#also this doesn't really count but in a few days I've been nursing my baby for an entire year and I'm very proud | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

daveslutstaine · 2 years ago

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A big thank you to my amazing mutual @blackccelebration for tagging me in this ^_^ 💗

1 - Are you named after anyone? I can confidently say no. My name is very, very uncommon from what I've come to experience, so much so that even speakers of my family's native tongue can't pronounce it correctly either 🙃. I do have a cousin with my name, and I think she was named that because her mom liked my name, but other than her, I've never known anyone else with my name. That and my parents admitted to coming across my name in one of those baby naming books, so yeah!

2 - When was the last time you cried? Well, I didn't exactly cry so to speak, especially since I was in front of people at the time, but I did shed a few tears in private recently after hearing about the passing of one of my loved ones. It was early two weeks ago, on a Monday or a Tuesday, I can't recall the exact date to be honest.

3 - Do you have kids? Eh sort of. My younger sister sees me as her mother figure, and because of that I've gotten into the habit of calling her "my baby" as a result. So as of right now, she's about as close of a child of mine as it's gonna get

4 - Do you use sarcasm a lot? Actually no I don't. You'd think I would, but I pretty much go about my day to day life not using much of it, surprisingly

5 - What's the first thing you notice about people? The sound of their voice and the eyes. Everything else comes second, but those two things are the first ones I always focus on first when I meet someone for the first time

6 - What's your eye colour? Brown, though it's a very dark brown that most people mistake for black. The color is much easier to see in the sunlight rather than in non-natural light

7 - Scary movies or happy endings? I can go for either, but my preference does lean on scary movies, but hey, those can also have happy endings too!

8 - Any special talents? I've been told I have quite the affinity for cooking! I can also clap with one hand! It pisses my sister off when I do it, not because it's weird or anything, but because she can't do it and makes her mad 😂

9 - Where were you born? In the US of A, specifically the south. I'm from a fairly quiet area of the states; nothing too notable happens around here, but honestly I prefer it that way. We get a lot of natural disasters and really fucked up weather, but funny enough, it's become a tradition around this place to go outside and watch the storms and tornadoes rage outside so long as it isn't headed towards of us of course. This place can fun sometimes

10 - What are your hobbies? I have a few but because of nursing school, I can't have as much fun with them as I used to. I draw, I paint, I read, I play the guitar, and I garden. Gardening and guitar playing my two favorites though. Really looking forward for the spring so I can place my plants outside again so that they can get some better sunlight. I do have them in an area where they'll survive just fine, but one of them is really fussy and doesn't like being indoors too much. My aloe vera on the other hand loves being inside and surprisingly enough, hates being outside in the sun. No seriously, this plant that has evolved for hot and sunny climates is somehow doing better in a relatively dark area of my house than she was outside in the warm sun. I remember I had to bring her indoors once because she was getting really brown and was beginning to wither, but as soon as I brought her in, she got really green and healthy again. That plant confuses and frustrates me to no end

11 - Have you any pets? Nah. My parents don't want animals in the house and my sister and I don't have the time or energy right now to take care of animals. I do want one someday, but as of right now, the only living beings I'm sticking to is my plants

12 - What sports do you play/have played? Does karate at the age of 10 count? I'm not a big sports person tbh, but I do enjoy the occasional mini golf game (if that counts) at the arcade place here. It's an indoor black lit golf course with a neon pink dinosaur in the middle of the course. Far better and way more superior to actual golf

13 - How tall are you? I'm unfortunately 5'2 or 157.4 cm. I'm very short

14 - Favourite subject in school? In grade school it was English/literature. Right now, it's pharmacology considering it is surprising easy to me

15 - Dream job? Ideally, it's composer/musician. I would love to finally not be burdened by Sounds and Ideas but unfortunately I struggle to put my thoughts out properly into the world, so nursing is gonna have to do it for now. It's interesting though. But yeah, if I could, I would be writing an entire overture on Hans Christian Anderson's "The Shadow" instead

Anyway I now tag @professor-cold-ramen @polska-tankietka @alisia-stardust @umi-no-ko @frogressive-rock @musicacuantica @ishootcops @yesterdaysanswers @sturmxundxdrang @darkoverstar and anyone else who would like to do this <3

#tagged

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ladywinterwitch · 3 years ago

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Run Away (Ten - Strangers)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger! Reader

Summary: You and Steve complete each other. Your love is that strong and devoted kind of love that pushes people to things like marriage, making a family. You couldn't imagine that a baby would be something you really wished, until the possibility wasn't your choice anymore.

Warnings: pregnancy talk, fluff, A N G S T, I think that's it??

Words Count: 3739

A/n: Next chapter is longer and INTENSE

Series masterlist , main masterlist

(GIF not mine)

Y/n and Steve ended up falling asleep, which was a bit embarassing especially on his part. In the end tho they woke up around two in the afternoon and were starving. You also thought about the fact that Helen must've already set in by now. After cleaning up a bit and getting redressed the two actually went to separate directions, Steve to the gym because he had a bunch of new recruits to train by three sharp, while Y/n was heading to the kitchen.

-FRIDAY, would you call up ms Simon for me?- she found Tony, Vision and Thor in the common room so she quickly greeted them.

-Hey guys, taking a break?- she smiled when Thor got up to greet her properly. He was such a physical and affectionate person. He reminded her of a golden retriever; huge, with long hair and a heart of gold. Your smile widened when he bent down to press his ear to her belly.

-Well yes darling, do you forget that aside from kicking some ass every now and then we're basically jobless?- Tony joked. Both he and Vision were looking at you two.

-How is your pregnancy going, Y/n?- Vision asked in his posh and polite manner. She tilted her head to the side. Thor still touching the smooth and round surface. She didn't mind at all.

-It's going smoothly, thank you. Tho if I have to be honest I can't wait to at least give birth. I love my belly but it's so complicated to live with. I also miss actually moving around and exiting the tower. I don't think I've ever been so still and babyed in my life.-

-If it was an easy job, God wouldn't have gave it to women.- they all turn around when you hear an unfamiliar voice, which they soon found out to be Helen's. Thor stands straight in all his tallness and gets in front of her protectively.

-Who are you?- he asks suspiciously. She put a hand on his arm to calm him down.

-It's okay, Thor. This is Helen Simon, she's my new midwife. The one me and Steve hired this morning.- her head turns quickly to Tony then back to Helen. Tony stands up, fixing the invisible fold in his tracksuit pants and smugly walks to the older woman.

-Stark. Tony Stark. I actually hired you, but I'll let the happy couple have the glory.- he joked and you shook your head amused. They shook hands and then Vision introduced himself as well. Thor just acknowleged her with a nod. It's not like the God of Thunder had to introduce himself.

-Okay guys, see you later. I'm starving so.- you decided to cut it, but obviously Tony had to sneak in a joke. Had to.

-I'm sure cap worn you out.- Thor, which didn't know what timing was, bless his heart, decided to burst out laughing. You rolled your eyes not looking back.

-Jealousy doesn't match with your shoes Anthony.- you clapped back, still hearing Thor laugh and Tony calling him out.

A few feet down the corridor there was the kitchen, and when Y/n finally tought that her and Helen could have a minute alone, they found Wanda intently reading a book while she mover her finger around to spin the teaspoon in a mug. She looked up when they entered the room. Her finger stopped working and so did the spoon, the faint magenta colored aura disappearing.

-Hello?- she said, tentatively. Y/n ignored her cold stare and walked to the fridge taking out the leftover chicken and some salad to mix.

-She's Helen, the midwife me and Steve talked about.- there was a subtle warning in Y/n's voice. She thought 'Be nice' in her mind, and when Wanda sighed she knew she read her mind.

-Nice to meet you. If you'll excuse m- - Wanda was about to get up from the stool but the old woman's voice stopped her.

-You aren't eating that chicken cold are you? How old is it?- she walked closer, grabbing the plastic box from her hands. Both her and Wanda were a little taken aback by her bluntness, and shared a look.

-Uh..Yeah? I was actually going to put it in the salad. And it's..I'm not sure, a couple of days old? Still perfectly fresh and untouched.- she answered trying to reassure her, but she wasn't having it at all.

-This isn't eating healthy. If you want a healthy baby you need to eat properly. I'll take care of your meals from now on. - she stated, putting the box aside. - The non pregnant teammates can risk getting sick with that chicken. - Wanda's gaze darkened and her eyes took a light shade of red.

-What's that supposed to mean, old lady? - Y/n saw her fingers starting to move around with the corner of her eye and put her own hand on hers.

-Helen didn't mean anything, Wanda. She just meant that I have to be extra careful in comparison to the rest of you, ok? Don't you have to be somewhere right now?- she asked in the most calm way. The last hting she needed was Wanda yeeting Helen out of the tower on the first day. Wanda closed and picked up her book and mug, walking towards the exit of the kitchen.

-I mean, I'd like to go to the terrace to chill, but I can't.- Y/n frowned while sitting on a stool. Meanwhile Helen had already started to inspect their whole frige.

-I can feel Bucky and his girl going at it so yeah, I did not plan to watch a live performance.- she choked on water and the old lady turned around with a rather disgusted face. Wanda just shrugged and left them. The girl turned towards the older woman with an awkward smile.

-Welcome I guess.- the short fake laugh was over as soon as Helen sat in front of her, her hands conjoined in front of her.

-This isn't good.- the girl shifted uncomfortably, then uncosciously starting to rub her belly as a sign of comfort.

