#also why is mr 4 called that but has a baseball gimmick it makes no sense he should have been a GOLFER. BUT THATS JUST ME.

[king-magppi]

A clown, a crocodile, and some numbered agents. Sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke...

[neoraven]

NWA TNA Episode 6 - Welcome to the TNA Asylum

this ends badly for Sabu

NWA TNA Episode 6 From the TNA Asylum in Nashville, TN

We open with Jeff Jarrett beating a path to get his rightful world title shot. Shamrock beats and locks all of security in the back for some reason? And puts his friend in front of the door to guard it as he charges the ring. An NWA suit tells Jarrett that he's suspended for 60 days, which I'm sure he's going to take peacefully. Jarrett murders the VP with a chair until Ken Shamrock makes the ring to beat up Jarrett in sandals. There's no security, so Monty Brown and Apolo try to calm Shamrock, who takes a JJ chair shot anyways, then K-Krush and Brian Lawler calm down Jarrett and pull him back.

The announcers put over the "wild west" tonight with no security and go over the card and title matches for tonight.

The Amazing Red vs Low-Ki

Crowd goes fairly wild for Low-Ki. He spends the next few minutes beating the heck out of a very game Red. After a brief comeback, Low Ki kicks him so hard his head covering goes flying off, making Don West briefly worry that he kicked his entire head off. TAR hits a quick Code Red counter for only two. Low-Ki then survives a big tornado DDT. They have a great exchange of strikes and dodges, but Red misses the Infra-Red moonsault after putting Low-Ki down. Ki-Krusher 99 wins it after 8 minutes.

*** Low-Ki and Red both looked great here, with the winner still looking strong after his title match loss last week. Red also had a great debut.

Jarrett is in the back confronting Shamrock's British bodybuilder friend in front of the locked door.

Hot Shots vs Chris Harris & James Storm

The two local teams get a crazy pop. The Hot Shots cut a gross promo about protuding. The latter team has a backstage interview where Chris Harris begs him to drop the bullshit cowboy gimmick. He lights a cigarette to prove that he's a bad ass. The Hot Shots start off working the beatdown on poor Cowboy James Storm with some cool moves. The comeback starts when Storm botches rolling out of the way of a moonsault, but the Chris Harris hot tag goes down anyways. Everything breaks down into a brawl and Harris wins it with a Northern Lights Suplex.

**1/4 Standard tag match that barely flirted with being good .

Hot Shots get their beatdown in after the match, including some shots with the cap guns that Harris begged him to leave behind. Ken Shamrock gets some medical attention backstage before we go to the next match.

Apolo vs Brian Lawler

Jerry's Kid chants greet Lawler. The announcers put over Apolo's undefeated record and set him up as a future NWA Title challenger.T hey go back and forth with some awkward exchanges, Apolo eventually bloodies Brian's lip, and then he moonwalks back into a rollup for 3. That screams future World Champ to me.

*1/4  It's a good thing Apolo won, but the whole thing felt awkward and never got out of first gear in 10 minutes. Brian Lawler is really, really boring in the ring. Brian chokes out Don West after the match.

K-Krush is out to bury his old name, cutting a promo about not abiding by everyone's names, rules, or anything any longer. It's all about The Truth going forward. He name drops maligned black athletes like Tyson (yikes) until he gets to OJ Simpson (double yikes) and The Alpha Male Monty Brown interrupts him. They trade words until Truth calls him an Uncle Tom and starts the violence. Monty wins the exchange and hits a big Alpha Bomb. I think he's currently using the New Church's theme music for some reason.

There's a long video package of the history of AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn leading to a sitdown interview with Tenay on the bleachers. They're defending the titles against the Flying Elvises, and they seem to be, grudgingly, on the same page. AJ sucks up and Jerry somewhat apologizes since he was like AJ ten years ago in his career.

NWA Tag Team Title Match The Flying Elvis' vs AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn [c]

Jerry Yang is back. Siaki does the fake fist bump spot that I do love so much. The champs finally have dropped the embarrassing Born in the USA knockoff theme. Siaki joins commentary while Estrada/Yang start in the ring. 913  They go for a few minutes trading  great X Division style moves back and forth, making both teams look good. AJ and Jerry hit some double team moves and quick tags to take control for a bit.  Yang eventually knees a flying AJ Styles and spills the action outside where Siaki punches AJ out. Yang and Estrada take control of AJ for a while. It's an agonizingly long segment of AJ getting beaten until an enziguri bloodies Yang's nose and Lynn finally is tagged in to run wild. In a great spot, Lynn dives onto Yang, then Estrada on to them, and then AJ Styles lines up both Elvises until Siaki comes flying to knock them out of the way. AJ Styles slams into Jerry Lynn then, busting him hideously wide open. The Elvis' double team AJ and keep the bloodied Jerry down at ringside. Jerry fights his way back into the ring while AJ sets Yang up for the Spiral Tap. The veteran gets a quick roll up before AJ can hit his flashy top rope move, ending a 13 minute match.

