#also wtf is uncle nasty that thing looks like he picked it up from a haunted house or something

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Slashers x child!reader… except it’s CHILDREN, because they are TWINS

HMMM WOWW THIS IS SOMETHING NEW YAHOO!!

Uhm I made the twins energetic hope you didn't mind it 👉👈

Warnings: mentions of murder and luring. Idkk??? Fluff??

Characters in this : Michael Myers, sinclair brothers and Bubba sawyer SORRY SO SHORT.

Relationship: Platonic! Father/uncle/older sibling figure? Yes?

Slashers x twins! Reader

Michael

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

*immense sigh inserted from Michael*

How he'll take this is a matter of how they act.

Just two quiet timid little munchkadees and he shows a thumbs up.

But two little sly mischievous pranksters are a big no no from him. But let's go with that for the rest of the oneshot.

One was already hard enough for him but two?? He's gonna be breaking them spine and knees a little earlier... You can just imagine him sitting on a chair while two little children run around him and you can see the exhaustion behind his mask.

They can mess with him and ask him who is who and most of the time he gets it right or says idgaf. But if it's peepaw Michael he's a bit more willing to play along. Orr says idgaf too and points to whoever.

He doesn't necessarily hold those two but if they ask reeeeaaaallllyyyyy nicely he might. When he did though he thought it felt weird holding two children in his arms and intended to drop them after 10 seconds but seeing how happy and excited it made them he extended it to a few minutes. (And moved around the house a little since they asked really nicely about that too.)

If they get into an argument and get mad at each other and they turn to him for help he's panicking inside because he doesn't know wtf to do. He just grabs whatever their favorite food or drink is and hopes they make up.

One moment he goes into another room and comes back to find the twins throwing things around and screaming and he glares at them and gave them a little bonk on their heads and made them clean up.

If he finds out the twins had a bully he's ready for bone breaking or stabbing but if he also finds out the twins are tormenting the bully back for revenge and he just- he's so proud. (He came up to them and gave them a thumbs up.)

Overall he doesn't really love it nor does he really hate it. And he wouldn't say he wishes one of them to disappear cause he doesn't. I guess he kinda loves likes the both of you equally.

Sinclair brothers

Bo looks at the both of them together sometimes and smiles because they lowkey remind him of him and Vincent when they were younger. (The children twins get along wayy better) he tries not to mind and lash out when they're acting especially chaotic but you know the romantical relationship between him and anger so he yells at them. But then he later feels super guilty and tries to apologize with ice cream or something. Actually he's pretty lenient on them cause there's two of them and in his sense that means if one is in trouble then the other one will get them out of it. Boy was he wrong. He found them both wailing in a ditch with leaves as bait somewhere that they dug up because they wanted to catch animals for food but they forgot it was there. He also bonked them in the head after lifting them up. You can see him a lot with the twins and lure tourists in like 'heh... Yes come follow these two innocent looking kids...' He would rather die than admit it but he really likes having the twins company. He acts so nasty and detached but yk he would be so hurt if they didn't talk to him more than 10 times a day. Whatever tourist that picks on them or acts extremely suspicious around them would be dead before the sky turns deep blue. I bet he lets them hang on his arms and turns so smug when they comment about how strong their 'uncle' is. Wait did they say uncle? He accidentally dropped them. And crode later. Overall he likes them more than he could ever admit.

Vincent he loves watching them play (not in a weird way ofc) he watches them and sighs because he highkey wishes Bo would be a bit nicer to him sometimes. And for some reason he is a little nicer when the twins are around. When days are getting long and there's nothing to do he's playing with them, whether it be tag or dressing up in tutus he's fine with it. He gets worried a lot when the twins are on their own. Instead of a mindset like bo (and Lester) he thinks what would happen if BOTH of them get in trouble. He doesn't want to find two dead bodies somewhere so he tries to keep a close eye on them. A scenario where the twins are also running around in circles around Vincent sitting in a chair except he doesn't mind it and smiles. Contests where the twins draw Vincent and makes him choose whose art is better but he doesn't have the heart to choose which are inevitable. Anybody who looks at them weird? Gone. Not even wax just gone. Treats them like they're his own (he is their father figure). Since lester isn't always in ambrose Vincent does most of the raising since Bo apparently is always doing something (he tries.). So Vincent is the twins favorite and always comes to him for help unless it's about mechanical or such. Probably holds the twins in his arms a lot and scurries or runs around because it's so cool for them to look at everything from the height of 6'1 - 6'ft. His soul almost leaves him when they play and run around in the house of wax. Vincent thinks it's kinda hard handling twins but he loves it either way.

I said before Vincent was their favorite but boy do they get excited when they see Lester. He doesn't always come but he doesn't always decide to not visit. To be honest because of the twins he visits more frequently oh and they loveee jonesy. And for the record he's the fun-est and also funniest so when he pulls up with them truck the twins will be yelling, "omg look uncle Lester came!!!" Bo will give shit. Not to the twins but to Lester for some reason. The whole day you'll be spending time with Lester and they play stuff like who can hit the most animals with uncle Lester's car. (Sorry they don't actually play that.) But hes convenient because when the twins are refusing to do Or eat something and knowing how competitive chaotic kids are, Lester does the good ol' who can eat/clean the fastest and also does it with them so it'll be more fun. And he's carefree too and then he also finds the twins somewhere in trouble. I'm imagining a scenario where he tells a creepy tourist to get in a car and then he was driving really fast around a cliff and then he opens the tourist's side of the car door and roughly pushes them off the cliff. They were there to witness it all and honestly they were high key rooting for Lester. The kid twins get into mischief with Lester a lot and Bo finds it so annoying and Vincent is just concerned. Them and Lester are literal partners in crime. They work together like legitimately. Also when the twins get mad at each other Lester makes them apologize to each other and then treats them with food or some activity for doing so. Because it's important to apologize <3. Overall, he loves em' and they love him.

Bonus, jonesy!!: did I mention they love jonesy? Everytime the kid twins aren't playing with Lester they're most definitely being playfully chased by jonesy. Ofc she catches them every time and also gives them little kisses on the cheeks :,). 🩷🩷🩷 jonesy is just a natural at everything that's why she got along so well the first time they met with the kid twins, in fact she's the head master and wears the pants in the sinclair family. She's extremely vital. Someone acts mean to one of the twins? The other one and jonesy team up and start beating the person. Somehow they three team up and torment the other Sinclairs and the brothers have no idea how but they allow it. Overall 100/10, she's their second partner in crime.

Bubba sawyer

He loves taking care of them! Just whenever he can he plays with them. Wayy too attached to the twins since they're really the only ones who treat Bubba like an actual human being.

Will get so stressed if they mess up somewhere in a room because Drayton will yell at both the twins and Bubba. (The twins shit talk about Drayton and let Bubba on it too but he gets nervous.)

He also runs around the house holding one twin on his arms and one on his back. The twins love pulling that "guess who is who" Question and watch as Bubba struggles and fidgets as he tries to figure out.

There isn't really a quiet day with twins chasing each other but Bubba loves it. It doesn't make him feel alone. As much as he dislikes it, the twins help and lure victims in and also watch the brutal killings. If they insist it doesn't really bother them that much then he'll be put a little at ease.

He gets the big sad when the twins come crying to him after Drayton yelled at them for acting like the kids that they should act like. Knowing Bubba has a soft heart he can't really do anything other than comfort them physically by stroking their hair/heads.

He tries his best to keep them safe at all times knowing how dangerous this can be if the victims get smart or lucky. Overall he loves them to death and he wouldn't have it any other way.

This is the end. I'm losing my creativity and it took me like 6+ to finish this because I'm so indecisive. Anyways tell me if you want a part two :))

[nyxrsh]

borth!

