#also they have their own bodies becuase yes :D | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wonderwomanfantasy · 4 years ago

Text

Iwaizumi NSFW Alphabet

just remebered that this is my blog and I control the iwa smut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s pretty good, he catches on pretty quick to what you like and will usally have some water and snacks on hand by the bed so he doesn’t have to get up to take care of you. Also, his after sex massages are godly

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Okay I know this sounds weird but he has this treasure trail on his stoumach that he is sooo cocky about. He knows it drives you wild when you see it (cus like it is very hot) and he loves to show it off as much as posible

On his partner? hes all about the ass. Big small, round or flat he doesn’t care he loves the booty no matter what besides it’s not like you’re flatter than Oikawa anyways

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So conflicted when hes about to cum because on the one hand you look so good covered in his release and when you scoop up his semen with your fingers and lick it off your hand oh god nothing gets him harder. but on the other hand when he’s pounding into you it’s like your body is begging for him to cum inside so usally he makes you tell him where you want it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He would gladly Cuck Oikawa or let Oikawa watch, sex and putting Shittykowa in his place are Iwa’s two favoret things so why not combine them

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had a few partners but he’s not really a fuckboi, he likes having a steady partner so he can get to know their body rather than a string of one night stands.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy, like I said he’s all about your ass and he will spank you while fucking you, He’ll also push your head down onto the bed if you aren’t arching your back enough for his taste.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s more serious in the moment but that isn’t to say he isn’t capable of finding the humor in things. He loves to tease you and it often helpd break the tension if something awkward happed. IE you asked him to spike your ass like a volleyball and he laughed at you for an hour straight before doing just that.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

it’s a little messy, don’t get me wrong it’s still all clean down there but like unless you ask him to shave he’s keeping the bush.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

The romance really comes after everything is all said and done, like he won’t have any sweet words for you in the heat of the moment but that’s mostly becuase his mind goes totally blank when he fucks and he can’t formed words.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

sometimes, mostly just to tease you. he’ll send you a video of him jerking off and moaning your name with some caption like “doesn’t this look a lot better than studying” to get you to come over and get him off for real. If you really can’t come fix his issue he’ll still send you a video of him cumming all over himself cus he’s nice like that

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

daddy kink plain and simple. he just loves heairng you cry out for daddy while he eats you like it’s is last meal but he also likes it when youre just like “hey daddy can you grab that for me?” cus like yeah he is your daddy even out of the bedroom. Rip to you if you say that infront of the team

public sex you are getting fingered in public 100% he doesn’t want to get caught persay. but he’s sure as hell not afraid to. as they say no risk no reward. you have also defently fucked in the boys changing room... and sucked him off in the club room, and gotten fingered in the volley ball storage closet. It’s a mericall no one from the team has caught you two yet.

cock warming. He tries to work it into every sesion of aftercare its just nice to have his cock inside you even if it’s soft. makes him feel closer to you. watch out becuase the two of you will just be cuddling and watching a movie and boom his dick is out and hes looking at you like “so you gonna sit on that or what?”

roleplay? kind he gets really turned on when you roll up your uniform skirt and start “acting like a slutty little school girl” and he pretendeds he’s a teacher punishing you for braking dresscode. this is all in his head by the way, hes a little too ashamed to admit why he wants you to keep your clothes on while he fucks you or ask you to call him sensei.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Like I said anywhere in public is a rush for him, but his absolute favorite is in the shower Aoba Johsai locker room shower. The water just hightens everything and your moans echo beautifully off the tiles.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you complemt him. “Wow iwa that was such a great spike you’re so strong!” “wow Iwa I never realised how mucular you are,” “oh Iwa that was a great game you looked so cool out there!” are all sure fire ways to get your back blone out.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

ight hear me out! hes not into choking. Iwa just doesn’t trust himself enough to do it right in the heat of things and would never want to hurt you (yes he leaves bruises on your ass he spanks you so hard yes he doesn’t want to choke you until you black out) if you really want him to choke you he’ll do it, but like while you're riding a toy or something so he doesn’t get distracted.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He perfers receving tbh. you just look so cute on your knees gagging on his cock (choking on his dick and choking on his hand are two difrent things stfu) Iwa lives to condicened to you while you’re trying to fix his XL meat in your mouth

“you’re such a pretty baby, if only there wasn’t a big fat cock making you cry but you’re so much of a whore to let go of my dick now that it’s in your mouth isn’t that right?” stuff like that.

also his head game is godly. he holds your hands and kisses yo right on your sex then procieds to send you to anouther plain of existance with his mouth. he won’t let up until you're crying. you make such a mess every time, not that either of care.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

unless its a special occasion he’s rough and brutal. real head board braking motherfucker RIP to (y/n)’s hips they are fucking gone

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He kinda has to be quick when you too are banging where someone could walk in any second. But he does perfer to take his time with you especially since he loves to make you cum over and over again.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Once he hits a grove he kinda likes to stick to what he knows. He might drag his feet a little but he’ll ussally try new things.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

oh my god good luck he can go forever if you let him. the only time you can even hope of going less than three rounds is if he just had a big game and he’s tiered from it, even then games tend to rile him up more than anything.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He owns a pocket pussy, not that he uses it much. He’s fine with using toys on you as long as he’s the one in control. Doesn’t like it if he finds out you’ve been using a vibe somwhere without him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

It depends. Normally he doesn’t tease much he’s pretty straightforword and would rather just get down and dirty about it. But if he feels like you’ve earned a good teasing? good luck. He’s patient and he knows your body so well he can have you in a mess in less than a minute and he’ll keep you there until you’re begging for him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not very loud, lots of grunts and deep huffs if he’s talking it’s broken phrases repeated over and over again “you feel so good, so good so good,” “who’s cock is making you cum? who’s cock? who’s cock?” like I said his mind shuts off when he’s fucking you. He does tend to shout when he cums though.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves fingering you something about seeing his hands work on your body really gets him going. He like how deep his figners can go, how much they make you squirm. How the veins and the tendions on the back of his hand look while he slowly edges into three knucles deep.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

do I even have to say it? big cock citty population Iwaizumi Hajime. It’s a little longer than average and a little gatherer than you’d maybe ecpect and it really streaches you out. The head is a flushed read color and it’s sesitive as hell. please suck on the tip of his cock while fodleing his heavy balls he will literally cum in seconds.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not very high. He’s always ready to go when you are but most of the time he’s just chill with hanging out. Unless he just won a game or you are wearing some of his clothes in wich case he is defently horny.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

please, you rock his world but you’re not half the work out a five set volleyball game is. He is fine to go to like the gym or something after sex even if you are completely wreaked. but if you ask him to cuddle and happen to fall asleep, well a nap wouldn’t kill him right?

#iwazumi hajime #iwazumi x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu smut #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x y/n

458 notes · View notes

clonesome · 4 years ago

Note

You've been visited by the random OC question fairy! :D ~☆

Is it easy for them to ignore flaws in other people? How about their own flaws?

Aw yay ;w; !!! Thank you!!

Dani- Will ignore others flaws, but only to a certain extent. Like as long as this other character's flaws aren't hurting them or others. As for their own, they cannot ignore their own flaws but they are working on managing them more. (The most pressing of their flaws is they don't have full control of their powers and can and have hurt others with it.)

Weep- Yes, the thing with being dead is that you come to realize that everyone has done shitty things and nothing matters when you're dead. Unless another characters flaws are actively working against them they so do not have time for this shit, they have to find their body and reunite with their gf! Same with their own, although they are a a more angry spirit and that can sometimes get in the way of their progress. But once it calms down they will try and apologize if allowed.

Fiver- They see others flaws and as long as the other character has grown out of the more harmful ones are mostly fine with it. Though if other character hasn't then they will actively avoid this character. And they sometimes think of their own too much, but have great friends that helps them see that they are just like everyone else. (Also has trouble managing a certain ability of theirs but has really only hurt themselves with it and has only hurt the feelings of their caretaker when seeing them in sucb deteriorating health.)

Sal- As long as you haven't hurt them or ones they care about, they don't give a single fuck. If other character has shown them even a sliver of kindness then other character is absolutely golden. Sal is a precious sinnamon roll (has killed and will do it again without hesitation if threatened), so they are... not ignoring their flaws per say just are more worried about others than themselves.

Rich- He does not give a single fuck about anything. As long as you don't give a fuck about him and his many flaws he doesn't care what you've done in the past as long as you aren't being a dick to him or his friend. The weight of his flaws crush him though, and he has a heavy weight to carry. But he is trying.

Trissa- Kind of the same with Rich, except she has standards and boundaries of her own. She doesn't ignore flaws, she keeps lists of them and will use them to her advantage if she has to and will do so with little hesitation and won't feel sorry for it unless it comes back around to bite her later. (Or so she thinks, she doesn't like hurting other characters she is sensitive at heart but has a hard exterior due to her circumstances.) As for her own yeah she ignores them when she can, and when she can't it's really only becuase Rich has called her out on something. But that doesn't mean that they aren't still great friends because she does does same for him. They keep each other in line.

#clonesome #random oc questions fairy #this was so much fun!!!#thank you for asking about my bbies ;u; !!!!!#i love to talk about my OCs ^^

1 note · View note

bells-of-black-sunday · 4 years ago

Note

a - z for danny

nsfw headcannons | accepting

y’all are so fckin horny for this bitch and i dont understand

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Danny either sleeps or takes a shower, he’s not too into cuddling, but will if his partner wants him to.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t have a favorite.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He swallows. He doesn’t like the mess, he’s typically a very clean person outside of lewd times and crime scenes, so anything that requires him a great deal of clean up he doesn’t care for.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He doesn’t have any dirty secrets? He’s pretty open about his sexual encounters if people ask

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s not 500 bodies experienced, but he knows what he’s doing and will absolutely threaten sbs life if they don’t follow proper safety measures in bdsm or anal and are super pushy about it.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He likes to be on top, but other than that not really.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He doesn’t take sex seriously, at all. He’ll make jokes and have fun with what he’s doing. He doesn’t care for people that take it seriously.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Very well groomed. Very clean, like I said he’s a very clean person outside of crime scenes and lewd times.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Bold of you to assume he cares about romance

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

I know I’ve said it before, but he’s not a very sexual person for being a hedonistic killer. He gets enough of his thrills from taking other peoples lives that he doesn’t usually seek out intercourse or masturbate.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He’s an exhibitionist, that’s his biggest one. Bondage, rope play, choking, spanking, bruises, etc. Honestly there’s a lot.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Back alleys, bar bathrooms, closets of parties, bedrooms when people are over....

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Small touches and words, knives sliding between ribs, screams for help and the look of far in peoples eyes. What really gets him going is knowing he decides the fate of the people he stalks, do they deserve to live or are they nothing more than a headline in tomorrows newspaper.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Blood play, he can’t trust himself to not get too into it and actually seriously harm his partner. And anything to do with bodily fluids that aren’t cum.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He doesn’t care either way about giving or receiving, he just likes seeing people enjoy what he does or enjoy watching him enjoying what they do.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He prefers fast and rough, but can be slow if people want him to.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He really prefers quickies, that works better with his lifestyle and biggest kink.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s willing to try anything that isn’t on his big no list

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

idk I haven’t put much thought into it and I doubt I ever will

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes he does own toys, no he hardly ever uses them on partners and himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves to tease

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a pretty loud partner, making his exhibitionism 10x more risky

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

No he doesn’t wear his costume or mask during sex and will be offended if u even suggest he do it

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

How do you even describe a peen???? He’s pretty average I guess

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not that high, like I said he gets enough of his thrills from killing people

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how long they went, takes a while after quickies becuase hes not that exhausted, but if they went for hrs yeah he’ll fall asleep pretty quickly

#ooc #Just a man and his camera (Ghostface)#lemon #/about the muse

1 note · View note

migleefulmoments · 5 years ago

Note

The CC fandom is basically just one giant neverending fan tantrum about not getting their own way. Collectively, they have written hundreds of thousands of pathetic words pointing out all the ways Darren isn't fulfilling their predictions and Mia being the cause of that, but too ensconced in their lies to stop and realize the very fact they have to keep churning out these word vomit posts revising reality means they are chronically wrong about EVERYTHING. That's the only 'sham mockery' here.

YES YES YES YES YES!

Darren continues to disappoint Abby and everyone else has no idea who to think so they just word vomit whatever it is Abby is pissed about. Today is a perfect example -Abby is seething in a rage because Darren dared to look HOT AF in a disheveled look but Abs loves Blarren and she COULD. NOT. SEE. Blarren last night...anywhere. She’s consoling herself by pointing out he isn’t happy in any photo (of course she’s wrong, he’s just giving a neutral face).

It’s a shit show over there as they are also being full misogynists. They are blaming Ashley for Darren’s look which Abby hates (hence they all do) and even criticizing Mia because she looks great (“best ever” according to Abby) but since Darren looks frumpy, Mia missed the memo and so it’s her fault. For anyone not aware of how stylists work- they pull together outfits for the celebrity to try on but in the end, it is the celebrity who chooses the final look. If you hate Darren’s outfit, you have to blame Darren.

They are soothing their anger by reassuring themselves that Darren’s “contract” with Balmain is about to end (according to them he first wore Balmain a year ago???) Newsflash- there is no contract- Darren was never announced as a brand ambassador or part of an advertising campaign. He just likes Balmain and Olivier likes him. The Balmain jackets will be around for a long time and I love them so fuck off Abby.

Nothing is funnier to me than reading a fashion takedown by Abby seeing as how she’s sooooo fashion-forward. Darren should fire Ashley and hire Abby.

BTW-notice her use the wrong initials- she’s been doing that lately.

