#also this one was super comforting to write đ„ș
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please âš
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them đ#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all đ„șđ#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times đ#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it đ©#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter đ€#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block đ#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt đ#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts đ#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth đ„ș#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 đ#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating đ«Ł#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will đ€§#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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colour me in: the starry night | jjk (m)
Summary:Â You anticipated the trip to Jungkook's hometown with a thrilled yet nervous heart â and upon your arrival, your emotions prove justified: because as the days pass, you realise that gentle joy awaits just as much as ancient pain.
âł pairing: Jungkook x reader âł rating: 18+ âł genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; angst, fluuuuuff, smut âł warnings: fluff fluff fluffluffulfufluf, flirting, daddy issues, arguments with his father, his dad is pretty much an ass and almost as bad as oc's mom, but his mom and brother are <3, ria <3, oc being a light in the dark, oc learns many new things, cursing, fighting, a lot of crying/tears, neglect, mental breakdown, panic and anxiety, anger, insecurities, too many mentions of nostalgia lmao, jealousy, mention of therapy, nara, christian yu lmAO, WEDDING TIME!!!, oc is so pretty (that jk loses it), alcohol/drunk stuff, more confrontations, making up, he loves loves loves her, childhood coping mechanisms; explicit sexual content: kissing, making out, oral (f. & m. receiving), teasing, eating out against the wall, bit of wall sex, drunk sex, manhandling omg, impatient koo, big dick!jk, dom!jk but this timeeee also sub!jk lowkey!!, tears of pleasure, masturbation, fingering, handjob for a bit, squirting, creampie, literally their orgasms are a MESS phew it's kinda hot lmao, moany/whiny/super turned on jk; no 'the ending' warning this time⊠just the whole chapter đ„ș âł word count: 45.9k lmfao pls do still read it tho âł a/n: this was supposed to be 30k i can just never shut up lol sorry <3 but this chapter honestly got me good. i cried sm writing it and i love them and i never want this story to end :') i hope you love it, too. thank you for supporting me at all times <3 i can't wait to hear what you think đ€ âł listen to: dance me to the end of love by the civil wars (alt. version) | full collaborative playlist đ€
SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs
Itâs going to be okay â Jungkookâs hand gently clasping your thigh wants to convince you of this, you know.
But you canât deny that the presence of the family you so long awaited is affecting you â your pulse is quickening to a heavily uncomfortable pace. You know his mom; you donât fear his brother; but his father⊠his eyes are inscrutable.
They scare you to no end. There he is; the power continuously shattering your boyfriendâs heart. And Jungkook must be well conscious of your distress; because a mere moment later, he of all people, the one who's supposed to seek comfort, saysâ
âAngel? Breathe.â
Your eyes swerve to the side and remember to blink; you only now feel that you're jabbing crescent moons into your palm, just when you realise the sharp impact. You uncurl your fingers and nod, letting him cover the faintly scarred skin with his hand.
Sighing, you ask, âAre you okay?â
âI am,â he says, nodding, as if heâs practised and polished this answer over the years, ânervous, but⊠itâll be okay.â
âYes⊠I know.â
âLetâs go?â
You pull the handles on your respective sides at the same time, setting foot onto the stranger soil for the very first second in your life. You canât quite discern your gut feeling right now, but you hope itâs not the last.
Waiting next to the car, you watch Jungkook round the vehicle, squinting your eyes; the noon sun is burning right above you. He heaves the suitcases with a faint groan and you join him right away to fetch the rucksack you brought.
Holding it between your knees, you flash his family a smile and a slight wave, awkward and unsure about what to do until his mother steps down the porch and towards you. Sheâs elated, and you see the same sprinkle in her eyes as in her sonâs when she closes in enough for an embrace.
Her arms are comforting around you; somehow, youâre startled by it. Takes you a second to reciprocate the hug, hopefully not long enough for her to question your receptiveness. But then you put your chin on her shoulder, shutting your eyes for the briefest of seconds until you open them to a side hug between Jungkook and his brother.
In the slowly cooling weather, she feels warm, a motherly love that blasts heat to your cheeks until she lets go. âFinally a woman, huh?â she breathes, her voice so sweet and kind. âA great alternative to all the testosterone.â
âI can imagine,â you respond; the thought isnât too much of a stranger to you. âI spent most of the week amongst men. Theyâre barbarians.â
She laughs, just in the moment that Junghyun, Jungkookâs brother advances towards you. He offers you his hand and a radiant smile that resembles your boyfriendâs. In fact, he does look quite a bit like his younger sibling. Lopsided smirk, fluffy dark hair, handsome features.
Not a lot older. Kind as he greets you with a, âMiss Novaura herself, yes?â
The name makes you beam, inundates you with pride. You appreciate that he doesnât revert to Charmante as most people have done throughout your life, but sees you as what you are and what you do now. The manager of Novaura, damn it.
Yes.
Has he been keeping up with stuff?
âAnd Miss Novaura meets the second Jeon himself!â you respond, but as he grimaces, you bite your tongue immediately. What did you say?
âWhen,â he starts, overly dramatic, a little like Jungkook, yet somewhat more extroverted, âwas I demoted to the second Jeon?â
âOh, IâmâŠâ
Jungkook clicks his tongue from the side, shoving his brother aside in the most sibling-like manner you can possibly imagine. Then, he threatens, âDonât do this, or Iâll take her away from you guys again.â
âWhatâs that mean?â you ask.
âIt means,â Junghyun interjects, âthat everyoneâs been dying to meet you. Mom and I even told Jungkook not to spill too much about you, so we can see ourselves.â
Oh, the pressure. The nervousness from the past couple of weeks skyrockets. Yet, your charming self conjures, âThen I hope I donât disappoint.â
Jeon Junghyun speaks on, babbling something reassuring that youâre certain could warm your chest if you had the capacity to listen. But you drift off quickly as the side of your eyes follows a movement in the back: Jungkook timidly, almost fearfully nearing his father.
Youâre alarmed and you canât tell why â perhaps because you donât truly know their situation yet. You havenât seen them interact. But at this very moment, youâre surprised when Jungkook and his dad share a light side hug, too.
The occurrence is frigid, but somehow, you expected even more frozen behaviour. Rare glances, absolute ignorance. Your mind envisioned a world that harboured true enmity, but you donât think thatâs quite what these two have been maintaining over the years.
In some sense, itâs worse.
Because rather than pure silence, thereâs a deep distance that is still disguised as a surface level of closeness in a family. Faking it might just be more difficult after all.
Thereâs no conversation between them. Nothing much as Jungkook comes back to his mother to give her a warm, genuine hug, a rainbow to a drizzle in comparison. As if to receive what his father didnât provide.
You follow.
Youâre not entirely keen on a too affectionate interaction between his dad and you, but you still smile when he lifts his hand, shaking it kindly. From here, as the corners of his lips raise, wrinkles around his eyes that he passed onto his next generation, he looks like a terribly nice man.
He gestures into the house and you follow, listening as he asks, âWas the journey okay?â
You nod joyfully, mustering up all kindness for somebody you know hurt someone you love for so long. After all, Jungkook has done the same for you, no matter how many times your mother shattered you.
And in the end, itâs still his dad.
âOh, yes, pretty pleasant,â you answer, clearing your throat when you hear the formal tone in your voice. âWe took turns driving. And since I fell asleep, I guess I can still seize the rest of the day⊠if you want to?â
You turn to Jungkook as the sentence fades out and he nods with raised, stirred eyebrows. âYeah! Itâs what weâre here for.â
His father smiles, a flat hand signalling towards the living room to invite you to rest for now. Matters seem normal so far; for a moment, you allow yourself to believe he isnât so neglectful after all. Even with all your trust in Jungkook, you try to imagine a scenario in which he perceived his fatherâs distaste as something wrong.
Youâre incorrect.
It doesnât require more than a couple minutes and a bit more mingling until you recognise amidst the smalltalk that he doesnât behave the same with his younger son as he does with Junghyun. Thereâs lightness in the way he converses with the latter.
Jungkook only moves around you and his mother; no particular intention to really connect with his dad. Understandably so. Their gazes barely meet.
Not even when his fatherâs tone drops as he approaches Jungkook, uttering a seemingly obligatory, âYou alright? Is the job good?â
âMhm,â Jungkook merely responds.
The interaction is awkward and quiet, yet too noisy for the lovely room. You focus on the homely furniture and small-town-vibed interior as you wait for the brief dialogue to conclude. Youâre not at a place to intervene yet.
There are pictures of the family, yet fresher if you could judge. The ones showcasing memories are probably somewhere you canât see yet; youâre buzzing to finally skim through his childhood pictures.
You listen in. Quiet again, conversation already at an end.
Jungkookâs fingertips graze yours, giving a short head tilt, wondering what youâre thinking about. His beam is different when he looks at you now, a much more blissful alternative to the timid words he voiced just a couple seconds ago.
But you canât really answer when his mother emerges in the room to wave you towards the kitchen, eager to converse, yet suggesting, âIf you want, you can freshen up before dinner.â
But you reject the idea kindly, flashing your best smile as you respond, âIâm excited to be here, so we can just talk a little for now. Iâll go wash my face after dinner!â
She nods slowly, politely, a the-guest-is-king-sort of gesture before you add, âHow have you been?â
The family joins at the dinner table one by one; nobody interferes or barges into anotherâs turn. Only listens. Youâre used to chaos from events and parties you used to attend, everybody dying to have the last word, to outsmart another.
This family is as patient at a conversation as youâve witnessed in your boyfriend. Theyâre lively, interested; maybe thereâll be more of an ecstatic family tumult when you get used to them or when more people join. At the wedding, probably.
Youâve seen something like that with your friends, too. Especially on this vacation. You did fall into disorder quite often.
Yet, it differs from your usual experience. No discomfort. No fear of odd questions.
The Jeons arenât out to reveal your little secrets, but to understand you as a person; so you appreciate the natural flow of the dialogue when Jungkookâs mother answers, âJust tired. The wedding preparations are tedious, and itâll probably only get worse.â
âYeah? Youâve been helping out a lot, yes?â
âYes, somewhat. The bride⊠Gayoung, sheâs close with us and relies on us a lot. And on top of that,â she shakes her head at this point; rolls her eyes as she turns on the stove, stirring and heating up some meal, âsheâs getting cold feet.â
âOh man,â Jungkook adds, chuckling a little, unsurprised, âwedding is definitely on, though. She always gets nervous. Almost missed her first day at work years ago,â he turns to you, âsheâs a vet, and she was terrified of hurting the pets, but⊠everybody trusts her with their petsâ lives now.â
âAwh,â you voice, âI can imagine how stressful that must be. Iâm pretty good at managing stuff, though, so if you need any helpââ
âNo way, youâre not here to work. You can do something else?â His mother looks over her shoulder, pondering. âPaint?â
âOh, I do paint sometimes, but Iâm not very good at it.â
âShe is,â Jungkook argues, hand lifting to rub your back, âbut sheâs an even better writer.â
His father chimes in, arms folded, âOh, I think you can get a ton of inspiration here, then. Thereâs a flower field nearby if youâre interesâ what?â
Stopping when Jungkook interrupts with an exhale, he tilts his head at his son, and you follow his gaze, watching thick eyebrows kiss. âI already took care of that, but⊠way to spoil a surprise.â
Ah. You see the hostility increase with each second. You wish you could diffuse the moment; tell Jungkook to ignore everything that might irk him.
Instead, you only sneak your palm to his knee, imitating his rub to calm his nerves. He must be tense. He always must be.
âI wasnât spoiling,â his father argues, âwas just an idea.â
âOh, itâs okay,â you intervene, patting Jungkookâs thigh. He looks at you just briefly, but it suffices for some of his muscles to relax. âI donât know much anyway. Spoiler-free zone!â
Itâs the best you can do. So you keep trying; diverge the topic to other aspects of your life when Junghyun asks about your job and the efforts connected to it. About the joys and hardships of it. About how your parents are doing â burdensome topic, yet a must to master.Â
Then they speak about the passage of time in the city, and how it compares to this place; how the family perceived the differences and how their current life differs from their past here.
You learn that they still feel more connected to their hometown; obvious when considering the fact that they spent most of their years here. Initially uncertain about moving, they still decided to be closer to their children and the worldâs opportunities.
The city called and it kept them.
You know it kept Jungkook the most; or maybe it was you who shackled him there, too.
âApart from the obvious differences,â you start, âI canât comment much on it yet, but⊠Iâve been really interested in being here. Super nervous.â
His mother coos, scrunching her nose the way he does, assures that thereâs no need to be nervous; that this wedding might end up being the kindest you have ever been to. Adds, âSpeaking of. Brought a pretty dress?â
âOh, of course,â you say; your toes curl in excitement. âIâd show you right now, but I promised to keep it more or less a secret from Jungkook.â You wiggle your eyebrows at him. âHeâs seen it, but not me wearing it.â
âAh. Is it that pretty?â
âItâs pretty amazing.â
She steps closer as the dish simmers, playing with a couple strands hanging in Jungkookâs eyes. His lips twitch upwards, and his cheeks colour in a blush when she says, âWell, knowing this guy, youâre out to give my boy half a nervous breakdown, I see.â
âIâm trying to, really.â
Your answer is light-hearted, but a mere moment late. You canât help but wonder what she means by knowing this guy. Then again, you presume a mother usually witnesses her childrenâs lives; watches them fall in and out of love.
You donât like how the realisation makes you feel, but you smile it away either way.
And it doesnât help when Junghyun seems to catch onto her statement, too, saying, âBy the way⊠Iâve heard that at the wedding, weââ
But the interruption is sharp. Unnatural, abrupt, his motherâs voice strange when she interjects, âAh. Listen. Letâs serve dinner, and we can talk more when we eat. A hand?â
You donât know what itâs about, but you attempt your best to not be nosy. You canât even guess it, so itâs probably easiest to let it go. To only stand up to help a little, Jungkook and you handing things around until youâre seated again.
She still scolds Junghyun silently, eyes wide when she sits next to him; perhaps itâs a surprise for Jungkook or for you.
You wonât spoil it. Focus on the food.
And despite the early tension, you survive dinner, albeit occasionally cut by things Jungkookâs father remarks and by Jungkookâs responses of retaliation. Likeâ
âHonestly, you not liking these is a perk,â Junghyun comments when Jungkooks puts the green beans aside, snatching them immediately.
His father is quick to deduce, âDidnât you love them?â
Jungkookâs smirk is immediate, accompanied by a shrug and a click of his tongue, and a somewhat passive aggressive, âYes. Fifteen years ago, though.â
Itâs odd, the mixture of anger and fear. He reveals his agitation in his short answers, but he never extends them to something that might provoke a bigger fight.
His father then says, âIâve never seen you put them aside.â
To which Jungkook mutters, âShouldâve looked more then, right.â
âThatâs unnecessary.â
âOkay.â
Tense. Quiet. Gulping.
But you get it over with, breathe and touch through it all until the plates are cleared, stuffed in the dishwasher, the clock ticking. Jungkook leads you to the porch that his family greeted you at earlier. You intertwine your fingers deeper, hoping for some solace between the irate words exchanged.
His shoulders stand slightly higher than usual, eyes a little unfocused. You squeeze his palm, and he laughs when you bump your shoulder against his. Tapping his foot against the porch, he says, âThis is where we were having a barbeque this summer. Remember when I called you?â
As if you could forget. Those calls got you through messy, forsaken summer days. He lets go of your hand to tug you into his side, tight in his embrace, and your voice grows a pitch when you answer, âYeah. You were drunk.â
âI was.â
âAnd you still called me. Burned your finger, right?â
He scoffs. âI barely remember that. I just remember seeing you on the video call and⊠missing you really bad.â
You glance into his face, opting him to do the same. Eyes half on his lips, half on his pupils, staring to and fro, you ask, âYou donât miss me now, though, right?â
âHm⊠I donât hope Iâll ever need to again.â As he presses into your arm, you cuddle in. He nods towards the small front yard, âThey were playing Linkin Park here. And way back, when I was like seventeen, Iâd smoke here sometimes.â
Your eyes blow wide; you canât imagine his gentle fingers holding a cigarette between them, but then again, you kind of can. He laughs at your surprise before he continues, âI know. Rebellious phase. It was stupid, because Mom would smell it right away and then ground me.â
âDamn, Kook.â
He nods, lifting a shoulder as if to say my bad, and then kisses your temple. Asks, âYou feeling good?â
âYeah. I really like it here so far.â
âGood.â
âAre you?â
âYeah. Itâs okay.â
âGood,â you echo, just for him to do it, too.
âGood. I think we couââ
Pause.Â
Because the feast of interruptions continues still. A sudden, shrill call of his name reverberates across the streets, and you flinch, following the sound on the right before detecting somebody walking up to you.
You havenât seen her yet, but sheâs glowing; hair open behind her, just the top half held at the back with a butterfly claw clip. The breeze swirls her bangs, and just from the exhilaration in her voice, you can tell who it is.
Jungkook lights up equally when he squints his eyes and recognises her, loosening his grip around you as he exclaims, âHey!â
âHelloooo!â
And then he lets you go. You watch the endearments unfold. He says, âDidnât expect you here today.â
âMe neither,â she says, and he laughs; you join in, already curious. âI was going to binge some show, but Junghyun texted saying youâd arrived.â
She catches up with a somewhat heavy breath, widening her arms when Jungkook steps down from the porch and engulfs her in a firm, heart-warming hug. Loving, decades old.
They oscillate on the spot, and she rubs his back until they let go. She doesnât waste a minute until her eyes drift to you; theyâre so expressive, dark yet glimmering. They prove your assumption when you see her joy towards you immediately.
The moment begins a little awkwardly as the stranger approaches you with uncertainty about what to say, but then she asks, âIs it okay if I hug you, too?â
You giggle. Goodness.
âGosh, sure!â
And youâre delighted to the bone. Her touch is warm, inviting. They all are. Youâre not used to it; why does it make you sentimental? You donât know her. Youâve never spoken to her. Why the clump in your throat?
Weird.
âRia,â she introduces, âIâve heard so much about you. Really, itâs a common thing to say, but Iâve been really excited like⊠man, why did you come so late when he was sooo whipped in the summer already andââ
Your face heats up impossibly; this thought of a passed summer that called upon a million unknown emotions and words and encounters and yearning⊠you might never get over it.
Jungkook gives her a playful whack on her clothed arm, eliciting a prolonged Owhhh. You lift a protective arm over her to jest back, and she gasps, infinitely pleased. It helps her open up more, because it seems that she doesnât need more than this to suggest, âCan I take her?â
Wrinkles form on his forehead as he raises his eyebrows in confusion, and she, nearly jumping at her spot, explains, âShow her around a bit. Weâre having dinner soon and then I wonât be able to move, soâŠâ
Jungkook blinks, unsure, looking between her and you until you urge, âItâs okay. You drove most of the time, too, so try and rest a bit.â
Your reassurance helps; either way, you donât think you wouldâve gotten to much more today anyway, no matter how much you hoped to seize the evening. Youâre beat from the last day and the terrible night and the tiring journey and the filling meal.
Taking a walk is all you can imagine to do right now.
Maybe heâs on the same wavelength as you, because the nods come slowly but surely. âSure. Go. Iâll come later to bring her back.â
Ria places a sweet hand on your back, urging you forward and speaking back, âGotta make sure I donât kidnap her, what?â
Her house is nearby. The first of the conversation goes by similarly as it did in Jungkookâs house, but the moment she announces the arrival at her own home, your calm demeanour changes to a rather terrified one.
Sheâs not going toâŠ
No.
Because she promises, âIâm not taking you inside, no worries. I wouldnât overwhelm you like this.â
Your chest relaxes. You guess meeting one family officially, as if youâre being evaluated for marriage, might suffice. While sure her familyâs as lovely as the other, you donât want the overstimulation.
So instead of urging you inside, she takes you to the small cottage next to her house. Their property is a little bigger, the area spacier. You soon find out that the little house sheâs taking you to isnât some guest thing, but houses dozens of farm animals.
You didnât think there was something to the clichĂ© you heard about small towns; yet, the reality is much more endearing. How oddly cheerful the animals seem, even though you know the fantasy is just a fabrication of your mind.
You donât know what theyâre thinking or feeling.
One of the hens clucks as Ria picks it up, looking at you with big eyes as she says, âI thought you guys would come early in the night and then just sleep. I didnât know youâd arrive so much earlier.â
âOh yeah!â you say, hands in the back pockets of your jeans, âWe left the hotel at noon.â
âThatâs crazy.â
She bends, letting the hen go, and the little thing instantly rushes away. You flinch, stepping back. Youâve never done this before; you try to keep your cool, but youâre so inexperienced, mesmerised by your surroundings.
This place is so different, so much quieter, more serene. You understand the nostalgic vibe of romance movies set in towns like this. Youâre suddenly thrown into The Notebook and into Footloose. Into everything that evokes warmth.
âWhat is?â you ask.
âJust. Itâs so nice to meet you. We have so many guys here, so itâs cool to be with a girl for once.â She takes a deep breath. âAnd I love Kookie and I trust his judgement. So when he told me about you, I told him to get you here right away. It took you so long.â
Her tone is frisky, but you feel bad. Not quite because you let her wait, but because of why you waited yourself. Because of the breaks and pauses and the split hearts that you needed time for to sew again.
The weeks of insecurity and then the trials of life.
Something in the pit of your stomach stirs at the memories; you canât believe youâre standing where he fell for you first, despite the distance. Where he reached for you through the rain and the clouds and the stars, and called to listen to your tears and your pleas to return.
You canât believe it. In fact, yes, you believe it as little as her.
âI get itâŠâ you say, âwe have quite a few guys in our group, too.â You wait, watching her nod as she inspects the last of chickens running into the cottage. Then you ask, âWhat did he tell you about me?â
âWhat he told me? Mmmh. I mean, itâs difficult to say. He spoke of you highly, but I think his main focus was on not hurting either of you. Very, very worried about how things might play out.â
Yeah⊠yeah, it sounds like him.
You donât answer; shift your eyes to the grassy ground. You hear her voice lift a pitch as she says, âMan, too many guys is simply too much, though, seriously. And then having to deal with Kook all the time must be so exhausting, too.â
Laughter erupts out of you, and you shake your head, âI mean, heâs a brat sometimes. But heâs the best man I know.â
âHe is a good guy, yeah? Iâm so glad.â She nods again, affirmative and positively confirming. âHeâs always been. It sucks sometimes that he lives so far away.â
âIâm sorry,â you say, but she shrugs her shoulders, waves off your concerns. âI take it youâre not interested in living in the city?â
Her eyes narrow when she looks into the distance, met with the lowering sun as if it entails the entirety of her beloved town. Itâs probably part of it, though; the one sun sheâs known all her life, despite the same star rising and setting everywhere in your vast world.
âNot really,â she says, âI like it here⊠Even though so many left.â
âYeah?â
âYes. Some people I knewâŠâ
You can imagine. Two faces flash into your mind, at least. Not that you like half of the thought; but itâs automatic, and so is your statement, âI feel like I know at least two.â
She seems surprised. Tilts her head, blinking, hands on her hips. âReally?â
âYeah, wellâŠâ You avert your eyes, fearing an abundance of transparency. âJungkook and Nara.â
âOh.â Riaâs blinking fastens. She didnât expect this; neither did you. But in some sense, it was inevitable, dropping Naraâs name here. âYou met Nara, huh?â
âYou say it so⊠weirdly.â
Her hands lift and she immediately works on objecting to your assumptions, âNo, I mean. Sheâs nice! I liked her growing up. I just wouldnât have mentioned her unprompted. Thereâs no needâŠâ She studies your face. âHe doesnât either, you know? Talks about you mostly.â
You donât know what to say. You gathered this much; but a very strange feeling in your chest presses against your heart, and you canât quite decipher why. You shove it aside as best as you can, and then breathe it out, thankfully admitting, âThatâs relieving.â
âThereâs no need to worry. I think he and you will have a good time here and bond more than ever.â
You nod. You donât feel like responding; not because you donât like her or donât want to. Your throat is tied, and you canât really think of or form a productive thought. So you just keep nodding, smiling until a hen pops out again.
Ria, pushing away a stray strand of her dark hair, points to the little, excited animal, wondering, âHey, have you ever held a chicken?â
âNo!â Ah. Good tactic to distract you, considering how many times you mentioned this minor wish in the past weeks. âBut I want to! Told Jungkook like a hundred times.â
âOkay,â she waves you closer and you dare to approach, hoping to neither hurt the hen nor yourself. You have absolutely no clue about these things. âCome here then. Itâs not hard.â
Itâs not. In fact, the process sounds logical, facile; but your hands are shaking, and often enough, animals seem to understand negative emotions when targeted. But Ria proves a good teacher.
Shows you to near the hen calmly, moving slowly to not startle her. She instructs you to soften your voice as much as possible, kindly noting that youâre soft-spoken enough to not worry about it. And then, once close enough, she demonstrates placing a hand around the tiny body, securing the wings to prevent flapping.
You imitate. Or try to, at least. It doesnât work right away, your nervousness intruding; but at some point, you manage. You use your other hand to support the body, lift the hen gently. Hold it close to your body to give her a sense of security, much as Ria lectured.
Ria is patient, amazing, despite having done this probably a thousand and million times. Adjusting to your lack of knowledge, praising you, acknowledging your effort.
Her giggle is mellifluously sweet as she watches and hears you gasp; she applauds, but stops right away when she detects the third presence amongst you.
She calls, âAh! Youâre finally here.â
Your eyes follow hers, heart lighting up as you hold up the chicken carefully and nearly shout in uninhibited excitement, âKook, look!â
His hands are in his jeansâ pockets; his walk idle. One of his eyes is squinting shut until he steps into the shadow, a tender smile playing around his lips before you realise that it looks⊠sad. Doesnât reach as far. No crinkles around his eyes.
âArenât you the cutest, munchkin?â he responds before dropping into a crouch next to you. He seems brighter upon seeing your face, but you still keep wondering⊠What just happened in the house?
You donât know. You donât want to ask yet either.
So you only set the hen down, lowering her until sheâs balanced and waddling â waddling? â away. You wrap your arms around him, providing a flicker of warmth. You donât know what made his face fall like this, but you want to at least attempt to lift his chin again.
God. What a start to the first day. Is it odd to feel scared?
âWanna go?â he asks, a thumb brushing the corner of your lip.
You hum, âIâm getting tired, yeahâŠâ
âThen we can go and rest? And sleep if you want to.â
Itâs early⊠but laying down and staring at the ceiling doesnât sound too bad right now. Maybe he needs it, too. So you agree, pressing Ria to your heart once more and promising to return to her.
Sheâll be at the wedding, too. You guess youâll see everyone multiple times anyway; but as rude as it may sound, the thought of warming into this manâs body doesnât allow you to bother with the world right now.
His steps are slow as you walk to the house. Eyes drooping. He might not notice; heâs been here so many times. But his presence, combined with the things you see, make your heart swell.
Maybe because you want to be there for him; maybe because you still canât believe youâre here. But you perceive everything as if for the first time.
The cosy garden and the flower beds. A small-town house sitting on a quiet, tree-lined street. Itâs more on the simple side, painted in warm hues, a light beige. Charming. You remember everything being charming.
The snug living room, the tender, partly wooden and partly modern kitchen, the clearly old and handmade dishes. A fireplace. Wooden floors.Â
You havenât seen the rooms yet, but as he leads you upstairs, you imagine him doing the same this summer as he approached his bed. He walked these same steps, a narrow and short hallway, opening the door to an inviting childhood bedroom with you present in his device.
Yearning.
But the man from the summer isnât all you see. In fact, the place reminds of time travel; you soon recognise just how signature Jungkook everything is.
Because the moment you enter, you see him in everything. Like, in the soft quilts on his bed; he wouldnât use them today, but you imagine a shy Jungkook and you imagine big eyes, small hands pulling the sheets over his body to cuddle into a warm night.
The window overlooks the backyard; the sunlight filters through the sheer curtains. Itâs still just the middle of the evening. But you find it hard to want to leave this simple comfort. Lived-in, sweet.
Reminiscent of a youth.
Like a soft tune of a ballad. You donât know what it is that makes you feel this way.
The cosiness? The pictures on shelves? The slightly tilted roof of the room? Or the posters reminding of a world a decade ago. It hasnât been this long, if you think about it, but to you, all of this still tells a story.
âWhatâs this?â you ask, opening a random drawer and grazing rolled up paper, large, stowed away.