***1/4 This was very good, telling a great story with the champs struggling to work together. It also worked for getting the Elvises over, with Siaki adding clever little cheating moves to almost push the Elvis' over the top.

Disco Inferno hosts "Jive Talkin'". He is putting over his long and storied wrestling career while sitting on a couch that wouldn't get $50 at Goodwill. He asks why he's in a hick town like Nashville, Tennessee. Cheap heat at its finest. He puts over the debut of his talk show next week. I thought… that was it? You know what, never mind. Let's go back to the girls dancing in cages.

Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger vs Alpha Male Monty Brown & Primetime Elix Skipper

The card order is a little weird with this going after the title match. 938 943 The latter thrown together team works surprisingly well together, with Monty's strength and Elix's speed showing off. The experienced team from ECW takes control  soon for a while until Elix is able to slam them into each other and make the hot tag to Monty Brown. Everything breaks down in the ring until Diamond & Swinger hit their finisher on Elix, only for them to realize he's not the legal man. They start to double team Monty Brown then until Elix trips up one of them in the ropes. The other gets caught by Monty with the Alpha Bomb and gets pinned after a fun 5 minute sprint.

** Solid little match. Diamond and Swinger still looked good in a losing effort. 

Elix does a big celebration with Monty that ends up as a set up for The Truth to attack and give Monty one of his trademark belt chokings. Elix casually leaves the ring, setting his partner up and shrugging as he goes to the back.

The less said about the Dupps' promo in the back with Goldylocks, the better. The Dupps eventually pick a fight with Shamrock's MMA buddy Harrison and head to the ring with 2x4's.

Bo Dupp vs Ian Harrison

Jeremy Borash announces him as Some Big Muscle Headed Guy In The Back on Bo Dupp's advice. The announcers put him over as a Mr. Universe winner and he moves like he's half-paralyzed. He slowly beats Bo Dupp around the ring as the fans chant USA. After 3 minutes, a DQ run in by the other Dupp mercifully ends it.

1/4* This sucked. It only gets out of worthless status for some of Bo Dupp's bumping for this monument to steroids. Harrison no sells The Dupp's 2x4 shots as the segment wraps up. 

Jarrett breaks through to security and Shamrock while the bodyguard is distracted in the ring, and everyone punches, pushes, and yells until we finally cut away for main event time.

NWA World Heavyweight Title Match Ladder vs Submission Ken Shamrock [c] vs Sabu

They have not really explained the rules of this one, but we're rolling anyways. The title doesn't appear to be hanging over the ring. Shamrock comes out and takes control with some strikes right after the bell rings. They finally get a camera shot of the belt hanging above the ring. There are rope breaks because of the submission stipulation. The World's Most Dangerous Man runs through a few different holds on Sabu as the match plods along in the ring. The crowd's turning on this match a bit as the announcers put over the security leaving and Ricky The Dragon Steamboat coming to restore order next week. Sabu hits some high flying moves and an armbar to show a little life in the ring. They finally get to the outside and Shamrock baseball slides to kick a ladder into Sabu's face. They brawl to the entranceway and back, bloodying Sabu.  A table finally gets brought into play, and Sabu hits a double jump flipping splash through it on the entranceway, all alone after Ken Shamrock rolls out of the way. The champ goes for the title as Sabu lays in a bloody mess, with it flowing from his back as well. With his hands on the belt, the lights go out and Malice joins the ring to chokeslam Shamrock to the apron and steal the belt. Malice wins?

*1/2 We end with Malice posing with the belt at the entryway. Despite some effort from Sabu, that never really got into a groove. Ken Shamrock is really not looking good in his opening run as champ. He's been forced into some weird matches and opponents, but I'm still extremely ready for his reign to end, legitimately or not.

There's a lot of dead weight, but the show is doing a decent job pushing 4-6 storylines across their three title divisions, women's matchups, midgets and comedy, and even a few celebrities. I'm hoping for the heavyweight title scene to get some better wrestling and match quality soon, and god bless him, I'm anticipating Jeff Jarrett's consistent decent match output.

[easyobsession]

DWTS24: WEEK 1 (Lo Recaps)

WHAT IS UP YOU DANCE-LOVING BASTARDS? I WAS IN A CAR DURING THE PREMIERE TRAVELING HOME 13 HOURS FROM THE GODDAMN HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH AND ALAS, HERE I SIT TO TYPE THIS VERY POST. YOU ASKED FOR WEEKLY RECAPS, I WAS FLATTERED AND THEREFORE FELT OBLIGATED, AND NOW I’M GOING TO GET THIS DONE SO I CAN DRINK A DR. PEPPER AND TAKE MY PILLS LIKE THE 80 YEAR OLD I REALLY AM INSIDE. JESUS CHRIST, IT’S SEASON 24.

