#also they're both dumbasses so that doesn't help the situation either

[snootlestheangel]

Shadow Company: Moose

Everyone blame @cod-dump for this (affectionately ofc) and this post specifically for this mess I'm in over Moose.

A short drabble about everyone's new favorite Shadow; Moose

Sometimes the Shadows get bored and start throwing or kicking a kickball at each other. The number of times they've gotten it stuck in the rafters is about to piss Graves off and make him ban it. The only reason he hasn't being it's hilarious to watch Moose lift the Shadow that got it stuck so they can get it down. It's great hearing a small "whee!" From the Shadow being lifted and even more funny to hear them curse when Moose inevitably just drops them.

They got him one of those hats with the moose antlers for Christmas one year and he wears it when it's cold. His excuse is that he doesn't own any other hats.

Also was given a pair of sweatpants and an ugly sweater designed to make him look like a Christmas tree. They referred to him solely as the Christmas Moose when he wore them the day he got them. No one has seen them since.

Is the base's resident Tall Person. Something stuck up high? "MOOSE!" Someone struggling to see over a tall fence? "Moose, I need help!"

Almost always has a Shadow on his back like a koala. Everyone is too afraid to ask Moose if he actually hates it. They don't want to make him angry after all. He secretly enjoys it cause it's a unique form of strength and endurance training, and because it helps him know he can easily carry any of his teammates should the worst happen.

His office space for doing his tech work is actually a lounge area because he got sick of the Shadows cramming themselves into the old space and then complaining about it not being cozy. They're especially awful when he's in one of the shops, either for the trucks or weaponry and working. They're messing with stuff and laying in his way all the damn time.

Yes he always tried telling them to leave if they weren't comfy but no they don't listen. They'd rather lay on the floor or stand awkwardly against him while he works. So he got sick of it and took over a lounge area so the Shadows can comfortably bother him while he works.

He'd rather die than admit he enjoys the company/attention.

Some of the Shadows have witnessed him snap his cool only a couple of times. Usually it's after a really long, grueling mission and then another week of him having to fix a bunch of stuff but unable to workout because he has an injury that's benched him for a couple of weeks. And by snapping it's more like he just suddenly starts yelling at all of them to piss off. They're always quick to give him some space after that and eventually he returns to normal and acts like nothing ever happened.

Graves has only witnessed this once. It was during a mission and several of the Shadows were trapped in a sticky situation with the risk of not making it out alive. Graves and Moose were really their only help. Sometimes Graves gets distracted when watching the boys train cause he thinks back to that night where Moose turned into a one man army and obliterated the enemy.

Of course, he did this just to get to the Shadows trapped and give a gruff "you dumbasses" as he carries two of them. Graves will never forget what he witnessed and sometimes when Moose makes eye contact with him, they both just know.

Graves never once again underestimated how dedicated Moose is to the company despite how much he might complain about his fellow Shadows.

Literally vanished the first day the 141 boys were on their base because they had to work together over something. Nobody could find Moose and some started to panic. They didn't know why or what caused him to vanish but he did and he clearly didn't want to be found.

They get their answer like 2 days later when he and Ghost, as the biggest guys around, had to transport something big and heavy. Moose was so pale and shaking the entire time. Everyone was concerned that he wasn't well enough to help but he shot them down every time. They get the thing moved with ease and Ghost gives a polite nod and a "good work, Moose"

Moose darted away after muttering something about work he has to do. Then it made sense: their big Moose was totally terrified of Ghost.

Its not that they didn't know he's such a coward. They do actually. So much in fact that's part of why they started calling him Moose. The animal itself isn't a coward, in fact they're known for being confrontational when threatened (or sometimes just because) and so for a big guy like him to be the opposite, what better name than Moose?

Once had to carry Graves to safety. That was an experience for the commander, to say the least.

Another reason they all love cuddling against him: he's a human furnace. Like runs so hot he's actually typically wearing shorts and tank tops rather than full pants or shirts. He's got a fan club dedicated to watching him workout. They're just really obsessed with their big ole Moose.

The other reason they love cuddling Moose: he might be tall, yeah but he's also a thick boy. He's got ass, arms, thighs, belly, you name it. There was a meme posted to the announcements board for like a week which was a picture of the animal moose with its back to the camera and the Shadow Moose's ass next to each other. You know the meme, "they're the same picture"

It was replaced with a picture of it on the board and a cryptic hand written message of "I will find the one that made this and you will pay. To the one who took the picture, give it back. -Moose". No one knows who took the picture, but the Shadow that made the meme itself got thrown under the bus so fast. The picture of Moose's ass just appeared in a Shadow group chat one day and no one knows who sent it. (It was Graves actually and Moose knows he took it. The "give it back" part is actually in reference to something completely unrelated)

Secretly was a scene kid in his teen years. This information will go to his grave with him.

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

Backrooms POI: Finley and Funny

Name(s): Finley and Funny

Aliases: "the Friendly Partygoer"(Funny) Team BoredFun, Fin+Fun

Dummy grumpy pants (Finley) =)

Funny dont add that in =(

You can't tell me what to do! XD

A stupid annoying idiot (Funny) =(

Hey! thats meeeeaaaaan >=(

Shut up =(

Last known location(s): Level 1, Level 5, Level 2, Level 11,

Known Affiliations: The Pity Partiers are the best and you should visit them =)

look I know they sound suspicious but you should listen to them =(

(Funny and Finley running from a smiler and a more clear, edited version of the smae photo)

Description: Finley and Funny are a unlikely duo of two eneties. (A rouge partygoer and a thought to be extinct partypooper) they have been seen wanderering Levels in deep conversation with one another, running from other entities

We dont do that! >=(

yeah we do actually =(

they seem to have a interest in guns and weapons as they have been seen carring many swords, guns and bazookas and making them as well

YEAH! THEIR AWESOME! right Fin? =)

Yeah i guess their cool =|

they love it =)

They both seem to be neutral on humans, they have been only seen killing them when negatively provoked

Uh YEAH? of course we respond violently to dumb, rude people! thats how it works dummy! =)

I think they're talking about how you clawed someones eye out when they accidentally bumped into you =(

It was level 201! I was on edge! >=(

Level 201 isn't that dangerous dumbass =(

you know why I didn't feel safe... Im not usually like that, honest! you can be a funny joke if you change your perspective! =)

Despite Funny being a partygoer, they have never been seen Hunting or eating wanderers but have been seen eating a prompus amount of Cannibal Cusinie.

Honestly cannbial cusinie so much more tastier =)

Im surprised you haven't gotten fat with how you eat that shit =(

Youda mean? =|

I'm just sayin its not good for you =(

WELL the more I eat, the less their is for the humans, DUH! =)

Finley has been known to be very cold and somewhat hostile to wanders, often pointing guns at wnaders but often never shooting

Don't worry, they only pull guns when they are just when They're grumpy, YOU SHOULD SEE WHEN THEY'RE MAD! HAHAHA! =)

Partygoers and PartyPoopers are infamous for being natural mortal enemies, but Finley and Funny have been seen either neutral or Straight-up romantic with eachother wait, wait, wait, WAIT. what do you mean by romantic? =(

uh fin we've been dating forever you stupid ass =)

Don't tell them that! >=(

Awwww! are you embarrassed?~ =)

im kicking you out of the room =(

Behaviors: Funny Has been known to be friendly albeit very malicious and dark regarding to their sense of humor, often making jokes about murder, missing family members, self harm, destruction, mental illness, or just straight up being rude piece of shit

You just gotta have the right mind set to get my jokes, Or at least a Mind at all! =)

as stated before Finley has been known being, cold, crass, rude, cynical but still helpful even if it doesn't effect them positivly. they have also been known to make edgy remarks reminiscent of that of a middle schooler who thinks they're depressed.

>=(

The following Is a interview log with The two eneties and dehila of the m.e.g in hopes to understand their odd situation better

____________________________________

Dehila: *Calmly walks over to Finley and Funny* Um excuse me-

Funny: FINELY SHOOT IT WITH FIRE ITS A SKIN STEALER!

-the tape cuts out for 20 minutes-

Finley: sorry about Asshole overthere *they point to Finny* they can't tell a clicker from a skin stealer

Funny: OH well excuuuuusse me for being jumpy in a plane of existence with cosmic entity cakes and hivemind cults following a dumb bluebird!

Dehila: oh it's quite alrig-

-the tape cuts out again

Dehila: so how did you two meet?

Finley: long story, but after the fun war PartyPoopers decided to stay in the promised land for "preservation of out species" or some dumb shit like that, but I left caused that Was the stupidest thing ive ever heard-

Funny: HA! not as dumb as you wanderering the halls alo-

-The tape cuts out again-

Dehlia: so you two have a bit of a enemies to lovers thing going on huh?

Funny: Eh, I guess, i mean we still fight ALL the time, and they're Super boring if that wasn't obvious! but.. i dunno They're a boring person, but Super fun to be around with! They taught me how to shoot a railgun, We made a bazooka that fires chainsaws, we smoke MJ together, They tell the best jokes! they've kinda become my muse!

Dehila: Aww thats so sweet- wait What about memory-

Funny: Nothing.

Finley: Yeah Funnys alright, Its nice to have someone who gets me, or Not takeing literally everything thing I say personally

Dehila: so funny, what separates you from the rest of the Partygoer?

Funny: Well I hate killing humans for starters, You guys are a alot funner alive, And Also Cannibal Cusinie Just tatses better, oh and also Being unwittingly controled by a giant birthday cake is super lame honestly, plus I'm having so much Fun With Finley!.... but I do miss friends back in level fun...

Finely: *sighs* ..yeah thats the hardest part about leaving..

Dehlia: so I've heard alot about "The pity Partiers" what is that exactly?

Finley: *akward silence*

Funny: Uhh.. well.. Uhhh

Funny:

Funny: you see when you love someone very much-

Finley: they're our kids

Dehlia: All of them?!?! they're like 50 of them!

Finley: 160 actually, Partypeople usally have 40 per litter

Funny: Yeah, why do you think were everywhere?

Finley: Anyways don't worry about them, their (mostly) harmless, right fun?

Funny: I think I have something in my teeth

Finley: yeah just don't hurt them alright?

________________________________________

log ends

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

//So this is referring to this post I made a while back when I talked about the SDRA2 Omake. I was just scrolling through my notifs and this came up, and I felt like talking about it.

//What you're saying is correct. Personally, I don't think Syobai does really care for Iroha in canon, and it's weird to think of him ever finding genuine affection in someone, especially if it's someone like Iroha who is basically his polar opposite.

//But I still believe that so long as they work together, there's always potential for there to be a growing relationship and genuine cause for affection between the two so long as they're sticking it out through tough times with the other being basically the only person they can rely on. That's kind of how it works.

//If I had to compare Iroha and Syobai's relationship in Survivor to anything, and pardon me if this is a bit controversial, I think it's most akin to the relationship between Joel and Ellie in The Last of Us.

//Joel and Ellie's relationship didn't start off well. Joel didn't think of himself as someone who had to get to know her; he only saw himself as her escort. He didn't want to lose someone close to him ever again, so he saw Ellie as someone he had to protect but also maintain a distance from in order to keep his spirits up. Similar to what anon just mentioned, Syobai probably initially thought of Iroha as just a pawn or a way to make money. That's just the kind of guy he is, even now.

//Later in the game, as both characters came to terms with the fact that they kind of NEEDED each other in this crazy world they live in, their bond eventually became stronger. By the time they arrived at the university, Ellie had lost her fear that Joel would abandon herm and Joel had even been honest with her about his relationship with Sarah and had stopped completely ignoring her when their conversations became too personal.