âPosters, I think? I havenât seen or opened them in ages. Maybe we canââ
He pulls and rolls them out, glancing for a bare moment before he undos the action with a sudden bright red on his cheeks. You try to catch a glimpse, âWhat?â
He doesnât answer, so you take the poster from him, only needing to open it halfway through to see a pretty face, followed by a swimsuit and a snatched body. Ah. Is thisâŠ
âVictoriaâs Secret?â
âShut up,â he instructs, and you hold yourself back, watching him, blinking untilâ
You puff out some air, nearly spitting as you laugh, teasing, âYou were that type of guy, yeah?â
âShut up,â he repeats, prying it out of your hands before he throws it into a corner. âI had this up for like two weeks. Forget it.â
âNever threw it away, though.â
âNever thought of it.â
He scratches the back of his head, a tilted smirk on his face, and you canât help but want to keep annoying him. But he needs far more than this right now, and youâre not here to get on his nerves. So you walk up to him until determined arms wrap around his waist, kissing his chin.
âYou okay?â you ask.
âWellâŠâ Heâs quieter than heâs been in the last few days and it disheartens you. Somehow fatigued, eyes halfway closed. âYou know.â
You do know. Or perhaps, you donât, but you can well imagine.
Youâre not sure how he took all of this day in, day out for so many years, but you understand the weight of the situation a lot better now. Of course your mind would be rewired if you hurt this much all the time.
Whatever youâre seeing now is a fraction of what he experienced.
âItâs going to be okay,â you remind him again.
âYeah.â He sniffles. âHey. I have a little surprise for you tomorrow. It was spoiled a bit, but youâre right.â A peck to your nose. âYou donât know anything yet. But youâll like it, I think.â
You donât doubt it; you guess it helps, not being aware of much at all. Waiting for the surprise.
But then againâŠ
When you look at him again, excitement flickering in those tired eyes of his and a hand pushing against the small of your back lightly, you think that you know a couple things at least.
âOkay. Hold on. Youâre definitely going too fast!â
âThis is too fast? You shouldâve seen Junghyun and me racing years ago.â
You lower your head in an attempt to hide it from the wind, seeking his sweater; itâs impossible from this angle. Youâre at the front, surviving between his arms as he navigates the bicycle recklessly.Â
The wind slaps your face, cooler this noon than yesterday. The bike writhes on the road, and you yell out, âMan, Iâll die!â
âBaby!â he exclaims back.
His laugh is louder than the gust as you hold onto his moving thighs and then realise itâs of no help. You shift your hands to the front of the cycle, wondering when itâll hit an unforeseen rock and tip over.
âHey,â he tries again when you only scream back, âhave you never been on a bike before?â
âOf course I have!â You resist the urge to add a curse. Heâll kill the two of you. The streets are steep, probably a hill, going downwards. âJust never two people at once.â
âI did it a lot! With friends, and mostly with Gureum.â
Gureum⊠his dog. You have yet to meet him.
âGureum?â you repeat.
âYeah! Heâd sit in the basket and⊠and enjoy the wind. Eyes closed.â He pants between cycling. âI told you, no?â
But your thoughts are elsewhere, chin dropping to your clavicles as if not looking could save you. âFucking hellââ
âOkay. OkayâŠâ
The bike stops abruptly, and you yelp, shutting your eyes tight and preparing yourself to die. But death doesnât come; a tap to your hip does. His fingers hold you, calming you, words the opposite as he orders, âAlright. Get off my bike. You can walk the rest of the distance.â
Between the sniffling and the reclaiming of control of your trembling legs, you register the surprising command, and mumble, âWhat?â
âYou heard me, sweetheart. Iâll wait at the flower field.â
You dare a look over your shoulder. His expression is serious, an eyebrow cocking. You want to retort something snarky, tell him youâll stay on if he just slows down, for the love of God; but instead, you look ahead, and decode the view immediately.
The grass is high and the place wide. Youâre right where the field begins, the road more narrow here, only really enough for cyclists and walkers. You roll your eyes, getting off as you tell him, âYouâre terrible. Weâre already here.â
He laughs, dropping the bike to the side carelessly before he reaches for your messed up hair. Fixes at least the front of it, flattening it in the back. Youâre glad thereâs no mirror around.
Then, he proceeds to grab your hand, a finger pointing to the place and says, âLook around.â
You do. Itâs widely open and empty. A decent amount of flowers; you imagine a plethora of them in the summer and the spring. Now that fall is in full effect and itâs a little colder here than on your coastal vacation, you reckon that this isnât usually all how the field looks.
But itâs beautiful. In the far, far back, you see the forest expand. Slightest traces of autumn foliage. The leaves will fall and entirely bare the trees soon.
âThis is so pretty,â you say.
âRight?â
âWas this the surprise?â
âI mean,â he cards his fingers through his hair, but as he grabs the willow wicker from the larger cycle basket, the mane is blown back into his sight just a moment later, âyeah. But the actual surprise is a bit further down the field. Come.â
He guides the way, and you put your all into deciphering what he might be hinting at, only for him to say, âDonât look so hard. You will see it in a moment anyway.â
The laugh he elicits is sweet, a thumb touching the back of your hand. Your shoulders drop in relaxation, and you shift your attention to the grass and the flowers, trying not to stomp on any of those that are still left for this fall.
A couple feet forward, you tell him, âYou know I still need to meet Gureum.â
âI know. He was with Ria since we canât really take care of him when weâre away.â
âYou could take him to the city.â
âIâd do anything to be able to. But Gureum is⊠a free dog. He wouldnât enjoy life in a smaller apartment after running around for so long.â
Ah⊠You feel the opposite still; jumped from a large cage into a homey, sheltered cube happily. But you get it; the freedom here doesnât compare to a crowded city, does it?
âBut,â Jungkook continues, âRia said sheâd bring him over this noon, so he should be there when we get home.â
âDamn. Why am I more excited about this than necessary?â
âOh, you should be. I am, too⊠heâs my old boy.â
The oxymoron grants you a smile; to a parent, a baby stays a baby. Most of the time, at least. Jungkook feels something for Gureum, and even a stranger, lost and unknowing, could piece this bit together within a heartbeat.
âHeâs old?â you wonder.
âHeâs twenty years old. A bit slower now but⊠the same amount of love in his heart.â
One shall learn how to love and be kind from Jeon Jungkook. Then again, heâd be an excellent example, but a bad teacher. Wouldnât know what to say. Wouldnât be able to really pick out what makes him so pure-hearted.
He just is⊠He just is.
âI canât fucking wait,â you say, inspirited.
The sight changes along with his expressions as you walk down the field. From happiness to a smile to excitement and then contentment. The flowers mostly disappear, giving way to something you donât really recognise.
Orderly rows, bright green leaves and⊠more plants? As you inbreathe the air, however, you swear you recognise the sweet and fresh scent. Even from here, itâs distinct and special.
And when you trudge closer, finally glancing down, you understand.
JungkookâŠ
He took you strawberry picking.
You see them low on the ground, clustered, ripe and red. Pretty. Enough to warrant a dozen adjectives; yet, you only whisper, âWow.â
He waits⊠then waits more. Lets your eyes scan the area and the fruits, permits you to take in what he probably reckons youâve never seen before in this form. And heâs right â you havenât.
âYou like it?â he questions. âI was unsure, like⊠maybe youâre underwhelmed?â
Your head turns towards him at light speed. âWhat? Iâm not. Iâve never seen anything like this before,â you confirm, repeating your thoughts, âI am definitely not underwhelmed. This is⊠this is something my younger self craved.â
âOhâ Really? How so?â
You hum. Think back to late nights in the back of your bed, a room larger than what you needed, yet smaller than your imagination. Smaller than your heart.
âI read stories,â you tell him, âfairy tales. Watching tales of love in the countryside. We donât have these places in the city, do we?â
Jungkookâs hand, on your back a second ago, travels up to the back of your neck, touching it gently. âI guess youâd have to find a farm.â He stares ahead where you do, still standing there, unmoving. Then, âAngel?â
âYeah.â
âYou said you went on a field trip to a farm, right?â
âI⊠can only really remember once in school. Kids were shitty.â You spoke about this once; last month, he promised youâd see Riaâs farm, too. Funny that she actually did show you. âAnd my parents werenât really interested in that stuff. Which I do kinda get because many city people arenât.â
âMhm, I can understand.â He shuffles his feet, presumably a little sad for you, regarding the long row of strawberries stretching to his right. Youâre about to crouch and try without a clue what to do when he, instead of commenting on things much more, asks, âOkay, so. Wanna pick strawberries?â
âYes!â You rub your hands, taking a step forward, but pausing again; you could start anywhere. âWill you show me how?â
âOf course.â He hums, looking for an easy spot with an accumulation of easy-to-pick fruits; then, he lifts his jeans by a couple inches and lowers his body. âLook. You can crouch or kneel.â
You give your clothes a lookover. Just some everyday jeans; they should be able to take some dirt. In actuality, though, you mightâve joined him on the ground anyway. So you do, kneeling with your hands on your thighs, obediently listening.
âYou look so cute.â He chuckles, the back of his fingers barely grazing your cheek for a moment. As he sniffles, his chin nods towards the plants, hands reaching for them. âSo. You gently pull the leaves aside and just pick the strawberries. Avoid those that arenât red, though, okay?â
His pinky touches parts of an unripe strawberry still in the ground, and he explains, âYouâll know that oneâs ripe when it comes off easily. Like this,â he tugs at it, âisnât ripe. Wonât come off so well. Mmmh. Letâs try this one.â
You follow his movements until he settles for a particularly pretty and seemingly juice berry; with ease, he plucks it off by grasping the stem and twisting a little, and says, âSee? You could eat this one right now. But⊠basket?â You shove it towards him and he throws the berry inside. âWeâll wash it before that.â
Itâs quiet and sweet here as he works on explaining the process to you. An atmosphere you havenât ever witnessed anywhere before. Itâs probably different in the spring, but youâre alone here; even if someoneâs around somewhere, you canât see them from where you sit.
And it helps you focus: on how concentrated he looks, lower lip pouting, crouching easily with his sweater sleeves rolled up. Itâs unusual how his tattooed hand works on the plants. Your first imagination of such a task always involves straw hats and dungarees.
âTry it, too,â he then instructs.
He puts a gentle palm on your back as you get up from kneeling, now crouching as he is, and cast about for a couple good pieces. Whenever you think youâve found one, you seek confirmation in his eyes, repeating, âIs this okay?â
And he always promises, âYouâre doing well. Look,â he inspects one of your choices, âpicking the best even.â
âYouâll have to eat mine, then.â
âSure will. I knew youâd be so good at this.â
Youâre surprised; you never saw yourself doing this, even though you yearned for a life so different than the one you lived. Until you stepped off his bicycle twenty minutes ago, you had never come up with such an idea. All the more reason to be thankful to him.
But you do wonder why heâd perceive something like this far before you did, so you ask, âReally? Why?âÂ
He uttered the words so casually, pupils fixated on the basket; he might not have noticed how immediately you reacted. Because he hums now, looking at you with immense eyes, matter-of-factly spelling out, âBecause youâre gentle. This called for you.â
Because youâre gentle. Because youâre gentle.
The reasoning, so clear to him, repeats in your mind. Itâs not as obvious to you; itâs been a while since you thought of your qualities, and in the last months, being gentle often meant the same to you as quietly enduring.
So youâre touched, silenced by the lump in your throat; such an easy sentence, but so filled with knowledge about a person that only truly occurs with the purest of affections.
As you stare at him, you feel the fondness spreading over your countenance as much as the leaves tickling your ankle; you hold the current strawberry delicately as you conclude, âThatâs why you brought me here, yeah?â
âThat too.â
Oh.
âWhat else?â
âYou canât do this every day,â he argues, âI want to show you new places and things.â
You graze the vulnerable skin of the strawberries collecting in the basket, watching it fill enough to feed a couple people. Grabbing it, you lift your body with a smile. For a minute, your knee aches from the crouching, and your brain gathers the sensations into one to create another core memory.
Lost for words, you merely tell him, âThank you, Kook, IâŠâ You heave the basket to your chest, touching his hand as he rises, too. âHow do you even come up with all this?â
âHow I come up with it? Hmm⊠I guess you make it easy to do.â He laughs, and you follow, reading your mind as he voices the same thought flashing through your brain. âI know Iâll be so nostalgic about this someday. In ten years, maybe.â
Cheeks hot despite the autumn wind, you register the butterflies immediately. Right under the basket, underneath your skin, like a swarm awaking from metamorphosis. The fact that he thinks ahead like this, paints a distant future with you⊠wanting you for this long drives you insane.
Jungkookâs voice always lacks uncertainty when it comes to you.
Mellow when he speaks to you, gentle even when he asks, âMore?â
âMmmh⊠yes. Can do a few more. And itâs fun.â So you do; picking and plucking until you can barely carry the basket anymore, already wondering what to do with the bunch until you pop the idea, âCan we eat some of these?â
âNow?â
âYeah.â
âOf course. Gotta wash them, though.â
Which isnât as easy as it sounds. It takes you a good moment to find a water tap on the wide field; one only crosses your way when you travel back to where the bike stands, proving as dysfunctioning and broken.
And only once youâve reached nearly the end of the field and already detect the narrow path that you cycled along from afar, your luck strikes. You wash a handful of your harvest and place them neatly at the top of the rest, right above a handkerchief Jungkook whipped out from his pocket.
The grass isnât high everywhere; you find an ideal spot for a brief, spontaneous picnic, pleasant and comfortable; a fluffy blanket of nature. You watch ladybugs and ants crawl over blades of grass; not too much more, considering the season.
Jungkook works through the content of the basket, soon holding a piece to your mouth, âTake this,â he says, pushing it through your parted lips; waits until youâve chewn most of it. âAnd?â
The initial taste is good, but the aftertaste dramatically makes your world quiver. Whatever youâve known about food and fruits so far must have been a hoax, because you canât fake the way your eyes widen and your voice raises in pitch, delighted as you say, âThis is⊠so damn good.â
âRight?â
âThey donât taste like this in the city!â
âYeah,â Jungkook chooses a smaller one from the collection, throwing it into his mouth as a whole, âthese are fresh. No bullshit berries.â
âNo bullshit berries indeed. So good.â
âYou picked good ones!â
âBut this is a curse, too!â you exclaim, urging a laugh out of him that he transforms into a kiss to your temple, observing as you munch the strawberries as though encountering them for the first time. And you pout as you say, â Keep me from eating them all. I want to take the rest home.â
âSure, donât worry. We can put them somewhere and take them back on the last day.â
âHm? Oh. No, I meant today. Home, your houseâŠâ You realise your mistake. âSorry.â
Only, he doesnât deem it a mistake for a moment. He didnât think youâd feel this cosy this fast â but it was what heâd hoped and opted for, so itâs a win either way. His family as your home, him as your home.
He thinks, you finally do feel at home. It took you years of endurance, didnât it?
âHome, yeah?â he mutters. âAn apology is the last thing Iâd want, angel. Youâre home, alright.â
You wish you had an equally meaningful answer; whatever you might babble now, you donât think you could do justice to the soft tone he settled on. You canât even outdo his gaze, so round, eyes so big on his otherwise clear-cut face.
What you can do is smile. Draw closer until your shoulders touch. About to taste the strawberry-flavoured, red tinted lips before a sudden motion drowns your plans.
The bunny flits over your feet; youâre sure it jumps onto yours for a moment and then uses them to push itself off into the grass, journeying on. The yelp it elicits out of you merges with the startled sound Jungkook emits.
His elbow lightly hits the side of your breast, and you pull your legs into your chest as self-defence. But itâs gone as fast as it appeared, and barely a second later, youâre watching it hop away, little ears disappearing in the distance.
âWell,â Jungkook breathes, âat least thatâs normal. Iâll tell you about my snake encounters later some day.â
A hand on your chest, you exclaim, âOh my God. You know what?â You calm down your lowkey panting, hand falling back into your lap, âMaybe you were right. Weâre home for sure.â
âOh⊠yeah?â
âYeah! Totally looked like you⊠thought we were back home.â
Jungkook laughs out, head throwing back, and then, amidst his giggle, he throws a âShut upâ at you. The tackle nearly pushes you to the ground before his lips attack your face all over; making out on a countryside field wasnât on your bucket list, but you sure as hell will add it only to tick it off.
His tongue really does taste like strawberries. His lips are sweet; the hand on your waist careful yet explorative. If the grass wasnât this cruel, tickling all over your body, youâd probably remain here for the next hour.
Let him strip you bare. Kiss you into the earth. Nobodyâs here; you donât think youâve ever fantasised of such a moment before, but suddenly, you donât mind loving him right here.
But maybe heâs fostering the same thoughts as you, pulling back with a little groan when the blades prick his cheeks and closed eyes. Endurance isnât easy right now; and you have a lot planned for the rest of the day anyway.
So you pull yourself together, and nod when he finally asks, âWanna go?â
Somehow, it takes you a little longer to get home than it did to reach the field. Perhaps because heâs cycling uphill now, or maybe because the sun is at its zenith, warming the colder day. The comfort makes you want to stay in this moment, have his voice laughing next to your ear.
On a bike swaying when he loses focus, rolling dangerously to tease you on purpose.
And when you get back to his house, youâre greeted with yet another surprise. Itâs fluffy and sweet and white like a cloud, living up to its name. A tongue sticks out, tail wiggling, right at the door when Jungkook opens it.
Gureum is small, smiling as far as youâre aware of a dogâs joy. You once heard that upon seeing their owner, the same hormone floods their tiny bodies as a humanâs when they fall in love. Gureum must feel much like you do when Jungkook comes home.
You understand.
Understand when Gureum jumps up to Jungkookâs legs, licking his humanâs face when your boyfriend picks him up. Jungkookâs voice changes so much that you barely recognise it; youâve never heard him talk like this. Higher, lovelier, slurred to imitate the language babies speak.
The affection is unfiltered and crystal clear.
Jungkookâs smile brightens until it reaches its maximum, bunny teeth flashing, the laugh erupting so deeply from his chest. Authentic. Eyes nearly closed as he calls Gureumâs name, plays with his face, as if communicating with a child.
Twenty years, and he still thinks of him as his baby. Sometimes, all golden stays.
âBaby,â he says after a while once Gureum has stopped licking his face, introducing, âthis is my Gureum.â
You set the basket down next to the door, reaching a careful hand to Gureumâs head; but heâs cooperative. Lets you easily. âHi Gureum,â you whisper, ânice to finally meet you. Youâre so cute!â
âHeâs a little sick these days, but,â Jungkook gazes down again, kissing Gureumâs ears. âHe gets through it so well, doesnât he? Yes, he does.â
The laugh is real. The affection is real. Tender and deep-rooted. He smooches him again, and then puts a cheek to his warm fur. Youâve never seen him like this. Youâve never fallen deeper.
âI missed you so much, too, buddy,â he says, âso, so much.â
You swear you see Gureum cuddling into Jungkookâs chest. Doesnât move even when youâve settled in the living room, resting from the journey. Youâd drafted plans for the rest of today, but it doesnât seem theyâll separate, and you donât want them to.
You can wait. Things can wait.
You sit by Jungkookâs side as he pets him, his head soon on your shoulder, one hand in the white fur, the other holding yours. Itâs how you remain for a bit.
In hindsight, albeit never having plucked strawberries before, today wasnât some grand adventure across the world. You didnât strike a deal at work or fight off some paparazzi hiding in an unexpecting corner. And you didnât climb a mountain.
But you guess thatâs what you craved all your life. Somehow, this is better than any crazy escapade.
The serenity that comes with a mundane moment. A love that consumes you and a love that helps you commit the most casual of acts to memory.
Maybe this is enough. An old couch lightly creaking as you move; a cloud blinking as you caress its head. Surprises to help you experience saccharine afternoons.
You remain for a bit, and then remain a little longer.
Ria came through the door not too long after youâd returned, ready for the evening plans. Sheâd promised to accompany the two of you to the centre of the town, giving you a tour of the most important and ancient of places.
You learned about the townâs only drapery seamstress and the best flower shop. Much as it so occurs in 70s and 80s movies, you met the son of a mechanic. He told you heâd be inheriting the company one day, and that it was okay because he never intended to leave anyway.
Riaâs eyes suspiciously widened as she spoke to him, and she lingered for a moment longer than you did after your farewell. The guy had forgotten that there was work to do by the time she finally bid him goodbye.
Jungkookâs eyes squinted at the sight, but not even he could hide his endeared smile. Pressed into Riaâs shoulder with a teasing hum.
You rewarded yourself for the dayâs many steps with some soft serve in front of the city hall, talking and delivering anecdotes until the sun started setting.
As the evening concludes, youâre the last to appear at dinner. His family is already sitting here, politely waiting and sweetly welcoming once youâve washed up and hopped into the dining room with a vibrant smile.
Youâre in a good mood. Evidently so; the scent of strawberries and the taste of his mouth still linger, and youâre still coming down from the high when you chime, âIâm sorry for being late.â
âDonât worry about it at all,â his mother assures, âwe just sat down.â
âI really wanted to help, though.â
Itâs true. His mother has been nothing but the ultimate host. You wanted to prove productive and useful, but then Eun had called to check in on you and delayed your plans.
âHmm, you know what?â his mother utters, pouring you some Jjamppong. âThe wedding isnât until one, so we could get up earlier and make strawberry jam in the morning? If youâd like.â
The wedding has been in the back of your mind constantly, slowly sneaking to the forefront with an intense nervousness. Youâre timid because of how itâll turn out, how people will perceive you, if theyâll talk to you. How Jungkook will look at you.
How much love might spread; how much certain people might tone down their resentment.
Learning yet another skill such as making jam might just be the best distraction. So you nod wildly, only interrupted when Jungkook asks, âCan I join, too?â
But you change the movements of your head to a shake, jesting about quality time and whatnot until he surrenders, âAlright. Way to shut out the boyfriend and son, I see you.â
âSpeaking of food,â you say, pausing, slurping a big bite of noodles; theyâre spicier than youâre used to from city restaurants. Better, too. You point your chopsticks to your dinner. âMay I have the recipe?â
As his father and brother indulge in their food, acting as quiet listeners, his mother answers, âIâm sure Jungkook has it. Iâm offended he never cooked it for you, since they had it a lot growing up.â
âOffended indeed. You learned this?â
âOh, this?â Jungkookâs eyebrows, hitherto sporting a crease between them â a telltale sign of a well-eating Jeon â relax. âYeah! I was learning when I was like, what, fifteen?â He seeks approval from his mother, who soon nods. âI fully butchered it when I tried it for the first time.â
Junghyun chuckles. âEven I remember.â
âYeah, you refused to help!â Jungkook complains, whining when Junghyun hits his brotherâs elbow with his own. âAnd I burned my wrist and had the wound for ages. Couldnât do much in P.E.â
Much as yesterday, it seems his father hasnât learned; because as you feared, itâs only now when he melts and intervenes. You almost surmise heâs provoking on purpose when he queries, âWhen you were fifteen when? I canât remember any wounds.â
Jungkook scoffs. âAre you telling me Iâm making it up again?â
âNo, Iâm just saying I donât remember.â
âThatâs because you were at work and didnât pick up my many calls. Mom was sick that week⊠It's why I wanted to cook and learn at all.â He nods towards his brother. âJunghyun remembers because he went to a friend and then rushed home to bring me to the hospital. None of it sounds familiar to you, does it?â
Jungkook lists and narrates the happening with a flat voice, as if recalling items still left to purchase for tomorrowâs meal. Heâs stirring his soup and his father is stirring everyone elseâs, uncaring as he responds, âI didnât know.â
âItâs fine. You probably didnât care.â
âNonsense.â
Another, âAs much as the last years,â added to the mix, you opt for his hand under the table again, but he pulls away. Youâre left dumbfounded, looking at him in surprise. This has never happened before; heâs never been upset in such a way.
As if to signal, âItâs fine. Itâs whatever. Let me deal with this.â
But he canât deal with it; you see the beginning signs of a rising chest and a decreasing appetite. Nobody just plays with the content of such a rich soup for this long; least of all a foodie like him. Heâs busy looking at it, propping his elbow on the table.
You stare for a little longer, and then turn back to your food.
It sounds like itâs over. And itâs quiet; maybe you could interrupt with something else, change the course of the conversation. But his father isnât done yet.
No. You notice everybody elseâs irritation when he opens his mouth to speak again. They sigh, forming a line with their lips when he emits a question that leaves even you in disbelief, âWhy are you saying this?â
âCome on,â his mother tries, wanting to ease the tension, but Jungkook is faster.
âWhat? I mean, I donât know?â he starts, once again an equal amount of fear and annoyance in his voice. âI barely ever hear from you, Dad.â With each word, he grows more daring, at the end of his capacities when he eventually curses, âWe live in the same city, for fuckâs sakeââ
âJungkookââ Junghyun interrupts.
âWhat? Itâs true. Even the last hundred times, Mom visited alone. Couldâve at least come over and said Hi to my girlfriend.â
âIâm here now and saying Hi, though,â you try, weakly smiling.
âAnd heâs here, too. How grand of him.â
Fuck.
âStop the attitude,â his father warns, âyou couldâve come over plenty of times, too.â
âAre you hearing yourself? News flash, I did. I tried to talk to you, too. If I was still fourteen, Iâd still be apologising. Oh, or is that what you want? Is it what you want?â
âWhat are you talking abââ
âIâm talking about how I really wanted to tell you about a shit ton of things. Like when Nara and I broke up,â amidst the already tense moment, your heart pains for a second, âor when I graduated. Or when I was having a really fucking hard time this summer and needed somebody and then when I fell in love and needed to tell somebody, and⊠where are you all the time anyway? Who fucking knows â I donât!â
It worsens and worsens. Crashes and burns; every word splits the air in the room. You donât know how to save the moment anymore; maybe youâre not supposed to. You can only lend him courage. Perhaps heâs supposed to finally say all this.
But itâs hard to listen.
Because as the waterfall of grief cascades, you hear Jungkookâs voice quiver. Heâs about to break. Right here, in front of everybody, youâre about to witness the woe this man inflicted on him all his life.
And you see it; see parts of this very torture when his father reveals who heâs become over the decade. The one Jungkook described to you; empty of empathy and understanding.
Because again, he renders you in shock when he speaks again. Fucking nasty, nitpicking and focusing on only one aspect, attacking somebodyâs pride.
âGet a grip over yourself! You graduated in arts â you didnât conquer the world. And you hold a grudge whenââ
âI hold a grudge? I do? Youâre the fucking one who shunned a kid because of a mistake andââ
âI do not want to hear about this. Not again.â
As their voices grow, so does your heartbeat. The anxiety is unbearable; you can barely imagine the one spreading through Jungkookâs chest. His face is red, neck hot, veins about to pop. If you could, youâd slap your hands over your ears.
But you canât listen away; canât ignore the panic, either.
âPlease, stop,â you say, moving, but Jungkook frees himself of your grip again, stands. You attempt again, âStop it, baby.â
But he wonât listen, mind somewhere else entirely.
âYou wonât blame me for shit you did years ago, you canâtââ his father insists, butâŠ
âOh, fuck off.â
âWatch your moââ
âOr whaââ
His fatherâs face, similarly scarlet as his sonâs, grows a shade darker at the shameless counter, and his large hand lifts in slow motion for you. Comes down with a thump, intending to slap the wooden table, but hitting the edge of his small kimchi bowl again.
It flies up inches into the air before suddenly rolling off the table, aligning with you and soon falling onto your lower arm with a painful impact. It topples down onto your knee before it meets the ground and shatters into a handful of pieces.
You gasp and shriek, more out of surprise than pain; but Jungkookâs reaction is immediate. He bolts towards you, protecting you from whatever danger might be left. Pulls you off your seat and away from the shards as dead silence befalls the room.
Itâs filled with your shaky breaths and the way his mother and brother shove their chairs back, hands reaching for you. Jungkook keeps you out of their reach. Looks at his father for a couple seconds; then to the kimchi on the ground; then back to him.
You canât see him properly until you move to glance at him, wanting to keep his anger low, but⊠you donât think you can do much anymore.
The fire in his eyes is blue.
And his voice is strained but furious when he finalises through gritted teeth, âYou are fucking insane.â
This time, the man doesnât answer. You hear his wife utter something as if scolding him before she speaks up and offers to clean up the mess. But Jungkook shakes his head, âNo need. He can do it.â
Then, turning to his father, he repeats, âYouâre fucking insane. Youâre a terrible parent and we all know and only you canât admit it to yourself. I just didnât think youâd develop into a terrible person, too.â
Still long fingers around your wrist, he moves you towards the stairs, rounding off the fight with one more, âDonât fucking get near me or her, do you understand? Fuck.â
So many words exchanged, but it was the stupid kimchi covering your pyjamas to make him topple over the edge. You feel guilty, but you donât. Itâs the man downstairs that has so fucking much to reflect on.
God. You wanted this vacation to relax Jungkook, to soothe you, to turn the first painful half of the year into something glorious.
ButâŠ
Then again, didnât you expect this? Werenât you scared of this?
Didnât you fear the exact manner in which he now leads you to his room, in which the slamming of the door rings in your ears, his hands in his hair?
