#also why do you look like Bozo The Clown in drag as a human being

[manicpixietrashbag]

Yeah uh the more i see chappell roan’s shit the more and more I’m horny for her AND the more I realize her whole artistic ouvre is just “be sexy to lesbians.” Which like. I love that this is a possible career move for a queer artist nowadays like I love that she can make a living off being a musical thirst trap HOWEVER. Being a musical thirst trap does not mean your music is actually good.

[ask-marcus-cally-and-ari]

Only Human

Chapter 13: Help and Who Gives It

The ragtag group had hidden in the next city over, taking a well-deserved rest. They rested so much that it took repeated knocks on the van door to wake them up. Marcus groaned and got up groggily. “G-Go away, Cally, I’m tryna sleep...” 

“Wha...?” Cally mumbled, sitting up. “I was asleep.” 

Marcus jerked his head up and looked around. “Wha - If that’s not you, then who’s knocking?” 

“I... I dunno. Get your handgun ready,” Cally said, slowly walking up to the door to look and see who was there. 

On the other side was a RED Sniper, dressed in strange, camo-like attire. Cally closed her eyes, looking through the information she’d seen from HECU’s database. P_ss Cakehole was the Freak who matched this one's description, and he was a very, very hostile Freak. 

“Marcus, wake up Spyper. We may need him.” 

“Who’s at the door?” 

“P*ss Cakehole. A very hostile Freak.” 

“Wha - Why is he bothering us!?” 

“I don’t know. Heck, I don’t even know why he isn’t shoving a saw through the van door.” 

“WHAT!?” 

“Yeah... please get Spyper.” 

Marcus proceeded to run to the front of the van to get the hybrid Freaks’ attention. “Spyper! Spyper, wake up! P_ss Cakehole is LITERALLY knocking on the front door!” 

“Nghhh... Wake me up when the pancakes are ready, Mommy,” Spyper mumbled drowsily. 

“SPYPER!” Marcus screamed, shaking the Freak by his shoulders. 

“EJFGHFEFHREWKEDFMV! WHAT’S GOING ON?!” 

“P_SS CAKEHOLE IS AT THE FRONT DOOR!” 

Spyper jumped in shock. “WHAT?!” 

“FRONT DOOR! NOW!” 

Spyper nodded and teleported behind P*ss, and Cally was treated to a view of two Freaks having a knock-down, drag-out fight. 

“This is not what I wanted to wake up to at 8 in the morning,” Marcus complained, watching the two Freaks go at it outside. 

It didn’t take long for P*ss to start wrestling Spyper. “I didn’t come here to hurt the little twerps, let me go!” 

“Then what are you here for!?” 

“I’m here because I wanna help!” 

“...The hell are you talking about?” 

“Let me in and I’ll tell you.” 

Spyper let Cakehole go and got to his feet, glaring at the Freak. “If this is some kind of trick…” 

“No trick, I swear.” 

Spyper walked around Cakehole and opened the van door, still glaring at him. “I’m holding you to that.” 

Marcus pointed a gun out the door, right at Cakehole’s head. “Hey. Sorry about this, but you can never be too careful.” 

“Now what do you want? You never show up ‘just to help.’” 

“Can we tie him up first?” Marcus asked. “I’d feel way more comfortable.” 

Spyper tilted his head towards Cakehole with a shrug. “Sorry, we gotta.” 

Five minutes later, P_ss was tied to a chair with a sh_t-eating grin on his face and the business end of Marcus’s gun rested against his head, Marcus himself behind the Sniper. 

“Alright, spill it.” 

“Well, the main thing is, I’m bored, and you guys are being hunted. It looks like fun.” 

“...That’s it?” 

“That’s it. I get to entertain myself, you get help.” 

“...No tricks?” 

“No tricks.” 

Spyper squinted. “Why do I not trust you?” 

“Because we don’t get along. But you need me.” 

“For what?” 

Marcus glared. "Yeah. We've been doing just fine by ourselves." 

“Boy, you got your a$$ whooped yesterday,” Cally frowned. 

"And I'm still alive." 

“Barely.”

“You got into a fight with ol’ Brutal, eh?” P_ss remarked, looking back at Marcus. 

"Yeah. And isn't he your homie? How do I know he didn't send you here to give us that work?" 

“Because I hate ‘em. Brutal and me ain’t friends by a long shot.” 

"What happened?" 

“He went after you. And I don’t get near kids when it comes to my carving collection, so I certainly don’t want anyone else doing anything similar. That’s the other reason I’m here.” 

"So this is a case of evil having standards?" 

P_ss shrugged. “I guess so.” 

Marcus crossed his arms. "Give me one good reason not to throw you out on your *ss." 

“Because I see stone in your eyes. And in her eyes,” P_ss said, tilting his head to Cally. “And I wanna hurt the guy who put it there.” 

Marcus locked eyes with P*ss. "Can you?" 

P_ss met Marcus’ steely gaze. “I’m P_ss f_cking Cakehole. Of course I can.” 

Marcus turned to Cally, who turned to Spyper. 

“He can,” Spyper nodded. “I’ve seen him put Brutal on his a$$ several times.” 