[bostonbakeddeans]

slkjsdflkjsdf i am. so sorry abt the block of text my fingers got away from me

(for readability here is the big block of shelley nonsense(tm) again except in smaller chunks)

shelley eventually gets himself an invite to a hardison family gathering (potentially the same one where he figures out that eliot does a minimum of three (3) dishes for every hardison family get together and IMMEDIATELY goes “you’re cooking for my next family gathering” and pulls out every trick in the book up to and including not dispensing blowjobs until eliot agrees. shelley can suck the chrome off a tailpipe. eliot does not need much more incentive than “cook or no blowjobs for you”) and just. fits right in. obviously. bc he’s Also From A Big Family and knows how these things work.

he’s the cool cousin (cooler than Alec sometimes bc he knows abt Guns and Cool Blowing Stuff Up Stuff until Nana gives him The Look and he has to backpedal into “don’t do guns” or whatever) he’s the fun uncle he’s the fun guy.

he’ll help you build a campfire and show you how to pour gasoline onto it safely and explains Why Making Napalm From Gasoline and Styrofoam is not a good idea. he will pick you up and throw you into things (kids LOVE being tossed into things and shelley typically aims for soft things when it’s kids) he gives HUGE pushes on the swings and will absolutely hang you upside down by the ankles and just shake the daylights out of you.

he also has souvenirs from all sorts of places and hands them out to anyone who wants.

he is brilliant at faces and does things like “oh marie how’s your neighbor i hope her hip is healing up okay you should ask eliot for his tuna casserole recipe since you said eleanor is a big fan of tuna” it is MAGIC.

okay more nonsense under the cut, surprisingly mostly quinn themed this time

i *love* that quinn has a minimum of 2 modes for one (1) alec hardison and that is Friend Mode and Job Mode (further modes may include but are not limited to Trainee Hitter Mode featuring Babusia-style encouragement) and that Hardison Family Gatherings initiate Job Mode out of self-defense. cherishing this.

SCHEDULED CHAOS HOURS MY BELOVED ohhhhh this is so GOOD kids need times to scream and chase each other with Large Sticks so obviously we Make Time For That and it is just. baffling to quinn. that those times seem to be All The Time at Nana's house. what is happening. help.

i am also holding "quinn's conscious memory control" to my chest and rocking it gently like a baby this is EXCELLENT. "oh this is a thing I'm not actually allowed to Do A Murder About time to erase it from my mind :3" i am in LOVE (platonic)

i love. quinn Yes Anding ideas in a way that makes them logical. he could out-twist a corkscrew in a tornado. this makes him a Joy and a Delight for the younger cousins and a Migraine for eliot. (eliot's not even there he just gets a migraine and is like *sigh* "quinn".)

hardison has to supervise at first - but sometimes it's hard to tell what's Child Hitter Training and what's Provincial Canada Entertainment at first glance. shelley also comes in useful at these times bc Rural Entertainment is pretty much the same whether you're in Bumfuck Canada or Bumfuck USA and therefore if shelley is like "i don't see the problem with children doing X" it's probably (not certainly) just Rural Entertainment. Probably.

hardison: wtf why are my siblings jumping off the ROOF

quinn: they are not just JUMPING they're PUSHING EACH OTHER OFF it's a test of their balance and situational awareness and landing ability. also improving their proprioception. or something.

shelley: besides, there's a snowbank like 6ft down. they'll be fine as long as they bend their knees

hardison: y'all are NOT allowed to babysit again holy shit

shelley: at least it's a snowbank and not just a pile of leaves - although for things to jump into I'd have to say a

quinn and shelley, simultaneously: pile of bodies is preferable

hardison, queasy: y'all are nasty.

quinn continues to delete any instance of shelley from his memory for Reasons. as soon as shelley leaves his line of sight he's like :3333 whomst. i don't know a shelley. what.

(i mean it helps that he is faceblind but. i imagine for self-preservation and also "is important to eliot" reasons he does. have some sort of catalogued way to recognized shelley.)

(walks like eliot but is leaner and more annoying? idk. how would quinn catalogue shelley. help.)

shelley thinks quinn is Fun and a Good Time. this is perhaps baffling to everyone except eliot.

oh god Quinn gets invited to a Nana Hardison family event and spends the ENTIRE time like “??????” he thought he had a pretty good grasp on how this event was gonna go, he was Wrong

quinn’s like “i’m a PROFESSIONAL at family gatherings i’m an EXPERT i’m a PRIZE-WINNING GRANDSON”

and then everyone is like. coming in for a surprise hug (harm-shaped-behaviour). laughing very suddenly. constant chattering and playful arguments and Noise. the kids are running around and no one is stopping them. nana wants to know all about him and quinn’s like *frantically digging through Con Persona Box for his Pleasant Unbothered :3 Face* my name. is. quinn. and i am fine thank you for ask,ing, the food is delicious can i make you some tea. no? can i—do you have cats. hardison please come back

[pandxras-blog]

                 hello friends !! it’s ya girl moose again back at it !! this is panda !! she is......kind of a 2.0 of one of my other characters ?? slightly tweaked but still my fave gal deep down in my heart. as always i wanna plot w/ u all so LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u or HMU !!

she grew up in a small town in wisconsin where her parents owned a farm. they mostly had animals (cows, goats, chickens, and sheep) and rented out their farmland to other ppl.

she was an only child so.......she always kind of had to make due by herself. she’d hang out w the animals all day and she usually kept herself busy drawing or readin

the relationship between her parents had always been kinda rocky. she was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and it was clear they only rly stayed together bc.....they had to???

they were mostly just together for panda u know. but at some point her dad started seeing another woman lowkey behind everyone’s backs, but like…everyone kind of knew tbh bc.....the town is so small like everyone knows ur business.

panda was oblivious to it all tho, she likes to see the best in people. she loved her dad so much and thought of him very highly. he’s he dad after all!!!! her hero!!!!!!!

when she was 12, her dad just split one day while she was away at school and she came home to an empty house. he’d left to start his new life with his new girlfriend in the city without a word. he only left a pile of old sweaters (which panda kept & wears). a few weeks later some divorce papers came in the mail for her mom & that was that

for a few months, panda was the one that had to pick up the pieces. her mom wouldn’t get out of bed or get any work done or cook or clean or do laundry or do anything so it all fell on panda. she’d make breakfast and dinner for her & her mom and make herself lunch for school. she’d do the laundry and make sure her mom was fed and make sure the animals were fed & she barely had any time for herself.

it was around this time that her uncle and cousin noah came to stay a little while and visit, but ended up moving in permanently to help them around the house and help panda pick up the pieces & panda was kind of able to be a kid again, but.......also not really

pandora was always a kind of quiet and sensitive kid and she always got picked on at school for being a little weird, but after the whole family drama scandal it really only got worse? so she became really reclusive and didn’t do much other than go to school and go home and work on the farm, like she did before. honestly......this was just like her life now rip. she didn’t really have that many friends, but she found a lot of comfort in hanging out w the animals at home

and she also ended up growing a strong bond with her cousin because he was a bit of a black sheep himself. they’d just kind of chill w the animals together and just talk for hours. of course she loved her brother too, but he was like…..a lot cooler than her, so it was harder to relate u know

she also got really into art as a kid. she found it really helped her bc she couldn’t always express herself thru words, but she could always express herself thru art

honestly she’s just spend hours sitting around with the cows n noah, doing her homework and working on her art

the kinda gal that literally.....was constantly doodling ?? like always came home w pen on her legs and her notebooks were filled with little drawings in the margins & stuff u know the type

another thing that she’s always been into is like..........horror & gore & macabre shit ig ?? a lot of her doodles turned into her like designing these like monsters & creatures & it was a little unnerving when her mom found her drawings because like wtf ??? but....she has a very vivid imagination & a lot of ideas.