-What isn't?- the lady sighed. -First off, there are way too many people here. This place is chaotic, the people aren't giving you the peace that you need. This isn't a baby-space. At all. I just looked into your frigde and there isn't a single thing ready or 100% healthy probably except vegetables. Y/n if you want to be a good mother and be healthy for your baby you need to change a few things.- her words at first irritated her, setting off her protectiveness towards the people she called family, but then as she went on, she made her feel little. Like a little girl who wasn't good enough. She sighed silently.

-What would you have me do then?- she asked. Helen shrugged, still mantaining her perfect posture.

-I'm not gonna suggest you to buy a new place, because where you'll live after the baby is born is your business, but..- she paused, -I can offer you to come live at my place for these last two months or so. I have a nice, peaceful place a little outside New York. I already had eight of my patients do this, it's not so absurd.- she explained like it was the most normal thing in the world. Y/n was listening, but she wasn't convinced. She decided that she had to think about it first. She had to know for sure that she was professional and competent.

-I don't know, Helen. I'll admit that it isn't the most tranquil place to live, but...these people are my family. They have always been by my side, pregnant or not. And what about Steve? The father of my firstborn?- she marked the last phrase, tilting her head to the side. A little habit she probably took from Wanda.

-Because they care about you. But in truth, tell me, aren't you feeling like a burden? Like you get into their business?- she mirrored the young woman's expression. Y/n didn't answer at first.

-You're really not going soft on this are you?- Helen released a dry laugh. Shook her head and paused before talking.

-Yes. I began working as a nurse unofficially when I was 13 years old, during the Prague Spring reforms in '68. The hospital was in short of nurses so.- she explained, -That time wasn't easy. Not that the one before it and after it wasn't, that is. You either grow a thick skin or you don't survive.- Y/n felt for her, as she had a very similar destiny. First she doesn't know how she ended up in an orphanage, and then when she was fifteen and nobody took her, they kicked her out. She was homeless for a year until SHIELD recruited her, and the rest is history.

The older woman got up and took some vegetables, washed them and then placed them down to slice them. Y/n got up as well and started helping. She eyed the fresh eggs, so she guessed that Helen wanted to make a quick frittata.

-How did you end up in America? As midwife, nonetheless.- she asked.

-Why most foreign people come to America? Certainly not the food.- The woman responded with a slight hint of irony. The girl chuckled.

-Touché.-

-In any case, I've been here more than half of my live, moved many states mainly for my own choice. Being a private midwife pays decently.- she paused to dump the sliced vegetables into a pan with a little oil and salt.

-I became one because I was fascinated by the whole process that the woman's body goes through both before, during and after birth. I assisted two of my older sisters, and in the end ended up doing it as a job.- Y/n nodded, listening.

-That's actually amazing. But if I can ask, you do not have kids yourself?-

-No. Didn't have the possibility at first. Then decided that just it was my profession but not my future. No regrets.- she answered even tho the girl could sense that something was off. She decided not to intrude.

Silence fell between them while they were cooking, and the younger woman took the popularity to think about what she said. The woman was practical, a bit harsh maybe. But she also had a lot of experience. She didn't like the thought of leaving her family, but she had to admit that she often felt like a burden lately. More than once someone stayed behind to look after her, and even tho they didn't seem to mind at all, she did. She wasn't used to being so pampered and looked after, and sometimes she almost felt suffocated. Guess that spending many years of your life having to take care of yourself takes a toll on you.

She didn't want to decide anything without talking it out with Steve first. And it wouldn't be permanent, just for the last couple months or so, until she had the baby. If she really thought about it maybe she needed some time to reconnect with herself, to learn how to take care of her baby in the best way possible. Even the stupidest thing like cold chicken could potentially make her sick, and it was such a small thing. But that doesn't change the fact that she didn't knew. She wasn't one of those moms who surrounded herself with books teaching her every do's and don'ts, but at this point insecurity was kicking in. The last thing she would ever want was to be a bad mother even before actually becoming one.

Between a baby shop and another, and a whole new diet including an embarrassing amount of tea, Y/n finished her eight month of pregnancy. She was feeling as tired and as big as ever. Helen actually helped a lot both with the cooking, the health tips and with the shopping. She actually sobbed when they bought the crib. Both because she was emotional, a bit because hormones and also because Steve was again away on a mission. The whole team was actually. They had new leads in the Hungarian case and another completely different mission in South Korea, a tough one. So it required the whole team split up. That was the fist time Y/n was left alone since she knew she were pregnant. It all went smoothly, the tower actually felt quiet for once.

Y/n and Helen had found a nice dynamic, and most of the time spent time in a comfortable silence, each doing their thing. A downside that she wasn't realizing was the distance that was slowly creeping from her to the team. They didn't really like the midwife that much, Wanda, Thor and Bucky especially didn't like her at all. But Y/n felt for her, she felt like she knew her better than them so she often took her side, which hurt them back.

Steve on the other hand wasn't realizing it almost at all. All he cared about was his wife being healthy and that she got along with the midwife. They didn't sleep together often anymore, due to the fact that he was often away and she was constantly tired. Bruce did warn her at the beggining that this 'enhanced' baby would've probably tired her out, and it did at first but then she was feeling very well. She and Helen both blamed it on the tiredness of the pregnancy as a whole.

The last straw was when some of the guys, specifically Sam, Thor and Peter, whom didn't live at the tower and was rarely involved in missions because of Tony, went to see them and in some way, nobody actually know how, they made a whole ass hole in the floor above the library. Fate wanted that Y/n and Helen were reading just a few feet away. If they were just a bit closer to the door, they would've been hit by the pavement pieces.

Helen gasped and jumped out of her seat, book still in her hand by the corner. The younger woman on the other hand was more mad than anything.

She rose from the armchair, struggling a bit and marched towards the now destroyed door. The damage wasn't so bad, but it was still damage and it could've been way worse. She was fuming.

-Y/n! Shit are you okay? - Sam yelled from above. The three guys looking down from the hole they created.

-I'm so sorry it wasn't me! It was Thor! - Peter joined in and caused the God to respond, and from that a whole lot of mess arose.

The people who weren't on a mission, which were Wanda, Bucky and Tony, came running.

Y/n didn't know where to look and all of a sudden started felling a bit suffocated. She brought a hand to her forehead, distubed by the chaos arouns her.

-Stop! Fucking stop it! - she yelled, groaning from frustration. Everyone stopped talking while the girl started to feel her eyes prickle with tears of frustration.

-Why is never, ever a single day if peace in here? There's always someone around, making a mess, making noise, complaining- - she almost stumbled on a piece of ceiling that had fallen, but Bucky and Tony were right behind her and helped her stabilize herself, but she shoved them off.

-Leave me be!- she exclaimed frustrated. She huffed, trying to take a deep breath. -I'm moving out.- a chorus of 'What' arose. Bucky stepped forward and grabbed her wrist gently.

-What are you talking about?- his eyes showed confusion and panic.

-And when would have you decided this stupid thing?- Tony crossed his arms and went straight up 'Tony Stark' on her. Y/n rolled her eyes, ignoring both questions and walked out of the now damaged library. Helen followed suit.

-At least wait for Steve to return!- Wanda said. Thor jumped down, through the new hole in the ceiling and followed her like the others.

-Y/n, we're sorry! Look, I'm gonna fix the ceiling myself okay? Please don't go- Y/n's ached to see them upset, but she was tired. Too tired. She was afraid that if she had stayed more than she could withstand, their relationships could've been ruined. That was the last thing she wanted. She didn't knew exactly what was that overwhelmed her so much. She felt constantly tired and in pain, all the noise, number of people..it had become just too much. She needed to finish this pregnancy alone, or at least in a more quiet place.

She stopped in her tracks and exhaled silently. Her eyes passed through everyone in the room. Even in that moment, they were decimated because of the mission, yet there were still eight people in the room. When normally it would've been around 15. That's too many people.

-It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, specifically. I just.. I feel overwhelmed. There's too much going on here at the tower. And for me it's like seeing life go on without being able to do anything. I need some space, okay? It won't be forever. Hell, if everything goes well it's gonna be a month, at best. But I really, really need a break. I am going to pack and leave by afternoon, when Steve returns, just send him to the address that I'll leave for him. Okay? I love you guys, you're my family and I wouldn't be where I am today without you. Its just temporary.- she smiled softly, trying not to get emotional. Wanda was visibly upset, on the verge of crying. The others just looked sad, maybe disappointed. But nobody said anything, so she turned her heels and went straight to her room.

By five pm she and Helen were already gone. The older woman called them a cab, the driver took care of their stuff and then they were gone. Y/n was silent during most of the trip, both because of the extreme tiredness and sadness. She never changed home since she moved to the tower. She also thought about what she would tell Steve. She knew she couldn't contact him, so she didn't. They had left two days prior, so it was a bit early to know when he'll be coming home. But she knew a hundred percent that he would've gotten to her even before going home.

The two women were headed to the older one's house, which was in Avalon, New Jersey. Helen had told her about her beach house, quite far from the city. Y/n did actually fall asleep after the first hour or so, they had around three in total so she didn't worry about not waking up. By her surprise though, she did sleep throughout the whole trip, and yet, she was still tired. In those days her head gave her particular discomfort, so any noise at all really disturbed her.

Helen woke her up gently when they arrived, the she helped her get out of the car. Meanwhile the driver, which was a quite young man, probably around her age, which was 27, with curly black hair, stubble and dark green eyes, took their luggage off of the trunk.

-That's all. Have a nice stay.- he smiled slightly. Y/n frowned, what about the money?

-How much do we owe you?- she asked sweetly. He waved his hand dismissively, going back in the driver's seat.

-The lady already paid me, I'm ok. Bye.- he waved goodbye and drove off. Y/n and Helen dragged the luggage insider her villa, by which the girl definitely was taken aback.