Heâs let you go and stranded in his room. Itâs odd, the way you stand here, clothes dirty and the grief dirtier.Â
You walk towards him cautiously, watching him shiver, and reach for his wrists in turn this time. Itâs a featherlight touch, but you feel the tremble underneath your fingers. And you instantly notice when he starts coming undone. When his lips shake, too.
Even with his head lowered, you recognise the wet waterline, and how it takes a handful more heavy breaths until you hear the first sob. You hug him. You hug him right away. Hold him close and closer.
You make a weak attempt at pulling him to the bed, but heâs already in the process of breaking down, his body getting heavier, falling. The carpet offers solace as his knees suddenly hit the ground. His arms hold onto your hips and his face buries in your chest.
When his breathing turns irregular, so does yours; you feel like the world is splitting and the sky crashing down.Â
His leg comes in touch with your messed up clothes, and when he looks up into your eyes, heâs already crying. A trail of tears courses down his cheeks as his pupils suddenly shake, looking for something, asking you, âDid he hurt you, baby?â
âKookâŠâ
âLet me see, you must be hurt, youâ you were just wearing these thin ass slippers without socks, right? The fucking bowl shattered andâŠâ
âIâm okay, Kookie. Iâm not hurt, I promise.â
âNo, but⊠it fell on you, it mustâ did it bruise your knee?â he continues hectically, inspecting you, never seeing anything. He cradles your face, still crying and sniffling, shoving his pain aside to make sure, âPlease tell me if anything hurts, âkay? I will get something, Iâllâ dunno, fucking smash his fucking face, Iâllââ
His mind is going haywire. A proper downward spiral, and you donât know how to stop it. What the fuckâ what the fuckâŠ
âJungkookâ Jungkook, please,â you try, lowering his hand, but he wonât stop searching for signs of injury. âBaby, please.â
âWhy is he like this? I just⊠man, I am trying, angel.â His voice falls at the last word; your heart fractures at the same time as it tries to keep his intact. âI am trying so hard in life for him to like me, and you⊠youâre here, so I thought heâd behave and insteadââ
âI know. Itâs okay.â
Itâs not, but you canât say it. Canât say how much the meaning behind your stained clothes hurts. How much it connects to what the weeping man in your arms feels; how he looked forward to this, planning ahead, a surprise for everyday without anticipating such ruin.
And heâs as clueless as you. More broken than you ever anticipated. Resembling the burst dish one floor beneath you, holding you like an anchor, crying into your chest.
He keeps repeating the same things as you repeat yours, soon mumbling his words of trying and trying and constantly trying. Of wanting to be loved. Attempting to understand if itâs too much to ask for. Is it?
Why canât he love me?
And you whisper back, He loves you. He does.
Itâs easy, falling into such misery. There were moments not too far in the past where you were on the receiving end of such pain, and he was your life vest. You donât know if youâre keeping him above the surface as well as he did, because you keep susurrating the hopeful mantra to him.
But he keeps believingâ
âNo⊠no, he never fucking did. Whâwho treats someone like this?â
âSome people forget, you know⊠how to show affection. Sometimes, they deem their pride more important. It says nothing about you.â You lift his chin, heartbroken upon detecting his reddened eyes. âEveryone else in this stupid world loves you.â
âYour mother doesnât eitherâŠâ
âMy mother? The woman who hates literally everyone?â You smile, trying to make him imitate it, but he doesnât. You brush his cheeks and then his hair. âI do. I love you. I knew who you were even when I was unbiased.â
âDidnât you⊠hate me, too?â
Once again, you try a faint smile. Not for him to join in, but because youâre reminded of a foolish friendship; it had already long bloomed into more when youâd finally named it one.
âNot for a second,â you say.
Break in discussion. Heâs still shedding tears, snivelling. Stays frozen like this, all of him unable to move except for his lips. They mutter, âI donât ever want you to get hurt. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with me, butâŠâ
âYeah. Iâm okay. Weâre okay.â
âI love you,â he maffles weakly, âI love you. I love you.â
âI know. I love you, too.â
You feel as though offering solace to a child. As if heâs shrunk into what he used to be, in the very room he used to sulk. The trauma still belongs to a kid, and when hurt, heâll turn him into one, too.
You hate it. Hate that his sorrow still belongs to such a young heart. That he never processed it.
Before you came here, you spoke about it. And once youâre back in the city, youâll have to figure things out further; the time constraints just before you drove away didnât allow you to take much into consideration.
You can only cry now, canât you? Detest the dampness in your own eyes. Stay right here until some sign occurs, lifting you up from the ground.
And it does fifteen minutes later.
The knock is gentle, just two of them, and you tell Jungkook to wait, that youâd be back in a minute. As you stand, his back is bent, his head lowered. As if heâs sleepwalking or slowly fainting.
You shut your eyes for a second; then open them again.
Behind the door, his mother awaits. In her soft hands, sheâs balancing a tray holding some food. She lifts it towards you, tells you, âThe two of you barely ate.â
Upon a closer look, you realise that her eyes are swollen, too. The view nearly forces you to tear up again, your face seethingly hot. You want to hug her. Want to tell her youâre sorry. Instead, you only touch her shoulder, and mutter a grateful thank you.
âItâs okay.â
She sounds so pained. You wonder if she said something to her husband. Reprimanded him, cried for his son, grieved a childhood and life that couldâve been.
But she doesnât say any of it, and neither do you mention it. You only agree, âIt will be. Are we still making jam tomorrow?â
âYes. Tell Jungkook he can come if he wants to.â
âYeah⊠I was thinking that, too.â You stare down to your food, never noticing how she peeks past your shoulder. Sees her son unmoving on the floor; she knows she canât do more than you are right now. So she only nods when you repeat, âThank you so much.â
You wish her a good night, bringing the food to where your boyfriend sits. Put it down in front of him.
âSit upright, baby?â you ask him, crushed by the sight of swollen cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. His lips are parted, his breathing still stagnant; he only stares at his food until you push the tray closer to him and say, an attempt at a smile, âLetâs eat a bit. Mother-in-law brought it for us.â
No smile back, but a sniffle. The crying subsides just a bit as a shaking hand grabs the spoon, slurping the soup before he can even think of the noodles. He eats a little, slowly, surely. You help when he needs it, feed him a bite, encourage him to one more.
Every other minute, he cries again. You wipe the tears away, try to make him eat more.
His father fucked him up. You knew about the issues and demons Jungkook combatted. Of course his mentality suffered; of course there are parts of him that might never heal⊠But you never quite understood the full effect.Â
His father fucked him up good; got him so bad. Parts of both of them are so ultimately ruptured, arenât they?
Whenever he winds down, you eat in silence, right there on the ground on top of the old carpet. When he canât swallow anymore, still some left in his bowl â Jungkook barely ever doesnât finish his food â you move up to the bed with him.
You kiss his hair repeatedly, as if it could heal him just a little, to even the tiniest percentage. You donât know how much of an effective bandage you are to him, but you know youâre doing at least something.
Because he whispers another I love you before the gut-wrenching sounds of his sobs have finally faded out, still echoing in the room. His tiny, shrunk voice says, âIâm looking forward to tomorrow with you.â
And somehow, it pains you even more. The hopeful tone; the wish for a day to not hurt.
âMe too, baby,â you say, âitâs nobody but us, okay?â
âYeah⊠yeah.â
And thatâs it. Itâs all you can do for now; understanding the heavy heart the night cursed you with.
But as you drift away, you keep pleading. Pleading and pleading and pleading for a better tomorrow without getting a promise back.
To your chagrin but least of your surprise, Jungkook doesnât join your jam-making session the next morning.
When you stirred awake for a little bit, eyes still sleep-drunk and body falling, your phone flashed seven thirty in the morning. Not ready to start the day yet and doubting anybody else had gotten out of bed, you cuddled into his body, and he, while deep in his slumber, must still have noticed.
Pulled you in more, smacking his lips and sighing a little, a warm hand at the back of your head. Secured in his embrace, you fell asleep again.
Only to awake two hours later without him by your side. Youâre already washed up and somewhat sobered up from sleep, and youâve looked on the first and ground floor. You canât find him.
His mother informed you that she and her husband would be leaving to join the wedding earlier, to help out with the preparations and make sure the plans all sit. You offered your help, but she claimed theyâd be okay, and that you can still use the morning after the jam lesson to rest.
Perhaps Jungkook has embarked on a journey then, using this time to do something in the early morning.Â
Once youâve walked into the kitchen, greeting his mother with a smile and a good morning, you ask, âNervous for the wedding?â
âMmmh, kind of,â she answers, locking the phone she held, putting it aside to sip her tea, âbut it should be good since we took care of most of the stuff pretty well. Itâll be wonderful. Except the damn Wedding March â we couldnât settle on any song but this.â
âI canât wait. I bet itâll be beautiful.â You take a seat in front of her, hearing the sounds of the TV and quiet conversations. Among the voices, you recognise two, but his is neither of them. Youâre not interested in joining. So you look at her, scratching your temple as you inquire instead, âWhereâs Kook gone?â
Her forefinger points downwards, another blow to the tea and another swig. âBasement. I brought him some coffee, but he seemed busy and quiet, so I left him there. But,â her voice grows louder, enthusiastic, âyou can go! Maybe heâll be okay with that?â
HmmâŠ
âWhat did he go down for?â you ask.
âI think he was looking for something.â Now, she lowers her tone again, lower arms on the table. âHe also just⊠did that sometimes when he was younger, or after a fight.â
After a fight.
Like the breakdown last night. You understand.
You should probably walk down and check â but then again, this has seemingly been a coping mechanism ever since he was younger. So perhaps, you need to let him be for a little; give him a chance to entangle his thoughts and regain some peace.
You repeat your decision to her and she nods in understanding, throwing a glance to a huge jar on the kitchen counter. Youâre ready to deliver an answer before she even asks, âWant to help out then?â
âSure!â
The process is a patient one. Reminds you of when Jungkook told you how to pick the strawberries yesterday; gently, sweetly, with a tender touch and an even more delicate voice.
Jungkookâs mother takes the fruits out of the jar with care, explains to you to mash them and cook the jam with absolute soothing composure. The minutes pass so serenely that you imagine preparing meals with her on a cold winter evening, pleasing your soul to ensure not only a good nightâs sleep but lasting quiet of the soul, too.
You add the sugar and lemon juice to your mix, stirring and boiling the delicatesse before you put it in sterilised jars. She shows you how to sterilise them at all; you didnât think or know that such a step was necessary at all.
The making of it doesnât take too long; forty-five minutes tops. As you scanned the internet just before entering the kitchen almost an hour ago, it said it takes barely half an hour. But she demonstrated it all to you slowly, unrushed.
Youâre thankful.
âHave you ever made jam before?â she asks as you admire your creation.
You shake your head. âNo⊠I donât think Iâve tried such a thing at all. Itâs fun making things on your own. I mean, I do like to cook sometimes, but Iâm nowhere on Jungkookâs level, I donât think.â
She chuckles, nodding as if to confirm. Then clarifies, âYes, heâs enjoyed being involved in the kitchen ever since he was a teen. Especially before he left town and realised heâd have to cook on his own.â
You giggle with her, like with a friend or a trusted figure. Itâs so consoling, talking to her. Fun, smiles intact, still present when she asks, âHow are the two of you doing? I mean, you did move in together quite fast, so Iâm just wondering.â
Yes; she doesnât need to spell it out. You get it â youâve heard about this.
So-called relationship experts claim that taking decisions in the honeymoon phase isnât too healthy, warping your sense of reality and perception of the other person. You donât disagree, but you guess in this caseâŠ
âHonestly, itâs been good,â you respond. âWe have a couple heated evenings where we argue about stuff, but⊠itâs been healing. And he offered to move in when I really needed it.â
âYes, Jungkook told me.â Oh. âYou werenât at a very good place before. Please donât mind.â You shake your head in reassurance, urging her to go on. Itâs his mother; itâs fine to tell her if any of you is struggling. âIâm glad youâre there for each other because he wasnât at a good place either.â
You nearly donât dare to ask; in a way, she might know her son better than you know your boyfriend. Maybe; maybe not. You fear a disheartening answer when you ask, âDo you think he is now?â
But she, careful as ever, tells you honestly, âItâll probably take time to get over things, butâ itâll be okay. Things seem a little better, though, if you want my neutral POV.â
âAh⊠okay. That helps.â You play with the white-dotted red band around the jar. Your mind circles around a million questions that only she might be able to answer; yet, cautiously, all you query is, âDo you ever⊠have you ever spoken to him? Or his dad? About all the thingsâŠâ
You reckon that if heâs talked about the two of you before, he probably mentioned spilling his secrets to you, too. At least from your perspective, itâs obvious that he entrusts her with his heart.
And once again, she affirms, âI have. Often. Even before the two of you came. Itâs why I told you to take your time getting here.â
Ah⊠Makes sense now. So thatâs why you had to roam the hotel until noon a couple days before. You sigh.
She continues, âIt just doesnât end well most of the time, so⊠And Iâm not a good talker. I donât know what to say anymore after so many years. Both want me on their side, though Jungkook never persists on it.â
Sheâs so wrong. Both she and him.
Jungkook has told you for months that heâs bad with words; yet, he comes in with every word ever written by any bard, singing poetry to you and bandaging your heart when needed.
You rememberâŠ
Iâm not good with words, baby. And I donât know how to ever properly verbalise something like this.
You sigh again. Tell her, âI understand. I also wouldnât expect you to go against either of them.â
âSure. But⊠It's difficult sometimes. Seeing how broken some of our bonds are.â
Youâve used and formed this word so many times before. Broken. For him, for you, for the world. Hearing somebody else share these sentiments and confirm your fears hurts.
And youâre out of words, wishing for a higher power to grant you a curing skill. If you could lift somebodyâs burden with a single touch, just the way youâre reaching out for her hand now, youâd be busy circling the globe at all times.
âIâm so sorry,â is all, however, you can offer.
You hate how helpless she is. You urge to say something more, to hug her and promise that the world always regains its colours at some point. But you remain like this, watching the jam in the jars; hearing her sayâ
âYou know. Jungkook has my number. I donât know how much you and your mother still talk, but⊠you can talk to me, too, if you ever need to. I mean, Iâm a mother.â She laughs at this part, raising a shoulder to her chin in pride, âAnd youâre part of him, so you can be part of us, too.â
Your eyes, locked onto the jar until now, flit up to her, and you blink to keep them dry, admitting without another thought, âI might actually cry.â
âOh. Awh,â she voices, lifting her hand from underneath yours to cover it again. âDonât. I didnât mean to be all kitsch. I meant it.â
Gathering your prior thoughts into words, you puff out a breath, sporting a reprimanding look as you say, âYouâre so wrong. You and your son, you always know what to say.â
Teeth flash again as she grins; she looks so innocent and pure. âWell, where do you think he got it from?â
ShitâŠ
âThank youâŠâ you mutter, body already twitching, yearning to bolt forwards until you finally dare to ask, âOkay. May I⊠Can I hug you?â
âMy goodness, love. You donât need to ask! Câmere.â
You instantly tear up when she pulls you in. Last time you met, she left a fleeting touch. You barely knew her then; in some way, you donât know her much now, either. But this⊠this is impactful.
The way she presses you into her; her chin on your shoulder. The slight pat and then the following rub up and down your shoulder blade. So warm; so salving.
One or two more pats, with a little more impact this time, she gently moves you back by your arms again, sucking in a breath as she suggests, âAlright. Wedding time, yes? We should start getting ready.â
âYes. ButâŠâ You hesitate, wonder how much you can interfere. But then you diminish your mental concerns, and simply utter, âIf you donât mind. May I suggest something?â
You walk down the steps to the basement.
The light is on; other than what mainstream movies might suggest, theyâve set up the interior of the basement prettily. The few furniture â a table and a couch chair, as well as a couple common chairs â is a light beige, the wallpapers light, flowery.
Heâs in the middle of the room, on the ground despite the many options to sit, sifting through pictures and objects lying around him. When he detects you, he flinches a bit, eyes big, moving suspiciously as if to hide something.
But you guess heâs just startled; and once he catches himself, he calls your name, wishing a sweet, âMorning, baby. Sorry for leaving the bed.â
âOh, hey. Itâs your house, you can do whatever you like. Besides, your mom and I had the time of our lives.â
He smiles brightly. You love, love, the wrinkles around his eyes. âMade some groundbreaking jam, yes?â
âYouâll see when you taste it.â You walk closer, recognising photo albums and frames. Yet, you ask, âWhat are you doing?â
âUhmmm, just looking through old stuff.â
The pictures are flipped, upside down from where you stand, so you round his body, legs folded on the floor. You come to a kneel, and just when youâre close enough, you see the pure sugar spilled in front of him.
Itâs in the form of fat baby cheeks. An open, surprised mouth. Then, in form of a photograph of a toddler crying. The same tremendous eyes and the same curve of his upper lip. A tilted smirk on one of them, just the one you know.
Theyâre adorable. You dissolve at the sight; at seeing him in a red vest, holding a half chewn corndog, tiny fingers forming a peace sign, and an unsure expression as if heâs seeing the world for the first time.
He does this often. Zone off like this.
Not rarely do you tease that heâs trudging through his first life, but he often refutes your theory with an immediate expression of shock. Chuckles back that it never feels like heâs loving you for the first time.
âWhy are you looking at these, Kook?â you ask, hands on his shoulder before you settle your chin on one of them, cheek to cheek.
âJust so. I knew there was a picture of my cousin somewhere, too. Look.â He shoves aside some of the photographs on top, fishing out a very old one. âThis is her. Gayoung.â
A lovely girl next to him, clearly older. Theyâre both holding car toys; heâs busy indulging in it, laughing, not noticing the flashing of the camera. But sheâs staring right into it, caught off guard, eyebrows high and mouth open.
âI canât believe sheâs getting married today,â Jungkook says. âSheâs like a daughter to my parents, but⊠I didnât get to talk that much with her anymore when she grew into an adult. Was more with Ria. And then I moved, too. But⊠itâs still crazy. I still remember her as a young but older sister.â
âOf course. Timeâs pace of passing is pretty strange. Very fast.â
âYeahâŠâ
He throws it back into the pile, shutting two of the handful of photo albums. Humming, he flips a couple pages of a third album; your eyes follow as he combs through them. You almost donât notice when he pauses, and when you do, you understand why.
Itâs another old picture, Jungkook tiny, mouth wide open to say something as he points towards the camera slash photographer. And heâs in the arms of somebody whoâs undeniably his father. The man looks more like Junghyun than Jungkook.
But they seem happy here. His big hands are firm on Jungkookâs body, holding him lovingly and smiling at him with even further tenderness.
Jungkook remains on it for only a split second, but you get it.
You replay his motherâs words in your mind, and suddenly, you remember; a revelation clears up like a sunny day after a fog, and God⊠you remember.
And still, you act like you donât. Like you havenât understood that heâs here to reminisce about a life when things were still okay; when he still felt loved. Reliving moments when shit hurt less. Of course heâs here; it makes sense, so directly after a fight.
He seeks comfort in moments he barely remembers to escape the pain he recently suffered.
Youâre out of damn words. This shouldnât be happening to anybody.
You hug him from behind, arms around his chest. Attempting to ease his possibly disturbed soul, you ask, âHey. Do you know that youâre the sweetest being alive? These pictures cause cavities. Good that you kept them from me.â
âOh, yeah?â He turns his head slightly, lips grazing your nose, warm breath falling on it. âComing from my munchkin herself.â
âI mean it! Youâre so cute. And look at these cheeks,â your finger gestures towards a chubby baby, âtheyâre still so soft, by the way.â
You press your face against his, squishing his scarred cheek, and he states under a laugh, âYouâre too much.â
âToo much of a fool for you, yes.â
He clicks his tongue, though playfully. You hear in his voice and see in his beam that heâs delighted, flattered, loving and loved. You ask, âAre you feeling okay now?â
To your relief, he nods. âIâm feeling better, I guess. Looking forward to the wedding. And your dress!â
âOh, I am, too. I was going to show it to your mom just before, but⊠I want you to be the first to see it.â
âAnd then you say Iâm not the luckiest man alive.â
âI just said Ashton Kutcher is. Mila Kunis is pretty cool.â
âShut up.â
You pause, watch him tidy up; after a minute, you tell him, âYou shouldâve joined when we made the jam. Couldâve been fun, too.â
âYeah⊠I mean I thought about it, but. Then I was like, maybe itâd be good for her to get to know you, like, unfiltered. Sheâs always careful not to be weird around me.â
âAh. Thatâs kinda sweet, though.â
âIsnât it?â
You nod against his cheek; then, drum lightly against his chest, a peck to his ear, getting to your feet a second later as you ask, âSo⊠are you coming up? Itâs a little after eleven. We should probably get ready soon.â
âYeah, Iâll be up in some. You should go first, though. Iâll need a bit less time.â
Youâre already taking steps towards the staircase leading up, but you canât refrain from throwing one last tease, âYou sure? Not sure with your skincare routine. Have you even eaten?â
âYes, I did. Donât be a brat.â
You lift your lips to a last provoking, tight-lipped smile before you ascend to his room. The dress is still almost flawless between your clothes. You heavily worried about damage in the few days you travelled, but aside from a few spots that need to be ironed out, itâs as gorgeous as ever.
Flattening out the creases with a borrowed iron, you soon rummage in your suitcase for the curling iron and the rest of your make up. You look at the mess scattered on Jungkookâs table, wondering where to start.
Make up, probably.
Okay. you have one, two chances max to try what you want to achieve. The goal is to remain casual, natural and humble; considering your dress, you cannot overdo it. You donât want to look excessively over the top. Want to keep your essence under the make up.
So you keep it lowkey, pretty much content with the results before you slip into the dress.
And when you look into the mirror, you nearly squeal. You donât struggle with your appearance. But while youâve largely been satisfied with how you look, you did occasionally find things to possibly improve.
Normal. Doesnât everyone deem certain spots flaws, regardless of whether they actually are?
But today⊠today youâre sparkling. Youâre happy; in love with what you accomplished.
If you could, youâd immediately rush down to him again, show you the results. But it seems you donât need to â because half a minute later, you make out his voice outside. Heâs talking to his brother, laughing about something; seems the rest of the family is leaving. The door shuts just before you hear him moving up the stairs with quick steps.
And⊠when he finally opens the ajar door to his own room, his body locks at the spot, as if somebody screwed his feet into the wooden floor.
The reaction is easily imagined; most often seen on TV. You didnât know how real it was, but then again, clichĂ©s always have an origin in real life, donât they?
Youâre surprised, a little shy by how he looks at you. And how he looks in general â black trousers hugging his snatched waist and well-formed hips. The white dress shirt is still in progress, collars up, suit jacket not yet on.
And heâs olding something in his hand that you canât recognise.
He looks breathtaking and mesmerising, despite missing half of the preparation still. Fuck⊠fuck, fuck, fuck.
Does he feel the same about you? Probably.
Because he curses, âWhat the fuck.â
Like a statement, not a question. You touch the silky soft material of your dress, widening your eyes as your quiet voice asks, âWhat?â
âWhat are you even?â
You burst out into a brief, fleeting laugh at the question, repeating, âWhat I am?â
âLike, a fairy or something. Shit, itâs as if Iâm getting married.â
Another near-squeak falls out of you. But you canât blame him this time; you chose this attire carefully.
The sheer chiffon fabric, light and airy, sparkling; it called your name the moment you saw it. Floor length, lavender, spilling to the floor like a waterfall; a spicy slit on the side that Jungkookâs eyes remained on for just a tiny heartbeat longer, you know.
And off-the-shoulder sleeves; most of the back bare.
Sheepishly, you ask, âSo you like it?â
âLike, Iââ he starts, yet stops. He blows a raspberry. âYouâre so pretty. Youâre the prettiest. Oh my God,â he exclaims, dramatically touching his forehead, âI need to keep otherâs eyes off you. Look at you!â
You laugh out loud, a hand on his wrist to keep your balance, no other productive response in your bright pink entangled mind than, âBabeââ
âNo, seriously. Okay, I concur. It was right for me to wait to see you in the dress. Getting a heart attack as we speak.â
Your cheeks still glow brightly when you wiggle a finger at him, disappointed that there is no reality show camera pointing at you to hear you say, âIf your boyfriend doesnât react like this, girl, you donât want him.â
You instinctively move to the buttons of his sleeve, helping out, resisting the urge to give in and fix his collar, too. You want to see the end result so badly, but heâs still missing the tie and the jacket.Â
So you settle on merely touching the buttons over his chest, nodding as if approving before you say, âYou already look so good, too. You know, maybe itâs you who should hide behind me today. What if some middle school girl crushing on you jumps you?â
He chuckles. âThey can try.â
âThey? Well, shit.â
âIâm kidding.â He lowers his chin, bringing your knuckles to his rosy lips, kissing one or two of them. âHide me, then.â
âMhm⊠Do you need help getting ready? With the tie or something?â
âOh, itâs okay. You can lean back for a bit, tell me a story or something? I shouldnât take too long.â
Itâs a ritual of sorts. Sometimes, when you wait for the other on a date or dinner night, the faster one acts as the nightâs entertainer. Sings songs or tells stories or plays DJ or serves the latest, hottest work tea.
You tell him, âOkay. But before I do,â your hand wanders down to his; itâs stubbornly closed around an object, dangling on his side. You uncurl his fingers. âWhatâs that you got there?â
âOh, IâŠâ He comes to life, as if he forgot that he was holding it at all. He lifts it between your faces, straightening his palm, and presents you something incredibly sparkly and nostalgic. âItâs part of the reason I went down at all. With my momâs permission since she wore it at her promâŠâ
Damn it. Both of them deceived you.
âYou were looking for it?â He nods; your heartbeat accelerates as you urge, âAndâŠâ
âAnd I got it for you.â
Words, you notice, are only your specialty when youâre jotting them down and narrating a story from within your mind. When it comes to answering to the grand gestures he always makes you fall in love with, youâre such a zero.
Odd, considering how he, in contrast, has claimed over and over again that heâs not as eloquent as heâd like to be. But youâve long figured out that if he was to preach the truths he holds in his heart to an audience, the stage would drown in a flood of tears within minutes.
You reach for the shiny, pearly, flowery accessory. Itâs rose-gold, a little vintage, clearly older, and so strikingly beautiful. It looks likeâŠ
âA comb⊠for me,â you say. Not the one to untangle your hair. The decorative type; fancy and gorgeous. He nods again, lets you take it between your fingers. âWhy?â
âJust,â a shrug of his shoulder, âI wanted to give you a little something to remind you of this place and the love you got here. Besides, itâd look so pretty on you.â
A reminder that youâre loved. You wonder â who thinks of these things? Does anyone else in this universe heat up their girlâs chest like your boyfriend does?
They can tell you what they want; youâre the luckiest being alive. And in return, you want to love him as much as nobody has ever loved before.
You whisper, âThank you, Kook⊠Your mom is okay with this?â Another enthusiastic nod of confirmation. âThank you so much. Iâ I wish you could see yourself the same way.â You squeeze it in your hand to feel it properly, then open it again. âThis is so pretty.â
âItâll suit you.â
âYes?â Softly, you hand it back to him, turning to the mirror, with him right behind you. âDo you want to put it in?â
âAh⊠I can try.â
âRight there?â You point to the back of your head; to the braid in your loose half updo. âNear the hair pins I used. The comb might hide them well, too.â
And he does his best. Regards your hairdo focused, eyebrows knitting in concentration, so gentle with it. No getting stuck, no intentional tugging.
âWait,â he then says, tapping his trouserâs pocket, and then fishes out his phone for a picture. He shows it to you; the accessory sits there perfectly, not crooked or ruining a single wisp of hair. âHowâs that?â
âYou did it so well. Thank you, Koo.â You face him again, smile bright and endless. âYour turn?â
âYes.â He rubs his hands, looking around. âLetâs get this over with. Give me feedback, okay? And tell me a story?â
You take a seat at the edge of his bed prettily, coming up with a short tale about personified instruments and what theyâd symbolise. The guitar for the heart and the love in it, the drums for thunder and the excited pulse of the soul.
âThe flute for the breeze and dreams?â Jungkook adds.
And you urge in a thrilled tone, âAnd the violin for the rain and longing. Theyâd learn from each other, right?â You sigh. âIâll think about the piano, too. Canât figure it out yet⊠it could be a lot.â
Jungkook nods, distracted and interrupting the story when he asks for brief comments on his progress. Barely any feedback, though; praises largely.
You watch as he slips into the rest of his clothing and gels his hair back â itâs grown quite a bit since the press conference in September. You get to your feet, amped up when he finally claps and rubs his hands in anticipation a bit later, announcing that heâs ready to leave.
And youâre still euphoric when you jump into your car, letting him drive through the streets he knows much better. His fingers wander to the passenger seat every now and then; minutes after the last scolding, you keep reminding him to keep his hands on the wheel.