//What you have to keep in mind is that Syobai and Iroha have been doing their "thing" for about 8 years before the events of Survivor, when they met Kokichi and he took them on as stragglers for his club. Imagine the kind of situation where this rough and tough old soldier, now that the world is on the verge of repairing itself entirely, can no longer make any decent money out their schemes anymore, since the Remnants of Despair aren't as common anymore. That doesn't mean he just abandons Iroha entirely. It's not like he could, even if he wanted to.

//So the situation they find themselves in now is not as business partners, or contractual allies, but as teammates and coworkers at worst, and basically a dysfunctional brother and sister at best.

//I am aware that for Syobai, it feels a little bit out of character for him to be in that big brother/maternal role, but consider for a second that looking at both characters histories, as much as neither will ever want to openly admit it, Iroha and Syobai are the closest thing that either have ever had to someone who genuinely cares about the other as family.

//Syobai's parents abandoned him in another country when he was just a kid, and he's in his 30's around the time SDRA2 starts, which means he'd be in his early to mid-40's in Survivor. And he's spent basically all of that time making his own way through life, doing whatever so long as the pay was good, with no close connections, or anyone that he could consider a reliable partner, that weren't based on capitalism and how much money he had in his pocket.

//Until Iroha. She's not in it for the money, she's in it because she trusts Syobai to keep them both alive. Because let's be honest, SHE couldn't do it by herself! I say this lovingly, but Iroha is a DUMBASS! There's absolutely no way she could get a job, make any kind of money, or SURVIVE in a tragedy world without Syobai's help, and she knows that full well, which is why she sticks with him even now.

//And even if at first she's little more than a tool to him, Syobai is the first ever older figure in Iroha's life who WANTS to PROTECT her, regardless of his motivations. Her family and parents fucking sucked, that much is clear, and to be honest, VOID wasn't much better! At least not Nikei or Mikado. For someone like Iroha who is at her complete and total wits end, having Syobai around is her number one mechanism of coping with how much her life sucks.

//However, everything I've just noted draws attention away from the very point of what I was trying to make in the original post. And that is that the relationship between Iroha and Syobai in Survivor ISN'T CANON.

//Yes, their relationship WAS toxic in the original, but that's the very reason I wrote them like this in Survivor. Because the omake in the canon showed such a lack of character development for both characters, like they learned absolutely nothing from the Killing Game and nothing from the time they spent with each other.

//Even if it does make sense from Syobai's end, it wasn't just that I didn't like it and wanted to make my own changes, it was actually just because it DIDN'T MAKE SENSE to me.

//If you don't want to accept things as they are in the blog, that's fine. Feel free to go whichever story you prefer. That's the magic of fandom after all.

//Personally speaking, I took a look at their canon relationship and what happened after SDRA2, I said "I don't like that" and tried to make my own version. That's all. It's not harming anyone, and from what I've seen, people actually kind of like it, so I'm not about to change it any time soon.

-Mod

[amooo1023]

Could you do either a Taranza × Reader or a Daroach × Reader, not really picky about anything else I just want some fluff

I'll do both of them! I'll be happy to do this requests.

Taranza x Reader (HEADCANONS)

• Taranza was still heartbroken over Queen Sectonia. I mean, maybe seeing your crush slowly turn into a monster and then eventually betraying you even when you stayed by their side the whole time is a bit scarring.

• So him getting a friend like you was great for someone like as lonely as Taranza. In his mind at least or how he is described.

• If you'd be willing to listen, he would vent to you sometimes. Maybe about past mistakes and just in general guilt. He won't do it too often! Sometimes he just wants to get things off his chest.

• He does this weird thing where he randomly ties objects to a web. One time you saw your toaster hanging from the ceiling with a web holding it up in place after getting a visit from him. Hang outs are weird.

• Thinks the jambastion religion's greeting is ridiculous. He has gone on a rant about it to you many times. It was surreal at first until it became just uncommon. He doesn't seem like the type of person to rant is all.

• Not a picky eater, REALLY not a picky eater. Seriously, you swear you saw him eating a few rocks the other day. Then again it was only a glimpse.

• Despite his mostly gentle like appearance he's cunning and a bit of a bitch. You two were just hanging and he decided to just fuck with some weirdo because he thought it would be fun getting something out of them. Whatever item he got out of them, he gave it to you after as a gift.

• Speaking of gifts he tends to be the unique gifts type of friend or the gifter. (I dunno what they're called but the type of friend to often give you gifts yet somehow all of them are unique from the one of the other. I have that type of friend. NEVER CHANGE.) I mean let's be real over here, he stole the dimension mirror from the mirror world and gave it as a present to Sectonia. Insane weirdo I swear.

• His gifts range from simply unique, maybe something he made by hand (magic, silk etc) or straight up distinct and ancient. Yet somehow not having a single scratch in sight. Be careful with his gifts though. He might be a smarty-pants but he's not very observant.

• Kind of a party pooper. He doesn't mean to be though, he just isn't very acquainted with parties. Also because of his smarty-pants side he tends to miss out on jokes and just in general being confused by sarcasm. Questioning them and telling whoever told the joke it didn't make sense due to it not being possible.

• He's a little knowledgeable weirdo who just needs some friends. Having you will help him a lot.

Daroach x Reader (HEADCANONS)

• Unlike Taranza, Daroach isn't lonely. Instead having a gang and stealing valuable treasures from many presumably wealthy people.

• Daroach is the kind of guy to (sort of) act as if they don't care about their team only to later show care towards them. He genuinely cares for his gang or as he likes to call themselves 'The Squeek Squad'.

• He will constantly brag about how popular he was with the ladies before. Telling you that all of the gals fell head over heals for him and yada yada. You honestly stopped listening at some point. The only thing he did was brag and brag. You think he did this for an entire day if you were going to be honest.

• Sometimes his heists doesn't go too well. It doesn't happen often but when it happens. BOY, does it happen. Things got really bad one time so you had to break him and his squad out.

• Overconfident dumbass at times. He literally jumped into a pit of lava because "Some jerk bet him he couldn't jump over a heap of lava." You still don't have any idea as to how he got offended about that.

• Mischievous bastard, steals and causes conflicts almost constantly. (Also he's kind of an attention seeker.)

• Daroach has amazing social skills and is quite charismatic. You saw him talking his way out of a sticky situation flawlessly. They even seemed quite smitten by Daroach. You don't know if you should be wary or impressed.

• He gives you gifts sometimes. Usually they're stolen so it could probably get you in trouble. Luckily, this universe doesn't seem to have any laws or any restrictions at all so it doesn't really matter.

• Although Daroach might come off as someone unforgiving, he is very much the opposite! He is quick to forgive and understands most of the times. A little mouse had blown their cover while on a heist and Daroach forgave him almost immediately.

• He's usually closed off and defensive. So moments when he opens up and actually shows vulnerability are a rare sight and are meant to be treasured. He tries to look good and tough for his team which leads to him thinking that he cannot show weakness at all. Which isn't a good habit, just a reminder.

• He's overconfident and reckless, but he also has a vulnerable side. Also he's really loyal! A friend to treasure and keep indeed.

Sorry for this taking so long and it being so short! But I still hope you enjoyed it.

[medicinemane]

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

[howlingmoonrise]

Dear Yuletide Writer (2023)

Hello and welcome to my long rambling letter!

I hope you have a lot of fun participating this year, and the below is meant to help you with that! As usual, the only things that are hard lines are the squicks listed on the Yuletide form, but I'd prefer if you respected my other dislikes/squicks as well, even if our likes don't match and you chose not to use any of these prompts! Feel free to mix and match what you like ;)

I tried to place things mostly under bullet points in an effort to cut down on my rambling but, uh, I'm a very wordy person overall. I'd rather you have plenty to choose from and a good grasp on my likes/dislikes if you don't have an idea in mind already, than you wanting ideas and not finding any you like, though!!

I hope you have an excellent time!

GENERAL LIKES:

Truly egregious amounts of pining! Truly egregious amounts of increasingly obvious denial!

Non-established relationships - what I love most is the progression of the dynamics between two characters!

Fake dating! This applies to all the fandoms, it's one of my favourite tropes if you want to give it a whirl. Same for time loop fics;

Despite the first three items above, either gen or romance is fine! What really does it for me is the dynamics between the characters, and how they find unprecedented levels of kinship and trust and intimacy and comfort and understanding with each other, not necessarily romantic acts. In fact, I don't particularly like huge romantic acts either, and would love a more subtle sort of thing if you're going down the romance road!

Bickering/banter is great! Doubly so if the characters are already a bit petty by nature!

Sticking to the tone of the original characterizations/canon/humour is definitely a plus! I love when ways of speaking and running gags and references to the original material show up!

Casual intimacy! CASUAL INTIMACY! I'm a sucker for this and it's super fun, especially if placed amidst the bickering - it throws a whole different depth to their interactions and really shows how comfortable the characters are with each other. DOUBLY so if they have some enmity going on at that point since that makes it downright hilarious with the other half not really knowing how to react. A pair that communicates without needing to use words is also so intimate and great! I love this kind of thing;

Trope subversion all the way!!!

Usually smooth characters going tongue-tied when faced with the possibility of feelings or the presence of their crush, I'm so weak for that;

Characters getting roped into shenanigans, the wilder the better. Double points if they have no clue how they got themselves into this and are very much bewildered at how the situation went this sideways;

Enemies/rivals-to-reluctant-allies-(to-maybe-friends?)-to-lovers are *chef's kiss*;

Idiots to lovers. Idiots to lovers. It's really, really important and hilarious to me that they're huge dumbasses about it if your gift isn't the serious poetical prose sort, even if the "to lovers" part doesn't get all the way there;

I really need to emphasize how much I don't need a full romantic resolution or even a full story/ending resolution - like I said, what I like the most is how the dynamics between the characters evolve, both in gen and in romance! Ambiguous endings are fine both in terms of relationships and plot.

--

GENERAL YIKES:

I really cannot overstate how much I don't want to see pregnancy or motherhood related stuff, mpreg and babies/toddlers included. Kidfics, babyfics, next gen fics, anything related to pregnancy or kids at all. This is my biggest squick alongside scat;

Unhappy endings (ambiguous or hopeful endings are more than okay!);

On the completely opposite direction, the stereotypical 2.5 kids white picket fence sort of happy ending;

For these fandoms, I'd pass on playing around with gender when it comes to characters that aren't canonically prone to it (Loki), and even for those nothing permanent;

Most hard AUs (further detailed under each fandom) but you can assume stuff like merpeople AU or high fantasy AUs are a pass from me, they rely too much on setting and often lose all which makes the setting and the characters… them. Further specified under each fandom;

No going into the hows and whys of a character's sexuality or gender or huge discussions of it - if they're bi/ace/etc, then they're bi/ace/etc and that's that, going into the backstory of it and other people's reactions (including their own) is a no from me. I would prefer if there were no depictions of homophobia, sexism, racism, transphobia, etc, even from the mouths of villain/background antagonistic characters;

Huge dramatic declarations of love (unless it's for a con or a bit);

Huge time skips. Except for some specific situations it makes me feel as if I've missed way too much development, which is my favourite part when it comes to relationships and character development;

Angst is.... *waggles hand*. I don't dislike angst, but it really depends on the kind of angst and it can often be overdone (to my tastes, YMMV). I'll give it a hard pass on stuff to do with major character death (unless canon or they get better), sexual abuse, self-harm, gender/sexuality angst, and the like. I'd also rather not read one long torture/depression fic. Other than that, feel free to go ahead (but definitely don't give it an unambiguously bad ending!);

Huge non-canon past trauma;

Cheating and infidelity are HUGE no-nos;

Sickfics, dysphoria, deep dives into mental illness and other disorders;

Script-based or roleplay fic is not really my preferred format, I really enjoy prose instead of nearly 100% dialogue!

