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wheelhousehockey-blog1 · 6 years ago

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The League's most entertaining players

FAN SUBMISSION

By Joseph Yanarella

The NHL had seemingly been run by Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin for the better part of almost a decade until Connor McDavid entered the league in 2015 and played his way into – and has since taken over – the discussion of the league’s best player. With Crosby and Ovechkin heading into the back-nine of their illustrious careers, and some others entering their primes, several new names have entered the discussion, like Auston Matthews and Nathan MacKinnon. We can debate their accolades until the cows come home, and people will. Everyone (including the fine folks here at Wheel House Hockey) breaks down who they see as the top players. That’s not what this list is meant to accomplish, not the question I’m asking. Envision this: You’re taking a friend to their first hockey game. They may have seen some highlights or followed their team’s place in the standings, but their hockey knowledge is largely lacking. Who would you be excited to show them? Who do you expect to make a play, steal their attention, make them grab your arm and ask “who’s that?!” Please note, again, this is not a list based on point production or CORSI or anything like that. It’s simply a list of players who make you say “wow” every time you watch, tentatively ranked. 1. Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals Ovi scores goals. Lots of goals. Goals are the objective of the game, and loud horns and music play after they’re scored. That’s all exciting, so who’s more exciting than the guy who always scores? Nobody, but the goals aren’t all that makes him so much fun to watch. Part of that is what he does after he scores, how hard he celebrates. He doesn’t do the flappy bird, lasso cattle, or go for a swim, but the genuine smile and intensity with which he pumps his fist show he hasn’t lost the child-like love for the game that helped make the 8 so great. When he’s not disregarding goaltenders, he’s throwing his body around, making sweet passes, and being just pesky enough to get under the other team’s skin. Watching Ovechkin grab the Stanley Cup was a moment that encapsulated his warrior-like desire to be the best at the game he loves so much. The goals are great, but his affection for the game and how he displays it are what puts him atop this list. 2. Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers To be fair, even your hockey-illiterate friend probably knows who Connor McDavid is, and already knows he’s special. But to truly appreciate him, the slick pass and great goal highlights don’t do him proper justice. One of his most valuable assets, his skating, is literally jaw-dropping to see in person. He could take five strides and be at the other end of the rink. Add this to the fact that the puck sticks to him like glue even at mach-5 speeds, and his cerebral vision, and you have an offensive force unlike any other. McDavid demands the attention of the fans and the other team the second his blades hit the ice; he can do something special no matter where he’s at. Plenty of guys can skate fast, dangle, or score. Not many can give you the whole package and make it seem so effortless like McDavid does. 3. Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins Okay, yes, your friend probably knows who Sidney Crosby is as well, and chances are they don’t like him very much. But they can’t deny how much fun he is to watch. While McDavid is Lemeuix-like in that he’s always dangerous, Crosby is Gretzky-like in that he makes everyone around him more dangerous. His vision and hockey sense are what makes him so special, part of what makes him so fun to watch. He’ll find his winger across the crease with a backhand pass that looks like it went through four bodies. He’ll win a battle down low, turn, and find a streaking defenseman right on the tape. He’ll draw up a faceoff play for his teammates that will end up scoring the overtime winner. He’ll do all this while possessing the game’s best back-handed shot and elite defensive acumen. He creates plays out of nothing better than anybody. He may not be your favorite player, but you can’t deny watching him do things like this is wildly exciting. 4. Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks In a mold similar to Connor McDavid, Kane is a small, fast, electrifying forward. He does it all with incredible ease, and is a rare talent who can score from anywhere. He’ll venture to the blue paint for a tip-in or let loose a nasty wrister, it’s all the same to him because he just knows how to score. Recently, he’s developed a great knack for making plays and his assists and highlight-reel passes have increased with his sense and vision. Like a lot of others on this list, Kane’s skating is part of what makes him fun to watch. It’s not necessarily speed, but the fluidity with which he moves while dangling the puck with surgeon-like precision that makes you say wow. Watching him trade goals, and celebrations, with another one of the league’s top talents (and another member of this list) is always great fun as well. 5. Artemi Panarin, Columbus Blue Jackets Pretty much everything in the description for Kane fits Panarin as well. Fluid skater? Absolutely. Nasty dangles? You betcha. Scoring machine? You know it. I’ve had the pleasure - or displeasure, when it’s been my team on a few occasions - of watching him weave his way through an entire defense, let loose a wrister and basically take control of a game by himself. He’s almost his own entity out there, but he can make great plays from anywhere on the ice and so it just works. He’s always been visible even though he’s played in systems in Chicago and Columbus that don’t necessarily put his skills in the limelight. Add in arguably the league’s best nickname, and inarguably the league’s best backstory and you’ve got the total package. 6. Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins Malkin is a bit of a physical unicorn, a stalky, 6’3” forward who gallops down the ice and skate as fluidly as anybody. He’s got some great handles and a premier one-timer to go with his God-given gifts as well. Geno plays an entertaining game with a huge edge. He’s not afraid to show his frustration. That alone doesn’t make him special, but how he plays when he’s mad does: he seemingly has another gear when a call doesn’t go his way or a gaffe of his costs his team. The best way to describe this? I took a friend - no, he’s not hockey illiterate like your hypothetical friend - to a game a couple years back, and the Pens were trailing 3-0 in the first with nothing going their way. Malkin didn’t get a call on an obvious trip, and he was visibly heated. I turned to my friend and said “Watch out, Geno’s pissed”, eliciting a scoff in response. He ended up with three points, his goal coming on a play where he undressed the entire opposition and my friend turned to me and asked “how did he just do that?” I just told him he’s been doing it for a while now. 7. Nathan MacKinnon, Colorado Avalanche One of the few people in the world who can challenge McDavid’s speed, MacKinnon is immense fun to watch for that alone, but he’s got other reasons. He’s sort of a combination of the things that makes McDavid and Crosby fun: his speed and ability to slow a play down with his cerebral vision. Like a lot of others on this list, MacKinnon sees plays happening before they’re happening, and makes a lot of special passes because of it. He’s tremendous at entering the zone and allowing the play to develop, cradling the puck while he acts as a quarterback of sorts for arguably the league’s best line. It’s not always the goals or highlight reel passes that make him so special, but the ease with which he does it. He’s always been a great player, but the authority with which he assumed the number-one role in Colorado has everyone taking notice, and rightfully so. 8. Brent Burns, San Jose Sharks Burns is the only defenseman on the list, and he used to play forward. This may not be fair, but offense is what’s been driving the new era of the league and he brings plenty. I’ll concede that his defense lacks at times, but he’s wildly entertaining to watch when he’s attacking. On the power play, he’s cannoning one-timers to the net, often scoring or setting off skirmishes. He’s never scared to pinch, and often looks like a fourth forward doing so, swopping behind the net to take over the zone and make a play. He picks up a lot of his points on rebounds, but his passing shouldn’t be underrated, nor should his convincing fakes that open opportunities. He’s not the fastest skater, but he has the agility and handles to make “wow” plays. Defense be damned, Burns is fun to watch. 9. Auston Matthews, Toronto Maple Leafs As I said earlier, goals are fun and by association, so are the players who score lots. Matthews fits this mold. His release is incredible, Sakic-like on the forehand and Crosby-like on the backhand. He only needs the puck for a second to put himself in a position to beat the goalie, and he does it from everywhere. He’s almost like an elite wide receiver in the sense that he has such great body control and can not only score from anywhere on the ice, but from less-than-optimal positions. A great skater and playmaker, and even better shooter, Matthews demands everyone’s attention when he’s out there. He started his career with one of the best efforts the league has ever seen from a rookie, and hasn’t slowed down since. 10. Matthew Tkachuk, Calgary Flames If you’ve learned anything from this list, it’s that offense often drives entertainment value, and Tkachuk knows how to put points on the board. He also loves to throw his big body around and make his presence known that way. You can also pencil me in as someone who loves instigators, and there may be none better than Tkachuk. Since day one, he’s been making use of the Tkachuk-gene that makes his family far better than average at being a pest on the ice. It’s not always a big hit, sometimes a snarky chirp and a smirk is enough to let him under your skin. If instigating were enough to get spots on this list, guys like Ryan Kesler, Ryan Reaves, and Patric Hornqvist could be here as well. But Tkachuk brings that edge and all the skill necessary to back it up, putting him in a league of his own, at least among instigators and entertainers. Honorable Mentions: Kris Letang, Pittsburgh Penguins; David Pastrňák, Boston Bruins; Johnny Gaudreau, Calgary Flames; Nikita Kucherov, Tampa Bay Lightning; Alexander Barkov, Florida Panthers

