#also this is the first normal ask i've had in months so thank you lol

[cassowariess]

World Cassowary Day!

yessss!!! best dinosaurs!

[crazyinlovewithbucky]

"My Girl"

Pairing: (tfatws)Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Sam took Bucky clubbing one day to ease Bucky's tension and bad temper then Bucky met you and since the moment he laid his eyes on you, he knew that he wanted you to be his girl.

Warnings: flufffffffff, smut, Sam & Bucky being sarcastic, alcohol, alcohol consumption, making out, nudity, dry humping, oral (f receiving), protected/unprotected sex, d in v sex, drunk friend, sergeant kink, Bucky being obsessive, lipstick stains and marks, cum eating, overstimulation, lots of fluff + smut.

This smut was somewhat inspired by the song Girl by The Internet (feat. KAYTRANADA)

AU/N: hey guys, I've been having the worst writer's block and I've been writing this piece for almost 3 months now. My job is taking all of my time and consuming my days that I barely have time to write so this is the reason why this piece might be a little longer (5.9K words) than my previous ones lol. Hope you enjoy it and I'd like to remind you that English isn't my first language so excuse if I misspelled or mispronounced anything.

======================

It was a somewhat normal Friday evening. Sam and Bucky just finished another successful mission in Europe, and they needed time to relax. Sam knew about that great club in New York and begged Bucky to come and blow off some steam. Eventually, Bucky agreed to drink, spend time with his best friend, and maybe see how people nowadays party. They entered the club and headed to the bar right away before the club owner himself came and greeted them and told them he had a private VIP table for them on the east side of the club. The two Avengers thanked him but wanted to have a few drinks at the bar first.

"Gosh, Steve would've hated this," Bucky shouted due to the loud music, feeling a little uncomfortable as he's not used to loud music, not used to people drinking and dancing around wildly like this, and also not used to crowded places like this. Sam laughed at his comment and gave him a glass of whiskey.

"Believe it or not, buddy. I brought Steve and Nat here a couple of times, and they didn't actually hate it. They were uncomfortable at first, yes. But after a few drinks, I kid you not, Steve almost went home with three blondies who promised to show him "how grateful they are for him saving the world" until Nat and I had to actually grab him by his shirt and drag him out of there." Sam chuckled while telling the story, and Bucky almost spat his drink out of his nose, laughing.

"Yeah Yeah. That does sound like Steve." Bucky kept chuckling as he swallowed the rest of his drink. He put the empty glass on the bar and asked the bartender for a refill. His eyes roamed the place, looking at the people on the dance floor, then his eyes landed on you.

You were dancing your heart out and wearing that new short, tight black dress that had no sleeves, feeling kind of tipsy from the three or four drinks you had. Your hair is all messed up from the heat of dancing, which made some of your baby hair stick to your forehead due to sweat. Bucky couldn't keep his eyes off of you; he didn't know why, but for him, you were so attractive, with that tight short dress hugging all of your curves perfectly, your hips and body swaying to the music, and your shiny, beautiful hair swaying and moving with your body too.

He kept staring at you, lost in your beauty until he felt a rough hand hitting his shoulder. "See something you like, Barnes?" Sam raised an eyebrow at him, following Bucky's intense gaze at you. "Go dance with her," Sam chuckled, pointing at you with his glass.

"No fucking way, Sam. I don't dance." Bucky took a deep breath and swallowed the refilled glass in just one sip. He put the glass again on the bar table and motioned for the bartender to refill it again. Somehow all that built-up and buried sexual energy in him started to resurface as he got reminded that the last time he had any sexual interaction with a woman was in the 1940s. He really needed to take it out of his system and ease that sexual tension inside of him. He knew that he had to do that one day or another. Hell, Sam even knew and noticed that too, as Bucky's anger issues and frustrations were getting out of hand and Sam had enough of this attitude. He thought that maybe with a few drinks and a nice night out, Bucky might be less tense. But when a pretty lady gets Bucky's attention and he starts to act all frustrated again, it all clicks for Sam now, as the reason behind Bucky's frustration is just built-up sexual energy. Poor Bucky hasn't gotten laid since the 40s; he must feel like a virgin now, Sam thought.

Bucky kept staring at you and the way your body moved to the music until he saw you moving toward him with one of your friends. You were headed towards the bar while laughing with your friend, and you moved and stood very close to him and shouted the names of some drinks for the bartender. He could smell you. You were sweaty as hell, but for him, you smelt so nice and sugary; your body and hair smelt like a mix of coconut and jasmine, and he loved it so much that his body stiffened and he stood straight, trying his hardest not to look at you and the way you kept scratching your scalp and flipping your hair from the heat you felt from dancing. You took out a scrunchie from your purse and tied your hair up in a messy ponytail, and he almost fell on his knees as he saw drops of sweat running down your neck. You were so hot and beautiful, he thought he'd lose his mind.

Sam was standing on the opposite side of Bucky and you, watching Bucky's reactions with a smirk. "Hey ladies, can we buy you some drinks?" Sam said this to you and your friend, startling you both out of your conversation. Your friend looked at him and Bucky and gasped loudly.

"Oh my god! You're the Avengers!" Your friend screamed, which made you get confused, and you looked carefully at Sam, then turned your head and found very hungry blue eyes looking back at you. Your mouth opened a little at the sight before you. You thought that this was literally the most beautiful and handsome man you'd ever seen in your whole life. You both kept holding that intense eye contact; you didn't realize you were so close to each other until your friend pushed your shoulder to grab your attention, and you almost fell on him. Bucky was quick, and he held you by your waist and helped you stand up straight, never breaking eye contact.

"Are you okay?" He said that as your heart kept beating so hard and loud, you were very nervous, as you had never had that much tension with anyone before—even your friend and Sam sensed it. You nodded your head at Bucky while smiling nervously, then tried to breathe normally as you felt like you were choking out of air. You also felt that strange sensation of tingling between your legs. You couldn't help it; as per lots of previous experiences, you were well aware that alcohol makes you horny. But alcohol plus the hottest man you've ever seen—that was too much for you, and you felt out of breath.

"Y-You don't need to buy us any drinks, we were actually getting those last drinks and leaving afterward," you said nervously to Sam as you held your friend's arm. You smiled with a nod at the bartender when she put the two drinks you ordered in front of you and your friend.

"What? Noooooo, Y/N, I wanna stay," your drunk friend whined. "You can do whatever you want to me, Mr. Falcon." Your friend flirted with Sam and touched his hand and squeezed it while winking at him, which made Sam blush and smirk at her.

"Oh, I think you had enough drinks already." You cringed at your friend, squeezed her shoulders, and pulled her away slowly to leave.

"At least, let us drive you home." Bucky's voice behind you said that, and your breath hitched. You were trying your hardest not to interact with this man because, you swear, you were so close to jumping on him and doing very unholy things to him.

"Y-You don't have to." Your voice was shaky, and you tried to keep your friend steady.

"But we want to. Please." He touched your arm softly, and you got goosebumps all over, feeling hotter, and that tingling feeling between your legs was more unbearable.

"Okay," that's all that you managed to say, as there's nothing on your mind now except for the various positions and ways he could fuck you with. Yes, you were that horny.

Sam got his wallet out and paid for his, Bucky's, and your drinks. You kept holding your friend, afraid she might trip and fall. Meanwhile, Bucky was walking beside you, guiding you to the main exit and shielding you from the crowd. He was very gentle and kind to you, and you just couldn't stop looking at his strong, veiny hands and imagining them wrapped around your neck.

By the time you got outside the club, Bucky had guided you and your almost knocked-out friend to the parking lot, where Sam was already waiting there next to the black SUV. Normally, you wouldn't ever consider going out or taking a ride with strange men you just met at the bar. This is a never-in-a-million-years action from you. But your cautious side left the room when you acknowledged that these are the actual Avengers and they couldn't ever hurt you. And if they did, you're going to make a hundred percent sure to sue their asses afterward. You smiled at yourself at that thought, and that caught Bucky's attention.

"What are you smiling at?" Bucky said to you as he smiled too. Your smile dropped immediately as he caught you off guard, and you felt so embarrassed. Of course, you're not going to tell him you were just thinking about suing him if he did something to you, and that made you smile. What the hell are you? A psycho?

"Ummm, nothing." You smiled awkwardly. "I am just a little drunk." And you awkwardly laughed. 'Gosh, can this get any weirder?' You thought to yourself. 

"Are you okay?" He said this in a concerned tone while opening the doors of the backseat in the car and guiding you and your friend in. You nodded at him with a smile, sat your friend carefully in the backseat, and seated yourself next to her. Bucky got in the passenger seat while Sam started driving and pulling out of the parking spot.

"So, do you ladies have a place, or are we going to drive all night?" Sam said this in a sarcastic tone while opening the Google Maps app on his phone. He gave the phone to Bucky to start typing your addresses in the search bar.

You laughed at Sam's question. "Yeah, but Y/F/N lives closer, so can we drop her off first, Mr. Falcon? Shit. Sorry. I mean Sam." You cringed at yourself for calling Sam Mr. Falcon like your friend did. You don't know if it's because you feel awkward, or the tension between you and Bucky, or the four drinks you had earlier.

Sam and Bucky laughed softly at Sam's new nickname, and that made you feel more awkward, and that made you laugh nervously. Bucky noticed that and said, "That's okay. I call him sometimes "Daddy Falcon," just like those girls on Twitter, just to tease him." 

"Hey man, what the hell? You promised you would not say that again. Why are you telling her, you freaky cyborg?" You laughed so hard at the way they speak to each other and their weird nicknames for each other.

