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for-a-longlongtime · 26 days

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Guilty Pleasure (3/7) - dbf!Joel x reader

Sunday dinner with your parents and Joel is... weird. But also hot.

Rating: Explicit, 18+ only, mdni Series warnings (tba): Age gap (reader is 22, Joel is 42), masturbation (f), use of sex toys, oral sex, PiV, anal, hair pulling, dirty talk, getting caught, playful use of 'daddy' (no real daddy kink), outrageous flirting, groping, reference to m/m, Joel's arms should always come with a warning. No outbreak!AU. Word count: 1.7K A/N: I told you part III would follow soon! I had initially planned this for tomorrow, but then I figured I might as well turn dinner with da-- I mean, dinner into a Sunday meal, because why not. 😈 Thank you so much to everybody who has been commenting, reblogging (I appreciate you sharing it with others!!) and liking this fic so far! Things get messy today... let me know what you think. Is reader playing this right, or...?

< part 2 | series masterlist | main masterlist

Surprisingly, it's Joel who is late for Sunday dinner.

Not your father; he’s home early even, looking tired and stressed but trying to put on a front - which is far from the first time you’ve seen him do so. When you were younger, you once asked your mom why he never was more upfront about having hard days. Since he frequently appeared on tv to talk about new ventures or collaborations, you knew that his work wasn’t exactly easy breezy, but whenever you had asked him about it as a kid, he would brush off those concerns. “Somebody’s gotta do it,” or “I’ve got the experience to pull it off”, or any corny variation of that.

You used to love joining him at his office, something you got away with when you were still in primary school - which you realized later probably had to do with the sizable annual donations your father made to your school. Either way, it was exciting. The massive building where he worked, the technology, all those people looking extremely important in their outfits, swiping access cards in order to get into secure areas, so many meeting rooms, and not to forget the press room. You were in awe, determined to work there when you’d grow up, to follow in your father’s footsteps.

Until things came crashing down.

The missed plays, PTA meetings, and staying up late weren’t so bad initially. What started bothering you the most was how everybody seemed to give him a pass. Most of all your grandmother. She spoke about how your grandfather used to be in charge, many years before your father took over, and how good he was. How your father was so much like him. Responsible, in charge, a leader, ‘such a good man’.

And see - that was the problem. Because no matter how well you did at school or with the things you loved to do, it always felt like you were merely in his shadow. You’d never be respected the way he is - because you weren’t like him, or them, which everybody seemed to expect.

So you decided to not care. Absolutely zero fucks. You didn’t need his approval, or anyone else’s. You were going to do whatever you wanted to do.

This summer, that meant doing Joel. A lot, preferably.

Joel, sitting at the table with you and your parents, looking all broad in his green flannel, almost having missed dinner this evening - which of course you would’ve gotten shit for if it had happened to you. “Issues at the construction site, damn Tommy couldn’t handle it on his own,” he grouses as your dad puts a beer in his hand, while your mom assures him it is no problem.

Aside from Joel being so damn distracting with his presence, it’s weird to all be seated at the dinner table on a Sunday. It’s not just that this hadn’t happened since you moved home for the summer; it actually was something that hadn’t happened in many years. While your father is talking to Joel about his work day, you get up and wander over to the fridge to grab a beer, grateful for the hoppy refreshment as it hits your taste buds. Liquor would be better, but this will do for now. You watch your parents and Joel talk, not even being aware of you having stepped away from the table. You finish the rest of the beer and put the empty bottle aside, then grab a new one from the fridge to take back to the table.

The drink helps you feel a little more comfortable in your own skin, tune out the chatter that you’re not too interested in, and rather take advantage of the opportunity to watch Joel. Perhaps his mouth and hands in particular, as you imagine them on you, feeling that stubble against your own decidedly softer skin; your cheek, or between your thighs, or elsewhere. He doesn’t seem too aware of your eyes on him, talking with your mom about some pergola or something.

Meanwhile, your father does seem to be paying attention to you, which almost catches you by surprise. But unsurprisingly it takes just a couple of moments until he’s irritating you again. “Were you able to stop by at the DMV to get your license sorted out?”

“No, I haven’t. I’ll get it done, just let it go - okay?,” you sigh, annoyed that he’s bringing it up for the fourth time in a few weeks. “A rideshare to the nearest one is just so expensive. If I could just use mom’s car…”

Your mom pauses her conversation with Joel as she shakes her head. “Without a license? I don’t think so,” she says resolutely. “You’d better figure it out, because I don’t have any time soon to take you over there.”

“Now there’s a shocker,” you mutter to yourself, shaking your head when your father’s voice cuts sharp as he asks if there’s a problem. “No, there’s no problem. I’ll take the damn Uber, if I can….”

“I can take you. Tomorrow afternoon.” Joel’s voice barely interrupts you as he doesn’t lift his eyes from his plate, spearing a little cherry tomato with his fork. “Will that make you stop whining? Need to stop at Home Depot after, though.”

The comment thrills you unexpectedly, though that is tempered a lot by the grin you see on your father’s face, no doubt because of the whining comment Joel made. Asshole. “Can’t make any promises,” you respond breezily. “I’m good company in the car though, as long as I control the aux.”

Joel almost snorts at that, shaking his head. “Over my dead body, kiddo.”

*Kiddo*. It stings, you realize, as you hold on tight to your second beer that’s already half empty, your fingers pressing too hard on the chilly glass. You thought that you two had moved past that now - that being around him, and admittedly dropping some not so subtle cues, would have made it clear to him that you are anything but a kid.

“Well, you’re getting up there in age just like he is,” you say much too casually, leaning back in your chair as you take a long drink of your beer while you nod at your father. “So maybe that won’t be that long from now?”

Your mom hisses your name immediately, looking mortified, but Joel isn’t bothered one bit as he continues to eat his dinner. Meanwhile your dad remains quiet, but the look on his face speaks volumes. You give him a challenging look in return, then finish your beer as you get up from the table again. “Who else wants another drink?”

“I think you’ve had enough for now.” Your father speaks as he takes off his glasses, rubbing his temple as if he feels a headache coming on. “Just finish your food.” You consider ignoring his comment or pushing back some more, but then you get momentarily distracted as the kitchen lights seem to flicker.

“I’m headed out tomorrow at 10 am,” Joel suddenly interrupts your thoughts, now finally looking at you as he reaches for his glass of water. “Don’t be late.”

“For you? Never.” You manage to not bat your lashes as you sit back down and continue your dinner, but your dad is still looking not too amused. He’s easy to ignore though, and as you chew you listen with half an ear to what your mom is saying about some party. It’s not long before your eyes wander back to Joel again, wondering what you could say or do that actually would get under his skin.

He’s sitting right across from you, and without thinking too much about it, you slip your right foot out of your sandal, slouching down a little in your chair. Your heart is racing as you try to calculate the odds of getting it right, but then in an opportune moment when your dad leans over to Joel to talk to him about something, you extend your leg under the table and check whether you can reach Joel’s leg with your bare foot.

When Joel pauses his conversation for a moment, seemingly to gather his words, you know that he most definitely feels your foot against his calf. His eyes flash to you for a quick second, and you innocently smile at him as you slowly run your foot up a little higher, to his knee, while considering how far you could slide it against his thigh without it being noticeable to anyone else.

Meanwhile your dad reaches for the bread basket between him and Joel, taking out a dinner roll, and your heart beats faster when you feel Joel’s leg twitch against your foot. “Could I have the bread basket, please?”, you ask your dad, who nods as he picks it up and hands it to you.

You take the basket from him, picking one of the rolls - and as your dad looks over at your mom who is telling him something, you bring your glance back to Joel. He’s staring right at you now as you’re still rubbing your foot against the inside of his calf, and you see his throat work as he swallows.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

Joel immediately flushes and clears his throat, shifting his chair back a little so your foot can’t reach him anymore, and he reaches for his water so fast that he almost knocks the glass over. You can’t help but giggle, sinking your teeth into the soft bread as you’re feeling pleased - so the man *does* have a weak spot. It just takes the right approach to hit it.

“Think I’m gonna go clean up from work,” he announces as he pushes his nearly empty plate back, giving your mom an apologetic look. “Been a long day. The food was so good, though.”

“The food’s wonderful.” Your dad nods in agreement as he takes the last bite of his bread. “Did you still want to hit up the gym?”, he asks Joel as he reaches for their plates as he gets up from the table. “I’ve got about an hour now before I need to head out again.”

You dig your nails deep into the palm of your hand under the table as you watch the men leave the room, your eyes following Joel’s every step. Fuck, he’s hard. Or at least has a semi in those jeans. It makes you feel giddy and accomplished, and you can’t wait to tell your friend about this latest development.

next: part 4 >

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#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #dbf!joel #tlou au #joel miller fanfiction

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val-cansalute · 3 months

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𝙱𝙴𝚈𝙾𝙽𝙳 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝟶𝟸

summary: two years later, ellie’s back in jackson. from what you’ve heard, she’s not exactly been doing great either.

warnings: angst with no comfort yet (ITS COMING I PROMISE), you’re in another relationship (ellie gets kind of jealous…), vague ref. to drug abuse and addiction

an: sorry this took like five years, as always, love you guys, stay safe, never stop talking about palestine. do your clicks. :-)

chapter 1

TWO YEARS LATER

There should probably, definitely be a lot of things on Ellie’s mind right now but, truthfully, the exhaustion flooded them all out.

She’s been sitting next to Tommy in his shitty, busted, old truck in the densest silence she’s ever been in, hurtling her way back to the place she was damn sure she was never going to see again just a few months back, and all she can think about is how badly she wants to close her eyes and finally fucking sleep, but he keeps throwing out questions randomly, and Ellie feels obligated to answer them all given the fact that he just picked her scrawny ass up from rehab following almost a year of no contact.

She takes in a sharp breath of air. It doesn’t rattle her lungs as much as it used to. Then, she swallows, forcing a gulp down the dry enclosure of her throat, and turns to look at Tommy.

“Hm?”

“Am I taking you to ours or yours?”

“What?”

“Jesus- Am I driving you down to Maria and I’s, or are you gonna go back to your old house?”

Ellie’s brain stutters.

The impending situation is suddenly becoming too real.

You were starring in the film in her mind ever since the one-way flight to LA, and every time you came up on screen, she felt her stomach wrench with longing, with guilt.

She was far from home, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people who’s faces were unfamiliar and, quite frankly, scary. She had no idea how the fuck she ended up where she did, but she knew that the thoughts she needed a distraction from required remedies more concentrated than whiskey.

The last few months were especially shit: stuck in that building with junkies who would be back in just as long as they stayed, with nothing to do but sit with every last one of those thoughts.

Joel’s death had beaten her to a pulp; she was only just beginning to be able to talk about him, to draw him, to remember him, without all the anger and all the all-consuming guilt. Only just beginning to do that after the absolute shit-show her life became for a long moment. Yes, Joel’s death beat the hell out of her, but she herself delivered the finishing blow.

There is a lot of guilt in Ellie’s life, towards Joel, towards Tommy, towards her friends, towards you – more than she can bear for this lifetime and maybe the next few too. So, like she promised herself, there’s no use in any of it. All she can do is just focus on each day and try to make things right where she can.

The question plagues her mind, the one she has absolutely no right to ask, of whether or not you’ll be there, whether or not you waited for her. She doesn’t know which would be worse.

“Mine.”

Tommy nods, glancing at her before shifting his line of view back to the road and Ellie lets out a small puff of air. She hopes things can go back to how they used to be between the two of them one day. Joel’s death also beat the hell out of Tommy. In fact, Ellie was slightly surprised to hear that Tommy’s place was “Maria and I’s” again, since they weren’t exactly on good terms when she left, divorced and all.

“Do… Do you know if… she’s still staying there?”

He goes quiet, dropping the coy exchange of practised words and turns to look at Ellie for longer than what’s considered road safe.

“… Honestly, I’m not sure. Haven’t seen her in a while. But, come to think of it, I must’ve heard someone mentionin’ some’ about her stayin’ with someone for a while... You, uh, you sure you’re gonna be okay goin’ back to yours?”

“Yeah… I mean… It’s gotta happen eventually.”

Tommy nods, breathing out,

“That it does,"

And Ellie reclines into the hardened cushion of the seat, pressing her cheek to it to rest, gazing out at the familiar sequence of buildings blurring by. She thinks she should probably drop by Dina’s tomorrow.

Ellie’s become mythical.

“I just got a text from Jesse…”

You look up from your screen at Dina, who is sprawled out across from you on the couch. She sits up, all serious, and the look in her eyes tells you she knows you’re not going to like what you’re about to hear.

“He said Ellie’s coming back to Jackson.”

Sometimes you have these… dreams, if you can even call them that; nothing about them is hazy or dream-like, just… like your mind opens up a part of itself that you keep closed when you’re in control and forces you to look at it.

You’re lucid every time, of course, even your subconscious knows that it’s impossible for Ellie to be near you, to be smiling at you the way she used to.

No. She walked out and didn’t look back. And, in all honesty, you can't even blame her for that. Not when she was falling apart back here just the same. Not when she wasn't even herself anymore, when the thoughts got a hold of her.

When you open your eyes, you can’t bring yourself to look at your girlfriend laying next to you. She feels like a stranger who sleeps in your apartment sometimes.

Your mind strays, and you wonder if that’s how Ellie felt about you. Then, you close your eyes again and try to soothe the nausea that inevitably builds in your stomach - flex your fingers to remind yourself that you're a living, breathing person, who can’t just rot in sheets, clinging to morsels of sleep.

When Ellie left, there was a massive gaping hole in, not just your heart, but your entire life. You tried to stay put in the house but, God, it was painful. The dusty trinkets she left behind lining the desk alone were like totems of your one-man cult devoted to her.

You packed all your shit soon after, leaving Ellie’s exactly as it was.

At first, crashing at Dina’s place was a temporary fix, but it turned out you desperately needed the company and Dina loved having someone around to bother too. Things got better slowly, or at least they stopped hurting as much.

So, every day, you stumble out of bed and get ready for the shitty little job you got to make yourself feel human again, kissing the girl you’ve been fucking around with for way too long, and then waving goodbye to Dina as you go.

You’re rebuilt, no longer in pieces like you were when she left. In fact, your mind doesn’t look back on her much anymore, but there are traces of what she did to you in everything you do.

The way you put yourself back together, it’s a bit twisted up, not quite the same.

Dina’s eyes never leave yours, gaze firm in its preemptive empathy, though there’s not much use. Your mind must have malfunctioned; there’s not a single emotion playing out in it right now but there absolutely, definitely should be. You’re just not sure which.

After a tense moment passes, you hum in feigned pensiveness.

She was playing bigger venues is what you heard – sold out shows, collaborating with artists she used to dream of meeting, getting into scandals and posting snapshots of her new, flashier life, or at least her manager was.

You knew Ellie, and you were well aware that she felt like a phony doing shit like that.

But, then again, you thought you knew she wouldn’t leave you for LA too.

A while back, it was radio silence. Her posts stopped, the new releases ceased abruptly, and it was as if she had vanished, dropped off the face of the planet.

Rehab is what the shitty gossip threads were saying. The things you began being told every now and then were hard to hear: she was foaming at the mouth, being seen in a random state thousands of miles away with little recollection of how she got there, drunk off her ass again at an awards show. Shards of glass, cutting through the fragile peace you'd built.

At the time, it still impacted you, of course. She was once your girl. But you were forced to look it in the eye: the fact that she was in the worst shape you’d seen her in when you came across images of her online, with sunken cheeks; yellowed, bloodshot eyes looking emptier than ever, and dry, chapped lips. Fuck, it made your stomach writhe with pain. She was still suffering, only scraps left of who she used to be.

Not that you expected anything other than deterioration.

Dina inhales sharply, nodding as she struggles through the wording of the question she’s about to pose,

“…How are you feeling?”

It doesn’t matter though. None of that matters, because you’ve moved forward. You live in a different neighborhood, with different hopes, a different job, and a different girlfriend.

“…I’m not exactly gonna welcome her with open arms, if that’s what you’re expecting. But, you know what? I’m okay.”

Different.

She nods again.

“I mean, it’s been a long time, D. I’ve moved on.”

Dina smiles at you reassuringly, and it pisses you off because why is she reassuring you? You said you’re fine, didn’t you? What reason is there to be all empathetic?

“Yeah, of course, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I mean, it’s completely normal to feel… upset, I guess, even if you’ve moved on. She was still super important to you for some time in your life, even if things didn’t exactly end well.”

“Yeah… Well, I don’t really wanna see her, but I hope she’s doing better.”

She doesn’t know what she expected, but she couldn’t stay in that house.

The first step in was cautious, casting hesitant glances into the darkness in the hope that she’d catch a glimpse of something that would tell her you’re home, before she took notice of the hollowness.

Everything was spotless and your things were gone.

The display case with your tea set was empty, the little trinkets on your bedside table were nowhere to be found, your side of the closet was barren, and every trace of the life you shared had disappeared. The house seemed to be cocooned in a layer of dust, preserving only the imprint of Ellie.

You’d left the duvet and a pillow tapped up for her on the bed you shared if she ever did come home, but that bed is too big for her alone now.

Ellie turned around and walked out, leaving it all behind again. She wasn’t sure where to go, though she was positive she needed to be alone, away from all the people she’d hurt. Away from all the damage she’d done.

So, she walks till her muscles ache out to a motel on the other side of town, praying the dark keeps her face hidden enough from anyone who might recognize her and makes a nest in the stained sheets and matted carpet floor, because she much prefers this discomfort to the one in that house. Alone with her thoughts and the mechanical whir of the AC, she doesn’t want to cry; she doesn’t have the right to, but when a tear escapes, the dam breaks. At least it helps her sleep better.

The night passes like a flash and daylight filters through the grimy motel windows, past Ellie’s tired eyelids. She stirs awake, rubbing a hand down her face groggily, and lays in the haze for a while.

She’s supposed to see Dina today. The only friend she really ever kept in contact with while on her long ass bender and throughout her stay at the facility was Jesse, because she couldn’t bring herself to face Dina, not when she was in that state.

She has absolutely no idea what will happen, and it’s terrifying. But she can’t deny that she feels a deep-seated anxiety that can only be satiated by asking Dina about you, though the questions themselves haven’t exactly been decided on yet. She thinks she’ll quickly tire of having no idea what will happen but she doesn’t have much of a choice, so she slinks out of bed and trudges over to the sink to freshen up before setting off.

After confusing the fuck out of a half-deaf old man at Dina’s old apartment and a text exchange with one of their mutual acquaintances, Ellie finally shows up at what she really hopes is the right door and delivers a series of three shy knocks.

When the door is opened, she is immediately overtaken by a wave of warmth and the scent of freshly made pancakes. She still has a hard time getting food down but, honestly, she’d start drifting through the air towards it if she were in a cartoon.

Then, she looks up and, for a moment, her face falls at the sight of another unfamiliar face, but her eyes catch a glimpse of someone else across the apartment and Ellie’s heart stills.

You stare down at the text Nathan just sent you with guilt-ridden relief. A family emergency means the café isn’t going to open today, so you don’t have to go to work.

Feeling happy that Nathan has a family emergency makes you feel a little ashamed too, because Nathan’s a standup guy, but you didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night, and getting up to go to work with the tiresome deadweight of your eyebags is the last thing you need right now.

In truth, all that has been on your mind since that godforsaken exchange with Dina on the couch yesterday is Ellie, and the night following was a restless one. You laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with a permanent furrow in your brow that was making your face ache, unable to quiet the torrent of memories and emotions in your mind, feeling like you were back in that house again, trying to sleep the night after she walked out.

You tossed and turned, grasping pathetically for comfort, but every position felt like suffocation. In your dark and still room, you felt like you were going to rupture with the pressure of the whirlwind inside you against the confines of your skull.

Each second dragged out longer than the last. Each second, you remembered what it felt like to be with her and then to watch her fade, and it was all so vivid, so inescapable. You’re not even sure if you can call it longing, because what settles in your stomach feels a lot more like anguish, distress, a desperate hope for her to be in a better place. You so badly want to believe you’ve moved on from her, but the truth is so glaringly obvious that you can’t even turn away from it, so you just close your eyes.

You don’t want to think about her today. You’ll do anything to not think about her today.

You guess it’s a good thing Dina set off early because even the sight of her would’ve reminded you of Ellie.

Instead, when you glance to your left at the rustle of bed sheets beside you and see Alexis rubbing the sleep from her puffy eyes, you smile softly and try to feel some semblance of warmth at the fact that you can just laze around with her for now.

Alexis smiles back, groggily stretching the arm tossed over your waist and running it gently along your side.

There is a sinking in the pit of your stomach, though, at the realization that things are getting very domestic for something that was supposed to be ‘casual.’ You know now more than ever that you cannot handle that.

When she leans in and works her lips on the crook of your neck, mumbling,

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” you take it as your queue to sit up, shifting away from her.

“Good morning, babe. I got the day off, so I think I’m gonna start on breakfast. You want anything?”

Normally, she’s the one who makes breakfast, but you try not to acknowledge that the guilt of your impending split pushes you to take the reins this time.

Alexis crosses her arms behind her head, watching intently as you tug on some pants and states,

“You know, I’m kinda in the mood for pancakes.”

While she clears up the scattering of wrappers discarded along the couch from the evening before, you set up at the stove, and for the first time in a long moment, the feeling is golden, laced with the gentle timbre of Sade’s voice spilling from your phone as you put on your playlist and keep an ear out for the hiss of the coffee machine.

Your love is king, crown you in my heart.

The wall buzzes from the beat of a knock at the front door, but Alexis is already up on her feet, clarifying that she’ll ‘get it.'

Your love is king, never need to part,

You lift your head to offer a greeting from behind the kitchen island to the visitor and the air is choked out of your windpipes instantly. Around you, the noise and color fades to grey so all you can hear is the echo of your own heartbeat and a shrill ringing pounding in your ears, the blood rush making it feel like your whole body is palpitating.

Your kisses ring round and round and round my head,

Across the room, the air between you becomes charged and strained with the weight of the years that part you, the memories that became dust, crumbling beneath the pressure of careful fingertips.

Touching the very part of me, it’s making my soul sing,

You’re suspended in the memorial waves like cicadas in amber, before Alexis breaks the spell, glancing between the two of you perplexedly,

“Uh... Hey?”

Tearing the very heart of me, I’m crying out for more.

You reach out and pause the song, your eyes meeting the text Dina sent just a few minutes prior.

𝚒 𝚊𝚖 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢

𝚓𝚞𝚕𝚒𝚊 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚜𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚝

𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗

You take in a sharp breath of air, inflating your figure before you look back up at the wide-eyed girl standing in the doorway, whispering a weary,

“Ellie…”

Ellie doesn’t quite catch it, pushing out a softer than intended explanation in the face of people looking at her like she is an alien.

"I... I came to see Dina."

You nod, slowly, unsurely, fingers curling around the edge of the countertop. When you’ve finally mustered up the strength to speak, you respond,

"She’s gonna be out for a while. You can wait inside."

You’re surprised by the harshness in your tone.

Ellie presumably is too, lingering in the doorway for a moment, and the tension in the room is palpable, so Alexis, makes up an out.

"I gotta go… grab… something,”

The auburn-haired girl’s gaze follows her as she leaves, before she quietly moves into the room, clicking the door shut behind her with a tightened jaw. She thinks that maybe if she stands still enough, it’ll be like she’s not even there, like she doesn’t even exist, but when you bring Alexis’ mug of coffee to the table by the couch for her to drink, you pull the chair out wordlessly, eyes held fast to anything but Ellie’s, before going back the stove to turn it off.

"Who's she?" Ellie wants to ask. She’s not an idiot, so she doesn’t.

Instead, she sits down quietly, watching you with weary eyes.

Ellie doesn’t look so gaunt anymore. At a certain point, she couldn’t even recognise herself when she looked in the mirror. She’s still too skinny, hair dishevelled, eyes red, and her face is littered with small scars and the remnants of a black eye, but you can look at her without wanting to break down now, or at least not for the same reasons.

You say a silent thank you to whoever’s out there looking out for her and then turn around to face her.

“I… I’m sorry, I should’ve… I didn’t mean to… I didn’t kno-”

“It’s fine, Ellie.”

A beat passes before she looks up at you, eyes wide,

“How… How have you been?”

You try to take in air without it catching as you respond, keeping your eyes on the counter.

“I’m okay.”

“Good… That’s good.” Ellie picks at a loose thread on the hem of her sleeve, chewing at her bottom lip, “I’m sorry.”

It comes out a whisper, breathless, and you close your eyes before saying,

“You know what, Ellie? It was hard at first. Really hard. I got really lonely, and I missed you a lot. I tried to make it work in that place and it just didn’t. But its been 2 whole years. I’m… I’m not the same...”

“I really am sorry. I fucked up- I should never have gone to LA. I never should’ve-”

She takes a moment to breathe, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to work through the explosion of thoughts, wishing she’d just kept her mouth shut, wishing she’d had more time to think of what to say, wishing she’d just stayed in that fucking motel room.

“I should’ve tried harder to get better… I-I know that… it might not be possible, but I checked myself into rehab, and… and I want to try to make things right… I just- I don’t want to live like that anymore, I don’t wanna be alone anymore-”

You let her speak, the lump in your throat growing painfully as you watch her fumble sadly through her words.

“I know we can’t go back to how things used to be- I just… want to make things right and I don’t know how or what that means but-”

Alexis walks back into the room, making her way over to Ellie with a tight-lipped smile before she can finish what she wants to say.

“Sorry, had to go do that thing. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Alexis, she must’ve told you already but I’m her girlfriend.”

Ellie looks up at her with wide eyes,

“Oh.”

She holds her hand out to shake and Ellie takes it before reclining into her seat silently, staring at the wooden table in front of her.

Suddenly, it has become very apparent to Ellie that she lost her place in your life a long time ago, as a friend and as a partner, and she feels like an alien again.

She clenches her jaw.

“It’s… Uhhh, it’s nice to meet you too but I should get going. Dina won’t be back for a while so there’s… no point in sticking around.”

You think of stopping her, of telling her to sit back down, but you know this is for the best as you watch her scramble to her feet, looking like a kicked puppy, and walking back out the door.

Things will never be the same. You can’t go back to how things were, and your head knows you shouldn’t trust Ellie’s words.

But, when she sat in front of you at that table, telling you she didn’t want to be alone anymore, you thought you saw something you haven’t seen in a long time, a sliver of your Ellie. Of her old self, of her resilience, of her will, of her love and hopes.

And you so badly want to believe you’re over her, but the truth is looking you right in the eye, and some supermassive weight has lifted off your shoulders.

“Dude, was that literally Ellie fucking Williams?!”

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pedge-page · 3 months

Note

I'm new to ur page idk if this is done but I...I want Joel to piss inside a plushie....