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: Jonathan Drouin – The Canadiens may still be on the outside of the playoff race, but at least their best players always remember to make sure they have blades in their skates. Well, almost always.

The second star: Ryan Hartman being a jerk – Remember when you were in grade school and you'd fake-punch other kids and then laugh if they flinched? Hartman still does that. But this time he did it to Corey Perry, so it's OK.

The first star: Dave Elston – You may not know the name, but you should. Elston is the legendary cartoonist whose NHL work was some of the only reliable hockey humor produced for much of the 80s, 90s, and beyond. He recently joined Twitter, where's he's been releasing old cartoons from his archives. He's must-follow for hockey fans, even new ones who may not get all the references.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: Former Oiler Jordan Eberle told reporters that criticism from the "brutal" Edmonton media had affected his confidence and his play there. The outrage: He's right, the media are insensitive jerks. Or he's wrong, and a big wimp for even bringing it up. Is it justified: It can't be fun to be an NHL player when things aren't going well. It really can't. We all have our good and bad days, and we all get criticized at some point by somebody. But for most of us, it doesn't happen on the front page of a newspaper or leading off the nightly newscast. It's easy enough to say that players should toughen up and have thicker skin, and some of them do. But not everyone is going to handle negativity in the same way, and basic human nature tells us that occasionally, it's going to get to you. Or as Eberle put it, "When you read articles every day about how much you suck, it’s tough."