"Wait, What? Cyborg? Is that your actual nickname?" You laughed at Bucky while your friend was napping silently with her head on your lap.

"No, actually Bucky is my nickname," he overstressed the word 'Bucky' while looking at Sam, giving him a death glare, which made you giggle more. "But Sam just loves giving me a hard time."

"What? Man, who's giving who a hard time with that "Daddy Falcon" bullshit? I ain't nobody's daddy." Sam said while focusing on the road. You can't stop giggling at this point.

"Whatever, Sam. I'm sorry, okay? Truce?" Bucky said to Sam, smiling and looking at you from time to time through the rearview mirror.

"Fine," Sam said while still looking at the road ahead and rolling his eyes at Bucky.

"Shit, can I put the location on the map? because I think we're close to her apartment." You snapped out of your laughter and motioned with your hand for Bucky to give you the phone and type in the location. Bucky handed you the phone, and you started typing in your friend's apartment location, which was only five minutes away from your current location. You handed the phone back to Bucky, and he started directing Sam to the location. *

You made sure your friend was comfortable and sleeping well in her bed after you took her shoes off, tucked her under the blanket, turned off the light, and left. Buck and Sam were waiting for you downstairs outside the car. You walked toward them and smiled, saying, "I'm so sorry guys, we've been such a huge burden on you tonight. I really appreciate your help and kindness. Thank you."

They both smiled at you, saying stuff like "Don't mention it", "It's okay," and "We're happy to help." The three of you went into the car again, and Sam started driving to your house. The distance from your friend's apartment to yours was around fifteen minutes, so you started chatting with them and getting to know them better. You learned that they were staying here at the Avengers Tower and that Sam is not from around here usually, but Bucky is from Brooklyn. He kept telling you about his life back then, in the forties, and how he was adjusting to this new world. You and Sam joked a bit about Bucky's age, but he didn't mind it. He actually laughed at some of your jokes.

You were startled by the voice of the GPS lady saying, "You've arrived at your destination," and you felt upset for leaving them too soon. You exchanged numbers with Bucky and Sam and promised them to hang out with them soon and have brunch.

Out of politeness, you invited them over to your apartment for some coffee, and Sam agreed right away, while Bucky was just thinking about it. You were kind of surprised by his immediate agreement, which made you question if they had other intentions towards you. But you brushed these thoughts away when you saw that kind, loving, and gentle look in Bucky's eyes when he looked at you.

As soon as you got out of the car and were guiding them to your building's entrance door, Sam stopped in his tracks and exclaimed loudly, "Oh shit man, I forgot." You and Bucky stopped and looked at him, worried.

"I promised Sarah I'd call her tonight, and I completely forgot. Man, I hate when this happens. She must be worried, thinking something happened to me or else. I've got to go. Sorry, Y/N. It was very nice to meet you. We'll catch up soon, okay?" He gave you a small hug and pulled away. “Sorry, Buck, I've got to head home. You have Uber on your phone, right? Remember, I taught you how to use it." He smirked and winked at Bucky, who was, by the way, giving him the most deadly glare ever as he connected the dots and figured out Sam's plan to leave you and him alone. "You finish that cup of coffee first. I think you need to sober up a little." He gave Bucky a small hug too and whispered something in his ear that you couldn't hear, even though you tried eavesdropping. "Again, Y/N, very nice to meet you. See you later. Bye." He sprinted to his car, went in, and started to drive off.

"Okay, so I think it's just the two of us then." You smiled at Bucky and turned your head away from him to open the building's door with your keys. You guided him inside and went to your apartment, which was on the third floor. You opened the door to your apartment, invited him in, and apologized for the mess, which was not so messy, but you just felt awkward. Especially in the presence of him and the fact that both of you were finally alone in the privacy of your own house, which made the very unholy thoughts about him grow wilder.

You both took off your jackets and sat on the couch. You excused yourself to go make the coffee, but as soon as you stepped into the kitchen, you forgot that you ran out of coffee this morning and that you were supposed to go buy some the next morning. You cursed at yourself and felt so embarrassed. You went back into the living room and found him texting on his phone. Little did you know that he was texting Sam "very uncool" for what Sam did and for that lame excuse to leave you both alone.

When he noticed you were in the living room with empty hands and pouting lips, he asked if everything was okay. "I forgot I ran out of coffee this morning; I'm sorry." You pouted your lips and dropped your shoulders. He smiled at how cute you looked right now. "I have tea if you like." You smiled at him, and his gaze turned so softly toward you.

"Tea would be great. Thanks." He said it, smiling. You hopped on your feet, turned, and went to the kitchen, making tea for you and him. After six or seven minutes, you returned with two hot mugs of tea. You handed him his mug and sat next to him on the couch.

You started chatting and talking about everything and anything. Despite all the talking and chatting, without your awareness, you both started to get closer to each other. It was like your bodies were magnets for each other. The tension thickens, and both of you can't help but stare at each other's lips while talking, drinking tea, or doing anything else. You noticed that he licks his lips before saying anything, and he noticed how you bite your lips when you're concentrating on what he's saying or when you're staring at his lips.

After an hour or so of talking, you noticed that you were so close to him now that you could feel his hot breath on your face and how he was controlling all your senses now, with his hands touching your leg, his musky and minty scent surrounding you, and his blue eyes gazing softly at you. You were snapped back to reality when you became aware that you both hadn't said anything for the past ten minutes, and you even forgot who stopped talking first or who said the last word. You were just staring and looking at each other with very hungry eyes for one another.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered while looking at your lips with his lustful blue eyes. Your heart skipped a beat at what he said as you became too excited and became more aware of the wetness growing between your legs.

You nodded as you tried your hardest to hide your grin. "Words, Honey. I need to hear you." He said this while looking at your eyes, then moving his gaze to your lips again as he moved his hand up and held your chin up while moving his thumb on your lip, pulling the bottom lip down and freeing it from between your teeth. You didn't notice; you were biting your lips the whole time.

"Yes, please." You whispered, but it came out more as a whine. He smashed his lips against yours. Kissing you passionately and hungrily. He poked and licked your lips with his tongue, asking for permission, which you happily granted him, and you opened your mouth to him so he could devour you more with his kisses and tongue.

You were so lost in the moment and in him, and you kept tugging and pulling his shirt, asking and wanting more. He pushed you down on the couch with his body and laid on top of you, making out with you fiercely. Needing you more than you need him. You started lazily pulling his shirt up while bending and lifting your legs and wrapping them around his waist. You felt his erection poking and rubbing your inner thighs, which made you moan into his mouth.

He pulled away and started taking his shirt off while you were lifting your short dress up to your hips and waist, exposing your black lace underpants. Suddenly, you felt like you were rushing into things, and the situation between you two escalated too quickly. You don't want him to have the wrong idea of you, just as you don't want this to be a one-night stand. You want more. You want him to be yours.

"I-I just want to say that I don't do this at all." You said this while panting from the heat of it all and from that passionate make-out you just had.

"Do what?" He frowned and was confused. He thought you were backing out, and he was just embarrassing himself by taking his shirt off, thinking there could be more to this.

"I don't take guys I meet in the club home and sleep with them; I don't do one-night stands." You helped yourself sit up with your elbows while he was sitting and straddling you.

"I don't do one-night stands either." He smiled at you and cupped your cheeks as he kept moving his thumb on your lips. "I just can't help myself around you and can't help how my body reacts to you. I never had this feeling or attraction to anyone before." He pushed you down and started kissing your exposed neck. "Fuck, you're so beautiful. I've never seen such a beauty like yours before." He looked into your eyes while grinding his hardened length into your clothed core. You moaned slightly, which was an opportunity for him to bury his tongue in your mouth again. 

"Can you be mine for tonight?" He groaned against your mouth while still grinding into you. "Can you be my girl for tonight?" He started leaving wet and sloppy kisses on your neck and collarbone, moving down to your chest.

"Yes, please, Bucky. I'm your girl." You moaned and wrapped your legs around his waist again while your hands kept rubbing and playing with his hair.

You noticed the scars on his left shoulder near his metal arm, and you suddenly remembered who he really is and his dark past. You wanted to reassure him, so you started kissing the scars on his shoulder and paying more attention to them. "You are perfect, Bucky. So perfect, I could just eat you." You said this to him while grinning and tucking your bottom lip in between your teeth. You could clearly see his gaze soften and his cheeks turn bright red as he chuckled shyly.

"Look who's talking." He smiled and started kissing you passionately again. "Can we take this to the bedroom, plum?" He kissed your cheek and kept moving down, kissing your neck and collarbone.

"I was about to tell you that. The condoms are in the bedroom, anyway." You said that out of breath. You felt his arms wrapping around you and hugging you tight to his chest as he pulled you up in his arms and held you tight as he stood up, and you directed him to your bedroom while filling his neck with kisses and noticed the red marks of your ruined lipstick on him. You took a look at his face and found his mouth all smeared with red lipstick. You smiled at that sight. "This shade looks very flattering on you, Sergeant Barnes." You giggled and swiped your thumb on his lips while cupping his cheek in your palm as he was smiling like an idiot at you.

He turned on the light in your bedroom and threw you gently on the bed. He threw himself on you after taking off his dark pants, while you removed your ruined dress and threw it on the floor, leaving the two of you bare-chested. You kept making out more with him while he kept grinding his length on your clothed cunt and moaning in each other's mouths. "Can I?" he panted as he hooked his fingers on the elastic band of your underpants, asking for permission to take them off.

