#also to kinda answer my own question I personally like confident sakura + her man being pathetic for her <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[becasart]

SPOUSE SWAPPP

+hair length flippp

I'm so satisfied with my redesigns of em 🥰

Also, just out of curiosity, what is y'all's fave dynamic from these ships? :0

[howanimestuffworks]

Now it’s time for something a little bit out of the ordinary and a little bit different. We all know that at this point in time the world is out of sorts so it’s nice to have that little ray of sunshine every now and again. Luckily for me that ray of sunshine just gotten bigger with me being nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award!  

I made my first couple of graphics! I think they turned out good!

Like always we have to begin with the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog so that other people can visit them.

Answer the 11 questions put to you by the nominator.

Nominate 11 bloggers of your choosing and provide them with a new set of 11 questions to answer.

Notify the nominees by commenting on one of their blog posts.

List the rules and display The Sunshine Blogger Award logo within your post or on your blog site.

The person that nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award was no other then Pinkie from Pinkie’s Paradise, who is one of the many active bloggers I know and has helped me come out of my shell and try and blog more then keep hiding away!

I always love reading Pinkie’s new posts and look forward to any new ones that pop up, I will recommend checking her blog out as her blog is just so CUTE! Especially with all the restyling she has done! (I so need to know how she managed to get a animated background working on her blog!) Anyway onto my answers and if you need any directions to Pinkie’s site just click here!

I am a tad late getting this done (along with everything else hahaha) but I really reaaaally needed to get my training for work completed otherwise my manager will literally murder me with a spatula!

I mean she would if she could, is it even possible to be murdered by a spatula? 

  Q: Have you ever cosplayed, if yes.. what’s your best cosplay? If no what would you cosplay if you could?

Sadly no, I never had enough money to spend on the materials I would need for my cosplay, nor have I had the confidence to pull of a cosplay, I am very self conscious about my body and hate the fact that I still have some “puppy fat” at 33 years old.  Even though I am pretty much self conscious about my body I would still push myself out of my comfort zone and cosplay some of my favourite characters.

There’s a little list of cosplays I would love to pull off from my favourite anime and games, Zelda from The Legend of Zelda series, Hitomi Kanzaki from the Vision of Escaflowne and Chibi Usa from Sailor Moon being three that I would love to go for!

  Aren’t these girls cool! 

Bonus Pic!

Kinda scary shoving Pinkie Pies head on Chibi Usa, give me the willies!  

 Q: What is the least geeky thing about you?

What is the least geeky thing about me…man this one is so so hard! Hahaha! I think the least geeky thing about is that I love love to go for long walks! I just go where my feet take me!

Q: If your life was ever turned into an anime, what type of anime would it be?

Hmm.. I think it would be a dramatic slice of life shoujo that would depict me failing adulthood severely and kinda boring…until my life goes from boring to eventful where I’m transported to another realm to go saving the world with my babble of followers that consist of my favourite characters who somehow got dumped in said realm along with me, and blamed me for that happening cause I had to go poking that portal till it exploded and sucked us all in!

It would all fall on Van and Chise to try and find us a way home without me screwing everything up in the process!!

This was fun to make I gotta admit that, plus I just couldn’t stop laughing!!!

Q:  If your life was ever turned into a video game, what type of game it would be?

It most probably be the same as the anime adaption just more in depth and set out like a JPRG!

Chise would be a perfect character to take the Healer position considering one of her abilities is creating medicine in Mahoutsukai no Yome (The Ancient Magus Bride).

Van would be taking the warrior class, mainly swordsman as he is quite adaptable when equipped with his own sword, though I can picture him cursing his head off about the amount of times I died throughout our adventure.

Hitomi would be our visionary, she can predict things before they happen through visions even though some do take a mental impact on her.

Duo is pretty good at stealth so I can picture him using that to his advantage with some pretty good stealth kills when we cannot attack outright.

Heero is more melee so would just attack outright but he is also good at physical combat and can use that to his advantage.

Luffy would be similar to Heero and would create a good tag team with him.

 Q: If you’d have to choose any other archetype but geek, what would you want to be?

I would be a story teller, one of my goals is to be an author and have my own set of YA Fantasy books out there in the world! It would be a big achievement for me in my life, I have a few brainstorms going on some of the characters but I’m keeping that a secret for now..Suuuush..

I would love to be a well known author and have alot of people adoring my stories and characters!!

 Q: What’s the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

The worst thing I did to a friend is throw a book at them! I do treat my friends with alot of respect and never treat them all badly, but this friend of mine (who is now my boyfriend, strange things happened ya know) just would not be quiet so I could read, all he ever did was natter away to me and then the book went flying at him…I regret that so much…

 Q: What is your favourite alcoholic beverage and tell us about when you had too much of it.

Believe it or not I have not had one ounce of alcohol pass my lips ever, so I never had any drunk stories to tell. (Which is ironic considering I work in a pub!) It’s mainly tied to my past, I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person and sadly I was a victim of that, my dad is a severe alcoholic and he used to abuse me, my siblings and my mother, so I never ever touched the stuff.

It’s still quite hard to talk about as it affected me my entire life in so many ways.

 Q: How would you take over the world, in a world of endless possibilities? Be evil!

Firstly I would destroy all the world leaders and then brain wash everyone across the globe to do my bidding and make my cat their supreme leader!! (come on who doesn’t want to be ruled over by an evil kitty!)

I would then force people to constantly pick up litter (mainly because I am so sick of people dumping litter everywhere) and to become my cats slaves and servants and imprison their families if they refused!!!

Okay I’ll admit I am so bad at being evil…

 Q: Which anime character you think could stop the you from question 8.

Can I pick two…I can picture Usagi Tsukino and Sakura Kinomoto tag teaming and defeating me and my kitty! Me and my lovely Videl would pass in each others arms and live a happy and evil afterlife where we destroy Satan and take his throne and become rulers of hell!!

I think they would make a great team!

 Q: Which anime characters would be the henchmen to the you from question 8.

