#also usually people who try to write fictional stories without using tropes end up making bad or confusing stories but this is just my own

[wenellyb]

You can like or dislike fanfiction, but I don't understand people who come to Tumblr to constantly complain about fanfiction...it's like going to someone's house to call their decoration ugly.

It doesn't matter if it's true or not ...why would you do it?

And the complaints are always weird like: "blablabla why do people think in tropes now?" "Why would you want to know what happens in the story, what's even the point of reading it then?"

You want to know why??? Because that's the whole point of the Romance genre!!! The predictability, the promise that no matter what they go through, in the end, there will be a Happy Ending for the protagonists.

I don't read a lot of fanfics but I do read a lot of books and e-books (as in unfortunately I have to pay for those😂). And you know what a lot of authors use to describe their books? Tropes!

An enemies to lovers story with a slow burn, a fake relationship story, a mariage of convinience, a best friends to lovers story etc... And this is coming from published Books.

Maybe it's because the market is saturated and it's the only way to stand out, maybe it makes it easier for their readers to find specific books, I don't know. But I do know that they use tropes to describe their books.

Why sh*t on fanfiction, fanfic readers, fanfic writers when actual published authors do the same??? What is the point exactly ?

And can someone explain to me what's so wrong about using tropes? What's wrong with looking for stuff to read by searching specific tropes? It makes it easier when you're looking for a specific story you want to read and helps you know what you will like or not. Which is great, especially when you're going to pay for the book.

Maybe you don't have a problem with fanfics but with the Romance industry in general? But then why target fanfics as if they were the problem?

[shinahbee]

The things in BL that don’t go unnoticed

Hello!

I have been thinking about what to write for this blog for a while, but came up with this when I had some manhwa that repeatedly have characters with these personalities and I started to put together some things that don't go unnoticed. These are some things you may want to take note of if you plan to read any of them, I guarantee that you find them in quite a few stories and it may annoy the crap out of you. I understand there are certain tropes that are used in stories a lot so even taking that into account, it does not make their personalities any better.lol.

So here I'm going talk about a few things I found in the webtoons I came across or have read that will guide you in your reading.lol. Basically trash talking about some irks that characters/writers/fans do that may piss other people off and to do that I will also including some examples. they certainly pissed me off and made me uncomfortable and maybe some of you can relate.

Warning 21+ only please

if you are offended by anything anyone says about your favorite character, this may be triggering for you and you should just not read it. These are just fictional characters and I don’t have to be considerate of their feelings so i'm just going t go all out. This is just for shits and giggles only so don't let what I'm saying go to your head cause these are just my thoughts alone and what bothers me in particular.

okay then, in no actual order

1) When characters are cursed with that alpha-like personality...the kind that wants surround their prey and dominate over them. I'm sorry this is unattractive in so many ways, I don’t really see how people like these characters. They act like entitled trust fund brats, grow up.

2) characters that get abusive when they don't know how to handle conflict, happens way too often and fans excuse this cause they had a bad upbringing...wtf. imagine this happening every time you have an argument, who would take this crap?

3) when characters get annoyingly jealous over the other character meeting other people, having friends...you know having a social life, which then leads to possible death threats. So ridiculous I can never deal with someone like that...how entitled do you have to be?

4) when they start accusing the other person that it is "their " fault that they are like this...No way in hell are you going to blame me for things you are insecure about

5) there's always a C*nt with too much money

but sometimes they get what they deserve...still waiting for pilwon’s demise.

6) using their partner as sexual outlets when they are frustrated at something they have going on, ends up turning into assault.

7) using BLACKMAIL as a scheme to get the other person to notice them and it usually leads to them being sex partners.

8) characters that are "sponsors" of another character, I know some people like this trope but it's used too often so the plot is very much predictable.

9) characters that go into a 180 change in personality in the middle of the story out of no where...like there was no progression in their character to lead to this point but it was like the switch flipped off and they are completely a different person. I’m confused cause where is the journey to this point? lol.

10) character has a tragic backstory that try to make the readers feel sorry for them, especially the antagonist...look if that man is old enough to drink they can make their own decisions, I don't need to feel sorry for them when they made those decisions on their own.

11) making the story majority on things that happen in the past and never tying it to the importance of the story in real time...this is mainly for those who read secret relationships, all those flash backs were like 85% of the story without any actual progress.

12) characters that have too many fan service scenes than actual story, sorry to call you out full volume but I don't know what to think of this webtoon, things get ...weird.

13) the older male preying on younger males....I hate this trope so much you don't even know, someone call the pedo police...look a little age difference does not bother me but if one is a minor...yikes

14) piggybacking on the last one, professors that have sexual relations with their students...barf...

15) Characters that are absolute trash but are excused by their fans because they are "hot"

please know that I had to revisit these horrible chapters just to get these ugly ass images, my fight or flight response was triggered.

16) when writers try to play the incest card with " they aren’t related by blood so it's okay" dude if your name is on those legal papers you are indeed siblings, regardless if you are blood or not...gross

17) when sexual tortures is used as a plot device, now it will just be torture porn the novel...I'm like okay this is too much that it is unbelievable

these images are nothing compared to the actual chapters.

  18) When a story you started was really good and had the potential to be an inspiring story and all of a sudden something in the later chapter ruins the whole story just by being there when it didn't need to exist.

19) threesomes....LMAO why does this exist? you think love triangles are bad. I don't know about you but somethings you can't share lol. I'm sure there are some people who thinks this is okay...lol. I'm sorry but I don't get it

this example is of Liveta, absolutely great story, except this one part when victor, yohan and yohan's friend had a threesome, I don't know how close you are to your homies but this is not okay...lol. omg this concept is so funny to me.

20) last but not least....the ugly b*stards....WHY are you even here? who thinks a 70 year old d*ck is what people want to see? these men look like they should in a retirement home in a wheelchair and there’s so many of them...ewwwwww.....puke.

  here are some lovely examples...if you regurgitate after seeing this I'm sorry lol. I personally don’t think anything beats number 20 TBH.

again these are just things that bug me and I've noticed going on with a lot of the writing from different stories, possible theories could include that the writers are using each other to make content, so all of these plots are recycled in some way...or some of this crap is happening to people especially young adults, and that is concerning. I know the whole sponsor thing is a possibility especially for young idols/actors that don’t have a following.

  oh god, that was a lot, if you have any more to add leave it in the comments, I'm sure i missed a lot but this was all I could think of at the moment, hope you enjoyed reading cause there will be more of this trash talk coming your way.

if you just read this and want more content please do follow me on tumblr and read some other webtoon related posts, like my monthly favorites where I talk about some of the series shown here.

thanks for reading hope you enjoyed. sheena.

[haru-kuneko]

A lot of writers should check out this video by Filipino Wattpad author AnakniRizal

NOTE: Err ... Sorry, it's in Taglish (Tagalog and English) so I'll just have to explain my own thoughts based on the video to those who can't speak Filipino and watch this one.

The author talks about how writers have the power to influence their audience through words. It's very important to be mindful of what we put out there not just with the stories we create but also our views, opinions, and attitude towards people around us.

📝🔍 I agree that aside from adding disclaimers, we should be able to do our research and explore sensitive topics with tact. As much as possible, avoid stereotypes and assumptions. If you do get something wrong the first time, don't be afraid to acknowledge it and learn from that mistake. Be humble. Listen.

📢 As a writer, you also need to be wary of how you interact on social media. It is a reflection of who you are, a quick resume to your potential employers. You obviously would get blacklisted if you threaten to blow up the building or straight-up call somebody a slur.

However, I don't fully agree with this as you necessarily don't know how the person talks or what they may be going through behind the scenes. People can change over time, even the jerks. Most of the time, what you see online is just a persona. Just because I'm very blunt and emotional on social media, that doesn't mean I act that way all the time.

👗✨ With social media, you also have trends. There are certain words, expressions, and tropes from ten years ago that wouldn't be accepted today. A lot of books, shows, and movies nowadays feel rushed and simplified to cater to today's younger audience. The problem I have with trying to ride the coattails of trends is it can make your writing pretty dated.

You also end up isolating other audiences when your characters are constantly spouting lingo and pop culture references which not many people would know about. Sometimes, they're only well-known in your country. I know it's important to write whatever you want but you also need to consider making your works somehow appeal to your audience.

🔞 Another thing people tend to get wrong is just because it's fiction, you can portray toxic relationships, sexualize your characters, and shove in your political beliefs without consequence. People, especially kids, can take those things the wrong way and may not view things the same exact way as you do. To you, it may seem not that much of a deal but it can be uncomfortable and dangerous to others.

In case this is supposed to be a cautionary tale inspired by your own experiences, you should at least make that clear at the start of the story and mention that in the disclaimer. This is why you see books, shows and movies that state they aren't meant for ages 18 and below or "Not suitable for kids under 15!"

🗪 Most importantly, "freedom of speech/expression" doesn't mean you can say and do whatever the heck you want without consequence. I am not a fan of the trend of roasting strangers because those tend to be mean and personal. Don't be a jerk for no reason. I usually assume freedom of speech as being able to criticize and have open conversations without censorship.

[gurugirl]

I truly apologise. I promise I was not trying to shame you for anything. I really like your writing and was trying to say that I appreciate the way you write to request. I can see from your response how it could seem like a personal attack and I’m sorry. I am all about fantasising about whatever you want!