So yes, Eberle's got a point here, and what he's saying about his experience as an Oiler is undoubtedly true.

But it's also true that Eberle deserved some criticism for his play in Edmonton, especially last year. By his own admission, he "definitely didn’t play up to my standards, especially in the playoffs." If you're in the media, and it's your job to give an honest opinion about how a player is performing, you don't really have many options. You can either pull your punches to spare someone's feelings, or you can call it like you see it.

So where does that leave us? I thought the best take I saw on the whole issue came from Elliotte Friedman, who wrote about the impact the media's coverage can have on players like Eberle. Friedman sounds like a guy who puts some real thought into the balance between doing his job and knowing the impact his work can have. Most of us in this business do think about that, although maybe not as much as we could. Believe it or not, it's rarely much fun to dump all over somebody. But it can be part of the job.

And of course, they key here is that the criticism has to be fair. Some of it isn't, and when you see the media inventing controversies or settling scores, you're right to take the player's side. And it goes without saying that the media members who spend their days criticizing players, coaches and GMs need to have thick skin about criticism of their own work. Most of us don't.

But the bigger point remains: This is just part of the job, for media and players alike. For those in the press box, the key is to make it fair, make it honest, and to remember (as Friedman points out) that your words may be affecting a player's friends and family too. For those on the ice, the criticism is one downside of a job that still often ranks as one of the best in the world.

As for Eberle, he deserves points for being honest. That's what the media is supposed to want out of players, so we can't fault him for not playing make-believe and telling us that none of this ever gets to him.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Earlier this week on the Biscuits hockey podcast, Dave and I were asked which active players would pair off for the best goalie fight. And I'll admit it—we kind of blew the answer. Dave mentioned Jonathan Quick, which was a solid choice, and we kicked a few other options around. But we missed several names that were obvious picks. We'll follow up on next week's show and make it right.

In the meantime, let me try to make it up to you with this week's obscure player pick: goaltender Mark Laforest.

Laforest, who was creatively nicknamed "Trees," went undrafted but was signed by Detroit as organizational depth in 1983. He made his NHL debut two years later, going 4-21-0 for a terrible Red Wings team because that's the only kind there was back then.

He was traded to the Flyers in 1987, and then to the Maple Leafs in 1989. He spent one year in Toronto, winning a career-high nine games, before being shipped to the Rangers as part of the deal that sent a young Tie Domi to New York. He never played for the Rangers, and didn't make it back to the NHL until a brief appearance with the Senators in 1993-94.

Laforest wasn't exactly known as a hothead, but in Philadelphia he did serve as the backup to Ron Hextall. Some of that may have rubbed off, because in 1989 he decided it would be a good idea to fight Sean Burke. It was not.

This is what happens when you let two redheads coach in the same NHL game.

This is actually one of the first (for lack of a better term) modern goalie fights I can remember. In the old days, goalie would pair off during bench-clearing brawls, but those had recently become extinct. This was one of the first times that a goalie got to do the full length-of-the-ice skate. Twice, as it turns out.

Most importantly, Sean Burke was legitimately one of the best fighting goalies ever. People remember Hextall or Patrick Roy or Billy Smith, and rightfully so, but Burke belongs right up there with them. Laforest actually does OK here; others were not as lucky.

As for Laforest, that Ottawa stint was it for his big-league career, which saw him appear in 103 games, posting 25 wins along with two shutouts and 65 penalty minutes. He played in the minors until 1996 and later went into coaching.

Be It Resolved

It was an interesting week for NHL interviews. A few days after Eberle's quotes hit the public, an even bigger star had even more interesting things to say. Lots more.

I know, right? I was shocked too. But there it was, in this Craig Custance piece in The Athletic. Somehow, he got Kings' defenseman Drew Doughty to open up about his contract status. And when he did, he started dropping bombs.

The article is behind a paywall so I won't cut-and-paste all the good bits here, but among other things it includes Doughty admitting that:

He's already thinking ahead to free agency in 2019.

He thinks money is important, and apparently doesn't feel the need to pretend otherwise.

He plans to talk with fellow UFA Erik Karlsson to maximize their potential payout.

He thinks he should make more than P.K. Subban.

This all might end with him playing somewhere else, and he sure sounds interested in the Maple Leafs (including him describing their coaching situation by saying, and I swear to you that this is a real quote, "Oh fuck, yeah. Babs.")

None of that should be especially shocking, but it kind of is when you hear it actually said by an NHL player. We know the drill by now. Doughty is supposed to say "Gosh, hadn't even thought about it, I'm just focused on playing, all I want to do is win and the rest of it will take care of itself." But he didn't. He told the truth. And it was kind of fascinating.

So this week, we have a Be It Resolved two-fer. First of all, be it resolved that nobody get all cranky with Doughty about actually saying something. That includes you, Kings fans, even though I'm sure the Maple Leafs stuff isn't playing well. We're all constantly complaining about how boring hockey players are, so we can't go filling our diapers the second somebody gets interesting.