-You didn't tell me that you live in a Villa?-

-Maybe, but I did tell you that being a private midwife pays well. I also need space if I want to take people living with me.- she explained. The first thing that you could see was the huge open space which showed a not exaggeratedly large living room with a window door on the right, on the left there was the kitchen and in the middle a staircase.

It wasn't very decorated, but the light palette of the whole place defines had a calming effect. Y/n was so used to the high rise and high technology of the Avengers tower that she had almost forgot how nice and intimate a normal house could be.

Helen showed y/n around a little, then ended up in the spare room, which had a large bed, a balcony and some essential forniture pieces such as a wardrobe, a vanity, a full length mirror, an armchair.

-This is really nice, Helen.- she smiled tiredly, caressing her big belly while she walked around. But as she was walking towards the balcony, she had a slight attack of vertigo, and her knees buckle for a second. The woman was at her side in a few seconds, helping her onto the bed. Y/n huffed, the back of her hand on her eyes.

-Why am I so shitty? I was pretty good until a few months ago.- she whined, and Helen shook her head while she stroked her arm.

-Every pregnancy is different, Y/n. You're just tired, from the car and that chaotic place.- the disdain in her voice didn't really pleased Y/n, but she didn't say anything. She didn't have the strength and besides, it's not like she was particularly liked at the tower anyway.

-I'll get you a tea, be right back.- Y/n chuckled.

-I drank more of your Hungarian tea than water in the last months.- Helen pulled a tight smile.

-Well, it is a traditional recipe for pregnant women. Not that you seem to mind it either.- the girl relaxed her eyes and discarded her sneakers to the ground.

-No, it has a peculiar taste but not bad.-

-Good.- and with that she left the girl alone. Helen went down the stairs, and turned on the stove to warm some water. She then opened a drawer, forcing the wood layer to come up by using her fingernails, pulling out an old fashioned phone.

She went to the contacts and dialed the only one there was. She waited a few minutes, when someone picked up.

-Igen?-

-Közeledünk. Készülj fel.- she said, hanging up.

************

Translation from Hungarian: ‘Yes?’ ‘We’re close. Get ready.’

Hiii, this is quite a short chapter but I wanted to end it with ✨ suspense ✨ the next one tho is gonna be way longer. Lastly, friendly reminder that my taglist and my ask inbox are open!

***********

Taglist : @polarcrystall @a--1--1--3 @jessyballet

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phoenixhalliwell · 4 years ago

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Do You Want to Know A Secret?

Pairings: Frankie 'Catfish' Morales X Gender Neutral Reader

Word count: 3100

Author's Note: Good Evening all, Welcome to my first ever fic! So if you somehow stumble upon this, I hope you enjoy it and if you don't please be gentle with me :P I tried to write this as inclusive as possible ( I've given them a nickname to keep myself right when writing) so I hope I've done a good enough job of it. Also I hope you don’t mind that I’ve tagged you guys in this.

@catfishingmorales @cinewhore @wickedfrsgrl @abuttoncalledsmalls

Frankie happens to meet the younger miller sibling at a party and drama ensues.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Frankie tightens his grip on the steering wheel of his truck and tries to keep himself calm. The loud music from the party drifts in through the window, causing him to sigh.

'It's just party, it's a safe place. Your brothers are inside. Just go in, have a drink, show face and if it gets too much get the fuck out of dodge.' He repeats the mantra over and over again. So caught up in his thoughts, he doesn't see movement out of the corner of his eye.

BANG

"MOTHERFUCKER" Frankie nearly launches himself through the front window at the sudden interruption. Heart racing, he turns to the source of the noise, only to see Santiago giggling with his face pressed up against the door.

"I swear to God Pope, one of these days I'm going to end you!" he growls, quickly opening the door and knocking his friend in the face with it.

"Owwwww" Santi whines, rubbing his nose. Frankie just smirks. "Serves you right pendejo" Grabbing his cap off the passenger's seat, he shoves it on his head like a protective shield and jams his hands in his pockets.

"Thought you were never gonna get out of that fucking truck Fish" Santi teases but only receives a half hearted shrug of the shoulders in return. He feels a pang of sympathy for his friend and quickly tries to reassure him.

"Look, I know you're not the best with people, but it's a party! Just have a drink and relax. God knows you need to chill out yeah? Lets head in, it's fucking freezing out here."

Both men trudge up the driveway towards the house, Santi gives Frankie a playful nudge before opening the door and heading inside. Frankie takes a deep breath to brace himself before heading into the 'warzone' The Millers party is in full swing. With the combination of Will's organisation (there is enough alcohol here to open a liquor store) and Benny's love of people, the house is jam packed and the party goers want for nothing while they are here. Santi is in his element and happily mingles with everyone, smiling and hugging people as he goes. Frankie makes a beeline for the kitchen, his usual designated safe place and finds Will already there, chatting away to an unfamiliar face. Will's face lights up when he eventually sees his friend and calls out

"Hey man! Didn't think you were actually going to make it"

Will excuses himself from the person he was talking to and rushes over to give Frankie a bear hug.

"Pope can be pretty persuasive when he wants to be" Frankie has to shout a little to be heard.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Santi tackles Will from the side and a tussle breaks out. Frankie just rolls his eyes and grabs himself a beer to watch the show. The boys have a quick catch up in the kitchen before Will is stolen away to play party host. Frankie is nursing his second beer and trying to keep himself calm when he suddenly gets a quick jab in the ribs from Santi.

" What the fuck man?" he growls at his friend. Santi slides closer to him before informing him

" You've caught someone's eye hermano" and subtly nodding over to someone behind Frankie.

Frankie does a quick glance over his shoulder to where Pope gestured and suddenly feels his breath leave him. Standing in the corner of the kitchen has to be the most beautiful person he had ever had the pleasure of seeing. While everyone else is decked out to the nines, they have opted for a more casual approach which he loves. A further glance up and he sees the warm smile which is currently being given to him. Be still my beating heart is all Frankie can think. Ever the Hawk, Santi notices his brother's heart eyes and doesn't hesitate to shout over.

"Hey! Fancy joining us? "

Well that sure as hell snaps Frankie out of his daydreams and panic runs through him. Whipping round he sees Santi wiggle his eyebrows at him and shoot him a thumbs up with a shit eating grin. Frankie feels his face flush muttering curses under his breath. He's definitely going to end Pope, he just has to figure out how to make it look like an accident. Their new guest is quick to make their way over to them and introduces themselves.

"Hi, I'm jinx"

Frankie gapes down at the hand that is currently extended to him but makes no move to shake it. He feels utterly betrayed by his body right now.' Why are you so fucking awkward?' He wants to shout to himself.

Jinx gives Frankie an unsure look as though maybe regretting coming over. Santi is quick to take the lead and playfully pushes Frankie out the way to get to Jinx.

"Jinx! What a great name. I'm Santiago and this useless bastard here is my favourite flyboy Frankie" Jinx lets out a belly laugh at this and Frankie has to hold onto the counter to keep himself upright. A small pang of jealousy shoots through him at the thought of Santi being able to make Jinx laugh like that. 'Smooth bastard' he thinks bitterly. After a few moments of listening to the two of them talk, Frankie gets his wits about him and is able to engage Jinx in a conversation. And boy is he given a run for his money. Jinx is funny, sharp as a tack and sarcastic as hell. Frankie finds himself falling a little deeper as time goes on and can't for the life of him remember now why he didn't want to come to this party. Time seems to fly by and he doesn’t want to ever leave.

" I see you boys have finally met the baby of the family" Benny interrupts the moment, slinging his arm around Jinx's shoulder, squeezing their cheeks together before ruffling their hair. Jinx squawks in outrage and lands a sold punch on Benny's shoulder, causing him to wince. The ensuing sibling squabbling begins to fade out as Frankie feels the colour drain from his face.

"Wait. You're Y/N Miller???? I thought you said your name was Jinx?" Santi questions, casting a glance at Fish.

" It's a nickname my brothers gave me because everything always goes to shit whenever I get involved" Jinx replies, face heating up.

Frankie is in the middle of a meltdown at the new revelation. He Looks between the two millers and draws a complete blank. There is no family resemblance there whatsoever and he can't see a trace of Will either. Then a word flashes in Frankie's head "ADOPTED" Of course! He'd forgotten that part. Of all the people at this fucking party, he had to be pining after his brothers' younger sibling. Frankie groans in realisation, causing everyone to turn at look at him in sync.

"You good there Fish? you're looking a little pale." Frankie is suddenly brought back to the group, embarrassed by being caught out.

"Fine, awesome, Fantastic" Frankie replies with a nervous laugh. Benny narrows his eyes at him before throwing another curve ball into the conversation, causing Jinx to blush.

"I hope the two of you kept your hands off baby Miller, I know what you're like Garcia!" Benny warns, point a finger at him.

"Not me you have to worry about" Santi mutters under his breath, causing Frankie to elbow him roughly in the side. Benny just glares at the both of them. 'And that is enough fun for one evening, time to retreat' Frankie decides and makes his excuses to his friends. He makes sure to tell Jinx how lovely it was to meet them before hightailing it out of the kitchen. He's nearly at the front door when he feels a hand on his arm and turns to see Jinx looking at him nervously.

" Look I know this goes against protocol with you and the guys, but I had a really fun time tonight and I'd really like to spend more time getting to know you if you were interested as well. .." Jinx is suddenly cut off by Benny shouting "YO JINX WHERE YOU AT?" Sighing, they shove a piece of paper into Frankie's hand , and give it a tight squeeze.

" Balls in your court Frankie" and then they disappear into the crowd to find Benny. Frankie looks down at the number in his hand, hardly believing his luck. Maybe Pope can live another day.

