#also ugh these tags remind me of how callous show!barristan is when telling show!dany about her father's cruelty and madness

[aboveallarescuer]

it's not even true that barristan does not want to tell the truth to daenerys (as this fandom so believes) but to tell someone (a child) how awful her father was it has to be handled with tact and that's what barristan does: he is tactful i think people just want barristan bluntly spew all out in front of daenerys and to disregard her feelings they just want daenerys to feel miserable and daenerys already expects to hear A LOT of bad stuff about her father no person asks if there is some good to be told about their father if they did not expect the worst to hear (tags by @mikastormborn)

When people argue that Barristan should have bluntly told Daenerys that she is a child of rape, are they genuinely motivated by Barristan making amends to Dany, or are they motivated by wanting Dany to spiral into darkness and hate herself and her family, to pave way for their theory that she should die to let the Targaryen name die?

I ask this because the biggest proponents of this line of argument, or other criticisms of Barristan (who yes, deserves his critiques, no doubt about it), don't apply this logic consistently.

Who will tell the Starklings that their grandfather, Hoster Tully, forced their aunt Lysa to abort a child and marry a pedophile who raped her, at the age of 16? Who will tell the Starklings that their father, Ned Stark, was best friends with a serial rapist and abuser, Robert Baratheon? That Ned Stark's mentor, Jon Arryn, was the pedophile their aunt Lysa married? Particularly because "Barristan served Robert, how dare he try to serve Dany" is one of the criticisms being levied at him––so should not the Starklings know that their father went south and signed their destruction warrant by serving such a man?

You see, if it's about "Dany has to confront the legacy of her horrible family," and "Dany should know that she was only conceived through rape and only exists in this world because her father raped her mother," then shouldn't the Starklings confront the direct role their family has played in aiding and abetting abusive, sexually violent, and predatory men?

Perhaps the logic is that unlike Dany, the Starklings have enough distance from the crimes of their father and grandfather. Or their father and grandfather shouldn't be held accountable to begin with. Theon comes to mind here, as someone who lived alongside the Starks during his formative years. Will those Starklings confront the reality that Ned Stark held him as a hostage, and would have killed him if Balon Greyjoy made the wrong move? Is that something the fandom consistently wants to see, as much as it bays to see Dany react to the knowledge that she was conceived through rape? Will this change how Bran feels about Theon's conquest of Winterfell and betrayal of the Starks?

Should Asha and Theon learn that Victarion murdered his wife to please Euron? That Euron likely raped Aeron? Is this something the fandom yearns to witness, for the Greyjoys to "confront their legacy?"

The only person who has to "confront her legacy" is Dany––the orphan with no family by her side––and this is fashioned through criticisms of Barristan with a fake concern for Dany. Absolutely, he should tell her the truth. Or someone should. But how should that truth be told? And what effect do you want it to have on Dany? Do you want her to know the truth so that she can be a better ruler, or do you want her to know the truth so that she can hate herself, and willingly be a corpse that the rest of the characters step on to see the dawn of a new day?

The proponents of this argument also believe that Rhaegar raped and abducted Lyanna. Who will bluntly tell Jon that he is a product of rape, if you believe that Rhaegar raped Lyanna? Should Jon confront his Targaryen legacy, or is he distant enough from it to not have to die to lay the Targaryen name to rest? Does anyone want to see his emotional state, or do they just skip to "Jon will reject his father and embrace the Starks?"

I'd much rather see Tyrion tell Dany the truth. Tyrion, who was born to a terrible father, like Dany. Tyrion, left to suffer under his elder sister's hands, like Dany was left to suffer under her elder brother's hands. Tyrion, who knows exactly what it's like to strive to embody your identity, all while knowing your family did not want you. Tyrion, whose mother died in childbirth, like Dany's. Tyrion, who is the embodiment of his father and his house, despite being hated by his father and family. Tyrion, who clashes with his family's values and goals. Tyrion, who remains proud of his Lannister identity in spite of it all. The very specific subjectivity of knowing that your father is a rapist, a horrible person, a tyrant, and knowing that you carry his name, is very specifically shared between Dany and Tyrion.

But I want Tyrion to be the one to tell Dany the truth about Aerys because I want to see mistrust evolve into shared understanding and empathy between them. I want it to be a moment of catharsis for them both, of relating to someone who is probably the only one in the world who knows the exact thing you're going through. The rest of you, however, want it to be Barristan, or Jaime, because if we're being honest, you want Dany to hate herself and spiral even more afterward, paving the way for "Dany dies to make the Targaryen name die" endgame.