"Yes, please." You breathed out and lifted your hips off the bed, making it easier for him to take them off. He removed it gently and threw it across the room. He placed both of his hands on your knees and opened your legs widely. He gasped a little at the picture in front of him��your soaking wet cunt bared to him as you're fully naked underneath him with your perfect-rounded breasts moving up and down because of your panting and your perked nipples being so tempting for him to just suckle on them all night long. His mouth was open, and his eyes were full of nothing but hunger and lust as if he were eating your body with his gaze.

"Fuck, you're perfect." His hands slipped so nicely and easily from your calf up to your hips, and he started circling your sensitive bud with his thumb. "I want you to be my fucking girl forever." He started kissing your body all over. From your hips to your arms to your belly button to your breast, he kept sucking on your nipples for a little bit. All of that while his metal hand never left your cunt, as he kept rubbing it and toying with your sensitive clit with his fingers. "If you let me in, doll, I don't think I'd ever be able to leave." He looked into your eyes while saying that.

Seeing the look on his face and the way his eyes were lost in yours, you got the feeling that it wasn't just some dirty talk and that he actually meant it. "Then don't leave, sergeant. Make me yours." You pulled him in for a long, deep kiss that left you both out of breath. You gasped loudly as you felt his finger enter your hole suddenly and stretch your it.

He pushed another finger in and kept pumping them slowly inside of you, curving and scissoring them and stretching you.

You can't control your need for him and his throbbing cock inside of you, as you can already feel it nudging your inner thigh and feel the wetness caused by the precum. "Sergeant, please, I need you. Stop teasing." You whined and pushed your hips up a little, signaling to him how desperate and needy you are for him.

He chuckled and asked you about the location of the condoms, and you motioned to him their location in the drawer of your bedside table. He lifted his body from on top of you, took off his boxers, and went to the condom drawer. He took some, threw them on the bed next to you, took one in his teeth, unwrapped it, and put it on his cock.

You looked at the four or five extra condoms next to you and looked at him, confused, with an evil grin on your face. "Don't worry, plum. You're my girl now, remember? And tonight, I get to fuck my girl as much as I want. And I really want to keep you impaled on my cock all night long. Is that okay with you, doll?" He was massaging your inner thighs and mirroring your evil grin.

"Yes, sergeant. I'm all yours to fuck." You teased back and opened your legs more, giving him more access. He smirked at you and lined up the head of his cock with your entrance. He started to push in slowly while you wrapped your legs around his hips and pulled him closer, which made him push half of his cock into you. You cried out at the burn and stretch of his cock, which you thought was carved by the gods because of how magnificent and big it is. 

He pushed his cock into you until he bottomed out. You felt so full that if he switched the angle, he'd be able to touch your cervix with the head of his cock. He was that deep in your cunt. "You're so tight, doll. So perfect for me. Fuck, I won't last long." He groaned as he started moving and thrusting slowly. You just can't control your moans or cries at that moment, and you don't care. His name was falling out of your mouth like a prayer as he picked up the pace and started to thrust faster and deeper.

He lifted your legs up and placed them on his shoulders. This new position made him go even deeper, and as you thought, his cock is hitting your cervix and that deep spot in you that makes you scream like a woman possessed. He hugged your legs with his left arm, and the other one was pressed against your lower stomach while his thumb was moving in circles on your swollen clit. You were so close, and your throat started to itch and soar from your uncontrollable screams and cries. You've never been fucked that good, you thought to yourself. He was hitting all the right spots, moving at the perfect pace, and just being irresistible enough to make you fall in love with him. He stole your breath away from that first glance at the bar, but now? Now he was fucking you like he knew you, your spots, and what you wanted and liked. It's like you were made for each other.

Your orgasm crashed into you suddenly, and by then you were just a whimpering mess. Bucky didn't stop and kept fucking you through your orgasm, making it last longer and focusing on pleasuring you more. You were clenching around his cock like crazy, and he kept moaning and whimpering like a teenage boy losing his virginity for the first time. He snapped and emptied his load inside of you as his thrusts got sloppier. "Fuck, doll, I think the condom broke." He noticed that when he looked at where your bodies were connected and saw that big cut on the head of the condom. He chuckled softly and looked at you.

You pulled your legs down from their positions on his shoulder and lifted yourself up on your elbows to see how it broke. "What the hell? How did that happen?" You were panting, then you looked at him and chuckled at that dumb accident.

"I don't know. Maybe because of how hard and fast I was going and with your cunt choking my cock like a vase, I'd say I'm surprised it snapped like this instead of being taken off by the pressure." He giggled, moved his head down, and kissed you. "But don't worry doll. I got you." He pulled himself out of you and moved down your body until he was face-to-face with your swollen cunt. "I'll make sure you get all cleaned up." He said this before lapping and licking your mixed white liquid. Which didn't help your oversensitivity and made you get overstimulated quickly.

"God, Bucky, I'm going to cum again." You cried out, pulled on his hair, and pushed your hips up a bit, almost riding his face. He hummed and groaned while sucking your clit and shaking his head. That made you fall off the edge quicker and you came and gushed all over his face.

He didn't stop until he cleaned you up of everything, and you kept twitching and shaking from the overstimulation, but it felt too good to tell him to stop. After he fulfilled his promise and got you all cleaned up with his tongue, he pulled away and threw himself on the bed next to you after taking you in his arms first and hugging you closely. You lifted your leg over his and hugged him back. You both kept cuddling for a while in your bed, trying to catch your breath while looking at each other and smiling like stupid kids.

"Thank you." He said it softly and kissed your forehead. while stroking your arm gently.

"For what?" You smiled in confusion and looked deeply into his hazy blue eyes.

"I'll tell you later, but now my girl needs to rest for a while because I'm not done with her yet." He tickled you, and you both were laughing and enjoying each other's presence so much that you didn't want to leave each other for one second, and your hands couldn't get off one another.

Of course, the rest of the night you spent it talking and learning more about each other, and to take a break from all the talking and trauma dumping, you kept fucking like rabbits. You don't know how or when it happened, but you fell deeply in love with him and wanted him to actually be yours. 

The next day, you woke up and found him making breakfast in your kitchen. You were so happy to find him discovering things in your kitchen and making food, and you wished silently to wake up every morning to this sight. Later, while you both were eating breakfast, he asked you out on a date and told you how much he liked you, enjoyed your company, and wanted to be your boyfriend. You agreed immediately and kept making out with him for the rest of the day until he had to leave because of an emergency meeting that occurred in the tower. You found it so hard to let him go and kept clinging to him, even when he was getting dressed, but he promised he'd come right back to you once he finished the meeting. You eventually agreed to let him go, and he told you he'd take you out for dinner tonight as your first official date. You gave him one last passionate kiss, and he left.

Later on, and after hundreds of dates and dating for almost a year now, he finally told you what he meant by thanking you after you both hooked up for the first time ever. He explained to you how this was his first time having sex since the forties, how he had that built-up sexual tension and frustration that almost made him lose his mind, and he started to feel insecure because of that, and how it all changed when he slept with you for the first time, and how you made it so easy for him and let him get back to his old self and feel like the old Bucky again, whom he thought was dead since that moment he fell off that train in Europe. Your relationship with Bucky was the best thing that ever happened to the two of you. You both changed each other, helped each other grow, and found out what being in love is actually like. He literally said "I love you" after the third week of being together and during a very hot love-making session, which was the best sex you've ever had in your life. Bucky was the best lover you could've asked for, and you were so grateful for him and for that night out with your friend in that Manhattan club that you were reluctant to go to in the first place. It was fate that brought you together.

[justpeaxchy]

I have to say I love what you write, especially the headcanons, how we are in the month... could I ask for one on how they celebrate Snoggletog (Hiccup x reader)?

'I Saw Sparks'

A/n: thank you so much for the request! I really enjoyed it 😼!

Warnings(?): none, lol. It's Christmas time babyyyy

Tags (🫣): @fries11

Hiccup x !fem! Reader

Snoggletog! That's it. Just Snoggletog.

Snoggletog: the time where Vikings could walk around with a carefree smile — well, at least that's what you thought of it.

Who's not to love decorating the isle of Berk with festive lights to make it more lively?

Plus, it also gives you additional time to spend with Hiccup, so, win-win.

--------------

"Hiccup!"

No response came.

"Hiccup!"

Again, nothing.

"Hiccup! Wake up!" You barged through his door, startling him from his sleep as he yelped at the sudden slam of his door being opened.

"Toothless, just...a couple more...minutes—" He yawned, waving you off while still half-awake.

You sighed, placing your hands on your hips with an impatient tilt of your head. "Do I look like a dragon to you?"

Your words seemingly brought him out of his drowse, quickly sitting up in his bed with a bewildered blink. "W-wait what!? What're you doing in here!?"

Shrugging, you responded in a nonchalant manner: "Stoick let me in here to...help wake you up. Toothless, y'know...the actual dragon, has been on the roof trying to make you come outside as well."

He groaned lightly, rubbing his face to get rid of his remaining somnolence. "Right, right..sorry. I think I'm just getting more used to it at this point..."

----------------

It's been normalized between the two of you to know that you're mostly going to be getting Hiccup ready extra early in the mornings to start decorating for Snoggletog.

Putting up the lights in the Great Hall was probably your most favorite activity.

Despite having to stay out in the cold longer, Hiccup finds your excitement endearing, so he's willing to assist you when it's that time of day to continue decorating just about everything you could lay your hands on.

If you can't reach something, he'll let Toothless know to help you out by lifting you to that specific area.

You and the Night Fury seem to bond much more during Snoggletog, for a reason he can't exactly explain. But he loves it either way.

When Hiccup notices you slightly overworking yourself, he'll pointedly remind you to take a break, that you weren't the only one putting effort into it all.