"In that case, welcome to the… whatever the f*ck we're gonna call ourselves. We'll introduce you to Ari when he wakes up. Hurt or intimidate them and you die." 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, kid.” 

~~~ 

As hours passed, Marcus began to grow tired of being on the road for so long. Or rather, sky.

“How much longer until HECU? I thought you said it wasn’t far! And Ari really needs some medical attention!”

“I know! I’m going as fast as I can without being noticed by other Freaks!”

Ari was talking to P*ss. “So how old are you?”

“44,” P*ss shrugged. “It’s hard to keep up sometimes when you don’t even have a calendar.” 

Marcus huffed. “You look the part,” he said, cleaning his gun. “How long you been a Freak? And how’d it happen?” 

“Honestly, I can’t even remember. Just that I’ve been one for awhile.” 

“So,” Ari said, “how come you and Mr. Brutal are enemies? Is it just because he wants to hurt us?” 

“Eh, me and him have never really gotten along all that well.” 

“I thought Snipers got along. Respect for the job or something.” 

“Nah. He barely counts as a Sniper with how up close he likes to fight.” 

Marcus shrugged. “He and I agree there. Always satisfying to deck an *sshole who’s been all up in your grill.” 

Cally glanced out of the van’s back window and noticed a clearing coming up on the road, a chapel standing at the end of the path. “Wait, where are we?”

“Pit stop. This is where one of our friends live,” Spyper said, hopping out of the front seat. “If you need to use the bathroom or grab something to eat, do it now.” 

“Hey, this is Christian Pure Spy’s chapel,” Cally frowned. 

Ari whimpered. “I-Isn’t he dating Mr. Brutal?” he asked, hugging Marcus’s arm. 

“He is, but he’s never home at this time of day,” Intelligent assured, stepping out of the van. “The place should be empty.” 

Marcus nodded. “I’ll keep my gun ready. Just in case.” 

The trio of Freaks and the trio of teens stepped out of the van and headed inside the chapel, which did appear to be completely vacant. The lights were switched off and the church was eerily silent. 

“Alright, this place is clear. Get everything you need to do out of the way and let’s get going.” 

Marcus nodded, heading to find some medical supplies and ammo. Entering the kitchen, Marcus rummaged around the cabinets and drawers in search of whatever he could scrounge together. Bandages, antibiotics, painkillers, anything he could use to stave off the pain and potential infection of Ari’s wound. 

A search he immediately forgot upon hearing something shift behind him. Swiftly spinning around, Marcus had his gun drawn in seconds. However, he lacked a target. All that was behind him was a thin veil of sparkling blue smoke hanging in the air. 

"I swear I saw..."  Marcus lowered his gun ever so slightly and looked back and forth in search of whatever had made the noise. What he found instead was a trail of more sparkling smoke leading out of the kitchen and back into the nave of the chapel. 

"F*CK THAT!" Marcus cried, running for the nearest window. 

“Hey, HEY! The hell are you doing!?” A voice cried out, and the sparkling smoke suddenly reached out and grabbed Marcus, pulling him back to the floor mid-leap. 

Marcus wasted no time, grabbing his gun. "BREAK YOSELF, FOOL! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME RIGHT NOW-" 

“HEY! Calm down!” The keeper of the voice yelped, and Marcus was both dumbfounded and terrified to find himself staring at what looked like a 14th century court jester, complete with the jingling hat and the frills about the neck, wrists, and ankles. 

"AW, HELL NAH, THIS SOME PENNYWISE SH_T!" Marcus screamed, promptly decking the jester in the face, which made a bizarre squeaking noise on impact before the clown hit the floor.

“OW! You know, even though that doesn’t injure me, that still hurts!” 

"Good! Get on the ground now!" 

“What the hell is going on in here!?” Spyper shouted, running into the kitchen with his kukri drawn. “Where’s the danger!?” 

Marcus glared at the figure. "Here. Who's this bozo?" 

“What the-” Spyper let out a sigh of relief and lowered his knife. “Oh, that’s just Count Jester. They’re a friend.” 

"...they are?" 

Jester nodded in response and leapt to their feet. “That I am!”

“They are,” Spyper confirmed, holstering his kukri. “Sorry if they scared you. I know not everyone is comfortable with clowns.”

“Jesters,” Jester clarified. 

"...explain, please." 

“How I’m friends with them?” Spyper asked. 

“Yeah. And just… this.” 

“Eh?” Jester tilted their head. 

“This. All this.” 

Jester looked down at themself and shrugged. “Blame the Jar for that.” 

“Jar?” 

Jester reached under their hat and produced a golden idol with a ruby heart set into it. “Long story short: I used to be a normal human, I got sealed inside this thing, and it's magic turned me into this.” 

“Uh...” Marcus stepped back. 

“That is a severely abridged version of events. We’d be here all day unpacking what went down,” Spyper clarified. 

“And we can’t risk that.” 

“No. Anyways, Count Jester here is completely harmless and wouldn’t hurt you even if they wanted to. They lack any and all offensive capabilities.”

“You can also blame the Jar for that,” Jester added. 

Marcus slowly put the gun back. “Okay then...” 

“I know, it sounds really weird, but being weird is my entire existence now.”

“What’s going on!? Who’s in danger!?” Cally shouted, running into the kitchen with a bat, Ari following close behind.

“Ah, it’s alright! Mostly,” Marcus shouted back, raising a hand to his friends. “It was just a clown.” Then he turned to Jester. "Sorry for almost blowing your head off."

“Eh, it’s alright. I can just reattach my limbs at will.”

“...Anyways,” Spyper cleared his throat. “Jester, this is Marcus, Cally, and Ari. You’ve probably seen Marcus before since a lot of people recorded his and Brutals brawl a few days ago.” 

"MOTHERFU-" 

“Easy, Marcus,” Ari said, patting him on the back. 

"Sorry. Just on edge." 

“Wait, that was you Brutal was fighting?” Jester quizzed. 

"Yeah. And I got my _ss handed to me." 

“It’s actually why we’re currently on the run. Ari got hurt in the fight,” Spyper explained, motioning to the layers of bandages wrapped around Ari’s torso. 

Ari frowned. "It's not that bad, really." 

“We ran out of bandages in the van,” Spyper deadpanned. 

"But I'm alive and I can walk…?" 

“And you’re still hurt!” Jester cried. “Poor thing, that’s a really nasty injury. You’d need a full team of doctors to get this thing treated properly.” 

"And even then, Brutal doesn't seem to take good care of his weapons. A bad enough infection from the rust could kill her in half the time a surgery could take," Cally added. 

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m here, then!” Jester grinned. “I’ve got an infirmary with the best team of doctors on the planet. Come on, I’ll take you there!” 

Marcus frowned. "Where is this place?" 

“It’s Jesterland! A pocket dimension I created!” 

“Oh, HELL nah! A pocket dimension you completely created? You could subtract us from the human population and no one would find our bodies!” 

“Now just calm down, I’ve been to Jesterland. It’s physically impossible to get hurt in there,” Spyper assured. 

“...you’re sure?” 

“Yes, I’m sure. The entire dimension is basically one giant amusement park and petting zoo.” 

Marcus sighed. “...listen here. I’m trusting you on this. I find anything fishy or they do anything to us and it’s a wrap. Got it?” 

“Understood,” Spyper nodded. “Alright Jester, do your magic!”

Jester grinned and rubbed their hands together, sparkling smoke building up around their hands and arms. When the smoke had covered their arms completely, they tossed it over the Trio and the Freaks and snapped their fingers. In an instant, everyone was whisked away from the chapel and were sent tumbling through a tunnel of light that descended downwards at a breakneck pace. 

“MOTHERF*****CKEEEEEER!” 

“It’s ok, this happens all the time!” Spyper shouted. “We’re just in between dimensions right now!” 

“We’ll be in Jesterland in no time!” Jester called.

“YOU GUYS ARE FREAKS, NOT HUMAN! I’M NOT BUILT FOR FALLING!” 

Cally sighed. “This is gonna suck.” 

As they reached the end of the tunnel, a portal opened up beneath them and everyone soon found themselves falling from the skies of a giant amusement park that was enveloped in a brilliant glow. 

“Wow,” Ari beamed, so wrapped up in the sights that he didn’t even notice the bandages flying off their torso. 

Approaching the ground, Marcus frantically covered his face and braced himself for impact - which never came as a cloud of blue smoke enveloped him right before he hit the ground, and the smoke gently sat him down, completely unscathed. 

“Wh-” Marcus blinked rapidly and looked around, watching the rest of the Freaks and his friends being gently set onto the ground before Jester finally joined them, landing square on their feet. “How did you...” 

“Magic,” Jester grinned, blue sparkles flashing from their hands. 

“I... you know what? As long as you can help Ari I’m not gonna say sh*t.” 

“Great! Then let’s get going!” Jester shuffled past Marcus and headed towards a giant gateway. Clapping their hands thrice in succession, the gates creaked open and revealed the amusement park inside, which was even more brilliant and glowing than before. “Welcome to Jesterland! The greatest show not on Earth!” 

“Please don’t remind me of that. I’m compromising enough as it is.” 

“Someone’s paranoid,” P*ss sing-songed. At which point he was quickly smacked by Spyper. “Ow! What was that for?!” 

“Stop needling him.”

Heading into Jesterland proper, the Trio were met with an array of sights and sounds. Music seemed to play around every corner and the air was filled with the delicious scent of freshly baked cakes and pies. 

Marcus had his hands in his pockets, a guarded look in his eyes as he surveyed the area. 

“If you guys are hungry, help yourselves to whatever you like!” Jester said, gesturing to the many food stalls around them. “There’s plenty to go around!” 

Cally beamed. “This is so cool! Where are the brownies?” 

“The brownie and cookie stall is just to the left,” Jester said, pointing further down the street. 

“Thanks!” Cally ran off as a group of doctors gathered around Ari, leading him away. 