I would brain wash the best of the best to become my henchmen! The Prince of all Sayain’s – Vegeta and of course Goku would be mine and Videl’s guards! Piccolo and Gohan would lead my mighty army!

But they may have a tough time with this lot…we shall see if Usagi and Sakura come up triumphant! 

 Q: If you could make one true wish, but it had to be at least  somewhat selfish, what would it be?

If I could make one wish for myself it would be to be a millionaire and live in a posh mansion that has a pool with all my cats! They would have their own rooms and have luxurious beds like I would! They would also have loads and loads of toys and their own pool side loungers!!!

I’ll be the new kid on the block!

What is the most geeky thing about you?

What is the next Anime that you are planning to watch?

If you could write out your life story, how would that story go?

What was the saddest Anime scene you have watched?

What was the best thing you have done for a friend?

What were your plans this year before the pandemic?

If you could pilot a mech or Gundam, which one would it be?

If you could marry an anime or video game character, who would it be?

Tell me about the last game you have played?

Is there a character out there that is most similar to you?

Last book you have read? 

Truthfully I don’t know that many people considering I’m the new kid on the block within the anime blogging community, I’m basing my nominations based on the few people that I have come to know within the anime blogging community recently.

I’m sorry if you were already picked!!! 

Mari from Starting Life At Zero Who’s brave posts really are inspiring to me and has helped me understand alot of things lately.

Roki Bloop from Secluded Observations who actually stumbled across my blog on twitter and introduced me to a few more bloggers, if it wasn’t for Roki I wouldn’t even be doing the Sunshine Blogger Award at all!

Nabe-Chan from Geek Nabe Another lovely person that I have been interacting with on twitter and has a lovely blog!

Pinkie from Pinkie’s Paradise I am so getting you back! hahaha! Pinkie is so awesome and has such a cute and funny blog!

Steph from Two Happy Cats another blogger that I’ve been following on wordpress since I created my old account.

Kiritonarukami from KiritoNarukami One of the newer bloggers that I stumbled across on here lately.

Mike from Gaming and God Another blogger I’ve stumbled across lately who’s blog consists of not only Anime and Manga reviews but also Gaming reviews!

Lesley from Lesley’s Anime and Manga Corner Another Anime and Manga blogger that I have discovered 🙂

Odyssey from LOFZ ODYSSEY ANIME REVIEWS Another cool blogger that I’ve discovered!

Jiraiyan from Otaku Orbit is one of the two bloggers that I’ve been following on wordpress since I created my old account. (I actually have two accounts but liked the name of this one more.)

Okay I stole this idea from Pinkie but I needed a reason to use this wallpaper!

PS: If you would love to be nominated then you can if you answer this question about me, who is the character I am using throughout my blog? 

    A Pony With Sunburn Is Not A Good Look: The Sunshine Blogger Award! #anime #otaku #blogger #animeblog #blogging Now it's time for something a little bit out of the ordinary and a little bit different.

[yanderexdoki]

My Yandere story

Okay, let's start at the very beginning. Your gonna have to go ahead and forgive me now, I tend to go on tangents due to my brain jumping all over the place all the time but I will try and keep this as tight knit as I can. I was in middle school, probably seventh grade,hanging with my Aunt when she had the idea to go to this local clothing store. We went in and that's when I first met him. Tall, Skinny, Redhead. Him and my Aunt were having conversation while I just looked around, not really caring what was going on. 

We were probably there like 20 min and we left. I learned over time this man had a wife and a kid and that whole family became friends with my aunt. My aunt was great at making conversation and was an extrovert so it wasn't really surprising news.She would go over there to visit. I went a few more times with her but she mostly went  by herself. About a year later my Aunt tragically passed away in her sleep. It was a pretty hard time for the whole family. We did the whole bit, the funeral, burying her all that yada yada. Not playing off her death, she was like a second and cooler mom. I cared about her so much and she was the first big family passing I had to endure. We all continued with our lives as everyone does after a tragedy as best they can until the summer before my senior year of high school. My mother told me it was about time my brother and I got our first jobs so we could help with taking care of the house bills. Off we went driving about town grabbing applications. This was the summer of ‘08 so there weren’t too many online applications as there are nowadays. Anyway, the one place I got an application from was the local mall where "local clothing store" happened to have been moved to since their previous location. There was a Blonde Woman standing there so I thought I should apply cause I remember the one guy and I remember him being friends with my aunt but him not being at my aunt's funeral. Maybe I can ask him about it if he still works here? I know right? My thought logic is real, legit teenager stuff. Anyway, after I fill out my application and take it back to who will now call BW, she had me do like a little mini interview. I somehow impressed her with my fake perfume sale cause she decided to hire me. Looking back on it, I personally believe she hired me because she remembered me being my Aunts niece. So I started the job pretty soon after. 

