#also there's a) a moment where you can tell the camera operator doesn't know where to focus and b) 1 instance of lighting that is so so

[youssefguedira]

the other thing about vanya (hi yes i'm still here will be so for a while) is the sheer whiplash you get while watching it like. there is an element of this in fleabag but that is at least consistent because it is 1 person. vanya is like 1 character (andrew scott) will walk off stage and immediately another character (andrew scott) will walk on. someone else (andrew scott) will be crying and singing and then immediately get interrupted by 2 other people (andrew scott and his friend andrew scott) and we switch right back to comedy. earlier in the play ivan (andrew scott) walks in on two other characters kissing / abt to have sex (andrew scott, and andrew scott). and this all happens so fuckin fast the switches aren't even noticeable sometimes. once more with feeling: WHAT the fuck

[zmediaoutlet]

spn20rewatch, 1.13: "Doesn't it make you wonder if it's worth it?"

One of the most interesting parts of the story of Supernatural season 1 is how the narrative manages parting out information to the viewer. Some of it's "as you know" dialogue, which is what it is because this is that kind of show, but there's also a very interesting almost... shell game happening. You're introduced to a character, and how they operate on camera tells you something about them, but then someone else introduces information about them that either confirms or contradicts that information, and then in each episode and each scene you have to just pick up the shell and see -- is that who expected to find? What was the truth, here?

The truth is that it's complex, because for all the things you can say about Supernatural you can't claim that the characters don't have depth. Dean is a cool loner womanizer who doesn't need anyone. Dean meets a girl and dates her for all of two weeks before he's (arguably) in love. Dean says there's no need for anyone outside the family and you should lie categorically to 'civilians' because they'll never understand the job. Dean tells some random woman the darkest deepest secret, because he was hoping not to be alone.

Those things don't contradict each other, at all. They inform each other and twine into each other and speak to each other to form a fuller deeper picture. The most enduring feature of Supernatural is that Sam and Dean, most of the time, come off more like people than like characters, by which I mean -- they change their minds! They have some natural character traits that they do adhere to, much like anyone, but they aren't written in such a way that those character traits are law. In lesser character work, the Character Does X, and x is the only option on the table; in Supernatural, Dean can really only want one night stands where his heart isn't on the line one week, and be desperate to open up a few weeks later, and then a few weeks after that be miserable cold stone. It's inconsistent but it's inconsistent in the way that actual people are, outside the small screen. Really, the most consistent Supernatural is in with their characters behaving like inconsistent, maddening, incredibly people-y people.

CASSIE: Goodbye, Dean. DEAN: I'll see you, Cassie. I will. [...] SAM: You meet someone like her, doesn't it makes you wonder if it's worth it? Putting everything else on hold, doing what we do? DEAN looks at SAM for a long moment, then smiles and reaches for his sunglasses.

He wants the relationship. He knows it's a bad idea. He knows he can't have the relationship. He wishes it were possible. He wonders if it's all worth it. He knows it is. Having all those thoughts at the same time (and visibly, to camera, where they're highly readable to the kind of viewer willing to pay attention) is what makes the whole damn thing worth it. And the racist truck wasn't that bad, honestly.

[0heartangel0]

PERSONA 5 TACTICA IS NOT GREAT: A VERY ODDLY-CONSTRUCTED RANT

Pt. 2: The Phantom Thieves With No Heart

We'll start things off by bringing up what I said earlier about the characters and how I don't think the vast majority of them are any good, with only the three exceptions mentioned previously.

"But wait," I might hear you ask. "You said two out of the three were Futaba and Yusuke. Does that imply that the rest of the thieves aren't as good by comparison?"

And to that, I say, ".......yes."

I don't know what happened here, but the Phantom Thieves aren't Phantom Thieve-ing. And by that, I mean, not only are they written rather bland, but they contribute almost *nothing* to the plot, outside of the obvious combat segments that are just there for gameplay's sake. They might have a *few* moments here or there, but when I say "few", I MEAN "few".

