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astranite · 1 year ago

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vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

#AstraStuff #I dont know what the fuck this all is at this point #just that writing this is probably better than just rotating in around in my head #like a particularly messed up microwave #there is very much a temptation to delete this but instead here i am throwing it to the void

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filteredrays · 2 years ago

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so one of my goals for this year is to Actually Finish Video Games and in service of that i think it's a good idea to write down what i'm currently playing, what i'm planning on playing, and what i've dropped (if anything) once a month just so i can keep track of it all so here we goooooooooo

Currently Playing

FINAL FANTASY VII (1997)

honestly i've been trying to finish this one for a long ass time-- it's an iconic video game and i'm one of those freaks that actually likes turn-based (or, in this case, pseudo turn based) combat (hi f/go) and i personally want to see where the plot actually goes before i dive into the remake and such. currently just past Kalm. using The Reunion retranslation patch as well as a couple of other mods to make the game actually play at a decently modern standard! widescreen! 60fps battles! it's nice. here's cowgirl tifa and sephiroth walking like he just shat himself.

Planning to Play

Elden Ring (2022)

while i did technically start this game, i haven't gotten very far and i don't think that's going to change much for a little while. yes i'm putting the biggest game of last year on the backburner for the biggest game from literally 25 years ago, sue me. i'm also not that good at soulslikes so this is probably going to be the biggest challenge and the one that takes me the longest, even though the next two entries are literally visual novels.

Mahoutsukai no Yoru (2022)

waiting for physical copy to come in so i can actually read it. haven't read a visual novel since i did the MM translation of the fate route of fate/stay night, and i'm interested in seeing what mahoyo has to offer, being the type moon nut that i'm slowly becoming. as excited as i am to rip into this one, there's one other visual novel that i'm planning on reading this year, one i've been meaning to read for a long, long time....

Umineko no Naku Koro Ni (2007-2010)

people have literally been telling me to read this since the witch-hunt translations finished up way back when, but this will be the year. 2023 will be the year i finally read umineko. i've kind of intentionally not spoiled anything of it for myself, somehow, and i plan on keeping it that way, but it's hard not to be aware of the golden bitch i mean witch at this point. i've had the game on steam for a while and will finally pull it out of the backlog at some point after mahoyo.

FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE INTERGRADE (2021)

the same game on here twice, waow. as troublesome as modern square enix is, i played through the bombing mission in this twice already and was enthralled pretty thoroughly both times. having a Vague Gist of what happens in ffvii and knowing that there's potential for this remake to suffer from Tetsuya Nomura Syndrome makes me wary, but i'm interested in seeing what the plot of this one actually winds up being, even if it winds up sucking shit and tarnishing whatever reputation ffvii has left at this point.

of course there's gonna be some mindless games to take the edge off and it's not like i'm going to abandon fate grand order at this point, i just Definitely want to get through at least these five games, maybe? this isn't even considering any games that are coming out this year, just the things that i've either played in the first couple days of the year or have been thinking about playing for a while now.

something about old video games has just been grabbing my attention this month, because i think roller coaster tycoon 2 is gonna be the game i play when i just need to turn my mind off and watch numbers go up. or down. probably down.

anyway i'll probably do this once a month or so, just to keep my thoughts more properly organized instead of just sloshing around in the primordial soup that is my brain. if you've read this far, thanks! hashtag mahoyosweep

#ramblies #like literally this time #j's gamebox #yeah that's what i'm gonna call this for now

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ask-paradox-and-friends · 7 months ago

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*more notes! This time Tsugus class*

*and a small snippet of a page. For 1-B they write for Tsugu.*

*the girls cork board*

*picture of a gaint burned rabbit. [Izuku]*-tsugu which curse was that? (Sayo)

I like calling him zuzu he's cute--[tsugu]

*picture of him breathing fire on someone* sure---(sayo)

*Tsugu's mother is sweeping the house vaguely scared as he daughter is talking to something and thinks she'll be bullied for it. She mutters about it out loud and her phone turns on*

/IT WAS ME/ /DO NOT WORRY/ /I AM JUST A FRIEND/

*after a five minute freak out.*

"Who are you?"

/I AM SUNBLOOD/

"Are you a monster? Or a freak that wants my little girl?"

/NO./ /SHE MET ME AFTER I SAVED HER/ /HE ISMT A THREAT ANYMORE/

"...."

/YOU MAY SEE ME AS A GUARDIAN ANGEL/ /I SEE MYSELF AS A ALLY/

"Oh. Hmm.."

/TUSGU HAS A HISTORY ASSIGNMENT AND THINKS ITD BE RUDE TO ASK YOU AS ITS ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD/

*after she gets home and sits down and talks to her tsugu managed to convince her it's an AI she found in a trash can trying to hide the existence of the things she sees and so makes sunblood a monokuma bear to control. The mother likes Sunblood.*

Now to 1-B notes!

*they pictures they have an a drawing is a bit fuzzy but ibara's drawing [yes I HC she can draw] has her as a student sized humanoid with a dragon wing a demon wing a cat tail a glowing light over her head and claws. Her arm is a different color and her eye glows like a light but only in the dark. Her whole body however looks like floating brown fog. (Think kurogiri)*

UNKOWN GHOST

This ghost was first seen wandering ua when class 1-a's Izuku Midoriya goes to sleep (of course it's always them-monoma) (monoma shut the hell up-kendo) she has the abilities of flight teleportation she can also move metal and ice. She likes making fire and seems to make explosions of his training footage was true. (And he says she was a living human before becoming ghost.-Hiryu) she seems to be shy as she runs away from us. We might need to talk to her through a robot. (I've talked to her) (WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT!-Juzo) (me) (ME WHO? -TETSUTETSU) (Fellow classmate please-Ibara) (Okay yall) (yall? That's Pony-yui) *in pony's handwriting it's in English. [Pony is an American transfer student] she's super shy and easily scared as she's not used to being in the spot light. I used to ask her stuff. But she never responded unless you count body language as a response. She usually makes coffee or baked goods. She says it's a habit from her life maybe? Every time I ask her about her quirk she always hold up a fireball. When I ask about the other stuff she just stares. Oh! Yui! She likes your music and Mangas! :) (SHE WAS IN MY ROOM!?-Yui) (THATS IT! IBARA! CHARMS! NOW!-Togaru) (all I can do is have my prayers be heard. I'll do my best-ibara)

*after 3 weeks they managed to sneak enough parts and info to Hatsumei to make ghost hunting gear including a communication device. No audio just a text response. Questions asked.*

Why did you run?

-you're loud and scary.

We heard Pony talked to you.

-she's not loud and I know english.

How do you have so many powers? Are you an embodiment of multiple people?

-you wouldn't understand.

How old are you? [TETSUTETSU!-Manga]

-as of today I'm 143 [Jesus-Monoma]

What was it like back then?

-far more peaceful.

But wasn't there a crime spike?

-yes. That was after my 40s. I was a vigilante.

What caused it in your opinion?

-people fearing quirks seeing them as something from hell. And All for One.

Who?

-a boogeyman. He's not just a monster under the bed ask your teacher.

Last question. Do you have any living family?

-yes. A grand daughter with my name. She's in her 3rd year.

In case I do another story after my crappy ROR fanfic.Random notes in the class 1-a dorms also cause reasons izuku lied about his quirk. See during the test the Einherjars accidently found out they can tap into tiny bits of each others abilities and power sources. So.....yeah. izuku just did a Tsugu and Summoned a 'spirit' (basically used some spirit power one of the tsugus have to Summon spirits to summon a tiny bit of Paradox.)Must have been fun. You're running around avoiding the Zero pointer robot in the UA entrance exam to get into the school and you see this madman green boy run at the robot yell something about his friends and then A FUCKING DRAGON SKULL FLYS OUT OF HIS SHADOW WITH A PAIR OF RAYMAN HANDS TO JUST BASH THE ROBOT INTO SCRAP.

Izuku of course lies and says his quirk activated one day when a villain mugged him and he can summon spirits of anyone who's died. And well...he's kinda true. He can summon bits of an allies powers. Or the ally. Even if their in the after life. And well he has his favorites.

Well here's the notes that are left after they move into the dorms and get aquantied with the "ghosts"

-Izuku we love you but please tell the Shadow woman to stop staring at us through the vents. (Momo)

--she sees into my soul (Hagakure)

-DEKU I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SUMMON THAT DAMN PILE OF BONES ONE MORE TIME (Bakugou)

--*a picture of Paradox's skull wedgeing bakugou is stapled to the note.*

-Midoriya San please tell your friends that they should maybe be a tiny bit quiteir? (Iida)

--I'm sorry. MY BAD. (Tusgu and Sunblood.)

*a picture from 1-B that shows a blurry many eyed winged humanoid on the 1-A dorms* WTF? (Monoma)

--that's just Mai. She's nice :) (izuku)

It gets better when the classes start cataloging all the ghosts and come to the conclusion that izuku might be possessed.

(Before you ask. No none of the ghosts can talk. And they don't look like themselves fully due to Izuku trying to control this power. And yes all the Einherjars can do this in some way.)

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bullsandthebones · 2 years ago

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"Car Lights" Pt2

Billy Hargrove x Male Reader

Fem Aligned DNI

Content Warning: Homophobia, Bullying, Rumor Spreading, Angst, Hurt/No Comfort, Mention of Cigarettes, Descriptions of Panic Attacks, We also have Hurt/Comfort that I didn't mean to add but yk, Reader gets beat to shit, Toxic Love, Slurs Mentioned

you did this to yourselves. repent for your sins however you deem fit. also I had just been watching A Court of Fey & Flowers before this so the wording has become regal, I apologize. I hurt myself with this as well so have fun.

Three weeks. Three full weeks had passed before you went back to school.

A fateful Friday, the day of your return, was also the day of an important basketball game, one that determined if the team would go to the state championships. You returned to school on that day in hopes that the game would overshadow your existence.

You hoped that not even he would notice, you hoped that he would be too focused on practicing to be aware of your presence.

Three weeks of letters being left wedged in your car door. Three weeks of gifts dropped off at your door in the dead of night. Three weeks of calls, three weeks of cigarette butts littering your garden, three weeks of rocks thrown at your window. Three weeks of this, three weeks of that. Three weeks that told you he was going to notice no matter what.

Your arrival was rather unceremonious. Your car sputtered into the parking lot and you slammed the door shut as you walked up to the entrance of the school. You speed walk past a group of teens chattering about in the lot, keeping your head down.

You had almost made it to your first class successfully, but you heard someone call your name before you could slip into the door. Panic arose in your chest, clutching your lungs and your heart, making you light headed and wobbly. Your breathing quickened as you slowly turned around.

A sea of eyes looked at you and the whispers began. A glance here, a cupped hand to an ear there, they all knew.

And they were all staring at you.

Your skin felt feverish, but you felt a chill run down your spine. You were freezing cold but burning hot at the same time. Your hands begin shaking as your eyes dart around in an attempt to find who called your name.

When they land on him, confusion and apprehension fills you. The former proclaimed "King of Hawkins" was rapidly approaching you, a nervous look in his eyes as he realized his mistake in calling out your name. He quickly grabbed onto your arm and led you to an empty classroom, flipping off anyone who made remarks about the scene.

Once he closed the door, he let out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get everyone's attention."

Steve rests a hand on your shoulder in an attempt to calm you, but you flinch away. You've heard about what they do to people like you in towns like this. He quickly retracts his hand and holds both of them up in surrender, not wanting to freak you out.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, we're on the same team." He gestures vaguely as he speaks, but the way he says it hints at something more than him being an ally.