Puddles - a Plushies x PK drabble

Notes: I've been waiting to write this one so here we go! Can read more plushies!Joel through Plushies Series masterlist, though they can all be read as standalone fics

Warnings: Pisskink!Joel, piss kink, Drunk!Joel, solo masturbation with a stuffed animal, yes he is pissing inside poor plushie, plushie fucking briefly

18+ ONLY

- - - -

He may have gone a little bit overboard when Tommy invited him for the crew’s so-called ‘happy hour get together’. He knew they all liked to go out and celebrate with a few drinks after completing a project, and this last one they just wrapped up for some posh client with outrageous requests was no different.

Joel usually liked to skip out on them. First, because he didn’t want to know what these clowns might be up to when they get tipsy, letting whatever sober-less things go on follow his mind to the next job site. But also because he’s getting too old for that college level shit. Hangovers aren’t nearly as fun when you’re pushing well past middle age.

But, he didn’t want to be home alone since you were going to be working late.

So, two beers turned into twelve and a few more various alcohol spiked beverages here and there, and boom. Joel’s swaying side to side along the sidewalk with Tommy guiding him all the way up the front door.

“You sure you don’t need me, brother?” Tommy asks hesitantly.

Joel, with lolling eyes and a grin, confidently waves him off after successfully entering his key into the door after 6 tries.

He stumbles through into the dark alone, and the first thing that hit him is how badly he wants to curl up on your plushie filled bed. He thought about you all night; your shampoo filling his nose when you cuddle him, the smooth streak of your naked back when you finish a shower, the wet indulgence of your pussy when he eats you out.

He’s never going to admit it, but the man is clingy as shit when you’re around. And he’s craving some much needed plushie pussy time.

Shit, the alcohol is really swimming in his brain.

And, he realizes, with a firm and shiver-some squeeze to his crotch, elsewhere in his body.

Ironically, the bathroom is not what beckons him.

With a devious smirk, he instead tumbles into the bedroom. Through the moonlit drapes, a wave of beady eyed babies stare back at him.

“Hello freaks,” he chuckles. They probably miss you too. Honestly it’s really rude, if you think about it, the way you abandon your buddies here AND Joel all in one night? Atrocious behavior. Someone ought to teach you better.

“Daddy’s home."

He falls forward, his knees catching the edge of the bed. An array of colorful volunteers practically jumping up and down at his presence to be engulfed by the precious aroma of Joel Miller.

That’s how drunk-Joel is seeing it. In reality, if they could run for their fluffy lives, they would.

A quick hand snatches one yellow blob by its neck. His eyes struggle to get a clear picture—whether from the alcoholic haze or the darkness obscuring his vision. Possibly both. The dark bill and flappy arms come into focus.

“Duck,” he muses to himself. “Bet ya name is Duckie, some shit like that. She ain't good with the namein.” He rolls the unfortunate one over to its back, inspecting its caliber. Its definitely older: matted fur smushed down in certain areas, lack of vibrant coloring, some faded and torn edged fabric on its bow tie. Bitty holes sewn up here and there with mismatched (and poorly seemed) threaded needle. Your college waitressing job used to be for a place called the Quavern, so this little guy’s gotta be your graduation farewell from that team.

“Well mister Quakers. You n' me gonna get to know each other real well right now. Got something I need ya to hold f’me,” Joel slurs. One hand frees the button of his jeans while the other begins to prod at a loose tear in poor DuckDuck’s underside. He pokes and prods and scissors a little too harshly with his sausage fingers before a tell-tale rip echoes in the room. “Oops,” he chuckles with very little guilt as he forces the hole a bit wider and palms his crotch a bit harder.

Yeah, he gets hard when touching your stuffed animals. He can’t help it! With all the naughty activities you do with them, they’re practically hug buddies by day, sex toy by night. His mind feels foggy, but the building sensation along his lower stomach is the only thing churning his actions. With a few lazy pumps, Joel slots his mushroom tip at the cottony hole he’s made in the poor plush. He pushes through, groaning with his head tossed slightly back as dry softness envelops his pulsing length.

“Shit—that’s it. Take it little guy.” He bites his lips and peers below, watching his dick penetrate the stuffed animal.

He knows he should put it down, sew it up, put it back, and go do his business in the bathroom like a good, well trained boyfriend. But then again, he knows how fucking pissed you’ll be if he defiles your plushies again. Then you’ll never leave him unattended at home, and that means more pussy drinking and rubbing on these fuckers for him.

Joel doesn’t even realize he’s pissing inside the poor animal until it starts to sag heavily with the weight and wetness coating his hand. “Ooohhhhhhhhhh,” he gasps with furrowed brows. As his bladder empties, the duck grows damper and darker, the fur and cotton soaking it up from the inside out until it’s dripping down his ballsack. He thrusts inside a few times, the warm wet sensation making him choke out a curse. It’s not quite like your pussy, but the heat is better than nothing. He pushes it flush against his pubic bone, another rush of liquid hissing through and muffled by Mr Quack’s soft innards.

If he wasn’t so fucking wasted right now, he’d fuck it into oblivion. give it the good ol'Miller beating. Fertilize its eggs, if you will. But with his bathroom situation now relieved, Joel yanks the thing off and chucks it to the ground. His brain collapses just as he falls towards the bed, drowning in his own much needed slumber.

you shake your head and laugh, hands on your hips at the sight in front of you.

Joel’s out cold face forward in your bed. His jeans are loosely wrapped around his hips and his old tee still on, so if it wasn’t for his loud snoring, you’d assume the man was dead. He hadn’t even made it fully on the bed, his tip toes still holding him up on the floor and legs dangling at an angle.

A few of your stuffed animals had managed to crawl out from underneath him, scattered around when he most likely dropped onto the bed. You pick them up one by one: dusty Carly the Crow, the now famed Mr Oinkers (with battery pack turned OFF), Whiskers the Cat, and poor old Puddles the Duc—

Your disgusted screech has Joel sitting up so fast he nearly capsizes off the bed. The confused, hungover lump is met with his bewildered and screaming girlfriend who’s yanking him by the neck and wringing him viciously with as much might as you can muster.

“STOP—FUCKING—PISSING—IN—MY—PLUSHIES!” You roar with wild eyes and gritted teeth, choking him within an inch of his life. You shake his neck up and down like you’re going to hammer his head into the bed post.

It takes him a moment, with wide eyes and hands wrapped around your wrists, before his gaze lands on the poorly discarded evidence of last night: a very overly yellow duck soaking into the floor boards in a puddle of liquid gold.

- - - -

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow

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gracieheartspedro · 1 year

Text

Cool About It

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: after your first encounter, joel turns into an asshole every time you're around. when tommy makes you two go out on patrol together, it turns into a muddled mess. turns out, he didn't hate you at all, he just sucks at emotions.

Part 2/3

FIND PART 1 HERE

PART 2 HERE

Word count: 6.3k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, killing of infected (including a child), blood, some LIGHT gore, age gap (more specified in this part), very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, pet names, joel is still a menace to society and a jerk

Author's Note: Thank you thank you thank you!! you all are so fabulous and sweet. I'm gonna make a masterlist soon, so be on the lookout. I'm also starting a tag list so, if you want to be included, please let me know! All feedback is welcomed. I love you all sm.

I came prepared for absolution if you'd only ask

So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets"

I remember it's impossible to pass your test

But I'm trying to forget about it

Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it

Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it

Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want Joel on more of your patrols.

The patrols after your night together ended up being filled with unspoken sexual tension. You’d go home sexually frustrated and hungry for more, but you were never bold enough to make a move. And to be real, you weren’t sure if you should. He’d say something about keeping your shoulders straight when you shot, you’d say something stupid like “make me” and he’d spit back with, “I may just do that, girl.”

But it never went anywhere.

Even if you tried to make a pass, he’d make an excuse or remind you that you two were strictly working at the moment.

You once invited him over after a particularly long shift, wanting some relief from the ache between your thighs.

“Got things to get done at home,” He said, “Maybe another time.”

So after that week of patrols, you were suddenly never on his patrols again. You were put on the exact opposite shifts, actually. You had some sneaking suspicions that he asked Tommy to switch it up. He stopped looking at you during morning meetings and eventually you decided to drop the whole idea of him.

It still crossed your mind every time you saw him, though. How he felt on your lips. How his body felt connected with yours.

Your breathing would change every time you reminisced on your time together. He would consume your mind for brief periods and you couldn’t get away. You kept telling yourself that time would lessen the blow, but it never did.

So you tried your best to forget.

On one particularly chilly morning, you head to your scheduled time at the stables. You’d be going out with Jesse this time around. He was a newcomer, a real sweetie. Tommy wanted you to teach him all you knew about patrolling and securing certain areas.

But when you arrive, you notice Tommy, Joel, and Jesse all standing around waiting. You hadn’t said much to Joel the last couple weeks, only a wave or a quiet mumbled hello. His back was turned to you, but you knew those shoulders and back all too well.

“Are we all going out this morning?” You question, adjusting your braid on your shoulder. Joel turns to you, not expecting your voice to come up behind him. His eyebrows furrow at your presence.

“Yes, ma’am,” Tommy smiles, “You and Joel are gonna be going up to the ski lodge. Heard there’s a hoard or two out there, they need to be cleared.”

“I thought you said I was going with Jesse?” Joel speaks up a bit too quickly. Tommy’s words caught you off guard, so you just stand there waiting for him to respond to Joel, but it never comes.

You swallow, clearing your throat.

“No, I was supposed to go out with Jesse, actually.”

Jesse looks at everyone confused.

He was a cute kid. 20 years young, fresh faced, ready to take on anything. He had all this energy, something you wish you still had. Now you had a bad back, fucked knees, and a terrible sleeping schedule. You were only about 10 years older than him and you’re falling apart.

“We can all just go together?” Jesse offers, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. You knew that’d be shot down quick, especially when it came to a newbie. If there’s infected, we never throw the new guys into the pits of hell. They’d never want to patrol again.

Tommy shakes his head, “No, I want her and Joel to clear that area before I take you that route. They know it well. We are going to head towards the power plant. We have to bring back some supplies I have stored there.”

Joel’s eyes could laser Tommy in half at that moment. He was pissed and completely blindsided.

You surrendered to the idea, too tired to argue and fight about something so stupid. You also didn’t question their orders, simply because they knew better than you. You wanted to make sure Jackson was safe, just like everyone else.

You gesture Jesse to give the brothers some time alone, motioning towards the horses. You’d at least make sure the horses were ready for his trip out with Tommy. He grabs the reins of two horses, walking them outside towards the front gate. You grab the other two horses, doing the same thing.

He took notice to your tired eyes, “You okay going out today? You look tired.”

“Wow, Jesse,” You laugh, “I thought I looked great this morning when I woke up.”

He instantly starts to backpedal, not picking up your joke. You shake your head, trying to talk over all his apologies.

“I’m just messin’ Jesse. I am tired, but I’ll be okay, don’t you worry.”

He smiles, nudging your shoulder a bit.

“You just gave me a heart attack,” He chuckles, “You sure though? Even with Joel?”

You glance over at the Millers, watching them argue about whatever Joel was truly mad about. You knew in your head it was because he didn’t want to be around you. The feeling was becoming mutual. You never wanted to make anything awkward or difficult, but you guess that’s exactly what you did.

You just shrug. Jesse takes that as your response, grabbing the reins of your horse and handing them over to you.

“You stay safe out there,” He says, “Don’t let him get under your skin.”

You couldn’t help but snicker, “No need to worry about that, dude.”

–

Oh, but was he getting under your skin.

You initially just nod at every direction he makes at you, remembering that it was like this before anyway. But then he starts to undermine every suggestion you made.

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“We will be back before sundown, you know that. Don’t be dumb about it.”

“Stoppin’ would be dumb as hell. You can wait.”

You had been begging for 30 minutes to stop and pee. He was not giving in to anything you’d say. After awhile, you could not hold it anymore. You pull your horse to the side of the trail, not even saying anything to him. You dismount the horse, holding the reins for a moment before you hang them on a branch nearby.

“What are you doin’?” He spits, noticing you off your horse. You come around the horse, giving him a deadly glare. You grab your pack, finding some cloths you bring on your patrols so you can wipe and throw away.

“I have to fuckin’ pee, Joel. I can’t wait any longer.”

“Get back on your horse,” He demands, his posture getting more stiff.

You shake your head, unbuttoning your jeans and turning back to a private area behind a tree. You remember the moments before kissing Joel for the first time. Him telling you how great your ass looked in your jeans. You grimace.

You tug down your pants and squat.

You relieve yourself, quickly using your cloth to wipe when you finish. You toss it behind you, standing up in your spot and turning around to head back to your horse.

You realize Joel is off his horse, bounding towards you. He grabs your arm, pulling you to face him.

“Why don’t you fuckin’ listen?” He says through gritted teeth.

It took everything in you not to fucking snap. You wanted to pull away and scream and yell and throw something at him. But instead your heart just started racing at the contact his hand made with your skin and you physically couldn’t do anything.

He realizes you’re caught off guard. He didn’t grab you hard, just enough shake you a bit to get your attention on him and only him. His facial expression changes as he drops your arm, stepping back a couple of paces. It’s like he realized he was being a bit too aggressive. Maybe it was your expression that brought him back down from whatever pedestal he thought he was on.

“Don’t touch me,” Is all you could think to say. He wasn’t even touching you anymore but you still felt him all over you.

He just nods.

You look down at yourself, realizing your pants are still unbuttoned. You look back up at Joel who’s staring at your panties peaking through your unzipped jeans. His eyes travel back up to yours. You decide to slowly button them back up.

You don’t hear what he says when he peels his eyes away and walks back to his horse. Probably some asshole comment that was better said under his breath.

You both get back on your horses and continue to the ski lodge in silence. Before you scale the one side of the mountain, you hear something.

You keep your eyes peeled for infected. You are almost positive that’s what you’re hearing so you whistle to catch Joel’s attention. You nod to your left, which is the direction you hear the familiar clicking. You grab your rifle from your side saddle, gesturing to Joel to do the same.

You always get this rush when you have to kill infected. It’s not a good rush at all, it’s pure adrenaline.

You dismount again, making sure your horse is tied to a nearby tree. Joel is close behind you as you creep forward towards the noise. The woods are dense with trees but there is also a ton of rock formations that were usually excellent cover.

The clicking gets louder and so does the sound of your heartbeat.

“There,” Joel whispers, gesturing towards a rock. You kneel, creeping up the formation and looking down. There you see not one, not two, but three clickers wondering around a dead deer. It was torn to shreds, blood everywhere. You weren’t bothered by blood at all, it was just the sick smell of decay that got you a bit queasy. You draw your gun up, aiming it towards the clicker closest to you.

“On three,” You murmur to Joel. You knew that you’d had to shoot two at the same time to give you enough time to kill the third with a quick reload.

Joel just nods, drawing his gun up.

“One,” Breath in, “Two,” Hold, “Three” Breath out.

The sounds of guns sent the clicking sounds to an all time high. Your ears are ringing, but you instinctively cock your gun, releasing one shell.

You aim, firing your weapon at the third and final clicker. You hear Joel yell something, but your ears are still ringing.

Then it hits you.

“Three more!”

Every time you’re in a fight or flight situation, you always fight. Old you would run.

You bring your weapon up, noticing Joel’s new position on the boulder. He’s aiming and firing at some infected down hill who are quickly running at you two.

You refocus in searching the area behind you. The last thing you needed was a sneak attack from a stalker. One enters your eye line and you fire. You keep count of how many bullets you have. Three down, four more left.

“Got two on your right!”

You hear Joel’s directions, drawing your weapon up and shooting another stalker between the eyes. The last one was a child, which was always the hardest. You knew that there was no choice, so you pull the trigger, which sent the child flying backwards. You wince a bit, seeing that this was probably just a family who got caught in the wrong situation. You killed all of them in less than a minute. Life wasted.

Silence fills the air, your ears still ringing from endless gunfire. You turn back to Joel who’s breathing heavily and holstering his gun.

You never had to question Joel’s abilities, which made him an excellent patrol partner. He knew exactly how to react in high risk situations.

He made you feel safe.

“Looks like we found one of the hoards Tommy was talking about,” He says, walking up to you, “Lets hope it’s just the one.”

“Glad it was you with me and not Jesse,” You say, relaxing your arm.

“That kid would be dead by now.”

When you’re less than a mile from your stop, you notice some storm clouds taking over the beautiful summer sky. The air starts to change. The wind begins to pick up, blowing your braid back and tickling your bare neck. The air smells like rainwater, sweet and pungent.

You use the silence to think about how simple life use to be. You reminisce about your childhood that was cut too short. You were a young adult when the infection started so you hadn’t been able to get married or settle down with a family. Everything was ripped away from you so prematurely and deep down, you crave that simplicity. Get married, have children, die of old age.

If only you could’ve lived in a world where you didn’t have to kill a child because some random ass fungus took over their humanity.

“We are almost there,” Joel says finally, pulling you out of your thoughts, “We may have to ride out the storm.”

You just nod even though he can’t see you.

The ski lodge was actually very beautiful. It was one of two that was used as a safe house for patrols, this one being your personal favorite. You had been there with Tommy once and he gave you the grand tour. It was reasonably clean for being so old, stocked full of canned items, and had very comfy beds.

You start to bring your horses to the covered back porch when it starts to rain. You grab all your gear, slinging it over your shoulder. Joel jingles a key out of his pocket, racing to the sliding glass doors. He unlocks the door, ripping it open as soon as the rain picks up. You both make it in the quiet lodge, setting your belongings on the kitchen counter.

“I’m going to get the lanterns up and running,” You mumble, heading towards the living room where all the lanterns were scattered about. Joel locks the sliding glass door, before he starts rummaging through his bag.

You turn on as many lanterns as you can, lighting up the room with warm glow.

You find your way onto one of the couches, kicking your boots off.

“Want me to start a fire? We may have to hang out the rest of the night if that storm don’t let up,” Joel questions, sliding his jacket off his shoulders.

You shrug, “Don’t matter.”

He starts to pile up some wood as you find an apple in your bag. You watch him slowly pace back and forth from the wood pile to the huge stone fireplace. You watch his back muscles flex when he picks up a piece of wood. You were using him as a distraction to get you away from those dark thoughts from earlier.

You bite into your apple.

“You bring anythin’ for me?”

Is he fucking with you?

“There’s canned peaches in the cabinets.”

He laughs, lighting the wood with a match. You watch the fire build and build as he messes with the wood. He was squatting, his shirt riding up a bit. Even his lower back was eye catching.

“You don’t wanna share?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m not sharin’ anything with you.”

He turns back to you with a smirk playing on his lips, “Not even a better look at those panties you’re wearing?”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Pardon?”

“You heard me, sweetheart.”

You did hear him, of course, but were in denial of the actual intentions behind the words. He creeps closer, finding a spot on the couch next to you. You take another bite of your apple, staring at him with curiosity.

Was he being serious?

You contemplate your options. Do you play into the game? Do you resist and possibly regret it later? He was such an asshole earlier. But then again, he always is. He was before you slept with him. So was that a valid excuse to not play into the game?

You remember the ache between your legs last night after reading a smutty romance novel. You imagined the characters as you and Joel, yet you never wanted to admit it. You knew that you wanted this, but resisting to give him a taste of his own medicine would be satisfying, too.

“Ya know,” He ponders, leaning over to meet your eyes, “I still have your other pair you left at my house.”

You remember the slight panic you felt the morning after when you couldn’t find them. You knew damn well he’d find them somewhere, but you didn’t think he’d keep them.

“Didn’t even know I left them,” You lie, your eyes averting away from him.

You were a horrible liar.

“You’re pretty cute when you lie, sweetheart,” He grabs your chin, tilting your face back to his, “You left them on purpose. Thought you’d use that as an excuse to come crawling back to me.”

He was being smug, you knew that. For some reason, you don’t cave immediately even though the conversation was making you tingle.

“Crawling back to you? Why would I do that?” You question, “When I have all these other guys who will gladly take up my offers.”

He smiles smugly, “Hm, that doesn’t seem very like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem like the type of girl to whore yourself out to a bunch of assholes.”

His finger traces your lower lip, catching it and pulling down. You don’t pull away, soaking up the intense tension in the air.

“You don’t know me, Joel Miller.”

He just stares at your mouth, “I know enough.”

You want to lean in further, push your lips on his and finally surrender to him. But you hold on for a few more seconds. You’re practically quivering under his touch, wanting nothing more to just cut the shit and jump on top of him.

“You told me not to touch you earlier,” he mumbles, “But here you are just fumblin’ over yourself every time I touch ‘ya.”

“Will you just shut the fuck up and kiss me?”

His touch becomes rougher, his one arm pulling you into his lap, the other hand grabbing your face roughly.

“You start talkin’ like that you get nothin’,” his breathing fans your face, blowing your baby hairs away from your forehead, “Be a good girl like before.”

You squirm a bit, trying to lift your head in defiance. It doesn’t work, he has a good grip on you. His eyes are dark as he adjusts you so you are practically mounted on his lap. He releases your face bringing his hand down to your neck. He pulls you down to his lips, connecting them feverishly.

You couldn’t help yourself. You melt into him, your hands wrapping around his neck before sliding them down his chest. His hips are practically rutting into yours. You grind down, moaning out at the contact. You knew that being disobedient wouldn’t get you anywhere, so to get what you want, you knew you’d have to play into his dominance.

He smiles into the kiss, knowing you have been waiting for this moment.

You pull away, pulling your shirt off. He’s looking at you like you’re his next meal. You kind of are.

“Missed these tits,” He says his hands resting on your ribcage, right under your bare breasts, “Best ones I’ve ever seen.”

“Joel,” You groan, fumbling for the button on your pants, “Need you. Bad.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I know baby.”

He fondles you for a second before latching his lips around your left nipple. His tongue swirls around it before he slightly bites it. You arch your back, wanting more from him but he just pulls away. You roll off his lap, tugging your pants down, including your underwear.

“Ah,” He’s not even paying attention to you butt naked all spread for him, instead he’s leaning down to your pile of clothes. He grabs your panties, holding them up, “Baby pink. You fuckin’ tease.”

“Joel,” You whine, nudging him with your foot, “Enough about my underwear.”

He runs his hands up your leg before standing up and discarding his own shirt and pants. He leaves his briefs on, his cock tenting the gray fabric.

“So eager,” he mocks, “What do you want from me, baby girl? Hm?”

You smile at the million of thoughts running through your head. But you settle for words that you know will drive him wild.

“Do whatever you want to me, Joel.”

He pulls you to the edge of the couch. He’s on his knees like he’s about to pray at the altar to whatever God may exist. Instead, he’s between your legs, speckling your thighs with scratchy kisses. His salt and pepper hair is messy, his sunkissed bare arms highlighted with some freckles. You never noticed them before.

“‘M gonna need your mouth,” He mumbles, raising his fingers to your mouth. You grab his wrist with your hands, lifting his fingers to your lips. You suck on every one, releasing each one with a pop. He watches you with his lips slightly agape, almost hypnotized by the action.

He uses his newly wet fingers to trace your slit before he uses his pointer and middle finger to spread your lips. He’s playing with you, making you writhe underneath his touch. You lift your hips a bit, which causes him to lay his free arm across your lower stomach.

“Patience, sweetheart,” He gives your pussy one lick, “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

He’s good on his word.

He dives into you like a ravenous animal. His tongue hitting every desperate spot within you. You were taken to the same state of mind when he first ate you out. You had no words, just moans of pleasure.

He uses his fingers to toy with your opening, sticking two fingers in initially before he becomes too eager to see you fall apart. He wraps his lips around your swollen clit, suckling and moaning around it. You knew from before that he liked all eyes on him. You watch him as the vibrations mixed with him finger fucking you sends you into your first eye rolling orgasm.

You don’t think you’ve ever cum so fast in your life. It’s a release you’ve been yearning months for, making it even sweeter.

He pulls away, giving your pussy a little slap. It makes you yell out.

“Came without permission, but that’s okay,” He licks his fingers, “You have a couple more in you. You just gotta beg extra for ‘em.”

He was a menace.

You just nod, not able to communicate your actual feelings on him denying you the simple pleasure of cumming all over him. The idea of having to hold back made you a bit eager to see how far you could take it, though.

“Need your mouth now,” He tugs off his underwear, kicking them across the room. You don’t know how, but it almost looks bigger. Maybe it’s the swollen red tip that makes you overawe over it.

“Would you like me on my knees, sir?”

He leers at you, “What a good girl, being so polite… Yes, baby girl, get on your knees in front of me. I wanna see those eyes.”

You crawl off the couch, getting in between his legs. His cock is laying on his lower tummy, just waiting for you. You aren’t super into sucking dick, but this was Joel’s. You know that you had to give it your all. You wanted to give it your all.

You grab ahold of the base of his cock, keeping your eyes on him as you slowly open your lips to take him. Once your hot mouth touches the tip, he hisses in satisfaction.

“Mhm,” He groans, “Take all of it, baby.”

You’re not sure if you can, but you are going to do your very best.

You relax your throat as much as you can, slowly inching his cock down your throat. You’re halfway around it when it hits your gag reflex. You pull back, still keeping his cock wrapped around your lips. You sit up, jerking the base of his cock as you slurp up as much as you can.

“You got it baby,” He encourages, “Relax and take it slow.”

Whenever Joel praises you, you can’t help but let it get to your head.

You take a deep breath in as you take more of him in. Widening your jaw more, you finally get him completely engulfed in your mouth. He twitches inside, which sends a jolt of pleasure to your core. You let him take control, raising his hips a bit to fuck your mouth. He has a hold of your braid, which only adds to the experience. You’ve never had your hair pulled before, but you’re beginning to love the sensation. He’s a moaning mess, chanting your name like a prayer. Your saliva is all over his lower tummy by the time he pulls your mouth away from his cock.

“Gonna make me cum like that if you keep goin’,” He states, pulling you up to his lips. He kisses you, all tongue and teeth, “Let me fuck that pussy, yeah?”

You whimper, “Yes, please.”

“Such a good girl.”

He pulls you up into his lap while you slowly position yourself above him. You loved riding him before and with how sensitive and riled up you were now, you were prepared to ride his cock like it’s the last thing you’d ever do.

He focused his attention on rubbing his cock head between your pussy lips. You bite your lip as soon as he pushes slowly into your entrance. You groan, letting the sweet stretch take ahold of you.

“Atta’ girl,” Joel sighs, “Take all of me in that tight little pussy.”

You gasp as soon as he raises your hips a bit, repositioning how his cock sits inside you. His hand rests on your pelvic bone, pulling you forward. You realize he’s guiding you, helping you grind back and forth on his dick. Every roll of your hips pushes a moan out your throat, making Joel stare up at you with satisfaction. He removes his hands from your hips, bringing his right hand to your throat.