I think what I was trying to comment on was just broader tropes in fan fiction and the way some things have become really normalised for younger people or people without much relationship experience and I do sometimes wonder what that is setting them up for in the real world, you know? The same way that porn is warping young guys perceptions of what sex looks like. I think fan fiction is definitely much healthier than that but there are still some interesting recurrent themes that I worry about for example a lot of choking, a lot of submission stuff. These are perfectly reasonable kinks if that’s what people want but there’s absolutely nothing odd about not wanting them, nor are they apart of most sex.

I just thought you seemed open to chatting about that stuff, I really wasn’t trying to talk about you personally or imply that you don’t have your own personal history or fantasies that of course you can communicate however you feel! And lucky us for getting to read them.

Apologies again.

I definitely don’t disagree that porn can be bad for lots of people and set skewed expectations and perhaps fan fiction can also be part of that.

But If I look at this hobby of mine under this lense then I wouldn’t write for tumblr any more. If I felt I was responsible for my readers well-being then I just wouldn’t do this. I’m not equipped for that. I just write fiction and it usually contains many things I like or enjoy writing.

Everything I write (request or not) is something I enjoy and want to write. I can’t write something I’m not into and so hearing that you felt this sort of idea or fantasy would only make sense if someone was young or inexperienced did feel like a bit of a jab at me, even if you didn’t intend it. I write what I enjoy.

I know that many of the people who have commented and reblogged are both experienced and mature (I have gotten to know many of them through dms) so this could sound insulting to those of us who just enjoy this kind of thing. I might have sounded very defensive toward you but that was because I just don’t want any of my readers who did enjoy the content to not feel bad for liking it.

I suppose there’s nothing wrong with asking why but I also think that when we want to really dissect everything we consume we wind up with nothing in the end.

Again. I’m not proclaiming to be self help or a voice of reason to anyone on what healthy relationships should look like or not. In fact I write pretty exclusively (with a few exceptions) problematic relationships.

Thank you for the apology. I’m sorry I was so defensive and that might have been unnecessary but I felt like I wanted to make sure the readers that have enjoyed this story didn’t feel bad about liking it. Perhaps no one would have taken it that way except me. I’m sensitive to certain criticisms because I do put so much of myself into the stories even if they have nothing to do with me 😅

Xoxo

[frozenwrites]

This Review was Written... Without Merit.

That was a bad one, I know, but I can’t help it if the excitement of having read a YA novel that's relevant today overflows in terrible puns. Colleen Hoover’s popularity hasn’t evaded me over the past couple of years, I just never paid it much attention because I foolishly assumed that I’d outgrown young adult novels. Long since gone are the nights of me staying up until morning reading for the likes of John Green and Nicola Yoon and Rainbow Rowell, but when I saw Hoover’s bestsellers gloriously monumented in one of my favorite bookstores, I decided that it was time to return, and I like to believe that I picked the absolute best book to start with.

In the interest of keeping this thing spoiler-free, I won’t go too deeply into the plot, I’ll just have to review the book’s other… merits (last one, I promise). This is the story of a teenage girl called Merit Voss, whom, the novel is quick to establish, comes from a rather eccentric household. That in itself isn't a new trope in this genre, but it was how the main character's origins and family factored into Merit's growth and development that captivated me so instantaneously. She was a young girl who was a part of something much bigger and more complex than herself, and like teenagers often do, she was about to make a mess of it all. The plot progression was smooth and fluid. I enjoyed that, because while the story started out like I would expect from a typical romance, a little while later came the moment in which I smiled as I turned the page; I realized that this novel was more layered, and interesting, than I anticipated. The topics that Hoover looks into in this one are, as is usual for this genre, close to reality, and very likely to resonate with most people. Through the teenage protagonist's eyes we are exposed to revelations about family, expectations and pressure, self discovery, depression, and a few more. I have always believed in learning about life through fiction, and by the time I was done with this novel, I'd gained more than a few more perspectives. Also, and this is a very personal thing, I couldn't help but notice when I was seeing the world through a younger person's eyes that I was taken back to a time that I'd forgotten all about. My life (or anybody's, for that matter) was nothing like Merit's, but I could really empathize with her feeling like the subject of a world that wasn't her own, trying to either escape it or find happiness in short bursts. The first person narration was the most suitable to show that too. The story was in her voice, which instantly revealed a few aspects of her character; she had plenty of vibrance in her soul, but it was constantly muffled. Possibly because just like most people in her position, she hadn't yet grown to be comfortable being herself.

On a less bleak note, the nature of the reading experience itself was all that I hoped it would be, too. This is something I truly missed about Young Adult novels: they are just so easy to read. Hoover's writing style, combined with the smooth movement of the plot, the simply set scenery, and the masterfully executed dialogue made this a read for no more than two sittings (granted I had plenty of time in both). It was also a very nice touch to have a bunch of discussion questions at the end of the book, they were quite interesting and did a fine job cementing everything I'd collected from the novel into my mind.

Finally, my objectivity might be slightly clouded by the euphoria of having just finished a good book, but the whole point of a good YA novel is to make us acknowledge how we feel about things, just like Merit does, and so I'm ready to rate the novel at a solid 8/10. It was a good experience, and very likely won't be the only thing I read by Colleen Hoover. ✨

[linkspooky]

Hi! You’re truly an interesting and fascinating person. Your meta and insights are very useful. And as others said, extremely well put and though out. You’ve mentioned before that you read extensively… Is it okay to ask for your reading recommendations? Whether it may be essays or books or manga, I’ll happily take it! Of course, it’s okay if you cannot answer that (—w—)/✨But please accept my earlier compliments and heartfelt appreciation of your time in putting your analysis together! It’s always so fun reading them. That’s all, thank you!

(ﾉ∇≦*) ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Thank you so much. I am very bad at accepting compliments but I will try my best for your sake. I made a long list of my favorite books over here, but if you want more reccomendations here’s a few off the top of my head. 

The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb. 

If you like the female characters written by George RR Martin, but George’s writing makes you a little ehhhh, than I highly recommend these books. They are a deconstruction of the standard fantasy tropes, but written by a woman TM with a lot more sensitivity. FItz is one of the most toxically masculine protagonists I’ve ever head, but also he’s my baby girl and I love him. There’s just a lot of emotional intelligence written with these books, and also it’s less triggering than Game of Thrones so if you want to read a deeply thoughtful fantasy series this is it.

Prince of Thorns, the Broken Emptire Trilogy. by Mark Lawrence

I just reccomended a series as a less triggering version of Game of Thrones, but do you want to read a fantasy that’s much more explicit??? Than read this one. The strength of this series is the main character as one of the most vile, but also uniquely sympathetic main characters in fiction and I like his journey leading to redemption at theend of the last book. The world of this book is also incredibly interesting, because the twist is instead of the standard fantasy setting TM it’s post apocalyptic with society having been reset to the middle ages due to a nuclear war. 

Boogie Pop Series

My favorite light novel series of all time is Zaregoto, but if someone were to ask me to reccomend them a light novel that shows to a person who’s never read light novels before the storytelling potential of them I’d say Boogiepop. Boogiepop is a cyberpunik / fantasy series where every single installment is an episodic adventure loosely connected to this world where these normal high school kids and people brush against these supernatural phenomena and they all have strong characters and themes that make you ask questions about real life. Good light novels, use the medium of short stories and light prose to try telling really experimental stories outside of mainstream with cult appeal that ask you really hard question. 

THe first six novels are translated, and if you read those six it will give you a complete enough picture to understand the appeal of the series. 

The Queen’s Thief Series by Megan Whielan Turner

I read this recently. If you want a series that is about the difficulty of rulers ruling without like a million subplots like there is in game of thrones, this is a much more concise series with a well written ending. Also, one thing I do like about the series is from book 4 onwards it’s told from the perspective of characters who usually don’t get a narrative voice in these kinds of series, book 4 is narrated by a slave, book 5 has a long subplot about the horrors of slavery as endured by a major character, book 6 is narrated by a character who is born both defroemd and autistic and they’re a fully fleshed out human being. They are capable of mistakes and learning, they have difficutlies with things but they work hard to make up for them, they are not secretly a genius even if they have a special interest in numbers, they also start improving and recovering when everyone around them starts treating them like a human being. 

The Count of Monte Criso by Alexandre Dumas...

s one of my favorite books ever, and I totally forgot to mention it on my favorite books list. It’s not only the greatest revenge story ever written, it makes a case for why straightforward revenge stories are not only bad, but kind of boring. 

Basically even Edmond Dantes, a character falselsy imprisoned, betrayed by both his closest friend and the woman he loved who has every right to his revenge chooses to abandon revenge in the end, because not only does it spiral out of control and almost hurt a complete innocent, but also his revenge while maybe desered wasn’t helping him heal as a human being the same way the love of the woman closest to him was.

Journey under the Midnight Sun by Keigo Hashino

I’m a fan of this authors other works, especially his detective novel, but if you want to read an emotional story that will cahnge your whole life, you should read the story of the two children in this book just trying to grow up and live their lives in a world’s that horribly unfair to both of them. 

In the Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami

I actually reccomend a lot of Ryu Murakami’s works if you’re trying to get into japanese surrealism and horror. Fair waning though, they are all, like, incredibly graphic. I’m reccomnding them to you as a horror fan. Piercing, by Ryu Murakami is also a good one.

The Portrait of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

This is another one that almost made my top ten list. It’s in the same vein of horror as Frankenstein and Dracula, but it is also deeply existentialist and philosophical/ The horror element of this kind of takes a backseat, to the character discussing philosophy like the benefits and drawbacks of hedonism, and the human condition. Oscar Wilde is also, a gay man, who was tried for sodomism after writing this book, so there’s a strong historical homosexual subtext to consider when reading this book too if you’re considering reading with that sort of thing in mind. 