THIS RECAP STARTS RIGHT NOW.

 NORMANI AND VAL. QUICKSTEP. 7677=27/40.

Instantly, she’s the first one out of the gate so you know she’s gonna be lowballed. What shocked me was just how low they went- that was a theme of the entire night for me, actually. I thought for sure we’d see some 8s and maybe one or two 7s at most. I liked it, myself. Fun, fast paced, and it seemed to match her personality and turn a stuffy quickstep into something cool and funky to bring her fanbase into the show. I thought her form was pretty damn good and considering that Val doesn’t water shit down, Normani held her own.

NANCY AND ARTEM. VIENESSE WALTZ. 7777=28/40.

This was pretty much what I expected. It was nice, it was fairly clean and pretty and an awesome starting point. Artem riding in shirtless on a Zamboni and making them both super uncomfortable was a highlight of the night for me. On a completely different note, a lot of people are comparing Nancy her to fellow Olympic skaters and DWTS champions Meryl Davis and Kristi Yamaguchi. This is the portion of the review where I share why I find this to be complete and utter bullshit: Number one, Meryl is/was an ice dancer and competed her entire life with not only a male partner, but the same male partner. Big difference. Next! Number 2. Kristi yes, did compete as a singles skater as well and yes, is only a mere 2 years younger than Nancy. HOWEVER. THE KEY FACTOR HERE IS THAT KRISTI COMPETED ON SEASON 6 OF THIS STUPID SHOW. IN 2008. NINE DAMN YEARS AGO. If my math is correct (which is probably isn’t) she won when she was around 34 years old. Nancy is 45. AGE IS A FACTOR. IT ISN’T AGEISM, IT’S FACT. GIVE THE WOMAN A BREAK. I thought she looked nervous as hell, but really lovely. I think now that she’s got the jitters out, she’ll only go up.

CHRIS AND WITNEY. CHA CHA. 5444=17/40.

He… oh my lord. Don’t get me wrong, he seems nice enough. But aside from the obvious, things got so awkward after it was over and it was just uncomfortable. I think he was trying too hard to be funny and he was so nervous on top of it all and it just all didn’t add up. And god love him, he knew. He knew and them saying it just made it so much worse. The poor guy. I’m leaving it at that. He gave it his best effort and I can never give anyone less than a solid and sincere applause for that. Good for him for doing it.

BONNER AND SHARNA. CHA CHA. 6556=22/40.

Here’s where I walk boldly in front of the firing squad and take my stance without shame. You all know how much I hate a showmance when it’s not my own idea, and DWTS overdoes them like the blackened fish thing on the menu I saw on vacation. He’s insane for what he does, but it makes him happy and I can support that. But I’m already annoyed with this gimmick. If they have the chemistry, we’ll notice, but don’t try to force it just as an attempt to make us forget the obvious eye-fucking last season despite James having a girlfriend. I’m just sayin’. Overall it was alright. It felt a little too Magic Mike for me. He’s stiff and he was off count almost the entire time, which I basically already assumed he would be. He’ll never be great but he looks like Jackson Rathbone and I like how Sharna calls him “Bonnah,” so if they quit with the forced gimmick and just let shit happen naturally I’d probably be the captain of this goddamn ship.  Next.

CHARO AND KEO. SALSA. 6555=21/40.

THIS. WAS. SO GODDAMN FUCKING MUCH BETTER THAN I EVER COULD HAVE DREAMED. She remembered a good portion of the steps, she SOMEWHAT KEPT UP WITH HIM, she’s 66 goddamn years old- GOOD FOR HER. I cannot wait to see the shit Keo has to go through and the wide-eyed gazes he’ll have along the way. For what it was, I honestly can’t complain. Good on you.

NICK AND PETA. CHA CHA. 6666=24/40.

I got so pissed when I watched this, I swear to god, because I really wanted him to suck so bad that I could just rag on him until I was blue in the face but it was ACTUALLY NOT FUCKING BAD AT ALL. HE ACTUALLY HAS A LITTLE BIT OF RHYTHM. Peta is a national treasure, obviously, but this asshole, like… fuck, man. Honestly though, enough of the You’re In Love thing though, because literally NOBODY BELIEVES IT. INCLUDING YOU OR VANESSA. We all get it, we’ll put on our shocked emoji when you suddenly break-up after your contract allotted engagement period is over. You want attention. Just go into porn or something like you’ve still got some dignity and quit being annoying.

