#also yes i'm also thinking ABOUT LALO

[reztruck]

can't stop thinking about citizen kane...

[richeeduvie]

Birds of a Feather || PART TWO

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

TWO: Take It From The Top Darkish!Aaron Hotchner x Reader

-- PART ONE -- RICHEEDUVIE'S MASTERLIST --

How you got onto the team. When it was over for him, and as tragedies and love stories go, it's always at the beginning. Aaron knew it even then, the way he was thinking about this woman who he just met - the way his head twisted slight attraction into...not so much more. Aaron can always convince himself, for the sake of you and team and his mind, that it's nothing at all.

But this is only the beginning, even then, he knew it was going to get worse as the months went on.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

5K WORDS

WARNING: Same as Part One. Slow burn? Mentions of death, violence, things of a graphic nature. Criminal minds stuff. pre-Jealous, possessive, and overprotective Hotchner. Entitled behavior. Toxic thought process, not behavior and relationships yet. OC!Hotch sorta cause I don't think he'd turn into this crazy of a person, but reader's just that hot lol. More tags to come maybe cause Hotch is only going to get worse. Maybe reader POV next part?

BCS AND SUCC SUCC GIRLIES I'M SORRY MY MOM IS MAKING ME REWATCH CRIMINAL MINDS AND SHE'S JUST GOTTEN SURGERY, YOU CAN'T BLAME A WOMAN WHO HAS GOTTEN SURGERY...You should be thinking Hotch Daddy any writing motivates me to write about Princesa chugging Lalo's cock down her throat, or a mewling Roman.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

Six Months Earlier. Following The Day You Met The Team.

As you got around to reading about him, Hotch got around to reading about you in his hotel room, just an hour and a half away from his actual home. It was easier to ignore the way you looked in the station, the bright ray of life that was searing in your smile. It was also too easy to ignore how ridiculous it is to feel that way about a person, a young woman he just met. 

But the others saw it too. 

It didn’t take an FBI profiler to know that you have a habit of…brightening the world around you. When he didn’t know you all that well, it was a fact. Barely interesting at most. There isn’t a need for, and yes, it’s a juvenile description, but a bubbly person…bubbling when three women are dead and there’s supposed to be two more on the way. But it doesn’t take away from anything, the same way Garcia’s demeanor never takes away the fact that she gets the job done every time. 

It didn't take FBI agents to see what you were. Young, bright, and extremely talented when it came to your work. An ebullient woman at her most nervous. You were there helping them and in that, he saw his team become bright themselves under the way you spoke. Even when you curse a bit too much under your breath, the one thing they would learn goes against your wholesomeness, things like that and your general self-deprecation, your inward agitation, they all found it endearing. 

Aaron would not. He would not find anything platonically endearing as much as he did not find those sorts of things attractively endearing. But maybe now, it’s those things he takes as reason to see you as a person to protect, to shelter. 

In the six months he’s had you on the team, you’ve proven you’re more than capable of protecting yourself, that a bubbly, kind personality doesn’t mean defenselessness. With time passing, Aaron has slowly cared less and less about attempting not to see you as the opposite for his own selfish reasons. 

But if they’re there, he doesn’t know what the reasons are. If he can’t, isn’t it more likely for you to be more defenseless and in need of safety than you seem? But it shouldn’t matter, either way. He won’t do anything with it. 

Won’t act on anything. 

A profile (which is what people call them actually, he's sure) in the New Yorker is objectively impressive. Aaron can't beat around that. 

It was bare when it came to the personal aspects of your life, nothing much outside of your self-subsistent career. At the time, it felt disrespectful of a talented, well-meaning and investigative stranger to press thought onto the parts that detailed questions and paragraphs of your familial issues with your previous partner, family in general - bits of it went into questioning on how it affected your career, your desire to help people, even your obvious and innate skill on empathic investigation. Aaron wished he could say there was no reason to ask those questions. With morals? There was every reason not to go there, but in his career, he makes those relations day after day. 

No, he did not press on it. 

Name, age. A more detailed version of what you gave when you met the team. He did not press thought onto the little personal aspects that were given.  

‘In scribblings on blogs and smaller articles, there’s always the implication that the reason why Girl Sherlock is so motivated within her work is that said motivation is a result of her past issues surrounding her family, particularly with her father and ex-boyfriend, Anthony. When pushed on this, the young investigator makes sure to make no comment of substance.’ 

“There’s nothing there that would help people realize who I am and why I do what I do.” 

‘Out of respect, I do not ask further. Out of the need for the truth, more in-depth research done after the actual interview leads to records of her parent’s divorce papers. Family-wise, there is not much information that can be found besides the separation of the mother and father. But, it’s the multiple domestic violence charges against Anthony Bogosian that bring concern. There was no conviction. Though the assumption is that the general audience of her work as well as this profile is an audience not made up of private profilers, it doesn’t take much to assume that if Girl Sherlock was the recipient of abuse, it would explain why she especially takes to cases of a domestic nature.’ 

The actual day, the first one with you went smoothly. There would not be a chance where the team didn’t make a comment on you the moment you left the room. 

“I lost my red-bottom heel at a bar called Charm’s Chamber when I was twenty-six.” 

“I’m not that much older, but when I was twent-” 

“We know which degree you finished earning while at the BAU when you were her age, Reid.” 

Reid went silent after Emily’s needed interruption. 

“Three serial killers. Or…what she thought was three at first, doing all that? Bringing this here?” Derek’s leanback was a gesture to the table, the files. “It’s crazy, and were these all cases the FBI rejected?” 

Aaron saw the way J.J’s eyes and its blue shift were a flinch in a way. He didn’t blink as he stood to look at the board. “There were cases I thought took priority, I mean…I remember the Wyoming Skinner but we had-I mean…I don’t know how we, I didn’t go back on it-” 

“It’s not your fault, don’t dwell on it.” 

He could imagine J.J looking at him. “Yeah, J.J. I didn’t mean to call you out. It’s not your fault there’s too many psychos across the states, we’ve seen it. But I don’t know how I haven’t heard of her, a private investigator can have their hits, I know some who were former feds but this? I was reading up on her-” 

“Me too.” 

“I already knew.” 

“It’s crazy, man. It’s a real help anyway. But a big accusation, one killer with three northern state personas - with different signatures. But she explained.” 

That you did. Well and nervous. Aaron could see how you took Rossi’s word, but the bite of your lips, the slow-down of your fingers tapping unevenly on the table. 

“You can take it slow.” 

Rossi’s compassion for his team has always worked better than his spitefulness towards an unsub.

He turned away from the board. Then they were looking at you just outside of the station, on the ground squatting in search of a hairclip. 

“She explained.” 

He still doesn’t understand how you could’ve been so caught up in looking for it. And Aaron didn’t know the team thought he was going to say more. 

“...Hotch?” 

He turned away. 

They were all just looking at him. 

“But Morgan’s right, it is a big accusation. I think we’ll have to find more substantial evidence that can prove it could be the same unsub. I already have Garcia working on similar cases in Ohio and Montana in general, more vague research. We have to start big.” 

He turned back, your hair was falling over. He didn’t sigh, but he felt like he should’ve. You were getting your hands dirty.

“Should somebody help her?” 

It was Morgan again. 

“I’ll go, I’ve been meaning to ask her what she meant when she described her investigative method as ‘interpreting the evidence’.” 

Reid went quickly, leaving his messenger bag behind. Aaron turned back to the group, he watched Emily and she shuffled through the files. 

“Well, even though I think she meant her method was a glorified version of profiling, it’s all impressive. I mean…this is, I don’t mean to fawn…we’ve had good men and women in stations all over who knew how to do their job and do it more than well but she’s done all of this alone and she does it as if it’s a door-to-door salesman sort of deal.” 

Emily put that slight and dragging emphasis on every sixth to seventh word as she leaned over the table. 

He remembers thinking then, that maybe he did press a little. Aaron thought that Garcia most definitely could’ve done a better job finding out about your life than that New Yorker journalist could’ve done about you. 

“It’s obvious she’s very skilled. But we haven’t seen her out in the field.” 

There was silence that he didn’t know meant something, Rossi’s eyes meeting Morgan’s. J.J’s meeting Prentiss’s.

“Out in the field? I don’t think she’s even been out in the field, she’s a talented investigator with what looks to be a budget of seventy dollars, not an official agent in training.” 

Aaron pressed his middle finger to the tip of his thumb, eyes unblinking at Rossi leaned back in his chair. 

“Are we taking her out for investigational interviews…or to wherever the unsub drops the next victim if he has a chance?” 

They were all staring at him. Again. To him. 

“If she came out from San Diego to be here and if she’s been allowed on three cases where victims were being skinned, decapitated, brutalized, then there shouldn’t be the assumption she can’t handle what we’ll find here. She’s come here to make a stretched accusation, she’ll make herself useful. 

It came out harsher than expected. Not in tone, every word is punctual, calm as Aaron makes them, maybe slightly lower. But the words themselves were nearly demeaning. He didn’t know why. There was nothing about your cheerful, bloomed nature that he came to resent yet. Maybe it was how Hotch himself came to be, a man already cold and colder and closed off due to everything and everything, so a beautiful woman who smiled too much, who managed to get Doctor Spencer Reid on the concrete was someone his brain immediately chose to be more cautious around. Showing any other personality that wasn’t stoic, but not unkind would not be suitable. 

Maybe his subconscious was already trying to save himself from the beginning. 

“There goes his germophobia.” 

“It doesn’t take a lot to get a man doing something he’d never think to do for a woman he thinks is pretty.” 

Prentiss scoffed, arms crossed with a stare on Morgan. “He’s known her for twenty minutes.” 

“It usually takes less.” 

The women of the team shook their heads, a humorous and semi-truth from Rossi that Hotch guessed they agreed with, but Prentiss’s head gestured towards the station’s door. “She’s…bubbly. With the mouth of a sailor.” 

His exact description. He followed her stare to the doorway, Reid was there. He couldn’t fault the younger agent on his team for thinking you were pretty. It was amusing as well, to see Reid with his knees digging into the concrete. Good exercise for him, really - and it was even more amusing to see him so readily open…almost in admiration for Girl Sherlock. 

When Hotch thinks of this memory, it’s near-guilt. What he felt at the sight of you and you and Spencer was humorous amusement, it didn't feel that way. 

There’s less near-guilt when he feels like he should blame you. 

“Let’s move before she loses something else.” 

Aaron didn’t mean it as a joke, but with the way he saw the team react, it’s like he did - which usually when he does, they always act as if it’s the first time he’s ever made one. But they went, Rossi pulling on Reid’s ear on the way out. 

A smile from you to each profiled passing by, a clip now in your hair. 

Why couldn’t he look away?

A smile up at him. 

“Are you willing to come with us to the dumpsite?” 

Eyes widening and the smile up at him. A pretty girl who has nothing to smile about, but it was exciting to you, he guesses. Aaron can’t remember if it was ever exciting to him, the means of the job were always just a duty, even when he was younger. 

“Yes, I’d be honored - or…not…it’s dumpsite so not particularly excited that it’s happening, but-” 

“You’ll take the car with me and Rossi.” 

You nodded. “Yes, sir.” 

And like the stereotypical mimicry that exists when you stand in front of someone so open - objectively attractive, he nodded too. 

His eyes flickered. 

“Hotch…or Hotchner will do. But if you’re used to sir, I can’t stop you.” 

That was the first time he talked to you outside of when you met him. It was met with another smile. 

“No figure of authority has ever been able to stop me.” 

Hotch was sure you meant that to be a joke, and he gave it to you. It was funny. You’re a funny girl. You know how to light the room up even without an intentional joke, which you might find a negative - when your cursing or stumbled ramblings end in someone else’s laughter. But it’s not, it could never be. He’s sorry enough that he doesn’t give in more often, nothing more than a small, sly smile. 

Like the one he gave then.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.

Aaron flexed his hand in the hotel bed, it was 2:12am. In a few days, you were found to be right about the killers being a singular monster. One for no particular reason other than a dangerous mix of sadism and psychopathy. A man born in Montana who traveled the northern states for his job, and with each state - five women were to be killed. In all the Northern U.S states. Every single one. 

There was difficulty in finding him to be that one unsub because in his words….in his words, 

“I wanted to, I could. I did.” 

Michael Bakalova. The Akron Phantom, the Wyoming Skinner, the Northwind Killer. When the news broke of his capture, the outlets named him the North American Butcher. Those were names Hotch didn’t want to remember, he was to go against the news cycle and the grain and remember his victims because he knows there’s more outside of what they found. But he thought of Michael Bakalova and what he said when they caught him. 

Those women weren’t surrogates, not one was a target of his rage for a reason other than he wanted to, he could. He did. But in the brutality, there wasn’t any rage, no. 

Pure satisfaction, bliss. It’s what Aaron couldn’t find even after they caught him. But they found that sort of reaction in the kills with you at the station, team in a circle. Penelope on the screen. 

“I see we’re just letting any cutie waltz right into a case, huh?” 

“Garcia.” 

“Sorry, sorry, Boss! I’m Penelope.” 

“What did you find?” 

Aaron doesn’t know when he doesn’t have his arms crossed or straight at his sides. But you were there before you went to look for that clip of yours and your eyes would meet his. And Aaron…he’s lucky enough that he feels that it’s absurd that he prides himself in the way he doesn’t bash and turn away like a schoolboy. That pride acknowledges there’s something in his hands and chest when he looks at you, and feels it’s absurd is self-awareness. 

You always turn away first. He won’t ever be the first one to look away. 

“I like your pink pen edging into view.”

“She has a similar one.” 

They looked to him. You looked to him, eyes wide and bright. That’s all you, you can’t force that type of light to shine. Heaven knows he tried with Haley, for her. To let up on his serious nature, it was easier earlier in their relationship, it’s easy with Jack. But you make figurative gleaming seem like there’s nothing to it. 

But sometimes, in the dark, Aaron thinks about you and realizes that the light can’t be figurative, that he sees it on your skin and through your clothes. In your smile, it’s why he can’t look away. 

“...I didn’t pull that one out.” 

The fluffy blue pen that hid in your bag, Aaron could make the deduction that you, already nervous and having presumably little experience with federal agencies and this area of professionalism, that that pen would not be suitable, it would demean you by looks alone. And he doesn’t know why…to put it objectively, called you out. 

“It’s peeking out of your bag.” 

But Garcia’s presence let you know a pen that’s fluffy is more than okay. And…Aaron wanted that out of his presence too, though he still thinks that’s unnatural. It’s not possible when you’re you in the saw and he’s him in crossed arms. 

“Sir…I don’t know how to respond to that, because that has never happened before - so yes, what I’ve found-” 

Moth to a flame, bird into the sun. Something he’ll forget he thought about himself to convince himself that there are no feelings. There is nothing different about you. 

Michael Bakalova and his names and names made Aaron’s chest break back against his lungs every time he took a breath, it made him feel like he would drown in the sheets - but then he’d flex his hand and unfortunately, a breath would let up when the movement would trigger the memory of helping you over a step. 

“Thank you, Sir Hotchner.” 

It wasn’t a joke, you brought your voice to a lower tone. You meant to call him that with maturity. 