“Fuckin’ Christ, baby girl,” He lets out a wanton moan, while your stomach feels like it’s reaching a boiling point. He realizes how tense your getting so he reaches down with his spare hand, putting more pressure on your clit. “This is my pussy.”

“Mhm.”

“Say it. Say it’s mine.”

“It’s yours, Joel.”

“That’s fuckin’ right, baby girl. All mine.”

“Joel, please,” You cry, “I need to cum.”

“No,” He spits, “You don’t cum until I tell you.”

You clench, trying to resist the release. He notices you slowing down, so he stops choking you. Instead of letting you have a moment to recoup, he grabs your waist again, raising it slightly so he could raise his hips to pound into you. With his fingers still pressing on your bud, he chooses a bruising pace. You are practically screaming, the release imminent.

“Please, please,” You beg, “Joel, I need to.”

He doesn’t stop his assault on your pussy, “You keep beggin’, baby girl. I’ll tell you when.”

“Fuck, fuck,” You can’t stop yourself, the vibration from your incoming orgasm taking over your body, “Please Joel!”

“Cum,” He grits his teeth, “Cum all over this cock, baby girl.”

You have never had an orgasm take over every fiber of your being like it. You throw your head back, yelling Joel’s into the silence of the house. His pace slows down, as your cum soaks his lower half.

“Oh my god,” You groan, not knowing how to formulate a full sentence yet. You were still seeing stars in your vision, as you try to refocus on Joel.

“Holy shit,” He pulls out of you, “You okay?”

You just nod, your head falling forward. Your braid falls over your chest in between your breasts. Joel grabs the end of it, toying with it for a moment while you catch your breath.

“I’ll give you a minute,” He picks you up off him, laying you onto the cushion next to him. You grab his hand as he tries to pull away.

“I don’t need one,” You were still spent from the first two orgasms, it was written all over your face. Joel just chuckles, positioning himself over your body. He cages you in, tilting your face so you make eye contact.

“You ready for me already?”

“Need you.”

He uses his leg to part your thighs, settling between you again. He was still hard, his cock nudging your swollen wet opening.

“I want your eyes on me,” He commands.

“Yes, sir.”

He pushes into you again, your mouth parting in a gasp at how sensitive you were.

He smiles at your reaction while he settles into a steady pace. You try to focus on him, watching his facial expressions as he dives into you over and over again.

Joel had to be sculpted by whatever God created him. Every part of him was angular, his cheekbones quite high. His nose was just about perfect, especially from the side. His side profile was everything.

You truly didn’t think he looked his age. The only thing that kind of gave him away was the grays speckled through his dark hair. Other than that, the guy was a sex god.

You are too busy to admiring him, you don’t even realize how close he is. He’s gripping onto your hips, probably bruising them with how tightly he’s holding them. The way his dick twitches inside you, sends that familiar rush back into your body.

He’s not breaking eye contact. You smirk while he groans pushing harder into you.

“You better cum inside me,” You murmur, “Want you to fill me up.”

“God,” He cries, “So fucking flithy.”

And he loved that about you.

He releases into you with a loud sigh. You don’t teeter over that edge until he pulls out of you, looking to see his work.

He uses his two fingers, pushing them inside you, then back out. He rubs his cum onto your clit, slapping it a couple times. When you jolt in pleasure, he smiles knowingly.

“One more time?”

He positions himself between your legs again. He’s fingering you so lazily but it’s still enough to have you crying out in pleasure. You don’t even have time to respond to him, before you’re falling over the edge and cumming once more.

You lay there, trying to catch your breath again. Joel stands up on wobbly legs, making his way to the nearby bathroom. You didn’t know if this house would be stocked with rags or anything, so when Joel comes out with a folded blanket, you can’t help but giggle.

“This is all we got,” He gestures towards the blanket, “We can burn it when we finish with it.”

You take it from him, running it between your legs. The wooley fabric scratched a bit, but you didn’t have one care in the world.

Until you get a familiar sinking feeling. Like you did something very wrong.

You sit up while Joel takes the blanket, cleaning up himself. You try to stand, your legs feeling like jelly. You pick up your panties from the floor next to Joel’s clothes. You start to grab each of your clothing items, throwing them on as you go. You watch as he does the same.

“I guess this means you don’t hate me,” You mutter, not knowing what to say after what just occurred. You felt guilty and sick with anxiety.

If anyone else sat in on this day with Joel, they’d say the same thing. The way he talks to you, how annoyed he was to be stuck with you on patrol today, everything. It’d make anyone feel not wanted.

He shoots you a glance, “I never hated you.”

He says it with such conviction that you wince, not sure whether to believe him.

“You have ignored me for months. You fought with Tommy because you were stuck with me today. And then on the way here, you yelled at me for having to pee. Called me dum-”

“I didn’t call you dumb.”

You breath in sharply, “You’re just impossible, you know that?”

He shakes his head. You know he wants to say something smart back, but it never comes.

Instead he sits down beside you, keeping his eyes down at his feet. You wait for him to speak for what feels like a lifetime.

“Listen,” He huffs, “I don’t hate you. I am just not good at…”

“Being nice to people?”

He smirks, finally looking up at you, “Sure, but hey… I don’t regret anything that happened. I enjoy our… time together.”

You wanted to strangle him.

After months of contemplating what went wrong, he tells you he doesn’t regret anything.

After spending all that time acting like he did.

You wear your emotions all over your face and Joel realizes it quickly. He rests his hand on your knee, a gentle gesture that makes your heart rate increase by a thousand.

“You made me feel like shit for months,” You admit, trying to hold your composure, “I’ve felt like an idiot since the moment Ellie walked in that morning. You made me feel that way, Joel. You made me feel stupid. And here I am, all this time later, and I still feel fucking dumb. Maybe even dumber now, since I just let you fuck me again.”

His hand travels up to cup your cheek. You felt like crying, but you knew that it wouldn’t do you any good.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, darlin’,” He confesses, “I am sorry for everythin’.”

You felt like you were being manipulated. You always had a terrible time figuring out what a genuine apology looked like. You were used to being exploited and having your heart ripped out and stomped on.

You turn away from his hand, looking out the back sliding glass door. The rain is coming down, pitter pattering on the tin roof over your head. You see lightning go across the sky, hearing the loud crack of thunder seconds later.

You pondered if you should just run in the other direction. Away from Joel, away from the emotions and memories that were being sludged up from the deepest pits of your brain.

“When I grabbed you earlier, you had this horrified look on your face…” Joel starts, bringing your attention back, “It was a face ‘d seen more than a few times. That look of disbelief and fear.”

You just let him continue, not looking him the eyes.

“I never wanna to make you feel that way,” He admits, “I never wanna scare you or hurt you. I knew in that moment, I was using that pent up anger at myself towards you.I just… I spent so much time tryin’ to find ways to keep you away from me because I don’t wanna disappoint you or hold you back.”

You finally look back up at him.

“I am sick of findin’ ways to keep you away. I like havin’ you around.”

You want to believe him so badly.

“I like having you around, too, Joel. I just…” You stammer, “I just need a bit, okay?”

He bows his head, “Yeah, ‘course. Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll take watch and wait for the rain to let up.”

You take up his offer, stalking off to the nearby bedroom. You just wanted space, a moment of peace and quiet. Your body was still recovering from the greatest orgasms of your life, now your mind is littered with a million emotions you didn’t know how to muddle through. Once you lay down on the old bed, you realize that sleep would probably bring you back to life a bit. You close your eyes, letting your mind ease out of the chaos of reality.

–

When you wake up, you don’t hear anymore rain. You only hear the crackling of the fireplace. You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping, which sends you into a slight panic. You waltz out into the living room, seeing Joel lounging on the couch you defiled and reading. It was a random novel, probably from the large bookcase in the hallway.

“We good to head back?” You question.

“Yeah, let’s get home ‘fore they send out a search party.”

You watch him stretch his shoulders as he stands, his jaw clenched in an unrelaxed way. His hair is messy and standing in different directions from the way he was laying. It makes you smile.

“Hey Joel,” You say, walking closer to him, “When we get back to Jackson, would you want to go out to dinner or something?”

His gaze softens. You were really trying, he could tell.

Your rested mind decided it was time to just jump head first.

If Joel was being honest with his intentions, maybe it was time for you to be honest with yourself, too.

“I’d like that, sweetheart.”

“It’s a date, then.”

taglist: @pedrotonin @mysingularitybts @harriedandharassed @paleidiot @misatoad @lottieellz101

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller the last of us #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #cool about it #joel miller tlou #joel miller x you #joel x reader #joel miller x reader smut #gracielovespedro

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from-the-clouds · 2 years

Text

texas sun - joel miller x f! reader - vol. v

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | photo cred

chapter summary: You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real. -- In other words, Joel takes you on your first date. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 8.6k chapter warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY (it's happening, folks!) - unprotected sex, please dm if you want specifics but I’m not trying to spoil too much. If you don't want to read the smut, it doesn't happen until about halfway through the chapter. Crying after sex. Angst. FLUFF. Mentions of anxiety & self-doubt, alcohol consumption. a/n: Help! I can’t stop writing fit checks into this story!! This ended up being insanely horny but also shockingly sweet. I worked way way way too hard on it so please say nice things to me. Might need to take a couple days off because I'm really feeling burnt out. So please enjoy in the meantime.

-May 16, 2003-

Joel doesn’t like lying to Sarah.

Although, he’s not sure that he’s lying to her as much as he is simply….omitting information. Depending on who you ask, that could still be considered lying.

He’s fresh out of the shower when he steps into the living room, fishes through the catch-all basket located just inside the front door, and pockets his wallet and keys.

“Where are you going?”

Sarah’s lounging on the couch, on her back, one of her hands slung behind her head. There’s a book opened on her lap, but she’s not reading. “You’re all dressed up.”

Joel looks down at his green flannel shirt, tucked into a pair of dark jeans. Truth be told, he’s a little ashamed he doesn’t have anything nicer in his closet. It’s not like he ever has any occasion to dress up, but he’s already feeling self-conscious and being (most likely) underdressed isn’t helping. Based on the very limited information he knows about your past relationships, you’re probably accustomed to crisp dress shirts, ties, blazers. He doesn’t own any of those things — he did, at one point, have the tux from his wedding, but he’d gotten rid of it after the divorce. Every time he saw it in the back of his closet, it made him sick. Regardless, tonight he’d done the best he could otherwise - showered, trimmed his beard, and even dug through his medicine cabinet for an old – probably expired – bottle of cologne. Hopefully it was enough.

“I’ve uh….I’ve got a date.” Joel says.

The theme song from That’s So Raven is blaring through the living room, but it immediately cuts out as Sarah presses mute and sits up entirely from her spot on the couch. “Really?”

“Don’t act so surprised,” Joel says. “Your uncle is coming over, though, he’s gonna drop me off and then he said he’d take you to the movies.”

As if on cue, he hears Tommy’s truck pull into the drive. “Yes!” Sarah leaps up from the couch. “I have to change first.”

“Hurry up, babygirl, I’m already runnin’ behind,” Joel calls after her.

Tommy knocks twice on the front door before letting himself in anyways.

“You’re late,” Joel informs, shutting the door behind him. They should’ve left five minutes ago, and the last thing Joel wants is for you to think he’s not punctual. To be fair, he’s not, and almost never is. But you don’t need to know that….yet.

“Hello to you, too,” Tommy trails after him into the kitchen. Joel is tempted to chug a beer, or fish the half-empty bottle of whiskey he’s got in the cabinet out to take a shot — just to take the edge off. But he refrains. It wouldn’t be a good look to show up smelling of booze.

“So…who's the lucky lady?” When Joel doesn’t answer right away, Tommy presses. “Come on, Joel, who is it?”

He contemplates telling his brother the truth, but he doesn’t want to give him the idea that he had taken his advice. He didn’t. Well maybe he did, but he knows Tommy will become insufferable if he finds out.

“Is it who I think it is?” Tommy asks. “It better be.”

Unfortunately, Tommy knows him too well. They’re brothers, and really, Joel’s first and oldest friend. The answer is written all over his face.

Tommy grins. “Fucking finally. Oh my god, dude, I thought you’d never-”

“Alright, alright!” Joel interjects, eyes darting nervously up the stairs, where he hears his daughter shuffling around in her bathroom. “Keep your mouth shut, I haven’t told Sarah yet.”

Tommy raises his hands in defense, but at least seems to understand how serious Joel is. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say anything. Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Joel looks down at the countertop, and is compelled to be honest with his little brother. “I’m uh….I’m a little nervous, though. Been awhile since I’ve done anything like this.”

Tommy grows serious. “Do you want my advice?”

“Yours?” Joel feels like whatever advice he has to offer is likely questionable, particularly with someone like you. “No thanks. I’d rather make a good impression.”

His brother ignores the subtle dig. “You sure? Because unlike you, I actually go on dates. I mean, it’s been what, like….ten years?” He crosses his arms, pretends to think. It’s probably only been a couple of months since the last time Joel took someone out, and Tommy knows it, but he loves to dramatize. “I mean at this stage, you’re basically a born-again virgin. Do you even remember how to put on a condom?”

Joel crosses his arms and glares at his brother, who begins giggling at his bad joke. “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking said anything to you,” he shakes his head.

“Oh come on Joel, you’ll be fine,” Tommy says. “Really. She’s into you. I could tell when we were all together the other night. Even when I was dancing with her, I kept catching her lookin’ your way…”

“Yeah, well….” Joel rubs the back of his neck to play off the surge of warmth he gets from this information. “Thanks.”

Sarah’s bathroom door opens, and he hears the staccato beat of her sneakers coming down the stairs. Joel points at Tommy one last time. “Not a word, understand?”

Tommy nods just as she rounds the corner.

“Uncle Tommy!” Sarah raises her hand to give him a high-five, which they both purposely miss so they can collide palms on the downswing, grab each other’s hands and then begin a secret handshake so complex that Joel, who has seen it a thousand times, still doesn’t think he could execute correctly if he tried.

“How’s my favorite niece?”

“I’m your only niece.”

“Touche,” they shoot at each other with finger guns before she wraps him in a hug and Tommy presses his nose to the top of her head. Despite the fact that their little routine is costing Joel precious time, almost all the annoyance he’d been feeling with his brother dissipates at the sight.

“We all ready?” Tommy asks her, then points at him. “Don’t want to make this casanova late.”

“Yeah, of course not,” Sarah looks over at Joel with a smile that doesn’t seem entirely sincere. When she was younger and he’d gone on dates, she always had a lot more questions. Who is it? What is she like? When can I meet her? Is she pretty? Over the years, however, she became less and less interested. It was because she was smart, and had caught onto the pattern - he’d go on a date, maybe one or two more, then there’d be a long period of nothing before the cycle repeated itself every couple months. It rarely developed into anything that would concern her, and Joel always kept the details to himself.

While they’re en route to the restaurant – a little French bistro that had opened up recently — Sarah and Tommy bicker about what movie they want to see.

“I wanna see Holes. I just read the book.”

Tommy grimaces. “What about Matrix Reloaded? It just came out.”

“I already told dad I’d go to that with him.”

“So?” he looks between Sarah and Joel. “Why can’t you just see it twice?”

“No,” Sarah says emphatically. “I have to see it with dad first. It’s not fair.”

Tommy groans, mutters under his breath. “I can’t believe you let her watch that crap,” as if he wasn’t about to do the same thing.

“She likes it,” Joel shrugs.

“All the more reason to see it tonight.”

“Tommy,” Joel warns.

“Fine.”

“I don’t really like it, though. I just like to keep dad company so he doesn’t have to see it alone.”

“You’re too nice,” Tommy takes a beat. “Are you sure you aren’t adopted?”

“Shut up,” Joel and Sarah answer at the same time, and Joel holds his palm behind him for his daughter to slap.

Tommy acquiesces, his truck jolting as it pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant. Joel’s heart rate picks up immediately. The car rolls to a stop and Joel turns to look at both of them. “Alright, I’ll be home by midnight.”

“Sounds good,” says Sarah.

“Have fun,” Tommy raises his eyebrows, winks, and thankfully Sarah doesn’t see it, because she’s getting out of the truck to take Joel’s spot shotgun. He makes sure she’s settled with her seatbelt on before he shuts the door.

He isn’t trying to waste time, but Joel watches them pull out of the lot and back onto the street before he goes inside the restaurant. Really, he just needs a minute to collect himself. There’s no good reason for him to be as anxious as he is, he’s already kissed you once, and you had seemed to like it — quite a lot too. For the past week the feeling of your body pressed up against him, legs around his torso, was pretty much all he thought about when his mind wandered. Mostly at night before bed, and even today, in the shower when he was getting ready - just to try and calm down. Even now, the idea leaves him flustered.

Nevertheless, this probably isn’t even technically a first date. He hasn’t had issues speaking to you in the past, so this should be easy. Right? But what if you change your mind? And what if it dawns on you that he’s not your type? Even worse, what if you realize he’s just not good enough?

Joel forces himself inside before he talks himself out of this. When he enters, he sees you first. You’re across the room, leaning over the small bar where a few other patrons are. Greedily, he takes you in, and it’s easy to trace your figure in the tight black shift dress you’ve got on, sheer black tights underneath. It’s sleek, stylish - not that Joel knows much about that. As usual, you stand out in stark contrast to every other person in the place. He likes it. But he feels underdressed. He’ll look ridiculous standing next to you, and he briefly considers turning around, leaving, and saving himself the embarrassment.

That’s until you move, angling yourself towards him and scanning the restaurant, an elbow resting on the bar, a hand on your knee. You’re looking for him, waiting for him, and finally, you’re rewarded when your eyes catch. Suddenly, Joel doesn’t care about what he’s wearing. He doesn't care that he’s not good enough. At the very least, he doesn’t have to guess if you’re interested in him anymore, not with how you’re gazing at him — a soft smile and narrowed eyes that betray your enthusiasm. Sure, he's not good enough, but he decides if he’s going to go down in flames, he’ll do it trying to convince you otherwise.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Maybe I should’ve eaten a proper lunch, you think to yourself. You’ve barely touched the drink in your hand, but you’re already starting to feel it. And even though you are the designated driver tonight, for now, the slight buzz is welcome, working to soothe.

Over the years, you’d been on your fair share of first dates. Unlike most…you don’t hate them. For whatever reason, getting to know new people had always come easy, particularly if they were the right person. Being a lawyer, you had a knack for talking yourself into or out of almost anything. So it was just as easy to let someone know if they weren’t the right person. The best part of first dates, however, was that they lacked all the things you hated — promises, expectations, and conversations that went deeper than general pleasantries.

So all things considered, you shouldn’t feel as tense as you do right now.

There’s a few factors that might have something to do with it, and your brain turns them over, biding your time until your date arrives.

First is the text that sits opened on your BlackBerry.

Dad’s home from the hospital. Doing better. Call when you can. - Vince

Your father has been in and out of the hospital for the last month or so, his health rapidly declining. But every update from your brother, however innocent they may be, feels like veiled threats. You should be here. You should know this. I shouldn't have to text you about it. I can’t believe I’m the only one looking after him. A part of you wants to believe that Vincent wouldn’t play that sort of game with you, but as you’ve gotten older and grown apart, you’d gotten worse at deciphering his motivations. Vaguely, you acknowledge that you could just be projecting, and you are the only one trying to make you feel bad.

And then there’s Joel.

He’s running late, you hope, or he’s stood you up. And you have already promised yourself that you’re only gonna wait ten more minutes before heading home with your tail tucked between your legs. The thought of that makes you regret agreeing to this in the first place. You’d already embarrassed yourself the last time you were together, practically begging him to take you on the kitchen countertop, but he’d insisted on doing this right. You should’ve pushed harder because you’re starting to think that maybe, just maybe….a zipless fuck would’ve sufficed. Oh, who were you kidding? You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real.

He knows you better than most first dates do. You’ve told him more about your family, about your fucked up childhood, about your aversion to committed relationships more than any friend you’ve made since moving to Texas. And he listened. It should make you feel better. He knows what he’s getting himself into, and he asked you here anyways. Maybe he’s having second thoughts.

For what feels like the thousandth time, you check your emails and take a sip of your dirty martini – your preferred vehicle for alcohol consumption. Ultimately, you like the idea of a martini more than the actual taste, but you appreciate how direct they are. You scan the restaurant one last time, doing your best to look casual, like you don’t really care. Like you’re supposed to be there alone.

But when your head turns towards the entrance, Joel is standing across from you.

He gives you a bashful smile, one that makes your stomach flip, and makes his way over – though he doesn’t seem to be in a rush. It’s like he knows you’d sit and wait for him for as long as it takes – you would, you will, you are.

When he finally lands in front of you, one thumb hooked in the belt loop of his dark-wash jeans, he leans forward and presses his lips to your cheek for the briefest moment, and pulls back, looking you up and down.

“It’s good to see you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly. The term of endearment makes your ears feel hot. You're shocked at the effect he has on you, almost can’t believe it. It scares you, too, but you want to chase the feeling. “You look great.”

“So do you,” because you’re not one to lie. He does. As good as always, but he might’ve trimmed his beard for the occasion and maybe….put on cologne? It’s hard to tell, and in your brief experience being so close to him, he’s always smelled good regardless.

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologizes. “Can’t count on Tommy to get me anywhere on time.”

“It’s alright,” you say casually, like you hadn’t had your whole exit strategy planned out just minutes ago. “I got to have a drink while I wait. You want something?” you gesture towards the bartender.

“Sure,” Joel answers. “How about an old fashioned?” There’s no room for him to sit, so he leans next to you, arm on the bartop, invading your personal space while you wait for your table. Your skin buzzes like you’ve never been this close to a man before in your life. Pathetic.

He orders his drink before he speaks to you again. “Have you been here before?” he asks.

You shake your head no. “I was planning on coming a couple months ago but….never got around to it.”

“It’s good,” he says. “I’ve been a couple times.”

“Is this where you take all the girls you go out with?” you raise an eyebrow, grateful that your voice sounds even despite the way your blood is fizzing, your heart pumping so fast you can feel it in your ears.

Joel shakes his head no. “That’s down the street.”

“Oh?” you nod, sip your drink. Whatever buzz you’d been feeling is gone in the wake of adrenaline. “So….why didn’t you take me there, then?”

“It’s not as nice,” Joel smirks, leaning in a little closer – if it were possible. His lips are practically touching your ear, and his voice is raspy for what comes next. “And I’m trying to impress you.”

“Right,” you can’t help but smile, pulling back so you can lock eyes. He’s so sincere you can’t even think up a clever quip in return. “How thoughtful.”

He gives you a cheeky grin. You want to touch him, want to hold him, want to fist the front of his shirt or tug on the hair at the back of his neck and stick your tongue down his throat like you aren’t surrounded by an entire restaurant of patrons.

It’s going to be the longest fucking dinner of your life.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You survive.

But at a cost.

And you don’t learn anything new about Joel, except for the fact that your memory hasn’t exaggerated how charming he is, how charismatic, how thoughtful. All the times you’d allowed yourself to daydream about him didn’t hold a candle. Enjoying the meal is difficult, because you just want to get him alone. He can sense it – you’re pretty sure, because he orders himself a coffee after dessert, and sips on it ever-so-slowly, smirking at you over the rim of the mug.

When dinner’s over, you offer to drive Joel home, since he’d gotten a ride here. By this point, the martini is long gone from your system and you sort of want to pour yourself another when you get home. Even if you don’t drink much, the nerves have resurfaced.

He walks a few paces behind you as you leave the restaurant, taking his time, and you step to your side of the car, making to unlock it – until something grabs your bicep – briskly – and spins you around.

It’s Joel. He snuck up behind you, you hadn’t heard, and he’s right in front of you now, pinning you between the car and his body, surrounding you entirely. He lifts a hand, cups your cheek, and kisses you. It happens so fast you let out a whimper of surprise – directly into his mouth, but he swallows it down, and cradles you so gently, but still firm. Resolute. I’m not letting you go.

When he pulls back, you notice his cheeks are flushed, ever so slightly. It makes you wonder what you could do to see them get even redder. Your arms have found their way to rest on his shoulders, and you’re boxed in, the handle to your car door digging into your ass. Without a word, just a cheeky grin, he retreats to the passenger's side of the car and gets inside.

You settle in the driver's seat beside him, and he looks over at you. “Hope that was okay, I couldn’t wait…” he says, almost apologetically. “But I was tryin’ all night to be good.”

“Yeah, well….not much use in that anymore,” you tilt your head. “Do you want to….hang out at my place?”

“Yeah, we can ‘hang out’ at your place,” Joel quips.

Scoffing in mock offense, you offer a retort. “What would you rather me have said? Come over for a nightcap? That’s a little cliche.”

He grimaces, as if he’s in agreement. You continue. “Or would you rather I be more direct? Joel, why don’t you come over so we can have sex?”

That makes him laugh, loudly, and it’s such a warm, comforting sound, you wish you could find a way to capture it and hear it over and over again. “Oh, is that what’s going to happen?” he asks.

“Guess we’ll find out,” You shrug, trying to play it off, in case you overstepped. Then you focus on putting the keys in the ignition without fumbling.

It’s not a long drive back to your place, but Joel seems determined to make sure it feels like it is. Either that, or he’s trying to get you to cause an accident. First his hand is resting on the back of your neck, brushing through the hair at the base of your skull. Then it’s on your shoulder, his thumb pressing into your taut muscles. You actually have to bite your tongue so you don’t moan. It’s not even sexual, really, but it just feels good to be touched, especially by him.

Eventually, you hit a stoplight, and while you’re waiting, his hand continues to wander…and comes to rest just above your knee. His hands are fucking huge, first of all, which maybe you’ve noticed before, and there are a few scars and scratches on the backs of his knuckles. It's the weight of it, the warmth of it, the way he’s settled it so casually like it’s nothing – like it belongs there, and he doesn’t even have to ask. Of course he doesn’t. And the confidence, the cockiness. It feels like someone’s taken an arrow to the pit of your stomach, and something thick and hot starts curling down, down, down….

You swallow hard, and he’s looking at you. He doesn’t speak right away, just stares, something dark and unfamiliar in his eyes.

“I hope I’m doing alright,” voice raspy, low, but still smooth as ever.

Shaking your head, you’re able to surface just enough over the haze of arousal. “You want a performance review?” you tease, giving a small smile. “We should hold off on that until later…”

That makes Joel laugh again, your stomach flips, and his thumb begins to stroke your kneecap, his fingers kneading into the soft flesh, inching forward to clasp farther inward, nearly grabbing at you, squeezing. The only thing separating his skin from your own is a thin pair of stockings that end dangerously close to where his hand is working. If he finds out that he’s just a few centimeters away from meeting bare skin, you’re afraid of what could happen.

“Joel,” you warn.

“What?” he asks, voice light and innocent.

“You’re distracting me.”

“You want me to stop?”

