#also whose fucking bright idea was it to have damn near everything either long holds OR double taps??

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Hey, Far Cry 6? It's real great how many accessibility options you have and how the intro menu has visibility impaired options active by default, but you know what's less cool? When they don't fucking work.

I had one of the motor options checked to make long presses into double taps, just because its marginally less annoying to use. Completely broke the stealth kill mechanic in what I assume is a glitch?? Suddenly I had a delay between buttin input and the attack happening so if the camera moved away slightly it went off as a normal melee attack and got me killed several times as a result. It also completely fucks up healing since long presses are switched off but double press switches weapons :))) it seemed almost entirely random wether it would actually trigger the heal animation or not

Like...yes. Good, more of this! But please god make sure it works

[fruitcoops]

Two of A Kind

I’ve been focusing on asks a lot lately because of everyone’s awesome ideas, but I saw a Cut video that was similar to this and just couldn’t resist. Hope you enjoy! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for mentions of sex and endless simping!

“Are you ready?” Marlene asks behind the camera. Kasey sits alone on a stool in the middle of the room, drumming his fingers on his knees.

“Yep. What am I doing again?”

The video cuts, revealing the same room, this time with James Potter on the stool. “You’re going to be answering a few questions,” Marlene explains. “And then we’re also going to be interviewing your wife and comparing your answers.”

“Oh, God,” James laughs. “Okay, hit me with your best shot.”

A title card appears on the screen. First Question: What was your first date?

Remus thinks for a moment. “Like, our first official date, or something that was definitely a date but we were both too dumb to notice?”

“Kasey took me to an ice rink,” Natalie says. She is inexplicably sitting on a folding chair rather than the stool. “We spent about three hours there, drinking cocoa and talking. It was a ton of fun!”

“Ice skating.” Kasey grins. “She told me she could skate, but she had never stepped on the ice in her life.”

“It was at Sid’s.” Sirius smiles to himself. “We had been together for about three months at that point.”

“Remus asked us to define ‘first date’,” Marlene says, sounding amused.

“Is there a different definition that I’m not aware of? We hung out at Sid’s a bunch before we actually got together, but those didn’t qualify as dates.” He pauses. “Looking back, they kind of were dates. We just didn’t know it.”

The video transitions to Lily and James, whose interviews are lined up side-by-side. “Lily took me to get ice cream after we went for a walk in the park,” James answers with a bright smile.

Lily laughs. “Our first date was a disaster. It was twenty-five degrees outside and we got ice cream. I think our brain freezes lasted about three straight minutes, but I had a great time.”

Second Question: When and where was your first kiss?

“Our first kiss happened on our first date,” Natalie says. “Kase caught me when I fell over and I just leaned right in.”

Kasey’s dopey smile makes his eyes crinkle. “At the ice rink. It felt like something out of a movie.”

Lily frowns in thought. “Oh, god, maybe our sixth date? He dropped me off at my apartment and kissed me goodnight.”

“I pulled a move straight from a John Hughes movie.” James grins and stretches his arms out. “Walked her to the door and everything. It was perfect.”

“Pascal Dumais’ basement,” Sirius says with a light laugh. “Which is a surprisingly romantic place.”

“It happened right after Sirius’ birthday party, which I was tricked into attending.” Remus gives the camera a mock-serious look. “Always be suspicious of Pascal Dumais. Always.”

Third Question: Who said ‘I love you’ first, and what was your reaction?

Sirius bites his lip. “I said it first, but only by two seconds. It was a long time coming, to be honest.”

“Sirius said it first.” Remus smiles at the memory. “We were both kind of wrecks at the time, but it was…amazing. I think I just cried harder and kissed him.”

Lily rolls her eyes fondly. “James said it first. We were both super drunk and he just blurted it out in the middle of the club.”

“She ran away!” James practically shouts as the video cuts to him. “I told her I loved her, she gave me this shocked look, and then disappeared! I get a text an hour later saying she caught a cab and went home, and she signs it with ‘love, Lily’. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?”

Natalie coughs slightly. “Um, I don’t remember who said it first.”

Kasey grins at the camera. “Natalie said she didn’t remember,” Marlene calls.

“Oh, she remembers.”

Fourth Question: How’s your sex life? Anything you can do differently?

Sirius, who was taking a sip of water, chokes. “Excuse me?”

Remus is dead silent for a second, blinking at the camera in shock. “It’s, uh, good.”