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie

This is my favorite mystery novel of all time. It basically invented the unreliable narrator trope, though, saying that is kind of a spoiler to the novel so I won’t say anything further. Edgar Allan Poe may have invented the mystery genre, and Sherlock Holmes may have popularized it, but Agatha Christie made it swaggy. 

The Decagon House Murders Ayatsuji Yukito

I have to bring up this author if I bring up Agatha Christie, because their debut work was written as a response to AND THEN THERE WRE NONE (please google the original title I don’t want to talk about it) and if you’re not comfortable with Agatha Christie’s works for reasons, they are a very smart and modern take on tropes that were popularized by Christie. They’re a part of the Shinhonkaku school of detective fiction, or Neo Orthodox which is basically a throwback to the classics. 

Goth by Otsuichi

Another one of my favorite japanese Horror authors, I reccomend Goth along with Black Fairy Tale, they are both horror pieces that focus on the characters and their struggles instead of gore which really creates an effective horror as you sympathize and despirately wish for the survival of the main cast. Also, this is a dumb observation, but Goth’s ideas are very.... gothic in nature. 

Literally anything by Shirley Jackson

All of her novel length works are worth reading, I’ve read them multiple times. The haunting of Hill House is famous, but I’d amost reccomend less well known ones like Hangsman or We Have Always Lived in the Castle, because they use Shirley Jackson’s trademark surrealism to illustrate their points so clearly despite not being straightforward horror like haunting of Hill House is. 

Okay, I can’t remember any more books I like, I hope that’s a long enough list to satiate your tastes. 

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[blindbeta]

Trope Discussion: The Blind Prophet / Blind Seer

This covers blind seers, prophets, clairvoyant characters, etc. Anyone who can see or predict the future, usually through seeing visions. This trope is extremely common. It also has roots in classical mythologies, religion, and literature. It is not necessarily bad on its own, but the way it is used in fiction and it’s popularity with non-blind writers makes it an uncomfortable trope for me much of the time.

I understand that not everyone will agree with me, but I think some of my suggestions can be helpful because this post offers potential ways to make this trope better for those who wish to use it.

I neglected to include it in my post about Things I Want to See More Of / Less Of in Blind Characters, but it is still something I want to discuss. I thought it warranted its own post. To get an idea of my thoughts on this trope, I don’t think it is so much harmful on its own, such as the cure trope, but rather I feel it is over-used and used in ways that contribute to ideas I find harmful. In the case of this trope, the ideas I find harmful refers mainly to the idea that blind characters need something extra or special that is designed to make up for their blindness.

The blind prophet or blind seer is something people seem to assign to their blind characters because it feels right. I would like writers to consider why this is, ways to avoid problems associated with it, and ways to be more intentional with how they design blind characters in the future. To clarify, I’m not saying you should never write a blind character who can see or predict the future. I’m not even saying this is best left up to blind writers. I’m saying I want writers to be aware and have more intent when they use this trope. Hopefully this post can help people do that.

I often receive asks or messages about blind characters who can see the future. A few common characteristics include:

1. this blind prophet is the only blind character

2. this blind character is the only person in the story who can see the future

3. this blind prophet is always totally blind - I have only received one message in which the blind prophet in question had some vision in one eye

4. seeing the future is portrayed as making up for or otherwise replacing the character’s lack of vision (again, the trope is almost always about a totally blind character)

So, in other words, this trope can be used for writers to make up for blindness, whether that means actually giving the character sight through their visions or making up for it emotionally. For example: “This character is blind, which is sad, but that’s okay because they can see even more than we can! They’re special!”

Let’s break it down.

Discussion: 1. this blind prophet is the only blind character

Why is this a problem? First, I think we are well beyond having only one blind character in our stories. Sometimes having one blind character feels as if the writer believes having more than one would be unrealistic. Sometimes it also feels frustrating to explain over and over that affirming stereotypes can often be avoided by simply having several blind characters. Unfortunately it often feels like a struggle to get writers to consider it. This means the only example of a blind person in the story is one who can see the future, which means they affirm this trope or stereotype for the casual reader.

Second, having the prophet be the only blind character tells readers that blind characters cannot exist without something to make up for their blindness. They can’t even exist in a story without this.

Discussion: 2. this blind character is the only person in the story who can see the future

Why is this a problem? This one is similar to the first one. We have the token blind character who is the only one who needs sensory based powers. Because, remember, the blind character needs to make up for something, apparently.

Why does the blind person always have to be the prophet? Why can’t they be the strong one or the one with teleportation? Why can’t they be, I don’t know, the person with power of attraction or display proficiency with a weapon?

Why do they always have sense based powers? Why not another power? At least a character like Toph is a powerful bender. She can do plenty of things aside from see, plus her adaptation was derived from everyday use of a power she already had rather than a power she was given for the purpose of seeing.

It gets a little disappointing when a blind person’s power is just the ability to — I guess — see? More on that in section 4.

Discussion: 3. this blind prophet is always totally blind - I have only received 2 story ideas in which the blind prophet in question had some vision

Why is this a problem? I’ll try to explain this part as best I can.

There is nothing wrong with having a totally blind character. That is not what I’m getting at here. My issue resides in the idea of seeing the future making up for blindness, and this means, the character usually needs to be totally blind.

I think this is a manifestation of the myth that all or most blind people have no vision at all. This is not true. In fact, the majority of us have some remaining vision. I asked my totally blind friend who said she had only met one other person who was like her.

I think this is also a manifestation of the idea that blindness needs to be made up for. With a special sight power and not with something like flight or technology-based powers. Writers who are consciously or unconsciously accepting this idea need to have a totally blind character. Because if the character has some remaining sight, what needs to be made up for?

Discussion: 4. seeing the future is portrayed as making up for or otherwise replacing the character’s lack of vision (again, the trope is almost always about a totally blind character)

Why is this a problem? I want to stress that these are two separate things. Both problems, but different ones that have roots in ableism.

When I say ‘making up for’, I refer to a blind character being given visions to make up for their lack of actual vision. As I mentioned before, this character, almost always totally blind, needs something to make up for blindness in the narrative. These visions can be brief ideas of the future or actual flashes of light or color. Either way, this character is being given a special kind of “sight” which makes up for their blindness. This can be a way for a sighted audience to feel better, or for the writer to feel as if they have made up for the character’s blindness. This is mostly emotional or mental. The character doesn’t need to actually see anything in order to fulfill this part of the trope.

The second part is about how sometimes the blind prophet can literally replace their blindness with their future visions. For example, they don’t need a cane while using stairs because they can predict when each step is. Or they might not be able to see people’s faces in visions. This erases their blindness. And in this case, why write a blind character at all?

On that note, discussion 3 also comes into play. If you want your character to be totally blind while failing to write them as totally blind, you shouldn’t be writing a totally blind character. In this instance, you probably shouldn’t be writing any blind characters, period, but I do think you would be better off writing a character with some vision instead.

Additionally, back in discussion 2, I said this: [quote] “It gets a little disappointing when a blind person’s power is just the ability to — I guess — see? More on that in section 4.” [End quote]. I wanted to add that having powers that just make up for a lack of sight is boring. I’m bored by it. Does it mean it can never be made interesting? Of course it can be interesting. However, that would require more work than some writers are putting in when this trope is used.

How to Avoid Some Problems

Problem 1: this blind prophet is the only blind character

To avoid: add more blind characters, specifically ones who cannot predict the future.

I generally advise adding at least 1 extra blind character, but for big tropes like this my happy area is 2 to 3 extra. You should have at least 2 to 3 blind characters in total to avoid both tokenism and this problem specifically. This means, if you have 1 blind character who can see the future, you should have at least 2 who cannot. This is the minimum.

The point is to expose readers to characters who do not follow the tropes they are probably used to and may even think are representative of blind people in general.

Problem 2: this blind character is the only person in the story who can see the future

To avoid: Set out to have characters who can see the future and who are specifically not blind. Also, have characters who are blind who cannot see the future.

I think, if you want a bunch of prophets in your story, this is a good way to go. You could also simply not have any blind prophets, but it depends on the story you are telling and if you have a bunch of prophet characters, you might wish to include a blind character among them.

For an ask relevant to this point, go here.

Problem 3: this blind prophet is always totally blind - I have only received 2 story ideas in which the blind prophet in question had some vision

To avoid: Create characters who are prophets with residual sight.

This problem is very much connected to problem 4, but I wanted to mention it just in case. It is not as much of an issue on it’s own.

Problem 4: seeing the future is portrayed as making up for or otherwise replacing the character’s lack of vision (again, the trope is almost always about a totally blind character)

To avoid: Don’t erase the character’s blindness with visions. Don’t give them visions as a way of making up for not being able to see at all / well. Don’t connect their powers to their blindness. The idea of [quote] “My character can’t see so what if they could - gasp - see in an extra special way” [end quote] is not that creative. Also see problem 3.

Additional thoughts:

Consider giving blind characters powers that don’t involve sight, at least not in such a direct way. Whether you have a blind prophet character or not. Perhaps another alternative could be giving them several powers.

I would like blind characters to have more unique powers, because I see this trope often. It would be fun to see something different or for this trope to be subverted somehow.

Again, I want more awareness and more intent from writers. Not necessarily complete avoidance of this trope. Would I like to come across it less? Yes. But there is still hope for it.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

I also offer sensitivity readings. See my pinned post for more information.