To make things easier in order to get my point across, I'm gonna go down the list of Phantom Thieves that aren't Futaba and Yusuke, starting with:

ANN TAKAMAKI

I'm gonna be honest here: I can't think of a *single* moment Ann had any relevance or contribution to the plot or any character development outside of when she was brainwashed by Marie at the beginning of the game, and even then, you could make the same argument for every other thief that wasn't Morgana or Joker.

There's also the aforementioned Samurai scene, but it's there to run the same joke of, "Ann's a terrible actress". I will admit, it is funny, and Yusuke saves it by spinning it, saying she's wasted, but my point still stands. And as I've stated, this is one of two optional scenarios, so you might not even see this scene.

At least in Strikers, Ann gets the first arc, where she relates to and sympathizes with Alice Hiragi, our first antagonist. Tactica leaves her out to dry.

Also, in the first arc, Toshiro constantly brings up her leather suit, and it gets old and uncomfortable real fast.

So, yeah. Ann gets nothing. She loses.

MORGANA

Morgana is the same old same old, but that isn't saying much, because....it's Morgana. He serves as your tutorial guy for the beginning, while constantly correcting people that he is indeed not a cat (except that he is, don't deny what is the truth).

The only thing I can compliment him on is how he calls Lavenza "Miss Lavenza". I don't know, it's cute. It shows how much he respects her (don't know if I should call them siblings, considering Morgana's origins).

Aside from that, I really have nothing else to say about Morgana. I never liked Morgana to begin with, and that still holds true in Tactica.

MAKOTO NIIJIMA

Makoto has never really been my favorite Phantom Thief by any stretch of the definition, but even I can tell that they did her dirty here.

Once again, she does nothing for character growth or plot, and is left for some cheap jokes that usually result in her threatening someone's life. I can only think of *one* time she did something for the plot, which was ask Futaba to hack into Yoshiki's cameras to show the citizens what the camps have been doing to the people taken there.

But aside from that, that's all Makoto really contributes....

...which makes it all the more aggravating when you remember that Makoto's supposed to be the TACTICIAN of the group!

EVEN THE GAME SAYS SO!!

But you want to know the real kicker here? While Makoto doesn't do any strategizing, you know the characters that DO?

Toshiro and FUTABA!

Okay. To an extent, I get Toshiro. But Futaba? She's the HACKER. I mean, in regards to what she should hack and the timing of it, I understand, but not full-on strategy on the WHOLE operation! And even if you want to include Futaba into this, why not include Makoto as well?? If you want to push the idea that she's the strategist of the Phantom Thieves, then have her participate in this discussion!! I love Futaba as much as the next guy, but it's clear to me the writers or someone on the writing team *really* liked Futaba.

What I'm trying to say is, just give Makoto her role back, man! Because apart from that one moment (plus her losing her cool at an aizen during the Samurai/Geisha scene), she really has nothing else.

HARU OKUMURA

Okay, in all fairness, even in the first game, Haru really didn't have much going on. There's a reason "Haru Didn't Get Enough Screen Time" became a meme. She was only ever relevant for the Okumura arc, where she teams up with Morgana during his split with the PT, and after some running around and whining, he makes up, and Haru joins, wanting to change her father's heart. Then he dies, she gets sad over it, and she then proceeds to just fade in the background for the rest of the game.

That isn't to say Haru wasn't a good character. She was decent. The problem is, due to her lack of screen time and contribution (and Morgana), she never really had a chance to develop as a character, especially with her comrades. I'd argue that if you took her out of the original game, the thieves' dynamic and the story as a whole wouldn't change by much.

Then Strikers swooped in and saved her character. Due to the nature of it being a sequel, the game understands that we don't need to reintroduce the characters again, and just lets them have fun. And boy, did they have fun with Haru. Not only did she get two funny running gags - one of which being paid off through means of her almost killing her friends - but she gets an entire arc focused on her, where she reconnects with an old friend that has lost her way due to guilt and blackmail. It's so touching, and shows just how much Haru has grown as a character from the first. Screw the Okumura arc, replace it with the Sapporo arc! Also, she's terrifying.

I was then expecting Tactica to follow through with this, giving us a very adorable, yet sadistic floof ball. But... no.

Just like everybody else here, she serves no purpose to the plot, she's been soul-sucked, giving zero laughs or character development whatsoever-

Okay, that's a semi-lie, because she actually has one scene.