“If we gave you some alcohol, would your answer change?” Marlene asks.

“Probably. Does anyone else feel like they’re suddenly in danger?”

“What sex life?” James snorts. “We have a baby. There is no time or energy for anything anymore.”

Lily raises an eyebrow. “You think I want him anywhere near me after I just shoved a baby out of my crotch?”

“It’s damn good.” Natalie winks, uncapping her own waterbottle. “Pro tip for anyone looking for a hockey boyfriend: go for the goalies. They’re flexible.”

Kasey is laughing into his hands when his interview appears. “She said that?” he manages. “Oh, Christ.”

Fifth Question: Do you dirty talk?

“Yes.” Kasey and Natalie say at the same time. James winks, and Lily shrugs with a sly smile.

Remus gives the camera crew a disbelieving look. “Are all the questions like this? Were we lulled into a false sense of security?”

“Answer the question, Loops!”

Remus sighs deeply. “On occasion, yes. I’m going to regret saying that.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Sirius says, narrowing his eyes as he sets his water down.

Sixth Question: How well do you sleep?

“Not bad,” Remus says. “Better than I used to, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t sleep,” Lily scoffs. James just looks at the camera and wordlessly gestures to the shadows under his eyes.

“Pretty well,” Natalie muses, slinging one arm around the back of her folding chair.

Sirius nods. “I’d say I sleep well most nights. It’s more comfortable with another person, which was surprising.”

Seventh Question: Why do you feel obligated to share a bed?

“Obligated?” Sirius and Remus say with matching tones of incredulity.

Lily’s smile becomes softer. “I really like sharing a bed. It makes me feel safe.”

“Oh, I love sleeping next to Lily.” James’ gaze turns dreamy. “She smells nice, she’s so warm, and sharing a bed makes childcare much easier when the other person is within reach.”

“You can’t tell her I said this, okay?” Kasey looks around at the camera crew before answering, and his cheeks turn light pink. “Nat’s side of the bed faces east, so if I get up for practice and the sun is rising, she glows a little bit. I dunno, I like it.”

“Kasey is really warm and cuddly.” Natalie says after a moment of thought. “He’s like my own personal heater and I’m never cold if he’s there. Don’t tell him I said that.”

Remus bites his lip before speaking. “I’m not much of a cuddler, but I sleep better next to Sirius than I ever have before. It’s incredible.”

Sirius cocks his head to the side with a smile. “Hmm. Having someone there to hold, especially someone I care about so much, is the best feeling. If I ever wake up in the middle of the night, he’s just…always there.” He half-shrugs. “It’s sappy, but it’s true.”

Eighth Question: Rate your attractiveness on a scale of 1-10

“Eleven,” Lily and Natalie say in unison, as if it’s obvious.

“I’m going with a solid six,” Remus decides after a moment’s deliberation.

“Eight, maybe?” Kasey answers.

Sirius makes a face. “Six? Seven?”

James is mid-laugh when the video cuts to him. “Um, seven. Lily and I have talked about this before and I got in trouble for saying ten, that’s why I’m laughing. Sorry.”

Ninth Question: Rate your partner’s attractiveness on a scale of 1-10

Not a single one hesitates. “Ten.”

“Remus said he was a solid six,” Marlene says as the camera focuses on Sirius.

His eyebrows shoot up. “What? Where is he? Re!”

“What?” a distant voice shouts back.

“You’re a ten!”

“On what scale?”

“Nat said eleven, didn’t she?” Kasey asks with a grin as the clip changes. “I love it when she does that.”

Final Question: What animal is your partner and why? Give three reasons.

Lily gives Marlene a hard look. “Marley, I love you, but what I say right now needs to stay confidential from my husband.”

Sirius laughs quietly. “Oh, he’s going to hate me for this.”

“Lily is a lioness,” James says immediately. “She’s strong, fierce, and unbelievably brave.”

Natalie tilts her head. “Good question. I’m going to go with a bear, since he’s got a big, tough reputation but he’s all soft inside. He’s a pretty solid guy, too, and he likes cold weather.”

“Nat is one of those really colorful birds,” Kasey says. “The ones with big personalities and the pretty feathers.”

“James is a lion.” Lily thinks for a moment longer. “It’s not just that he plays for the Lions, but he really is one of the bravest people I know. He’s protective of his family and cares a lot about keeping everyone together.”

