

pomefiore is a powerhouse of a group. not only are they all beautiful but they’re all extremely talented. all of them are triple threats. pomefiore’s music leans more towards a bubblegum pop sound with a mature undertone. despite being a music group, each individual member has branched into separate solo careers. vil schoenheit, while an amazing singer with immense charisma, is an actor and has been cited to be BETTER as an actor. rook hunt became qualified for being a national archer and is expected to participate in the next olympics. epel felmier has started a career as a social media influencer and a model. some people have criticized that pomefiore is more like a collaboration between soloists than it is a group.

SAVANACLAW

savanaclaw is quite similar to diasomnia in that it’s more of a band than an idol group. the group specializes in pop punk music (sometimes dipping their toes in emo) and due to their similarities, the fandoms of savanaclaw and diasomnia clash about which group is the better one. leona kingscholar is their extremely talented songwriter and singer who plays the guitar. he’s a ladies’ man and women go wild over him. ruggie bucchi is tech savvy and the bassist for the band, often hosting lives in order to let the fans get to know the band more. he is a popular idol due to being transparent about his origins which makes him more relatable. jack howl, the youngest member, is a talented drummer who was rejected by multiple companies before being taken in by nrc.

OCTAVINELLE

octavinelle is a group that puts a new spin on jazz. the smooth songs are songs that everyone can fall asleep too not to mention they’re also really long. octavinelle has the famous leech twins jade and floyd. floyd’s instrument of choice differs depending on his mood but he does specialize in the drums and is very good at it. sometimes he even collaborates with the scarabia duo. jade has been a prodigy in the saxophone since he was a child. the way he can hold air in his lungs is truly amazing. azul ashengrotto is their poster boy and the singer of the band. he truly has a smooth, amazing voice and a charm that a lot of people cannot ignore.

SCARABIA

scarabia is a duo group that stands out for their colorful music videos and their very pop sound and the fact that they’re unapologetic with leaning into their female fanbase. they’re also known as the best dancers in nrc. kalim al-asim is a particularly extremely talented dancer who seems to have an unlimited amount of stamina. how he sings and dances so intensely is truly incomprehensible. jamil viper writes the songs and choreographs the dances but usually will take suggestions from kalim.

IGNIHYDE

ignihyde is a one man show. idia shroud is a soloist and he takes his younger brother ortho with him everywhere to help ease his anxiety. his music is known to be more electronic than pop centric. nevertheless, he’s quite popular due to his shyness. there’s not a lot of information out there and the mystique only adds to the number of fans.

[lukemichaelcalumashton]

this is about mashlum actually 🌼

hello, flower anon! first of all, im sorry for the slightly late reply, the holidays distracted me, also! merry christmas to you if you celebrate it

now, onto the important stuff!

this post is, in fact, about mashlum, it's them! and what makes it better is that it can work in every way

maybe malum are the ones dating, ashton is calum's roommate who's always around and ends up crashing their dates more often than not and it's totally not weird that he keeps mentioning needing to find a boyfriend and malum both pout at the idea right? not weird how one night ashton actually has a date and isn't around for movie night and michael misses his commentary and calum misses sitting between both of them and they're both frowning and distracted the whole time until one of them goes hey, what do you think ash is doing? and do you also not want him to go on a second date? and do you miss him as much as i do? also maybe we should talk about this

or cashton are the couple and they live together and calum's childhood best friend is coming to visit and stay with them, and of course he keeps hanging out with them, he doesn't know anyone else here, and calum's always had some unresolved feelings for michael but never acted on them and oh no they're coming back and ashton has these confusing newfound feelings and then michael leaves and the first night without him at the apartment they're both like hey, so do you miss him too? and do you feel like something's missing too? and then maybe we should tell him to come back? and maybe also ask him to stay forever?

or what about mashton being together and their friend calum, who was the one who introduced them, is going through a rough breakup so they drag him along to their dates under the pretense of introducing him to people, potential dates you know, but soon they forget about it because they have so much fun, the three of them, until one day someone starts chatting calum up and mashton keep glaring at him and the guy asks calum hey, are those your boyfriends? and calum goes no! of course not! and the guy responds with maybe you should tell them, pretty sure one of them snarled at me for touching your arm and yes, maybe calum should talk to them but first wanna help me make them jealous for a bit?

oops i rambled! but yes, i agree and now i want all the possible scenarios for this, please and thank you!

[talkfastromance4]

something part 3--calum hood

A/N: This is it! The final piece! Thank you for bearing with me while I took you on this rollercoaster of emotions and for being so kind while I took my break. Much love💕

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: drinking, mentions of smoking weed, dealing with heartbreak, sexual situations

Part one || Part two

***

Five months have gone by and Calum tried to push the idea to publicly date Missy away as best he could. The guys even tried to help, but inevitably he was forced to say yes. Calum’s reading over the itinerary he and Missy have to follow over his morning coffee. He takes a sip remembering when she was brought in to discuss the arrangements. It was the Monday following the best and worst weekend of his life with Y/N.

Calum’s body language is screaming ‘leave me the fuck alone I’m pissed’ as he sits slouched in the chair, arms folded against his chest and his hands in fists. His facial expression mirrors a rock, hard and unforgiving as Missy walks in with her manager and the band’s PR liaison. He watches her with hard eyes take a seat next to him, Calum purposely shifts his chair far away from her. She frowns slightly then smiles politely to the rest.

Calum listens as the team discusses the arrangement. How it will benefit both the band and up the ante on her modeling career.

“To be tied with one of the most desirable bachelors will increase magazines wanting to feature you,” Christina the liaison explains excitedly. Calum can’t help but snort.

“Pair her with Styles’ then, he’s more notorious than I am,” Calum grumbles.

“We couldn’t get in contact,” Missy’s manager says, her voice clipped as she narrows her eyes at Calum. “It will boost record sales for your music—”

“And we want the first single to be the love song, ‘Through the Dark.’”

Ashton, Michael, and Luke’s heads whip to Calum who has become even more outraged. It can’t be that song; he wrote that about Y/N.

“With the new romance rumors and the song, it will be a hit in no time, probably surpassing the charts of Ariana Grande and Styles combined.”

“No, we’re not having that be the single,” Ashton tries to dissuade the agreement that neither member of the band was a part of.

“Why not?”

“Because it wasn’t written about Missy,” Calum says. His voice is as monotonous as his face. From the corner of his eye, he sees Missy look at him with a quizzical look.

“So what? No one will know except the people in this room. The relationship will last about eight months, until the album is officially released, and touring starts. You’ll inevitably break up because Missy will be too busy modeling around the world and you gentleman will also be touring. Everybody wins.”

There’s grumbles amongst the band, Calum’s jaw clicks in anger. He turns his gaze to the window, sees the clouds rolling in as his private life is being scheduled like he’s some sort of robot. He closes his eyes thinking of Y/N, and how she looked in that flower crown and then how she looked with the petals scattered in her hair like she was some type of goddess. Then he sees her with tears in her eyes.

“Calum?”

He opens his eyes and turns at the sound of his name. It’s just him and Missy in the conference room. He’s getting really tired of hearing his name if it’s not from Y/N’s lips. She moves a little closer to him in her chair, an apologetic look on her face.

“Kind of surprised ‘fake dating’ actually happens. I’ve heard rumors and look, they’re true.”

“Imagine that.” He rolls his eyes.

Missy feels the iciness in his tone, and she tries again.

“Look, this is weird for me, too. It was all my manager’s idea which is insulting because if I need a fake boyfriend to get more modeling gigs then her faith in me isn’t all that great. I don’t think of you that way—”

“Your kiss at my party said otherwise.”

“I was drunk, I’ll kiss anyone. And…all right, maybe I did have a crush on but when that girl—”

“Y/N?”

“Right, her. When Y/N showed up and I saw the way you looked at her…I couldn’t compete with that. I don’t want to come between you two.”

“Too late.”

“What happened? Maybe I could talk to her—”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it, Missy, all right? She’s not even talking to me, so I highly doubt she’d talk to you. The woman of my dreams ended things before they even began, and I couldn’t even tell her I love her.”

Missy’s quiet for a moment then offers a kind smile.

“Sounds like you want to talk about it a little….”

He pushes away from the table in a huff then stops with his hand on the doorknob.

“I’ll play this act if it helps you in some weird, twisted way but it means nothing to me. We’ll do all the proper pap shots and appearances but no physical contact whatsoever. Those are my limits.”

He storms out as he hears a quiet ‘okay’ and the guys are waiting for him down the hall. They try to reach out for him, but Calum continues walking.

Calum looks down at his notebook, sketches and doodles of flowers are scattered about the page. Their stems and vines looping through the words that are constantly running through his head. He takes a long drink of his coffee, letting the bitterness warm his insides.

After the meeting with management and Missy, Calum called Y/N. He texted her. He knocked on her door. It wasn’t until Crystal told him to give her space did he really back off. He knows Y/N didn’t mean what she said. That night they shared was something special. From how she was so perfect with his untimely manner to how she took care of him while he had allergies from the flowers he picked. And finally, to the way they connected.

The radio in his car is still broken, but he doesn’t listen to music anymore, he can’t because it reminds him of Y/N. Everything reminds him of her.

It’s not like Missy is a bad person. She’s actually become a good friend to Calum and respected his boundaries he set up for their ‘relationship.’ The only touching that happens is by her with her hand holding onto his arm, and even that is just for pictures. No hand holding, no hugs, no kisses.

She’s gaining the hype her manager wanted and Calum has remained off social media as soon as it started. When he’s not rehearsing with the guys or doing PR with Missy, Calum’s secluded himself to his home and music room all while being viewed like a goldfish in a bowl.

So, he writes. He writes about flowers in hair, flowers pressed between bodies and flowers held together by a chain. He also writes about strawberries. He hasn’t eaten one since he kissed her last.

**

Y/N’s been keeping herself busy, well, as much as she can. Everywhere she goes she’s reminded of Calum. Especially when she opens her closet and sees the small wooden box she placed his bouquet of flowers and flower crown in. She couldn’t find it in herself to throw them away.

That first week after what happened with Calum she spent it crying and listening to sad music. Her heartbreak had her rethink of past moments with Calum. All of the ‘what if’s’ are now ‘will nots.’ Which is way too close to ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ for her liking hidden in the petals of the flowers.

She ignored his calls and texts.

