#also watch me re use dividers for the nth time

[reaper-in-reverie]

I was born with an unquenchable thirst.

There is always more I cannot reach, there are always people I lose, there are always things I cannot do. There is always more, more, more. It is never enough, I am never enough.

Life is so miserable that meaninglessness is a comfort — no, both a comfort and a horrible realization.

My misery does not matter.

My misery does not matter.

I was born starving.

I was born yearning.

I was born aching.

I was born nothing at all.

Why was I born this way? Why did I have to bear the burden of being born at all?

Often I wonder if anything would change if were to grow older, or if my misery would spread out instead, like a disease, slowly eating away at your body, since the day you had it.

[junaeneous]

Jeffrey’s Hill (M) Part Nineteen

SUMMARY: “Don’t go to Jeffrey’s Hill,” he warned. “A lot of shit goes on there. Even the police ignore crime reports that surface from there.” You rolled your eyes. “What is everyone so afraid of?”  

Your brother sounded grave. “The power of the Chimera.”

GENRE: violence, angst, a little bit of humour (because it’s me) and the occasional tonsil-hockey.

MEMBER/GROUP: EXO + BTS

PARTS: intro | 1  | 2  | 3  | 4  | 5  | 6  | 7 | 8  | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19

A/N: super duper close to the end!!!

“HEY, SWEETIE?”

You glanced up from your laptop to look at your father. He had a small smile on his face as he sat down opposite you, holding a piece of paper. “I know you’re handling some important information, but can you spare a minute?”

You smiled. “Sure, Dad. What’s up?”

“I was reading your mother’s letters,” your father’s expression dulled slightly, “and I found something. She wanted me to give it to you. It was one of her many last wishes.” He chuckled, sliding the paper over to you.

You picked it up, reading a foreign address with a slight frown. “What’s this?”

“You’re very close to my side of the family, but your mother’s has always been a mystery. That’s your grandparents’ address. They’ve been kept in the dark about a lot of things, and they only just heard of your mother’s passing. They want to meet their grandchildren.”

You felt a rush of emotion as you reread the address, feeling your chest tighten. Your mother’s parents didn’t know she had children. You had always assumed your grandparents had passed away early, or that your mother had a poor relationship with them. You had never imagined them patiently waiting for their daughter to make contact, to update them, to ease their minds.

And now you were going to meet them for the very first time.

“Mark wanted to leave tomorrow, but I’ve asked him to go with you. I know there’s some serious stuff going on out there, so I want you to take your time, okay? You can go when you’re ready.”

You reached over to take your father’s hand in your own. “Thanks, Dad.”

He got to his feet and leaned down to kiss your forehead. “Anytime, sweetheart. I’ll let you get back to it.” You nodded, watching as his frame disappeared from your line of view, your hold on the paper tightening.

This was the part of her life you’d craved. Meeting your grandparents. Giggling as they defended you from your mother when you’d misbehaved. Getting excited every time you went to visit. Learning all of the embarrassing things your mother had done as a child.

You’d never get to do that now. It was too late. You quickly wondered if Ava had bothered to keep in touch with your grandparents. She was, after all, the first born. Had she taken the time to visit them? To mourn her sister with them?

Your train of thought was interrupted by your phone ringing. You checked the caller ID and smiled. “Hello?”

“Hey, are you busy?” Desiree’s soft voice was hesitant. “No, I’m just finishing up some extra security measures. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just feel a little paranoid, that’s all. I thought it would be comforting to listen to someone’s voice.” You exhaled slowly. “Ah, don’t worry. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes and we can go take a walk in the park--”

“I’m not in Jeffrey’s Hill.” Desiree’s voice sounded strained. Your eyes widened in alarm. “Is there anyone guarding you?”

At the sudden silence, your alarm grew. “Des, why are you outside Jeffrey’s Hill with no protection whatsoever? It’s extremely risky, especially since we have reason to believe Jae Hyeon is after you.”

“He was spotted hanging around the border again,” her voice was shaky. “I couldn’t breathe and I felt like I needed to get out, so--” “Text me your address and I’ll be there.” Desiree made a noise of agreement and hung up, leaving you to hurriedly finish up protecting your family details in case the plan went awry. They needed to be kept out of it if you were taken down with the rest. Then, you saved your grandparents’ address into your phone and slid the paper underneath your laptop, yelling out to your father and brother as you put on your shoes.