No. The light turns green, and you have to hold back the impulse to break every traffic law if it means you’ll get to have him just a second sooner.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“--my room is–” Joel cuts you off with another searing kiss, and it takes a second before you can conjure the self control to pull away again to finish the thought. “--down the hall.”

“Yeah?”

He’s got you crowded back against the entry closet of your house, hovering over you, one of his hands bracing itself beside your head, and the other slowly dragging down your body, his lips following….moving down your neck.

“Uh-huh,” you barely can get it out between strangled gasps for air.

And then he’s hooking his hands behind your knees. “Are you sure you don’t want, like-” Joel lifts you, and you lock your legs around his torso. “An amaretto or something?”

“No,” he’s gripping on to you so tightly it hurts, but you don’t mind.

“I could put on….a record-”

“No,” he repeats, and you’re being carried down the hall.

You hadn’t expected him to pounce on you the instant that you came in through the garage door. Not that you minded. It’s just that usually you’d play it a bit more coy. You’d set the mood, light a candle, have a chat. But, you suppose you don’t need to do anything to get you in the mood. You’re already there.

Joel’s mouth never separates from you, not until you’re in your room. He’s so sure of himself, you think he might be the type to throw you into the mattress, climb on top of you and rip at the zipper on the back of your dress. But he doesn’t. You’re laid down delicately, like you’re made of glass, and he’s being careful not to break you.

He weaves his thumb and forefinger around both your wrists, then pulls them up so they’re pinned above your head. This way, you’re completely at his mercy. When he lowers himself between your legs, and you feel the weight of his body pressed against you, you groan, fighting against the restraint, desperate to touch him. So you do the best you can and wrap your stocking-clad feet around his waist, trying to get some leverage, to bring him closer.

“Just wanna take my time with you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly, like he can read your mind. You’re starting to think he can – how else can he be so irresistible on his own accord?

Joel makes good on his promise. With you all docile beneath him, he takes the opportunity to kiss every inch of exposed skin available – even though you’re still fully clothed. Each press of his lips has you breathing unevenly – sighing, then gasping, then sharp, short inhales. When he finds a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, you can’t help but giggle and quirm.

Joel huffs in response, releasing you from his hold, and he tilts his head to whisper in your ear. “Do you have any idea how much I like hearing that? Knowing it’s because of me?” Immediately, you lower your hands to cup his cheeks, to regard him. He can’t be serious.

“You’re too sweet,” you mutter.

“So are you,” he answers, and ducks his head to return to your neck. “So sweet, and so fucking pretty, too…” His hands begin wandering, one of them cupping your breast, thumb finding a peaked nipple even through the fabric of your dress and your bra. The words he’s saying are too much, you’ll do anything to make him shut up, arching your back so you can feel him – already hard – against your clothed core.

“Joel-”

“God, I want to see you-fuck!” he pulls back, rolls you over, and you shift your weight so he has access to the dress’ zipper at your side. He makes quick work of it, and brings you to a seated position, helping you remove it all the way before kissing you again, then abruptly stopping. He wants you so badly….but he’s trying to savor the moment. “Let me look at you for a second.”

He takes you in, the stockings you’re wearing and the matching set of black lace you’d picked out beforehand. Of course, you’d thought about this. You always did for occasions like this, but Joel had stumped you. What would he like? This….was pretty understated, but he seemed like a salt-of-the earth guy. Not what you were used to. It probably wouldn’t make a difference whether or not you were in full-on lingerie. And even if you knew he wouldn’t care, you still had wanted to impress him. All the more reason to try.

“This for me?” he asks, hooking his finger on the inside of your stockings and snapping the elastic.

“Yeah,” you nod, honest. “I want you, Joel.” And there’s more to it, too. You’ve thought about just how badly for months. It kept you up at night, then helped you fall asleep when you couldn’t shake his image from your head. For now, you are going to keep that to yourself. But it doesn’t mean it’s not gonna slip out. Not when he’s looking at you like this.

“Yeah?” he says, steps forward, towers over you. “I want you, too, so fuckin’ bad. So fucking pretty, baby,” Dropping back to your elbows, you feel…small. Any other time, you might sit up, try to feel some kind of control, but for whatever reason, you stay where you are.

Joel wasn’t exaggerating when he said he wanted to take his time. It’s frustrating. It’s torture. He worships you, makes sure his mouth is on nearly every part of your body before he finishes undressing you. Your ankles hook over his shoulders, his hands grazing, dragging thin nylon up and off each leg. He kisses your calves, the inside of your knees, your thighs. He uses one hand to unhook your bra and pulls it away. He spends what feels like hours with his mouth on your breasts – sucking, licking, nipping – hands cupping, grabbing, pinning you down. The whole time, he’s telling you how badly he wants you, how pretty you are, how good you’re being for him. He’s either touching you too much, or maybe not enough. It’s hard to say. Only after he’s reduced you to an incoherent, whimpering mess do you somehow find the strength to fight back.

By this point, you’re lying in the middle of the bed, your leg hooked over his hip, the waistband of his jeans digging into bare skin. He’s still got all his fucking clothes on, which makes everything so much worse, because it’s clear whose in control here, and it’s certainly not you.

The button of his flannel is where you start, and then you work downward. Joel doesn’t stop you at any point. You think he might, just because of how things have been going. But he’s as easy as you are, and you take him in all the same after you’ve shucked off his jeans, and he’s closer to your state of buff.

To be fair, you’ve spent enough time lingering by the windows – when he’s outside mowing the lawn shirtless, or picking up his newspaper in the morning, or doing workouts in his garage with the door open (such a tease!) – to have an idea of what to expect. He’s not ripped by any means but neither are you – and you’ve never liked that anyways. But it’s not hard to ascertain that he spends all day in the sun, lifting and hauling things around. His muscles are defined, rippling lightly under his skin with each panting breath he takes. Joel’s a spectacle – broad and tan, a line of dark hair dipping from his belly-button down into the waistband of his dark-gray briefs. You can make out the way his cock is straining against the fabric.

Once you’ve appraised him as best as you can – you can see that he’s studying you, almost like he’s anxious, like you might not like what you see. As if he doesn’t know. Ridiculous. You aren’t going to leave him guessing. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Joel,” you shake your head. “You’re a fucking stud.”

Joel’s face breaks out in a grin and he yanks you back so you’re on top of him, legs on either side of his chest. And finally, finally, you can touch him like you’ve been wanting. His skin is warm – it’s kind of hot in your room, you’d forgotten to turn on the A/C, so you’re both a little sweaty. But and it’s unclear if it’s because of the heat or just how worked up you are. It doesn’t matter, because it only turns you on even more. You trace the broad plane of his chest, hand snaking down…all the way to his boxers, but he stops you.

He’d let you undress him, allowed it, but this…it crosses a line. Joel hooks his hands behind your thighs and begins to drag you up, up, up, while he shifts lower. It takes a second to register what he’s doing, and when it does, you try to stop it.

“Joel, wait I-”

“I have to taste you darlin’, that okay?” His dark hair is fanned out around his head, resting on your floral pillowcase. In the dim light, his pupils are so blown out you can barely see anything else except black. “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you’ve gotta let me taste you first.”

It’s not that you don’t want it, but he’s taken you off guard, and you’re already overwhelmed by how intimate all this has been, gentle and languid while he whispers honeyed words into your ear. His mind seems already made up, and you don’t really want to tell him no.

“Alright,” you manage, and you grip the top of the headboard.

It’s embarrassing how wet you already are. It started with his hand on your knee in the car, and you have spent the last hour clenching around nothing, squeezing your legs together and searching for friction. Anything. Well, you are about to get it.

Joel’s lips press to the insides of your thighs, once more, dangerously close to where you’re weeping for him. His nose bumps your clit when he turns his head, and you whine – hips sinking to seek the contact that he’s been denying you, and then immediately pulling back in a moment of clarity.

“No, no,” Joel’s hands immediately land on your hips to hold you in place, bringing you lower. “Stay right there for me.”

You don’t dare move.

Finally, his mouth finds you. You think he might tease for a little bit, go slow, because he’s been doing that all night, and it’s become infuriating. But he doesn’t. He eats you out, laves at you. A hot, velvet tongue that works up a steady rhythm. It’s interrupted only by the vibration of his moans every so often, which only add to the pleasure. For a moment, you miss how he’d been talking to you before, but you’re so sensitive, so eager, that you think you’ll sacrifice anything if it means he’s not going to stop. Joel keeps you still with a bruising grip on your hips. All you can do is let him have his way and whimper his name over and over, listen to him groan in response.

Being consistent is key for you. And Joel is nothing but. Practiced, but feral….like he’s been holding back all night. It’s been a long time, or maybe he’s just that excited, it’s hard to tell. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Can’t bring yourself to care about much more than him, the man below you working you over with just his mouth.

“I’m…Joel, I’m-” you try to pull off again, it’s too much, but he doesn’t allow it. Even if the position he’s in is compromising, he’s managed to find a way to assert himself. The coil inside you has wound so tightly that almost every muscle in your body is tense. Now, can’t even move, not even if you wanted to, and he keeps going, your words have only made him more determined.

The coil snaps. You cry out, using the headboard to stifle your noises – not worried that it will probably leave a mark. If you get nothing else from Joel, then at least it will serve as a reminder that he was here, beneath you, lapping up everything you have to give him. The orgasm leaves you weak, trembling, but he holds you up, works you through it until the waves begin to cease, and then you’re so overstimulated, so sensitive that you start to feel lightheaded. “Fuck, Joel, I can’t-” You tug on his hair, hope he’ll get the hint and release you, but he doesn’t. If anything, it only spurs him on.

His mouth is white hot on you, his tongue damp, firm as it circles your clit and drags downward. He gives you nowhere to go, no opportunity to come down from the high, so within minutes, or seconds – at this point, you’ve lost track of time – he’s worked you up to the precipice of release, and you’re coming again, crying out to him.

At last, he eases off, lets you relax. You do, carefully, and so does he, gradually removing his mouth from you while your hand untangles from his dark curls. Joel holds you steady as he sits back against the headboard, keeping you splayed across his lap. You don’t waste your time saying something stupid like “you didn’t have to do that,” because you’re not gonna pretend you didn’t love every second, but mostly because you’re not sure you’re capable of speaking just yet. His hand catches your jaw, and he looks at you – innocently, like he hadn’t just done what he had done, like his fucking beard, and chin, and lips weren’t still wet with you. But the ornery glint in his eyes gives him away. “You liked that?” he has the audacity to ask.

A shaky hand comes to pinch your eyebrows as you let out a weak laugh, nodding. “Yeah, Joel….yeah.”

“Good,” he answers.

“I was right about you,” you manage.

“Yeah?” He murmurs, and his hand skates up your arm, the other settling on your waist. It’s grounding, reassuring as your heart attempts to steady its beating.

“You’re trouble.”

“Yeah,” Joel murmurs, and he leans in close. “Only for you, pretty girl.”

Your hips jolt back at the term of endearment, so much so that you feel the length of his cock, hard against your ass. It’s your turn to take care of him, but it shouldn’t be difficult, because your arousal is already building again. It’ll be much, much, easier to come again, specifically around him. Plus, right now, you are willing to do just about anything for him. You kiss him, and it’s sloppy, lick the taste of yourself out of his mouth. Heat curls again in the pit of your stomach, and you grind yourself down on him through his underwear.

Joel’s head falls back, bonks the headboard, and the thud of impact is overshadowed by his agonized moan. You reach down between your bodies, let your touch land over his clothed cock. He pants out your name. So many things you could do – with only your hand, or your mouth, but before you can decide, he speaks again.

“Wanna be inside you,” he grits out. “So fucking bad.”

“You don’t want me to-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “No, no. I need you.”

“You can have me,” you nod, leaning forward to kiss his neck, pushing down the elastic of his underwear. Joel lets you, his hips stuttering, until he freezes. “Shit.” He reaches out to halt your movements.

You look up, his eyes are wide. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, I uh, I left my wallet in the car,” Joel’s voice is pinched, palms leaving your body to press against his eyes, frustrated. “I brought condoms, but they’re - I’ll have to go get them.”

“I have some,” you pipe up, nodding towards your bedside table. Joel reaches for it, but it's your turn to stop him. “But I mean, I’m clean,” you say. “...And I have an IUD, so…”

Joel pauses, stares at you under thick lashes. “You sure that…” So tentative. “....That’s okay with you?”

You feel yourself smirk a little as you look at him. It’s not something you’d allow anyone to do. But you’re feeling a little lost in the moment. The part of your brain that usually tells you to run for the hills whenever things get too real has turned off. It’s not the first time he’s caused that, and you sort of enjoy the delusion. There’s no question. It’s Joel. “Oh, yeah.”

The words ignite something in him that you weren’t entirely prepared for, and he’s pulling you hard against his mouth with one hand, while the other pushes his briefs down the rest of the way. You don’t get the chance to see him, to feel him, before he’s lining himself up with your slick cunt.

It’s a soft glide of sensitive skin across sensitive skin, and you shake with anticipation. You don’t even know you have your eyes closed, focusing on the sensation, until you hear Joel’s voice.

“Open your eyes,” he commands. “Please just-” he swallows hard. “I wanna watch you. So fucking pretty.”

You obey, and he guides your hand to replace your own. It’s not until your hand wraps around him that you’re aware of just how thick his cock is, throbbing and leaking, and it makes you all the more eager. Slowly, you start to sink down, but it’s too challenging to take him all at once. So first, just the tip, you roll back to ease the sting, then gradually sink lower and low.

Joel moves closer to you, holding his breath, guiding you along, propped back against the pillows. “That’s it, so fucking good, baby…”

You understand why he was moving so languidly earlier. This is meant to be enjoyed. After some time, and lots of praise, your hips settle flush with his own, and he’s seated fully inside of you. It’s a delicious stretch that your body isn’t fully ready to accommodate, but it has your toes curling and mouth hanging open, bearing down on him involuntarily. Under Joel’s watchful gaze you feel terribly, terribly exposed.

“Keep going,” Joel encourages. So you move. It’s experimental at first, small ruts against him, getting used to the way it feels. It doesn’t take you long to find the spot that makes you abandon eye contact, throw your head back, and –

“Oh, Joel.”

“Yeah?” he asks, and he sounds strained, pinched – he’s holding back, but still enjoying every second. “That feel good?”

You nod furiously. He lets you find a rhythm that works for you, lets you take your time, and once you do, he starts to match your pace. His hands don’t stay in one place for very long. First, they’re resting gently on your ass. Then they’re cupping your tits, watching them bounce as they sway with your movements. He brings his knees up behind you, pressing his feet into the bed, and uses the leverage to fuck himself deeper each time you lower yourself onto him.

At this point, you’re unaware of what types of noises you must be making, and you’re thankful that you’re alone so you can be as loud as you want. His cock is hitting places inside you that you didn’t know existed, and rolling across the same spot over and over and over.

“You feel so perfect for me,” Joel says, his jaw clenched, his chest rising and falling. “So, so good, baby, so fucking pretty.”

“Mm-hmm,” is all you can answer, nodding furiously and feeling yourself grow wetter and wetter with every thrust.

You’re too easy for him. And you were too worked up to begin with. “Joel, I can’t-”

He slams his hips up into yours so hard you cut yourself off with a choked gasp. Then he does it again. “You gonna come for me?” he asks. “I can feel you, baby, I know it’s close.”

“Y-yeah,” he’s got you stammering on your words. You’re clamping down onto him so tightly it hurts. But you’re so desperate to come, to feel what it’ll do to him, that you don’t stop.

“Come here,” he murmurs, hands around your waist, pulling you down so your lips are nearly touching. “Stay close to me.”

“Oh, fuck, oh-” The warmth of his body so close to yours, your hands bracing themselves on his chest, the comfort of his arms around you, all coupled with one vicious rut of his hips has you right there. Joel tilts your head back just enough so you’re forced to look directly at him – and then you come undone.

You want to close your eyes, turn your head, but you’ve got nowhere to go, and he’s right in front of you. Joel’s touch slides up your back, draws you even closer, and you ride out your third orgasm of the night while pressed entirely against his chest, forced to be vulnerable in a way you’ve never been with anyone before. “So good, baby, so good. Such a good fuckin’ girl for me,” he praises you through it, works you through it, until you’re all but melted in his arms, and he still hasn’t pulled his eyes away.

Utterly spent, you know, distantly, somewhere, that he has to come. However, Joel takes over, flips you both so you’re underneath him, and presses himself deep into the cradle of your pelvis. He’s heavy on top of you, but the weight is somehow soothing.

“I thought about you,” you murmur, hoping it’ll help. His jaw is set, solely focused on his own release. “How good you’d feel.”

“Fuck, really?” he grunts. “I-I- did too.”

“Yeah?” you ask, feeling flush at the admission. “I thought about….letting y-you use me.”

Joel groans your name, curses loudly, ruts into you even harder. You can feel him throbbing, so fucking close, and you arch yourself up to meet him, pleasure already building again, even though you thought it wasn’t possible.

“It’s so much better, Joel, you’re so much better–”

Than I imagined. But you don’t have to finish the thought. The idea of you, thinking of him, seems to be enough as it is, and you feel him pulsing, warmth blooming and spreading out as he groans, throws his head back and spills himself impossibly deep inside you. If you weren’t utterly spent, the feeling of him coming – and nothing between you, probably would have set you off again. For now, it’s enough.

His whole body goes limp as he relaxes his arms from where they’re braced on either side of you, his head falling into the crook of your neck. You hear him take a few, haggard breaths once it’s over, and then a deep chuckle vibrates in your ear. “Fuck, baby.”

You rub his shoulder lightly to soothe him, and his lips find the underside of your jaw, kissing lightly his beard scratching your cheeks. For an undetermined amount of time, he remains there. Normally, you’d probably check his watch, but you’ve noticed that the one he always wears is broken, and really….you feel content.

Finally, Joel pulls away, cursing under his breath and withdrawing from you. He runs his hand through his hair, and flops on his back by your side, and you feel horribly empty. After he’s cupped your cheek, turning you gently to look at him – he gives you a tender, affectionate smile.

It hits you like a freight train.

He was not the type of man you dated. The men you dated liked to slap, choke, withhold. That had always been what you’d gotten off to. The more frenzied, the more impersonal – the better. That wasn’t to say Joel hadn’t been passionate. But you’d never experienced anything like this before.

You tear away from his gaze, focus on the ceiling. Heart pounding, threatening to break through your ribs, you feel your mouth dry up, your eyes burn and fuck – you’re about to cry. Try to turn yourself away from him, but he sees it.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just uh-” your voice catches on the lump forming in the back of your throat and cracks audibly, raw.

“Hey– ” you hear the mattress shift, he’s moving closer, and you start to scramble. You’ve gotta leave. Get to the bathroom, compose yourself. “Where are you goin?”

“Joel, I just need to-” but his hand circles your wrist, and you don’t have the power to resist him. The bones of his hand press firmly in your cheek, turning your head so you have to look at him. There are tears in your eyes.

“What’s wrong, baby? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Up close you can see that his eyes aren’t brown – they’re hazel. Mesmerizing, long lashes – gold and green rimming his irises. How had you not noticed that before?

“No, no not at all it was just…” you’re talking so fast, not even sure where you’re going with the sentence. “I’m sorry, I liked it I just-I don’t know,” you stutter. Shaking your head, you cover your face. You don’t want to feel this way with him here. “I’m not used to-”

Joel, who has never seen you at a loss for words, frowns, draws you against him. “Come here.”

“It’s okay,” he lets you press your face just below his jaw. He’s being so soft, it makes everything that much worse. Tears slip down your cheeks, landing on his skin. He strokes your hair, holds you so tightly, firmly, "It was intense, huh?”

You want to resent the way he’s speaking to you – like you’re a child who fell off her bike and skinned her knee, and not a grown ass woman realizing how disconnected she’s felt with every other partner until now. But unfortunately, it’s kind of working. You murmur an affirmation in response. ”I’ve got you, it’s okay,” he promises.

He holds you until the tide of emotion swells, settles, lips against your temple, his fingertips tracing up and down your spine, and gives you the time to compose yourself.

“That was really nice, I promise,” you say, eventually. And then, because he’s been so gracious, you’re honest. “It’s just been…a long time…” Forever, really. “Since I felt…”

“I know,” Joel nods. “Me too. It’s alright.”

“Yeah,” you bob your head. He holds your face reverently, and pulls you in for a chaste kiss before tucking you back against his chest. You close your eyes, nestle against him. He strokes your hair while you listen to the steady beat of his heart.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next thing you know, you’re being gently shaken awake. Somehow, you’d fallen asleep.

“Hey, baby,” Joel murmurs softly.

“Mmm?” you groan in response, exhaustion clinging to your limbs.

“I’m sorry, I gotta get going.”

You scoff into his neck and make a noise of protest, still not entirely roused, he’d woken you too delicately. When he speaks, his lips brush against your forehead, hands still tracing up and down the lines of your body and making you shiver. “I told Sarah and Tommy I’d be home by midnight.”

“Right,” you mutter, finding the strength to push yourself off of him and stretch. Joel sits up, very tentatively releasing you from his grip.

“I’m sorry I had to wake you, I can see myself out.”

“No, no,” you shake your head. “No, please. Do you need anything?”

“Can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course,” you point towards the ensuite.

Joel collects his discarded clothes off the bed, then the floor, and disappears. You hear the sink running, watch the shuffling shadows he casts in the crack below the door. While he’s doing that, you slip into your robe and run your fingers through your hair, taking in the disheveled state of your bed, before deciding to clean up in the extra bathroom down the hall.

On your way back, you run into Joel, who looks better than ever, tanned skin glowing, a soft smile on his face. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

“This was nice. I had a really good time.”

“Me too.”

“Will you…” he trails off, rubs his jaw. “Will you be okay? I don’t want to-”

“I’m fine,” you say, dismissively. “I just had a moment.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.” Joel studies you carefully, and you’re prompted to continue. “I promise. Joel. This was nice.”

“It was,” he grins. “I’d like to see you again.”

“Me too,” you don’t even think before you answer, despite everything. It surprises you, how willing you suddenly are.

“Good.” He kisses you, slow and lingering. “I’ll give you a call.”

“Okay.”

part vi

taglist: @yaskna@venomous-ko@lomljigg@yeehawbitchs@ay0nha @eldahae @lol-im-done@melancholicmelanin@reggies-floatie @omniscientqueer@superflymaterial@mikkorantanev@zbeez-outlet @nadja-antipaxos @strawberri-blonde @jabbajambler @ponyboys-sunsets @kyuupidwrites @r4efromvenus @loveatfirstsight-atlastsight @korianderbandit @nicoleoeoeoe @hotgirlsshareaccounts @madisonred88 @crustyrustydusty @sflame15-blog @issybee0611 @darkemeralddiamond @grandmana @totallynotastanacc @ay0nha @virgogaia @lunarxeclipse @marysucks-blog @jabbajambler @surazim @naiomiwinchester @raindrcpsangel @dorotheapascal @mythical-mushrooms13 @chernayawidow

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prettybillycore · 5 months

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shot through the heart || ch.1 || billy hargrove x shelby!reader

Pairing(s): Shelby!Reader x Billy Hargrove, Minor Thomas Shelby x Grace Burgess

Universe: Peaky Blinders + Stranger Things

Summary: You, one of the younger members of the Shelby clan, are just trying to find your place in the world when suddenly you are shot. Instead of dying, you are flashed-forward in time to 1984 where you meet people who will change your life forever. Will you ever be able to return home? What caused you to time-travel in the first place?

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: canon typical violence, swearing

A/N: I know this one is in second place on the poll I’m doing, but I was just so excited about it I started with it. The one in first place is probably going to be a one or two shot where as this is definitely going to be a series so the first place winner should be out soon!

Read here below the cut or on AO3~!

Being a Shelby came with a lot of expectations. There was no way around that. Especially as a woman you felt the pressure of your last name pressing on your shoulders. Being one of the youngest in the Shelby clan didn’t help your situation. You were freshly sixteen and your brothers never let you forget it. It was only recently that you were allowed to start sitting in on family meetings; Tommy made sure of it once he felt like you were ready. Aunt Pol was against it. The tension between the two of them over it could be cut with a knife. Of course, that didn’t really matter at the current moment. “I called this meeting because I got

some news. From Ireland,” Arthur said as he drank from a flask, “Scud-Boat and Lovelock got back from Belfast last night. They were buying a stallion to cover their mares.” Arthur gestured at the two of them and they confirm this, he continues. “They were in a pub in the Shankhill

Road yesterday and there was a copper handing out these.”

You were handed a flyer, but before you could even begin reading it, John ripped it out of your hands, “If you’re over five feet and can fight, come to Birmingham.”

“They’re recruiting Protestant Irishmen to come over here as Specials,” Arthur said.

“To do what?” Your older sister asked. Though it seemed quite obvious to you.

“To clean up the city, Ada,” Tommy replied. Exactly as you thought. “He’s a Chief Inspector. The last four years he’s been clearing the IRA out of Belfast…”

“How do you know so bloody much?” Arthur asked. This also seemed quite obvious to you.

“‘Cause I asked the coppers on our payroll,” Tommy explained. Again, exactly as you thought. You might have been one of the youngest people in the room, but you weren’t dull.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur questioned.

Tommy paused for a moment and pursed his lips. “I’m telling you.”

“So why are they sending him to Birmingham?” Aunt Pol asked. A silence fell over the room. Arthur takes a large swig of his drink. He clearly has no idea how to answer her question. Tommy steps up as the head of the meeting.

“There have been a lot of strikes at the Austen works and the BSA factory lately. Papers are talking about sedition. Revolution. I reckon it’s Communists he’s after,” Tommy and Aunt Pol look at each other intensely. You knew they were the real powerhouses of the family, despite Arthur being the oldest of you Shelby siblings.

“So this copper will leave us alone, right?” Aunt Pol asked.

“There are Irishmen in Green Lanes who left Belfast to get away from him. They say Catholic men who crossed him used to disappear in the night,” Tommy answered.

You eyed John carefully. He was clearly very bothered by the idea of this copper coming to town. You weren’t exactly at ease with the idea either. “Yeah but we ain’t IRA. We bloody fought for the King. Anyway, we’re Peaky Blinders. We’re not scared of coppers. If they come for us, we’ll cut them a smile each.”

“You’re right,” Arthur agreed.

You notice the snickers of some of the younger men in the room, but what catches your eye the most is Tommy’s hand carefully balling up the flyer until it’s tightly spiraled in his palm. “So, Arthur, is that it?”

Arthur’s gaze moved around the room, “What do you think, Aunt Pol?”

She sighed, the cigarette in her hand was still smoldering. “This family does everything open. You have nothing more to say to this meeting, Thomas?”

“No…” His eyes flickered between you, Ada, and Aunt Pol, “Nothing that’s women’s business.”

You rolled your eyes at that comment. “This whole bloody enterprise was ‘women’s business’ while you boys were away at war. What’s changed?” Aunt Pol snapped.

