#also yeahg i could find ways to make it less painful but sometimes youre just like yeah this hurts me but fuuuck iiit :P lol

[theaterofpain]

thinking about art a bit (as i always do... lol)

like... im kind of in the middle of like the perfect storm of being upset with my art. all the random ideas and inspiration i used to get frequently have fizzled up for reasons unclear (the classic Art Block) my different chronic pains make it so sitting down and drawing is painful and timeconsuming, external validation is unreliable due to social anxiety, i dont have the huge swaths of free time like i used to yadda yadda... but im still constantly on an undercurrent of like this primal "if i dont make art ill Die" urge

anyway all that is to say like. ive gotten kind of addicted to mspaint mouse drawings. cause like, every line i make just has a base nature of looking shitty. and every shape ends up way weirder than in my head. it has zero qol features. and how much i can improve things is limited not only my sense of how long im taking but also by like increasing pain lmao... its like all the ingredients of making me get really depressed are all right there. but when i still enjoy it and i still like what i drew despite how it looks bad and is not at all an inspired or interesting concept or even what my idea of what "art that i want to make" looks like, it somehow feels so great like damn i could get depressed at this and i have before but im not. its stupid and ugly but i like how i did x and y and drawing it was kinda fun. if i post it i get 0 notes or like 2 notes max but still just the act of posting art i made online is kinda fun on its own too. sooo yeah idk... its a bit freeing for me i think

thanks for reading my little chat......