**********************

“She has had 10 years to get to know what D looks good in, there is no excuse for that outfit last night. Even if I put aside that i think it is ugly, outdated, and the t-shirt is lazy, it is all wrong for a guy of average height who has a tiny frame”

************************

Anonymous asked: I like that we are criticizing D's outfit ,( like it deserves) and someone is even doing it in an harsh way this should show to all those ready to call us mysoginists or antifeminists that they say bs, bc we criticize the outfits EVEN FOR D, when he does it wrong, like this time

Fact, D is an actor. Fact, M is a beard. Fact, both get paid to be on the RC (Neither one is paid to be on the red carpet are fucking kidding me?!?! Who do you imagine is paying them and more importantly, how do you manage they recoup those expenses and make money on a red carept? Red Carpets are for fans to feel connected to the show and therefore to watch the show. Imagine an Oscars night that was only the dry show. Fewer people would be interested hence fewer ad dollars. It’s the spectacle of the event that gets people watching. Mia is photographed mostly for Darren and Mia. The gaggle of photos takes a pic and we end up seeing 2 or 3. They do get picked up by celeb gossip mags occasionally, but most of the time they pic the photos of Darren alone) . Fact, celebrities and others that willingly chose to be on the RC, as part of their job, open themselves up to criticism and that is true of men, women, and those who are gender fluid. Part of the job description. If you don’t want us to talk, well then, there are other jobs out there.(It doesn’t give you the right to be a looney bitch)

D looked awful and I have called them out before (and they haven’t listened to you? I’m dumbfounded), but to me last night was the low point. There may have been worse outfits, but it is ill fighting and he looks un-kept (awww, you couldn’t find Blarren anywhere). And it makes no sense with the projects he is promoting.(He literally is not promoting any projects yet. It’s too early. You don’t understand promotion at all for all the shit you claim to know. When you see him making the talk show rounds that is when he is promoting. Until then he is just living his life. Just becuase you, a super fan knows what is coming up doesn’t mean he is “promoting” anything. He went to the party becuase he goes every year. )

******************

Once again, they don’t match, sure they both had on black, but no one told her that for this occasion, looking like a hot mess on the RC was the way to match D. Poor Swiller, she just can’t get it right. 99% of the time, she is the hot mess but this time, she kind of got it right and his was so wrong in so many ways.

*************************

Not sure i agree with your logic and it is not that he is not smiling, he looks down right miserable. But I don’t blame him btwn the beard on his arm and that horrific excuse of an outfit, I would guess it was not his best night out.

*************************

The good news nonnie, I hope, D first wore B/ailman at the VF party on Feb 24, 2019. Soon after he was whisked off to Qatar for the fashion show, wore it to the Met, went to Paris for the fashion concert, wore them at iHeart, and now last night. Like a bookend to a year contract. At least i hope, because that was absolutely hideous. It was so ill fitting, it was awful on his body, it was not flattering, the jacket is just ugly. And while I know he did shower, he looks like he threw on clothes after a raging party and the sunglasses are to hide his bloodshot eyes. This is not the look of a man with serious projects to sell.

I am utterly disappointed in AF (what did Ashley Fink do to you?), to the point that I think she should be fired (this is fucking HILARIOUS as Darren is on the best-dressed list most of the time-so are her other clients Chadwick and Finn. Firing her because one frumpy, bitchy fan doesn’t like an outfit seems a tad shortsighted). This is utterly inexcusable at a crucial time in his career at an incredibly important event (It was a party- it’s a fun event that everyone goes to but it’s literally a party where people drink and have fun) I understand he maybe has to wear the designer (he doesn’t) but she needs to work with the designer to create a flattering look for her client whose star is rising and who has important, big projects to promote (Big HUGE A-list celebs were fashion fails all of the time. It doesn’t ruin their careers, calm the fuck down) He is not a rock star that hangs out with groupies all night before snorting coke to go to the next event (He is Darren and part of Darren is the rockstar look. Stop trying to make him someone he isn’t). He is on the verge of the A list (no he isn’t) with a classic, serious dramatic play in 6 weeks (Nobody cares except the 2000 people who will see the show) with 2 well renowned, A list, award winning, serous stars (She’s an idiot) and a series where he is selling classic HW, defined by gorgeous, well groomed, stunning male stars (Oh, honey, your wank bank is full over this isn’t? I get why you are so sure Raymond is gay. You need them all to be gorgeous, well-groomed queer men). And is how they choose to represent him? As a man that could not be bothered to shave who looks like a wanna be rock star (Since he wore that look to his wedding I have to believe that both Darren and Mia love that look on him)? Nope.(YEP)

#CC #ccer #crisscolfer #Darren criss #cc wank #debunking cc nonsense #Vanity Fair Oscar party

7 notes · View notes

miscellanasaurus · 5 years ago

Text

MHA 236

After having a long time to think about this I`ve decided to focus solely on My hero content as not only has my viewing schedule been of track but I simply don’t have the time anymore to sit down and watch Vrain`s I`m sure to most of you this wont mean anything but if anyone followed me because of it I figure I might as well mention now that I plan to drop the series anyway lets ignore that and get into this weeks chapter.

And Holy fucking hell was this chapter intense my heart was in my stomach throughout this entire chapter horikoshi just doesnt let up and i personally believe this chapter is so raw due to the fact that its not expected, at least i didnt expect it seeing as last chapter was a good place to leave his flashback with some more exploration on that backstory in the future but screw that horikoshi continuies to subvert my expectations and delivers what i believe is one of the most tragic backstories in shonen. so lets delve into why this chapter and Tenko`s backstory in general is a perfect fit for whats already been established.

Follwoing off from last chapter we see Tenko (which is how i will refere to child shigaraki as it saves having to diferentiate between the two) as he stares at the lifeless puddle of body chunks that was once his dog and its honestly heartbreaking for me especialy when there have been times where i to have only been able to turn to my dog for comfort (here`s a picture just cuz)

However the tragedy doesnt end there (obviously) as Hana apolagises to tenko for throwing him under the bus like that not noticing that poor little psuedo bean is having a full blown meltdown.

And there`s a strange poetry in the way tenko`s family reacts to this breakdown with both Hana refusing to step in and save tenko when he really needs it once more rather literally turning her back on him.

Honestly the raw emotion horikoshi conveys within this chapter is something else and i say this every week but horikoshi is always surpassing expectations the fact that he showed a child dying albeit he cuts to silhoutte is so dark it also disuads the idea of all for one lying about his familys hands becuase at this point it seems to split them into blobs of flesh.

we then witness his mothers death as she reaches out to him only for it to be far to late to help him now a rather physical poetic metaphor and despite tenko saying it was at this point he understood what was happening i think horikoshi`s left it to our interpreation and from my stanpoint the most probable is this.

(tenko ,being a child, didnt grasp the full reality of wanting to kill his grandparents and mother yes he was pissed due to them idly standing by but more then likely a abnormal quirk awakening like this and eri`s bends to the users will whilst awakening after all kids get pissed at parents and yes sure they may want to kill them and most dont but if my little theory is right then surely the thought alonje would allow his quirk to do this.

we then see as tenko`s father walks out to see this destruction before him and the look on his face says it all especially after the promise he`d made that very night losing the only family he has once again and despite people hating him and sayin “oh he`s a abusive prick” i`d again like to mention the fact it was implied this wasnt the norm and he even admits he went to far honestly i feel bad for both parties at this exact moment (aslo small side note but the fact that his fathers foster parents if he had any that is arent there kinda indicates a skewered relationship anyway so his childhood wasnt a cake walk either. though he does smack him upside the rack with a gardening tool he didnt use the bladed side so he clearly didnt want to kill tenko, the feelings certainly not mutual

Honestly this is my favourite part of his backstory it makes him out to be more then simply a poor helpless childhood who`s quirk went of the rails and i`ll delve more into this in my summery though the following pages are pure horror inducing.

HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS

Again this chapter was legitimatly perfect a 10/10 also evil children are one of my favourite tropes due to how creepy they are i wish we could of seen more of mini-me as i really love his character design and i know that sounds stupid considering there one and the same but mini shigaraki carries of that same menace pre-kamino shigaraki had and i always liked that, though i do like the direction there taking with him

Shigaraki`s backstory is perfect as not only a foil to midoriya but as his own character the previous chapter set up Tenko as a foil to deku both dreaming of being a hero and both being unable to do so the comparison of tenko to all might breaks my heart when you comapre it to his future self its like watching a trainwreck in reverse

Nana`s grandson not being a 1 dimensional abuser but a legitimatly compelling and complex character who in his own way is trying to stop tenko having his little heart broken though in the most unhealthy way possible.

the recurring theme of one bad day as all of tenko`s family watches on helplessly never trying to save him not once but twice as well as sociaty doing the same really shows the apathetic nature of this scoiaty as well as by extension japanese sociaty as a whole though i doubt horikoshi is trying to make a political statement in order to bring light to these issues at least i doubt thats his perogative.

to finally willfully killing his own father it changes the stroy from a helpless child manipulated by all for one to someone who at his core has fucked up tendancies which is greta as i`m not really a fan of villains who have been manipulated to such a extent there just puppets as it removes any sense of a individuality from a character

it also sends a greater message the fact that at the route of it shigaraki`s already fucked up and kinda leavs the idea of midoriya being able to save shigaraki up in the air all in all my One`s justice main has took the title of favourite chracater by a mile whilst i would like to see more in depth how his childhood under all for one was especially his relationship with a younger kurogiri

at the same time i do want to move back to the fight with re-destro either way horikoshi can do no wrong.

#manga #bnha manga #mha manga #bnha #mha #bnha 236 #mha 236 #shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #Tenko Shimura #shimura tenko #tragic #shigaraki origins

16 notes · View notes

lilietsblog · 6 years ago

Text

GHOST TRICK: THE BIG FINALE

so I finished the game yesterday all on my lonesome without internet

why yes I am perfectly fine and not emotionally compromised in the slightest

enjoy my screaming

IT'S GHOST TRICKING TIME which is to say it's ghost tricking time without internet so I'm doing this in wordpad tumblr really needs an 'import rtf' function >_>

SO from what I remember, when last we left off I was about to try to figure out how the fuck a knitted cap and a helmet are going to help me stop a bullet LET'S DIVE RIGHT BACK INTO THIS FOLKS

I still love how Sissel just ignores the dog's little 'WHATS A HOSTAGE O NO' instead of digging into explaining it

oh thank god the game DOES remember ive read this text before

...oh, I forgot how I did this the last time O WELL

all right, so I remember swiveling the lamp and dropping the hard hat, then when the knitted cap is over here I can swap it with the book and get it on the hook but how did I get the knitted cap over here

aha, he looked away for a moment, the helmet part is done what the fuck do i do now

AHA okay, so now i very quickly cart the ladder back and forth, I think I remember this

fuck, he noticed me, okay don't swivel the lamp while he's watching, swivel it while he's still looking away

I gotta note the 'I don't know why you're wearing my face' part HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

fuck, nope, I can't swivel the lamp back at that moment because he notices it clattering and turns right around FUCK OKAY LET'S TRY TO DO IT WITH THE LAMP THERE

ugh, if only I could do shit during the cutscene while he rolls away >_>

OK I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TRUST IN MISSILE HE IS GREAT AND A VERY GOOD DOG AND CAN AIM FOR SPLIT SECOND TIMING OF A BULLET BEING IN THE AIR OKAY

haha, and the knitted hat still hit Cabanela with enough velocity to knock him over I love this and I particularly love his dramatic leg up in the air he doesn't evne know what's happening he just aims to be the most dramatic possible at all times and it's really helping us out <3

'i love knitted hats... so warm, and most of all, so SOFT' <3 <3 <3

god Missile is so good this is pain IS THE DAWN DEADLINE A LIE MAYBE DID RAY JUST SAY THAT TO GET SISSEL'S BUTT MOVING I DON'T KNOW

oh yeah Cabanela's still got broken bones all over I kind of forgot about that

oh ok, looks less like broken and more like just really fucking bruised, becuase in that movement he's put pressure on all limb bones and nothing bent out of shape, so that's good

lmao and Cabanela's just like 'BUT IF I WAS KILLED IN THAT EXPLOSION THE SITUATION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER' I I don't think it would necessarily work out that way, considering how much difficulty our protagonist was having saving just the professor :x

oh hey we've got our next source of information! should be quite a wellspring if Sissel remembers everything he should ask

yeeep Cabanela you FUCKED UP

oh, the gun :x

HON IM PRETTY SURE THE FIRST PART IS MORE IMPORTANT THE PART WHERE YOU TRIED TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM CORNERED RATS BITE THIS IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY YOUR FAULT, ALL OF IT

aha, those cases, okay

and Cabanela was doing the thing because of Jowd that makes sense -_- kind of

yep, that one little snag kind of puts a question mark on the whole thing alright, that almost makes sense? kind of? makes Cabanela kind of a selfish butt doing this for his own obsession rather than for personally Jowd but makes sense

ok, the bringing him to justice minister to buy time thing actually does make a lot of sense it wasn't A LOT of time that he bought but it was just enough and that's what counts

oh hey, this guy used to have the job that the blue fake stole? (and yeah sounds like blue guys are just foreigners -_- bc they couldnt find spies that didnt stand out visually or anything)

hum not a scratch, huh regenerating dead body, okay

oh come ON Sissel don't be surprised now that part was obvious from the moment he said the corpse disappeared the meteorite's radiation, okay, quite interesting :D

"it was like a meteorite had struck me on the head" so, has that been a cause of death today yet, because if it hasn't, this looks like foreshadowing -_-

hum, so the gun would have been loaded because he controlled Kamila, which she then wouldn't have a clear memory of makes sense

HI LYNNE JUST IN TIME

arrest her to keep her safe, that actually makes perfect sense IF ONLY IT HAD WORKED LMAO no wonder pigeon guy roasted him for that in the deleted timeline XD

"while he was at it" <3 <3 <3

awwww pigeon guy was friends with him too <3

hee right on top of his striped jumpsuit honestly he looked less escaped-from-prison-ish in the paint-splattered robe thing XD

a present, huh?

awww see Sissel you don't feel lonely and that's what counts

ALRIGHT THEN :D LET'S FUCKING GO :D AND, UH, DO SOMETHING, I GUESS I love how out of proportion Sissel's powers are rewind time, talk to dead people... and move small objects a little

so, uh, Sissel, are you sure there's answers for YOU over there or did you just get into habit of telling this to yourself to feel better

okay well how the fuck did Jowd infiltrate a fucking SUBMARINE like, I just want to know the physics of how this happened?

omfg the bullet had a radio transmitter well, I have a newfound respect for Cabanela, I gotta admit like I already respected him but I just figured he shot the guy out of a desperate 'can't do anything else might as well try this' urge to do SOMETHING but nope he had a plan (which would have worked even with him dead)

wow, and he actually gave the thing to Jowd beforehand n i c e

wow, okay, that's stealthy

aha, and he can totally leave his body and wander around freely I think that was already confirmed but it's nice to know for even surer

wow, okay, what the fuck re: that thing reaching up from below that definitely looked like... something else for a moment there 0.0

aand okay the meteorite is possible to extract from his body I wonder if evil!Sissel actually knew that... or if that actually did anything to him :D

okay, what the FUCK and how many more people are dead now

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MISSILE IS HERE TOOOOOOOO

the phone is ringing, how convenient :D

ooohkay this is tricky

so, why the fuck were there baseball and basketball balls hanging in nets under the ceiling on a submarine ... ... you know what I don't want to know

wait, Kamila can't hear him? oh, right, over the phone ghosts communicate by close range telepathy

aaand this makes the FIFTH time Lynne's dead tonight! or is it sixth? did i lose track somewhere?