It was my first job and I was never very good at talking with strangers. It was actually one of the first conversations I had with who we will call TSR from now on. He introduced himself and asked me about myself. He noticed I was pretty shy and he gave me an analogy about an invisible line that I see that I need to cross. It was really the first in many many ways this guy boosted my confidence and self esteem. The tasks of the job where pretty standard retail business. Keep it clean, sell stuff, be nice. Our store never had to much for foot traffic a lot of the time so for the most part we did a lot of BSing. Most of the days that went by where TSR and I talking for hours cause BW had a day job and usually came in later in the day. A few months in he actually told me he didn’t go to my aunts funeral because they make him really uncomfortable and he didn’t even go to one of his close friends. An acceptable answer for me. When your around someone you kind of learn there mannerisms, the way they say certain words, how his light blue eyes light up when he’s talking about something he thought was cool. The best way I could describe his personality is Chip Gaines from the show Fixer Upper. Oh no. Oh definitely no. I am not getting a crush on my married boss, a man in his 30s. Yes....yes I am, yes I did. My senior year of high school started up fast. I still got to work there but it had to be just a few hours after school. Which was fine with me as long as I got to keep working there. As long as I got to keep talking with TSR. As long as I got to hear his laughter everyday. I knew these weren't good thoughts about someone's husband and I really shouldn't be thinking this but I didn't want to stop being around him. As the school year went by the first semester ended and we got our grades. Most of them were pretty up to par for what my parents expected out of me at the time. Except for the D in math class.That one I was pretty disappointed in myself as well. So my parents told me to talk about my grades with my bosses. BW and TSR said if I couldn't bring that up I couldn't work anymore. It definitely got my butt in gear mentally and somehow pulled me out of it all the second semester with straight B's.They let me work on my homework when the store didn’t have anyone in it and I got to keep my job. I got to keep making my own money that I spent on the clothes in the store for me to wear and other dumb crap I didn't need. TSR and I talked about anything and everything. He talked to me about things my parents didn't talk to me about. He made jokes all the time and always had me laughing.He talked to me like I was at his level. I gladly listened as he talked about whatever would pop into his head at the time. I would hear the height in his voice and the deep gruff lows when he was getting into the nitty gritty of his gem of a story he would be mining out. Honestly, this is probably the most one on one conversations I had with someone besides a blood relatives up to this point. I never had much for friends in my school years. It felt nice. Now of course it wasn't just him and I closed the store every night for an eternity. Sometimes I worked with BW and sometimes with TSR and sometimes with both of them and even with a little kick ass co-manager who we will call LCM. I probably won't talk about her too much though. 

I graduated in the summer of ‘09, got my drivers licence and got my first cheap ass car from the money I got from graduation. My parents or my grandma didn't have to drive me to work anymore. BW even picked me up from school once on halloween and took me to work cause my family couldn’t make it. She was always so nice to me. I wanted to be more connected with her too on evenings we worked together but she just didn’t seem as open with me. TSR started asking questions about the name on the car and I told him my dad because that's what my dad said I should do. It made sense to me and I have a good relationship with my father. TSR told me that wasn't the best idea and how my dad could use that against me and hold it over my head. Now my dad and I have had a fight or two but I would never have expected anything like that to happen. Well what do you know, I swear like a week later my father and I where bickering over something and he said “My name is on the car I can take it from you.” TSR was right. He was always right about life and the universe and people. We also seem to have similar things in common, like how we felt the least liked out of our siblings by our parents.I guess we both would be considered the black sheep in our family. It's not my fault I was raised christian and started liking Marilyn Manson and getting tattoos. I wasn’t trying to be rebellious on purpose. I just liked stuff my parents didn't. I worked for them for probably a year at this point and since it was the summer I  just contemplated if I was gonna do college or not. I just decided to keep working my job as full time to save money and to try and figure out where I was headed.TSR helped me as I have been on and off again with my first boyfriend. 

When I was going through a very deep stage of “woe is me, I’m never gonna love anyone again.” he left me alone at the store to pick up his kid. He came back pretty fast and like the first thing he yelled was "DANGIT DOKI”, you had me really worried there for you while I was gone." It made my heart skip. Kinda felt like one of those scenes where the anime girl is standing in an area full of sakura blossoms blowing in the wind as she looks longing at her senpai. Woah, he really must care about me as not just someone who works for him but as a person. 

My feelings for TSR have gone pretty deep at this point. I would have done anything he asked. Appropriate or not. One day I was hopping around the store from drinking an energy drink that day and I'm cleaning and dusting and moving clothes everywhere and I go up to TSR and ask him if he wanted me to suck his dick. This coming from a very shy hyper virgin 18 year old. I kind of looked around and just laughed. I kind of felt bad a little while after I said that but I didn't really think it was that much of a big deal. Months later he would tell me he contemplated saying yes. I lost some weight after being there for a bit due to some emotional things I was going through at the time and I was actually feeling good about my body and I learned BW and I fit the same size pants and decided to switch the ones we bought from the store. TSR told me I was still fat. It hurt coming from someone I was infatuated with. I was shorter than his wife and had a curvier shape.

  You may know how it is working with family. Working with the same 3 other adults for two years does start to feel like an actual family. Besides the misc like 3 other people who got hired while I was there but they all didn’t stay very long. At some point we got a security camera system and we could watch the 4 different cameras on one monitor. I eventually, out of boredom and fantasy, learned that we had one spot in the store on the cameras that couldn't be seen. The third dressing room. I thought all kinds of things about the room. Especially around closing time when we turned all the lights off. TSR made lots of sexual jokes, sure, but I knew he wasn't attracted to me based on my body type and maybe the fact that his mother and I share the same name. Of course the lawful good side of me was fighting myself knowing it's good he doesn't like me cause I shouldn't like him, he's a married man anyway. Never stopped me from thinking about it though. One day something happened. He brought up the subject about how he's gotten to feel real small tits and big “fake” tits but not real big “real” tits. How convenient enough I happen to be in that category. I don't remember if there was much instruction of him suggesting I should try on a big belt as a tube top and see what it looks like but I definitely feel like I was just mentally following along with everything he was saying like a puppy learning tricks for rewards. I was nervous. I tried on the belt in the 3rd dressing room. It looked stupid but I opened the door. TSR came up, looked at my stretch marks and veins with wide eyes. He asked me if he could touch them. I said he could. I let him do what he wanted but I was super embarrassed. I wanted this to happen but he was this person I built up so much hype being near me, just doing whatever he wanted. He grabbed handfuls, moved them around, squeezed. No nipple play though. He got done with what he thought was an adequate amount of playtime and let me get dressed. We never talked about it. I never wanted anyone to know. I wanted so much more.I wanted him to push me back into the dressing room. I wanted him to take my virginity. I wanted him to try all the rough things I was learning were my kinks. Nothing too much happened at the shop besides the two times I got drunk at work. There was one good time and one bad time. TSR, LCM, a dude who would come in the shop often, and I all drank and had a fun chill night just laughing. I remember two dudes who came into actually shop asked me if I was drunk and they thought it was hilarious and awesome, but nothing really juicy or life changing happened those times so they aren't really important. Eventually, 2010 showed up to kick everyone in the ass economically, and we had to close down shop. We put everything away and caused a little bit of mall anarchy by throwing shoes in the rafters. I felt bad because, 1. I was losing what I thought was like the coolest job ever, and 2. I didn't know if I would ever see them again. 