Your eyebrows furrow in utter confusion. Steve Harrington, a queer? You motion for him to continue speaking as you relax your tense stance a bit.

"I thought you might-", he pauses, thinking carefully about his next choice of words, " I thought you might want a friend. I-in a situation like this, you know?"

You regard Steve carefully. His posture, his facial expression, his everything. He feels genuine, and for the first time in three weeks, you relax your whole body, almost collapsing into him. Steve catches your body, helping you stay upright.

"Yes, I.. I would like a friend." Your voice was raspy and broken due to lack of use. Steve just holds you as you attempt to regain your composure and clear your thoughts. He seems awkward but not willing to pull away, as though if he moves you'll break and crumble into millions of pieces. Ones that, try as he might, he could never put back together, not correctly. Not perfectly. Not you.

Unbeknownst to you, or to Steve, a certain blonde haired boy watched you get dragged off into that classroom.

×××

Rumors had spread about the school like wildfire.

"I heard that Steve Harrington kissed that little queer guy!"

"Well I heard they hooked up in the bathroom!"

"No way, Steve Harrington wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole!"

They all got back to you by the end of the day, Steve reassured you that rumors wouldn't deter him from sticking by your side. "I've been through worse.", was what he told you, a scary look in his eyes as he said it.

You had said some goodbyes at the entrance of the school before you both parted ways to your respective vehicles. You had majorly relaxed since the beginning of the day, no one dared to touch you with Steve by your side, and most people were too excited by the game to care. Even as the sky began to darken and the crisp autumn weather grew colder for the night, you were almost at ease.

Almost.

Hairs pricked at the nape of your neck, you felt like you were being watched as you opened your car door. Most people weren't in the lot, opting to stay and get ready for the game, so no one should be watching you. You gulp, attempting to push the feeling down as you clamber into the car.

Before you can fully sit down, a hand grabs your arm roughly and pulls you out. You fall to the ground with the force, looking up to see the one guy you had been avoiding for weeks. "Billy, please-"

Loud, howling laughter surrounds you as the rest of the basketball team steps out of seemingly nowhere. You knew what was coming, you just weren't expecting it from him.

A glimpse of pain flashes over Billy's eyes, before turning to rage. You see him wind back his leg, not even registering the blow to your side until he does it again. Cheering sounds from all around you, the situation feeling so surreal. Billy kicks and stomps you, shouting nonsense and slurs. You don't hear it, you're focused on the feeling of blood leaking from your nose and he breaks it with his fist. You don't attempt to fight back, not seeing the use in it, you can't win a fight against Billy. You could never fight him in the first place.

You accepted the beating, knowing that, unfortunately, your feelings towards the boy couldn't change.

You loved him. You loved him even though each kick to your ribs made a sharp cracking sound. You loved him even though blood was leaking from your broken nose down to your busted lips. You loved him even though you could taste blood in your throat and in your mouth.

When the jeering quieted down and the jocks felt as though the show had gotten boring, the reminder of your place in society had come to a stop. They dispersed without even a second thought, not even a glance back at you, at your body that had curled up in on itself as soon as they started leaving.

Billy stood back for a moment, a look of pure disgust and remorse adorning his features. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but when he saw you tremble and cough up blood, a tear fell from his eye and he briskly walked back into the school.

Leaving you there.

Alone.

On the freezing cold concrete that welcomed you as you lost any sort of consciousness that you were desperately clinging onto.

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songbirdsingingthings · 4 years ago

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This request (if it's still an option) might be a little odd and will admittedly stay more feminine, but if i may?

Might i request a small shoto x reader story where the reader is a practicing witch? It's something i personally am into and i think it would be fun to read. Imagine shoto learning about spell candles, crystals charging positive energy, tarot cards, that stuff, because the person he likes uses them a lot.

It might be a touch vague, plot wise, but from west I've read it's sure to be something you can make amazing. Thank you very much. (Anonymous because this is my first time ever requesting something like this and I'm way to shy about it.)

Intuition - Shouto Todoroki x Reader

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Kohei Horikoshi

MHA Masterlist - Main Masterlist

WARNINGS: Fluff, Swearing (It’s Bakugou, so, that’s kinda a given)

Requested by Anonymous:

A/N: Hi!!! I am so sorry that this took me freaking AGES to write. In between trying to research and find reputable sources to learn from about what you requested and dealing with school stuff (honestly, my teachers just think that all of my free time should be filled with school work smh) I finally FINALLY finished! I really hope you enjoyed, and I really found it interesting learning about all these things! <3

Word Count: 1.5K

“Y/N, may I ask you a question?” Shouto’s smooth voice cut through to your senses, rousing you from the book you currently had your nose in. Sitting just inches away from you was the red-and-white haired boy, the textbook he had been consulting now bookmarked and set next to him. With a raise of your eyebrow in curiosity, you marked your page and nodded.

“What’s on your mind?” You ask, leaning a bit closer to him. Shouto, being your boyfriend for now 2 months and comfortable with touch, wrapped a light arm around your waist.

“I was just curious about your choice of decor for your dorm, it’s quite unique.” A knowing smile graced your lips as your gaze left his handsome face and flitted around your dorm. On top of shelves, all over your desk, and even on the balcony windowsill you had, crystals and candles dotted the room. A smile graced your lips as you saw Shouto’s eyes on the various beloved items.

“I guess you can say it’s unique,” You start to say, standing from your spot on the floor and going over to your desk and taking your favorite crystal into your hand. It was a simple clear quartz cluster but it’s been with you the longest. You motion for Shouto to stand up next to you so he could see it more clearly. “This one is a clear quartz,” you explain as he bends down so that his eyes are eye-level with the crystal.

“It’s beautiful,” he murmurs, his gaze transfixed on the quartz. With a laugh, you carefully place it back down on your desk.

“Well, it’s not all just a pretty face. It’s actually charged with a lot of healing energy, so it’s provided some real tranquility in my life.” Shouto’s eyes narrow in confusion, looking back up to yours.

“You’re not telling me that this crystal has a quirk, do you?” He asks, genuinely perplexed. With a bark of laughter, you shake your head.

“No, no, it doesn’t have a quirk. I’ve just been charging the crystal myself.” Still sensing some bewilderment from your boyfriend, you grab a few different items - the quartz, a spell candle from your windowsill, and a pack of tarot cards from your desk - and lead him over to your bed to sit down. “A lot of the things I have in my room have a more… spiritual side to them. Basically with things like crystals, I charge them with positive energies. I do this by cleansing them and then emanating positive thoughts, intentions, or words to the crystals themselves.” Shouto nods, seemingly understanding that concept.

“Are the candles and cards similar?” He wonders.

“Well, they’re all similar in the way that they’re part of witchcraft. People who are practicing witches usually have some, if not all, of these things and probably a lot more. I’m kind of in the low-key part of witchcraft since I don’t really cast spells or am part of a coven or anything, but I really enjoy it.” You gush, causing Shouto’s cheeks to heat up a bit. He’s always loved seeing you so passionate about things whether it be in classes or during hero training, but your passion here was on a whole other level.

“Interesting,” he says, “so what purpose do the candles serve?” His interested tone causes a giddy smile to flicker across your face, sending you into ‘explanation mode’.

“The candles are actually pretty cool. Like the crystals, it’s recommended that you cleanse and charge them in order for them to work. I usually buy these from that crystal store on mainstreet, and this one is one of my favorites! It’s actually one for my zodiac sign,” you tell him, holding the glass holder up in front of him so that he could read the label.

“And the cards?” He asks, leaning over to view the pack of cards.

“Oh! Those are tarot cards.” “I’m assuming they are pretty different from regular cards?” He asks, a little smirk on his face.

“You would be right in assuming that, yes,” you say, giggling while sliding the deck out of its container. You give the deck a few shuffles. “They can help to gain insight on peoples’ futures by drawing cards that represent your past, present, and your future.” Shouto’s eyes widened.

“They can tell your future?” He exclaims, a little wary but also excited about the prospect of it.

“Yeah, you want me to give you a reading?”

“Yes!” Shouto says quickly. Your heart warms at his enthusiasm as you let your shuffling come to a stop. Spreading the cards out in your hand, you hold them face down in front of your boyfriend.

“Okay, pick three.” You say simply, yet Shouto still hesitates.

“Is there a strategy for picking them?” He asks.

“Just go on your intuition. Pick what your heart tells you to.” You murmur. Shouto nods slowly and lets his fingers hover over the cards. He lets his fingers dangle for only a minute before picking his three cards and setting them on your bed covers. With a satisfied smile, you straighten up the rest of the cards, set them aside, and turn your attention to the three he picked. You turn them over one by one. His first card, representing his past, is The Tower. The second card, representing his present, is the Death card. And finally, representing his future, he picked the The World card. As Shouto’s eyes rake over his cards, they settle and widen comically at the middle card.

“Uh, oh no, Y/N I picked death.” He said, his breathing becoming a little shallow at his sudden spurt of panic.

“That’s okay Sho, just let me give you your reading, yeah?” You soothe, urging him to calm down. With a hesitant nod, he settles down a bit. “Okay! So for your first card, you chose The Tower. Now this card represents sudden upheaval, broken pride, and disaster. Think back to your past whether it be just yesterday or years beforehand. I know you had a tough childhood and growing up was never easy for you,” you say, trying to empathize with Shouto. He nods acceptingly, having already acknowledged his past.

“Yes, this card makes sense.” He simply says. Your gaze focuses next on the middle card - Death.

“I know this card can look a little scary, but I promise it’s not.” You say, trying to gently ease Shouto into the idea that his current present is represented by death. “The Death card represents the end of a cycle, new beginnings, and metamorphosis. Think and turn your consciousness to your thoughts right now. Think about how much you have changed from your past, and find solace in the end of that cycle and the beginning of a new one.” Shouto closes his eyes and unconsciously begins to smile, causing your own to shine brighter.

“That is a comforting thought. I never thought I could find relief from a card that says death on it.” He remarks, opening his eyes back up to yours. You could tell he was eager to hear about his last card - his future.

“And your final card is The World. I’m not being biased or anything, I promise you I’m not, but this is one of my favorite cards.” You admit, earning a sparkle to show in your boyfriend's eyes. “The World card represents fulfillment, harmony, and completion. Try and imagine your future. This completion and fulfillment could come in the form of many things whether it be your career, your friendships-”

“A romantic relationship?” He asks, his cheeks now burning with red. You feel yourself begin to fluster and the silly smile across your face causes you to look at your hands.

“Yes, this card could potentially apply to a romantic relationship.” You murmur softly. You busy yourself with cleaning up the cards and putting them back in their container, still flushed with the thought of Shouto hoping for harmony within your relationship. However, your thoughts are put to a halt when Shouto has a soft hand beneath your chin, gently angling your head so that your eyes meet his.

“I like the thought of a fulfilling relationship with you.” He confesses, his doe eyes causing you to melt.

“I, uh, Shouto the card might not be referring to that though.” You stammer, your eyes flicking in between his and his lips.

“You said that I should go on intuition beforehand, yes?” He asks, wanting you to confirm. When you nod your head, his smile turns into a smirk. “Well then my intuition tells me that the card is referring to us.” And in one fluid motion, his lips are on yours. Like always, they’re soft, slow, and sensual… and you can never get enough of them. With one hand going up to play with his hair and the other one wrapping around his neck, you press yourself closer to him as he kisses you more feverishly.

“Thanks for my reading,” he says breathlessly, each word in between kisses. You yourself are breathless as well, sinking into his embrace like puddy.

