#also twenty one pilots later came out with my most favorite song. choker. like i love that song

[mbat]

i dont believe in any higher power or things necessarily happening for a reason but its. actually insane how im spending a second year of my life thinking a whole lot about twenty one pilots and dan and phil at the same time, the first time being 2016. and like, how im comparing the two years

2016 was when i first began isolating myself, it was the beginning of the end yknow. a lot of things changed back then and not really for the better

and this year im trying my damn hardest to end that, to fix the stuff i caused starting back then

how much i dont feel like how i used to anymore mentally

also how far ive come in my queer journey as well, i didnt even concieve me of being trans back then lol (i wont put the picture here cause its so unserious but i LOVE that one meme with jesse pinkman and the caption is "girls fetishizing mlm and then 5 years later they look like this" like. THAT WAS ME)

idk, its just like... thats so weird, wow. just how things came together. i just keep reflecting on this stuff so much lately just cause like... i might actually get to live my life. i know i said it before but i really did think my life was over, that i fucked it up all cause i was a teenager going through so much that i was completely unprepared for, some things that no one couldve been prepared for. i did my best with what i had, but what i had was crumbs.

and now i really have a chance. i really have a chance to actually be a person again. thats so fucking scary but its also amazing. theres a whole world out there and i want to be a part of it so badly, and i dont quite know how i will be, but at least ill have the option

so yeah, 13 year old me thinking a lot about twenty one pilots and dan and phil simultaneously, and now 21 year old me doing the same thing. its like im still that kid, and yet not at all. i wish he knew everything that would happen, but i know he had no way to.