The first time she saw them together was a month after the whole ordeal. She thought she was in a good place and as she was scrolling through Instagram on her lunch break she saw the first picture. Calum and Missy were walking along the pier going in and out of shops. They were wearing sunglasses and Calum didn’t really show much emotion but if he knew paps were around, he never did.

What Y/N zeroed in on was Missy’s hand on Calum’s arm.

Her heart fell into her stomach and she closed the app without even reading the caption. She deleted her Instagram and Twitter apps that day.

When she got home she opened the box of flowers, their scent mixed in with the cedar wood twisted her heart. Very delicately, she lifted the bouquet from the box. Calum’s chain was still wrapped around the now dry, frail stems.

She should throw them out. She almost did. She couldn’t. The dried flowers were the only reminder that what happened between her and Calum was real. That it actually happened. How could she let that go? Even if he was the one that got away and kept getting away?

“You did this Y/N,” she muttered to herself placing the flowers back in the box. “You made him leave before you could get attached.”

The next day there was a knock at her door. Not expecting anyone she peeked through the curtains and saw it was Ashton with a pizza box and a plastic bag.

“Ashton…what are you doing here?” she asks upon opening the door.

“I come bearing gifts of the heartbreak kind,” he grins sheepishly holding up the box and bag.

“Is that a champagne bottle I see in that bag?” she asks seeing the slender neck and gold foiling.

“It is. And caramel ice cream.”

“All right. You can come in,” she allows stepping aside so he can enter.

“So,” he sighs falling heavily against the couch. The pizza box is open on her coffee table, he has a glass of water while Y/N is holding onto the bottle of champagne. His hazel eyes take her in, “how are you?”

“That’s a loaded question,” she scoffs pressing play on the Marvel movie. She decided on Infinity War. “It’s been a month, so you think I’d be okay. I was told that however long you were with someone, that’s how long it takes to get over them divided in half. So, if you’re with someone for a year, you should be over them in six months. Calum and I were…’together’ for a day so it should have been twelve hours, right? But nope.”

She takes a long chug of the champagne until it makes her eyes water from the bubbles. The sweet nectar bites at her tongue and teeth.

“Who told you that math?”

“An old boss of mine,” she shrugs.

“Well, it’s stupid as shit. There’s no time limit for how you fall for someone just as there’s no time limit for you to lose feelings. You have feelings when you have them.”

“We went on one date, Ashton. I shouldn’t be this bent out of shape over that.”

“Hey,” he pinches her shoulder affectionately until she looks at him. His face softens. “You and Calum always had something between you. From an outside perspective, I get why you both danced on that line between friends and something more. You’ve both been hurt and there was always something in the way.”

“Or someone,” her eyes drop at the thought of Missy. Then she thinks of the photo she saw of them and rubs at her eyes, so the tears won’t come.

“My point is,” he stresses grabbing hold of her hand, “you’re allowed to feel hurt and sad and angry.”

“I’m trying so hard to not feel that way all the time, but it…it’s so consuming sometimes.”

“I know. Before you drink the whole bottle, eat some pizza, we’ll watch the movie and we can talk some more, okay?”

About halfway through the movie Y/N’s hugging the ¾ full bottle against her chest as a comfort object. She never drinks her sadness away, she knows how dangerous that is, but it feels nice to have her head not feel so full because all her thoughts are tumbling out to Ashton. His arm is around her shoulders in comfort as she leans into him.

“You always thought there was something between us?” she asks.

“I didn’t think, I knew.”

“What’s the difference?” she stares at him quizzically; the bubbly made his words confusing. Ashton smiled at her response.

“He’d always tell me how he wanted to ask you out. He’d ask if you were coming to any dinner or party we had. But he was scared to ruin your friendship and in my opinion, I think it scared him how close you two got so fast.”

“Hmph,” she slumps against the inside of his arm.

“Your song played while we were driving that night, you know.”

“Yeah? Which one?”

“Drive,” she giggles at the comedy of it all. “He gave me wildflowers with his chain around it and bought me a flower crown.”

“It sounds like a great night.”

“It was! But then he got sleepy cause he was allergic to the flowers, then he passed out on me. But I liked it…” she takes the last sip of her champagne then pouts that it’s empty.

“One is enough for you,” Ashton chuckles placing the bottle next to the pizza box. He settles back next to her and they watch the movie for a moment.

“I saw their picture today,” she says somberly. “I know it’s fake. But they’re both a catch…so it’ll be no surprise that it’ll become real.”

“Y/N—”

“It happens all the time Ash,” she shrugs. “I’m the person before everyone’s happy ending.”

“That’s not true. Look at all you and Calum have been through together. This damn arrangement is a roadblock for sure, but you two are the final drive.”

“That…kind of makes sense. I can’t tell,” she shakes her head.

“It’d make sense a full champagne bottle ago,” he mutters but she hears him.

She nudges him in the ribs playfully until they’re both laughing.

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” she says and moves down the hall.

Ashton checks his phone to see Luke is trying to console Calum, too. It was hard for him to act with Missy today. Luke reports that Calum has had only one drink but is smoking a lot of weed to help clear his head and wants to drive to Y/N’s house.

When Ashton has finished replying to keep an eye on him, Y/N is standing next to the couch. He looks up at her to see she has her arms wrapped around herself, her lower lip caught between her teeth, but he hears the quick gasps of her sobs.

“I really hate this, Ashton.”

“C’mere,” he opens his arms to her and hugs her tightly.

“It’s really hard being lonely.”

She cries into his shirt, finding comfort in his embrace and friendship.

**

Y/N’s found a good friendship with Max from work. Nothing romantic at all, but he makes sure they do a lot of fun things together. It’s been almost five months since that night with Calum and when Y/N comes across a photo of him and Missy together, Max is there to take her to the beach or a movie to distract her mind.

Now when she sees photos of them it doesn’t make her go in her closet to look at the wilted flowers. It’s still a sting in the thorn of her heart but it’s more bearable. The first single off their new album was ‘Through the Dark’ and it made her cry. Max found her laying on the floor of her room with it playing on a loop, the box of flowers unopened but lying next to her. He laid next to her and held her hand as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She’s meeting up with Max at his place for lunch and she was craving the chicken Caesar sandwich from the bistro on the pier. It wasn’t until she saw her that Y/N remembered this is a favored spot for Calum and Missy to be spotted and there she was. Standing off the side of the counter looking gorgeous in a spring dress.

Y/N tried to keep her head down as she ordered.

“And what’s the name?” the cashier asks.

“Y/N.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Y/N? Oh, it is you!” Missy says suddenly next to her.

“Got it this time, thanks. We’ll call you when your food’s ready.”

“Thanks,” Y/N mutters. She takes a deep breath and turns to Missy. “Hi.” She looks around the shop expecting to see Calum and trying to prepare herself to come face to face with him.

“He’s not here,” Missy says quietly glancing around the shop as well then grabs Y/N’s wrist pulling her to the far end of the sandwich showcase. “He’d actually hate me for even talking about this…and to you but…I’m so sorry. For everything. My manager came up with this PR stunt.”

“You don’t have to explain, I get it’s for publicity,” Y/N tries to get away from this situation as quickly as possible while also keeping herself together. Her neck is warm, and her breathing has accelerated in a slight panic.

Missy grabs her wrist again but pulls her into the women’s bathroom. Y/N’s affronted at the boldness of Missy’s actions.

“It is all publicity, I swear! I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Calum but he’s miserable. We’re friends now and all he talks about is you. How funny you are and kind you are. He really misses you,” Missy continues with a frown.

Y/N sighs. She really does seem nice but she’s still keeping her guard up. How could she not?

“He really cares about you, Y/N.” Missy stresses squeezing Y/N’s hand for emphasis.

“Missy, look. I appreciate you telling me all this. You… you actually seem really nice and genuine which makes it that much harder for me to dislike you.”

“I get that,” Missy nods her head, “but he really, really cares about you.” Her eyes grow bigger each time she said really, and Y/N gives her a confused look.

“Yeah…you um…you said that?”

“No, he…ugh he’s going to hate me, but he loves you. ‘Through the Dark is about you. He told me you’re the girl of his dreams when we met the Monday after his party. I’ve felt horrible all this time.”

Y/N stares at Missy while she processes what she just heard.

“When did he tell you that again?”

“His party was Friday, and we met that Monday to discuss the logistics of this stupid ploy. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for kissing him in front of you! I was drunk, I’ll kiss anyone, and I told him I did have a small crush on him but when I saw the way he looked at you it went away. I swear!”

“He really said he loves me?”

“Yes! When we’re not out getting photographed he’s always writing in his notebook and drawing flowers in it. Not that I’ve read anything,” Missy adds in a rush. “It’s just over his shoulder I saw it a couple times before he closed it.”

“Yeah but that was months ago, I’m sure he’s already caught feelings for you.”

“No, he hasn’t. Trust me. He’s become more like a brother to me, honest. I’ve been trying to force him to talk to you and our ‘contract’ is up in a few months anyway for the album release. I want to break if off early publicly so you can finally be together but he’s so stubborn he won’t.”

Y/N laughs lightly at how fast Missy talks. She’s not sure if it’s out of keeping this all to herself for so long or if that’s really how she is, talking a mile a minute.

“Thank you for telling me this, Missy. I…I can’t believe I’m telling you this since we don’t really know each other but I love him, too. I’ve loved him for so long but I’m the one who pushed him away. I’m the one who told him to do this deal with you because he and I only had one night together,” Y/N explains.

Missy’s eyes widen and she squeals in joy. “You love him too?! Oh, this is great. I’ll arrange for you two to meet up and—”

“Missy, Missy! No, no don’t do that. It’s been too long,” Y/N shrugs. “I doubt he’d want to see me.”

Missy plants her feet on the ground firmly, her face turning very serious very fast. Y/N’s a little taken aback at the fierceness in her gaze.

“Do you want to be with him?” she asks.

“Um..yes.”

“And you love him?”

“Yeah…”

“Then let me help you fix this, please. It’s the least I can do for coming between you when it wasn’t my plan to do so in the first place.”

Y/N takes a deep breath. She’s really starting to like Missy; she has a good heart.

“Okay. How can you help?”

“They’re all planning to go to the Invisible House for a week. I can’t go because I have a shoot to do in New York, but Ashton told me that Calum will be there a couple days before they all arrive.”

Y/N mulls it over, her mind thinking of ways to make it up to him. To apologize. To make him realize how sorry she is and how special he is to her. That despite all the hurdles and messes they’ve been through, that something they have is meaningful.