After a lot of back and forth, Frankie bites the bullet and texts Jinx. Palms clammy he rewrites the message for the millionth time before launching the phone on the table and throwing himself dramatically on the couch. He has had found a lot of bad thoughts creep into his mind over the past few days since the party which kept him from messaging sooner.

'What have I possibly got to offer? Am I good enough? Why would they want to get involved with a washed up old army man? What if this is a joke? Frankie is pulled from his thoughts by a loud buzz and a coldness washes through him. Moment of truth. Taking a deep breath before glancing down at his phone, a surprised laugh suddenly escapes him.

Messaged received from Jinx: Took you long enough flyboy. You owe me dinner for making me wait.

It's been so long since he had felt this light and care free and it was all thanks to Jinx. After messaging constantly back and forth, it was decided that their first date would be at a cosy little diner. This eased Frankie's mind as he was already a nervous wreck without bringing a fancy establishment into the mix. It was easy to talk to Jinx and Frankie found himself pouring his heart out about his past mistakes: about his substance abuse, how his license had been suspended and how he'd lost his wife and daughter because of it. Shame welled up in him but was swiftly chased away with the feeling of Jinx's hand covering his and the sweet smile they gave him. The next few weeks were honestly the best of Frankie's life. The couple had come to an agreement that they would keep whatever was going on between the two of them to themselves. To allow their relationship to bloom without any outside interference (i.e The Miller brothers) Frankie would wake up to texts wishing him good morning which made his day that much brighter. They would sneak in frequent date nights and their stolen kisses always made him feel like a teenager. His favourite night had to be when they had went out a drive in his truck and sat in the bed of it looking at the stars and making up constellations to make each other laugh. He had made sure to bring a blanket with them and the feeling of Jinx in his arm's quietened all the noise in his head. He was finally at peace.

Of course he felt guilty about sneaking around with Jinx behind his brothers backs but the more time they spent together, the less Frankie began to care about the 'betrayal' His friends started to get a bit suspicious of his sudden shiftiness but Frankie was quick to assure them that everything was fine. And everything was fine until one Santiago fucking Garcia had to go and ruin everything. One night after a nice dinner and drinks at a nearby restaurant, Frankie and Jinx ended up back at his house for the evening. As soon as the front door closed, the couple were all over each other unable to keep their hands to themselves. Giggling, Jinx dragged Frankie to the couch before playful pushing him onto the couch and quickly straddling him. Hands roam each other's bodies and they are just getting into the swing of things when the front door was rudely thrown open and Santiago came marching in

"Frankie what the fuck man why aren't you answering my tex....."

Santi stopped abruptly in the living room doorway, doing a perfect imitation of a fish. Both parties just stare at one another before Santi suddenly points at them and shouts

" I fucking knew it!!!!"

" Please, you didn't know shit" Jinx scoffs while Frankie hid his face in his hands out of sheer embarrassment of being caught. Sighing, he gently rolled Jinx off him onto the couch and received a confused look in return. Frankie dragged himself off the couch and made his way to Santiago, grabbing his shoulders and looking him straight in the eye.

" Pope, I need you to listen to me right now ok, this is important. Me and Jinx have been seeing each other for a couple of months now and its going so good man. I haven't been this happy in a long time. But you CANNOT say anything to Will or Benny about what you saw. If they find out they're going to kill me!"

Santi looks between the two of you, noticing the way Jinx nervously bites their lip, waiting for his answer. Crossing his heart, Santiago nudges Frankie.

"Don't worry guys, your secrets safe with me"

What a load of shit.

*a few weeks later *

"OK boys listen up! I want a clean fight. Smack talk is allowed but absolutely no contact or you will be disqualified." Jinx announces to the room.

On one side of the table, Santi is rubbing Frankie's shoulder, furiously whispering instructions into his ear, while his friend is just nodding numbly along but not really taking anything in. Across the way he sees the Miller boys sending him death glares. Frankie gulps, why did it have to come to this?

After Santi (who still feels really guilty about it) accidentally let it slip at boy's night the previous evening that Frankie and Jinx where sneaking about together, shit hit the fucking fan. In a slight rage, Benny had tried to strangle Frankie for "breaking the bro code" while Santi tried to pry them apart all the while pleading Fish for forgiveness. Will was pacing the floor off to the side giving Jinx a lecture down the phone about the sanctity of brothers in arms and " WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE FRANKIE JINX?"

Eventually the drama had simmered down and an agreement had been made. This would be settled through a good old game of Beer Pong (which Jinx had picked because the whole crew were all abysmal at it) The terms and condition where as follows: If Frankie's team won, he could continue seeing jinx to his hearts content and nothing would be said on the matter. If the Millers won then Frankie was to never see the youngest Miller again and would be forced to live a life of exile ( Will eventually talked his brother down to Fish having to spend a week in the 'doghouse' for his transgressions) Jinx was chosen to referee the match because there wasn't anyone else who could come out to play at such short notice. The only reason Jinx let this go this far was so that their brothers go to do the whole 'overprotective' thing. They scoff at the thought that benny and Will actually believed they had a say in the new relationship.

Regardless of the outcome, Frankie was going home with them tonight.

"Like all great battles, this is to win the hand of your one true love. We know Benny can't shoot for shit so it's Will we have to keep an eye on. We've got this hermano" Santi whispers in Frankie's ear.

The next hour descends into complete chaos as the boy trashed talk one another and take dirty shots and became the most competitive they have ever been in their life. Eventually a tie breaker between the two teams causes a hush fall over the room. This next one would the deciding shot, his last chance. Santi solemnly hands Frankie the ball. No Pressure. Inhaling deeply, Frankie sends up a prayer and takes the shot......

A rabble of noise descends over the room. It takes him a while to understand that Pope is screaming in triumph while Benny is screaming in outrage. Frankie finds himself quickly scooped up into a hug, with Santi chanting " WE WON, WE WON!!!" in his ear. When he is eventually put back down, he turns round to see Jinx doubled over , tears streaming down their face, laughing at the madness. There is a tight feeling in his chest as he suddenly realises just how much he loves them. Sensing movement just behind him, Frankie quickly turns to see Will beside him. The eldest Miller stares him straight in the eye before sighing and shaking his head.

"Listen Fish, i'm not gonna lie I am not 100% ok with this situation. In my eyes, no one is ever going to be good enough for Jinx, but I suppose if they HAVE to be with someone then you are the best man for the job."

Frankie lets out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding. He sticks his hand out to Will who takes it and gives it a firm shake.

"You have no idea how much of a weight that is off my shoulders man. What about Benny?"

" He'll come around eventually, he's just really overprotective of Jinx." Will reassures, clapping Fish on the back and heading into the kitchen to get a beer.

Frankie's shoulders slump in relief that this whole debacle is over. No more sneaking around, stealing kisses and quiet moments together. No more having to keep his feelings a secret. He can still hear Benny grumbling away in the background, arguing that the game was rigged and demanding a rematch. Santi being the shit stirrer that he is, cackles and continues to wind him up, calling him a sore loser. Frankie finally glances back to Jinx who is leaning against the wall smirking at him.

" Ready to claim your prize Francisco?"

Frankie's heart soars.

#frankie 'catfish' morales #triple frontier #santiago pope garcia #will miller #benny miller #pedro pascal #catfish morales #frankie catfish morales x reader #pedro character fic #santiago garcia #frankie morales x reader

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tarlos-spain · 3 years ago

Text

Flufftober Day 22 - Flirting at work

Fandom: The resident

Pairing: Conrad Hawkins/Devon Pravesh

Characters: Conrad Hawkins, Devon Pravesh

Send me a message

Devon and Conrad keep flirting at the hospital

Devon smiled as his phone vibrated in his pocket.

C: My last patient was faking a sprain. We've already sent her home. I've got some time off. You?

D: Puff, I wish, three more patients to visit.

C: I miss you baby. Tell me you're sleeping in my apartment tonight.

Nikky walked over to Devon and looked over her partner's phone over her shoulder and rested her hand on it.

"Aw. So that's what you and Conrad do when you're visiting patients."

Devon tried to hide the phone in his pocket, but it was too late. It also vibrated again with a new message.

C: I'm sorry I said you could bring anything you wanted to my house. It's a little early for you. I'm really sorry. I won't say anything about it again.

"Conrad wants you to move in with him?" Devon turned around and leaned against the nurse's desk. "You haven't said anything to him yet have you? If you want my opinion, Conrad is an incredible guy, very intense and I guess that can be scary. do you love him?" "Very much." "How long have you two been together?" "Almost a year, plus the four months on the sly." "I know Conrad very well. If it had been up to him, after five months he would have told you to move in with him. By now, he's probably holding back from asking you to marry him."

Devon found herself smiling.

Normally a sentence like that would have made him panic, would have terrified him to know that the person he was dating wanted to change his life upside down, living together or talking d marriage.

But now that it was Conrad, all she could do was smile.

D: You haven't overwhelmed me or anything. Have I ever told you about my bad memory for personal things?

C: You mean the times you forgot you were meeting me on your day off? Or are we talking about when you forget to eat? I think sometimes you only remember me for sex.

D: That's not true! We talk all day long. But, okay the sex with you is amazing. I think about it all the time.

C: So when I want you to remember me, I have to turn you on first.

D: We're working, baby. Don't do this to me. You're bad.

C: And when you say bad, you mean I'm really good at what we do...you know, in my house. In my bed.

D: Bah, seriously now. About what you were saying. About living together.

C: Well, I said you could bring some things.

D: Come on, tell me the truth. Do you want to live together? Do you want me to move in with you?

Devon stared at the phone.