AWWWW THIS SCENE IS LIKE AN OVERDOSE OF CUTE

'i wonder what happened THIS TIME' yep lmao

no actually 'i dont remember what happened after that' sounds like evil!Sissel to me, personally

but do you know what this wheel does Sissel are you sure turning it is a good idea

"I just sort of blacked out, the next thing I knew, I was dead" <3 <3 <3

"now it's all making even less sense than before" AND THAT'S SAYING *SOMETHING*

but actually okay yea this does kind of sound like an explosion that killed Lynne and knocked Kamila out

aaand nope I was absolutely correct )=

can this guy only puppet one body at a time? couldn't he have just possessed Lynne and had her slit her own throat or shoot herself or hang herself or something? that sounds a lot more productive than having a little girl fight her I mean, even if he only can puppet one body at a time, puppetting Lynne would have been a lot more productive overall, is there a reason he can't?...

or does he just love to do things in the most convoluted and roundabout manner typical to villains everywhere -_-

"nobody ever calls the dead" ARGUABLE a number of phone calls has been made this night specifically for the purpose of putting our!Sissel on the line

aand okay :D looks like the blue assholes saved Lynne just in time, sort of ...for a certain definition of 'saved'

so anyway this guy said something like 'you cannot possibly comprehend my suffering' so it would be funny if he was just a random dumbass that a bad thing hapened to one (1) time, which granted also killed him, but all the misery since then has been of his own making and he's put every single person involved in the events through worse just over the course of tonight, and simply has no sense of scale, perspective or proportion I think that would be great if the story went there XD EDITOR'S NOTE IN RETROSPECT: the story didn't go there and that was not fucking okay (it's dead women in the fridge again!)

and Sissel can't understand revenge as a concept SOUL TWINSIES WITH ME OR WHAT

lmao Lynne is starting to get touchy about how many times she's needed rescue lately XD

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY CAN'T I REACH FOR ANYTHING YET also, interesting to note that in the 4 minutes ago past, neither Lynne nor Kamila have a core looks like Sissel's interaction with this realm is limited after all, and not only by phones there's v interesting existential fuckery going on here, of the exact sort I ABSOLUTELY LOVE

oh THERE we go 'nobody ever calls the dead' ARGUABLE again and I love Lynne's signature instant-snap-into-hands-over-head animation + pose Good Reflexes

ALRIGHT, FIDDLING WITH RANDOM SHIT WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT MIGHT DO TIME ...and that sure worked fast

hum, a random mechanic, alright

oh hon that's a, um, what's the opposite of exaggeration I know this word in Russian >_> over...littlification? that 'restless ghosts onboard' THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT THAT

lmao that was one odd fate change

alright, found the temsik fragment capsule, I see yay unexpectedly strong wastebucket lids (seriously, that's a whole freaking basketball, there's a reason the nets worked like that lmao)

alright, just watching the cutscene for now, that's fair this guy sure looks like he's going to abandon his entire crew and blow up the sub or something

"farewell, sir" WELL THAT DID NOT SOUND QUITE RIGHT

alright, and we're left in the capsule rather than the fragment which apparently did not have a core of its own for some reason

OMFG THERE'S A LITTLE RAT IN THE TORPEDO ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE INVOLVING A SMALL RODENT AGAIN BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND BUT ALSO THIS IS NOT HOW TORPEDOS WORK BUT ALSO HI RAT!!!

yeah exactly thanks Sissel! how the FUCK did it get here also I love that the characters DO pay attention to the wellbeing of innocent rats in this game <3

well, you COULD just try to get it to blow up earlier, in the water you'd be stuck but you'd be heroes, or something well, Lynne would go back to her body, Sissel would be stuck :D oh, and the rat would die, that's the bad news

YEAH LET'S SAVE THE RATTIE FIRST if this time the rat is going to be in the way rather than helping, well, I REALLY DO RESPECT THAT LET'S SAVE THE RAT

alright, after some trial and error I DID manage to get both weights in the same position (mostly by luck) and throw off the rat NOW TO SAFETY

alright, this looks promising OKAY IT ALSO LOOKS LIKE KAMILA AND LYNNE MIGHT BE SAFE FROM EVIL!SISSEL NOW THAT'S GOOD NEWS

yusss caring about rats ftw <3

that's what missiles do, huh they're unstoppable i dont know who it is i hear there but Missile is great yes

well, whatever this is, our!Sissel just turned it on maybe it's pumps to remove water!... not that they'll do much against an unplugged breach but

aha, okay, won't move for long

this movement through a machine's gears feels like the purest expression of the game's premise since the junkyard tricks at the very beginning <3

the way Kamila's speech kinda fades in from white? that worries me

...eeeyup

god but I love this game's animation. this little one of Lynne hoisting Kamila up on her back? it feels, like, PERFECTLY balanced with their weights and Lynne's strength and everything <3 <3 <3

oh my god Lynne why couldn't you just... be able to swim not that it would help much with Kamila unconscious but

oh my god Lynne is literally right here why do I still have trouble moving around freely???

oh, found it!

wow, she's climbing one-handed while carrying Kamila, that's some serious upper body strength <3

W E L P

YEP THAT'S SOME SERIOUS STRENGTH THAT SHE DIDNT JUST FUCKING FALL NOR DROP KAMILA

yeeep okay WOW

ARE YOU BOTH GOING TO DIE NOW OR WHAT okay, no, just fall, and not even in the water that's good news

LYNNE THIS IS NOT A POSE YOU WANT TO BE IN RIGHT NOW unless you're actually holding yourself against that shit in the background with your left hand and I just can't see it I guess

...nope, she was holding her chin LYNNE NO

MISSILE HURRAY

okay, the fan thing makes sense

now to swap around a bunch of broken pipes so they don't get in lynne's way, got it

FOR FUCK'S SAKE I REALLY DON'T SEE A WINNING COMBO HERE

aand I fucking lost but at least I got Sissel in position -_-

alright, now with one pipe turned off it actually works out easily it just... took me really long to realize I'd need Sissel for this one -_-

Lynne honey but have you considered: you have no fucking clue what's behind that door although presumably submarine has only been breached in one place and it's this room?

holy shit with the hook Sissel managed to hoist the combined weight of Lynne and Kamila now THAT's a nifty trick

SISSEL FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHE CAN'T MUSTER LEVERAGE FOR THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS TO HOLD HERSELF AND KAMILA UP AND SHE'S TIRED SHE CAN ASK FOR HELP EXCLUSIVELY IN SWAHILI SWEARS AND IT'D STILL BE A WAY THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH

aww, someone's saving us!!!

someone who commented on unstoppable missiles earlier, perhaps?

right, the truth... that's still relevant. while on a sinking submarine. yep

haha sinking submaries i have just been playing oxenfree haha

oh wow that's an improvised mechanism made out of garbage sticking in a close range telekinetic field nifty shit

oh oh okay that explains absolutely nothing evil!Sissel is not evil now, or what?

lmao this is getting more confusing, but like... in a very satisfying way <3

evil!Sissel still seems to have SOME amount of powers, at least, though possibly not the manipulating humans ones? but this amount of telekinesis is still incredible

so okay our Sissel's name possibly IS Sissel, but this dude's isn't I'm more confused than ever before I doubt there are three of them, so...

ahh, Lynne making Kamila more comfortable <3 <3 <3 and again, animation is fucking excellent. just, the timing of everything? it's better than 90% of all 3D animation I've ever seen in games

power and time, okay, got it so the dawn deadline IS real, just not for him wait, possibly not for Sissel and Missile, either?

I see he still fell in his signature ridiculous pose it's less funny now, overall

ah, okay, so the time effect is different too it seems to have been the same for Sissel and Missile though? is this a personality powers deal?

I love that Missile is perfectly comfortable with weird shit because as a dog, that's about the amount of understanding he has of his everyday surroundings, too <3

oh, hum so the moment this guy actually 'died' is the moment that blue guy took out the fragment?

wipe out everybody, huh

okay, so the shooting is as we knew, kind of

the first shot missed the mark, huh? quite curious, quite curious stray bullets are known to be deadly :D

alright, so that's a conversation that mostly confirmed what we already knew we have a new ally though, sort of

aand Lynne's empathy saves the day -_- like I said earlier, this guy's feelings aren't like... unique or anything, he just sucks at theory of mind

Kamila!!! so hey kiddo this guy in front of you is the guy who killed your mom

anyway, I'm still pretty sure Sissel hadn't yet introduced himself to you when you started calling him "Sissy" so there's that lead

and Kamila makes herself comfortable <3 I love this Little Lady so much <3

AWWWW THE RADIO THING <3 <3 <3

'and what about a torpedo' WHAT ABOUT A TORPEDO LYNNE THIS SOUNDS EXTREMELY UNSAFE

KAMILA ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU'RE TOUGH AS FUCK

OMG IT'S A GRAPE SERVING MACHINE I LOVE THE LUXURIOUS FUCK THIS WAS MADE FOR

alright, torpedo room, that works

swap the switches to get them unstuck!!!

so I'm going to guess everyone there died, too, and Sissel's going to have to prevent that, too that makes perfect sense

that 'understand exactly how he feels' thing our!Sissel and evil!Sissel are really fucking different in this particular respect :D

awww and the girls convince the doggo <3 <3 <3

so, does Kamila know about the dawn deadline for all ghosts, or

oh thank god I didn't need to control that hop this game really has a policy of not having a permaloss option <3

Yomiel, huh so that's his name

alright, and 'Sissel' is an alias ...I'm just going to keep using it for the protag, just to make things slightly less confusing

ah, so this guy had access to national secrets, and that's how he did the singer thing

and he was proven innocent offscreen <3 <3 <3 stylish

stylish animation, nice

didn't help anybody? did you ever try? because our!Sissel sure figured that shit out quickly

welp, the blue guys are assholes but then, they were also kind of dealing with an asshole I can imagine why they didn't think he was reliable to deal with :x

awww, I like the leaflet guy so much <3 <3 <3

I love how Jowd's like 'well, I'm dead, are you happy now' and Sissel's like 'so anyway about that' FUCK death not tonight, not when Sissel's here <3 <3 <3

alright, and this guy's a robot that still doesn't quite he's pretty human-like >_> I am not a fan of the blue guy in charge is all I'm saying also lmao I nicknamed this one 'iron man dracula' i didn't mean it that way but

ah, remote-controlled, alright that 'farewell' was odd then

'your country's use of technology is just plain off' I LOVE THIS

could there have been two pieces of meteorite in this guy's body? okay, nope still!

OH WOW FOUR MINUTES BEFORE HIS DEATH THAT'S THAT'S ACTUALLY EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT THIS BODY BELONGED TO THE WRONG 'WHOM' THIS IS SOMEWHAT MORE AMBITIOUS THAN PLANNED BUT

...okay, no, his 'death' would actually be before the control room was launched, not all those years ago STILL THIS IS THE -EXACT- THING

alright anyway this is plenty of buildup WHO THE FUCK IS OUR PROTAGONIST it's funny how so far absolutely 0 of what we've seen has pointed to that I have plenty of odd thoughts in my mind ofc 'that guy from another point of time' being the prime one as a homestuck, the possibility of there being multiple ghosts of the same person doesn't faze me in the slightest in fact it seems like an intuitive conclusion BUT THEIR PERSONALITY SURE IS DIFFERENT

anyway, :D :D :D

Final Chapter

...aha! so it counted ten years ago after all! dang :D

aha, I see that mascot thing I see baby Lynne!!!