Then, she gets the perfect idea.

“Do you know when he’s going to be there?” Y/N asks and Missy smiles.

“I know all the details, Y/N.”

**

The drive to the Invisible House is pretty boring without his radio working so he hums to himself as he drives. Calum’s glad he decided to head there a few days before the rest of the group shows up. The pictures are immaculate and he’s excited to try out the hundred-foot pool.

He texted Missy when he was leaving, and she responded with an encouraging text in return.

‘Have fun! Let me know how everything goes 😉’

He’s confused by the winky face but appreciates it all the same. He’s glad to have her as a friend.

When he arrives at the building it’s dusk, the stars are just dusting the sky and the house is a glowing violet in the desert air. He stares at it for a moment, taking in the beauty of the panes of glass, breathing in the cool desert night. If they were all here a year ago maybe Red Desert would have been Purple Desert.

He shakes his head in disbelief. He’s starting to sound like Luke.

He grabs his belongings, two suitcases and a duffel bag and makes his way to the entrance. Ashton and Michael will be bringing the instruments for a jam session, so he didn’t pack his bass.

Once the door is unlocked, he’s mesmerized by the space before he hears music playing. Was that supposed to be playing? He sets his things by the counter and walks further in. The pool is lit up in a light blue and purple with glowing white lotus flowers floating on the water.

There’s flower petals beneath his feet as he walks the length of the pool. It’s a sweet aroma that fills his nose. Then he panics and thinks Michael has this set up for Crystal. He does not want to walk in on them having a private moment, but that’s hard to do in a glass house.

When he’s at the halfway point of the pool, the soft music becomes a bit louder and he recognizes the drum and guitar chords of Something by The Beatles. His mouth goes dry as he comes to the living area at the end of the pool to where Y/N is standing.

There’s petals on the carpet and she’s holding a white flower in her palm with a flower crown on her head. He’s at a loss for words.

“Hi,” she welcomes quietly.

“Hi…what are you doing here?” he wishes he didn’t ask such a dumb question.

“I should have rehearsed this beforehand what I wanted to say but I had to make sure this was all perfect before you got here. Um, I’m here for you. I know it’s been so long, and this is all my fault in the first place. Pushing you away and I thought I was protecting myself.”

She takes a step forward.

“I’ve been a mess without you, Cal. I miss you, so much it hurts. I think of you all the time, and that night we spent together. Your necklace is still wrapped around the flowers you gave me and that’s what made me think of doing this,” she gestures to her flowers on display all around. She takes another step forward. Closer to the step of the living area, closer to Calum.

“We’ve had our fair share of messes with each other. And it’s my fault for the last one so it’s my responsibility to rectify it. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, how much that night meant to me.”

Another step forward and Calum is reminded of that night in his room. How he came to her, now he’s the one on the receiving end. He watches her with bated breath, and he knows she’s nervous (like he is) by the way she’s playing with the white flower in her hand.

“And the more I thought about the messes we’ve been through it made me think of the Lotus flower. It grows through the mud but when it breaks through, it’s this vibrant and full flower,” she takes two steps and is right at the edge of the step. She holds up the flower.

“And it’s like we’re the flower. We’re growing through the mud and I called it quits before we really bloomed. And…” she takes a shaky breath then laughs nervously, “this sounded romantic in my head but now it sounds super cheesy. But when I heard you were drawing flowers it made me feel like we were still connected.”

She doesn’t say anything more and neither does Calum. Then, when she looks up at him it all makes sense. What they’ve been through these last several months, that was their mud.

“Can you say something?” she whispers, “I’m starting to feel like an idiot and that this was a really stupid idea—”

He lifts her up to his level connecting their lips together. He brings her against him, and she wraps her arms around his neck, their lips getting reacquainted with each other. She tastes like strawberries and smells of flowers and he’s filled with bliss. He feels whole again.

“I love you,” he gasps when they pause to catch their breath. “I should have said it months ago, but I was scared. I thought it was too soon.”

“I love you, too. I’m so sorry for what I said that day. I wish I didn’t—”

He silences her with another kiss.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I understand why you did it, sweetheart,” he cups her cheek and gazes into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.”

“We really are a mess,” she laughs brushing his curls from his face.

“A beautiful mess,” he corrects sucking a kiss from her lips then holds her against him in a tight hug. He never wants to let go.

“Was this too much?” she asks moments later.

“No, it was perfect, thank you for doing all of this for me. I’ll be honest,” he stands up straight to look at her, “I thought I was walking in on Michael and Crystal.”

Y/N laughs and continues laughing until Calum kisses her and she’s left gasping.

“How about we try out the pool?” he mumbles.

They spend a good forty-five minutes in the pool. Soft touches and kisses are exchanged until they reconnect as one. They’re surrounded by the glowing flowers and the ripples they create from their movements. Words of love are spoken and moaned, echoing throughout the space.

They transition to the bed that is also covered in flower petals. Calum kisses down the length of her body, his lips ghosting over her core. Their eyes lock as he attaches his mouth between her folds, his tongue swirling around her bud.

Her legs squeeze around his head on their own accord as she’s vibrating with pleasure. The moans are continuous as he works her over into her second orgasm of the night. When it surpasses, she’s giggling quietly as Calum peppers kisses to her thighs.

“Wow…”

“That good, huh?” he remarks, his lips smacking against her skin bounce off the walls.

“Yeah but…” she rises up on her elbows to look down at him. “Is that all you got? You told me you’d make me cum eight times when we were in your bathroom. Or was that just talk?”

“Oh, you want to be a little sass, huh?” he bites down on the fleshy part of her thigh. “You really shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” she smirks.

“Because now I’m going to make you cum ten times.”

“Okay, Cal, I was just jo—OH!” She falls back against the bed as she’s already filled with intense pleasure.

Suffice it to say, Calum did make her cum nine more times. The overstimulation and her noises got him riled up and he had to be close to her again. He made love to her slowly and tenderly. He gave her gentle kisses and she molded to him.

Before she fell asleep he was stroking her face after she drank some water, he really exhausted her.

“How did you know I was going to be here?”

“I ran into Missy at the bistro I love. She explained everything,” she replies sleepily. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open. “I like her, she’s nice.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“I think she and Max would get along,” she yawns snuggling closer to him.

“I’ll take your word for it. You can go to sleep you know.”

“I want to keep talking to you,” she squeezes his lower back.

“We can talk all day tomorrow. And tomorrow night. And the next day, and the next…”

“Mmm, that sounds nice,” she smiles closing her eyes. “I love you, Cal.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

**

Two days later the rest of the group arrived, and it was a happy albeit awkward reunion because Calum and Y/N were still naked in bed. They spent their time eating, watching movies, and having sex as much as they wanted. It was perfect but also took a lot out of them.

They were both fast asleep until their names were shouted, and Calum scrambled to cover Y/N up.

“I’m glad to see you, Y/N but I’ll hold off on the hug until you aren’t naked with Cal,” Luke laughs.

“We’ll go bring in the rest of the stuff,” Ashton giggles then winks at Y/N.

“Please tell me this was the only place you had sex,” Michael asks peering at them both with narrow eyes.

“Umm…”

“Ugh!” Michael throws his hands in the air. “You guys better not have left messes anywhere!” he complains walking back towards the main kitchen area.

Calum looks over the wall separating their ‘room’ from the rest of the house and turns to her.

“We’re done with messes, yeah?” Calum grins down at her and she nods bringing his face closer to hers.

“Something great came from the mess,” she agrees and slots her lips with his. They’ll have to be super quiet now. 

Taglist: @calpalirwin​​ @myloverboyash​​  @loveroflrh​​ @iovehemmings​​ @cxddlyash​​ @princesslrh​​  @spicycal​​ @mysticalhood​​ @notinthesameguey​​ @wastedheartcth​​  @itjustkindahappenedreally​​ @calumance​​ @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt​​  @sarcastically-defensive17​​ @another-lonely-heart​​ @devilatmydoor​​ @sanrioluke​​ @mayve-hems​​  @haikucal​​ @thatscooibaby​​  @suchalonelysunflower​​ @burstintocolor​​  @dead-and-golden​​ @mymindwide​​  @blackbutterfliescal​​ @redrattlers​​ @karajaynetoday​​ @quasighost​​ @i-like-5sos​​ @creampiecashton​​ @calpops​​ @superbloomed-c​​ @littledrummeraussie​​ @sexgodashton​

[1994sunflower]

Are you still doing requests for Michael? I would really like to see a “when michael first meets your parents” thing ❤️

you literally don't understand how much I loved making this. thank you for the request. I hope you like it!  

the first meeting was definitely explosive buut I think as the relationship progresses, the parents start to get more used to it (even if they still don’t like it) so it isnt ever as tense and volatile as the first. we also get to see protective!yn here which��I really liked exploring. 

in which michael meets your parents

You were constantly going back and forth from cleaning and straightening your living room to staring at yourself in the mirror, fixing your makeup and trying not to convince yourself to change outfits completely.

It wasn’t that your parents were judgmental. Just extremely traditional and if you didn’t have everything looking pristine and perfect, a comment was sure to leave one of their mouths. And with this reunion with your parents being so different from past ones, you couldn’t afford for anything else to take attention away.

But mostly you were a nervous sort of excited and maybe thats why you were jumping around, constantly in motion. You hadn’t seen your parents for the better half of year and to say you missed them was an understatement. You grew up pampered with love and their constant belief in you and whatever you dreamed of achieving. Even if at times they felt too strict and expecting perfection. But still, it was hard to even leave home for college because of how close you were with them. That didn’t mean you didn’t constantly call to check in or go over for holidays. But even that wasn’t enough. Each year you organized a day when they would come over to your apartment and you would eat out or eat in and have a family day. It was one of your favorite days because it was one of the only times you weren’t stressed because of school and you felt so absolutely surrounded by love and the people closest to you. Except for nearly 2 years now, your moment with the people closest to you was missing someone. 

They definitely knew about Michael. Ever since you started dating, you told them all about him and how much he meant to you. But you hadn’t wanted to introduce him right away, afraid that it was too soon or afraid that you weren’t completely in a serious relationship just yet. And lucky for you Michael didn’t seem all that interested either. But Michael had become such an integral part in your life, someone you could see yourself being with forever. Someone you didn’t want to part with. So you knew it was time. And you think your heart might erupt at having all your loved ones together at last. You couldn’t hold back the little excited squeal that escaped you when you called to let your parents know about the addition to your family day.