Tons of gore, permanent disabilitating injury (it's fine if it's like... one limb of your chosing or one eye getting fucked up, but more than that I'll pass), etc. I don't generally mind it, for these fandoms/characters in particular it's not really my scene. Note that I mean this for the main characters in particular, if you want to get really into writinh random Order people exploding into little bits in a Runemarks fic I'm not stopping you;

Fully unrequited love between the main characters;

Flashback/nightmare/dream sequences.

--

IF YOU'RE GOING FOR SMUT

Kinks

Moderate masochism (pain is nice - anything from spanking to knife-play is A-OK - but maiming or an actual beating not so much. Dry penetration with no prep is no good, but the character being underprepped/understretched or too little lube used if M/M is);

Bondage (especially predicament bondage or unconvencional bindings, AKA got stuck in a compromising position somewhere or some way normally no one would get stuck);

Breathplay, knifeplay (preferably no blood drawn during specifically this for these character sets except for Runemarks, would also rather not see knife-play in GSNK), nails digging/dragging on/breaking skin;

Edging/desperation play. If bottoming/subbing, David/Wakamatsu/Loki in particular being super flustered, red-faced, maybe a bit teary-eyed is *chef's kiss*;

Ladies topping and calling the shots!

Lowkey cannibalism imagery and hunger, biting.

Squicks

I already put an entire bucket list on the form so. yeah. those. I'll repeat some here just in case;

Scat, vomit, bed-wetting, farting, wound-fucking, castration, CBT (myth for Loki already went there so. pass in general);

Dehumanization, slavery, pet-play, A/B/O;

Mommy/daddy/baby kinks, age play, anything involving diapers, pregnancy kink, mpreg or pregnancy of any sort;

Praise kink (this one isn't exactly a hard line but I'd pass on this);

Forced feminization;

Stuff very involved with body hair;

Outright vore and/or shrinking;

Super big breasts (unless we're talking about Cobra Bubbles, in which case... further down in the section for that fandom), super small breasts, microdicks;

Humiliation or degradation to do with any physical characteristics of a character;

Non-con betwen these characters or with others. Dub-con such as fuck-or-die or sex pollen is fine;

Would rather have no anal sex if a female character is the one being penetrated.

--

RUNEMARKS

Runemarks! Runemarks, my beloved. It's been so long, and I didn't read the Loki prequels/sequels/spinoffs because it'd been so long I needed a reread of the series to properly appreciate them, and I have no clue where I placed Runelight.

(That being said, please do disregard Runelight while writing my request. I didn't entirely dislike it, but not only do I not remember it well, there also were some iffy things about it that didn't fit my tastes (crazy!possessive!Sigyn, Maggie/Adam, the Big Betrayal with no further resolution, lack of major Loki&Maddy interaction outside of that), and for me the essence of Runemarks lays, in fact, with the original book). You can of course add in details from the books I haven't read, I just won't recognize them or appreciate your references properly. If you could avoid those things in particular I'd be thankful.

What do I like? Loki! Maddy! Loki and Maddy! Not even necessarily romantically, but their dynamic is the thing that most grabbed me about the books and had me crazy about them. We love two unhinged, super tricky individuals who aren't used to others seeing through them and who end up terribly fond of each other because they're both so dishonest that when you put them together it flips all the way back into actual honesty. They SEE each other, your honour!!! Not as archetypes or what others expect of them, but as people!!! Plus, the banter. Can't forget about the banter.

What I would like to see/possible prompts:

Exploration of the dynamics between those two. I really can't say this enough. I don't care if it's gen or romantic or somewhere ambiguously in between (in fact, somewhere ambiguously in between is my favourite), but the ideal fic would dive into the relationship between these two and how similar yet different they are to each other.

Soft AUs/Canon-verse AUs: the Runemarks world placed slightly to the left - an added, unseen scene that might have happened in canon, or a world where some of the canon events didn't happen, or even the Runemarks world minus all the plot with a different meeting. Examples:

Canon-verse Maddy running into "The Captain"/"Lucky" post-identity reveal in some other (potentially hilarious) situation where Loki is really really hoping he didn't piss Maddy off enough on their last meeting that she'll spill the beans, and her having the time of her life teasing him with double-meanings and puns about his identity to make him (deservedly) sweat a bit;

Canon-verse (or not) Loki and Maddy falling simultaneously into the same troublesome scenario, shenanigans ensue;

Soft AU where the canon plot didn't happen and Maddy may or may not have moved away from the village (the Order did not come for her, or they did and she got away, etc), and runs into Loki-as-Captain/Lucky, or under some other job he's lying low in (bartender, soldier down on his luck, charming thief, etc), and they get in and out of trouble together, as some fun alternate first meeting;

Soft AU where the Order did come for Maddy, and Loki (who was in the surroundings and may or may not have had a snarky altercation with Maddy just before, where he felt Seen��) is begrudgingly roped into helping her escape them;

Canon-verse or soft AU where Maddy and Loki are linked somehow (time loop, some supernatural/god bullshit, a curse/geas, etc) while pretty far apart and with no clue of what it means or possibly even who each other are (depending on whether or not they've met already, dealer's choice) and try to figure it out/find each other/get rid of it while growing close or empathetic to one another during it.

TONS of banter, if possible. That sardonic tone of canon is fantastic, and doubly so with underlying fondness;

If going down the romantic route, I do like things more subtle - no grand declarations of love, but that sense of comfort and belonging and understanding with each other that they don't get with anyone else. I would rather have pink ears and flustered feelings at a brushed touch or a more flirty-bantery remark rather than outright romantic kissing, but this is entirely up to you. What I really like is the journey getting there, and the relationship being already established tends to skip over all those parts;

That being said, I'm definitely not opposed to some sexual tension. I mean, *gestures vaguely towards their interactions* it's them;

Moral ambiguity! I think they should be gay-- er, bi, and do crime, or at least seriously annoy people. Especially Loki. I love that little bastard.

If you'd rather not write within the Runemarks universe, I'd rather not a full fantasy AU (merpeople AU, magic school AU, etc), but for example a modern era AU with the characters being placed into relatively equivalent roles/settings is OK too, so long as their dynamics remain the same! A role reversal AU could also be interesting if their personalities/roles in the story remained relatively the same but adapted to fit it (Loki is a trickster menace to the gods, Maddy upheaved the world as they know it and people/gods might not like her for it, much like the villagers in the OG version, but then stuff like the Maddy/Modi thing could parallel with the Loki/Lucky/Captain thing, for example). Overall, the focus should be on the relationships and the characters instead of the background setting.

What I wouldn't like to see:

Please no more humiliation and pain for Loki - give him a break! It's fine if he gets in a sticky situation (who is even Loki if he's not in some sort of trouble lmfao), but he should be able to get out of it basically unscathed (some light stabbing and jokes about it are fine, so long as he shakes it off easily and not too long is spent dwelling on the pain). This applies to Maddy too, but a special emphasis on Loki for this;

No female form/dress jokes, it's one thing for him to assume that form or wear a dress (that is fine), it's another to make it the butt of the situation or make it sound as if it's humiliating;

That being said, I wouldn't like to see a fic fully focused on gender-flipped Loki, or one that went super into gender or sexuality dynamics. Treat it as commonplace if possible!

Most hard AUs (such as a merpeople AU, magic school AU, etc) would not be favourites (check the section above for details on AUs I would not mind seeing);

Please no love triangles or unrequited love! (Unless it's Adam with a creepy crush on Maddy/Maggie getting what's coming to him, that is);

Full Maddy-as-Modi AUs. Which isn't really an AU, but I like Maddy as Maddy - an AU where she grew up as Modi, or a canon-verse continuation where she grows into that role isn't really my thing, except maybe on the role reversal AU I detailed above (in which it would be Modi growing into being Maddy instead of the other way around);

In that line, Loki-that-isn't-Loki. He can (and should!) be under disguise at some point, or under an alias, but even if there's no true reveal we should for sure know that it's him under there, and that person is a little redhead scar-lipped shit-stirrer;

No other ships involving these two! Past relationship mention is fine, though I'd pass on past Odin/Loki;

Would probably pass on heavy smut for this but not a hard line.

Other notes for this fandom:

No need to follow the plotline of Runemarks, honestly. You can, but it's definitely not a requirement, especially considering how complex it becomes! For me what matters most is really the character dynamics, I don't really need the plot (or any plot), so don't stress about writing an extremely plotty fic in line with it unless it's your kind of thing. I wasn't super into the Order plot Runelight went so far into anyway, but if you want to take any pieces of plot from the book anyway I'd rather you focused on the god drama and interdynamics, which are hilarious to me;

If you must bring Sigyn in, make her OOC - which is something I never thought I'd say about any character, ever! I am actually fond of Sigyn in myth despite there being so little on her (on past Yuletide requests, I've actually requested her and Loki on both the Prose Edda and the Ancient Norse Mythology and Religion fandoms). Be kinder to her than Joanne was! The crazy marriage-obsessed lady is a bit. Uh. Yeah, no. Better to leave her off of it than to bring all of that into the fic;

Bringing in Angrbod, Skadi, Hel, Jormungandr, and other god-related characters is obviously beyond fine, but more fun if Maddy is chill with everyone. Relationships with Loki may vary - possibly going down the disbelieving-look-at-Maddy route when she's clearly more than cool with him around (and would actively oppose it if someone tried to slice his head off, Skadi!) - and this contrast can be the inciting incident for the fic! No matter the relationship the other characters hold with Loki, negative or positive, they all question Maddy's life choices nonetheless, which is a mood.

--

LILO & STITCH

I'll be real with you, I was desperately looking for a third fandom that I hadn't 1) fallen out of touch to the point where I missed a fuckton of sequels/prequels/spinoffs being released, 2) completely forgot about like 80% of it so I'd write a very vague and nebulous letter among the lines of "I just really like those characters so I want to see more of them!", which would be very unhelpful if my writer (you!) didn't have any ideas in mind and was desperate for a prompt.

I passed by L&S once. I passed by it twice. On the third time, I actually took more than a two second look at the character list, glimpsed Cobra Bubbles and David listed next to each other, and my brain went ding! with "holy shit, new rarepair!!! i wanna read/write about this right the fuck now!". The rest, as they say, is history.

So! You're not here for my random backstory of how we got here! Let's get down to business.

Possible ship/gen configurations:

For gen: Nani&David, Nani&Cobra, Nani&David&Cobra;

For romance: David/Cobra, Cobra/David/Nani;

This is explained more thoroughly on the Yuletide assignment.

What I would like to see/possible prompts:

Canon-verse-ish instead of a huge AU would be great! Post the first movie or during the show (if possible ignore the movie sequels, I barely remember anything about them);

If you want to write an AU, keep the characters in roles/dynamics as similar as possible;

Would love to see some alien shenanigans (not restricted to the experiments). In general would love to see some more of Cobra Bubbles' work on the interplanetary level;

Lilo and Stitch should at least be referenced even if they've, idk, gone off to college or to go have wild space adventures together if you don't want to write them, since they are/were such a huge pat of the characters' lives;

I love the fixer-upper space tech DIY vibe of the house and equipment, bonus points for mentioning how they live with/around some of those modifications in a casual way instead of it being a normal human house;

FOR GEN FIC:

Ideally I'd love to see a fic of the three of them (or Nani and one of the boys) tiredly bonding over a day of alien shenanigans and raising Lilo;

Seriously, there are way too many plasma explosions involved on a so-called "normal day";

This is not covered in any parenting manuals;

Or government ones;

Alternatively, Nani and David accidentally-on-purpose get Cobra Bubbles (in denial about this) to lowkey adopt an experiment and it's adorable (bonus points if the experiment's appearance and personality is entirely at odds with what the average bystander would think Cobra Bubbles would tolerate. the average bystander would be very wrong);

FOR ROMANCE (DAVID/COBRA EDITION):

David is thirsty and extremely oblivious to this;

At some point he noticed one of these on Cobra Bubbles: his large hands, his massive tits, and his tender heart. Whichever one it was, the other two quickly followed;

Very likely, David is not exactly conscious of this. He just. Keeps looking? There is A Lot to look at. Cobra Bubbles is a big man. Objectively.