I note how for someone threatening to shoot the kid, Yomiel's gun sure is pointing in the wrong direction AND he's holding out the kid to the side, not between himself and Jowd SOMEONE sucks at hostage taking lmao

a kitty, huh

and then a meteorite, okay

I note the lamp

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Yomiel is thinking 'so maybe I'll die in another way and all this will have not happened, that's a better outcome anyway' isn't he god his faces are Sissel faces and look this game knows EXACTLY what it's doing with its visuals exactly one facial exression of Yomiel's has not matched Sissel's I doubt it's because of lazy artists

alright, so a good plan would be swapping the mascot and the lamp

but seriously, WOW Yomiel sucks at taking hostages this game's animation is always stellar and brilliant, there's NO fucking coincidence there he was absolutely not willing in any way to put baby Lynne in actual danger, even if he pretended he did and it worked on Jowd

anyway how the fuck do we get to the lamp

'we can talk about all this later' ARGUABLE TBH the entire, like, THING is going to change oh man is everyone going to go back to their bodies 10 years ago with their new memories because that's fucking hardcore was Kamila even BORN yet

augh I DONT KNOW I CANT REACH I THINK I CANT REACH ANYTHING WHAT DO I DO MISSILE IS IN THE SWEET POTATO ON THE FOUNTAIN SISSEL IS IN THE NOZZLE BUT NOT THE CENTRAL ONE AND CANT REACH THE CENTRAL ONE WHAT DO I DO

okay sounds like I missed my chance let's try that again

ghhhh okay I think I have figured this sequence out even though I have to rewind again 1) rock the basket 2) jump into nozzle to launch the potato 3) Sissel jumps into the potato and then from the potato to the central nozzle 4) Missile jumps into the potato 5) launch the potato x2

okay, Mino fell into the fountain, not that I know how this can help because AGAIN, Missile can't reach Mino from the lantern :x and Sissel can't do absolutely fucking anything

annd the finale is a cutscene alas

alright, let's try that again...

hum we didn't get a FATE CHANGE registered after dropping Mino might this mean we have to do something right in the process?

AW YEAH THAT DEFINITELY JUST HAPPENED LMAO

are we going to kill everyone by dropping Mino on them instead XD

trick time, huh Sissel still can't reach anywhere Missile can swap two identical lanterns, not that this does anything he can talk to Sissel, for what THAT's worth

aha, the lantern dropped, Missile can move around now, that's good

Sissel still can't do shit though

well, that's the detective's LEG, not... anything else or anything

oh man, yeah... YOUNG JOWD IS A DUMBASS man, even Yomiel isn't aiming at him anymore, he's like 'hey dude are you okay' so the theory that Sissel is alternate!Yomiel is really gaining steam in my head not that it wasn't the primary one all along but

AW FUCK YEAH MISSILE THE BULLET CATCHING BADASS DOGGO!!!

anyway sweet potato?

BOO YAH um or not

OR YES ACTUALLY THAT WORKS

OH MY FUCKING GOD YEP THE LAMPPOST FUCKING MINO

awwwwww and finally the trauma of remembering your death is brought up!!!! Sissel cares <3 <3 <3 (and Yomiel doesn't at the moment NOT THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IN CONTEXT) (then again I'd understand it if Sissel didn't either but he's the purest being in existence so)

awwww Yomiel is finally going to contribute!!!

omfg lmao "Make it spray as if your life depended on it!" "Uh, I'm dead though" Yomiel is winning ALL the sensitivity awards tonight <3 <3 <3

I I think that Yomiel hasn't done anything yet oh, okay, we're still winning time

holy FUCK Yomiel that was definitely a thing you just did

dear Young Jowd, Yomiel is the one who saved her. Not gods

awwww and he gave baby Lynne a detective's badge <3 <3 <3 he's so good with children <3

so, can Yomiel be alive please :x ALRIGHT, HE IS THAT WORKS

THE KITTY DID THE METEORITE KILL THE KITTY

wait wait wait is is Sissel the kitty is that why he has no idea how guns work or anything else like that that that is truly fucking incredible f y'all's i AND I GUESS IT FITS WITH HIM AND MISSILE JUST GOING AROUND SAVING PEOPLE TOGETHER LIKE A BADASS DUO AND IT FITS WITH HIM GETTING KILLED BY LYNNE'S FIRST SHOT ON ACCIDENT I HONESTLY CONSIDERED A RAT OPTION FOR LIKE A SPLIT SECOND THERE

OMG OMG OMG OMG YE S AND HIS NAME REALLY IS SISSEL

god jesus fucking christ this this fucking game i just im howling this this definitely is a thing that just happened it owned me so hard im so fucking owned right now

yep hes the cat he's Yomiel's cat

aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww there's a good reason he had identity confusion in all this they WERE confusable as one being for a while

'her' huh?

oh man wow THIS particular part of the story sucks

so Sissel was a girl's name all along? okay

but also, FUCK no wonder he went bonkers specifically about being unable to die

'his powers couldnt help anybody' more like they couldn't help ONE SPECIFIC PERSON

so that bag is a kitty carrier huh and Lynne's miss accidentally killed the kitty

LMAO THE PART WHERE WE ALL THOUGHT LYNNE HAD KILLED THE PROTAG WASN'T WRONG

I DAMN FUCKING REMEMBER THAT CAT JUST FOR YALLS I I ABSOLUTELY REMEMBERED THERE WAS A CAT THERE I JUST NEVER LINKED IT TO ANYTHING I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY PRETTY RANDOM STRAY

anyway Yomiel that's what you get for playing with guns they're deadly weapons and result in death you're fucking welcome

so anyway who the fuck is Ray

but anyway kitty Sissel saved everyone...

okay but hold on hold on hold on I didn't quite get the implications about the fiancee the first time around WHAT THE FUCK CAPCOM i was just recently thinking how fucked up it was that I remembered the last name of Polly Jenkins, just because of how much her brief story shook me

and uh I think is that also the implication here because that's not fucking okay

anyway so did Yomiel die as the result of that or nay bc that looked fucking deadly if not instantaneously so

god but this ffucking game

this fucking... game

oh Missile I'm pretty sure YOU are going to see HIM alright lmao wasn't Jowd taking him home

but also damn the original events of these ten years, as remembered by - a dog and a cat - Detective Jowd and Kamila (but not Alma, who never was brought back to life directly) - Lynne - Cabanela - the medical examiner - the minister of justice AND NO-ONE ELSE ...wait, no ALSO THE GUY FROM THE FUCKING PARK ...yep that's a thing we're doing

so another important thing is that the rock star kid is going to be okay and the curry guy, too nothing bad happened to them in this timeline, right?

ALRIGHT HI RAY WHAT/WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

(right now my bet's on 'a rat')

oh, Sissel also killed two people tonight, that happened

lmao and in this version of evens Missile died in the presence of Temsik

omfg and Ray is alternate!Missile this is fucking amazing <3

lmao his ghost aged and lost its powers?

also the dawn deadline was a lie he just wanted to get Sissel's butt moving I FUCKING KNEW IT

I love how Sissel's just "I DID WHAT" even though he's been doing that all evening this time around too

yup doggie's a fucking liar the only real time limit is the lifetime they would have had if they were alive huh damn

but seriously I called that before I started this section of the liveblog even if I think I never actually made that post 'what are the odds Ray is a fucking liar' I don't think I ever wrote that I kept getting distracted but yep I fucking called this

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART GOD I AM ;U; THIS DOGGO

anyway one participant of the events who definitely wasn't born yet 10 years ago is indeed Missile 0.0 how's that... gonna work...

but I do love that just... the justice minister, of all people, is also going to be in possession of those 10 years

OH MY FUCKING GOD LYNNE IS ABOUT TO HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK I KNOW THERE'S NO GUN BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

KAMILA WHAT THE FUCK DON'T FUCKING DO THAT THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING

aawwwwwww IT WORKED THIS TIME AROUND

'nice to meet you' OH BOY OH BOY I GET HOW IT WORKS NOW I THINK ...uh, I'm not sure how Lynne knew to flee from the junkyard then, but either way it looks like they're only getting back their memories at the PRESENT and that's why Kamila didn't fUCKING KNOW AND REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH DOING THAT JUST NOW

LMAO SOMETHING'S GOING TO EXPLODE TONIGHT

oh, nevermind, it's not that yet :D but it really does sound like it's going to :D right... about... dawn? :D

aww Jowd actually carries toy badges with him everywhere <3 <3 <3 'child handling tools'

still a kitten, huh yeah, that whole Temsik thing :D

aww, and here's her, all alive and everything

SO BIG MEMORYSPLOSION PLEASE

(at dawn) (it's fucking coming that's my headcanon and you can't beat it) (a bunch of people are going to become really fucking traumatized tonight)

hey!!! Missile!!! Cabanela brought him, huh

so, what's up with Yomiel, anyway

COME ON SISSEL MAKE NICE WITH MISSILE HE CAN'T CLIMB UP THERE

that guy's imitating Cabanela lmao

Memry <3 <3 <3

very best customer, huh

AWWW ITS THIS GUY HI GUY YOU'RE OKAY NOW WITHOUT YOMIEL TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU'RE JUST FINE

hah, and these two

.............................................yup. they died

'the indescretions of a minister perhaps?' I LOVE THIS FUCKING LADY I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

ah, these two what deal is it this time

the little rock sinter guy!!! yeah!!!!

hi medical examiner guy <3 guess you're not doing medicine after all huh

HI LEAFLET PARK GUY YOU ARE STILL CUTE

HI BAILEY

oh man oh man Yomiel :D hey are talking about Yomiel :D

SHOW ME HIS FIANCEE YOU COWARDS

lmao he's the painter this time even the robe sits the same

SO SHOW ME

OH YEAH OH YEAH HE REMEMBERS THATS THE PICTURE OF THE FUCKING CAT AND NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT

YUP YUP THIS IS IT lmao that crane i sure do remember it well it murdered two people tonight <3 <3 <3 kitty <3 <3 <3

aw yeah! in that picture with Missile!!!

#douche mcpointyglasses #is she dead #(for quite a while there the answer was 'basically yes')#cute shoes #dance dance inspector #the mysterious him #alba dracula #iron man dracula #sexy lamp #ddoggo!!!#those are all the character tags i remember #liliet plays ghost trick #this has been A FUCKING TRIP #i love this game

4 notes · View notes

karihigada · 7 years ago

Text

yakuzaAU

karihigada

haha or talk about yakuza!AU?

spoontasti

I could attempt to write

karihigada

uhhhh how about izaya still goes to normal school just like akane but the same as with her everyone

keeps their distance and is respectful out of fear

not shizuo thoug ;)

and its such a wild change for izaya that there is soneone who isnt afraid of his status

and of course izaya also isnt afraid of his stenght

that would be a very interesting change in their dynamic

spoontasti

That could work

karihigada

that there would be a legit reason for shizuo to be wary of izaya but he still isnt

and maybe shiki/akabayashi dont like this brat boy disrespecting the heir and try to rough him up a

bit/send goons to rough him up

so its no longer izaya who sends gangs after shizuo

and maybe in this instance izaya is actually really afraid that the one person who isnt afraid of his

status would be taken away

so maybe he fights with shizuo against the thugs (the thugs of course dont know who he is and just

want to beat him up as well)

so at the end of the day both are bruised but victorious and sulk to shinra

and on the couch izaya explains that he didnt have anyhting to do with the thugs, that were all his

dad's underlings doing and he doesnt condone of it

and he lowkey says he is thankful that shizuo is at least one person in his life who is not afraid to

give him lip

and shizuo just kisses him to shut him up

"like i could ever be afraid of some little flea, no matter who your parents are"

karihigada

and the next day izaya comes home and tells shiki, that punk brat you wanted to get rid of for

disrespecting us? im dating him. what are you gonna do about that now?

spoontasti

Cute

karihigada

and shiki just exasperatedly shakes his head because he cant really say anythign to that. maybe just

a sarcastic 'use protection'

and then he goes drinking with akabayashi and laments his life coices and ungrateful brats xDD

spoontasti

If it wasn't high school but later, I think there could be more surprises

karihigada

yeah, later in life it would be more serious because it would no longer be children fighting but an

adult getting on the wrong foot with the yakuza

maybe AU where awakusu tries to hire shizuo for his skills?

spoontasti

Like Shizuo being hired as a body guard or getting in trouble with Izaya

Like breaking something valuable

karihigada

and shizuo really needs the money and maybe doesnt realize right away that its yakuza but has a

bad feeling. but really needs the money

spoontasti

Or beating up how men

karihigada

*breaking something valuable* now i have ouran high school host club flash backs

xDDDDDDDDDDDD

spoontasti

Lol, same principle

Manipulating Shizuo

karihigada sent a GIF

but yeah, being hired as bodyguard and of course meeting izaya

and shizuo imediately dislikes his attitude but izaya is imediately hooked on the strong hunk xD

spoontasti

But I doubt he'd be willing to work for someone like Izaya

karihigada

he wouldnt work directly for izaya, jsut the awakuzu

izaya is just a package deal that he has to deal with haha

or he gets into trouble with the yakuza as an outsider, like beating up men and izaya pretends to

want to help him but not disclosing that he is part of awakusu so he strings shizuo along

sorta like that other AU we had a while ago where shizuo and izaya get close in highschool but

izaya was just using him al along, remember?

spoontasti

Hmmmm

karihigada

haha i like this AU. so many possibilitys

spoontasti

I think another way for it to work would be if Shizuo fucks something up really bad punishable by

death, but Izaya doesn't want that so he makes a deal with Shizuo (this was all Izaya's plan from the

start)

But Shizuo's debt just keeps going up

Because he has zero chill with izaya

karihigada

'punishable by death' you mean something that would make the yakuza make him wear cement

shoes?

spoontasti

Yeah or human trafficking

karihigada

so izaya keeps him in his deabt but also safe from the yakuza

so shizuo is stuck with him because there is no way out

spoontasti

Yuppies

karihigada

would also be an interesting exploration of consent and relationship dinamics because izaya clearly

has mre power here

would be an interesting take on their relationship

spoontasti

Until he dies or Izaya gets bored which will never happen

karihigada

like yeah, of course shizuo always says he isnt afraid of the fallout were he to ever dock izaya one

spoontasti

Yeah

karihigada

but deep inside he is aware that maybe they would also go after kasuka or others

spoontasti

Yup go after his family

And they know about kasuka

And that stops Shizuo from fighting back

karihigada

so would is just stay this fucked up their whole lifes or would izaya soften up?