While infiltrating Marie's castle, the gang come across a room, where a projector plays a video of real-life Marie treating Toshiro like crap, even calling him her "puppet". It's here where Toshiro remembers that Marie is his fiance arranged to him by his father, who only did it to boost his political career (and money) due to Marie being the daughter of a rich ceo to a conglomerate.

Marie, however, as shown in the video, has never cared for Toshiro, and only agrees to marry him in order to gain the status and power as a wife to a prime minister.

It's here where Haru begins to empathize with Toshiro's plight, having also gone through the hell of being forced into an arranged marriage with a horrible human being for the sake of the family business.

It's great that the game acknowledges this similarity and uses it to have two of our characters relate to their hardships and grow together as a result.....for this one exchange.

Those four screenshots I showed? This is the only time Haru ever talks about this with Toshiro, or has a moment like this with him. 'Cause after she says this, it's never brought up again. It's such a waste, too, because they could've done something here, but they chose not to. And for what?

Okay, okay! There's ANOTHER moment Haru has in this game. And it's in a Quest she has with Yusuke, where she tries to test Milady's psio powers to drag enemies to her so she can easily take them out due to her axe being heavy to carry around. After the quest, she reveals that when she was a child, she used to try chopping wood in the garden. When her father found out, he got angry and told her not to do it again. In an act of rebellion, she continued in secret. She later found out through one of her helpers that her father had known she was still doing it. Yusuke and Joker conclude that it was probably her father's way of showing his affection and kindness towards her, with Haru agreeing, saying that that's why she's attached to her axe, for it's a reminder of her courage and when her father wasn't a crazed lunatic was kind.

I honestly love this quest for this story. We get to learn more about Haru, and even add a little more nuance into Okumura before he formed a palace, making Haru's determination to change his heart, and sadness when he died make more sense.

I just wish we got to see more of this in the main plot rather than a side quest. Can-

Can we just stop being mean to Haru for once?!

RYUJI SAKAMOTO

*Sniff* Ryuji....what did they do to you, man?

I keep beating a dead horse here, but Ryuji serves no purpose outside of being the comic relief half the time when Toshiro isn't available to be the resident punching bag. And even then, I can't think of a single funny moment Ryuji had in this game, apart from that one quest, where him and Makoto bring back a box from town square, only for it to contain a bunch of Yoshiki merch, and everyone pawns it off on him. BUT THAT'S IT!

And it saddens me because it's RYUJI! If not for Zenkichi, Ryuji would be THE best boi to me. Both P5 and P5S gave him so much, usually being the best part of both games for me. And it's not just because he was funny (although he is). He always had the gang's back and would risk everything for them, like when he almost died when trying to get the thieves a lifeboat when Shido's palace was collapsing (we don't talk about the aftermath of that). In Strikers, he stands up to and screams at a disembodied voice in order to defend Sophia, whom he considered as a dear friend, especially given the voice was calling her worthless and purposeless - something he's heard other people call him all his life (I hate it when people boil this scene down to, "He sAiD tHe F-bOMb, gUys!", 'cause there's more to it).

So, with all that said, these examples puts more a perspective of just how butchered he was in this game, since he's never given a moment like this. The closest we get is of a Memo stating he's like this, but we don't see it in action. He's just....THERE. And that's the worst you can be as a character.

Much like everyone else, he gets nothing of importance. Nothing, except some Yoshiki merch.

REN AMAMIYA / AKIRA KURUSU / PEEPEE POOPOO / BABY GIRL / HARRY MOBUS-

(You know what? For the sake of no discourse on the canon name, we'll be referring to him by his codename, ironically the only canon name he has.)

As the silent protagonist, you might think I wouldn't have much to say about Joker. But that's where you're wrong.

Ever since P3, despite their roles as the silent protagonists, each one always gave an air of personality.

Makoto Yuuki (P3 Protag) always went with the flow, giving off an "I don't care" attitude, with a side of depression, for he didn't seem to fear death.

Yu Narukami (P4 Protag) was a friendship-loving chad, who'd do anything for his little cousin, Nanako, and always strived to unveil the truth.