Remus grins at the camera. “Sirius is a dog, and I will happily tell you why. Number one: he loves going for walks. Number two: he is endlessly loyal to the people he cares for. Number three: peanut butter.”

“So, Re is either a cat or a dog, and I really can’t choose.” Sirius’ eyebrows draw together in thought.

“You can choose both if you have reasons,” Marlene calls behind the camera.

“Really? Alright, he’s a dog because he’s friendly, loyal, and brings people trinkets as gifts. Um, I don’t have a legitimate reason for the cat one, but do any of you know that one vine with the cat that’s being dragged around on a leash?”

The camera crew bursts out laughing, and a small picture of the cat appears in the upper left of the screen.

“Anyone who has tried to pick Remus up knows that he looks exactly like that. Goes completely limp, it’s the funniest fucking thing.”

The video cuts to Remus, who raises his eyebrows. “He said what?”

The title card appears and Marlene’s voiceover begins. “Thanks for watching, Lions! Special thanks to Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James and Lily Potter, Natalie Darcy, and Kasey Winter for being with us today. Like and subscribe for more!”

[whumpbby]

smells-like-ink-and-fire replied to your post “<p>Australian instinct not to touch octopuses is warring with the urge...”

Oh to see Bruce's reaction. I'm sensing a mild heart attack

Bruce certainly had a mild stroke. 

He was just about ready to go back to his quarters for the night, filling out the last bits of paperwork, gathering his empty coffee mugs (Alfred always shook his head at B whenever the mugs started to pile up) and feeling every bot of his age... when the noise from the corridor drew his attention a moment before the door to his office burst open to reveal a red-faced intern begging Bruce to come down to the bay quick, please, you have to see this!!! 

So, prepared for everything, Bruce followed  the intern at a run, because the last time they’ve had this sort of commotion, the big holding tank was cracking and they needed to act fast. 

However, when he stepped into the bay - a part of the centre open to the ocean, with a ramp leading into the water - he stopped and for a few good blinks didn’t know what he was looking at. There was Dick, because of course Dick was in the centre of whatever was happening, and there was Tim who was screaming something at him, and there were a dozen of the staff positioned away from the water, staring at Dick who was trying to haul a body up the ramp... a mer body. A excessively bleeding mer body. 

And then Bruce’s brain decided to finally notice that what he thought was a trail of blood, was in fact the rest of the body of the creature - not a mer, not even close. 

His first reaction wasn’t helpful at all. 

“Dick, what the hell are you doing?!” 

Wasn’t his proudest moment, that. Dick ignored it, thankfully. 

“B, help me! He’s wounded and I need...!” He tripped and fell into the water along with the octomer, both slipping back down the ramp. “Fuck! Tim, come on, help me!” 

“Don’t come near it!” Bruce ordered. 

“B, come on! He’s hurt!” 

God, that’s what he got for adopting the bright, friendly kid eighteen years ago - he couldn’t be the dad whose children brought home stray kittens or puppies, could he? No, his son brought them a goddamn eldritch beast. 

“Leave it in the water,” Bruce spoke over the raising noise, toeing his shoes off and walking into the water. “We don’t know if it cans survive out of it. We’ll use floating stretchers to support it. Tim, get me the first aid box. Julia, send a message to Clark, we need his expertise!” 

Together with Dick, they’ve hauled the octomer onto the floating frame until the creature was stable and they could look at the wound. It was surprisingly docile, probably due to blood loss, it was just staring ahead and twitching weakly when touched. And there was an octopus wound around its neck. 

“What the hell? Is that...?”

“Yep,” Dick answered. “I’m about 99% sure it’s Robin. And call me crazy, but I am also pretty sure it was the one to bring the big guy here.”

“Why would it do that?”

“Dunno, but we’ve helped the little fella, right? It probably thought we can help the big one, too.”

That was quite crazy, yes, but Bruce’s closest friend had fins and a tail, so he wasn’t in a place to doubt possible intentions of an octopus. When it was all over, he was going to have a drink and a bit of a breakdown, because here he was, handling a damn cryptid that might have, or might have not, bee the one who saved his son’s life a few months ago... 

The cryptid had to take priority. The wound on it’s side was deep and gory, as if something took a chunk out of it with its teeth. A shark? Possibly. Couldn’t have been a big one, the wound was too narrow. And a shark that small would be surely dealt with before it got a chance to attack...

Bruce carefully touched the octo’s mouth and pushed its lips apart to see two rows of nightmare-fuel teeth.