His hands are very big, objectively. And warm. And kinda calloused, but in a way different to his own, and Cobra picked him up and moved him aside like it was nothing one day and David now lies awake at night thinking about it all the time;

His heart is very soft and very tender and, like, hypotethically David already knew this by virtue of *gestures towards L&S movie end* but. Somehow it's a lot harder to face when you just had a hell of a day and your first instinct when you see a guy that scowl-y and intimidating and official looking is not great, but then you see him doing the equivalent of saving an alien kitty from a tree, or being really good with handling Lilo despite her not being an easy kid no matter how much you love her, and suddenly his heart is speeding up and his day is a whole lot brighter and it definitely doesn't mean anything, right?

Listen, I know I just wrote about the hands and the heart but the things David thirsts over are entirely negotiable other than the massive pecs, okay? Just. Huge titties. Big bahonkadonks. He walks into them once and almost says 'thank you' instead of 'sorry'. He might have actually said it, he doesn't remember. He spent all day walking into things afterwards. He wants to walk into them again;

Incidentally, the crush-that-is-not-a-crush makes him clumsy as hell;

He may or may not set himself on fire more than once. Again;

How he manages to keep being in denial despite having entire raging wet dreams of suffocating himself on Cobra's pecs is beyond human or alien comprehension;

And many many thoughts of the muscles that go all pillowy when relaxed but he's so BIG;

Meanwhile, Cobra Bubbles could be either extremely awkward in that quiet way of his OR panicking behind his stoic glasses but not letting the world see SHIT;

If you go the full idiots to lovers, Cobra could be completely oblivious to the way David is basically performing a bird of paradise mating dance while stumbling into things along the way;

Otherwise, a smooth operator kinda amused Cobra that just stoicly doesn't look like he's noticing anything until David shoves his foot too far into his mouth and then hms a monosyllable and handles everything David to its logical conclusion could also be funny as hell;

A possible prompt/inciting event: road trip! Some experiment or alien breaks free, Cobra is called to action (Lilo&Stitch usual team not available due to age/distance/whatever). Whether by accident or as the only backup that was left, David ends up coming along (for example, Cobra had to take a vehicle, David could have lended it or had been napping on it and only realized the van/spaceship/whatever was moving AGES after they were in hot pursuit, ergo no turning back), offering chips and terrible puns as his contribution to the chase. Cobra is extremely done and likely very annoyed, all the way until he's not.

Look, I don't have a lot of thoughts on smut for this other than: 1) David being super desperate is THE most important thing; 2) Cobra might have some alien body mods or alien tech at hand; 3) maybe predicament bondage with loose cables on a spaceship?; 4) neither of them should be mean/cruel about it, I think? unless you're writing an AU scenario where their relationship is not the same, but this would not be preferred; 5) alien plants can come in for predicament bondage and/or sex pollen, if that's your kind of thing;

FOR ROMANCE (COBRA/DAVID/NANI EDITION):

Most of the above applies;

David/Nani can be established or not, and Cobra is the one (eventually) brought into the fold;

Nani is very cool with David thirsting over Cobra Bubbles and thinks it's super fucking funny since he's even more of a disaster than he was with her;

The trio slowly starting to nest on the Pelekai house would be amazing. The kind of slow moving in you don't even realize until there's three brushes in the cup, and other people's clothes occupying full shelves in the closet, and they're there every morning cooking and eating breakfast with you and bringing you that thing you forgot to work without you having to say so.

What I wouldn't like to see:

Love triangles or cheating. As I said above, a poly relationship with Nani is fine though (all participants must be aware and OK with it, or at least this is implied);

Lilo, Stitch, or Cobra Bubbles in an established relationship;

Please no Nani/David unless it's pre-poly with Cobra Bubbles;

On a similar note, no Cobra Bubbles/Nani without David already being in the mix;

Would not love to see a focus on the Cobra/Nani even on a poly context (some is fine but not the majority);

No relationships between any of the tagged characters and other characters, or dwelling a lot on past relationships;

…Is it xenophobia if it applies to literal aliens? No xenophobia from either of the main family please, Cobra (especially!) included;

Cobra as a cop or cop-like character;

Species-bending? Is that a thing? Basically if you're writing an AU, the human characters should remain human, and the aliens should remain non-human.

--

GEKKAN SHOUJO NOZAKI-KUN

What I would like to see/possible prompts:

To put it short and sweet: let Waka lowkey bully Seo back 2k23! I cannot overstate how much I absolutely adore that Seo is weak to Waka's affection, we seem to have gotten past that point in the manga but the chapter where she kept getting flustered and running away when Waka flatly confessed over and over again is one of my favourites! There's no need to go to such great lengths as it happened in that chapter, but one (1) little moment where something like that happened for 0.5 seconds within the fic would make me super happy! Revenge! Vindication! Retribution rights for Waka! (cue him being super flustered when the situation reverses on him again);

That being said, if that particular dynamic is not how you vibe with those two, that's also fine! I LOVE how tsundere Waka is about the entire relationship, one moment complaining about being "forced" to hang out with Seo, and the next jealous over someone else getting to do it, or sulking because she hasn't texted him yet when she's away on a field trip, and don't get me started on the entire plushie chapter thing (incidentally another of my favourites). Needy Waka semi-permanently in denial is adorable;

And I love, love, LOVE how chill they've gotten with each other and how easily they fall into stride together or how they just immediately jump into the other's shenanigans;

THAT BEING SAID, how fucking unhinged is that? Especially in comparison to how they started out? Would love to see an exploration of that (could be an outsider's POV for example), especially since Waka has such good boy vibes and then... keeps sticking to Seo? That Seo? Everyone is trying to give you an out, Waka, why don't you take them?;

Best flavours of Waka: canon!tsundere!Waka, jealous-needy-puppy!Waka, sadistic streak!Waka;

Best flavours of Seo: flustered!Seo (versus sadistic!vengeful!Waka), canon!tsundere!Seo, mindlessly-patting-Waka's-head!Seo, casual-and-chill!Seo, downright-unhinged-cackling-maniac!Seo, canon-lowkey-sugar-mommy!Seo;

You know how sulky pets will pretend they don't want your affection even when they're shoving their face right into your body parts so you'll pet them? Yeah, that's Waka. We (by 'we' I mean 'I') love to see it. A fic where Waka is Like That and Seo comes to a realization while mindlessly indulging him (AKA noogie-ing him which transitions to hair petting or something of the sort) would be *chef's kiss*;

Lorelei reveal shenanigans where Waka desperately tries to conciliate his Lorelei fantasies with... Seo.

(depending on whether that's your thing, the above could be horny! Where Waka used to have pure nice fantasies of a siren singing on a rock suddenly it's Seo with a mermaid tail and sharp teeth and nails pulling him underwater and stealing his breath forever.... but hornily. Bonus points for man-eating mermaid imagery and Waka waking up with a "mark me down as scared AND horny" boner and immediately trying to suffocate himself in his pillow to NOT think about it ever again, because thinking about Seo-senpai that way is a fast track ticket to insanity);

Another soft prompt (pre or post-Lorelei reveal, might be the cause of the reveal itself): one of the times Seo accidentally (or not) puts Waka to sleep and then lets him sleep on her lap, he wakes up but is so slow at doing it that he doesn't move or open his eyes until registering where he is, soft thighs and nice scent and very soothing hair petting and all, and in a move that might or might not send a few bricks of his wall of denial crumbling down, elects to stay there pretending to be asleep for a bit longer;

Look, just give Waka some head pats/hair-petting, he deserves it!

If you're going for smut, Waka bringing his little game of flustering Seo when she doesn't have anywhere to run to would also be gr9;

Otherwise, Seo just barreling forward when it comes to "weird" sex stuff with Waka barely managing to keep up (and being very flustered about it but also reluctantly into it) is excellent. No need to actually go through with the things she'd bring up, could just serve to fluster Waka before going for something less wild or be fade to black for the laughs;

In particular for those two, it would be interesting to see pegging, or a bit of bondage just so Seo can unexpectedly be an extra super gentle dom with Waka while he doesn't know how to react and is flustered and sensitive and squirmy and desperate and a bit teary about it because he doesn't know what the hell is going on but it feels good and it's so tender (while presumably he would have been expecting something completely wild and lowkey unpleasant or embarrassing, but he definitely did not expect to feel this loved and cherished by Seo-senpai of all people, what the hell?).

What I wouldn't like to see:

Love triangles or past/established relationships;

UNLESS the past relationship was with the other, they broke up, and now in the fic they go through completely unhinged shenanigans and get back together, and overall the breakup and the getting back together were both for stupid reasons;

Same or similar amount of focus on non-main characters (such as double dates, same plotline is happening to Seo and Sakura at the same time while they're looking for/saving Waka and Nozaki, lots of time being spent on a B-plot that doesn't have to do with Waka or Seo);

No 100% "bullying" of Waka on Seo's part without the text at least somehow letting us know Waka is not entirely against it. He should get something out of the relationship, even if it's just a very confused/frustrated boner, or a sense of satisfaction at supposedly having triumphed even when it's to his own detriment (such as when he went around shouting love confessions at Seo so she'd run away blushing and flustered, or ended up killing his back to get pets from Seo just so she wouldn't pet his plushie instead);

Not a super hard line, but would rather not see big AUs. Mermaid/Siren!Seo AUs are pretty common, so if you really want to write something like that, a different twist would help sell it. (And if you MUST write a mermaid/siren!Seo AU, i like dangerous man-eating varieties of mermaid the most.) That being said, regardless of whether AU or canon-verse, the focus should be more on the characters and their dynamics than on the setting! These should remain more or less the same regardless of the AU.

--

Thank you so much for staying with me this far! I hope you have a fantastic time this Yuletide, and that you end up loving your own requested fic as well!

[essence-inked]

I work IT at a university help desk, and I may actually be able to clear this one up.

For my job, we get a lot of account access related calls, so the version of "did you restart the computer" for us is "can you try going to your main account page and logging in."

When someone calls and says they can't access something tied in with their university account, we'll usually start with confirming their credentials are what they say they are even if they tell us they were able to log into other services of ours just earlier that day. We do this not because it's a script (we don't actually have those, there's a couple main points we need to hit, but mostly it's just that the same common sense questions apply to everyone), but because it tells us several things:

If they're using the wrong username (happens a lot because the nomenclature for our school's email addresses changed a while back, and the old ones are still used as aliases but can't be used to log into things with, so this happens a lot with alumni and new students.

If they actually type in their password - some people will save their passwords, and then after resetting them, that info will be wrong. Depending on exactly what the situation is, seeing how they log into something can tip us off about this.

It gives us more info about edge cases. If the user gets a really wonky error, then they can read it out to us directly rather than just saying "it isn't working."