“Dad! Mark! I’m running out, it’s an emergency! I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Text me when you can!” Mark yelled back.

You were out the door just as your phone buzzed with Desiree’s location. As you slid into your car, you quickly texted Junmyeon.

Is everyone okay? Heard Jae Hyeon was spotted again.

And then you were driving far into the city, rushing to Desiree before someone else did.

Junmyeon was forced to ignore the buzzing of his phone for the nth time that day as he stared at the men and women in front of him. “Is that all?” 

“Yes, Mr. Kim.” The woman to his direct left nodded. “We are clear on what is to be done with Jeffrey’s Hill. Renaming it will be the quickest and easiest process. After your plan has been put into action, the land will go to the city. We’ll protect it until you re-emerge and reclaim it. With our protection of course,” she smiled, “comes redesigning. It’ll be done to the last detail.” 

“I’m glad.” Namjoon breathed, nodding. “Thank you for agreeing to work with us.” 

“Park Jimin has been a longtime friend of ours,” the woman grinned, “and we owe him plenty. The pleasure is all ours, Mr. Namjoon.” With that, the team got to their feet, exchanged polite bows with the leaders and left, leaving Junmyeon to glance at Namjoon quizzically. “They know Jimin?”

“You know how charming he can be when he wants to,” the younger chuckled. “He’s gotten them out of a lot of trouble, saved a lot of innocent people from getting jailed. Contract or no contract, we can trust them.” 

The older nodded. “Good. What about--” 

“--the company buildings in the city? Already got it covered. While we’re going through with the second part of our plan, they’ll be getting it done. I must say, your father went through a shitload to get the connections we have now.” 

“Admirable.” Junmyeon added dryly, rolling his eyes. “He also went through a lot of trouble to make dismantling near impossible, and yet here we are.” 

“I can’t believe we’re finally leaving all of this behind.” Namjoon’s expression was one of disbelief. “How long have we waited for this day?” 

“I know. I couldn’t be happier about burning all of this to the ground and turning it into something better.” When the leaders faced each other, there was a lot that wasn’t said communicated through eye contact. 

“Good luck out there, Myeon.” Namjoon extended his hand. “In case I don’t get to say it later.” The older grabbed the younger’s hand and pulled him into an embrace. “Don’t get so formal with me, you little shit,” he breathed, hearing Namjoon laugh as he returned the hug, “take care of yourself out there, okay? When we meet again, I’m going to kick your ass if you have an embarrassing beard or a horrible dye job.” 

The younger’s laughter was loud as his hold tightened. “I promise to keep my dashing looks.” His voice grew serious. “Do you think we’ll get used to it all?” 

Junmyeon pulled away and shrugged. “I know it’ll be hard for the first bit, but it’ll get easier, and then it’ll feel like we were never leaders of shitty gangs that did shitty things. We’re a good team, and I have faith in that.” 

Namjoon nodded. “So do I.” He grinned. “Well, we’ve had our emotional talk, let’s go out there and fight some fuckers now.” 

“Was your fragile masculinity wounded, Joon?” 

“Says the one who nearly cried a couple seconds ago.” 

“Now listen here, asshole--” 

“Desiree?” 

The woman in question got to her feet, expression loosening in relief as her hands grabbed yours. “Thank god you’re here. I was so scared, I panicked and--” 

“Hey, hey,” you countered softly, “I’m here now. You’re okay, I promise. You’re safe.” 

Desiree nodded, making space for you on the bench as she sat down. “It’s just crazy, I was terrified when I first came here, met these people and now I have mixed feelings about it all shutting down.” 

“I know, it’s weird.” You chuckled. “But this was something they never wanted. It was forced upon them by their parents. This life, it’s just so toxic and draining. As strange as it’ll be to never see Jeffrey’s Hill again, I’m glad they’re getting to live the lives they want.” 

“Aren’t you worried about the prisoners? The people they’ve kept locked up? I saw a woman nearly starved to death in one of the chambers last week. She was released last night, no contract, no threat, nothing. They simply let her go.” 

“It’s because we’re getting wiped completely, Des.” You explained, watching her face light up with curiosity. “Baekhyun’s making sure all records of them ever having existed gets erased. No backup folder or secret coding, they’re erasing themselves and everyone associated with them from existence.” 