You were staring at your spotless white living room then, going over everything in your mind to make sure you hadn’t let something slip your mind. Yes, you were excited but you were also so nervous. You usually were when it came time for your parents to visit but this time was so much worse as it felt that this unique visit actually had something riding on it. You felt tense despite yourself. Your fingers played with the fabric of your knitted sweater with the white collar peaking up under it. Maybe you had time to change into something your conventional parents might like even better.

But you felt arms wrap around your waist before you could dwell on that thought for too long. A surprised gasp left you but you could recognize Michael’s strong presence anywhere. You were so in your head, you hadn’t even heard him unlock your apartment door with his key. You relaxed in his arms, leaning back against his chest. 

“Thank you for being on time.” You breathed out. You asked him to be there before your ever punctual parents were scheduled to arrive. And you hoped your serious tone was enough to let him know just how important it was to you.

He hummed in response and finally you turned to get a look at him. 

It might’ve been the first time you’d seen him with long sleeves. The shirt covered up his arms and fit respectfully around his chest. But it was impossible to even try to hide the tattoos covering the expanse of his neck and his hands and fingers. And he still had the familiar set of chains draped on his jeans. You weren’t ashamed of him and you would never force him to hide and transform into something he was not to appease your parents. So you never mentioned what he should or shouldn’t wear, how he should or shouldn’t act. You wanted him to be himself, the person you loved so much. Even if it wasn’t what your parents would want, expect or even accept. But still, you couldn’t help but swoon at this subtle way of him showing you that he cared enough to try - at least a little, even if it was only because you cared about your parents.

Because sure you told them about him but maybe the way you saw and described him wasn’t exactly how he was to everyone else. To you, he was sweet, caring, gentle, protective, loving with a hard exterior. But even if they didn’t like him, which you knew they likely wouldn’t at first (ever critical and frankly, just shy of snobby) with how much Michael’s image clashed with the one they were trying to maintain and the same one they wanted for you, you were determined to get them to warm up to him eventually. Because you didn’t know how you could handle it if they didn’t like him at all.

Michael, for his part, was much more relaxed on that front than you were. Because, he didn’t have to wonder or stress about being liked by your parents. Ever since you brought up him meeting them, he already knew they wouldn’t like him. And he wasn’t particularly worried about trying to change their minds. The only opinion that mattered in his mind was yours and you liked him just fine. He could see their reactions already, the horror plastered on their faces when they saw him beside their daughter. They might have seemed willing and excited when you first told them he was invited but that was because they had a false image of him in their heads by how you described him. He almost wanted to skip it because he already knew the outcome, one that would only serve to make you upset and by default then, make him angry. But he knew how important family was to you, how close you were with yours and he couldn’t deny you. When he saw how you smiled and giggled with excitement, he didn’t have the heart to ruin that. But even Ashton had seem privy to what would happen, his smile then telling him not so subtly You’re so screwed.

And maybe that was also the reason he consciously decided to wear something that would hide his tattoos more than before. He knew they still wouldn’t like him but it would be better for them to not absolutely detest him - at least not straight off the bat. He didn’t care if they liked him as your boyfriend but he did care if their hatred was so bad that they tried to pull you away from him because if how obvious it would be that he didn’t deserve you. Not that he would ever accept that even if they tried. Maybe that’s why he felt a little more antsy than he ever expected to feel. He wasn’t nervous to meet them, he was unsure of what meeting them could end up meaning for his relationship.

He had to be at least a little better than he was usually with others. It also didn’t help that he never had to be in the position of meeting a girl’s parents before - especially one that was so incredibly different from him already that her parents, her strict, professional parents would probably blow up to see the type of man their daughter took with her chosen partner, the kind that didn’t seem like would amount to much - which was ill-suited for you who everyone knew would achieve her wildest dreams. For the first time in a long time he couldn’t help but think just how different your paths in life were before they converged and how much he wished, at least for tonight, that he was just a little less inconspicuous, in all fronts (height and body art) so that just the sight of him wouldn’t be an omen for your parents of how badly he was suited for you, how much he would destroy you and their dreams of your future.

It had to be a testament of his love that he hadn’t tried to back out of this already.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and went on your tip toes to try to look him more at eye level - still miserably too short but trying all the same. “I know I already told you but I made food for all of us instead of going out so it’d be more of a personal thing. And please don’t mention anything about me living with you, okay? They-”

“They still think you’re a virgin like a good little girl.” His smile was anything but sweet and you slapped his arm playfully at his words. Oh, another thing they would hate him for. Another way he ruined their precious daughter.

“Michael. This is serious.” It wasn’t what you were going to say. But you didn’t deny his words were true, either.

You didn’t technically move in together. But you spent most of your time with Michael and slept at his house more often than you did in your own apartment. For Michael, it was weird not being there right then with you, even weirder if you were here instead of his house. In your parents minds however, you lived and slept in your apartment 24/7 and this would be the first time Michael was ever in there for an extended period of time. And if they ever found out the truth, they would probably drag you back to live with them and away from Michael tooth and nail. Same goes for if they ever had a clue that he even had a key to your apartment, allowing him access whenever he wanted and for whatever purposes. As far as they were aware, you were still the shy girl who had barely even had her first kiss yet let alone have experienced all you had with Michael. If they even had a clue, they would think Michael was an even a worse influence than his appearance would already lead them to believe; they may even believe he was a devil. 

You took his face in your hands, “One last thing. They may seem a little…snobby but whatever they may think or say at first doesn’t matter. I know they’ll end up loving you just as much as I do.”

Michael didn’t have to respond. You made a small jump to kiss his lips and he caught you in the air easily, holding you up to him so you could kiss more easily. He hadn’t commented on your very conservative outfit, your usual choices of skirts and light dresses (his favorites, the ones that always had such easy access) were done away with and instead a sweater that hid your body and jeans that stood between him and being able to feel your core against him whenever you wrapped your legs around him were in its place. Even without the day starting yet, he already decided the change in wardrobe your parents inspired in you was one of his least favorite part of the day.

Maybe he would end up disliking them just as much as they did him.

You yelped when you heard the knocking at your door and Michael groaned at having to separate from your addicting lips and even more when you wiggled in his arms to be set down again. You scrambled quickly to the mirror, fixing whatever lipstick he had smudged and he had the decency to at least wipe at his own lips to get rid of any color.

Off to a rough start. The last thing you needed was for your parents’ first impression of Michael to be with your lipstick still smeared on his lips. 

You took his big hand in yours, loving the way his fingers immediately entwined in yours, as you made your way to the door, dragging him along. His chains rattled as he followed you. You opened the door with a big happy smile on your face and he was almost sad to know that eventually that smile would be gone. His gaze was on you, almost wishing that he would be wrong about their reactions towards him because he wanted nothing else but to keep you the happiest person in the world, even if he knew the way to do that (to have your parents like him like you wanted them to) was unlikely. 

“Mom, dad!” You jumped excitedly. You hadn’t seen them in nearly a year and at the sight of them, standing side by side at your doorway, dressed as impeccably as they always did and wearing their parental, loving smiles, it suddenly hit you how much you missed them. You could almost cry.

But you didn’t let go of Michael’s hand. And finally, Michael’s gaze shifted from you to the two people he could thank for your marvelous existence. They were everything he imagined they would look like. Just as prim and proper as their daughter, or at least as you were before he came along.

Your hands squeezed Michael’s and he noticed you were shaking a little. He resisted the urged to collect you in his arms to calm you down. He wasn’t sure if it was nerves or excitement. 

“This is Michael, my boyfriend. Michael, these are my parents.” You looked between them expectantly, your parents only having moved from outside to through the doorframe, and Michael realized you were expecting a warm welcome from them at his introduction. 

But both of you watched as your mother’s eyes slipped to your entwined hands, no doubt eyeing the tattoos running up and down Michael’s hand and fingers that basically completely enveloped your small one. To her credit, her grin was still intact. Faking it until she made it.

Your father, was much less of an actor. He stared up at Michael. Your father wasn’t a short man, at least compared to his own wife and his daughter. But very little could measure up to Michael in height. Maybe that had something to do with the way your father’s eyes constantly flickered between the top of your head and to Michael’s eyes, almost bristling at the difference. It was one thing to have a taller boyfriend but it was quite another to have someone as big as Michael, shoulders wide and tall, that seemed to rise dauntingly at your side. It almost felt, to your father, as if you were being taken advantaged of, ravaged by what could be the embodiment of everything he had tried to protect you from.

You watched, your smile slowly fading but still holding on, as their eyes slipped to Michael’s neck. To where his tattoos still were on full display, with an expression of distress. A part of you couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if Michael had chosen to wear a short sleeve. You just hoped they would never have occasion to see him shirtless. You made a note to self to never have a family pool day.

The silence was dreadful. It only lasted for a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime. Especially when you hoped they would have greeted Michael with warmth and even if it had to be fake, excitement. Okay, maybe it would take a little more convincing for them to like him than you thought. You thought this could be a possibility, that they wouldn’t like him at the start, but you convinced yourself it wouldn’t happen. Convinced that they would see how much you liked him, enough to introduce him to them, enough to trust him so completely. 

Michael didn’t stray his eyes from your parents. He wasn’t trying to be challenging or mocking, even if that was usually exactly what he tended to be. But their reactions were exactly what he expected them to be. The looks of uncertainty, as if this was just a big joke they were waiting to be clued in on. They looked at him as if he was the bad guy on the wrong path that had somehow ensnared their precious daughter. He felt every bit as scrutinized as they obviously were scrutinizing him, they didn’t try to hide it. They saw the way they eyed his tattoos, his chains, his size with disapproval and judgement. If he actually cared about their opinions he might be hurt. But it was almost funny. They didn’t even see half of all they could judge him for. Part of him wondered just what you told them about him to make them not expect what he actually turned out to be.

They stood so still, he wasn’t sure if their minds literally malfunctioned or not. But as he felt you pull yourself closer to his side, almost as if trying to protect him, uselessly attempt to shield him from their eyes, he finally glanced down at you while squeezing your hand for comfort. He didn’t mind the silent criticism and immediate rejection. But he saw your eyes swirl with uncertainty and worry. You hadn’t expected this, that much was clear and it was hurting you. You wanted them to meet but you hadn’t wanted to put Michael in a situation where he would feel unwelcome or judged. Michael loved your hopefulness, even if it was fruitless from the start. The only thing making you feel better was that he didn’t seem really bothered.