Two minutes passed without Conrad answering his message. Could it be possible that he was the one who had scared off his boyfriend? Conrad didn't seem the type to scare easily and since they'd been together Conrad had always been sure of himself and his feelings.

"Do you think..." "Easy," Nikky told him. "Conrda doesn't freak out because you tell him you want to live with him. I'm sure he's with a patient. Look, she's writing."

C: I just looked and on the weekend we can make the move. I have the day off and so do you. You're on shift at night, though. But you'll be home by then, you can get a few hours sleep."

D: So on the weekend we become a couple who officially live together. It's a huge thing. Are you sure?

C: When I'm done here today I'll make you a copy of the keys. And tonight we have dinner at home, right? Romantic? or we go directly to the next level. D: In the next level we don't have dinner, do we? We go straight to bed.

C: Or to the sofa. To the shower Or yes to bed. Wherever you want. But I wasn't thinking about dinner.

D: Okay then, let's eat something. By the time I finish my shift, I won't have eaten for seven hours. I'm not the best lover when I'm hungry.

C: Noted. I order something. So we don't have to clean up later. Try not to forget you're coming to my house. If you want I'll tell you what we'll do to warm you up so you don't forget.

Devon leaned his cell phone on the counter, but Nick wasn't there anymore, luckily he hadn't read that last message from Conrad. There was no one around him, he picked up the cell phone again and smiled.

No one saw him smile at that stupid thing, nor did they see him leave for the bathroom.

D: You get me to do crazy things, Conrad.

C: Why do you say that?

D: I'll be in the bathroom for the next 5 to 7 minutes. I can't wait for you to tell me what you're going to do with me at home.

C: Make yourself comfortable, Dev. This is getting interesting.

#flufftober2021 #Fluffy #The resident #Devrad #Conrad/Devon #Flirting at work

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jj-iz-bae · 4 years ago

Text

Don't tell me not to worry

Word count: 1722 words

Requested by @sunwardsss : Can you do comfort 38 and 43 for Chase please? 38: “I’m in the hospital.”43: “You don’t have to sleep here just because I got admitted.”

Pairings: Chase Stokes x Reader; Chase Stokes x Rudy Pankow; Rudy Pankow x platonic!reader

Warnings: Hospitals,seizures,Fluff,bad spelling and grammar

Note from author: so this is actually based on a seizure episode I had. It only happend one time and was caused by strep throat which triggered a reaction in the auto immune disorder (the disorder basically is that instead of my immune system attacking the virus or illness, my immune system attacks my brain causing all sorts of weird things to happen. When I was younger only strep throat triggered a "flare" of increased symptoms ie ocd,anxiety,age regression,mood swings,foggy brain and other things. Sadly the disorder has developed so that I flare with any illness, not just strep) ANYWAYS 😂 I hope you enjoy this Fluff with a tiny pinch of angst. Just a tiny bit if you squint. Ace is my nickname for Chase and I've used it in other blurbs. I just think it's cute. Kinda like how I call Rudy Panky🙃

Chase was wrapping up a day on set, shoving all his belongings into a backpack. He slung the backpack over his shoulder and grabbed his keys ,leaving his casting trailer when his phone started ringing. He just realized he hadn’t heard from you all day. Seeing your name flash across the screen, he stopped in his tracks and answered. “Hey baby girl! I haven’t heard from you all day!” Chase exclaimed as he started to kick a rock around with his foot. “Sorry Ace. Please don’t freak out.I’m totally fine now but I'm in the hospital.” you explained slowly. Chase’s eyes grew large as he starred jogging to his car. "Don't tell me not to worry baby! Where are you? What happened?" Chase asked as he reached his car and fumbled with the keys, trying to move quickly in his panicked state. He swore under his breath as he dropped his keys and put you on speaker phone while he picked up his keys. You heard the rustling on the other end of the phone and grew nervous. "Chase! Babe are you OK? Calm down I promise I'm OK!" Rudy just so happened to be walking to his car when he heard your voice and saw Chase cursing at his car keys. "Hey dude! What's going on? You OK?" Rudy asked as he walked over to Chase. "Rudy! Y/n's in the hospital and I need to...I just can't.." Chase stuttered. Rudy grabbed the keys out of his hands. "I'll drive. You just talk to her." Rudy threw his stuff in the back of Chase's car as he hopped into the drivers seat and Chase ran around to the passenger seat. "OK sorry babe. Rudy is driving cause you're freaking me out. What happened?" Chase asked, running his hand through his wavy hair as Rudy pulled out of the set parking lot. "Thanks for taking care of him Rudy! I swear I'm fine! I'm at St. Marcus hospital. I think it's pretty close to town." Rudy picked up his phone and pulled up directions on his GPS before placing his phone in the cup holder so he could see the map. "No problem hun! Now tell us what happened before Chase pulls his hair out." Rudy answered ."Yeah you're scaring the shit out of me,Baby girl." Chase let out a breathy giggle.

"OK. Well I had my mom over and we were just hanging out watching TV and everything went black. Everything sounded echoey and I tried to open my eyes but it was like i had no control. I started convulsing and got sick. Mom called an ambulance and they brought me to the ER. The Er sent me here so I've been in the ambulance twice today!" You sighs. Chase nervously picked at his lips. "So what does that mean? Like did they run any tests yet?" Chase asked as Rudy broke a few traffic laws to get him to you quicker. "They have me hooked up to all these monitors and I'm going for an MRI tomorrow. The doctor said I most likely had a seizure." You explained as you looked at all the wires and iv lines covering your body. Chase let out a breathe that he didn't know he was holding. "OK baby. We will figure this out! Rudy, how far away are we?" Chase looked over at the blonde with red eyes, on the verge of tears. "It's right up here on the left." Rudy mumbled as he leaned over the steering wheel to make sure it was clear to turn. "OK babe. We just pulled into the parking lot. Where do I go?" Chase asked as he unbuckled his seat belt. "I'm on the 7th floor room 54." You said yawning. Rudy pulled up to the main entrance and stopped the car. "Go ahead man. I'll park the car and meet you up there." Rudy explained as Chase gave him a quick hug and jumped out of the car and jogged to the entrance. "OK I'm getting in the elevator now. Ill see you in 2 seconds OK? I'll be right there!" Chase babbled on as he put the phone up to his ear, taking it off speaker. "So how was work?" You asked trying to distract him a little. "Y/n as much as I wanna tell you about my day, I can't remember shit right now." Chase smirked as you hummed in response.

The elevator dinged and Chase got off the elevator and walked up to the nurses station. He put his phone on his shoulder so he wouldn't look rude for not giving the nurse his full attention. "Hello miss! My girlfriend is here somewhere. Room 54. Her name is y/f/n y/l/n. I can give you her birthday if you want to verify I'm not some weirdo." Chase said talking a mile a minute. The nurse just smiled and got up from her desk. "You must be Chase! She told us you were coming! Said you'd be the tall surfer guy with the chocolate brown eyes. Follow me." The nurse smiled before walking down the hall with Chase on her heels. She got to a door and knocked lightly before opening it. "Hey y/n! Surfer boy is here!" The nurse giggled as Chase walked through the door and the nurse closed it behind him. You were laying in the hospital bed with leads attached to your chest and stomach. You also had an iv in her arm and a couple stickers with wires on her head. Upon seeing Chase, you total lost all your composure and started sobbing. Chase rushed over to your side and gently hugged you close. "It's OK baby. I'm here. I've got you." Chase cooed as tears started to run down his face. You scooted over on the bed making room for Chase to lay down. He carefully made sure all the leads were out of the way and nothing was being pulled before tucking you into his chest. " It was so scary! I didn't know what was happening or why." You sniffed as you snuggled into his chest. "Shhhh. It's OK now. It's over. You're here now ad we will figure out what happened and why. Just relax baby." Chase cooed as he rubbed your back. A soft knock made you jump in your sleepy state. Chase said come in before kissing the top of your head, noticing the jolt of your body at the sudden noise. Rudy entered the room with Chase's backpack on his shoulder. "Hey y/n. How you feeling, sweetheart?" Rudy asked in a soft voice as he crouches down next to the bed. "I'm exhausted and confused as to what happened but I feel ok. Thank you for making sure Ace got here OK. I really appreciate it." You said while reaching out to grab Rudy's hand. "No problem at all! JD is coming to pick me up so Chase's car is here." Rudy explained before putting Chase's backpack down. "I thought you might want your bag." Rudy nods to Chase as he stands up. "Thanks man. I owe you one." Chase bumped his fist to Rudy's. "No you don't! You would have done the same for me. You rest up OK y/n? Don't let this guys puppy energy keep you up." Rudy said pointing between the two of you, which made you let out a small chuckle. "He smells like the ocean and is warm. I think I'll have no trouble falling asleep." You mumbles as you snuggles into Chase's chest again. Chase smirks ,holding you close. Rudy's phone dings and he waves good bye so he doesn't disturb the half asleep girl on Chase's chest.