~~~ 

With Ari being treated, Marcus scouted out everything surrounding the Infirmary, still wary about Jester and their dimension. Jesterland looked bright and friendly, but the amusement park still gave Marcus a sense of unease even when it shouldn’t have. Even the bizarrely adorable creatures that called Jesterland home - the Funna - seemed dangerous to Marcus, even as one of them was purring and rubbing against his leg and another was asking for belly rubs. 

He touched the creature apprehensively, then pulled away like it would poison him if he touched it. But the critter simply squeaked, waving it’s nubby paws in the air playfully as it began to purr as well. Marcus tentatively reached down again, gently scratching the creature's belly.

“...this is too good to be true. It has to be.” 

“Hello again!” Jester called, floating up to Marcus with another creature in their arms. “I see you found some of my Funna.” 

“...what now?” 

“Funna,” Jester clarified, pointing to the creatures around Marcus. “My Funna. They’re all my creations.” 

“The f*ck.”

“Hey, you’re in Jesterland. This place is weird and whimsical by nature.” 

Marcus nodded apprehensively.

“Do you want to see the rest of Jesterland?” 

“...maybe.”

Jester sighed and set down the Funna in their arms. “Do you wanna talk? I know you guys haven’t had the best experiences with Freaks.” 

“Ladies and gentlemen, the understatement of the year goes to...” Marcus sharpened his knife. “You know, just two weeks ago I was the star athlete in my school. Captain of the football team, baseball team, and basketball team, and I had the highest swimming stats to boot. Now I’m practically a fugitive.”

“Yeah, I was talking to Spyper about that. I’m really sorry you and your friends had to go through all that.” 

“Heh… It sucked, I’ll tell you that.” 

“Sorry…” Jester wrung their hands together, then turned their gaze to the sky as a gale force wind suddenly slammed down over the streets. Looking up, Marcus’s jaw nearly dropped to the ground as an impossibly colossal amber dragon swooped overhead, riding on a pair of wings adorned in golden feathers. 

“What’s that? WHAT’S THAT?!” Marcus screamed, frantically reaching for his weapon.

“Wait, WAIT! Calm down, that’s just Ray! I can assure you that she’s not gonna hurt you!” 

“THAT DRAGON HAS TO BE AT LEAST FIFTY TIMES MY SIZE-” 

“Actually she’s more like, 200 times your size-” Jester paused, then remembered their situation when Marcus’s hand went instinctively for his weapon. “But that isn’t important because she’s friendly! That’s High Empress Ray. Mother of Quetzcoo’s and Crown Jewel of Jesterland. She wouldn’t dream of hurting you or anyone else.” 

“You don’t reach such a position of power as Empress by not being able to clap anyone you want,” Marcus hissed, glaring at Jester. 

Jester remained silent for a moment, their eyes darting around. “I mean…” 

“So yeah, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna get Cally and Ari and get the f_ck outta this place before Big_ss Dragon up there decides I should have an immediate board meeting with my ancestors,” Marcus said, getting up. 

“Wait, hang on! Ray is empress of this place because she’s second-in-command. And because she’s the only one here who can actually fight. But I assure you, she’s not gonna hurt you. She’s like a giant mom for everyone here.” 

“On your mama?” 

“...I don’t know if you’re being rhetorical or not because she’s literally modelled after my mom.” 

“Oh. Uh... in my neighborhood, if you put something on your mama it’s one of the highest forms of promise or assurance you can give. You essentially promise that what you’re saying is true or something bad can happen to her, and you love her enough to not lie.” 

“Oh. Well, then yeah, I swear on my mama. Quite literally.” 

Marcus nodded. “...alright. I’m trusting you.” 

Jester smiled and whistled up to Ray as she landed nearby. “Hey, Ray! Come say hello!”

Marcus paled and clenched his fists instinctively when the colossal amber dragon turned her attention to him and Jester and craned her massive head down to their level. She was so impossibly large that Marcus was barely the size of a single feather on her head. 

Marcus, being the sensible and somewhat paranoid person the previous couple weeks had turned him into, made the logical decision to deal with this turn of events. “Nope. F*ck this. I’m out.” 

“Wait. I’m not going to hurt you,” a gentle voice called out, one that was startlingly calm and quiet for such a large creature. 

“Wh-”

“I’m Ray. You must be Marcus.”

“Yes...?” 

“Sorry for startling you. Sometimes I forget about my own size.” 

Marcus took a breath. “I probably woulda been startled anyway. You know, because fugitive.”

“What a shame,” Ray churred. “A pity. You and your friends having to run from something that was forced upon you.” 

Marcus nodded. “Yeah. And now we have to go stop what seems like a good idea at the start. Well, we don’t have to, but we’re gonna do it anyway because they asked for it by attacking us.” 

“What!? That’s terrible!” 

“Yep. Because for some reason we’re the only ones who can stop the plan we would barely have noticed or pawned off to people who didn’t have the right qualifications if we’d just been left to our own devices. Cally was gonna go to the cops with what she knew initially.” 

“What you are facing is serious. I take it that your friends have been heading to HECU for help,” Ray said, tilting her head to Intelligent and Spyper. “HECU was built to handle unnatural threats, after all.” 