I want to kiss you so bad, but your damn make up wonât let me today, huh?
A tease here, a flirt there.
You feel like you could do anything. The sky's the limit. And it soon proves that the statement has never rang truer, even if in a vastly different context now.
Because once you reach the wedding â your metaphorical sky â, Ria is already standing at the parking lot, waving the moment she spots the two of you stepping out of the car. From afar, you already see the weddingâs venue; a lake in the back, a huge tent and a field at the front.
The parking lot right next to it, but still a couple minutes of a trek away.
Riaâs parents indulge Jungkook in a conversation about something you barely register right away, and she gestures towards herself, hugging and greeting you with an odd half-smile.
âYou look so pretty,â she says, and you beam benignly, returning the compliment.
Sheâs rocking a dark blue dress, sleeveless, her hair in a loose bun. Wavy strands frame her face. But somehow, she looks demotivated. Worried to the slightest, though still mostly cheerful. So you ask, âAre you okay?â
âYeah! I just wanted to tell you something. But donât freak out, okay?â
Well, shit. Doesnât start as you imagined, does it? You glimpse over to Jungkook. Heâs laughing from the heart, button nose crunched; why is she not telling him, too?
Your chest feels tighter; the usual human response to a menacing statement such as hers. You upright yourself, take a deep breath, ground yourself as you encourage, âYes? I wonât. Whatâs up?â
âWell⊠weâre in this town and like, people know each other. And since weâre all in a very close circle here, I just wanted to say that,â her face changes; she kind of grimaces, as if apologetic for something, âNara came, too.â
Ah.
AhâŠ
The sky's the limit, and you reached it, and now youâre kind of crashing.
Well. You never thought about this; but it makes perfect sense, doesnât it? Of course sheâd be here. She was part of this town and Jungkookâs life for so many years, so naturally, sheâd be familiar with his relatives, too.
Besides, even if she hadnât been with him⊠Didnât Jungkook and Ria already establish with you just yesterday, when you were inhaling your ice cream, that this small town strives on familiarity?
Meetings at the town hall, the shop ownersâ affection for most of their year-long customers. The Stars Hollow vibe you already recognised.
AhhhâŠ
So thatâs what Junghyun might have been trying to tell you on the first day, too. You remember his mother interrupting.
How annoying. You did not want to feel annoyed. Maybe it wouldâve been better if Ria hadnât told you; if youâd bumped into Nara randomly and suffered the temporary heart attack. Or perhaps, you wouldnât have seen her at allâŠ
Come on. Unrealistic.
Fuck, you feel childish. There shouldnât be any burning in your chest or an uncomfortable warmth in your cheek. You shouldnât be feeling the urge to run over to Jungkook, to actually hide him behind you.
To rush to his ear, whisper your worries, make him promise that he only loves you and wonât ride into the sunset with her.
Delusional, paranoid concerns that you wouldnât entertain on any normal, sane day; then again, the news Ria delivered wasnât going to leave you unbothered anyway. This whole thing around exes really sucks.
âI⊠I shouldnât spiral, though, right?â you answer, your voice a little weaker. Ria immediately nods, though still not relaxing the wrinkle between her eyebrows. âI mean, of course sheâd be here. This is her place, she was born here andâŠâ
Ria takes your hands in hers, assures, âI promise you itâs nothing too bad, okay? Nara and Jungkook have been here at the same time before and literally nothing happened.â
What? When?
âWhen?â you echo.
âUh, like last summer? He only came down for a couple days, though. College exams and stuff.â
Ah⊠you wouldnât even know. Back then, youâd only encountered him once, at the blurry frat party that you spent in locked rooms and on tiled roofs. When you sang together and spilled your hearts to each other.
For the very first time.
Whatever he did before or after that⊠how would you know?
Only, you feel even sicker at the thought that after that party, and after he allegedly met Nara here again without anything literally happening, he still linked with her back in the city. Still shared his nights and sheets with her.
Does this count as nothing happening? What if the time here evoked something? What if it happens again?
Fuck, what if it happens again?
âIâm going to panic,â you tell Ria.
âWhat? No,â she exclaims, though instantly lowering her voice, rubbing your arm soothingly, âitâs okay, I promise. He didnât even think of it. Either that or he doesnât care âcause he didnât mention her once.â
âBut now I might keep thinking about it.â
âSeriously. Fuck, I feel bad for saying itââ
âNo⊠no, itâs okay. You shouldâve.â
âOkay, look. Itâs honestly fine. Sheâs nice, she wonât do anything shady; not if she knows about yâall.â Another caressing touch to your shoulder. âI just wanted to warn you. Please donât feel startled. Iâm here, okay? Iâll smash his nose if anything happens.â
She looks to the side. The other conversation has seemingly ended, too, and you swallow as Riaâs parents wave her over. She says, âOkay. Gotta go, but Iâll meet you guys inside and reserve seats, okay? Thereâs just limited assigned seating.â
She pats your coat-clad arm, and then walks away.Â
Well. Okay.
You guess youâll have to get over this one way or another. You focus on your clothing. Focus on how you look, how Jungkook looks. The weather, the tent many many feet away. Your boyfriendâs gaze on you as he walks back to you, offering his hand.
He pauses when he sees you, asking, âIs everything okay?â
âHm?â you hum. âYes. Just nervous, I think.â
âMe too.â He flashes the sweetest grin known to mankind, genuinely excited, childlike joy. Tilts his head at you. âYou seriously look so fucking pretty. Like really, really.â
You smile.
OkayâŠ
It should be alright. Jeon Jungkook is so in love with you; damn it, he even peels your oranges for you when you donât feel like doing it. You need to trust the process; need to hold onto your excitement.
Okay.
You glance at the event warming up in the far. Halfway through, people have gathered, standing on the grass or the man-made path. Thereâs still a bit of time; so naturally, theyâre still busying themselves with conversations.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Youâve met her before. This isnât different.
You look down to where his and your fingers intertwine; put particular attention to the way he holds you. Firmly, as if protecting and loving and keeping you close at the same time.
His smile lifts your spirits a little, the wind enclosing your mind and easing it. You nod only slightly, telling yourself itâll all be good â and then, let him tug you towards the wedding.
The wedding is as bustling as you expected. Itâs bright, colourful, flowers draped over the place in abundance. Even before you enter it, the huge tent leaves you breathless, gasping.
They put so much effort into this; itâs clear as day. Jungkookâs mother isnât around, but the moment you lay your eyes on her again, youâll praise her for what she helped mount. Somehow, the beauty nearly makes you forget that youâre among pure strangers.
But that at least one familiar face is roaming here somewhere.
You take a deep breath.
All these people know each other. They probably grew up together, know the ins and outs of the town, have gathered at weddings and funerals and school events. You donât know how well youâll be able to integrate, but you do hope for their support.
Itâs not too much to ask, you reckon.
At least not when Jungkook pulls at your hand and the two of you into certain directions, coming to a stand multiple times when he sees a person or two calling him to them. Some are old school friends; some adults he knew when he was a child.
Candy store owners. Somebody who sold him his first scooter. Or a pal he used to share his banana milk with.
The sentiments are clearly there and they bask in them, but none of them ever forgets about you. Jungkook introduces you, tugs you into his side, enskies you with praise. And they respond with kindness and interest; tell you heâs mentioned you before.
You remember. Jungkook told you how his friends spoke about you or saw you on TV, eager to meet you â they react according to the excitement he foretold, and you reciprocate it with ease. Very sweet.
Yet, it seems that even in a small town, or especially in a small town, enmity runs just as deep as affection. Some people remember friendships, others still resent rotten memories.
You soon meet the first one of the latter kind.
Heâs standing near the entrance of the spacious tent; you glance inside, unsuspecting, not a single familiar face in sight. You donât notice him until Jungkook does, coming to a stand, walk interrupted as the guy exclaims, âJeon Jungkook! My goodness, Jungkookââ
You meet thick eyebrows, long-ish dark hair, full lips. Heâs handsome, his smile bright.Â
And his voice is mellow and sweet, and at certain tones, it reminds you of Jiminâs; then again, some syllables come out much deeper. You donât know who he is; of the pictures Jungkook has shown you, he wasnât in any of them.
âHey,â Jungkook greets, somewhat distant. You donât think standing here is his first choice, but your boyfriend is as polite as can be. Even waves towards the guy, and tells you, âThis is Christian. Barom, but he lives in Australia now, so.â
âHi,â you reach out a hand, ânice to meet you.â
The accent is heavy and somehow cursive when he responds, âLikewise.â
Jungkook is definitely not delighted about him. Follows the touch of your hands, then your gaze up to Christianâs face. You notice it before Jungkook can probably even think of it: the odd look the stranger throws at you.
Up and down. Smile telling. Uncomfortable.
And when Jungkook suddenly does catch it, he intervenes, âYou came all the way from Sydney?â
âYep. And you came over from the city?â
âYeah,â Jungkook answers. You barely register it, but youâre certain heâs been pushing you behind him inch by inch; but you remain at your spot. You can deal with this. âWe were on vacation before, but I was gonna come anyway.â
âNice. And wait, sorry, you wereâŠ?â
You recall never introducing yourself; but youâre positive heâs figured out your relationship to Jungkook just by the steadfast grip around your palm. But Jungkook still officially voices your name and informs him, âMy girlfriend.â
Christian must be seeing or hearing something you arenât â strange since it was him who asked â but he laughs, teasing, âYouâre being defensive.â
âIâm not. I literally just told you sheâs my girlfriend.â
âLucky. You look pretty together.â
âYeah. Thanks.â
You have not a single clue whatâs going on. Jungkook is never really rude, so there must be something about this Barom or Christian â heâs never mentioned him before.
Then again, you guess growing up in a tight space comes with all sorts of relationships. Christian is probably the sort that never earns a mention until actually met with the person themselves.
Itâs funny though â in some way, the rejection seems one-sided. As if Jungkook is still holding something against him and Christian remains uncaring; while it might not be a universal truth, youâve experienced that those utterly calm are often the ones at fault.
And Jungkook isnât an angry human being. Heâs kind. Patient. Needs a reason to be mad.
Christian doesnât take the hint when he smiles, a heavily tattooed hand patting Jungkook on his shoulder as he suggests, âSee you later then? Letâs take a picture or get a drink afterwards.â
Jungkook only stalls for the tiniest seconds, but you know him â heâs probably already made up his mind. You look between the men, baffled by the nearly visible bolts shooting from one pair of eyes to the other.
âSure,â Jungkook eventually says, your hand still in his, and works on moving to the coat check and then to the chairs without adding anything else.
You donât inquire yet what this was about as you walk, catching glimpses of the priest, of the stranger guests and of the people lingering at the front of the tent. Youâre busy gauging Jungkookâs eyebrows, observing as they relax more the further he gets away from the guy.
And neither do you need to pop the question when youâve settled somewhere in the middle-ish, you on his right side, Ria on the other. Next to her, her parents that you briefly met when you brought her home yesterday.
Previously turned on her seat, she now uprights her body, hooking her arm with Jungkookâs as she whispers to him, yet clearly enough for you to hear, âWas that Yu Barom?â
Jungkook nods. âChristian Yu now. Yup.â
âRight.â
They nod, understanding each other wordlessly, but youâre still floating in between a couple theories and the actual sentiments. So you lean in; youâve become one of the gossipers at a wedding, you guess.
âOkay,â you start; the two of them stare at you with the same big puppy eyes. âYou donât seem to like him.â
âOh, we donât,â Jungkook bluntly admits.
âWhy?â
Jungkook smacks his lips. Eyes drift to the roof of the tent, the polyester fabric swaying in the gust. Then, they shift to his cousin, presumably seeking approval, because she shrugs her shoulders, gesturing with her hand and says, âOh, go ahead.â
So he explains, âHis little cousin was a constant problem for Ria. Same age⊠harassed her and all. Constant flirting and phone calls and didnât take the hint, just an uncomfortable dude in general.â He pauses, shaking his head. âI had to threaten him for him to get lost. And Christian didnât like that.â
Okay, now you definitely feel like somebody indulging in tittle-tattle. Some more and youâll be one of the aunties. Your mouth gradually opens as he speaks, and you emphasise, âNo way.â
âItâs trueâ the guy was on a break from college for just a month and decided to argue with a fifteen-year-old.â
âWhat? Did you get into a fight with him?â
âNah.â He pauses when a group of random three girls in green dresses walks along the aisle, even though theyâre barely facing you, sending a perfumed breeze towards you. Then, âNot a physical one. But it was a bit messy. Didnât like that night.â
âMe neither,â Ria confirms.
Of course he didnât like it.
Heâs largely non-confrontational. Youâve learned this much in the time youâve known him, and have given the fact utmost sense ever since he revealed his innermost fears. Jungkook keeps quiet; he dreads repetitions of a direful past.
Yet, initiating and risking a conflict for his baby cousin increases the respect you harbour for him.
People are cruel; but Jeon Jungkook is good-hearted to his core, no matter how flawed.
You touch the back of his hand, caressing it when he says, âStay with me tonight, okay? And if you canât, then do come to me when he nears you.â
âOkay.â
His eyes meet yours, concerned but also suspiciously fiery when he states, âBecause like, I really didnât like how he was looking at you.â
AhâŠ
âHm?â
âYou didnât notice?â he asks, his voice higher, thick eyebrows closing into each other again. You lift a thumb, clearing the crease and his stress. âI almost plucked his eyes out.â
Of course you noticed. You just didnât think it irritated Jungkook to this point.
âOhâ Kookââ
âNo seriously,â he stresses, turning his hand to get ahold of two of your fingers, âguy was sweet half his life and then tried stuff with so many girls. I wouldnât be surprised if he approached you again, so please stay away from him, okay?â
âYes, baby. But I wouldnât let him do shit anyway. Donât worry.â You nudge his shoulder. âAnd donât be jealous. Have you seen yourself?â
He rolls his eyes at the accusation, but thereâs a sliver of a smile on his face and relief in his gaze. You guess hearing you say it does wonders to him; sometimes, you truly praise the connection between you, based on a clear foundation of trust and communication.
Well⊠at least now.
âIâm not jealous,â he insists, âit was just gross how he looked at you. Fuck this. Not with my girl.â
You canât help but break into a chuckle, way too loud for your row. You slap a hand over your mouth, careful not to ruin the lipstick, and nearly give into the urge to release his pout. But itâs too sweet â it can linger for a second.
Removing your hand, you near him until your mouth grazes his, assuring, âI love you,â before you peck his lips curtly. He still looks a little grumpy, though. Your man. âItâs okay, baby.â
The grip around your hand intensifies. It doesnât seem it will vanish for the rest of the night. You sure hope it doesnât.
And youâre immensely grateful for the luck youâre enjoying. Not only because of this placeâs beauty and the palm holding onto yours â but you havenât seen Nara either. In fact, you become hyper aware of how much youâve been thinking of her.
Like; what is she wearing? How is she doing? Is she thinking about Jungkook; expecting him here; feeling a sort of way? Is she imagining his smile and how she saw it in this very town so many times, dedicated to her?
And did Christian ever flirt with her, too? Did it irritate Jungkook?
Youâve been thinking it all dead.
Unnecessarily so if Jungkook hasnât even mentioned her, never sought her out. Instead, heâs busy protecting his girl from past bullies.
In all honesty, youâll probably cross ways with her still. The guest list isnât endless; the place vast but not infinite.
But for now, you forget about her, trashing all thoughts and possibilities. Shake your head. Breathe it out. Relieve your chest.
You diverge into conversations about anything and everything, reminiscing about yesterday and the places you saw. Listen into stories Ria and Jungkook tell: about injuries, about pleasant nights and about the fights they had.
Ria was like the sister Jungkook never had; Junghyun was a good older brother, but when seeking another opinion, she was on speed dial. Sometimes, growing up in a certain environment makes all the difference â hearing a girlâs thoughts at all times might have made Jungkook the way he is.
Thoughtful, respectful. You have encountered sexism a million times â not to mention just minutes ago, checked out so shamelessly â but you donât think Jungkook has such a notion even in any crevice of his heart.
Youâre fond and happy when they laugh together; her crinkles match his. Their laugh contagious.
It still echoes and fades, slowly and lovingly when the tent quietens. All heads turn, but you donât see much from here. Maybe a couple moving bodies at the entrance. Someone coughs, interrupting the silence and lowering their head, and the moment allows you a peek at the sensation.
The bride is waiting, holding a bouquet. Her father is touching her veil to fix it despite having nothing to fix; but she doesnât notice.
Gayoung is glancing ahead, breathing in. Everyoneâs eyes remain on her, but your head turns to follow her eyes. The groom is already standing there in a standard groomesque position, hands folded, upright like a post.
He looks insanely nervous. His shiny boot taps the ground, lips parting and unparting. And heâs blinking; then forming a circle with his mouth, releasing the pent-up tension.
She hasnât moved yet. The ceremony is yet to begin.
But even before all that, as people indulge in the sight and wait for their eternity to start, Jungkook has already mimicked your turn, fingers still intertwined. When he speaks, you flinch; you didnât notice his voice this close.
Heâs looking at the groom, too, before he settles his gaze on you. Stares with affection in his gems that bursts your heart, splinters your ribs and implodes your chest. You know heâll say something to fade out the entire crowd before he actually says it.
âCan I tell you something mainstream?â
You hum, âHm?â
He regards your digits, plays with them. âIf you ever choose to marry meâŠâ Your heart stops. âIâll look just as tense as him.â
âWould you⊠want to marry me one day?â
âItâs just a thing people do, right?â he questions. âWhether itïżœïżœïżœs like this or in any other wayâ Iâll spend my life with you anyhow.â
Iâll spend my life with you.
Not a question. Not a need.
But a confession. A goal. A plan.Â
You donât get to answer when the first tunes of a guitar play. Itâs a song you recognise; paints a smile onto your face. The melody is soft, slow, so gentle. They didnât choose an orchestral track or the usual Wedding March after all.
Itâs a song.
Jungkookâs eyes blow wide, and he immediately seeks yours. Mutters into your ear, âDo I know this?â
âYou probably do.â
âWaitââ He listens in. Pupils roll up as he ponders. Then, âDidnât someone sing this in the lobby this week?â
Almost. Itâs why it delights you so. You already had half an idea back then, and you managed to somehow incorporate it into this wedding without really being part of these people.
âYoongi played it on the guitar,â you clarify, âI suggested it to your mom this morning. I guess she liked it enough to forward the request so spontaneously.â
âYou did? Then she mustâveâŠâ
You canât decipher what heâs thinking. His stare is fixated on the passing bride, her slow steps, the beam she wears as she nears whom sheâs decided to be the rest of her life.
You canât peep into his brain, but you notice when he tilts his head. See the tiny gap between his lips and the way he catches the groom blink away tears the moment you do, because Jungkook smiles at just the same moment as you do.
Gayoung lowers her head when she comes to a stand in front of his still-fiancĂ©, and then delivers the most magnificent, most mesmerising grin. Sheâs happy, you know. You donât think youâve seen this intensity of joy a lot of times in your life.
You recognised it when Jungkook woke up still in your bed after the blue night. When he opened up to you, vowed to stay, brought you to his home. When you announced to the world that youâd be his to remain, that youâd do what you enjoy.
When you got home that evening, and he kissed you right against the door, deemed you crazy, deemed you his.
You havenât seen this very happiness much in your life, but youâve seen it in him. And youâve felt it in your chest. Growing, blossoming, never wilting.
The couple at the front speaks its vows like a song. The words are melodic, poetic, and youâre almost entirely sure that theyâre not rehearsed. Itâs all real. The love in them and the memories in them, accompanied by the liquid bliss swimming in his and her waterline.
No, you havenât experienced this too many times before. Youâve felt it. Heâs felt it.
And you donât need to know much more than this; donât need to know what heâs thinking to understand what he means when he saysâ
âThis⊠this is it.â
THE CHAPTER ISN'T OVER YET!! PLS READ đđŒ
1k block limit as always!! you can read the second half of the chapter in this reblog!! the reblog begins with a new scene <3
#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#bts smut#bts fluff#jeongguk smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts x you#bts imagines#jungkook fic#bts angst#jungkook angst#jungkook
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dorm leaders and a chubby s/o
As a chubby guy my self I absolutely love Chubby readers, this was written in the early days when I wasn't writing all my readers implied to be chubby- dark times I know- since I am almost done with restoration â ïžREQUEST ARE OPENâ ïž please send in request, my navigation post has links to anything you would need! And if you don't wanna request you can always just chat! Anon is always open
CW : fluff, chubby readers supremacy
RiddleÂ
Riddle lives you no matter what!Â
You being chubby does not affect him at all, besides your super soft and good for cuddles
Will not tolerate slander on your name weather from yourself or othersÂ
Gets really angry when people comment rude things about youÂ
Isn't one for PDA but he'll hold your hand, especially when your insecureÂ
Lowkey loves your hugs sm because gosh your just so amazingÂ
You make him so red in the face aksbsosndhskebje like how can you be so cuteÂ
You can always tell who was talking smack because they will have riddles collar thing and will avoid your gazeÂ
And the screaming from riddleÂ
Very soft with youÂ
AzulÂ
He knows exactly how you feel when you feel insecure
Azul is very understanding because he also used to be chubby
Loves your hugs so much because your warm and soft âšÂ
If you let him lay his head on your thighs he would probably die on the spotÂ
Seriously he loves to rest his head on your nice plush thighsÂ
Talk shit get hit, or in this case, hunted for sport by two very tall eel Bois
Actually gets angry when people mermer about you because oof that shit hits close to home
Really good at comforting you because he says all the things he wishes he was told
Always compliments you â€
LeonaÂ
Literally not a fuck in sight đ he gives no shits
You are good for naps tho
Loves to lay on your tummy and sleep for hoursÂ
Thinks your such a cute little herbivore
Ur a snack â€
When your down and sad he'll legit just pull you into his lap and cuddle tf out of you âšÂ
Has heard people talk smack about your weight and it always irks himÂ
Probably gave someone a black eye about it
Not the best at comforting you but he'll tell you that those people are just assholes and not worth your timeÂ
KalimÂ
Aksnakamdbsks đđŒđ đđŒđ đđŒđ
Loves you so much!! Everything, from your cute cheeks to your soft hugs and adorable tummy
Am I biased? Extremely. Does that change the fact that I think kalim would ADORE a chubby s/O?? Not at all
Always wants hugs from you because your soft and warm and make his heart go brrrrrrr
Always gives you the most heartfelt complimentsÂ
If your insecure about the close you were then he'll let you know just how much he loves anything you put onÂ
Gets legitimately confused and mad when someone talks bad about you and has no shame in asking what there problem is
Really good at comforting you and will cuddle you while calling you cute pet names đ„ș
Vil
đ€đbodyđpositive đvil đ
Vil firmly believes that just because your chubby doesn't mean that your not beautiful and adorableÂ
đall bodys are gorgeous đÂ
Always seems to pick clothes that look fabulous on you and also make you feel comfortable
Won't admit it out loud but he loves your plump cheeks and tummyÂ
Pitches your cheeks AffectionatelyÂ
Someone : *talks shit about you*Â
Vil : rook hold my teiraÂ
Literally has 0 patience for someone slandering your name and putting you downÂ
Will fightÂ
Probably likes to trace any stretch marks you may have and tell you your beautiful/handsome/gorgeous
Also won't let you put yourself downÂ
Idia
Your so cute he couldn't even look at you without blushing, even from behind his tablet, seeing your chubby cheeks in HD was a 1 hit k.oÂ
Once your together he's pretty comfy around you (and probably only you lmao) and oh boy does he want âšcuddles âš
Your like perfect for cuddles, your soft, warm, plush, adorable, don't fight him on this you can't change his stubborn mind, and yes he has a PowerPoint on why he's right
You'll be cuddling and suddenly he'll get the wildest, toothy grin and squish your tummy or pitch your cheeksÂ
Immediately blushes and shys awayÂ
Sometimes he'll just rant/ramble about how cute you are as if he's talking about one of his hobbies (a.k.a talking at light speed and info dumping for hours)Â
Someone : *talks shit about you*Â
Idia : *about to roast them both figuratively and literally*Â
Ortho : * pulls out magic laser*Â
Idia knows what it's like to be bullied and it makes him angry to see people treat you like thatÂ
Get you your favorite snacks and has you sit in his lap and game with him to comfort you (and lets u win Mario kart)Â
MalleusÂ
Oh absolutely
Something about you, his chubby little human, makes his heart go brrrrr
He's so curious and he likes to poke and squish your tummy and thighs (lovingly)Â
Takes any and all opportunities to lay his head on your lapÂ
Behind closed doors he's a cuddle feindÂ
Stairs at you lovingly from across the roomÂ
Gives you lots of small complements because they just came to him and he's like "haha gotta tell y/n that! "Â
I'd recommend not talking shit about you because malleus is not having âšany of itâšÂ
Legit gets so angry when people badmouth you because he just doesn't understand why they wouldÂ
But they won't be talking for long that's for sure
ê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âËê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âË ê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âËê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âËê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âËê·ïž¶ê·ê„ê·â§âË
#twst x reader#twst#twst wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#riddle x reader#riddle rosehearts#leona kingsholar x reader#leona x reader#leona kingscholar#azul x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#azul ashengrotto#kalim x reader#kalim al asim x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#vil x reader#vil schoenheit#idia shroud x reader#idia x reader#malleus draconia x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#x reader
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I have another chubby reader for you! I was only gonna ask for one but YOURE SO AMAZING I JUST HAD TO PUT IN ANOTHER REQUESTđđ© Alastor x chubby!reader, where reader goes out with angel Dust to a party or something wearing a *cough* slutty *cough* outfit and Alastor SEES THEM WEARING IT đ and he gets possessive of reader and won't let them leave with angel (whose smirking in the background and fluttering his eyelashes like he's innocent because reader and Alastor are bother emotionally constipated or something and haven't confessed to each otherđ€) and reader is nervous enough wearing something so revealing already (but they felt good enough in their own skin to wear such an outfit; that confidence is quickly fading when Alastor stops her from leaving with the outfit) so she gets the wrong idea that Alastor thinks she disgusting or body shaming her đ„ș but Alastors just ranting about being ladylike and "dressing like a proper lady" , Angel Dust is now watching this heartbreaking train wreck happen and tries to intervene but then Alastor turns on him about tainting the reader or something but reader has heard enough and just quietly just turns around and walks to her room heartbroken đ then angel yells at Alastor and tells him everything *shocked Pikachu face* and goes to reader to fix this misunderstanding, you take it from here????? BUT THEY DO CONFESS
(I LOVE ME SOME HURT/COMFORT AND LOVE CONFESSIONS! YUMM!)
A/N I love your requests and I'm so glad you liked how Sweet turned out. I am actually really proud of that one myself. Of course I will write this. 11/10.
Pretty Bunny (Alastor x Chubby!Rabbit Demon!Reader)
Pairing: Alastor x Reader
Warnings: Hurt/comfort. Body image and weight stuff. I feel like Alastor is a bit ooc but I think this is cute so I don't super care.
Word Count: 2,049
Master Lists:
Master ListsÂ
Hazbin Hotel Master List
âAnd where exactly is it you two are off to in such a hurry?â
Y/n and Angel froze, Angel's hand resting on the handle to the hotel's door.
"Well?"
Exchanging a covert look, Y/n and Angel turned to face Alastor. Y/n clasped her hands innocently behind her back, looking up at Alastor through her lashes which Angel had done up in silver falsies, and Angel fixed a smile on his face.
"Just out." Y/n hummed.
"Yeah," Angel chimed in, draping one of his lower arms over Y/n's shoulders and bringing her into his side, "little Y/n here deserves a night out on the town and some fun."
Y/n quickly elbowed Angel in the side. The spider demon knew Alastor and his opinions on the night life of Pentagram City. He was tempting fate. Alastor raised his eyebrows.
"You deserve 'some fun,' do you?" Alastor asked, fixing his gaze on the shorter of the pair of demons.
Angel released his grip on Y/n, shoving her forward slightly. She stumbled a bit, shooting him a glare before looking carefully back at Alastor. His scrutinizing gaze traversed her form with care. Angel had insisted on dressing her up and while the outfit he had put her in was a bit out of her comfort zone, Y/n felt incredibly pretty. The little white satin dress hung from her hips, playing gently against her thighs when she walked, and the black knee high platforms made her at least a couple inches taller. Angel had even placed black satin bows around the bases of her rabbit ears to tie the whole thing together.
There were also the chains, thin and dripping off her body. A necklace here, a carefully placed waist chain there, she looked practically angelic. Alastor crossed his arms, tapping his foot menacingly as he impatiently waited for an explanation.
"Well, we've been working so hard to become better people and it's been three months since we've done anything... fun. Besides, it was my birthday last week."
"Uh-huh." Alastor nodded, his lack of amusement with the situation obvious, "And where exactly are you two planning on going?"