And second of all, be it resolved that Custance has to take whatever magic pocket watch he dangled in front of Doughty's eyes to get him to talk like this and share it with the rest of us. No fair hogging, Craig. Spread the joy.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

With the NHL officially hitting the century mark last weekend—Sunday marked the 100th anniversary of the league's founding—it's tempting to look towards the future and try to figure out what the league will look like over the next 100 years. Luckily, we don't have to work too hard, because this decades-old Red Wings broadcast already covered it for us.

This clip seems to be from Detroit's PASS sports station, and would have aired in the early 90s. They're going to take a shot at what the next few decades hold. Let's see how they do.

We start off with a look back at the days when hockey was played outdoors, which is crazy because I'm pretty sure neither of those teams is even the Blackhawks. We also hear about how goalie pads are much bigger than ever before. If you consider that a good thing then boy, do I have exciting news for you, early 90s hockey fans.

We also hear about all of the "space age" equipment that modern players have, including "custom-fitted skates." Yeah, I bet it was rough back in the day when you just had to wear whatever size they had lying around.

We finally get to the predictions for 2050, and I just want to point out that the last clip before we jump into the future is of Steve Yzerman and the Tampa Bay Lightning. Does that count as an accurate prediction? I think it might have to.

So our first prediction of life in 2050 is…uh, Alaska looking like a beach due to global warming. Wow, this got dark in a hurry. I'm kind of depressed now. I sure hope future scientists are focused on preserving the climate so we don't all die.

Nope, they're making fake ice and bladeless jet skates. But "the air jets are non-polluting," so cool, close enough.

After way too many shots of some dude's toes, we move onto our next prediction: Hockey's expansion to the sun belt. That ended up happening, of course, although not quite as far south as Central America, as predicted here. We also get a look at the uniforms of 2050, which is clearly wrong since there aren't any ads plastered all over them.

I'm completely on board with the Lazer Stik, though. It's not so much the warp setting or $14,999 price tag, I just like the idea of a stick that doesn't break every third shift.

Side note: I wish I was as enthusiastic about anything in my life as announcer Marty Adler is about literally every sentence in this clip. Or, as he would put it: I wish I was as enthusiastic about anything in my life as this announcer is about LITERALL EVERY SENTENCE in this clip.

Next up is the helmet of the future, which includes a microphone, tiny TV screens, and even brain probes to foil opposition attempts at frequency jamming. Weird, I guess the Patriots are an NHL team in 2050.

Also, the helmets will have cameras in them, which is just ridiculous.

Coaches will apparently live in little rooms packed with screens, a bubble hockey game, and a button that's labelled DO NOT PUSH in giant letters. I'm kind of intrigued by that last one. I'm assuming Ken Holland has one in his office right now that starts the Red Wings rebuild.

We get a section about the puck being embedded with sensors that makes reviewing goals and offsides foolproof. That's pretty much guaranteed to happen at some point soon, and I'd give them credit for getting another one right if I weren't distracted by trying to figure out why the goalie of the future wears a blocker all the way up his entire arm.

There's a break halfway through, during which the future player stares at us for an uncomfortably long time. I have a lot of questions, like: Do everyone's eyebrows look that in 2050 or just hockey players? Does he wear the helmet all the time, or do the brain probes come off? And most importantly, can you please make him go away before I have nightmares?

The second half is focused on the fans, who will of course have flying cars because it's the future. Arenas will have retractable roofs, force fields and laser walls. And there will be two classes of fans, the elites who matter and the poors who don't. That sounds about right, nods Kevin Lowe.

I'm all in on the food chute—or, as Marty calls it, the FOOD CHUTE. But the rest of those luxury features sound awful. Can you imagine having a phone and a screen right in your face at all times? Sounds like an awful way to go through life.

No joke, the spinning section of the stands is a good idea and we should do that. Build that into your next arena proposal, Calgary.

We also hear about 3D holographic broadcast, which also seem pretty cool. You know, the future of hockey sounds like a lot of fun. I've almost forgotten that 2050 will feature uncontrolled global warming that will render the planet a dystopian nightmare and oh good they're here to remind me.

Yes, we're back to the warm weather thing, as we learn that the NHL will expand to Egypt and Guam on its way to becoming a 128-team league. Sorry, Hamilton, you were #129 on the list, we swear.

Just as we're trying to figure out why there are future divisions named after Rick Zombo and Walt Poddubny, our clip ends. Overall, they did reasonably well—they pretty much nailed outdoor games, puck sensors and helmet-cams, and they still have 33 years to get the rest of it. (You know, before we all die in the great flood.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years ago

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DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty

Three Stars of Comedy

The second star: Ryan Hartman being a jerk – Remember when you were in grade school and you’d fake-punch other kids and then laugh if they flinched? Hartman still does that. But this time he did it to Corey Perry, so it’s OK.