He's had to physically bring you back to your hut on a few occasions once he felt how cold your skin was after being outside for an unnecessary and excessive duration.

--------------

"Look! Your hands are freezing! They're practically colder than the snow!" He immediately brought his hands around yours, blowing on them in hopes of warming your skin.

"Hiccup, I'll be fine! We've lived here for 20 years so far, I think I've got it by now..."

He shook his head, ignoring your claim. "Nope. I wholly disagree. We're getting you inside."

He started to lead you back to your hut, still managing to do so while you attempted to plant your feet in the ground. "Wait! But I haven't hung the wreath yet!"

--------------------

Now, when it's the actual day of Snoggletog, that only increases your symptoms of bliss.

You definitely wake Hiccup a bit more earlier than intended, mostly because you couldn't get proper sleep from your overflowing amount of exhilaration.

The first half of the day is spent in the Great Hall with the rest of Berk, with you and Hiccup not leaving each other's side.

(While also desperately trying to to avoid Astrid's Yaknog, but that's beside point.)

He's a bit awkward handing you the gifts he made for you, but once your thrilled reaction reaches his ears, he's okay again.

When it's his turn to receive a gift from you, he also doesn't know how to react and can only have a wide, goofy grin across his face. He's thankful you went out of your way to get him something as well, he just can't express it enough in words.

So, expect hugs instead.

--------------

little extras:

If the fireplace doesn't give you enough warmth right away, you and Hiccup will rest next to Toothless. It works every time.

You once threw a snowball at Hiccup when he was a bit drowsy outside, something you enjoyed for that moment as you laughed at the look on his face.

But you quickly regretted it when he attacked you with the one thing you couldn't fight against: tickles.

-------------------

[thesleepyskipper]

2024 Year in Review: Writing Round-Up

I was shocked to see that I wrote TEN fics this year, all for RWRB. And that the first one was in April! It was definitely a busy year.

❤️🤍💙.

too sweet (Rated M | 2,237 words)

A little co-worker enemies-to-lovers. Based on the Hozier song of course!

❤️🤍💙.

2. good neighbours (Rated M | 10,283 words)

My fic for @aroyallybigbangrwrb which is a neighbours AU meet-cute situation where Alex really likes to fix stuff for Henry, who really likes to break stuff for Alex to fix. I'm normally a one-shot kinda gal, but writing a chaptered longer fic was a fun challenge!

❤️🤍💙.

3. stop pretending (Rated T | 3,159 words)

My fic for @thebrownstone Summer Switcheroo exchange. Childhood friends-to-lovers based on a little video I saw on twitter with a meddling sister and of course I added in some more meddling friends just for fun (because Nora and Pez need to get in there too!)

❤️🤍💙.

4. yours, forever (Rated T | 2.019 words)

Suuuuper fluffy proposal and wedding fic! The wedding bit is somewhat based on my own true story.

❤️🤍💙.

5. the cadence of your heart (Rated E | 5,585 words)

Oh boy. It took me about 4 or so months of working on this and building up the courage to post my first true E-rated fic in this fandom. This is basically shower sex PWP but also ended up with A LOT of feelings.

❤️🤍💙.

6. lost and found (love) (Rated T | 2.304 words)

A little meet-cute where Alex has lost his dog and Henry runs the local lost dog Facebook group. Part epistolary with FB messages throughout! Written for the red umbrella flufftober collection.

❤️🤍💙.

7. London? (Rated T | 1,432 words)

Somehow my second flufftober piece also ended up revolving around dogs, but this time an established relationship piece with some fun miscommunication about forever (but in a good way). Written for the red umbrella flufftober collection.

❤️🤍💙.

8. takes one to know one (Rated M | 3,608 words)

I had tons of fun writing this particular one about rival professors (with a little twist 🤫) for @anywhere-with-you-event.

❤️🤍💙.

9. According to Plan? (Rated T | 3,822 words)

A few people had asked for a proposal sequel to London? and it seemed to fit well with my first prompt for the frosted pages & snowbound stories collection which was Frozen Lake. My first 5+1 ever! Five times Henry almost caught on that Alex was going to propose and one time Henry had no idea.

❤️🤍💙.

10. keep him warm (Rated M | 4,339 words)

I had some fun with combining a bunch of tropes in this one - a bookstore AU with lots of pining, a power outage, being snowed in and THERE WAS ONLY ONE COUCH!! My second fic for frosted pages & snowbound stories collection.

❤️🤍💙.

It has truly been a wonderful year full of writing (and reading) and I am so appreciative to the tumblr community for all the kind comments, tags and reblogs throughout the year. The WIP games were so much fun and I really looked forward to WW and SSS each week!

Thank you to the lovely friends who tagged me in their Writing Round-Ups @kiwiana-writes, @cha-melodius, @firenati0n, @run-for-chamo-miles, @porcelainmortal

and @iboatedhere, @tinyarmedtrex, @0npurpose - look at all that we have accomplished!!! I've just loved reading all your works this year.

I'll try not to make a gigantic list (like I normally do LOL), but if anyone else would like to share, I'd absolutely love to see! So open tag for sure!

Tagging more lovely friends who have been active and tagged me in tag games or WW and SSS lately! @miss-minnelli, @onthewaytosomewhere, @sophie1973, @firstprincehornyramblings, @stellarmeadow

@littlemisskittentoes, @miharaikko, @getmehighonmagic, @orchidscript, @caterpills

@zwiazdziarka, @judasofsuburbia, @strwbrryagcd, @kj-bee, @whimsymanaged

@14carrotghoul, @myheartalivewrites, @tailsbeth-writes, @suseagull5914, @clockwrkpendrxgon

❤️🤍💙HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS! Here's to a successful 2025 with all sorts of wonderful new WIPs to work on! ❤️🤍💙

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[aetlasx]

prologue

pair: eddie munson x witch!reader

summary: Ah, memories. You journal your first day of high school, but things quickly take a turn just a few weeks later.

tw: menstruation, pad/tampons, bullying, name calling (pls lmk if there’s anything I missed)

a/n: just stick with me lol. he’ll be in the first part. Also, this is an AU!! For spooky season!! thank you so much for reading!!

*the chat font is the diary entry and it goes back to normal at the end*

August 22nd, 1983 It's been a few months since i've written in this thing. I thought it'd be a good time to start now since I finally made it to high school!

You know what that means? Four more years till I leave this shithole!! Better than five. June was actually waiting by the door when I got home, she really wanted to hear every detail of how it went. I told her about my classes, I have Jonathan in two and Nancy in several. I told her how the school and people were so different from anything I was used to. But, it doesn't take her long to find something wrong with the way I think. She started with her usual warnings and advice, all the things I need to avoid, all the mistakes I shouldn't make. I know she's just trying to protect me, but it feels like she can never have trust in her little sister.

On the other hand, at least Teddy asked if I had fun. He's always been the one who knows how to lighten the mood, especially knowing how his wife is. He asked about my teachers and any clubs that looked cool enough to join. He even asked about Jonathan and Nancy.

Jonathan was definitely not as excited as me. He's quite, but he's always been that way.I know that his mom was excited for his first day of high school, she even convinced him to bring his camera. Right now, I'm trying to convince him to join the newspaper but he just shrugs me off. And Nancy, well, although it's been one–girl is practically glow. Within just 8 hours of the school day, she was able to meet a boy. She kept gushing about him and is pretty excited for the rest of the school year here. I'm genuinely happy for her.

Before June could add her two cents, I interrupted her with how I stopped by Aunt Claudia's after school to see how Dustin's day went. He was already sprawled out on the couch, 'exhausted' from fighting with his new math teacher. It had been a bit since I had seen them, I slaved away my summer at my job so stopping by, I felt grateful that they weren't even mad. I'll have to start hanging out with him again.

Anyways, I’m determined to make the most of freshman year with my friends. I’m ready to prove that I’m more than just a product of this stupid town.

Wish me luck!!

September 16th, 1983

I think I lied. I don’t know where to start…but a four year wait is too long. I don’t know where it all went wrong but it started over the weekend.

Sometimes I’d like to think that if my mom was still around, this wouldn’t have happened. Hell, June is like my mom, why did it happen. I’m talking about mother nature’s gift. It seemed as though no on thought to inform me that a girls first period would be this chaotic.

Nance and I had a movie night planned. I hadn’t really talked to her much, only in class, because her new boy toy or whatever—Steve Harrington, was taking up most of her time. I thought this would be a good time to just catch up and gossip, I was wrong. That Friday was horrible. I ended up throwing up, getting the chills, my body ached to no end. But I was still determined to make movie night happen, especially since June and Teddy were gone for the weekend.

As I was dying on the couch, Nancy finally showed up. But to my disappointment, it was only to cancel. Her and Steve were going out on their first date. I don’t know if it was how hot I was feeling or my intestines twisting, but black spots started clouding my vision. I just remember her screaming for Steve and once I knew it, I woke up in the hospital.

What I’m about to write, I’ll say with confidentiality…probably because I’m the only one reading this. Whatever.

A period is probably normal for all females. What’s not normal is having to go to the hospital and having your best friend’s boyfriend make fun of you because the doctor called you a late bloomer. I mean, she apologized but, if I could’ve just died on that bed, I wouldn’t be here.

Even June lectured me when I interrupted her weekend getaway. The whole ride home she kept complaining and saying ‘how could I not know’ and ‘you just gave us another unnecessary bill’. Like, sorry my baby’s natural response has ruined something for you.