she joined her town’s theatre production when she was 15 & worked backstage designing & making costumes & doing makeup and was like wow...........this is dope ???? let me do this forever thx

the original plan her & her mother had discusses for her future was that she would go to school to become a vet so she could still help out around the farm, but....she wanted to make a future out of her art??? she wanted to make films and show what she could do with special effect bc.....she’s so passionate about it. she decided that like…the small town life wasn’t for her, she didn’t like everybody knowing her business and all that

and it was like….she wanted to get out asap ?? she just kind of needed a breather too and like…..a change. she wanted to start over, i guess.

she mom didn’t really believe that she could do it ?? like “oh that’s nice sweetie but that’s not a job” & also like she said explicitly at times that her work wouldn’t rly be good enough to make a career out of which was v upsetting. she lowkey believed it but she was destined to prove her mom wrong

so she was like ok !!!!! i’m gonna go to school pce out fam. but she had to take a year off after graduation to like....save money bc she didn’t know if she’d be able to get scholarships

she ended up getting accepted to princeton & she probably cried for a week straight. she’s doesn’t rly come from a lot of money so she needs student aid and she puts pretty much all of her savings into school

so here she is......w a double major of fine arts major & fum bc she REALLY wants to do special effects makeup & character design and make films ig !!!!

ew that was bad but now let me talk about her personality ok

she’s very........pure. she’s an innocent soul who really...couldn’t hurt a fly, even if she wanted to

tho she does lowkey because she’s fucking stupid just not on purpose

she’s naive, and blindly optimistic & overly sweet, almost completely inexperienced with relationships & definitely 100% a virgin

and she’s unassuming and always likes to see the best in people

also tbh…..she’s too trusting. just wants everyone to be happy n eat cake together

very easy to manipulate. will do anything to have ppl like her..........she just wants to have friends and b cool !!!!!!!!!

she has so many feelings !!! but she hides them all ?? or tries to, at least. she definitely avoids talking about her problems because she doesn’t want to burden anyone

she’s very oblivious to flirtation, like she just….does not understand it at all she’s so awkward?

as i said, totally inexperienced when it comes anything romantic at all…….she’s my bi queen but this bitch doesn’t know how to flirt

she gets so flustered and nervous around attractive people i swear to god she’s like giddy 99% of the time she’s a mess

panda is truly….too soft for the world. she’s constantly worrying about what people think of her and she cries so easily like….if anyone says anything mean to her she’ll just breakdown. she needs to harden up tbh……..she straight up cries @ everything its….fucking laME

she’s 100% art hoe tho, like…..she’s always doodling and she’s always got little pen doodles on her thighs n such. bitch always has paint on her hands & under her fingernails prob lil nasty

really knows how to BEAT a face tho but she’s too lazy to do it to herself everyday but pls........let her do ur makeup she’d cry & love u

because she’s so soft she can be like dumb ??? lacks a lot of common sense tbh she’s just....always got her head in the clouds. she will literally trust anyone and honestly..........................if she doesn’t smarten up she’s gonna get killed i swear

luvs bugs & thinks they’re real cool

riddled w anxiety and major self image issues !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey hates herself rip

meme queen. spends hours a day looking at them tbh. she’s always looking at her phone and laughing to herself she’s lame as fuck tbh. she is a meme.

her favorite color is yellow & she makes a lot of movie references & she sux and i hate her

she got long goils !! but...here are some lil wcs if u are interested !!

best friend ofc !!!

sibling-like relationship

a confidant 

sum art hoe friends

flirtationship kinda thing??? she prob tries but fails miserably

a model!!! someone she can......practice her makeup on

a bad influence/good influence type thing

someone she thinks is cool and rly wants 2 impress???

again......anything & everything :’)

[raychulemma]

50 Completely Random Questions People Rarely Ask Tag:

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Red Apple Wreath - Yankee Candle. It's perfectly Autumnal and always goes on half price sale after Christmas. I have far too many versions of it

2. What female celebrity do you wish you were related to? Probably Maya Rudolph because she's a shameless weirdo like me

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Probably Peter Kay. I feel like he would be easy to open up to. And he would make awkward family events so much more bearable

4. What’s your favorite thing about marriage? (And if you’re not married, what’s your favorite thing about being single?) Security. Safety. I didn't expect it to feel any different because we had been living together for a while but something about the actual marriage made me feel protected and comfortable. Also because its a same-sex marriage it's a lot nicer to say my wife than my fiancée, because i would wonder if they assume my fiancée is male

5. What’s one thing you own that you should probably get rid of, but just can’t? Books that I'm not going to re-read but have memories linked to buying/receiving/reading them.

6. Can you do a split? not a chance

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Seven. i learnt at the end of my road because it's a dead end. and i got a green bike for my birthday with a seat for my teddy

8. How many oceans have you swam in? just the Atlantic ocean 🌊

9. How many countries have you been to? 6. France, Spain, Germany, USA (Florida), Wales, Scotland.

10. Is anyone in your family in the army? No, my Grandad was, and some of my Great Uncles but no one during my lifetime

11. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Superted, Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Story of Tracy Beaker, Dick n Dom in da Bungalow, Jungle Run

12. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? A classy binbag witch

13. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? I got into the Harry Potter books in 1998 and am still in love with the series. I went to the midnight release for the last book. I watched all of the films in the opening week and vividly remember that the cinema i saw the first film at in 2001 had a Harry Potter themed sweet shop. I have jewellery, clothing, books, dvds, wands, other collectibles. I read the books with my mum when i was younger and watched all of the films in the cinema with her. she had her own HP merch. My wife also loves Harry Potter. We have been to see Cursed Child twice and have been to the Studio Tour 3 (or 4?) times. We had a Harry Potter themed wedding which was absolutely perfect. Hunger Games was something i avoided reading until the first film was coming out, and then absolutely loved the first 2 books (3rd one got too political for me) and the films are still some of my favourites for costume and set design. I read the twilight books after my best friend recommended them to me. We all actually read them as part of our sisterhood club. I went to blackpool to watch the first film in the cinema with my best friend. I watched the last one at midnight with my wife and one of the girls from the sisterhood who is one of the biggest twilight fans i know still. she has behind the scenes books and dvds and has re read the books that much that the spines are just gone. my mum was also a big twilight fan and would watch them any time they were on tv. i watched a few at the cinema with her, always her choice. she hadnt seen hunger games at the time of them being released but we did watch them all with her a few years ago

14. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? i film YouTube videos and always think my accent would be more interesting if it was American

15. Have you ever taken karate lessons? no, my 2 brothers and sister did when i was 5 or 6. i didnt like being touched so never did it

16. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? yup

17. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? im going to guess Gullivers world Warrington because its the closest one to where i live

18. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? French because I love disneyland paris. or japanese because i would love to visit tokyo but its way out of my comfort zone

19. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? grey. e for england, a for america

20. Do you know triplets? yes, 2 girls and a boy but i only met the girls

21. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? Titanic. my mum was a massive fan. She watched it 3 times in the cinema when it first came out. we watched it with her when it was released in imax on an anniversary. she had behind the scenes books, a few versions of the vhs and dvds, playing cards. her love for it made me love it

22. Have you ever had Indian food? no im a very fussy eater and have never tried indian or Chinese

23. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Of all time? Tough choice but im going with pizza hut. Cheesy bites base with double mushroom. Never craved something more

24. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? they dont have it in England so no but i would probably like it

25. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? i have no idea, maybe jason after my dad?

26. If you have a nickname, what is it? rach, chicken, chickadee

27. Who’s your favorite person in the world? i want to say scruff but shes technically not a person. kirsty is my best friend and i would pick her every time

28. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? where i live is in between. drive one way and its city, the other way is farms. so living in one ot those farmhouses not far from city life would be the dream. i would have chickens, sheep and cats.