“So even if someone tries to come after them, they’ll have no proof,” Desiree completed, awestruck. “That’s amazing.” 

“I know. Every picture ever taken of them, everyone who knows them by real name, everything is being taken care of. By the time we come back, it’ll be like the gangs never existed.” 

“And Jae Hyeon?” 

Your jaw tightened as you spoke. “I don’t know what we’ll do to that asshole, but I promise he’ll get what he deserves. My aunt too. They’re currently divided, and my aunt is losing supporters with how unstable she is, and all the threats we’ve been giving. We have the upper hand.” 

“Yeah,” something shifts in Desiree’s voice and her expression grows heavy, “yeah we do.” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“So close,” her voice trembled. “I was so close.” 

“Des, what are you talking about--” 

You’re interrupted by the sound of your phone vibrating. You shot her an apologetic look as you pull it out of your pocket. Desiree turned away, murmuring incoherently to herself. 

It’s a text message from Junmyeon. 

Jae Hyeon was not spotted anywhere nearby, what’s going on? Where are you? 

You froze. If Jae Hyeon wasn’t spotted around the Hill, then why was Desiree out by herself? Dread began to coil around your insides as you ran through every possible situation in your head. The most plausible one was the most dangerous, and it made your heart sink when you came to it. 

She was secretly working with Jae Hyeon. 

You tried your best to mask your expression as you texted Junmyeon. 

I’m going to try and turn S.O.S on but I don’t have time.

His response arrived in seconds. 

Where are you? What the hell is going on? 

Turn on your location if you can’t respond. 

You hit the button to toggle location on and shut your phone, slipping it into the loose stitching of your coat so that it wouldn’t get taken away when the time came. 

“Des, I need you to be honest with me. Is everything okay?” When she turned around to meet your gaze, you’re hoping with every fibre of your being that she can see the silent question you’re asking. 

Why? 

Desiree’s eyes soften and her expression morphs into one of guilt. “I had no choice.” Her voice is soft. “He threatened to drag you out dead and I--” 

“We can get out of this.” You placed your hand on her shoulder, frowning when she shook her head. “It’s too late.” 

And just as you opened your mouth to tell her otherwise, you felt the barrel of a gun pressed against the back of your head, a hostile voice following after, “She’s right, sweetheart, it’s too late.” 

You found yourself shutting down. Your panic, fear and restlessness dissolved as your analytical mind took over. Jae Hyeon had a gun to your head. The slight shuffling of feet told you you were heavily outnumbered. Desiree too, had a gun held to her head, her hands trembling as she fought the urge to whimper. 

You can’t be impulsive. Your life wasn’t the only one at stake. Irritably, you came to a decision. Staying low for now would keep the two of you alive. 

“Jae Hyeon.” You called out, letting the venom in your tone become apparent. “Always a pleasure.” 

“Careful with your words there, darling,” he shoves the barrel a little harder into your scalp, forcing you to stand up. “I just might take them seriously.” 

You wanted so badly to bite back, to beat him senseless, but you reminded yourself very quickly that Desiree had fighting ability, but she was not in optimal condition to do so. Any reckless move on your part would result in her death, then your own. 

“Turn around and face me. Slowly, or else I’ll have to cut this short. It’s so much fun already, don’t make me do that.” 

You obliged, watching as Desiree did the same. When you faced Jae Hyeon, he was smirking. “You see how much more efficient things are when your useless aunt isn’t running things? I have both of the leaders’ most prized possessions at my disposal. Now all I have to do is see what you’ve been up to.”

A snarky remark nearly escaped your lips, but you held them shut, hating the victorious gleam in his eyes. “I know Junmyeon isn’t dumb. He’s got your location already somehow, so I’m going to politely ask you to pull your phone out and throw it on the ground.” 

You hesitated, feeling the first sting of panic. Your phone was vital to staying on your friends’ radar. If you disappeared, it would make things more difficult. Impatiently, Jae Hyeon lowered his gun and shot a little away from your feet. Neither of you two made a sound, but you both flinched. “I’m not joking, Y/N. I will kill her, then you, if you start misbehaving. Phone. Now.” 