You awoke from your nap to Chase still at your side. You smile up at him. "Sorry I fell asleep on you. You didn't have to stay." Chase opened his eyes lazily, drawing shapes on your arm with his finger. "No way am I leaving you baby. But since you're awake now. I really need to pee." Chase chuckled as he slowly scooted off the bed and walked to the bathroom on the other side of the room. You turned on the TV and sat up a little, looking at the screens and wires all around you. Chase came out of the bathroom, tossing a paper towel into the trash bin, before grabbing his bag from next to the bed. He pulled out his charger and plugged your phone in before putting it down on the table next to you.As he placed the bag down and sat next to you on the bed, a nurse knocked and entered the room. "Hey you two! I have extra sheets and blankets for you! This chair fold out into a lounger so you both don't have to smush together all night." The nurse explained as she sat the extra blankets and linen on the chair. "Thank you so much!" Chase beamed as the nurse came over to your bed side to check all your vitals. "Is there anything I should look for overnight?" Chase asked the nurse."Well if she has any convulsions or gets sick, press this call button." The nurse said pointing to the red button on the wall. "Other than that, if anything has you worried press the button and we will come make sure everything is OK." The nurse smiled as she finished getting your blood pressure and typed the vitals into her laptop before leaving the room. Chase got up from his seat on the bed and opened up the lounger chair, putting on the different sheets ad blankets. "You know, you don't have to sleep here just because I was admitted." You smile watching his basically throw blankets round until he was satisfied. He came and laid down next to you again before pecking your lips. "I told you ,baby. I'm here with you for everything. We'll figure this out together." Chase cooed as he pulled you closer and watched SpongeBob with you on his chest, running his ringers through your hair. "I love you, Ace." You said before kissing his hand. "I love you more,Baby girl."

*photo cred to pintrest*

Taglist:

@afterglowsb-tch13 @cherryobx @sunwardsss @yourlocalauthor @starkeymarkey @k-k0129 @royalpogue @ilovejjmaybank @beatement-l @miniatureauthorpartyspy @bxmaaa @allielozoya @shawnsthighs @i-love-scott-mccall @lilbabyharrys @dannii-li

Comment tag list on any of my writing to be added❤️

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cordonian-literature · 4 years ago

Text

The Aftermath - Ch. 14

Goodbye, NYC

SUMMARY: The group leaves for Cordonia

Word Count: ~3.8k

Warnings: Mention of character death

A/N: i am soooo sorry that i haven’t updated as regularly, i’ve been pretty drained this past week but hopefully it won’t happen again. & also i just wanted to give my thanks to each and every one of you for all the comments, likes, & reblogs. it means more than you all could know <3

*All characters belong to Pixelberry, except those that are unique to my story (I've also used some characters and fictional instances from Donna Tartt's "The Goldfinch")*

Catch up here!

Tags: @captain-kingliamsqueen @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @gkittylove99 @lovablegranny @loudbluebirdlover @mom2000aggie @kingliam2019 @queenrileyrose @shanzay44 @cordonianroyalty @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @cinnamonspongecake @queenjilian @kuladekiwi @twinkle-320 @iaminlovewithtrr @charlotteg234 @amandablink @texaskitten30 @tinkie1973 @louiseingram1208 @queencatherynerhys @pens-girl-87 @missevabean @ladyangel70 @sanchita012 @cordonianprincess

I hope I got everyone tagged! If I missed anyone, or anyone wants to be added/removed, let me know!

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

- Eleanor -

Today was our last day of school since we were all leaving for Cordonia tomorrow. When Rowan dropped us off, she told us that it was okay to feel sad about leaving. That made me think I was going to tear up when I would have to say goodbye to all my friends, but surprisingly, it wasn't that difficult, considering that I knew I would never see these people again in my life.

When Rowan picked us back up, I decided to ask Gabe how his day had gone. Ever since that dinner with Mama and Liam, he had been distant. And honestly, that upset me.

All of the adults had were occupied lately, helping Mama get to her appointments and trying to make her feel better. Grandma and Rowan had been helping us pack, and Rowan was always busy trying to make sure that Grandma didn't change her mind about us going with Liam. So since everyone else had something to do, I only had Gabe to spend the day with, and now that Gabe was distancing himself from me, I was technically alone.

Rowan opens up the door to our penthouse, telling us to go inside. She said that she would be back in a couple of hours and had to go home and pack (since Grandma decided that the only way she was going to let us go was if Rowan came with us). I closed the door and turned to tell Gabe about my day, but he had disappeared.

I walked into the living room, finding it empty. I heard voices from the dining room, but I didn't feel like talking to Liam's friends at the moment, so I go towards our bedrooms, leaving my backpack next to the couch.

Once I reach Gabe's door, I knock. I hear him cough from the other side, so I try to open the door, but the handle doesn't turn.

"Gaaaaabbbeee!" I call to him. "Please don't lock yourself in your room again!"

"Go away!" he shouts at me. "Leave me alone! And stop being annoying!"

I shake the door handle a few more times, to which Gabe responds, "Stop it! Don't break my door!"

"I won't break it if you open it!" I call back.

"No!"

I feel tears burning at the backs of my eyes. If Gabe wasn't going to talk to me, who was? Everyone else in the house was busy. And all I wanted was to talk about my day at school.

I look around me at the empty hallway and suddenly feel so alone. I feel empty, but at the same time, I feel like there are so many emotions inside of me that I was going to burst.

So... if Gabe wasn't going to talk to me, and I had said goodbye to all of my friends in school today... did that mean that I really had no companions to speak with anymore?

I feel so far away from everyone else. I couldn't go into the dining room with everyone because I didn't belong there (and they probably didn't want a crying baby to ruin the mood), and I couldn't go to Gabe either because he didn't want me near him.

I had never really felt lonely before. Friendly people always surrounded me, and there was still a shoulder for me to cry on. Now there was no one and nothing.

If I felt like this at home in New York... then would I feel worse in Cordonia? Where I didn't know what the houses or apartments looked like, how the other kids acted, how their subways worked?

Suddenly I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted the loneliness to go instead of me. Why did Gabe want me to be alone? Weren't we supposed to be in this together?

I ball my fists and start pounding on Gabe's door, and eventually start crying, too. The tears blur my vision, and I couldn't even see the outline of the door, but as long as my hand hurt a little when it made contact with whatever was in front of me, I took that as a good sign.

I was about to start kicking the door, but a pair of large, soft hands grab my arms and pin them to my sides. The person turns me towards them, and I come face-to-face with Liam. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed, and the corners of his mouth tilt downwards in concern.

I stop crying for a moment, allowing the remaining tears in my eyes to fall so that I could fully see Liam.

Daddy used to make the same expression that was on Liam's face, and for half a second, I actually see my father instead of Liam. Even though Liam's hair was blond and his eyes are blue, while Daddy's hair was dark brown, and his green eyes were always on the other side of a pair of glasses — their expressions are frighteningly similar. I have to stop myself from referring to Liam as my father.

And that took a lot of energy. I take a shaky breath to stop the words from escaping, and when I see Daddy again after Liam's eyes twitch, I bury my face in Liam's neck and continue crying.

"Oh, Ella, it's alright." He wraps his arms around me, which is so comforting that I start crying even harder. I missed having someone envelop me such safe hugs. Liam rubs a hand along my back. "It's alright. You're alright, I'm here."

I hear the click of a lock and know that Gabriel has opened his door. I can't see him, but I feel Liam's neck crane upward to look at Gabe.

"Sorry, Ella," my brother says. "I didn't realize you were outside."

"You're lying," I mumble into Liam's neck.

Liam sighs but keeps me in his arms until my crying subsides. I hear Gabe retreat into his room again. Liam pats my back, and I remove myself from his embrace to follow my brother into his room, wiping my tears on my sleeve, my bout of angry sadness over.

Gabe is on his bed, playing with his Nintendo Switch. I can't tell what game he's playing, but I hear the animated characters' grunts and catchphrases. Looking around his room, I see that the shelves along the walls of the room are half empty. There were open suitcases in front of his closet, which still had a few clothes that needed to be packed. (Thankfully, Grandma had already helped me pack all of my things, so I didn't have to worry about my own clothes).

I look at Gabe, wondering if he would talk to me now. Understanding that he wasn't going to glance up from his game, I'm about to ask him if I can use his PlayStation before he puts it away, but Liam speaks up.

"I know it must be difficult for both of you—" he stares at Gabe, trying to get his attention, "—having to leave your home and everything you know to start living in a foreign country. It's not going to be the same there as it is for you here." His shoulders are tense, and he pulls his hand behind his back. Liam seems uncomfortable, and it's not a good look for him. "You will also spend a lot of time under public attention, and that may be difficult to adjust to. I want you both to know that if there's anything you need, I'll always be there to help you through it."

"Yeah, you said that already," Gabe mumbles, still playing his game.

Liam's face falls. He opens his mouth a little but then closes it again. Liam turns to look at me, and I smile at him.

He hesitates for another moment before saying, "How was school today, Eleanor?"

"It was nice!" I tell him, suddenly giddy with excitement, remembering all the events of the day. "My teacher told the gym teacher that today was my last day, and so the gym teacher brought out these scooters that we had to sit on, and we played football on the scooters! And then look!" I hold out my finger to him, and he cups my hand in his to bring it closer to his face. "My team was about to win, and I had the ball, but then this girl from the other team, Veronica, who doesn't like me, made her scooter go over my finger and then my nail broke a little bit and started bleeding a little and then I had to go to the nurse, and the nurse gave me a lollipop! I would give it to you, but I ate it already. Sorry."

He looks back at my face, gently running his thumb over my bandaged finger. One corner of Liam's mouth lifts, and he says, "That's alright. It seems like you had an exciting day. Did Veronica get in trouble?"

"Nuh-uh," I exclaim, shaking my head. "She rolled away. And then when I came back from the nurse, everyone was waiting because we had to go back to our class and when we got there the teacher gave us pizza and tiny cupcakes! But then I had to say goodbye to everyone, and it was sad."

He kneels down on one knee so that our faces are at the same level. "Well, I know it must be upsetting to say goodbye to your friends, but I'm sure you'll make new ones in Cordonia."

I shrug, not really believing him.

"Oh, don't be like that. I know many children in court that would love to be your friend!"

"Like who?" I ask him.

"Well..." he looks away, deep in thought. "How about Bartie?"