“Anytime.”

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wincore · 3 years ago

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Ooh okay ai sounds cool. I'm into stem too !! I've chosen math, phy, chem and computer science but I only have a vague idea (?!) ab what I want in college and it's kinda freaking me out bc most of my friends are so clear ab what they want to do later on in life 😭 😭 For now I'm rewatching high school musical for the 7830487474th time just to de-stress myself from the whole 'think about the future thing' bc I'll be starting senior year after in 2 weeks (smth ab coming of age Disney movies are calming) OML MOON YOU LIKE OCHEM ?!?! JDKDN I've been learning it for over a year now and still haven't gotten a hang of it 😩 I'd choose calc over ochem in a heartbeat bc calc doesn't suck the few braincells I have like a vacuum cleaner. So I'm gonna use the 2 week break I have from school to understand ochem once in for all 😤 Gintama sounds interesting <3 animes with comedy are literally the best thing ever. As for one piece I've always wanted to see it but I freak out when I see the number of episodes it has 🥴 to quote lana's i suddenly realize my archnemesis is hot (during a battle to the death) one piece is like the grey's anatomy of anime and YES I'VE READ THAT FIC ENOUGH NUMBER OF TIMES TO QUOTE IT AND HDJSKDK SHRUBCHENG READING ONE PIECE FOR YOU, MISS MOON, HAS GOT TO BE THE CUTEST THING EVER but !! I don't blame him for being whipped this is miss moon we're talking about 💞 nct finally did smth for ppl who can't keep up with them lol nct news is a v v v smart idea + the little spoiler news anchor!jeno gave for the dream comeback in March made the vid even better ksjdj. Also, we're getting a rv comeback this march so it's gonna be one crazy month <33 AND I FINALLY FINISHED READING CORDUROY ANDBFKKDNDMD OKAY I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FIC 🤩 bff2l is one of my fav tropes <33 the fic made my yangyang brainrot phase even more intense. I'm in the process of binging all of your yangyang works <3 beginning from troublemaker bc it's such a classic (okay your whole 00line 'bad boy' series is a classic) to the wayv + Sci fi au. Now my brainrot has escalated to the alien!yangang state jdndi the tags made me cackle so loud XD

p.s. header for corduroy is so cute why is it so yang2x of him to not figure out what playing ts' you belong with me means 😭 talk about hopelessly oblivious cutie idt even cupid can help him - 👻

honeypie, i am so so so sorry for the late response 😭 my life has been swamped and i've been feeling overwhelmed for a while now </3

it’s alright to figure it out along the way!! that’s kind of what i’m doing too?? it’s a mix of ‘yeah, this is fun, this is what i want’ vs ‘life allows me only these few paths at the moment’. don’t stress too much and make decisions as best as you can 💕

honestly i binge disney to destress too hsdskh but sometimes i end up crying as the cherry on top 🤩 (cough cough encanto and turning red) but they are such a comfort spot for me !! i hope you’re doing better now though, sweetheart, and taking enough breaks like this!

SDDJDSJGJ it’s been a while since i’ve done ochem ngl but it was fun when i did it bc i actually used my brain back then 😩 the only thing i remember rn is grignard’s reagent ?? i got fun, sexy vibes from the reaction idk <3 and i absolutely ADORE calculus !!!!! it’s kind of the reason i love ai, because neural nets use a bunch of calc, even tho it drives me insane sometimes LOL and yes, on the occasion, i solve problems on differential equations just to feel something 😔 (like just 1 bc it drains me)

god, if a man reads one piece for me i will get on one knee so fast. lana knows my type too well 😩 and right???? i’ve read that fic so many times i could write my graduate thesis on it miss lana’s talent is unmatched 😤 pls do give gintama a try tho bc it’s so funny, it cheers me up every time ❣️ it’s more so for one piece, but it def looks a little daunting to newcomers 😭 1.5x is your friend if you ever wanna watch.

i can’t keep up with nct once again 💔 but omg the rv comeback!!!!! my queens never disappoint and my gf standards have once again been raised to miss kang seulgi and miss kim yerim 🥰

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH, LOVE !!! it’s been so long since i’ve written anything and this put back the will to write in me piece by piece ugh 💖 yangyang is lovable in a rat kind of way idk it’s so much fun to write him hshdk omg the scifi au brings back memories it was so FUN to write!!!!! god, i’m gonna do something like that again if i ever have the time hhh thank you so much for compliments on the header!!! i think i gave up when i was making it but i’m glad it gave off cute vibes 🥰

hope you’re doing well this week, love!!! have a good time and stay safe 🌙

#anon #👻 anon #answered

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 3 years ago

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Comic buff with a thought, I notice the P5MM art and composition is more striking and closer to p5's art and style than the other manga, which is fine, but kinda... flat. (I find myself thinking there's something missing when I read it, then I look back at P5MM and I notice how there's more clever paneling, imagery, and stylistic choices akin to the games in it (like that one goro panel ya had a rant about) and I realize what's missing) That could be why P5MM is brought up more, just a guess. I dunno how you feel about all that though, I'm curious.

Under the cut cause it gets long cause of pictures:

I am very big on art style and visual presentation. I do actually judge a book by it's cover (manga, game, movie, show, yadda). If I find something pleasing to my eye I'll read it.....even if the contents are trash. Domestic Girlfriend is one, horrible manga (didn't finish, was holding out for Momo, aka best girl, and getting closure for her....then I bounced). Didn't watch the anime (didn't need to I was way ahead in the manga I think), but I know that opening is wasted on it. ldskfjaf Don't invest your time into it, it's not worth it, you would probably learn better morals from P5.......probably. But yeah I found the art style pleasing enough to try it out (I's not amazing by any means, but I like looking at it....or did.....that writing man....dat was bad ;w;).... *waves hands vaguely in air* yeah.

Fun fact, it's why I got into Persona. I happened across an ad for P4 on the PS2 in the Gameinformer magazine, it showed a screenshot from an animated cutscene plus one of the fully body art for the chars and I was like "Yes this is my jam!" (which only doubled down when I read what it was about, and it was a murder mystery and the article also talked up "the mystery of the glasses" which fakldjsalkfs yeah). So yeah it really clicked for me.

Tbh it's why I'm probably going to get back into freaking Bleach, and it's why I got into it and Naruto over One Piece (I don't think I'll ever read ON I'm sorry). Tite Kubo has sexy art what can I say? Can't trust a thing that man writes now but eh. It's also the reason I read a lot of Shojo (and now Yuri) manga, cause their art style is usually what I find very appealing (even if I've read the same gd shojo love story just by a different name for the 1000th time, give me the flowers and sparkly eyes! they are my life blood!)

And I've mentioned I really like Saito's art style. I've (attempted) to color some of his pieces on top of animate some manga frames (most of which I haven't actually published......I...I should....get around to finishing those up....haha...aha....haaaa). I really like his art, it's pleasant. But even with good art, I can still see past it and see what BS it's peddling and it can hamper my enjoyment of it. If I don't look at the context of the scene or the words on the page, I can be down with it. But when I'm reading.......I get annoyed. I balk at anything with Goro. I guffaw whenever Makoto's on screen (cause Saito nails her from P5, she acts useful but really she's useless but the narrative views her as useful it ironically makes her useless......it's the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed >.>). Like Saito really.....gets P5 it seems, down to it's flaws even (tho he can actually make the good parts of P5 shine, or at least parts that P5 failed to execute....execute in a way). But he also makes the flaws.....shine that much harder for me.

Now the Reg manga? it's nothing special art style wise, in fact it starts off VERY wonky, and while still wonky, has gotten a lot....better/cuter (esp Ryu). Not like shojo cute just.......I wanna squish their wittle faces cute (at times when it's not serious).

Like when it comes to Reg Manga these are the two pieces that have appeared in it that I feel kinda hit the P5 mark in terms of style:

(look at Mona, coming into this world like the pustule that he is 8U)

Which isn't much, but it's something. At least Reg's AOA is better looking than the anime. 8U

But I dunno, as the chapters go on, the Mangaka allows for more cuter expressions, and I just like their neat:

(btw I colored that page)

I dunno, it's not as overtly cutsey as Saito:

But they are still charming in a more simple way (without out having them go full chibi), it subtle but it gives it flavor. "Silly why are most, if not all those pics of Ryu and Anne?" I dunno guys maybe you should ask them how their backs are doing, cause they're the ones who are carrying the Reg manga when it comes to this! 8U

Tho I do think the first ch or two of Reg does a better job capturing P5's feel than the rest of the chapters, I think the mangaka is just.....bogged down by exposition and the game's BS that a lot of text on their pages so it almost reads like a novel:

ALots of text, not the most dynamic of framing with the panels. It's kinda eh. I haven't really read the manga past the 2nd dungeon tbh (I mean......as the residential #1 Makoto hater, I think that's fair.....that I'd start to zone out during my least fav dungeon....and then continue zoning out during my 2nd least fav dungeon askfdjaflk)

But during the first two dungeon arcs, I liked how.....bad the PT were at thieving, I liked how green they were. It was obviously a learning process. I also like some of the fight choreo (Saito did the best hand to hand one in the series in P4U's Yu vs Sho....which I actually animated....spoiler.....no I have no released that...my dumbass wants to tempt fate and see if I can redo it in color even tho it took me 4 days non stop to get that animated in just black and white.....but I am a fool so alas 8U). I mean it's not mind blowing, but it was simple and decently thought out, which is more than I feel like we usually get (esp with the anime shows....or at least P4/5's).

But I think what draws me in is....it's lack of P5 style. P5 style has them being still oh so cool despite being new at everything. It's tired me out. P5's how identity is style. It's....style over substance (gonna rile some feathers with that....Cvit(?) vid title). But P5 is overtly stylish, to the point it......weighs on me. Drags me down. Tires me out. I don't think they're cool, I'm bored with it. Ironically, Reg manga lacks that, which......def would make someone (and me usually) give it much of a passing glance. It's very basic I guess. But.....consider me, being in P5 hell, surrounded by all it's nausea inducing stylishness, sees a small break in the hellish hurricane to see.......normalcy. It kinda makes me connect better with the kids (kinda, it's still P5).

They feel like normal kids, trying to do their thing (sometimes trying to look/act cool and failing), and.....it's just the absolute antitheses to P5's brand......and I think that's why I like it. KLFJDSAFLKJA;

Anyway, who knows, maybe when I catch up on Reg in english and re-read MM with the official translation I might change my mind about a few things, or at least how I rank them. But for post length sake, and my sanity sake, I think I should keep the anime and mangas out of the "Which entry do you hate least" post......because I should just make another post where I go into both mangas as well as compare and contrast the anime! :D I'm just delaying some insanity for later haha....

Wait.........I just remember Day Breakers exists......and I liked it....still do....don't have much issue with it. Well shit, that is probably the one entry I hate the least. fklsdjfalkjdfkla;jsL;FJljsfdlskafaj *sobs* nO NO, I committed, and that's just a sad loophole. fdklsajflakfj *sobs* I still need to the game thing, cause let's be honest, the games are where it counts.

So right now my ranking for manga/anime is:

Daybreakers>Reg manga> MM>>>>>>>>>>TV Show Anime and it's OVAs (may the burn in the hell fire from which they spawned)

Oh, one last thing, forgot to put it in but I dunno where to put it now. I like how the manga tones down the pervyness some:

I mean Ryu is a fellow monkey. u_u .......but it's for the best I don't have to see his ape expression. ;w; (iirc the pyramid scene was a lot shorter/faster, but that's by the grace of reading and books rather than animation I suppose).