Teeth clenched, you pulled out your phone, discreetly speed dialing Junmyeon. He answered immediately, and you could faintly hear him calling for you frantically. It pained you to ignore him, but you locked your screen and threw the phone on the ground, watching as it landed a little away from Jae Hyeon. 

“Thank you.” He grinned. “Now your precious boyfriend can’t find you. Ironic isn’t it, that he goes by Suho? Guardian? He can’t protect you at all, since I’ve got you here. And trust me, what I’ve got planned back at base, it’s going to be fun.” 

You felt bile rise up from the back of your throat, but you swallowed it down, unwilling to give the asshole the reaction he was looking for. You could only pray that Junmyeon was listening and was doing something to keep you on radar. 

“Anyway, we’ve wasted a lot of time here, so I’ll make this quick. If you’ve got any weapons on you, I suggest dropping them now too. It reduces the amount of pain darling Desiree here is going to take.” 

“I don’t have any weapons.” You force out, hating that it was true. You didn’t think to grab a dagger or a pistol before you left, simply because your main focus was making sure Desiree was okay. 

“Wow, you do have a lot of trust in her,” he juts his head towards Desiree, who’s hung her head low, too ashamed to speak. “Too bad she used it against you.” 

“She didn’t have a choice.” You glared. “And it’s sick of you to take advantage of her like that.” 

“It’s not my fault she cares for your well being, sweetheart. I only took the opportunity in front of me. Maybe next time, try to find people who don’t give two shits how you end up, hmm?” 

“You sick, sick, asshole--” 

“Ah, ah, not yet, that’s for later!” Jae Hyeon lowered his gun, aiming at your phone. “Poor Suho, he’s going to have quite the task tracking you down.” And then he fired, effectively ending the call and officially dragging you off radar. 

You fought the urge to swear, fighting back the panic coiling around your lungs. It was the worst time to get emotional. You needed to keep your head clear, look for all possible slip-ups to get the two of you out before irreversible damage was done. 

As you walked towards the van waiting a little ahead, you ran over potential weaknesses. Jae Hyeon thrived off being better than Ava, and he was easily angered. And, you fought the urge to smile, the dumbass wasted his bullets without a second thought. 

If you could get him to empty his gun, you’d have the upper hand. 

You waited for the vehicle to start, ignoring the guns pointed at the two of you as the engine roared and made it difficult for the ones in front to hear you speak. “Do you have your phone?” 

Desiree shook her head, looking frustrated. “It was taken off me when I got there.” 

“Do you know if it’s been destroyed?” 

“I don’t think so. Jae Hyeon wasn’t the one who took it, it was someone else.” You nodded, adding that to your list of potential weaknesses. “Good. There’s that.” 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Her voice grew soft. “I know you were just with your family and--” 

“Don’t beat yourself up, Des.” Your expression was stern. “I don’t blame you. You did what you had to do. I promise I’ll get us out of here.” 

“I’ll do everything in my power to help.” She pursed her lips, as your determined eyes meet hers, passing a silent message. This was your first mission together, the first test of your compatibility as a team. 

And failure wasn’t an option. 

“Ma’am, Jae Hyeon has your niece.” 

“What? How?” 

“He used her friend Desiree to lure her out. She’s off the Chimera and Seven’s radar, and hence she’s off ours.” 

Ava slammed her fist down on the table. “That fucking asshole. First my sister, now my daughter? He’s testing me, isn’t he?” Anger rendered her blind for a moment as she exhaled, struggling to keep her composure. 

“She’s your niece, ma’am.” 

“Pardon?” 

“You referred to her as your daughter. She’s your niece.” Ava froze, realising her mistake. She shook her head, trying to get out all attachments she had towards you. None of them were going to help. 

“I should stop referring to her as anything of mine, really.” She eyed the guard firmly. “Considering she might die at my hands.” 

“What is our plan now?” 

“We track that fucker down. If anyone’s getting the key to take those gangs down once and for all, it’s going to be me. Follow Junmyeon and Namjoon closely. They’ll be the ones to find them. Once you’re sure they’ve found the right location, stall them while I go in and get Y/N out.” 

The guard nodded, then left. 

Ava laughed as her plan fell into place, slowly, bit by bit. “Everyone does the work for me and I come to collect.” She grinned. “I hope you’re proud of me, Rey. This is all for you after all.” 

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