Fuck. That’s not even the worst part. When Monday came back around, everyone was looking at me when I walked in. I know how cliche it sounds after what had just happened but knowing how popular Harrington was and who his friends were, he had already told the whole school by now. During gym, Carol and a few other girls threw pads and tampons at me. I got called ‘Bloody Mary’ and ‘Leak Freak’ in the hallways, at lunch, and anytime anyone had the chance. I tried to stay strong, I even hoped Nancy would say something to me during class or at least when she saw me but she just looked at me with sympathetic eyes. It’s just hard to believe that a few weeks ago, everything was fine. We were making fun of our teacher, gossiping with Barb, and even went shopping but I guess things change. Now when I look at her I’m just consumed with rage.

Jonathan has been supportive, though. The evening I got out of the hospital, he had actually brought over some of my favorite snacks and listened to me cry all night. Even when the mocking was bad, he’s stuck by my side. He’s told some kids to fuck off, walks me to class, and I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong but knowing that I have to wake up and go through it again doesn’t really ease my pain.

I feel like my chances of making friends and actually joining some clubs are ruined. When I try talking to some new, they give me dirty looks. When I go to ask about different clubs, they turn me away. I’ve lost hope. Thought this was suppose to be a fresh start but I guess not.

And just to add more salt to the wound, I haven’t been able to sleep. Every time I close my eyes and drift to away, I’m met with such an unsettling environment. The atmosphere is thick, groggy, red. It’s coated in fog, but a man I’ve never seen before always walks through it. He says his name is Henry, he starts talking about my worries and pain. It’s always the same—he says he’s ‘there to help me’, he’s there to ‘take away the pain because he knows what it’s like’. I truly don’t know what has caused my subconscious to create things like this but I guess I’m just tired of feeling like shit.

I don’t even know why I bother keeping a journal around. Sometimes I feel like I won’t even be here in the future to reminisce on the shitty days like this. Why would I even? I guess it’s just easier to write these things down than having to say them out loud. I thought I’d be able to make my sister, aunt, cousin, and friends proud, but I’m starting to think I’m just not cut out for this.

Closing the diary, the blonde places it back in the shoebox you hid it in. Pushing it back under your bed, standing from the place he sat. A satisfied smirk on his face.

He’d been following your turmoil closely, knowing that this was just the turning point. Your struggles were feeding into his plans. This entry was straw that broke the camels back—your vulnerabilities, your fears, and your desperations. It was almost too easy.

“Your suffering is almost poetic,” Henry said to himself, walking out of your room, your house, determined to take action now. He planned to finally confront you, to force you to acknowledge the full extent of what your destiny could be with his help—with what he had to offer.

[estebanocon]

Ok, here's my recap of seeing Esteban over the Singapore GP! I've been attending every Singapore GP since 2017 and have supported Esteban each year. For me the highlight from this year was finding out that not only does he recognise my face, he also knows my name. 🥹

The video above is a compilation from two days: Thursday and Saturday. Full story below the cut. 👇

PRE-RACE WEEKEND / ESTEBAN'S BIRTHDAY

I've been travelling since late July and my flight back to Singapore from Vancouver was actually on Esteban's birthday. I had already committed to editing a video to celebrate his achievements at Alpine. Some of you (bless y'all, seriously) answered my open call for art/video/message submissions and I spent the afternoon before my flight putting it together. I'm happy I got it done and I was even happier when Esteban commented thanking us for it just before I got on my plane. You can watch the video on Instagram here.

THURSDAY

A.K.A. The day after I arrived back in Singapore after 2 months on the road and a 16-hour time difference. I have no idea how I wasn't severely jetlagged lol.

I got to the paddock entrance after 1pm, early enough to still get a spot in front of the barrier, but gosh there were so many people this year. Either F1 has really exploded in popularity (especially with the younger generation) or we just have more fans from overseas coming to Singapore for the race (why tho, it's so hot y'all). Luckily I had a friend with me and he was kind enough to help me take videos when Esteban arrived.

My friend hadn't hit record yet so the video missed Esteban saying "good to see you again, how are you doing?", and you can scroll back up for the rest. ☺️ He thanked me after I asked if he'd seen the birthday video and then there was an awkward moment when I didn't know if we were doing a fist bump or a handshake but man's a gentleman and didn't make me feel weird about it. 🫠

I don't know why after seeing him so many times I still get nervous but I was, and I struggled to take the cap off my marker so he could sign my cap. He very kindly took it from me to open it himself but my marker betrayed me and wasn't working properly (now that I think about it, it also happened the very first time I asked him to sign my hat back in 2017 🤡). Thankfully the girl next to me offered her red marker which actually worked (though Este stabbed the life out of it first to be sure). 🙏

I initially wanted to hang around in the evening with some friends who were coming after the pitlane walk. But at 7pm it was already super crowded and I don't even know why (all the drivers, TPs and media are already in the paddock at this point and won't come out till late that night). So yeah, I just went home to not tire myself out before the race weekend actually started.

FRIDAY

I've accumulated quite a bit of merch since last year so I was bringing a different one on each day for him to sign haha. In the selfie I'm wearing a shirt he signed the day before.

I normally try not to take up too much of his time because he always does his best to make sure all the fans get something from him. I only had one shirt for him to sign but after he did, he continued standing in front of me so I just took out my phone for this picture and then he went on his way. Este is bestie fr. 😭🫶

I didn't hang around outside the paddock again on Friday night because I went to watch OneRepublic. ✨

SATURDAY

The best day for me because this was when I managed to get most of my selfies (including with Mick, who I missed on Thursday because he came with Esteban and obv I have priorities) and also because Esteban managed to drag the car out of Q1. 👏

It was also a good day because I asked Esteban if he could write my name on the cap and as I was trying to spell it out for him, he cut me off because he knew, he just didn't see it was me at first because some guy had draped a huge flag over my friend and me for him to sign. 😭🫶

We tried to wait outside the paddock after qualifying but they started chasing us out at 12am and since they had armed police out in full view, we decided to not fk around and find out. (At previous SGPs they'd stay in the van so we never actually saw them.) Also didn't help that Esteban chose that moment to leave so people started mobbing him and even though he tried to stop at first, security physically pushed him to the exit. 🥲 (which was probably for the best tbh)

SUNDAY

I actually gave Este the wrong hat to write my name on (I wanted him to write it on the cap from his store, not the Alpine one) so I had to ask him again and he kindly obliged.

That night I was lucky to catch him just before he left the circuit, there were some fans running alongside him because he wasn't stopping but he stopped when he saw me. 😭🫶 I got a quick hug and he said see you next year so I guess the greedy mfs at SGP are going to continue getting my money smh.

BONUS ESTE'S BESTIES

Here's a picture of stuff I got signed by Este, as well as some gifts I got from other Esteban fans! And also, a picture of me and Fiq who I met for the first time on race day.

[slylock-syl]

Hey Syllll! Long time, no chat! I just wanted to get this off my chest before i go ham trying to figure out what i wanna commission from you soon.

I have been reading Undersource for years now, and i think we've both come a long way since then! God, that feels weird to say, i'm not even old enough to drink yet lmao. But! I am old enough to spend my money responsibly now, which is nuts given that my responsible spending is now aimed at getting art of my blorbos LOL.

You've grown as an artist so much since i first started reading- i think that was around... the pirate arc? Not sure! But i do remember the early days of me having discord, during the EKD server category era. But anyways, i know the way you drew our favorite skeletons was different back then, and it's all gotten so much smoother in that time. You're also (at least seemingly) taking way better care of yourself! You've set boundaries, you've set more time for yourself and not the blog, and you're still happily chugging along, after all these years. Not to mention you're working on this side story now, which i'm fairly certain you've been looking forward to for a while.

How's that sleeping though? Do you still have the sleep cycle of an austalian? Can't say i'm any better, im slowly becoming nocturnal again lol. Some things NEVER change.

Anyways. All this to say: im really proud to have been part of this little community for so long. To see the comic and its artist come so far. Even if im not a diehard fan anymore, im glad i can still take a little time every weekend to realize "OH, U/S shoulda updated!" and run over here. Thanks for giving me a good starting point of community on this god damned hellsite.

(Here's to sleepy 5 am "you're great" asks LMAO)

sjksdhLKSDJFHG THIS IS SUCH A SWEET MESSAGE OMG-

Hi Azzy! :D I'm glad you still like my work even after all this time! Thank you for sticking around! :D

I have been taking better care of myself these days! I'm (only sometimes begrudgingly XD) going on daily walks (Pikmin Bloom is really helping with that, I love Pikmin they're so cute), and made some new friends! When I first started this blog I was convinced I had to constantly/frequently produce content, and I time went on I slowly realized that wasn't really viable, so I slowly trimmed down the workloads for better manageability, I'd say it's helped a lot! Even if it may not look like it sometimes XD

There was a point before I adjusted my work schedule where I figured out that I may have been riding a creative burnout for a long while, as when I looked back it felt like my work had begun to visually stagnate. I think at the time I was cramming working on the comic update across only 3 or 4 days (Wednesday/Thursday to Saturday mornings, sometimes down to the wire), with several hours of just constant work (plus any distractions and 3 daily asks) because I was procrastinating so badly X'D I'm still recovering from the visual stagnation, but I'm definitely trying to experiment where I can! I may not be the best at it but I hope I'm improving at least ksjdghLSDGH My current schedule is MUCH more spaced out and much more manageable, spanning Sunday to Friday and broken down into stages for each day, and Saturdays are my designated day off~

As for the side story, it's one I've had around for quite a while and have been excited to finally show off! There were a few people who were interested in it when it was first teased, though I've no idea if they're still around, if they are I hope they're enjoying the story so far as well! 💜