#silly asks #silly answers #i can't believe day breakers is what I hate least dfkjsalfjaf

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jennystahl · 5 years ago

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i don’t mind you coming here (and wasting all my time) —— ao3 / 2880 words —— vtmb, remy/mercurio

Remy can't stand another day in that filthy Santa Monica apartment—so she tries Mercurio's house.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mercurio exclaimed, stopping short in the doorway. Sitting in the dim lamplight, on his couch, was a woman. He gave her a once over—it was that Malkavian from the night before who'd saved his ass.

Normally he might have reacted differently to finding a stranger sitting in his house in near-darkness, but she didn't look dangerous. Of course in his time he'd learned that any vampire could be dangerous; but this felt like it had to be important. And besides, she had kept his failure a secret, and gotten him that morphine… she was alright in his book for now, but that didn't mean much since he still didn't know how or why she was in his house at the moment.

She looked up at him almost nonchalantly, but the glint in her dead eyes looked fearful. She had a laptop sitting open on the couch next to her, and there was a backpack beside her feet. It was zipped up tight. What, she trying to have a sleepover?

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, slamming the laptop shut. "I couldn't go back to that apartment." Her eyes darted around wildly. "I was afraid."

Mercurio shut the door. "Yeah, it's fuckin' middle of the night in Los Angeles, there's crackheads everywhere. But what the hell you got to be afraid of?" He didn't mean to be rude, he just wasn't sure what she needed from him. He was just a ghoul with too many connections. It wasn't any of his business what the Prince had her doing.

Her eyes widened, almost like she was shocked that he didn't know. She shook her head as she replied, "Lots. These past two nights—the things I've seen! I just—no, never mind." Frantically, she grabbed the backpack from the floor and unzipped it, shoving the laptop inside. From what he could see, it was full of personal stuff. Jesus, was she plannin' on stickin' around? She jumped to her feet.

"Wait, hold on now, wait a second." Mercurio stepped in front of the door, stopping her from leaving. "So you're not used to this vampire business, huh, is that it?" He was annoyed by the breaking and entering, but he did feel sorry for her. He might as well hear her out and return the favor she'd done for him.

She hugged the bag tighter to her chest. Her eyes, one brown and one green, were round with worry. "No! No. A week ago the biggest problem in my life was studying for some test… but you know what I just saw? You want to know what I just did?" She didn't wait for him to guess. "I killed people—killed them again. They were vampires, and they were giving each other diseases, giving homeless people diseases… turning people into zombies… I met a flesh-eating vampire in the basement of a hospital. I feel sick! Everything can always get worse, and it really seems like it's always getting worse. I hate this place. The Prince keeps asking me to do things, and I keep hearing voices, and I'm—"

Mercurio reached a hand out to set it on her shoulder, interrupting her. She sure did talk a lot; and so fast he could hardly make out what she was even saying. "Whoa, take it easy. Runnin' yourself outta breath, if you had any. Why don't you go sit down again? When's the last time you ate something?"

She laughed nervously and quietly, following him back to the couch. "Eating! Drinking, more like..." she trailed off, absentmindedly running her tongue over her teeth. "But I did do that. Earlier. I'm fine. I'm just…" She sank back into a seated position, staring at the floor in silence.

Mercurio sat down beside her, not quite sure what to say or do. Hell, he felt sorry for the chick, but he was no vampire—he couldn't help her really. And if the big man was sending her out on all of that business, well, that was between the two of them. She was being awfully vulnerable, though, so now he felt obligated to help her out. It also helped that he was still riding the morphine high; not to mention the blood he'd gotten earlier that evening.

"Er, what'd you say your name was again?"

She looked back up, her eyes rimmed with red—bloody tears threatening to spill had she sulked any longer. "Remy." Her eyes glazed over suddenly and she stared at him, unblinking. He shivered, feeling like she was seeing right through him. "And you are the master of dreams, Mercury, the messenger…" Remy blinked and came back to the present, then noticed the look on his face. "God, why are you looking at me like that?"

Mercurio glanced away for a moment. "What, like what? You know you Malkavians just say shit sometimes. It's normal, isn't it?"

"Normal!" She scoffed. "None of this is normal. I don't even know what I said. What did I say?"

Mercurio frowned. "You just called me Mercury. I mean, it's Mercurio, but close enough. I've heard worse."

"Right… Mercurio," she repeated, though she was no longer looking at him. She seemed to be talking to herself when she said it. Sheesh. Malkavians. Then she turned back to him and said, as if she hadn't just been freaking out, "You know, that's interesting. Mercury was the Roman messenger god, and you said you were someone who gets things done. Finds things. That's a fascinating connection." She hated the voices she had been subjected to the past two nights, but perhaps there was something to be learned from them. They led her there, after all. "You have any interest in mythology?"

Mercurio had been staring at her with furrowed brows the entire time she was speaking. What the hell did that have to do with anything? "Er, no. That's just my name. That's, uh, real interesting though. You go to school for that or something?"

Her face seemed to light up; well, as much as it could for a corpse's face. "Yes, actually. I'm—" Then her mood changed again and her enthusiasm seemed to dissipate as she turned her gaze away from him. "I was a classics student. I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

Mercurio shifted in his position on the couch. "Well, it matters that you still like it, don't it? Hey, now you don't gotta pay your debt back at least," he tried to joke.

Her eyes no longer looked bloodshot. He figured it would be easy to distract her, if not just because she was a Malkavian but from what he'd seen of her personality so far. Hell, she seemed to be pretty good at distracting herself, considering the topics she had just jumped between.

She gave a half-hearted laugh, then suddenly turned to him, resting a hand on his arm. "I don't want to talk about myself. Too depressing. You tell me about yourself."

Well. A bold request from someone who was currently trespassing, but he still hadn't confronted her about that—so then he found himself obliging. "Me? Not much to tell. Nothing as interesting as that mythology stuff. From New York originally…" he stopped. He'd leave the majority out for now. "Got into some trouble. Came to California, met the Prince, now we're here."

"What kind of trouble?" Her hand was still on his arm. Neither seemed to notice.

Mercurio was almost taken aback by her forwardness, or rather felt that he should be taken aback. He thought about it; saying whatever's on your mind, not being afraid of your own thoughts… that was refreshing, compared to some of the bums he knew out there. He liked it. But he still wasn't going to tell her everything. "Eh, you know. Things I shouldn'ta done or said. All in the past now."

"Well, I'm a classics student. All I care about is the past." She grinned at him, her teeth showing.

He laughed—half at what she had said, and half at the fact that her new fangs weren't perfectly straight like you'd expect them to be.

"Well, I'm sure you got a good imagination. Maybe I'll tell you someday." Not that it was likely there would ever be a someday. The Camarilla seemed to have a way of stamping neonates into the dirt—hey, none of his business. Even if she was more likeable than some other licks he'd met.

She leaned back into the couch. Her backpack was still in her lap, but she seemed distracted from the things she had been fretting over before. "Fine, okay. You don't have to tell me all of your cool mafia stories tonight."

"Wh—how the hell did you know that?"

She shrugged casually. "You seem the type."

"Psychoanalyzed by a Malkavian, sheesh!" Mercurio was slightly unnerved; was it the hair, the accent, the clothes, or was it Malkavian voices whispering to her his entire life story?

"There it is again!"

"There's what again?"

Remy sighed. "People talking about Malkavians like—like that. What's so bad about them? About us, I guess."

Mercurio was a little surprised by how little information she'd been given. Shouldn't there be some sort of handbook or something? He made a mental note to ask the boss about that eventually. "You said you got the voices, don't you? That about sums it up, from what I can tell. Maybe you only get those little, er, moments sometimes, but some are a helluva lot worse. They call 'em lunatics for a reason. Uh, no offense."

"None taken… I guess that makes sense." She stared off into space behind him. She was thinking of her professor; no wonder he was so strange. Only working at night, never talking about his home life except eccentric stories that seemed unreal, being vaguely inappropriate towards female students... Who would've guessed that it was because of his vampiric bloodline? (That apparently she was now unwillingly a part of.)

Watching her zone out, Mercurio took the moment to finally ask. "By the way, how the hell did you get in my house?"

Remy broke out of her daze and looked at him, her eyes growing big with worry. "Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot… well, I didn't forget, I just thought you didn't mind. Of course you mind." She looked ready to run out the door again. "I just, um, picked the lock. Sorry."

Mercurio found himself laughing again despite himself. "What, did they teach you how to do that in classics?"

"I learned it in… whatever. You aren't mad?" She sounded skeptical, but her shoulders relaxed once more.

"I mean, I was confused, but…" he shrugged. But what? Nothing had changed, necessarily, he just suddenly didn't mind her presence. He made up his mind when he finished, "You can stay."

"What?" Remy had heard him perfectly well, but she didn't believe it. She had broken into his house with her meager belongings, hoping to get away from that filthy apartment, but she didn't have any plan beyond that. Though she hadn't thought that far ahead, she certainly didn't expect him to let her stay.

"I said you can stay. I've got a perfectly good couch with no one else sleeping on it. And you did save my ass, and get me that morphine, so I gotta repay you somehow."

She grinned widely. He smiled back—those crooked fangs again.

"God, thank you. That place the Prince gave me—it's disgusting! Well, I'm sure you saw it, you set up my email… thanks for that, too, by the way. 'Suckhead', though, really?"

"Gotta find some way to have fun around here." Looking at her, another question suddenly came to mind. He wasn't sure if he should ask, since the matter seemed settled, but he couldn't help himself. "By the way, why my place specifically? Why didn't you ask Lacroix, or the Voermans, or something?" Not that he felt inadequate, but he wasn't her kind. Surely she would rather be around one of them.

She would rather see a sunrise than talk to the Prince or those crazy twins from her clan again. "You—" Remy paused. She didn't know if she should tell him; would it ruin it? The voices were silent, for once.

"What?"

"You feel safe." It wasn't the ideal wording, but it was true.

Every time she'd met someone or seen something the past two nights, the voices had a lot to say about it. Usually it was incomprehensible, and so loud she was sure it had come from someone nearby. She found herself ripping her hands through her hair in frustration more than once. But a few times they had made sense, and the ramblings of the thinblood on the beach only confirmed it.

Something told her she could trust Mercurio, and that man from the warehouse—Beckett. The feelings the voices had given were different between the two of them, but she didn't have the time or the recognition to discern that. All she knew was that she could be safe there.

Mercurio didn't know what to say to that. He'd realized she was forward, sure, but what was this all about? He was a ghoul who knew about weapons and drugs. He wouldn't count himself among the protectors of the world, that's for sure. But suddenly he felt like he should; or that he could.

"Well, I'm glad you think so," is what he finally settled on saying. Maybe it was some sort of Malkavian intuition thing.

There was a moment of silence, the air tense as she clearly had something else to say. He just looked at her and finally she said quickly, "There is another thing, though."

"What? You got a twin too?"

Remy grimaced, realizing that he didn't know that the Voermans weren't really twins. She laughed it off, avoiding eye contact. She was afraid of what they—she—would do if Remy told anyone about their split personality.

"Um, no." But then she remembered her older brother and went quiet, suddenly realizing that she might not be able to see him ever again. She was ready to break down again when a voice in the front of her mind said something that she didn't quite pick up on. It calmed her. Getting a grip for once, she returned to the matter at hand. "You said you're someone who can get people things, right?"

"Do I like where this is going?" He was all for letting her stick around for the time being as a way to pay her back, but...