And then there's Joker. While appearing to be an average student, he's really a showboating trickster (God himself even gives him the nickname of 'Trickster'), who isn't afraid to joke around, even when the situation is dire. He'd do anything for his friends and strives to change society for better, even if society views him as the villain.

This personality carries over in Strikers, as you can see in both the way he acts in cutscenes, and a vast majority of his responses throughout the game:

(Watch it - you won't regret it)

So, when transitioning to Tactica, I guess Joker lost his personality along the way because, my God, is he boring in this game.

While I can tell you almost every funny dialogue option Joker has in P5 and P5S, I can't think of a single one here. Almost all of them boil down to the same generic answer, with no charisma or back-talking Joker's known for.

But, nothing, flippin' NOTHING, holds a candle to the most annoying thing they added to Joker. It was something I noticed the first hour or so into the game, and then proceeded to play a little game with myself to see how many times it happens. And it happened EVERY DANG TIME!

You see, at the end of every cutscene Joker's involved in (so, almost all of them), he does this nodding animation to close it off, and I don't know if I should find it funny or annoying.

That's all he does. He NODS!!

JUST-

....how did you butcher Joker?

WHY ARE THE PHANTOM THIEVES HERE?

No, really. Why are they here?

Heck, the game throughout constantly asks the question of why the thieves were dragged into the world of the Kingdoms, but at the end of the game, never provides a concrete answer.

Salmael does state that his offer of salvation "is not limited to [Toshiro]", but the fact he's doing all of this in Toshiro's mind tells me he had no intention of dragging the thieves in to begin with, and was only ever focused on Toshiro (I'll complain about that when I get to Toshiro).

You could make the argument that the reason they were dragged in was because they were in LeBlanc when it happened, and LeBlanc is supposed to be Toshiro's safe haven in his mind. But then, why drag Lavenza and the WHOLE VELVET ROOM then?? Doesn't that just give the thieves more firepower, since Lavenza can provide Persona fusions, and later, FIREARMS?? Why didn't he also drag in Igor, since Lavenza states she was intentionally dragged away from him when it all happened??? WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE THIEVES BEING THERE, APART FROM JUST BEING TOSHIRO'S UNPAID THERAPISTS?!

I'll tell you why! It's so they could label this as a Persona 5 game! And that's all she wrote!

It just disappoints me, because I like the PT, and to have them be watered down to this leaves me feeling...empty. And sad. And depressed.

And this is just the OLD characters. I haven't even gotten to the NEW ones! I won't be discussing them for the next few parts, but just know: I have a lot to say about them, and none of it is good.

Pt. 1

Pt. 3

[quandaryqueen]

Since requests are open again, could you perhaps do some headcannons for Yandere! Young Justice Riddler?

White knuckle jerk

Yandere Young Justice Edward Nygma X Reader

Yandere? YJ Eddie? Oh my god my loves 😍💕 oh lordy labacamoo, I love you for requesting this. I am so sorry it took too long, I just really needed the time to think about how I can do this request justice and I really hope I did

Also, I'd love to try something new for the Reader's role. You'll see.

CW: Yandere Content, Toxic Relationship Dynamic

💚 Yanderes are a different kind of breed, aren't they? Just the absolute worse, to think they are entitled to a person just because the object of obsession looked their way once and now the Yandere won't stop until they're satisfied on how they have their darling in their grasp.

There are myriad classifications of Yandere. There's the sadistic, protective, delusional, laid-back, vouyeristic, etc etc.

Then there's Edward Nygma, the Riddler, the pathetic one. The one who tries to hold over control over his darling in a way that's degradingly cute of him to try and cuff you to the bed, only to apologize, kneeling, crying, clinging, pleading for you to forgive him, as he kisses your feet for forgiveness.

💚 You were caught as object of obsession, the hot topic among circles of villainy, you've made a name for yourself, an instant terror struck upon the masses and a threat to be snuffed out... All he ever wanted.

And so he set out to watch you for his pure fascination. How does one person in which a calibre like yours operates?