“We came back,” Tommy answered honestly. With that, the meeting started to disperse and you let out a large breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. You looked toward the door and saw Finn peaking in from the other room, much like you used to do when you were younger. He backed away as soon as you made eye contact, but you still found it cute. That is, until you were drawn back to reality.

“I still don’t like you sitting in on these meetings, Y/n. It really would be best if you were to stay with Finn,” Aunt Pol scolded. You sunk down in your seat and rolled your eyes again.

“Why must you insist on treating me like a child?” You asked.

“Because you are one,” she answered.

“Leave her alone Polly. She helped out with the business while we were all gone in the war, it’s only right she gets a seat at the table now,” Tommy said, inserting himself into the conversation.

“Thank you, Tommy,” you replied before turning your attention back to Aunt Pol. “I know I am young, but I am not a little kid like Finn. I am almost 18 now. You have to recognize that I am growing up, Aunt Polly. I deserve my seat at this table just as much as anyone else in this family.”

John and Arthur were snickering at you in the background. Aunt Pol hushed them with one dirty look. Her face did not soften when she looked back at you. “I know you want to help, but you have so many years ahead of you. You don’t have to be involved in the family business right now so why should you be? Why not wait as long as possible? You only picked up a gun for the first time last year and thank god you haven’t had to shoot anyone with it. You’re already in danger by being a Shelby, it only gets worse the more entangled you become with the business side of things.”

“I see your point Aunt Pol, but I’m not giving up my spot at this damn table after I just got it. You don’t give Ada a hard time and she’s sitting here.”

Ada shook her head. “Don’t bring me into this.”

“I will bring you into this if I damn well please,” you fired back. John was back to laughing, but you really weren’t sure what he was finding so funny about all of this. He was quieted down by a glare from Tommy.

“You are a lot younger than Ada. I don’t think that’s a fair comparison,” Aunt Pol continued. “I have your best interest at heart, Y/n. I am only doing my best to look out for you in the long run.”

“I think leave it for now, Aunt Pol. This bickering is getting us nowhere,” Tommy interjected. Your voices hushed. Aunt Pol’s face had a look of annoyance written all over it. You were more frustrated than anything else. Everyone began to leave the room, the air a little heavier than before.

| < ♥️ > |

You were laying on your stomach across Ada’s bed, your legs kicking the air without a care in the world. Your journal was open in front of you and a pen rested in one of your hands. Ada sat at a small vanity on the other side of the room. She was carefully applying a bit of makeup. It was much later now and the sun was getting ready to set. You were forbidden from going out at night except to change houses, while Ada could do whatever she pleased. You guessed she was going to do something Tommy wouldn’t approve of, you could feel it in your bones. “Who are you getting all dolled up to see?” You asked. You knew you might have to push a little bit to actually get her to tell you anything, but you still thought it was worth a try to ask.

Ada finished applying lipstick before she even thought about answering you. “It’s none of your business who I’m going to see.” She popped her lips together to spread around the product. “Just go back to writing in your journal. I’m sure you’ve got your eyes set on some boy you’ve met out and about.”

You made a ‘tsk’ sound with your teeth. “Yeah right, like that’s at all what I’m writing about in my journal. The only one in this room with her eyes on boys, is you, Ada!” You giggled and slammed your journal shut. You walked over to her and placed your hands on her shoulders. You looked at her in the mirror, “Come on, who are you going to see?”

Ada rolled her eyes at you. “You can’t tell anyone, yeah?”

“I swear on my life, this stays between you and me!” You stuck out your pinkie and she looked up at you.

“Really? A pinkie promise?” Ada asked.

“Yes. I pinkie promise I won’t tell a single soul who you’re going to see.” Ada’s face contorted into a soft smile as she grabbed your pinkie with hers.

“Fine, fine. I’m going to see Freddie Thorne. We’ve been seeing each other for a little while now, but we’ve been keeping it a secret because you know how Tommy is. Not another soul can know. You hear me?”

“You can’t break a pinkie promise, Ada. It’s an unbreakable vow,” you replied before taking your hand back. “I never expected him to be your type, but good on you! I am glad you’ve found someone that makes you happy. I hope I find someone who makes me happy one day.”

You nearly mumbled the last part. You flopped back onto Ada’s bed, your back touching the mattress. “You will. You’re young yet, Y/n.”

“Why is there always talk of me being so young? Why can’t there be talk of how grown up I’ve gotten since the war?” You huffed, puffing every last bit of air out of your chest.

Ada stood up from her chair and laughed lightly. “You’ve grown a lot, but you’ve still got a lot of growing to do. Come on, I’ll walk you home on my way to meet Freddie.”

“You don’t think Tommy will find it suspicious that you’re all dressed up to drop me at home?” You asked curiously as you sat up and began to gather your things.

“Please, it’s too early for Tommy to be home. You’ll be lucky if he’s in before you fall asleep tonight,” She replied ruffling your hair. You knew she was right, Tommy was probably out at the pub. You were now old enough to set foot in bars, but your brothers all agreed that you should stay far away from all the bars in town except for the Garrison. Even with the exception, you were still only allowed to go there during the day time. This left you alone at night at home quite frequently since you lived with just Tommy. You’ve been living with him ever since he returned from war. You wouldn’t have it any other way, even if night time was sometimes scary and lonely. “Let’s go, I haven’t got all night,” Ada rushed you.

You quickly gathered the rest of your things and threw them into your bag. “Ready!”

“Okay, let’s get you home.”

| < ♥️ > |

You woke up the next day expecting a quiet, normal morning. What you weren’t expecting was Arthur coming to your door, covered in blood. You frantically gathered the family. You met in your usual meeting room as Tommy went to go get a bottle of rum. Ada and Aunt Pol were about to start tending to Arthur’s wounds, but you couldn’t bare to watch. You were picking at the skin around your fingernails and biting the softest part of your lip hard enough that it started to bleed. Aunt Pol was wrapping Arthur’s finger while you leaned against a wall. “John, wipe the blood out of his eye.”

“Since when did you give orders?” John asked.

“I’m a trained nurse,” Ada replied.

“Don’t make me laugh, it hurts my face,” Arthur interjected. He was, in fact, laughing.

“I bloody am,” Ada continued.

“You went to one first aid class in the church hall and got thrown out for giggling,” John teased.

“Not before learning how to stop somebody from choking,” Ada answered.

“I’m not bloody choking, am I?” Arthur shot back.

“You will be when I wrap this cloth round your neck,” Ada said. The mood takes a downward shift as Tommy entered the room with a whole bottle of rum.

“Let me see him,” he said walking up to Arthur. “Hmm. Well, have this.” He gave Arthur the bottle he was holding. Arthur takes a long drink before Tommy says, “Give me that,” and sets the bottle on the table in front of him. He take a hot, wet cloth and begins to clean Arthur’s skin. You dig your nails into your palms at the sound of Arthur’s painful moans. “You’re alright.”

“He said Mr Churchill sent him to Birmingham,” Arthur started. “National interest, he said. He said there’d been a robbery. He said he wants us to help him.”

“We don’t help coppers,” John stated flatly.

“He knew all about our war records. He said we’re patriots like him. He said he wants us to be his eyes and ears. I told him we’d have a family meeting and a vote. Why not? We have no truck with communists. Or Fenians.” Arthur stared at Tommy. Tommy said nothing, but is clearly off put by the idea of helping the new copper that has come to town. You could tell something else about this situation was bothering him too, you just couldn’t put your finger on exactly what it was. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Polly, what is wrong with him lately?”

“If I knew, I’d buy the cure from Compton’s Chemists,” Aunt Pol joked. Tommy grabbed his coat and left the meeting before anyone could take a vote.

| < ♥️ > |

After everything in the morning with Arthur, you decided that you needed a drink. You were not one for drinking usually, that one was usually all your brothers, but something about this whole situation just screamed I need a glass of whsikey. So you found yourself in the Garrison in the late afternoon. The sun hadn’t gone down yet, so you were in the clear with Tommy’s rule about you only being there during the day. You walked in and all the eyes that turned toward the door quickly turned away, all except the eyes of a new barmaid that you did not recognize. You heard Harry, the owner of the bar, tell the new barmaid that whatever you wanted was on the house. You smiled politely at her as you pulled up a seat at the bar. You ordered a whiskey sour from her and as she handed you your drink you asked for her name. “Grace. My name is Grace.”

You smiled back at her and took a sip of your drink. “Y/n, Y/n Shelby. Lovely to meet you.”

| < ♥️ > |

Somewhere between the several whiskey sours you had and your new relationship with Grace you found yourself standing on one of the bar tables with her, singing. It was something that you use to do in school, before the war, but hadn’t done in such a long time. You were grinning such a wide grin that your cheeks were beginning to hurt.

“I am just a young girl.

I have just come over,

Over from the country where they do things big,

And amongst the boys I have got myself a lover,

And since I have a lover,

I don’t care a fig.

The boy I love is up in the gallery

The boy I love is looking–”

You stopped singing when you noticed Tommy come in the door with your brothers. You suddenly felt very exposed standing high up on a table.

“At me

Can’t you see him standing there?

Waving his handkerchief

As merry as a robin that sings on the tree.” Grace finished the song by herself. You felt bad, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anymore words. The grin was gone from your rosey cheeks. It was replaced by a sorry frown aimed toward your shoes.

Harry walked over to Tommy, “We haven’t had singing in here since the war.”

“Why do you think that is, Harry?” Tommy spoke plainly. “Y/n, it’s dark outside. Time to go home for the night.” You nodded. Tommy walked over and gave you a hand off the table. Your feet being on the ground again felt like you were standing a boat. The alcohol in your system was way more than you were use to. “Jesus how much did you drink?” Tommy mumbled. You tossed some “sorrys” in his direction, but he wasn’t listening. He just headed out the door to take you home.

| < ♥️ > |

Monday came before you even realized it had. You spent the rest of your weekend recovering from the time you had at the bar. You were feeling bright and well Monday afternoon and were hanging around where your family normally does business when Arthur came yelling for Tommy. “It bloody won!” Tommy is unphased by Arthur’s sudden appearance in front of him. You were sitting across from Tommy, just present to take in the whole interaction. “Monaghan Boy bloody won!”

“And word will spread. So next time we do the powder trick it won’t just be the Garrison that’ll bet on the horse, it’ll be the whole of Small Heath. And you know what? The horse will win again. And the third time we do it we’ll have the whole of Birmingham betting on it. A thousand quid bet on the magic horse. And that time, when we are ready, the horse will lose.” Tommy snapped the book in front of him shut. “Think about it.” You and Arthur looked at each other as Tommy left the room. “Bloody hell.”

-TO BE CONTINUED-

_____________________________________

TAGS: @tatumrileyslover @rubybinxx @haleypearce

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ranbling · 3 months

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Why do I think Tommy is only using Buck as an in to the 118:

I don't think the show would bring up his jealousy over the fact that the 118 is a family multiple times if it wasn't some kind of fireshadowing

This is not a reason, but the "you know he can have more than one friend?" comment is just so damn condescending

Tommy saying "I was super jealous [...] over all of you, the 118, how it became like a family over there. I mean how you all willing to put everything on the line for one another, I wanted to be a part of that" is a pretty big sign, it kinda implies that he would have had that, had he stayed with the 118 (altough I don't think so, i think there is too much bad history between Hen, Chim and Tommy to ever achive that and him staying wouldn't have changed that fact)

After the whole cruise ship rescue, Tommy doesn't reach out to Chim or Hen to hang out again, but to Eddie. Eddie who is perhaps the most similar to him (and notice except for being in the army and liking MMA, those characteristics of Eddie has never been mentioned before) and Tommy goes out his way to make Eddie his friend (because lets be honest, you don't get front row tickets for a sold out show and fly someone over to Vegas in a helicopter if you don't have some kind of hidden agenda) and shows no real interest in Buck during the tour of the helicopter station.

And then at Buck's loft he totally changes his behaviour after Buck tells him, he's been trying to get Tommy's attention (which I still think is total bullshit btw, why were you flexing for Eddie in the station then??), and shuts him up with a kiss (and don't start me on a rant how much I hate that trope!! I don't find it cute, especially not when its obvious its only a way to shut someone up, minirant over).

Also I just want to mention, he totally inserts himself into a situation that he doesn't really know much about, he acts like he understands every little nuance in the relationship between Buck and Eddie and he does not. This episode also wrote Eddie (and everyone) ooc, because you want me to believe Eddie would give out Buck's address to someone he known for a week??? I don't think so

He's ready to leave Buck after the smallest problem during their date (Tommy knew Buck wasn't out to anyone when he asked him to one, no need to act suprised Buck is not ready to come out in the middle of the restaurant) and has no intention of starting over, right until Buck invites him to the wedding which is a new way to get closer to the 118

Then Tommy is at the bachelor party and he shows that he has no intention of being there, he acts totally bored and not even trying to make Buck happy (yes, I am talking about not dressing up in any capacity), and says he's here because he's Chimney's friend. But is he? We know that after he left the 118, where he worked like a decade or more together with Chimney, the only time they talked was when Chimney asked for his assistance (in the episode about Red, Chimney says he's not in touch with anyone from the old 118 and that was the ONLY time he talked with Tommy) which is not really something that screams we're friends

He shows up at the hospital, yes, but its also an opportunity to show the 118 how he's there. Its also a pretty interesting choice from the writers, making him to be on call

Also, neither Hen or Chimney mention how Tommy tried to reconnect with them after the rescue, which is interesting as they're the ones who actually have a relationship with him. He only wanted to be friends with Eddie and Buck, two members of the team who had no idea what kind of people Tommy was in the past. Both Eddie and Buck trust him easier and you can see how Buck is soo convinced that Chim is Tommy's friend that he invited Tommy to the bachelor party

Do I think Tommy is working with the councilwoman? No, but honestly it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. Councilwoman Ortiz probably kept tabs on Hen since the accident, and knew who was the one assisting with the helicopter and Tommy is a really weak link. Gerrard being back at the 118 does not concern him, and he can give the councilwoman private information from the 118

I only think that he wants to get into the inner circle and secure himself a position where people would choose him over Buck when they break-up. The last episode showed how Tommy doesn't understand the bonds in the 118, so I'm kinda curious how it will work out

#911 abc #anti tommy kinard #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bobby nash #hen wilson #chimney han

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hbyrde36 · 9 months

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The Crawl

Part 3 of 5

Part 1 Part 2 AO3

cw: character death, (with a happy ending) | wc:7087

-Steve-

Will’s guardian angel from the Upside Down had been a faceless ghost to the rest of the party for a long time. Once the group accepted that he was real and started actually listening to the kid about what was coming for them, they began to wonder more and more about who this Eddie person really was, why he was in that place, and how he knew so much about what they were facing.

Steve found himself especially curious since the guy’s warnings had saved him and Robin from what would have apparently been literal torture by the Russian Military. Suddenly it felt like the mysterious Eddie was all of their guardian angels.

So, imagine his surprise when on the first day of their freshman year of high school the kids called an emergency party meeting because they’d run into Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson in the cafeteria and Will had instantly recognized him as the strange older boy from the Upside Down who had helped him.

The group quickly agreed to take Eddie under their wing while also deciding not to tell him anything about his other self or the alternate dimension, since they had no idea how he would become involved in their world of monsters and mayhem. They didn’t want to freak him out prematurely. He probably wouldn’t have believed them anyway

Keeping an eye on him meant having the kids join the Hellfire Club, the four boys did at least. It was no hardship, they all still loved to play D&D and would have absolutely joined anyway. Max and El refused, which was fine. There would be plenty of eyes on Eddie regardless because Steve was also being tasked with befriending him.

The kids could watch over him at school no problem, but someone would need to keep tabs on him the rest of the time.

It made the most sense for Steve to be the one of the older group to try and get close to Eddie. He had a lot of free time. They were both guys, both around the same age, and…

That was about it.

They didn’t have much or really anything else in common, except for the kids who Eddie loved immediately– thank god, but Steve was determined to make it work.

He thought it would be easy. He and Eddie hadn’t been enemies or anything when he was in school, though they hadn’t been friends either. They’d simply run in different circles and didn’t have much reason to interact with each other for the most part. Eddie had his band and the D&D club, while Steve ran with the jock crowd and Tommy and Carol, right up until the other-dimensional-shit hit the fan in his junior year. After that he mostly kept to himself and Nancy, and then just to himself when that didn’t work out.

It wasn’t easy, as it turned out.

Eddie was suspicious, to say the least, when Steve started making appearances at Hellfire every Friday night.

The first time he came to pick the kids up, he purposely hung around outside until Eddie came out to his van. He waved and tried to say hello, but the other boy didn’t hear him, or more likely, purposely ignored him.

His second attempt a week later didn’t yield any better results. Eddie looked right at him that time, quite clearly perplexed by Steve’s presence, but he still didn’t return the greeting.

The third week was when Eddie started to crack. Steve had an idea that it was coming. Dustin had let slip a few days before that Eddie had begun to ask questions about him and why he was picking them all up every week. Like, how did Steve even come to be your babysitter? And, aren't you guys too old for babysitters anyway?

Dustin assured Steve that all of the boys, even Mike, had thoroughly talked him up. He was a little doubtful on that point, but he had no choice but to roll with it.

As the four boys battled it out for the front seat, Steve stood outside the car like he always did and gave it his all, waving as he hit Eddie with the same dazzling smile that had knocked the socks off so many girls back in his King Steve days. Eddie met his gaze, big brown eyes a little wider than usual when he, finally, awkwardly raised his hand to wave back.

Steve was buzzing with excitement as he drove the kids home that night. It was practically nothing, the progress was ridiculously slow, but it was progress nonetheless!

He pushed his luck the next Friday, purposely arriving at the school a little earlier than usual. He knew Hellfire was hosted in the drama room so he decided to peek in and maybe watch the last few minutes of the game.

Eddie’s head snapped up in surprise as Steve entered the room, but he didn’t miss a beat as he wove his tale for the assembled group listening with rapt attention.

He hovered by the door, afraid to say anything or even move until Eddie caught his eye and tilted his head to the right, a subtle invitation to take a seat on the small couch on that side of the room. Steve nodded his thanks and did just that.

He quickly found that he couldn’t take his eyes off Eddie. Though he had no idea what was going on, there was just something about the other boy. It was endearing how excited he would get when someone made a good roll, or annoyed, depending on the situation, and so entertaining to hear him try on other voices and accents for the various characters he played.

There was something else too, but Steve couldn’t put his finger on it. Eddie had a way about him. Something that drew him in. With every gesture of his hand and subtle eyebrow raise Eddie had his complete attention.

Steve was staring, he knew it and yet he couldn’t stop. After a while Eddie noticed, because how could he not, and a little smirk appeared on his face.

Steve finally managed to tear his eyes away, embarrassed, cheeks growing warm, and when he finally looked back up everyone was gathering their things, the session having come to a close while he furiously tried to figure out why Eddie Munson of all people was leaving him captivated.

He arrived earlier and earlier each time after that. Even going so far as to change his schedule with Family Video so he’d be off on Fridays for the occasion. Something Robin teased him relentlessly for, though he knew it was only because she missed working together on those nights.

Eventually he began showing up before the game had even started, and he and Eddie would talk as they set things up.

As many great friendships do, it all began with arguing about music.

Steve was mainly a Top 40’s guy, Eddie a metalhead, obviously. It made perfect sense that they would butt heads on the subject, and butt heads they did, until eventually Steve admitted that Eddie’s music wasn’t all that bad. He even liked some of the songs that were a little less loud and shouty.

Soon after, Eddie admitted too that, yes he preferred metal but really he just loved music, and he could enjoy different genres as long as there was something to appreciate, like a good beat, a nice rhythm, or a solid melody with some meaningful lyrics sprinkled in.

It wasn’t long before they were making mixtapes to swap and introducing each other to new favorites, and a few guilty pleasures. Suddenly they were bonding over music instead of fighting about it. Steve wondered what more they might have in common if he was brave enough to look deeper.

The first time Steve went over to Eddie’s place to hang out it was almost a disaster.

Technically they’d been hanging out for a few months by then but it was always at the school and mostly around the kids. This would be the first time they could just relax around eachother, have a beer, watch a movie, and maybe talk for more than 20 minutes without getting interrupted by Dustin.

Steve was nervous, more so than he’d ever been for any first date before.

Not that it was a date!

He wasn’t sure why he kept thinking of their hang out in those terms, but it had been happening ever since Eddie invited him over. Maybe it was because it was just going to be the two of them?

No, that was stupid. How many times had he and Tommy hung out alone when they were still friends? And it’d never felt like this.

It was just because of who Eddie was, Steve reasoned. The stakes were high. He needed Eddie to like him. He needed Eddie to want him around so he could keep him safe, the same way Eddie’s counterpart in the Upside Down had kept him safe.

It made sense, that had to be it.

He’d gotten so antsy sitting around at home waiting that he wound up arriving at the trailer almost 30 minutes early, which led to Eddie answering the door with dripping wet hair, wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants slung low around his hips.

Steve froze in place, unable to move from the doorway. His eyes were glued to Eddie’s pale chest. First admiring his tattoos and the smattering of dark hair, then tracking the water droplets that fell from his hair as they rolled down the length of his body to disappear into the waistband of his pants.

Eddie cleared his throat loudly, breaking whatever spell Steve had been under, and he snapped back to attention.

Steve was mortified. There was no denying that he’d just been ogling his friend. He could practically feel the drool drying on his own chin, figuratively speaking. He didn't know what to panic about first. The fact that Eddie was probably going to kick him out and say he never wanted to see him again, or the fact that he was definitely attracted to Eddie, a boy, when he’d never looked twice at another guy that way in his life!

Okay, that last part wasn’t entirely true, there may have been some wandering eyes and errant thoughts over the years, but only the normal amount.

To his surprise, Eddie didn’t say a word about it, only eyed him a little curiously as he moved aside and gestured for Steve to come in. He then, mercifully, ducked into his bedroom to get dressed the rest of the way, giving Steve a moment alone on the couch to get his racing pulse under control.

Somehow he made it through the rest of that night without making too much more of a fool of himself, though he couldn't help but notice how Eddie sat a little closer to him than might be considered strictly friendly while they watched their movie, or how his gaze lingered on Steve a little longer than it usually did.

He tried very hard not to read into the fact that every time they hung out after that night Eddie would make a point to answer the door shirtless. He was pretty sure the guy was trying to kill him.

Eventually Steve got up the courage to talk to Robin about it. They’d become close after everything that happened at Starcourt and somehow he knew he could trust her with this.

She’d hated him when they started working together at Scoops Ahoy. At first it was just because of his former high school reputation, but then she found out that he’d tried to get her fired.

She was furious, but It was for her own good, even if she didn’t know it at the time. Will’s directions had been simple, Steve and Robin were to go nowhere the mall’s elevators, specifically, the Russian one. A crazy fucking sentence to hear said, but Steve accepted it just like he’d accepted all the other weird shit in his life.

It all sounded simple enough, but it wasn’t Steve’s first rodeo. If the other dimension and its monsters were coming for them again, then no amount of elevator avoidance would leave them completely unscathed.

No, the safest thing for Robin would be to get her away from the mall altogether.

Unfortunately she was stubborn and smart. She managed to keep her job no matter how hard he tried, and ultimately Steve was glad she did. They could never have cracked the code without her. He passed the information off to Hopper, letting him, Joyce, and Murray take lead on the Russian side of things, while he and Robin helped the others fight off both Max’s brother Billy, who’d been possessed by the Mind Flayer, and the Mind Flayer itself.

They won the day, though Billy had been killed saving El in one final act of decency. Everyone else made it out relatively okay, including Hopper, which they were all aware hadn’t been a sure thing. It was the first time they knew for sure that they had changed something big.

After the smoke cleared Steve gave Robin the talk, explaining all about the Upside Down, Demo-whatsits, and everything the group had been through since 1983. He told her about Will’s guardian angel who’d helped him get out of the other dimension when he was young, and the warnings about what was to come. When she realized what Steve tried to do for her, and why he’d acted like such a jackass, she gave him the tightest, longest hug he’d ever received.

They were pretty much inseparable after that.

She had been there to help him figure out how to get close to Eddie Munson when they realized he was THE Eddie, and she was there again to help him come to terms with the fact that he was was bisexual when he showed up at her house freaking out at one o’clock in the morning after another night of hanging out with the other boy alone.

They stayed up talking until sunrise, until Steve felt like he understood himself a little better. Over the course of the night Robin had come out to him too. She was a lesbian and understood all too well the feeling of being confused about who you liked versus who you were supposed to like, and the pressure society could put on those who were different.

They were both so glad to have someone in their life who got it. Steve would forever be grateful to that stupid ice cream shop for bringing him and Robin together.

Gay crisis averted, she jumped right into trying to convince him to make a move on Eddie. After only one time of the three of them hanging out together, she was convinced that the other boy felt the same way.

Steve couldn’t really argue with her. He saw it too, felt the charged energy between them anytime they were alone, but still he hesitated. He was scared, for a lot of reasons. He’d been hurt before, badly, and he wasn’t sure he could go through that again. He already knew his feelings for Eddie were much more than a passing crush. He’d also never been with a guy before, romantically, and that brought on a whole different set of nerves.

There was also the big bad thing looming on the horizon.

Vecna-slash-Henry-slash-One was coming for all of them, and Steve might not be one of the big brains of this operation, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew if there really was another version of Eddie stuck somewhere in the Upside Down, it wasn’t a good thing.

No, it could only mean something had gone very seriously wrong. His feelings for Eddie and whatever was budding between them could wait. The most important thing now was to remain vigilant and do everything in his power to keep everyone safe. They didn’t know much of what was to come, but Steve would be damned if he’d let Eddie’s fate, whatever it was, repeat itself.

He would keep this Eddie safe and when it was all over, he would tell him how he felt.

Except when the time came Steve completely and utterly failed.

They knew about Vecna and that Chrissy Cunningham was his first victim. What they didn’t know was when and how it would all begin, and in hindsight they should have kept a close eye on the cheerleader too.

Neither Steve or any of the kids had any idea that Chrissy had approached Eddie to buy weed from him during school that day.

THE day.

Steve was so pissed off at the time that it left him blind to the possibilities. Lucas had a basketball game, a big one, that happened to conflict with the final session of Hellfire for the current campaign, and Eddie, the stubborn asshole, outright refused to postpone. Even had the balls to ask Dustin to call Steve to fill in. He said no, of course, and to really drive the point home about who was in the wrong he went to Lucas’ game and sat front row center, cheering him on loudly the whole time.

As mad as he’d been at Eddie for excluding Lucas and not supporting his other interests, Steve was much angrier at himself the next morning when it all came down.

He and Eddie always hung out after Hellfire– but not that week! No, because he was pissed, and so not only did he blow off D&D, he told Eddie he couldn’t see him afterwards either.