“Nice to meet you.” His voice was curt but not cold, as polite as he could manage to force himself to be. For your sake, he’d make the first move.

And it was as if your parents sprung back to life. As if they weren’t aware that they had let their façade slip. Your mother’s smile was back in full force, granted it was forced, and it suddenly struck Michael just how much you two resembled one another, your smile was the same. Your father didn’t look happy but he was back to his usual strict faced expression.

“Oh! We’ve heard so much about you Michael.” Your mother clasped her hands together and while everyone could tell her excitement wasn’t genuine, it seemed enough for your hope to come back.

Because your grin came back, matching your mother’s, before you finally let go of Michael’s hand and bounded over to them. “I missed you so much, mom.” You hugged your mother tightly as your father smiled at the two women of his life. Such a different look to the one he had when you were next to Michael. 

“And you too, daddy.” You mumbled as you moved on to hug your father with a relieved sigh.

Oh for fuck’s sake. Michael clenched his lips together into a thin straight line. It was wrong to see you then, bubbly and jumping around excitedly, looking so adorable and wholesome in front of your parents. While you spoke the title you had so often times moaned out as he had you trembling under him, so tiny and submissive that he could completely take over your entire figure, the one that gave him all the power and dominance over you. 

But to hear it in this context just reinforced what Michael already knew. You were a good girl. One that got good grades and obeyed her parents. But he was slowly tainting that goodness, leaving a new part of yourself just for him. And the rest of the world had no idea. It was almost comical to see you put on this mask of a demure, chaste daughter when he knew the truth of what you were for him.

He had to look away from you, the sight of you looking so pure while saying a word that should have no other connotation was a reminder of how innocent you were and just how much he enjoyed ruining that, how much he already had but evidently not enough because there it was still in front of him. 

He had an urge to take it away right then too, to destroy that facade you currently had up, remind you that he had taken away that pure innocence a long time ago. An urge to hear those words you had just uttered but this time directed to him, like he was used to hearing. A fuck you to the parents that thought they knew you so well, that thought you were, were currently seeing you as, an angelic shy daughter who’d never so much as been touched while in reality her big possessive boyfriend had changed that the moment he decided to have you, it was what made you his, preventing anyone else from ever being able to have you again. But the thought of you being that in front of him right then despite all that, being shy, modest and acting virginal was enough for his body to be heating up with need.

It wasn’t the time for those thoughts but he couldn’t help it after hearing your words, spoken with such modesty when he could imagine drawing it from your lips for him with a very different tone. Oh what horror it would come to your parents, to know that he had that same little girl that currently looked as if she held all the pureness in the world was already marked by him, and all the sinful things he had compelled you to do, the path he was taking you along because of it. And there was nothing they could do about it.

He felt a hand clap his shoulder and he snapped out of his thoughts, glancing down to see your father. His grip was tight and his eyes were unfriendly but his words were playful, likely for your sake. “Great to finally meet you, Mike.” Michael cringed at his words, he hated nicknames. Hated what they seemed to mean, that whoever spoke it thought they were close enough, knew him well enough to give him a personal title. Unless it was from you. “You’re a lot different from what Y/N told us, though.”

“Dad!” Your words had a tone of warning to them as you opened your eyes wide in alarm. His words weren’t straight out critical but the meaning was well received. And any hint of a problem was enough for you to jump in.

Your mother squeezed your shoulders. “Oh come now, little bird.” She laid her cheek on the top of your head, it was hard to be mad at them when she was holding you so maternally you almost felt like a child again. Her gaze was on Michael, however. “You’re a lot taller than I imagined. It isn’t hard to be taller than our Y/N though.”

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment at the reminder of just how small you were, this time in front of your boyfriend, but Michael couldn’t stop the albeit tense smile that escaped him at your shyness.

But maybe it wasn’t supposed to be an airy comment. He was taller, but maybe too much. It made it seem as if he was somehow exploiting their poor defenseless daughter, using her to fulfill whatever sick desires he had brewing inside of him. If only they knew.

Your mother hummed, “But if you’re anything like what she tells us about you, I’m sure it will be lovely to get to know you. Even if you do seem so different from all the other boys she’s had interest in.”

The silence that comment was met with was palpable.

Michael’s eyes narrowed at her words. The implication of you with other men (men he had no doubt were a world’s difference from him, men that your mother obviously approved and preferred), thinking of them and crushing on them, was worse enough. But what it meant that your mother purposely remembered and brought them in front of him, your boyfriend, just added a further element.

You had the good sense in moving forward, pulling at his arm before he could retort. Your parents or not, he wasn’t ever good at controlling himself when he got volatile. You cleared your throat. “I made lunch for us. Let’s just sit and get started.”

You were pulling him away and guiding him to your already set dining table. You were uncomfortably aware of the rattling his chains did when he began moving and saw how your parents glanced at them in quick glances. Their lips were set tightly as they walked behind you and Michael and you could feel the way they wanted to talk to each other, no doubt expressing opinions you wouldn’t want to hear.

Michael sat next to you, never letting go of your hand while your father took his place next to him and your mother across from you. If you took away the tension, it almost felt like Michael was the new addition to your small family. The thought made your heart swell. Maybe everything would settle down and get better from then on. You wanted your parents and him to love each other so much, needed this to work on. You weren’t sure if you could handle it if the most important people in your life didn’t get along. You knew Maia already didn’t like him, you didn’t need to add more to the mix.

Your father glanced sideways to Michael. “So, do you study anything in science too? Our daughter spoke all about how kind you were.” His eyes did a not so subtle glance to Michael’s appearance that showcased just how uncertain he was of his daughter’s truthfulness on that account. “But she didn’t mention much about what you do.”

Maybe that was on purpose. Because while you didn’t look the least bit embarrassed when he spoke, your parents didn’t share that sentiment. “No, nothing in science.” He was trying his best, really he was, hiding his contempt and warningly low voice he wanted to take on. You noticed it, the way his tone was still calm, even bordering polite. Or at least his version of polite.

“But Michael helps me out a lot when studying so he knows a thing or two by now. He’s really supportive.” You said. It was true in that you often went to him to study but most of his help came from you practicing bandaging people up after his fights. Not that you were going to make the clarification to your parents.

Your mother nodded, eating your words up. “Well that’s great! It might be even better that you two don’t study the same thing, no competition or anything like that.”  

You loved your mother so much in that moment. At least she was making an effort. And how could you doubt her, really. She was the woman who raised you, the warmest person you knew.

Your father, however, was more blunt. Kind of like Michael. You wondered if having that in common would help them get along better or just dislike each other more.

“So how did you two meet?” Your mother continued, “Do you live on campus as well?”

Michael talked much more than you expected him to. And you were grateful when he responded to each question instead of just a nod or shake of the head. “I live a few blocks away from here. But we met on campus.”

It seemed he knew when to leave out some details as well. Telling them you met him bleeding and hurt after a fight would not have fared well.  

Your mother smiled tightly, “Oh. I suppose it’s easy to visit each other then.” Her gaze split to you and you saw the warning in them. She wasn’t a fan of the prospect of her daughter being alone in a boy’s house, especially one like Michael where he would be free to allure her into unconscionable things a woman like you should not do, particularly one that was raised to do things ‘correctly’ and in the confines of marriage. You hoped she would never have a hint otherwise even if what she was afraid of already happened, and much worse than she ever imagined. Even worse that you had enjoyed it so much, welcomed his allure even.

But before either you or Michael could answer, she continued. “Our little bird cried her eyes out when she moved out.”

“Mom.” You said, hiding your eyes shyly. You didn’t want to think of Michael’s thoughts at that moment, hearing you sound so childish. Maybe thats why your mom said it, knowing that didn’t fit in at all with Michael’s very mature look and aura.

But Michael was staring directly at you, smirking without meaning to. Even then, you were so pure, the worse in your life was leaving your parents. It was as if he was at last being clued into just how much he managed to taint your unsullied person, just how much he managed to change you. From a precious daughter who cried at the thought of parting with her parents, to a slut who cried for his cock and cum. And yet your parents was still blissfully unaware of how he corrupted you. He had to clench his jaw to stop himself from getting hard. 

“She adjusted really well.” His words were filled with a humor only you could understand. The double meaning that went lost to your parents ears, mostly because he knew they wouldn’t want to understand it so they didn’t. 

Your hand was on top of Michael’s on the table, your fingers tracing circles on his hands. Mostly to comfort yourself, but knowing it was helping Michael relax as well. Your father was staring at you with a clenched jaw, visibly frustrated with Michael’s answers, or lack thereof. Maybe he had been hoping that this was just a set up but to see your intimate and gentle interactions with Michael, it was evident that wasn’t the case. It looked wrong to him to even see Michael allow such touches from you when he clearly didn’t deserve it. Especially when he looked so cold. Both of your parents noticed it when they arrived, the coolness with which he regarded them and even you. The warmth you seemed to radiate was so strange next to his mean expression. 

But then the conversation was on you and your studies, your excited chatter filled the air, and Michael was glad for the reprieve. Though he felt as though eyes were still on him constantly. The things he would endure for you.

You had warned him that they were judgmental. But how could they have raised such an open minded girl, one that could’ve been capable of falling in love with him? Or perhaps they didn’t. Perhaps he really had ruined you in more ways than he thought. The thought filled him with a twisted, possessive pride.

“I’ll be right back, I have to bring the dessert from the kitchen.” Michael was getting ready to rise to join you when your mother jumped in. 

“Oh, I’ll help”

Your eyes widened in alarm at the thought of leaving your visibly frustrated father with Michael. “O-Oh. Actually, Michael was going to…”

“Nonsense. He’s a guest.”

You didn’t respond, just nodding tensely. Besides, what could you say? That Michael had spent more than enough days and nights here to no longer hold that guest status? Your parents might combust.

And it seemed as if your dad was waiting for an opportunity to finally speak because as soon as you were out of sight, his gaze was on Michael’s tall figure beside him.

“You know a man like you doesnt strike me as the type to be interested in my daughter.” He said, “You know with your certain look to you. Might scare them away.”

Didn’t scare your daughter away. Michael wanted to quip but your father continued before he had the chance to dwell on whether or not to speak his mind.

“I don’t figure that my little Y/N is your type of woman, normally. What changed?”