"Oh come on, Smiles. It's just a club I know." Angel sighed, "You're starting to sound like Charlie. I thought you wanted to see us fail."
"That is true." was the only response the Radio Demon gave Angel before fixing his attention on Y/n once again.
She was beginning to grow uncomfortable under his piercing stare. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself, her shoulders hunching slightly.
"So what is the issue, Alastor."
The name felt foreign on her tongue. Although she had been a guest of the Hazbin Hotel practically since its creation, she avoided Alastor. At first, it had of course been due to intimidation. Then, as he had slowly begun to reveal his true colors to the residents of the hotel, it had morphed into something entirely other. Y/n thought that the Radio Demon, one of the most feared overlords in all of Hell, was pretty.
Y/n had never been good at dealing with crushes or flirting or anything. She avoided him like the plague. Her tail twitched thoughtlessly with trepidation, shifting her skirt just the slightest bit, revealing just the smallest big more of her thighs.. It was the last straw for Alastor.
"You're not going out in that."
Angel pressed his palm to his forehead, shaking his head. Love was his specialty, the act and the feeling. It was obvious to him Y/n had a thing for the Radio Demon, and not just because she had revealed the information to him in one of their late night talks. He never brought it up with the rabbit demon who had become a dear friend in the time they had known one another, but he was relatively certain Alastor had some interest in her as well. The Radio Demon seemed to constantly be a few steps behind her, entering rooms she had just left, letting his eyes linger on her when they did their group exercises.
At Alastor's words, Y/n's mouth fell slightly open. Her breath caught in her throat, a shiver running through her.
"Oh."
Her voice was strained and Angel could tell she was holding back tears. Y/n turned away from Alastor, her shoulders slouching even further.
"That is no way for a proper lady to dress." Alastor continued, not seeming to notice the effect his words had had as he lectured the smaller demon, "I mean, you're barley wearing anything at all! For goodness sake, your shoes are covering more than that dress an-"
"Alright," Angel cut in, stepping up beside Y/n and pulling her into his arms, "that's enough big guy."
"You're clearly tainting her with your promiscuity." Alastor sighed, "What, you want to bring her to some club so ignorant wimps can drool over her all night? Or maybe that's what she wants to have happen."
Y/n pulled herself from Angel's grip and marched right up to Alastor. Her eyes wet with unshed tears, he looked down at the finger she was jabbing into his chest in mild shock.
"You are mean." she stated, "I can't believe how wrong I was about you. I thought... god!"
She let her finger fall and crossed her arms over her stomach once again.
"You ready to go, sweet cheeks?" Angel asked and she shook her head.
All the fight had gone out of her.
"No, you go ahead without me. I think... I think I'm just gonna go to bed. Thanks for... yeah."
With those parting words, Y/n stormed upstairs. Angel and Alastor watched until she had long since disappeared into the depths of the hotel. Slowly, they turned to face each other once again.
"What." Alastor said in the most deadpan tone Angel had ever heard come from the demon.
"How could you do that?" Angel asked accusatorially, taking a step towards Alastor, "She is the sweetest little menace on the planet!"
"Do what?"
Alastor's brow furrowed in confusion. He didn't think he'd said anything wrong, done anything wrong. Y/n was the one who had over reacted, stepped out of line, right?
"Do you have any idea how long it has taken her to be confident enough to wear something like that? She has worked so hard on her relationship with herself and... and... she felt pretty. Why would you say that shit to her?"
"I... what?"
"She liked you, ya dumbass! She cared about what you thought of her!"
Alastor took the slightest step back, his hand not grasping his microphone raised to his chest, hovering over his heart.
"I am afraid I don't understand you."
Angel sighed, trying to calm himself.
"Look. Y/n has a crush on you and you just told her she wasn't pretty."
"No I didn't. I told her she should be more ladylike. A crush on me?"
"Yeah well, that's not much better. She is who she is and she is wonderful! The way that she dresses doesn't change any of that."
"She has a crush on me?" Alastor asked again, dumbstruck.
"Yes you idiot."
"But she never speaks to me. I thou-"
"That's cause she's nervous. Geeze, you are dense."
Y/n jumped in shock as she caught sight of Alastor using his shadows to teleport into her room through the reflection of the mirror. Her makeup half off, she turned to him.
"The fuck are you doing here?"
Alastor opened his mouth, about to make a comment about her language before thinking better of it and closing it again. Y/n rolled her eyes, her anger and hurt having festered into irritation. She turned back to the mirror, using the cotton pad in her hand to take off the last of her mascara. Alastor watched her face through the mirror as she tossed the cotton pad to the side.
Reaching up, she slowly began to disassemble the sculpture of a hairdo Angel had put her in.
"Why are you here?" she asked again, placing a bobby pin on the table.
"I came to... apologize." he replied, taking a small step forward.
"What, did Angel force ya' to?"
It wasn't often her accent slipped out. Y/n had been raised in Brooklyn but her parents had been insistent she work not to have the accent. People didn't take people who had them seriously, they said. It only ever made an appearance when she was drunk or feeling any emotion to it's extremity, especially anger.
"No, I am here of my own volition."
"Yeah, sure." she scoffed as she pulled the last of the pins from her hair, allowing it to fall freely around her face as she turned back to him over her shoulder, "I totally believe that."
"It was not my intent to make you feel like you weren't... pretty." Alastor carefully said, avoiding her eyes, "Just tha-
"If an apology involves an exception, is it really an apology?"
Alastor had never been good at this. Apologies or any of the other feelings he had been actively suppressing about the rabbit demon since he had come to the hotel. She stood up from her chair, walking over to him.
Y/n knew the clock was ticking, felt the heat of the tears building in her head again.
"What." she asked, throwing her arms out to the sides and looking around the room, "Ya' think I'm ugly? Unladylike? Is that because I let Angel dress me up or because I'm not stick thin?"
"Y/n."
There were tears dripping down her cheeks now. She looked away, crossing her arms tightly across her stomach in protection.
"Just leave, Alastor."
"Y/-"
"Leave!" she commanded, "Get outa here!"
"Y/-"
"I don' wanna talk to you! What don't ya' get about that!"
"Y/n!" Alastor grabbed her shoulder, turning her to face him.
"What!" she yelled back, tears streaming hotly down her face, "What, Alastor."
"I... I think you're beautiful."
The tears stopped, Y/n's eyes wide. Fueled by a sudden wild courage Alastor continued, grabbing her hands in his own.
"I do. You... I don't have the words. You..." he shook his head, "I really don't. You are a wonder."
Her nose twitched subtly, her ears adjusting themselves atop her head.
"But then why... why did you say those things to me?"
"I was jealous." he anxiously admitted, "I never meant to make you cry."
"Jealous?" Y/n repeated with a slight laugh and Alastor nodded.
His cheeks were hot and his heart pounding in his chest but he refused to look away from Y/n. Releasing one of her hands, he reached into his pocket and retrieved a handkerchief. Gently, he raised it to Y/n's face, patting away her tears.
"You were jealous."
He wasn't going to be able to escape this one.
"That some other guy was gonna see you like that? Was going to charm you and hold you in their arms while I did nothing? Of course I was."
"I have a confession to make." Y/n said after a moment.
"And what might that be?" Alastor asked as he took another step closer to Y/n, still holding one of her hands in his.
He tried his best to repress a smile, her bashfulness was so endearing.
"I maybe, kind of sort of... think you're beautiful too?"
She looked up at him through her lashes. He let go of her hands, grabbing her by the waste and pulling her body into his.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." she nodded shyly.
"You know, I might have heard something along those lines from Angel just a bit earlier."
"From... that little bitch! I mean snitch! I mean both actually I guess."
Alastor laughed at her antics.
"So, pretty bunny, what are we to do with this revelation?"
Y/n's ears cocked. Alastor could feel her tail twitch, brushing up against his arm where he held her. A shiver traveled down his spine.
"Oh I don't know." Y/n feigned indecision, her hands finding her way around his waist as well, bringing them even closer together, "Maybe you should ask me on a date? If you're interested."
"Interested?" Alastor laughed, leaning down, "Of course I am."
#x reader#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#fic writer#x reader fics#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#fanfic#alastor x reader#chubby!reader#alastor fanfiction#Alastor x Chubby!Reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin#hazbin hotel x reader smut#hazbin hotel x Chubby!Reader#x chubby reader#x chubby!reader#alastor x chubby reader#hazbin hotel x chubby reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#the radio demon#radio demon#requested#request#request fic
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okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and sheâs like ânoooo pls donât be mad i hate when youâre mad at me Iâm sorryđ„șâ bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but heâs like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesnât like blow up on her until she finally says like âpls talk to meâ and heâs all pissed and like âhell na bitch u crazy!đŁïžâŒïžâ but then later heâs like âitâs ok i love u but neva do that shit again hoâ then they make up and itâs good again đ ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job đ€ sigh ⊠idk Iâm leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em
hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it
warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......
a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye
âI cannot believe you right now. I donât evenâI donât even know what to say.âÂ
âSpencer, you donât have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and Iâm not looking for your approval.âÂ
He looks up from where heâd been rubbing his temples, like youâre a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief.Â
âOh! Youâre not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.âÂ
âAre you fucking kidding me? I just said I donât care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.âÂ
âYou distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I donât understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.âÂ
The words bite more than you were prepared forâbut what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past youâd both said things you didnât mean, and then would immediately melt into Iâm so sorryâs and the fight would resolve itself. Spencerâs clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication.Â
You take a step closer to where heâs bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest.Â
âSpencer, Iâm sorry. I didnât think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.âÂ
Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if youâre imagining it. Panic wells in your chest.Â
âPlease talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. Iâm sorry, okay? Just... please say something.âÂ
Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but thereâs not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything thatâs wrong with you.Â
âBelieve me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.âÂ
And then heâs leaving the kitchenânothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there.Â
The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know heâs doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply itâs nearly disabling; but that doesnât make it hurt much less. It doesnât make you feel less abandoned or alone. Â
Youâre sad, and youâre still pissed, and maybe youâre in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is rightâunless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault? Â
Itâs a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isnât supposed to ever be aimed at you. Itâs not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesnât belong in this apartment. Itâs not something he needs to use against you. Heâs supposed to be on your side. But instead, heâd said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now youâre doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday.Â
---------------------------------------------------
The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer. Â
He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you donât acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence.Â
âCan we talk?âÂ
You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph.Â
âI donât know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?âÂ
âThat is... well deserved,â he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. Thereâs a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. âAre you doing homework right now? Iâm a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"
âWhat the fuck else was I supposed to do?â you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. âThe only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!âÂ
The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth.Â
Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his armsâand you just let him. Thereâs not much fight left in you. There wasnât a lot to begin with.Â
âI am so sorry, angel. Youâre right, I shouldnât have done that. I shouldnât have yelled, I shouldnât have said what I said, I shouldnât have walked away. I overreacted.âÂ
âYeah, you really did,â you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. âWhy did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?âÂ
His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins.Â
âI was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knewâI knew it wasnât what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldnât figure out why I wasnât. But I think I was just scared. WhichâI know, doesnât really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced Iâd never get clean that I didnât even want to anymore, andâand the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And Iâm sorry.âÂ
âBut Iâm not like you or Ethan. You donât have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. Thatâs a road you donât have to worry about me going down, ever.âÂ
He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt. Â
âYeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday heâd be shooting up in the bathroom at work?âÂ
âMm-mm,â you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencerâs shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. Itâs still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didnât know him then, but youâve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and itâs... itâs just too much. Too sad.Â
âOkay,â he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. âI digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while itâs not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.â Â
You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devilâs advocate; in this case, you.Â
âBut that doesnât mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.âÂ
You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake.Â
After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered.Â
âAre you still mad at me?âÂ
Heâs quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm.Â
âIâm not thrilled. But you were right earlier. Itâs not my place to be mad at you for something like that.âÂ
âMm... itâs a little bit your place. Youâre an actual professor.âÂ
He chuckles.Â
âAt an entirely different university.âÂ
âThank god,â you laugh. âYou and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.â
While itâs almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident.Â
âYeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.âÂ
âOkay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?âÂ
Spencer sighs.Â
âIt was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. Itâs my tentative, professional opinion that youâll probably be fine.âÂ
You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didnât realize was there to shed like an old skin.Â
âIâm not gonna cheat again,â you promise on an exhale. Itâs simply too much risk for too little reward.
Spencerâs response is quiet, and comes much faster than youâd expected.Â
âOh, I know you arenât. Because if you do, youâre going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And Iâm not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.âÂ
But something about the way he says itâa thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your foreheadâdoesnât exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you
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HELLO!! i keep requesting them sotty im obsessed but what about hunting dogs with a s/o who has a childđ
đ
i got silly again
Hunting Dogs with your child
⥠pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader
⥠synopsis: How do these goofballs fare as stepdads? (or, in Teruko's case, fun auntie?)
⥠cw: Swearing, unofficial stepfathering, unrealistically good stepfathering, reader's ex situation is not established but it's assumed that their baby momma/daddy is not in the picture (Tachihara), mentions of violence
note: I just haven't written anything in ages, and for that I apologise. Wow, being in university is time consuming! I've had block for months and it's been an absolute pain in the arse but I'm back babey! Keep your requests coming anon- I am the Hunting Dogs whisperer and I will write them till I die. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x
Fukuchi:
My dude is so so so enthusiastic. You mean to tell him that he gets a beautiful loving partner AND a new little guy to hang out with?? Sign him tf up
This man buys your kid so many presents it's genuinely concerning. Your child is spoilt to hell and back by Fukuchi. You need to discourage him from this behaviour STAT
He constantly uses dad words like 'buddy' and 'pal' and 'kiddo' to refer to your kid and they eventually start responding to these nicknames lol
He would totally also do dad stances and just embrace the fatherly aura that is slowly overtaking him day by day (bro starts falling asleep on the couch while the game's on at 9pm)
He's actually surprisingly gentle with your child. If they cry he'll pick them up and comfort them very well. He's like a whole different person when your kid is scared or sad- it's the cutest thing ever
If your child ever gets him a Fathers' Day present he'll probably cry like old man tears of joy. In fact if your child ever does anything nice for him he'll be incredibly touched. Kinda reminds him what he's doing his job for :')
Tells your child great exaggerated (CHILD FRIENDLY) stories about his heroic achievements as a soldier before bed. It's genuinely super cute you guys
If the kid ever runs up to him in excitement when he arrives home in the evening he returns the energy and is like 'omg there they are! that's my kiddo! how have you been??' and picks them up and AUGH they're so cute
Just....đ„șđ„ș
Jouno:
Your child is probably scared of him at first. Within their first meeting he probably makes them cry.
Sorry y'all đ but he doesn't exactly come off as much of a teddy bear...and nor does he really act like one with anyone else other than you in private
Jouno just isn't good with kids. Not in the sense that he's scared of them but that he doesn't really know how to interact with them without being intimidating or otherwise just detached
But he really loves you, and he wants to be a good parental figure to your kid, so he tries to warm them up to him by getting them a gift. That probably helps- he might not know much about kids but he's right to assume that they fucking love receiving gifts
Whatever your child's hobbies/interests are, Jouno genuinely does try to connect with them over it, and after a while it does work.
Soon enough your child and Jouno are inseparable and your child is spewing sadistic military rhetoric and oh dear god you've made a terrible mistake introducing the two of them
Yeah, Jouno probably teaches your kid all KINDS of horrible things. He will tell your child stories about times he's tortured suspects, or slaughtered gangs, and just stuff that is not family friendly. You have to nip that behaviour in the bud or else...
He's generally pretty good at taking care of your child, but like, if your kid cried because they were scared there was a monster under the bed, Jouno would probably be like "Yeah. There is. Good luck." and then turn off the lights and leave đ
Just give him time. He'll learn how to be an emotionally available parent at SOME point
Tecchou:
He's not the step dad. He's the dad that stepped up
Tecchou is definitely very aloof and awkward around your child- like, he knows how to interact with you, but children are different. Children are frightening. And they are his biggest fear maybe
In spite of this, he is fiercely protective of your kid. He will make sure that child is as safe and calm as possible at all times, and he certainly prefers to show that he cares through actions rather than words.
He usually wouldn't initiate physical contact with your child but if they hugged him he would hug back, if they gave him a hi-five he would do it back, etc etc. he will never let your kid down
If your child likes make belief, you can bet you'd walk into a room and find your kid all dressed up, off their rocker in full theatre mode, while Tecchou is sitting on the floor, also dressed up, but looking more depressed than ever before
Save him from your baby. They are taking YEARS off his life
He probably accidentally sends your kid to hospital at some point because he cooked for them. Damnit Tecchou, how don't you realise that a child's stomach wouldn't be able to handle a combination of chocolate and beef
It's okay though, he does learn from this. Plus, he takes care of your child and buys them presents and hangs out with them until they're better <3
He might not join your child in the ball pit, but he would watch them swim around in there with the softest, faintest, most affectionate smile on his face. And that is all that matters folks
Teruko (platonic):
The funnest, meanest, coolest auntie ever
Teruko will lead your child down a dreadful path. Limit their visits to holidays and birthdays for your own sake and the sake of your young one
She's really more than happy to negatively influence look after your child if you need her to though, and they love her because she's super chill and lets them get away with all kinds of things (that aren't violent crimes against humanity)
Your parent says one cookie after dinner? Screw it, have six. I won't tell if you won't. - Teruko, probably
She uses her ability to entertain your kid sometimes- usually she'll decrease her age so she can join them in things like building pillow forts and playing on jungle gyms
I'm just picturing them playing at the park and some concerned parent coming up to them asking where their guardian is and Teruko just fucking transforms into a grown woman on the spot and goes 'WHO'S ASKING' đ
Teruko is a super cool fun aunt. But she is very wise, and she really will give your kid good life advice on occasion.
She'll also cheer them up when they're feeling down, and if they're feeling scared she helps them step out of their comfort zones and confront their fears (in a safe way!!)
If your kid is like, getting picked on at school or something, Teruko will nag you to phone their school about it. If you don't, she does. If they don't do anything about it, she does. Bottom line is NOBODY fucks with your kid when Teruko is around
I guess technically she really is scary dog privilege lmao
Tachihara:
Help he's so nervous at first? Tachihara this is a child, not a wise sage- you can be normal around them
He just wants to make a good impression on the child okay he's doing his best
But (obviously) your kid immediately loves him, and thinks he's the coolest guy ever, and wants to hang out with him all the time
Tachihara has a bit of a concern that the kid will think that he's trying to replace their other parent, which is fair, but it's unfounded because your child absolutely adores him and does not care about that at all
If your child ever calls him 'Dad' watch his soul fucking transcend to a new plane, he's so surprised and honoured that this beautiful person's child would consider him their parent
Your kid has Tachihara wrapped around their tiny finger. He will oblige them with anything- if you've got a toddler who likes uppies and piggybacks, say your prayers for Tachihara's upper arm and back muscles because he will carry them for hours
You really need him to stop leaving weaponry around the house, though- the absolute HEART ATTACK you had when you saw your precious baby carrying around an unloaded pistol
Also, Tachihara, babe, STOP SWEARING SO MUCH AROUND THE BABY. I CAN'T HAVE MY KID SAYING 'FUCK' TO STRANGERS - you, probably
Doesn't really ever talk about his job(s) with your kid, all they know is that he 'kills bad guys', and they think that's cool as fuck
He's not perfect, sure. But he is trying so hard to be The Perfect Parentâą and, more importantly, he loves your child to bits
taglist~ ⥠@gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen
of course, thank you to anon for this req!
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanfic#bsd fanfiction#bsd headcanons#bsd hcs#fanfiction#bsd fluff#headcanons#bungo stray dogs headcanons#bungo stray dogs fanfic#bsd x reader#gn reader#bsd x gn reader#bsd fukuchi#fukuchi ouchi#fukuchi x reader#bsd jouno#jouno saigiku#jouno x reader#bsd tecchou#tecchu suehiro#tecchou x reader#bsd teruko#teruko okura#bsd tachihara#tachihara michizou#tachihara x reader
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Chapter 18: Hole in None
Summary: During your bridal shower, Steve takes Javi golfing. When they return, the way Javi is acting has you questioning everything you knew about your relationship.
Word Count: 12.1K (getting back to my roots of a short chapter LMAO)
Warnings: SMUT(18+) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up irl pls), oral (f receiving), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint?), makeup sex and getting caught (The Murphy's will never catch a break) ANGST (I'm so sorry!!), Hurt/comfort, Javi being super insecure, you being confused as hell, Steve being an absolute idiot
A/N: HELLO. IT'S ME! I DO EXSIST! I am genuinely SO sorry that this chapter has taken a million years to happen. December has been so busy and I have had no time to write, so I really, really appreciate all of your patience đ„ș This is a lil different than any other chapter we've had so far in the NTL universe, it's a lil angsty-er than normal but ya girl only believes in happy endings so don't fret!!! Also poorly beta'd bc I have the stomach flu and I am 100% there are mistakes in this chapter that I'm sure I missed đ«
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âDo I really have to do this? This thing hasnât even started yet and Iâm already exhausted.âÂ
âYes, Hermosa, I do think that most people do expect the bride to be at her own bridal shower.â Javi laughed, staring into the bathroom mirror as he ran his hands through the dark curls of his hair, fixing them into place as you stood next to him, finishing the rest of your longer than usual makeup routine to prepare for being the center of attention against your will for the next several hours.Â
It wasnât that you werenât grateful that your co-workers wanted to throw you a bridal shower before your wedding, now only a few weeks away- the sentiment of the whole thing was incredibly thoughtful. Your 3rd grade teammates had even found a way to get in touch with your family to make sure that your mom, aunts and cousins felt included in the event, too. You should have been thrilled about the fact that the people who loved you most in the world were coming together to celebrate your upcoming wedding and quite literally showering you with gifts, but if there was one thing you hated more than anything else, it was the social exhaustion that came from having a party planned for no one but you.Â
You had really tried to convince Maria, Estelle, Linda, and now, your mom that you didnât need a bridal shower- your wedding was going to be small, and since you had already been living on your own, there werenât a lot of things you needed as you started married life together. Unfortunately, neither of those arguments were going to stop those ladies from going all out for you, leaving you feeling like your bridal shower was turning out to be even bigger than your actual wedding.Â
âDonât you think I could just get a cardboard cutout of myself and use that instead? All these ladies love to talk so much that I donât think they would even know the difference.â You sighed, giving yourself a once over in the mirror before putting away the rest of your makeup as Javi snuck behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss into your shoulder as he pressed his chest against your back.Â
âI have a feeling that someone would notice.â Javi chuckled, a soft grin spreading across his face as your eyes met in the mirror, his smile and sweet eyes enough to calm your nerves for at least a moment. âI would definitely notice.âÂ
âWell thatâs easy for you to say, you donât even have to be there.â You huffed, letting a little pout fall from your lips as Javi playfully shook you in his grasp, trying your best not to smile as you tried to keep up your unenthused facade. âItâs not too late to trade. You can go to the bridal shower and I can go golfing with you and Steve.âÂ
Even though Javi had insisted he was more than happy to stay at the shower with you, Maria had insisted that Javi find another way to spend his time so the spotlight of the day could be on you, and not him being distractingly handsome to everyone else there. Lucky for Javi, that meant extra time to spend with Steve while Connie was at your shower- not so lucky for you that Maria had banished your future husband from attending an event for your own wedding.Â
âI honestly may have to take you up on that. Steve must have needed an ego boost when I let him pick what he wanted to do while you and Connie were at the shower because he knows I canât golf for shit.â Javiâs overdramatic sigh and roll of his eyes was enough to make you break into a little giggle, turning your head enough to press a quick kiss onto his cheek before reaching your hand under his chin, giving his jaw a little jiggle. âItâll go by fast, Osita, I promise. And then, when we get home,â he paused, pressing another kiss into your shoulder and up towards your neck, digging his fingers a little tighter into your sides as he rasped into your ear, âIâll take as much time as you want to destress you.âÂ
âAs much time as I want? Bold of you to assume that the dog is gonna give us that long.â You snickered as a happy Bear trotted into your bathroom right on cue, his tail loudly thumping against the bathroom cabinets from his happy wags as he wedged himself between you and Javi.Â
The newest furry member of your household had been a well loved addition, but if there was one thing Bear had no concept of, it was privacy. Your dog had become a constant shadow to you and Javi anywhere and everywhere in your house, including your in your bedroom, even when you were, well, not sleeping. It hadnât helped that Javi had already formed such a soft spot for Bear, and had let him on your bed from the moment he stepped foot into the apartment, and now, your dog and his clingy personality had become a new obstacle to try and navigate in your sex life.Â
âSomeone needs to tell his dad that heâll survive if he gets left out of the bedroom for a half hour, huh? That heâs adorable, but that he can be a little cockblock, canât he?â Squatting down next to Bear, you wrapped your hands around his face, scratching behind his ears as you mockingly serenaded him, raising an eyebrow at Javi.Â
âHe just sounds so sad when he whines and heâs trapped outside the door.â Javi grumbled, kneeling down to join you, patting Bearâs stomach, now much thicker and fuller than it was a few weeks ago after you had first brought him home, skinny and neglected from his lack of care from his previous owners.Â
âYou say trapped like we're kicking him out to the streets when we close the door on him. Heâs adorable and sweet, but heâs a dog, Jav, heâll be okay.â You smirked, playfully scolding Javi as you peppered Bearâs head with kisses, making his tail thump even harder as it wagged back and forth. âTell your dad youâll be just fine, wonât you?âÂ
âYeah, yeah, yeahâŠâ Javi groaned, knowing damn well you were right, even though he couldnât bring himself to admit he had become an absolute softie for your new dog. âAlright, Hermosa, we gotta get you to this shower before Maria yells at me for making you late.â Pushing his hands against his knees, Javi let out a little grunt as he pushed himself back up to stand, checking the time on the silver watch wrapped around his wrist.Â
âWow, so eager to get rid of me, you must really be excited to go get your ass kicked in golf.â You teased, now following suit and straightening out your dress as you stood, throwing your arms around Javiâs neck, pressing up on your tiptoes to plant a little kiss on his lips. âSure you donât want me to golf for you?âÂ
âIâm sure, you dork.âÂ
After Javi had insisted on giving Bear more than his fair share of treats before the two of you left for the day, you were on the road to Mariaâs, Javi insisting that he drop you off, instead of letting you take the treacherous 2 minute drive by yourself. As you drove down Mariaâs street, you couldnât help but smile at the memory of walking up to her house for an end of the school year party almost exactly a year ago. A party that had ultimately turned a handsome stranger from the Laredo Sheriff's department into your future husband, now sitting in the driverâs seat on the way to your bridal shower. You couldnât help but laugh to yourself at the irony, leaning your head over onto Javiâs broad shoulder as you pulled up to Mariaâs house.Â
âWhatâs up, Osita?â Javi asked, a twinge of confusion in his voice at the content and calm of your demeanor as the two of you arrived at the event that you had been seemingly dreading for days.Â
âI just- It was probably a year ago to the day the last time that we were at Mariaâs house. Crazy to think that a year later weâre getting married and here for my bridal shower. I donât know, a year ago I never would have thought I would have met someone I love so much, let alone be getting married, building a house, owning a dog, I- Iâm just really happy that the department made you come to do that stupid presentation. Youâve made this year the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. Youâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. I love you, Jav.âÂ
A tender silence hung in the air as Javi leaned over the center console, gently bringing his palm to cup the side of your face, his thumb tracing circles along your cheek, letting his sweet brown eyes lock with yours as a soft smile spread across his face. âI love you too, Osita.â His words barely left his mouth above a whisper, bringing his lips to yours. The two of you could have stayed like this forever, lost in the moment of your love for each other, but unfortunately, the world had other plans.Â
âJAVIER. DIOS MIO. CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER FOR 3 SECONDS?â Maria shouted, banging at the driverâs side window, the aggressive thumps of her hand against the glass making the two of you practically jump out of your skin.Â
âJesus Fucking ChristâŠ.â Javi whispered, clutching his hand over his chest, trying to steady his heart rate back to normal, the two of you looking at each other in pure terror.Â
âIf youâre going to drop her off and make a scene in my driveway, the least you can do is help an old woman out before you leave, Javier!â Maria demanded, still rapping her knuckles against the glass, the two of you trying to keep from dying of embarrassment as you exited out of the car.Â
âSorry MariaâŠâ The two of you grimaced, still trying to avoid direct eye contact with her before she decided to scold you more.Â
âChucho is right, you two are no worse than a pair of teenagers. Come on, we only have an hour before everyone arrives and I need you and that wildly blonde haired boy to help me move chairs.â Shaking her head in disappointment, Maria was already halfway up the driveway and into the house as you and Javi trailed behind her, glancing at each other in confusion as to who she was referring to, until you noticed the Murphyâs car parked on the side of the street, realizing that Steve and Connie must have beaten you there.Â
Before you even had a chance to make it a foot into the house, you were greeted by an overbearing swarm of people rushing to say hello and give you a hug, already feeling overwhelmed 30 seconds into the start of your shower, and these were all people you knew. Your mom was the first to make her way through the crowd, squeezing you in a death grip hug, even though you had just seen her last night after picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel.Â
âOh my god, I canât believe the day is almost here! My baby girl is finally getting married! Ugh, you look beautiful sweetheart!â Your mom beamed, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before making her way over to Javi, squeezing him just as hard. âCâmere, donât think that you get to escape hugs from me too, Javi.â Javi looked over at you, trying his best not to laugh at everyoneâs dramatics, knowing how stressed you already were, and that no oneâs overly excited attitude was doing you any favors.Â
âOuch on the finally there, Mom. What do you need help with?â You asked, noticing that your mom had been holding on to Javi for a touch longer than what was probably appropriate while everyone else continued to hustle and bustle around Mariaâs house.Â
âDoes he always smell that good? God, I wished your father smelled like that, the man smells like a sweaty sock. Javi, what kind of cologne do you-âÂ
âMom! Jesus Christ.â You interjected, burying your hands in your face.