The first star: Dave Elston – You may not know the name, but you should. Elston is the legendary cartoonist whose NHL work was some of the only reliable hockey humor produced for much of the 80s, 90s, and beyond. He recently joined Twitter, where’s he’s been releasing old cartoons from his archives. He’s must-follow for hockey fans, even new ones who may not get all the references.

Outrage of the Week

The issue: Former Oiler Jordan Eberle told reporters that criticism from the “brutal” Edmonton media had affected his confidence and his play there.

The outrage: He’s right, the media are insensitive jerks. Or he’s wrong, and a big wimp for even bringing it up.

Is it justified: It can’t be fun to be an NHL player when things aren’t going well. It really can’t. We all have our good and bad days, and we all get criticized at some point by somebody. But for most of us, it doesn’t happen on the front page of a newspaper or leading off the nightly newscast. It’s easy enough to say that players should toughen up and have thicker skin, and some of them do. But not everyone is going to handle negativity in the same way, and basic human nature tells us that occasionally, it’s going to get to you. Or as Eberle put it, “When you read articles every day about how much you suck, it’s tough.”

So yes, Eberle’s got a point here, and what he’s saying about his experience as an Oiler is undoubtedly true.

But it’s also true that Eberle deserved some criticism for his play in Edmonton, especially last year. By his own admission, he “definitely didn’t play up to my standards, especially in the playoffs.” If you’re in the media, and it’s your job to give an honest opinion about how a player is performing, you don’t really have many options. You can either pull your punches to spare someone’s feelings, or you can call it like you see it.

So where does that leave us? I thought the best take I saw on the whole issue came from Elliotte Friedman, who wrote about the impact the media’s coverage can have on players like Eberle. Friedman sounds like a guy who puts some real thought into the balance between doing his job and knowing the impact his work can have. Most of us in this business do think about that, although maybe not as much as we could. Believe it or not, it’s rarely much fun to dump all over somebody. But it can be part of the job.

And of course, they key here is that the criticism has to be fair. Some of it isn’t, and when you see the media inventing controversies or settling scores, you’re right to take the player’s side. And it goes without saying that the media members who spend their days criticizing players, coaches and GMs need to have thick skin about criticism of their own work. Most of us don’t.

But the bigger point remains: This is just part of the job, for media and players alike. For those in the press box, the key is to make it fair, make it honest, and to remember (as Friedman points out) that your words may be affecting a player’s friends and family too. For those on the ice, the criticism is one downside of a job that still often ranks as one of the best in the world.

As for Eberle, he deserves points for being honest. That’s what the media is supposed to want out of players, so we can’t fault him for not playing make-believe and telling us that none of this ever gets to him.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Earlier this week on the Biscuits hockey podcast, Dave and I were asked which active players would pair off for the best goalie fight. And I’ll admit it—we kind of blew the answer. Dave mentioned Jonathan Quick, which was a solid choice, and we kicked a few other options around. But we missed several names that were obvious picks. We’ll follow up on next week’s show and make it right.

In the meantime, let me try to make it up to you with this week’s obscure player pick: goaltender Mark Laforest.

Laforest, who was creatively nicknamed “Trees,” went undrafted but was signed by Detroit as organizational depth in 1983. He made his NHL debut two years later, going 4-21-0 for a terrible Red Wings team because that’s the only kind there was back then.

He was traded to the Flyers in 1987, and then to the Maple Leafs in 1989. He spent one year in Toronto, winning a career-high nine games, before being shipped to the Rangers as part of the deal that sent a young Tie Domi to New York. He never played for the Rangers, and didn’t make it back to the NHL until a brief appearance with the Senators in 1993-94.

Laforest wasn’t exactly known as a hothead, but in Philadelphia he did serve as the backup to Ron Hextall. Some of that may have rubbed off, because in 1989 he decided it would be a good idea to fight Sean Burke. It was not.

This is what happens when you let two redheads coach in the same NHL game.

Be It Resolved

It was an interesting week for NHL interviews. A few days after Eberle’s quotes hit the public, an even bigger star had even more interesting things to say. Lots more.

I know, right? I was shocked too. But there it was, in this Craig Custance piece in The Athletic. Somehow, he got Kings’ defenseman Drew Doughty to open up about his contract status. And when he did, he started dropping bombs.

The article is behind a paywall so I won’t cut-and-paste all the good bits here, but among other things it includes Doughty admitting that:

He’s already thinking ahead to free agency in 2019.

He thinks money is important, and apparently doesn’t feel the need to pretend otherwise.

He plans to talk with fellow UFA Erik Karlsson to maximize their potential payout.

He thinks he should make more than P.K. Subban.

None of that should be especially shocking, but it kind of is when you hear it actually said by an NHL player. We know the drill by now. Doughty is supposed to say “Gosh, hadn’t even thought about it, I’m just focused on playing, all I want to do is win and the rest of it will take care of itself.” But he didn’t. He told the truth. And it was kind of fascinating.

So this week, we have a Be It Resolved two-fer. First of all, be it resolved that nobody get all cranky with Doughty about actually saying something. That includes you, Kings fans, even though I’m sure the Maple Leafs stuff isn’t playing well. We’re all constantly complaining about how boring hockey players are, so we can’t go filling our diapers the second somebody gets interesting.