Amusing girl. 

Soft hands, kind squeezes so carefully that Aaron can assume that you think you’ll somehow hurt him. That’s not possible. Not just because you’re you, but he’s him…

What could you do that’d hurt him? Nothing, he’s sure. Maybe if he could think of things, he wouldn’t view you as defenseless as he does. But Aaron knows he’s wrong in that too. 

They couldn’t have done it without you. Ignoring the unfortunate name Girl Sherlock, you were extremely talented. Are. But then, to see you in your element and in the field. You were natural within the investigative questioning when it came to people relevant to the victims. The questions and insights you had at the dumpsites (Talent and passion didn’t defeat the fact they needed Michael Bakalova to kill another victim while they were on the case to find him, it never does). 

You were amazing. And the sun shined down on you well. You take light in well. 

“You can take off that coat.” 

He didn’t see the way Rossi’s head tilted his way, eyes slightly smaller. A thought growing in smugness. You smiled.

Aaron looked at the grass under his shoe, there was mud on leather. There was dirt on your knees. Why are you getting yourself dirty when you don’t have to? What’s so important about a clip that you brown the softness of your hands? Where did you learn that that was okay? That it was okay to take the help of strangers? Reid, a good, overzealous and well-meaning stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. 

He stared right into you, unsmiling. His suggestion was genuine and unhumorous, but you brightened under the sun nonetheless. 

“It’s cold. That’s Virginia's fault. Not mine. But thank you. And this, obviously it’s miles - across state lines but I’m telling you, if you look at the dumpsites in Wyoming, Ohio, and Montana. It’s nearly the same. Country-like backroads. They’re all distant from each other, but it’s an area he feels comfortable in. That couldn’t be just chance.” 

“But change in signature, that means we need to make up for that assumption with more evidence.” 

His head followed yours as you looked around. 

“It has breaks in between, there’s no physical evidence to say he’s just picking a method of kill and torture to have fun with it…but it’s not like it’s different with each victim. Five decapitated one state, five skinned in another.” 

You were looking towards a tree, and it would’ve only been you to know that that tree made a difference, you were there three states before. 

“What is it?” 

“..I’ll be back.” 

He remembers the way he and Rossi looked at each other while you were off with a confused-looking police officer. 

“So this is what Arthur Conan Doyle was going on about.” 

“Dave.” 

“Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sorry, Sir Hotchner.” 

Aaron nearly glared. Rossi and him slowly made their way towards you. 

“Think of it, we’re Scotland Yard. Have you talked to her officially? Besides when she greeted us and when you asked her to come with us.” 

“What do you think there is to talk to her about? Officially and alone?” 

“I don’t know, I think she’s an interesting case. I like her, she’d be a good fit. Reid can give you a detailed recommendation, apparently.” 

“It’s a lot, and she’s just a consultant. We’ve had those before, she is…unique. It’s admirable, but it’s a stretched suggestion.” 

“You’ve used that word twice today, and I do understand. But I don’t know why you would say it as if you haven’t been observing her like this case is her pre-BAU assessment.” 

Aaron stepped over a leaf. “Have you taken to her, David?” 

“...Wouldn’t hurt to have another nice newbie agent around. Work on the lectures and lessons through someone who needs it.” 

“You mean a fan?” 

“Oh, she knows you too. Remember?” 

He wouldn’t indulge Rossi with a slight smile and softening on a brow with that one as they met up with you. 

“Before I ramble on again, I apologize for the rambling and the murder exposition vomit back at the station. I don’t mean to toot my own horn - or use the word toot but I am proud of my work…but you guys are the agents, I could’ve just thrown you the papers and you would’ve gotten here with me.” 

“Nevermind that, kid. We’ve had worse. Speaking of which, if Reid comes at you again with his tangents, don’t be afraid to tell him to stop. Or walk away.” 

Aaron remembered Reid’s ramblings, ones that were fascinating, not in topic - but to see Spencer believe you’d be interested in what he had to say, another person around his age with interests he knew…from your online, blogging persona. The team saw you. 

“Nightmare on Elm Street was actually inspired by Wes Craven reading the news. Throughout 1981, the Los Angeles Times ran a series of articles about otherwise healthy Laotian refugees who had mysteriously died in their sleep, apparently after experiencing violent nightmares-” 

“Reid.” 

He saw you. 

Of course, he didn’t give you a gun and let you on a chase through streets for a serial killer even though he’s sure Rossi would’ve let you if given the chance. 

He didn’t let you anywhere near Michael when it came down to catching him. And that was right, what he said gave him reason to let you on a plane back to San Diego, despite the team’s (Rossi’s knowing eyes, Reid not so obvious obvious platonic gushings over you) want to let you have at the BAU, despite Hotch himself knowing if he give someone a chance, it’d be you. But Hotch tries to forget about what he said, because he didn’t let you go home to San Diego. And he’s finding himself more of a fool every time he convinces himself that it was for the team. 

It was for the team. 

But the one who brought the case together for the team sat at the police station, waiting patiently to see if the case she worked so hard on for months, through victims and victim’s parents, loved ones. 

“It’s over?” 

He nodded. 

“It’s over.”

And in the fluorescent lights of the station, he saw your smile as he did and has and will a thousand times over. But it wasn't genuine. The cases you worked so hard on, the passion you put in to bring families closure - not out of government duty with a team that’s family, but instead alone…there was no closure for you. You weren’t satisfied. 

You were like them at the end of every other case. 

“I have to stop through Wyoming. And Ohio. And Montana. I need to tell those families in person, they’ve probably already caught the news but…I think it’ll do good. Or maybe it’s selfishness, because I know I have to.” 

His head lowered slightly. “It’s not selfish. Those families came to you, you became attached to their closure. You deserve to let that in with them as much as families do.” 

You nodded, but then you disagreed. “Maybe a little less than them?” 

Aaron took a pause. You asked like he would change his mind on what he just said. 

Amusing. Taunting. Teasing. 

Maybe he was thinking your smile was cheekier than it was, because what would it mean that you would do that to him? That you liked him then? No, not you. Not a young, beautiful woman who sees he doesn’t smile or laugh because it’s not the job, it’s not just him and he won’t indulge you. Not when you just met him and you know he’s a widower with a six year old son. 

It’s that, or it’s just that you were having your fun. He wouldn’t appreciate that. 

Not at all. 

He didn't think of his slight smile through then. He couldn’t, you were in front of him - he wasn’t in bed flexing a hand. 

“Maybe a little less, then.” 

And there was silence between the both of you, but the world around kept itself busy because the team was all over, exhausted. There was still paperwork to do, reporters everywhere. But Hotch can’t remember how it just got to be the two of you. 

He pressed his middle finger into his thumb, trying to mimic a heartbeat because it was fatuous, the way his heart sped up. 

You’re just a talented woman that would make a great profiler. But he would have to think logically. He did in the moment. Maybe it’s an exaggeration to say he knew from the start that you would be on his team, there were slew of issues to expand on. One, the fact that you weren’t an FBI agent. You (according to your New Yorker profile) had no law enforcement experience to begin with. You didn’t live in Virginia. You were twenty-six. Reid was barely thirty but he had five degrees or so to make up for it. And heart. 

You had heart. He could see it, smile or not. 

Aaron remembers making the choice to turn his head away from you. 

“So…is the BAU hiring?” 

It snapped back. So quickly to the point where it caught your smile dropping. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, that was-that was a joke-” 

“Let’s get you back to the hotel.”

“...Really, I-” 

“It’s alright. Let’s go back.” 

And his hand just hovered over your back. It’s not like he’d feel the way your back curved under the coat you wore for the whole case. Hotch didn’t, still doesn’t want to realize that he would’ve let his hand touch, actually touch if it was anyone else - but with you, this woman with her hair behind her ears - the one who waited patiently at the station and watched aimfully as Michael Bakalova passed her and into a cell. It felt like it would’ve been disrespectful. 

The thoughts towards you aim differently than everyone else, even then. His touch would make his heart beat quicker and he would think about the one moment where he did touch you. Over and over in his hotel room, then in his own bed. 

And it was as if the thoughts would’ve shifted further down if he did touch the small of your back. 

But Aaron should’ve, because it didn’t matter anyway. The thoughts shifted down nonetheless, and they do with every passing night and smile. Your smiles have to be natural, effortless - unknowing and naive to what it does to him, which wouldn’t be your fault, his face and stern lines never give way. 

But if the smiles aren’t, the giggles, the head tilts, if they are not naive and defenseless and in need of protection and are instead purposeful flirtations, moments where you revel in making him suffer and harden…Aaron will not appreciate it at all. He will not tolerate that sort of behavior. That won’t get past him. 

And he wouldn’t put punishing you past him. 

“Thank you, Sir.” 

Then you smiled at him. 

He led you up to your hotel room, a fortunate coincidence that you took the same hotel the tema did, Aaron didn’t have the means or awareness to think those kinds of thoughts. 

He was trying to remember when he saw a face he couldn’t stop staring at. Maybe never, but hopefully not never. Maybe Jack. and for the sake of Haley, for the sake that at that moment, you were supposed to be just a woman, hopefully not never. 

“Have a nice night.” 

“You too, Sir.” 

Nice wasn’t what he would describe the night he had before they left for Quantico. You, Aaron, both were lucky they didn’t have to catch the plane. He closed his eyes, opened them - stared into the ceiling with one hand flexing and fingers tapping together, the other hand lying flat on his stomach. 

What were you wearing to bed that night? 

He thought something along the lines of that before he dug his nails into his palm with the curl of his fists. 

What was the point of not touching you if it meant he would think those kinds of things? He tried. 

He thought that. Michael Bakalova. 

“I wanted to, I could. I did.” 

He pressed his hand into his forehead. Aaron needed to think of anything else and quickly. 

2:44am. 

The team was right, he was right against the surface logic and challenges that would ensue the minute he would put you with the BAU. You would be an asset to this team. You were an amazing consultant. You would be an even better agent. Of course, that would be if you wanted to join in the first place. 

That not being the case would only be the case if you were just having fun - flirtations and head tilts. He said he wouldn’t tolerate that. You were to join the team, there was no doubt about it. 

He knocked on your door in the morning and dreamt about opening it in silence in the night.

[seraphtrevs]

for the ask game…brbabcs? (either the combined universe or whichever of the shows individually) 💕

I'm just going to do a mishmash of whatever happens to come to my mind lol - STREAM OF CONSCIOUS POSTING INCOMING

my favorite female character - over the whole brbabcs, obviously it's Kim. She was a great character from episode one, but they really cemented her as the Character of All Time with her fall from grace in season 6. She's so complicated and layered, achingly human and relatable, but also extraordinary, which makes her compelling to watch.

She's a hard character to sum up because she's so nuanced, but I think what draws me to her the most is her deep rage at injustice. Her fall is ironic because it was that desire to make the world "right" that led her to betray her core values - but honestly, who can blame her? Haven't we all wished that the Howard Hamlins of the world would suffer consequences too, instead of consequences being only reserved for people who were born in the "wrong" race/gender/class? But at the same time, embarrassing one Howard Hamlin is not actually the same thing as making systemic changes, and her desire to punish him was a personal vendetta, not actual justice. I totally get how the two got mixed up in her head, though.

I'm also a big Skyler fan - more on her later

my favorite male character - For BCS, it's Lalo lol. I don't think he's the BEST character, but sometimes it feels like Peter Gould got the gang together and was like, "Listen, tumblr user seraphtrevs has been having a hard time - why don't we write a character that is specifically tailored to all of her deepest, darkest, and horniest desires?" And lo, they did. He's so charming and cheerful and evil and funny and so so SO hot - I was doomed from the very first paca paca paca 😭

Side note, I think i'm such a villain girlie because I'm so anxious. Characters who don't worry about anything except doing what they want are very fun for me to watch. Imagine the bliss of not caring! *_*

For brba, the character I have the most affection for is Jesse, but Jesse is made to be loved. So instead...I'm going to pick Walt. He is the worst man who has ever lived and I completely get why people can't stomach him. My own husband tapped out of brba because he found Walt unbearable IN SEASON ONE.

So as a person, yes, Walt is the worst. But as a character? He's unparalleled. He makes things happen, which I think a very underrated character trait (and one that a lot of writers overlook). Walt is an infernal engine, a perpetual motion machine, a catalyst of catalysts. Things HAPPEN when he's around, which makes him a really fantastic character.

The other thing I really appreciate about Walt is that Vince Gilligan really stuck to his guns. He said he wanted to tell a story about Mr. Chips becoming Scarface, and by god that's what he did. A big problem with a lot of "antihero" shows is that they are often way too sympathetic to their protagonists and fall for their bullshit. And while a lot of the audience for brba fell for walt's bullshit, the writers were always very clear-eyed about what they were doing.

my favorite book/season/etc - an impossible question for bcs. all seasons are tied for best except season 2, which was a little tiny bit less good but only because it was necessary to set up the rest of the show's run, so actually it is also tied for best. I guess if you put a gun to my head, I'd say season 5 because it's the Lalo season

brba is an easier call - it's for sure season 4.

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - for brba, I'll say The Fly, not necessarily because it's my favorite (too many favorites to choose from) but because I love character work, and that ep is all character work. Also, it's a good illustration of what I was talking about in my walt answer - it's an episode where "nothing" happens (or so claim Fly detractors!)...but making things happen doesn't have to mean making BIG things happen. Walt's monomania and willingness to do whatever it takes to "win" over something as stupid as a little fly shows what makes him such a great character

my favorite cast member - for brba, i think it's pretty widely known that bryan cranston and aaron paul have merged into one being, so I choose bryaaron.

for bcs, it's bob odenkirk. the entire show - or even the entire brbabcs universe, actually - rests on jimmy. like i know i just said that was walt, and it is for brba. but i think that now that bcs is done, you can make the argument that jimmy is actually the character that it was "about" (actually I'd put Kim in there too). Walt was always morally black, but Jimmy was genuinely morally gray for much of the series, and he maintained a human core that Walt lost. I think Jimmy and Kim are more relatable. (Not to leave Jesse out, bc out of the four of them Jesse is the most sympathetic in a lot of ways. But I feel like his story was more of a survival story, like Skyler's, and not so much a story about moral failure. Like yeah for sure jesse had tons of moral failures, but that never seemed to be the POINT of jesse, like it was the point of walt, jimmy, and kim.)

my favorite ship - for bcs, it's a tie between lacho and mcwexler. for brba, it's waltjesse.

i haven't talked about nacho at all so far which seems weird because I have a LOT of nacho thoughts (see my tag #nacho christ superstar). i feel like the cartel plot is like, the heightened version of the lawyer plot. or that's not right exactly - not heightened as in better, but heightened as more dramatic, more extreme, more literal. so lacho to me is like, what if you really were in bed with the devil? (i mean, maybe literal is the wrong word because he's not LITERALLY the devil, but lalo is a much more straightforward, morally UNambiguous character who is the personification of the evils of the cartel. so like. more literal. you know what i mean.) (plus i'm so horny for both of them. 😭😭😭😭😭)

mcwexler is the best on screen, canon romance i've ever seen. period.

as i've said before, waltjesse is the six-in-one shampoo/bodywash/conditioner of toxic relationships. jesse is walt's student/business partner/best friend/worst enemy/mistress/wife/son/dog. how can you NOT love something that twisted?

a character I’d die defending - SKYLER. Fortunately tumblr has the right attitude, but it still blows my mind that anyone could judge her for what she went through. walt destroyed her life - every action she took was her trying to protect herself and her children. what she went through was pure nightmare fuel, and it astonishes me that anyone could think she was ever unsympathetic

a character I just can’t sympathize with/a character I grew to love - someone sent me an ask just about these, so i'll save these for later! this is already so long lmao

my anti otp - I don't really have any for the brbabcs verse! in general, i'm openminded about even off-the-wall ships because fandom is for fun, and no one in this fandom has ever annoyed me with some of the shipping behavior you get from bigger, more annoying fandoms

[idkelly]

RED NAILS

• Lalo salamanca x fem!reader, with some nacho too (best of both worlds), HEAVY on slowburn, and i love hurt comfort so bear with me

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

CHAPTER TWO

The casino was a safe space, for (Yn) at least, because it was her favorite skill—gambling and playing with predictions and percentages. She was known for it, and everyone knew her hands always pulled the best cards in the game.