"All my stuff at my old college apartment. I need it." Even though she didn't have the bodily functions required to actually get her clothes dirty, Remy sure was tired of wearing the same outfit she was wearing when her professor murdered her.

Mercurio leaned back against the couch. The trespasser asking him to trespass; almost ironic. "Why can't you do it? You still got the key, don't you?"

"My roommate will be there all night, and I can't go while she's in class during the day. But I do have the key, and I can give it to you." Her eyes grew big again, though it was more of a pleading look this time. "Please?"

Mercurio stared at her. Hell, he'd done a lot worse than enter an apartment with its key to pick up some clothes. "Alright, alright, no need to look at me like that. Gimme the key and the address and I'll take a look tomorrow."

She grabbed his arm again; he noticed this time. Her hand was dead and freezing, but he didn't try to move it. She smiled. "You're a lifesaver."

"Try my best. Anyway, don't you got anything else to do tonight? Earlier I heard the Prince saying something about that ship out there, the, er, Elizabeth something or other."

Remy started. "The Elizabeth Dane! Sitting here talking to you and I forgot all about it. I have to go." She stood, tossing her backpack onto the couch without looking to see where it would land.

Then she stopped as if a new thought had sprung to her mind. She sat again, looking at him in earnest. "Thanks again, Mercurio." The first time she'd actually called him something other than Mercury directly. "I'll, um, see you later. Maybe. I don't know when you sleep. Do you sleep during the day, actually? I guess the sun won't kill you, but you've got to deal with… our kind all night. That must be pretty inconvenient—"

Mercurio flicked her shoulder. "Let's chat about my sleep schedule after you do whatever the big man's got you doing, how about?"

Remy stood again. "Right." She wished she could say that it was the Embrace into her clan that had made her thoughts jumble up like they kept doing, but… she'd always been like that. She headed for the door, and once she'd turned around Mercurio smiled.

A voice played at the back of Remy's mind as she left. It tripped over the others, trying to interrupt the utterings that had been replaying over and over the past two nights. She couldn't quite understand what it was trying to tell her.

#ha ha okay #*mine #mine: writing #x: why do you keep appearing in my dreams #vtmb #oc: remy

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jackiegaytona · 4 years ago

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I absolutely love your fics! Any advice for someone who wants to start writing a lengthy wwdits fic for archive? I have so many ideas but I'm so nervous about writing and posting this. I haven't written a fic in years now. The most charactet and story writing I've done is for d&d.

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoy my work! I’m more than happy to share a little of my own current experiences within the fandom. Believe it or not, I only saw the movie around a month ago, and then binged the TV show after. So I’m very much a WWDITS noob. But I am HOOKED.

My recent foray into wwdits fanfiction has been amazing, I’ve been getting so much writing done - more than I have in probably a decade! This fandom is the first I’ve written for in around 15 years, but the reception has been so encouraging. The comments I’ve been receiving have been a shining light in what is obviously a difficult time right now.

So with that said, my advice would be: Just start writing! Pathetic advice, I know, but beginning is the hardest part, and it gets easier after. Here are some pointers I hope will help (feel free to follow or ignore them):

· Before you begin, change the background of your word processor to a darker colour – I recommend a mid-range grey. If using Word, you can change both the interface colours and the page’s background colour. I write on a dark-ish grey page. So basically, my Word interface is all grey. This helps my eyes, and also doesn’t look nearly as intimidating as a glaring white page!

· Make a bullet list of your notes and use them as a guide, but don’t get too hung up on the planning stage if that’s not what you like doing. I’m not a plotter. I can’t write unless I give myself free rein. When I start a story, I might have a vague idea of how it ends but I have no idea what will happen until I start writing. A lot of writers say this is bad practice, and yes it sometimes results in your story hitting dead ends. BUT – and I say this for both art and writing – there are no solid rules. Creating is a very individual process, and you need to find what works best for you.

· Begin somewhere – doesn’t have to be the beginning. Start with a scene that interests you or that you want to get written out. Once you’re over that initial hump of “blank page jitters”, it gets much easier.

· As for multi-chapter fics, I approach them the same way I approach smaller fics. I don’t give myself a set word-count. I don’t do much planning, just a few dot points of ideas. The beautiful thing about fanfiction is that your reader has background knowledge of the show and characters, so you can literally start anywhere, at any point in time, and although your story should have some kind of resolution at the end, it doesn’t necessarily have to follow the traditional layout of a novel.

If you’re nervous about writing fanfiction in particular, and the reception/comments you’ll receive (believe me, I was up until I posted my first fic. I’m not a confident writer), keep in mind:

· Fanfiction is great because some of the work is already done for you! The characters, places and themes already exist and thus give you loads to work from. But you can also add your own little twists in, and that’s where things get really creative. I have read a lot of fics that follow the timeline of WWDITS, for example, and although the events in these fics are very similar (because they happen in the show, or are likely to happen) – the writing styles and outcomes are all so different that it’s like reading a new story each time. Each writer brings their own imagination to the table, yet we all have a shared interest. Which usually involves vampire-familiar sex.

· Remember, you’re posting your work to a bunch of frenzied fans who want any tiny scrap of content they can get – ME INCLUDED. GIVE US CONTENT. So yeah, people will love your work, regardless of your skill level. Someone will read it and someone will love it (usually multiple people). I haven’t read a fic I haven’t loved.

· Fanfic writing is very self-indulgent. Eg. we can write our favourite ships, or bend the show/fandom to suit us, which is a very enjoyable experience. Even a little addictive.

· In terms of WWDITS, the fandom is freaking AWESOME. Everyone is so friendly and it’s so active, there are some incredibly creative people and I’ve made a lot of new friends. So don’t ever be afraid to share your work, or try something new, like a multi-chapter fic. We WILL read it and enjoy it! For what it’s worth, I personally love long fics. The agonising slow-burns are my faves…so frustrating. So delicious.

I’ll stop there since this is already very long, but I hope that helps! If anyone ever wants me to play editor for their fics or beta read, I’m more than happy to help out as best as I can!

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fanwarriorfictions · 5 years ago

Text

One-

A Stranger Things 2 Fanfic

Chapter Four- Part Three

When Phina had gotten home from Steve's house, it was 10 o'clock. And her mother had been waiting for her.

As soon as the door to the garage had closed behind her, Karen's voice rang out, "where have you been?"

On the way home, Phina had thought of the perfect lie, and she didn't even look at her mother to deliver it, "Lisle's. We have a chemistry project due tomorrow and we lost track of time."

"No you weren't," Karen snapped, "I called Lisle, she doesn't even have chemistry this semester. How many times have you used that lie, ten, fifteen? Well I'm done letting it slide, where we're you?"

"Nowhere important," she replied.

"Look at me Seraphina," Karen snapped again, "do I look like I'm in the mood for this?"

Phina's head snapped towards her mothers, "and do I look to be in the mood for this!"

Karen instantly saw the redness to her daughters eyes, the puffiness. Her daughter had been crying, a lot. Karen was in shock, Phina hardly ever cried, ever. The last time she did, was when they thought Will Byers had died.

"Phina? What happened, are you hurt?" Karen's anger had dissipated as she hurried over to check her daughter for injuries. "Did you crash your bike? What.."

"I'm fine mom!" Phina pushes her mothers hands off her. "I just want to go to bed."

The tone of her voice told Karen that she wouldn't get any answers from Phina tonight, but she knew her daughter well, when she was ready, she would.

"Ok sweety," Karen sighed, "please come get me as soon as you're ready to talk."

Phina gave her mom a halfhearted smile as she made her way to the stairs. The weight of the day pressed down on her, so heavy that she almost crumbled beneath the pressure. She almost didn't make it to her door.

Phina pushed open the door and stopped. Like her mother had been waiting for her down stairs, Mike was waiting for her on her bed.

"Where have you been," he asks, sounding exactly like their mother.

"What are you doing up? You should be in bed, you have school tomorrow," she says.

"So do you," he fires back, "you ran away earlier."

"Yes."

He gives her a look, "why? Where did you go?"

Phina sighs, this is a conversation she wanted to avoid more than the one with her mother. She takes off her shoes and her jacket, taking her sweet time before she has to answer. Mike moves over so she can sit down next to him, turning her body to face him. They watch each other in silence, both of them waiting for the other to speak.

"I was scared," she finally whispers.

The look Mike gives her is one of confusion, "why?"

And the one she gives him is sad, "because I saw the way you all looked at me. Because I looked in each one of your eyes and saw fear, of me. Because I saw what I did. I could have hurt you Mike, I could have hurt all of you. I don't know if I could live with myself if I had."

Mike's shook his head, "you would never hurt me."

"Not on purpose," Phina argues, "never on purpose. I lost control Mike. Everyday I find my powers becoming more and more unchecked, and I'm terrified."

"Stop it," Mike chides her, "if you're scared of yourself, how are you supposed to learn to control it. You can't push it away, that'll just make it worse."

Phina let her head fall, "what if I can't control it?"

"You will," Mike argues, "because you are my sister and you never give up, ever. You are the most strong willed person I have ever met and you'll find a way, I know it."

Phina smiles, "glad to know someone believes in me."

He smiles back, "of course I do. You're my superhero."

"And you're mine."

"Phina? Have you seen your brother..."

Karen opened the door to find her two kids fast asleep. Mike was cuddled into Phina's side, her arms wrapped around him. They had fallen asleep last night before either could think of getting Mike to his own room.

Karen smiled at the two, who looked peaceful in sleep. She walked over to the bed and gently started to shake Phina awake.

"Time to get up hun," she said warmly.

Phina's eyes slowly blinked open, taking in the blurry image of her mother, "hmmm."

"Good morning," Karen chuckled.

"Mornin'," Phina mumbled, poking her brother's side.

He grumbled something inaudibly and turned over to the other side of the bed, out of Phina's arms.

"If I have to wake up, so do you," Phina chuckles.

"Not necessarily," Mike mumbled.

Karen smiled at the two of them, "well breakfast is almost ready."

Mike turned his head slightly, "breakfast?"

"Do you like those grapes Holly," Mike asks.

Phina and Mike had both gotten ready quickly after their mom had mentioned breakfast. Phina hadn't eaten since yesterday at lunch, so she was starving, and toast with strawberry jam never sounded better.

Phina was making her toast now, probably a bit more than necessary but, whatever.

"Hey mom," Nancy said as she stood up, "I was thinking about staying the night at Stacy's tonight? We were gonna have a girls night."

Nancy came up behind Phina and stole a piece of toast from her.

"Hey!"

"Romantic comedies, do our nails, gossip," Nancy carried on with a little smirk at Phina.

"Make your own Nance," Phina grumbled halfheartedly.

"Sure! That sounds fun," Karen said, ignoring Phina.

Nancy sat down in her spot next to Holly, "toast?"

Phina whirled around, she was giving Holly the toast she stole from Phina, "really?"

"You made four pieces of toast," Nancy laughs, "you'll live."

"You don't know that," Phina jokes, "I could die."

"Sure."

To say Steve Harrington wasn't focused today was an understatement. He'd been known to the school as King Steve, star basketball player, a womanizer. Well, things changed. And the jean everything wearing, mullet having Billy Hargrove was here to ruin his reputation.

Steve could vaguely hear the coach yelling but, he wasn't focused on that. He was focused on Hargrove, who had been making a fool out of Steve's team.

Billy laughs as he gets the ball, again, "all right! All right, all right! King Steve! King Steve everyone, I like it, playing tough today."

Steve was getting annoyed very quickly, "Jesus! Do you ever stop talking man? Come on!"

Billy lazily dribbles with one hand, laughing again, "what? You afraid the coach is gonna bench ya now that I'm here? Huh?"