29. Can you whistle? yep but my cats hate the noise

30. Do you sleep with a nightlight? i can see the hallway light from where our bed is so i dont generally need a nightlight but we do have cute ones. i have 3 HP ones on my bedside table

31. Do you eat breakfast every morning? yea as long as i have time

32. How many times have you been to the hospital? ive only ever been to a&e. once for palpitations, a few times for mental health and once for an x ray on my hand. ive been to walk in centres for urine/kidney infections and for fractured fingers. oh i did go to hospital to see a neurologist to be diagnosed with essential tremor

33. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? yes i love it. my brother and sister both bought me the dvd for christmas the year it came out so i had 2 copies for a while. i also had the game for pc and ps2. and i had a game on my phone and ipad where you could build up the seabed and gain fish. the film is just so nice and calming to watch. the scenery, the sound effects, the movements are all just gently flowing. and somehow you get attached to these characters and root for them whether youre a fan of tropical fish or not.

34. Where do you buy your jeans? primark, next, sainsburys, asda

35. What’s the last compliment you got? kirsty said my eyelashes look like im wearing mascara when im not

36. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? yea and they're weird as fuck. the latest one was about the bath being clogged with poo

37. Favorite beverage that isn’t water? Tea ☕

38. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? a disgusting amount. maybe 20. maybe more

39. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? about 8 which I think wasnt too young or too old. my brother told me which I was glad about because i was prone to being bullied at school and would have hated to be told by nasty kids

40. What is one food that you used to hate but now you love? cheesy garlic bread WTF

41. What is a weird lie you’ve told? i told kirsty once that i had pood the bed and asked her to help me clean it.

42. Heels or flats? flats always. specifically trainers. i think dresses look so much cuter with trainers. same with suits

43. Do you have any weird phobias? no just common ones. moths, spiders, flying insects, beetles, heights, being completely isolated, finding a dead person

44. What is a phrase or word you always say? i cant actually think of a current phrase i say but i do get stuck on phrases

45. What is a song that you bast or belt out when you are alone? part of your world, let it go, bridge over troubled water, over the rainbow. any that i try to actually hit the notes on

46. What is one of your biggest pet peeves? nails. nails tapping, and the sound of cutting or biting nails. or people that stop in the middle of an aisle or walkway when you're trying to get past

47. Do you sleep with your closet door open or closed? they dont even have doors on yet so open

48. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? bear. the noise of bees terrifies me. i had a flying ant in my hair on flying ant day but i didnt know. i heard it buzz and cried

49. Do you have any weird things you do? i cant have 2 cream biscuits together (custard cream and jam n cream). i sometimes say hi to my teddies so they know i havent forgot about them. i buy hatchimals when theyre on sale even though i havent previously collected them cos im an impulsive pos. (honestly collecting animal jam figures and my little ponies were the best though)

50. What movie could you watch over and over again and still love? any of the harry potter films, titanic, sisterhood of the travelling pants, Princess diaries 1 and 2, enchanted, princess and the frog, raise your voice, catch me if you can, chalet girl, the shining, slumdog millionaire

[grrlwonder-archive]

RULES. repost, don’t reblog. tag ten. TAGGED. the bae @magicxecustos TAGGING. @perfectforayear, @thirdwcnder, @theredwonder, @yallneedahero, @favdream, @thegreatunxter, @notbctmcn, @twerpzilla, @illuminatedflight, @xmarksthescott, @futuresuper, @canary-noir, @cacciatriice

BASICS.

 FULL  NAME.   stephanie alice bellinger  NICKNAME.   steph, stephie, stephers, eggplant wonder  AGE.   22 (verse dependent)  BIRTHDAY.   august 17  ETHNIC GROUP.   caucasian  NATIONALITY.   american  LANGUAGE / S. english, swahili, basic spanish & french  SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   heterosexual, bicurious  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.   panromantic  RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single (verse dependent)  CLASS.   lower  HOME TOWN / AREA.   gotham city, new jersey, usa  CURRENT HOME.   an apartment in the city with a rather lousy landlord  PROFESSION.   law school student

PHYSICAL.

 HAIR.   honey blonde with golden reflects, about mid-back in general length  EYES.   generally described as blue, though they tend to look teal in certain lighting. too round to be almond shaped, too wide to be considered round. bright & almost child-like, but they’re often narrowed in suspicion  NOSE.    once it was cute & button-y, now it’s a little too long & wide. it has suffered too many fractures, most visible one the bridge now  FACE.   round with rather chubby cheeks, a pointy chin, wide forehead, & slight widow’s peak  LIPS.   full & a little round. if she’s not wearing only chapstick, she has on a deep, almost burgundy shade of lipstick, or a bright red lipstick. they tend to be chapped from picking & biting at them  COMPLEXION.   fair, but she tends to tan easily during the summer  BLEMISHES.    there are a few scars from missions gone wrong, one faded one from when she had chickenpox and picked at when she was five SCARS.   her entire body is littered with soft, faded scars. from knife to bullet wounds. there’s a particularly nasty knife slash that goes across her chest; it starts on the middle and ends just short of her left nipple.  TATTOOS.   when her daughter turned 1y/o she used a fake a id to get the outline of a star on purple on her right shoulder blade  HEIGHT.   5′5″  WEIGHT. 129 lbs / 58.5 kg  BUILD.   slender, small waist & wide hips, well toned  FEATURES.   tends looks fairly average from an outside perspective, especially because she tends to slouch a little as to not attract too much attention  ALLERGIES.     USUAL HAIR STYLE.   down, doing its thing, or up into ponytail or braids  USUAL FACE LOOK.    serene & approchable  USUAL CLOTHING.    she wears a lot of muted colors & denim. the occasional leather jacket is a must, along w/ her staple military-green jacket

PSYCHOLOGY.

 FEAR / S.   major abandonment issues. failure. the sound of drills. scalpels, needles, & other medical equipment  ASPIRATION / S.  to do & inspire good on others. prove to the world that your background doesn’t define you  POSITIVE TRAITS.   witty, chatty, friendly, approachable, upbeat, resilient, persistent  NEGATIVE TRAITS.   sarcastic, quick-tempered, vengeful, cynical, stubborn  MBTI.   enfp-a the campaigner  ZODIAC.   leo  TEMPEREMENT.   sanguine  SOUL TYPE / S.   hunter, caregiver, helper all at 17  ANIMALS.   eagle  VICE HABIT / S.   social drinker, former smoker  FAITH.   agnostic  GHOSTS?   was one once  AFTERLIFE?   been there, done that  REINCARNATION?   don’t wanna find out yet  ALIENS? one is her best firend  POLITICAL ALIGNMENT.   fairly liberal. anarchic, even  ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. indifferent  SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. shrug emoji  EDUCATION LEVEL.   high school diploma, law student

FAMILY.

 FATHER.   arthur brown  MOTHER.   crystal agnes bellinger  SIBLINGS.   none  EXTENDED  FAMILY.   not in too much contact with her aunts & uncles, grandparents are deceased. cassandra cain is considered an surrogate sister  NAME MEANING / S.   stephanie: french origin, crown. alice: english origin, of noble kin  HISTORICAL CONNECTION ?   none

FAVOURITES.

 BOOK.   the adventures of alice in wonderland  MOVIE. none  5 SONGS.   one girl revolution - superchick, don’t hurt yourself - beyoncé, royal jelly - deap vally, cool girl - tove lo, uprising - muse  DEITY.   -  HOLIDAY.   new years  MONTH.   -  SEASON.   fall  PLACE.   the top of wayne tower  WEATHER. as long as it’s not too hot or cold, she’s okay with whatever  SOUND. the laughter of children by the closest playground  SCENT / S.   sweet / candy  TASTE / S.   warm mashed potatoes with gravy   FEEL / S.   silk, cotton, warmth  ANIMAL / S.   cats  NUMBER.   -  COLOUR.   eggplant

EXTRA.