Well for one, he kept a record of your agenda and had managed to track footage of you through various security cameras from wherever you go. It was difficult at first but it's certainly a tell of his determination. From the direction of your headquarters, the bank you recently robbed, a construction site you rigged with explosives as bait for the heroes, your life as a civilian as well, wherein he'd observe you go on about your alter ego where you managed to hide your identity very well. It's simply laughable how you aren't cuffed by the police yet with this amount of footage.

Seeing you go from the cold, masked monster to a warm face that smiles back during encounters was jarring, but fascinating to him. And he can't even tell which one was an act and which was genuine.

💚 Now, the tricky part was making himself known... Wait... Isn't he already known? He has to be, he's been trying to establish himself as one of the greatest threats of Gotham, of course he'd be known! You'd know who he is! Who doesn't?

Anyways... He has pinpointed your latest agenda, striking up a deal with a little known rogue who has yet to make a name for themself. It would be easy to acquire access of their contacts, plus he thinks his reputation would be a great addition to be considered when he plans to make himself known to them as an ally and as a result, get to meet you.

💚 A crush? No. Fascination is the correct word. He isn't above admitting he looks up to you, that he admires your way of doing things and would like to emulate that.

💚 When the time came, he establish himself as an ally of the team, he finally met you.

"V/N, I presume? Your reputation precedes you,"

"Ah, I forgot. Y/N, this is the Riddler." Edward glances at the third person, who is apparently on a first name basis with you. And not to mention, how they sound more at ease around you.

"Riddler... I've heard of him. The one with the question marks," You merely looked over your friend with disinterest as if he weren't there. "And what other help can he offer our cost? Other than being utilised for a... Questionable bait." You paused, trying to find a word less offensive.

"I can assure you-- I'm quite effective in wide ranges of cyber-related needs, strategies, techs--"

"I suppose we can make use of you. Now, if you were to excuse us for a moment, I'd like to talk to Gaslight alone."

Edward practically shrank under your intensive gaze, before wordlessly excusing himself.

💚 One would think he'd be turned off after your display of decorum (lack thereof), he was not. For one, this treatment wasn't particularly new for him and second, he expected this. He has been watching you after all. What's more, he was compelled. How it will all feel worth it once he has done the unthinkable, the impossible. Little ol' him.

He was on the team. That, he can tick off the checklist. Now all to do was to get along with you or Gaslight, the rogue who has agreed to work with him. You seem to get along with them very well and perhaps through a mutual friend, he can develop a bond with you.

It was no easy task, he was prepared from the mount Everest of a research, you would be the most difficult person to conquer in any way. There was nothing you find more repulsive, like submitting under someone. Let alone someone like him. But he felt in control.

He knows what to do, what to expect.

💚 Everything about you wasn't easy. You are irritable to anyone you don't like, save for a few people you tolerate. You also pick up one of the myriads of masks and use it for your own benefit, building a beguiling reputation for being a soft-hearted, thoughtful angel to some, not so much when they turned around.

He was aware of just how you are when you're at your worst, striking unprovoked and ruining someone's life for your benefit without much an ounce of regret and how you can do that to anyone, including those who you seem to have deceived that you have bond. By the looks of it, you might do the same thing to him. But he doesn't care. If that makes him more to you, then take whatever you want from him.

💚 Stupidly persistent, determined, willing to take damage if it means pleasing you. Everything he takes from you, from the verbal hits to the bruises and welts, he was going to take it. Somehow, someway, he is going to have you under his control soon, pull the rag from under your feet...

And in his delusions, he sees himself as this soon to be dominant, in-control, ever so merciful Yandere who will be your everything. In his head, that's his conclusion. In reality, he couldn't hurt you, he couldn't bear the thought of making you cry, let alone lose all the things you want... But if he had to do that, then so be it. It would have been for a better cause, he justifies.

💚 It just so happens your second-in-command, best friend, Gaslight, first name Gayle and last name Ilaw happened to have failed to escape an exploding building from one of your missions... But don't worry, Edward was there for you, he will be your new best friend... Or more, if you'd like.

"What did you not understand about what I said?" You utter coldly, sparing no glances at the hindrance that is Edward. "Don't make me repeat myself."

"I am so sorry for your loss," Edward approaches your slumped figure standing by the balcony. He felt as though he was in your good graces to be excluded from the goons you've yelled at to leave after receiving the news of Gaslight's death.