How had he gotten you. Was what he was trying to say. How did a man like Michael, get a girl like you. He was sure the rest of the world asked themselves the same question your parents were currently asking themselves. Why had you even given him the time of day? Sometimes he asked himself that too. But usually it filled him with satisfaction knowing how great of a girl he had gotten, to be able to arouse those questions.

He wasn’t wrong. You weren’t the type of girl he usually would’ve gone for before meeting you. He’d never been with an inexperienced girl and your differences, perhaps if anyone else, would have dissuaded him from ever pursuing you. But he couldn’t pinpoint what changed, just that when he met you, none of that mattered.

Michael didn’t lift his own gaze from your father’s. This time not caring if he looked challenging or not and not bothering to try to speak more than just a clipped response. “I don’t know. But seems like I’m your daughter’s type, so it worked out for me.”

“Really, she’s not to...peppy for you? You seem much more .... stoic” 

In fact it’s the happiness you bring in his life that he loves so much. He wasn’t stoic with you but his smiles, laughs and chuckles were reserved only for you. And he loved seeing you look so shy and cute next to him. 

“No.”

Just as blunt as your father. And while it may not seem so to anyone beside you, he really was still trying to be as proper as possible. That included some slightly unmannerly responses and behaviors, but he wasn’t cursing or intimidating. So he counted that as a win.

If your father expected a boyfriend desperate for approval, he wasn’t in luck. Michael didn’t care for his acceptance or support. He didn’t care that your father’s face was turning red with anger; at the suggestion that his daughter, the one he raised so carefully, the gentle and smart one that they were so proud of, the one destined for a nice marriage with a nice rich man, could possibly be attracted to someone like him who, with the small portion of ink he could see, screamed bad news. Michael had an urge to let him in on a little secret; you were much more than just attracted to him, you were weak for him. He wondered how much angrier your father would be if he knew his daughter called him daddy too. 

“Listen here, Michael” He tried his best to be well mannered. “I don’t know what a guy like you wants with my daughter, your intentions. But it’s not what’s best for her, you’re not what’s best for her. She might be blinded from that right now but when she wakes up, and she will, you won’t be around for too long afterward. So take whatever sick fantasy you have away from her because guess what? She won’t be participating. She’s too smart to fall for it. I won’t let my little girl be defiled by someone like you.”

A little too late for that. He had lost count of how many times he made sure to cum all over your face to prove it. 

Michael was silent, staring at him with dangerous eyes. But even still, a taunting smirk was threatening to form on his lips. If only he knew that Michael had ‘his little girl’ on her knees yesterday with his cock down her throat.

Your father was right. He likely wasn’t what was best for you, you could do better. But Michael was a selfish man and you had already allowed yourself to be claimed by him, wanted him just as much as he did you. And he wasn’t going to let anyone take you away from him. The thought that your father was still worried about your cherished chastity with someone like him, just increased the lust fueling in him at the knowledge that he had already tarnished the sweet girl no one expected, or dreamed, to have been ensnared by someone like  him.

“She’s a big girl, now.” He said with a secretive smirk. “And I plan on staying for a very long time” He let his sentence stop there for your sake but the rest of his sentence hung between them in silence. so get used to it. Maybe whatever rich loser you wanted her to be with would be afraid of you or cared, but like you said: I’m not what’s best for her. So I don’t. 

Your father’s voice rose so much Michael was surprised you hadn’t heard and come running to defuse the situation. “Look at you! You can’t expect me to think you have good intentions with a girl that you tower over, one that still looks at the world with wonder and has nothing visibly in common with you. She’s never done drugs, never drank, doesn’t have tattoos, she dresses in pastels for God’s sake. One you can easily manipulate especially as it’s pretty obvious to anyone that has eyes that you are more….lived than she has been. She’s lived a sheltered life and that makes her susceptible to bad influences, one that try to take advantage of her for their own twisted desires or kinks.”

Michael didn’t even know if he could deny the accusation towards his intentions. He loved you, couldn’t imagine spending his life without you. He had nothing but good intentions in being with you. But yet, the intentions that swirled around in his mind constantly, the ones that saw you on your knees, bent over, crying for him, body moving alongside him, eliciting you to do every sinful desire, every bad influence, in his heart were anything but good. Only fueled by your tiny size, how everything about him was too big for you, your innocence and wide eyed look to the world, and how that is visible in the way you dress like a naive slut without even realizing it. You were the completely opposite of him and him being able to taint you, leave his mark on you in that way by using that pureness in all the dirty ways he saw fit was a kink he would never get sick of.

As much as Michael wanted to fight back against his words as angrily as he felt. He didn’t. Because he knew you would come back and fix everything and he didn’t want his lapse of judgement to stick in your father’s memories. Despite what he thought, Michael loved you and knew you enough to know that.

But his words held the same amount of punch nonetheless. “Trust me anything I do to her, I don’t have to manipulate her to do it.” He told you that he’d try with your parents. But he never promised that he would try that hard.

And just like he predicted, you were sprinting over to them in an instant. He could only hope that you hadn’t heard his words, only enough to see your father’s veins practically pop out. You stood between and it might’ve been to spite your father that Michael stood at that moment, resting his hand on your hips and pulling you into him protectively. The top of your head just skimming his chest. Showcasing to your parents in visual terms that he was your boyfriend. Maybe it was their worst decision ever to allow you to move out and into university. But it was too late to regret it now. In fact, watching that realization dawn on them, seeing firsthand just what he had taken from the world, a proper innocent girl. You were his now, introduced to sex and pleasure by his hand, ruining you, when that was never meant to happen, just seemed to stoke the fire burning in him.

“Dad!” You stared at your father with a hurt gaze, allowing your figure to be held tightly by Michael.

+

You sighed dramatically as you entered the kitchen. Knowing that if your mother insisted on coming with you it was because you were about to have a talk, one you definitely did not want to hear.

“Y/N.” She started and you slumped against the counter, crossing your arms defensively. Just when you were starting to think she liked him, that things were going more smoothly than they started to be. 

“If you’re here to judge my boyfriend, I’d rather not hear it, mom.”

Your mother nodded as if she was on your side. “Oh, darling. I know all girls go through this phase of liking the boys like this and you’re in college now so everything seems so new and interesting. But if this is just you rebelling or trying to prove something to your father and I. Like, I don’t know maybe you resent us from keeping you from experiencing your teen years then…”

“A phase?!” You stared at her with horror. “You think this is a phase? That I’m with Michael because I’m trying to prove a point or something, I’ve been with him for 2 years mother!”

“And you are just now introducing us, what does that tell you?”

“That I knew you’d act like this and I didn’t want him to be put in a position where he has to defend his very existence! I’m not ashamed of him.”

Your mother touched her forehead in exasperation. “Listen to yourself defending him. Boys like him…they’re only interested in one thing and I don’t want you getting swept up in it, because it isn’t you. Don’t think Maia hasn’t told me all about him, too” You might kill your best friend before this dinner is over. “I raised a kind, gentle, wholesome girl and I don’t want to see what someone like him can do to that when he is very obviously anything but. He’s a bad influence! Honey, really he looks so cold and tense, like he’s half a beat away from killing someone. Can he really give you the love and care you’re used to? That you deserve? He’s walking a different path than you are. And one day you’ll wake up from this and realize that your father and I are right and that we’re just looking out for what’s best for you. You should be with boys more like you. Like Daniel! You remember him from church when you were little? His mother tells me he studies here too and I hear he has grown up very well, I-”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Was your mother seriously attempting to set you up while your boyfriend was in the other room? 

She was partly right. Michael had been walking a different path than you and he had changed you. He had introduced you to things you never could have imagined and you have been side by side with things you’ve been warned all your life to never partake in but he never forced you, he respected boundaries and he wanted to keep you safe and pure as much as anyone.He taught you everything you knew about the world and what it had to offer, he opened your eyes and other parts of yourself and you never felt more exhilarated and safe than with him.

But how were you supposed to tell her that your love for Michael wasn’t a desperate attempt of rebelling or a phase to do so. That you were already swept up in what ‘boys like him’ wanted and you were all too happy to fulfill that. You loved everything she was warning you about. You loved his possessiveness and how wanted you felt with him, how he treated you like a princess, gently yet so roughly. How he was so much bigger he could throw you around however he wanted and you were oh so happy to be his submissive toy. You felt cared for, despite him looking colder than he really was; in fact even more knowing you were an exception in his life, that he was only that way with you. Everything he taught you about sex and pleasure and how good he made you feel. 

 You weren’t going to wake up one day and see what they claimed was the truth. Because the real truth was, you couldn’t be happier with Michael. A man who respected you and made you feel like the center of the world, you’d never felt more loved and cared for than you did with him. And the thought of dating someone like Daniel when you’d already had a taste of Michael, his danger, his protection, his adoration, was dreadfully boring and distasteful.

You were going over your head how you were going to explain all this when the rough clanging of silverware sounded from the dining room. You’d been with Michael enough to know the sound of problem when you heard it. So you dashed away from the kitchen, leaving your mother to trail behind you without a word.

+ 

You didn’t give anyone a chance to speak. You saw your father’s angry face, replacing his usual collected strict one, but you didn’t even want to hear what Michael could have said to trigger it.

“I was so excited.” Your voice broke despite yourself, your eyes turning glassy. “I was so happy that the three most important people in my life were finally going to meet because I wanted you to love each other just as much as I love each of you.”

You squared your shoulders, happy that your parents were at least giving you the decency of listening. “The last thing I wanted was to subject my boyfriend to feeling inferior or like he isn't welcome or accepted. He doesn’t deserve that and I love him too much to put him in this position.” 

You felt Michael’s hands tighten around your figure but you kept talking. It broke his heart to see just how happy you had started the day and how you had finished it. “He might not be what you expected but I want to make it clear that the way I described him to you when I mentioned him, that is how I see him and it’s not my fault you’re too stuck on appearances or stereotypes to see that. He’s not taking advantage of me and he’s not a bad influence or using me or whatever I represent to satisfy some…perversion or whatever you think.” 

You couldn’t remember the last time you spoke that way to your parents. But at that moment, you couldn’t really care. You were too hurt, the excitement and hope you felt at the beginning was squashed and instead there was just a fierce protectiveness for the love of your life. “Michael tried but you couldn’t even give him that? I love him and he loves me and I've never felt more secure in being loved, adored or protected. He always looks out for me and never lets me do something that is bad for me. He has never pressured me to do anything and in fact, he's stopped me from being pressured to do things I’ve never done or wanted to do before. I can see a future with him and yet my own parents won’t even take the time to get to know him without already having made up their minds.”

