#also transmasc not transmen theres a fucking difference

[onyx-pixiestyx]

Great news! /sar

I’m going through another identity crisis!

[computerpeople]

im venting about being a bigender bisexual person and it includes gender politics don't fight me on this post its about personal experience

i dont understand how a lot of people understand that transphobia is a thing, lesbophobia is a thing, misogyny is a thing, but then suddenly shit themselves when transmascs bring up how misogyny intersects their experience as a trans person. i don't believe in "transandrophobia" or whatever the fuck its called, because that implies that they're being attacked for being a man, or being masculine specifically. like no shit that's not whats going on, you're being attacked for being a "wrong girl" sorry to say. and theres this weird fucking idea that transmasc = binary passing male, and that acknowledging any misogyny that they go through is inherently misgendering them (even though misogyny effects everyone in different ways because of how prevalent it is) so lets forget about the binary transmen for a second

whgat about me? what about people like me. the fat transmascs who don't pass but have transitioned medically enough that people can VISUALLY TELL youre transgender. i bind all the time, i have facial hair, i have an insane amount of body hair, i have an androgynous voice. i dress however the hell i want, sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine. and i have no interest in being stealth, or "passing" for societies standards, i have no interest in being a binary man. but i get mistreated all the fucking time, im seen as a fat, ugly, "wrong looking" woman. i take pride in it, but you need to understand that people fucking hate "wrong looking" women. that's literally a part of misogyny. so why am i expected to not talk about my own experiences with misogyny as a transmasc person. its just fucking irritating. so much of my girlhood is defined by being a "wrong looking" woman, or a "wrong acting" woman, and i am so proud of it. i am so fucking proud of identity in that. im just like my mom, and she deserves to feel beautiful and loved and amazing in all the ways i do. but even in queer spaces, if i acknowledge that, i'm "misgendering myself" ir "invalidating myself" or that i wouldn't really understand what its like to be a woman because i never really was one. yes i was! and she still lives through me, shes still fucking in me! she never went away! and shes happy to look like a man! she wants it all the same as i want it because she is me and i still face misogyny and transphobia because of it all the fucking time. and it's such a weird experience to live in this weird space where im too trans to be a woman, too womanly to be a transmasc, too much of a MAN LOVING MAN to be a "transmasc lesbian" but too much of a WOMAN LOVING WOMAN to be a "transfag" and too "binary" on BOTH sides to be anything inbetween. even in the MOST QUEER spaces and the most accepting areas, people assume im a transfem? which is okay, but then people automatically assume its only she/her or that im a "queen" or only gender me as a woman. and when i correct them i can physically feel the attitude change, despite the fact that i also still fucking identify as a woman. it fuckinbg sucks