 TALENTS.   playing the piano. great marksman. quick learner  BAD  AT.   handling abandonment & rejection. thinking before talking  TURN  ONS.   suits!! confidence. intellect  TURN  OFFS.   disregards for others. cockiness.  HOBBIES.   doodling. training. reading  TROPES.   action girl. the chick. girly bruiser  AESTHETIC  TAGS.   cityscape, bruises, neon, bats, shadows, denim, leather  GPOY  QUOTES.   “believe you can and you’re already halfway there.” – theodore roosevelt

FC INFO.

 MAIN  FC / S.   gigi hadid  ALT  FC / S.   nicola peltz  OLDER  FC / S.   margot robbie & charlize theron  YOUNGER  FC / S.   -  VOICE  CLAIM / S.   -

MUN QUESTIONS.

 Q1.   if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?    A1.  action movie all the way. it would feature the batman: eternal story w/ some major changes regarding steph’s involvement; mainly i would mingle in some of preboot history. occasional flashbacks to stephanie’s god awful childhood to provide background on why she’s so angry at arthur. crystal wouldn’t disappear by the end of it.

 Q2.   what would their soundtrack / score sound like?  A2.   a healthy mix of soundtrack music especially composed for the movie & some post-punk, rock, hip hop to add to the atmosphere of gotham

 Q3.   why did you start writing this character?  A3.    i’ve said it many times before, i was always fascinated by the idea of there ever being a girl robin in the comics that i had never heard of. when i learnt she was batgirl, by heart-eyes levels went off the roof. the more i read about steph, further i liked & identified with her. whens entered roleplaying she seemed like a nice fit for me to grasp as i continued to get more involved in comics. i didn’t plan to fall so much in love with her character, but after writing her for 4 yrs, i’ve become practically a one woman stephanie brown defense squad

 Q4.   what first attracted you to this character?  A4.   two words: girl. wonder

 Q5.   describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.  A5.   she tends to speak & act without thinking, mostly in the heat of the moment. while sometimes it is blessing, some others she has ended up severely damaging other people & her relationships with them. this has made her be a little more guarded with her feelings, evading to even say the good things.

 Q6.   what do you have in common with your muse?  A6.   i also tend to put my foot in my mouth, though it takes me far more to realize i’ve done it. i try to keep an optimistic look at things too, but inside i’m cynical as they come. i can also be just as hardheaded tbh

 Q7.   how does your muse feel about you?  A7.  i think she likes me--most of the time. when i’m not putting her thru needless pain & suffering just cuz it’s entertaining for me.

 Q8.   what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?  A8.   goddamn--well, there’s a lot of people i’ve interacted w/ over the years, so it’s hard to pick & choose. there’s definitely a lot of people i loved interacting w/ that now are sadly gone, & there’s nothing i can do about that. but anyways, let’s see if i can do this

there’s cass, who is as close as it gets to having a sibling for steph. they’re always Up to Something; either between them or against each other. when things get low for one, they’re always for each because they know what it’s like to be seen by others (& amongst the bats themselves) as potential trouble. they’re truly the epitome of the term hetero life partners.

then there’s tim. they have had their ups & downs, but they’re finally at a stable place where they can call each other close friends once more. joint patrols are only made awkward by the fact they are naturally awkward people. (also the earth 3 threads are 👌👌 certified gold)

on the other hand we have tim who is both a blessing & the bane of steph’s existence. everything is made 10x worse by the fact that they there’s a major lack of communication & repressed feelings between them. but hey, even if they took one step forward & two steps back, there has been some progress made.

we also have kon who is slowly but surely becoming one of steph’s favorite people. he’s alway down for some shenanigans. he’s for steph to be around, and he’s definitely made up for the time he had her flying unwillingly.

lately addison & steph have had some super interesting interactions. steph sees a lot of herself from back in her spoiler days in the young vigilante, beyond the obvious physical similarities. she wants to help her reach her potential in a more consistent manner than she had herself--now if only addy would let her know wtf is going on, that would help.

this is getting super long so i’m just gonna quickly mention sheri, tim, kuvira, kory & scott (im prolly missing a few people but this is too long already forgive me. basically, if ur tagged in this thing ilu ok 💖) 

 Q9.   what gives you inspiration to write your muse?  A9.  i guess seeing the people above & just people i want to interact w/ really brings out my muse. reading & re-reading comics definitely does help too; i constantly have this nagging feeling to fix where dc fucks steph up tbh

 Q10. how long did this take you to complete?  A10. i dunno--like 2-3 hrs?? i drafted this & came back to it a couple of times lmao

[in-the-midst-of-everything]

Hey today was one fuck of a day!!!

Idk if I should bitch about it first or talk about yesterday, cuz yesterday was pretty good. But damn. Today just fucking sucks. I think I will do that first cuz ending with happy thoughts sounds like a better idea. And I gotta get this off my chest.

So we went to biolife yesterday and couldn't donate, so we both loaded up on iron and tried again today. Nothing. Both of us got turned away for one point below safe iron levels. Idk how?? I usually have good luck with donating, only if I haven't eaten enough I get turned away, but I had plenty of food in the prior 24 hours, ate a bowl of toasty-o's (80% daily iron value???) Which usually does the trick but nah. A wasted trip up to point, planned on coming home with $50 in gas money but NOPE. Now I'm down to 13 (?) on my biolife card and $75 to my name otherwise. That's it. That's all I got. So much for getting my shit sorted out in 2k18 cuz I am waaaaaaaaaaay behind on that plan. I have money coming from uncle Tim and Kathy, plus 2 art commissions I need to kick my ass into gear for, so I'll be ok but FUCK man. It's fucking July in a week and I'm STILL fucking scraping by

And I am PISSED at Sharon but I don't know how to tell her cuz I've been trained out of being confrontational my entire life and I don't wanna lose my damn job cuz she's been an absolute bitch lately. But I'm STILL getting half fucking paychecks cuz I guess I'm still paying off the forwarded money from this winter, I wasn't aware this would be going halfway the fuck into summer, I've drained my savings paying bills and fixing my fucking car I have next to nothing left. I can't buy food. I can't buy alcohol to cope, I can't do literally anything cuz I'm motherfucking broke. I was supposed to have money saved up to take the cats to the vet, get my motorcycle liscence and start looking for a bike, save money for a road trip this fall, but fuck ALL of that cuz I'm cruzing through the year by skin of my teeth.

And the big kicker, the motherfucking cherry on top, I haven't been getting my full 40 each week. Sharon has some kind of crisis going on that she's watching her money, so I missed 5 hours last week cuz she didn't have anything for me to do??? Bull fucking SHIT there is SO MUCH that needs to be done around that fucking place but she sent me home. ON TOP OF cutting my summer hours from 10/day to 9.5 to 9.75. Which isn't a huge change but really???? Just. WHY.

And I also mentioned she's been damn near unbearable all year so far, everything I thought she wanted from me is flipped now. I started clocking in right from the start 5 mins early. Cuz she specifically sat me down and told me last year she hated me being there on the dot, that I could punch in 5 mins early. Well now I guess I clock out early too, "just in case you go over time". Which is easy enough to fucking fix, just clock out sooner next day BUT WHATEVER. IDFK SHARON.

And I didn't say anything when she first told me this shit cuz I can't process information that fast and what it means on my end so I just agree on the spot and fuck myself over.