“Yeah. And every time we stopped at a town, our pals were there to greet us. Though I learned that I can feel people’s presence when they’re not even touching me because my sense of touch is just that good, so there’s that.” 

“That’s why it’s taking us forever to actually get there,” Spyper added, setting down a drink he’d picked up from one of the food stalls. “Brutal and his little posse keep chasing us around and I can barely keep the van on course because of it.” 

“You’d think he’d bring more heavy hitters,” Marcus said. “Hasn’t he got some friends in high- well, high in the evil motherf*cker world- places?” 

Jester huffed. “I still can’t believe Brutal is going after you. You guys are kids!” 

“Yeah. I mean, I tricked him into getting close enough with his guard down that I could put two in him, but still! I was scared, the f*ck did he want me to do?!” 

“Why is he even going after you? He’d never go after kids like this before now.” 

“He wants the plan to work. And it was a good premise; every kid’s dream. But we’re apparently too big of a risk.” 

“What even is this plan? And why is Brutal in on it?”

“Wait, Jester? You haven’t heard about any of this?” Spyper looked surprised as he turned to Jester. “It’s pretty much all we’ve been able to focus on for the past few days.” 

Intelligent nodded. “It’s been the gossip of the Freak community. I didn’t believe it until Spyper and I met those three off an edge. Cally had a nasty bump on her head.” 

“Unless you’ve had your head stuck in the parties around here, there’s no way you haven’t heard of it,” Spyper nodded.

“Well...No, I haven’t. I mean, Polite told me a few days ago that Brutal was going after a few people, and I was hoping he wasn’t going after you kids, but that’s about it.” 

Intelligent tilted his head. “You need to come to the bar more. We gather there to talk about the times and it’s a ceasefire.” 

“You guys know I don’t like gossiping,” Jester groused. “Anyways, I had no idea Brutal was in on any kind of plan. What even is the ‘plan?’” 

Intelligent opened his mouth to reply, then froze. “Wait. Where’s Marcus?” 

“He left while you were talking,” Ray said. 

“When has he ever been quiet enough to sneak off?!” 

“Marcus! MARCUS!” Spyper shouted, scanning the immediate area for any sign of the teenager. “He was just in front of us, how did he disappear so quickly!?” 

Marcus, for his part, had made record time across Jesterland to find Cally, who was in line for a ride. “Cal! You okay?” 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Just waiting to get on the Teacups,” She replied, motioning to the ride she was waiting to board. “You ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“I... I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” She smiled, patting Marcus’ arm. “Hey, you can relax here for the time being. This place has got everything. We can loosen up a bit before we hit the road again.” 

“Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help but feel something off.” 

“We’re in a giant amusement park made by a glorified clown,” Cally remarked. “It’s gonna feel a bit off just because of that. Especially since you’re afraid of clowns.” 

“IT scared the sh*t outta me, thank you very much!” 

“Like I said, scared of clowns,” Cally snickered. 

“Girl who freaked out at Child’s Play says what?” 

Cally proceeded to smack Marcus on the arm. 

“Chill with that. Better sense of touch.” 

“Right, sorry. Uh...So, have you heard from the Infirmary yet? Jester said they should be out in a few minutes.” 

“No. You don’t think Ari was poisoned or didn’t make it, do you?” 

“No, of course not. Believe me, I checked around his room before she was admitted. There’s nothing dangerous in there.” 

Marcus nodded. 

“Come on, we can go check on them just to make sure.”

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) Ch4

Pennywise agrees to hang out with his mate and gets LIT in an Applebees. Believe it or not this chapter is semi based on personal experience. I'll let everyone decide what part that might be.

CH4 LIT

“Oh great she brought the ball and chain.” Freddy groaned as his friend walked through the doors of the only with a bar in town the three of them weren't banned from. Trailing behind her a very uncomfortable Robert Gray groaned in annoyance when he realized they were in a family restaurant.

“Peachy there are children here!” he hissed in annoyance as the scent of delicious screaming baby assaulted his nose from the dining area.

“If I can control my self in an arcade full of street fighter virgins you can handle being in an Applebees for a couple hours. Besides we can't go to any regular bars since we have to pass Chucky off as Freddy’s kid.”

Pennywise huffed in annoyance at the mention of his tenant. “Then we could do this at our own home. You cant even partake in this anyway.” he grumbled

“Pen the point of going out is that it prevents me from getting stir crazy and doing something to piss you off again out of boredom. You better get used to atmospheres like this anyway with kids on the way.”

“I won't be bringing them to cesspits of noise and grease such as this.”

“Then you're sure in for a surprise Jingles havin’ kids is just traveling from one cesspit to another!” Chucky laughed in his booster seat while pouring another colorful mixed drink into his sippy cup.

“The fact that you've gone this far for entertainment is pathetic.” the eldritch spat as his tennant flipped him off. “Does your wife know you've started stooping so low as to play baby just to enjoy a night out?”

“Does your’s know you've been sniffin’ her panties while she’s at work like a creep?”

Leech deadpanned as she sat down “Hi Chuck I’m literally right here, also Pen that's gross.”

“Says the woman who fucked a spider.” Pennywise grunted as he tested one of the colorful drinks on the table.

Freddy groaned and took a deep drink “Aaaaand this is why we don't let you bring him.”

“Yeah Fred you're one to talk, pretty sure this whole Chris rebound thing you're going through has led to some weird rendezvous. The Bye-Bye Man comes to mind-” the vampire sneered and a clawed hand was shoved across her face.

“SHH don’t fucking say his name! Fuck now he’s gonna find me and ask why I haven’t called.”

Leech continued to tease the dream demon as her disguised clown began his second "hurricane". At least the drinks were sweet and he was able to quell some of the hunger within him with the sugary alcoholic beverages. Leech glanced over at her mate noticing the nearly empty glass.

"Woah slow down there tiger I know you’re large but that's gonna hit you fast"

"Peachy Pie I’m not human do not worry for me. Instead continue insulting Krueger I was enjoying that."

"You're my ride home you better be able to teleport while drunk."

"I’m fiiinneee"

"That response alone is suddenly filling me with so many regrets." she groaned.

"Lighten up Fangs they water the drinks down anyway." Freddy rolled his eyes and flagged down their waitress for another round of drinks. Robert let out a loud hiccup and giggled as Chucky silently observed with interest. Several moments later the eldritch began to sway slightly, barely hearing the conversation anymore and instead letting a literal wandering eye drift around the room hungrily resting on potential targets.

"Jingles is drunk" Freddy nonchalantly grunted.

"Are you shitting me?" Leech growled and glanced over to her mate who seemed normal until he turned to her his cheek split open at the side revealing a fang filled maw underneath.