And second of all, be it resolved that Custance has to take whatever magic pocket watch he dangled in front of Doughty’s eyes to get him to talk like this and share it with the rest of us. No fair hogging, Craig. Spread the joy.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

With the NHL officially hitting the century mark last weekend—Sunday marked the 100th anniversary of the league’s founding—it’s tempting to look towards the future and try to figure out what the league will look like over the next 100 years. Luckily, we don’t have to work too hard, because this decades-old Red Wings broadcast already covered it for us.

This clip seems to be from Detroit’s PASS sports station, and would have aired in the early 90s. They’re going to take a shot at what the next few decades hold. Let’s see how they do.

We start off with a look back at the days when hockey was played outdoors, which is crazy because I’m pretty sure neither of those teams is even the Blackhawks. We also hear about how goalie pads are much bigger than ever before. If you consider that a good thing then boy, do I have exciting news for you, early 90s hockey fans.

We also hear about all of the “space age” equipment that modern players have, including “custom-fitted skates.” Yeah, I bet it was rough back in the day when you just had to wear whatever size they had lying around.

So our first prediction of life in 2050 is…uh, Alaska looking like a beach due to global warming. Wow, this got dark in a hurry. I’m kind of depressed now. I sure hope future scientists are focused on preserving the climate so we don’t all die.

Nope, they’re making fake ice and bladeless jet skates. But “the air jets are non-polluting,” so cool, close enough.

After way too many shots of some dude’s toes, we move onto our next prediction: Hockey’s expansion to the sun belt. That ended up happening, of course, although not quite as far south as Central America, as predicted here. We also get a look at the uniforms of 2050, which is clearly wrong since there aren’t any ads plastered all over them.

I’m completely on board with the Lazer Stik, though. It’s not so much the warp setting or $14,999 price tag, I just like the idea of a stick that doesn’t break every third shift.

Also, the helmets will have cameras in them, which is just ridiculous.

Coaches will apparently live in little rooms packed with screens, a bubble hockey game, and a button that’s labelled DO NOT PUSH in giant letters. I’m kind of intrigued by that last one. I’m assuming Ken Holland has one in his office right now that starts the Red Wings rebuild.

We get a section about the puck being embedded with sensors that makes reviewing goals and offsides foolproof. That’s pretty much guaranteed to happen at some point soon, and I’d give them credit for getting another one right if I weren’t distracted by trying to figure out why the goalie of the future wears a blocker all the way up his entire arm.

There’s a break halfway through, during which the future player stares at us for an uncomfortably long time. I have a lot of questions, like: Do everyone’s eyebrows look that in 2050 or just hockey players? Does he wear the helmet all the time, or do the brain probes come off? And most importantly, can you please make him go away before I have nightmares?

The second half is focused on the fans, who will of course have flying cars because it’s the future. Arenas will have retractable roofs, force fields and laser walls. And there will be two classes of fans, the elites who matter and the poors who don’t. That sounds about right, nods Kevin Lowe.

I’m all in on the food chute—or, as Marty calls it, the FOOD CHUTE. But the rest of those luxury features sound awful. Can you imagine having a phone and a screen right in your face at all times? Sounds like an awful way to go through life.

No joke, the spinning section of the stands is a good idea and we should do that. Build that into your next arena proposal, Calgary.

We also hear about 3D holographic broadcast, which also seem pretty cool. You know, the future of hockey sounds like a lot of fun. I’ve almost forgotten that 2050 will feature uncontrolled global warming that will render the planet a dystopian nightmare and oh good they’re here to remind me.

Yes, we’re back to the warm weather thing, as we learn that the NHL will expand to Egypt and Guam on its way to becoming a 128-team league. Sorry, Hamilton, you were #129 on the list, we swear.

Just as we’re trying to figure out why there are future divisions named after Rick Zombo and Walt Poddubny, our clip ends. Overall, they did reasonably well—they pretty much nailed outdoor games, puck sensors and helmet-cams, and they still have 33 years to get the rest of it. (You know, before we all die in the great flood.)

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @DownGoesBrown.

DGB Grab Bag: Bladeless Jet Skates, Regular Bladeless Skates, and Honesty syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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itsiotrecords-blog · 8 years ago

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In Canada, hockey is a religion. It is by far the number one sport. People love the game known as the fastest sport in the world, not only for the speed, finesse and excitement, but for the physicality. Hockey is a rough, physical sport with tons of contact. Not only do you have to worry about all the body contact, but it’s the only sport where you are basically holding a weapon in your hand, with weapons strapped to your feet. There are countless injuries from sticks and skates, which are both sharp and do a lot of damage. The casual fans also love the fact that you can actually get in a fist fight and not get ejected from the game. Five minutes in the penalty box is the usual punishment for beating the crap out of someone, although you may get an extra two minutes for instigating the fight. Although fighting is down in recent years, it’s still part of the game, and you will still see fights in the NHL if you happen to follow the sport. However, what hockey is most known for is having a bunch of players with no teeth. The stereotype is if you play hockey, you probably lost at least one tooth along the way. It’s quite common seeing players who are missing their front teeth, especially back in the day before helmets were mandatory. Aside from the missing teeth, there are countless other injuries and ways to get hurt. With all the sticks, skates, elbows and big hits, we’ve seen plenty of gruesome injuries in the NHL over the years. It’s impossible to list them all, but let’s have a look at some of the most notable ones from the history books.