“What are you doing?” Dick was confused. 

“Doesn’t look like a shark bite.” Bruce, always on the case, mused. “In-fighting?” Usual mer were omnivores, but they didn’t have a habit of taking chunks out of each other. However, if there was another octomer in the area... 

“Territorial dispute, you think?” 

“Maybe.”

By that time Tim had returned with the first aid kit and got to work at tending the wound. Tim was their first-aider when it came to mer, because his marine research partner was a reckless brat that tended to appear in the centre with a wound of some sort more often than not. Tim had experience with sewing up tails. 

“This is so creepy,” the young man in question muttered while threading a needle. “The skin texture is... it feels like skin. If I faint, don’t let me drown.”

“Don’t worry Timmy.”

Of course, they didn’t forget that they were dealing with a wild and unpredictable creature. The octomer was strapped to the raft and Bruce had an eye on his movements, he also got two researchers to stand close by with tranq guns in case they were needed. He also had another technician film the whole encounter, because research. When Tim was sewing whatever he could of the wound, Bruce took some samples - a bit of a flesh hanging from the wound, a lock of hair, a saliva swab...

“B, really?”

“The more we know, the better prepared we’ll be when something goes wrong, Dick. How are the vitals?”

They really didn’t have a baseline for it, but the mammal-like mer weren’t that different from humans when it came to the basics, so they could only hope the octomer were similar in that respect - this one had nipples and a bellybutton, so the’re probably was a connection with mammals somewhere down its genetic tree...

“Heartbeat’s weak, but stable for now.” Dick recited with a worried frown. “We could try a transfusion, but...”

But they didn’t have a clue what kind of blood wouldn’t make the matters worse. Only after the samples were processed, they’ll know for sure. The octomer was somewhat conscious, because it kept shifting under their hands, the arms underwater were twisting around themselves inside of the net spun around them - either from pain or fear. Bruce considered sedation, but discarded the idea, as long as it moved they knew it was alive and not crashing. 

Another tense half an hour passed with no one knowing what to actually do, but not wanting to leave the bay in case something happened. Bruce grilled Dick on the details of the situation that led them there while Tim worked quietly and the technicians took notes and the red-bellied octopus was swimming around them in a manner that could only be called fretful. 

At a point Dick reached for it and it wound around his free hand. “It’s okay, kid, he’s going to be okay,” he spoke softly to the animal. “You did good bringing him here, he’ll get help.” 

Bruce bit down on a smile tingling in the corners of his lips, because he loved his son with all he had and this was one of the reasons why. The boy was kind to every creature than needed it, regardless if it understood or not.

And he had a strange feeling that Robin somehow did understand. 

[alfredosauce50]

Who’s the bad guy? (2p + 1p America x reader) 15

Wordcount: 2,212 The reader is referred to as she/her

For a get-together between four people to come up with an intricately-thought out plan that dragged on into the small hours, it was not even that good in Allen's opinion.  Nothing but a table lamp illuminated the interior of the house, but that was no big deal for all the souls under that roof were huddled together in the living room. Tens and tens of ideas and strategies were scrapped, tweaked and polished until it all came down to this. Alfred had suggested doing a team up with the NYPD for backup, to where Happy agreed to with no objection at all. Allen and Flavio, on the other hand, were not so keen on this idea. 

"What did I say about getting the police involved with our business, Alfred?" The redhead murmured with a click of the tongue. "I'm not on the best terms with them and Flavio sure as hell ain't either because of his shithead of a brother. I don't wanna repeat this anymore." His voice was husky and low with vexation as he addressed the small group huddled around the coffee table. A soft hum of agreement was heard from the blonde just next to him whose arms were wrapped around his knees buried in his chest. 