He suddenly moves forward quickly, not giving Steve any time to prepare. Billy shoulder checks Steve as he runs past him to score. Steve grunts and falls backwards, definitely not the first time he'd been knocked down today.

A hand reached down in front of him, Billy's. Steve warily grabs it, bad idea. Billy pulls Steve halfway up to him.

"You were moving your feet," he says, "plant them next time, draw a charge."

Billy pushes Steve back down roughly, walking over him to get back into the game. Steve couldn't tell if the advice was somewhat friendly, or threatening.

Steve let the lukewarm water run over his face, trying to somewhat come off the adrenaline from the game.

"Don't sweat it Harrington," Billy said from his right.

Steve's annoyance shot through the roof just at his voice. The prick had been showing him up in every way since he got here.

"Today's just not your day man," he continued.

"Yeah. Not your week," Tommy butts in, "you and the princess break up for one day, she's already running off with the freaks brother."

Steve gave Tommy an annoyed look.

"Oh shit, you don't know," Tommy chuckles, "Jonathan and the princess skipped yesterday. Still haven't shown. But that must just be a coincidence, right?"

Tommy smirks, "I'm mean, you don't seem to be to beaten up about it, considering Carol saw the Freak of Hawkins leaving your house last night. Switching Wheelers, huh? Classy."

Tommy laughs loudly, annoyingly, as he leaves the showers. Steve glares at him as he goes, starting to shampoo his hair

"Don't take it to hard man," Billy interjects, "a pretty boy like you gots nothing to worry about. Plenty of bitches in the sea."

Billy slowly turns off Steve's shower, "am I right?"

He claps Steve on the shoulder, turning to leave the showers as well, "that Phina chick? That's a real nice catch right there, sad I didn't make it first."

Steve's anger flares at the comment. He harshly turns the water back on, his hand stingy when it makes contact with the metal nob.

Phina walked briskly to her bike after school, wanting to escape the place as quickly as she possibly could. All day she had been hearing little comments about her. She was used to this type of stuff, and had dealt with no shortage of rumors in the past, but this, this was different. People had been making comments about her, and Steve. Someone must have seen her at his house last night, and assumed the worst.

She had also heard little comments about Jon and Nancy, who had not been at school at all today and has apparently skipped yesterday as well. Again, the worst had been assumed. This is why Phina hated this place, because everything you said or did was turned against you.

Phina got to her bike and was out of there in less than five seconds. She flew past people who stared and whispered to each other. The lies that spread between them like wildfire gripped at her, trying to bring her down. She drove to the only place that didn't have the pressure of judgement, where she was happy, the forests.

She went out far, parking her bike behind a few trees so any cars that passed wouldn't see it. Then, she went farther. Walking at least a mile into the trees. With her connection to the forest, she would never get lost, for the trees whispered directions to her.

The stress that plagued her lifted with each step farther.

That is, until she felt it. The sickness that infected the earth around her. It was like she had entered a quarantine zone, the sickness abruptly starting.

Phina turned her confused gaze to the trees, which were turning a strange gray color, some sort of weird liquid seeping from them. She took a step towards the nearest tree, her hand reached out to touch it. It was a gooy substance that made her face scrunch in disgust.

The color, the goo, it was all to familiar. All to like the upside down. It was happening again.

"Shit."

The sun had faded awhile ago, leaving Phina in the dark. She had followed the path of the disease, which lead back towards town, but not quite. She had left the forest and was now in the farm areas outside of Hawkins. An entire patch of pumpkins had been destroyed by this disease.

She carefully placed her steps as she walked through the field. The rotten pumpkins were full of that goo and she did not want to get that all over her.

The sound of an engine in the distance simultaneously drew her in and made her aware that she was trespassing. She drew closer to the noise and a sigh of relief shot through her, it was Hopper.

In front of the car, was a very large hole, which had dirt flying out of it in small increments of time.

"Hopper," she asks as she gets closer to the hole, seeing him digging.

He whirls around, "Phina? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she pointed out, "what are you doing?"

He sighs, "investigating."

"Does it have something to do with why all my trees are dying," she asks, gesturing around.

"Possibly," he answers, throwing another shovelful of dirt out of the hole.

"Why are you digging a hole Hop," she asks.

He sighs, she wasn't gonna leave without the answers she wanted, "because of Will."

Phina's heart stops, "is he ok?"

"He's fine, for the most part," Hopper sighs again, this time, more defeated, "whatever happened to you two yesterday has caused him to, act different. He's been drawing non-stop. I've got a theory, and unless you're gonna pick up a shovel and help you can go on home and wait for me to prove it or not."

Hopper goes to dig again when he sees it, the goo. He shovels out a little bit of it, looking at it with strange curiosity.

"What the hell?"

Phina slowly climbs into the hole, to get a closer look. It seemed like there was a thick layer of this stuff, almost like how a portal to the upside down looked like before it opened. Hopper digs at it again, yelling a little bit as if it'd make him stronger. The small hole opens, some dirt falling through it which meant that there was an opening below it.

Hopper hits it again and again to make the hole bigger. He looks up at Phina who has curiosity written all over her face.

"Stay here," he says.

"No chance in hell," she snaps.

He'd fought her on a subject like this before, he knew he'd lose, "fine. Wait for me to yell before following."

He sat down on the ground and slowly went through the hole. Phina looked on worriedly, what was down there. Hopper fell all the way through, giving Phina a heart attack before he yelled for her to go down. Phina lowers into the hole, Hopper helping her down. When she hits the ground, he takes out his flash light and they look all around them.

"Holy shit," Phina whispers.

-2328 words-

Did y'all like that little Steve pov, good way to introduce the rumors about Steve and Phina, which will have a roll later on.

-Morgan

#steve harrington #steve harrington x oc #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #strangerthingsfanfic #strangerthings #slow burn #one #romance

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taxesdeathtrouble · 7 years ago

Note

"I suggested we go to the beach but everyone is checking you out in your swimsuit and now i’m jealous, but i can’t say anything because we’re not even dating." With Chase as the jealous one obvi because I'm garbage for it

this is unfair.

The six of them are at the beach, because Karolina wanted to cool off and dragged the rest of them with her, and at first Chase was excited. Golden sand, hot sun, the ocean breeze- who wouldn’t be, right? Unfortunately, going to the beach with his friends also means going to the beach with Gert. Gert, who’s wearing teeny-tiny swim shorts and a neon pink bikini top.

Unfair.

She’s stretched out on a lawn chair she stuffed in the back of Chase’s car- because of course that’s how it worked out, the two of them driving here alone. Chase thought he was going to die- long, tanned legs crossed lazily as she reads some giant book about the French Revolution. He’s sitting a little bit away, building a sandcastle with Molly, but he just can’t stop looking at her.

“Did you put on sunscreen?” He asks, just to be talking to her and not staring like a creep.

“Yeah, but it was before we left. Hey, actually, would you help me get my back? I don’t think I put enough on before, and I’m gonna hop in the water soon.” Halfway through her sentence he’s already standing and making his way over to her, and he hears Molly giggle from behind him.

“Yep, yes, I can totally do that.”

Gert stands, handing him the bottle of sunscreen and turning around, and holy shit, is this really happening right now?

He squeezes a bit of sunscreen into his hands and rubs them together, then, a little shakily, starts rubbing it into her skin.

When he first touches her, Gert shivers, murmuring, “That’s cold,” and Chase gulps down everything he wishes he could say right now. I want you so bad it makes me ache, I’ve been in love with you for so long I don’t know what to do with myself, please god give me the courage to tell you how I feel.

His hands sweep over her shoulders, then down her back, and honestly, this is killing him. She’s killing him.

When he’s finished, he wipes the remaining sunscreen down her arms, saying, “All done.”

Gert turns around, giving him that megawatt smile of hers. “Thanks, Chase. Hey, wanna jump off with me?” She gestures to the dock, and he nods.

“You first,” she says when they reach the end, and he winds back a bit before running off the edge, hitting the water with a huge splash.

He hears laughter from above him, and he expects it to be her reacting to getting splashed with water, or something, but nope- she’s talking to someone else. The guy is tragically handsome and ridiculously ripped, and Chase is both extremely jealous and vaguely attracted to him at the same time.

“Hey, Gert, you coming?” He’s yelling, kind of, but Gert doesn’t seem to hear him, so he tries again. “Gert?”

Gert touches the guy’s arm, which is so obviously a move that it hurts, and Chase submerges himself again just so he doesn’t have to watch. When he comes up for air they’re still talking, much closer now, and Chase’s heart is pounding. He knows if he gets out of the water, he’s going to end up fighting this guy, but if he stays here he’s going to burst from jealousy, so he turns and starts swimming vaguely left. The monotony of it makes him almost forget wear he’s going, until he’s nearly to the other side of the beach at the entrance to a cave.

He stands and wades through the water as it gets shallower, then climbs onto a rock, looking around at how purely pretty it is here.The cave kind of glows in a blueish light, stemming from the aquamarine water, and maybe he should be worried about how water probably shouldn’t glow, but he can’t be too bothered.

“Chase?”

He’s been gone about a half hour, maybe, when he hears Gert calling his name.

Chase turns his head to see her, purple hair dripping as she squeezes water out of it. “Hey.”

She walks towards him and joins him on the rock. “Hey. Is there any particular reason you felt the need to disappear and freak everyone out? We thought you got kidnapped, or something.”

He smirks and flexes a bicep. “With these muscles? Nah.”

Gert laughs and shoves him lightly. “But seriously though. What gives?”

To avoid answering the question, he says, “Why do you even care, anyways? Shouldn’t you be off talking to that guy?”

Her eyebrows go up. “Wait. were you jealous?”

His eyes widen as he tries to backtrack. “Uhhh, no, no I was not not, I just-”

“Oh my god you were totally jealous.” Gert looks delighted by this, the corners of her eyes crinkling up as she tries not to smile.

“I wasn’t, I swear!”“Liar, you totally were,” she leans in a little, poking him in the chest. “I can’t believe you were jealous over little old me, wooow- mph!”

He kisses her. It’s only to shut her up- and because of how beautiful she looks in this light- but he still does it. For a moment she doesn’t react, and he thinks he’s fucked everything up, but then she melts into it, moaning as she kisses him back. His palm is on the side of her neck, strands of hair threaded between his fingers as she squeezes his bicep, her nails digging into his skin. It’s passionate, more passionate than any kiss he’s ever experienced, and he kind of can’t believe this is happening right now. Is he dreaming?

Gert pulls back first, breathing heavily as she says, “By the way, I wasn’t into that guy, like, at all, I was just trying to make you jealous.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you dumbass, I’ve been into you since grade school, please kiss me again?” Her voice hitches, and what is Chase going to do, say no?

#mine #gertchase #gert yorkes #chase stein #runaways #marvels runaways #this took me all morning lol

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forestfungi · 5 years ago

Text

this is purely self indulgent 😌🌸

0. 5"4 (AND A HALF)

1. 15🤑

2. 9 - 9 1/2

3. No.

4. Ime child

5. Nope, but sometimes i feel like what i think someone on drugs migHt feel

6. A vague "older"

7. No :/

8. Yep!!!!

9. No :(

10. YE S !!!!

11. My buds already know who they are

12. Single and kinda sorta ready to mingle maybe

13. Uh curly hair, freckles, nice fashion sense, lip biting and/or watching you with a lil smirk, nice hair, bright smile, likes me and isn't a douche :)

14. Doesn't care about the environment, hates animals, tries to force me to do things, mean, thinks they're better than me :(

15. Right now? Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

16. You listen to me, ask to play with my hair, watch movies with me, understand that I don't want to talk sometimes, nap with me, just tell me you care, tell me little things you notice about myself that i didn't even realize

17. I miss the potential of a more developed, cute, older cousin/younger cousin dynamic. Rest in peace Katie.

18. My brother almost died from a seatbelt once and it freaked me out Real Bad

19. Sometimes I feel like I don't need anybody but other times all I can think about is that I'm nothing without anyone else. My real feelings are somewhere in the middle.