Yes, the new Mexico casino was nothing like the one back home in Mexico, but business is business. Walking in, she didn’t grab any attention, which was better for her sake at the moment.

Only her father and brothers knew of her existence right now, plus Mike and a few others. but to the outside world, the new family was long gone from the public’s eye.

She hummed along to the music as she made her way to the back office, opening the door slowly, "Pa?"

“Hola bonita," as always, a cigarette was between his fingers and a book was spread in front of him. The lights were pretty dim, and the doctor told him it was better for his eyesight.

"I found him."

"Varga?"

"Hmm, when’s the next step?"

 "Tomorrow"

It was perfect. The plan and her needs were aligned. Her car needed a checkup, and she herself needed to check up on someone.

She found herself at the front desk of Ignacio's dad's workshop, and she was quite surprised he had some good business going despite his age.

 “Hola," the old man greeted her as soon as he heard the bell ring.

 "Hola.  ¿Cómo estás?" 

"Welcome. How can I help you?" He switched to English so fast, do I really look that white-washed?

"I was hoping to get a checkup on my car."

He nodded and turned to the back, where he yelled his son's name, telling him to go up front.

(Yn) couldn’t help but smile when she saw the look on his face when he recognized her; his steps slowed for a second as he gathered his thoughts as to what she was doing here.

The man brought his son only to be a translator between the two; therefore, Yn  didn’t need to show her ability to speak Spanish.

 In the middle of talking, the dad was called back in. with an apologetic look, he said, "I'm sorry, Senorita. My son will help you, okay?" and with that, he walked off.

 "How’d you find me?"

 (Yn) scoffed, looking to the side, though she could feel Ignacio's stare burn holes through her skull.

"Why are you here?"

"I can't get my car checked out now?."

 The man kisses his teeth in annoyance. What the hell was she doing here? "We both know you’re not here just for that."

 "Well, a little birdie told me that not only you’re a drug dealer, you’re also a card thief. I mean, shit, if you wanted some, I would’ve given you my Pokemon collection; it’s very exclusive."

 If someone were to animate the view from (Yn)’s eyes, they would’ve drawn steam out of Ignacio's ears.

 "I'm just saying you underestimated how big of an idiot you were. He went to the police for those cards, and now they’re snooping around."

 "Sounds like you have a problem, young lady," he said, taking a step back, ready to leave.

 "First of all, it’s an us problem; second of all, I'm pretty sure I'm older than you," he continued along his way until she stopped him dead in his tracks.

 "Are you really not that scared of Tuco Salamanca?"

 And there he is again, right in front of Yn, with his hands crossed over his chest.

 "I know you don’t play ball, so to speak, and Tuco finds out about your little side business. I think we both know the end to that."

 "Who are you?" he finally asked; that question had been on his mind for the whole day yesterday.

 "Me? I'm nobody," same dumb smile she always uses.

 "To put an end to this before it even starts, you give me the baseball cards, 10,000 in cash, and you net roughly $60,000."

 Ignacio chuckled then went back to his serious face, "And how exactly does that work?"

 (Yn) stayed quiet for a bit, saying, "Before I continue, you really have amazing eyelashes, im jealous."

Well, that took him by surprise; he didn’t show it obviously, but still, it startled him. However, his thoughts were soon interrupted by her continuing her speech.

He was impressed by her plan, and more so by her way of convincing him so easily to take part in it.

What stood out about her to him was the way she held eye contact; sure, it was common in the business to establish power and shit, But with her, it was almost more to get even with whoever she was looking at. He couldn’t put a finger on how he felt about it, her.

(Yn) wasn’t there when the final deal was happening, but Mike was, and she told him about the plan as she dropped him off near where he worked; it wasn't hard to find that one either.

The rest of the day she spent at the casino with her brothers; her father was now back home. The place was her brother's, where she was carrying out her business, which was her casino back in Mexico.

Here, the family was invisible, though; it wasn’t common knowledge who owned this place.

After a few hours, Yn  finally decided to head back home to her cat and maybe watch a movie while cuddling. The woman’s schedule was really, really empty; she could do as she pleased day and night.

As she unlocked the door, she could hear her cat calling her through the kitchen, but instead of coming to her, she had to fully realize who was sitting down on her sofa.

hard eyes.

 "Do you want coffee or tea?" she said as she kicked off her shoes and walked over to the kitchen.

 "Is this really your response to finding a stranger in your home?"

 "A stranger is someone you don’t know."

 A scoff could be heard, along with footsteps indicating he followed her to where she was; to his surprise, she was already making dinner, pasta, he presumed. with two plates set on the table.

 Was she serious? "Well, I don’t know you."

"So you willingly barged into a stranger's home, pretty clever," she laughed. "Did you follow me?"

“No, I dug a bit and found you," she couldn’t help but laugh more at his attempt.”I noticed the van that was following me yesterday, plus, if you dug around about me, you wouldn’t be here."

"Why are you here, anyway?" she said as she filled up the two plates with salsa and set the remaining in the middle if either of them had wanted seconds.

 He sat down, examining the dish. It was nicely made and fairly appetizing, especially after a long day of work. On the other side of the table, she sat leaning over to him, and there it is,  her stare.

 "Why do you do that?"

 "Do what?"

 "Stare"

"Does it bother you?"

 It was definitely a no, but he couldn’t say that, and on the other hand, he couldn’t say yes either.

 "Does Tuco not pay you enough so you make money on the side?" With that, Ignacio let out a big sigh and set his utensils aside.

 "The problem isn’t my salary or anything; Tuco is a ticking time bomb; he didn’t mind putting a bullet between a guy’s eyes just because he got a weird look from him, let alone me."

 "Your face has good bone structure; keep it that way," she said as she slipped the pasta into her mouth again. He didn’t know if these were compliments or not; she didn’t say them in a flirtatious manner, definitely more like she stated facts from a powerpoint presentation.

 After a moment of silence, he said, "Your cooking is amazing; where’d you learn it from?" She could tell he liked it by how he was devouring what was presented in front of him.

"My father’s an amazing cook, but I was the only one who got his talent; my two brothers

They learned to gamble from me instead."

 So she does have a family. Though she was an orphan or something.

"gamble?"

"Yes! My favorite hobby is real. I could do it for hours, plus I know all the tricks."

"okay show me sumn' "

 "I’m in a good mood today, so I'll  show you a few."

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and jokes. (Yn) gave the guy a lesson on games and cheats while his eyes filled with interest in what she was showing him, but either way, they both knew the night had to come to an end.

As Ignacio was at the door, ready to step out, he looked back to the woman who had greeted him goodbye a few seconds earlier, sitting on her couch peacefully petting her cat while watching TV. He really forgot why he came here in the first place.

Yn'’s mind filled with what she could do now to avoid her boredom, but as soon as she received a certain voice call from a specific person, she knew the next few days were going to be eventful.

She watched as Krazy-8 walked out of that door looking like his legs were about to give out at any given moment, yet he was sure fast enough to drive away in his vehicle. giving Yn her moment to shine.

She dresses nicely for the occasion for once, letting her hair down and doing her makeup, just taking care of herself before this whole shitshow goes down.

Parking her car next to Tuco’s and purposely bumping into it a little bit was the easy part; now she has to go in and embrace what’s going to happen.

Tuco was already staring at her in disbelief; he definitely saw what happened through the big classroom window, looking absolutely furious, while Nacho turned around after a few seconds and did his heart drop— is she everywhere?

"Hey!" She heard Tuco call out when she walked by their table to the register, but she pretended she didn’t hear them.

"Hello! Um.. can I get the number four, please, on the go?" She said this while smiling to the man before her, who went to work right away in order to avoid the scene that was about to happen.

"Yo chica, hey," she felt a hand guide her to turn around as she was met by none other than Tuco, who stood beside him, Ignacio. "You just hit my car."

"Huh? I hit your car?" Tuce chuckled at Varga. This bitch’s acting dumb.

"See, that car that you parked your piece of shit next to?" That’s mine, and you’ve just run into it."

"Oh well, I guess I could’ve and I didn’t notice, so my apologies, sir," she smiled and turned around, collecting her order and mumbling a small thank you before rushing out.

She could hear Tuco yelling not to get away from him, but the altercation needed to happen outside.

"Don’t you walk away from me!" Ay, puta!"

All the talking was done by the salamanca, while Varga stayed awfully quiet. Even Tuco noticed a slight change in demeanor on his end.

"You see that! You did that!" he said, pointing to the tiniest dent known to mankind.

"That’ll buff right out, now if you’ll excuse me—

As she was getting ready to open her car door, she felt a hand grab her by the shoulder and swing her all the way around, face to face with Tuco.

"You’re not leaving until you pay for this."

"If money is all you need, I've got great insurance."

Once again, with his hand that’s still glued to her, he shakes her to stop talking that nonsense.

"I ain’t messing around with no insurance, bitch, cash."

"Listen, I've barely got cash on me, so if you just give me your information, I’ll send it to you through insurance."

Thud.  Now (Yn) was sandwiched between Tuco salamanca and a wall; her head began to hurt already; maybe doing this herself was a bad idea, but she knew Mike would follow up with the deal, and she couldn’t let that happen; it won’t help her in the long run, and she needed all the salamanca alive.

So she'd have a black eye from one of them—not a big deal.

"You’re pretty, but a pretty awful liar." "I saw your wallet earlier; you've got plenty."

"That’s for my rent; it’s due today, and I can’t— ugh

Tuco’s ring was sure to leave a mark on Yn'’s cheek. Her head is already spinning. Why do I do this to myself?

"Just give him the money." This time it was Ignacio who spoke; no emotions were displayed, though his voice was almost like a whisper.

(Yn) looked at him and then forward to meet the loco eyes of Tuco Salamanca. she chuckled.

"I ain’t giving you shit."

The police sirens could be heard coming this way. "It’s time to bounce," Ignacio said, but his partner didn’t budge; instead, he ordered Nacho to leave and let him finish this business.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

listen to me LISTEN TO ME lalo.. with a breeding kink... i may be a basic ass bitch but (runs away)

OOO ok i got thoughtz :3 (if i kept this in my drafts for a month no i didnt)

warning: breeding rp, mild dubcon and misgendering (now hear me out 🥵)

anatomical terms: pussy/cunt

growing up gay in a cartel family, lalo was expected to find a wife and have children, something he had absolutely no desire to do. he could not fathom spending the rest of his life with a woman. and he loved his little cousins, sure, but he never wanted to be tied down with children of his own. he doesn't really like kids that much anyway.

THAT BEING SAID

he's VERY into breeding roleplay. it's cathartic for him to fuck with the idea of traditional gender roles especially bc he knows his family would be appalled. the shame makes it hotter >:3

and also the primal nature of it too bc mans enjoys ROUGH sex. grunting and growling as he pounds into you from behind. hot and sweaty and just desperate to fill you up and mark you as his.

also if his partner is transmasc he gets NASTY with it bc it feels more realistic when you're actually fucking a pussy yfm? it's method acting 😌

CALLING YOU MAMI TOO TO TEASE YOU FUCKING HELP ME (this is my one exception to my no misgendering rule i just think it's hot)

He's enjoying himself as he pumps in and out of you. "Oh, you feel so good, chiquito... I can't wait to knock you up."

You gasp when he says that, partly from shock and partly from pleasure. "Wh-... What?!"

He just repeats himself matter-of-factly. "You heard me. I'm gonna knock you up. And you're gonna carry my child because I told you to. And you do what I say, ¿verdad? (right?)"

You whine and shake your head, grabbing the sheets while he treats your body like a fleshlight. "N-No... No, I don't... Mmm, I don't want a baby, Lalooo..." You say, truthfully, but despite your protests, your cunt squeezes his cock even tighter.

He shushes you and kisses your cheek, "No, no, c'mon, yes you do. Don't lie. You want this. You want me to breed you. Feel how wet you are for me?" When you clench around him, he just laughs. "Aw, look at that! See? Even your body knows what it wants! It wants to get filled up. It wants what it was meant for."

It's so wrong. It's degrading. Your body being used for the most feminine, no, most objectifying thing possible. You know he's just bluffing. He's bluffing, right? He has to be. He doesn't even like kids. But oh god, he makes it sound like the hottest fucking thing in the world. It's another way for him to use your body for his own desires and fantasies. No matter what he threatens you with, you're always left a pathetic, cockhungry mess, going along with whatever he says.

"Don't you worry about a thing, mami. Just lie back and take it. That's it. You're gonna look so cute with a little Salamanca growing inside you, huh? And everyone's gonna know it's mine. They're gonna look at you and know that you're my cute little cumdump. You like that, mami? Heh. Of course you do. Now beg for me to cum inside you, whore."

[thegodcyclecomic]

Hello. I wanted to wish you good luck and health. As I understood from your previous answers, Athena is in many ways similar in character to a number of anime characters. The question is, can the same be said about the others?Ares is a mix of Yato from Noragami and Nanashi from Sword of the Stranger (they are both warriors, and Yato is generally the god of war... in addition, Ares is a caring father, and these two play a father figure for Yukine/Kotaro)Apollo is somewhat reminiscent of Kars from JoJo, and Artemis is a typical cutie sister who, in fact, at any moment if someone tries to "take" her brothers to bed, will destroy this person. (Yes, yes, a yandere sister... well, or Athena is like that... who knows what she will think - if she sees Ares find himself a new rival...)P.S. I would have said about Phobos and Deimos - but we've already talked about them here. Oh, you shouldn't have drawn them as cat-boys... that's the general fetishism of anime fans. Advice: DON'T DRAW THEM IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES OR IN A CUTE LOOK! EVEN IF THEY ASK AND PAY! OR THE INTERNET WILL BE FILLED WITH PIRATE H*NTAI WITH THEM! YOU DON'T REALIZE THE DANGER OF THE POWER OF CAT-BOYS!!!

I made a board of characters that are most similar to Ares. You're not wrong about Yato, these are just the ones that came to my mind first.