SO. I went into work today an hour later by her request, after a whole morning of low key panicking about money and doing the nasty ass dishes. She left almost immediately after showing me what to clean up by the big garage, and after I washed the rtv I fucked off and sat in the office with Holly for an hour. Cuz I needed someone to talk to, just bs with and not anything important. And it was pretty good. I had developed a migraine on the way home from point and chilling out in the office helped it. I spent the next 7 hours weed whacking the shit outta the mess around the big garage, pulling water line tubing from the matted grass, and organizing the trash into a burn pile and pick up pile. It sped time along really fast actually, and I was actually pretty ok for most of the day, aside from itchy, sweaty and frustrated. I cleaned the bathrooms at 10 and sat around wasting time for a bit to push my time to midnight to make the most out of my night, and on the walk back to put my shit away 2 things happened.

1st Sharon texted me at 11:40 asking if I was still cleaning bathrooms. Fucking yes, I have til midnight and I came in late, I'm not going over time in anyway ffs.

2nd one of Rome's buddies caught me on my way past and asked me over for a shot of his long island iced tea, which ofc I accepted. It was good, I haven't had hard liquor in so long it was actually really good. He asked what I was up to and told me about how Sharon busted them last night at 1am having fun in the camper. Cuz it was past "quiet time". On a Friday night, really Sharon? God, no fun allowed. He offered me a ride back to put my cleaning shit away, and I mentioned that I had to clock out and head home. Immediately after getting in my car I thought wtf, I should've made better conversation?? Like, at least act like I would hang around if they invited me, cuz I totally would, I've been so socially deprived lately it's not even funny. But I didnt??? I just was like....ya...I'm headed home. And he didn't push, but like. Idk. It all boils down to I have a paranoia about my image at the campground. As stupid as that sounds. But I'm literally always doing manual labor, usually focused on a job or have headphones as earplugs in so I can't talk (not that Sharon would let me anyway) and I leave right after I clock out cuz no one invites me over cuz I don't talk to anyone. Like I feel like my presence there isn't impacting literally anyone, I'm just the Employee That Does Work and that's it. And this paranoia was cemented recently when I finally followed the Facebook page, saw how often she updates and all the pics and videos she uses have like, Bill and Holly and other campers in them, she was showing off the jump pad and stuff and like...that wouldn't be there without me. I spent days digging the fucking trench for the electric line by hand, AFTER clearing the field and leveling the plot. AND I helped roll it out and set it up. Like idk I feel like I do all the hard work but don't get to join in any of the fun? And it just feels really shitty when none of your work is acknowledged. And going back to my intial(?) point, I'm so socially deprived and downright //lonely//. And I feel bad saying it cuz Hope and I live together, we're literally always sharing space together but I feel like I have no one else. Kenzie's barely existing being dragged down by work and money stress, I try to stay in close touch but it's hard. And out of this circle? Nothing. Kenzie has Dan and her coworkers to talk to, Hope is constantly on discord talking to the chat there, she tells me all about that. And I have...no one else. I message my sisters frequently but they're both insanely busy. I'm seeing Nikki and Cassy on Wednesday to help them move, but despite Nikki and I really hitting it off we don't actually talk regularly and that kinda makes me sad. But I'm conflicted there too, I'll rant in another post about that.

And idk. I'm just so. Genuinely. Lonely. I have no one to go see (not that I'd have the fucking time lmao) no one to talk to, starting new aquaintenceships is exhausting as all hell, and when I'm not around Hope I'm alone with my own thoughts. I've always been a loner, I'm comfortable in my own company and I can have fun by myself...but it's really taking a toll on me. Especially since Hope and kenzie seem like they can't keep up with me. I'm ready to do almost anything, anytime, but Hope needs several days' warning to do anything big and kenzies always tired. We managed a friend day out a couple weeks ago, we went out to Rabbit rock and I could've explored and climbed for another 2 hours, but their legs hurt and it was hot out, and they headed back to the car while I was still on the rock. There was plenty of daylight left and I would've loved to visit the woods or go hang at the lake, but we ended up heading back home and chilling at the apartment. Which was fine. I wasn't mad or anything, I just wanted more outside time. I miss the excitement, the sense of adventure. Kenzie and I made it out to the woods once this spring, and we didn't even wander. We just drove out to scope out the trails and left. And it's getting so hard to hang out in general, our work schedules never align and we're all broke af. I'm so exausted. I'm sick and tired of working our asses off but not getting ahead. We're all fucking behind yet despite all our efforts, it's just not good enough.

I came home tonight with all these thoughts knocking around in my head and doing all I could to hold back tears. Immediately grabbed my 2 beers from the fridge and got in the shower, tried to relax myself and drown out some of the panic, but it's not feeling like it's working. I'm just mildly dizzy Andy headaches coming back from crying. Idk what to do anymore. I have plans for once in my life but even the simplest goals are continuously just out of reach. I tell myself to just keep rolling with it, try to build momentum and you'll get there eventually. But I'm so far from making any headway. I'm keeping my head up but it's getting so, so hard....

[theboardwalkbody]

47, 42, 37?

37. What’s your relationship with religion like?

The short version: Complicated

The long version: I was brought up Roman Catholic at my paternal sides VEHEMENCE. The same forcefulness that forced a Jewish woman to convert and baptize her children unless she force them and herself to face ridicule their entire lives at the hand of their own family members. My mom, a Methodist, was never too religious and mostly celebrated the Major Holidays and called it a day. The Roman Catholic side ALSO celebrated the Major Holy Days (added Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday) but were never the ‘grace before meals and church every Sunday variety’. But for some reason the ALIGNMENT or DESIGNATION of Roman Catholic was/is a DEFINING CHARACTER TRAIT. This I do not understand. Anyway - my mom refused to convert despite their protests.

Still - I attended a Christian Pre-school (location was a factor) and before/after classes we would say the Our Father. I was baptized as Catholic, I was enrolled in CCD (I still have no idea what that stands for) and attended every Sunday during the school year. I made my Holy Communion and my Confirmation. My mom picked out Cecilia (saint of music) for my Confirmation name because of how much I liked music. My sponsor (the person who is with you when you make your confirmation and is ‘responsible for guiding you to jesus’ or something) was one of my Aunts. I was my sister’s sponsor for her confirmation as at the time my parents were in the middle of a nasty divorce and my mom did not want my dad or his family to be there (as a huge FUCK YOU because THEY are the Catholics) and because my mom and her family are Methodist they can not be sponsors. So I was the only option. 

But what does this mean? I have no idea. 

1. I hardly understand any of my own religion. I don’t know the difference between Catholic and Christian. Why are fucking FB notifications popping up on my computer all of a sudden I did not authorize this what the fuck. I learned NOTHING in CCD despite the fact I was SUPPOSED to be taught about the Saints and the various religious texts. I never paid attention because I was bored the fuck out of my mind. I never really cared.

2. But I was scared. Catholicism, in my own personal experience, is based on FEAR a lot. NEVER DO THIS AND NEVER DO THAT BECAUSE YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT 200.00. I have been to church only when FORCED for someone’s baptism or communion or confirmation (or my own) or marriage. Here’s the three things you experience in church: a) lovely music that is kind of warming to the soul, b) SINNERS GO TO HELL c) your family members yelling at you to sit still, be quiet, do not embarrass us, be a perfect little angel all while you are UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK in a starchy dress because apparently when you go to church you need to be dressed like you’re about to meet God himself.

I was always scared I would go to Hell for one thing or another growing up: swearing, lying, stealing an eraser from a classmates desk in 2nd grade and feeling guilty so ditching it in a different classmates desk a few feet away, and masturbating. LOL During your confirmation you’re supposed to go into a confession box and confess all your sins so you can start your Confirmed Life free of sin - I didn’t tell the priest about my masturbating and when he asked “is that all you have to confess?” I said yes. So I started my Confirmed Life with two sins: a) chronic masturbating, and b) I fucking lied to a priest. So I assume I am going to Hell in a hand-basket. 