Edit: @stealthetrees Yes I think it would still apply. Think of this type of character as also being totally blind.

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

[ouyangzizhensdad]

Phoenix Mountain Kiss and Consent/Boundaries in MDZS

The following opinion, expressed in the recent mdzs controversial opinion thread on twitter, is actually one I’ve meant to address for a while:

Even if most of fans loves the 'stolen kiss scene' in the Phoenix Mountain in the novel, that was a sexual harassment.

People in the fandom, especially those who were introduced first to the novel through cql, have a tendency to criticize the Phoenix Mountain kiss scene, saying it was non-consensual. My problem is not that they are wrong. The kiss is (or starts as, at the very least) non-consensual. My problem with this criticism is that people point this out as if it were a mistake. As if mxtx had meant to write a romantic kiss and had instead fumbled it all up and made it not consensual by virtue of not being woke, not being a good enough writer, or being too influenced by bl tropes. And that readers are too unsuspecting or not educated enough to realize the wrong mxtx committed. 

Here’s my hot take: The kiss is non-consensual because it was written to be non-consensual. mxtx is not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. The reason why we, as readers, can infer that, is because the non-consensual aspects of the kiss are important to the events of the plot, some of themes explored in the book, lwj and wwx’s relationship after wwx’s return, and lwj’s character arc. mxtx uses this moment and its aftermaths, amongst others, to make a point about consent and communication in relationships--one of the central themes of the novel. Shocking, I know. Arguing that consent and communication are a main theme in mdsz: now that's a controversial opinion.

Now, I won’t argue mxtx always manages to develop this theme with utmost finesse. You can critique and disagree with her treatment of the theme throughout the novel (taking into consideration, as well, how it’s not just explored through lwj and wwx’s relationship). That being said, isolating events in the novel like the Phoenix kiss scene to mark them as Good or Bad without considering the context in which they happen and are explored within the novel is just bad literary analysis :/. 

Let’s first consider this simple statement: the non-consensual aspect of the kiss is not accidental--mxtx knew it was non-consensual when she wrote it, and she wasn’t trying to hide that fact. 

By the time we reach the Phoenix Mountain competition, lwj has accepted his feelings for wwx, and that these feelings will not be returned. After all, in the xuanwu cave, wwx took great pains to ‘reassure’ him that he is super-straight-and-totally-would-never-flirt-with-him. Yet, wwx continues to ‘flirt’ with him--tossing a flower at him just before the competition--which we can gather is a source of, um, great torment for him. 

We are not privy to lwj’s thought process leading to the stolen kiss. What we know for certain, however, is how he reacts to and perceives his own actions after the fact.  Through wwx’s unreliable narration, we can still understand that lwj immediately regrets his actions and feels uncontrollable anger towards himself and his lack of self-restraint. While wwx has more complicated and contradictory feelings bout the kiss, lwj clearly sees his actions as wrong and disrespectful. He is scared of what he has been capable of doing unto another person--pushing wwx away the moment he sees him after the kiss. 

The person spun around. It was Lan Wangji after all. However, right now, his eyes were bloodshot, his expression almost frightening. Wei Wuxian was startled, “Wow, so scary.”

Lan Wangji’s voice was harsh, “Go!”

Wei Wuxian, “I just came here and you want me to go. Do you really hate me that much?”

Lan Wangji, “Stay away from me!” [chapter 69]

As readers, we are told that the Phoenix Mountain kiss, nor its implications, is not something to consider lightly. The fact that lwj’s reaction after the kiss is written in, and that it is so intense for someone usually so reserved, or the fact that we learn that more than a decade later he is still ashamed of himself and describe himself as having done something wrong (or, very wrong 很不对 ), all prove that the non-consensual aspect of the kiss is not an accident and is not downplayed as something to expect from someone in love with another person. 

蓝忘机闷声道：“我，那时，自知不对。很不对。” [chapter 111]

I can already hear some people ask: even if it was not an accident, why chose to include a non-consensual kiss between the two romantic leads? if not because it is a bl trope/weird kink, why did mxtx chose to put this in her novel? what do we gain by including dubious consent or non-consensual interactions in our fiction?

The long-short answer is: because the act of crossing boundaries is a very productive story-telling device for any piece of media focusing on any type of interpersonal relationships. Crossing boundaries--willfully or unintentionally--is a source of conflict, internal and/or relational, which can drive the plot forward, shape character development and relationships, as well as be useful for certain thematic discussions. 

Current discourses regarding consent in English-speaking, mostly-western spheres of the web tend to be very polarized, painting people who cross boundaries as bad. The solution presented (i.e. how to not be a bad person) tends to be an invitation for everyone, within any relationship, to constantly negotiate consent verbally and honestly: to constantly disclose boundaries, to constantly ask for permission, etc. While I do not dismiss the value of these suggestions, it is an ideal representative of certain socio-temporally specific cultural expectations of what communication is, how communication should happen, and how relationships should be like, etc.. Human relationships are messy, people are flawed and hurt each other, and we have complex internal lives (for instance, someone might not realize their wants or limits until they are faced with them). Instead of having media show us only a specific type of idealized relationships where boundaries are never crossed, ever, they allow us to explore the implications of boundaries within interpersonal relationships. Or, sometimes, media and fiction just aim to represent or are influenced by this very real part of human relationships, and use it as a way to create conflict within the narrative and relationships (sometimes in a interesting manner, sometimes in a very gross manner).

In mdsz, the Phoenix mountain non-consensual kiss is a two-fold source of conflict:  internal (lwj) and relational. While wwx remains unaware until he and lwj are together of the identity of the person who kissed him, the implications of the kiss ends up shaping their relationship both before and after wwx’s rebirth. 

A source of (unknown) conflict between lwj and wwx after he is summoned back from the dead is the fact that lwj believes wwx is aware of his feelings. But this conflict is further compounded by the fact that lwj has once forced his feelings unto wwx, and is utterly afraid that he would dare to ever do it again. That is why, every time wwx initiates physical contact, or flirts very deliberately with lwj, lwj never goes further than what wwx has initiated. Sometimes, he even de-escalates their proximity or level of intimacy (usually by asking wwx to “ 别乱动”  or, famously during Drunk#2, by literally knocking himself out) --out of fear that he, again, would lack self-control and do something wrong to the man he loved.  He never presumes he has the permission to push their relationship further than what wwx is offering. Without that added source of conflict, would it have been reasonable to expect lwj and wwx to have realized their mutual feelings earlier, even with the issue of lwj not being aware wwx does not know of his feelings?

“In the beginning, the reason for behaving in such a manner was to let Lan Wangji be disgusted with him and kick him out of the Cloud Recesses, and they would never have to meet again, going their separate ways. Lan Wangji couldn’t possibly tell what his real intentions were. Yet, [..] even when faced with Wei Wuxian’s various actions, tricks, and pranks, Lan Wangji never once lost his temper, reciprocating with restraint and courtesy.” [chapter 99]

That is all true, of course, until Drunk 3. Here again, the ghost of the stolen kiss plays a part in accentuating the conflict. Without it, would lwj have jumped to conclusions as quickly? And, plot-wise, the shared perception of wwx and lwj that they have taken advantage of the other is a source of conflict that does multiple things--it gives wwx an incentive to go look at the temple at night to distract himself from his guilt and sadness, instead of going the next day with lwj (at which point jgy would have had perhaps already left) and it keeps wwx in the dark about lwj’s feelings until lxc reveals to him the events of the past he has forgotten. Here again, issues of consent are clearly taken into consideration as a source of conflict, shaping both characters’ motivations and the events of the plot.

Finally, the theme of consent/boundaries is an important aspect of lwj’s internal struggle, particularly in relation to his father’s choices. The kiss is part of his journey. 

It is not coincidental that the Lan motto is “Be Honorable”/”Self-restraint,” and that lwj is presented as the model Lan disciple. This element is part of the context that gives narrative and thematic meaning to the non-consensual kiss. When lwj forces a kiss on a blindfolded wwx, lwj goes against the values he holds dear and the teachings that were imparted unto him--prime internal conflict. 

But what is also interesting, to me in any case, is how consent is the thing that ultimately differentiates lwj’s choices from his father’s. 

How willing was Lan-furen to be saved by Qingheng-jun? to be taken to live in seclusion in the Cloud Recesses? to be married to him? to have children with him? The novel never tells us clearly. However, the novel gives us an idea of how lqr, lxc and lwj perceive their parents’ relationship. For lwj, we are given an insight into his perception indirectly during the following conversation between him and lxc.

[Lan Xichen] spoke, “Wangji, is there something on your mind? Why have you been so tense?”

Of course, in most people’s eyes, the ‘tenseness’ probably looked no different than Lan Wangji’s other expressions.

Lan Wangji’s brows sunk low as he shook his head. A few moments later, he replied in a low voice, “Brother, I want to take someone back to the Cloud Recesses.”

Lan Xichen was surprised. “Take someone back to the Cloud Recesses?”

Lan Wangji nodded, his expression pensive. After a pause, he continued, “Take them back… and hide them somewhere.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes immediately widened.

[…]

“Hide them somewhere?”

Lan Wangji frowned softly. “But they are not willing.” [chapter 72]

Indirectly, we come to understand that lwj draws parallels with his father situation: they both want to protect someone by taking them to the Cloud Recesses, but these persons are unwilling. The unsaid question here is, would I choose to do as our father did? 