âSorry, sorry! Honey, you donât need to help with anything, itâs your shower!â Your mom swatted her hand at you, shaking her head in disbelief that you would ask to help, even though she knew better than anyone it was not in your nature to sit back on the sidelines and let other people do the work for you.Â
âWhy donât you come help me set up decorations?â A soft voice replied behind you, making you whip your head around as their hand rested on your shoulder.Â
âConnie!â You grinned, throwing her arms around her, relieved to find someone who wasnât going to drive you absolutely crazy for the next hour of party prep. âItâs so good to see you, thank you so much for coming!âÂ
âHey, Sweetheart!â a lower voice grunted from behind a stack of folding chairs making its way to the backyard.Â
âWow, Maria put you to work too, Steve? Yikes, sheâs running a tight ship around here.â You and Connie snickered as Steve set down his stack of chairs, revealing his already sweaty and frustrated face, considering Maria had probably made him carry 6 trips worth of seats up and down the stairs since he and Connie had arrived.Â
âYouâre tellinâ me. Hey, make yourself useful and pick up some of these chairs, lazy ass. Sooner we get this set up, the sooner I kick your butt at golf.â Steve smirked, gesturing over at Javi, still standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips.Â
âIn that case, Iâm taking one chair at a time.â Javi sighed, pressing a quick kiss to your temple in stride towards Steve, giving him a swift hug and a pat on the back before being interrupted by a shrill and demanding voice.Â
âJAVIER. I HEARD THAT. IF I DONâT SEE YOU WITH A STACK OF CHAIRS IN YOUR HANDS THE NEXT TIME YOUâRE OUTSIDE, ITâD BETTER BE BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.â Maria shouted from across the house, making everyoneâs faces freeze in fear.Â
âYou heard the woman. Chop, chop, Peña.â Steve chuckled to himself before passing off half of the chairs over to Javi, and walking towards the back of the house as Javi picked up his share, begrudgingly trailing behind Steve.Â
âAlright, we should probably get to work on decorations before Maria finds us standing around for too long. I know youâre the bride, but I have a feeling that holds very little value to her until everything is set up.â Connie shrugged, nodding towards the backyard where the shower was being held.Â
âYouâre definitely right, and I would prefer to live through my bridal shower in order to make it to my actual wedding.âÂ
With all of the helping hands around the house, and Mariaâs commanding dictatorship over shower setup, all of you had finished with time to spare, leaving your mom and co-workers to happily chat and gossip amongst themselves as you and Connie found your way to say goodbye to Steve and Javi, one of whom was looking much more excited about departing for golf than the other.Â
âHave fun, ladies. Any last words for your future husband before I absolutely obliterate him on the golf course?â Steve snickered, giving Javi a soft punch on the shoulder.Â
âShut the fuck up, Murph.â Javi groaned, rolling his eyes as he braced himself for the next 3 hours of harassment from his former partner.Â
âDonât be too hard on him, okay Steve? He gets grumpy when he loses, so just a reasonable amount of ass whooping, nothing too drastic.â You teased, now playfully punching on the other side of his arm, you, Steve, and Connie laughing to yourselves at Javiâs fed up frown.Â
âSays the one who literally pouted for hours after insisting we play "Sorry" and then she lost.â Javi smugly murmured, raising an eyebrow at you, crossing his arms over his chest.
âWell someone wasnât very sorry about it, were they⊠You know what, Steve? I changed my mind, go ahead and kick his ass for me.â A mischievous grin grew across your face, bursting out into giggles as Javi flung his arms around you, giving you a squeeze and shaking you in his grasp.Â
âPendejo. Alright, you need anything else before I go get my ass kicked, Hermosa?â Javi asked, pressing a kiss into your hair. You were about to speak, but stopped yourself for a moment, looking Javi up and down, admiring how handsome he looked in the khakis and navy blue polo he had picked out this morning. Youâd been so worried and worked up about the day that you hadnât really had a chance to get a good look at him until now, and God, part of you wished you hadnât taken the time to really take it all in as he stood next to you. You knew there was nothing you could really do about it now, but that wasnât about to stop you from at least getting a little taste.Â
âUh yeah, I uh- actually um, I uh, I scraped my finger earlier on one of the banners I was setting up and I think I got a papercut. I forgot to ask Maria about it earlier, but um, can you show me where the bandaids are upstairs again?â You tried your best to sound as casual as possible, but Javi knew just as well as you that there was no way in hell that you actually needed a bandaid. His brow scrunched in a slight confusion, head cocked to the side as if to say âI think I know where this is going and Iâm not really sure itâs going to workâ before giving you a little shrug, gesturing up towards the bathroom at the top of the stairwell, trying to keep his smug grin hidden between his lips.Â
âYeah, I uh- here, let me show you where they are and I can get you one before we go.â Before Steve or Connie could even muster a word in protest, Javi was already dragging you halfway up the stairs, barely letting you make it to the top of the stairway before closing the bathroom door behind you.Â
âBand Aid, really? That was the best you could come up with?â Javi laughed under his breath, letting his hands roam down your sides and under the hem of your dress as his fingers dug into the meat of your ass, the heat of his breath tickling your skin where his lips met your neck, gently sucking at your pulse point, making a tiny moan escape from your mouth.Â
âI needed to come up with something to get you alone for long enough to give you a proper goodbye before you left.âÂ
âAnd a Band Aid was the way to do that?âÂ
âOh shut up.â You giggled, draping your arms over Javiâs neck, letting your hands roam through the curls at the nape of his neck before pulling him in tighter to let his lips crash into yours with an electric intensity, his fingertips gripping deeper into your flesh.Â
âI donât think-â Javi muttered between kisses, âI donât think a bandaid is gonna buy us enough time to do anything, Hermosa.âÂ
âI know. I just needed this. Just needed to kiss your stupidly handsome face. I needed something before you left me to fend for myself. Plus,â you paused, pulling back to see the lovestruck grin spread between Javiâs cheeks, âonly fair that I get a chance to recreate our first kiss.â You snickered, gesturing to the interior of Mariaâs bathroom, where you had found yourself with Javi almost a year ago to the day, your lips meeting for the first time as you sat on the ledge of the sink after Javi had came to your aid when a shattered beer bottle had landed in your leg.Â
âFuck, I forgot our first kiss was in Mariaâs bathroom. Real fucking smooth of me, huh?â Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes at his past self for letting your first kiss be in the bathroom of his Momâs best friendâs house.Â
âSmooth enough for me to wanna marry you, so I guess it all worked out okay, didnât it?â You teased, planting one last kiss on his lips before shooting him a wink and slipping out the bathroom, your face warm and tingly from the rush of excitement tucked away with Javi in your impromptu makeout session. Javi ran his hand over his face, taking a moment to try and compose himself, shaking his head to himself in shock and delight at how he found himself falling more and more in love with you every day.Â
âOkay, uh- sorry, sorry about that. Just didnât wanna have to bother Maria for anything.â You sighed, darting your eyes away from Steve and Connie, their arms crossed against their chest with almost comically smug smirks on their faces as they watched you shuffle back down the stairs, Javi reluctantly trailing behind you.Â
âYeah? Howâd that bandaid work out for ya?â Steve smiled with a shit eating grin, nodding to your hands, neither of them with a bandaid anywhere in sight. You let out a gulp, trying to quickly tuck your hands behind your back, your cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. âGoddamn, you two gonna make it 3 hours without touching each other, or am I gonna have to bring him back here after hole 4 for a mid-round makeout?âÂ
âJesus Christ, Murph, really?.â Javi grumbled, rolling his eyes. âBye, love you. Have fun and Iâll see you soon.â Leaned over, snaking his arm around your waist to plant one last kiss in your hair.Â
âNot soon enough, apparentlyâŠâÂ
âMurphyâŠâÂ
âStop makinâ out and Iâll stop givinâ you shit.âÂ
âToucheâŠâ You muttered under your breath, just loud enough to make the 4 of you burst into laughter, easing the uncomfortable tension that you had brought upon yourself from your antics. âLove you too, have fun getting your ass kicked.âÂ
âYes, yes, out, out, out! Itâs only 10 minutes until guests arrive and your truck is taking up all the room in the driveway! Out!â Stampeding into the living room, Maria waved her hands at the boys, quite literally shooing them out of the house after overhearing your goodbyes. Giving a quick wave to Javi as Maria kicked him and Steve to the curb, you caught Javiâs head whipping around for one last glance at you before you left, giving you a once over with his eyes and a soft smile on his face as the front door shut behind him.Â
Truth be told, your shower ended up being way less painful than you expected it would be. In all honesty, it was actually somewhat enjoyable. The fact that your mom, co-workers, and Connie had put into helping everyone come together to celebrate you filled your heart with so much more joy than you could have predicted- your friends and family had bought you and Javi so many more gifts than you knew what to do with, had so many kind things to say about the two of you, and Connie had even gone out of her way to make sure that there were fun games planned for everyone to keep the need for constant socialization at bay. It really had ended up being a fun afternoon, even if it meant having to answer the same questions about your wedding, house and honeymoon plans more times than you could count.Â
Javi, on the other hand, could not have been having a worse time on the golf course, getting his ass thoroughly handed to him by Steve hole after hole, wondering to himself how anyone could bring themself to genuinely enjoy the torture that had been the past two and a half hours of hacking his club into chunks of grass and loosing his golf balls in the brush. The only consoling factor was that Javi was grateful to spend time with Steve, even if it meant being berated by endless questions from him on top of his painful performance while he played.Â
âYou feelinâ ready for the big day?â Steve grunted, after smacking his driver against his ball from the tee box, Javi relieved that the pair were finally on the 9th and final hole.Â
âYeah, I mean- Oh fuck me-â Javi grumbled, hitting his club and watching his ball fly into a patch of trees, the opposite direction of where he was trying to aim for, âI still canât believe Iâm getting married.âÂ
âYou and me both, Jav. I never thought Iâd live to see the fuckinâ day, thatâs for damn sure. Javier Peña, a married man.â Steve chuckled, slipping his club into his golf bag as Javi followed behind, grabbing what must have been the 57th golf ball from his bag this round.Â
âShut the fuck up, Murph.â Javi chuckled, shaking his head at his friendsâ jab, the two of them hopping into the golf cart together to try and scavenge for Javiâs long lost ball.Â
âIâm just givenâ you shit, Jav. Iâm fuckinâ happy for you man. Really happy. Sheâs a great girl. Best thing thatâs ever happened to your sorry ass, Iâll tell you that much. Guess you donât have to worry about really followinâ through this time?âÂ
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
âYouâre actually gonna get married this time? Youâre not leavinâ her at the altar like Lorraine, huh?â As Steve laughed to himself, Javi could practically feel his stomach drop, his heart beginning to race as a wave of terrible guilt and panic washed over him at his friendâs ironic question.Â
To his own shock and surprise, Javi hadnât thought about his last lack of a wedding once since the two of you had gotten engaged. He had been so head over heels excited to spend the rest of his life with you, that the failures of his past engagement had been tucked far away in the back of his mind. But then again, no one had been so gracious as to bring up the knife to the chest that was leaving Lorraine at the altar, and no one had been so gracious as to bring it up in classic Steve Murphy fashion.Â
Javi could audibly hear himself gulp, his heartbeat pounding so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears as the terrible reality of the past he had so glady forgotten about met him in a head on collision, instantly re-opening all of the cuts and wounds he had finally managed to sew together.Â
The last time he almost got married, Javier Peña had astronomically fucked up the lives of every last person who cared about him, leaving nothing but chaos and heartbreak in his wake.  Â
Rationally, Javi could tell himself that his upcoming wedding was the polar opposite of everything that was once planned between him and Lorraine. Javi couldnât have cared less about Lorraine. From the moment he had wearily accepted his fate, he had dreaded every moment of his future from that point on. But you were not Lorraine.Â
Javi loved you.Â
Javi cared about you.Â
Javi wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you and give you everything in the world you could possibly want.Â
But, one mention of that 8 letter name had Javiâs brain flooding with every single doubt, regret, and painful memory of his past that he had fought so hard to forget. It had his mind reeling with every uncomfortable feeling of remembering the man he had been before you had come into his life and changed him for the better. He knew he was a better man. A stronger man. A man who was worthy of the love and compassion you had shown him from the moment you two had met.Â
Or was he?Â
âEarth to Javi? Hello? Anyone home?â Waving his hand in front of Javiâs face, Steve stared at Javi in confusion as to why it seemed like his friend had suddenly become lost in his own world as they pulled up to the patch of trees where his ball had most likely landed.Â
âUh yeah, uh- what, sorry, um, what did you say?â Javi asked, visibly trying to shake the thoughts from his head, painfully scrunching his face and running his hand through his hair before looking back over at Steve.Â
âI asked if you were gonna go get the ball or if you just wanted to add to your +200 score and drop one here instead. Hey, you okay, man?â Steve questioned, pausing for a moment before asking the later half of his statement, seeing the color flushed from Javiâs face.Â
âUh, yeah- Yeah, sorry, I just, Iâm good. Iâll um, Iâll just drop a ball.â Javi muttered half to himself as he stepped out of the cart, barely paying attention enough to even remember what in the world he was even looking for in his golf bag.Â
If Javi wasnât already thankful to be on the last hole before Steveâs comment, he sure as hell was now, mindlessly whacking his golf club with no regard as to how his ball made it to the green. Any thoughts about golf, let alone any previous attempts to even try to play well had now flown out the window, creeping thoughts of self doubt and resentment crawling through Javiâs mind. The rest of the round and the entire car ride back to Mariaâs were spent in an internal battle ranging in Javiâs brain, the fight between the man he used to be and the man heâd thought heâd become rearing its ugly head with a painful intensity that absolutely felt like it was consuming him whole. Â
Steve, who was just as oblivious to his friendâs distraught state as he was to the idiocracy of his sarcastic question, had chalked Javiâs quiet and somber mood up to being an overly sore loser after getting mercilessly crushed at golf. Little did he know that his one silly comment had sent Javi spiraling down a trail of crushing self-doubt.Â
As the pair pulled into the driveway and made their way to the backyard where a few straggling party goers still lingered, trying to monopolize their time with you to get the details of your upcoming plans for the future. Being the attentive and patient person that you were, you were trying your hardest to seem enthused and engaged with in the conversation with who you thought was Javiâs Auntâs Cousin (at this point, you had been introduced to so many new people, you were questioning your own name), but it wasnât long before your future husbandâs big, broad body entering the backyard had you more than distracted, your face instantly lighting up at the sight of him. Peeking over his Auntâs cousin (or cousinâs aunt, you werenât really sure) shoulder, you bit down on your lip to try and contain your excitement, letting a little wave shake from your hand in his direction.Â
Javi wished that your sweet smile and beautiful self were enough to snap him out of his funk, to see how you beamed in excitement just at the sight of him and shot him that lovestruck look heâd never get sick of- but for some twisted reason, it only made him feel worse.Â
You were everything- kind, smart, funny, the most breathtaking woman heâd ever seen. But what was he? Tired? Broken? A shitty guy who had done even shitter things, who had left nothing but destruction in his path for years and years, with no regard for who it hurt, or even worse, left for dead? How was he supposed to give you everything you deserved when he sure as fuck didnât deserve you?Â
Before you had even said a word to him, you could already sense something was off about Javiâs demeanor that was due to more than just losing to Steve in golf. Even from across the backyard, his forced smile and tired brown eyes had a worried pit swirling in the bottom of your stomach, politely excusing yourself from your conversation to make your way over to Javi.Â
âHi! You guys have fun at golf? Steve didnât kick your ass too bad?â You grinned, wrapping your arms around Javiâs waist, pressing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his lips, his mouth barely ghosting over yours in return.Â
âYeah, it was um- yeah, it was fine.â Javi nodded, trying to make a smile appear between his pursed lips. âHow was the shower? You uh, you ready for Steve and I to start putting things in the truck to bring over to the new house?âÂ
You immediately frowned in response, cocking your head in confusion at him. âYeah, it was great, but hey, are- are you okay? You seem really off, like more than just Steve kicking your ass at golf off. Did something happen?âÂ
âNo, Iâm- yeah, Iâm good, Hermosa.â Javiâs eyes darted towards the ground, trying his best to stifle his sigh before another fake smile spread across his face, his response making you even more concerned than you were before, seeing he was clearly lying to you. As much as you wanted to problem solve right then and there to figure out what had Javi so distressed, the calls of one of the last groups of party goers wanting to say their goodbyes rang across the backyard, you flashing them a quick smile and a wave to signal youâd be over in a second. Before you could try and get anything else out of Javi, he had already backed himself away from your hands still tangled around his waist, nodding towards the group of women who were not so patiently waiting for you. âGo say goodbye, Iâll start loading stuff up.âÂ
âUm, I- uh, yeah, o-okay. Thanks.â You murmured, half to yourself, as Javi had already begun to walk away to find Steve to help him start carrying things out to the car, leaving you more anxious and confused with every passing second.Â
With goodbyes finished, and decor and party setup cleaned up just as fast as Maria had demanded it to be put up, you and Javi made your way to your now packed car, followed by Connie and Steve, who had asked to see the progress on your new house while they were in town. You figured youâd kill two birds with one stone, inviting them over and having them help to unload gifts in the same trip, but now, given the strangely somber mood that Javi couldnât seem to shake, you really wished it was just the two of you so you could figure out what the hell was going on.Â
You and Javi piled into his truck, Steve and Connie hopping into theirs and following you down Mariaâs street towards your new house. A stark silence filled the car, praying to yourself that maybe Javi just wanted to be alone before he said anything about his current state, but 5 minutes down the road without a single word falling from his lips, you had a devastating feeling that wasnât going to be the case.Â
Your leg bounced against the seat, fingers nervously drumming in your lap, letting out a quiet sigh to yourself before looking over at Javi and mustering up the courage to try and interrogate.Â
âSooooo, golf was fun? I love ya, but I think itâs probably safe to assume Steve won?â You quietly snickered, trying your best to stay nonchalant.Â
âYeah, it was good, Steve won, but thatâs no surprise because I suck at golf.â Javi mumbled to himself, barely glancing your direction from behind the yellow tinted aviators perched on the bridge of his nose. Normally, if either of you had something that self-deprecating to say, it was at least followed by some sort of a joke or laugh, but his comment ended with nothing but a stoic silence as his hands gripped tighter around the steering wheel.Â
âHey, babe, itâs okay, you donât ever golf, so itâs hard to expect yourself to be good at something you rarely ever do.â You reached over to grab his arm to reassure him, that unsettling and anxious pit beginning to grow in your stomach again with the way Javi was acting. All he could muster was a half hearted huff in response, signaling to you that whatever was happening was much bigger than a poor game of golf.Â
âJavi⊠Baby, whatâs going on? Did something happen with Steve?âÂ
âItâs nothing.âÂ
âItâs clearly not nothing, Jav. Did I do something wrong?âÂ
âNo, I told you, itâs fine.âÂ
âJavi, it obviously isnât fine if this is the way youâre acting about it. Why wonât you talk to me about it? I just wanna-âÂ
âI told you, itâs fine, okay!? Jesus, I donât need you to solve all my problems.â
Oh. Â
You and Javi had been in arguments before, hell, youâd been in fights before, but never once in the time that youâd known him, had Javi snapped at you like this. You could practically feel yourself recoiling in your seat from the harsh tone of his voice, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes. You could feel your heart in your throat, choking down a heavy gulp as your lip quivered to try and keep from crying.Â
What had gone so wrong that Javi was acting like this?Â
You wish you had it in you to dig it out of him, but as you pulled up the driveway of your new home, Steve and Connie right behind you, ready for a tour, the best you could muster was a quiet, âO-okay.â As soon as the car was in park, Javi was unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the door behind him, leaving you behind in the car, trying everything in your power to not become a startled, sobbing mess.Â
Wiping away the wetness pooling behind your eyelids, you swiped the back of your hand against your cheeks, taking a few deep breaths before following behind, mustering up as much courage as you could to keep your cool for however long Steve and Connie were planning to stick around before heading back to San Antonio.Â
You had hoped that Steve and Connie hadn't picked up on the palpable tension brewing between you and Javi, trying your best to put on a brave face as you paraded the Murphyâs through your nearly completed house. To be quite honest, you couldnât have recalled anything that had happened in the time that they were there, your mind racing in torment as you watched Javi brood around your new home, barely saying a word to you, let alone make any eye contact, or look in your general direction.Â
As the four of you made your way upstairs, your attention was finally caught by the low lull of Steveâs laughter as he situated himself between you and Javi, grabbing you both by the shoulders and shaking you in his grasp.Â
âWell Iâll be damned. Yâall got enough rooms up here to house half a baseball team! You want that many kids driving ya nuts, huh?â Steve chuckled, making his way down the hallway, peeking into the empty bedrooms of your 2nd story.Â
âSteve!â Connie scolded, slapping the back of her hand against Steveâs stomach for his comment.Â
âWhat?! Iâm just sayinâ! I thought yâall would want like, 2, but thereâs enough room for way more than that. I mean, I guess you two are fuckinâ goinâ at it like rabbits all the time, so I canât really be shocked.âÂ
âSteven Edward Murphy! Jesus Christ!â Connie snapped, shooting Steve a dangerous glare, aggressively raising an eyebrow at her husband as she gestured towards you and Javi.Â
âNo, itâs okay, we donât know for sure how many we want, but we figured if we had the space weâd add the rooms and even if theyâre not bedrooms, theyâll still get used.â You had it in you enough to force a half smile across your face, flashing it at Steve and Connie before looking over at Javi.Â
While you hadnât expected much of a response from him given the current situation, what you werenât expecting was the panic stricken look painting Javi from head to toe.Â
If you werenât already worried out of your mind about what the fuck was going on with Javi, you sure as fuck were now. Â
âUh, I um- yeah.â
Those were the only words Javi was able to choke out through the audible thumps pounding in his chest as his face went ghost white, eyes peeled to the ground.Â
âSee, Steve? Youâre making them uncomfortable! You have absolutely no filter, I swear! Iâm so sorry, you guys!â Connie frantically apologized, giving Steve another hardy slap in the stomach, making him wince.Â
âIâm just jokinâ, Jesus Christ, sorry!â Steve grumbled, holding up his hands in defense from his wifeâs accusation, sheepishly looking over at you and Javi with a little shrug.Â
âNo, itâs uh- no, itâs fine, donât worry about it.â You had given up on trying to be convincing at this point, your voice quietly shaking as you stared at Javi, now looking like a terrified, ragged shell of himself.Â
What the fuck was going on? Did Javi want to wait to have kids? Did he not want to have that many? Was he having second thoughts about kids all together? Fuck, was he having second thoughts about getting married? Heâs literally never acted like this before. Fuck, fuck, fuck.Â
You were sure at this point, you probably looked just as much of a mess as Javi did, letting your thoughts race wildly throughout your brain, the silence now lingering between the four of you now seemed to feel deafening, Connie beginning to pick up on the uneasiness festering between you and Javi and knowing she had enough common sense for her and Steve to pick up her cue to see herself out.Â
âWell, still, Iâm sorry. We should probably get going anyways, we told the sitter weâd be back around 6 so we should probably hit the road. Thank you so much for the tour! The shower was beautiful and Iâm so glad I could be there for it. Weâll see you guys for the big day soon! Just let me know if you need any help with wedding stuff between now and then okay?âÂ
âUh yeah, yeah of course. Thanks for all your help, Con. Iâll um- Iâll let you know if we need anything.â You stammered as Connie pulled you in for a hug goodbye, followed quickly by Steve, who planted a few pats on your back mid hug.Â
âBye sweetheart, thanks for letting me steal this asshole for golf today. See yâall when youâre gettinâ ready to get hitched! Adios, loser.â Steve chuckled as he pulled away from your hug to tug Javi into another, giving him an even harder pat on the back before letting Connie say her goodbyes as well.Â
âDo you want me to walk you guys down to your-âÂ
âNah, weâll find our way out, no worries. Bye lovebirds, see ya soon.â Steve grinned, giving the both of you one last wave farewell before disappearing down the stairs, their hushed bickers about Steveâs unnecessary comments quietly trailing behind them. Before you could even get a word out to Javi now that the two of you were alone, he was already halfway down the stairs behind the Murphyâs, not even bothering to look back at you as he mumbled under his breath.Â
âIâm gonna get the gifts out of the car and go sit outside.âÂ
âJav, wait, I-âÂ
You could feel the lump beginning to swell in your throat, your bottom lip trembling with tears welling in your eyes as you watched Javi storm down the stairs without even so much as an attempt to care about what you had to say, leaving you with nothing but yourself and 5 empty bedrooms that now had you questioning everything you thought you knew about your future with Javi. You felt your body begin to collapse like a sad pile of jello as you melted into a sobbing puddle on the floor, bringing your knees to your chest as you cried into the flowy fabric of your dress, leaving wet stains behind from your tears. Your breaths were rapid and shaky with each muffled sob, trying to rationally grasp on to something, anything, as to why Javi was acting this way. But the more the gears frantically turned in your brain, the more irrational and terrifying your thoughts became.Â
This all happened so fucking fast. Itâs only been a year since Iâve known him. Is he realizing itâs too much? Am I too much? This was all too fucking good to be true, wasnât it, you fucking idiot.Â
Taking a few more minutes to collect yourself enough to at least stop full on sobbing, you wiped your wet cheeks with the back of your palm, inhaling a trembling deep breath as you mustered up every ounce of courage you could find to face whatever fate was waiting for you downstairs with Javi.Â
Each step down the stairs felt heavier than the last, leaving your fingers anxiously drumming against your legs as you saw Javiâs broad body hunched over the side of the unfinished back patio, staring out to the tall grass of your backyard swaying in the warm summer breeze. If it were any other time, you would have rushed up behind him, wrapping your body around his back and attacking him with kisses until the two of you were wound up in a fit of laughter and giggles, happily tangled in each other's bodies.Â
Right now, you were terrified to even step too close to him.Â
Carefully and quietly sliding open the glass door to the porch, you prayed with every bone in your body you werenât going to do anything that set Javi off enough to even let you attempt to have a conversation with him about what was going on. The new wood softly creaked under your shoes, making Javi turn his head just enough to acknowledge your presence as you wearily approached him. Taking one more deep breath, you opened your mouth to speak, but with your jaw hanging open, Javiâs words filled the stark silence before yours could.Â
âI donât know if we should get married.âÂ
Fuck.Â
You could practically feel your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach, like the weight of 1,000 bricks had been dropped on your body all at once, hearing that come out of his mouth. You could have mentally tried to brace yourself for a lot of things, but hearing Javi tell you he didn't want to get married anymore sure as hell wasn't one of them.