"Yep. I don't want to be rounded up for questioning because of my brother. So telling the po po about this is an absolute no no." He added, causing the men sitting opposite to exchange looks. The one with blood-stained bandages returned his visage to the rest and leaned forward in a hunch. Lines of white coiled around his shoulder and chest, and the pristine condition of them all was ruined by bright red blotches seeping into the material from underneath. His brows lowered in a small frown and so did his eyes. What were they to do without the support? They needed all the help they could get; no longer would they be afraid of being outnumbered if the whole department was there with them, but being outgunned would forever be a problem. How else were Luciano and the empire he built able to survive so long engaging in the most heinous crimes? His name was on the very top of the list of FBI's most wanted, and yet, nobody had even scored something as pathetic and significant as a single lead. Not the feds. Not anyone. All except for a few well-informed inhabitants of New York City. Alfred's eyes flew open and lit up. "Yo... I just came up with the best fucking idea ever." He finally broke the silence and he scanned the faces with a mischievous grin that practically screamed you-are-never-going-to-guess-what-I-came-up-with. "Let's go and consult with the police! We can threaten them with the knowledge we have about Luciano and his gang," His cousin clicked his fingers. "And we give them a couple of conditions to follow before we give it to them. Alfred, you actually suggested something smart for once." Happy let out a small laugh. "Yeah, that idea isn't half-bad!" Said man narrowed his eyes at his cousin. "Hey! That's not nice!" "Since when was I nice to you?" "... Touché. But things have improved, I guess." Alfred shrugged. The other just sat there and made no response. He was taken aback by what he said, but he was not wrong. "Anyway, let's not run off on a tangent. So our plan to get the police to help us is to bribe them with information on the most wanted cartel they never could get their hands on. Then we give them a few rules to follow that'll work in our-" He dragged the last word on for a while and let it change into something else. "-your advantage. Flavio's too." "-And we also tell them to drop all of my criminal charges." Allen added. An awkward silence ensued, but it was broken by a few coughs. Before then, Flavio and Happy had their brows raised at him. Alfred's lips stretched into a thin line after the coughing ceased. "Okay... I'm not even gonna ask." It was unexpected for him to leave the conversation there, and yet it wasn't. The redhead eyed him with an incredulous look and fixated his visage on him for a while as if he expected those lips to move again along with his sharp tongue. Knowing him, he would be up his ass by now with a few insults thrown here and there about his questionable background. But this time, he heard nothing but a statement indicating his intention to continue moving forward with a change of subject. It was nice, actually. Weird too. An unprecedented event it was, for he never anticipated himself to ever experience feelings of gratitude towards his cousin. Allen folded his arms together and darted his eyes away to the rest. "Great. So that's solved." He murmured. He too, leaned forward in a hunch when his mind floated off to the other details of their skeleton of a plan. "Wait." Everyone returned their attention to him. Rubbing his chin with an index finger and thumb, he glided his tongue over his bottom lip. "How are we supposed to get the police to help us without... Making it obvious that the police are helping us? You know how the whole world knows when the cops pull up with their bright-ass lights?" A hum rumbled from Alfred's throat and he nodded. "I see where you're coming from. Their uniforms also give it away." "Exactly. They can't just suddenly crash the place, cuz that little piece of shit has eyes and ears everywhere. They'll disappear down the friggin' sewer before we can infiltrate the damn place." His cousin pointed at him with a million dollar smile. "I just had another epiphany." He mumbled, sounding as though he was biting back an explosion of obnoxious laughter. "Disguises, dude. Undercover cops! We'll have em all waiting around outside in the cafes and stores and shit. They'll look like normal citizens, but nahh-" Shooting up on the spot, he pulled out an imaginary gun from under his imaginary clothes and fired it a few times at the door. "Bang, bang, bang! Put your hands up in the air where I can see them!" Happy knitted his brows together and gawked at him with disbelief. It was understandable that he was being paid a six-digit salary to protect a big shot like him, but seriously? He'd rather risk his life for the president. "Alfred-" He hissed. "Just- just- sit down." The other let out a disappointed whine and sat back down. "What? Was my idea bad?" "No. I just want you to act your age." He responded. Alfred felt his eye twitch. "I don't wanna act like an old fart like you!" "The fuck did you say?" Happy growled. "I'm not old! I'm only a few years older than you, you manbaby!" "Well, it sure looks like a whole lot more than that!" As the two bickered on, Allen pulled the butcher's paper splayed out on the glass surface closer to himself and popped off the cap of a pen. Letting the nib glide across the sheet quickly, he wrote a few dot points that really looked like a few squiggles. The figure with a baby pink scarf coiled around