The non-consensual kiss is part of lwj’s journey, through which he comes to understand that, despite his strict upbringing and disciplined lifestyle that was supposed to keep him from becoming like his father, he is capable of being his father (or at least who he thinks his father is). He learns that he can understand what sort of passionate feelings could bring someone to do something that goes against not only the wishes of his clan members, but the very wishes of the person they love, for the sake of keeping them safe or for the sake of having them by their sides. And at the end of that internal journey, lwj chooses not be like his father--to put wwx’s decisions and wants and needs first. After buyetian, lwj offers his protection and confesses his feelings--and wwx rejects him. lwj respects wwx’s choice, while still going against his clan to protect him. He brings wwx back to Mass Grave Hill knowing full well that wwx would not survive long the wrath of the four great sects seeking revenge against him, and goes home to receive his punishment.

Overall, what I tried to say in many many words, is that the Phoenix Mountain kiss is not non-consensual by accident. It is not because mxtx is an awful person or is not educated enough, or because she thinks dubious consent is romantic. The fact that it is non-consensual is addressed within the narrative, fuels internal and external conflicts, and is as well woven into the plot structure and the themes of the novel. The kiss is not an outlier element, added to titillate a readership--it exists as an integral part of the novel.

I’m not saying it’s not okay to decide that you do not want to engage with any content that includes non-consensual interactions or dubious consent because that triggers or irks you regardless of the way it is handled. It is totally valid to not personally enjoy or have criticisms about choices mxtx made in exploring these themes, in presenting the internal and relational conflicts around consent/boundaries, or even in the way she decided to write the scenes that figure dubious consent. However, it is not really helpful to divorce an event from its context within a piece of media in order to brand it as either Problematic or Unproblematic, Good or Bad.

Note: Much more could be said about the theme of consent/boundaries in mdzs; this is not exhaustive in the least. 

Note2: Much more could be said, in relation to the question and theme of consent, about: the cultural limitations of Westerners to engage fully with a text written for a chinese audience; the limits of fan translators to fully understand  the nuances and themes of a novel and to communicate them in a different language; about the place dubious consent and non-consensual interactions has had in the romance/erotica genre for a long time, and no, not only because Misogyny or Homophobia. 

[dramionediscussion]

I have a concern about Dramione fandom, which has been slightly troubling me lately. I am not saying that this is something that is going to happen, or is happening already. Naturally, I don’t think this is entirely unfounded either (hence why I am writing this), but I am just one Dramione shipper. If this doesn’t resonate at all, that’s totally fine! We are all aware of extremely boorish and fatuous anti-Dramione people, who troll, defame and accuse Dramione of being all sort of things. We are also probably all quite familiar with their claims about the ship and its shippers. You know, Dramione promotes racism, sexism, classism, unhealthy and abusive relationships, it’s all about bashing Ron, it’s just cuz actors are hot, we should all pay homage and tribute to canon relationships (and their shippers naturally), and offer respect and fawn over everything “canonical” for gracing us with all this HP bounty, and so on. This time I am not going to try to offer rebuttals, or deconstruct their arguments, or even psychoanalyze them more than absolutely necessarily. I am not even particularly upset about them (anymore). They are categorically wrong, their arguments are never insightful or thoughtful. Most importantly, they are disingenuous in their argumentation and especially about their own motives. I believe, the best course is ignore them totally. What I am afraid, that these endless arguments, relentless belittling, and even harassment of which they never seem to grow tired off actually might change Dramione shippers and community as well. Not in a conscious way, but constantly being on a defense can make people internalize some of these arguments. Or rather their premises and assumptions on which they are based upon. I don’t mean it, that Dramione shippers will suddenly wake up, and shout out that Dramione was actually all about abusing women all along, or anything like that. What I mean is, that people rather internalize certain assumptions, framing and logic chains, which are build into those arguments. In a defense, they start define what Dramione really means, what is ideal Dramione, what is acceptable or desirable in Dramione fics, in accordance of these attacks, by unconsciously defending their ship from slander. As an example, Romione people constantly accuse that Dramione is either all about mindless “Ron bashing”, and Dramione shippers rightly say that it’s not what Dramione is about at all. What I am afraid, that people might internalize the point, that “Ronbashing” is something truly heinous, and what should be avoided at all cost. And as a corollary to that, ideal Dramione fics are those in which there’s no conflicts between Ron, Draco and Hermione. Or the very least they are resolved in a conciliatory and harmonious manner. Or it is lazy Dramione writing, when Ron is “villainized”. Or another thing they say is, that Dramione just about glorifying and eroticizing abusive relationships. This might lead that some of us accept the framing, that describing or narrating something is totally same as promoting and celebrating it. If they accept it, then it’s quite easy to logically infer, that if Dramione is not defined by Draco abusing Hermione (it’s not), then it must be defined negatively as its opposite. Meaning that something cannot be genuine or accepted Dramione, if it contains an abusive Draco. Or as an induction from that, if a fic has an abusive Draco, it also must contain a redemption arc, and Draco has to change and make amends, and redeem himself as a person. That we start to define Dramione being really about redemption or redeeming, forgiveness, changing oneself for the better, etc (as contrary to their claim that its about abuse). Don’t get me wrong, I’d say the majority of Dramione fics contain a redemption story arc, and Draco either has changed or actively changes his views and behavior. It’s a common and wonderful theme, and almost all my favorite Dramione fics have those, and I like just for its own skae. Yet it’s not something what either makes or unmakes Dramione. There’s a minority of fics, in which Draco is never truly redeemed (usually a lust-filled obsession, with many many cognitive dissonances, which he never solves), and they are as Dramione as anything else, and some people enjoy writing them and some people reading them (or at least some of them). Also, a lot of gray areas, which can be quite delightful, thought inspiring and invigorating (and hot!).  Speaking for myself, I’d say maybe 1/20 of my favorite fics have this dynamic or something close to it. Maybe 33% are more in that gray area. It doesn’t do any harm, there’s nothing ethnically wrong about it, I never idolize that behavior. If Romione stans have problem with that, they can go away, cry and tell that Rupert Grint body pillow all their troubles, because I don’t give a damn. People don’t emulate or model their behavior or preferences from YA fanfics or smut in that sense in any significant numbers. If someone does, I am sorry to say, but you probably weren’t going to make it anyway. It’s the irl version of getting a comedy death in a video game, like if a smarter-than-average mushroom hypnotizes you and makes you walk into a bottomless pit, or something like that. Your problems are deep seated and numerous, which unless dealt with, will be triggered by just about anything. Its pure happenstance whether it will be Harlequin novels, Dramione fanfiction, urban legend your cousin told you, or whatever. This could go on, but seriously, Dramione shippers have nothing to prove or even argue with those antis. It’s just bottomless pit of resentment, what they twist into moral arguments, which they think will signify us as the worst kind of people, and they themselves as the most virtuous. Their antipathies are petty and personal concerns, in which they feel like the universe and the abominable cabal of Dramione shippers have cheated them out of all that attention, writers, fans, fics, and deference they feel entitled to. It’s natural for humans to cloak often even most pettiest and nonsensical slights and resentments into whatever moral or ethical language and arguments the society they live holds sacred. If we would be living in the 1600s, they’d be scouring the Bible for anti-Dramione arguments, and denouncing Dramione as unchristian and sinful. By their stated “moral standards”, there are a lot more “vile” and “harmful” ships out there, but they aren’t functionally bothered by them at all. So, unless really prompted, they don’t even bother to denounce them, little alone wage this never-ending crusade against them. That’s because they aren’t popular enough to trigger that envy and resentment (Hermione with basically any of the worst Death Eaters). Or they feel that they don’t compete in the same niche as their ship does (Drarry as an example). I wouldn’t be writing this, if this discourse with Antis hadn’t affected me as well. There was a time, I wanted to understand what they were about, and I read a lot of their grievances and internal discussions. While reading I couldn’t help but to be on a defense all the time. Sort of refuting and counter-arguing against their points in my mind, while reading their diatribes (I tried to start a dialog couple of times, but I was always totally ignored, which I am thankful for them in retrospect). Conditioning myself with that for long enough, I did notice that I started to feel a bit hesitant about certain tropes and Dramione fics I hadn’t before. I was thinking about Dramione like a defense attorney, excepting to be attacked from all directions. It actually took me quite long to figure this out, and how the bile of HP fandom had in subtle ways affected my sense and tastes without my really noticing.

Anonymous submitted: P.S. I wrote that previous submission, and I have to add, that I am not trying to say this is happening or pointing any fingers at anybody. There’s perfectly good reasons to not like any Dramione fic, as a Dramione shipper, in which Draco is irredeemable or evil. There’s perfectly legitimate reasons to prefer fics, which Ron is portrayed as a positive influence for Dramione. People can arrive to same conclusions or tastes from countless different routes and reasons. The negativity that the HP fandom and Romione shippers especially grace us just got to me in a way, that I wasn’t even cognizant about. It might be the case for others as well, if their own self-reflection so deems (or not).

------------------------

I agree with every point you’ve made. While it’s obviously okay to discuss why you like Dramione (or any other pairing), people also need to remember that they don’t have to justify why they ship Draco and Hermione together or prove (especially to haters as they’re not worth anyone’s time) that their OTP makes sense because even if it makes no sense whatsoever, it’s still fine to ship it as long as you can differentiate between fantasy and reality. I don’t know about you, but when I started shipping Dramione, it was like love at first sight. I didn’t think if they made sense, didn’t spend hours trying to make a list of arguments for Dramione, I just suddenly loved the idea of them together, believed they belonged together, and that was and still is enough. I don’t need to justify why I ship them, and neither does anyone.