TSR was obviously drinking at the time he had his vodka right by him, like drinking it right out of the bottle. I was upset. I wanted to say more to him about it but I felt like I couldn't say anything. Like it wasn’t my place because I was just an employee. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to be his comfort. Eventually his wife and kid packed up and moved to another state while TSR stayed behind to clean the house and get it on the market and close some loose ends. He asked me two separate times to hang out before he left. Once to go get some food together, he even made the comment on how I was beaming when we were eating together. He knew I liked him. I guess I was pretty bad at hiding it. The other time was to help with cleaning his house. I jumped at the opportunity to dust and scrub just to be near him. It was just the two of us for a few hours. All the stuff they had was already packed and all he had was an air mattress and a blanket. I still remember wanting to be under that blanket with him.  Besides the breast fondling nothing else physical happen between us. At some point I lost his number for about a year or two until I got to beg it off a guy I was dating. He was actually the dude who brought me the booze the first time I drank at work. .TSR seemed glad to be able to talk to me again. We kind of developed this rhythm where we talked on the phone every 3 to 6 months, sometimes even 9. He told me he didn't like texting and I wanted to respect his wishes cause I still had these feelings for him. Our conversations together were very much in the obsession and lust category for me. When we talked it was mostly just updates on life. Talking about our parents doing dumb stuff and what we are up to at the time. The same amount of laughs as before, and me listening gleefully as always. That joy overtime turned into a darkness after our calls would end. I would feel sunk in this place. I would feel trapped and conflicted. I wanted my love for this man to go away. To just be able to be like “nah dude, I don't need that complicating my life anymore.” For me to literally not drop everything I was doing when he would call me. Even when I was on a date or hanging with my family, I couldn't, I didn't. I kept falling deeper and deeper into the peat bog. Realizing my head was under way to late. This continued till I was about 25 and I got off the phone with him one night and just broke down into pieces. I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote a fake text that was implied to be for my best friend but I deliberately sent it to TSR., like I accidentally sent it to the wrong person. I explained my love for him and how I would do anything for him and how it hurts that I can't be with him. I expected his wife to call me. I expected for her to yell at me and tell me to never speak to them again. I wanted to cut it off so I set in motion something to do it cause I couldn't just do it myself because I was a coward. Like nothing ever happened TSR called me about a week later and asked me if I knew I sent him a text he probably shouldn’t have seen. I acted dumb on purpose and was like “ohh no! You saw that?” He just laughed and called me dumb. He even told me he has me saved in his phone with the word dumb in front of my name. It didn't work. He learned everything I was feeling at the time and, without the faintest acknowledgement about it, he didn’t care or tell me we shouldn’t talk anymore.He just told me his wife was originally mad about it when she read it but he calmed her down. We went back to our routine of talking on the phone every few months until this most recent July. I was visiting my family on vacation. One night I get back to the place I was staying after not feeling to great after dinner. It's 1am and as I'm trying to go to sleep TSR calls me up. Without hesitation I answer and we chat. He told me of this weed he liked a lot and how his day went. Then, in weird moment I will remember forever, he said "I love you man, not like a dick in vagina love but, ya know." It just reaffirmed what I've known for awhile now. I will never be anything more to him. I could at least take comfort in what he said to me that he saw me as a close friend. I let him know I have to let him go because of some chest pains I was having from anxiety. I told him I would love to talk more but just can't. We hung up and like .5 milliseconds later he calls me back I'm like dude what do you want and he says, "So when are we gonna start having secret conversations?" My head was already whirling from the feelings of what he just said coming up but now he springs this on me? What does he mean by this? He just said he doesn't love me that way what is going on? I said what are you talking about and he said "We gotta have a place we can talk where my wife won't find it and she won't get mad at me.”

 I was like “Dude lets just talk later” and I told him bye and hung up. I didn't wanna deal with that right now. A day went by and I smoked a little weed and called and left him voicemail for if he really wanted to talk about this and I wanted to figure out what his angle was with this whole situation that had me pretty panicky for the most part.

 The next day he sends me a pic of his current project and I sent him a link for the best encrypted messaging apps. He just laughs and talks about how we will use kik. So I have a kik and I offered him my info if he wanted to talk to me. I really wanted to do this to get into the deepness of asking him what were we doing and why are we doing this? He said he would download the app one day. I wanted to give another hint of “hey you know these feelings are still here right?” Just to see what he would say and maybe we could have actually talked about it together this time around. I flirtishly said “you're always pulling on my string and sometimes I think you liked doing it.” 8 HOURS LATER he replies to my text saying it was funny. This was at almost 2 am. We text back and forth but my feelings hit me again. They are just escaping to freedom in mass through my eyelids .I told him how much my feelings suck and I hate them and I hate being crazy. He replies with a text but I call him. He answers. He says "What do you need to tell me Doki?"

I am already cracking my voice full of tears at this point. "What do you think!? Isn't it obvious by now? You already know I've liked you for a while. I'm in love with you and I have been for years. Your voice burns in me with passion every time I hear it. Your smile cleans off a gross dirty film off my vision and I see how great everything really can be." He then does what he does best. He starts laughing. This laugh I held in high regard is currently existing because I opened up the biggest wound I've had for almost decade.I was furious. "Seriously dude what the fuck I am opening up my feelings here and being so vulnerable with you right now and your gonna start laughing?" 