It was your tears that had your parents glancing at each other guiltily before back to you. They weren’t being fair and while their minds were certainly not changed about Michael, they understood their need to at least tolerate him, especially when he meant so much to the only person that mattered in their eyes: you.

Your father spoke first, his eyes jumping around to avoid staring directly at Michael but he nodded as he forced his words out. “You’re right, darling. We’re sorry, to you and Michael. I think we just got caught off guard, plus we were already not going to like him - being your first boyfriend and all. Can’t blame us for being worried.”

And Michael should’ve expected it from his too kind girlfriend when you smiled through your shed tears. You nodded at his words as an acceptance of the apology, just happy they gave Michael one in the first place. You sniffled tearfully. “Of course, daddy. Thank you.” 

Okay, Michael would seriously have to force you to stop saying that to your father or else your dad would really hate him. And he’s afraid he wouldn’t give less of a fuck.

But then your parents were sitting down again, a time for a restart and so Michael guided you down, rubbing his hand up and down soothingly on your back. He knew your parents wouldn’t really ever change their minds about him - especially when, if he was honest, a lot of what they said about him deserving you or how he was changing you, were correct. But they didn’t understand your dynamic, that that very corruption of you was his favorite part. And he was teaching you to love it just as much.

“Yes, again, I’m very sorry Michael.” Your mother nodded at him, “And thank you, if all that she just said is true about looking out for her. Actually, we wanted to thank you. Since you started dating, our little bird has really stepped out of her shell.” You whined embarrassed and Michael fought back a smirk, he was helping you with that all right. But maybe your mother wouldn’t be thankful for that if she knew the truth. But your father just nodded along. 

Michael didn’t respond. He wasn't protecting you for your parents, he would protect you even without them. 

“We wondered who this man was that was helping her so much but now I see it’s because you’re so….free spirited” The reference to Michael’s tattoos couldn’t be more obvious. He couldn’t be nice to Michael even if he tried. But maybe a backhanded compliment was better than a boxing match. 

Michael hadn’t even wanted to wear an uncomfortable long sleeved shirt, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hide all his ink anyway and he didn’t really care too much about the difference in your parents reactions if they’ll react negative to their daughters boyfriend having neck and hand tattoos anyway. But right then he thought maybe he had made the best choice. 

Michael watched them carefully. Tolerate. That’s all their new behavior was towards him and he could appreciate that. Because equally, he was forcing himself to be as proper as his mind would let him towards them. Of course, that didn’t mean he was anxious about their acceptance or good feelings towards him.

He had a feeling any future meetings would be like that, the knowing that neither of them really approved of him, the sneaky attempts of guiding you away but the general fake pleasantries thrown his way. And he would try not to ruin that by letting his anger cause him to speak his mind, he could be proper. 

And either you were blissfully unaware of the tense peace compromise between them or you didn’t care, but you just laid your head to rest on his shoulder as you listened to your parents prod more into Michael’s life, asking questions about their daughters boyfriend as if they were accepting him into their lives. You couldn’t be more grateful. And happy. It felt like it was true, your most loved ones were living side by side in harmony. It was everything you wanted and more. A bubbly smile filled your face that your parents, despite themselves, noted how starkly it stood out next to Michael’s tough face. 

They hadn’t tried to take you away from him, you were still in his arms. Along with the pride he felt at you standing up for him when you didn’t have to, when he was very aware of your feelings for him and secure in them. He felt more appreciative than he would ever let you know. All of that that was enough for Michael to play along, play nice and just wait for this entire meeting to be over with. Wait until he could finally be alone with you and content, like he wanted. Like he only ever was when it was just you two.

Besides, despite his best attempts, all these reminders of your differences had left him hornier than he would like to admit. His desires were flaring up to have your parents ‘pure little daughter who he didn’t deserve’ moaning under him. They couldn’t leave fast enough. 

[onebizarrekai]

I think that lucia di lammermoor is one of my new favorite operas not just because of the mad scene but because the opera makes no sense whatsoever

there are literally so many plot holes in the libretto. there are so many unexplained facets of the narrative, unresolved arcs, dialogues that mandate copious creative liberties, things that only happen off-stage, and some unsolvable problems that can only be fixed by cutting things or directing things a certain way. there’s so much nonsense it’s actually hilarious. if you read the source story of the bride of lammermoor the opera diverts quite a bit, but the bride of lammermoor is actually even worse, so let’s put that to the side.

let’s just start from the beginning of the opera, paraphrasing as much as possible. lucia’s evil brother, enrico, is the first lead to greet the stage, minutes after his goony normano. normano tells enrico the tale of how enrico’s archenemy, edgardo, saved the life of lucia, and he reluctantly admits that they are now in love with each other and are secretly meeting up all the time. enrico flips his shit and sings about how he’s going to kill edgardo or whatever. bide the bent (aka raimondo, but schirmir really said bide the bent, whatever the hell that means) exists and does priest stuff because he’s a priest. by the way, there’s this whole thing about how the ashton family (aka lucia and enrico) are protestant and edgardo is catholic and that’s why they hate each other and that’s why there’s a priest.

anyway they all leave, and then lucia and alice enter. lucia is, naturally, waiting for her illegal boyfriend: edgardo. she is very scared because enrico is a piece of shit and wants to kill her boyfriend. alice is like “yo man this is a bad idea” and lucia is like “where’s edgardo” but lucia is also perturbed by something else. she has a ghost story to tell about this nondescript fountain and tells alice about the girl who was killed by her lover at this fountain, and then suddenly goes like “by the way the ghost of the dead woman appeared to me” and like wow ok lucia. after singing about all of the water turning to blood in her hallucination, she proceeds to completely change moods and sing about how much she loves edgardo because she is crazy. after all of this, edgardo finally arrives and tells lucia about how he actually has to go to france to do ambassador stuff and disappear for an indefinite period of time. he says that they should finally tell enrico about their relationship. lucia completely shuts him down, and then edgardo cries about how enrico has killed his family and how she’s the only light of his life. they end up deciding to keep their relationship a secret anyway and then vow to marry each other.

act 2, enrico has ordered normano to forge a break-up letter from edgardo to send it to lucia. normano shows up to give it to enrico, enrico summons lucia into wherever he is to tell her that he needs to marry her off to some other guy in order to save their family. lucia is like “but I’m marrying someone else” and enrico is like “oh yeah? read this” and gives her the letter, and lucia naturally breaks down because it’s a big lie about how edgardo has found someone else in france. she cries about it until this big fanfare plays to welcome her new husband, arturo. at this point lucia is singing about nothing except how much death would benefit her right now. enrico leaves after being an asshole for a few more minutes, and then in comes bide the bent to lecture lucia about the invalidity of her previous marital vows. she leaves to change into a wedding gown.

enter arturo, this random loser that enrico wants lucia to marry. his lines are so cliché that he’s probably reading them off a sheet of paper (which is exactly how we staged the production I am currently doing). somehow arturo knows about lucia’s affair with edgardo because those two were actually horrible at being secretive, but also he doesn’t care because he gets to marry a hottie. enrico tells arturo about how lucia’s mother died and that’s why she’s crying about the wedding. lo and behold, lucia enters and she is crying. they hold the wedding right then and there under the Authority™ of bide the bent, enrico forces lucia to sign the wedding documents, and then everyone is like “wait who’s at the door?” and then EDGARDO BREAKS IN and he’s like “EDGAAAAAARDO” and they sing a whole sextet that borders a confusion ensemble except it’s a bel canto tragedy.

edgardo is like “yeah man! it’s my right to be here since I’m engaged to lucia!” and enrico is like “PSH” and bide the bent comes up like “sorry she just signed this Other Marriage Contract” and shows it to edgardo and edgardo is like WHAT and he comes up to lucia like BRUH YOU DONE THIS?? and lucia doesn’t even know what’s happening at this point, she’s just like “yes?? but” and then edgardo takes off his ring and hers and then throws a temper tantrum before he gets kicked out.

behold the wolf’s craig duet, the most stupid and pointless thing in this opera considering what happens later. enrico barges into edgardo’s house and they sing about how they’re going to kill each other and duel at the graveyard. that’s it. there’s probably sexual tension.

after that, there’s a wedding party, except with a Horrifying Twist. lucia goes upstairs with arturo and fucking kills him. having lost her mind, she comes out covered in blood and sings for like twenty minutes in a very impressive manor. she collapses on the floor at the very end.

there’s a random recit right afterwards where enrico, bide the bent and normano briefly talk about lucia losing her mind. while enrico is crying about lucia, bide the bent literally blames normano of all people, who did exactly nothing, for every bad thing that happened to lucia.

the final scene begins at the graveyard. now, I know what you’re thinking. edgardo and enrico promised to duel each other here, right? right! so where the hell is enrico? I dunno, not here. edgardo is here, and he’s crying and stuff about his dead father. he’s very sad and probably wants to perish. a chorus shows up mourning something. edgardo asks about it and no one wants to tell him. bide the bent appears in all his priestliness and tells edgardo that lucia is now in heaven. how did she die? beats me. she died of insanity or something. edgardo has lost the final thing in his life that matters to him, so he decides to “go see her” and stabs himself.

the opera ends.

welcome to lucia di lammermoor. now, some of these plot holes are resolvable through directing. for example, lucia’s insanity is inexplicable in the libretto. nobody is just sad about their boyfriend and commits murder–granted, her first aria had her singing about a ghost and a fountain of blood. why’s she like this, though? she’s probably not ok. so like, some people explain this by making enrico way way worse than just a big liar. in the production that I’m doing, enrico is being depicted as sexually abusive towards lucia, and like, yeah that helps do some explaining. but you know what it doesn’t help? the parts of the opera that normally get cut, like the stupidass wolf’s craig duet that exists for no reason and usually gets cut because it makes no sense. also, the scene right after the mad scene where bide the bent comically blames normano for everything even though it is clearly enrico’s fault and enrico is randomly mourning lucia even though he was horrible to her for the whole opera. unfortunately, when you have companies like the met, which do full operas with no cuts, you get the whole, nonsensical story in its full glory, not to mention the met tends to shy away from taking creative liberties with the directing.