Sometimes people honest to god will just make a mistake. This happens a lot when someone calls saying they just reset their password, but now they can't log in to anything; chances are they wrote their password down wrong. Or, hey, sometimes computer gremlins Just Happen. Either way, if they try to sign in and it doesn't work, they're conveniently at the page where they can reset their password from. So, if they do just get a "wrong password" error, we can go right ahead and show them how to reset it, then make sure they can log in for real this time.

Checking that users can log in usually takes quite literally less than one minute, and if it takes more, then it's probably a very good idea we tried that for starters.

Both those comments are, in some sense, right. The first one is right because 90% of the time, it's the easy and obvious solutions that fix the problem, and the thing is just that the customer was doing them slightly wrong, or didn't know something they needed to, or something of the sort. The second one is right in terms of the experience a lot of people seem to have - there are indeed dumbasses out there like that person who understand rudimentary troubleshooting just enough to get annoyed when someone asks them to give it one more shot real quick, but not enough to realize that there's usually good reason behind the request. And when they get all snippy thinking that they know way more than the tech support people, they do a fantastic job of making the call an absolute nightmare for everyone involved, becoming some sort of obnoxious self-fulfilling prophecy.

Also? There are absolutely customers who know their stuff, and as soon as that becomes apparent, I'll up the technical lingo to match theirs right away. Thing is, every single time I have someone on the phone who starts off the call by telling me how much they know their stuff, without fail, they will then immediately prove themselves wrong. I have yet to encounter someone who acts that way who turns out to be the tech whiz they think they are.

Tech support people don't want to keep you on the phone longer than they absolutely have to, and it's not just for your sanity - it's also for ours. If we're asking you to try a thing, it's for a good damn reason, and the fastest way to actually get your problem sorted out is to maybe trust the expert you called, because if you could've fixed it yourself, then you wouldn't be on the phone with us.

[forhobbitreasons]

the difficulty of bagginshield afterlife au is in the juxtaposition between the residual anger and grief at not having been able to resolve things in life with the peace inherent in being dead

[chaotic-lupin-blog]

I think the reason why I end up liking rarepairs is the amount of justification it requires. and then I am cursed with sparse content.

[elvisabutler]

Caught In A Trap ( 2/10 )

Fandom: Elvis (2022)

Relationship: Elvis/Living Past 42, past Priscilla/Elvis, current Priscilla and Elvis loving each other too much always

Word Count (this chapter): 2360ish

Rating: R, honestly this isn't gonna move below that rating I don't think.

TW: Talk of drug use for pain, pain in general, mention of character death, brief implication of self injury, it's sort of a blink and miss situation, drinking. Honestly it's all in the movie for the most part.

Author's Note: This is probably gonna be 10 parts or lower, I think. I have it plotted out, it's really just how I get to all the parts. Also apologies for the wait, literally have spent like the past week ish sick as a dog between me and my family. As always ask box is open, y'all know the drill.

Elvis is sure Jerry was not prepared to have him leaning on him as much as he is both on the way to the car and inside the car. Truth be told, Elvis himself hadn't really planned to lean as much as he was on the other man but his legs couldn't quite carry him in the way he needed and his body in general felt too heavy for him to lug around or sit up any straighter than he was. Still, it makes it easier for Elvis to listen to the other man as he explains everything in the letter he received.

Goddammit his mama had been right, they couldn't trust this Colonel. He should- everyone's warnings and even his own gut telling him something was off and every damn time he fell right back in snowed in and trapped like only a true Southern boy could be by that snow.

Elvis found himself squeezing the bridge of his nose and exhaling, "we could have done this back in '68. Or 69 or 70. Could have taken 'Cilla and Lisa to see Paris."

Might have helped smooth over some of the dumb things he's done. Could have reminded her that he was her husband and she was his wife- his gorgeous spitfire birdie.

"Yeah," Jerry shakes his head, "honestly, we could have done those dates in half the time we've been here in Vegas and the States. Probably had more money too, even with the deal."

"Don't remind me, Jerry." He spits the sentence out with a little more force than he means to. He knows he's a fool when it comes to business and letting the Colonel get away with what BB's told him time and and time again is highway robbery but he hates dealing with all those details now and he always has. Maybe now he ought to try and see what's going on.

Or not if the flash of pain slicing through his head causing him to roll his head to the opposite side. He should have had Dr. Nick give him something for his head at least. Maybe once they get to the hospital they'll give him something. They always do even if he has to make new pain to get something.

"Lay back, EP." Jerry mutters while looking out the window to see if any photographers are trying to catch a photo. He spots one but with Elvis' tilted the way he is, he's pretty sure they're safe. "We'll talk about it later. Can't have you passing out again before we get you inside. Not that sure I can hold up all of your weight."

If Elvis was a little more coherent and a little less exhausted, he might have punched Jerry in the arm for that- defended his eating habits and told the man he wasn't that much of a feather either. He isn't though and all he can muster up is a light kick to the shins and a mumbled and mildly slurred, "I know ya didn't just call m' fat."

The only response he gets is a deep laugh as they start to pull into the hospital. "Wouldn't dream of it. Priscilla might though."

It's hard to get Elvis into the building without anyone noticing but they've had to play this song and dance so many times that by now it's beginning to be an old hat to everyone and Elvis finds that he's always a little more thankful everything but tonight especially. His filter is gone and his temper is barely in check that he doesn't think he could handle a question about why he's here asked by someone with a camera shoved in his face. Why else would he be here? What dumbass question is that?

The ride up to his room is slower than he's used to but maybe it's just his perception of time feeling off. After all, they have to be moving faster than this goddamn snail's pace with him. What if it was something big that's got him this tired? Having them move like this would get him killed not that it mattered right now, he thought, because he's not dying he's just- he needs a break, one that he hasn't had for such a long time. Maybe he'll just go to sleep now, just until they get him settled in.

He hears The Colonel before he sees him in any capacity. His eyes barely open up at the tap of the cane and he knows he needs to sit up, get up and get the man out of his room but the idea seems like an impossible task. Jerry's voice sounds muffled but Elvis thinks he hears him say something about him being asleep and leave him be.

"Nonsense! He's being overdramatic! The showman never stops, hm?" Elvis can feel both the Coloniel's presence in body and feel his breath far too close to his face for comfort in the moment. The shiver that escapes his body is a mixture of disgust and actual chill and he tries to will his arm to move while mumbling.

It fails miserably and Elvis curses his own body for betraying him in the moment he needs it to be with him. Any other time was fine, but right now when he needs to be in fighting form to get this leech of a man away from him the betrayal just slices a knife right through him. Thankfully he hears the door open and a voice he's never heard- a new doctor he thinks- speak before is pulling Parker away with more force than is probably necessary.

"I know you're his manager, Mr. Parker, but he's not going to respond right now. I'll call security on you if you don't leave Mr. Presley be until tomorrow morning."

He hears the Colonel grumbling something about being a Colonel and trying to put up a resistance before blissful silence. He had almost forgotten what that sounds like.

He wakes up in Graceland- or at least what Graceland was a decade and a half ago. Right when his mama had been there and- he loves decorating his home, he does but there was something to be said about how his mama made it look. He can't actually be in Graceland, he's sure he was at the hospital in Las Vegas before he opened his eyes but seeing everything around him settles something in him, lulls him into believing this is real. He wants it to be real, wants for at least a moment to pretend he's this young again and his mama is still here and he can still fly away like he should to the Rock of Eternity.

He forces himself out of bed, trying to see if the whole house is looking like it used to and he finds himself almost immediately going to his mother's closet. He knows he shouldn't, remembers how he broke down leaning against her dresses as if the feel of them would bring her back but it's been so long and he still misses her. He misses all his girls, but his mama is the only one that isn't just a plane ride away. God, he should call Priscilla, have her bring over Lisa Marie. It feels like it's been an age since he's seen them.

"Elvis, is that you?" Elvis hears his mother's voice clear as day the moment he steps out of her closet and his knees just buckle underneath him. She's not real, this can't be real and yet that's her voice.

"Mama?" His throat feels as if there isn't a single drop of water in it and he swears he feels his eyes watering his vision is getting blurry enough that he hopes he's crying. He forces himself to swallow when he looks up to see her looking older than he remembers. "It's me."

Her smile lights up almost every fiber of his being, it's almost the same feeling he gets when little Lisa grins and giggles at him but somehow just different in the most subtle of ways. "You know you're not supposed to be in my closet. If you needed to find me you know where I am."

At home, six feet under and dead for longer than he likes to admit is his first thought before he let's out a huff of a laugh, "the kitchen, I know, Mama. Just wasn't sure about it today."

"You know better than to lie to me, boobie. You know I can tell." She moves her hand out to touch his face and Elvis leans in quicker than he thought he was capable of moving. He can feel the tears on his cheeks now, knowing that this isn't real and his mama isn't this old but if this is what his exhaustion is dreaming up he'll take it. He'll be this exhausted for just a little while longer just to see her and feel her comfort. "Get up off the floor, I can't give you a hug like that."

His bones protest the movement, creaking in ways they probably shouldn't and he sways just a little too much to where he stumbles just momentarily into the wall. Gladys is there to catch him though and the look on her face brings such a rush of shame in his body that he feels like a little boy getting in trouble for something major. "You shouldn't be moving like that."

"I'm older mama, pushing 40. My body just-" He finds himself being shushed and cut off all at once.

"That's nonsense, almost 40 or not my strong boy wouldn't be stumbling like that just from getting up. You haven't been drinking have you?"

There is an irony that isn't lost on Elvis and he has to bite his tongue to not back talk at his mother but he can't stop the way his lips purse just a bit and his upper lip inches toward a bit of a snarl before he answers her. "No, mama, you know I get mean when I drink anyway. I'm just tired and I'm in some pain."

A lot of pain, but he figures he was due for something that Dr. Nick would give him so that was to be expected even with his exhaustion- can't escape parts of his own body from acting up.

He feels her arms wrap around him. "You mean that pain they've got you on all those pills for, boobie?"

In the back of his mind he can hear himself singing that he's caught in a trap as he pulls away from her embrace to touch at her face and look at his mother. This isn't right, she shouldn't know about that, shouldn't know how bad it's been getting. This isn't real but he's so tired, who's she gonna tell?

"Yeah, mama, that pain. I've got it handled though-"

"For God's sake, boobie, I wish you wouldn't take all those pills, they can't be good for you." His mother pleads looking at him straight into his eyes. Hell, into his soul for all he knew.

He remembers telling her not to drink so much, how it wasn't good for her and he can't help the bark of a laugh that exits his throat with such ferocity that it startles him. Mama didn't need the alcohol, but he's pretty sure he needs at least some of these pills.

"Mama-"

"No, boobie, you know I'm right, you're losing yourself and I don't like seeing you like this."

His eyes narrow who did she think she was saying that to him of all people after she drank herself to death leaving him with his daddy and making it so he couldn't introduce her to Priscilla and her granddaughter. "I didn't like seeing you dead, Mama."

Her face looks hurt for a moment before she exhales slowly. "I was worried. I'm still worried. Promise me you'll cut back, Elvis. You might have the strength of two men but Jesse can't save you forever."

He wants to deny it but there's a part of him, small as it is that knows she's right. That Jesse might have been saving him all these years but the full moons are getting harder and harder to catch so to speak. Still, he doesn't know if he can, because it's hard- everything is starting to bust on him and he just wants a break. If he could just rest and reset he'd be fine, but he's gotta pay for Graceland and the Mafia.

His breath leaves his body in one swoop when he looks up at his mother through his lashes and he nods his head. "I'll try. At least a little."

Will he is the real question, but what's the harm in lying to his dead mother? It's not like she could be mad at him for it or hit him for it.

"Good, now let's head to the kitchen, boobie, I made your favorite." Gladys smiles and motions for him to follow her.