Ajax "Childe" Tartaglia - Genshin Impact

Most similar to the Ares I'm writing to write. There is nothing he loves more than a life-or-death struggle in ceaseless combat. He is a master of all weapons (except the bow) and strives to become stronger every day. He is also a family man with his own set of moral codes that work for the military organization of his country. He worked his way up the ranks to Harbinger after being recruited as a child. He also has a name inspired by a character from Greek Mythology so that's a bonus too.

The rest of the characters on this list are as follows:

Anakin Skywalker - Star Wars Clone Wars

Raiden - Metal Gear Rising Revengence

Yuuya Kizami - Corpse Party

Thorkell - Vinland Saga

Special Mentions:

Lalo Salamanca - Better Call Saul

As for Artemis if someone showed interest in her brother...

[bonkwosher]

Poly!Lacho x GN!Reader ~ Enemy Within

A/N: Cheesy title? Lmao Idc. This is to go along with this pitch I made. I'm so excited to make it I have been planning this out in my head for days. Also, there simply aren't enough gifs with both Lalo & Nacho in them. I already know this is going to be long so you guys are getting a word count section LMAO. Side note: I may or may not have stolen the pet names Lalo & Nacho give the reader from @asgardianangel03 (CHECK OUT THEIR LACHO X READER FIC IT INSPIRED EVERYTHING I WRITE) bc they fit so well.

Prompt: Lacho (Lalo x Nacho) x Reader where Lalo & Nacho live in a big home & eventually the reader either stays the night or ends up living with them. This is in the time when Lalo & Gus are going head to head & thanks to Mike, Gus knows about the reader. Gus orders his men to kidnap the reader, beat them up, then frees them & pretends to be a good samaritan that saves them & brings them home to Lalo & Nacho. Gus uses this to get into Lalo & Nacho's home to find out their plans & Lalo & Nacho, who haven't told the reader about their business, are freaking out that Gus is now basically the reader's best friend. ~ Yours Truly

Contains: Kidnapping, short mention of assault, blood, manipulation

Word Count: 3818 (I WENT CRAZY)

[Part 1] | Part 2

Lalo & Ignacio sat in the former's study, trying their best to keep their argues to a whisper. They had convinced you they were going on a business trip that night. Inconspicuous, easy, nothing could go wrong. That's what Lalo told his husband over & over but Ignacio would not hear it.

"Fring has to know about Y/N, you know what he'll do. I don't want to leave them here!" He whisper yelled, shoulders tense & clear fear in his eyes.

"Ignacio, it will be two nights alone & my men will be here. If you don't remember, you two are married to a cartel don (CANON AHH), my people will keep them safe."

Ignacio shushed his husband, stopping his blatant gloating. He had three things he wanted to protect, his father, his husband & their partner. Ignacio knew Y/N was in danger.

"You think Fring cares about the cartel!? YOUR UNCLE KILLED HIS BOYFRIEND!"

Lalo jumped up & covered Ignacio's mouth. You heard yelling from the living room where you had been waiting for your partners to finish discussing. It was incoherent but the volume alone scared you. You walked briskly over to Lalo's study & knocked on the door. Lalo opened the door enough to reveal his signature Lalo smile.

"Sí, querida?" He asked cheerily.

"Are you guys okay?" You asked, genuinely worried.

Ignacio pushed past Lalo, opening the door fully, & held your face in both hands, "Yes, ángel, we just had a disagreement about one of Lalo's restaurants, El Michoacáno."

Ignacio placed a kiss on your lips & gave you a soft & terribly convincing smile. You couldn't help but melt.

"What does Lalo want to do with El Michoacáno?" You asked, looking past Ignacio to see your other partner.

"He wants to abandon it," Ignacio glared back at Lalo before walking off into the kitchen.

"Abandon is a strong word, mi corazón!" Lalo chased after him.

Lalo grabbed Ignacio's arm & he whipped around, poking angrily at Lalo, "If they," Ignacio took a gulp, "If your business gets hurt... that's on you!"

Ignacio ripped his arm away from Lalo & went outside, likely to work out his emotions. He wanted to stay home with you, to keep you safe, but Lalo insisted that Ignacio had to join him for this meeting. Being asked to choose between his partners is impossible, so in the end he told Lalo this would be the one time he left Y/N home by themself. Lalo thanked him too many times to count & promised you would be safe.

In what feels like a whole different world, but really is just across town, Gustavo Fring was planning. His best man, Mike Ehrmantraut, sat across him at his desk inside a Los Pollos Hermanos restaurant. Mike placed a set of photos on the table & spread them out all facing his boss. Gus took a long moment to take all the details in. The images were all of you. You at work, you at home, you in your backyard, & you at dinner with Lalo & Ignacio. Gus pulled the last photo close to him & picked it up. The three of you looked so happy. Nacho sat next to you in the booth, you sitting next to the large window allowing a clear view of each one of you. You were all dressed nicely & waiting for your food. You held one of each of your partner's hands.

"This is their partner?" Gus asked with a monotone voice.

"Yes, as far as I can tell they have been together for a long time. Y/N lives with them down on acapulco drive."

"Put your men on the house, when you find the right moment... take them."

"Alright," Mike replied, standing up.

Gus waited for Mike to open the door before speaking, "If there are any witnesses, kill them. This needs to be foolproof."

That night, Lalo brought both his own & Ignacio's bags to his car. Their meeting would be tomorrow morning, they'd stay the night for one of Eladio's parties & bring him gifts, then return home the next night. He heaved the bags into the trunk then closed it while Ignacio gave you a tight hug.

"I love you so much, Y/N. I'll miss you every second," he spoke into your hair as he ran his hand through it.

It was oddly sentimental like it was the last time he was ever going to see you. You brushed it off knowing it was just a trip to one of Lalo's restaurants in Mexico. Lalo turned with a huge smile on his face & Ignacio beelined to the passenger side door, still upset with his husband. Lalo pulled you to him with an arm wrapped around your waist causing you to blush.

"We'll be home as soon as we can, querida," he promised genuinely.

"I hope so, I love you both. It's going to be hard by myself."

"You'll do fine, call us if you need anything."

With that Lalo took a step back, kissing down your arm. With each kiss, he got a bit further away from you until he reached your hand.

"I love you," he smirked, giving you one last kiss on the hand before heading to the car.

You watched them pull out of the driveway, Lalo putting a comforting hand on his husband's thigh which was inevitably swatted at. You could hear Lalo's, 'Aye! That hurt!' from his cracked window as they drove off, causing you to chuckle. You let out a yawn before heading inside, ready to go to sleep after a long day.

Mike, who had heard the whole conversation from his car parked a bit down the street, lifted a walkie-talkie to his mouth, "Give it five minutes, if the coast is clear go in."

You got into some comfy clothes, one of Ignacio's shirts & Lalo's pants, & climbed into bed. You laid down in the middle of the large bed & pulled one of your partners' pillows to your chest. You already felt a bit sad that they were gone, letting out a soft sigh. It's okay, you'll make it. The door flung open causing you to lurch out of bed, four men with guns piled into the room pointing their guns & flashlights at you.

"What- Who are you?" Your voice trembled as you raised your arms above your heads.

One man walked up to you wordlessly & slammed his pistol into your head, effectively knocking you out. The man threw you over his shoulder & got behind two of the men, one behind him, & the group made their way out. They walked out of the house past a car with two of Lalo's men inside who were shot dead. You were bound & placed in the back of one of the cars that your assailants had come in. One of the men in the group left to dispose of the car & the bodies while the others headed off to Gus.

You woke up feeling immense pain in your forehead. You were trapped in a room with white walls & gray, concrete floors. You weren't bound any longer but you felt weak. You got up & walked to the door, turning the knob. It was locked. Panic raced through your body as you remembered the men in your home. You were kidnapped. They must have targeted you because they knew you were home alone, at least that's what you thought. A large, buff man entered the room & dragged you by the shirt into another room.

"No, please- don't do this," you begged as he grabbed your wrists, locking you into cuffs above your head.

"Shut up!" He grunted.

You obeyed, not wanting to get hurt any worse than he intended to hurt you. Hours & hours of grueling pain, you swore if there were windows it would be broad daylight by now. When the man uncuffed you, you fell to the floor. You couldn't bring yourself to stand up or even move, for that matter. He lifted you up to make you sit against the wall & pulled out a camera.

"Smile," he mocked before taking a picture, "Your husband is going to give me so much money for your dumbass."

A fabrication made to think you were just a ransom. Gus Fring had come up with such an intricate plan to weave himself into your life, it even scared Mike a little. Using you as a way to get into Lalo & Nacho's personal life with you on the verge of finding out about their real business as leverage, not to mention showing he could kill you if he wanted to. The man left the room, staring at his phone. He did exactly as he was told & left the door unlocked. Gus noticed, from behind a two-way mirror, that you had realized the door was unlocked.

"Nows your time to shine, Fring," the man walked into the adjacent room.

Gus nodded & walked out towards his car, turning it on & pulling out of the parking lot. You used all your strength to get up & hobble over to the door. You opened it & let out an airy laugh, you could escape this. You looked out into the hallway to see a door open to the outside, baiting you in that direction. You sprinted outside just as Gus pulled back into the parking lot. You begged him to open the door & he quickly leaned over & opened the passenger side door. You climbed in & ordered him to pull away. Once you couldn't see the plain white building in the distance you turned to Gus.

"Thank you so much."

"Are you okay?! What was that, why are you covered in blood?" Gus flawlessly put on a scared good samaritan act.

"I- this man took me. He- he-" You began to feel really dizzy.

"Are you alright, do we need to go to the hospital?"

"I- I think I'll be..." You fell forward, going limp.

Amazingly, just as Gus planned. He turned around & right back to the building. His man met him at the passenger side door & carried you inside & into a separate room. Dr. Barry Goodman, his doctor from Mexico, was flown in just for this to work. The man rested you on the hospital bed & Dr. Goodman gave you meds to knock you out. He watched the torture that you had been through, instructing the man to stop when he thought you'd be close to losing enough blood to pass out. Now he had to patch you up. He placed you on your back & peeled back your shirt, knowing you'd be in immense pain if you were awake. This was going to be a lot of work.

In Mexcio, around the time the doctor finished patching you up, Ignacio & Lalo were preparing for Don Eladio's party. Ignacio paced the room wiping sweat off his face.

"Qué ocurre, mi corazón? (What's wrong, my heart?)" Lalo asked as he buttoned his shirt.

"No respondieron a mis mensajes de texto (They did not respond to my texts)," Ignacio spoke softly, worry coursing through his veins.

Lalo grabbed Ignacio's shoulders & put on a reassuring smile, "¡Todo está bien! Estoy seguro de que están demasiado ocupados divirtiéndose (Everything is fine! I'm sure they are just too busy having fun)."

"¿Llamaste a tus hombres? (Did you call your men?)" Ignacio looked deep into Lalo's eyes, looking for either hope or comfort.

"Sí, sí, Ignacio. ¡Dijeron que nuestra querida está bien! (Yes, yes, Ignacio. They said our darling is fine!)" Lalo reassured his husband, pulling him into a hug, "You're too paranoid, go get dressed."

"Alright, te quiero (I love you)," Ignacio sighed before turning to his suitcase.

Lalo pulled out his phone feeling fear finally hit him. His men hadn't responded. He thought they were just ignoring his texts, he refused to believe any worse. He began furiously typing, 'Idiotas, contesten su teléfono. Necesito una actualización sobre la seguridad de mi pareja. (You idiots, answer your phone. I need an update on my partner's safety.)"

You woke up to the sound of a heart monitor beeping. You saw Gus on the other side of the small room, seemingly giving a police officer a summary of what happened to you. When the man dressed as a cop noticed you were awake, he walked to your side.

"Hello, Mx. can you tell me your name?"

"Y/N L/N."

"I'm sorry that we had to meet on such circumstances, Mx. L/N, but I need to know anything you know about the man that kidnapped you."

You told the man everything you remembered down to the mole on the guy's cheek. You noted the color of the building on the outside & any small detail that came to mind. The man nodded as you rambled, writing down the things you said.

"Alright, thank you Mx. L/N. We will find this man & bring him to justice. I have given Mr. Fring my number & I'll get you updates on the case through him."

You nodded & thanked the man, his weird method of communication made sense in your drugged up stupor. The doctor took the officer's place with a small bottle in hand. Gus walked to your other side.

"The doctor said you can go home after he gives you the medication you were prescribed. If you tell me where you live, I can drive you home."

"Umm, 712 Acapulco Drive. I don't have my keys but I think there's a spare key hidden under a rock," you blabbed.

"Mx. L/N, I'm going to give you some pain medication. They're going to make you really sleepy, alright? Then your new friend Gus will take you home," the man tried to make light of the situation while giving you Fring's name.

You nodded, feeling the meds hit you seconds later. You laid back in your hospital bed & let yourself fall asleep, believing you were in safe hands now. By the time Gus got you home it was late at night & Lalo had a bad feeling in his gut. He texted you that he & Ignacio were coming home. Gus had laid you down on the couch on your stomach & taken your phone & neglected opening any messages to avoid getting caught. Gus walked into the kitchen & made you a cup of tea, he heard you wake up when the pot went off.

"Gus?" You asked while sitting up on the couch.

"Yes? I thought I'd make you some tea, it always makes me feel better!" He gave you a cheery voice, the same he'd give his customers when he asked how their food was.

"Oh," you paused out of shock from the stranger's kindness, "Thank you."

The moment Gus stepped into the living room, the front door flung open, scaring you both. Lalo had his hand on his gun, which rested on his hip, hidden in the waistband of his pants. The world froze for Lalo. He pulled Ignacio behind him & analyzed every inch of you & Gus. Fring has tea in his hand, not a gun. You look more scared by him kicking open the door than you do Gus. You look tired out of your mind & in pain, was he hurting you? He decided to play it safe.

"Who are you?!" Lalo yelled, pretending he didn't know who Gus was.

You understood Lalo's fear, realizing you hadn't been able to check your phone. You walked up to him & placed your hand on his chest, feeling a racing heartbeat.

"This is Gus, he saved my life. Everything is okay, Lalo!"

Lalo dropped his hand from his gun, hoping you hadn't taken note of its existence. Ignacio stepped in front of you & cupped your face with his hands, something he had picked up as a nervous habit.

"What do you mean 'saved your life,' ángel?"

You felt a pit grow in your stomach as you prepared an explanation. Lalo walked up to you & wrapped an arm around your waist like usual, causing you to jump & cry in pain. Ignacio wrapped his arms around your head protectively as you cried, he glared at Gus.

"What happened?" Lalo asked as he stepped towards Gus, his voice having an eerily threatening tinge to it.

Ignacio whispered sweet nothings in your ear in an attempt to draw your mind away from the conversation as he led you to Lalo's study.

"Your partner was kidnapped, sir. They escaped bravely & hopped in my car. I took them to the hospital & brought them here," Gus explained, knowing you were still in earshot.

Ignacio used one arm to close the double doors to Lalo's study, always keeping one arm on your body to remind himself you were alive & at least okay. When the door shut loudly, Lalo's face dropped.