It’s true that in most Dramione fics, Draco gets redeemed. It’s also true that most shippers prefer fics in which Draco gets a redemption arc, but we have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fics in which Draco’s irredeemable or his relationship with Hermione is toxic. I myself read such stories from time to time. I like a good Ron bashing fic every now and then as well, and there’s nothing wrong with that either because it’s all fantasy, it’s all fiction, which, I believe, most Dramione shippers are aware of and accept. Hopefully, it won’t change, and no one will ever try to tell others what should and shouldn’t be written or what is and what’s not allowed in a Dramione fic.

- AgnMag

[normal-thoughts-official]

Fun fact I'm getting so sick and tired of fantasy allegories to racism which are just plain terrible, 12x worse if they r sugar coated and supposed 2 be sympathising with the oppressors. Like I love shaowhunters but I hate that this is just demon cops, but u can't get rid of them bc of the demons like, I've seen so many people be so sympathetic with the shaowhunters for being lied to and u know propaganda and then just, plain ignoring the downworlders they've oppressed for literal centuries???!!!!

Like Mayrse was a nazi and we are supposed to like her at the end of the show???? Alec discovering that maybe the clave was wrong is supposed to be some sort of heartbreaking thing like huh wonder how magnus feels bout living thru it hmmm?

Like this along with jkrs House elf bullshit (there's definitely more examples but mindblank) which needs no explaining, I just don't know why prejudice and supremacy needs to be such a prevelent part of fantasy worlds by white authors / show runners when they make no effort to either research or just focus on the fact that my protagonists r one of the good ones. Like yes fine I want our protagonists to try and be good people but they aren't saviours for not being absolute monsters!?!??????

ugh u get it anon kiss me on the lips

it's so annoying because like... i'm sure someone has studied this already and has lots of more stuff to say than me but it really just feels like a fictional white savior fantasy, you know what i mean? like it's always about fighting genocidal oppressors, but never actually ABOUT genocide and oppression. the people who are being oppresed are always swept under the rug in favor of only vaguely-allied privileged characters who will do us all the favor of saving the world from genocide. usually because they are the chosen ones somehow, because it wouldn't be complete without that one last bit of essentialism duahdsuahdsa

and like generally u just can tell it's written by ppl with white savior fantasies who actually don't even bother to make the basic effort of learning about racism? so you frequently have a bunch of racist tropes both towards the characters of color and the characters of the fictional oppressed group and the authors don't even realize and it's tiring

also i feel like that's a very modern/post WW2 thing? like the non-germany non-italy western countries like to believe that they Saved The World From Fascism even tho that's never been what that was about and usually the villains in those stories have such straight up nazi rethoric it barely even classifies as an allegory. while with older fantasy works like LOTR the tropes are usually that they are going to be invaded by an enemy and subjugated, the Allegories For Racism seem to be a very post-WW2 thing to me. like i think it's just that combination of antiracist movements having been growing a lot making all that white guilt bubble up; the current climate where western countries no longer invade each other making write the villain as some invader who will take their land seem less interesting since they are the obvious villain there; the white savior complex non-germany non-italy western countries in particular have related to WW2; and just the fact that profiting off racism is kind of easy

anyway sorry i know u didn't ask for a very weak unsourced analysis but this ask did make me thing like why IS that such a common trope when usually white people like to pretend racism doesn'te exist anyway? and yeah i think it's kind of a mix of white savior fantasy with a letout for white guilt

anyway the point is that i feel you, it's tired and tiring and bad and helps further colonization narratives more often than not and if u wanna go there the least u should do is actually try to empathize with oppressed ppl, both real and fictional, for once. like how telling is it that these people are SO unable to relate to oppressed people that even when they MAKE UP a whole ass fictional oppression they still can only put themselves in the shoes of the oppressors? lol

[bae-science]

it’s t-t-t-t-time for another newt bae-science fic rec extravabonanza! same rules, same boys, same bullshit! let’s get into it:

a beginning; a second chance by @dykesword

other newt and i have a long and intricate ritualistic battle to become the alpha newt, but i gotta give credit where it’s due. if you like to annotate your books for fun, this fic will give you a looooong comment you’ll want to write, and for good reason! there’s a lot of really well done metaphor and character detail in here, while still keeping a very soft, melancholy but with a hopeful edge tone. and also, like, the care and detail in which newt’s mental state in the aftermath of the precursors’ abuse is depicted is so so good, and delightful to read

husbandly duties by @kingeiszler

i am soooo biased with this one bc technically it was made for me but GODDAMN it’s good. this shit has everything: gottlieb trio sibling dynamics, vanessa in giant femme earrings, hermann yearning, newt and karla infodumping together, newt’s terrible and accurate gaydar, gay crime, the newmann dynamic and why it works boiled down to its bare essentials, pride and prejudice glasses touch, and neon green acrylics. required reading for the vanessaverse

Say That Again by @robertfrobisherslover

WOOF. if you like mutual pining and lack of communication from men with rocks for their emotional processing centers, and guncle (gay uncle) newt and hermann and KILLER artsy sex scenes, and themes of words unsaid in a story about LANGUAGE..... oogoogogoogouhufug. the writing style is clear and well paced, i LOVE little mako’s scene she’s such a cutie, and there’s like. a line. that’s a play on the whole “it’s always been you” trope. that lives in my mind rent free forever.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by @thekaidonovskys

i’m just gonna paste the comment i left on it here, because that sums up what is so absolutely incredible about this fic the best:

so sometimes you stumble on a piece of fiction that you add to your little collection of stuff you would show a person if you wanted them to understand a part of you that you can't quite explain eloquently, or it would take too long, etc etc, and i've never really found something like that for my autism until now, which, like, poggers. and i'll be as straight up as i can while still being the biggest lesbian in the great state of ohio (not a hard feat but alan invented computers so i love continuing on the autistic tradition of being a living miracle), the chameleon effect hit me like a mack truck. catholic school in the deep south is the most potent and effective form of ABA therapy imaginable :/. so sometimes i wonder what i would be like if i didn't have such a strong ability to pass, and here's where we finally get to the part of this comment where i just vomit compliments at you: you nailed it. you got it. i don't know if you're on the spectrum, but either way, well fucking done. trauma therapy research talks a lot about healing fantasies, which are fantasies, usually in the form of daydreams, that abused/neglected/traumatized/etc people create that directly address a struggle they have and take the form of a scenario in which that struggle is helped in some way. it could be an abusive parent repenting and showering them with the love they never had, or someone finding them during a panic attack and somehow knowing how best to comfort them without having to ask, or being intimate with someone and having a scar or physical deformity they've been shamed for be given attention and care. and i think you have created the ultimate perfect healing fantasy for autistic people, or at least those with """"high functioning"""" autism. it has a character who is visibly and undeniably on the spectrum having the pain and trauma going through life like that causes being acknowledged and validated, they are purposefully paid attention to because person b genuinely likes them and wants to understand and respect who they are and how they function in the world, and thus get The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known as well as the eventual rewards of being loved, person b makes a genuine effort to help teach them social skills in a way they can understand and learn through and is there for them when these skills are being practiced, their space and boundaries are respected but they aren't infantilized or thought of as an emotionless robot, and they receive love and comfort on their own terms not despite of but because of who they are, even specifically being asked not to change the way they are because that way is lovable. they are openly desired. writing is my fucking JOB and it's still difficult to put into words how much you got 100000% right about the dream with this fic. i have been in the EXACT and i mean EXACT same situation as hermann when he asked newt if it was his personality itself that made people not like him, because i deadass made a spreadsheet of all my personality attributes i thought could be preventing me from making friends in college, and then asked my fellow nd friend to see if there was anything i was missing. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that this amazing, and i'm bookmarking it and putting it on my next fic rec post, and maybe one day way way in the future if i ever get a partner i want to explain the whole autism thing to, i'm gonna have them read this.

The Facts With Newton Geiszler, PhD by what_alchemy (NSFW)

storytime: i read this fic a few years ago, completely forgot the title and author, and ended up thinking about the part where hermann admits to having fucked a trailer hitch when he was a teenager, at least once a week. last november, i say to my friend samara on twitter, head of the BSHCU (buttslut hermann cinematic universe), hey this seems like something you’d have read, do you remember a fic where... and samara says FUCK i do know what you’re talking about lemme find it. so if the fact that i have been looking for this fic for like, two years, and that it contains a moment so iconic all i had to say is, “hermann says he fucked a trailer hitch” and she IMMEDIATELY knew what i was talking about, does not convince you to read this... go back to catholic school i guess.

Feeling Blue by TempusPetrichor

fics where newt goes back to work as a biologist, especially a xenobiologist, post pru are really interesting, and usually have something neat to say about recovery, how it isn’t linear, how it often involves us returning to things we love for comfort, etc. this one sure does! some good emotional and physical h/c, LOVE the use of the ghost drift, and it’s always fun to see post pru fics use dialogue very obviously taken from dbt, trauma-specific therapeutical texts, and anything that shows the author has experience with, or did their research on, ptsd therapies.

You’re Everyone That Ever Cared by KlavierWrites

you know a fic is good when it’s an only 9k slowburn and still manages to reach infinite regress levels of are you fucking KIDDING GO TO THERAPY. newt “acts of service” geiszler may have a little misplaced misogyny due to his broken woman-centric gaydar. as a treat. the fucking. post-drift scene where hermann subtextually screams “LOOK IN OUR BRAINS YOU FUCK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU I JUST HAVE AUTISM AND CAREER IN STEM DISORDER” is soooooo. god just hermann in general in that scene is great. if you like classic mid 2010s era newmann, ghost drift romance, and good ole mutual pining, this is a treat.