It's then that Elvis feels the pull of real life yanking him back against his will. He knew this was a dream but it was so nice that he just wanted to stay for a little while, just rest for a little while. Maybe if he just shuts his eyes it'll stay put just a little while longer.

He thinks he feels his eyes shut and feels his body become weightless as a bird before-

"What the hell?!"

[true-blue-sonic]

(One thing I forgot to add is that Silver ALSO only tells Whisper that Duo's face turned all weird and creepy when they're long out of the situation, not all three Diamond Cutters in the moment itself! Yet another thing he should have done!!)

What makes this whole dramatic irony plot is even worse is that the eyebrow-raising things that make it so annoying honestly are not so difficult to rectify. Right now the issue is the characters are being dumbasses either through their writing (Lanolin) or because other characters give them no chance to defend themselves (Silver, much as that pains me🥲) and their communication is zero, so... Have Lanolin point out that Silver proclaims Duo was going to ask for help but that Duo did no such thing, and ask what is going on with that. Have the characters put Duo in a position where he is left floundering for excuses ("Oh, I just tripped myself, I didn't want to raise a fuss and distract you even more when all those rocks were coming down..." "I panicked when that fish came, I didn't know what to do..."), which makes them grow more and more suspicious with each explanation he can scramble together because there is too much that doesn't add up. Have Silver call Duo out: have him say something like "I staggered, and my foot... Did you kick me?!" and have Duo sputter for an answer as Whisper says "I do believe I saw that too, with my mask."

...Is what I would have said, were it not for the fact that the moment Whisper begins calling things out also makes the moment where the ducttape and tiewraps that hold this entire plot together come bursting loose immediately. Because Whisper has seen what happened with Duo kicking Silver, and thus the moment Silver provides any sort of deeper defense (which he couldn't because Kindergarten Teacher Lanolin immediately got on his ass to tell him how disappointed she is, but he absolutely should have because Silver is not someone who meekly lets himself be lectured) she should be tipped off this is Mimic, or at least someone who does not have their interests at heart. There is a reason they didn't have her speak up during the training itself, and that is because the plot would come falling apart immediately if she did (either through revealing she saw Duo kick Silver or because Silver should have said Duo's face got all contorted and creepy, which should tell Lanolin and Tangle there is something deeply wrong going on here). So yeah, lots of tiny details that could have been changed to make all this more bearable, but sadly we are taking the way where basically everyone is getting disrespected or is just written plain unlikeable, stupid, or both.

I really think that I have found the core issue with this whole 'Mimic infiltrates the Diamond Cutters' plot (which, yay! My frustrations are clear to now, I guess XD): it's the fact that the dramatic irony is so forced characters either do not notice or do not comment on things they should, in order to keep the plot train going smoothly. And that makes for teeth-grinding reading where Lanolin can be her bossy self scolding Silver where we know he is objectively going to be in the right yet has to be chewed out by the other characters for a bit first, for drama or whatever. Of course the writers are limited to the amount of pages they have and what-not, but Silver should have noticed Duo kick him. The Diamond Cutters should have noticed Duo's statement that he could not save Silver does not match him defending himself to Silver by saying he was going to get help. Whisper should have spoken up in Silver's defense yet did not. But we as readers realise this... because we already know the whole plot that Duo is Mimic and is going to inevitably betray them and try to kill them all. The comic couldn't have spelled that out more clearly. I don't know, I can't help but feel even stronger now that perhaps these tiny details would have been less noticeable to us if the whole Duo = Mimic plotline was kept a surprise from us too. Wouldn't it have been cool if Duo suddenly moves to kill one of the Diamond Cutters at a moment where they need him most and after a tense battle he gets defeated and slowly morphs back into Mimic? That is probably going to happen now too, but instead of an epic reveal for us where our theories get proven right, it's just going to be eyeroll-worthy when the characters only then piece together the truth and what they've accidentally been enabling. (And no apology for Silver. I can feel it in my bones, lmao.)

You took the words right off my mouth :P

And this is why I hate this kind of plot. Characters are twisted to be either jerks or idiots to keep the "dramatic irony". It's not fun, it will never be fun. I also wish Duo's nature was kept a twist: wouldn't it have kept the readers more engaged, as they theorize on what's actually going on with him? C'mon, I know IDW is a "kid's book", but that doesn't mean the writing has to be dumb.

Another problem is that we don't know Lanolin! So it's not that she was twisted to be a jerk, she is a jerk. This is her characterization now. If, say, Amy was in her place, and she called out Silver (hopefully without sounding like his mom), it would be an OOC moment - bad writing, no less frustrating, but that wouldn't make her a bad character, because we know she's usually better than this.

Lanolin just waltzing in and acting like she owns the place is a problem for many reasons: because she doesn't have the authority nor the experience to speak like this, because it's demeaning towards a canon character who by all means deserves more respect, because no one calls her out (to the point that Whisper had to reveal in private that she knew Silver was in the right), and because now she will forever be remembered as the no-fun-allowed strict bossy mommy. Who apparently hates Tangle too. Yeah that scene with the paddle was just as mean as Sonic mocking Silver in #8. What the hell are Flynn and Stanley doing with this character.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

hello yes I greatly admire your fic writing skills! It takes me two months to write a one shot and you somehow write fics so quickly! Do you have any tips?

Aw, thank you, that's very nice of you! Believe me though, it definitely still takes me months to finish a oneshot sometimes lol. I don't know exactly what part of the writing process you're struggling with so I hope these rather generic tips I use are helpful:

Try to write daily & either don't set a word goal or make the goal ridiculously small. Writing is a skill, and just like any other skill practice makes perfect. Or keeps you from becoming rusty anyway. Do your best to write every day (but don't beat yourself up for taking a day off either). HOWEVER, my advice is to not set a specific daily word goal to strive towards. When I do that, I just become obsessed with whether I will or won't manage to hit it. I only focus on making sure I try to write daily, be it 100 words or 8000 words (both have happened).

Avoid distractions while writing!!! Local ADHD dumbass here, yes I know this one is hard and I fail at it sometimes too. But try to keep distractions while writing to a minimum. Put away your phone, make sure your music is one long playlist that won't require you to change it halfway through, stay away from social media or even the internet in general, do not get up to fetch stuff, etc. Also do not edit while you write. Just try to get words down and worry about if they're good later. And in the spirit of no distractions:

Do writing sprints. If you don't know, sprinting is where you set a timer (usually for anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes) and completely focus on the task at hand - in this case writing - during that time. After the sprint, you take a short break (ranging from 5 to 10 minutes). Then back to sprinting, and so on and so forth. This allows for what I call my reward system (again, ADHD) where I can tell myself "so for every sprint that you do, you can make one Picrew and check Tumblr during that break". Or I could get a snack. Or I can watch a funny video. Basically, anything where you can reward your brain between sprints helps. Just be careful that it doesn't make you stare at the clock all sprint long waiting to finally do fun stuff, actually write during them lol (<- has fallen into that trap before)

Write what you WANT to write. "But Shae... we're fanfic writers, we write imaginary situations for our favorite blorbos. We're always writing what we want to write." Well yes, but I mean literally in that very second make sure you're writing what you want to be writing at that exact moment. Yes, it sucks when you have three ongoing fics that really need to be updated but your brain is only yelling about a random oneshot idea you just thought of. Or worse: the one small scene in a completely different longfic that won't even happen until chapter 24. But trust me, forcing your brain to work on something it doesn't want to be writing is a pain. Just write the scene. It doesn't matter that your readers won't get to see it for weeks or even months. Just do it.

[nightmare-foundation]

okay so i'm rarely in the undertale fandom anymore but i still love goth and palette so here's headcanons for em

-Goth only stopped *physically* aging when he was a preteen, so given that he's actually in his early 20s, he is, in fact, mentally 20+ -He *hates* not being taken seriously, but has long since given up on actually trying to make anyone take him seriously -Although his parents tried their best to raise him, given the fact that they were both either busy or just gone due to health reasons, Goth was often neglected, even if he was left in the care of his uncle Papyrus or Toriel. He just wishes his parents were around more -Because of Geno and Reaper not being around too often, Goth is hyper-independent, to the point that he refuses to ask for help and always wants to do everything himself (it's v unhealthy) -He's v tired and depressed bc of this, but doesn't open up about it -Never really had real friends until he met Palette, who has an abundance of his own issues -Palette was also neglected due to how busy his parents were, and also because of Ink's forgetfulness, so he's messed up from it -He has soul issues since Ink doesn't have one, and dream has an 'artificial' soul, so he struggles with empathy, social rules, basic compassion, etc. He definitely has autism, adhd, and some kind of cluster b personality disorder -Despite this tho, Palette definitely tries to be a good person, even if he slips up a lot. He's not a great friend, but he's trying to help Goth out cause he knows he's struggling -Palette inherited his want to help and optimism from Dream, and his chaotic tendencies and energy from Ink. Structure-wise, he appears more like Ink, but likes Dream's outfit a bit more -He tends to drag Goth into a lot of chaotic situations, mostly involving pranks and elaborately set-up traps, mostly in the Omega Timeline, which is where the Underverse Studios resides -Both Goth and Palette are extremely talented at fighting. Goth is because he's been training for most of his life, and taught what he knew to Palette, who has a natural talent for fighting -Goth's fighting style is similar to Ruby Rose's style from RWBY, given the fact that he wields a scythe like her -Goth actually looks up to the other sanses a lot, particularly Cross due to his outfit, but has conflicting feelings about him since Cross likes to terrorize him occasionally -Goth enjoys talking to Gaster variants (or at least the nice ones), cause most of them understand what it's like to be permanently stuck having an appearance you hate, so they usually take him seriously, or at least more seriously than others -Palette normally tries to defend Goth whenever he can, but isn't always around to help out, and lends a listening ear when Goth wants to vent to him -Appearance-wise, Goth appears more similarly to Geno, but also has a lot of features from Reaper. Personality-wise, he takes surprisingly a lot after Gaster, but inherited Geno's quietness and exhaustion and Reaper's sarcasm and jokes -He also inherited their tendency to joke to cope, so it's not uncommon for Goth to crack jokes when he's stressed or having a bad day. He generally uses humor as a defense mechanism -Palette has his own good days and bad days. Some days he'll struggle less with empathy, compassion, etc. On bad days, when he doesn't have a lot of energy, he's more outwardly uncaring, asshole-ish and insensitive. He always apologizes for it, but understands if someone won't accept it -Palette hates being compared to his parents, particularly Ink, cause he's afraid he'll turn out like Ink -Palette and Goth are practically glued to each others sides due to shared experiences -Palette uses he/they pronouns, and is aroace -Goth uses any pronouns with a preference for he/him, and is pansexual and aegosexual -They're both dumbasses, but Palette is far more obvious about it -They're also both little shits and won't hesitate to roast the fuck out of sanses like Nightmare, Killer, etc. No they don't have a sense of self-preservation -Palette will carry Goth on his back since Goth doesn't like rushing due to his chronic fatigue from his depression, and since Palette doesn't like slowing down, he'll

just. Carry Goth everywhere

[albatris]

Can you post a power dynamic of your vamps so my fan art is fealistic

ahh??! :O fan art........ how exciting, how thrilling..... much intrigue and excitement from me.....

so, there's not too much funky power dynamic nonsense going on between the main vamps :P most of the juicy power dynamic nonsense is between Nat and Quinn hahaha

so, ur main vamps, not counting the ethels, are Nat and Alex, though one can toss Riley into the mix as needed even though Riley and Alex rarely interact

Nat is the baby of the group since he's only been a vampire for a little while! both Riley and Alex consider him sort of. endearingly confused and kind of an idiot when it comes to vampire stuff