Oddly enough my sleep schedule is no longer on Cthulhu Standard Time SKSDJGHDLG We had a TON of construction going on in the house the past few months and it was way too awkward to sleep with a bunch of strangers either being in or near my room, as well as making a LOT of noise sjkdhgLKSDJG There was a brief section of time where I'd actually go to bed at a "normal" time and get up at like, 9 or 10 am X'D Though it's slowly sneaking it's way into afternoons to 3 or 4 AM after I feed the kitties, kinda like my old college schedule XD

Thank you again for liking my work and sticking around! I really appreciate it!! :D

I may not be anywhere near whatever my "peak" was a few years ago, but I'm still happy to keep going for those who still come around! 💜

[bearballing]

hey, saw ur reblog about meta surgery, just wondered if you could tell me anything about your experience? as im considering getting the same surgery as u someday (: thanks!

sure, did you want to know anything specific? i'll list some stuff here too though:

i just had simple release and opted to not have urethral lengthening

recovery time and pain level was more than top surgery. i was given a bunch of strong pain killers so it was like manageable, but it was maybe 4-5 weeks before i could do stuff "normally" again

i had a total hysto at the same time so that probably made it a little harder to recover from but it wasn't like agonising or anything.

i had a catheter in for 6 weeks after even though i didn't get UL because my surgeon wanted to make sure i didn't get pee or anything on any sutures lol. having it taken out was by far the single weirdest physical sensation i have ever felt (it only lasted like 2 seconds tho), weirder than having top drains out

i could have had testicle implants and a monsplasty 6 months later but i was moving country that year so i didn't plan anything. i would assume i could have also gotten a vaginectomy if i wanted.

my surgeon sort of did a scrotoplasty already and put some belly fat in it (lol), i haven't heard of any other surgeon doing this but it does look like a regular ballsack even though it's "empty".

he also asked me if i wanted the head of the dick to be left smooth and round or if i wanted to have it shaped like how a natal dick's head is. i got it shaped. the whole thing also looks like it's uncircumcised which is cool?

i got sensation back Very quickly after surgery.

sitting down wasn't that much of an ordeal but being sat down/being in bed for such long periods was so i had to get one of those doughnut cushions so my butt wouldn't get (more) sore. i also got a little rolling desk that you can extend over bed so i wouldn't have my laptop right on top of me. lifesaver

because i had a hysto at the same time, i had to wear pads for a while. my balls got pretty sore from this but after i stopped wearing the pads it didn't take long for them to go back to normal

someone suggested i get a pocket mirror to be able to look at everything better while i was recovering and it was a good idea.

for stuff like well beyond surgery:

it's small but looking at it, it's unmistakenly a dick n balls.

it acts like a natal dick. you can see it get hard and soft and twitch and everything.

it feels like one as well, just smaller. like as in using your hand to touch it.

trimming the hair around it makes it look bigger. monsplasty will also definitely make it look bigger

i'm getting phalloplasty in a few years, and i've heard that having meta first (with or without UL) can make the stage 1 surgery a little easier on you.

[saltpepperbeard]

What are your top 5 Ed x Stede moments? 😊 I’m curiously asking several blogs to see how many of us share favorites!

MAN, anon! I tried to give this one some thought to see if the choosing would get any easier/become any clearer. Spoiler alert: IT DID NOT HSDLKS I AM STILL JUST AS TORN AS I WAS BEFORE. But let me see if I can at least ~*~attempt this~*~. My first three were easy but then the LAST TWO HAD ME PACING SHDLKS:

So okay, obviously have to put their first kiss in the ranking because it's so iconic and it's the thing that got me into the show in the first place! Like, literally the FIRST scene I laid eyes upon. And it had me crying full blown tears at work because I was just so floored that we weren't queer baited and that it was so sweet and tentative and cautious and just,,, The rest was history of course lol!

Like really, the Power it has. Didn't even know the characters or the story that much at all, and was already crying LMAO.

Then of course I have to put the second beach kiss(es) because good god lol GOOD GOD!!! I think I adore it so so much mainly because Ed and Stede are finally on the same page. No more doubts, no more worries, no more anxieties, no more questioning if they have the same feelings or are going too slow/fast. Just them and their strong, solid love--their good bones.

Not to mention Ed dropping the double "I love you" ??? I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am that we heard a legitimate "I love you." And Ed being the one to say it after all the hurt, all the pain in feeling unlovable, all the fear that he'd die completely alone, all the worry that his strong feelings were too much...Man. MAN.

And thennnnn the reunion scene because yeah. Yeah. I've said this before and I'll say it again: watching this at like 4:30am for the first time almost gave me an out of body experience HSLDSHS. Like, I think there's just something about the fact that we were all going through so many different iterations of possible reunions during the s1-s2 gap. We envisioned angsty, silly, romantic, and everything in between.

But this lol THIS,,,

I feel like it just surpassed expectations in such a beautiful, fantastical way. Like genuinely, I never EVER anticipated Ed being stuck in purgatory about to die and Stede coming to him as a mermaid because the real Stede is sitting with his body begging him not to succumb.

Also, Stede begging and screaming at Ed not to die/to wake up/to come back to him always makes me feel some sort of way. Something something he's normally so silly and so theatrical but he's so choked up and so serious in that moment that it PUNCHES ME IN THE KIDNEYS. Like it really just goes to show how utterly desperate he is. And that last, whispered, strained, "come back to me..." ??? Homie............

ALSO also, obligatory "This Woman's Work" mention because I knew that song and nothing else for like two months straight HSKLDS. Or two months gay, rather.

...

see this is where i start Dying because i'm being pulled in so many different directions lol DO I GO FOR ROMANTIC, OR SILLY, OR EARNEST, OR,,, SKLDJHLDJKDKDA

Okay okay I think I'm going to have to go earnest because I adore that they actually talked things through together. FLEETING LMAO, BUT STILL GLAD THEY DID, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST FOR A BIT. I just love that they actually expressed some frustrations, that Stede actually talked about his fears/his panic, that Ed set a boundary, and that Stede respected it. And then Stede gently navigated around and expressed his love in different ways and it folded Ed in half almost immediately hsdkljs YOU LOVE TO SEE IT.

But yeah no--if me rolling around Atticus' fics and me writing my own stories is any indication, I really REALLY LIKE IT WHEN THESE TWO ACTUALLY TALK LMAO. BECAUSE THEY HAVE SO SO MUCH BOTTLED UP, BOTH INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A COUPLE, SO IT'S JUST HSLDKS TALK IT THROUGH AS A CREW OF TWO MY BELOVED!!!

......

oh god oh god what do i pick for the last one lol WHAT DO I PICK FOR THE LAST ONE,,,

mmmMMmmmMMMM,,,,,,

SUCCUMBED TO MORE TALKING IT THROUGH LMAO.

I love so many of their other moments, and honestly, so many things could have made this list. But the bathtub scene...man. Taika saying it's more vulnerable and even more romantic than their first kiss is shdljks yeah. YEAH. LIKE HE'S COOKING A BIT WITH THAT BECAUSE IT'S JUST,,,

I feel like it's such a pivotal and important step in their relationship. Ed has literally never told that secret to anyone else, but he entrusted it with Stede. He feels safe enough around Stede to expose the darkest parts of his past, and he's entirely right to do so, because Stede doesn't view him any differently at all. Stede is right there, wanting to be his friend--loving him still.

And I think it's also good for Stede because of that vulnerability. He gets to see how much Ed trusts him and feels safe around him. He's getting to see Ed and Ed alone, which can't be said for so many other people.

It's just the two of them in that moment and I adore it so much.

...I just adore THEM so much, anon, so thank you for spreading this sweet little ask around! It was super fun to consider, aLBEIT SLIGHTLY RGGHGHGHH INDUCING BECAUSE I COULD INCLUDE SO MUCH LMAO. But thank you kindly! <3

Also, for the record, if I had to rank them from most favorite to still favorite but not AS favorite, I'd go Double Beach Kiss, Reunion, First Kiss, Love Everything About You, and Bathtub.

[koolades-world]

alright so, quick idea regarding reopening requests! please read more if you're interested in making a requests :) yapping and some probably scuffed math ahead just fyi lol. if you've made one while requests have been closed, please read this too!

i've been thinking about it, and as soon as I get down to a manageable amount, i'd implement this system. right now, i have 77? i think which is a lot but much better than it was before. i believe i started with about 120 something. considering that, i don't think it would go into action until november. if i reopen them in november, if i make a request post everyday and am keeping up with spellbound secrets, i would have 12 requests left, which seems like a good number to reopen on. that's only if i don't go on a reduced posting schedule, and if i solely make posts based on requests. fall term begins in about a week for me, so i'll be getting busier with schoolwork and may not have as much time as i do now. i also love to write things that make me happy, and as well as making posts for holidays, which would mean more requests gone unwritten.

so i'm thinking for the first week of every month, they'll be open. they wouldn't close until midnight of the seventh day or until i hit 30. i hope it never gets to that point, but i figured it would be good to add a cap. this number may change either if i feel like it needs to be raised or lowered. then i'd shut them, work on what i received. rinse and repeat for the next month. it ensure my inbox isn't too full, and that you get your request done in about a month! of course, when we get closer to reopening them, i'll make another post and update my pinned :)

i'm not sure how many other people have been having this problem, but i've been noticing that things i know have been in my inbox aren't there when i haven't touched them, requests will duplicate themselves, or they'll be in an order that they definitely weren't in before. i think it had to do with the fact that i have so many items in my inbox. of course, these issues resolve themselves, but there's no set time for when they'll return to normal. i don't think anything has vanished for good, but i have no way of knowing. i don't want any requests to slip through the cracks. if i accidently do one that was duplicated, it just further delays requests that actually need to be done.