âJavi, I- baby, what- I donât- I donât-âÂ
âWhy the fuck do you even wanna marry me?âÂ
Your brows scrunched in pain and confusion at the sharp tone of his words, desperate to try and understand what point he was trying to prove in this gut wrenching game he seemed to be playing.Â
âBecause I- Javi, I- Javi I love you, thatâs why.â you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you sat down next to him on the edge of the porch, leaning over enough to see the tears glistening down his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy as he tried to stifle the sobs rumbling in his chest. He shook his head back and forth before his gaze fell into his lap.Â
âYou shouldnât love me.âÂ
âJavi⊠what the fuck are you talking about?â you plead, feeling the pain and hurt creeping through your body as you watched the tears he was so desperately trying to fight. With a scornful scoff, Javi shook his head, pressing against his knees to stand, taking a few paces around the porch, burying his hands in his face, his words muffled and muted by his palms covering his mouth.Â
âWhat the fuck am I- Iâm not- Iâm not what you deserve. I donât understand how you donât fucking see that.âÂ
You followed suit, bringing yourself to stand with your arms crossed tightly across your chest, staring at Javi in bewilderment, biting down on your tongue so hard to keep from bursting into tears you thought you were going to make it bleed. You could feel the storm of pain, anger and confusion brewing deep in the pit of your stomach, your body numb and mind blank.Â
âJavier. What the fuck is going on? I donât understand why-âÂ
âBecause last time I was gonna get married I fucked up everything. For everyone. I hurt everyone I cared about. I went half way around the world and I spent a decade fucking things up even more. How do you know Iâm not gonna fuck everything up again? I love you too much to let it happen to you. The thought of ever hurting you even half as I much as Iâve hurt anyone else because of my choices fucking kills me. I canât do it. I canât hurt you like Iâve hurt everyone else. Iâd never fucking forgive myself. I love you more than anything, Osita. I love you more than anything in the world. You deserve someone who isnât going to hurt you. Someone who will do right by you, by your family, your future children, I just- fuck- I donât think that person can be me.âÂ
A deafening silence hung in the air as you stared blankly at Javi, tears streaming from his tormented brown eyes, his body trembling with devastation and regret. You had no doubt your body mirrored his as the guilt and heartbreak flooded you from head to toe, wondering how in the world you had ever let the man you loved and cared about more than anything feel like he wasnât enough for you.Â
You wished you could speak- to find the words to tell him that he was your everything, the glue that had put you back together when you were convinced there was nothing else that could mend the broken mess that you had become. You wished you could express to him that there was no one on the face of this earth that you would rather spend the rest of your life with than him- that there was no one else you wanted by your side through every moment of your life, the good, the bad and the ugly, more than him. You wished there was a way to tell him that you loved him more than anything, but in that moment, all you could do was grab him and wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing him as tightly as your body would let you, letting your wet face rest against the familiar warmth of his chest as you whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt.Â
âJavier Peña, youâre the only person it could be.âÂ
You could feel his chest begin to rumble with heavy sobs as his arms draped around you, pulling you against his body so closely, it was like his life depended on it, like he couldnât bear the thought of ever letting you go again. One arm stayed wrapped around your back as the other slid up the back of your neck, his broad palm cradling your head in his grasp, his fingers practically digging into your skin to keep you close as the two of you let yourselves do nothing but hold each other in your teary silence.Â
You let one of your hands reach up towards Javiâs face, cupping his jaw and forcing his gaze back on to you, as your thumb traced back and forth along his cheek, wiping away the wetness that had been welling in his eyes.Â
âI need you to listen to me, okay?â You asked, waiting until you felt Javiâs head gently nod up and down in understanding in your palm before you continued, âThe man you were before doesnât scare me. If it did, I would have been gone a long time ago. The man you were before has turned you into the man that youâve become. The man that I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life. Every good day, every bad day, every painful, hard and shitty day, and every day in between. And I promise that I will spend every last one of those days until the day I die trying my best to convince you that you are the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. And if I die trying, then so be it. I love you, Javi. Donât you ever think for a second that there is anyone out there that I want to spend the rest of my life with more than you, and I wonât ever let you forget it.âÂ
It was only moments before both of Javiâs hands were cradling your face, gently trembling as they cupped your soft, wet skin as you locked eyes with his, watching his face shift from terrified to bewildered, thinking he must have misheard what you had just said to him.Â
âOsita, I-âÂ
âPromise me.âÂ
âPromise you what?âÂ
âPromise me that you believe me. Promise me that you know I love you more than anything.â
There was a part of Javiâs brain that wished he could find something to prove that he couldnât. To prove he wasnât worthy of keeping the promise you had made to him. To convince himself that he had no reason to believe he was worthy of the love you had given him.
But the truth was, for the first time that he could remember, as he looked down at you, the woman who had taken his life and forever changed it for the better, who had helped to heal him in ways he didnât know he needed, who had cared for him in ways he never thought he deserved, and who had stood by him even as you learned about the ugliest parts of him he never thought heâd forgive himself for, Javier Peña finally realized he had learned what it was like to be worthy of love.Â
You had made him realize he was worthy of being loved.Â
A small gulp slid down his throat between his shaky breaths, taking a moment to soak in everything about you, before letting his lips ghost across yours as a quiet whisper left his mouth.Â
âI promise.âÂ
And just like that, his lips crashed into yours with a ferocious and tender passion, soaking in every ounce of the sweet flavor of you, a taste he knew he would never tire of, one that he craved like nothing else.Â
âI love you, Osita. Fuck, I love you so much.â Javi moaned between your kisses, praying with every bone in his body you knew how much he meant it.Â
âI love you too, Javi.â The hot breath of your words danced across his lips before they were crashing together once again, his tongue swiping between your parted mouths as he ran his hand down your back and around your waist, pulling you so close you were convinced your bodies were going to melt into one as you pressed against his broad chest, now needily grasping at fist fulls of his shirt.Â
In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how much you loved them. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how hopelessly he craved you, too.Â
With your bodies still tangled together, your kisses became messier and sloppier as you backed your way towards the door that lead inside, stumbling and trampling over each otherâs feet without any regard for where you were headed until you felt your back bump against the kitchen island, the rounded edges of the countertop stopping you in your tracks as Javi caged you between his broad figure and the island.Â
Both of your hands were now feverishly roaming across each otherâs bodies before Javi had run his hands down your thighs, hoisting you up to sit on the countertop, planting hot, wet kisses across your neck and collarbone while his fingers crept under the hem of your dress, his palms sliding up and down your legs, digging his fingers into your flesh.Â
âJaviâŠâ You whimpered, letting your eyes close and head fall back as he sucked at your pulse point, leaving you with one hand bracing yourself against the edge of the counter and the other with your fingers wrapped around the navy fabric of Javiâs shirt, clinging on for dear life.Â
You eyes opened, and gaze shifted downwards as you felt Javi pull away from your grasp, watching him drop to his knees, slotting himself between your parted legs and kissing the inside of your thighs while his hands tugged at the waistband of your already soaked underwear, hastily shuffling them to fall down your legs and pool at your ankles. His needy kisses up your thighs crept closer and closer to your core as your legs draped over his shoulders, kneeling before you like you were the altar of everything he worshiped as his deep brown eyes looked up at yours, like he was begging for forgiveness for his sins.Â
âIâm so sorry, Osita. Iâm so sorry for what I said. I didnât mean it. Fuck, I love you so much. Let me show me how much I love you. Please, baby. Please let me show you how much I need to be yours.âÂ
Your response was nothing but a ragged moan as you felt his hot breath hovering over your cunt before letting long, flat licks of his tongue drag through your folds, each swipe pressing firmer than the last, lapping up the arousal dripping from your entrance like a sweet nectar. With one hand still white knuckling the edge of the countertop, the other shot down to bury itself in the dark curls of Javiâs thick locks, tugging at ends to find some place to ease your tension as he began to flick and swirl his tongue relentlessly against your clit, lapping you up like a man starved.Â
âOh fuck Javi- fuck- you feel so good, baby.â You moaned, raking your fingers along Javiâs scalp as you watched his head bob nestled between your legs, feeling the low hum of satisfaction thrumming in his throat as he began to suck your sensitive bundle of nerves, latching his lips around your clit as his mouth worked feverishly against your cunt. You could already feel the tingle beginning to grow at the base of your spine and spread to your legs as Javi found every sweet spot that he knew made you lose all control, desperate to make you feel how much he needed your love and forgiveness.Â
âThatâs it, sweet girl. Let go for me baby, Iâve got you.â Javi hummed before diving back between your legs, tightening his grip around your thighs as his tongue danced around your clit relentlessly. It wasnât long before you could feel your orgasm begin to flood your body, pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, a death grip clutching around the counter and Javiâs dark locks. Javi worked you through your high, drinking up the juices of your slick as you came, feeling your legs tremble as they stayed slung over his broad shoulders, not stopping until your body was shaking and your whimpers and moans had become so wrecked, he had no choice but to stop to relish in the blissed out, dripping mess he had made you. He would have loved to stay like this forever, watching you become more and more wrecked beneath his tongue, the want, no, need, to be buried inside your heat, getting lost in your wetness and warmth, savoring in the way no one else would ever be able to have you like he did, to know that you were his.Â
Javi worked in a determined silence, rusting with his belt buckle until the metal clangs of it opening had his pants and boxers in a puddle around his ankles, splaying kisses across your neck as he slid you towards the edge of the counter, his fingers digging into your hips with a bruising intensity. He stroked himself a few times as he lined his cock up with your entrance, guiding his tip through the glistening arousal covering your folds, leaving his dick shiny with your slick as you whimpered into his skin.Â
âJavi⊠Please, baby. I need you.â You whimpered, instinctively bucking your hips towards him, desperately craving him to ease the achy emptiness between your legs.Â
Resting his forehead against yours, the dark, damp curls of his hair brushed your skin, the hot and heavy heat of each of your shaky breaths melting into one anotherâs as your lips ghosted his, only fully meeting yours to catch the moan that had escaped your mouth as he pushed himself into your heat, letting himself bottom out, his tip brushing against your cervix. You couldnât help but wrap your legs around the small of his back and drape your arms over his shoulders, desperate to have your bodies needily tangled and intertwined together as you savored in the sweet sting and stretch of his fullness.Â
He began to rock his hips, letting his cock drag in and out of your cunt, taking his time with each stroke, the movement making you dig your fingernails into the fabric of his shirt stretched over his muscular back, in turn, making the grip he had around your waist even tighter, his fingers buried in the soft flesh of your stomach where his hands had crept under your dress.Â
The way he punched up into you, perfectly pounding against your g-spot with each thrust, combined with the way the hairs at his base rubbed along your clit, already had the inevitable coil beginning to tighten in your belly. You dug your nails deeper into Javiâs skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him.Â
Each stroke seemed to become deeper and fuller than the last, Javiâs pace now climbing in speed and intensity as he felt your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, knowing that familiar feeling meant you were coming closer to your end. You could barely muster anything but a whimper, your soft pleads and begs going straight to his dick as he slid and out of your wet heat.Â
âFuck baby, donât stop- ahhhh- please donât stop, Iâm so close.âÂ
The lewd sounds of skin hitting skin and low, ragged moans echoed against the bare walls of your unfinished kitchen as Javi fucked deeper and deeper into you, singing sweet, soft praises against your skin between locking your lips with yours.Â
âFuck- DĂĄmelo, Hermosa (Give it to me, beautiful). Need to feel you soak my cock before I fuck you full of me. Itâs okay mi amor- mierda- tĂ© tengo. (my love- shit- Iâve got you.) Iâve always got you. Forever.âÂ
You could feel your legs lock even tighter around Javiâs waist as heat began to bloom in your belly, only needing a few more thrusts as you rolled your hips against his before your mind went blank and vision went white, your orgasm crashing through your body and flooding every inch of you with pleasure so intense, you could feel yourself going limp in his grasp.Â
âFuck, Javi, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god-ahhhhhhhh-â You whimpered as Javi fucked you through your high, now desperate to chase his own as his thrusts became rushed and sloppy, pounding into you as your walls gripped around his cock like a vice. Your warmth and wetness consumed him, only needing a few more pumps before he could feel himself following suit, hissing through gritted teeth as incoherent babbles spilled from his lips.Â
âThere it is, baby. Fuck- fuck, youâre so fucking perfect. I love you so much, Osita. Con todo mi corazĂłn. (With my whole heart). Oh fuck- Iâm yours forever. Oh shit, Iâm gonna cum to, oh fuckkkkkk.âÂ
With one last thrust, Javi finished buried deep inside you, hot ropes of his cum coating your walls as a slick mixture of spend leaked down your thighs, leaving him panting while he slumped into your shoulder, his chest heaving with labored breaths, trying to compose himself. Bracing himself with one palm flat against the counter next to your hip, his other hand reached up to your face, brushing away a piece of stray hair back into place before gently cupping your cheek as he spoke.Â
âOsita, baby, Iâm so sorry. Iâm so sorry. I love you so much. I didnât mean what I said earlier, I just- fuck- Iâve never been so sure of anything, but when we were at golf today, Steve brought up Lorraine, and I- I just was so scared I was gonna fuck everything up again, and I-âÂ
âOh God, he brought up Lorraine?! Jesus. I knew it. I knew this was Steveâs fucking fault.â You sighed, quietly laughing to yourself as you shook your head.Â
âWait, how did you-âÂ
âBecause it just seemed so strange that you were acting like this all of a sudden. You got back from golfing with him and it was like you were a different person. I mean, Iâm not gonna lie, I was freaked out and panicking wondering what happened because youâve never acted like that before. That, and because I love Steve, but heâs an idiot.â The two of you were both now laughing, Javi rubbing his hand over his face before rolling his eyes, wondering to himself how he had really let his friendâs stupid comment get the best of him.Â
âIâm so sorry, Osita. I should have just ignored it, I just hadnât thought about it in so long and I was so terrified to mess everything up again. It would kill me to hurt you like that.â His thumb circled around your cheek as he tilted your gaze to meet his, sincerity and remorse swirling in the dark pools of his chocolate brown eyes.Â
âJavi, listen, if this is moving too fast, or itâs too much for you, I want you to be able to tell me, I understand if-â Before you could finish your sentence, Javiâs lips were planted tenderly against yours, pulling away from your mouth with a goofy grin and satisfied sigh.Â
âI promise you, Iâve never wanted anything more. I canât wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I canât wait to marry you,â he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss on your cheek, âI canât wait to live in our new house with you,â he grinned, planting another ticklish kiss on your neck, âI canât wait until we can finally start filling up these empty rooms with little baby Peñasâ Javi chuckled, now peppering kisses all over your body, making you erupt in a fit of laughter and giggles, squirming and flailing in his grasp, playfully swatting at him. âI canât wait to spend every day for the rest of my life with the most beautiful, amazing woman Iâve ever met.â He smirked, tilting his head to let your mouths meet again, this kiss filled with a tender passion and intensity unmatched by his previous playful ones.Â
It was the kind of kiss that said all of the things that words couldnât. The kind of kiss that had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first kiss you had shared in Mariaâs bathroom almost a year ago. The kind of kiss that made you fall even deeper in love with him, even when you thought you couldnât.Â
It was also the kind of kiss where everything else in the world seemed to melt away and make time stand still, a kiss that you could have stayed lost in forever⊠unless a certain someone hadnât forgotten his wallet at your house and needed to come back and get it.Â
You were so oblivious to anything else happening around you, that neither you or Javi had heard your front door open, followed by the rushed, impatient footsteps of Steve and Connie, arguing about where Steve could have left his wallet, and how on earth he could have left without realizing it was missing from its usual home in his back pocket.Â
âSeriously, Steve, I canât believe weâre gonna waste a whole hour having to turn around and come back here because you couldnât remember your wallet!âÂ
âCon, I told you, itâs right on the counter, I know where it is, lemme just go grab it really quick and then we ca- Oh Jesus fucking Christ!â Steve shouted, walking into the kitchen to see you and Javi making out on your island, your dress pushed up well past your legs, and Javiâs bare ass on display from his pants still pooling around his ankles.Â
âAhhhhh!â You and Javi shrieked, practically jumping out of your skin to see Steveâs tall and lanky frame frozen in your kitchen, now scrambling to try and fix your clothes and hair to try and save yourselves at least some dignity.Â
âWhat the hell are you two doinâ?!ïżœïżœïżœ Steve grimaced, trying not to cackle to himself as Connie rushed up behind him to see what was happening, only to very quickly cover her eyes and turn away from you and Javi.Â
âUs?! What the hell are you doing here? Jesus, you ever heard of fucking knocking, Murph?!â Javi groaned, shuffling his pants back up and fixing his hair before helping you off the counter, trying your best to hide your beet red, embarrassed face.Â
âI forgot my wallet! Forgive me for thinkinâ you two would keep your hands off each other for long enough to let me come pick it up in peace.â Steve frowned, raising up his hands in defense.Â
âIâm sorry! I told him to call you to let you know he was coming to pick it up, but he seemed to think it wasnât a big deal.â Connie scolded, giving Steve a forceful nudge of her elbow before finally turning back around to face you and Javi, knowing you were at least halfway decent. âGod, I love you, but you are an idiot.âÂ
âYou can say that againâŠâ You snickered under your breath, just loud enough to make Javi and Connie join in your laughter, leaving Steve with his arms crossed over his chest, rolling his eyes in annoyance.Â
âHey, listen. Call me what you want, but I donât think youâll be callinâ me an idiot when you need me to come babysit your 47 kids so the two of you can get someâŠâ He paused gesturing to you and Javiâs disheveled state, â... time to yourselves. Like I said earlier, yâall gotta lot of rooms to fill, and I donât think youâre gonna have any problem doinâ it.âÂ
And for as much as you wanted to give Steve the ten pounds of shit he deserved, as you looked up at Javi standing next to you, you couldnât really even bring yourself to be mad. Because in the end, the only thing that mattered was him- the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with. The one who was your future, the one who stood with you through every twist and turn, the one who was your home. What started as a day that had you questioning everything had turned into one that had never made you feel more assured. You knew that Javier Peña loved you more than life itself, and you knew that you were so lucky to spend the rest of your life getting to prove to him over and over that you loved him just as much.Â
Taglist:
@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#javier peña#javi peña x reader#javi pena#javier pena#javier pena fanfiction#javier pena fic#javier pena fluff#javier pena imagine#javier pena narcos#javier pena smut#javier pena x f!reader#javier pena x female reader#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javier peña fanfiction#javier peña smut#javier peña x f!reader#javier peña x female reader#javier peña x you#javier peña x reader#joel miller#pedro pascal narcos#pedro pascal character#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pascalispunk#pedro pascal fandom
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*fidgets in place. Kicks rock*
Razzle&DazzlexGn!Reader? đ„ș or Boxten if you don't want to write rnd *looks around nonchalantly*
oh my god, i don't know why but your request filled my head with thousands of super sweet reader and R&D scenarios
and donât worry! I tried to make it as fluffy and romantic as possible (in a healthy way, of course)
Warnings/Notes: first fic about dandys world yay, fluff, romantic, established relationship, reader with gender neutral
After spending a good while in the elevator extracting ichor from the machines, you felt your hands and feet completely sore and numb. All the adrenaline that had kept you alert had faded away, and now you were fully aware of the pain that invaded every part of your body.
If it were possible, your hands would be calloused by now. Instead, a slight tremor ran through your fingers, still covered in dried ichor that you'd forgotten to clean off while working.
You managed to reach one of the few rooms that hadnât yet been invaded by the twisteds, a place of rest for the few toons still exploring the floors and continuing with the extraction. With tired eyes, you looked around the room until a familiar figure caught your attention. You immediately recognized the two heads (or masks) and the red scarf around their neck. Your eyes lit up in recognition: your duo and beloved partner.
"Razzle, Dazzle!" you exclaimed, waving excitedly as they turned to see who was calling them.
"Oh! Y/N" Razzle called to you with the same joy you felt, while Dazzle also said your name in a soft but sweet tone. Both looked genuinely happy to see you.
They opened their arms, wrapping you in a hug as soon as you reached them. The warmth of their embrace was comforting, and any negative thoughts seemed to dissipate in their company.
"How was it out there?" Razzle asked. "Youâre alright.. arenât you?" added Dazzle a few seconds later, in his calm tone to avoid overwhelming you.
You buried your face into the curve of their necks, savoring the soft texture of the scarf they shared. You made a small sound of negation before replying.
"It went well, though Iâm a bit tired right now. And yeah, Iâm okay⊠just a bit covered in ichor" you responded to both questions, letting the hug envelop you.
You felt the rhythmic strokes of Razzleâs white hand (on the right side, you assumed) and the slow pats of Dazzleâs black hand (on the left side).
"We could help you next time you go; you know you have us here to help" Razzle said.
"Mmh⊠I could extract the machines, so you donât get so tired" added Dazzle.
A slight warmth colored your cheeks at their words. Normally, you wouldnât ask for their help since they ended up tired too, but you always appreciated those supportive and encouraging comments they gave you.
A small squeal of excitement and nervousness escaped you involuntarily, and you quickly tried to hide even further into the scarf.
"Thanks guys" you whispered after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.
You thought they might simply continue talking normally or stay in silence in each otherâs company until you suddenly heard an energetic "mwa" followed by a softer "mwa" leaving you feeling both shaky and nervous.
"Anything for our beloved partner!" "We wouldnât want to see you so tired and doing everything on your own..."
Their words filled you with a comforting warmth that made your heart race. They were too sweet.
You lifted your head, full of determination, noticing Dazzleâs slight smile and Razzleâs bright grin, both filled with deep love and affection.
You gave each of them a kiss on their cheeks, leaning on their shoulders as you smiled warmly at both.
They were the sun that brightened your days, and you were their burning flame that never seemed to go out, no matter how strong the wind.
#dandy's world x reader#dandys world x reader#dandy's world fanfic#razzlexreader#dazzlexreader#razzle&dazzlexreader#razzle and dazzle x reader
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I keep thinking about your style of writing the reader in the movie challengers and my girl would NOT have a good time đ
She would see this trio being lovey dovey with her and she would be so shy she would have a heart attack... She just wants to organize her sticky notes in alphabetic order leave her be.
Now if she was already in the friend group, she would totaly just get up and go to bed:
Trio: *on the verge of hooking up*
Reader: *yawns* would you look at that, well bye!
Trio: its not even midnight.
Reader: well, beauty sleep yk?
Trio:đ
ART:đ„ș
But also:
Art: we will be in eachothers life forever right?
Reader:duh! Your my friend đ
Art: đ„șđ„ș
anon i can literally feel you understanding my writing, omg, we are so connected
however the trio is so hot and charming and good at flirting i fear it'd take an unnatural level of self control to not accidentally hook up with them
i agree that this scenario is definitely influenced by wether or not reader is already friends with them, so let's take a second to talk about both:
if reader wasn't really friends with them first, i can see her going to tashi's party. she starts talking to tashi to congratulate her, and then patrick and art invite both of them over.
tashi and her joke about it, but when tashi says she wants to go, reader's already regretting her life choices. she's finally making a (very pretty, very intimidating) tennis friend, she can't back out.
it'd start off so calm, everyone passing around a beer, and reader feeling like drinking during a tournament is already rebellious of her. maybe patrick hands her his cigarette and she takes a drag bc she's convinced she can pass off being this chill person.
she's even fine when art rests his hand on her knee for a little. everything feels light, friendly. and then patrick tells that story about teaching art how to jerk off, and reader's still not overly affected bc she's not directly involved. for a beat, she even thinks it's kind of cute that art's flustered.
and then tashi gets on the bed and there's an immediate switch in energy. reader immediately knows the window to leave without being labeled 'weird' or a 'mood killer' is slowly closing. so she mentions the time, and when anyone tries to get her to stay, art is for sure the one that helps her out. he's a sweetheart like that <3
art agrees that it's late, and would probably even offer to walk her back to her room. or, if things didn't feel too tense, he might ask her if she wants to go with him to get some ice and stay for one more beer. a subtle reset to help protect reader's boundaries. he's so bf material, i'm sorry.
----
now, if reader was already friends with them:
i feel like if patrick and art had a close girl friend, hotel room would not be the first time they came close to hooking up đ. even though reader is still shy, there's a familiarity between them that has her feeling secure.
bc she knows them, she can tell when they're in a bit of a flirtier mood. patrick's hand is on her knee and art rests his chin on her shoulder, all while they're giggling and kicking their feet at everything tashi says. reader's spider senses start tingling. thirsty bitches.
her first thought is: 'i didn't hook up with you guys at my high school graduation, and i'm not hooking up with you guys now.'
i think the main difference if she's already friends with them is that reader feels a little more comfortable slipping out. there's a bit less social pressure bc they're already friends, so there's less pretending.
patrick would probably be more comfortable teasing her if they were already friends. he'd be touchier, asking reader if she'd sit with him for a few more minutes, and then he'd walk her back to her room. scout's honor.
art's quicker to pick up on reader being uncomfortable if they're already friends. he's going out with her to get ice and asking her if she's feeling okay. if she seems extra shy or like she feels bad for not being super okay with everything, art will probably stay out with her a bit. he'll talk to her about stuff she likes and then walk back to her room.
i love your side note about art and reader's dynamic, he'd find everything so endearing. like, yes, reader is the one making promises to be in art's life forever without a second thought. that is his very necessary second emotional support best friend that he pines after.
he's making sure everyone leaves her to her color coded sticky notes and tennis practice if that's what she wants!
#anon i love u#ask#challengers x reader#challengers fic#patrick zweig x reader#patrick zweig x you#art donaldson x reader x patrick zweig#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson x you#mike faist x reader#josh oconnor x reader
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soft junhan thoughts đ
· this guy loves loves loves getting his hair played with
· it's like, the perfect amount of physical touch for him
· because he doesn't normally like it, you find ways to be affectionate with him in ways he's okay and comfortable with, and just twirling your fingers in his hair, or braiding it, or gently scratching the nape of his neck with a massage is sooo calming and not too much
· and you get to watch him just melt in your hands out of relaxation đ„čđ”âđ«
· ART PROJECTS
· there's always doodling around you two
· he's leaving a note for you on your night stand? there's a cute little happy face drawn next to it. you're killing time waiting for your coffee at a café? he's doodling a little flower for you on a napkin.
· and you leave him doodles back of course. sometimes you'll draw something that accompanies his original drawing, and these are his favorite because you made it together, even if it's just a silly looking cat playing in a field of silly looking, badly scribbled flowers.
· it's one of his favorite ways to communicate with you because it's like your own little language. none of the other members, not even your family, can hear the love in these doodles between you two (and you two only)
· he likes having special secrets and inside jokes with you for sure
· and sometimes when you're both hanging out, you'll draw together. one of the funnier moments is when you decide to draw portraits of one another, and the results... varied, but it was still fun
· nail polish. oh you know exactly what I'm gonna say
· you guys paint each other's nails, usually you're touching up his usual black polish but sometimes he lets you get creative :)
· on the other hand, you love watching his artist brain work and how he uses colors on your nails to create the perfect vibe. sometimes you end up with vibrant polish on every nail, and sometimes you get a very simple and muted color palette. either way you're happy with them because he did it for you :]
· i think junhan values not only creativity in a person, but also values the willingness to discuss things. he likes that you genuinely try to take interest and understand what he's explaining to you, because he's someone who thinks deeply on things and shares that curiosity with the people he loves because he wants to engage with them.
· you really enjoy when he gets passionate and explains things to you because 1) it's cute and 2) he genuinely has lots of interesting takes on things (looks at his bubble messages)
· he appreciates that you even challenge his thinking sometimes because his introvert mind is always in his own head, and having someone to yank him out of his own bias is super refreshing!!!
· he shows affection with acts of service so much (since physical touch and words of affirmation are not usually his thing). he cooks for you and will do the dishes AND take out the trash so you don't have to do a thing
· i also think that he's suchhh a secret admirer, like compared to ode who likes to make his love known, junhan is stealing glances at your cute face when you're focused and when you confront him about it he's like
· "yes i wasđ"
· "ooookay...and can i ask why?"
· "oh, i just thought you looked pretty?"
· and you snicker because that's usually something you would just tell your gf, but you don't care. you tell him "you're handsome!" and you can't stop yourself from giving him a little peck on the cheek, to which he starts cutely giggling back
· you and junhan are so very tender and patient with one another, listening and valuing one another's time, truly the perfect pair!!!
· he has a 4 cut photo of you two tacked above his desk, sometimes when he's writing lyrics he looks up for inspiration :)
· just admires and respects you so muchđ„șđ
#I KNOW I JUST POSTED THE ODE ONE#BUT I COULDNT GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD#i will fall asleep now for sure#riya lovemail#xdh imagines#xdh x reader#xdinary heroes x reader#xdinary heroes imagines#junhan x reader
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CONGRATS ON 1.5k BBY! SO WELL DESERVED!
could i get prompts 4 and 18? đ„ș like maybe readers brothers bsf rafe? like rafe likes reader and like they both like each other and all and heâs also super protective over the reader? if you want to that is! <3
AGAIN CONGRATS ON 1.5K YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!!!
THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
â°â†prompt four/eighteen, bfb!rafe
warnings: swearing, threats of violence, alcohol. authorâs note: i loved this request so much!
tears streamed down her face as she burst through the front door of her house, tossing her bag aside as she hurried up the stairs, drawing attention from her brother and his friend who lounged in the living room. ây/n?â her brother called, quickly pushing away from the couch to follow her. the slam of her bedroom door was enough to have rafe following quickly, exchanging concerned glances with his friend.
ignoring the calls, y/n hurled herself into the comfort of her bed after locking the door, sinking into the sheets which would soon be coated with her wet tears.
âgo away!â she yelled hysterically as her brothers knocks echoed through the room. âwhat happened y/n?â he tried again, his voice more tentative this time. âoscar please just go away!â
sighing, he leant back against the door, tilting his head at rafe, causing his friends brows to furrow.