Riley is most likely to use this as an excuse to drag Nat into wild shenanigans for funsies and mess with him 'cause he doesn't know any better, n is kind of like "hell yeah new naive unstable dumbass vampire friend, time for Mischief <3" (lovingly). she does fret about him though 'cause he seems kinda endearingly helpless and is also involved with Quinn, who she has a strong dislike for

Alex is more likely to be fondly exasperated and slightly stressed; it likes Nat as a person but finds new vampires exhausting in general. they're impulsive and hungry and constantly getting into stupid situations

so Riley sees Nat as a new peer and someone fun to mess with in a friendly way, while Alex is just trying to keep him out of mortal peril for the most part lmao. though later story Nat and Alex are both just bros and good friends :3

but yes, they're both more experienced than he is n especially early on can sometimes be just a touch condescending :P

Nat looks up to both of them, but views Riley as a casual friend and Alex more as someone very intimidating and more role-model-ish at first? Nat's kind of scared of Alex at first hahaha. either way, I think Nat really wants to impress both of them! wants to be cool to Riley, wants to be helpful and A Good Vampire to Alex :P

Alex and Riley..... hm, they don't interact too much :P I doubt they'd agree on much tbh, both have wildly different perspectives on life and veeeery different approaches to conflict and interpersonal relations.... I think they'd both be a little on edge round each other? Riley wouldn't take kindly to Alex being so closely associated with Quinn, since Quinn is someone Riley goes to great lengths to avoid. Alex would be uneasy 'cause Riley's rather an unpredictable impulsive wildcard :3 n also would not approve of how casual she is about her feeding habits

the ethels do have some funky power dynamics with the gang just because.... they're ethels...... they can mind control and brainwash, they're the Garble's special little favourites, they're powerful and also very bastard. but also. ethels ethels, I haven't spoken about them at length yet although I have a ramble on the way at some point..... but ye, as compared to what the main vamps have with each other, their relationships with the ethels are much more fraught with spicy power dynamics and manipulation and unhealthy balances

but ye, power dynamics between Nat n Riley and Nat n Alex are pretty chill, power dynamics between Riley n Alex are tense

I feel like the three of them hanging out together would just b a very very tired Alex with a facial expression like one of those exhausted parents with like five kids on those little leashes at the airport frantically trying to keep them all under control except it's just Nat and Riley all like >:3

[rowyn-writes]

Dying From a Broken Heart

Part Two of Confidence

Warnings: Violence, angst, language, arguing, blood, fluff

Pairings: Jack x Winchester!Reader

Characters: Jack Kline, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Rowena, Eros, Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: While you and Jack are at the motel, you make a shocking discovery. You're not dealing with a pack of werewolves like you thought, but Eros, God of Love and Lust. You finally figure out the connection between Eros and the victims. . . Only to find out that you're next.

You and Jack were still doing research when Sam and Dean came back. "Okay, so get this." You said, turning around in your chair. "Every year, six people go missing and are found dead with their hearts torn out."

"A ritual?" Sam inquired.

"Exactly what I was thinking, dear brother." You grinned. "Now, big city like this, six missing people is something you'd hardly notice."

"Yeah, but why would a werewolf preform a ritual?" Dean asked.

"That's what Jack and I kept asking ourselves." You said, looking over at your boyfriend. "Why in the world would a Purebred werewolf need to preform some kind of ritual?" You stood up, rummaging around in your backpack for a book. You gave a triumphant smile as you held up your Greek Mythology book.

"Eros. God of Love and Lust." You opened the book to the page that was dedicated to the god.

"But their hearts were torn out." Dean furrowed his eyebrows. "What would Eros want with hearts?"

"It's a sacrifice for him." You informed the men. "Think about it. None of the vics had bites or even scratches. At first, I thought it was a Purebred werewolf because the attacks didn't line up with the lunar cycle. But the more I thought about it, the more that this makes sense. People used to worship Eros and make sacrifices for him, but now hardly anyone believes in him anymore. So Eros goes out and gets his own sacrifices."

Sam and Dean seemed impressed while Jack seemed proud. "Okay." Dean nodded. "That means that since he failed with the last victim, he's going kill again."

You tried your hardest to think of some kind of connection with all the deceased. You knew there had to be something in common since they were dealing with a god. They seemed to be picky with their sacrifices.

"What are you thinking about, Y/n?" Jack asked, resting his hand on top of yours, something that didn't go unnoticed by your brothers. Dean was about to say something when Sam stomped on his foot, earning a grunt from Dean.

"I'm trying to find the connection between everyone. Because I know there has to be one." You picked at a tear in your jeans while you tried to connect the dots.

Then it hit you like a ton of bricks. You stood up abruptly, startling the men in the room. "I know what Eros looks in for a sacrifice." You stated, grabbing your notepad to look at the stuff you had written down. "Everyone we interviewed said the victims just had a big announcement. The 55 year old man was celebrating his 30th anniversary with his wife, the 28 year old woman was newly engaged, the 45 year old man just started dating again after his wife died, and so on until the fifteen year old girl. She had just gotten her first girlfriend when she was attacked."

"What are you saying, Y/n?" Jack questioned.

"I'm saying that Eros is targeting people with an immense amount of pure love. That's what he's looking for!"

"Wow." Sam said, looking at his little sister in admiration. "That's genius, Y/n." He patted her on the shoulder, only to furrow his eyebrows. "What's that on your collarbone?"

You gave Sam a confused look as you headed to the bathroom. There, on your collarbone was a dark red circle. You sucked in a sharp breath.

"I know who the next target is." You told the men.

"Who?" Jack seemed worried by the look on your face.

"It's me."

.

. .

. . .

"How did this even happen?!" Sam exclaimed.

"I don't know!" You defended yourself, your voice raised slightly. "The whole time we were out I was with you guys. Jack and I never left the motel room while you two were gone."

"That is true." Jack nodded. "Y/n and I stayed in here and she agreed to be my girlfri-"

You put your hand over his mouth. "Now's not the time, babe." You could feel Dean glaring a hole through you and Jack.

"Okay, let's think about this for a second." You said, trying to calm everyone down. "Maybe this is a good thing."

"A good thing?!" Dean roared. "Y/n, how in the hell is this a good thing?!"

"Dean." Sam hissed, cuffing his brother. "Calm down and let Y/n talk." You threw Sam a grateful look.

"This way we can lure Eros out, and kill him. Apparently all it takes is a wooden stake dipped in lambs blood."

"I don't like this plan." Jack muttered.

"See! Thank you." Dean said, clearly pleased with the Nephilim.

"Jack-"

"No, Y/n. You're not going to put yourself in danger just to kill this god. I won't allow it."

"Oh for the love of-" You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Eros is coming for me either way. It's better to be prepared and have a plan rather than to just sit here and let him tear my heart out!"

"Don't talk like that!" Jack insisted angrily. You understood that he was worried about you, but you were a grown woman and could make your own decisions.

"It's inevitable, Jack." You said softly. "Eros will come for me. We know from the victims that he kills them 24 hours after being marked. I have maybe 18 hours at best."

Dean was furious. "This is your fault!" He growled at Jack. "You're the reason my baby sister is being targeted!"

Jack looked taken aback. "I didn't want this for Y/n." He said sincerely. "If I could trade places with her, I would."

"That's the problem!"

"Dean-" You started, only to get interrupted by your oldest brother.

"You think you're in love with her, but you're not! It's unnatural. Nephilim, they can't fall in love. All those stupid movies that Y/n and Sam let you watch made you think you're in love with her. You can't love Y/n."

You felt your throat close up, hurt by Dean's words. "Is it that hard to think someone could love me?" You whispered.

Dean's hard glare softened as his eyes landed on you. "Of course not, sweetheart. But Jack. . . He's not right for you."

"Oh, and you know what's best for me?" You growled. Your hurt turned to annoyance and anger.

"Yes, I do. I'm your brother."

Sam and Jack gave each other looks. It was bad when Sam and Dean argued, but when you and Dean argued, it was catastrophic.

"And John was my dad, and he never knew what was best for me! That doesn't mean anything!"

"Oh, so family doesn't mean anything to you?"

"Dean, come on man, you know that's not what she meant." Sam tried to reason.

"Stay out of it, Sam!" Dean yelled.

You could tell Sam was growing annoyed with Dean. His frown deepened, his eyes hardened, and his hand began to twitch.

"No! I won't stay out of it. I am tired of you mistreating Jack and Y/n!"

"Oh, I do not mistreat them!" Dean argued. "Jack, do I mistreat you?" Jack seemed uncomfortable being put on the spot. You knew he looked up to Dean, but Dean had also said some rather hurtful things about Jack.

While Sam, Dean, and Jack continued their argument, you were able to slip away unnoticed.

You were crying now, the thought of dying scared the crap out of you. And your brothers and Jack arguing didn't help the situation.

You looked around the parking lot, looking for something to hotwire. You came across a black Harley Davidson Dyna Super Glide Sport. And the dumbass was stupid enough to leave the keys in the ignition.

You started the engine, listening to the bike purr. You threw back the kickstand and began driving. You didn't know where you were going, all you knew was that you had to get out of there.

You weren't stupid, of course, you had your gun and a silver dagger just in case.

You planted both of your feet on the ground at a stop light. You were still crying, and you couldn't figure out why. You were just so angry.

You ended up stopping at a small dive bar outside of Little Rock. There were a total of ten people there, and most were men.

You flag down the bartender and order a beer. Around twenty minutes later, a man slide in the seat beside you. He said nothing as he ordered a drink. The man seemed so familiar to you, but you couldn't put your finger on it. He had curly, dark brown hair, and beautiful blue-grey eyes. He was handsome in all aspects of the word. But he was nothing compared to Jack.

"I've never seen you here before." He said to you.

"Oh, I uh - I'm just passing through." You gave him a tight smile.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You grabbed it, looking down to see that Dean's as calling you. You sent him to voicemail, something that was bound to piss him off.

"Guy troubles?" The man inquired.

"More like brother troubles." You laughed. "I'm Y/n, by the way."

"Elliott." He smiled, showing off a gleaming row of white teeth. "So, what's going on with your brother?"

"Brother's, actually. They treat me like a baby, just because they're older than me."

"That's what brothers are supposed to do." Elliott shrugged. "They're supposed to look out for you, protect you." Your phone rang again, this time, it was Sam. You sent him to voicemail as well and put your phone on silent.

"Yeah, I guess." You agreed. "But -" You cut yourself off, not wanting to dump all your feeling onto this random stranger.

"But what?" He asked, curious to what your response was.

"There's this guy, this amazing, wonderful, sweet and funny guy. He cares about me, and I care about him, but my oldest brother, he thinks we shouldn't be with each other." You confessed, taking a sip of your beer.

"Is he respectful towards you?" You nodded. "He cares about you and treats you right?" You nodded once more. "Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know." You mumbled. "My brother just doesn't trust him, even though he has no reason not to."

"Call it a brother's intuition." Elliott grinned. You blinked as your vision began to blur. "Hey, you okay?" You let out a slurred response. "Let's get you some air." Elliott helped you out of your chair and outside. You felt the cold air nip at your cheeks, making you feel a thousand times better.

Your head began to spin, the world shifting around you. "I don't feel so well." You groaned. Your body went limp, and the last thing you felt was a pair of strong arms wrapping around you to keep you from falling.

.

. .

. . .

"Guys!" Jack yelled over Sam and Dean, trying to catch their attention. "GUYS!" Jack's eyes flared orange, finally getting Sam and Dean to stop arguing. "Where's Y/n?"