this is the reason i've been deleting requests that have been made while i've had them closed. i hate to sound rude, but it's not too hard to read my pinned post especially when the text for my inbox is "read pinned post" or something along those lines. i even made it simpler to see that requests were closed by not having it under a read more and bolding it. it hasn't been easy to just straight up delete them, but they're just further adding to the number of items in my inbox, which i'm trying to reduce and may be contributing to much earlier requests having issues that i talked about above. i also didn't want to go back on what i said. if i do it for one person, i have to do it for everyone which just isn't fair. if you're one of these people, hey! thanks for reading this. know i'm not mad or upset with you but just ask that you please check if requests are open or not next time :)

just wanted to give a heads up! sorry it's taking so long, but i'm sure you guys understand. if i'm in a good mood and have time, i might double up some days to help cut back on those leftover requests and get them done sooner. thanks for reading! this was way longer than i thought it was going to be haha

have a wonderful day <333

[spaghett-onaplate]

gods dude i miss living in australia ahdaskfjsdg like i loved going grocery shopping in woolworths. like i think we used to go twice a week or so? and that period of time was one of the very few times i would happily eat veggies. like i was chomping on a carrot or two the entire time. and like i think i loved my 3 months in australia bc while it wasnt a vacation (bc we were supposed to live there for like 4 years but came back be of complications w my dads job) i still didnt ahve school and i used to go to the park daily and run around and/or play cricket and there were so many birb!!!! i fucking love magpies even tho they were a pain in the arse and we used to all around the city exploring and omg i loved opal asdnsjfsdkfj I STILL HAVE MY FUCKING CARD LMAOOO i loved the trains man. they were so cool. ooh and i remember when i had my first bagel lmao and a seagull stole my brothers asdh aksfj. fun fucking times man i love being nostalgic about those few months they were amazing. like probably the best few days of my life i could talk about it for ages actually

sappho awww firstly thank you for popping in my inbox I love hearing from you!!! and secondly I was thinking about this sort of topic on a rare and ponderous walk I went on just half an hour ago. like I've lived in this same house for three years and vaguely same area for my whole life and yet there are streets i've never walked down?? It's all kinda mundane and ordinary to me? and I was just walking through these backstreets and thinking if I have no appreciation for this area and my life here I will have no appreciation for anything. I was walking around imagining a post-apocalypse type scenario like yeah I would travel around and walk through streets like this. But lol in general just trying to appreciate the familiar and the mundane. So perfect timing for this ask!! it's sweet and interesting to hear about how such a normal place for me is a beautiful memory for you, I will take care to appreciate my opal card every time I take the bus and train to school. it's a shame you couldn't have stayed here longer!! it's possible we could have crossed paths or that we even did! do you think you would come back in the future? a lot of my early cheerful memories involve a park and birds too :) as you may have seen I briefly talked about in tags recently? right now my dad keeps getting woken by bird wars at 4am, bc cuckoos are moving in to the area and they kick other birds' eggs out of their nests. and a few days ago my mum was woken by the noise of a brush-tailed possum (I think they're called that?) a horrifying screech which I will include a youtube link for. and re: veggies I think Australia is in a fairly unique and privileged position as the producer + customer of good produce. like most of the places that produce the best stuff don't even get to enjoy them? like Brazil and Ecuador and their coffee beans. that's a whole nother discussion about the global north/south ig but yeah like thats something I take for granted. exploring the city is soso nice I never get sick of it, one friend and I often end up wandering around the CBD when we hang out :) i went on a walk all around sydney harbour with another friend, and I've only walked across the harbour bridge once lol by myself. the magpies and seagulls!! man!! love magpies and everyone has a funny story of being absolutely divebombed in spring by them. one time my friend and I got sandwiches from the Subway that's at a circular quay wharf, if yoy rmemeber that station? Right near the opera house? anyways her sandwich fell and the toppings were gobbled up by seagulls in just a few seconds. Rip to your brother's bagel :'( I don't have bagels often but I love them. ooh also on the topic of opal cards/public transport -- the Sydney Metro! they've got this cool driverless speedy new train line and they're expanding it by revamping some existing train lines. and lightrail expansion too! so when you come back you can zip around the city in style. anyways in your honour I will move through the city with much appreciation for all the mundane things, and I hope you get to visit again sometime :))

[lucigoo]

Weekly Roundup: 12th May - 9th June

As im sure yo can see, I've been a bot (a lot) lacking in my Weekly ROundup. between a broken and dislocatted wrist (well done me) and just life in general, well I havnt done it. So here we are, I'm back <3 So, its been a few weeks. What I'm gonna do is the normal 6 recs and then add all the fics I've written so we are all up to date. Hope you all had a good FEW weeks lol. As always, recs first:

A Song of War (will set me free) - Sylcian_SPH_Legacy - Wiedźmin | The Witcher - (Geralt/Jaskier, this is one of my fav Warlord Geralt fics) Summary: "Jaskier came home one day and asked a question who changed the path of the ones he called family. Oxenfurt went to war to protect life and save hope four months later."

And Howl Your Pain Unto The Moon - Jeanblack2056 - Wiedźmin | The Witcher - (Geralt/Jaskier, I adore post-Caingorn and Jaskier at Kaer Morhen fics) Summary: After The MountainTM, Jaskier gets himself a nice new curse to wear, turning into a werewolf. He's not aware of much, but there is still something telling him to go north, go to the mountains. When Lambert meets the werewolf on his way home, and recognizes him, the witchers are up for an interesting winter.

Jaskier the disney princess and the harpies - Cao_the_dreamer - The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, this whole series is brilliant imo.) Summary: Jaskier is adopted by a fmaily of harpies, shennanigans ensue Daisy Chain - kayte_overmoon - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geralt/Jaskier, Pregnant omega Jaskier and overprotective Geralt, chefs kiss) Summary:

Geralt meets a young, pregnant omega who makes him question everything he's ever known.

It would be a lot easier to leave him behind if Geralt wasn't already in love with him.

Oak & Ash - Morg47 - Multifandom [Archive of Our Own] - (The hobbit, Bilbo/Thorin, I still adore this series and this one is so good) Summary -

Long before the elves, Orome rode across the lands and purged evil from the forests he loved. Once the other races began to wake, he asked Eru for help protecting Middle Earth. Not long after, Orome found the hobbits. Deciding they were a gift from Eru himself, Orome took them in and began to teach them not only to hunt but also how to care for the lands around them. Any hobbit worth their salt knew how to drive out evil and vanquish it, just as their Valar taught them.

So really, how was Bilbo supposed to refuse a quest that would not only allow him to travel the lands that all hobbits loved but also vanquish one of the greatest evils still on Middle Earth? He was supposed to say no to cleansing forests and vanquishing darkness and seeing new trees? Not going was never an option.

The more evil they met along the way, the better.

Unpleasant Arrangements - Chrononautical - The Hobbit - (Bilbo/Thorin, Jelous Bilbo is just beautiful) Summary: The King Under the Mountain requires a consort. Bilbo is happy to help him find one. So. Very. Happy.

And now, as always, my fics, we have 5 fics and here they are: I Planted My Trees, And Watched Them Grow with You (Bilbo/Thorin, I;ve finally written the peultimate fic for the bagignshield-tober prompts by @smolestboop, I'm getting there lol) Summary: Bilbo is 141 years old, much to old for a hobbit and he feels it.

Hobbits were giving a gift by Yavanna. They know 24 hours before their time is up.

This is Bilbo's time to say goodbye to all those he loves and all who love him. Hitting Him in the Heart (Bilbo/Thorin, last weeks @flashfictionfridayofficial, plese mind the tags) Summary: Thorin hasn't recovered from the Dragon sickness, he is just able to trick everyone but his hobbit.

Bilbo takes matters in his own hands to save his dwarves and Erebor. He will save them the only way he can.

Touching me, touching you (There is nothing magic can’t do) (Sirius/Remus, for the @marauderswithpalestineproject prompt, its smutty) Summary: Remus is away with work, Sirius has had a stressful day.

Thank fully Remus as a suprise and a new way to be intimate with Sirus, even if they are on opposite sides of the world. It's not goodbye, it's not forever, it's just not right now (Sirius/Remus, for the @wolfstarbingo2024, please mind the tags) Summary: Sirius is a disaster of a man and he needs help. He refuses to get it though and Remus is bearing the brunt of that until he decides that he can't any longer. Everything has a golden hue, everything but you (Bilbo'Thorin, for this weeks FFF< again, please mind the tags) Summary: Thorin is gold sick, he is possessive and angry. Especially when he finds out his Golden One isn't beside him in the treasury where he belongs. And there we have it, I'm now all caught up, have a good week all <3

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday :) We have reached S2 Finale. I can’t believe we are here already. Feels like I just started on S2. This has really helped me get through this unusually long hiatus. Fun we can do this together. Thank you all for lovely likes, comments, and re-blogs on last one. I had a lot of fun writing it. Not a ton of Chenford in this one sadly.

So it'll be a lot shorter than our content heavy ones. It is closing an important chapter for Tim though which is important to go over. This is a fairly Nolan forward ep and its good but low Chenford. It’s time to close out this season so let’s get started.