20. My double chin and my laziness

21. My eyes and excitement for the future

22. Artist, animator, animal photographer for like national geographic maybe, indoor plant shop owner

23. Mostly good, they're all younger so we have time

24. Could be better

25. Something spontaneous, like if you're board and you just really wanna go to the dollar store, pick me up we can buy that cheap chocolate!!! idk

26. Mansplaining (not exclusive to men)

27. I don't like anyone right now :// i knowww, lame 😤😤

28. I really don't know

29. So they don't feel bad

30. That a more artsy student has to be really good at all the other subjects but a more math-ey student is told that it's just not their thing!! You don't have to try so hard it's just art!!!! Really grinds my gears

31. "Yeah they're uh,, different genres of Boys?"

32. It's less about the words but how someone says them

33. you're funny!!, you're good at that!!, i love you!!, thank you, you're so sweet!!, you're cute!!, oh my god i love how you do *blank*!!

34. nice hair, hips, lips, eyes, long legs, fashion sense, collar bones

35. good hair, jawline, long eyelashes, eyes, backs, fashion sense, collar bones

36. Somewhere near the woods but aLso near the water with a shopping center nearby

37. My toenails yikes

38. Ballerina (I can't dance😭😭)

39. Cookie dough is IT👊👊👊

40. Better.

41. In my own apartment, preparing to relax with my cat

42. Fajitas

43. Chris Hemsworth LMAO----

44. Did you know that cow's burps and farts are making the Earth's atmosphere even warmer because they contain methane? BECAUSE THAT'S COMPLETELY TRUE DAWG W H A T-

nosy anons let's go

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shysweetthing · 8 years ago

Note

Hi I really loved your YOI fic "Call Everything on the Ice"! I was also just wondering, though, how long have you been studying Japanese? Could you give some advice or resources how you're learning? I'm planning on going to Japan for my Asian Studies degree and hope to learn Japanese (or at least get a head start) before taking that leap. Hope this isn't a bother!!! Thank you if you have the time to answer!!!

Okay, so perhaps people have noticed that I tend to overanswer things? Yes, yes, that happens.

Me: Maybe only explain this a little bit.Me to me: Who are we kidding? Have five, count ‘em, five separate numbered lists.

Answer to question #1: I’m at about *glances at watch* four and a half months of studying Japanese, and while I’ve been spending about 3-4 hours a day on this, I’m still really new. This means that I am inevitably doing something inefficiently and so you should take everything I say with a grain of salt. I haven’t been doing this very long and other people are much better resources!

That being said, my tendency to overexplain, my general pedantry (own it if you are it, whatever), and my deeply weird overanalytical brain means that maybe something I’ve done in breaking down my experience thus far will be helpful to you.

All five numbered lists below the cut.

Further disclaimers: I know how I learn and what I’m good at, and this means that I am really really good at telling when a course of study is Not Working For Me. This is because I am Relatively Tumblr Old and have learned a variety of relatively complicated things with a high degree of success in my lifetime.

It is very unlikely that your brain works like mine, and so to further qualify this, I’m going to tell you how my brain works.

1. For me, the death of learning is boredom. I cannot, repeat, cannot, do boring things for much longer than about five minutes. You could offer me a half-million dollars a year to do a job that has twenty hours of boring work a week and I would quit in desperation after two weeks. Or, more likely, I’d take the job and stay up nights for months on end automating it and then you’d fire me when you realized that I was now doing nothing at work except reading AO3 articles. This means that time-efficient but boring study methods are completely inaccessible to me. I don’t care how effective it is. If it bores me, it is not getting done.

2. I have an incredibly good recall for sounds, and a basic amount of musical training. One of the ways I used to commit things like relative electronegativity to memory was to make a song, because I could remember the most ridiculously long strings of information that way. Ditto for memorizing monologues in school. (This is relevant).

3. I have an absolutely excellent memory for other things, too, when I’m paying attention. If I’m not paying attention, I will remember nothing. (Yes, I’m on the ADHD spectrum–I hyperfocus like nobody’s business, and if I’m not hyperfocused you might as well fuck off because I’m not paying a lick of attention.) I am much more likely to trigger my hyperfocus with physical activity–either walking or writing things down.

4. I am very goal focused. Give me just about any concrete goal and I will make a spreadsheet detailing how to get from point A to point B with every intermediate step in the way, which I will adjust on a biweekly basis to correspond to my progress and what I learn. My goal in this case was to be able to understand spoken Japanese well enough to get the gist of the raw Yuri on Ice feeds so that I didn’t have to wait 3+ hours for the Crunchyroll translations by the time Season 2 came around.

5. I am the person who will spend 40 hours fixing a persistent problem that takes me one minute of boring work every month. I am so damned impatient that I’ll spend three hours a day every day for two years so that I don’t have to wait three hours. Let’s hear it for the few, the proud, the delightedly inefficient.

6. Along the lines of hating boredom: I absolutely love figuring out how things work, and so I tend to jump onto solutions that prioritize understanding how a system works first and then moving from there to increasing fluency. I will happily spend 10 hours figuring out how something works even if it only saves me an hour of time. You’ll see what I mean a little later.

7. Also along the lines of having ADHD: I need to feel that I am accomplishing things along the way, which means that if I’m taking on a two-year project, I need to be able to point to things that I am accomplishing along the way, or I will get frustrated and give up. In this regard, I am like a small child. If I can’t pinpoint an immediate benefit to something, I get frustrated and give up. From experience, I have gotten very good at pinpointing accomplishments so that I am constantly affixing little medals to my own chest, but it also means that I “waste” (in some senses of the word) time doing things that probably are more about keeping my mental state chugging along.

8. This bears mentioning, but one thing about my being old and being good at fixing persistent problems? I have disposable income, and only about half of it goes toward purchasing Victor nendoroids. Some of the resources I list here cost money. I am naturally cheap–I don’t like spending money if I don’t have to–but I have learned to be cheap with my time, and to value people who provide useful or lovely things.

9. I am deeply introspective. If something is worth analyzing in my mind, it’s worth overanalyzing to death.

Okay, enough about me! Here are my thoughts on what I have done so far to learn Japanese, which I’m going to divide into sections.

Listening to Japanese (with some speaking)

I’m not going to have the temerity to explain spoken Japanese at this point, so google elsewhere. Here are useful resources:

1. JapanesePod101.com: https://www.japanesepod101.com I started a one-week free subscription to this site at the beginning of the year when I knew basically nothing, and then they had a huge membership sale at the beginning of the new year which I glommed onto immediately. I listen to about 4-6 podcasts a day–when I’m driving, when I’m out for a walk, when I’m shopping. I shadow the Japanese parts (this is what shadowing is: http://learnanylanguage.wikia.com/wiki/Shadowing). I listen. There are criticisms you could make of this podcast, but it’s rarely boring, the people on it are likable, and the lessons once Naomi-sensei gets on board are fantastic.

2. Crunchyroll. This is one of those “need accomplishment” things that I use regularly. Some people advocate putting anime on as background and letting your brain cogitate; my brain is EXTREMELY good at not paying attention to things and so I don’t think this would be effective for me. I watch anime. I’ve gone from maybe sometimes hearing a name, to understanding set phrases like Victor saying “Ohayou!” or Yuuri saying “Tadaima” to (at this point) being able to understand the simple sentences, and pick words out of the complex ones. I pause a lot, for instance, when I understand all the words in a sentence but one. I try to sound the word I think I heard out in a Japanese-to-English dictionary (tangorin.com is free, I think?), and if that doesn’t work, in google translate (sometimes it’s two words, and that makes it hard to look up).

3. I try to watch ice skating videos in Japanese. There are some that have subtitles in Japanese and English, too, which is cool.

Independent skills that I have had to actively force myself to learn in order to listen to Japanese properly (still working through this list):

1. Timing things. English (or any of the other languages I’ve studied) isn’t overly concerned with syllable length or breaks between syllables. That makes it hard to distinguish between a two-mora vowel and a one-mora vowel, or to make your mind pay attention to the small-tsu break. You have to really work to pay attention to train your mind that this is important and it needs to stop filtering those things out. It took me probably two months to retrain my mental filters, which I mostly did by banging my head against trying to figure out what words I heard, trying different combinations, and then going back to the word I heard and relistening to it once i figured out what it was, until I was hearing the thing I wasn’t hearing.

2. Vowels. In English, we can mess around with vowels a LOT and it works just fine as long as the consonants are vaguely in the right place. That’s why people can write sentences with misplaced/swapped out vowels and your mind will basically make sense of it anyway–because we use consonants a lot to tag words. This means that a brain fed a diet of mostly English squishes a lot of vowels together into one mushy sounding sound. It’s why some people hear “Hai” as “Hi” and not as a two-mora, two vowel sound. There’s a point at the end of episode 4 where Yuuri says something like “Victor and my season is finally beginning,” and I understood all the words except 'finally,’ so I tried to sound out the word I heard that was probably 'finally’ as an exercise. I tried EVERY FREAKING COMBINATION of “よよ” and “ようよ” and “ようよう” and finally realized that I just wasn’t hearing the two-vowel combination properly: “いよいよ.” Again, the way I dealt with this except to repeatedly force myself to do exercises like this again and again while listening, sounding out what I heard and then listening to it again and again when I was wrong until I could hear the thing I missed.

3. Pitch accent. In English, pitch plays a role in intonation, and there are accepted pitches, but there’s a lot more pitch variation, and we mostly use stress to indicate meaning. In Japanese, pitch is far more important, with relative pitch between words being important, and increasing differences in pitch indicating increasing importance. It took me about a month into trying to learn Japanese to hear the words “pitch accent” and then another month to start really paying attention to words to try and determine the pitch accent, and then only very recently, discovering resources that break down what pitch accent is and what the rules are to it (OMG I didn’t know there were rules, I love rules!) in a way that made me say, yes, this is amazing. You want to visit Dogen’s site for this: https://www.patreon.com/dogen/posts – I found his videos accidentally, but they’re amazing. The first handful are free; the next handful, you need to pledge to his Patreon. Some of the things he says are difficult for English speakers to learn are not difficult for me–I suspect because I have basic musical training, and it turns out that those lessons where I learned to identify intervals taught me to hear pitch changes.

4. Language parsing. The thing I’m working on now is a straight-up language parsing issue. English functions much like a stack: Words go on the stack in the right order, and your brain assigns function and meaning on the basis of where in the stack they land, and improper stacking leads to breakdown. Stack issues in English are why it’s completely fine to say “friendly little brown fluffy Japanese dog” but “Japanese friendly fluffy brown little dog” is just wrong. English is, to use a metaphor that will be almost completely inaccessible to the current generation, rather like the BASIC I used on the Commodore 64–executed in mostly linear fashion with a handful of awkward and inelegant GOTOs that I only learned to cringe at when I took a computer science course many years later. Japanese also has a little bit of a stack issue, but a stack-parsing order is inappropriate. In a sense, it feels closer to a language in which particles function as meta-tags. It feels…more appropriate, I guess? to parse from particle to particle and from conjugation to conjugation. Japanese is closer to Java in many, many ways. I figured out that I needed to parse differently about a month ago, and have been slowly working on upgrading my internal interpreter.