I was fortunate enough to be invited to a synagogue a few times by a friend. I remember I was TERRIFIED the first time I went. I assumed, due to ignorance and my only experience thus far, that I would be yelled at and dammed - the norm at church. I tagged along anyway, to make my friend happy, and borrowed some clothes to attend (black skirt and shoes, white shirt). I was even more scared after learning there was an even stricter dress code than Church. As I sat there, trying to understand the words the rabbi was saying for a SOLID TWENTY MINUTES before leaning over and asking my friend “wait - is he speaking English?” only to have her look at me with WTF written all over her face and reply “no....”, I was so paranoid I’d be “found out”. What I mean is - I felt like an Outsider. Like I was Intruding. Like I had “Catholic” stamped all over my forehead and everyone could see it clear as day and that someone, eventually, would stand up and shout at me to leave and curse me for desecrating a holy place with my presence. None of that happened, naturally, but when my friend and her family went to the rabbi after the service to discuss with him plans for her bat mitzvah I was shaking with fear because HE’S LIKE IN CHARGE AND WE’RE TALKING TO HIM AND HE’S DEF GOING TO KNOW I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. Anyway - I was never kicked out, I went back a few more times and the anxiety went away. My mom was like ‘that’s cool - it’s a new experience’ and when my GRANDMOTHER found out... well, she flipped. “DO YOU STILL LOVE JESUS? YOU’RE GOING TO GO TO HELL IF YOU EVER GO BACK THERE. YOU NEED TO GO TO CHURCH TOMORROW. YOU NEED TO BEG JESUS FORGIVENESS”. I went back a few more times and just didn’t tell her. 

I think I actually liked it better than Church. 

And other side note: whenever Jewish people happen to ask me my religion (not often but it has happened a few times working in the hospital and once during nursing school) I always feel really bad about telling them I am Catholic. I become ashamed and feel like I need to apologize. I never quite understood that, until I met a Jewish Classmate who explained that “all the Catholic’s I have met in the past have been really antisemitic”. And then I remembered my grandmothers treatment of Jewish people, including my aunt and cousins - her own grandchildren - and I realized. I feel like I owe everyone an apology on behalf of people like my grandmother.

3. Here’s my Adult Feelings. I don’t have a problem with religion. Any of them. I also don’t have a problem with anyone’s lack of religion. As long as you’re NOT AN ASSHOLE then you and I are good. I don’t go to church - I don’t care to. I do not want a religious wedding ceremony. I will PROBABLY baptize my children (unless perhaps I go the route of my uncle and marry outside of my religion in which I will allow my children to get older and DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES what they would like to do/which religion they want IF ANY - this was what my aunt and uncle wanted to do before my grandma and some other family members got involved). I will teach my children what I know - Jesus is a dude I guess - here’s easter and christmas and here’s your presents. But it’s never going to be a Big Deal. Because it’s not a Big Deal to me. 

4. Why It’s Complicated. Do I believe that God exists? I want to say yes, but I know I say it out of FEAR. I believe “I may not go to church, and I may curse like a sailor and masturbate like my fucking health depends on it, but fuck - I know I am a morally sound person and God knows this, too, therefore He can judge me in the way I conduct myself with other human beings. I don’t need to get on my knees and send him postcards for him to know I’m Good™.” However - recently I’ve had some Jesse Custer level moments of “God, I am reaching out and I really need some fucking help here” only to be met with NOTHING in response. I prayed during my Nursing School Grade Appeal meeting. Just praying for ANYTHING so I could get back into the program. What happened? Reality happened - I did NOT get back into that program. In that moment I thought: That’s it - there is no God at least not one who GAF about me. I cried harder.This month I went to a University to try and get into their nursing program. Upon arriving at my meeting I was told I had been misinformed and the school did NOT offer a Nursing Program. As I waited for the woman at the desk to grab the advisor anyway to discuss options I tried praying again - just for things to work out. They didn’t and I got angry - Of course they didn’t work, I thought, because it’s all a bunch of Bullshit.

SO yeah - it’s complicated. I verge on “It’s all bullshit” after spending about 10yrs thinking “well MAYBE it’s not - maybe it’s real - but I’ll be judged on my treatment of others, not on my practice of going to church and shit”. And even still all of it was based on FEAR. Also the sky outside has gone from green to red. What a storm.

42. What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

I am afraid that I am capable of fucking my entire life up. In two ways: 

1. Suicide2. Self-Sabotage. 

In terms of Issue 1 - I have gotten close with a lot of thoughts in the past. Three times I almost actually carried through with it. Twice spontaneously, and once was a “if no one answers my next phone call for help I am going to just give up and go swallow all those pills”. Someone did answer that phone. I called 5 people because I think deep down I didn’t want to give up, but every phone call that went unanswered I got closer and closer to ending it. My stepbrother answered call #5 on what I am almost convinced was one of the last rings. In the past I maybe had something to stop me - something saying ‘you need to live because XYZ needs you or because you need to ABC’. I’ve got none of that left anymore.

In terms of Issue 2 - I talked about it a little the other day, but my therapist isn’t wrong in regards to the fact that all my behaviors are destroying myself. I complain about being broke and yet I spend every dollar I have on garbage and food. I complain that I am unattractive and overweight and yet I continuously eat nothing but fast food and go out to restaurants by myself. I am out of shape and have high cholesterol, I continue to sit on my ass and shove fried food in my mouth. I want to get back into Nursing School but I spent all summer moping about not being in Nursing School and Having No Money and Being Depressed that I made 0 fucking effort to get back INTO it. I want to be hired as a nurse for the company I work for and yet I call out of work constantly and now have gotten FUCKING IN TROUBLE for it. It’s like I have two lists in my head. Good Wants (nursing career, weight loss, health increase) and Bad Wants (immediate satisfaction: clothes, food, vacations, etc.) and the ONLY wants I give into are the BAD ones. 

Yes, it’s hard - I’ve got the Anxiety and the Depression. I have no motivation, think everything is pointless, and have 0 hope for the future. 

But I am also lazy and impulsive and both of those things need to stop. I have coddled myself all summer and said it was OK to lay down and Give Up. Hell, LAST NIGHT I laid in bed and thought “but what if I did just give up? what if I quit my job, stopped going to school, and just decided to lay down in bed and never move again. I could be 800lbs and shit myself and then probably go to jail for never paying any of my bills - maybe I could say I’m insane and be locked up in a psych facility for the rest of my life - I could go through the motions of just existing every day.”. Of course it isn’t what I WANT with my life - I want to LIVE it and I want to be HAPPY - but this is the way I function anymore. 

I am single-handedly destroying my OWN life. And that I KNOW I am capable of now.

47. Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?

I understand this to mean “take blame for you” and not “have you ever pushed someone down” but yes - I have actually pushed someone and they fell down. I shoved a friend of mine back when we were like 14 and he tripped over a log behind him and fell on his ass. He was very upset and didn’t want to talk to me for a bit until I apologized. I feel bad now because I know what inspired the push and it was REALLY SHITTY of me to do it. But yeah.

Anyway - the real question: The only thing I can remember is that time I stole that eraser from my classmates desk back in second grade but then I felt guilty (and also knew that they would recognize the eraser as theirs if I took it out) and ditched it in a different classmates desk. 

My logic there was: they wont think it was me because they’ll see it in THEIR desk and not MY desk and they will thing THAT PERSON stole it and get mad at THEM instead of me because they won’t know I did it. I honestly don’t remember the outcome of it. But I don’t think anything happened. I think, if I remember correctly, the person pulled it out of their desk and was like “how did this get in my desk” and handed it back to the proper owner and said “i found your eraser in my desk I don’t know how it got there, but here you can have it back” and the owner said “ok thanks”. and it was 100% not a big deal because they were both confused as fuck.

I KNOW I GET REALLY IN-DEPTH WITH THESE I AM SORRY BUT DO PLEASE ASK MORE.