If Steve had just gone along with their normal routine, he’d have been there. He would have seen Chrissy come home with Eddie. He would have put the pieces together! He might have been able to do something.

But he wasn’t there, and he hadn’t stopped it.

Eddie had brought Chrissy home to his trailer and she’d died a horrible death right in front of him.

Understandably, he ran.

A good thing too because It didn’t take long for the whole town to decide that he was a murderer.

Luckily Steve was pretty sure he knew where Eddie would have gone to hide out. Rick, his supplier, had been locked up a few weeks before, leaving his house on Lover’s Lake empty. Steve had ridden along with Eddie on a pick up once or twice, so he knew the way, and they quickly found him holed up in the boathouse behind it.

They finally told him everything.

Well, not everything.

The group still agreed that their Eddie should never know about the other Eddie. It was already so much to come to terms with, learning about monsters and another dimension that lived right under their feet. He didn’t need the extra burden of knowing that this had all happened before.

And Steve knew Eddie well enough by now to know he would have so many questions. Questions that none of them really had answers to.

He failed a second time when he and the others went off trying to figure things out, leaving Eddie alone and vulnerable when Jason and his goon squad had come to Rick's and found him hiding.

The panic that seized Steve when he came back to the lakehouse and saw the police and the ambulance standing by was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He felt a little sick about how relieved he was to learn that it was Patrick who'd been killed, but he couldn't help it.

He barely knew Patrick, but he loved Eddie.

It was the first time Steve had allowed himself to think the words, but it was far from a shocking revelation. He’d been falling for Eddie since the first time he waved back in the school parking lot.

Dustin’s walkie crackled to life not long after they arrived on the scene. Eddie was okay, and he was hiding out at Skull Rock.

Steve knew the spot well and didn't need a map or Dustin with his broken compass to tell him where to go. He wanted to cry when they finally reached the rock formation and Eddie came jumping out of the bushes, and he didn’t hesitate to wrap the other boy up in a fierce embrace.

They’d hugged before, it wasn't necessarily a new thing for them, but the desperation was. The way they held onto each other so tightly, as if they were afraid the other would disappear at any moment, the way Eddie pressed his face into the curve of Steve's neck, and how Steve whispered in his ear, “I’m here. I’ve got you,” over and over again. That was all new.

For the record, Steve didn’t exactly want to jump head first into the murky water of Lover’s Lake, but it needed to be done. Facts were facts and as a former lifeguard and co-captain of the swim team, there was no one better suited for the job. Even if one of the others had volunteered, he wasn’t sure he could have let any of them go in that water without him.

Meeting the other Eddie was not something Steve had ever anticipated happening, but when the living vines of the Upside Down grabbed him by the ankle, pulled him through the water, and down into their world, that was exactly what happened.

He was right there in the lake bed when Steve emerged, as if he’d been waiting for his arrival. Maybe he had.

Steve was completely unprepared for what he saw. Future Eddie, or past Eddie, or whatever he technically was, looked like he’d been through hell.

What he could see of Eddie’s skin beneath the layers of dirt, grime, and something that looked suspiciously like mold, was ghostly pale. His clothes were torn and stained with old blood, nearly black in color, and what remained of his Hellfire Club shirt was almost unrecognizable. His hair was a wild mess of tangled curls, and the deep brown eyes that Steve had grown so used to gazing at were stained with red, tainted, though the look in them was hauntingly familiar.

It was suddenly so obvious what had gone wrong, what had caused this Eddie to be stuck here.

He’d died in this place.

Steve didn't know how he was walking and talking or how he was still so completely himself after everything he’d been through, but it made it that much harder to leave him behind.

He knew he had to, there was nothing more he could do for this version of the boy he loved except to make sure things turned out differently this time, that his efforts and sacrifice hadn’t been in vain.

After their all too brief time together he managed to wrench himself away, but as he raced back to his friends he couldn't help wondering if another Steve in another time had been forced to leave this Eddie behind too.

He made it just in time to intercept one of the demobats before it could latch itself to Robin’s back. He grasped it by its tail with his bare hands, swinging it around in a wide arc before bashing it into the ground over and over until it lay stunned. He stomped down on it, pulling at the same time and managed to tear the creature in two.

It was then that he finally looked up to meet Eddie’s gaze.

His Eddie, soaking wet from the impromptu swim but not a scratch on him. Steve prayed it would stay that way. He reached out and took the other boy’s hand, lacing their fingers together and led the way into the trees where the four of them could hide before more of the bats arrived.

Eventually they got out of the Upside Down through the gate in Eddie’s trailer and regrouped with the rest of the party, but not before Nancy had the same visions that the other Eddie had spoken to him about.

He went back and forth about it in his head so many times, but in the end decided not to tell anyone else that he’d seen the Eddie who was trapped in the Upside Down. He didn’t want the rest of the party to feel what he did, a guilt that was eating him up inside. Let them guess and speculate and not be faced with confirmation of the ugly truth.

It wouldn’t make a difference anyway, except to plant seeds of doubt. Like he’d told the other Eddie, it was a solid plan and considering that they had way more players on the field this time there was no reason to assume things would turn out the same way.

They really didn’t have much of a choice. If they didn’t go after Vecna now, he would come after Max on his own, or worse, attack some other innocent kid who had no one on their side and no way to fight him off.

When the time came, Max was joined at the Right-Side-Up Creel house by Lucas, Erica, Eleven, Mike, and Joyce. El would be helping Max to bait and then ultimately to hide from Vecna, while also fighting him inside his own mind.

The rest of the party made what they hoped would be their final trek into the Upside Down.

Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, and Hopper would all be going on to the alternate Creel house to destroy Vecna’s body, while Eddie, Dustin, and Will created a distraction for the demobats and any other creatures who might be lurking around.

Steve could taste terror like bile on the back of his tongue when the time came to part ways with Eddie and the two younger boys and take their positions. He’d been avoiding Eddie a little up till then, unable to stop picturing him getting torn apart trying to fight off an entire swarm of demobats on his own. He almost offered to switch places, anything to ensure that his Eddie wouldn’t meet the same end as his predecessor, but somehow the idea of sending him off the fight Vecna felt even more dangerous.

As the group said their goodbyes, Steve marched right up to Eddie and zipped his leather jacket up all the way to the top, and then zipped the army vest closed on top of that. Just in case the little pep talk he was about to give didn’t work.

“You worried I'm going to catch a cold down here Mama Harrington?” Eddie teased, though there was a tightness around his eyes that belied his joking tone. He was scared, they all were.

“Do me a favor, Eds?” Steve asked, resting his hands up on Eddie’s shoulders.

“Yeah, anything, man.” Eddie breathed.

They were standing so close together, close enough to kiss, but Steve still held back. He had to get this out. He had to make sure that Eddie listened.

“Don’t try to be cute or be a hero or something, okay? Distract the bats for a little bit and then get your ass inside. Make sure you block up the air vents, and if anything goes wrong, and I mean anything, you bail. You and the boys get topside. Don’t hesitate, don’t-” Steve’s voice broke on the words and he just barely managed to mask it behind a cough. “Don’t wait for us, we’ll find another way out if we have to.”

Eddie looked deep into his eyes, studying his face like he was trying to memorize it and gave a single nod. Steve squeezed his shoulder and forced himself to step away. His throat was tight and his eyes burned and god, he hoped this wasn’t the last time he’d see Eddie alive.

They set off with Hopper in the lead, followed by Nancy and Jonathan, while Steve and Robin brought up the rear. They had only gone a few steps when there was a rustling behind them and Eddie’s voice calling out Steve’s name. It stopped him in his tracks.

“You go ahead, Robin. Just give me a second. I'll be right behind you.” Steve said.

She nodded and gave him a knowing smile.

“Go get him, Dingus.” She murmured softly before setting back off to catch up with the others.

He turned and met Eddie halfway, very aware that Dustin and Will were not far off and were probably watching their every move, but he was so far beyond caring about that right now. They were good kids, they wouldn’t judge.

“Eds, I… ”

“Stevie, I… ”

They both began in unison, and broke out into giggles as they interrupted each other.

Steve thought again about the other version of himself. Had he loved his Eddie too? Had they shared a moment like this before parting ways forever, or had his other self been too afraid, too repressed to see what was right in front of him?

This Steve was done with it all.

Done with waiting, and done being scared. He reached for the perfect way to tell Eddie that he’d fallen in love with him, but no combination of words in the English language were good enough to properly express how he felt about the boy in front of him.

So he figured, fuck words.

He stepped in and took Eddie’s face between his hands as he crashed their lips together, all in one fluid motion. Eddie’s arms circled his waist, tugging him in closer, tighter, until there was no space left between them.

Steve deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along the seam of Eddie’s mouth until he opened for him, letting him lick in and taste. Steve wanted nothing more than to stay in that kiss forever, would climb inside Eddie and live there for a thousand years if he could.

Neither of them wanted to pull back, but the seconds were ticking by to minutes and Steve had to go. He had to see this plan through to the end, and see Vecna dead. They clung to each other for one last handful of seconds, before finally breaking apart, panting into each other’s mouths. Steve rested his forehead against Eddies and sighed, stealing one perfect moment of contentment at the end of the world in the arms of the boy he loved.

“I’m sorry I let you get mixed up in all this. I wanted to keep you safe from it.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But if I hadn’t been so mad at you, if i’d been there I…”

“Baby, stop.” Eddie said, pressing a light kiss under each of Steve's eyes to catch his tears. He was crying, and he hadn’t even realized it. “You can’t worry about the what if’s, okay? Don’t do that to yourself. And you were right to be mad at me by the way I was being a total jackass.”

Steve captured Eddie’s lips one more time before finally letting him go. If he waited too much longer to catch up he’d never find the others before they reached the Creel house.

“You better come back to me, Steve Harrington.” Eddie said, squeezing him tight before giving him a light shove in the direction Robin had gone, somehow knowing he needed the push.

“I will, I promise.” Steve said, and hoped it wasn’t a lie.

In the end it had been almost too easy to take Vecna down. Which is not to say that he didn’t put up a fight. In fact, for a minute there Steve thought they were done for before they’d even made it to the attic.

The steps to the top floor of the house were covered in vines and though they tried to avoid stepping on them, the hive mind must still have sensed their presence.

In the blink of an eye Steve found himself pinned to the wall by his neck, arms, and legs, watching helplessly in horror as the same happened to Robin right beside him, and Nancy across the way. Only Jonathan and Hopper managed to stay free.

The older man hacked at the vines mercilessly with his axe, but no sooner would one break off than another would take its place. Jonathan tried to pry the things off Nancy with his bare hands but he wasn’t anywhere near strong enough.

Just when Steve had given up hope, his vision blurring with the beginnings of losing consciousness, the pressure eased and all the vines fell away at once. Somehow he knew they had El to thank for the rescue, and he made a mental note to never let his freezer run out of Eggos again.

When they finally made it to Vecna’s attic lair he seemed to be well and truly under Eleven’s hold, she must have given him one hell of a fight. He was weak, stuck, all but unmoving as they set his body aflame and watched it burn.

When it was clear that they had won, every fiber of Steve’s being wanted to run back to Eddie, Will, and Dustin to make sure that history hadn’t repeated itself, but they couldn’t leave until Vecna was no more than a pile of ash.

He would have gone anyway, trusting the others to see the job through, but Robin wouldn’t let him go alone. He’d been hurt in the initial struggle with the vines and judging by the amount of pain he was in, he was pretty sure his shoulder was dislocated.

When the fire burned out and they did finally start to head back towards the trailer park, Steve charged ahead, turning a deaf ear to his friend’s sounds of protest. They just didn’t understand, they didn’t know what he knew.

He heard the two boys shouting for help before he could even see them, and his heart sank as he ran flat out until they came into view, huddled around a shape lying prone on the ground.

He skidded to a halt and fell to his knees when he reached them.

“Steve! You gotta do something. We can’t let this happen, not… “ Will trailed off, voice lost amid a fresh set of tears.

Again.

Not again.

That’s what Will had been about to say.

Steve gaped at the younger boy, and felt like such an idiot. Will had known. All this time- of course he had! He would have seen the same thing Steve did when he met the other Eddie. The blood, the wounds, the eyes. He was a smart kid, it was no surprise he put it together. No wonder he had insisted on being part of the distraction team.

He promised himself he’d make time to talk to the kid later once they were safely out of there.

Eddie was unconscious, lying face-up on the ground with blood running down his chin and neck, mostly stemming from a deep bite wound in his cheek, and one of his pant legs was torn open revealing more bites on his thigh and calf, but he was breathing, and his pulse was strong and steady.

Steve sagged in relief. Eddie was alive.

Through some miracle, they’d changed things just enough to make all the difference in the world.

“He’s alive!” Steve shouted.

“He’s alive and he’s going to be okay.” He repeated, as much for himself as for the two younger boys.

He continued to look Eddie over thoroughly, searching head to toe for other wounds but apart from a lump on the back of his head, what he saw initially seemed to be the extent of it. It was bad but not life threatening.

“I think he hit his head when the bats knocked him from the bike.” Dustin said when he’d finally calmed down.

Steve nodded. He’d figured as much but was trying not to think about things like concussions and head trauma.

“Is Vecna gone? Is it over?” Will asked.

Steve started to answer but realized Will was looking up over his head and a voice sounded from behind. The others had finally caught up.

“Yeah, buddy. It’s over. ” Jonathan said.

Will jumped to his feet and ran to his brother who caught him up in a joyful hug, while Dustin threw himself at Steve attempting to do the same, which was sweet but caused a new burst of pain in his shoulder. He sucked in a sharp breath and tried to hide the wince, but the kid noticed anyway.

“Shit!” Dustin cursed, rearing back. “Why didn’t you say you were hurt?” His eyes searched Steve frantically up and down like he was looking for bullet wounds.

“I’m fine, Henderson. it’s just my shoulder, no big deal.”

The ground beneath their feet began to shake suddenly and the deep cracking sounds of rock splitting apart thundered in the distance.

“That’s our cue to get the hell out of here.” Hopper said. “Let’s move, people!”

Steve tried to scoop Eddie into his arms, fully intent on carrying him home himself, but quickly realized he couldn’t bear any weight on his bad arm. Tears of frustration sprang to his eyes, and he wiped them away angrily as he stood.

Hopper stepped up and gently patted his back. “I got him, kid. Don’t you worry. We’re not leaving anyone behind.” He said, bending to pick Eddie up like it was nothing.

Steve couldn’t help scanning the tree line as they made the short journey the rest of the way back to the gate.

He wondered where the other Eddie was now. If he’d been watching them from afar or if he’d simply gone elsewhere.

His question was answered when they started piling into the trailer one by one. Steve lagged behind, wanting to make sure everyone else got through the gate before he did, so of course Robin stayed back too. They were still standing on the porch just outside the door when Steve caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye.

He stared at a spot in the distance until finally he saw a head of familiar curls peeking out from behind a tree.

Robin gasped.

Steve turned, realizing she had seen him too.

”Oh my god, is that… ?” She began, Steve slapped his hand over her mouth before she could finish.

He shook his head and gestured towards the door, hoping she would get the memo that he didn't want the others to see. Understanding dawned on her face and he lowered his hand cautiously.

“Cover for me?” He whispered, and made to take off before she could answer.

“Harrington, get back here, this place is falling apart!” She hissed.

He turned to her with pleading eyes. “I swear I'll explain later. I just… I need a minute with him, Robin. Please? I promise I'll be right behind you.”

It was eerily similar to their exchange earlier before he’d gone back and kissed his Eddie. The thought made his chest tight.

He could tell she didn't like it, but she nodded and ducked inside.

He didn’t waste time worrying about what excuse she would make for him, just rushed to where he’d seen the other Eddie hiding. He knew had to make this fast.

Eddie stepped out from his cover when Steve drew close. He smiled sadly. “You shouldn’t be here Stevie, it’s time for you to go home.”

“Where were you?”

“After I saw you at the lake, Vecna’s strength must have started to return. It was his power that reanimated me, I guess, and I could feel him starting to take more and more of my control away. I’m sorry. I wanted to be there, to help, but I was afraid if I did he would turn me against you, so I stayed away until I knew it was safe.”

“And is he… really dead?” Steve had watched the body burn up right in front of him but he still had to ask, just to be sure.

“As a doornail.” Eddie said. He grinned, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He held himself stiffly, like he was in pain.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Steve reached out to touch the other boy, same as he had before, but Eddie stepped back just out of reach and he had to let his hand fall.

“You really should go.”

“What about you?”

Eddie’s gaze dropped to the ground. “This place is dying, and I can feel myself going with it.”

Steve should have known and on some level he probably had, but that didn’t stop the surge of panic from overtaking him. “No, no, there has to be something we can do.”

Eddie shook his head, finally looking back up. “Your Eddie, is he… did he make it?”

“Yeah, he’s– he’ll be alright once we get him to a hospital, but you…”

“No buts, Steve,” Eddie said, gently cutting him off. “I was already on borrowed time. I've made my peace with it.”

“I don’t know how to let you go.” Steve whispered. He felt like his heart was breaking. In his head he knew that this Eddie and his Eddie weren’t one in the same, but standing there listening to him say he was ready to die, it was hard to convince his heart of that.

This time when Steve moved in close, Eddie held himself still and when Steve's hand hovered over his hair and caressed the side of his face, he leaned into it, just for a second.

“It’s not goodbye, not really. You have an even better version of me waiting for you just on the other side of the gate.” Eddie leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Steve’s cheek.

He smiled one last time, turned, and ran before Steve could try and stop him.

Steve walked back to the trailer and found Robin waiting at the bottom of the rope for him. She gave him a boost which he grudgingly took, knowing he would need the extra help with only one good arm.

There was a lot to be thankful for. They had won the war, and Steve was overjoyed to be going home to a place where Eddie had survived and they had a future to look forward to, together. It was somehow both one of the happiest days of his life, and one of the most devastating. As he climbed the rope that would lead him out of the Upside Down for the last time, his heart ached for the Eddie that couldn’t be saved.

Part 4

Thanks forever to @penny00dreadful for being the best friend, cheerleader, and beta in the whole fucking world 💜 (and for bring there to cry along with me about the end of this chapter 😭) truly could not do it without you.

I'm going to tag anyonei can who showed interest and interacted with parts 1 & 2 but feel free to tell me to fuck off (🤣) and let me know if you want to be removed from the list!!

@hissunflowers @sadisticaltarts @gutterflower77 @epiclazershark @yeahhhh-suga @soapyscoobert @thetrueghostqueen @guppynuggets @reh-hateshumans @katdeerly @kolorzapster @useless-nb-bisexual @sammyammi @ellietheasexylibrarian @thesecondfate @eleganttidalwavecloud @localcrustrat @letsmo6 @justaquietnerd @marvelobessed @femmeratale @carriethesaint @novelnovella @ubpd

#steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #time fuckery #steddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #fanfic #steve x eddie #steddie fic #ao3 #the crawl #undead eddie munson

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decks-writing-blog · 3 months

Text

Here to Stay Drabbles: Preferred If You Woke Me

Summary: Benrey has a nightmare.

[A/N] Now might be a good time to clarify that these drabbles and one shots aren't in chronological order.

Also, with this upload my total overall published word count over on Ao3 surpasses 2.5 million. :)

The cube was small, encouraging Benrey to be small too. He could only shrink so much though. He pressed against the glass like walls, trying to phase through. The cube got smaller, compressing his form further, making the need to phase through it stronger but not any more possible.

Figures walked around outside it, distorted heavily by the orange tinted barrier walls. They were watching him, studying him. An experiment or a test. Whichever it was, he wanted not part of it. He’d have said something to annoy them for that but… he didn’t have the parts formed to make speech possible. For some reason he couldn’t remember how to make those parts.

The cube got smaller, forcing him to shift his bones to make himself more flexible. The barrier was cold. Pulling away from it was just as impossible as phasing through it though. He tried anyway which… made the cube grow smaller. It pressed in on all sides now, forcing him to conform to its shape. He couldn’t breath with how tight it was or struggle or move at all. The only thing he could do was hope it wouldn’t get any smaller.

As if egged on by that thought, it got tighter, compressing him. He tried again to phase through it, had never really stopped and was just trying harder now because he needed out! He needed out right now! There was no out though, just the cube getting smaller and smaller until...

His eyes snapped open. Above him was the ceiling to the game room. The TV was on though silent. A glance over revealed why; the game was paused with a message stating that the wireless controller had lost connection. He sat up, making said controller fall from where it had rested on this chest to his lap.

Apparently he’d fallen asleep playing video games. In his defense, the electric blanket Gordon had given him yesterday was cozy. … Or had been cozy; it turned off automatically after a few hours and thus was cold now. Picking the controller back up, he quickly saved and quit before grabbing the blanket and folding it up to place on the couch’s arm rest. He didn’t bother to unplug it as this was likely to be its primary home.

His hands still shook by the time he was done but… he was going to ignore that until it went away. Judging by the light coming in through the window it was late enough that Gordon should be home by now. Good.

Not bothering with opening the door, he phased through it because he could. There was only one material that he knew of which he couldn’t phase through. He was otherwise completely free to go around and do whatever he wanted; nothing could contain him or squeeze him.

Loud music came from the kitchen, indicating Gordon was there and probably doing the dishes. Benrey headed that way.

The music was blaring, making walking into the kitchen feel almost like passing through a wall of sound. Gordon always liked to listen to things loud when he was alone. When asked, he’d said it drowned out his thoughts. An impulse Benrey could understand, especially right now, but loud things had never helped him much. Distractions did though.

Still unnoticed, he approached the radio and stuck his hand into it. Most of the time when he messed with electronics while phased into them, they broke. Thus maybe he shouldn’t risk such here but radios were the easiest thing to mess with without breaking and this one was old, easily replaceable if need be. Lightly touching and tweaking some of the inside bits of it in just the right way made the music distort and fuzz in a way Tommy had ensured him sounded creepy.

It apparently worked on Gordon as he let out a small yelp as he snapped around to look at Benrey and the radio, squeezing the sponge in his real hand tight. His gun hand was up and presumably ready to shoot. At the sight of Benrey though, he relaxed, letting it fall to his side. He said something but the radio, still distorted and fuzzy with static drowned most it out.

Just to show off, Benrey turned the radio off �� or accidentally broke it in his attempt to do so, only trying to turn it back on again would reveal which it was – before pulling his hand back out. The sudden silence seemed just as physical as the music had been.

“Hey,” he said in way of greeting as he leaned against the counter. “How’s it going?”

Gordon turned to place the kitchen sponge back on its little dish by the sink before setting to wriggling his hand out of the dish glove. “It’s going. I didn’t know you could do that.”

“It’s cool, huh?” No need to mention the radio might be broken because of it.

“Kinda creepy sounding but sure, cool too, I guess.” Free of the glove, Gordon turned to face him fully. “You… uh, have a nice nap?”

“You could’ve woke me when you got home. I don’t really need much sleep anyway.” Benrey would’ve expected him to since he had a thing about being alone.

“Yeah, I know but… I didn’t want to disturb you if you were cozy enough to nap. And I needed to do the dishes anyway.” He gestured back towards the sink which was actually empty now. Apparently Benrey had disturbed him right as he’d finished.

“I’d’ve preferred if you woke me.” He liked hanging out with Gordon when he got home from work and well, the bad dream would’ve been nice to be pulled out of early.

Gordon was silent for a beat or two before… “Oh, uh… bad dream?”

Benrey didn’t want to talk about it but he was trying to make an effort to stop lying about being fine when he wasn’t. Apparently acknowledging bad feelings was supposedly ‘healthier’ and ‘better’ than ignoring them until they went away as was his usual habit. A hard habit to break but Gordon of all people would understand nightmares so… “Yeah.”

Gordon stepped towards him, already reaching out to touch him. Normally when Benrey felt bad, Gordon’s arms was the best place to be, they were warm and nice. But Gordon didn’t like to be phased through so Benrey tried not to. With the nightmare still pressing in on the back of his mind, the thought of being surrounded by anything he couldn’t freely phase through was unpleasant. So he stepped backwards, phasing into the counter to make it very clear he didn’t want to be held right now and just because he could. He couldn’t be contained by anything mundane, let alone squeezed and squeezed.

He flinched a little but Gordon did stop, shifting his trajectory as if he’d been coming over to stand a short distance away from Benrey instead. Leaning sideways into the counter, he fiddled with the gun’s barrel, turning it absentmindedly as he looked down at it. “You wanna talk about it or just want a distraction?”

“Uh… you know that stuff we put in the basement yesterday from my old lab?” It had taken them almost a whole week to finally get around to moving it out of the gaming room but they’d got there eventually. “You think we could destroy the panels we tore off walls and stuff?” The only material in the world he couldn’t phase through and there was a whole bunch of it in the house, just a single flight of steps away. He’d gotten really good at not looking at those boxes while they’d sat in the gaming room but if ignoring bad feelings was unhealthy then surely ignoring the things that caused bad feelings was too, right? So… “Like grind them down to dust then burn the dust kinda destroy.”

Gordon looked up at him. “Yeah, sure, we could do that. It’s a bit late to be heading out into the desert right now but maybe tomorrow we could drive a few miles out into the middle of nowhere, perhaps even off road a bit, destroy them best we can then bury what’s left.”

Immediate agreement, no questions asked, he’d even offered a place and time to do it. Benrey didn’t have to explain why he’d brought that up unprompted instead of answering the question or why he didn’t want to be held right now when normally he liked cuddling. Often Gordon was annoyingly curious, he liked asking questions about basically anything that caught his interest, but this time, blessedly, he just got it. That probably came with the territory of having his own problems that he preferred to talk about instead of directly about.

“’kay,” Benrey said. “We can invite the others too ‘cause there’s lots of stuff to destroy.” And Coomer had already punched through a sheet of it so he for sure was strong enough to break it. “It uh… might even be fun.”

“Yeah, might be. For now though… wanna go for a walk or would you rather stay home and play games or whatever.”

“Walk.” Benrey could do with working off some energy. And even if it was late enough that the desert heat had gone down some, it was still plenty warm. “I’ll get my camera.” Taking pics of things was always fun too. Maybe if they were out for long enough they could catch the sunset.