He said he was sorry. He said "I didn't mean for it to come off that way. A little thing I do is laugh when I'm uncomfortable or upset.” I stopped. Ohh I guess that would make sense. I've heard before that that's a coping mechanism for some people. Me telling myself that to rationalize his behavior. He said he was sorry for stuff he's said that's hurt my feelings and I forgave him but not just my love and sadness came to this emotional let go fest. My lust for him showed up as well. I became extremely horny like probably more horny then I have even been my entire life. I don’t know why this showed up but it did and it felt really weird cause I was just crying my eyes out two seconds ago. I say things along the lines of "Do you know what I would do for you? I would be your personal sex slave 24 hours a day. You wouldn't even have to call me by my name. Call me whatever you want I don't care." Which in my head as I'm saying these things out loud I'm telling myself, “slow down girl your getting a little ahead of yourself here.” I asked him if I could masturbate while we were on the phone. 

He said "I won't stop you." 

I started, I said his name. I touched myself with a passion I swear I heard him moan on the other end of that call. He started talking and making me laugh and I kinda got distracted from pleasuring myself just cause I wanted to listen to him talk.After he got a little more high he said he had to go back to bed and then I was just kind of left there with all my emotions that came to the surface. So I sent him some things I wrote on my Facebook and on my phone that where about him.

 A few nights later I got a little drunk and just said screw it and facebook called BW,his wife, and told her about everything. Everything besides the boob thing. I couldn’t bear telling her. She was still so sweet. More sweet than I ever could have deserved. We just discussed how I just had to stop being connected to the family and how we couldn’t be friends with them online. She made it sound like maybe one day I could though.

That’s the last thing I texted him after I promised BW and his family I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. To end the story I had one final conversation with him on the phone a few days later. I asked him if anything we did together mattered. I asked him if he ever even cared about my feelings or considered them. He told me “I am a sociopath. None of what happened between us mattered to me nor did I care.”

I said, ”Alright, that's all I needed to know” and I hung up and cried.This man was introduced to me half way through my life and even though he didn’t start becoming important in it till my late teens it hurt to just let it be gone like that. It hurt for a very long time. My friends and family and everyone had to deal with my crying and hopelessness for like 3 weeks.It’s been about a year from that point. I promise I don’t just sit there and think about him all day. I live my life, I do my job and I’m pretty content. Every so often though I’ll have dreams about him and it will just make me feel like garbage all over again. My first instinct is to just wanna call him right now. I’m trying to grow and be better. I look back and see obvious judgment errors I made over the years but I can’t go back in time and change them. 

Update: He called me 2 months ago May 2019, almost a full year from us not talking to each other at all,  I was sleeping and I answered the phone with “What do you want?” He was all like “woah, I was just going through my contacts and deleting old friends and I accidentally called you.” Which I didn’t believe for a fuckin second cause if he saw his phone calling me and didn’t wanna talk to me he wouldn’t have let it ring.I was still angry with him but he said he wanted to see how I was doing and checking on me  mentally so I told him I was doing better and proceeded to let him talk for like an hour and a  half. Just about what he’s been up to. When it was my turn to talk about myself I had to let him go because I had to go do some errands.I fully understand I should have his number blocked my problem is I don’t want to. 

I understand that my want for him is not good or healthy. My brain also tells me if I win the lottery maybe he will move in with me and I can be his sugar momma. It also tells me it doesn’t matter that I get sad when he doesn’t talk to me or answer my calls. The sadness will go away eventually and you will get to talk to him eventually. He always chooses to call you back eventually. Every time. I’ve had awful thoughts of if he decided he wanted to hurt me I wouldn’t care. Anything from him is what I want. I understand I need help. I don’t need anyone to tell my that. I use yandere to help me cope. Help me stay grounded and help me have a place to vent when by brain starts doing unhealthy things that I myself know I shouldn’t do.

[foxaddict94]

The Phantom Thieves Came and Stole My Heart!

It’s been a while since I wrote a review here on Tumblr... I kinda lost interest in Tumblr for a good while, but I’m back because I want to talk about Persona 5. I have just finished my second run of the game and I feel like a review of this game would be too much to tweet about on Twitter so I thought it’s best to write here. Anyways lets start the review.

So I did a series of blogs reviewing all the Persona games from 1-4 in preparation for Persona 5. The game came out in September 2016 and we had to wait through a series of delays for the localized release of the game. Were the delays worth the wait for the game? I say yes because the game has exceeded all my expectations as I patiently waited for the game. The game was finally released April 4th 2017 world wide and everyone was excited, including me since I have been avoiding spoilers for half a year. I will discuss about those spoilers later in this review so this is your first warning here.

So Persona 5 starts off in a Casino where the protagonist and his friends are pulling a heist. Here you would be confused and ask the following questions: What’s going on? Why am I a thief? Why are the Police after me? Why did that guy turn into a monster? and What’s in the briefcase I’m carrying? All those questions will be answered later in the game. The opening scene ends with your character being caught by the police, interrogated after taking an overdose of truth serum and beaten up by the cops. A prosecutor named Sae Niijima enters the scene and asks you what happened from the very beginning. The whole story of the game from that point on is a flashback.

The flashback starts in April 20XX (yes no exact year but there are some theories when it takes place) with your character arriving in Shibuya searching for Sojiro Sakura who will be his caretaker for a year. Why is your character in Shibuya? You learn that your character was walking down the street in his hometown one night and finds a drunk guy yelling at a woman. Your character tries to play hero and stops the drunk but then he gets sued by the drunk. The result from that confrontation puts your character in probation from his hometown. So you start your new life living in the attic of a cafe that Sojiro works at. You get introduced to Shujin academy and start attending school there. On your first day of school you meet a blonde punk named Ryuji Sakamoto and they wind up at a castle instead of the school. This castle happens to be ruled by a king who has the appearance of the schools volleyball coach who you learn later is a major asshole. While trapped in the castle, your character awakens the power to summon personas summoning Arsene. They escape the castle with the help of a talking cat mascot named Morgana who also uses a persona named Zorro. After they escaped the castle they return to the streets of Shibuya confronted by police thinking they are 2 kids skipping school. They learn they missed half a day of school and your character wants to avoid as much trouble as possible since he is already on probation. Through the days in school you learn that the volleyball coach, Suguru Kamoshida, is an abusive coach who bruises his students with his spikes and sexually harasses the female students. His deeds have gone so far that a girl who he sexually harassed attempted suicide on school grounds. This all results in Ann Takamaki, a girl who happens to be your characters class, join you and Ryuji. Morgana finds our heroes in cat form and tells them that if they steal the treasure that lies in that castle, called a Palace, then Kamoshida will have a change of heart. Ann joins the group after awakening her persona Carmen, Ryuji also awakens his persona, Captain Kidd, before Ann. After the group succeeds in stealing the treasure, Kamoshida arrives school one day confessing all the crimes he did to everyone in a school assembly. The result of that success is the birth of the groups being known as the Phantom Thieves.