#1 Bryan Berard – Eye Many NHL fans will remember the time Bryan Berard almost lost his eye. On March 11, 2000 while playing for the Maple Leafs, Berard took a high-stick to the right eye from the Senators’ Marian Hossa. Berard immediately fell to the ice in pain with blood streaming down his face. The injury was so bad that doctors feared that he might lose his eye entirely. He was diagnosed with a fractured orbital bone, cut cornea, and detached retina. According to The Sportster, “After seven operations and being fit with a special lens to meet the NHL’s minimum vision requirement of 20/400, Berard returned to the NHL with the New York Rangers for the 2001-02 season and played several more years in the league.”

#2 Steve Moore – Neck On March 8, 2004. The Vancouver Canucks were looking to get revenge after Steve Moore who had checked their captain Markus Naslund in the head at the end of their previous encounter. Enforcer Todd Beruzzi hunted Moore down and “viciously attacked him from behind.” According to Yahoo Sports, “The sucker-punch fractured Moore’s vertebrae, cut his face and gave him a concussion; his NHL career was finished. Bertuzzi, after tearfully apologizing, was suspended indefinitely by the NHL.” The incident received national coverage because of the brutality of the incident and the extent of the injury. Moore was knocked unconscious and never fully recovered. Bertuzzi was suspended for 20 games and his reputation was tarnished.

#3 Richard Zednik- Neck The second most gruesome and memorable incident on the list is when Florida Panthers’ Richard Zednik had his throat slashed by the skate of teammate Olli Jokinen. Zednik ended up losing over five pints of blood and was diagnosed with a slashed carotid artery. The incident sparked debate about players wearing neck guards, as this was a situation the NHL was trying to avoid, or deter from happening again. Not easy when there are so many ways to get injured in the sport of hockey. He was eventually released from the hospital after missing the rest of the 2007-08 season and made his return the following year for the Panthers.

#4 Clint Malarchuk- Jugular Vein Almost 20 years before the Zednik incident, there was the most famous and gory NHL injury of them all when Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk had his jugular vein slashed by St. Louis Blues’ Steve Tuttle. The Blues forward got tangled up with Sabres defensemen Uwe Krupp and both landed on top of Malarchuk, with Tuttle’s skate slashing the goalie’s throat. Nobody will ever forget the scene of Clint holding his throat as blood shot out onto the ice leaving a huge red pool. He quickly skated to the bench and into the locker room where he was rushed to the hospital for surgery. He famously said that he would never be carried off the ice unless he was dead. He wasn’t far off that day, as he almost died from the amount of blood he lost. It looked like a scene straight out of a horror movie. He returned to the ice 10 days later.

#5 Steve Yzerman – Eye The former Detroit Red Wings captain and Hall of Famer took a puck to the eye from a deflection off Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kiprusoff in Game 5 of the Western Conference semifinals in 2004. In a horrific scene, Yzerman dropped to the ice like he had been shot. It took four and a half hours of surgery at a Detroit hospital “to repair a scratched cornea and broken bone just below his left eye.” Obviously, he missed the rest of the post-season and returned the following year with a full face shield. Many thought the league had lost one of their best players, but he is a hockey player after all and a true legend of the game.

#6 Trent McCleary – Throat We’ve seen a lot of injuries due to players going down to block shots and getting hit with the puck. I remember Gary Galley catching a puck in the temple and having amnesia for a few days. On this occasion, Montreal Canadiens forward Trent McCleary took a Chris Therien slap shot to the throat. According to Web MD, “McCleary very quickly got to his feet and skated toward the trainer. Because the puck had collapsed his windpipe he could not breathe. He was carried off the ice, and lost consciousness while in the tunnel. He easily could have died that night, but he was rushed to a hospital, and had an emergency tracheostomy within 10 minutes of leaving the arena.” McCleary’s career subsequently ended.

#7 Donald Brashear – Head Vancouver Canucks enforcer Donald Brashear was knocked unconscious by Boston’s Marty McSorley when he hit him in the head from behind with his stick. According to Northjersey.com, “The incident wound up in a Vancouver court, where McSorley’s bad-boy career was effectively ended when he was found guilty of assault with a weapon and sentenced to 18 months probation, though he avoided jail time. His NHL suspension lasted a year but no team expressed interest once he was eligible to play.” The infamous incident will be remembered by many hockey fans as McSorley hit Brashear from behind with his stick, hitting him on the side of the head and knocking him unconscious for several minutes. The two had fought earlier in the game and McSorley wanted another go and was not happy at being denied the opportunity.