his neck leaned over to watch him work his magic with illegible writing. "Whatcha writing?" "Everything we just said." He grumbled, drilling his scorching gaze at the two men wrestling each other on his carpet. A vein was popping around his neck as he bit back all the anger he had lodged in his throat. Even at a crucial time like this when your whereabouts and fate were unknown, they still had the audacity to argue about their insecurities, and it made his blood boil. "Because right now, Alfred and Happy aren't contributing." Allen rose his voice sharply when their names rolled off his tongue. The two stopped what they were doing and sat up at the mention of their names. When they caught the hint of death glinting in those dangerous scarlet eyes glaring at them, they paled like they had just seen a ghost. And If they did not cooperate with him, a ghost was what they were going to become. Allen set his pen down without breaking away from their intense stare down. That way, he would know if they were listening or not. "According to Flavio, Luciano's next auction is going to be held in two days at the Four Seasons Hotel. We're going to one of the police departments tomorrow to get them to join us. Together, we'll solidify a plan." He needed to ask Flavio a few times if he was sure that the venue for the auction was correct. It was just too close to them that it was suspicious. It was as if Luciano wanted them to come to him. Usually, they would take place in other cities- different states even, like Las Vegas. Thankfully, there was no need to fly across the United States just to get to The Bellagio. All they needed was a short car ride to Manhattan, to the same godforsaken site where you were taken in the first place. *** The moment the group stepped into the police department, all eyes were on them. Mixed reactions were stirred, ranging from awe to disgust depending on who you were gawking at. Striding down the halls were a billionaire, his bodyguard, a fugitive, and a guy who liked fashion. Making their way past a wall displaying New York's most wanted, Allen pointed at one of the men and joked that he looked like Alfred. "Hey! This 11201 motherfucker looks just like you! He looks more like you than you do!" They were not given the warmest welcome per se, for the figure in the bomber jacket was shoved to a wall shortly after teasing his cousin. His face collided with the cold harsh surface and he let out a painful grunt as his skin began to sting. A dent was already made by the strong impact of his head making contact with the wall. A burly man standing at about 6 feet tall had appeared out of nowhere to hold him there against the wall. Letting his piercing icy blue eyes search those red ones, he neared his face with a patronizing glare. "You've got guts walking in here, Allen." Before any of them could explain themselves, Alfred walked up to them with a smirk. "Karma got right back at ya." With invaluable knowledge on Luciano's cartel delivered straight to their door, it was impossible to keep it closed. Even if they needed to be convinced to accept some of the conditions, it all worked out in the end. Now, everyone was on the same page with the same goal in mind-- to seize an illegal auction, save a hostage and arrest the mastermind behind it all. *** Restaurants and eateries that lined the street were swarmed with hungry patrons whose mouths all watered for a delicious lunch. For those who already ate, retailers and boutiques called for all the shopaholics to enter them with their inviting display of high-end goods. And outside those establishments was the bustle of life, people walking and talking with friends and family to fill the air with the hum of lively chatter. To be frank, the sheer number of those there in that particular street was unbelievably high, especially for a working day. But what was the reason for the influx of people? Half of those in the cafes were not even intending to eat anything. Two-thirds of those browsing in the shops never touched their wallets. Instead, their eyes kept darting to the entrance of a five-star hotel. Those who were situated at much closer proximity were noting down the faces and appearances of guests stepping out of the polished cars and limousines that pulled up in the driveway. Comparing to what they were all wearing, the onlookers of what looked like a party or convention were pathetic. The women adorned themselves in beautiful dresses flowing like fabric waterfalls, and on top of that, they decorated their necks, wrists, and ears with priceless jewelry that glimmered under the sun. Their male counterparts did not fall far behind either. Although they were less flamboyant than their partners, their tuxedos were just as dashing. A man with choppy blonde hair continued to flicker his bright green irises to the esteemed guests stepping out of their vehicles, but when he spotted a young woman that fit a certain description nailed into his brain through the art of repetition, he reached up to scratch his ear. Or at least, it looked like he was scratching his ear. "Hostage sighted. She's wearing a black knee-length dress with spaghetti straps. She just entered the hotel with a man... Dark auburn hair and weird looking eyes. Standing at about five foot seven. Wait..." The revelation pierced through his body like an arrow. Clamping a hand over his mouth as he gagged into it, he swallowed down his lunch he had consumed around an hour ago. "Fuck me." He whispered, never tearing his dumbfounded expression away from the man. "It's Lucky Luciano."