spoontasti

Hmmmmmmm could get either worse if Izaya likes to watch him suffer or better if he likes him

Like he would want to turn him into a mobster

Monster

karihigada

and mobster xD

spoontasti

Yeah lol, So maybe he would try to get him to kill people for him which doesn't work

karihigada

for once i actually dont want to go the route of most suffering xD

i say let izaya soften up and them have a normal relationship haha

spoontasti

It could be really bad at first but then he softens up

karihigada

but yes also keep telling me about izaya trying to get shizuo to kill

maybe izaya really nearly pushes shizuo to the breaking point

spoontasti

But Shizuo won't do it even if it means his death

karihigada

and shizuo completely breaks down after beating some punk to near death with his bare heands

spoontasti

Yeah

karihigada

and izaya realizes that this is not what he wanted for shizuo after all (like in ACI)

and starts being nicer

and try to mend his past behavior

spoontasti

Yup

karihigada

could also be a unique cahracter exploration for izaya

he relizes that he has complete control over another human being and how he treads him defines his

own worth as a human and he doesnt want to be a monster

so he realizes he should stop making shizuo into a monster because at the end of the day there

would only be one monster and thats him

spoontasti

Sounds yummy

karihigada

i just realized we have very little fanfics who explore izayas humanity

even though thats also a core theme of the original drrr

but we also have very little fics who truly explore shizuo becoming a monster------

except one, hummmmmmm? *smiles coyly*

spoontasti

Hahah

karihigada sent a GIF

no but god, this AU begins to sound amazing~~ <3

spoontasti

Glad to be of service

Yeah especially them getting away with law and murder

Like the environment makes it possible

karihigada

i always think law is such a unique concept in drrr becuase its the REAL WORLD

spoontasti

And very likely

karihigada

not some fantasy setting where you murder people for fun in the wilderness

spoontasti

Yup

karihigada

thats one thing i really love about drrr, its setting in reallife

so how would shizuo come to care about izaya?

spoontasti

Hmmm

karihigada

definitely not for a long time because izaya keeps trying to get him to use violence

spoontasti

Yup

karihigada

so only after izaya softens up?

spoontasti

Gosh by then would he hate him soooo much XD

karihigada

or maybe their relationship actually isnt so bad at the start, they snark at each other and whatnot but

nothing too bad, and only after izaya gets bored of that he tries to push shizuo to murder?

spoontasti

Yeah makes a plan

karihigada

yeah thats the problem, if shizuo ust hates izaya from the beginging and then breaks down there is

no way he wuld come to care about him other than some twisted stockholm syndrome

so izaya first needs to make shizuo trust him

spoontasti

Toying with him

karihigada

and that infvolves not being such a little shit all the time so that shizuo doesnt completely hate his

guts

that would also be the only way he could manipulate shizuo into violence: through trust, not throgh

pressure of authority

spoontasti

Yeah

Manipulation is his fine point

karihigada

maybe shizuo nearly beats that punk to death to pretect izaya and izaya totally planned it that way

that would be the only reason shizuo would go that far

manipulating shizuo into violence like in ACI but focusing it onto another person instead of on

himself like in the control room in ACI

but by trying to win shizuos trust he of course has to play his freind and in turn shizuo treads him

like a freind so izaya realizes that it actually really hurts misusing trust like that :D

spoontasti

And Shizuo knows if something happens to Izaya something bad will happen to his family

Yup

karihigada

so they come to trust/care about each other by izaya just 'pretending' to be his freind but slowly

actually feeling like that but he also doesnt want to let go of his original plan to turn shizuo into a

monster so he goes through with it anyway

spoontasti

Okay ? so Izaya works on building Shizuo's trust by faking being nice

karihigada

while having doubts and pain but he tells himself that he can just throw shizuo away later

which he of course cant, he is already in too deep xD

spoontasti

Ok sounds good

karihigada

maybe while shizuo beats that punk its actually izaya who shouts at him tostop because he after all

doesnt want shizuo to become a monster

instead izaya realizes he himself might be amonster for pushing his freind that far

spoontasti

And then when Shizuo actually begins to start to like Izaya for real Izaya maybe lets him off

karihigada

you mean at the very end?

yeah

so now that shizuo is 'free' to go he maybe leaves for a few days/weeks and izaya is realyl miserable

and later shizuo comes back and tells him that he was thinking a lot and he decided to come back on

his own terms

spoontasti

Or maybe he doesn't go back to that life style but asks Izaya out

Like he doesn't want to come back under Izaya

But as his ally/lover

spoontasti

Or just someone there to stop him

And watch him

But Izaya understands

karihigada

maxbe it would be a sober note "if youre ever really in trouble i will help you.... but dont expect me

to get deeper invoved with the yakuza than that anymore"

yeah it would be really somber, shzuo still wants izaya in his life but no longer that life so its kinda

hard to reconcile those two things

but he also cant realyl imagine life without izaya anymore

spoontasti

Yeah

karihigada

and izaya also realizes he needs someone outside this life to keep him human

that would be an interesting spin, izaya needing shizuo to keep him human

spoontasti

He wants to be better for Shizuo

karihigada

and he is sorry he ever dragged shizuo into this life

just becuase shizuo is good at violence doesnt mean he is good in a life of violence

spoontasti

Yeah Shizuo isn't cut out for it even if he could be perfect if he used his strength

Sounds great

karihigada

sounds amazing :DDDD

god its so fun~~

the perfect bedtime story~~~ haha

spoontasti

karihigada

maybe an addendum for the earlier time: during the start when izaya tries to win shizuos trut by

pretending, you think he also tries sexual advances? or just try to be his freind?

would be even more heartbreaking if they are sorta 'together' while izaya tries to get shizuo to kill

spoontasti

It would be interesting

karihigada

and would make sense in why he regrets it so much manipulating shizuo

spoontasti

Yup

karihigada

maybe izaya comes onto him very heavily and shizuo tells him in his face he doesnt want to get into

trouble but izaya rebukes that it would be no trouble and noone would have a problem with it (as

long as shizuo is good ;) ) and izaya also tells him that he knows shizuo finds him atrractive, izaya

knows he is attractive and uses it as a weapon

so maybe shizuo would just shrug and go with it? spur of the moment thing? and then later shizuo

of course develops deeper feelings bcuase he things izaya is being geniune

or maybe he only gives in when izaya starts sounding more geniune about wanting to sleep with

him instead of just flaunting his good looks

shizuo wants to sleep with him becuase of affection, not jsut good looks

spoontasti

Yeah

karihigada

and he is very gentle :)

and izaya also didnt expect to be touched that gently :D

spoontasti

Yay

karihigada

and when shiki hears that they sleep together he jsut gives a long and resinged sigh but knows he

cant do anythign about it

also, what about mairu and kururi?

spoontasti

Hehehe

karihigada

and is akane a cousin?

shizuo would get along well with them and cant belive that the big brother is such a brat when the

little girls are so well beahved xD

spoontasti

Hmmm idk XD

Cousins I guess

spoontasti

Like maybe one of Izaya's parents is in the yakuza but since they always are gone, they just brought

them in

Izaya doesn't have to inherit but he's high in the family

karihigada

i thought the AU was that izaya is the son of mikiya, the awakusu boss? so he is the 'heir'

i was just hinking about hos izayas childhood woudl have been

spoontasti

Maybe Mikiya is his grandfather??

karihigada

probably largely the same as canon with fascination with humans and other children beign afraid of

him like with akane

spoontasti

Is Akane the heir?

karihigada

and the reason he didnt get into legal trouble in middle school for 'stabbing' shinra is becuase of the

yakuza xD

spoontasti

Yeah

karihigada

such a fun AU

espcially with the part with also examining izayas humanity. we dont have that enough in fics

not that this is ever gonna be a fic

this would be alogn one

its funny because the artist of the pic wrote like "izaya as the darling yakuza heir. discuss" and we

sure as hell discussed but noone will ever see xD

and even this will disapear into the void in a few days because you would need to scrool up

karihigada

but right now im having fun~~

#durarara #orihara izaya #ficlet #shizaya #au headcanons

10 notes · View notes

howtomovefreely · 7 years ago

Photo

Objective (3-D) ¡ Keep track of lessons created to HELP (1) move freely throughout my day PHYSICALLY while tracking Triggers & Flashbacks (TF) AND NOW THE REFLECTION : huh?

This was an insurmountable task & I ALWAYS SAY, “EVERYTHING IS SURMOUNTABLE.” It’s my two cats, one trying to mount the other & why I think about the question, “How did you get your cats?” and I start to see how fragments of sentences & words remind of other things, this not being the way my mind works only I was able to connect my thinking & not forget what I was saying. That is the same with reading and writing. When there are multiple things in your life that mimicking each other & now visuals & touching are also areas that ARE WAY DIFFERENT.

Two Options

Two options always, write or not write / to do any fine motor or gross motor requiring lifting or pulling my body & neck pain spikes!

Weapon of choice is the pencil for graphite and the color gray / the color of truth a blended mix of black & white why we’re going to do this mother right

PEACE, LOVE, HARMONY, CUDDLES & SAFE PLACES to LEARN, PLAY & WORK IN / found all my old loves c’est la vie for the only Revolution

Dreamed in French on day 18 & why when I travel I try to live like a native, naturally / doing natural things, breathing is the objective, the way to, to sing

For every ptsd memory there’s a LOVING ONE doing battles with weapons & ways of death that are still haunting me / the body/brain duality enacted in times of misery that lasted for 7 and 9-months & still you ask for evidence to NEVER discuss the solutions that could seriously change this child’s life right now? To have harmony with two opposing forces, The Day & The Night, demanding their due, a validation that led to BOO HOO & why this was the point that I knew to FOCUS ON to PULL THROUGH. It requires “true friends” who can’t do anything but supportive : it’s simply too easy not to do.

Accountability & Transparency : MODEL IT : How?!

ED IT all triggers that are present in a safe space : created 20+ and finding what is most natural & how to take breaks that are the right amount of time to adequately step away to “not die” but also not to lose the tri(grrr) since it WILL COME UP AGAIN & the point is to snuff it out with self-awareness & the decision to say, “NO!”

magic : intrinsic motivation that’s in all of us : change trigger to tiger

with any new skill or bad habit, nothing changes overnight

Teachers who scaffold have put THOUGHT into learning styles, classroom management & their own job performance which quite frankly, if you’re doing the RIGHT THING & open to feedback, there should be no worry

Document if “nighttime” is better in terms of “triggers” & moments “fear is present” since if you’re able to MAKE A SCHEDULE that ACCOMMODATES sleep. Zzz the #1 direct correlation to pain, anticipated pain, fatigue rate, stamina level, literally, do EVERYTHING since then you’ve eliminated while helping self at the same time & then it’s on the next hurdle...

Allow all safe spaces to be open & accessible if feeling “open & accessible” & if not, then it’s okay to closer all safe spaces!

When I forget about a safe space, I wasn’t meant to go there. If I “trip” across it, the NOW NATURAL reaction of the body is to not try and FIND IT thinking “this could be the thing that fixes it all.” after trauma you are...

trying to end it for all & hopeful that you can with THIS ONE : isn’t this kind of like sports pressure? Any ADRENALINE can alter body state & prepare for flight, fight or freeze. LOWER THRESHOLD for pain

quick review

all the time in my neck, back, trapezius & head (dizziness: constant 2-4/10 & increases with activities/movement) since 4/2016 no nausea 3-5x/hour; since 2/2018

Tracking after I stopped triggering from the “t” sound. T for Teacher. Going from NO MOVEMENT since hurt to YES MOVEMENTS since now I can work through the pain is literally going from one extreme to another : kind of how depression & mania work but these terms are way too harsh. You’re cranky because you’re in pain & 3-4 even 7 days in a row (level: immobile & mostly in shower trying to dampen it while hurling a little & can’t hold you know what). This makes you mental & created a palsy in my face & hands & couldn’t operate mobile. That was 8-hours & one day I’ll provide all the details, but not here & not until I’m ready, 100%. What a luxury & why I don’t have to question why my life [to them] was worthless since the next thought is THEIR LIVES. THE KIDS WHO I TAUGHT & this is where neck pain goes up! Finger pains are up! I feel my elbow, arm, leg, thigh...

RELIEF When there’s an hour, a minute, a second when pain shifts or the for the first time I NOTICED I was getting a headache instead of anticiaipting pain constnatly, there was a break and for a second I was PAIN-FREE/SENSATION-FREE. The seconds mattered since once I counted to 8 & even addd 2 since I probably didn’t notice right away, but only did that when it started getting beyond 8 seconds, and you do that too (whatever you feel) to NOTE what it is you’re really trying to say. When it’s safe to feel safe, you just do! When you’re body feels better & your mood lifts, you are thankful, at last since it’s getting BETTER

and what about when it gets worse...

you question. you look. you listen. you “confront” & this is where that pesky word “disagreement” enters

all the time HOPE : no dizziness ever! For 10 seconds! Maybe 15 seconds. Celebrate all goals.

Physical check-in

Able to crouch (20 secs), jump (twice), run for more than a minute if necessary and my pain is beginning to cause more cracks, pops in my neck when moving side-to-side and fully up & down!!! (in order to hold that pose, needed to have head on couch, with hand support & only for 2 seconds and created a “rolling” motion) ∆ MUST recognize impact & this is probably why so many things have been broken around me. I grab too hard or not on target. So go slower, but have more pain since quicker movements allow my body’s nerves to glide, but to go slow is the next step. SLOW IT DOWN & let body adjust as you did when you had to go FAST to lower pain, problems with STIGMA (health care, big time!) & at the same time, a natural pain release.