âwhat?â he asked, his heart sinking as the sounds of her muffled sobs escaped through the crack of the door. âyou tryâ oscar stated, ushering him closer to the door. âme?â
âyeah man, sheâs got a thing for you..â he muttered, shaking his head as he started back towards the stairs, leaving rafe to attempt to draw her out. before he could argue back, oscar had disappeared downstairs, prompting rafe to turn back to the closed door, inhaling deeply.
despite the situation, he couldnât control the small flutter in his stomach, his friends words circling his mind like a strangely-enjoyable migraine. âhey, y/n?â he called, leaning closer to the door.
the sound of his soothing, raspy voice had her head peeking out of the covers, quickly shuffling to the edge of the bed. ârafe?â she croaked, awaiting a response.
âyeah, itâs me. can i come in?â he asked carefully, his ring clad hand hovering over the handle as he heard movement on the other side, closing in on the door.
she didnât answer, instead jumping up to unlock the door slowly, cracking it slightly.
his stomach churned and anger bubbles in his veins at the sight of mascara smears running down her flushed cheeks as her timid frame quivered behind the door. avoiding his gaze, she opened the door just enough for him to slide through before quickly locking it again.
turning back to the bed, she crawled under the sheets again, this time leaving room for him to slot in beside her.
making himself comfortable, he sat up fully against the headboard and opened his arm for her, ushering her to cuddle in. âcâmere, tell me what happenedâ he muttered, placing his hand gentle on her arm while he rubbed soft circles into her exposed skin.
âi- i went on a date..â she started, prompting rafe to divert his gaze, wincing at the thought. âand i- i thought he was a nice guy! he picked me up, and we went for a drive, and then- then suddenly he stops in the middle of some sketchy parking lot, and starts saying a bunch of creepy shitâ she rambled, struggling to catch her breath.
âshh, can you take a deep breath for me?â he whispered, craning his neck to meet her eyes, mimicking the deep breath himself, inciting her to do the same.
nodding frantically she followed his movements, breathing through her nose and out of her mouth, their eyes never leaving one anotherâs.
âdid he hurt you?â rafe questioned, his voice unnervingly cool. âno- no he didnât, i hopped out as soon is it started to get scary..â she whispered. âi walked back..â
âyou walked? why didnât you call?â he asked, his forehead creasing in concern once again. to answer his question, she grabbed her phone from beside her, holding down the power button to show him the black screen. âit was dead..â
#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#outer banks#rafe cameron#outerbanks rafe#obx#rafecameron#rafe obx#dom!rafe#soft!rafe cameron#dom!rafe cameron#rafe fic#dealer!rafe cameron#dealer!rafe#dealer!rafecameron#bbf!rafe#bbf!rafecameron#bbf!rafe cameron#outer banks rafe#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#Eâs1.5k#obx x reader#obx fic#obx imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe fanfiction#rafe x you#rafe x y/n#rafe angst
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A few months back, I asked if it was okay to write using Clora and Seb. Finished the work - thought I'd lost it on my hard drive and a virus scan located it.
Not sure if it's sad or happy, but the basic premise of it is Clora getting frustrated/upset at Sebastian and Sebastian comforting her, Sebastian getting upset at a predicament Clora's in and Clora comforting him, and them both getting frustrated/upset and having to comfort each other.
If you'd rather I didn't post it, that's fine too, but just wanted to test the waters and double check that you'd be okay with it if I gifted it to you via AO3, or see if you wanted a sneak peak of it before posting it.
OMG im so happy you were able to find it and recover the work you did!!đđ AND YES OF COURSE YOU CAN POST IT AAA I CANT WAIT TO READ IT!! you can DM it to me first if you want, but i also dont mind if you post it straight away on ao3!! IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SM AAARGHHHAđđđIT SOUNDS ANGSTY WE LOVE THE HURT/COMFORT I HOPE MY HEART CAN HANDLE ITđ„șđđTY AGAIN FOR USING CLORA AND SEB AND TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THEMđ
@sunshine-goblin AAA THANK YOU!!! im honoured its your fav fanfic AND ALSO THE LONGEST YOUVE READ BAHAHAA fr, when you say its as long as four books in lotr it rly makes me realize how insane i amđđ aw IM GLAD I COULD INSPIRE YOU TO DRAW MORE AND WRITE AS WELLđ I was curious so i creeped you and everyone go look at their HL blog @sunshines-legacy your MC is so cute and so is your artđ„čđ as for tips on writing a longfic and brainstorming and motivation and stuff, my motivation was my brainrot and unhappiness with the canon story/ending LMAOO, and looking at the story of the game and playing around with what i was unhappy with/what i WISHED could have happened instead, was a lot easier than just coming up with plotlines from scratch. but something i highly recommend is just OUTLINING and making a timeline, one of my fav parts of writing was just putting on some cafe ambience in the background and doing stream of conscious type word documents where id just barf ideas and then worry about making it pretty later....like look at how many versions of the same chapter i have BAHAHA or like different renditions bc i couldnt decide if id wanna keep a scene/what order, so id make a timeline and keep smoothing things out until i was happy with it and whatnot
brainstorming is defs my fav part of the process and the most helpful part to me. just getting a blank document and writing stuff you want to happen without worrying about how it connects to the story, and then a lot of the times as i was doing that id just keep going and it would kinda tie itself together/id come up with a solution as i was writing / once the ideas kept flowing. so basically : TIMELINES AND OUTLINES I VERY MUCH RECOMMEND, but very low pressure and barebones ones. for example, this is what my outlines/brainstorming look like
its honestly just me talking to myself LMAO, and a lot of the time ill interject and be like "OH YEAH AND THEN THIS CAN HAPPEN" as the ideas come while im writing BAHAHA. its a super fun process and honestly nothing feels better than just getting hit with that flash of inspo, and since its all very low effort theres no pressure to actually write well and its just a chill fun time AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR OWN PROCESS / WRITINGđđđit can be difficult but HOPE U HAVE FUN TOOđđ
@a-little-lysdexic WAIT REALLY?? LMFAOO OMG THATS CRAZY....SAME BRAIN...đ€đ€...that would trip me up so much if i were you omg BAHHAHA but aside from having similar tastes in names, IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY ART AS WELL, TYYđđđ
THANK YOUUU im glad you're liking it!!! and that its taking over your life BAHAHAđđ the video you're thinking of was by @silverxstardust for chapter 13 of my fic, and you can watch the video here! (AND TY AGAIN TO SILVERXSTARDUST FOR DOING THIS!)
youtube
#ask#yapped so much#IM SO EXCITED TO READ YOUR FIC ANON U DONT UNDERSTANDDD#also for anyone interested in updates on my living situation i am currently in a dingy and sketchy af motel#but we went to a viewing for a place yesterday and we loved it so we just paid the deposit immediatley and started filling out the forms#we paid the deposit to put us on top but its still not confirmed whether we have it but I HOPE SO GAHH ITS THE PERFECT PLACE#and the perfect location we dont drive and theres literally a grocery store right outside#we wouldnt be able to move in till october 1st tho so all my stuff will just stay with uhaul and im going back to my moms on tuesday#I NEED MY MOMMYYYYYY ive been eating like such trash LMFAO#and between hopping between hotels and airbnbs and taking ubers to our viewings#me and my roommate have spent like the equivalent of 1 months rent just in the span of like a week#feelsbadman#we dont think about that tho tralalalaala#now that we have a place i can relax and stop apartment hunting and start drawing and writing again woo
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Hi! May I request a sequel to "my little love" for how jake responds to max calling him dad/daddy for the first time? or jake being cute with max and your shared kids (bc i KNOW y'all don't stop after the first one lol)
i'm sorry it took me so long to respond to this but HELL YEAH and i'm extra sorry i didn't post this for a while b/c i wasn't sure about how it turned out in general...anyways, i hope you enjoy : ')
my future || jake "hangman" seresin
summary: as written above! this is a sequel to the headcanon my little love, which i LOVED writing w my whole heart.
settling into married life was surprisingly not difficult. you'd already spent so much time around hangman that forever felt so comfortable
now everyone is so happy and in high spirits. but max is significantly happier than them all and it's so wholesome to see
rooster, or "fairy godmother" (max likes to call him the latter....yes...godmother, not godfather. you don't know why but it's so funny, especially when you watch rooster react to this), is always there to take care of your kiddo when you're busy
he let him sit in his F-14 and take a picture with him :)
and you're paranoid and worrying the whole time but rooster's like "relax, i got him" and he's super chill about it
"he's gonna be a pilot. better than you, even," you leaned over and gave your husband a look
"i think so!"
the kid lives and breathes top gun. and now that you've moved in with hangman, you're only a few minutes' walk from base, making it easy to go back and forth.
when you're working at the hard deck, penny sits him by the nearest booth with a milkshake and some old books and toys
if one of the uncles or phoenix wasn't busy, they'd come over to keep him entertained
and you know when hangman's done for the day when you see max break into his signature grin. you've noticed that you only really see it around him
so you're celebrating his fourth birthday today. it's insane, because he already speaks like a six year old (hangman says it's because you're also smart af. but, being the cocky lil shit he is, fanboy likes to take the credit for it. i mean, the guy majored in biochem, so he knows his stuff)
it's an off day for everyone, so they're able to come help decorate the place. you had the idea to surprise your son, so while everyone was getting ready, fanboy was with max by the beach, playing soccer. they'd come back in an hour and boom!
by the end of things, the hard deck doesn't look like the hard deck anymore. it looks like max's paradiseâa kiddie version of top gun, you realize. your heart melts because đ„șđ„șđ„ș
everyone hides when they hear fanboy and max coming in
and then you all jump up from your hiding spots and yell "SURPRISE" and he starts grinning again
and then the kid runs straight towards hangman, giggling in pure delight
"daddy!" he yells
you're all like wait wtf
did he just
say
oh
hangman has to stop for a moment before picking him up. you can see him tearing up bc this is the first time max has ever said this
it's definitely really fulfilling to watch. when he was a baby and screamed and cried for hours at a time out of nowhere, you knew it wasn't always just from tiredness. or being hungry. or whatnot
the rest of the night you're all emotional af and max notices
"daddy why are you crying?"
there go the waterworks...more tears slip down jake's face đ„șđ
"because i'm happy!"
"people cry when they are sad! like when uncle fanboy loses to uncle payback!"
"HEY! kid, i thought you were on my side"
"so, i'm your dad now, huh?"
"forever and ever and ever and ever!"
how could you have gotten so lucky...
you're sitting here in the middle of the hard deck with your family. a family when realization hits. you had a loving husband, and a father, and a child that brightened up your world, and you couldn't have asked for anything more. you finally found someone that wanted forever and wasn't one to back away
now for some more cute moments post-birthday celebration
you take max to base every day right
and hangman will carry him on his shoulders all the time
if he's not done with his flight or workout or whatever, maverick takes his place
or his fairy godmother :)
as soon as he lands, max takes off at the speed of light and goes barreling towards him (how tf is the kid so FAST)
as hangman picks him up he looks at you and says "can we please have another kid. please"
"i want a sister! tell her, daddy!"
"see, the little man agrees"
sorry this ending was so awful i genuinely apologize...
tags, including people who may be interested: @totomoshiâ @sarcastic-sourwolfâ @sebastianstangirl01â @altheadarlingâ @ellabellabus07â @hay-9105â @purelyfictionâ @93joonsâ @criminalyetminimalâ @yeehawnanaâ @lunamoonbbyâ @hazelgirl355â @multifandom-fangirl4â @paintballkid711â @lyn-lcâ @whatlovegattadoâ @azari-annaâ @thelifeofthelifeofmeâ @lets-be-gay-for-the-angelâ @quivvyintheclouds @phoenixhalliwell @winteryoungie @mychoso @lt-b-rooster-bradshawâ @jenny-riversmithâ @krisitzenevaâ @daethsticksâ @sithwidowâ @rosie-posie1313â @sadpetalsstuffâ @glossydi0râ @i-simp-muchâ @hay-9105â @meeeeees-stuffâ @sweetdayme4427â @unicornlover92â @intrxdeâ @rhiannon-russoâ @dolce-cloutâ @theghost1345â @baby-girl-eâ @greatbigshiningstarâ @joyfulbookreviewmarvelspy @julia-marshal @anya7802 @bittergomez @and-claudia @newlibrary @cosm1cfae
sorry if this doesn't seem updated! some tags include ppl who were tagged in part 1 of this blurb mini-series. if you'd like to be added to the taglist, comment or add yourself to the tgm taglist here!
#top gun#top gun: maverick#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin#hangman seresin x reader#jake hangman seresin x reader#hangman x reader#glen powell#top gun imagine#top gun fic#hangman fic#jake seresin x you#hangman x you
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đȘnsfw alphabet for george oâmalley please omg đđ the internet is severely lacking in george content & youâre so good at writing him.
(also if you donât mind it would be cool if you did the alphabet as though george was bi or in some sort of gender neutral partner way since iâm a guy but itâs ok if you arenât comfortable w that thank youuuu đ„ș)
đšđ©đĄđđ„đąđâđŹ đđ€ đđđ„đđđ«đđđąđšđ§Â // omg yesss tysm for asking!!!
a: aftercare (what theyâre like after sex) george honestly didn't know why aftercare was important for quite some time, but by the time he's in a stable relationship with you, he always wants to be sweet after sex, even if nothing kinky/rough happens, he's just always down to cuddle.
b: body part (their favourite body part of theirs/their partnerâs) george likes his arms and his eyes, but on his partner, he loves your neck and your ass - he also likes to play with hair (regardless of length).
c: cum (anything to do with cum basically) he likes cumming inside, ideally, but would understand you not being into that, so in that case, he's content to just cum on your belly or keep it simple and do it in a condom.
d: dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs) george isn't really sure he has one!! sex does fluster him a little bit, so i can see him finding anything out of the mainstream like a little "secret" - maybe the fact that he likes to be both dominant and submissive in bed.
e: experience (how experienced are they?) george is decently experienced, even though people think he doesn't seem so. he lost his virginity to his first college partner and is no stranger to the occasional hook-up, but he isn't very experienced when it comes to anything not-vanilla.
f: favorite position (this goes without saying) he likes being ridden, he finds you being on top really hot.
g: goofy (are they more serious/humorous?) george tries to be serious in bed, but ends up having a few silly/clumsy moments - he wants to be this smooth, sexy kinda guy but he's really just a dork.
h: hair (how well groomed are they are, etc.) i don't think george does anything special down there, he's very hygenic but doesn't go out of his way to trim up either.
i: intimacy (how they are during the moment) oh, when he's in a relationship, george gets very sappy and intimate. he wants to look at your face, hold your hand, tell you he loves you all while fucking you.
j: jack off (masturbation headcanons) before he's taken, he does it really often, i'd say whenever he gets a chance between crazy shifts, so like every other day? but when he's in a relationship, he wants to save his stamina.
k: kink (one or more of their kinks) big switch, likes to be dominant/bossy in bed sometimes, other times he'll gladly take orders. he likes dirty talk, semi-public (groping in closets and elevators, fucking while other ppl are in the house, etc), and i can even see him liking spanking, but probably only from the giving side.
l: location (favorite places to do it) he prefers a bed overall, as i think most people do, but he really likes having sex in unconventional, semi-public places. hotel rooms, parked cars, the on-call room, the kitchen...
m: motivation (what turns them on, gets them going?) honestly, when he's working, he has so little time to spend with you, his main motivation is the thought of not having time to do it again later. he gets horny for conveniance sometimes, lol, like "i had a long shift but i'm gonna be so busy the next few days, fucking now makes the most sense".
n: no (something they wouldnât do, turn offs) george isn't into being super rough, he just doesn't want to cause you any real pain, and with all his medical knowledge, he refuses to risk putting you in any harm. he also wouldn't let you tie him up, the idea just makes him uncomfortable, but he'd tie you up if you wanted.
o: oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) loves to give and receive, is really good at giving it. genuinely goes down like a starving man.
p: pace (are they fast and rough/slow and sensual?) george likes both, it really depends on when/where/what. fast and rough is always fun, but after a shitty day, some slow, sensual, loving sex is so rewarding to him.
q: quickie (their opinions on quickies) likes them a lot, he likes the risk, the roughness, seeing how fast he can get you off.
r: risk (are they game to experiment?) i don't think george is against it, but he is probably gonna want to do research on whatever you want to do first.
s: stamina (how many rounds can they go for/long do they last?) on a relaxed day, he can go 2-3 rounds, and last a long time. after being on-call for 36 hrs? 1 round, 20 mins tops.
t: toy (do they own toys/use them? on a partner/themselves?) never owned any himself, but would be open to using them.
u: unfair (how much they like to tease) george is a bit too impatient to be a good tease, but he is extremely easy to fluster if you're the one teasing.
v: volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make) good at keeping quiet, has a very breathy moan that just sounds like he's in pure bliss.
w: wild card (a random headcanon) george doesn't like degradtion from either end, but praise?? woooooo boy.
x: x-ray (letâs see whatâs going on in those pants) he's pretty average-sized (6-7 in), thick, cut.
y: yearning (how high is their sex drive?) very high sex drive, almost always ready to jump your bones.
z: zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) again, it depends on the type of day he had. if he's been busy, he's knocking tf out, but if he's chill, he'll wanna cuddle and watch a movie afterwards.
#đ đđđđđ.#opheliaâs 1k celebration#george omalley smut#george o'malley x reader#george omalley x reader#george omalley#greys anatomy#grey's anatomy#ophelia's hcs#greys hcs
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I hate seeing sad Hotch but what about Hotch being sad and feeling heâs inadequate but reader does a BIG/GRAND gesture and hotch is floored and becomes like cute puppy hotch and is all like đ„ș
this was such a phenomenal request, i just had to add a sprinkle of angst and hurt/comfort bc i am a whore. hope you like it!
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x f!Reader
Words: 1.3k
CW: sad, very very sad, angst, sad boy aaron
Tags/warnings: established relationship, lover boy Hotch, reader works at the BAU but isn't a profiler (just in case you haven't read Moments), self-deprecating thoughts, Aaron thinking he's not good enough for Reader, fear of abandonment, Aaron crying, Reader comforts Aaron, super cute ending.
a/n: I imagine this is Moments AU Aaron and Reader after their relationship comes to light and theyâre just dating and working together like adults after almost a year of secrecy, so itâs ânewâ in the sense that theyâve been public for only a few months.Â
Disclaimer: YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE ELSE WITHOUT MY CONSENT. REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED THOUGH. YOU MAY NOT FEED MY WORK TO ANY AI DATABASES OF ANY KIND OR TO USE MY WORKS TO TRAIN AI. FUCK AI.
You hadnât spoken to him all day, avoided him at all cost, not once stole a single glance at his office, at him. He didnât think it was strange at first, you were both rushing to finish a mountain of paperwork that had just come in.Â
He even ignored the fact that you hadnât sought him out to have lunch together, claiming you were going out to run an errand. But then you left work early, so early in fact that the sun was still out. Thatâs when he began to panic.Â
He knew heâd been a little distant recently. Heâd had to miss your weekly date night twice, the second time having been the rescheduled date that he was convinced heâd be able to make. But no matter, heâd been called into a meeting just as the two of you were leaving the office.Â
Youâd been understandably upset. When he returned home to his apartment where youâd been waiting for him for the past few hours, you immediately got into a very heated argument, one that as much as he knew was coming, was still incredibly painful.Â
But that had been a couple of weeks ago, youâd worked through it, talked it out, were done fighting about that. Or at least he thought so.Â
He knew he was lucky to be with you, unbelievably lucky in fact, and he tried to often show you just how much he appreciated you sticking around after everything heâd been through, after everything youâd been through together.Â
And yet he couldnât help but feel like you would be so much better without him, that if he wasnât holding you back you could be doing so much better. Your career had stalled because of your relationship with him, you were stuck in an endless cycle of having to comfort him, reassure him that everything was going to be alright when he should be the one doing this for you.
Heâd caught you laughing, unrestricted, completely set ablaze by emotion a few days ago, and what had struck him hardest about such a normal display of happiness was that he couldnât remember when heâd made you laugh like that last.Â
You deserved the world, deserved someone who would show up for you, who would sacrifice everything for you, and as much as he wanted to be that person, he was also terrified of what he would have to do in order to become it.Â
But he really wanted to, truly wanted to try, to make this work, to prove to you that he could do it, that he could be the man you needed him to be.Â
Heâd left the office the earliest heâd had in a while, making an effort to leave the paperwork he hadnât been able to get through on his desk. He could get to it tomorrow morning. Tonight he would show up for you, to his apartment where he knew youâd be waiting after youâd unofficially moved in a week earlier.
He had plans to surprise you with dinner from your favorite restaurant, draw you a nice bath, and practically spend the rest of the evening on his knees, worshiping you like a goddess until you simply couldnât take it anymore.Â
He was practically buzzing all the way up to his apartment, excitement washing over him like a drug, euphoric and calming. Heâd opened the door quietly, not wanting to alert you of his presence quite yet.Â
But when he finally took in the room, fully dissected what he was seeing, the bag of take out, his keys, and his work bag fell from his hands, loudly banging against the wooden floor.Â
You practically bolted out of the room, terrified, like a deer caught in headlights. You only calmed down when you noticed it was him, the hand that held a hair brush like a weapon lowering as a realization flashed over your features.Â
Heâd caught you in the act, caught you in the middle ofâŠpacking your bags and leaving him.Â
No, this couldnât be happening to him, not again, not like this, not you.Â
âHoney,â he managed, his voice unbelievably small, on the verge of breaking apart. âWhatâ we can talk about this, please, donâtâ please donât leave me.â
Your brows scrunched in confusion, slowly straightening, readying yourself for what you believed would be another fight. Thatâs when your eyes darted towards the spilled containers on the floor, his keys and bag to the other side of him, discarded.Â
âI know I messed up, I know I shouldnât have gone to that meeting, I should have told Strauss to wait until the morning,â his voice was cracking, pathetically, and he wanted nothing more than to have this conversation in the most composed way possible.Â
But he had not prepared himself to find you like this, to find you in the same way heâd found Hayley all those years ago. Only then it had been his things, and tonight they were yours, and that somehow stung him even harder because last time it had been her kicking him out of her life, and tonight it was you removing yourself from his.Â
You still didnât move, your confusion slowly starting to turn to concern as he dropped to his knees in front of you, quite literally getting on his knees to beg you to stay.Â
âI donât want you to leave me, honey,â he pleaded. âPlease stay, I promise Iâll do better, Iâll do whatever you want me to just please don't leave me.â
His hands wrapped around your legs then, face pressed against your stomach as he couldnât stop the tears from pouring any longer. His entire body shaked, trembled, quacked against your own, his arms keeping you in place, stopping you from moving anywhere, even if you wanted to.Â
âBaby,â you whispered and he only tightened his grip. So you stood there, let him get it all out as you gently ran your fingers over his scalp, shushing him gently as he sobbed.Â
A few long minutes later, the sobs subsided into light tears and he let you unwrap his arms from you. You dropped down to your knees in an instant, cupping his face in your warm hands and pulling his gaze up to meet yours.Â
âIâm sorry, baby,â you told him, wiping the wetness off his face with your thumbs. âI didnât know this was bothering you so much, I thought we were done fighting about that.â
He let out a shaky breath, taking in the words youâd just said, allowing them to reassure his rapidly beating heart.Â
âYouâre not leaving?âÂ
âNo, baby,â you smiled softly. âI wanted to surprise you,â you turned your body to the hallway leading towards his room, his own bags packed by the door. âI got Rossi to approve some time off for both of us â an entire week of sipping margaritas by the beach at one of Morganâs friendâs resorts.â
His arms wrapped tightly around your waist then, pulling you further into him. âWhen did youâ how did you? Whyââ
âYouâre right, that fight was awful, and I realized we both just needed some time alone together. To decompress and reconnect, just the two of us. What do you think?â
âI think that I donât deserve you,â he confessed, the smallest hint of a joke desperately trying to hide the truth behind his words.Â
âOh, but you do, Aaron,â you kissed his nose. âYou deserve this and so much more, I just need you to believe it. For me. Please?â
He nodded, his nose gently rubbing against yours before he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. They were a little salty from his tears and you took extra care to lap them all up, to clean his mouth of any reminder of what had just happened, a clean slate for the two of you.Â
âI love you,â you spoke against his lips.Â
âI love you too, honey,â he replied, placing another kiss over your lips before continuing. âSo much itâs physically painful.â
You giggled then, light, airy, playful and carefree, and he couldnât help but smile. Now this laugh heâd remember forever.Â
this was...wow. holy shit. i hated putting baby through that but i think he needed to hear that.
my requests are open for pretty boy hotch, be that moments, dbf!we shouldn't (and yet we do), rough hotch, sugar daddy!hotch, or whatever your heart desires.
tags: @canuck-eh, @ssamorganhotchner
#aaron hotchner x female reader#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner#show your fangs asks#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner angst#hotch x reader#moments on ao3#show your fangs writes#aaron hotchner blurb#show your fangs hotch blurbs#show your fangs moments au
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hello there! I don't know if you take requests or not, but I'm here to tell you that I love your writing and your "iii is fuming..." fic is one of my favorites đ I would really love to hear your take on the NSFW ABC's for iii if that's something you're interested in. thank you very much for your time! đ
im so glad you liked it, anon ïżœïżœïżœïżœ
iii nsfw alphabet!! đ
A = Aftercare (what theyâre like after sex)
i think iii crashes pretty fast (he cant help it) but just as he takes care of you, he expects it in return. if he has enough energy he loves taking a bath/shower with you afterwards
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs)
iii loves his hands and his neck. once again big hands make brain go brrr he loves holding your small hands/linking pinkies and loves when you choke him đ€đ€
his favorite on his partner is their hips and thighs. LOVES LOVES squeezing your thighs and gripping your hips when he rails you
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
loves cumming on your thighs and stomach. thinks you look so pretty đ„č
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
likes crossdressing and wearing skirts/fishnets đ loves when you call him pretty and likes being called babygirl
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what theyâre doing?)
iii has had a few partners in the past and definitely knows what heâs doing. your relationship is the first one where heâs really started to come out of his shell and be more submissive, though
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
LOVES when you ride him. especially in reverse cowgirl cuz he loves your ass
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
itâs iii, of course heâs silly during sex. he can definitely be more on the serious side but its just in his nature to crack jokes
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
def hates having too much hair down there so he keeps it trimmed shortly
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
iii always makes sure you are feeling good and always puts your pleasure above his. he can be super cheesy and romantic but more often than not heâs caught up in the moment and just wants to make you cum
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
okay hear me out. he jacks off alot. especially when heâs away on tour, heâs so pent up from being away from you he has to call you so he can cum for you âčïž
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
CROSSDRESSING!!!! LOVES dressing pretty for you. omg suck him off while heâs wearing a skirt he will go crazy. HUGE EXHIBITIONIST. loves being choked. loves being overstimulated. 100% gets off on eating you out. big masochist and iâll die on that hill
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
iii loves fucking you in risky places and thrives on the adrenaline it gives him. takes you on the couch more often than the bed
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
being bossed around and called cute names âčïž eating you out, when you touch his neck
N = No (something they wouldnât do, turn offs)
he cannot be a hard/rough dominant. even when heâs in the more dominant role, heâs more of a pleasure top. heâs never felt comfortable in the role
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
highly prefers giving to receiving. this man will get off on eating you out and will hump the bed til he cums in his pants đ€ will 100% eat you out when youâre on your period im sorry i dont make the rules
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
def more fast and rough, he gets so caught up in how beautiful you are and how good you feel sometimes he needs to catch himself âčïž
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
iii THRIVES on quickies. they are his absolute favorite especially in public where the two of you can get caught
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
^^ YUPPP. he is the biggest exhibitionist + will also try anything with you
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
i think iii cums pretty fast especially when his kinks are being put into play, but he likes to make you cum multiple times before he does. usually goes for one round because he knocks out afterwards
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
loves toys and likes to be blindfolded + to cuff you and be cuffed
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
big tease âčïž also loves being teased himself. rub your ass against his dick when you walk by and he will go CRAZY. takes it as an invitation to tease you until one of you caves in
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
very very vocal when heâs subby. whining and whimpering âčïžđ
âam i doing good baby?â âthat feel good?â âlove how you taste babyâ
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
secretly fantasizes about one of the boys walking in on the two of you and joining đ«Ł
X = X-ray (letâs see whatâs going on under those clothes)
i think he has a few tattoos and likes to wear silly underwear like with cats and stuff đ
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
bro is horny all the time đ literally will have sex with you any time any where just ask.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
usually is knocked out pretty fast. tries to keep himself awake as much as he can to make sure youâre okay
#sleep token fanfiction#sleep token smut#sleep token x reader#sleep token imagines#iii x reader#sleep token headcanons
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