[hrrytomlinson]

hiiii, here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of february. I recommend that you read these great fics in march, if you haven’t already. there are SO many good and unique AUs this round, so please check them out!!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Saved Tonight (30k)**

Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.

2. Too Real to Fake It (82k)*

With seven years of blissful marriage behind them and four wonderfully unique kids to brag about, Harry and Louis seem to finally have life all figured out and under control. How much more real could it get?

Very real it turns out, when Harry reluctantly leaves home for a 5 day business trip leaving Louis to manage their rambunctious, hyperactive household. Do they really have it all under control or are they just faking it?

Featuring all the usual suspects, inside jokes, embarrassing moments and of course, Harry and Louis' wild antics + the addition of their four equally wild and outrageous kids.

3. When You Look Like That (16k)*

“You�� you still have the dress form I got you for your eighteenth birthday? You've kept it for ten years, Harry?” Louis’ eyes flick around Harry’s studio. It’s big and modern, with floor to ceiling windows that help flood the room in bright sunlight, just like the lobby. However, he can't stop staring at the faded, but present, heart surrounding the “H + L” written delicately in Louis’ handwriting in the center of the mannequin.

Louis is a songwriter who is nominated for a Grammy and he needs a suit. Fast. He seeks out help from a very popular, very mysterious designer who just so happens to be his ex-boyfriend.

4. Dress You Up In My Love (103k)**

Harry is single, and more than anything wants to find love. Agreeing to sign up to a dating website was a bad, bad idea. Niall's bad, bad idea. Louis is single, but has no interest in relationships. Or so he tells himself. 

Harry is a lawyer whose boss, Nick, happens to give him a bonus, which he decides to splurge on a new work wardrobe. Louis is a frustrated designer, working as a personal shopper at Selfridges. Louis happens to be working on the day a very beautiful, but out of his depth, new customer ambles into their department in need of advice. Louis might have just found the muse he never knew he was looking for.

5. Of Honey (24k)*

Harry wants what most hybrids don’t have. Love, for instance. Companionship. Understanding. And sex so good it hurts.

6. If You Keep Holding Me This Way (22k)**

Harry is a uni student who just so happens to enjoy dressing up as a long-haired androgynous sub persona to go out to bars and pick up men to dominate him. He tries to keep his BDSM life and his personal one separated, but that gets difficult when his crush on a classmate gets serious and his two worlds collide.

7. Then We Talk Slow (20k)**

The picture showed Harry smiling widely (with a fucking dimple) at the camera, his glossy brown curls situated artfully around his shoulders. Louis couldn’t see his whole outfit, but it seemed to consist of a pink, floral button-up with most of the buttons undone. Louis could also detect the dark outlines of tattoos on his chest, although he couldn’t quite make out what they were underneath the shirt.

What he could make out was that his own heartrate seemed to have picked up significantly.

Shit.

This was so not good. Not only had Louis drunkenly sent messages in a deliberate attempt to interact with this man, he was now insanely attracted to him without ever having met him in person.

Maybe Liam was right – drunk tweeting really was a horrible, rotten idea.

A famous/non-famous AU in which Louis banters back and forth with his new record company on Twitter, only to find out that Harry is the man behind the tweets.

8. Love Endless (The Road to Recollection) (171k)**

The year is groovy 1973, and eighteen-year-old Louis Tomlinson is as gay as the rainbows that never waste their time in gloomy ole' Fortwright. Would be fine if he wasn't so viciously bullied at both home and school for such a "harmful" sexual preference.

Yeah, yeah, we've all heard this story, haven't we?

Believe him, Louis didn't think he was anything special either.

Until he found the mansion. The notoriously haunted mansion hidden deep within the forests of his tiny blip of a town in Bumfuck Nowhere, Idaho. No one with a brain ever goes near it, but Louis could use a little excitement in his life...and possibly a Band-Aid or two.

After discovering the mansion was less abandoned than he'd thought, he's now left with the most riveting mystery of a lifetime; every new finding leaving him with more questions. Who is this elusive owner, and why won't they show themselves? Why is there a set of journals in the same handwriting that span over centuries? Why in the world is there a padlock on the refrigerator...and who the hell is Alexander?

9. Dance Me (to the End of Love) (19k)*

You would think that it's a simple process - you meet, you fall in love, you get married. But when you add one lawyer and one overly-competitive high school teacher to that equation, it's no longer a straight line from beginning to end. Or the story of how a simple proposal becomes a competition where no one loses in the end.

10. For a Spell That Can’t be Broken (8k)

“Why do you have to bug him so much, Lou?” Niall asked, chewing on the sleeve of his Gryffindor robes. “He’s a good kid.”

“I’m aware of that,” Louis argued petulantly.