#8 Gordie Howe- Fractured Skull Another fractured skull, this time to Mr. Hockey, Gordie Howe, during a 1950 playoff game against the Toronto Maple Leafs when Howe tried to check Ted Kennedy and missed, crashing head first into the boards and knocking himself unconscious. Howe was diagnosed with a fractured skull and his family feared the worst as surgery was performed to relieve pressure on his brain. Fortunately, Howe made a full recovery and returned the following season “and scored 86 points to lead the league in scoring by 20 points en route to his first of four consecutive Art Ross trophies.”

#9 Kevin Bieksa – Calf Muscle In 2007, the thenVancouver Canucks defensemen was forced to miss 47 games after colliding with Nashville Predators Vernon Fiddler. Bieksa lacerated his calf muscle after the opponent’s skate sliced through his leg. In a shocking scene, blood filled the defensemen’s sock and left many fearing his career would be over. It took a “long, experimental rehab process” to recover. We’ve seen a lot of these injuries over the years, including future Hall of Famer Teemu Selanne who cut his own leg with his skate and missed over a month recovering from the gash. Those skates are extremely dangerous, as you will see as we get further down the list.

#10 Chris Clark – Teeth Well, we had to get at least one incident involving teeth on the list. We’ve mentioned the dangers of sticks, skates and big hits, but as you can see, the puck also does a lot of damage and is the cause of many of these gruesome injuries. In 2006, Washington Capitals captain Chris Clark took a puck to the face against the Boston Bruins. According to the Washington Post, “Two of his top teeth are gone. Braces hold three others in place. His palate, meantime, was repaired with the aid of cadaver bone and a screw, inserted during three hours of surgery Thursday morning.” Of course Clark managed to finish his shift despite his teeth being spread out over the ice. After all, he is a hockey player. However, Clark was eating meals through a straw for awhile.

#11 Patrick Thoresen – Groin Speaking of puck injuries, ever wonder what it’s like to block a shot with your genitalia? You don’t want to know, trust me. It happened to me once and I had to crawl back to the bench. Former Flyers forward Patrick Thoresen had a “potentially ruptured testicle” when he went down to block a Mike Green slap shot in the 2008 Eastern Conference quarterfinals. Luckily for Patrick, he managed to keep his testicles, barely, and he did manage to come back and finish the series, which the Flyers eventually won in seven games, but any injury involving taking one in the balls has to make the list.

#12 Eric Lindros – Concussion One of the biggest hits in NHL history and certainly one of the most memorable was when Scott Stevens caught Eric Lindros with his head down in game 7 of the 2000 Eastern Conference finals between the New Jersey Devils and Philadelphia Flyers. Stevens, known for his big open ice hits timed his hit on Lindros perfectly, resulting in a severe concussion as he laid on the ice motionless for several minutes. This hit in today’s game would probably result in a major penalty and game misconduct as Stevens’ shoulder made contact with Lindros’ face. The hit ended Lindros career in Philly and “resulted in Lindros’ sixth concussion as a Flyer, but more significantly, it was his fourth in five months. He would sit out the entire following season with post-concussion syndrome,” according to CSN Philadelphia. His illustrious career would be cut short due to post-concussion syndrome.

#13 Mark Howe- Back December 27, 1980 will be remembered for a gruesome injury that changed the career of Mark Howe. Playing for the Hartford Whalers at the time (we miss the Whalers), defensemen Mark Howe slid into his own goal, lifting the net with his skates and causing the metal spikes that hold the goal in place to impale him. You read that right, impale. Howe lost three and a half pints of blood and lost almost 20 pounds in body weight due to the injury. Luckily for Howe, the goal spike that impaled him just missed his spinal column. He returned to the lineup that season, but wasn’t the same player. He eventually got traded to Philadelphia and went on to have a long and successful career.

#14 Ace Bailey- Fractured Skull The former Maple Leaf Great had his career ended on December 12, 1933 against the Boston Bruins. Eddie Shore, angered by a hit from one of Bailey’s teammates, took his anger out on Bailey by tripping him from behind. Bailey hit the ice and fractured his skull. He was then rushed to the hospital after suffering cerebral hemorrhaging, which he almost died from. “After two surgeries to relieve pressure on his brain”, Bailey managed to recover. According to The Sportster, “On February 14, 1934 the NHL held its very first All-Star Game to raise money for Bailey and his family. Prior to the game Ace Bailey and Eddie Shore shook hands, signaling that all had been forgiven between the two.”

#15 Bill Masterton – Death Minnesota North Stars Bill Masterton “is the only player in NHL history to die as a direct result from on ice injuries.” Masterton was hit by two players from the Oakland Seals “and fell backwards landing on his head and knocking him unconscious.” He died 30 hours later as a result from the injury to his head. In his memory, “Masterton has had his name immortalized by the NHL with a trophy baring his name given out annually for perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey.” It was a sad day for the NHL and luckily no players have died as a result of their on ice injuries ever since.

Source: TheRichest

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