"Bartie never wants to do anything!" I tell him.

"And all he does," Gabe speaks up, finally putting his game down, "is walk around saying, 'I mustn't, Your Highness. No, thank you, Your Highness.' He's so boring. And why does he call me that? My name is Gabriel."

I notice that Gabe put his Switch on the bed, so I run for it and start trying to play the game.

Liam stands and comes to sit on the edge of the bed. "Since we are going to announce to the public that you are my son, you will be anointed as my heir and will be the Crown Prince. Whenever someone speaks to you, they will refer to you as 'Your Highness.'"

"Why?" Gabe asks. He leans into my side, trying to see what I'm doing in the game. I make my character, a really buff dude with a red headband, jump around other characters who are chasing him.

"That's how it works," Liam states. "They refer to their king and queen as 'Your Majesty,' whose Latin root word is 'greatness.' They call the prince or princesses 'Your Highness,' because of their high status. Bartie is accustomed to a life of formality, so it's natural for him."

"So...," Gabe turns to Liam, "they call you 'Your Majesty' because you're the king, right?"

"Nuh-uh!" I exclaim. Liam chuckles, and when I turn to look at him and laugh along, the Nintendo Switch vibrates, and a man's voice from the game screams 'GAME OVER!'

Gabe takes the device from my hands and starts another game. Liam points at Gabe's suitcases. "Do you need any help packing the rest of your things?"

"Nah, I'm good. Grandma said she'd give me a hand with everything that's left," Gabe responds. As an afterthought, he adds, "Thank you, though."

Liam gives a small nod. "Well, then... I wanted to let you both know that I am leaving for Cordonia today."

Gabriel looks up. "I thought we were all leaving together?"

"Yes, but since the press doesn't know that you're my son, we have to be discreet and enter the country at different times to make sure news or rumors don't get out before we're ready to give an announcement."

"So when are we going to see you?" I ask.

"A few days after you settle in with the Beaumonts, I'll come to see how you are all doing, and I'll bring you back to the capital for the social season."

"That's the thing you were asking Mama about?" I question.

He gives a small smile. "Yes, your mother has gone through the social season before."

Bastien interrupts our little conversation by knocking on the door. "Your Majesty," he says. "The jet should be ready now. Shall we depart?"

"Yes, thank you for alerting me, Bastien." Liam stands and turns back to us. "I'll see you two very soon."

"Okay!" I exclaim, getting off of the bed to give Liam a hug.

He puts a hand on my head, and when I back away, he tells me, "If there are any mean Veronicas in Cordonia, promise you'll tell me if they bother you?"

I laugh a little and then promise.

When we part, I see Gabe and Liam stare at each other awkwardly, but neither of them makes a move. After a few moments, Gabriel lifts his hand in farewell. Liam smiles and nods, and then leaves.

For a few more minutes, I watch Gabe play, waiting for him to give me a turn. Before he gets a chance to start the game again and give it to me, we hear his phone vibrating from the inside of his backpack. When he crosses the room to take it out, before answering it, he tells me, "It's Uncle Boris!"

Uncle Boris was Daddy's college friend, and also our Godfather. We hadn't seen him in a while. He was traveling around Europe for business and to spend time with his wife and kids. We were actually supposed to visit him a couple weeks ago, but because of the bombing, we couldn't.

Gabe answers the phone and puts it on speakerphone. We both huddle in front of it and a nostalgic joy vibrates in my heart when I hear Uncle Boris' thick Russian accent call out, "Hello, zayats!"

We giggle at the nickname that hasn't worn off since Gabe lost his front teeth (when they came back in, Uncle Boris had commented that he looked like a little rabbit), and then in union we say, "Hi, Uncle Boris!"

"Rowan tells me today was last day of school for you two?" he asks us in his broken English.

"Yeah," Gabe answers. "We're leaving for Cordonia."

"Cordonia, eh?" (He pronounces it 'CARdonia'). "That is not an hour's flight from where I am!"

"Really?" I ask. "Are you going to visit us? Can you please visit us?"

"If your Mama allows, then yes, I visit. But what you children go to Cordonia for?"

"Because apparently Liam is Gabe's dad that Mama never told us about," I ramble, "and since Daddy's not here anymore and Mama doesn't have a lot of her memory, we have to go with him and his friends."

"Liam?" Uncle Boris questions. "Liam, who?"

"Uh." Gabe frowns. "I don't know his last name. But he says he's a king."

"Which is fake!" I blurt out. "I bet he's lying about it."

"Ah!" Uncle Boris exclaims. "King Liam! Yes, yes, your mother tell me and Potter about him." (Uncle Boris has always called Daddy 'Potter' because Daddy's glasses used to remind Uncle Boris of Harry Potter). "What he wants?"

"He's bringing us to Cordonia with him," Gabe states.

"Pfft. Nonsense king. Bringing small child to foreign country to keep stupid monarchy alive. You know why countries have no more monarchy? Take Russia as example—."

He continues rambling, and I genuinely think he doesn't remember he's talking to us. Gabe looks up at me and whispers, "I think he's drunk!" He coughs loudly into his elbow, and the vibration I hear from the back of his throat tells me the cough was genuine. But Uncle Boris doesn't seem to notice and keeps talking.

I cover my mouth and giggle. There's another knock on the door, and we turn to see Rowan, followed by Maxwell.

"What's up, baby blossoms?" Maxwell calls to us.

In a loud whisper, Gabe responds, "Talking to Uncle Boris!"

"It's okay," Rowan says, grabbing the phone and taking it off of speakerphone. "I've got this. There's food for you guys if you want something to eat?"

"C'mon, blossoms!" Maxwell exclaims, leading us towards the dining room. "Are you guys excited to get to Cordonia tomorrow?"

We shrug and nod, trying our best to seem somewhat enthusiastic.

"Aw, don't worry. I'm sure you'll love it when you finally get there. Your mom came to adore it after just spending a short time there." He pauses for a moment, then lowers his voice before continuing, and I don't think Gabe and I are meant to hear what he said when he goes, "That's why it was so much of a surprise when she left."

Gabe and I share a worried glance. In the short time that we had known Maxwell, he was always cheerful. But his last sentence was carried out with a heavy voice. "At least it's good that she's finally going back?" Gabe states, accidentally making it sound like a question.

Maxwell looks down at him, patting Gabe's head. "It sure is, baby blossom. It sure is."

- Drake -

The day after Liam left, the Beaumonts, Drake, Rowan, Riley, and her kids were all in the airport waiting for the pilot to get ready. Liam had told Drake before leaving that he thought it would be best if he went back home with the Beaumonts so he could help Riley and the kids settle in. Drake wanted to tell him that he already decided that, but he believed that it would be best not to agitate Liam, who was already stressed.

When it was time to finally get on the jet, Drake tells Maxwell to grab Riley's crutches before she can reach them. Drake then offers to carry Riley in his arms to help her board the plane.

She blushes and argues that she can do it herself, but then accepts after Drake persists. Her kids follow closely behind, not taking their eyes off of their mother.

Inside, he puts her down and takes the seat right next to her, while the kids take the seats in front of them. While everyone else settles in, Drake notices Riley moving around.

"You good, Brooks?" he asks her.

"Yeah," she says. "My leg's making me a bit uncomfortable, though."

"The doctor said that you had to keep it elevated. Here." Drake gently grabs her injured leg and sets it down on his knee. "That better?"

"Yeah, thanks." She smiles at him.

For the rest of the plane ride, Riley goes in and out of naps, resting her head on Drake's shoulder. The children talk with Rowan and Maxwell, who seem to be getting friendly with one another. Bartie stares out of the window for the most part but does his best to include himself in conversations with Gabriel and Eleanor. Savannah and Bertrand murmur amongst themselves, and occasionally Bertrand stands to make sure that Riley's doing alright.

Drake sits silently, glancing at Riley while she slept, doing his best not to remind himself of the first time he and Maxwell had brought her to Cordonia.

He promised himself that he would do everything that he could to make sure there would be no repeat of the social season or the Engagement Tour.

I'll be damned if I let the court ruin Riley and her kids, he thinks to himself.

Drake watches Maxwell teach Gabriel and Eleanor a game he just created. When he glances out the window, Drake takes a moment to stare at the expanse of water that had separated him from Riley for so long. He checks the time, trying to estimate when they would be able to view Cordonia out the window, hoping to wake Riley to let her see the shore. He hated that she still didn't remember any of them; there were still so many questions they needed to ask her.

He stares down at her sleeping face, and for a moment, his heart aches for everything that she's gone through. There's a sense of guilt that vibrates within him, for everything that he did and didn't do. And there's also... reluctance. He's almost scared to bring her back, to bring happiness back. They had all spent so much time in a deep hole of 'if only' that leaving the hole felt unnatural. Eventually though, that all fades away as Drake drifts into sleep, Riley's peaceful features having allured him.

- Bastien -

Due to unpredictable weather the night before, King Liam's jet was unable to take flight for Cordonia when he had wished it to. The delay lasted for hours, and King Liam's aircraft was finally in the air only an hour before the Beaumont's plane was predicted to take off. Liam told Bastien it would be best not to tell the Beaumont's about his delay, seeing that they still had to give off the illusion that everyone was arriving from a different place, but Bastien saw the reluctance in his king's eyes; the man wanted to go with them, but couldn’t.

As King Liam's jet lands in the capital, Bastien sends a radio message to the rest of the King's Guard to keep away paparazzi and to make sure there was no threat in any surrounding areas. Near the entrance of the airport, there's a limo waiting for the king. Bastien opens the door for Liam, then goes to sit in the front.