Did you know nerves like to glide?

When I learned this 1.5 years in, it changed my life. It’s allowed me to have minimal control over pain & that’s important. So the last 3 years have been mastering the glide & slide & whirl & twirl & crouch & whip & hold & kiss. These are easy movements because I demand that I get them down in order to be prepared for what’s unpredictable. I can predict my pain so stay ahead of it. Be ready for what comes at you without warning. People. Cars. Lies. Abuses. Triggers. Warnings & hate-filled assholes who will use whatever they can to “avoid blame.” I’m ready to tell this story : It takes a very long time to get to safe place for your entire body. The focus before was SUICIDE. REMOVE that & there’s no problems so identified what it was

Feeling of worthlessness that people did to you by lying to your face and removing safety becuase no one had CONTROL ✔️✔️

Removing it : present tense : currently doing that by sharing triggers to create “safe spaces” that is an iCloud. REAL clouds remind self life is always changing, just like emotions, moods & feelings & this is LITERATURE & why it gets the biggest thank you of all! There is never the same sky at any minute & how amazing to think all the different sunsets & sunrises they’ll be in one lifetime? I’m not sure sure we’re not gazing at the clouds more, but for now the iCloud is the way to scatter their shit & since I wrote this, I know it’s flipped.

Live naturally, meaning desire for every breath, never done redundantly. Life is death & death is what scares us, but never me, having faced that already at an early age, this physical abuse, you’re in the moment asking “What did I do?” but in this case, it was “How can you keep doing this?” and other questions, oh yes, I will persist. I don’t know the word QUIT when it involved the HARMS these people in power positions did & no alarms were sounded. Discriminating children with special needs is NOT HOW MY WORLD WAS FOUNDED.

EDucate it : elevate difference : never be frustrated : the words I write are actually EVIDENT or NOT EVIDENT : how the hell can someone keep ignoring this!?

ED IT : 1st STEP ∆ Prerequisite knowledge ø brain structure, features, form/function, how to keep it healthy & why I am not going to teach anatomy or physiology, my strength is combining teams that have DESIRE to work collaboratively...

...in a nutshell, you go back to the past to learn how to adjust to the present (which was too harrowing due to violence)

ORGANIZE IT : 2nd STEP ∆ Labeled according to TYPE (1) put artIfacts away by maintaining a record of what I’ve learned about auditory processing & all factors that affect Attention, Concentration, Awareness of self, mind, body, environment & (2) learn from it now that I have my “thinking” back since physically head sensations have been diminished after leaving THE MOST UNHEALTHY SITUATION : stigma in the health care field & their very acts of denial of safety, acceptance of NO KNOWLEDGE & insistence of an opinion without any supporting evidence is what the PROBLEM is. IDENTIFIED it & now, let’s fix it.

Do this process with consciousness, finally, since it all goes out & that’s the FEAR, of telling the truth, that hasn’t sat well with me? Ok, let’s explore this...

TYPE (vague on purpose) : H or S or HS or SH (depending on which one is MAIN versus which is a Trigger or Flashback e.g. SHT | crying and use of words “I’m going to kill you” or “I’m going to poke your eyes out” or “I’m going to kill myself” since happened in both settings, S, first (supported by H) and led to Flashback so direct connection to WORSE emotion which lead to issues of self-control; self-regulation due to darkness (most severe that snuffs out hope)

this is code

Here’s the key: the violence that occurred in a school/work setting was repeated in a home setting with the purpose of making it WORSE for someone who has verbally explained all fears in exactly the way that it happened. These PTSD memories are obvious & they feel smaller every day now. Called shit (as in their bullshit) and finally, scum since I see a dirty pond or marsh & when it’s in the bathroom, it’s really gross. We’ve got the word & now let’s move on

What is necessary to shake TRAUMA : remove scum. EZ

SENSING that boundary between “this is enough” & “I’ve had enough” : snuffs out humiliation : (2-D) ¡ A devotion to self, an unshakeable self-esteem to never need validation & what’s the harm in THIS : shows WHO IS IN YOUR BRAIN & if it’s a voice form the past who blamed you for something & you fight TO PROVE them wrong, you’ve chosen the wrong person since they vouched for you ALRIGHT : the goal : put all these pesky ptsd memories/moments away & to do that VALIDATE them & to do that show how EMOTIONS works in individuals who MUST guess & why must they guess . . . they’re observing, too and what do they see?! Those without a way to understand emotions are trying their hardest & this is what I’ve learned with kids & adults with emotional dysregulation, they really need validation to say “you’re doing the right thing” even if it’s the wrong thing. They can’t process their own behaviors because of PAIN & HURT they’ve felt every single day of their lives...

That creates an absolute & that means to VERBAL CUE : all, no one, every time, always, never, everyone, words that indicate in ability to properly & honestly self-assess. This the power white color to get me to a blank canvas a spark a desire to create & what is it that I’m creating. One FINal lesson to say this is what I’ve learned about violence & what should never be accepted. Hypocrisy, cruelty & evil. There is no other word for it.

This is their first weapon in distracting from the real issues : destroy your voice

Said it 1,000,000x : good use of exaggeration & now GROWTH can accelerate

anxiety USES fears to maintain a buzz of constant attention, areas where voice matters (for once) : & now activate the USE of GUILT

sadness OVERWHELMED by acute loneliness over extended periods & this self-Identity of being REJECTED becomes too much

anger that pops out of nowhere & the instantaneous sense of overwhelming loss of control where people “feel unsafe” so the rallying cry is to stabilize the one that is “losing it” and oh no oh no oh no...

A sense of immediate reaction heightened & then disappears is a cycle between _ _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ .

sum up these emotions, give them their rightful owners & send it to the universe

Process ¡ Emphasize cyclical relationship between mind + body & how tech can help & harm | How to understand FAITH in the invisible “truths” one must accept with tech since what you say is EXPERT & SPECIALIZED knowledge THROUGH GENERATIONAL dysfunction guided by PTSD memories of WHAT WAS GIVEN/PROVIDED/TAUGHT in childhood | not going to mention my childhood except when the ptsd memory relates to the very wrong assumption that was the catalyst for the past to come rushing up at me due to denial of bodily safety & continuation of denials after repeated attempts at some response.

How many false starts & first days as the next day becomes a blank of the previous & makes me question how do organizational systems work...WORTH IT

Day 1: Absolutes & Identify 2-D transformed to A, B, C ---> 3-D

Always, never, no one, everyone : INTRO 1/10 t FLIP worst to best & to encourage hope | T-note

did this spontaneously above, noting the frequency of absolute which means that ptsd memory is ready to bring into the light & it goes HERE ✔️

First step in identifying self is identifying self in all the ways you identify with. This is from the past the bold ones are still true today. Whatever is added at the end is added at the end & this is how you learn about yourself. You think deeply & take risks at exposure & why you find a partner to trust since the only thing in this world are the stories you tell each other, to be who you want to be, and to a survivor, you want to be not damaged, not hurting & not scared.

still the same !!! ✔️American, femme, cis-gender, warrior badass subconscious unicorn berserker : a teachable moment personified : imagineer & humanist who doesn’t know “no” : mentally fierce - emotionally complex - behaviorally predictable & severely feeling thanks to NERVE DAMAGE, TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY & several tag teams who told me, showed me, insisted, than persisted to reveal how they LOATHE DIFFERENCE to reveal HOW people can DO what they claim “I’ll never do!” That was the crux of it all what triggers one person is the SAME : the lie of “I never intended to...”

be stronger than these warmongers ✔️

activate imagination ✔️

destroy negative thinking while simultaneously launching love bombs one after the other meaning any opportunity to do good in small & large moments you take them, press in, and see what pops up. Perhaps there’s beauty in places you never considered possible ✔️✔️🚀

The Confirmation

How to successfully rebuild a life : prerequisite for SELF-LOVE, SELF-CARE & SELF-IMAGE is TRUST in SELF : use what you know, what you want to know & reflect on what you’ve learned to create the path that works for you. I think I just did it. I was honest with “safe” people from my past & their response was really kind. Thank you for that. It’s pretty easy once you get a sense for people & who they are when there’s “trouble” or “grief” or “pain” & you question how that happens? What lives have they led?

#ptsd recovery #ed it #self-education #emotions that hurt #uses&abuses #T note : ptsd memory #choose different over same #poetry #lesson plan #history #day one #let's begin

2 notes · View notes

felthief · 7 years ago

Note

all of them

CODIE LMAO I’M GONNA PUT PEANUT BUTTER IN YOUR SHOES

anyways phew here goes

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Definitely Spotify

is your room messy or clean? Usually it’s fairly clean, not spotless or anything, but i never let it get too dirty.

what color are your eyes? Brown

do you like your name? why? I literally hate my name, it doesn’t fit me at all. ;(

what is your relationship status? Taken :U

describe your personality in 3 words or less Tired, Objective, Worry-wart

what color hair do you have? Brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? lmao i can’t drive 8)

where do you shop? Walmart mostly

how would you describe your style? Comfortable – I wear pajamas and t shirts a lot.

favorite social media account this one?? i guess

what size bed do you have? A Queen :3c

any siblings? I have an older half brother, an older half sister, a twin sister, and a little brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Honestly I would probably pick any big city that’s LGBT friendly. I can’t live in a rural setting or i’ll die

favorite snapchat filter? they change all the time, i just like looking at the new ones

favorite makeup brand(s) i don’t wear makeup

how many times a week do you shower? Three, usually

favorite tv show? UUUH. Stranger Things. 8) Or Voltron. Fcuk. I can’t pick.

shoe size? 6…:(

how tall are you? 5′6″

sandals or sneakers? Sneakers, I’m a clumsy fuck so i gotta protect my toes

do you go to the gym? can’t afford that shit

describe your dream date *ALARM NOISES*

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Uhhh I have a 15$ walmart gift card and a 5$ starbucks gift card and that is literally it

what color socks are you wearing? I ain’t wearing socks, my feet are naked and free AS THEY SHOULD BE

how many pillows do you sleep with? Two. I used to sleep with three but I’ve had to suck it up and stop that cuz it was killing my neck. Now I just hug the 3rd one at night

do you have a job? what do you do? I am a comic artist which is kind of a job?

how many friends do you have? Uhhh..so many.. I just never talk to them becuase I’m a shit and don’t know how to maintain relationships

whats the worst thing you have ever done? I cut a friend out of my life and blocked her on everything because she was manipulating the fuck out of me and tbh to this day i still feel guilty but I think I’m better off

whats your favorite candle scent? Oh man. Danna has this candle that’s called like peach Bellini and I want to rub the wax all over my naked body

3 favorite boy names Oliver, Aiden, Zieke

3 favorite girl names Jade, Aria, Victoria

favorite actor? Thomas Dekker

favorite actress? Abigail Breslin

who is your celebrity crush? I don’t really have one tbh though I DID have a huge crush on Thomas Dekker until I was like 20

favorite movie? PACIFIC RIM

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Hell i haven’t read in years, but I loved The False Prince (I’m reading the sequel now)

money or brains? what is the context? If it’s in dating then usually I would choose neither cuz money isn’t important beyond being able to live semi-comfortably and brains isn’t something I look for cuz I’m dumb as shit and don’t like it when I’m around people who make me intimately aware of it

do you have a nickname? what is it? I have. So many. 8) Lucifer, Lucifene, Lou, Lee, Lucinfeff, Lucinfeffer and that’s really just the tip of the fucking iceberg

how many times have you been to the hospital? at least 10

top 10 favorite songs pretty much anything by Motion City Soundtrack, Issues, Carlie Rae Jepsen, or Troye Sivan tbh

do you take any medications daily? Antidepressants and Anti-anxiety medications

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Oily as sin

what is your biggest fear? Being alone

how many kids do you want? I want one. Sometimes. Other times I want none. I feel like I will regret not having one when I’m too old to consider it any more.

whats your go to hair style? Cropped I guess? It’s usually about ¾ of an inch long

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) A small apartment with a weird layout and a kitchen the size of a shoebox

who is your role model? i aint got one of those

what was the last compliment you received? An older lady I go to group therapy said I look like a cute boyfriend she had when she was younger

what was the last text you sent? I texted my dad telling him his tracfone was going straight to voicemail

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? Probably around 10, I don’t really remember

what is your dream car? i don’t know anything about cars :D Something modern and colorful with lots of room inside and gets good gas mileage

opinion on smoking? You shouldn’t do it and I’m a hypocrite

do you go to college? I used to but it was too expensive

what is your dream job? Something low-impact where I don’t have to talk to a lot of people. Data Entry I guess?

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbs for sure I would die out in the country

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? hell yeah I do

do you have freckles? I have some, up by my eyes, but they don’t show much unless I get some sun

do you smile for pictures? Sometimes :U

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 174

have you ever peed in the woods? Nah

do you still watch cartoons? Yep. All the time. Why not?