Ahh… it’s so good to be back. :D

HEATHER AND MAKS. VIENESSE WALTZ. 7777=28/40.

*singing* Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullshit. I hate everyone. Go home. I already am home. Thank god, walking almost 30 miles in 4 days damn near killed me. Whatever. You could tell she was surprised and that she was upset not with the scores, but with herself for not getting better scores, which I hate. I’m hoping this is more of a strategy by TPTB for a Progressing Each Week storyline as opposed to Simone’s copycat The Best Since Night One story that mirrors Laurie’s. (No disrespect to Simone- but I’ll get to that later) Anyway, I thought it was amazing. Flawless? No. She was nervous just like everyone else, but she was far more comfortable up there than a lot of the rest and she and Maks looks fucking incredible together. Also she’s a knockout in yellow. I adore her. What else is new? Moving on.

DAVID AND LINDSAY. 7777=28/40.

I’m going to quickly say that it’s horse shit that Heather got the same score as him. BUT STICK WITH ME FOR A MINUTE. Heather was underscored like I under exaggerate when I say I’m kind of a nervous person sometimes, but this guy totally earned those 7s with a heart clap on the back. I was blown away in the best sense of the word. I had no clue who the hell this man is because the only thing I know about baseball is Mike Lawson and Ginny Baker (#Bawson WADDUP FAM) so I went in 100% blank and I really truly did enjoy this performance. I like his partnership with Lindsay, I love his attitude, and to top it all off he actually appears to be somewhat capable. I’m for it and look forward to more. YES.

ERIKA AND GLEB. SALSA. 6666=24/40.

Again, I thought she was lowballed. Since they are in no way alike, obviously I will now compare her to Amber Rose from last season, who I also thought would be pretty comfortable in front of the camera and shaking her booty like a boss if nothing else. Except Erika actually DID IT. She went out there and didn’t hold back and IT MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE PERFORMANCE. Did she know every single step? Nope. Was her form flawless? Nope. Could you tell she was nervous? Yup. Did she make plenty of mistakes? Absolutely. But she sold it and that makes all the difference. I like her. I like her hair. I like her sass. “Who doesn’t wake up every day wanting to win in life? You gotta put these people on notice. I’M HERE. HI.” Apparently I love the raunchy because I love it. Bring it fucking on, girlfriend. Werk.

RASHAD AND EMMA. CHA CHA 8788=31/40.

Good? Yes. A surprise? Kind of, considering he’s another athelete and therefore blank slate for me. Worthy of second place? Debatable. Worthy of beating out some of his competition like he did on the leaderboard? No. I’m sorry but no. He seems like a lot of fun and like a pretty nice guy, so I’m definitely a million times more willing to try than I was with Antonio or Von or Calvin because Rashad is far more inviting and approachable and easier to connect with. I’m optimistic. And congrats to Emma for finally getting a hunk to dance with! Enjoy the eye candy, girl! Apparently your and Sasha’s wedding gift is neither of you getting a shitty partner this season. I approve.

MR. T  AND KYM. CHA CHA. 5555=20/40.

….It was so sweet to see Robert in the audience. They’re very cute. And Mr. T… played the part well. And he… had a great costume. And he really tried. But worth a better score than Chris? Eeeeeeehhh. Not lower, of course, but 3 points higher? Really? Let’s all call a spade a spade, quit with the catchphrase, and move on with our lives, yeah?

SIMONE AND SASHA. TANGO. 8888=24/40.

…sigh. Okay. Let me explain this. I love her. Of course I love her. How could you not? She’s adorable. She’s a little awkward, kinda shy, super sweet, giggly, giant grin, complete doll that has skills for days. Her partnership with Sasha is incredible and she lights up the room. ….but other than her being 19 instead of 16…. It’s not even that I’m against her story, which I realize she can’t control regardless, but that’s not it anyway. It’s just that it was LAST DAMN SEASON. You have to put a break between them or it’s just unfair to everyone involved. And I’m going to be mad all season on her and Sasha’s behalf because of it, and I’m gonna be pissed as hell when all of her fans throw a royal fit in three months when she loses. Because I told you so. Someone get me a goddamn job at ABC, I’ll have this thing running like a well oiled machine within a few weeks. With Derek and Brooke gone, aside from Carrie Ann and the singers, the worst of the worst have already been tossed out on their ass. I’LL MAKE THIS PLACE WORTH MILLIONS, MILLIONS I TELL YA.

Okay, that’s it. I’m not even proofing this shit. I’m tired.

HMU on social media. @lauthom93 because I’m cool. The end.

Love, hugs, and my middle finger because it’s my life and my future employers hopefully never discover this blog,

Dueces.