[ofstarbursts-archive]

👣

child memeobviously a lamen kid trigger warnings for: child abuse & slavery mention

adoption

why did the parents decide on adoption? kind of their only option

how did the parents choose the kid? okay okay bear with me - but my hc is that laurent & damen make it their mission to help all of the kids who were in slavery/abused by the regent/generally in need. the prerequisite for adoption is literally just: need a home. that’s it. if they want to adopt dozens of children, they’re the kings, they can fucking do that. nikandros thinks damen has lost his mind, but he doesn’t really care.

how old was the child when the parents adopted them? the kids are all ages, obviously. in a perfect world (aka, in the fic i’m writing), nicaise lived & he’s the first kid they take in. but some of the others are far younger. some are legit babies. yes, i know i’m doing this meme wrong by not focusing on just one kid, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

did the parents specifically want a boy or a girl? again, it doesn’t matter to them whatsoever.

how long did the parents have to wait? lol they’re the rulers, & adoption isn’t like? an organized thing in their kingdom? 

did the parents adopt inside their own country or outside of it? inside

were they worried about the biological parents? most of kids are orphans, so nope.

did the parents try and get a child that matched their features, or was that not important to them? they don’t care whatsoever what the kids look like

when/is the child/ren told they’re adopted? i mean, the older ones knows from the get-go. the younger ones would figure it out on their own, i’d say. lmao.

how easy was it for the parents to bond with the child? did one parent find it harder than the other? laurent is the fucking baby whisperer. seriously. both of them bond pretty well with all of the kids, but the veretian kids obviously prefer laurent at the beginning & vice versa for any akielon kids with damen. but laurent has more luck getting the kids to nap/stop crying/etc. damen is jealous.

if the child was older when they were adopted, how well did they get along with their parents? the older kids have… been through some shit. laurent gets along with them a little better than damen, if only because he gets it. they understand each other - the way he is with nicaise, really. the older kids also have more of a prejudice against vere/akielos than the younger ones do, but they come to the conclusion pretty quickly that their dads are giant softies. 

did they discuss the decision to adopt with the rest of the family or just with each other? lol what family

how easy was it for the parents’ families to accept the adopted child? nikandros is basically the fun uncle who teaches the kids to wrestle & shit, so he accepts them p easily. he thinks damen has gone a little overboard with all the kids. but he’s learned to take things in stride. 

why did the biological parents give them up? do the parents know? do they tell the child? a lot of their parents are dead. so.

what was the child’s life was like before they were adopted? we all know that it wasn’t great.

infancy/toddler

is the child a good sleeper? that depends, did laurent put them to bed? if so, yes. 

how often does the child cry? whenever damen holds them lmao. okay, i kid. sort of. but damen is convinced that the kids only cry when he’s around, like they’re taunting him.

which parent finds it easier to get them to stop? laurent lol

how does the child behave at bath time? i mean, there’s a lot of kids so it varies. 

what is the child’s first word? laurent & damen take bets on which kids will say “papa” (laurent) or “pater” (damen) first (damen is “daddy” in modern stuff). it varies, & regardless, they’re both excited af when the kid says it. sometimes, the first word is an attempt at nicaise’s name. 

how bad do the child’s diapers smell and which parent has the misfortune of changing them? they take turns & i mean, i think all diapers smell.

which parent has a harder time adapting to their new role? damen, but he loves every second. tbh.

just how terrible are the terrible twos? depends on the kid

does the child go to day care? if they do, how old are they when they start? no, they have servants. lol. and private tutors. 

if the child doesn’t go to day care, who says home to look after them? same as above

which parent babyproofs the house? both of them but damen is way more paranoid than laurent

which parents designs the baby room? both of ‘em

which parent is more likely to give in to tantrums? damen lmfao

is the child spoiled with toys? YEP

which parent does the potty training? both

which parent has to take them outside to hose them down after a particularly nasty diaper? damen

which parent do they take after more? about half & half. some of the kids end up bookworms like laurent, some are more into athletics like damen, & some are in-between or into other stuff entirely.

what habits do they pick up from their parents? SASS. all of these children are capable of intense sarcasm. & could probs make a grown man cry by insulting them.

how often is the parents’ date night now? they find time :)

who babysits when the parents go out? …again, they have servants

child

how did the parents decide what school to send the child to? or was the child home-schooled? private tutors

who packs the lunches? servants lol

are the lunches eaten by the child, or thrown away? eaten

which parent helps with homework? assuming modern au, probably laurent bc he’s into that sort of thing

what does the report card look like? varies. they’re all p smart, though. some just apply themselves more than others.

is the child/ren popular, or only have a few friends? varies.

does the child play a sport? varies. 

does the child play an instrument? some of them do. a couple of them like to sing. 

do both parents turn up to the matches/recitals? always

which parent buys their clothes? or does the child pick out their own clothes? they pick out their own

what’s the child’s style? i mean. some of them like the veretian stuff w/ the laces & shit. some of them prefer akielon style. 

is the child more interested in playing inside or outside? again, depends

how often does the child get in trouble? what do they get in trouble for? lol they do that thing where they’ll ask one parent (laurent) if they can do something, he says no, & they go to the other (pushover) parent. damen can’t say no. at all. the kids give him the puppy dog eyes & he melts.

does the child have any siblings/cousins? how well do they get along? LOTS OF SIBLINGS. obviously they get along better with some than others, but they all love each other. the little kids especially adore nicaise.

what pet does the child beg for? do they get it? cats & YES. partly bc laurent is a cat person.

is the child shy and reserved, or outgoing and gregarious? depends on the kid

does the child still take after the same parent they did as a toddler? depends

teen

what does the child want to be/do when they finish school? all of the kids have different goals & tbh laurent & damen don’t care wtf they do as adults bc the chances of any of them being able to take the throne is kinda slim, not being blood relations. they just want their babies to be happy.

which parent does the child get along with better? depends

is the child out all night partying and drinking with their friends, or staying in studiously doing homework? or both? about half & half

how does the child go on their SATs? do they make it to the SATs? obviously in a modern au & all of them make it to the SATs & they all do at least relatively well

does the child go to prom with their friends, or a partner? some of them don’t go at all. lol. some go w/ friends & some w/ a partner. 

how do the parents feel about their first boyfriend/girlfriend? as long as the kid isn’t a dick, if their baby is happy, they’re happy. though laurent might interrogate the date a bit.

what are the child’s friends like? do they get along with the parents? depends. if the friends don’t get along with laurent & damen, the kids don’t usually stay friends with them. lol. 

what kind of music is the child into? depends

how do the parents and child/ren go learning to drive? is it a disaster, or does it go fairly smoothly? depends on the kid, but laurent teaches them to drive. damen would be a nervous wreck (not that laurent isn’t, but he’s better at pretending he isn’t)

does the child have a casual/part time job? what is it? depends on the kid. pretty stereotypical teen jobs, though. fast food, grocery cashiers, baristas. 

does the child hang out with their family, or are they too ‘cool’ now? these kids love their dads, ok? like, i wholeheartedly think that any kid raised by lamen would be ridiculously attached to their parents.

what’s the child’s personality like? depends

who does the child take after now? depends 

adult

does the child make it to adulthood? yep

does the child end up in the job/lifestyle they dreamed about? why? some of them do & it’s partially bc they have the world’s most supportive dads. & a fuck ton of siblings who cheer them on.

are their any hiccups in the road? i mean, i think there are always a few hiccups

does the child move far away from their family, or stay close? some move away, some stay close, some never leave home lol

what would the parents prefer? whatever makes the kid happy (though they miss them all like crazy if they leave)

does the child have any significant others? any children of their own? some of them do

how do the parents feel about being or not being grandparents? they adopted like 20 kids, how do you think they feel about grandkids? lmao