Baby, You're Hotter than my Bunsen Burner by SkySongMA

moronosexual hermann representation is something that can actually be so personal

Times of Stress by RadioMoth

the boys are processinggggggg. man what a good, quick and powerful punch to the gut. if you like post-pr1 catharsis and physical h/c, AND are the one friend that likes to comment at the end of the movie that hey newt got beat the fuck UP, check this one out.

black tea by @faggotcas

okay first of all, god fucking tier url, lee. second of all, food as a love language is my SHIT. i love the very slow relationship development here, where you see them making a genuine effort to get along and that in turn leading to feelings reigniting. it’s such a sweet little moment of a fic, with a nice atmosphere and tone to fit it

now here’s the part where i usually drop my latest fic, but i haven’t written one this month because i’ve been busy launching an audio drama! you can find it here, it’ll be right up your alley if you like cryptids and gay scientists and enemies to lovers and good ole americana, but since this is a newmann post, i’m gonna recommend the pacific rim audio drama duology i did a while back! part one is called conversations from the brink, and it’s a little slice of the pr3 we better fucking get from streaming that godawful looking anime. love and lesbians to everyone ❤️

[nomoregoldfish]

I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

[magnoliapip]

Ranked: Mother of the Year (Choices) Main Characters

I can’t sleep so that means I need to make another list that I’m not going to proofread before I post, right? Of course it does. But before we start, please remember this is my opinion on who I liked best. Not who impacted the story the most, not who was the best written fictional character of all time, yada yada. This is my personal opinion of the characters I liked best.

Spoilers WILL be featured below. You have been warned.

#13 -- Tallulah Copeland

Tallulah is a parent to a child at Bernhardt Academy, a friend of Vanessa Blackwood, and an active member of the PTA. Hugo is her partner.

This woman. I would flat forget this woman existed until she would show up again just to wreak havoc on MC’s day, usually at someone else’s urging. Every single time she spoke, I just wanted it to be over and she is just an awful, AWFUL person. She’s also the only awful person in this book who never pretends to be nice and/or never apologizes for her actions. Just an all around nasty person.

#12 -- Hugo

Hugo is a parent of a child at Bernhardt Academy and an active member of the PTA. Tallulah is his significant other.

If you’re actually reading these little blurbs, you have to be wondering “MagnoliaPip? How in the hell is Hugo ranked lower than two other unmentionables in this story?”

Thank you for asking, no one ever.

Put frankly, Hugo just annoyed the crap out of me. I know that’s supposed to be part of his character, but it went above and beyond the scope of acceptable annoyance. I grew to hate every second he was speaking. He never really contributed anything to the plot other than some irritating drivel. He wasn’t an antagonist, but he also wasn’t a pleasing good guy. He’s also the reason I’m considering not re-reading this book again right away like I want to.

#11 -- Guy Ledford

This man. This. Man. THIS MAN!

This part is going to include major spoilers, y’all, so if you haven’t read it and are still intending to, skip away now!! Again, major spoilers from here on out kids.

Guy Ledford is your main character’s ex-husband who has been absent for four years since the start of the book and wants to reconnect with his daughter. He is also a CEO of a snack food company/app, Nomme. He is the main antagonist of the book.

The reason I didn’t rank him lower is he genuinely adds something to the plot. He IS the plot. He’s the reason this book exists. However, he is such a scumbag he deserves nothing. He feels like a trope for quite a lot of the time, but at least he’s not physically abusive like a true trope could have been (at least, I never noticed him being physically abusive). Just, you know, a gaslighting, manipulative, arrogant, rude, selfish son of a-

I also love that they named him “Guy”. I’ve only ever met one man named this in my life, so it’s funny to me that they named this jerk “Guy” so it’s not only the most generic sounding name (did his parents also get a dog named “Dog” and a cat named “Kitty”?), but also one that a lot of men won’t likely have so they don’t have to get name checked in relation to him.

I like that you can get a good outcome (Guy ends up with joint custody with visitations  every weekend and having to back pay) without spending diamonds in this game as long as you make the right choices, but for those who DID spend all of the diamonds, I would have liked to have seen Guy end up with worse. I would have liked to see, if you made most of the right choices and bought all of the diamond stuff, him ending up with every other weekend or maybe just visitation. I know he’s trying to be a good dad (but still an absolutely terrible human being), but every weekend seems like so much when your daughter is in school.

#10 -- Augustus Blackwood

August Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and is a student at Bernhardt Academy.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. But he hurt my daughter and that’s enough. I would have liked to have seen him fleshed out a little bit more beyond being basically just a schoolyard bully. His motivations for his actions are hinted on, but nothing is really ever done and he’s mostly just a prop for something to hurt your daughter.

#9 -- Vanessa Blackwood

Vanessa Blackwood is the president of the PTA, a single mom, and a lawyer and becomes an antagonist to your character.

I’m probably going to get hate for this, but I want to like Vanessa. Obviously, she’s hateful and offensive, in some very, very unredeemable ways, but there’s something about characters like that which makes me want to forgive them and teach them how to be better. How to rehabilitate their bitterness. I felt it with Olivia Nevrakis, I felt it with Victoria Fontaine, and I know certain people in the fandom felt it with Becca Davenport and Poppy Min-Sinclair. 

**DISCLAIMER** Keep in mind, I’m not trying to excuse homophobia and racism here. They are both despicable things and should be accounted for. However, after having grown up in a homophobic and racist home and learning to leave that shit in the dust by the time I was eighteen and SLOWLY teaching my family to do the same over the course of the last 10 years, I believe people can change if you give them room and help to. Not everyone will, not many people will, but I believe in giving the chance. We need to force people to take responsibility and learn from their mistakes. Should the book have been approved as a series rather than a stand alone, I think this might have been a very real option within book 2.

#8 -- Ajax “AJ” Blackwood

Ajax Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and a student at Bernhardt Academy.

AJ is the quieter of the Blackwood boys, AJ is a shy kid who hates that his brother is mean just as much as your daughter does. He finally has enough within the book and stands up to him, which was more than a little satisfying and he does seem to have a genuinely good heart. I think it would be so cute for him, your daughter, and Luz to be their own adorable trio of friends. 

#7 -- Levi Schuler

Levi Schuler is your neighbor who helps save the day for MC early on in the book and becomes a friend to both her and your daughter. He is also one of your love interests.

And if this list is going to invoke hate from the masses, it will be this entry that does it. I know how loved Levi is. And I love him too! I just find him, and his musician plot, to be a bit tiring. He’s a wonderfully supportive friend/love interest, just about one of the nicest people, and he’s great with your daughter. I swear, all of the love interests in this book would be god tier in any book. It’s truly unfair to the others that we got three amazing ones here along with a great cast of characters. However, since that did happen, Levi will sit here at #7. He can have a consolatory rugelach while I continue on.

#6 -- Faye Devore

Faye Devore is your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, a younger social media influencer.

I loved Faye. Right from the start, I loved Faye. I prayed they weren’t going to make this into one of those books where we were supposed to hate the “other woman” because those plots are old, outdated, and overused. Thankfully, MOTY lets us skirt right around it and we end up with a wonderful character like Faye, who is the human definition of having the best intentions.

She gets on well with your daughter, even pointing out to MC at one point that she thinks of her like a little sister, and goes above and beyond to make her happy. She is genuinely upset about going against MC’s wishes about your daughter appearing on social media and doesn’t appear to want to cause any harm or hard feelings with MC at any point during the book. In fact, she wants to be friends. 

I would have loved for this and for it to be fleshed out more, again, if we had ever gotten a book 2. I’m also that jerk who would have totally romanced her in a replay and would have emptied my wallet to get a scene in that hypothetical book 2 where Guy finds out. Take that homophobe!

#5 -- Dr. Eiko Matsunaga

Dr. Eiko Matsunaga is a science teacher who teaches at the private school your daughter goes to and becomes friendly with MC because of your daughter. She is also one of your love interests.

If I would have had a teacher like Dr. Matsunaga when I was in school, maybe I would have cared about science at any point during my childhood. Eiko is so incredibly smart but has a heart of gold. She could be off teaching at colleges or writing published journals, but she’s teaching elementary science at a private school and honestly enjoying herself! She wants to see children succeed and will give any child who wants to do so, like your daughter, all of the help they need.

I want to romance her. I want to be her friend. I want it all because I’m selfish even when I don’t because I could never possibly be worthy of the supremacy that is Eiko. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#4 -- Your Daughter / Zoey

Your daughter is 9 years old at the start of the book and desperately wants to be an astronaut. She is a science whiz and moves from public school to Bernhardt Academy at the beginning of the book to kickstart her education.

It makes me so sad that I will never actually have this child. “Zoey” is just so smart and funny and sweet and I love her so much. I spent so many diamonds on her. She’s a pixelated little bundle of amazing and I would die for her. That’s it.

#3 -- Alma Velasco

Alma Velasco is your neighbor, best friend, and (for part of the time) co-worker.

What did our character do to deserve such an amazing ride-or-die friend like Alma? She never disbelieves MC, is forever supportive as a shoulder to cry on and a supplier of good wine, and also helps MC out of more than one pinch. Seriously an amazing friend, and I wish we could have done something equally amazing for her to reciprocate.

#2 -- Thomas Mendez

Thomas Mendez is a lawyer and a single dad who becomes friends with MC very early on in the book. He is also one of your three love interests.