"Yeess?" the eldritch attempted a suave look on his out of control face and tapped too many fingers over his chin as his hooded eyes drifted apart.

"Jesus fuck Pen control yourself."

"Im aaaaallways in control darling." He purred getting all the way into her personal space as drool fell from from his lips and onto her shirt.

"Oh my god its like owning a fucking mastiff with you sometimes." Leech groaned and playfully shoved him away despite his persistent growls and chitters against her skin. “Put the teeth away honey you're in public”

“Get a damn room.” Chucky yelled and the eldritch's head snapped in his direction roaring horribly in annoyance.

“Fangs uh he's really becoming a problem someone is gonna notice this.”

“Its weird that he got fucked up so fast, he only had two watered down drinks.” Chucky said as he studied the disguised clown.

“You're right give me your water” Leech hastily grabbed the clear liquid in front of the dream demon and tipped it against her mate’s lips. Freddy moved to stop her but stopped when Robert Gray’s face opened unnaturally wide to dump the liquid down in one gulp.

“FANGS! That was pure vodka.” Freddy yelled.

“Why the FUCK do you have a cup full of vodka?”

“Why the fuck not?” he growled and popped a small chocolate into his mouth. The eldritch stopped his swaying and stitched his face back together the room becoming much more clear as his eyes aligned once more.

“Who tried to poison me?” Robert groaned rubbing his temples completely sober. Freddy and Leech both stared at him dumbfounded. “HOW?!” they both shouted. Robert cocked an eyebrow.

“Belief.” he said simply and plucked a chocolate from Freddy's hand plopping it into his mouth. “I function on belief and imagination. I am serious about the poisoning which of you was it?”

“So what you're telling me is if I believe that apple juice could make you shitfaced it’ll happen.” Chucky smirked.

Robert sighed in annoyance knowing his three companions well enough now that his question will never be answered. “In a way yes.”

“Don't even try it Chuck.” Leech snarled but stopped when she felt her mate’s hand on her shoulder.

“Tricks will not work he has to absolutely believe it will happen.”

Freddy finally spoke up waving a gloved hand to get their attention “Uh guys….What happens if I believed that there were some pretty interesting party drugs in that candy.”

The vampire and the eldritch both froze.

“Please tell me you didn't.” Leech grabbed her friends stripped sweater

“I did.”

Chucky sighed and took a long sip of his drink “We’re gonna get banned from fucking Applebees.”

--------------

Pennywise had blinked and suddenly he was no longer at the restaurant. There was music that was loud and pulsing and sweaty bodies bumped into him from all sides. How did he get here? His limbs felt like jelly and he was holding some type of weird blue beverage. He took a large gulp of it to sooth the dryness in his throat and made his way back to the red lights that must be the bar. Despite being disoriented he did feel good, giggly even. He hadn't even realized his human disguise was part-way to “clown mode”, his face baring his trademark makeup, but he did notice that the other people around him were dancing he should probably as well. He needed to blend in after all. So he began to sway and move to the music leaping through the air dramatically like an acrobat. It felt like a full 27 years had passed as he performed but if he stopped the illusion would be ruined. Thus he had to keep dancing.  As he swayed and stumbled in euphoria he bumped into the first face he had recognized in this new location who nearly fell from the weight of the cross faded eldritch colliding with his spindly frame. “Holy shit Jingles there you are!”

“Krueger!” the clown nearly shouted and pirouetted with the grace of a ballet dancer.

“Have you been drinking more?”

“I found a pretty blue drink on a tray! Pretty and sweet!”

“You're a riot Jingles.” the dream demon laughed “Who'd have thought you'd have it in you to steal drinks.”

More of the clown's human disguise melted and he giggled uncontrollably grabbing the dream demon into a back breaking hug.

“Pennywise is glad to see you my friend yes he iss! I was so lost in this strange new place!”

“This is the cenobites nightclub idiot also put me down jesus!”

“Mmmm but you are warm and small!”

“Save it for your girlfriend bozo.” Freddy shoved his tall drugged companion back and straightened himself.

“Peachy!? She's here?"

"Man you really are messed up. She's the one who dragged your ass here after you nearly mauled someone at Applebees. Said it was my fault and put me on babysitting duty."

The clown dramatically tapped his wet chin then grinned wide with an idea

"Krueger I wish to dance with my mate fetch her for me!" He growled puffing out his chest in a display of cockiness.

"What do I look like your servant?"

"........are you not?"

"Fetch your own woman.” Freddy grunted and left deciding the nosferatu could deal with her beloved man child herself.

-------

Leech sat in a private room her housemate in a stolen booster seat beside her chains hung from the ceiling as a high stakes poker game took place below. The vampire ripped off her sunglasses in annoyance.

"Seriously Pinhead turn some fucking lights on in here."

"You are the one insisting on wearing eye protection indoors."

"Its a bluffing tactic!"

"Fangs no one actually wears sun glasses outside league games except for assholes like you and Krueger."

The nosferatu snarled and ripped her glasses off. "If I lose I'm blaming all of you."

"Learn to lie better trashpire. I fold." Chucky sat back in his booster seat taking a drag off a joint much to Leech's annoyance.

"You've been folding a lot. Also Chuck, pregnant stop smoking."

"Fangs we're playing against a goat and a guy with no eyebrows. I don't think either of them has ever made an expression other than neutral in their immortal lives." The doll grumbled snuffing the joint out and putting it back in his front pocket. He turned to the growing bump under his friends shirt "Take note kids uncle Chucky is doing this for you now so you wont eat me later."

Leech rolled her eyes at him "I raise."

"You have nothing left to bet idiot." The doll shouted and Pinhead smiled at his cloven hooved companion.

"Nothing physical."

The vampire cocked her eyebrow with interest a low purr formed in her throat "Are we raising the stakes?"

"Fangs, Jingles will kill me if-" the doll was cut off quickly by a cold pale hand to his mouth.

"Quiet Chatty Cathy. Continue."

"I have a very lovely crock pot, stainless steel 4 different settings, no stick. All you have to wager is a simple IOU." The dark furred goat hissed into the air like a whisper.

"Why the hell would a vampire need a crock-"

"DEAL!" Leech slammed her fist on the table fangs gleaming in her wide smile. Chucky gasped like a fish in protest. The large black goat let out a horrible guttural hiss.

"Shake her hand hell priest and the game will continue."

"Sire I believe that crock-pot was the one you borrowed from me-"

"SHAKE HER HAND"

Leech grabbed Pinhead's hand before anything else could be said. "You have no idea how much blood pudding I'm going to make with that thing."

"Well this definitely won't come bite all of us in the ass later." Chucky sighed and slumped back in his booster seat.