He sends out another message to the guards still in the palace, alerting them that the king was returning, and reminding them to report anything pressing. Bastien receives messages stating that there was nothing eventful going on, except small preparations for the social season. Bastien breathes out, glad that his king would not have more to bother him.

When they reach the palace, Bastien jumps out of the car and follows King Liam, who is already through the entrance.

There's noise on the other end of his earpiece, and Bastien is about to ignore it and shut it off before a female guard's voice states, "Alert His Majesty that he has someone waiting to speak to him."

Bastien doesn't say anything back into the radio, since King Liam was walking right beside him. Before Bastien can tell his king the news, the woman's voice sounds again.

"Bas, can you hear me? Prince Leo wants His Majesty to know that he's waiting to talk to him. He says it's important."

#the royal romance #choices trr #trr fanfic #trr fandom #the royal romance fanfic #choices fanfiction #trr #trr liam x mc #liam x riley #trr fanfiction

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lie---ability · 3 years ago

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for too many times in my life had i been wrong about people. so much that anyone who tries to have anything with me makes me anxious. i even get anxious about my upcoming job at Virus & Partners because new people = chances of any of them hurting me. i have been wrong about people so much that i think it's because i idealize them so much. i mean an example could be us hanging out everyday, do a lot of things together, stay out late together, ditch others for each other, chat each other right after being together the entire day, say i love you and get home safe — and i'd think we're best friends!!! only for her to say we never were. and that she never wanted to be close with someone like me. so it must be me, right? maybe i just fell in love with the thought that she's a great best friend. at the same time i think, no. she was a best friend, she did exist. that version of her existed. or at least did when it was convenient or beneficial to her, but when the time came where it wasn't, she threw me under the bus, become totally different from who i loved. who i proudly said was my best friend. all those months that built up my comfort, trust, attachment — ended up being told as a lie. and if it came from the person herself that they were lies, who am i to say she's just saying that for whatever reason? she said it herself. we weren't best friends even if she said it before. so what was the truth? was i just really stupid and idealistic? or are people just so awful now? it's like i'm this fish in a pond who's so easy to catch with just the right amount of treat. like i'd swim away when you approach but try a bit more and i'd fall for it. attachment issues suck, more so my abandonment issues.

but this post isn't about jodie. this is about my first boyfriend, rikko.

first because rj doesn't count, the fuck? that shit was a joke lol i just got a dose of reality at an early age. no love there at all. who even falls in love at 13? that shit illegal. so yes, rikko is my first boyfriend ♥️ and even though i've dated guys before, he's the only one i ever loved so far. i love him so much. in fact, before i was already starting to think that maybe i'm not capable of love? i mean, i'm aware i'm a mean person. but i didn't think of myself as someone incapable of falling in love. but among the guys i met and dated, ALL OF THEM WERE JUST TO FEED MY EGO. ego ego ego. tell me i'm pretty. keep asking me to go out and let me reject you over and over again. show me how much you wanna take me out on a date again. over and over and all of them were unintended! when i do talk to someone, a part of me tries! maybe this could work? but it kept ending the same way. ego food. which led me to think fuckkk i'm incapable of loving too? what am i here for then tfuck? — until i met rikko! and everything he did and said, i wanted more of it. the more he laughed, the more he cried, i wanted to keep seeing them, even if he laughs/cries for the same reasons over and over. i wanted the things he wanted. i wanted to like the shit he liked, and i did! i hated touch but i love being held by him. he was expressive too! like the other boys! but for some reason, it wasn't ego food. they became credit scores for me. each time he gets a point, it adds up to my reasons why this is it! why this is worth a try! and i struggled and fought hard. the commitment and daddy issues, the anxiety, the fear of abandonment, blah blah and he did and said the right things at the right time he went at the right places, gave the right gifts, promised the right things — all for him to turn out to be just like everybody else. he died months into my life. he couldn't keep up with the character he played, and idk why people keep playing a character on me. jodie played the supportive bff but really wanted to be some sort of main character which i think is rather difficult hence the hurtful betrayal. and then there's rikko, who played the boy i could ever want, but never was that person. he never was that person to his parents and friends, and i thought he would suddenly change for me? that's some boss level pick me girl shit. i love rikko, even now as i type this. i met him january 2020, it's july 29, 2021 today, and i love him so much. but i'm not sure if i should be with him anymore. on principle, morals, self-care, common sense, logic, religion. why? because he died. he died last january 2021. he's no longer the same rikko i fell for. his hands aren't the ones i fought myself to hold. he's not the same person who went all the way from paranaque to cainta for me at 8pm because my dad told me he almost had another baby with someone ON MY BIRTHDAY. he's not the same person i looked at up at Sm Aura thinking he could be the one. and that i belong here, with him. that i love being with him, and he could be other things, but i want to be with him. he didn't know it, but looking at him as he talked about his friends, those things ran in my head. it was the same rikko who got teary eyed when he misunderstood me there at the Sm Aura rooftop, thinking i meant that i was just playing him. the rikko who gave me a necklace for no reason, wore it on me and even had it in a totally unsuspecting case (tea bag) which made the surprise funnier and cuter, is... yep... no longer here. the rikko who kept reminding me i'm redeemable, that i'm not my anxieties, i'm not my bad brain, i'm not my small voice, that rikko is long gone. and still i stayed waiting, making excuses, reasoning out with myself, trusting that he'd come back and funny enough, 7 months in and... he's still gone.

the saddest part is he doesn't want to be like that. or so i think. he tries. i see him trying. i see the efforts. he tries to ask me about my day, about my worries, why i'm anxious, why i'm sad or irritated. he asks me about work, applications and when i'm out with friends or family. he tries to make time for me even now that he prefers valorant over ml with me, i know he tries to play ml with me. he tries to take some time off work to talk to me. he tries to post on social media now, shares my ig stories, joins my tiktoks and get along with my jokes. he tries. i know he does. but that's the thing. he has to try. and maybe those things, he just isn't. and the difference between trying and develop is with development, there is direction. there is progress. with rikko... it's unstable. sometimes he can do this, but the next times not so sure. and as someone anxious with rejection and abandonment issues, inconsistencies are okay, but a lot of them? and major ones? NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF IT. so many things rikko doesn't know and still he has it in him to say or assume a lot of things about me. one of them is when he said i'm ALWAYS annoyed at him. does he know how many times i get annoyed at things he do? but i don't address all of them not because i don't want to but because i acknowledge that they're not worth the fight or i'm just being hotheaded or immature or maybe inconsiderate. i think first before i act on him because if i learned anything about rikko, emotions have to make sense! which is wrong in the first place but that's who i'm with! but at the times i can't help being tampo, annoyed, or upset, he finds it in him to tell me i'm a l w a y s annoyed? WHEN?!?! i even asked him when and i know he realized it but still he fell stubborn to his pride. does he also know that his gifts don't make me kilig anymore? they just relieve me at this point which is sad!!! fucking sad!!! why? for example, for my virtual college graduation i was getting anxious few days before because i'm worried he won't give me anything or do something for me which will surely trigger my ~neglected issues~ and if i do get triggered, instead of addressing and being there for me, instead of making it up to me, he'd get mad! he'd make me feel that i'm asking for so much, for the impossible, all while i see it happen to people. i see other dudes give their girlfriends things without occasion. i see them try to like the things their girlfriends like, even embarrassing ones that she posts on social media. i see men constantly expressing their love for their gfs, for the person they asked to commit to them. all while i have one who would call me demanding, needy and exhausting. imagine? lol i get anxious he won't fulfill me not because i'd get sad but because he'll get mad when i get upset. he'd make me feel awful and remind me of the reason why we should end. and i hate that. i'm fighting so hard to take it off my mind, i hate thinking that we're incompatible, unhappy and that we're just trying to revive this love we have for each other. that love really isn't enough, even for us. so when he got me this bouquet for graduation, i was 95% relieved and 5% kilig because awwwww but more importantly, I WON'T BE TAMPO WHICH MEANS I WON'T HAVE TO HIDE AND HE WON'T HAVE TO GET ANNOYED AT ME BEING UPSET! as i type this all the more i feel bad because it's so clear i shouldn't be with him anymore. it hurts each time it crosses my mind. i really see rikko as the love of my life. and idk why. because he shouldn't be. the love of your life should be someone who makes you laugh, makes you strong but can also let you cry. the love of your life is the one who holds you on your way out of dark times. the love of your life is the one who corrects you in ways that won't make you feel bad, but in ways that make you feel cared for. that he's telling you so out of concern, not because he thinks you're a difficult sick mental person who needs an on-call therapist and an attending nurse. the love of your life should be the person who makes you cry the least.

but he doesn't deserve it also. maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship just yet. and there was no harm in trying. in fact i'm happy he tried because if he hadn't added me on facebook and hit up on instagram, i would have never known what love was like. i would also have never known how fun and exciting it is to be in love. it's so nice actually! to lie down with someone and just know they'll be there when you wake up and even if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you're safe with them. and no matter what you look like in the morning or how loud you snore or how stretched you are in bed, you are loved by this person next to you. and they chose to sleep with you too. to be as vulnerable as you are. and i loved that with rikko. we sleep together, we wake up in between sleep just to look for each other's cheeks, we shower together, we do weird shower dances, we have secret baby things, and a lot more things that you would think from here on meant forever. because these things, how could you ever try them again with someone else? because from where i am right now I HATE THE THOUGHT OF THOSE WITH ANYONE WHO'S NOT RIKKO. but stay with him for what? for what at this point? i'm not God. i'm just an anxious person with daddy issues who has enough money hunger and dreams plus a mom, aunts and 1 friend who loves rikko so much. i can't change him. and i shouldn't.

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