What I just wrote was all the first dungeon of the game. I’m not going in full detail about all the other chapters except for the end. I mainly wanted to write that just to show the buildup they made to show how much thought they put into creating corrupt characters in the game. The story goes on with the Phantom Thieves changing the heart of Ichiryusai Madarame, an artist who appears to be completely innocent at first, but actually plagiarizes the work of his pupils. The team recruit one of Madarames pupils, Yusuke Kitagawa after he learned about his masters corrupt nature in art. Yusuke awakens his persona Goemon and they changed the heart of Madarame. The next target was set by Shujins Student Council President, Makoto Niijima, since she’s been suspicious of the protagonist and his friends. Makoto wants them to change the heart of a mobster, after searching for information they learn about Junya Kaneshiro who runs a drug trafficking business with high school students involved. Makoto awakens her persona Johana and joins the Phantom Thieves in order to fight for what justice truly means to her. As the story goes on a student in the main characters class, Yuki Mishima, starts a fan site for the Phantom Thieves after they took down Kamoshida (There’s a legit fan site of this fan site online, it’s phansite.net) . After the Phantom Thieves changed the heart of a person, their fame increases. Due to their fame they received after changing Kaneshiro’s heart, a hacktivist group named MedJed threatens the Phantom Thieves to stop or else they’ll “cleanse” Tokyo. Instead of changing the heart of someone in that group of hacktivists, they change the heart of a girl who isolated herself from society for 2 whole years after her mother died. This girl was Futaba Sakura, adopted daughter under the care of Sojiro Sakura. After they changed her heart, she hacks into MedJed and saves the Phantom Thieves. She then joins the group after awaking her persona Necronomicon. Their next target was a request from... my favorite character in the game... my god I love her... Haru Okumura daughter to Kunizaku Okumura who is the CEO of Okumura foods who runs the equivalent to Burger King in the world of Persona, Big Bang Burger. Her father is a corrupt man who cares for personal gain, Haru requests the Phantom Thieves to change his heart since he put her into marrying an asshole who treats Haru like dirt than the softhearted person that she is. The wedding was mainly so her father can have a political connection in the company. Haru Awakens her persona, Milady and change her fathers heart... until you see his shadow get shot by a mysterious figure after the Phantom Thieves leave the scene. This results in Haru’s father confessing what he did, but then dying live on TV like a public execution. This results in the Phantom Thieves massive drop in fame and they get help from a detective who’s been onto the Phantom Thieves throughout the game, Goro Akechi. He tells them that they should change the heart of Makotos sister, Sae Niijima, the same Sae from the very beginning of the game, to help prove the Phantom Thieves innocent. Goro helps the team with his persona Robin Hood and they venture through what Sae sees a courthouse as a Casino. That’s right, we’re heading back to where the game started! The end results in what you saw from the very opening of the game bringing you back to the interrogation room with Sae.

That’s enough with the story, until I get to the heavy spoiler part. The game has wonderful presentation for it’s anime like story and characters. I love this group so much compared to other groups in the Persona series. Ryuji is an idiot who you’d like to butt heads with while he tries to do something right with his own actions. Ann isn’t bright but she’s caring and wants to learn how to be a strong. Yusuke is interested in finding many inspirations for his next art pieces wherever he goes, but is very bad with managing his money. Makoto is the most organized member of the group, but is tired of following the path others give her and wants to decide her life for herself. Futaba is characterized like a major gamer girl who is a mischievous hacker and is like the little sister character to the protagonist. Haru is an innocent rich girl who loves to garden and dreams of making her own coffee while trying to handle business with Okumura Foods after her father’s passing. Morgana wants to learn the truth behind his origins and teaches the main character how to be a Phantom Thief like a kickass sidekick. Goro is a dedicated detective who is willing to do anything it takes to solving a case.

The gameplay is fantastic, exploring Tokyo with the fast travel button is incredible and easy to use! Exploring town is similar to Persona 3 and 4 where you run around town talking to people and shopping at various stores. Social Links are now Confidants, but still work like Social Links. Confidants are incredibly useful in this game! Each Confidant gives you an ability to give the player a better gameplay experience in the game! Hanging out with your party members improves their combat performance. Outside your party members, the following characters have incredible improvements to gameplay. Yuki Mishima helps you get more experience in battle for both those fighting and on the sidelines. The main characters teacher, Sadayo Kawakami, does her job as a maid to do tasks that waste your characters time in the Cafe. Sojiro Sakura teaches you how to make coffee and curry which heals your party’s SP. The doctor who works at a clinic nearby the cafe, Tae Takemi, sells more healing items and accessories in the clinic. The ex-Yakuza who works at a model gun shop, Munehisa Iwai, helps you customize guns. The politician who wants to make up for his mistakes in the Diet Building, Toranosuke Yoshida, helps the character be better in negotiating with the enemy. A fortune teller who’s part of a cult, Chihaya Mifune, gives fortune telling sessions that tells you what abilities your party members will get in the future. A reporter who likes to drink, Ichiko Ohya, helps write articles about the Phantom Thieves and decreases the threat levels when the player is spotted by the enemy. A kid who’s raised to win everything in life, Shinya Oda, helps improves the main characters skills using a gun from playing a gun video game. A professional Shogi player, Hifumi Togo, gives the main character new strategies to use in battle. The last confidant outside of the party members are the twin Velvet Room attendants Caroline and Justine. Just like Margaret from Persona 4, they want you to create personas with certain skills. After completing each task, they’ll give you a new service to use in the Velvet Room. 

