#also uhh TWO TRUCKS HAV-

[belphieslilcow]

diabeel is actually the most valid obey me ship because I said so and its funny

[gliyerabaa]

wow okay I guess you guys really do wanna hear my headcanons? I’ll cover 1-10 and 15-25 here I guess then.

for all intents and purposes, these are headcanons for a modern au. also gelphie, obviously.

1)      who does the grocery shopping?

They actually don’t do a lot of shopping? They grow a lot of their own food, and Elphaba is a vegetarian, Glinda respects that too. They grow their own fruits and vegetables, they only ever go to the store for stuff like milk, flour, butter, eggs, basically anything they need to turn what they grow into a full meal.

2)      who gets to shower/bathe first after sexy time?

What are you talking about they obviously shower/bathe together (in an AU where Elphaba isn’t allergic to water)

3)      who spends the most time naked?

uhh sksksks idk how to answer that one? I’m not really a fan of being naked unless im like showering (or like theoretically having sex, if I had a girlfriend) and I can’t really imagine either of them just enjoying chilling around naked? I guess like in the mornings after they spend most of the night doing it, Glinda would get up make breakfast but not bother getting dressed? idk

4)      who tends to initiate sex?

it really depends. usually its Glinda? it all depends on how they’re feeling, if they’ve been drinking and how much, how long it’s been since they last did it..,.,., there’s a lot that goes into it, so I’ll just leave it at usually glinda.

5)      who goes to sleep first?

Glinda, probably. (headcanon: Elphaba has anxiety and it’s bad enough that it keeps her awake at night a lot)

6)      who’s bigger in the downstairs department (metaphorically or physically)?

uhhhh I don’t know what this is asking but if I had to guess I’d say it’s about dicks. So I’ll just interpret it as Big Dick Energy.., which Elphaba definitely has more of. especially modern AU Elphaba, she probably has like a motorcycle or a truck or something (side note: when loud college bois hav big trucks it’s small dick energy..., but a lesbian with a truck? the biggest dick energy in the world)

7)      who gets up first in the mornings?

Glinda likes to get up and make breakfast for her and Elphie

8)      who says ‘I love you’ first?

wow I literally don’t know.., both of them love each other so much but they’re too scared to say it.., there’s a whole lot of mutual pining but they slowly and slowly grow closer and more comfortable around each other that falling in love isn’t even a huge deal? idk who would say it first. Probably Glinda I think.

9)      who gets baby-crazy when they see children?

THEY BOTH DO, but like in completely different ways. Glinda is like “oh my god kids are so cute and adorable” but Elphaba’s reaction is more like a motherly “you are soft and precious and I want to Protect you” thing?

10)   who steals the others clothes?

that’s not a thing because their styles are so different

15)   who pops the question? (and how?)

ohhhhh part of me wants to say that they do tha cliché lesbian thing where they propose to each other at the same time but I dont think that would actually happen with them

Elphaba would be the one to propose, she’d take Glinda out to her favorite reataurant with a balcony table view and they’d have a stupidly romantic candlelit dinner and they’d watch the sunset and eventually once its dark and the stars are shining, Elphaba would propose and Glinda would say yes and they’d kiss under the stars

ALTERNATIVELY, if Glinda proposed, Elphaba, who is more or less stone cold with her emotions, would probably start crying because oh my god shes actually loved 

16)   who gets jealous when people flirt with their partner?

uhhh they would both get jealous if someone was flirting with the other? But not a lot of people flirt with Elphaba. Usually when drunk guys at bars flirt with Glinda, it’s stuff like “hey sexy, why spend time with that green d*ke when you could be with me?” and Glinda has to literally hold Elphaba back so she wont punch the guy

17)   who does the best pranks?

hm idk who would be the prankster of the two :/ neither of them seem like the prank-y type

18)   who drinks all the tea?

oh, Elphaba is definitely the tea drinker. just straight black tea. (Glinda usually opts for coffee, but when she does drink tea its like herbal tea or fruit tea. Also when Elphaba does drink coffee, 99% of the time its plain black coffee)

19)   who is the most ticklish?

Glinda.

20)   who is the loudest in bed?

this is where I bet most people would say Glinda, but I’m gonna turn that around. 

I feel like Glinda would actually be a lot quieter? mostly just like gasps and soft moans

Elphaba would be a lot more vocal, I think

21)   who has the most experience in relationships?

Glinda for sure. But all her past relationships were when she tried to convince herself she was Straight.

22)   who has the crazy ex?

I dont like the term “crazy ex”..... but they both dated Fiyero before they dated each other, so that can make for interesting stories

23)   who handles their drink better?

Elphaba for sure. She doesnt drink as often but she can definitely handle it better than Glinda can. 

24)   who feels they’re inadequate for their partner’s love?

Elphaba grew up hating herself, and has, for the most part, been generally disliked by nearly everyone she’s ever met, so she definitely feels like she’s not deserving of being treated with so much kindness and love

25)   who gets passive aggressive in an argument?

ooh this is a tough one.., I feel like Elphaba would just be generally kind of sarcastic all the time, regardless of whether or not they’re arguing,

but Glinda definitely ups the passive-aggressive factor in an argument (we’re all taking things that don’t belong to us!)