"What do you want, Fring?" he spat out his words like poison.

"I was just trying to be a good samaritan, help a fellow person in need," he gave Lalo the same customer service smile despite being alone with him now.

"What did you do to them?" Lalo would not let Gus keep up this facade.

"I only helped! I drove them to the hospital & contacted the police. I heard those kidnappers hurt them pretty bad though," Gus' last sentence stung, "I'm so sorry that happened, I'm just glad they got out."

"I could kill you right now & no one would know," Lalo's voice became gravelly from pure rage.

Gus looked off towards the study, letting his smile soften, "Y/N would know."

Lalo gritted his teeth. He could only imagine how upset Ignacio was with him. You were crying in his arms from the pain.

"The doctor gave me meds for the pain, I think Gus has them."

"Don't worry, ángel, I'll go get them. You stay here & don't move a muscle," Ignacio stood up & his heart ached as he let go of you. He didn't want to spend a second away from you, but he didn't trust Fring.

Ignacio walked out of the room, being met with his husband's death-wishing glare directed at Gus. He didn't dare turn his head, knowing he had already fucked up he intended to not let Gus out of his sight.

Ignacio held his hand out in front of Gus, "They said you had pain meds."

Ignacio seemed downright unamused & completely unphased. Gus took the medication out & placed it in Ignacio's hand. He gripped the small container, opened it, & poured one into his hand. Ignacio raised his hand a bit, holding eye contact with Gus.

"Take it," Ignacio spoke simply.

"Those are for your partner... for their back."

"I said take it," His voice never wavered from what can only be described as bored.

Gus shrugged his shoulders & swallowed the pill, "The doctor gave this to them, not me. Just oxycodone."

Ignacio studied Gus' face once more before turning on his heel & walking back to the study. Lalo waited until the doors closed once more to continue talking. Ignacio returned to his spot on the couch with you laying between his leg & on his stomach. He grabbed a bottled water from behind him without getting up & handed it to you.

He read the label out loud, "Alright, 10 milligrams every 12 hours with food. Have you eaten, ángel?"

"No," you groaned, "Not since the dinner Lalo made before you both left."

Ignacio was taken back to the moment he finally agreed to go with Lalo, when he was cooking that very dinner. If he just stayed, you would be safe right now. He hadn't even looked to see your bruises, possibly just pretending you were never bruised.

"What did you do to my men?" Lalo asked, already assuming the answer.

"What men?" Gus asked innocently.

With that, Lalo grabbed Gus by the jacket & pulled him outside, throwing him onto the grass. He pulled out his gun & pointed it at Gus, the man on the floor quickly raising his hands to protect his face.

"There, I don't know if you're afraid of cameras or what! Tell me what happened or so help me I will shoot you & tell Y/N you went home!"

Gus stood up silently & patted the dirt off his pants. He looked up into Lalo's eyes, his smile finally fading to a deadpan look.

"Your men are dead, my men disposed of them."

"Why didn't you just kill Y/N?" Lalo was now poking around for information.

"Would you rather I did?" Gus caught on immediately.

Lalo sighed, "Give me the name of the man that hurt them & I will consider not telling Eladio."

"Don't lie to me, Lalo. You'll tell Eladio either way, you can at least say that to my face. But as a sign of goodwill, Brian Clarke. There's an e at the end of Clarke."

"Goodwill? You kidnapped my partner! How is that goodwill, huh?" Lalo asked, taking a step towards Gus & placing his gun into his waistband once more.

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to-"

Lalo could not take any more of this bullshit & punched Gus in the face, "Oh, I'm so sorry. That looks like that will leave a mark."

Lalo, once again, grabbed Gus by the shirt & dragged him inside. He threw the poor man to the sink the moment he realized he had a bloody nose. He pushed a roll of paper towels in his direction. The sound of Ignacio trying to convince you to go back in the study made Lalo turn his head for a second before stepping back to keep both the area you were coming from & Gus in view.

"Querida! Did the pain meds work?" He tried to sound positive in a caring way, it was hard in the moment.

"Yeah- Wait, what happened?!" It took you a second to notice Gus' bleeding nose.

"You know, bloody nose season. Right, Gus?"

"Yeah, I get them all the time. Nothing to worry about," Gus spoke as his blood dripped down the sink.

You let out a big yawn causing even Lalo's eyes to soften. Ignacio nervously placed his hands on your hips, "Can I see your bruises so I can know where not to touch you?"

You reluctantly agreed, afraid to try to explain what happened, & turned around so both of your partners could see your back. Nacho slowly lifted the shirt to show bandages covering your back, soaked with blood.

"They cut you?"

"A lot," you admitted weakly, "It felt like hours, I don't know for sure."

"Oh, ángel, I'm so sorry," Ignacio's arms found themselves wrapping around your head again, "Lalo, grab Y/N a snack to go with their meds & I'm going to take them to bed. Oh, & mata a ese pollero, mi vida" (Kill the chicken man, my life (pet name))

A/N: Part two? I would be so down. Reblog or comment if you want it. I am so proud of this & I'll proofread it when I can.

[nicomrade]

On being lost in the Labyrinth; a Souichi Kiruma and Kaoru Yukiide joint analysis.

I've been wanting to write about Souichi for a while now, but Usogui is BIG and DENSE and goes a LOT of places and Souichi (/Hachina Naoki/Hal) has unstable memory and his role in the story varies a lot (sometimes antagonist, deuteragonist, love interest, side-kick, … ) so... To properly talk about this in one coherent, whole way I had to limit my scope by A LOT so I'm going to look at Souichi through the lense of Kaoru Yukiide, the ways they mirror each other, where they differ and what it means for the broader themes of both Souichi's story and Usogui (manga) in general. And try my hardest to stay on topic.

The full piece turned out almost 7k words long so join me for a bit of a journey under the cut! I included as many images as tumblr allowed me to and it's sectioned in 6 parts including the short prologue so it's hopefully not too hard of a read. Cheers! 🐜🐝

0. Prologue

Kaoru Yukiide is a minor antagonist for the 1st part of the Labyrinth gamble (chapters 83 to 104) of Usogui. His active participation feels almost cut abruptly short but this is indicative of the kind of character he is. He’s no Sadakuni and no Vincent Lalo, he’s just Yukkii. But in those 20 chapters he’s given a full inner world and a full character arc. He is a complete character.

He was diagnosed at 12yo with Encephalitis lethargica (“sleepy sickness”) and at 15 he went into a coma. He’s the son of a police official involved in framing innocent people for crimes the wealthy committed, all for the sake of “keeping order”. His father framed his own wife in one of these schemes, and eventually took the blame for a higher-up’s crime himself. This is a duty and fate Kaoru inherited after waking up from his 10 years coma. He’s now the one who frames innocent people and he, too, will shoulder a death penalty for something he didn’t do. This catastrophic loss to Baku not only condemns his life it also made him realize how twisted his actions and his idea of order have been and it triggers another catatonic episode in him. He’s a character who’s been deeply hurt by following along with what his parents taught him was right without questioning it, and when this worldview crumbles, so does he. But his epilogue in chapter 147 is a happy one! Kaoru wakes up, and yes he now has to come to terms with all the harm he’s done and he feels like it would’ve been better if he’d stayed functionally dead, but he has people who care about him and who will help him. You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth.

I think Kaoru’s generally an easy character to find hope in- as someone who caused immense harm, but who was still a victim of his circumstances and got to have a second chance at life. In-story we have Marco who comments on the two of them being the same and a lot of what I will discuss here will apply in some measure to him too as a mentally ill character with an abusive dad. However, I find he has striking similarities with Souichi’s story specifically, and looking at the two together can help us shine a light on the complicated fate at the heart of Souichi’s character. I realize by using Kaoru as a tool to talk about someone else- a means to an end and not his own person- I’m perpetuating the very workings of his abuse. I’m sorry Yukkii :(

I. Inheritance

Souichi and Kaoru are both successors to their fathers and they were raised to follow in those footsteps. Souichi, as a Kiruma, is a member of a “sinful bloodline” and was always going to be 21st Leader of Kakerou. His dad raised him this way and put him under Eba’s guidance all so he could stand at the top of Kakerou- the ones who make sure the rules are obeyed perfectly.

[1. Vol 37 Ch. 404 Duwang translation 2. Vol. 9 Ch. 93 Easy Going Scans translation]

Kaoru was not strictly raised as a successor in this way but he inherited this vision of order from his dad, one where the ants that step out of line must be killed. Both him and Souichi are sons who took on that very heavy duty to “keep order” after their respective fathers, and they both became orphans from it. Kaoru’s mom was sacrificed by her husband, and then he sacrificed himself too, leaving Kaoru alone when he woke up at 25. Similarly, Souichi’s mom died before he was born and he will lose his father during the course of the story. He was orphaned, too.

This is not to imply that Tatsuki Kiruma (Souichi’s father) had a personality like Yukiide senior. Kaoru’s dad is characterized as borderline abusive, he is refused any real kind of redemption as we don’t even have a first name or a face to put on him during the Paper Labyrinth chapters. He is the shadow that haunts Kaoru, and he is talked about as the origin of this specific worldview. Tatsuki was an odd father but he was not responsible for his wife’s death and he, too, inherited this fate from his own parents. He is not the root cause of Souichi’s ill. Where Kaoru was lied to and manipulated into following in his father’s footsteps, Souichi became leader willingly. This is getting to the impact a heavy family history can have on someone (whether forced onto them or embraced by them) more than any one individual father’s harm.

The impact of that family history is shown in Kaoru with his sleepy sickness that makes him literally absent from his own life at times. It is a way for him to escape from the real world and the responsibilities and ideals pushed on him. I think it’s very meaningful that his big episode was triggered at 15, that’s right into his first year of highschool, soon an adult. And this mental harm is also seen in Souichi and his chronic memory loss. His own timeline is more vague than Kaoru’s but I think it’s fair to estimate Souichi was around 15 during the 1998 flashbacks, which is when he has a significant memory loss episode and also when he receives doctor feedback on this illness. It is first said to be without cause but later confirmed this is a way for him to remain “perfect” at all times, by throwing out the memory of his flaws and resetting himself back to a clean slate. This is how he is coping with this responsibility of being (or becoming) leader of Kakerou. In Kaoru, this weight puts him in a coma and creates a 10 years gap in his memory, for Souichi it will lead to him forgetting a length of 10 years after the Tower of Karma arc. Sounds familiar?

[vol42 Ch 454 Duwang translation]

What they’ve inherited from their fathers is not just this responsibility towards order, it is also more literally a spot where they have to resort to playing rigged games. Kaoru’s routine with the Paper Labyrinth game is revealed in the manga to be nothing more than a well-practiced script. We see a similar resort in Souichi for the Flying Vehicles bet where he simply has Baku’s (Kakerou appointed) men betray him. This way of approaching games goes against how the Usogui manga portrays gamblers. As shown in Drop the Handkerchief when Souichi admits re-using these sort of means for this game would not give him a “perfect victory” and when Baku congratulates him on “gambling” for the first time, a gambler in Usogui is not just someone who participates in gambles. They are a kind of person who is able to cling to a low chance of victory and keep to their unlikely plan the whole way through all because they aspire to something better than they already have. They are moving forward with no certainty of what will come of it because the reward is worth the risk to them. We see it in Kaji’s character arc, first someone who is the perfect prey to various scammers but who is then able to keep to his convictions and win the Contradictions game without killing his opponent.

Souichi and Kaoru are much closer to the Kaji in that 7-Stud Poker gamble (who is totally out of his depth the second things don’t go as he thinks they should, who loses large sums of money without truly registering it’s happening) than to him in his face-off against Floyd Lee. Think of Souichi accepting and then losing the bet with Baku on the Missile Launch for a grandiose sum, or how he hides behind Yakou in the tunnel. Kaoru is a volatile character during his games, incapable of thinking on his feet (he freezes completely when Kaji interrupts him), think of his outbursts against Kaji or Kadokura that he frames as righteous. The two of them are only performing for the sake of rules and order. They aren’t gamblers because they don’t have that thirst for something better, their drives are completely extinct. They have accepted their situation despite the harm it’s causing, all for the “greater good”.

[Vol48 ch523 Duwang translation]

Their common obsession with puzzles (Kaoru’s Labyrinths and Souichi’s Rubik’s Cubes) is part of this drive for rules and keeping order. Chapter 101 gives us this narration: "Upon first glance, the bewilderment and fear of not knowing what lies ahead reminds one of disorder. But, in ancient times, people created and solved these [mazes and puzzles] to acquire the feelings of relief and order." This text is illustrated by a jigsaw puzzle, a sliding block puzzle, Picross, Tetris and, on the next panel, a Labyrinth as Kaoru knows them. This explains the symbolism behind the Labyrinth Gamble for the Police Department (“The Labyrinth [...] doesn't just solve unsolved cases, they are being solved at the hands of the police.") but also for Kaoru himself. This is a way to fulfill his own need for order, and this idea applies to Souichi too. The Rubik’s Cubes give him relief throughout the story with too many appearances to list comprehensively. We see it as a memory exercise (post-memory loss in the Hangman tunnel, chapter 64), as a motif on a childhood T-Shirt (chapter 412), it simply helps him think (he’s seen playing with one at Gakuhito’s, chapter 273), and the imaginary cubes in Drop the Handkerchief. This culminates in the Rubik’s Cube becoming a symbol of Souichi himself as made explicit in chapter 521. By seeing himself reflected in the cube he is made to be the object of his own obsession. Solving the Cube then becomes his urge to “solve himself”. It is dehumanizing and belittling of his own (very real!) mental problems to view himself as a puzzle that exists for the only purpose of being solved- and that CAN be solved at all. What’s the “true ending” of the human mind? This is not something that has any answer or exit. We know that by the end of 2008, Souichi has resetted his memory 138 times. Souichi and Kaoru are trapping themselves in their own Labyrinths here.

[1. vol10 Ch101 Easy Going Scans Translation 2. vol48 ch521 Duwang translation]

In a way, Kaoru IS the Minotaur: a son who was locked away to his Labyrinth where he is fed innocent victims regularly, both victim and executioner, all because of his father’s sins. Along with Souichi, they are two kids who were groomed into taking their father’s place and have shouldered the weight that came with it from a very young age, and this weight has formed cracks in their minds. This is their way of coping with their fate: they stop being fully present in their own lives, they stop wishing for more, and they blame themselves.

II. Worker Ant and Prince Bee

It’s made clear during Kaoru’s breakdown that ultimately, he too, was an ant. In that final moment before losing consciousness he remembers how, as a child, he did not crush the ant that had strayed out of line. He’d tried to guide it back with its peers, but it did not follow and was accidentally killed. I think both Kaoru and Souichi are acting a version of this story on themselves, both as the child and as the ant. They are forcing themselves to stay in line, hurting and killing themselves slowly for “the greater good”.