#hlvrai #frenrey #frenrey drabbles #benrey #hlvrai gordon

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highdramas · 2 years

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hi ! i absolutely love everything you’ve written about joel so far and i think you really capture the essence of the character. i would love it if you could write an imagine where joel, ellie and the reader make it to tommy’s and settle there and become a family (kind of), maybe the reader and joel have a kid and he’s scared but they make it work (?) i think it’d be super cute and who doesn’t love daddy!joel? 🥺

i loved this request!! i changed it just a tiny bit and made r come to jackson after joel and ellie so i hope that's ok. also fucked around with ages so joel is 47 here! thank you sm for sending and reading and i hope that you enjoy <3

wc: 2679

there was a story about jackson and the people who protected it. the people who had built it into a fortress, a civilization almost resembling the one that you knew years ago. so many years ago-- god, you were a different person now. you were hardened after so much time spent fighting, clambering to stay above running water.

the river of death. you'd heard the whispers on the wind about it, but you didn't believe it. not really. not when one person told one person who told you about this place-- but you would beg. shit, you would get on your hands and knees and plead if you absolutely needed to.

you're just one person. one person looking for her sister, and if what you'd been told on your journey proved true... she was here. and you would find her.

like clockwork, the charging of horses approaches you. instantly you raise your gun into eyesight and set it onto the ground, keep your hands up. "i've got nothin' else." one of the many men and women keeps their eyes fixed on you, the rest of their face obscured by the bandana they wear. but there's some distinctly masculine about the look. his harsh eyes are unrelenting. "i'm just looking for my sister. my baby sister." your eyes shine with unshed tears. "she's sixteen-- i know you probably think i'm bluffing to get your sympathy, i'm not! i promise you i'm not."

your near tears when the one who had been staring at you so intently hops off his horse, bringing forth a dog. "you infected?" he asks in a deep southern drawl. "this thing'll sniff it on you if you are."

"no," you say instantly and the dog is brought towards you, sniffing at you, before it starts licking your hands. you manage a smile and you look back up to the man. "her name is birdie."

when people start looking at one another, you feel an instinct in yourself spike. "where is she."

there was a long while that jackson didn't feel real. a long while where you were still not all that unlike a feral animal. wounded, scared, skittish. a year later, with a beer in hand and laughter on your lips, you remark how it's wonderful that they didn't shoot you point blank that very first day.

but it was joel who found you. and joel would never have done such a thing; not when you mentioned the one thing that he felt so deeply in his bones that it was like he knew you from the moment you laid eyes on him. you were a sister. you were an older sibling. and he recognized that feral look in your eye. it was not dissimilar to the one he had that first time he came to jackson, hoping that maybe tommy would be out there.

your relationship with joel had been trepidatious. after your reunion with your sister-- sixteen years old and alive, miraculously alive thanks to friends the two of you had made out in that scary world who you would never be able to repay enough-- it was joel who sought you out. joel and ellie, so much like him in a way that you recognized instantly. birdie was introducing you to anyone who would bear to stick around her rambunctious energy, but if there was anyone who could match it, it was ellie.

and that left you with joel.

those dark eyes burn into the side of your face as you watch ellie and birdie find a spot for movie night. they're playing mulan, which birdie had let you know had become her favorite in the months she'd been in jackson without you.

without you. because in those months apart, you had failed her.

"movies. crazy, isn't it? that they watch fuckin' movies?"

that gruff voice coaxes you from your own thoughts, which perhaps was joel's goal in the first place. there's a small smile on his face which he turns towards you. "unbelievable," you get out.

joel, with a slight nod of his head, beckons you to follow him. "c'mon. they'll be fine."

"but--"

"they'll be fine." joel says, reassurance and not annoyance in his voice. "i know it's hard. but she's safe."

joel had lead you to the bar and he poured you a low glass of whiskey, and as you sat there, he didn't even have to say anything for the story to start tumbling from your lips. you smuggled your little sister out of kc when it all went to shit. there wasn't a chance in hell you were going to stick around in that hell hole-- not with kathleen in control. you weren't the only one who felt that way, of course. a group of you had planned to go west together. and that's what you did. until a group of raiders fell upon you and you, you were supposed to be the distraction. but being a distraction quickly turned into being left behind, watching as your group, your friends, your baby sister-- they ran off to what you hoped could be safety.

it still felt like a failure. it felt like a failure because you heard birdie crying, heard her pleading them to stay, just to wait. that they didn't have to leave you. but this world was do or die, and you didn't resent them for leaving. you were glad they had.

failure. it was a failure. it was a failure that birdie had to be brought up in a world like this, not one where she could've been in choir and gone to prom. it was a failure.

and then joel's story. of sarah and of ellie and of everything in between-- and that hospital. his lie. "you're the only person i've ever told. well, besides tommy," he says with a rub at his chin. "but i couldn't-- i couldn't let her--"

your hand folds over his. "i know."

"a date." you put your face in your hands and joel rubs his hand up and down your back, with a small smirk. "i mean, she's--"

"she's seventeen years old, kid." joel pats you right between your shoulder blades.

birdie is not the only one who has found love, so it seems.

you feel joel's love everywhere, all around you. it sends a pang to your heart to think about the way that he lived for twenty years. yes, he had tess. and you had mourned a woman that you never met, said your silent thank you's to her. she kept joel alive. she kept joel going, in their own odd way, a life that you cannot fathom now.

not only that. she was just a person-- a person trying to get by. you think about all of the people who are never mourned, never remembered, lost to time and circumstance. you'll mourn every dead person you learn of, just so that they're no longer forgotten.

you feel joel's love when he helps guide you on how to be a parent. he said that it's like riding a bike; he learned with sarah and he never forgot. you feel joel's love when he takes your shift when you're not feeling well. you feel joel's love when he saves you a spot next to him during movie night. you feel joel's love everywhere, wrapped around you like a warm blanket.

"i know she is," you say gently, as if to soothe yourself from the rising anxiety in yourself. "i just..." you look at joel closely. "i don't want her to get hurt. i realize how fucking ridiculous i sound when i say that, believe me."

the corner of joel's mouth turns up into that smile that you absolutely fucking adore. "well, hey-- at least you're aware."

you groan and shove his shoulder but he pulls you in a catches your chin, his lips pressing to yours. you feel joel's love then.

"is this going to even be accurate?"

maria shrugs her shoulders and leans against the doorway. "joel is forty seven years old," you say, meeting maria's gaze. "he's not going to want this. and not just for that reason."

of all the people joel had won over, the most surprising had been maria. you'd heard the stories of that first visit, before the hospital. but you were thankful that he had. you were thankful for tommy and maria-- that you had a family. a makeshift family that loved and cared for one another. tommy, maria, their little baby. you, joel, birdie, and ellie.

"stop stalling and take it," maria says and that has you snorting, muttering something about damn district attorney under your breath that has her shaking her head.

so, you do. you take the pregnancy test, put the cap on it, and set it on your bathroom counter. you and maria are staring at nothing for a long time when the timer on maria's phone goes off and she snatches the test. "let me." she glances down at it and looks back at you. her lips are pressed into a thin line. and you don't even have to look at it to know what it says.

pregnant.

there's a part of you that think it's slightly fitting that the first snowfall is going to coincide with you telling joel of your pregnancy.

there's something magical in the air. not that you necessarily feel that magic right now... you feel something else entirely. fear and worry, anxiety and curiosity... but still, above it all, you feel happy. you don't know how the hell it makes sense that you can feel happy despite it all, but you do.

you watch joel as he piles together a rough snowball and pelts it right at ellie. "hey! you asshole!" that voice of hers never fails to make you smile, and the same is true now. you hear joel's laughter ring clear and true through jackson and you know that you're going to be alright. everything's gonna be alright.

your thumb nail runs along the little plus sign on the test, having already committed it to memory. for a moment you try and envision the look on joel's face when you tell him. it always ends up slightly muddled in your head, like you can't quite picture the real thing.

across the street joel catches your eye. you've always had the suspicion that he could identify you without even knowing you were around. it's like there was something inside both of you that tugged you towards one another, always. he nods his head at you and you nod back, crossing towards him. his gloved hands go to your waist and tug you in to him. "havin' fun?" he asks you, rubbing his hand up and down your back. "where's little bird?"

you point out birdie and her boyfriend with a smile. "gonna start calling her lovebird."

"ah, sounds fitting." you can feel his eyes on the side of your head. "something's up with you."

head whipping around to look at him, you try to keep your face as neutral as possible. "i don't know what you're talking about."

"don't bullshit me. i see it written all over your face."

pursing your lips at him, you turn your attention over to ellie. "there is something up with me." your hand slides down his arm before you take his hand, leading him away from the crowd.

this is make or break, you realize.

far enough away from other people, you slide the pregnancy test out of your pocket. you stare down at it and tap it against the palm of your hand. following the sound, joel glances downward, eyes snapping back to yours. "what is that?"

facing him, you place it into his hand. you watch as he stares at it and his eyes go shiny, snapping up to meet your gaze. wordless, all you offer is a brief nod of your head. "i missed my last period. and i've had an upset stomach in the mornings. think they call that morning sickness." there's a million different things happening all over his face, and you don't know how to decipher any of them. this is the first time that you feel you haven't been able to fully understand the man that has opened you up. "look-- you didn't sign up for this. you don't have to-- you don't have to stick around out of obligation."

joel's nostrils flare. "you think that i'd do that? that i would do that to you?"

"no! no, of course not-- joel, that's not what i'm saying, and you know it." you put your face on his hand and turn it towards yourself. there's tears shining in your eyes now. "i don't want to back you into a corner that you don't want to be in, is all. i don't-- i don't want you to feel like you have to do this. any of this."

with a long and shaky sigh, joel shakes his head, putting his hands on his hips. a hand scrubs over his face and when it falls, he's looking at you straight on. "i'd be lyin' if i said i wasn't scared shitless. being a dad--" his head instantly turns towards where you can faintly hear ellie's laughter. "i do alright with ellie. and i'm scared with her, too." he swallows. and he stands a bit straighter. "i'm not goin' anywhere. i'm not. and it's not out of obligation. it is because i love you."

you loosen a breath and his hand grips your elbow and tugs you close to him, wrapping his arms around you. "i love you," he murmurs again. and the thing about joel is he doesn't always say his love, but he always shows it. but the words warm you up just the same. "and i'm gonna love the shit out of our kid."

laughing into his chest, you squeeze your eyes closed. "i'm scared too," you admit. "what if i'm not--"

"oh, i know you're not sayin' that." he tips your chin up. "you raised birdie. and you did a damn fine job." he taps your bottom lip with his thumb. "we're... we're gonna be alright, kid."

birdie and ellie sit shoulder to shoulder, looking at the bundle in ellie's arms. you smile a little from your spot on the bed. joel takes the other spot next to ellie, his gaze flicking from you, to ellie, and to the baby in her arms.

"little theo," she coos softly, tapping his tiny nose. "i love that name."

joel looks up at you and you swear that something behind his eyes sparkle. "don't look at me. i definitely didn't pick it."

ellie giggles and looks at you. "knew it." she glances over at birdie. "you want to hold him?"

birdie, so soft and delicate, glances over at you. you give a reassuring nod of your head and force yourself onto your feet. joel is up in an instant helping you up, helping you move towards birdie. you sit next to her and brush a piece of her hair back. "only if you want to, bird." she instantly nods her head and turns to ellie, opening her arms up. and when theo is placed into her arms... you feel your eyes well.

family. you glance over at joel and he puts a strong and steadying hand onto her shoulder which you nuzzle your cheek against.

"he's perfect," birdie murmurs, stroking his cheek. "i didn't know a baby could be perfect, but he is."

you hum and nod your head. "glad i'm not the only one who thinks so," you tease. birdie leans against you for a moment and she looks at you with sparkly eyes. "i remember when i held you for the first time," you whisper. "i thought you were pretty perfect, too."

a tear falls down her cheek and you catch it with your thumb. joel's hand rubs at your shoulder and that word rings true once more.

family.

you'll be okay. you know you will.

#joel miller x oc #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #joel miller fluff #joel x reader #my writing #request

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wanderingwomanwondering · 5 months

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Maddie’s word choice when Buck told her about his date with Tommy in 705 was so gentle and supportive, as we’ve all discussed. But her words were also SO SLICK!!!

She was treading lightly because she of course knew that this was a sensitive time for Buck AND she also did some math in her head over the course of the conversation and realized that there’s a piece of the equation that Buck is missing. She couldn’t just give Buck the answer though. Some puzzles he’s gotta work out on his own.

So. Looking more closely at the actual dialogue…

Buck gives Maddie the rundown of the evening’s happenings. Maddie notices the date’s pronoun. Then:

Buck: Yeah, okay, I was on a date with a guy. Again, not-not really the point.

Maddie: Mmm, it could very much be the point.

Remember, Buck is upset with himself for lying to Eddie *and doesn’t understand why he did that* He thinks it’s about dating a man in general. I think Maddie suspects it’s actually about Buck’s unrealized/unexpressed feelings for Eddie. The lie Buck is reeling over probably isn’t about dating a man, but about dating the wrong man.

Back to the conversation. Buck explains his allyship, then:

Maddie: So-so now you’re more than an ally?

Buck: It was my first time, it was dinner and a movie, and I - I didn’t even make it to the movie.

Maddie is following Buck’s reasoning in the ally part of the conversation, but clearly not quite vibing with parts of it. She’s in support mode, basically honoring Buck’s process and his journey. But still trying to navigate her own in the moment reactions without freaking Buck out. Treading lightly.

After Buck’s last remark above, cue Maddie’s haunted facial expression in which she clearly reviews countless past events and conversations with Buck in light of his new discovery about himself:

Maddie: Wow.

Buck: What, ‘wow’?

Maddie: No, not ‘wow’. Like, ‘Wow. I didn’t think that’s where your interests would lie.”

From my perspective she clearly and firmly rejected the ‘wow, you’re queer, what the hell. Way to be a massive enigma little brother’ interpretation…because obviously she would reject that. But that second clarification ‘wow’ doesn’t mean what Buck thought it meant. I honestly do NOT think she was saying ‘I didn’t think/know that you might be into guys too’.

Maddie is basically Buck mom for all intents and purposes, and she knows him well. To be fair, most people close to Buck know him better than he knows himself in key ways so with Maddie’s canon comments about Buck’s sexuality over the years, there’s no way she didn’t have her hunches. Period. What I think Maddie actually meant was that she didn’t think Buck had eyes for any guy but Eddie at this point. After doing the new math in her head real quick, of course.

I think that tracks with what she said a little later and how she said it:

Maddie: Okay, I don’t think you’re a fraud, I just think that maybe you’re not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there’s something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time.

Between that line and her facial expressions, Maddie was on a damn journey! Imho it took everything in her to not just say ‘Wait what?! Eddie is your person my guy let’s be so for real right now’. She was a mix of confused and exasperated in the home stretch of that conversation lol. Still she showed up, met Buck where he was at, and supported him.

Then to top off that whole ‘coming out’ and ‘feeling like a fraud’ scene, Maddie says to Buck “so tell me about the hot pilot” and the scene immediately transitions to Eddie in bed with Marisol. Yeah, Eddie is the hot pilot in question. Buck just hasn’t figured it out yet, and Maddie realizes **all of that** now!

#evan buckley #maddie buckley #buddie #tommy kinard #911 meta #911 7x05 #911 abc

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lemotmo · 5 months

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Let's talk about these episode titles...

I've been thinking about the episode titles of episodes 7x04 and 7x05 and how they are both titles of very specific songs. A lot of people have talked about this and I probably reblogged or liked most of these posts. :)

It might all seem like a bit of harmless fun and wishfull thinking, but if you look closer at the lyrics of these songs and you compare them to the episodes, a lot of things start making more sense. (Or I could just be clowning away, but in all honesty, I think we're onto something here.)

Let's start with 7x04: Buck, bothered and bewildered

This episode is shown from Buck's point of view and how he seems to be jealous of Eddie and Tommy's friendship, although it isn't very clear who exactly he's jealous of. At the end he reveals he wanted Tommy's attention, but Tommy doesn't seem to be too sure of that with his 'My attention?', which makes sense because Buck kept talking about Eddie and he kept peacocking in front of Eddie. We see Eddie from his POV, bubbly and happy, no care in the world and not really in tune with Buck's feelings of jealousy. Buck's feelings of abandonment rear up again.

To tie this in with the song 'Bewitched, bothered and bewildered', there is this specific part in the lyrics that talks about a 'half-pint imitation' of the real love the singer craves for. Now, I'm not saying that Tommy is half-pint 'anything', because he seems like a good guy. But it's the part about the 'imitation' that caught my eye. Throughout the entire episode Tommy and Eddie are compared to eachother. Even Buck talks about it.

They have the same interests, both are veterans and they even dress similar. In that sense Tommy is an 'imitation' of Eddie. And then Tommy kisses Buck. The Tommy that is so similar to Eddie, which begs the question: 'Exactly how does Buck feel about Eddie? Does he even know about these feelings?'

Now let's move on to 7x05: You don't know me

This episode seems to be more Eddie centered and I think now we'll see the story through Eddie's POV. He crashes Buck and Tommy's first date and it's clear from the stills he isn't sure what is going on, but he realises that 'something' is going on. I'm not sure what his initial reaction is going to be, because I think that he might be upset that Buck kept this big thing from him. But I also know Eddie would never do anything to upset Buck. I'm absolutely certain that he will support Buck dating Tommy.

However, let's take a look at the lyrics of 'You don't know me'. This is basically a love song about someone pining over the love of their life they let walk away. It's from a friend's POV falling for another friend, but being too afraid to tell them so they now have to see them walk away with another lucky guy. I mean, look at this:

This is pretty telling is you ask me and it's so Eddie-coded. He'll find out about Buck and Tommy, suck up his own complicated feelings about this, support Buck all the way and then double down on his relationship with Marisol. All because that is the only way he'll know how to cope. Eddie always makes bad decisions and disregards his own feelings when it comes to the people he loves being happy.

He tried to be with Ana, even through panic attacks, because he knew Christopher really liked her. He wanted that for Chris, but not for himself. Now he's going to do the same thing: He'll try to make it work with Marisol, so he won't have to face up to his feelings for Buck. He will put Buck's happiness before his own, because that is just how Eddie Diaz works and I love him for that. But oh, if I'm right about this, we're entering the 'heavily pining Eddie Diaz era' and I'm all for it.

How is it all going to turn out in the end? Well, I'm pretty sure that Buddie will happen sometime in the future, but it's going to take some time to get there.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #tommy kinard #buddie meta #911 meta #911 abc

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alwaysthesitter · 11 months

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Just finished reading both Rebel Robin and Flight of Icarus on this trip. I have thoughts, but more than anything I have new Steve head canons. Ignore that these might be messy because I am typing them from a tablet.

Steve also plays football, who would've thunk. I knew he was a jock but, damn boy. This isn't even just a hc since he literally plays football inn the book, but hey I'd love to explore more of this.

Steve and Nancy won Prom King and Queen Junior year of High School. he accepts the title and puts on a good face, but Nancy is not there to accept hers and they don't have a royalty dance. It's clear they were either arguing or something at prom, and my guess is nancy is upset that they're attending something like that while barb is dead, and probably ran off.

More of a Robin hc, but she still absolutely has the Polaroid photo she first took of her and Steve in their Scoops uniform. Probably hanging in her room. Steve tries to take it down every time he is there because he hates that there is photographic evidence of him in that stupid outfit. Ten bucks saysshe uses it for blackmail, or shows it to Steve's new partners.

Though Steve obviously had a falling out with tommy and Carol, it's clear he is still respected as a popular guy, mor ethan likely until Billy comes to town. It's also clear that he does indeed play with Jason on the team, and it snds like since turning his new leaf in school he tries to stop the bullying.Jason says a line about how Harrington would find out that him and Tommy were bullying a kid (I think it's Gareth?) and not be happy with it, so. This to me shows that Jason still respects Steve, and also that Steve would step in and stop the bullying. Also still shows that he is still higher up in the rankings of Hawkins foo chain.

Eddie breaks in using a Fmily Video card. that to me means that Eddie probably goes there to rent videos quite a lot. Meaning Steve has definitely been admiring how pretty he is from afar for a long time, and just never really wanted to say anything (because he probably also believed the rums that Eddie shot a cop and was a felon, let's be real).

#[it's finger lickin' good*/head canons]#first three are from rebel robin #last two are from flight of icarus #my best friend says i should write steves book and that is the most flattering thing ive ever heard

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siberian-xanadu · 5 months

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Now for my promised rant/ramble:

Why you should listen to the Who and their rock operas

They started in the 60s as a sort of Beatles imitation popular with the kid subculture (distinctly different from the rockers), and gained some popularity for their instrument smashing antics, though their songs remained rather “tame”. Coming up to the late 60s, they were “over the hill” and seriously in debt due to their destructive shows.

In a do-or-die attempt to revitalize their career, Pete Townshend wrote the rock opera “Tommy”, which is awesome and I wish I could go into greater detail, but for now let’s just say it’s about a kid who with a “mental block” who becomes a misguided messiah figure, a commentary on rock superstardom and new age spiritual practices. The album blew up, and the band was back alive.

Townshend wanted to follow it up with an even more elaborate film/concert experience called “Lifehouse”, about a dystopian world where music was forbidden, and The Who represented a group that rediscovered rock music and put on a concert in rebellion. The play/performance would feature an invite only crowd inputting their personal information into a computer, which would then be wired into an early synthesizer which would then real-time play notes based on each person’s info, eventually culminating in a “universal chord”. Unfortunately this was too elaborate and plans fell through. Much of the material for “Lifehouse” got reworked into the “Who’s Next” album, and “Lifehouse” got revitalized by Townshend as a solo project in the 90s I believe.

After “Who’s Next”, Townshend still wanted a concept album, and was struggling for a story. Eventually, he landed on the idea of a sort of autobiographical retrospective where the main character was a member of the Mod subculture struggling with four separate identities (schizophrenia squared, or “Quadrophenia”). Each personality was thematic of a member of the Who and had theme music to accompany them. The character struggles through mod-rocker riots, unable to hold down a job, is left behind by the more fashionable mods, and heads to Brighton, where Mods hang out and an “ace face” Mod resides. The ace face Mod is a bellboy and has left the subculture, and the main character takes a boat to a rock out in the ocean and ponders his life, his fate left uncertain.

All three of these albums are sweet solid bangers, and I highly recommend starting your journey into classic rock bands like The Who with these albums. Also if you like prog rock and proto-punk, these albums might also have some sounds and themes that were influential in both these subcultures.

Rant over. I love The Who. Rip Keith Moon and John Entwhistle.

Okay okay okay. I knew most of the stuff about Tommy and Lifehouse and also Quadrophrenia, but I didn't know the thing about the "universal chord" and stuff with computers. That's a crazy idea lol. I know he wanted to do it to Meter Baba, who was like, his spiritual instructor at the time iirc? But I didn't know he wanted to do it with multiple people to find some sort of "universal chord" (of which... probably doesn't exist lol).

#answered asks #asks game #very interest rant! very well put together and not at all incomprehensible

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bbrissonn · 2 years

Text

𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒 | ʙʀᴇɴᴅᴀɴ ʙʀɪꜱꜱᴏɴ

disclaimer: english is not my first language and this is not proofread so please excuse any errors and if any words are missing add them in your head :) also this is a work of fiction, this doesn’t reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn’t how i imagine them acting

warnings: slight swearing, not proofread,

pairing: brendan brisson x brianna garcia (my oc, she doesn’t have a face claim so imagine her however you please)

wc: 7.2k (including the lyrics)

bold italic are lyrics, italics are either flashbacks or text messages (some parts of the story don’t along with the part of the song that it is under and that is totally normal!!)

this takes place from march 2022 to january 2023

au masterlist

movies, movies

i want a love like the movies

brianna watched from her seat as the boy all cheered together, taking off their helmets and hugging each other. they had done it, they were going to the frozen four, one step closer to winning the championship. the garcia girl hugged all of the boys’ girlfriends, along with some of the parents she was close to, like brendan’s and luke’s.

the bordeleau boy had wanted her to be there, she was his best friend after all, and he had made sure it was okay with brendan if she came before asking her. thomas was over the moon when she accepted, but he knew deep down she wasn’t only agreeing for him, but for brendan as well. but he didn’t blame her, thom would do the same thing in her situation, getting any chance she has to spend the slightest amount of time near brendan.

the two had exchanged a couple of smiles and looks through the last week and some small hello’s, but no conversation we held. brianna had texted him before the team left, wishing him good luck, to with he answered with a thank you and a small heart, which was way more than she expected from him.

contrary to what brianna thought, brendan didn’t hate her, he never did and he probably never will, he loved her too much to ever feel the slightest amount of hatred towards her. she had done so much good in his life, helped him grow as a person and change bad habits he had, and even though he went back to how he was before, he would still forever be thankful for what she had done.

“shit, sorry.” a voice said as brianna ran into a solid chest almost an hour after the game had ended. she didn’t see who she ran into, but she’d recognized that voice from miles away, making her quickly look up with big eyes. his brown eyes met with her’s and he gave her an awkward small smile, rubbing the back of his head.

“it’s… okay. don’t worry ‘bout it.” she whispered, her eyes still locked with his.

“i-i didn’t know you were here.”

“thom asked me to come so… here i am.” she answered with a small smile her face, finally looking away from his brown eyes. brendan didn’t know why, but a pang of jealous hit him when he realized she had came because of his best friend, well at least he thought so. that pang increased even more when said best friend wrapped his arms around her waist, pushing past brendan.

“you came!”

“of course i did, tommy.” she said with a laugh as he picked her up. brendan knew he shouldn’t be this jealous about thom, the two of them had been friends before he ever met brianna, but it still annoyed him. seeing bordy hugging her like that instead of him, bordy making her laugh like he used to. it was all too much for him, so without saying a word, he walked away, going to find his parents.

“hey, where’d bren go?” brianna asked once thomas pulled away from her and she realized the brisson boy was no longer standing in front of her.

“probably went to his parents. doesn’t matter, we won, bri! we’re going to the frozen four!” thom said with a big smile on his face, and brianna could tell how truly happy and excited he was about it. she let out a small chuckle as he hugged her again, seeing the hughes making their way over to them.

the garcia and hughes families has a very tight connection, being neighbors ever since the hockey family moved next door to them when jack started playing at the ntdp. even though brianna was a year younger than him, and a year older than luke, she helped them settle into school. and soon she met all of his hockey friends, and quickly became good friends with them. which meant that when the ‘02 ntdp team arrived, the garcia girl was also introduced to them, which led to her and thomas becoming best friend.

i look at you like you’re perfect for me

if you are the diamond, then i am the ring

all of our friends think of us jealously

we’re so sweet, so sweet

built us a world and i gave you the key

still can’t believe that this isn’t a dream

falling in love with a damn fantasy

that’s so me, so me

when the team got back from allentown, they of course decided to throw a big party, just for them. they were all over the moon about their win, something that didn’t go unnoticed by all of the cheers and yelling in the senior house. brianna noticed that brendan wasn’t trying to avoid her anymore, she’d even catch him staring at her a couple times throughout the night, but neither of them tried to approach the other.

brianna felt like she was having deja vu when she walked out the bathroom and ran into brendan’s chest once again, making him let out a small groan from the contact.

“i’m starting to think i need to by a bell or something so you know where i am.” brendan joked as he placed both of his hands on her shoulders so she didn’t fall backwards because of the contact. brianna let out a awkward chuckle as she played with the end of her sweater.