A big reason for why Thomas is at #2 is because of who #1 is but we’ll get there in a second.

There’s also something about Thomas that speaks to me as a person. It’s more than just being interested as a love interest or as a friend. There’s something about who he is. His awkwardness, his humor, his kindness and his generosity all make him someone I envy as much as I admire.

He takes on MC’s case pro bono when he doesn’t have to. He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but stepping back and looking at the it, by all accounts he was walking into a handily losing situation. He was also super busy at this time being a single parent himself and working on his class action lawsuit. That’s not even saying anything about him still grieving for Soledad.

However, the biggest reason I love Mr. Mendez is...

#1 -- Luz Mendez

Luz Mendez is a student at Bernhardt Academy who becomes best friends with your daughter early in the book. She is a soccer and art fan.

This little girl is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. She made the entire book. Every character that came before her pales in comparison to her majesty. She is a goddamn queen and deserves everything.

Every scene with her is gold and I wish we had more. This little girl was completely willing to curb stomp someone with her cleats at the courthouse if something would have happened to your daughter. She is so aggressively herself and it is a joy to see. The relationship between her and her father is what really kept me going through the book’s more difficult spots. There is such true love and acceptance there, as well as the drive and desire to do better for the other than I just...There is really no way for me to properly explain the perfection that is Luz Mendez so I guess you’ll just have to read it yourself.

---

I’m not sure why it took me so long to start reading Mother of the Year (MOTY), but I’m so glad I did. In 3 days flat I binged the entire book, wasted so many accumulated diamonds, and had the time of my life. The cast of characters in MOTY is perfect and I wanted to rank them according to my opinion on which ones were the best. I ranked all of the characters I found to be profound enough to matter to the storyline or that MC or “Daughter” had enough interactions with to matter. As a result, there are several characters who didn’t make this list. 

Sound off below if you wish.

[xmanicpanicx]

Romanticized Things That Aren't Actually Romantic

1) The "shut up" kiss

It happens in more movies, TV shows, and novels than I can even count. One half of the couple (usually a woman or girl) will be talking, and the other person (usually a guy) will suddenly lay an ol’ sloppy one on her mouth. Often times, she’s rambling about her insecurities, so some people think it’s cute when he kisses her, symbolically laying her worries to rest. Don’t worry, hon! There’s nothing to be insecure about! He likes you! There are two big problems with this. The first is that when someone is speaking, you shouldn’t cut them off; best case scenario, it’s rude. Of course, people cut each other off all the time in conversation, so that’s different. But when a character interrupts another character’s speech to kiss them, they are essentially prioritizing their sexual desires over the other person’s need to express themselves. It’s an action that has an agenda. Everyone wants to be truly listened to when they speak. So if, for example, we have a female character babbling about her insecurities, the male character should hear her out, and then respond to what she says. There is plenty of romantic potential in words — even more than in kisses, in my opinion. His response could still be a kiss after she’s finished speaking (as long as it’s not a rattlesnake-strike type of kiss that doesn’t give her a choice). However, we still have another problem: the female character’s self-confidence shouldn’t be contingent upon the male character’s opinion of her. In other words, a kiss from a guy, no matter how much she loves him, will not and should not heal her negative perception of herself. Not healthy. Real people and characters should accept themselves on their own terms rather than on the approval of others.

Sometimes, the sudden kiss will come in the middle of a female character’s angry rant. The male character thinks she’s cute or sexy when she’s angry, which can be frustrating and patronizing for anyone who voices their anger because they want to be listened to and taken seriously. But regardless of why the character is talking, the other character should stop kissin’ and start listenin’.

2) Female double standards

Women and girls often feel really uncomfortable when men objectify them and make comments on their bodies, so they call these men out — and rightfully so. They also call male authors out for only describing women in terms of their bodies and giving them very little, if any, personality. Once again, rightfully so. Unfortunately, in real life and in literature, there is a double standard here. It’s one thing to write an erotic novel in which bodies of every gender are described in explicit detail and with an express purpose. But I’ve read novels without any sexual content that go into so much detail about guys’ looks. And these male characters are often not well-developed, either (think of the stereotypical jock with a hot bod and no brain). Authors — especially female authors, who are usually the ones perpetuating this — need to do better than this. If it's not okay to do that to girls, it's not okay to do that to guys, either. Also, what is up with that scene from The Notebook? The one where Rachel McAdams repeatedly slaps Ryan Gosling because he’s breaking up with her. How on Earth is that okay? The Notebook is widely considered to be a super-romantic movie, but there is nothing romantic about that scene, and it should be a deal-breaker for their relationship. If the tables were turned and Ryan Gosling slapped Rachel McAdams for breaking up with him, the entire plot of the movie would be different. It would be a thriller, a story about a woman trying to escape a scary ex. We would never root for the two of them to get back together.

3) Overly-metaphorical sex scenes

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Would you like some crust and tomato sauce with all that cheese? So many novels shy away from the anatomical details and favor metaphors for how the sex makes the characters (or just the narrating character) feel. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this, but I personally tend to roll my eyes more often than not at the actual execution. The narrator will say something too dramatic, like “our bodies became one and the universe opened up before me.” Or “and then we were flying, soaring with and through one another.” Or something else that is just… not sexy. As far as being poetic, there isn’t anything special about those phrases, either. There is nothing wrong with describing sex as it really is. I realize that novels featuring sex that are aimed at young adults probably cannot describe things too explicitly, but there’s no need to replace dirty details with flowery language. Go for whatever sincerity you can in the situation. There are plenty of different emotions to mine and sensual details leading up to the actual sex that read more thrillingly than the sex scene itself. 

4)  Instalove

It's simply not as much fun to see characters fall for each other right away. And how could they possibly fall for each other right away, anyhow? Is it all about looks? If so, both characters are instantly less likable because they're shallow. And that's not real love, either. You need to actually know someone in order to feel a such a deep emotion for them.

It's also important to note that making the characters "love" each other at the outset of the story does not heighten the emotional stakes. It actually cheapens them. Because how can we take this so-called love seriously when we don't get to know, don't get to care about, the characters as individual people before they fall for each other?

Now, if we get to know each character and watch them get to know each other, and slowly fall for each other, that's much more rewarding.  It's character growth, and it's a whole process that we, as readers, get to experience vicariously though them.

This may just be a personal preference, but I think it's best to even avoid phrases like “my heartbeat skipped” or “my skin tingled when our hands brushed” in the beginning stages of the story. Even though the declarations of love and outright displays off affection may come later on, statements like these reveal instant attraction, which still isn't as rewarding as attraction that grows over time and through events.

5) Love interests being obsessed with each other

From approximately 2005-2015, YA literature saw a horde of books featuring teenage girls and boys who are everything to each other. I almost mean that literally. The first really popular book like this was Twilight, but it had a huge influence on everything in YA that came after, especially YA fantasy. How romantic, some people think, that hero lives for the heroine! And vice versa! Perfect! Meant to be! Everyone wishes they could have that one, true, perfect love! 

Listen. Go back to Britney Spears’s first album and play the song “Born to Make You Happy”: ”I don’t know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.” Solid 90s bubblegum pop, but with unhealthy lyrics. An unhealthy mentality. Most of us are familiar with that heady, all-consuming feeling of falling in love, how it feels like that’s the best and happiest part of life as it’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with portraying that. It’s relatable. The glorification of it beyond all else is the problem. The hero and heroine have scares throughout the story during which they almost lose each other, and that brings to light just how strongly they feel each other, to the extreme that nothing matters except each other. Then, of course, they ultimately end up together, happily ever after, never having to part again. But in real life, people break up, or sometimes even die. People have no choice but to be apart from the person they loved so much from then on. And it’s devastating, but it’s not the end, even if it sometimes feels like it. That’s why it’s so important for books to give some indicator that there are other things that matter besides (and dare I say even more than) the one person the hero/heroine is in love with. The characters have to have some sense of self-love or resilience. They have to have other people they care about, or at least values/principles and goals. They have to be an actual person, not just a vessel filled to the brim with love for just one other person. Romanticizing a co-dependent relationship can be hope-crushing message, especially for teenagers who haven’t had enough time to grow, to weather the storm of life and toughen up and become wiser and more self-aware and self-confident. 

7) The super dominant male love interest 

Okay, I’m not trying to kink-shame anyone because I know there are people who absolutely love this trope. I want to say it’s fine, as long as it remains in Tropeland. But even if women want to keep these love interests solely within their fantasies, I do worry about the message it sends to men, if it makes them think that they can be abusive douchebags because women are into that. I already know of far too many men who think that women are only into assholes. 

Personally, I’ll never understand the appeal of a man, fictional or otherwise, who dictates what a woman should wear, her food choices, where they go and what they do for dates ALL THE TIME. And jealousy! Sure, jealousy indicates that someone cares, and it’s a normal human emotion, but I’ll never understand the appeal of a guy who gets so jealous, he won’t allow his girlfriend any freedom. I’ll never understand how cruel, disparaging words could ever be on the same sexiness level as dirty talk. And I really, really will never understand how a man physically harming a woman could be considered sexy. It’s weak and cowardly, hurting someone who doesn’t stand a chance of fighting back because they’re nowhere near as strong.

I get the appeal of a guy who sees a woman as his equal and isn’t afraid to spar with her, challenge her, and maybe even be a little bit rough with her, knowing that she can handle it. I see the appeal of a confident man who isn’t afraid to tell a woman what he wants. When his presence becomes legitimately threatening and completely selfish, that’s when I personally see a problem. But hey, to each their own.