Gaslight... Long time friend, someone you considered as family. Second-in-command, confidante... An important piece of you Edward had to yank out in hopes of filling her role. It was a massive gap to fill, but you should know by now, he would do anything.

"If you need someone to talk to, I am always a call away."

Edward could not help but to smile as he exit.

The normal you would have barked at him... This development was just what Edward needed, to see the cracks form and soon enough he'd be there to pick up the pieces for you. It will only be just a matter of time until he reduce you into nothing but broken shards of what used to be you, needing to be made whole again with him by your side.

[sweetfirebird]

Purity culture post making me think of a lot of youtubers and how they all do the same topics and reaction videos, and police each other for 'correct' behavior, but also how another youtuber somewhere said that the policing is mutually beneficial to them all. It's engagement. It's clicks. And they can issue carefully written apologies before they all continue on as they are, still all friends with each other, and still all marketing themselves as okay for consumption because they are "pure." But even the "pure" is calculated. They can read their comments. They've got analytics. At some point, it becomes less about trying to make a safe space and more about building an audience and getting those clicks, because that's where the money is.

Of course, support of a system with arbitrary purity standards and a habit of routinely turning on each other has its other problems. Like how eventually the "pure" goalposts are going to move to exclude these youtubers for real, and they will likely get dogpiled or abandoned, but most of them will have made their money by then. Gotten their book deal or whatever. And this isn't to excuse actual trash behavior like not paying your employees or being "jokingly" a racist, or things like that, and yeah, dogpiling on people is not great, (though also take a moment to consider *who* gets dogpiled and who doesn't and why that is) but watch enough youtube and you can see how calculated a lot of the moral outrage is. They fucking love it when one of the other youtubers gets involved in a scandal. Or sometimes, a "scandal." That's more content for them. Reaction videos! Easy. They get clicks AND they get to seem more moral and good.

Some of these people might start out doing their vids for fun or because it's their field and they like talking about that subject, and probably a lot of start out genuinely wanting to do good and be seen as good people, but once they start having to produce content consistently to make money... Once they all become friends with each other and learn how to game/use the system.... Once they realize that videos condemning certain "sins" get more hits... idk how strong those morals stay.

They talk smart or funny and they look straight ahead into your eyes the camera for a while every week, and they talk about the things they know you want to hear because their analytics tells them what you want to hear, and the prolonged eye contact can feel like connection! They are on your phone/laptop/tv, talking about what you like, regularly! Like friends! You're friends!

Except you're not friends, they are, no matter how nice some of them seem, selling you something.

Anyway.

Sorry. Been watching too much youtube while doing my embroidery and my suggested videos are the most telling pile of garbage about how youtube and many youtubers operate.

This is really like several thoughts that need to get teased out into a proper essay but I'm not doing it. I was avoiding work and now I am getting back to it.

[zalrb]

What are some characters that have a profound link to each other the I-don’t-know-where-you-begin-and-where-I-end, my-life-is-your-life, type link. Romantic or friendship

This is an interesting question and the reactions to my response may prove to be interesting as well but I find from what I have seen that this kind of link, this extremely intense I-don’t-know-where-you-begin-and-where-I-end-my-life-is-your-life link is done the best and with the most intensity when it comes to bromances/brothers.

Like in Bloodhounds. Their relationship isn’t just this

It’s Geon-woo giving Woo-Jin his blood

and the nurse saying that he's given as much as he can and him begging her to just keep drawing more and more so he can save him

It’s Woo-Jin willing to risk potential liver damage so Geon-woo doesn’t have to drink alcohol because it's against his principles

It’s how even though they’re very close with other people, those people can end up feeling left out when they’re around the two of them and the camera frames that third person through the two of them bickering like an old married couple to emphasize that they're not a part of what's happening even though they're all having the same conversation.

Or Merlin and Arthur. Or Dean and Sam. Or Hwi and Seon-ho

Bearing that in mind, bearing the complicated role Seon-Ho played in Yeon’s hostage situation, the fact that Hwi isn’t able to exist in a world in which Seon-Ho isn’t alive is an extraordinary testament to his affection for him

and Seon-Ho’s survival is framed as due to, in part, his ambitions and desire for vengeance but it’s also framed as surviving for Hwi because Hwi asked him to

And I find that we rarely see that level between female characters. This isn't to suggest that there isn't a sense of devotion with female characters.