2x20 The Hunt

We start off with our couple just starting their day. Tim confides in her about an informant he has a beat on. Love him confiding in her about this BTW. They are a slow burn with a lot of little pay offs like this we get to see along the way. I love it. Tim tells her about vice having an informant for the last 9 months in the Derain organization. A man named Cisco. Lucy gets excited cause means that he could give them Serj. A much needed win after losing the weapon that killed Chris. They don't have much on him right now. So this would be huge if they could track him down. I love how intently she listens to him knowing him sharing this is a huge show of trust.

Although this is a great lead for them Tim is worried he’s been killed. Says he hasn’t replied to a meet since yesterday. Before we continue I must note I will forever and ALWAYS love him opening doors for her. Like second nature habit with him. He never allows himself to go first. Makes my shipper heart happy. Chivalry is sexy af with Tim Bradford. He shows that constantly with her. I've said before it's the little things that make me happy. I also love them having their own secret op. I need more of this in S6. They’re going to try and track down this informant and see if they can find out where he’s hiding if he's not dead.

Their secret op is going to start with trying to see if he can be found at his normal places. Tim mentions checking their new sex trade businesses and a karaoke bar. Lucy makes a joke how she can’t believe a karaoke bar could be a front for a brothel. Tim and his jaded cop ways saying it’s LA of course it could be haha I mean where’s the lie? Ha That anywhere in this city is a cover for a brothel. Her reply and facial expression is priceless LOL

Lucy mentions it’s Rachel’s last night. Asking if Tim has anything planned? Tim doesn’t say much just dinner and taking her to airport. He is being very detached about the whole thing. Defaulting a little to his old ways with this. Lucy can’t help herself and give him a hard time about the airport though. Let’s note the smile he’s flashing in the first gif when she’s teasing him. You know that man loves it when she does.

She also calls him out on his ‘visiting’ plans. Clearly Rachel told her Tim would come see her after she moves. Tim continues his further detachment. Says no that he’s just going to be straight with her. Rip that emotional bandaid off about this. Insisting just like he did in 2x18 that long distance doesn’t work. (Also this scene continues my love of their height difference. These shots are my fav. I must comment on them every time ha)

Lucy can't help herself in trying to help him see it could work. She hates him having to go through this. The look on her face says it all. She hates the idea of him just giving up. That continued guilt of setting them up and watching it fall apart. Tim is decided and says no it’s not going to and he doesn’t see it happening at trying. Now we all know if it was Lucy he would wait for her. Make the effort. Show her she’s worth that effort. But this is Rachel and she is not that person for him.

Hell it’s why in 5x08 when Tim tells Lucy ‘She deserves someone who’s worth the effort’ was him saying she would be for him. That he would be willing to make ANY effort for her. Rachel was not that for him and this just shows in this episode. She helped him heal a lot post-Isabel but not deep enough of a connection for that kind of effort. Lucy finishes their convo out with saying she’s going to miss Rachel. Tim cracks a little emotionally and says me too…

They’ve reached one of the spots they’re checking for Cisco. Once again Tim opens the door for her. She even says Thank you *be still my heart* I love these two so much. They use the guise of their ABC’s to check out this place. To be able to get eyes on everyone there if possible by doing this. The lady who runs this place is a real peach. Tells them to kiss her ass. That she follows the rules. Even the dumb ones. Tim doesn't care about her attitude they are there for a reason.

They have everyone step out into the hallway. Clearly seeing if they can get eyes on Cisco if he's there. This is a pretty slick way of getting him to show himself. To be able to get to him without exposing the real purpose of their visit. I love watching them work in the field for this reason. They are a well oiled machine at this point. Very fun to watch them in action. I will say it is sexy to watch Tim dissect this business with his cop eyes. Walking through the hallway as Lucy follows his lead. Ready to follow any play he has in mind. Lucy finds the one door still shut. Alerts Tim and he knocks on the door to get them to come out. That’s where they find Cisco thankfully.

Tim pretends he is coping an attitude with him and shoves him back into the room. He "searches" him so they can talk. Cisco says after the shooting everyone's phones were taken. So Tim gets him a new phone since his old one was taken. Slips it into his pocket during his "search' Tells him to text him Serj’s location. Not gonna lie love watching him in this mode. 'Take no shit from anyone' mode right now. He’s already suppressing how he’s feeling about Rachel leaving so he’s a little pent up. It’s coming out here just a bit. Tim ends their convo and says he’s clean to the hallway of people. Then he and Lucy leave having gotten what they came for.

Rachel calls Tim expecting him to be at the station. She’s on speakerphone so Lucy can hear everything. He says the day got away from him he can be back in 20 minutes. Clearly having forgotten the time for their dinner. Lucy interrupts and says Cisco texted them a location. You can see the regret on his face he apologizes he won’t make it now. Rachel is also devastated he can’t make it. He apologizes profusely.

She tells him she’ll text him when she lands…In New York…Poor Tim looks so sad he’s disappointed her. He’s such a loyal person to not come through for someone is going to weigh on him. Before Lucy can say a word he says ‘it’s better this way’ her face though... Lucy has learned when to say something and when not to. This is one of those times. Doesn't say a word let's him be. She’s hurting for him though. It's written all over his face how upset he is about this. Not the way he wanted them to end.

Luckily they’re able to get to converge on Serj quickly and arrest him. Tim is able to catch her before she leaves. This is a huge moment for growth for him believe it or not. Instead of just shunting away his feelings about her leaving. (Which he was doing this entire ep and ever since she announced she was leaving really) And ignoring everything their relationship was for him he faces it. Tim's way of showing her this relationship meant a lot to him. Honestly It did she was his first real one since his divorce. It was an important chapter for him. I’ve said it all season. I am grateful to Rachel. To everything she helped him heal over.

Showing him he could open up again and have a healthy relationship. One with the possibility of a deep future. She helped heal that portion of himself. Show him he was capable of it. Which ultimately opened him up for Lucy in the future. Tim tells her he’s willing to actually give this long distance thing a go. He can't predict the future but wants to try. Now we all know they don’t make it past this episode. Because she was not his person. The growth is him pushing past his usual M.O. of suppression.

By facing what he was feeling and trying to make it work instead of being stubborn and not even trying. Lucy set them up because she wanted him to get past his S1 trauma. To push past all the crap Isabel dragged him through last season. To see him happy. That he deserved that so much in her opinion. So I’ll always be grateful for the role Rachel played in his life. It helped him eventually get to where he could be with Lucy. After this episode this chapter with her is now closed. I would get a kick out of her finding out about them now. Be interesting what she would say. Alrighty that’s all she wrote for s2 finale.

~~~~~

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Not a ton of chenford the episode mainly focus on John and his terrible decision making skills LOL I would've done things so differently than he did my god. Pained me to watch his terrible choices through out the episode.

Only good thing he does is go to Roslyn for insight. But the rest I would've done so differently. Harper put her career on the line for him and he just did most of it with out her. Loved Armstrong saying 'You know your problem John? You think you're better than people.' He was a dirty cop but damn if that isn't true LOL

Kills me every time to watch him tear apart that beautiful home looking for the evidence though.

Unreal we’re done with s2. Thank you to everyone who’s been with me since the pilot, to the newer ones who’ve joined me in s2, I appreciate you all more than I can say. The likes/comments/reblogs are the best. I shall see you in s3 :)

[izzy-b-hands]

3,8,19,22 ?

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Ooh I can't choose just one so I'm limiting myself to a Top 10 BC that's genuinely as few as I think I can choose between aksnfkfgn:

1. JPEGMAFIA

2. detahjae

3. jev

4. Fox Szn (I know technically it's. ya know. Danny Gonzalez in character but the songs are such fucking earworms I replayed so much that I can't not include him here.)

5. Isaiah Rashad

6. Sabrina Carpenter (not normally a pop girlie here but she grew on me and her songs are so much fun!! Aside from that One Song from her latest album with the one lyric I absolutely detest lmao)

7. Lola Young (shout to Fiancé for the recommendation! Big Brown Eyes became an Instant edizzy song for me, but her latest album overall was a good listen!)

8. MAVI

9. Alkaline (his stuff can be hard to find, but it's worth the search! Other artists that use Alkaline in their names tend to come up first in results, but searching him with one of my fave songs, With The Thing, in the search usually brings up whichever songs are currently available on various sites/streaming services!)

10. Tommy Richman

8. Game of the year?

Admittedly I really only played games I've owned for ages throughout 2024, so it's not anything new or exciting unfortunately. But I really enjoyed letting myself relax with GTA Online, Diner Bros, and I started The Pale Beyond! If I had to choose for a newer one, then The Pale Beyond would be my GOTY.

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

Getting married in March is the big one!! Right up by that would be finally getting my last ever name change done (first middle and last so the whole thing is fixed lol) and updating all the things/documents/etc!!

I'm also excited for going to more theatre shows (whenever we can afford and can get seats we like lol), more beach trips, and possibly a trip out to Maine or Rhode Island (never been to either so there's gonna be So Much to see!!)

Aside from that, I'm excited to keep working on my writing, fic and original. It's been a bit of a rough patch with my writing the last couple of years, but I'm hopeful I can get a bit more done and posted re: fic, and that I can get back into writing more original things and maybe post some of the original short stories I've been sitting on for the last few months.

22. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

I honestly don't really know, bc knowing me at the start of last year I was too scared, irritated, and frustrated with the state of the world and other things to want any advice from anyone, let alone myself. I think I'd just not bother myself back at the start of 2024 for my own sake lol. He's doing his best to get by and that's enough.

Granted, I'm absolutely terrified for the rest of 2025 re: state of the world and my country, but there's enough excitement/good upcoming things that I'm feeling slightly more positive/receptive to the idea of the rest of this year happening lmaooo

Thank you for asking, Anon! I hope you have a good new year!!