[both vol10 ch102, easy going scans translation]

Souichi is likened to an insect as well within the story, he’s Hachina (“蜂名”, 蜂 “hachi” meaning bee), the Prince Bee, the Lost Bee, etc. From that shared bug symbolism we have to remember Souichi’s super-organism speech- a kind of organism that necessitates the loss of individuality for the well-being of the hive. Tatsuki brings this concept up to say the Private Funeral Division and the police as a whole are in such an organism, which would include Kaoru too. Even only going by the definition it’s easy to interpret him as in such a place, “just a cog in a machine”, and the same can be said of Souichi. They are both included in the ones losing their individuality to keep the system alive: “Even the Queen will draw her blood or sacrifice her life for the system.”. This self-sacrifice is something Souichi takes pride in: “[He] isn’t even worth an insect”. He rationalizes his own resolve to harm himself (“being prepared to bleed”) as something he is doing right.

[both Vol 24 ch 257 Duwang translation]

This loss of individuality is seen in how Souichi’s identity has been fragmented. He is “Souichi Kiruma” when he is acting as Leader and “Naoki Hachina” for public-facing matters- disregard that the two often overlap as seen in chapter 68. He was taught not to "build too deep a relationship with anyone" (chapter 273), and his memory loss routinely erases the memory of his bonds anyway. He allows his personal history to be rewritten for the sake of Kakerou (accepting that he did not face Baku Madarame but Kaoru Yukiide on April 9th 2001) and lastly he positions himself as non-human in his introductory scene with the Alien Invasion speech. This speech will come back a 2nd time during Air Poker when he gains full control of his memory, it is iconic of Souichi’s character and it is worth looking more deeply into.

[Vol6 Ch55 Duwang translation]

The image evoked here is that of an alien leader, “we” means the alien society as a whole- in this case it’d be Kakerou. Just like in the super-organism speech, he views himself as only one element in something much bigger than himself. This really puts the dehumanization into perspective. He’s a bee, he’s a super-organism, he’s an alien. He’s just barely a name, and not even a face. It takes the manga until the very end of chapter 68- the conclusion of the Hangman gamble- to show us Souichi’s face properly. It is completely obscured during the Alien Invasion scene and the referees do not call him by name. He’s just a faceless leader. He’s so little of a person already, and digging into the alien analogy only furthers this idea.

Alien Invasions as a trope also come with the “take me to your leader” shtick, that IS reflected in the story if we look at who Souichi has directly interacted with in the manga. He’s first introduced outside of flashbacks when he personally comes to the Hangman gamble to see Sadakuni, the leader of a terrorist organization. He gambles with Commissioner Sasaoka during the Tower of Karma arc. He invites Vincent Lalo, leader of Ideal, to meet him. He seeks out and shadows Nobuko during Protoporos, who will be crowned King and is shown as the strongest player on the island. Only then does he seek out a meeting with Baku, after he’s won the Ban and has earned that right. The point is, he only really interacts as a Leader and with other Leaders- it’s from one super-organism to another. He only deals with other people as parts of their own collective, this is the same world view as Kaoru’s with his ants that cannot exist outside of the collective. They both dehumanize others and themselves and this is something they’ve inherited from their fathers (the super-organism speech being started by Tatsuki Kiruma).

The dehumanization inherent to their places is also seen in the shadowy figures that haunt Kaoru and Souichi. Kaoru’s represents the memory of his dad, it tells him what to do and what to think, he looks to it for reassurance. Souichi’s takes the shape of a stretched version of himself that act upon him (as an alien does the human it kidnapped, and like Kaoru does to his ants.) These are two strikingly similar manifestations of the inner workings of their suffering minds. More than that, Souichi and Kaoru’s goal, here, is to fully BECOME that shadowy figure that haunts their psyche. That faceless, nameless existence is representative of what’s already succumbed to the super-organism. It’s something that takes over Kaoru when he gives in to the idea that anything can be justified for the sake of order and it’s the part of Souichi that dictates the memory resets. Their shadow is the part of them that’s “prepared to bleed”. It is the ideal ant. Let it be noted, then, that Kaoru becoming one with his is drawn in the same way as Souichi is when we first see him.

[the shadowy figures. Vol10 Ch98 Easy Going Scans Translation + Vol42 Ch454 Duwang Translation]

[Vol 10 ch98 Easy Going Scans translation + Vol 2 Ch 14 Duwang translation]

This is where the comparison takes its full meaning. It is obvious from Kaoru’s story that he is a victim of his situation; that he was manipulated into taking his father’s place by someone he trusted during his most vulnerable moment. He had just lost all that remained of his family, of course he’ll chase after the only thing he has left of it (his father’s spot in the Labyrinth game). Telling him not to is only making him believe that he had more agency in this decision than he really had. Can we say the same for Souichi?

Compared to Kaoru’s worker ant, Souichi holds much more power and freedom. This is reflected in his family situation being healthier and in him willingly stepping to the Leader role instead of being manipulated into it, as discussed previously. It then begs the question, since Souichi realizes that this is harmful to him, that his very humanity is being taken apart, why doesn’t he leave? Being Leader of Kakerou is not a lifelong duty, his dad retired and became referee almost 10 years before he died. Even without an heir to succeed him, couldn’t Souichi find a way? Is the system really worth all this harm?

III. November 23rd 1998

In 1998 Souichi has a memory loss episode and wonders around, following the instructions Eba gave him to find his way back. During this period he meets Baku Madarame and as per the Prince Bee narration they filled the hole in each others hearts.

[Vol30 Ch323 Duwang Translation]

Baku also gave him a new name- Hal- and generally showed him another way of living. One that is much more chaotic, dangerous, but also much more free. This is his alternative to Kakerou and being assimilated into the super-organism. After some time he gets his hands on the clue that will allow him to meet up with Eba, but before that there is a gamble he decides to take. That is the Russian Roulette Poker game against Fukurou on November 23rd. Souichi- Hal- usurped Baku’s place and decided to take the gamble himself. Despite the common in-story interpretation, this was not a sacrifice he made for Baku (see chapter 455). It is something he did for himself.

The reason he takes that gamble is because he’s a man of rules. He wants to stay by Baku’s side but he can’t just abandon his duty at Kakerou like this, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to make the choice himself. To decide for himself has consequences, it’d mean he, on purpose, betrayed his bloodline. It’d mean he broke the unwritten rule that it is his duty, as a Kiruma, to lead Kakerou. So instead, he turns to leaving his fate to a gamble. If he wins, it would be his sign to forsake his Souichi Kiruma life and stay by Baku’s side, but if he loses Hal would die.

There is a suicidal drive in this. We know Souichi did survive his loss and that the gamble took place in the building owned by Eba; there were preparations in place to facilitate his survival. Despite this, it is my reading that he was truly, fully, prepared to lose his life if he couldn’t keep being Hal- if he had to go back to being Souichi. Regardless of his intent at the time (if he did bet on his survival or not) there is weight to that symbol. Hal- Souichi- put a gun to his head because he yearned for something else, and in chapter 321 as Souichi in 2001 explains that he’ll kill himself if Baku wins Surpassing the Leader, we are then shown a scene from November 23rd of a black-suited man laying on the floor, presumably dead. This was suicide, if not on a literal level, on a symbolic one. It really did “kill Hal”- the only part of him that didn’t belong to Kakerou.

[Vol 30 ch321 Duwang translation. Notice the date on the clock.]

This leaving of things to fate brings us back to the Alien Invasion speech again, but in a flipped perspective of it. Another big part of alien stories is the alien abduction. Its appeal as a trope is the fantasy of being forcefully taken away and changed forever. Now, Souichi would no longer be the alien but the human the aliens act on. It’s an inversion of our original reading of it and it does position Hal in the picture instead. In a way, he has already been “taken away and changed forever” in 1998. His thread to return home was intercepted by Baku (the Prince Bee picture book) and he had to follow him into this new lifestyle. He feels like he “will never be able to become [himself] again” (chapter 321). But the aliens always bring the person back home in the end, and they have to carry on with that memory (and alien abduction stories also come with their share of memory loss, another one of Souichi’s motifs). What I really want to get to here is this duality of the invasion speech. On one hand, Souichi is the Aliens and a part of something greater, and on the other, Hal is the individual being taken away.

[Vol30 Ch321 Duwang translation.]

Souichi will try to escape his fate of being the alien again. During the Lost Bee arc, he has another major memory loss incident and he flees so he can meet with Eba secretly (having forgotten that Eba is now dead). During that escape he meets Baku again and from there the Protoporos arc starts, an arc where Souichi willingly takes on the name of Hal again. He will cling to this identity, seeking out his missing memories (chapter 449 for one exemple), looking for that place outside of Kakerou’s reach once more. Just for a little while, he is indulging in this special permission he is given to be Hal until the Ban ends. Then, the game is over and he has to be Souichi Kiruma again. Hal goes back to the dead, reburied, it’s over, it’s gone.

[vol43 ch469 Duwang translation]

This is also relevant to the end of Air Poker. During the game, he realizes that his systemic erasure of memories under stress will make him lose, that this aim to be perfect has rotted his brain, and that it’s nothing but a pipe dream (chapter 455). He finally accepts the fact that every person is flawed- only to then turn around and decide that therefor he has to try even harder to be perfect. He views his newfound control over his memory, of what he forgets and what he keeps, as proof of his extraordinary being. He thinks that even though no human can, HE can get close to perfection. It’s Icarus building himself a 2nd pair of wax-wings and giving the sun another try. The mythological comparison applies a bit further than that too. Icarus is the son of the architect of the Labyrinth. His father warned him not to fly too low or too high, which is to say not to want too little or too much. Tatsuki taught Souichi that “to be able to enjoy a delicious meal, to feel pain when you see blood, or wanting to avoid being hurt and hurting others" that is the default state of being he should seek. Instead, Souichi embraced his hubris, as discussed this role where he is “prepared to bleed” is something he takes pride in. He is no longer flying to escape the Labyrinth he was put in but to reach the sun itself despite having already fallen into the sea once before. It’s a fool’s errand.

[1. vol42 ch455 Duwang translation and 2.vol46 ch496 Duwang translation]

This contradiction arises from the fact that he did try being human and flawed before! He is not naively refusing to change. He already tried being Hal and he died for it! He died. He has no other option: “A dead person cannot be revived." (chapter 496). There is no alternative for Souichi, yes he is the Prince Bee, yes he is the ruler of the mind-breaking machine, son of the Architect, but he cannot escape his bloodline on his own. No matter his place in the system he cannot win against it. He is powerless to change things for the better as long as he is navigating within its rules.

IV. The Place That You Belong

There is a recurring idea in Usogui (manga) of the place that people belong to. It’s presented as something everyone has, and that as long as they’re there everything will turn out right for them. It’s “the stage that you shine on” (chapter 539), etc. Souichi explains this idea himself in the epilogue. Are you where you’re meant to be? Are you betraying yourself by refusing to stand in the right place?

[vol49 ch539 Duwang translation]

This concept is relevant to every character in Usogui but it’s best illustrated by Baku and Kyara. In Kyara’s fight against Jonglyo it is his bond with Baku that makes him win, the place that he belongs is by Baku’s side (chapter 384). This is why he lost against Marco during the Hangman arc, and never lost again. Baku’s only ever lost the Flying Vehicles bet, which he lost on purpose: he is already at the place that he belongs. This why they are the two characters who “keep on winning” no matter what, because they are following their “correct path”. It is why you want to be where you belong and why you belong there in the first place, because as long as you keep to it you will keep on “winning”.

For Kaoru I think it’s obvious the Labyrinth gamble is NOT where he belongs. As mentioned, he’s gambling while not being a gambler himself and he’s completely out of his depth when things are out of his script. He’s not even fulfilling his wish to “keep order”- he’s never solved a single labyrinth, he’s never saved a single person.

After his failure against Fukurou, Souichi resigns himself to accepting Kakerou as the place he belongs. But is that really true? As discussed, you know you’re on the right path because you keep on winning. In Hangman he had this to say: "A life in which I continue to win forever... I guess that's just my destiny?" (chapter 56) but it’s demonstrably not true! Souichi does lose! He lost his bet for the book in 1998, he lost against Fukurou, he didn’t manage to take over Tipa, and he lost Drop the Handkerchief. If it was his place to be Leader of Kakerou at that time he wouldn't have lost Surpassing the Leader. He isn’t Baku or Kyara. He is not where he belongs.

So if it’s not by Baku’s side and it’s not at the head of Kakerou either, where does Souichi belong, then? There are times that Souichi miraculously “wins”. We see it in Air Poker where he overcomes his memory loss and regains ALL discarded memories, and we see it when he wakes up in the hospital during the epilogue. These miraculous recoveries, I think, are indicative that he was doing something right at those times. The common thread between the two is that Souichi (or Hal) was acting in Baku’s interest without totally disowning his ties with Kakerou. He invites Fukurou to become a referee at the end of Air Poker and he steps up to being Leader again during the epilogue, but in the 1998 flashbacks he was hiding his bloodline and denied knowing what Kakerou was. This blatant lie is the narrative reason that made him lose against Fukurou, and his rejection of ever having been changed by Baku is what made Kakerou wrong for him afterwards. He does not belong anywhere until he stops living these lies. He cannot abandon Kakerou OR Baku, he needs both.

This is the reason Souichi and Kaoru became prey to the Lie-Eater. They were living their respective lies, and so Usogui came and ate them up. “It all began with a small lie” (chapter 535).

[vol6 ch 64 Duwang translation]

Kaoru should’ve died from this defeat after he was made to shoulder Baku’s loss at Surpassing the Leader, but he was saved in extremis by his own mental illness. He fell unconscious and this was judged as “collection on his life” enough for Kadokura so he was spared. He got to wake up in a hospital post-canon, free of this place he did not belong to, and still living. This is also the pattern Souichi follows. It is his mental illness that makes him lose Drop the Handkerchief, his memory loss episode that made him forget about the leap second and that Baku exploited. This defeat at Surpassing the Leader means he is now free of his duty to be Leader, and it allows him to later wake up in the hospital like Kaoru did. He can now be his own person, without any lies, without killing his mind to stay perfect- the very thing he’d tried to do on his own and failed. In a way, wasn’t he saved by his illness, too? And isn’t it their respective flaws that let them become their own person again, that re-humanized them?

In a lesser way this is also reflected in the Referee who presides over the Labyrinth gambles, Yuudai Kadokura. He’s characterized as a man of restraint during the arc. He, too, is obsessed with carrying out his job perfectly and tries his best to contain his emotions. “Please excuse me... Momentarily, I, Kadokura Yuudai, have unintentionally made a face that was a little indiscreet." (chapter 91) and this self-restraint will be lifted after he suffers (and recovers from) brain damage. It’s their mental ill that saved Souichi and Kaoru and that lifted Kadokura’s chains.

Usogui (manga) as a whole has more to say about this idea that it is our flaws that make us human. We see it in the Hangman gamble, when Sadakuni is hanged. He first claims he’s not afraid of death but in his final moments he thrashes and struggles and admits he doesn’t want to die here. Baku comments: “I won't let you die as a monster. You should at least die as a human.” (chapter 66). This explicitly conflates someone’s humanity with this display of desperation. It asks the question, can you accept your own death gracefully and remain human? What is being human but to fight tooth and nails for more out of life? Isn’t being alive inherently grotesque? This is also reflected in the ending of Air Poker in Vincent Lalo’s final, ugly, moment, just to name one other example. We are back to Tatsuki’s definition of what being “normal” is like, and it is this human fear of death and blood that makes the gamble against Commissioner Sasaoka work. Generally, it is the thirst for things that you don’t have and the willingness to fight for them no matter how unsightly you get that makes us truly alive- like a gambler is. This is reflected in the Protoporos arc when Champ chooses to stay on the island because he feels alive for the first time after having gambled with Baku as well as in Kaji’s character arc more broadly.