Dungeon crawling in the game is incredible! It’s like I’m playing an Anime version of Sly Cooper without the insane stunts Sly does. You sneak around the dungeon and do sneak attacks on the enemy to engage in battle. If you get spotted then the person who owns the dungeon will become aware of you. If you fill the meter to 100%, you’ll be kicked out of the dungeon. Now to talk about what is the best combat system in any game I have played in my life! The combat is simplified by simple button presses, not going through menus selecting a physical attack or a spell. The only menu you go through is for using items, and the spells a persona has. When you knock down all the enemies with either a critical hit or their weakness, you’ll put them into an interrogation stage. This phase is reminiscent to classic Shin Megami Tensei and Persona 1 and 2 games. You make a deal with the enemy on letting them give you an item, money or become the main characters next persona to use. If it fails the enemy can comeback and attack. Or if you want the battle to be done with, just press the all-out attack button to let everyone in the party attack the fallen enemy. Another nod to Persona 1 in this game is that the characters use guns again! Now they wield physical weapons and guns. Bullets are limited though and you don’t find ammo in dungeons. They reload when you leave the dungeon and return another day.

The music is phenomenal! I never felt like dancing to a song in a game so bad when I play it! Shoji Meguro has done an incredible job implementing jazzy songs into a game about a band of thieves. The battle theme is incredible, I love the guitar riff in the boss theme, the song that plays at night when you return to the cafe is so relaxing. There are so many great songs in the game that I’m pleased to have a CD of the soundtrack from preordering the Take Your Heart Collectors Edition! Seriously, look up the following songs that I love so much: “Last Surprise”, “Life Will Change”, “Blooming Villain”, “Beneath the Mask”, and “Whims of Fate.”

Ok from here on I’ll be discussing spoilers of the last 2 dungeons of the game, you have been warned.

So after the flashback ends, you learn that the traitor of the group was Goro. He planned the Phantom Thieves pull a heist on a certain date and bring cops to that Casino. It turns out he works for a corrupt politician named Masayoshi Shido who happens to be the same guy who sued the main character in his hometown. Shido has been using Goro’s powers to kill people in the Metaverse, the world where people’s Palaces are held, in order to improve his image while he runs for Prime Minister of Japan. Goro was also hired to kill the protagonist after capturing him in the Casino. The Phantom Thieves manage to pull a stunt that makes the main character fake his own death. Futaba hacked into Goro’s phone and triggered him into the Metaverse killing a fake protagonist while the real one sits quietly in the real world with a smirk on his face. After the protagonist returns to the cafe, they all target to change Shidos heart. Shido has been behind many events in the game. Not only did Goro kill people for the election, he also killed Futaba’s mother and hired government officials to read a fabricated suicide note telling Futaba how much her mom hated her and was always in the way of her research of cognitive psience. Shido ordered her killed so he can take her research and use it to his advantage for his campaign. Shido also planned on using the Phantom Thieves fame against themselves by letting Goro kill Haru’s father after they took his Palace’s treasure. While the team explores Shido’s dungeon, they encounter Goro and fight him. Turns out Goro uses another persona, Loki, who brings people into chaos. After the battle, Goro is killed by Shido’s vision of Goro who is a mindless puppet used for killing people. Goro’s backstory turns out that he was abandoned by his parents and Shido was his father, Shido used his son as his own personal assassin for his own political gain. After the thieves change his heart, Shido confesses all of his crimes during his victory in the election. However, his team wishes to defend him by running the government the way he envisions it. After the Phantom Thieves made their comeback, since the news reported about the leader committing suicide through Goro’s attempt on killing the protagonist, the reception from society on the fan site isn’t as big as they expect and Shido isn’t being put on trail from his crimes. The final solution to this issue is to steal the heart of the pubic, which is located at the base of a Palace that’s created by the public as a whole, Mementos. Mementos is like Tartarus from Persona 3 meets the Abandoned Factory/Bomb Shelter from Persona 2. You explore the area and fight enemies from previous dungeons while going deeper and deeper into the abandoned subway tunnels. At the very base of Mementos is a structure known as a Holy Grail that gains power from people in society who believes it is their true meaning of life. I love what they did here with Mementos where it’s the game straight up saying we are prisoners of society. The characters you changed the hearts of through the game are like the ex-cons of society. You learn that the figure behind that Holy Grail is a god who wishes to send the world to ruin by letting humans not think about their paths in life. The biggest twist out of it all was that Igor, the master of the Velvet Room, was that corrupt god the whole time and the attendants, Caroline and Justine, are 2 halves of one attendant named Lavenza. Morgana learns that he’s a Velvet Room attendant as well but was created from the last pieces of hope from humanity before that god took over. The last dungeon is the Phantom Thieves fighting Angels and other demons as they climb their way through a world where reality and Mementos has merged. At the very end they fight that Holy Grail one last time revealing it’s true form, a god of control known as Yaldabaoth. They go through one intense fight against the god where he uses abilities from other bosses against the party and they impress the corrupt god with their power. At the end society learns that the Phantom Thieves are alive and fighting a god and their support for them increases the fan site meter to 100% letting the main character summon the biggest, baddest of all ultimate personas in the series! A being known as a demon lord who defies god to make a fitting end for the Phantom Thieves adventure, Satanael! Sataneal uses his skill, Sinful Shell, on the corrupt god and lands a headshot on him ending his reign on society.