“Are you sure?” Niall asked, his expression sincerely concerned.

“Don’t mind him,” Zayn spoke up. “Louis’ just got a weird fetish for tormenting boys he likes.”

Or a Harry Potter AU where Louis' got a secret crush on Harry and won't admit it until a late entrance into potions class outs him.

11. Cocoons and Crow’s Nests (10k)*

Harry is happy to live his life in the confines of his Cocoon. Louis specializes in breaking down barriers.

It's a young love, coming of age Larry Stylinson one shot.

12. Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield (20k)*

Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand.

As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

13. Record Your Fate (and Write Me In) (13k)*

Harry is the Archivist, it's his job to record what happens in the universe.

He's only a few days into the job when things take an odd turn.

Suddenly, the small blue eyed boy seems more important than writing about crowning dignitaries.

14. Tangled Up in You (45k)

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

15. This Ain't Just a Thing That You Give Up (34k)

Harry turned to Liam to whisper something about not being in Kansas anymore but his best friend was frozen to his spot with a look of complete disbelief on his face. Harry looked to his right, the direction Liam seemed to be focused on, and saw a small group of people who had paused their discussion to look towards him in confusion.

A small group including Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson.

Harry is fairly sure his jaw actually dropped.

"Li, is that...?"

Liam nods his head emphatically. "I'm about 110% sure that yes. It is."

Or… The one where Harry is a baker in addition to being a college student who just happens to meet the crazy famous Louis Tomlinson while on spring break. Featuring personal assistant!niall, roommate and best friend!liam, and costar/model!zayn.

16. Resist Everything Except Temptation (100k)**

The lethargic sound of heels clicking against wood resonated across the sea. Footsteps descended the staircase, every assured step creating a menacing aura as it grew closer. Perspiration gathered along Louis’ palms as the rhythmic sound halted in front of him.

There was a metallic slide of a sword being pulled out of its sheath, the sound startling Louis out of his cocoon of sterile shock. His shoulders jumped as the tip of a blade flattened underneath his jaw. Louis’ distorted reflection stared back at him in the polished metal. Engraved rose petals twisted his appearance as they crawled up the length of the sword. The sword lifted and took Louis’ chin with it.

Standing in front of Louis was Captain Styles.

OR The one where Louis is the commodore's son who is forced to become a part of Harry's crew when he is captured.

17. Far Afield (11k)**

Harry Styles is a witch who owns the best flower shop in Manchester. Lottie Tomlinson is planning her wedding, and brings her brother along to her first appointment. Both men have been having a bad day and sparks fly.

18. You’re Either In Or You’re Out (12k)

Louis' tone is maybe a bit harsher than necessary, but he still stinging from the suggestion that he was staring at Harry. Sure, the way his legs are encased in those skinny jeans is mildly intriguing. But Louis is here to be the next Top Designer, and he'll be damned if he lets a pretty boy with a sinful mouth get in the way of his dream. Especially if that sinful mouth is spewing phrases like bohemian pantsuit. Honestly.

Or the one where Louis tries out for Project Runway, Harry is his stupidly gorgeous competitor, Liam is Tim Gunn, Zayn is the supermodel host, and Niall is the guest judge who knows nothing about fashion.

19. These Bountiful Silences (123k)**

They live in a world where they can only say four words per day. Harry meets some people that don't want to live that way.

20. Kiss the Boys (8k)

“Being able to blatantly kiss pretty boys out in the open is my favorite part of Pride,” Harry says without preamble, leaning into Louis’ space, inviting pink lips quirking up as they get closer to him. “You up for it?”

“Um,” Louis glances at Zayn for help. He’d thought for sure after the way he’d just seen Zayn and Harry kissing, there had to be something more going on there. The last thing Louis expects to see on Zayn’s face is a knowing grin.

Harry leans closer and for a split-second, Louis wants to meet him halfway but then he thinks better of it. He doesn’t know the landscape here and in just a couple of weeks living with him, he’s already learned that Zayn is really bad about holding his feelings in. He doesn’t want to risk stepping on the toes of his closest friend here at Uni. So, at the last second, Louis raises his empty hand and covers Harry’s mouth before the boy can complete his mission.

“Sorry, Curly,” Louis says jokingly, “I just don’t know where that mouth has been.”

21. Manhattan From The Sky (47k)**

Harry's been raised to know that successful men do not fall in love. Louis believes that love is all you need to be successful in life. They meet.