[Vol7 ch66 Duwang translation + vol38 ch 412 Duwang translation]

For all that Souichi tried to erase his failures and reach perfection he was only making himself less and less human. It’s only when he let his true desires show in Drop the Handkerchief and that he truly fought to “one up” Baku that he started to approach something that rings true. To be human is to be flawed and to accept and remember this, and grow stronger from having tasted defeat. And it is this defeat, that honest and bitter defeat, of Souichi at Drop the Handkerchief that leads to the realization of the Prince Bee story’s happy ending- the Prince Bee Duo rising up.

On a surface level, if Baku had lost again there was no way for him NOT to die this time with how weak we know his body to be (see, the Labyrinth Minotaur game and the Dotty game). But more than that, Souichi had to lose and stop being Leader so he could be himself, so he could stop lying about who he is. He cannot change his bloodline, he cannot stop being a Kiruma, but he cannot stop yearning for something more either. He’s a flawed, weird little guy and he will always be changed from Baku’s presence in his life. This defeat returns his humanity to him and it allows him to reconcile the contradictory positions he was in. He can then embrace that he IS Baku’s ally, and he IS Kakerou, too, and come back as his full self and no longer forced to keep people at arm’s length. That is the true place he belongs, both Leader of Kakerou and Baku’s friend.

[all three are vol49 ch 539, Duwang translation]

Both Souichi and Kaoru had to bear the weight of their fathers’ inheritance so much so that they hurt themselves and lost their very humanity, all to stay somewhere they shouldn’t be. It is their flaws that free them, but it is also the people around them who saved them. It’s Baku speaking up that Kaoru is “pretty much already dead”, it is the summon for Hal to wake up because “if it’s you, it will be alright.”. They woke up knowing people cared for them and sincerely wished for their recoveries. They were accepted fully for who they are, sinful bloodline and flaws and all, and with their curse lifted they can now return that care, too.

→ You are never truly alone, things can always get better, you CAN break free from your family’s Labyrinth. If it is forcing you to harm yourself and is keeping you isolated, then it is not the place that you belong.

[vol 14 ch147 Duwang translation + vol49 ch538 Duwang translation]

V. Conclusion

We see this loose pattern ripple in other characters. Kaji and Marco are grappling with what they’ve inherited from their parents too (namely, abuse) and it is through Baku’s support and help that they could set their minds free from this influence. As symbolic of the turning point where they can truly start to heal is their stay in a hospital (Marco post-Labyrinth gamble, Kaji on bed rest during Protoporos). To truly break free comes with being hurt deeply before becoming anew. It will be different but it will be okay.

The motif of dysfunctional or fragmented families generally runs rampant, most characters with known backstories have some sort of family troubles from our main characters to one-off antagonists (Marco and Kaji as mentioned but also Kyara, Satoru Suteguma, the Yakou twins, Voja, Jonglyo, Mitaka, and so on). Usogui (manga) features a lot of parents who suck absolute ass, yes, but it also more generally touches on the way parents shape their children even in healthier families- think Ranko taking over her dad’s mafia, the sons who’ve never faced consequences because their fathers are powerful, etc.

In light of this, the fact that our protagonist is someone who is seemingly completely devoid of family starts to stand out. We do not get to know anything about Baku’s parents, his childhood, how he was raised, etc, anything from before he was already a well-established gambler within Kakerou. This is very significant in a main protagonist, who we’d usually know a lot more about. It separates him from the weight of inheritance, only he is free of those bonds that tie someone to their family (or lack of it)- for better or for worse.

This feeds into the repeated use in the story of Surpassing the Leader as a way to lose your “bonds”. It’s stated Baku lost that 1st STL bet to get rid of this past that tied him to Hal, when Souichi loses Drop the Handkerchief he escapes his bloodline, and it’s the thing that’s pinned on Yukkii and frees him of his Labyrinth. This is the big “reset” button featured in the story but its point is not to go on with life devoid of relationships and ties to other people. No, Baku does rebuild his bond with Hal, Souichi comes back to Kakerou a healthier man, and the last scene Kaoru sees before falling unconscious is himself as a child holding both his parents’ hands. Loss is always painful but it often cannot be avoided (may it be to break free of an abusive family or a toxic job, or because a loved one dies, etc) and bonds are what shape us. The two ideas coexist. You cannot go on without any attachment to anyone. This is seen in the “planting seeds” imagery of chapter 320, all lives are interwoven and ripple against each other to grow and become something else.

Bonds are also the strength and support you gain from other people, it is how Kyara wins against Jonglyo, and it is Souichi’s parting words in Handkerchief: “It is you who made us stronger.” (chapter 530). Who can ever hope to leave the Labyrinth without Ariadne’s gift of yarn to guide them out? It is the two Bees’ friendship that’s at the core of the picture book, and it is also those relationships between people (good or bad), and love, that’s at the core of Usogui, too. To be loved and to love someone is to be changed.

[Vol 35, ch384, Duwang translation]

[breakingblorbos]

Pinned Post/Blog Info!

Hiya!! Welcome to my BrBa & BCS focused blog! 👋🏼😊 The primary purpose of this pinned post is to give some info about me, my blog, and what you can expect to find on it. Everything below the cut is not required reading to follow or interact; merely just additional info if you are interested, or if you want to make requests. The only thing I require you to read is the following disclaimer:

This is an 18+ blog ran by an adult. You will find NSFT art/fic, dark and potentially upsetting themes, as is common for the BrBa/BCS universe. And I make very thirsty comments & posts about my blorbos, so just keep that in mind. However!! I am not going to restrict anyone from following/interacting with my blog. Use your own discretion and awareness. That's your responsibility, not mine. Anything that needs a content warning will be tagged appropriately, of course.

🌌About Me!🪐

Basic info - You can call me either Orion or Riley! I'm 25, neurodivergent, trans masc & nonbinary, and bisexual. Pronouns are he/him and they/them. I do also live in New Mexico (born and raised babyy!), which makes the shows that much more special to me!! I'm very friendly and open, but also very shy, so I tend to not reach out to folks even when I want to talk to them (which, honestly, is most of y'all. Oops.) If you ever do feel compelled to chat with me, please don't hesitate! I'm super excited to talk about BrBa/BCS with literally anybody!

I'm a writer, but I struggle hard with getting anything actually published on here or AO3. I try to write but it's not nearly consistent enough to ever expect anything from me. I'm working towards getting better at this! My main hurdle to overcome is my perfectionism and my fear of rejection (RSD).

I have a lot of interests, being autistic, so the only important one to list here is obviously Breaking Bad & Better Call Saul. You can certainly ask about my other interests, and I'll be happy to tell you more! I like to keep my special interests all separate on their own dedicated blogs, so that was the main motivation behind creating this one. Which leads me to the next section:

☣️About This Blog!⚗️

Most of the content is gonna be reblogs from others: fanart, fics, writings, memes, shitposts, etc. I myself am not an artist and cannot contribute with art even though I wish I could, but I may sometimes write little drabbles, oneshots, and universe willing, fic chapters for my ships/blorbos (more info on that below ↓). If you want to see something in particular, you're more than welcome to submit a request! I think I have a lot more motivation to write when I get specifically asked to write something, perhaps?

My main blorbos: (red shows the character currently occupying my braincell the most rn)

🥊Tuco Salamanca

🐍Nacho Varga (and by extension, Vaas Montenegro. I simply love MM.)

💀Marco & Leonel Salamanca

❤️‍🩹Jesse Pinkman

🎭Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill

Of course, I adore all the characters (except Walt ofc) and they're all very special to me!! But these seven men listed above have an absolute chokehold on my brain at any given time lmao, so they will be featured prominently in this blog.

My fave ships:

Default ship is character x reader

Vaacho (Vaas x Nacho)

Lacho (Nacho x Lalo)

Beef Sandwich (Nacho x Twins) I fucking love this ship name holy shit

Tucho (Tuco x Nacho)

McWexler (Kim x Jimmy)

Jesse x Jane

Jesse x Andrea

Jesse x happiness (this is a joke, but also not. Man deserves it.)

📨Requests!📝

My asks are always open for questions, requests, or really anything! I love sending/receiving asks and interacting with this fandom! If you're interested in requesting a writing from me, first read this list of what I will and won't write before you submit your request:

Yes, no problem!

Vast majority of ships

Smut/Explicit/PWP

Headcanons

AUs

Oneshots

Drabble

Reader Inserts

Gender Swaps

Fluff

Hurt/Comfort

Angst

Violence/Gore

Dubcon

Toxic Relationship

Most Kinks & Fetishes

Please ask first!

Fandom Crossovers (mostly just to ensure I know the fandom)

Consensual Noncon (depends on character)

No, I will not!

In/ce/st Ships (i.e. twincest, cousins)

Explicit content involving underage characters

Ageplay (calling a character daddy doesn't count lol)

Extreme Kinks, such as s/ca/t, v/or/e, n/ecr/o, etc.

Keep in mind that I reserve the right to deny your request for any reason, including no reason at all! 9 times out of 10 this won't be necessary, but if you're rude or demanding non-jokingly, I won't write for you! Just be chill and it'll be Saul Goodman! :)

Also I don't have a Masterlist to link here, because I've never posted anything ever! It's all just vibing in my Google Docs while I polish and tweak until the end of time! Fun! :D /s

So, yeah, I suppose that's the long and the short of it. I didn't expect for this to be so long, but I have a tendency to just keep adding details to things! Good for writing; not great for writing a blog intro. I'll edit as needed over time, though. Thanks for reading if you got this far! Seriously, props to you. Here's a cookie mwah 🤲🏼🍪

[princelegacy]

Gen 1 LALO Mag #1: Whatever!

Travis: I don't even know what I wanna talk about.

Poppy: I know. Who's mom's favorite?

T: [scoffs] Doc.

P: Doc doesn't count, he's still a child.

T: Well, then me, I guess? Sorry.

P: You're dad's favorite, that's not up for debate. But mom, she seems so... unfocused on us [laughs] that sounds so terrible!

T: [laughing] What's your point?

P: Like I feel like she doesn't have a favorite because she's actually focusing on her fifth try at a career.

T: Yeah... also maybe it's good if she doesn't have a favorite.

P: What about you, who's your favorite?

T: What's with these crazy questions?

P: You're right. Imagine if we both said the same parent and then they read this.

T: I know! Love you, mom.

P: [cackles]

T: So I found out about this the other day: our house used to be dad's parents' house. Would you live here with your own family?

P: Uh, yes?

T: Really!?

P: I can't imagine being able to afford any other house, bro. Like, do you think dad wanted to live here, or did he not have a choice?

T: I guess that's fair... but I can't say I'd live here. I'd definitely sell.

P: That's 'cause you're gonna die a virgin. Who needs three bathrooms if you're not even going to shower every day?

T: That's not... you're acting so weird. I'm clean and I've had girlfriends. Plural. I wanna change the subject. Would you rather have your dream job or your dream home?

P: I don't know what my dream job would be... I actually think making teenagers choose a career is so toxic. Let me live my life, I don't even dress the same way I did a week ago, maybe I don't know what I wanna do with the rest of my life.

T: So, it's dream home for you?

P: The whole point is that the question isn't fair!

T: It's not like I'm asking you to promise to follow through, Poppy. It's just a hypothetical question.

P: I guess I'd rather be a famous actress than live in a mansion.

T: Right? I could literally sleep on the floor if it meant playing for the Willow Creek Team at the Simulympics. Plus, most of the stuff that goes into houses is unusable anyway, our house is full of plants you can't water, empty cookie jars and magazines you can't read.

P: I feel like we don't leave the house nearly enough, we've been to the park like... once. Like I learned how to play chess there and I've played it just once.

T: I would actually smoke you at chess.

P: Oh, really? I need to practice, though, I haven't played since I was a child.

T: Loser buys the winner boba?

P: You're on!

EDITORS NOTE: Travis Prince has issued a statement that even though he won, he still paid for the teas.

[imreallyloveleee]

ok i've finally started season 6 of better call saul (ahhhHHHHHH) so there's no better time than the present for me to vomit out all of my thoughts and feelings on this show thus far

first of all, i already want to start rewatching this show, like, right now, before i even finish it. unreal

my biggest complaint at this point is that i feel they lost the plot with Mike a bit in s5. his is a trickier needle to thread than jimmy's, i think - there's less daylight between parking attendant mike and stone cold fixer mike than there is between jimmy mcgill and saul goodman. but i'm just not convinced that this guy would agree to work for gus fring long-term. i guess we're supposed to believe that the guilt he feels, blaming himself for getting his son killed and depriving kaylee of a dad in the process, is SO overwhelming that he'll willingly do these terrible things so he can "pay her back" with this massive nest egg he plans to build up. but like...this is a conclusion i'm coming to by sitting here overthinking about it, not a conclusion that i feel is coming organically from the show. something just feels off. and i don't think it's intentional, i think they just missed the mark. that said, i liked his "bad choice road" speech to jimmy a lot at the end of the season.

speaking of kaylee, oh my god the scenes with her are goddamn annoying, and the scenes with her mom are even worse. i honestly feel bad for the woman, she's probably not even that bad of an actor but on a show overflowing with people at the absolute top of their game she really stands out as a weak link.

NACHITO 😭 i know he's not gonna make it out of here alive. poor guy. he just really loves his dad!!!!!!!!

Lalo is such a FANTASTIC addition tho. it's so hard to add a compelling character this late in the game but he's so charismatic he even makes me hate Hector Salamanca scenes like 80% less

I could have done with less Gus Fring on this show in general. he was incredible on BrBa, but he just...doesn't need to be fleshed out more? and he kind of isn't, he's just around a lot? idk, but i'll take this as an opportunity to share that one time i saw Giancarlo Esposito wearing a black cowboy hat and buying a package of raw chicken at Whole Foods in Austin TX like 9 years ago

ok now onto the lawyer-y side of things. in contrast to Mike's story, I think Jimmy/Saul's is pretty much pitch perfect. i believe his decisions, i believe his hesitations, i believe the push and pull.