Sam and Dean looked around the room frantically. Jack looked into the bathroom and found nothing. "Damnit!" Dean growled. "How could she have left without us noticing?!"

"Well, you and Sam were rather angry, I think it was very easy for her to slip away." Dean glared at Jack.

"So help me God, if a single hair on her head is out of place, all hell will break loose, and it'll be on you." Sam sighed, shaking his head.

Dean dialed your phone number, looking apprehensive. "Y/n, I swear if you sent me to voicemail on purpose, I am going to kill you! Answer me, damnit!"

"Let me try." Sam mumbled. "Y/n, please call and let us know you're okay. We're worried."

"I can find her." Jack said hopefully. He closed his eyes, searching for any sign of you. He saw you sitting next to a guy in a bar, he saw the man put something in your drink, and he saw you pass out outside of the bar.

Jack grew angry. He knew what happened to you was wrong, he could feel you were in distress. "She's in trouble."

.

. .

. . .

"Wakey wakey, sunshine!" Elliott cheered as he threw water on your face. You gasped, bolting awake. You found that you were bound in a chair, the thick rope cutting into your skin. You looked around to see that you were in some kind of a abandoned building.

You were relieved to see that you still had on all your clothes. "I was worried for a second. I thought I might have given you too high of a dose for your body."

"You roofied me." You groaned.

"I did! But you have to understand, Y/n, I would have never gotten you out of there otherwise. You're one of the strongest sacrifices I've ever had."

"Eros." You said in realization.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" Eros almost seemed happy by the situation. "You are going to be one of the best sacrifices I've had. A hunter with a strong heart full of compassion and pure love. The perfect candidate."

"Please," You whimpered. "Let me go."

Eros sucked in a breath, faking remorse. "You see, I wish I could. . . But I can't. I need you. Ever since the last sacrifice escaped, I've been looking for a new one. And then your brother's, boy wonder and you roll into town. I knew as soon as I saw you that you were perfect. Almost too perfect."

You felt a tear slip down your cheek. "Please. I don't want to die. I'm only 21, there's so much things I haven't done yet. Let me live." You pleaded.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Eros grinned, pulling up a chair in front of you, sitting with his chest on the back of the chair. "I was actually looking for a wife." He gave you a wicked grin that made you squirm in your seat. "I need an heir, or heiress, I don't discriminate. I just want someone to pass my powers off to, to teach. So, I can let you live if you agree to be my wife."

"Rot in hell." You spat, disgusted by the thought of marrying Eros. He grew annoyed, as he punched you, your head snapping back.

"That's too bad." Eros shook his head. "But, at least I'll get to enjoy killing you."

You watched in horror as Eros' fingernails grew into sharp, claw-like hands, almost like a werewolves. You screamed in pain as he drew his finger over your face. "Shh, shh, love. It's gonna be okay." You gave out a small cry, struggling against the ropes.

"The more you struggle, the more it's going to hurt." Eros said in a singsong voice.

You began whispering apologies in your head, to Sam, Dean, Jack, Cas, Rowena, everyone. There were so many unfinished words, so many unsaid 'I love you's,'

"I'm sorry." You whispered. You screamed out once more as Eros dug his nails into your chest.

"Y/N!" You heard Dean yell. Sam, Dean and Jack appeared from behind a crate, your brothers carrying guns, and we'll, Jack himself was a weapon.

"Ah, ah, ah." Eros grinned wickedly. "I am holding her life in the palm of my hand; literally. So put down those shiny guns, and step away from them." Sam and Dean looked at each other. Eros scowled as he dug his nails deeper into your skin. You cried out in pain, feeling his nails getting closer to your heart.

"Alright! Alright!" Sam said hastily, setting down his gun and stepping away, encouraging Dean to do the same.

You were quite the sight for the men. You had blood coating your clothes, a bruised eye from the blows that Eros landed earlier, your hair was a mess and you face was streaked with tears.

"Get away from her!" Jack bellowed.

"Oh, look, it's your lover boy." Jack's words only made Eros angrier, as he retracted his hand, and swiped his claws over your face, creating four long gashes.

"I said get away from her!" Jack's eyes began to glow orange, and he trembled with anger. Eros looked frightened as he was sent flying back into the wall.

Sam and Dean surged forward, both carrying a wooden stake dipped in lambs blood, while Jack went to help you.

"It's okay," He whispered. "I've got you." You gave out a small whimper as he cut the ropes. "Can you stand?" You tried to stand up with the help of Jack, but your knees buckled beneath you. Jack scooped you up in his arms. You buried your head in his chest, turning away from you brothers, who were currently killing Eros.

"Take me home." You mumbled before darkness enveloped you.

.

. .

. . .

When you awoke, you were in your bed at the bunker, surrounded by Cas, Sam, Dean, Jack and Rowena.

"Y/n." Dean breathed a breath of relief as he hugged you. You winced in pain, your body still sore from you attack. "I am so sorry. I never should have said those things to you. I'm so glad you're okay."

"It's okay, Dean." You assured him. Even though you said you were fine, there was still pain swimming in his eyes.

"We couldn't heal your wounds with magic," Rowena informed you. "Since Eros was the one to injure you, it will have to heal naturally. I did make you some herbs that will stop the pain, however."

"Thanks, Rowena." You smiled. The room began emptying out, everyone wanted to let you rest. Jack, however, didn't leave your side.

"I'm sorry, Y/n." He whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" You asked, squeezing his hand.

"I let you get hurt. I should have gotten there sooner." You saw there were tears in his eyes. You frowned as you scooted over.

"Come lie beside me." Jack hesitantly climbed into the bed, pushing aside the covers. You wrapped your arms around his middle and rested your head on his chest. "You got me out of there when you did. I'm okay, and that's all that matters."

"But-"

You cut Jack off with a kiss. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." You mumbled, cupping his cheek. "I just want you to hold me."

"I can do that." Jack nodded, pulling you closer to his body. You decided to put on a movie as you and Jack cuddled. Halfway through the movie, you ended up falling asleep. Jack didn't sleep that often, but he felt so at peace that he fell asleep as well.

When everyone came to check on you again, their hearts melted at the sight of you and Jack. "Oh, just look at them." Rowena whispered to the men. "They're so cute."

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "They are."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tag List: @mila-dans @blairrrose

[scaryscarecrows]

Hi!! So a while ago, I sent an ask about Frank doing soft things for the Squad. Well, now I was wondering if we could please have some situations when Trent was doing a soft thing for each Squad member and a time they all did something soft for him? Thank you :D

"I'm dying."

"Don't be a baby."

"M'not. M'dying. Punch Batman for me."

"If you die," Trent says, plunking a mug of piping hot Theraflu down where Antoine can reach it, "it'll be because Mark or the boss killed you, and. Dude. You passed the fuck out in the middle of a meeting from the flu."

"Shut up, I thought it was a cold."

"They hit the roof. It'd be funny if you hadn't, y'know, gone down."

"Ugh." He reaches for the mug and grimaces. "I don't want this."

"Yeah, I know." He shrugs. "That's why I gave you your sloth mug."

"Couldn't you just choke me into unconsciousness?"

"No. Feel better, dumbass."

* * *

"Shit." Trent vaults over the car and hopes the snow will provide them a few extra minutes of much-needed camouflage. "Shit, Mark--"

Mark's coughing, hand already glued to his side with so much red coming through his fingers and leaking into the snow. It's so cold the wound is steaming and motherfucker this went bad so fast--

"Don't-! Don't touch. Don't touch." He chokes and visibly forces his hand up enough to peek. Off in the blizzard, there's angry voices. "Worse than it looks. I c'n fix it."

"Dude," Trent says, and his voice isn't shaking, it's just... "You--"

"No touching," Mark hisses through clenched teeth. "Finish the job."

Fuck that.

"In the car you go, c'mon--"

"What are you doing--"

Bullets whiz overhead. Too bad. Trent pulls the back door open, shoves Mark inside despite the swearing and protesting, and wedges himself behind the wheel.

So he hits several people driving away. They should have sucked less.

* * *

"I cannot believe," he says, plunking into the chair by Jimmy's bed, "that you got yourself a night in medical because the boss scared you."

"He was right there!" Jimmy protests. "I turned around and the lights were out and these eyes--"

Trent laughs and pops his back.

"Dweeb," he announces. "That's you."

"Fuck off. He's scared you before."

"Yeah, but I didn't trip and knock myself out on a table."

"I hate you right now."

"Keep talking like that and I won't water your Animal Crossing flowers."

Jimmy pales. The flowers are a persistent problem; a day without water and they all die.

"No, no, you're my favorite."

"Mm-hm. I know."

* * *

Riley's a little fucker, but that doesn't stop him from shoving Trent out of the way and diving under the bed.

"What the fuck."

A phone pops out with, ANTOINE AND THE BOSS ARE GONNA KILL ME I NEED TO HIDE typed on it.

"What did you do?"

The phone vanishes. There's frantic clicking sounds. Outside, the Knight's distinctive growl demands Riley's whereabouts. The phone pops back out a second later.

I blew up the meeting room microwave and they both saw. I was so hungry. I forgot to put water in my Easy Mac.

Trent doubts that's the whole story, but whatever. The boss sounds pissed. Antoine doesn't sound happy, either.

"How do you fuck up Easy Mac?"

The hand with the phone makes an angry, confused gesture and shoots back under the bed a second before the door opens. Trent makes a decision. If they kill him, he'll never know what Riley did, and this could get a him a damn good favor later. So he's going to lie to his higher-ups like a cheap rug.

The boss is smoking. Literally, smoke is coming off him. Antoine also looks. Singed.

"Where. Is. He."

Oh, Riley owes him big.

"He was heading for the mess hall."

They vanish. It's always funny watching Antoine have to jog to keep up with the Knight.

"Damn, dude," he says, once they're out of sight. "You fucked up bad."

* * *

Frank always has a...a bit of a day on June eighth. It's his kid's birthday, a fact that not too many people are privy to. Everyone knows he 's got a rough go on the date, though, so they usually try not to fuck with him too much.

Honestly, knowing is. Not helpful. What do you say, man? Nothing. Do you bring it up? Pretend you don't know? Trent has no idea. He does know, though, that Frank likes Snickers, so he gets one and heads over to where he's been tinkering with this absolute beast of a tank the boss ordered special.

"Hey," he says. "Vending machine spat out two; want one?"

"What."

"Snickers bar." He holds it up. "You been in here a bit."

Frank knows Trent knows. It's not a secret, not really. But still.

His face softens and he hefts himself up and comes over, wiping greasy hands on his pants.

"Thanks."

* * *

Trent wakes up smelling soup.

He's not sure he remembers what happened...he does remember. Car flipped. Head hit...something. Snow? Snow. Snow was there, but the car flipped because some asshole shot out a tire.

"Ow."

"He's up!" Jimmy's voice sounds like a damn siren. "Mark! Mark, he's up!"

He wishes he wasn't, now.

"Move. Hey-hey, go back to sleep and I'll kill you." Never mind. "Shit, that was a hellofa hit...how many fingers?"

"One...?"

Someone laughs in the background.

"Yep. One. All right, Monstro, up and at 'em."

Ugh. Sitting up is for chumps--soup. He sees the pot. Smells familiar...kinda...

"Wha's that?"

"Gumbo. Antoine and Frank spent about half an hour arguing over how to make it*."

"Mm." He blinks. That doesn't help his head. "What year is it?"

"It's...it's been a day. And a bit. You woke up some earlier, but, well...y'know." Silence. "Riley says you're dumb as hell."

"Whatever." He rolls over. "Goin' back to sleep."

*Frank and Antoine are both southern, and they both have Opinions about this.