-------------

Pennywise felt amazing. Lights flashed all around him as people brushed against him from all sides. Normally this would repulse him but tonight touch felt good and the loud noise vibrated his form's bones making his muscles tingle. A woman touched his arm and his skin melted from the feeling. Why was he here again? Someone he was looking for, someone he actually liked. Then there she was, in her messy platinum wig bobbing in the ebb and flow of the dance floor. He felt his body tingle with excitement and he pushed other monstrous creatures out of his way to get to his precious queen. "Hiya gorgeous~" he purred his usual greeting to her and pulled her to him kissing her deeply. He felt like the most romantic suave person in the room and Leech felt amazing against him. Her lips were warm and soft she smelled of fresh flowers sending tingles up his spine. Then the moment was broken when a voice that definitely was not his mate's came out of her mouth and the intoxicated Pennywise realized the person he just passionately kissed was not the mother of his children. He realized it a second time when an icy cold claw pulled him back and broke his cherry red nose.

I think he might be in trouble.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Nicki Minaj Versus Herself: How The Queen Became Her Own Worst Enemy

http://fashion-trendin.com/nicki-minaj-versus-herself-how-the-queen-became-her-own-worst-enemy/

Nicki Minaj Versus Herself: How The Queen Became Her Own Worst Enemy

We’re very concerned about Nicki Minaj.

Within a matter of weeks, she’s managed to start a beef with a 6-month-old, compare herself to Harriet Tubman and expose Tyga’s hairline troubles. And that’s not even the half of it. Sis is spiraling. The long, messy, rollout for her new album “Queen” is evidence of that.

For months, Minaj’s social media presence went dark. She lay low and minded her business, presumably working on her album. But when the Queen returned, it seemed as though more mess than music followed. The “Chun-Li” rapper dragged her boots through the mud and came in the house kicking up shit on her journey to prove to everybody ― including, it seemed at times, herself ― that she reigns supreme. All the while, she’s made it clear that she’s seeking vengeance against haters who “get on their fucking keyboards and make me the bad guy” (even though in “Street Fighter,” Chun-Li was a 12-year-old cop fighting for justice).  

But the shooter’s aim has been off — and folks who have nothing to do with the alleged sabotage of Nicki Minaj are getting hit in the crossfire. In one breath she touts women’s empowerment, in the other she slut-shames sex workers and helps pink-slip journalists who mildly critique her. She muddied her valid critiques of Spotify’s lack of promotion for her album when she accused Travis Scott of using Kylie Jenner and their child, Stormi, to artificially boost his sales and prevent her album from reaching the top spot in the process. She unapologetically teamed up with a rapper who pleaded guilty to sexual misconduct with a child ― not just for a song, but to open her tour.

Despite her bizarre decisions, we can’t deny that Minaj is still, by far, the best female rapper in the game. Her legacy, for better or worse, is unmatched. She has opened doors for many women rappers after her. She’s shown the world that you can absolutely be a woman and make bank in hip-hop. You can be better than the boys and, maybe most importantly, you can write your own dope-ass rhymes.

But everyone is wondering, what the hell is she doing right now?

Zeba Blay joined Julia Craven and Taryn Finley for a special edition of “Run That Back,” in which we discuss Minaj’s rights and wrongs, the challenges black women in hip-hop face, and how her talent really does make her the Queen ― even if her recent actions say otherwise.

Above: “Itty Bitty Piggy,” from Minaj’s 2009 mixtape “Beam Me Up Scotty.”

Julia: Oh how far we’ve fallen.

Taryn: It’s really sad because on any given day I can still spit every bar on this song. Not saying that sis is less talented, but her attitude has really made me not even want to sit through “Queen.”

Zeba: So what I’m trying to figure out though is… what happened? Like what’s going on?

Julia: I’m not sure. But I do think it’s interesting that Nicki didn’t get the whole “she’s just doing it to sell albums” bullshit that Kanye got. Granted, I don’t think that’s the case with either one of them, but I thought it was fascinating how the public at large immediately wrote her off as a bozo even though she is the most influential rapper of the last decade.

I do wanna be clear though: I, too, think she’s a bozo.

Zeba: I’m not really sure what to think about her whole album rollout. But I will say that it’s very interesting watching a woman rapper at the top of her game spiral. Is that rude? Oh well. It’s VERY interesting.

Taryn: I don’t think it’s rude. I think it’s accurate. She’s spiraling in a way that we only expect from Nicki, though. Through this entire rollout (which felt long af), lots of shit she did raised my eyebrows but I wasn’t necessarily surprised that it came from her, unfortunately. She was spiraling before “Queen” dropped and I think she was genuinely disappointed when the numbers came in and she wasn’t at the top like she thought she would be. Then shit just got even uglier (and it was already ugly af).

Julia: My initial response is to say she’s a lunatic, but we too often write women off as “crazy.” I think she’s just a clown and has always been a damn clown, and when her clown-ass album didn’t sell like her clown ass thought it would, the clown popped up out the clown car. Her antics are showing us who she really is. She’s clearly not a feminist, based on her comments about sex workers and the fact that she got Wanna Thompson fired for a valid critique of her music.

Yet, she’s going on this whole run about being blackballed because she’s a black woman ― but look at what you say about other black women.

She has a very rigid “There can only be one” mentality, and while I understand the desire to blame the industry for that ― and they carry a good chunk of the blame ― Nicki is 35 years old and old enough to know better.

Zeba: I definitely feel like a large part of all this drama, and part of why I can’t totally dismiss Nicki, is the fact that she’s genuinely trying to navigate how to age as a woman in hip-hop. When you’ve been the “only one” for so long, specifically the only “sexy” one, and suddenly there’s a whole new crop of girls who are younger than you, sexier than you, and also have bars, it can probably feel like the world is coming to an end. What’s frustrating though is that she’s behaving like she feels threatened, and she shouldn’t.

She IS the queen, but she’s not acting like it.

Julia: She shol’ ain’t.

Taryn: She ain’t acting like it cause she’s acting like a clown. I get it, you’re a sex symbol in this male-dominated industry that relies heavily on objectifying women and acting as a boys club. Women in rap have to go the extra mile to protect themselves, and a lot of times that looks like making most of your decisions based off self-interest. But this ain’t it.

At some point, she got what’s good for her own self confused with the greater good. I partially blame the fucked-up label she’s signed to for that, cause they all are trash ass people over there at Young Money. But you can’t use the tools of toxic masculinity when they work for you and remain quiet about it until shit doesn’t go your way and then play the feminist card. Especially when you’re both actively and passively shitting on other women in the game. It don’t work like that.

Julia: Nicki is also at a point in her career where she doesn’t have to be a sex symbol if she doesn’t want to be. She can do whatever she wants at this point.