so like, why do I say this opera is a new favorite? well, aside from it being fun to sing, since I’m doing it for the first time, it’s absolutely hilarious to consider who the real mastermind here is, since for some reason, the librettist seems to think that it’s normano. you have to make up so much subtext in this story in order to even make it begin to make sense, so how far can you take it? how much nonsense can you create?

easy mode is assuming the mastermind is enrico. he’s a horrible person. obviously bide the bent accuses normano because he’s trying to divert the blame from enrico, who may or may not kill him if he says the truth. however, enrico does not go to the graveyard to kill edgardo and tie off loose ends (which I personally think he should have). enrico just kind of disappears, honestly, in spite of being the main bad guy.

bide the bent is another viable option. he blames normano to divert attention from himself. he plays the role of the peacemaker between edgardo and enrico during the sextet, but it’s all a sham. the reason bide the bent appears in the final graveyard scene is because he’s the true villain here. he simply took advantage of everyone around him in order to make sure everything went according to plan. enrico’s bs towards lucia, lucia’s insanity, edgardo’s depression, normano loyalty, the whole deal. he wishes to rise in power… perhaps the reason enrico does not show up in the final scene is because bide the bent has already disposed of him.

what if it was edgardo? what if he and lucia devised a plan to create an opening that would allow them to run away? what if arturo was in on it? lucia pretends to murder arturo, pretends to go insane, and the plan was to finally flee with edgardo… but then they were INTERCEPTED. their plan was ruined. lucia was disposed of by the enemy off-stage and it was too late. they claim she died of insanity, but she was killed by normano under enrico’s orders, or whoever else is the designated evil one here.

in the met, for some reason, they decide to have lucia’s ghost come in during the final scene and silently “coerce” edgardo into ending his life, which sounds cool, but it was ridiculous. I just remember the blood bag being in the wrong place so he had to stab himself in the kidney and lucia actually pushed the prop knife in like she wasn’t literally a ghost. there was also a ghost during lucia’s first aria that totally upstaged her. this opens up many stupid doors for directing such as arturo’s ghost returning as well if need be. anyone’s ghost could be there. ghosts canonically exist at the met. arturo could be fortnite dancing during the mad scene.

behold, a terrible take. edgardo is having a secret affair after all, but he’s having an affair with enrico. enrico is enraged when he discovers edgardo’s relationship with his sister because he thought that THEY had a thing. he vengefully tries to break them up by marrying lucia off to arturo. enrico and edgardo sing the wolf’s craig duet as a not-tragic breakup song.

honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in this goddamn cast was sleeping with each other. the possibilities are endless

during the staging period of the show, we all came up with so many stupid and hilarious ideas that we could stage an entire comedy version of this opera. maybe one day it could happen. maybe…

anyway it’s like midnight and I’m doing my cast’s performance of this opera in two days, and I just drove home a while ago from performance 1 today talking with my family about all of these stupid possibilities, so it’s all on my mind. at least the mad scene is fun to sing

[railroad-migraine]

Oh babe, do I have tea for you. This is fully a rant so by all means feel free to ignore/delete.

But man oh man

Context: my friends roommate got a crush on me (a very obvious one) and we went to a party during which I held his (and my other friends) hand as to not get lost in the crowd. That apparently translated to me "leading him on" when I, the next day, gently rejected him by saying I'm not looking for a relationship. My closet irl friend took his side, was off with me for weeks, only for me to find out not even three days after the party the same guy who's "heart I broke" was flirting and trying to get with my own roommate (which I didn't mind since ofc I didn't like him, which is why I rejected him, but he still made a big deal over it?? Even tho he clearly wasn't as "depressed" about it as he claimed??). When I decided to talk it out, I was made out to be the bad guy too!

I'm mostly mad, kinda sad, and just missing my CR boys because comfort characters, who can't you be real 😭 (tl;dr I hate my university sometimes)

"Not all men" You're right Dorian Storm, Ashton Greymoore and Mollymauk Tealeaf would never

- 🌸

OMG 🌸 Ty for sharing with me, I love uni gossip. Long ass reply incoming, lemme dissect this scalding hot tea and provide some of my own ☕:

First off, I'm sorry that you had to go through the miscommunication and drama. People can suck and make you feel sucky, but you're amazing and you handled the situation well!! You didn't lead anyone on; some folks romanticise people/actions in their heads and think simple platonic acts are romantic. You didn't give into pressure and stood up for your feelings which is something I only started to do in the last couple years. You deserve someone who's easy to read and who gets you, and who doesn't make you feel uncomfy or make you out to be the "bad guy."

You're doing great lovely, I hope things get better asap xx

Second, oh my gosh what is it with university??

Like, as of right now, I haven't had too much experience with relationships honhonhon because I wanted to look after myself and my studies. Pre uni, I had been flirted with and been on "not dates" that were in fact dates, but I only realised it after going on them lol #oblivious. But ever since I joined college, people who I have no interest in have misjudged my friendliness and mistaken it for flirting. And I'm just here like "🧍 I don't know what my type is, but it's not you lol."

I met this one dude on the first day, and we hit it off cuz he also watches Critical Role (I don't have any critter friends irl so I was thrilled!), but I ruled him off my potential suitor list because he mentioned that he was looking forward to getting black out drunk at his fast approaching prom(?) (it's not called that where I'm from but it's a universal word for a dance after your final year of high school before going to college idk idk), and I'm not really into that as a lifestyle but I was happy being a friend of his :)

I didn't hear from him for like a month cuz we're in different courses, but he randomly hit me up TWO DAYS BEFORE HIS PROM asking me to be his date and I replied "bro idk how to tell you this but I didn't even go to my OWN prom I have nothing to wear XD" (I celebrated my highschool graduation with my closest friends privately instead) But like, imagine if I had said yes. He would've gotten so drunk, possibly pass out, and I would be basically by myself, with no one who I knew around, for like five hours, at a venue two hours away from where I live. Basically in the middle of nowhere. Like no thank you: I'd be miserable x

Honestly I've experienced so much in my first year of uni life, but I'm hoping to be more active in clubs and all next year and maybe take a dip in the dating pool (and pursue someone I actually like) if I manage to scramble together some confidence 💜

Also I completely agree: the CR babes would treat you right, absolutely, 1,000% 👌

[punkrockgenasiashton]

So, I haven’t rewatched episode 1 of campaign 3 yet (I probably will this weekend because you miss some stuff watching it with people reacting), but having slept on it and collected my thoughts a little I figured I’d put them down on a page. 

First and foremost, and the biggest reason I want to rewatch it, is the setting. Idk if it was just how tired I was, the fact that friends and I were talking a bit, but I didn’t feel like I got sucked all the way into Marquet, or the city that they’re in. From the bits I did absorb it sounded incredible and lovely, and I’d like very much to fully submerge myself in it. 

I love all the characters. Imogen’s seemingly simple goal of just getting into the dang library leaves a lot of room to play with and asks all sorts of questions about why she wants in there. Ashton, clearly by my already brand new blog name, is an early favorite. I’ve already seen people point out the similarities between Ashton and Molly, but I think those are surface level/aesthetic at most. Ashton’s whole attitude is something I vibe with much more than I ever did Molly (who I found stuck up). Laudna is mine (and Imogen’s?) goth girlfriend and anyone slandering her name will be ended. Also because she mentioned she’s from Whitestone there’s already a whole lot of theories floating around. To step on a rake again (I got Artagan isn’t the Traveler AND Werewolf Caleb dead wrong), I think this is a red herring. At this point we’re ~50-60 years since Whitestone fell to the Briarwoods, I think Laudna being from Whitestone is incidental. Finally, for brand new characters, I would take a bullet for Freshly Cut Grass and put a bullet in anyone attempting to make their day slightly worse. 

Now, for the contentious bit. As I said, I love the characters, they all seem deep and interesting and worthy of exploration, but the characters chosen, the mechanics of the game behind one, and their introduction has set me a bit unease. I’m talking, specifically of course, about the ExU crew and the return of Bertarum Bell. 

Let’s start with Bell. I love Travis’ portrayal of him, and if I’m wrong and he’s around for the long haul I’ll be pumped for it. That said, it very much feels like he’s a temporary character. His age, the fact that he was originally introduced as a level 18 character in a campaign 1 one shot but is now level 5, the fact that he’s two (important) levels ahead of the rest of the party, and his interactions with the party (acting as almost a talent scout or a head hunter) all give the distinct impression that he’s less of a long term character and more of a plot device to put the group in contact with the orc man they met at the end of the episode. 

And that leaves the ExU folks. (and for the record this is coming from somebody who hasn’t found time to watch ExU) Individually, as characters, I think they’re great. I already love Fearne’s kinda spacy weirdness. She’s the criminal stoner to Cad’s chill stoner and I love her for it. Dorian has anxiety and is a hot boi, but I didn’t really get anything else from him. Robbie has a great energy though ooc. Orym’s also a bit of a mystery. I love how Liam verbalizes his combat though. Tricky fucker is bouncing around all over the place. That said, their mission to find someone and bring them back to Tal’dorei also gives the vibe that their temporary characters. 

And the fact that exactly half the party feels like they’re stand in/temporary characters leaves me with a sense of...unease and unpredictability. And not the “I’m excited to see what happens next” kind of unpredictability, but the “I’m nervous this entire thing is going to fall apart or worse the players will try to hold it together despite there being no narrative or character purpose to do so” kind. 

There’s also something just...odd about only one player character being confirmed as from Marquet, and that one character having spent a large and recent chunk of time away from there. I know they stressed that story is only ‘beginning’ in Marquet, but it really does feel like a large chunk of the party would leave Marquet tomorrow if, say Imogen and Laudna learn about the Cobalt Soul libraries and Ashton heard he could get work in Emon. 

Also, and this is just a personal grumpy note, I would really like to know the player’s subclasses please. Combat is much more engaging and easier to enjoy if you’re not spending most of it asking the person you’re watching with or yourself “wait, what are they doing? How are they doing it?” Obviously some surprises are nice, but part of my enjoyment of combat is like watching a sport or a super hero movie, I like to know what the guys I’m rooting for are capable of. 

That said, overall I am excited. I’m not going to stop watching because of my dislikes and initial reactions to the ExU crew and Bell’s seeming temporary status. I’m pumped to see what stories Matt’s going to tell, and to the party’s credit, one episode in, they seem to be far more willing to engage in Plot than the Nein did early on.

Anyway, I’d love to hear anyone’s opinions, either in agreement or dissenting.