5. Next stages: A lot of Japanese is indirect, and so absorbing indirect equivalents (or where there is none, getting the gist) is probably going to be a lifelong process.

Speaking

1. Some people like talking to other people. I hate it with a burning passion. I prefer people who use pixels. I did try a Japanese Skype conversation partner through italki.com. It was very, very useful. I learned a lot. I hated it so much that I have myself permission to not do it for another few months. (I do use italki to practice the other language I know–where I’m fluent enough that I can have an actual conversation about, like, the constitutionality of Trump’s executive order on immigration, for instance, instead of the name of someone’s rabbit. I don’t particularly hate that.)

2. I talk to myself, out loud, a lot in Japanese, even if I only say very stupid things. I try to express things I don’t know how to say.

3. I give my cat orders in Japanese. He listens to me in Japanese as often as he does in English, so this is a huge success.

4. I am not great at speaking, partially because my goal is not to be able to speak to people.

Reading and Writing

1. You’re gonna have to memorize the Kana. Just do it. I did it, and I hate boring things.

2. I spent some time looking at various speed-Kanji-learning methods, like Remembering the Kana, WaniKani, and Kanji Damage. The most useful thing I got was this description of Kanji from KanjiDamage http://www.kanjidamage.com/introduction and the description of Kanji as an orthography: http://www.kanjidamage.com/kanji_facts. This made me think of Kanji as words composed of radicals laid out on a two-dimensional canvas, as compared to English, where words are are composed of the letters of the alphabet on a one-dimensional canvas. Once I saw that, then you see that some connections and combinations are meaningful in the same way that evocative, advocacy, and vocal are related. Some connections are totally illusory and trying to find meaning or explanation for it is a fool’s game. Having understood that, I tried the basic method behind these and found that it did not work at all for me because it was boring as all get out, and I didn’t feel like I was learning anything (even though I was).

3. My current method is absolutely not the most efficient but I am making headway with it. It goes like this: find really easy reading materials, and learn the words that are in it. It took me about a month before I could read even the most basic of texts. (I started with the graded Japanese readers, level 0). Is this method of learning words scattershot as fuck? YES. ABSOLUTELY. But I feel like I’m accomplishing things because I am reading books, and I am willing to accept substantial amounts of inefficiency if it results in continued motivation.

4. At some point–my guess is somewhere around the one year mark–I’m going to have to transition to something a little more systematic. My hope is that once I reach that point I will have encountered those kanji enough that I will feel like I’m forming connections, not just learning disparate disconnected material, and I will not be bored.

5. Along those lines, Anki is my everything. I do about 20 cards a day, which means I’m learning around 70 words a week. Some of these words are great, like 難しい or 簡単. Some of those words are skating related, like 4回転トエループ. Some of those words are just really random things that showed up in the graded reader and I learned it because I’m stubborn, like 苦汁 (“bittern,” or a concentrated solution of magnesium chloride) or 納豆菌 (bacillus subtilis natto, the bacteria used to ferment soybeans into natto).

6. My Anki vocabulary cards have the English word on the front. On the back, I have the word in either hiragana or katakana, color-coded according to pitch accent, a recording of the word in Japanese, the kanji for the word, and sometimes the stroke order for the kanji. Yes, I write down the kanji–my memory is triggered by using muscles, including a pencil, and so this works for me.

7. This is what one of my Anki cards looks like, minus the spoken recording + stroke order. Blue is low pitch, red is high pitch, and the color of the heart at the end indicates the pitch of the particle at the end. It would be way more efficient to import other people’s Anki decks but I am (in addition to all the stuff mentioned above) deeply demand resistant and I only want to learn things that I have decided I should learn, with the precise information I want, no more, no less. I end up resenting other people’s flashcards so much that I’m stuck wasting time doing my own.

8. I’m also using a textbook (みんなの日本語). My textbook work lags substantially behind my comprehension, as driven by JapanesePod101, mostly because it’s boring until I understand it well enough to not have to stop and check every damned thing all the time. It is good to do exercises, though, and then to use the exercises as templates for saying and writing my own sentences which are of far greater interest.

Um, I think that’s everything I have for now?

Welcome to my brain.

#replies #how i'm learning japanese #my brain is not normal #that's okay it's okay to not have a normal brain

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readingontheroof · 8 years ago

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(1) Hi so I hope I'm somehow able to word this properly and not be an awful person (I'm sorry my emotions are still running kinda haywire). So yesterday my datemate told me that they are aromantic and they've known for about two months now and they didn't tell me earlier (even tho they hate lying/keeping secrets) bc they still love me (but not romantically of course) and they were worried I was going to cut ties with them completely in order to get over them and not want them in my life

anymore. Which I don't think I would have done, but given my past experience and personality, I think it was a reasonable thing to think. So after they told me that, I cried a lot and we talked about it some more, but it wasn't really a proper discussion since I was crying so hard. (I don't know if this helps but I'm an infj and my datemate (?) is an intj. I'm also asexual and they're pansexual. Sorry to dump this on you, I just think you're insightful and give good advice). We've been dating for 10 months now so it's a little bit hard finding this out after we've already been together for a while. While I understand why they waited 2 months to tell me (didn't want to hurt me, we were already dating, didn't want to permanently lose me) I'm still mad and wish they had told me earlier. I'm very future-oriented and I plan things out so far in advance, I was already imagining a future with them and was so happy and excited about it. I can change this image of coursebut it feels so sudden and it's like everything's been turned upside down. Last night I was overwhelmingly sad, and today I'm still sad but also angry. Maybe it wouldn't have but that's 2 months I could've spent stopping myself from getting attached to this future image. We talked about it together multiple times: what we each want, where we want to live, what kind of cats and dogs we want to own together. I know we can still live together, & I'd really really love that, it's just that someof the certainty of the future has been ripped away and it was really comforting and wonderful to think about. I really love them a lot and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather own cats with. Last night they said they'd still like to be in a romantic relationship with me and date me and continue doing everything else we've already been doing, but they don't want to be involved with any of those romantic rituals like getting married, etc. All I want right now is to continue our currentrelationship, especially since they want to and they really want to be in my future. It's just that I'm so attached to the idea of romantic love and marriage (it's so stupid though) and I don't know how to get away from that & I KNOW that no matter how much I'd like to continue this current relationship, I'm going to eventually want to get married and I don't want to regret anything. The ideal future would be for me to live with both them and someone else I'm married to in the same housebut all I can think about is how there's no way that'll ever work bc then that's three people's lives, jobs, wants and needs we'd have to coordinate in order to live in the same place and area. The probability of it working out is so unlikely & I don't know if I'd be even be able to find someone else to date who'd be willing to do that. I'm thinking the best option is for me to break off my current relationship with my datemate and do something more akin to a qpr, I just hate how vague anduncertain the future seems now. In the midst of this, I'm still mourning our past relationship (it was also my first romantic relationship). I really hope I didn't say anything to hurt their feelings last night but I tried to make as clear as possible that it's okay for them to be aromantic, I'm just upset about the changes to my vision of the future. Like if only I could get rid of this attachment to the idea of marriage and romantic love, and all that sappy stuff, then we could still continue our current relationship into the future the way it's been. I've just been so happy since (and before) we started dating at college and it's kinda of just a shocker, like I was too optimistic. I did get some warning from my instincts which I probably should've listened to (I hesitated before asking them out bc I thought they might've been aro but they said yes & later when they talked about possibly being polyarmorous I freaked out bc I went on a forum & lots of ppl had similarviews on platonic and romantic love and in poly and aro communities and I was worried that they were aro and I brought it up to them and at the time, they thought they were poly so they reassured me BUT two weeks after the convo realized they were aro. Fucking weirdass ni. Should've listened to it. In addition to this, I have become very attached to cuddling and physical intimacy and I don't want that to stop...but at the same time I'm worried I'm never going to stop liking them if I don'tstop the physical intimacy. Last night they said they'd be fine with whatever I wanted to do (become friends, continue the romantic relationship, or continue the romantic relationship and affection until I find someone else I want to date). Honestly the third option sounds the most appealing but I'm just worried I'm gonna be trapped in a limbo and that my new ideal future option is too unlikely to happen & by continuing the physical and emotional intimacy I'm keeping myself from formingother bonds with other people. I don't want to cut them out of my life, bc even if we ended the romantic relationship, we have become so close with each other, and I enjoy spending time with them more than anyone else at college right now. I know that they really value their relationship with me as well, since they said that they trust me more than anyone else and they have a lot of difficulty opening up to people. I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, maybe I just neededto write all of this out. I'm sorry this was so long, I just have so many emotions. I guess I'm wondering what your opinion is, & if you have any advice on dealing with overcoming the loss of a former vision of the future & replacing it with another one (the biggest question I guess). Also maybe any advice on whether or not you think it's something that would work & if I'm still being too optimistic. Do you have any tips on how to go about forming a qpr? Thank you so much! Feel free toanswer whenever you happen to have any time!! Also if any of these messages get lost or eaten by tumblr, let me know & I can resend them (I've saved them). I'm sorry this was so long! Thank you

Honestly I'm starting to feel a little bit better after writing all of that out and thinking about other possible future options (happy ones of course) and it's really nice. Thank you for your blog & all you do for the mbti community. Mbti always makes me feel better when I'm feeling bad and reading your thoughts and insights on it is always fun. I guess it's sorta distraction but it's still nice and isn't really hurting me so thanks

Okay so first i wanna establish i’m likely aro myself so i dont really have a great understanding of the differences between romantic and platonic feelings.

So, one thing I’m confused about is how the relationship would go if you proceeded like the INTJ suggested, (the same, but w no “rituals”). What exactly about the relationship right now would be romantic to you that wouldn’t continue, besides stuff like marriage? Bc I think the biggest disconnect wouldn’t be in not doing x y z, but in a difference in how you view the relationship. If they view the relationship somehow differently bc they are aro, what are those differences? Bc obviously it isn’t a sexual relationship but you were doing things that would be “romantic” rather than “friendly.” I think it would be helpful to try to figure out what has changed, really at all. Bc if you are viewing the relationship very differently from each other, I can see how that could cause pain.

It definitely seems like you want something more from the relationship than they do, and I do think that if you continued the relationship with you sort of pretending it’s a romantic relationship and them sort of pretending it’s a friendship, with you knowing it will never fulfill those expectations you had, it will feel like something is missing and bitterness/pain/disconnection might come from that. I think if you decided to continue the physical intimacy but say you’re friends, that’s what you’re going to end up doing. I think you shouldn’t cut them off or avoid them, it just wouldn’t be logical. I think you should keep your friendship, but try not to do anything you would see as romantic. Maybe a little space right now would be really good, for you especially, to get your head around it without any pressure or guilt. However, I do think that given time (esp given your types), you could change the nature of the relationship and move on in a way, especially bc it is your first relationship. I think you could be best friends, and you could end up with a different romantic partner that you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with.

I do think you should trust your instincts, if they’re telling you anything at this point. It seems like doing so would put you in a place that feels natural.

I don’t have any tips on how to form a qpr bc i’ve never had one and don’t really have a want for one, but I do advise you to be careful, bc boy have a I seen people try to have a qpr with someone they clearly have a crush on and it isn’t fun for either of the people involved.

No prob man, I rlly hope it works out for you. I do think the venting helped you organize everything! I’m glad you like my blog, thanks :)!

#anon #answered #Anonymous

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