Zeba: True. I think she genuinely enjoys being sexy and I won’t take that away from her. It’s frustrating though when in one breath she will praise taking ownership of her sexuality and in the next shame other women for doing it… Confusing, to say the least.

Julia: That part. It’s bizarre. Like is it “Oochie Wally” or “One Mic”? And she’s so resistant to evolution. It’s manifesting in an ugly way.

Zeba: I mean, she got that woman fired for stating the truth… where’s the growth? No shade, but honestly.

Taryn: What growth? At this point, I think Nicki is OK with being stagnant. She’s more worried about the numbers than evolving.

Julia: “Queen” sounded like a shit version of “Roman Reloaded.”

Taryn: “Queen” should’ve been called “Stunt Queen” cause the lengths she’s going to promote it are embarrassing at this point. I still haven’t listened and I don’t really feel compelled to.

Julia: I’m now a former fan. But before the drop when I was an older casual fan, I wanted something like “Lemonade” from her, something grown. I’m 26, beloved. I wanna hear about why I should love myself in spite of everything that tells me I shouldn’t.

“Queen” could have been a good album if she focused more on growing as an artist and less on making it clear to younger girls that she’s the queen, which is something they already knew and treated as fact. No one popped up treating her, say, the way she treated Lil’ Kim.

Taryn: Whew. Ain’t that the truth!

Zeba: Here’s my thing: It would be nice to get a “Lemonade”-like moment from Nicki, but I also feel she’s not obligated to give us that if she’s not in that space or if, frankly, she just doesn’t want to. She’s within her right to make whatever she wants to make. The thing is, though, that she has to accept that we’re in an era where there is potential for more women in rap who are willing to do something different, or the same, or whatever.

I guess what I’m saying is that she needs to accept that it’s OK for her to not be “the only one,” she needs to accept that people might appreciate other female rappers more than her, and that’s OK. Like, you don’t see Beyonce subtweeting Rihanna or Normani or any of the other girls in her wake. Like, she’s gucci. She understands that what she has to offer is special enough that she doesn’t have to compare herself to other, younger stars.

Honestly, I feel like Nicki’s behavior is so disappointing because it’s the kind of shit that we as black women have to navigate in our own careers and lives. And it’s just not fun seeing someone give in to the pettiness. But I see that she’s human.

Julia: You being very nice. She also shouldn’t expect us to treat “Queen” like it is something on “Lemonade’s” level, which is what she’s doing. It’s odd that she doesn’t see how her, Cardi, Rico, BbyMutha, etc. can exist in the same space and serve vastly different purposes.

Like I can’t rage to Cardi but Rico?! I JUST WENT TO BENIHANA AND I’M SMOKING SHEETS AND FUNNEL. YOU A WANNABE, WHO WANNA BE, I’M ONLY BOUT THE COMMAS!

Different purposes. All dope.

Taryn: I agree with that, though, Zeba. Nicki doesn’t owe us shit, but she has to recognize the consequences of that at a time like this. I really enjoyed “Barbie Dreams” because she’ll sit there and namedrop rappers she either has or would like to fuck. Men do that all the time, so I’m here for any women who can flip that on its head. HOWEVER, I can’t sit there and listen to you talk say “how my pussy taste” for an entire album. Range is so important, and though Nicki is the best for now, her range is limited. Which means my patience for her bullshit is, too.

Zeba: It’s really eerie, by the way, how people sleep on Young M.A.

Taryn: People sleep on Young M.A because they can’t get past their internalized homophobia, but that’s a whole ’nother convo. Young M.A has bars and it’s a damn shame that people focus more on how she identifies than her music.

Julia: Boop. I also think she’s flailing under the consequences of her opening the door for other women rappers. These young lads exist in such concentration because Nicki opened doors for them to exist. But it’s like she wants to reign over them all instead of realizing that they’re her competition.

She’s basically Erik Killmonger.

Zeba: Except Killmonger was right.

Julia: bhdjabcedfghdgfhehf

Taryn: BRUH. LMAO. I really just want Nicki to sit there and eat her rice and leave us alone. You didn’t get the No. 1 album, you didn’t sell out shows off of said album and Beyoncé probably didn’t respond to your last text. That’s OK, girl. Go back in the lab and try again but leave Harriet Tubman out of it.

Taryn: INFjkerhufjerngwbr

ANGELA WEISS via Getty Images

Zeba: Is this three black women shitting on Nicki Minaj or is it an “Iyanla: Fix My Life” moment? I say the latter.

Taryn: I won’t disagree with that. I also need beloved to stop supporting vile ass men. You put a whole pedophile on your album and tour. I need to know what she’s smoking so I’m never in the vicinity. Like, whatever is in this… I don’t want it. Ever.

pic.twitter.com/mIgdK1n5Cc

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 26, 2018

Julia: All that smoke she won’t inhaling, Lord.

Zeba: What’s everyone’s favorite Nicki verse tho lol?

Taryn: “Monster.” Hands down. All her hottest verses are on other people’s tracks. Idk why but it is what it is.

Zeba: “Monster” is a given, yeah. I really do love “Want Some More” tho.

Taryn: “Want Some More” is for the birds (i.e. me).

Taryn: “Lookin Ass” was solid, too.

Zeba: TRUE. Damn. See, I’d much rather be talking about her music than about any of this other trash. But she did it to haself.

Julia: “Lookin Ass” was very solid. My fave is “Blazin’” off “Pink Friday.”

Taryn: It’s wild because she really would be rapping circles around anybody regardless of gender if she would just stop inviting drama into her iPhone.

Julia: How could it be lil’ me had the power to be the best B in the league? Yeah, inevitably. ― UGH. Why she do this to herself?! Now I’m listening to “Blazin’” and I’m sad.

I’m on a different type of high. Heroin. Put on my cape and hit the sky. Heroine.

Taryn: It’s shit like this that makes me forget how good she is.

Julia: Not gon’ lie. It hurt me when we found out she was the corny one after her and Meek split up. Before that, we didn’t know. Thought it was him. But, alas, Meek is out here campaigning for criminal justice reform and Nicki is doing this… whatever this is.

Taryn: We live in a world where Safaree goes high while Nicki goes low. I’m still confused about what the Lord is trying to tell me about 2018. Safaree literally told sis “no one else on your level acts like this.” How is Safaree making more sense than you, girl? I really need you to take one of those Eat, Pray, Love trips. Maybe to Prague, I know how you like it out there.

Julia: Eye think God is telling us to go home and eat some mangoes and mind our business.

YOU BITCHES CAN’T EVEN SPELL… TO FREEDOM

Taryn: I ain’t mad at that. *Takes a bite*

Zeba: All jokes aside, I really do think she’s important to the culture. And I really DO want her to win. BUT I ALSO WANT CARDI TO WIN #feminism.