Our heroes have saved society from god and are ready to have a Christmas party for the celebration... however... feels attacks... Sae tells the protagonist that they need his help in order to prove Shido guilty from what he has done since the Phantom Thieves are the only one who can prove what the Metaverse is. In order to do that, the main character has to turn himself in which will result him to Juvenile in Solitary Confinement. After receiving the news... to make the scene worse, the girl who you put your character in a relationship texts you for a Christmas Eve date. You spend time with her one last time before going to Juvie. The next day, everyone in the Phantom Thieves is crying and freaking out about how they saved the world and their leader is treated like a criminal in the end. Time flies while the main character is in prison and you see all the Confidants you max out with try to help prove your innocence. At the end, you get released early after Shido confesses that he sued your character for assault that he didn’t do. The protagonist returns home to his friends and they all celebrate the wonderful reunion. The next day is Valentines so you spend with whoever you dated. Then at the very end, once you let the main character say his goodbyes to everyone he met, he takes a trip with the Phantom Thieves on a van to solve issues that are requested on the fan sites forum posts in reality.

This ending, has made me cry more than the ending of Persona 2 Innocent Sin. I cried in a roundabout way from sadness to happiness... I don’t think I’ll ever experience that feeling again after that game. I have enjoyed everything the game brought to use Persona fans, along with cameos to other characters in the Persona series you see on TV like in Persona 3. The DLC costumes are a lot of fun to use since they change the battle theme if you get sick and tired of “Last Surprise,” or just want to goof around with some costumes. The Confidants are really useful if you do a Max Confidant run cause they make you feel insanely powerful at times! After playing this game, it pains me to say this, but it’s true... Persona 5 just took over Persona 2 Innocent Sin as my number 1 favorite Persona game in the series. The ending was entirely better than Innocent Sin’s ending since it was mostly on a sad note while Persona 5 was sadness to happiness. I highly recommend you get this game, even if you are or are not a Persona fan, it’s a wonderful JRPG experience. This game has stolen my heart, and I like it.

That was a lot to write about, I wanted to share how much I enjoyed Persona 5 to everyone as best I can. Now that the review is pretty much done, I bid you all...

GOD I LOVE HARU!

[angelmatsuyo]

What i want to know is why sakura can't be bi AND tomoyo have a crush on her at the same time?? Just because someone is bi doesn't mean they'll have a crush on everyone. Tomoyo knows sakura doesn't like her back, but that's just because sakura sees her as a friend not because tomoyo is a woman. Like I'm going through something similar also. I like a girl friend and i know she's bi, but i also know she doesn't like me back. So i just don't pursue a relationship with her, like it's that simple.

That’s a difficult question for me to answer, Also I feel for you, I have a guy that I like but I’m pretty sure he only sees me as a friend too. Someone else commented about how CLAMP supposedly came out and said that “Sakura would still love Syaoran if he had been a girl”, and while I haven’t been able to find any evidence about this, I am taking it into consideration. If that really is the case, then I’ll admit I was wrong on that front, but until I can find or get sent a source for their claim, I’m going to at least keep my own headcanon that Sakura is strait. I’ve just never seen anything in CCS, TRC, or even the Clear Card arc that gives any kind of indication that she might be gay.

Last year, there was a big uproar among the fans of X-Men when Wolverine was revealed to be bi. Yes, there were some that were happy, but from the people I’ve talked to there seemed to be a lot more people upset about this than not. Most of these people were either LGBT, or supporters of LGBT rights(like myself). Because they changed a character without any kind of build up or hints that he might be bi previously, it came off as “they're just making him gay for the sake of being gay.” I’ve said before that I highly support the need for LGBT representation in the media, but it has to be done right. If you’re going to take a previously established character whom has been known for certain traits, and then completely betray said traits, it’s usually called bad writing. However there are also ways this can be done correctly. It really just comes down to the writer, and how much they respect the material and the cause. While LGBT’s have been getting more noticeable roles in media, it’s done so haphazardly that you can tell how much the writers are doing it more to appease fans than to have an actual LGBT character.

I guess this topic is so important to me because I’m also a writer. I have so many of my own characters who identify as LGBT(Lano is the most beautiful trans merman ever and no one can tell me otherwise), but I made them LGBT after analyzing them as characters. I didn’t create Terika just to have a crush on Hanna, nor did I intend Renae to have feelings for Karen. I looked at these characters and how I had written them, and realized they couldn’t be anything but. In fact, I created these characters long before I even knew it was POSSIBLE to be attracted to someone of the same sex(ah, what a sheltered life I once led. Didn’t even know racists still existed). It was my best friend and honorary little brother who helped to educate me on the topic(kinda glad I was so sheltered though, cause it meant never being introduced to homophobia either), and it’s mostly thanks to him that I’m able to have the views I have now.

Until I can find an actual source that says without a doubt what Sakura’s sexuality is, I think it’s best if I just let this topic die. The fact that so many people seem to have twisted my words around and are now accusing me of being homophobic is really upsetting, but the internet is full of those kinds of people(I call them extreme-anti-prejudices), but I can also understand somewhat where their anger comes from with how much majority groups have suppressed minorities over the years. I’ve seen red myself when I see truly horrible people say nasty homophobic things. I might be a liiiiittle bit over protective of my friend(AND IF ANYONE DOES OR SAYS ANYTHING TO ATTACK MY PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL I WILL STAB THEM SEVERAL TIMES OVER AND BURN THEIR CORPSE IN THE SCHOOL INCINERATOR!!!), but I also know that we won’t get anywhere if we just strait up accuse every hetero of being homophobic, every cis of being transphobic, every white of being racist, and every man of being mysogonistic.

As for your personal situation, I’m afraid I’m not the best person to give advice. While I do fully support LGBT’s, the fact does remain that I am indeed a cis-hetero(although I do identify as a demisexual hetero-romantic) and can’t properly identify with your situation. I do sympathies with you, and hope things turn out for the best regardless of the outcome between you two, but as someone who will always remain on the outside looking in, I can’t give you advice in confidence. Also my track record in the romance department has been terrible over the years, with my last three boyfriends sadly falling into the stereotypes and me not realizing it until further into the relationships. Still, there’s gotta be someone out there for you and I, and I hope you don’t give up your search for just the right person. I know I won’t.