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? MCDONALDS FOR SURE I WOULD DIE FOR THOSE CRISPY GOLD NUGGETS

Favorite dipping sauce? Sweet n Sour

what do you wear to bed? Underwear and a T-shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee? I’ve never even been in a spellin bee

what are your hobbies? Drawing and sleeping

can you draw? yes

do you play an instrument? I used to play the Flute in middle school band until my bandmates stole it and hid it so I’d get kicked out. They told me to leave and I wouldn’t so I guess they took matters into their own hands ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what was the last concert you saw? I’ve never been to a concert, that shit’s for rich people

tea or coffee? Coffee

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I’ve never had Dunkin Donuts so I guess Starbucks

do you want to get married? no lmfao why would I saddle someone with my shit credit score and $50k of debt

what is your crush’s first and last initial? what is this crush shit u talkin bout

are you going to change your last name when you get married? i aint gettin married, damn

what color looks best on you? red? blue? black? i dunno man

do you miss anyone right now? a few people yeh

do you sleep with your door open or closed? Both

do you believe in ghosts? I have seen some shit so I’m gonna go with yes

what is your biggest pet peeve? loud chewing noises

last person you called I tried to call a hospital in Indianapolis but it went to voicemail B(

favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla cuz I’m a boring fuck

regular oreos or golden oreos? I don’t actually like Oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Sprinkles are fucking awful and I will never consume them

what shirt are you wearing? It’s a black t-shirt with a dripping poisonous looking smiley face on it

what is your phone background? It’s just the background that came with my theme. It’s dark blue and futuristic lookin

are you outgoing or shy? Shy as fuck

do you like it when people play with your hair? i barely have hair but Yessss touch my fucking head and I am yours to command for eternity

do you like your neighbors? i don’t have any neighbors

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I wash it in the morning sometimes if it’s visibly oily

have you ever been high? a few times yeah. Not really my thing tbh

have you ever been drunk? Also a few times and boy howdy I have a good time but everyone else has recommended I maybe don’t do it

last thing you ate? Some bread

favorite lyrics right now nnnnnnnnah

summer or winter? Summer

day or night? Day

dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk chocolate if i had to pick one

favorite month? OCTOBER cuz its my birthday and also spooky

what is your zodiac sign all of em

who was the last person you cried in front of? probably faewild lmao

#long post #ask meme #holy fuck sorry this is looooong #adorabletrainwreak #HEY I COULD ADD A READMORE? cool

3 notes · View notes

wonderwomanfantasy · 4 years ago

Text

Tendou NSFW alphabet

No one Requested this but I wrote it anyway

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He lightens the mood the the best of his abilities. He can be pretty mean durring sex so he makes sure you laugh a little and know that he really does love you. also lots of cuddles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his hair!! He likes how it stands out both because its color and becuase of how he spikes it up. Mostly he likes his hair because you like his hair. you’re always playing with it and scratching his scalp, it melts him.

On you he likes your hands. they are wayyyy smaller than his and just so cute!! he will be holding your hand 25/8

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

loves loves loves to watch his cum drip off of you. His cum is a little wattery so it runs and drips every damn where. he loves to bust over your chest and watch you try and to catch it all as to not make a mess but its too late his cum is all over the place and you should probably wash the sheets.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves to make you drool. kinda gross but here me out. its because it’s gross that Tendou is into it. He will put his fingers in your mouth just to feel you drool down the side of his hand or make you choke on his cock just to see your spit dribble down your chin. gets him rock hard everytime.

You get your wisdom teeth pulled and you end up drooling a little in recovery and Tendou is trying so hard to be a good boyfriend and take care of you but he’s turned on as fuck.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very. in fact he’s probably a virgin when the two of you meet. Most people are scared of him, or just think he’s weird so unless it’s like a one night stand he’s probably never done the deed before.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

something like this where he’s stratling one leg then has the other pressed to his chest. He likes seeing your face when you have sex so he can stick fingers in your mouth and he also likes that this position hleps him hit all the sensitive spots inside of you.

that being said Tendou is into some weird shit so if you are flexable he’s going to put your ass in some straight up bonkers poses while you two fuck

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

oh you KNOW he’s cracking jokes the whole time wich is kind of jarring because he is also belittling you all the time so he might give you whiplash

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Got into manscaping as a joke and is very poud that he has the prettiest pubes on the team also yes the whole team has seen his pubes because Tendou.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Not very romantic tbh like I said he’s into degrading the fuck out of you and he’s got truble expressing how much he loves you at the best of times so don’t expect him to scatter roses for you or something </3

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

all the time babie. he’s horny all day everyday and also jerking off just helps him relieve stress so he’ll do it even if he isn’t in the mood. Not ashamed if you catch him either if anything he enjoys you watching. very into mutual masturbation as well.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

BDSM- Tendou is a sadist. that's it that’s the post. Tendou lives to see you crying or in pain that he caused. it’s just so much fun spaking you then belittling you and humilating you for getting off on it of course this is made all the better becuase you like it just as much as him.

He also loves making a reall mess of you, your hair will be tangled, any makeup you were wearing smudged and your whole body trembling as it’s covered in unnameable fluids. in Tendou’s eyes you’ve never looked better.

letex- Is this a kink? I think so. Tendou loves seeing you in tight-fitting black letex. he loves watching you jiggle in the tight fitting outfit and how your plump skin fills the costume perfectly, and if you were to dom him you better do it in a letex dominetrix suit

food play- please imagine chocolatier Tendou pouring melted choclate all over your body so he can lick it up. Like I said he loves to make a mess of you. whipped cream, carmel, strawberries, icecream, Tendou would use you as a buffet table tbh

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

in theory he likes doing it outside, thinks its romantic to blow your back out under the open night sky, but tbh it’s hard to have kinky sex outside so he usally holds off on sex to the bedroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you use your “baby voice” like your voice pitches up and you hit him with the pout and the puppy dog eyes and he is putty in your hands. one time you found a stray kitty and started cooing over it as the poor thing. Needless to say, tendou had never been so jelous of a cat before. God forbid you baby Goshiki that way

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

not into roleplay He thinks it’s just cringey to pretend to be someone you’re not and it just takes him out of the experience. He also isn’t really big on sharing. He may threaten to let the whole world see you at your sluttiest if he’s humiliating you, but he’s bluffing that is a sight for his eyes only.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

tbh? not into oral that much. Not that he would ever turn down a blow job mind you, bt he would rather fuck you properly or just jerk himself off.

that being said he still goes down on you fairly offten. He’s a big tease and loves to torture you with his tounge edging you over and over again. or tease you for humping his face like a desprate little slut. He also likes it when you sit on his face, it just feels intemet you know? it’s also a good way to show his control over you. Even though techincally you are setting the pace as you ride him, you still do what he asks cus your obedient

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it depends. if he’s still in teasing mode, he’ll be painfully slow, until you beg him to speed up, wich he will of course almost brakeing the bed in the process and if you tell him to slow down he’ll go back to slow and teasing.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like to have a full quicky but he will absolutely pull you aside to get you worked up before leaving you high and dry. before pouncing on you when you have a little more privacy.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s down for pretty much anything he’s pretty chill when you bring something up you want to try and always makes sure to bring up anything he wants to do in advance to make sure you’re comfortable and onboard.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

in the beginning he has no stamina homeboy busts in like a minute flat lucky for you he is willing to train and he can go for rounds on end imma say this for every one of these boys stg but his stamina is through the roof never going to stop having sex just because he’s tired. and if he is feeling low energy it manifests with less kinks rather than less sex.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

HA. yeah <3. Ushi found his box of sex toys once and hasn’t recovered since. Ball gags, nipple clamps, and handcuffs are some of Tendou’s personal favorites.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Do I even have to say it? is it even really sex with Tendou if he doesn’t make you beg?

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not loud but he talks a lot. He looms over your body and mummers into your ear all the dirty things hes going to do to you, or wants to do. he’s also highkey going to mock you if you’re too loud

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

When he gets drunk he gets very sweet and clingy he also gets very touchy and drunk Tendou is one of the only times you’ll have sweet sex with him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

his cock is very long with a redish purplish tip. He has a small case of pencil dick cus it’s not very gurthy rip Tendou

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very high he wants you every day basically whenever you’re horny it’s safe to assume Tendou is also in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

like I said he dones’t get sleepy after sex really, but he does like to cuddle and he likes to watch you sleep while you’re curled up in his arms. 100% kisses your head while you sleep.

#tendou #tendou satori #tendou x reader #imagine tendou satori #tendou x reader smut #haikyuu smut #haikyuu!! x reader

367 notes · View notes

hpzen1805 · 7 years ago

Text

So, it's been a crazy ride these last few weeks.

Work was geting bad again, my supervisor (who has made a point to tell me that she's my colleague, not my supervisor, despite the fact that she runs the attorney's entire practice and requires that all work product be reviewed by her) started being horrible to me again. And it took this crazy thing and talking it over with my partner to realize that she's been gaslighting me this whole time.

Fun.

Things were getting bad and I was super stressed and not doing well at all (things were like when I started high school; I would wake up feeling sick to my stomach and almost vomit every morning because that's how my body deals with stress. Fun, right?)

But I had this class for work that was out of the office with my old senior paralegal, and it turned out to be just what I needed. She kind of knew what was going on already because she and I keep in contact, but we were able to actually talk about what was going on with both of us. I told her about the craziness at work and she told me how amazing her new office is. She also made a point to tell me that they were hiring and that she had talked me up so well that they wanted to see my resume. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but I needed some hope, so I agreed to send it to her.

At the class, I realized just how little these people who supposedly "wanted to teach me" about my field had really been keeping from me. The class went over things that I had been told were too advanced for me so simply that I found out that there was a whole exemption that we were utilizing that I had never been told about and which made the calculations that I had been struggling with make so much more sense. Of course, when I had done those calculations, I had been given a wkrd processing sheet to work with, and no explanation of why each part did what it did or what was supposed to be used to accomplish it. When I was told I did it wrong, the explanation was that "[I] couldn't know that because it comes with experience".

No. It comes from someone actually explaining shit. Just saying.

Anyway, my friend got me an interview, and it went really well. I had an offer within the week, and with how stressed my coworkers' behavior was making me, I was more than happy to accept. However, I still felt like I owed that place some modicum of loyalty (hey, I'd been there for a year and - as ive found out is like all gaslighters - things didn't always seem horrible; sometimes they were nice to me and let me hear them shit-talk others so that I knew what they did behind my back) I felt like I should give a months notice to do right by them.

So I signed my offer letter, gave a months notice, and started working with my non-supervisor to organize the tasks that I had and figure out what I could accomplish before I left.

Weird thing, though: when I gave notice, the attorney wasn't there, and my non-supervisor had always said to tell her first if we were leaving so she could "make things easier with [the boss]", so I did. She was very nice about it and said they would support my decision.

Then she asked where I was going, which I had purposely not said because another former employee worked there and I didn't want to make things weird or give them an opening to try and bad-mouth me (I don't trust people who smile and make polite chit-chat with someone and immediately start talking shit about them the second they leave the room, sorry not sorry). I told her that I didn't want to say because I wanted to avoid any awkward situations. This was her response:

"Why? It'll be more awkward if you're not upfront with us. We need to know in case there's a conflict. If there's a conflict [the boss] will only want you to stay two weeks, but if there isn't, she'll take the whole month. "

I - like a dumbass - was startled into telling her because it sounded legit. Come to find out from my friend at the new place that it was total bullshit, and they were just being nosy. Apparently, when the last girl from our firm left for my new firm, they called to talk to the hiring attorney about her (idk what they said, but my friend basically told me that the attorney knew better than to listen to them).

Anyway, I was ready to stick out the month and blow through my task list as fast as I could. I mean, I was super into it! I wanted to do the best I could because im a firm believer in kill 'em with kindness. Seriously, my motto is "I am a ray of goddamn sunshine and everyone Will Fucking Know It". So when I went in on Tuesday, I was ready to get down to business (to defeat... the tasks? Idk, it's late, and I'm loopy). And my supervisor had seemed like she was really supportive on monday when I told her, so I thought things would go relatively smoothly.

I was so wrong.

I went into our planning meeting, and it was like I was transported back three weeks; every little thing I did or said was scrutinized and found wrong, she was annoyed by all the tasks I had that she had told me to push back, and she decided she wanted to finalize 7 of my tasks that day. Since 5 had been reviewed BY HER before, I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

It was.

I had made all the updates that she asked, but she found further fault with the product that she had previously overlooked, and of course, it was my fault. So I tried to fix things and get them done, but by this time, her passive-aggressive attitude and constant sighing to express her "boredom" (something she's explained before as a reaction to "people not doing things the way she wants them done quickly enough"; that's a story for another day) was really fucking with my stress levels. There was also a thing with some documents that I didn't have, which I had asked her about weeks before, and she had said that the client had kept them and we had just kept scans after the meeting; that day, she wanted to know why I didn't have them, and I reminded her of that conversation; she got mad and said that I should have them and started asking when I had last had them (I never had them) and then went to check her office. Lo and behold! They were in her office! Who woulda thunk?! Then she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault for not getting them from her and that she never told me the client kept them becuase they would never keep them (which I had pointed out was weird when we talked about it and she assured me it was a rushed decision and out kf the norm).

Basically, the whole day was a shit-show in a hell-hole with my own personal torturer who specializes in emotional fuckery.

So I went in on Wednesday after almost puking when I woke up. After crying out of frustration to my partner the night before. After talking to my partner and my parents and being told by all of them that I could, in fact, just leave if I wanted to, and that the stuff my supervisor was doing was super shady (forcing me to tell her where I was going to work, and telling me not to tell hr because the boss would want to do it "on her own terms" because of the bad relationship between her practice and the main branch of the firm).

And after all of that, I came in to a rude response to my check-out email (which was in response to a rude reminder that I had to send one "EVERYDAY before I leave") and a passive aggressive note written in all caps on a post it that a new task was an ASAP and that I needed to see her IMMEDIATELY when I finished it.

And I snapped.

I sent an email to hr giving my notice and saying that I didn't want to upset my boss, so if she hadn't sent it over Please dont tell her I did. I got a very concerned response, and an offer to talk if I needed it. I went to themorning meeting with our practice grouo and made polite small talk with my supervisor, who was using the same voice on me that she uses on the associate attorneys that she thinks are stupid and doesn't like, but has to be nice to. And at that point, I was Done.

I went back to the office and finished the ASAP. I finished my admin stuff that had been lingering. I cleaned up my desk and updated my task list. I checked that my shelves were organized. I gathered up any research that I had done that didn't have client names on it, any notes I had without client names, and any personal items I had. And I left.