Julia: I want Cardi to win and I want Nicki to leave Cardi the fuck alone.

Taryn: Really, cause I want Cardi and Kulture to whoop her ass. Stormi can get a lick in, too.

Julia: And you know Kulture can fight. Idk about Lil Stormi.

Zeba: To any Barbz who may be reading this: me no curr

Julia: I don’t give a whole fuck.

Taryn: I block Barbz because I have bills to pay and I don’t have time to be arguing with a whole bunch of teenagers.

Julia: I don’t argue with my man, much less a bunch of wayward churren.

Taryn: I like peace in my home and on my MacBook. I ain’t compromising that for a whole bunch of kids who still shit yellow. And them kids ain’t mine???? Please.

Julia: Who still shit yellow.

Taryn: Babies. People who don’t have bills to pay. Barbz.

Sean Zanni via Getty Images

Julia: Also, we haven’t talked about Wanna and what she did to her.

Taryn: Fuck Nicki Minaj for getting in her feelings and DMing Wanna off of a mild critique. You claim to be for women, then you go and do shit like that. Then when she screenshots your message, you go and get her fired from Karen Civil’s outlet. You’re fucked up. That’s not some queenly shit. That’s some ugly ass shit. I think that was the point when I told myself that I was completely off her ass.

Julia: That’s part one of what did it for me. Wanna’s critique was mild and incredibly valid. For Nicki to jump bad like that in the DMs and then allow her stans to attack Wanna for days? How do you call yourself a queen or a feminist when you’ve played such a significant role in blackballing another black woman over, as you yourself have said, “having balls” to say what’s on her mind? It was grossly hypocritical and it made my skin crawl.

Then I saw the videos of Remy Ma talking about how Nicki would threaten to not walk red carpets if Remy was invited. Nicki has shown herself to be a convenient, self-serving feminist. I just can’t rock with someone who does this to other black women simply because they can’t handle criticism.

Taryn: Literally alladat. It’s a damn shame because you want to root for her, but she forces your hand then calls it “hating” when people call her out. It’s dumb.

Julia: It’s a clusterfuck of Minaj-driven bullshit.

Zeba: And I mean, other than her music or her behavior toward other women, there are some really valid criticisms. For instance, her working with Takesinfk69. Although, to be fair, I wonder how many male rappers have received similar scrutiny for working with/praising abusive rappers.

Julia: Male rappers haven’t gotten nearly as much criticism for working with abusers, sadly. It’s always troublesome and disheartening regardless of who the rapper is (Kendrick saying he’d pull his music from Spotify over them yanking down XXXTentacion’s discography made me gag because I’m such a fan).

For Nicki, specifically, her working with Checkcashingplace94 bothers me because she’s a woman who has spoken out against child abuse in the past. Yet here she is working with someone who pleaded guilty to “use of a child in a sexual performance.” It’s maddening to see someone go from being outspoken on this issue to making a child abuser her tour’s opening act.

Zeba: Is this the price one has to pay for being “relevant?”

Julia: I want to say “no,” but truthfully I have no idea. Abusers dominate the industry so idk. Still, there’s many a black woman rapper she could have picked to work with or open her tour. So why him?

She’s yet to answer why she chose takemeouttotheballgame86 over, say, City Girls or Megan Thee Stallion or Maliibu Miitch or Cuban Doll. All of whom slap harder than iusetoomuchhairdye52.

Zeba: WELP. What did you think of her recent interview with Elle, in which she talked about the perils of thottin on the gram?

Julia: I just thought it was funny how she’s shaming women for, in a way, doing the same thing she’s been doing. There’s nothing wrong with showing your body. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to do sex work. But she made it into this weird, shame-y thing when she could have simply stuck to the consequences of selling sex appeal that she’s experienced within the industry. Instead she made it about women exchanging sex for coin, even though in her own way (with sex appeal and fantasy) she’s done that. Then she circled back and made it known that she’s “snobby” and not “easy.”

It made my ass itch, as Taryn would say.

Zeba: Yeah it was especially awkward given she had just dropped that track “Rich Sex.”

Taryn: Julia, you know why Nicki doesn’t put other women rappers on her tour. We all know why. Why she ― and anyone else for that matter ― decides to go out of her way to support admitted pedophiles, that’s still beyond me.

But what’s sad to me is that folks are quicker to write her off for clapping back at every mention of her name on Twitter than for putting her name next to Tamagotchi69’s, not only on a song, but on tour. The former will cause her to fall from grace quicker than the latter. That’s sickening. And it says a lot about the majority of hip-hop fans.

I just don’t see it for sis anymore. I don’t like her. And I’m fine with that. I just want her to leave us the hell alone.

Julia: I, specifically, want her to leave HuffPost alone. Imagine being the most influential rapper of the last decade and you’re coming at news orgs for writing straight news about you. Beyoncé would never.

Taryn: She had it on her heart, I guess. And Cocksucka of the Week ain’t a bad award, imo. I’m flattered.

Julia: I like dick so I’m OK with it. It’s just that the piece wasn’t even critical. It was a straight news write-up. There was no reporter-inserted criticism of her at all. It was a very standard piece. But, again, she can’t handle any negative press, even though there wouldn’t be any negative press if she wasn’t generating it. I mean, for God’s sake, you came for a 6-month-old baby.

Taryn: A fresh baby. That’s why I’m saying y’all can keep whatever that bitch is smoking. You made innocent people defend Kylie Jenner. How dare you, Nicholas!

Julia: People legit had to defend Kylie Jenner against a black woman. That’s unforgivable.

Taryn: I’ll never let her live that down tbh.

Julia: Then to accuse Travis Scott of boosting his album sales… Girl, yo album ain’t sell because, like you, it’s all over the damn place. The Barbz can keep her trending but they aren’t streaming the album or buying tour tickets. Clearly.

Taryn: Honestly, it’s OK for her to be mad about allegedly getting shitted on by Spotify and not getting the numbers she expected. It’s legitimately OK to be in your feelings over not winning. We all have been there. But at the end of the day, you’re still out here on top, girl. Stop acting like Azealia Banks. You kicking up shit on people who don’t deserve it and that’s not gonna change a damn thing. Besides, numbers and awards ain’t everything, nor are they an accurate reflection of cultural impact. If that really was the case, “Lemonade” would’ve won album of the year.

Julia: That. Part. Her comments about Spotify not blasting her album were 100 percent correct and valid. When “Scorpion” dropped, you saw Drake everywhere. It was insane. He was on every playlist, the album was splashed, etc. And Nicki should have gotten that same treatment, considering that she’s a higher-caliber rapper than he is.

But, alas, her validity was overshadowed by her accusing Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner and their kid of boosting sales.

This conversation has been edited.

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