“yeah, sorry about that.”

“‘s all good.” he said with a small smile as the two of them stared at each other for the second time in less than 24 hours. well that was until brendan coughed a bit, and pointed between the girl.

“i, uh, i need to use the bathroom.” he said awkwardly, looking at the floor, making brianna snap out of whatever weird trance she was is.

“right, yeah. go ahead.” she said with a small cough, stepping aside so he could enter the small room. he did after a couple of seconds, before turning around and sending her a small smile.

“hope i didn’t ruin your plan of sneaking out the window again.” he said with a small laugh before closing the door, making brianna’s check flush. she knew it was a joke, not only from his laugh but the way he said it, the way there was no anger behind it, no frustration, nothing. it just a simple joke he made, something he hadn’t done to her in what felt like months.

the girl stood in her spot for a bit, smiling and blushing, feeling small butterflies in her stomach, before walking back over to the living room. her change in mood was something that didn’t go unnoticed by anyone, especially the younger hughes.

“why’re smiling so much?” he asked, grabbing her arm as she walked past him.

“don’t worry about it, lukey. listen, i’m gonna go home, so i’ll see you tomorrow alright?”

“make sure to tell, bords!” he called out as she walked away, deciding to just drop the whole smiling situation. brianna made her way over to her best friend, who was clearly wasted, before tapping his shoulder lightly.

“bri bri!” thom yelled with a loopy smile once he realized who was standing in front of him. the garcia girl let out a small laugh before answering him.

“hi, t. i’m heading home for the night, i’ll text you when i get home, and you do the same for me, okay? i’ll come by with breakfast tomorrow morning.” she explained, and the bordeleau boy nodded his head a bit before drinking the rest of his drink.

“mkay, see you tomorrow.” he said hugging her, before letting go and going to fill his cup back up. brianna shaked her head a bit before going to find the hoodie she had been wearing early and making her way to the front door. she was about to grab the handle when someone caught her arm.

“you’re leaving?” brendan’s voice asked from behind, making her turn around with a small smile on her face.

“i have class tomorrow morning.” she answered, her voice small and soft, making brendan’s heart skip a couple of beats. it was a phrase she’d use often when they were dating and brendan tried to get her to do something fun late at night, which meant they’d always end up just cuddling in her bed, him on his phone as she slowly drifted off to sleep on his chest.

“it’s late, i can walk you back–”

“it’s okay, brenny. it’s 5 minutes, i’ll be okay.” she cut him off, using the nickname no one had used for him in months, making him almost fall backwards because of it.

“i can’t let you–”

“bren, please, i appreciate it, i really do. but it’s okay. i’ll text you when i got home, alright?” she cut him off again, placing a hand on his arms as she did so. he looked down at her hand when he realized where it was, he blinked a couple of times, staring at it, before looking back up to her.

“o-okay. just, be careful, alright?”

“always.” she answered with a small smile before letting go of his arm, grabbing the handle of the door, and leaving the house. once she had made it home, she texted the brisson boy, just like she had said, changing clothes and getting in bed.

back in the senior household, brendan took out his phone when he felt it vibrate in his pocket. a smile grew on his face as he read the text on his screen.

got home safe, enjoy your night :)

“why’re you smiling so much?” mackie asked, slightly hitting briss on the shoulder. the california native didn’t look away from his phone as he typed back and answered mackie at the same time.

“nothing.”

i will, good night bri xxx

it only took a couple of seconds before the girl answered him, and the text made his heart skip a couple of beats again.

night night xxx

but i’ve been livin’

life ain’t fiction

the next night when brianna walked back into the senior household, she felt good. for the first time in months, she felt good, her interactions with brendan the previous night being the reason for her mood. she felt good as she hugged all of her friends, greeting them all with a big smile, all of them noticing how happy she was.

but not all good things last forever, and that was proven when she walked into the kitchen, brendan being the only other person in there, and as she was about to say something, he pushed past her, leaving the small room. brianna stood in her spot for a bit, confused about what had just happened.

“you alright?” thom asked his best friend as he walked into the kitchen as well. brianna turned around at his and blinked a couple of times before answering.

“yeah– yeah i’m okay.” she lied, making thom scoff a bit as he leaned on the counter and crossed his arms, staring at her with a ‘are you kidding me?’ look. the gracia girl sighed a bit before speaking a bit.

“i guess– it’s just– we only have 2 weeks left. like no matter what happens in boston, we’re never gonna be able to see each other every day after that.” brianna said, her words hitting her exactly as she said them. she hadn’t realized that was she was saying was actually true, meaning thom believed her this time. his face fell a bit as he also realized what she had said. they had spent the last 4 years seeing each other almost every day, and now he was moving across the country in two weeks.

thom had never actually told her he’d be leaving after this year, because he didn’t need to, she knew. she had a feeling during the beginning of the year that this could be the last one, and as the year went by, she could feel his energy and the way he reacted everytime she mentioned san jose, and she just knew.

“i guess so, eh?” bordy sighed, and suddenly he didn’t want the frozen four to come so quickly. ever since they won, all he had been thinking of was the frozen four being so soon, yet in so long, and how he wished it could be right now. but now he didn’t, he didn’t at all. he wasn’t ready to leave all of his friends, he wasn’t ready to leave michigan, he wasn’t ready to leave. but he was ready to turn pro, and that was what’s more important. he’d still be able to come to michigan during the summer and once during the season, he’d be able to call all his friend any time he wanted. but it wouldn’t be the same.

“i’m gonna miss you.” brianna whispered, her eyes welling up a bit, making the bordeleau boy open his arms. she walked into his chest, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as his wrapped around her waist, the bottom half of his face leaning on the top of her head.

“i’m gonna miss you too, bri.”

“promise we’ll talk every day? i don’t care if it’s just a hi, i just– i don’t wanna lose you too.” she said as tears started falling down her face. thom wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by ‘lose you too’ but he had a feeling this was about brendan. he had seen what happened earlier, he knew she wasn’t okay when he asked her, he just wished she would’ve told him the truth.

“you won’t lose me, bri. never.”

“pinky promise?”

“pinky promise.”

in my head, we’re dancing under the dark

in my head, we kiss under the stars

but we know that’s not what we’re doing

‘cause, baby, this ain’t like the movies

2 weeks later, brianna found herself walking into the senior house yet again, but under such different circumstances. the boys were leaving. not all of them, but a lot of them. the first she had noticed was thom’s, fully packed with everything that he had in his house, parked in front of the house. he was leaving before everyone else since he had to drive down to montreal to leave his stuff at his parent’s house, before flying to san jose.

when she stepped into the house, she could already feel how different the energy felt than normally. there was usually always music playing, or people yelling, but not this time. it was quiet, dead quiet. the first person she noticed was brendan, since he was sitting on the stairs right in front of the front door. his elbows were leaning on his knees, his head in between them as a loud sigh left his mouth. brianna hesitated for a couple of seconds, before going over to sit next to him.

“hey.” she whispered, making him look up a bit, but his eyes didn’t look in her direction, instead staring at the wall in front of them.

“hey.”

“when are you leaving?” she asked in a small voice, not wanting to ruin the silence that had set over the senior household. brendan let out another sigh before finally looking over at her, their eyes locking together.

“monday.” 3 days. brianna let out a shaky breath before speaking again.

“i’m sorry. for everything. i shouldn’t– asking you to be friends it was– i’m sorry, bren, i’m so fucking sorry. f-for hurting you and just fucking everything up between us i–” she started, but she cut herself, not knowing how to say what she was feeling. but brendan could hear the honesty in her voice, making him smile a bit.

“it’s ok–”

“no it’s not, b. i-i thought breaking up with you would make me happier because i wouldn’t have to deal with you coming home drunk every night, but i was wrong. i was so fucking wrong, bren. i missed you, but i knew that it was the right thing to do ‘cause it wasn’t heatly anymore, b. and that’s why i wanted to stop with the gifts because i knew that i’d go back to you as soon as you asked me and i couldn’t let that happen, i couldn’t do that to myself, bren. you truly did nothing wrong, i just can’t keep up with your lifestyle. i want to, i really do, but i can’t, it’s not who i am, and i can’t ask you to just stop being you for me, i cann’t.” she explained, a couple of tears falling from her eyes as she looked away from the boy and down at her lap.

“bri, i understand. i want you to be happy, and if that means us not being together then i’m okay with it. i mean, of course i wish i could make you happy, and i like to think i do, but i can’t make you as happy as you were before we were together, and i’m okay with that.” he answered, making the girl nod her head a bit. it was silent after that. then, brianna felt the sudden urge to rest her head on his shoulder, something she had so many times. so she did, her breath stopping until she felt the brisson boy lean his head on top of hers.

“it’s gonna be weird without you next year.” she spoke after a couple of seconds, making the boy laugh a bit.

“you’ll be okay.”

“no i won’t. i’m gonna be stuck taking care of mackie alone, and steve’s gonna want to show me all his weird little homework.” she answered with sass, making the both of them laugh a bit.

“you’ll be okay, i know you will.” brendan said with more confidence this time, making all of the nerves inside the garcia girl disappear, something she considered a bad habit of hers. she’ll always believe him, she trusts him too much to not believe him.

“it’s still gonna be weird.” she sighed, making the brisson boy let out a small sigh of his own.

“i’ll be in town at some point, if im with the team for the game.” he said with a little bit of excitement, but there was also some small sadness behind it.

“you will, i know it.” brianna answered the same way the brisson boy had done only a couple of moments ago.

“can you– can you be there at my first game, whenever that is?” he asked quietly after a couple of seconds, his voice breaking a bit at the beginning.

“gimme a place, time and day and i’ll be there.” she spoke back with a smile on her face, making a brendan grow a smile of his own. the boy was about to say something else when bordy’s voice echoed through the house.

“bri?” he said loudly, making brianna and brendan jump a bit. thom’s footsteps came closer and closer to where the two of them were sitting, but neither of the two showed any signs of wanting to move. when the bordeleau boy arrived at the bottom of the staircase, his jaw dropped a bit at the sight of his two best friends, making both of their cheeks turn red a bit, but his jaw quickly closed when he remembered why he had came in to find the girl.

“i’m leaving, like right now.” he whispered softly, making the garcia girl stand up and walk down the couple of stairs to wrap her arms around his shoulders. a couple of tears fell from her eyes as they hugged each other.

“i’m gonna miss you.” the garcia girl whispered as her grip around her best friend’s shoulder tightened.

“i’m gonna miss you too, bri.”

“you’ll come back this summer, right?” she asked, talking about michigan but more precisely about plymouth.

“of course i will.” he said, before the two of them let go of each other and brendan walked over and hugged the smaller boy as well.

“take care, bro. i’ll see you soon.”

“you too, bro.” bordy answered before the two boys let go of each other as well and bordy slowly made his way out of the door, sending a small smile to the two of them. brianna let out a sigh, making the brisson boy look over at her. he wrapped his arms around her shoulder and brought her into his chest, pressing a small kiss to the top of her head.

“it’s gonna be okay, bri.”

movies, movies

i want a love like the movies

brendan’s couple of weeks in the ahl went pretty good, signing his ecl just days after their season ended and with his dad being an agent, he thankfully already knew the type of contract he would be signing after college before his first one. he easily got along with the other guys in the team and he felt great about the way he was playing.

brianna had tried her hardest to stay up late at night and watch his game, but he played at the same time as bordy a couple of times, and sadly wasn’t able to watch all of his game completely, having to switch from one game to another. but the two had stayed in touch quite a lot, the girl helping him adjust to his new life, while he helped her prepare for her end of the year exams.

when brendan returned home, he invited the girl to come stay just for a week or two, but the gracia girl told him it would be a bad idea. now brendan understood that, and he agreed with her, but a part of him still hoped she would’ve said yes. instead, he spent all of his days training and all of his nights going out with his friends, making out and hooking up with girls almost every night, but brianna was always in the back of his mind.

none of them were like her, they all wanted every boy’s attention, while brianna always preferred to just blend in with people and be more discreet. all the girls liked to take charge and be rough, will brianna was a more slowly and steady type of girl, taking her time with everything and wanting the both of them to have equal power over what was happening. in short, they were the complete opposite of her.

and brendan used to love that, but now he hates it more than anything. hates how none of them really know how to seduce him, turn him on, and overall just don’t know him and don’t really care about him. hates how none of their lips feel the same way as hers, or how none of them can make him melt just by resting their hand on his arm. but he doesn’t want any of them to make him feel the same way she does, he only wants her. but he knows he can’t have her, so his mind just tells him to settle for what he can get.

he likes to tell himself that it’s karma for the way he used to act, leaving girls early in the morning without a word, giving most of them fake hopes of seeing him again, giving all of them a fake phone number. tells himself he deserves it and it’s just the way his life is supposed to be and that he can’t really complain because he doesn’t have to worry about money, getting paid to play the sport he loves.

but it wasn’t exactly like the previous years, he never stayed over at a girl’s house anymore, always leaving right after and going to sleep in his own bed, making sure to text the garcia girl to tell her he got safe home, along with a ‘goodnight xxx’. he’d wake up to the message being liked the next morning along with a ‘good morning sleepy head xxx’ and then he’d answer her, but no other communication would be done until night time. although there was a couple of nights or afternoon here and there where the two of them called just to catch up or talk about any problems they had, but that was about it. and it was for the whole summer, until the whole 2021-2022 team came to michigan to be celebrated during one of the football games. the two of them were so excited to see each other again, and had promised to talk more, which surely happened the second brendan left for vegas.

we go to parties with people we know

we’re holdin’ hands but it’s all just for show

‘cause monday through friday we both barely spoke

they don’t know, they can’t know

that just on the drive here, i was lookin’ through your texts

i was scremin’ my damn head off “how you still love your ex?”

and you say that it’s over, but why does she call you

at 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.? that’s a funny way of staying friends

the season had started a little over a month ago, and brendan had already found himself at a team event. now, yes, it was only for the silver knights, but at least he was playing pro. to be more precise, this was a couples team event, meaning brendan had to bring someone with him, and he had picked the girl he was currently “seeing” but he knew it wasn’t gonna go any further than them hooking up maybe once or twice. they barely spoke during the day, only when one of them was bored and wanted to have sex.

hell, brendan barely even remembered his name, which he knew was bad, but he didn’t care, she wasn’t brianna. but people didn’t need to know that, his teammates of course though that the two of them were way more than they actually are when he told them about the girl he was bringing, but brendan didn’t care yet again. he knew it’d be too complicated to explain everything to them, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to.

which lead to him and jessica, at least that’s what he thinks her names his, he knows it starts with a ‘j’ but there’s so many options that he just went with the first one that came to mind. the two of them were sitting in his car on their way to the event when brendan received a text.

“shit, can you check that for me please? just like put the phone in front of me to open it.” he asked her, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.

“sure.” she said before doing what he had asked.

“it’s more, she just said to have a good time.” she spoke again after a couple of seconds.

“k, can you like the message and sent a thank you, please?”

“yeah, sure.” and she did, but before closing his phone, another message popped up, but this one didn’t make any noise, meaning brendan had no idea it was there. the contact name was ‘bordy’ and she knew who that was, making intrigue as to what they were talking about, but the message itself made her even more intrigued.

does bri know abt this?

it said, and the girl couldn’t fight the urge to just click on it and read their conversation.

yooo have you figured out who ur gonna bring tonight bro

yeah dude im taking this girl jessica i think, idk we’ve been hooking for a bit so yeah

…

bro it’s not like that, you know i still love bri

dude i know im not stupid, does bri know abt this?

was their latest conversation, and the blond girl wasted no time to tell the brisson boy to stop the car.

“what’s up?” he asked once they were in the side of the road, and the girl sitting in his passenger seat simply just shoved the phone in his face angrily.

“what the fuck is this?” she asked, her voice full of anger. brendan sighed a bit before moving the phone back a bit for he could read it.

“why the fuck are you going through my phone?” he asked her, his eyebrows furrowed– in anger, as he grabbed his phone out of her hands.

“my name’s abby! do you not know my name?” she yelled, making brendan roll his eyes.

“you’re being dramatic.”

“oh, i’m being dramatic because you asked me to go to an event with you but you don’t even know my name? babe–”

“don’t call me that.” brendan cut her off harshly, no one had called him babe in years except for brianna.

“what–”

“i’m bringing you home.” brendan cut her off again before starting the car again and driving the girl home. the car was silent the whole way until she started getting out of the car.

“don’t bother texting again.” brendan said with no emotions in his voice.

“are you breaking up with me?”

“we were never together. i don’t know who told you we were or what made you think we were, but we weren’t.” he quickly said, still no emotions behind his voice.

“whatever.” she answered harshly before slamming the car door closed and making her way into her apartment. brendan let out a long sigh before texting the guys to tell them he wouldn’t make it to the event and then driving home.

later that night, when he was all comfortable in his bed, he felt the urge to talk to brianna. so he called her, he realized how late it was on the east coast, but he just needed to talk to her.

“bren?” she asked sleepily as soon as she picked up the phone.

“hi. i’m sorry for waking you up.”

“it’s okay, bubs. is everything alright? how was the event?” she asked, sounding a little more awake then she had a couple of seconds ago.

“i, uh, i didn’t go. i was on the way there, with the girl i told you about.” he started, but he stopped, waiting for an answer.

“yeah.”

“and she went through my phone and saw my conversation with bordy… a-and she saw some things i said and then she got mad. b-but then she called me babe and i just– fuck, bri, i miss you so much. i miss you so fucking much, you have no idea bri.”

“bren–”

“no! i– let me talk, please. i need you with me, bri. it’s like i don’t know what i’m doing without and i hate it. i hate it so much. i’ve tried to move on like you told me to, but i can’t. i only want you. the girls, they’re nice and all, but they’re not you, none of them even come close to making me feel the same way you do and i just– i need you here with me, bri.” he said, slowly breaking down. brianna heart ached more and more as he kept going, trying to keep her tears.

“brenny, i miss you too, so so so much, but i can’t. you know i want to, but i can’t.” she answered, finally letting her tears fall down her cheeks. brendan let out a small sob before speaking again.

“i know, i know. but i don’t know what i’m doing anymore, bri. everything makes me think about you, everywhere i go, everything i do, i see something that makes me think of you and it hurts so much. just– just give me one more chance, please! i’ll stop drinking, i’ll do anything, just please, bri, i need you.”

“goodnight, bren.” she whispered softly, after a couple of seconds of silence.

“please–” he tried to beg but it was too late, she had hung up. brendan let out a sigh before letting his phone fall on his face. he was feeling numb, numb from all the pain and anger he had inside of him. he just wanted his old life back, being in michigan, having brianna by his side, being surrounded by his best friends everyday. he wanted it all back.

in my head, we’re dancing in the dark

in my head, we kiss under the stars

but we know that’s not what we’re doing

‘cause, baby, this ain’t like the movies

in my head, we never grow apart

in my head, you never break my heart

but we both know that’s not what we’re doing

‘cause, baby, this ain’t like the movies

“bri, you really don’t have to.” thom argued with her over the phone. it was now mid-december, the holidays were coming up which meant brianna soon had a couple of weeks off from school. she loved the holidays almost as much as she loved books, and just winter in general. the softness and coziness the season brought to the world made her feel in her element. being able to just stay home all the time, reading with the fireplace on because of how cold it is outside, she loved it.

and thomas did too, being able to go home and see his family for a couple of days, but he couldn’t have that this year, his schedule didn’t allow it. which meant he would be spending christmas away from his family and friends for the first time of his life. he’d probably be spending the whole day alone in his apartment, face-timing people and just watching movies like he used to do as a kid. and brianna felt bad for him, so she had bought a plane ticket to come see him for a couple of days, something the bordeleau kid appreciated a lot, but didn’t think was necessary.

“yes i do. i can’t let you spend christmas all alone, t. i’m coming, whether you like it or not, you better be ready to have a roommate for a couple of days.” she answered him with a smile on her, he rolled his eyes a bit before smiling at her through his phone screen.

“fine, i guess you can come.” he said jokingly, making brianna let out a small laugh.

“oh, silly you. i wasn’t asking to come, i was stating that i’m coming. i already bought the plane ticket and everything–”

“i’ll pay you back for that.”

“thom, it’s okay. i want to come see you, you don’t have to pay for anything.” she spoke softly with a smile on her face.

“okay. i have to go to practice, but i’ll see you soon. love you.” he said with a smile on his face as well.

“love you too, drive safe.” she replied before hanging up the phone and going up the stairs to her room to start packing her suit case.

“why is it so hot here?” brianna complained as she threw herself down on thom’s couch. he let out a laugh before sitting down next to her head and running a hand through her hair.

“you’ll get used to it.” he shrugged making her look up at him with a death stare.

“i’m sweating, thomas. i’m sweating in fucking december.” she said seriously, making the bordeleau boy laugh again as she sat up properly on the couch, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“welcome to california, bri.” he smiled at her, holding in another laugh when she sent him a fake smile. the room was silent after that, well besides the movie that was playing on the tv screen, until bordy spoke up again.

“i bought you a plane ticket.”

“what? thom you know i already bought the one to go back home–” she started but the boy cut her off, his eyes staring into the tv.

“to vegas. to go see briss.” he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, making brianna look at him confused.

“thom–”

“he’s alone too, you know. okus, i think it’d be good for the both of you to see each other and talk about that night.” he explained calmly to her, rubbing her shoulder with the arm he had thrown over the back of the couch.

“i-i don’t know.”

“yes you know, bri. you want to be with him, i know you do. and i’m not just talking like physically being with him, you want to date him again and don’t even try to deny it. you guys love each other and i really don’t understand why you refused to go back to him, he makes you so happy, he treats you well, and yeah maybe he fucked up before, but he’s changed so much, he’s changed for you. he wants to be better for you, bri. i get that maybe you’re scared, but he loves you more than anything. and i know for a fact that you do too. so just, please, go see him and talk it out.” he argued, and brianna let out a shaky sigh before slowly nodding her head.

“o-okay.”

movies, movies

i want a love like the movies

movies, movies

i want a love like the movies

“bri?” brendan asked, shocked, his jaw slightly opened as his eyes stared at the girl in front of him.

“hi.” she whispered, a small smile on her face.

“what are you– what are you doing here?” he asked, a small smile of his own growing on his face as well.

“i came to see you.”

“but– i thought you were in san jose with bordy.” he said confused as he opened the door fully and stepped aside so she could walk in, her suitcase following behind her.

“i was, but now i’m here.” she answer shyly, taking a look around his condo.

“in my house.”

“in your house.” she confirmed with a small laugh as brendan shook his head, still a little confused but clearly happy at the same time.

“cool. cool, cool, cool. i’ll, uh, i’ll give you a tour.” he told her as he turned his back to her, but she quickly grabbed his wrist and turned him back around. the two of them stared at each other, their faces barely inches away. brianna tried to keep her breathing normal as one of her reached up to cup his cheeks, slowly stroking his cheekbone.

“i’ve missed you so much, bren.” she said softly, staring into his brow eyes, making brendan smile at her. brendan was about to say something when brianna pushed herself up onto her tippy toes, her other hand reaching for his other cheek, before pulling his face to her, pressing their lips together for the first time in what felt like years.

brendan let out a small gasp and blinked a couple of times, before letting himself get taken away by the kiss. his eyes slowly closed as he finally kissed her back, smiling to himself about it while his hands reached for her waist and pulled her closer to him. then, after about a minute or so, the two of them pulled away, brendan leaning his forehead on hers, their eyes locked together.

“wow.” brendan said after a couple of seconds, a big smile plastered on his face making brianna laugh a bit.

“i want you to be my boyfriend again.” brianna admitted in a small, soft voice, making brendan’s heart flutter inside his rib cage. his jaw dropped a bit as his eyes filled with happiness before he talked.

“really? like, you’re being dead serious right now? ‘cause i swear bri if this is some sort of joke–”

“it’s not. i love you, bren, so much.” she said, making brendan’s smile even wider than before.

“i love you.”

baby, we lost all this love we have

and i can’t pretend that i’ll never come back

and i think you’re seeing right through me

but, baby, this ain’t like the movies

“hey, what’s wrong?” brendan asked later that night as the two of them laid in bed together. brianna head was resting on brendan’s bare chest, her arms wrapped around his torso while his were keeping her closer around her shoulders.

“nothing’s wrong, babes.”

“don’t lie to me, bri.” he said softly, making the gracia let out a soft small sigh.

“it’s stupid. i– it’s just– you haven’t ask me to be your girlfriend yet…” she trailed off, trying not to make it sound like she cared too much. but she did, she cared so much.

“oh. i thought– i thought that after this afternoon we were kinda just like dating already.”

“bren, have you ever read a book where the boy never asked the girl out?”

“no?” he answered confused as to what books had to do with any of this. brianna let out a small sigh, shaking her head slightly.

“you really clueless aren’t you?”

“you love it.”

“mmm, do i?” she teased, making him push a shoulder a bit as a laugh slipped past her lips. brendan moved around a bit in the bed, so the two of them would be laying face to face, before cupping both of her cheeks into his hands.

“do you, brianna garcia, agree to be my beautiful, incredibly smart and amazing girlfriend?” he asked her seriously, making her blush a little.

“yes.” she answered shyly, her cheeks fully turning red before brendan leaned in and connected their lips together. when the two of them pulled apart, brendan wrapped his arms around her head and pulled her into his chest, pressing kisses all over the top of her head.

“i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.” brendan repeated over and over again after each kiss that he pressed to her head, making brianna laugh against his chest.

“idiot.”

“you love me!” he said in a singing tone, making brianna roll her eyes with a small smile on her face.

“you’re still an idiot.” she stated in a duh tone, making the brisson boy roll his eyes as well.

“yeah, but i’m your idiot, so…” he said before leaning in again and connecting their lips together. the garcia girl hummed in agreement before grabbing his chain and pulling him closer to her.

i want a love like the movies

“so, you guys are like back back together? like dating and all?” thom asked face-time the next day as the couple was laying in bed together, both of them wearing the other’s hoodie.

“yes. but, we don’t really wanna tell people like right now, you know.” brendan answered his best friend, hinting to him that he better stay quiet about this.

“yeah, no, dude. i won’t say anything.”

“thanks, tommy.” brianna answered with a thankful smile on her face.

“you guys are stupid, though.” the bordeleau kid sassed, making brianna let out a gasp.

“rude!” she exclaimed before hanging up the face-time.

“babe. why?” brendan asked with a laugh.

“he was being mean. he called us stupid!” she said in an accusing tone, making brendan laugh even more.

“stop laughing!”

“please never change.” brendan said through his laugh, making his girlfriend a bit confused, but instead of asking questions, she simply just pressed her lips to his for a couple of seconds before pulling back.

“only if you don’t.” she whispered before connecting their lips again.

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#bri writes #brendan brisson #brendan brisson imagine #brendan brisson fic #brendan brisson x oc

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