Well, first I gave her the asap and said I almost threw up (which I had in the midst of organizing) and that I needed to go home. (The response was: "Leave what you have in my box and hand flap to suggest leaving". Because, since she works while sick or giving birth, everyone else is expected to as well, and if you don't, you're weak and beneath her)

Then, I went to hr and explained what had been going on. I was so stressed that I cried again (luckily, not much, cuz I hate crying in front of anyone, but especially in a professional setting), but she was super nice about it and asked what I would like to do. I said that I wanted to cut my notice to the usual two weeks, and use my sick and vacation time to cover that week and a half that I had left. I just couldn't do it anymore, and my partner's voice was in the back of my head "You gave your notice. They can't fire you, and you don't have to take their crap.", along with my mom's voice telling me "The only one stopping you, is you." And the hr lady said I could!

So I left.

And I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Am I still worried that they'll bad mouth me to my new firm and ruin my reputation with the attorneys at their firm? Yes.

Am I super nervous about starting a new job? Fuck yes, I am.

But I am out of that toxic place, and I have a new opportunity to do the best I can with my life.

And I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. And I'm even grateful for what those people did, because I can learn from it, and I can grow as a person so that I am NEVER LIKE THEM.

So, if you've made it this far, I'm sorry for the rant, but also: Please don't give up. It may seem like you're in a horrible situation, but you CAN find a way out. Talk to people, don't be afraid that you're bothering them. Or do it anyway, because guess what? You Deserve Better. Even if someone (including yourself) is telling you that you don't. You Deserve Better. And if you feel like no one believes in you, or you can't do it? I believe in you. And I know you can do it. If I can, anyone can.

Please, don't give up.

#personal #rant #sorry

2 notes · View notes

yukizus-blog · 8 years ago

Text

92 truths

I was tagged by @hiimcaroline, which obviously want me dead xD

1. Drink: Cola

2. Phone Call: Mum

3. Text: “I will be back before midnight” to my mum

4. Song you listened to: Missi Hale - What the world needs now is love

5. Time you cried: Yesterday, but not much surprisingly

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: yop

7. Been cheated on: Kinda, hard to explain

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yup

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Ya.

11. Gotten drunk and threw up: Ya... xD’’

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

• blue • violet • turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: Yes, fortunately ❤️ I’d die otherwise xD

16. Fallen out of love: Hmmm... No, not of a particular person I guess. Things, like Caroline mentioned, yeah.

17. Laughed until you cried: Sure thing, many many times

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah. Nah.

19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t know if I met, but I got closer to some people and that changed me

20. Found out who your true friends are: It’s always difficult to say, there are friends, but they can go anytime and I won’t blame anyone - it’s life. One time you’re closer to somebody and then suddenly not. It may come back, but life is life. I hope those, who I consider friends now will stay them for a long time

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t really know what do you mean... xD Like, the list on my right I see now? Yeah. xD

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in really life?: All of them, otherwise I wouldn’t have them as my FB friends - most of them are not close to me.

23. Do you have any pets: Yeah! A cat, Kesio/Keś and I’m incredibly happy about that

24. Do you want to change your name?: I used to want it so badly, now I’m getting used to this, but still I don’t really feel special connection with my name - almost all my friends call me Yuki or Śniegi

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: My awesome uni friends made me a cake and then gave me cola and we went to drink some tea! It was so sweet, thank you so much <3 Then I met up with my boyfriend. I’m used to celebrating my birthday, but lately it’s just so modest, that I was really grateful for that

26. What time did you wake up?: Many times. Officially, 9:30, nah

27: What were you doing at midnight last night: Explaining relative clauses to my friend via facebook xD

28. Name something you cannot wait for: graduating from uni, holidays (I hate the heat, but at least no uni...), moving out from my home!! especially the last one; aaand having my own family

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 5 minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you can change about your life: One? Phah xD My laziness, anxiety, stressing too much about stuff that matter more or less, also my daily schedule... and my procrastination, oh yeah

31. What are you listening to right now: TV that I hear from the other room xD

32. Have you talked to a person named Tom: “Tom” I don’t think so, but Polish equivalent, which is “Tomasz” yes <- copied from Caroline, becuase same xD

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Too much stress in my life and almost no free time without getting stressed about things that I should be doing... Thanks Uni, fuck you too

34. Most visited website: Tumblr, youtube, facebook :D

35. Elementary: Done

36: High School: Also done

37: College: Trying to survive.... It’s really hard tho

38. Hair color: Brown, although some people say that it’s dark blond, which always will be funny for me - no, it’s fucking not, geez xD Soon, I will have ombre, with silver toner ;>

39. Long or short hair: Medium I guess

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Dan from Imagine Dragons... I mean, my boyfriend of course! phih! (that save tho)

41. What do you like about yourself: .... yeaaaah. Suuure. But seriously, I don’t know. Not my body, but I guess that I’m empathetic, loyal and rather truth-telling, but with a skill - I mean, truth without hurting somebody’s feelings xD

42. Piercings: Two in a left ear (used to be 3), one in the right one

43. Blood type: A RH +

44. Nickname: Yuki, Śniegi

45. Relationship Status: In a relationship for 2 years :D

46. Zodiac sign: Libra

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite tv show: I don’t have a favourite one, there are some that I watch and like

49. Tattoos: In the future :D

50. Right or left hand: Right hand

FIRST…

51. Surgery: Never :D

52. Piercing: My ears, when I was like incredibly young, still baby that couldn’t talk

53. Word: Mama I guess, but not sure

54. Sport: Gymnastics and swimming, then dance, not sure what was first - now I’m just a lazy cinamon-roll

55. Vacation: Some Polish cities, the first one abroad was Germany I guess.

56. Pair of trainers: Not sure, I don’t care about the brand

RECENTLY…

57. Eating: Chicken in a creamy-mushroom sauce - I hate mushrooms, but this one wasn’t bad when you put aside mushrooms xD

58. Drinking: Tea, bitter one, could be better

59. I’m about to: Get a call from my work

60. Listening to: Shots by Imagine dragons, Broiler remix

61. Waiting for: A call from my work xDDD

62. Want: To relax without having in mind that I have to do so many things...

DO YOU WANT TO…

63. Get married: Yup, in the future, after uni I guess. Would be cool. I want my own family

64. Have a career and if so what: Yes, I’d love to be a translator (Preferably audio-visual things, like movies or tv series) <- Same as Caroline xD

WHICH IS BETTER…

65. Hugs or kisses: Both, but not too passionate kisses tho, I prefer those gentle yet full of feeling

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: No difference rly. I’m quite short and so is my boyfriend, but as long as he is taller than me then doesn’t matter

68. Older or younger: Rather older or at least same age

69. Spontaneous or romantic: Spontaneous and romantic - yes, it’s possible. It really depends. Lately I need more romantic stuff, but with my schedule it combines a lot xD

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach, definetely.

71. Sensitive or loud: It really depends. Sometimes sensitive, sometimes loud, lately I prefer sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker; hesistant are kinda annoying

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger: Yup

75. Drank hard liquor: Yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Well... I don’t wear them, but I did lost some. I have them in my cabinet, they are just lying there, dunno why I bought so many pairs xD

77. Turned someone down: Yes

78. Sex on first date: No, never, I strongly despite things like that

79. Broken someone’s heart: Hmm... Yeah. I did.

80. Had your heart broken: Oh yeah

81. Been arrested: Not yet, but been in a police station on an interrogation xD

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah, for me love has to begin from a friendship, at least a little, or it should be based on one

DO YOU BELIEVE…

84. In Yourself: Sometimes or unconsciously

85. Miracles: No.

86. Love at first sight: Not really, but it can happen at the first meeting. My love was kiinda at first sight, but I was sceptical

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss on the first date: Yup

89. Angels: Hmm.. not sure

OTHER…

90. Current best friend: Well that may sound sad, but I don’t really have one. Everyone around me has their best friend, so I’m just left there like h-hi can I at least talk to you? ;-; Some friends I may consider best friends, but we talk so rarely or meet hardly ever... Stupid uni, really, it destroys my life...

91. Eye color: Grey. In some light they’re green-ish or kinda blue... But I always say that they’re grey

92. Favorite movie: I reaaaally don’t have favourite movies, tv series or anime. It’s hard to choose or nothing comes to my mind when I have to answer stuff like that.

I tag: @adsuro@likebreakofdawn @mikux3 same as always, because I don’t have more friends on tumblr hehehehe ;-;

#tag #92 truths

2 notes · View notes

mittensmorgul · 8 years ago

Text

12 seconds after I posted Sure Uncertainty on AO3, Chrome just SHUT DOWN ENTIRELY. Like, 12 seconds earlier and three hours of editing and proofreading would’ve been *POOF* gone. I am taking a moment to laugh in a slightly hysterical fashion.

Which brings me to the point. If you read and enjoyed the aforementioned fic, (and you probably haven’t, because hey, I posted it like 12 seconds ago but whatever), then you might enjoy a peek behind the curtain of how it came to be.

*harp sounds and rippling effect*

Below a cut because rather long cracky rambling with lizbob about a canon body swap plot, originally cut/pasted from a chat more than a month ago. Warning for irreverent Drowley references. Also, I profoundly regret not working the slap fight into the actual fic.

Mittensmorgul Ooh, I got it. Dean/Crowley body swap episode. Sam would probably think it was hilarious. Dean would be outraged. Cas would be so distressed.

Elizabethrobertajones ... I would love it. TBH we don't factor in Crowley enough into body swap scenarops *cenarios .... listen it's late and i'm tired :P

Mittensmorgul :D Crowley has canonically been inside Sam and Cas (and if we're being crude, probably Dean too) But he's usually there in an undercover capacity and not taking full possession.

Oh gosh though, a full body swap between Dean and Crowley could be rather enlightening for both of them...

Elizabethrobertajones yeah :D I like the idea as well of one of those episodes where they're swapping around a lot. maybe a bottle episode in the Bunker. especially if Crowley has something to gain by pretending to be one of the others. like they all know they're switched around but he's trying to pass off being, like, Cas in Dean or something to see how actual Dean (in whoever - his own meatsuit for lols?) responds :P

Mittensmorgul OH GOSH. My head hurts even thinking about plotting this out, but I LOVE IT.

Elizabethrobertajones all you need is 8 bits of paper and shuffle them accordingly ;P you'd have Sam and Cas's consciousnesses left over with Dean and Sam's bodys. so I guess Cas in Sam and Sam in Dean off having some adventure

Mittensmorgul Something like a curse where they're all just playing musical meatsuits...

Elizabethrobertajones of Cas being the tall one

Mittensmorgul YES.

Elizabethrobertajones but then they all swap :P even funnier if some of them stay in the same conversation as before but hop to a different perspective like if Cas and Crowley get in a slap fight

and then Sam drops in and one of them is left with him :P "Crowley why are you hitting yourself"

Mittensmorgul And it's Dean in Crowley's body punching his own face. :D

Elizabethrobertajones yes :P

Mittensmorgul I want to add this concept to my To Be Written list, but I have no idea how to even outline it >.>

Elizabethrobertajones start with an inciting incident before the curse to make everyone have a Side

probably Dean n Cas sulking at each other but something to get the whole lot of them riled up :P throw in Rowena not wanting to deal with their shit and. then you get all the fun of them fighting over some stupid thing a DeanCas subplot where they can't get a moment to talk which isn't SUPER WEIRD and Crowley pretending to be one or the other of them sometimes :P and then you get to play with all the dynamics :D

Mittensmorgul Meanwhile poor Sam's in the library trying to research the thing to find a way to make all of this stop But every time they "swap" again he just sighs and grumbles as he walks back to the library from wherever the curse zapped him to.

Elizabethrobertajones and every time they swap he finds himself in Cas's body that Dean was just in the kitchen stress-eating in and has to walk back to the library

Mittensmorgul In a different body every time

Elizabethrobertajones hahaha "Dean YOU NEED GLASSES" "AND YOU NEED A HAIRCUT" Crowley like, "you won't believe where Cas has his anti-possession tattoo"

Elizabethrobertajones I hope you are writing this all down maybe you need a rudimentary map of the bunker too this is worse than plotting a murder mystery

***

it would be cool if Dean or Cas walked off becuase you said they're still grumpy with each other and then finds themselves yanked back to the main group

elizabethrobertajones where the other is still as well and Sam or Mary is in the body that walked off :P

mittensmorgul YES let's make it Sam, because Mary's already been Dean

elizabethrobertajones also if we haven't seen Dean and Cas together yet then an argument would be a good way to establish where they're starting from & what needs to be fixed by the end of Shennanigans :P

mittensmorgul Yeah, they've argued over the phone already, due to Dean's feeling like he screwed up the hunt, he blames himself for the hunt going sideways, and now he'll blame himself for the whole body swap problem

elizabethrobertajones oh no >.>

Cas, talk some sense into him

and smooch him

preferably not when it's a weird configuration of bodies

mittensmorgul yeah, there will be no smooching until Dean and Cas are both in their proper bodies

elizabethrobertajones Good :P

there's... no configuration that is even neutral

mittensmorgul I was weirded out thinking that someone would have to go to the bathroom during the course of the body swaps... No way can I write, say, crowley and mary as dean and cas kissing. Nooooooo.

elizabethrobertajones *gag*

and yes let's just... apply the "no toilets in fiction" rule here

mittensmorgul Definitely.

But it still occurred to me despite wishing it hadn't

I'm just beginning to realize how very many different ways there are for this plot device to become incredibly uncomfortable

I swear I won't let it go there.

yeah, fluffy fluff fluff fluff what are bodily functions

#elizabethrobertajones #strange peeks behind curtains #until i know this sure uncertainty

20 notes · View notes