Cristina and Meredith, they're soulmates, the twisted sisters,

but where Merlin and Arthur, for instance, will risk their lives to save each other, where one of them usually launches himself at danger so the other can leave but the one left behind refuses to actually go

Meredith and Cristina will have these moments with each other in relation to a love interest. Meredith isn't telling a gunman to shoot her to save Cristina it's save to Derek and Cristina isn't operating on Meredith with a gun to her head, she's operating on Derek because Meredith is begging her to. Meredith operates on Owen who gets shot trying to protect Cristina because Cristina asks her to

They love each other, they need each other, they're committed to their relationship, I believe all of that, they're one of my favourite friendship duos but that intense you-don't-understand-they-mean-everything-to-me-and-you-don't-know-what-I-will-do-for-them is not quite there.

Then you have something like Charmed and the Power of Three and they're stronger when they're together

and it's very much about the bond of sisterhood and it's meant to be relatable, like even with the demons and the monsters and the witches and the elders, they're sisters who tell each other how they feel, who borrow each other's clothes, who talk about their romantic lives, who support each other's dreams and have a club named after their bond (P3), who love each other and protect each other and will do anything for each other and you see how their bond affects them -- the grief of Prue's death causes Piper to become a fury

and it's well-executed but there isn't that level of high intensity, I will go to hell for you, I will end the world for you, I am nothing, nothing without you, who am I without you

I would literally rather die than see you replace me with someone else

because they're not supposed to be co-dependent.

From what I can recall, Boo and Fleabag are the closest to that type of intensity

and it's complicated because when her mother dies and she says she doesn't know where to put her love Boo tells her to put it all on her

so Boo is also wrapped up in Fleabag's grief about her mother and then Boo dies because of Fleabag's betrayal and the memory of Boo and Boo herself is so acute for Fleabag, particularly in season one, there's even an interpretation that when Fleabag addresses the audience, she's actually having a conversation with Boo and then there's that interview with Phoebe and her best friend and inspiration for Boo about writing that relationship and the ways in which it mirrored their own

but with the way that Fleabag portrays this, because Cristina and Meredith do the same thing, there's no sense of boundaries or division and that's what made Fleabag's betrayal so heartbreaking.

I ran out of space for gifs, if interested I can go on about other dynamics, lmao.

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The San Lorenzo Job

OK, we're really switching to season-long setups now with the return of Manticore as a Plot-point. Not really a fan, I personally like shows where stuff can actually stand on its own to stay that way. It feels unfair to suddenly rely on the audience to start taking notes from previous episodes when you've trained them not to.

So now we know that there are 3 things to be stolen this episode: The Election/The Country itself (stuff the ballot boxes or hack the machines, possibly a Sophie Thing, grifting not a Person but a Country entirely), His Backup Gold and Diamonds (Big Parker Moment?) and the Manticore Servers (cause Leverage Consulting is not stupid enough to let that thing go out on the open market a second time. They learn from their mistakes. )

I guess there's a small chance they don't steal Manticore? In that they could also say "the servers will go on the open market after Moreau's take-down, and we'll just buy it with the money we steal from him" like he bought it after they stole it from Duberman, But that doesn't feel like how the Leverage Crew operates.

----

The Italian makes another appearance, "Damian Moreau will never leave San Lorenzo". Clearly a case of Exact Words 101, So of I'm right they're gonna turn his Shelter from extradition into his prison.

---

OK the heroes have all touched all the TV's in the electoral command center, which means they're now all Hardison-ed. Compromised, don't trust anything a TV shows in this episode.

---

So they're compromised (definitely not intentionally no-no this show would never make the bad guy think he knew what was going on to make the bad guy overconfident. They'd never do that /s)

But are you telling me Hardison hadnt hacked the stuff yet? Thats like the first thing he does? Normally... Normally its the first thing he does, i forgot about Manticore didnt I.

---

"How is a campaing promise different then a lie", come-on writers, tell us how you really feel!