(sidenote just remembered i also deeply hate the salamanca twins, always have always will, on BrBa they always felt like some lame reddit bro's idea of a "badass villain" they're just so flat and boring and i wish they weren't in this show either ugh)

anyway back to Jimmy - obviously, this show would not work whatsoever if Jimmy didn't work as a character, but it's still like, HOLY SHIT do they make him work. he's so tragic, you just KNOW that he could be better and you want him to be better and you know he wants to be better but: he can't. he won't. we know where this story is heading. and at his core he will always be this boy who really really really loved his big brother and never felt that love returned and never will and now i'm going to cry just thinking about the fucking scummy lawyer from breaking bad oh my goddddd

finally: kim. kim. KIM. having only watched 6x01 at this point - i feel like i've only barely scratched the surface on understanding who this character is. i don't know what to say, but i just rewatched this scene and it's maybe my favorite thing i've ever seen, with the exception of like 8 other kim scenes (most of which consist of her dressing down an idiot man, her boyfriend included)

JIMMY AND KIM FOREVER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and if you're wondering if i'm having Fic Thoughts, the answer is yes, yes i am

p.s. i've been listening to some of the insider podcast episodes and my GOD what a breath of fresh air to listen to peter gould and vince gilligan after being an unwilling prisoner of roberto aguirre sacasa for 7 goddamn years

[eros-thanatos89]

La Santa Muerte and the Salamanca Twins

I'm so obsessed with the way Marco and Leonel Salamanca are first introduced in Breaking Bad.

They are so mysterious and ominous. I had forgotten too, about how Lalo Salamanca's later attempted border crossing into the US after the attack on his Chihuahua hacienda mirrors the twins' crossing in the hay truck. Except, Lalo actually shows some mercy and spares all of the innocent people attempting to cross the border after killing the coyotes who were driving the truck, whereas the twins decimate everyone inside after one young man clocks them as cartel by the silver skull-tips of their boots. It's such a good, chilling moment when the young man shifts from proudly boasting about his car painting skills and how he did work for the cartel in Michoacan to suddenly recognizing what those cool boots he was just contemplating mean...you see the color drain from his face and he instantly goes rigid and quiet. And then, a few moments later, we hear pops of gunfire from inside the hay and no one is left standing but Marco and Leonel. They are cold, expressionless, and unbothered by the extraordinary violence. A very powerful introduction!

And I'm so obsessed with the scene when we first see them drive past a stream of pilgrims crawling on hands and knees through the desert, to then get out of their vehicle in their pristine, flashy suits, and join the pilgrims crawling to the altar of La Santa Muerte, where they leave a drawing of Heisenberg. Ostensibly, praying that La Muerte will take Walt in revenge for him causing their beloved cousin Tuco's death.

When I first saw it when the episode aired, I had never heard of La Santa Muerte, and I was so intrigued by the devotion of her pilgrims. These scary, suave cartel assassins. But also all of these poor farmers and ordinary folk who had clearly been crawling through the desert a long ways to pray to their saint.

So I consulted scholarly journal Wikipedia and then fell down a bit of a rabbit hole researching her. I love that she is a folk-Catholic figure who represents a blend of Catholic beliefs and older pre-Colombian indigenous Mexican beliefs. The Church doesn't recognize her, but Santa Muerte has gained a growing following in Mexico and the US. She is revered by the poor, the desperate, and yes, also by narco-traffickers; it seems anyone who lives on the edge of death feels drawn to her. In Mexico City, the concentration of her worship is in the neighborhood of Tepito, also known as Barrio Bravo; one of the poorest barrios (neighborhood) in CDMX.

I'll link some articles, so I won't go too deep into it. But I just love this idea of La Santa Muerte. I'm not religious myself, but I think if I were, I might be a devotee. I like how she blends imagery similar to the Virgin Mary with pre-Christian attitudes towards death as a natural part of the life cycle, and something to be revered and respected rather than feared or hated. La Santa Muerte seems to be a source of hope to her followers.

And I love the idea of Marco and Leonel as devotees. As cartel sicarios (assassins), they are constantly dancing on the edge of death. They could die at any moment. So it makes sense that they would appeal to her for protection. And also, that they would seek her aid in vanquishing their enemies, as we see them doing in this first seen, as they search out Heisenberg to enact their revenge.

I like to think that the twins are the most devout worshipers of La Muerte, but that maybe the other Salamanca cousins have a more casual relationship with her. I doubt that Hector would participate; he strikes me as the type of Catholic who was raised in the faith and nominally belongs to it, but doesn't actually believe and never attends Mass outside of the high holy days. He'd probably scoff at the twins' genuine faith. But I like to think that Lalo occasionally prays to her in the sort of "I don't really believe, but hey, why the hell not; it can't hurt, and who knows, maybe it'll help" kind of attitude. And maybe Tuco has a similar attitude to that? Maybe they'd wear her icon or have a prayer candle somewhere in the house, but not really do any acts of devotion? As cartel members, it just seems fitting for them to have at least some passive respect for La Santa Muerte, even if they aren't true believers in the same way that Marco and Leonel are.

I just like to consider who the Salamancas are outside of their roles in the cartel. Do they show up at Catholic mass ever? Regularly? What are their beliefs systems and values beyond "sangre por sangre" and "la familia es todo"?

I like that they are mysterious (so we fans can project onto them, haha) and I understand that the stories of BB/BCS were not centered on them, and narratively, they didn't need to be filled out more.

But I do think it's a shame that the Salamancas and the cartel members (outside of Gustavo Fring, of course) are the. only characters in the shows who are really just one-dimensional "bad guys". Tuco does have some complexity, as we see softer sides of him in some moments. And we know they all do genuinely love their family and are devoted to one another.

But I'd love to know a little more about them, as people. So the small glimpse into the twins' genuine faith in this renegade saint, and their willingness to join the pilgrims in crawling to her altar, was a very satisfying little glimpse into their worldviews and values.

I'll link some interesting articles that help get a quick intro into La Santa Muerte here:

Also, shameless plug for one of my older fan fics, but I wrote a bit about Lalo's relationship to La Santa Muerte in my fic Unholy Communion. It does feature smut (Lalo x Nacho), so heads up if that's not your thing. But if you want to give it a read, here it is:

Ok. Enough rambling, and now that I have shamelessly plugged my own writing in addition to rambling about this fascinating folk-Catholic saint and the Salamancas, I will show myself out...

[richeeduvie]

Odd question but do you have any "weird" headcanons for the Salamancas??? Just like odd, random habits you think they have. Just the most random things bc I'm a sucker for my boys 😌

I feel like Lalo eats Princesa's food all the time. Yes, he feeds her - and he always feeds her his plate, cause he's cool like that. But also, Princesa buys her own snacks all of the time and then it just...disappears. Or the bag feels a little more empty. She knows it's Lalo, which is fine. Princesa just doesn't understand why Lalo always lies about it. He does, so she'll ask him if it's Nacho that's been taking snacks he thinks are for everyone, which in turn makes Lalo mad at the idea Nacho is eating his girl's snacks. He's not. I don't know why he thought of that. And Princesa will catch him watching Alien movies sometimes.

Marco loves his red underwear. Loves. Leonel? Not so much, but they usually have to match in every aspect, so he takes to wearing red undies from time to time. Leonel also bites his nails and likes the endings poke his tongue. Marco think it's disgusting.

Tuco usually orders the sweetest thing on the menu when he's with Cielito. He'll eat something meaty, savory. Full of that soft of manliness. He might be using his girl to go ahead and order a sweet, pastel colored desert after dinner. If they're ordering drinks, he orders the sweetest thing. He doesn't need coffee, he has coke, but sweet cream cold foam has his ass locked in. Cielito thinks it's cute.

[el-michoacano]

ok I'm sorry it took me so long im finally caught up on fill him with daylight and ❤️❤️❤️ I can't wait for the next chapter, the ambiance is amazing. when nacho almost went to move the car I was fully expecting it to blow up bc of an attack meant for lalo

ps I also had a very on brand question which is what hairstyle do you picture for a 1920s nacho?

No worries, love! We've all got lives offline, I totally get it! Thanks for taking the time to read it at all, I always appreciate that! 😊

Nah, though, I don't think we have any explosions in this fic! Not of the physical variety, though. Of the emotional variety, though? Yes!

As for hairstyles, I actually hadn't really thought about it! Out of the house, he's usually wearing a hat, as was the style at the time, but what's he got going on under it? Hmm. I was originally thinking just keeping that beautiful bald head, but I think a slicked-back side part would work pretty well on him for this AU!

[seraphtrevs]

thoughts on the gus n mike mentions on kim' affidavit?

The phrasing of "a man I now know was Michael Ehrmantraut" jumped out at me - it highlights how it really was kind of crazy that she had no idea who he was when they spoke for the first time, and didn't until the aftermath of Howard's murder. I would have really loved to hear Jimmy describe his relationship with Mike to her, and after she found out, I would have loved to know what she thought about Mike's decision to come to her instead of him about Lalo.

The mention of Mike implicitly threatening their lives was also interesting. That's context that I think a lot of people forget about when thinking about the aftermath of Howard's murder - like, yes, it was partly for selfish reasons they didn't come forward with the truth immediately, but also they probably would have been murdered if they tried to tell the truth.

I was also interested that Jimmy and Kim did learn Gus's identity at that time - I was never clear if they knew who it was they'd been sent to murder and what his role was. I figured that Jimmy would find out eventually, but I thought that maybe Kim left before finding out. So I guess Mike told them? (I am probably forgetting something - I'm going to be real, I haven't rewatched 6b yet, what with all the trauma, so it's entirely possible that issue was already addressed and I just forgot lol)

Beyond Mike and Gus, I was really struck by how reasonable it all sounded. I don't think she'll face criminal charges because of the lack of physical evidence, but I'd always thought that Cheryl was going to have a hard time getting anyone to take Kim's words seriously because it's so bonkers.

But I should have known Kim better, because the way she lays it all out makes a lot of sense. It would have probably been impossible if Gus was still alive, but given that he's both 1) dead and 2) had his criminal empire exposed, this story doesn't seem quite so crazy. The law already knows about Lalo's secret identity and that Jimmy was his lawyer, so that also tracks.

I guess it's possible people would think Kim had some sort of psychotic break and fabricated a crazy story based on what she heard from the news, but it's all so sober and matter-of-fact

[solreix]

shoyo doesn't always feel this ominous feeling once he sets his foot on the doorstep of their apartment, but when he does—his knees literally trembles in fear.

pagod siya. coaching bunch of energetic high school students, and despite knowing how to match their energy, his body's growing tired.

the moment he opened their door, he dumped his bag on the floor, removing his shoes while at it. mabuti na lamang ay nakapaglinis siya ng katawan, at nakapaglit ng plain na puting shirt, at itim na sweatpants—handa nang sabayan ang energy ng anak.

he was preparing himself for a loud voice to greet him, asking for dinner, but nothing happened. his eyes widened for a moment, momentarily holding onto the door before he rushed to get inside.

"rina?" tawag niya.

emptiness only answered him. he looked at the clock on their wall, it's already 9 pm, enough to assume his daughter's already home.

kaya naman iba ang takot na naramdaman niya nang walang sumagot sa una niyang tawag. lalo nang wala siyang makitang batang nakaupo sa harap ng TV nila.

"rina? 'nak?"

mahinang kalabog ang narinig niya mula sa kwarto nito. halos hindi niya na naiayos ang pagkakalapag ng plastic sa lamesa, at walang habas na tumakbo tungo roon.

"rina?" katok niya.

"i'm here." the voice was so faint. that's not his rina.

he checked if the door was locked, fortunately, it wasn't, kaya naman agad siyang pumasok dito. sinalubong siya ng madilim na kwarto, hindi siya sanay. the only thing that lightens up the room is the moon-shaped lamp beside her bed.

there, he saw his daughter—not really, but a crumpled burrito blanket with an obvious person under it. slowly, he walked towards it and he could hear faint sniffles, making him worry even more.

"'nak? anong problema natin?"

"nothing, pa," she immediately answered, still under the blanket.

he sighed. his heart beat has eased because, thankfully, his daughter's still here. pero hindi siya ganoon kapalagay lalo't ganito ang estado ni rina. shoyo doesn't know what to do.

"do you want to be alone?" tanong niyang muli.

"yes papa, but you're okay," she murmured.

when shoyo heard that, his heart melted. he scoots over, wanting to ruffle her orange hair, but he did not. instead, hinawakan niya na lang ang kamay na nakalabas sa kumot ng anak.

"ready ka na bang magkwento? may susuntukin ba si papa?" biro niya.

narinig niya ang mahinang tawa nito. "wala po. hindi ko rin po alam, pero wala ako sa mood. bigla na lang akong naging malungkot, wala namang problema."

he nodded, understanding. imbis na magsalita, hinawakan na lang niya nang mas mahigpit ang kamay ng anak. hindi niya nakikita ang mukha nito dahil nasa ilalim pa rin ito ng kumot, pero sapat nang maipaalam niya sa anak na nasa tabi siya nito.

"you know what, pa? i did not think na problema po yung mababang score ko last week. promise, lalo na never mo naman akong pin-ressure na dapat mataas," umpisa nito.

"syempre naman! yung scores ko dati? wala pa sa kalahati ng scores mo ngayon, 'no!"

"i know," she chuckles. "that's why i was surprised na malungkot ako kasi hindi ko nakuha yung gusto kong score. i was sad because i did not get what i wanted, lalo't last week pa iyon tapos ngayon lang ako umarte, until i remember shiro's death and i cried, until i was crying over nothing—at ngayon malungkot na malungkot ako kahit wala namang dapat kalungkutan."

shoyo's eyes softened as he, also, remembered shiro—their dog. pero wala roon ang pansin niya. he was looking over his daughter dahil natatakot siyang lalo lang itong malungkot kung may sasabihin siyang mali. he could hear her, trying to quiet down her sobs.

he closed his eyes for a moment. "walang mali sa pagiging malungkot, anak," he started. "you shouldn't have to beat yourself up because you're sad. you may feel what you feel without feeling so bad about it—ang galing ko, 'no? english 'yun." dumilat siya, at nang makitang nakatingin na sa kaniya si rina, ngumiti siya nang malapad.

"papa naman eh!" nangiti ito, ang brown na matang katulad ng sa ama ay natatamaan ng liwanag mula sa lamp. "credits naman po kay tita yach!"

his laugh echoed. "but really, you can be sad all you want, nandito naman si papa para samahan kang maging malungkot. cry until you can't anymore, i'm with you—i'll even cry for you, anak."

with that, lalong umiyak si rina. this time, shoyo tried scooping her in his arms until her head's on his chest, and that's when he teared up also. he could feel her getting heavier, taller—lumalaki na talaga si rina. kinse anyos ito ngayon, at hindi niya alam kung kaya niyang madagdagan ito.

"go on, pagkatapos nito, paunahan tayong maubos yung roasted chicken sa labas, ha?" dugtong niya.

rina laughed again. suminga ito sa puting shirt ni shoyo na pabirong ikinalukot ng mukha niya, lalong tumawa ang anak. "syempre ako mananalo!"

"pagbibigyan kita siguro?"

at finally, narinig niya na ang malakas na tawa ng anak—tawang ginaya kay kuroo dahil cool daw noong bata pa siya, ngayon nakasanayan na. "pero pa, samahan mo muna ako."

kumunot ang noo ni shoyo, at sinilip ang mukha ng anak. she was smiling sheepishly. "bili tayo pads."

"oh? ubos na? ako na lang ang lalabas pagkatapos natin kumain."

tumango si rina. "okay po! paunahan sa lamesa!"

humalakhak si shoyo. "trained ng tito tobio mo 'to, anak!"

nadapa si shoyo.