----

What scandal could be worse then Sex or Corruption? Animal Cruelty, Puppies... You can tell the writers loved coming up with this as a plot.

Love the way that their chosen stooge absolutely despises them. Like Nate is not a nice guy and this is a genuinely good person forced to work with Nate at his sober-est.

---

The way that Sophie tells the poor guy exactly how she's gonna manipulate him with the handshake, then proceeds to do it.

---

And the team is back at what they do best biochemical warfare, Nothing these guys cant accomplish by drugging the heck out of some people.

--- Oh jackbooted thugs with face concealing masks, in a show where the heroes are always disguising themselves as anyone and everything, shoot Shophie on camera? Yeah that was the plan, make it look like democracy is falling apart to get them in trouble with the UN watchdogs. Tell the Current President he can simply frame Moreau to clean his own hands... give him a nice retirement package... I can see Nate's angle.

---

So yeah, play your enemies against eachother, steal an election, Sophie's face is going to be on the money now. Sophie grifting so hard she makes a president feels like a good enough Big Sophie Moment. So they didnt steal Manticore, just imprisoned the owner and then had it become a San Lorenzo Government Property (which is now an actual democracy).

No big parker moment... kind of sad, but having Parker steal all his gold off-screen feels like the most Parker way to steal. the simple "yeah she's good enough we dont even need to show the audience" is Parker enough for Parker. even if the 2-part finale didnt give her a "moment" the finale didnt need it.

[just-a-random-person24]

chat I keep forgetting to upload my notes. Anyways! Starks Mind eps 20-25

Episode 20

• another silver lining taken away

• blames his lack of a map for ending up in these types of situations

• totally cameras!

• lost count of how many times there hasn't been any alternate routes for him to take

• “No smoking? Thanks! I don't need any sort of stress relief right now.”

• figures out the ‘cameras’ are tripwires

• Tells the guard he’ll take care of turning on the power for the rails and that he’ll try to find medical supplies

• “Intruder spotted.” *shoot* “And subsequently eliminated.”

• the headcrabs are just annoying at this point

• low on ammo

• thinks. the first-aid kits are for the HEV suit…

• very pissed off right now cause of all the radiation he's had to deal with

• thinks he made it to the generator. Only gets a turret :(

• about to say the military forced him to kill them but immediately brings up the soldiers walking into his bullets

Episode 21

• blames the soldiers running into his bullets on Darwinism

• feels like he's stuck in a loop

• thinks the marines would have a map. They don't. very mad about this

• searches the backpacks for any possible food or a map. He *could've* eaten hours ago with the vending machines but yk

• compares finding food or a map to trying to develop a quantum mechanical formulation for the wheeler feynman time-symmetric theory without a Hamiltonian.

• Which (copying from the Wikipedia article) is a theory of electrodynamics based on a relativistic correct extension of action at a distance electron particles.

• (also from its Wikipedia article) In quantum mechanics, the Hamiltonian of a system is an operator corresponding to the total energy of that system, including both kinetic energy and potential energy.

• says that doing that is simple in theory, but gets out of control fast

• everything is past using crazy or insane, so settles on chaos

• has no clue where he was going with the above statement. Says it’s to keep himself sane

• tries to use the lift. Is confused why it doesn't work for a moment

• claims he's very ditzy right now

• already knows the other corridor will lead to nothing, but checks it anyways because the stairs down are destroyed

• Shoots before thinking about if he was about to shoot at a scientist or security guard

• compares what's going on to Star Wars. Realizes that since the military shot first, that would make him Greedo(?) which would make him the bad guy

• has no clue how he would get back up the stairs and settles on using alien bodies before barrels. Despite not liking blood on his suit. Blames it on being unhinged at the moment

• who knew that turning on the power would lead to more military?

Episode 22

• pretty sure the military has a bomb in their possession

• going to sneak attack the two soldiers that came down the lift. Makes a loud splash

• very concerned about the explosive barrels laying around

• considers himself lucky that they haven't blown his brains out yet

• going to use the explosive barrels to try and kill the remaining soldiers

• pretty sure the alien invasion isn't on a global scale yet since the cover-up operation wouldn't work if the aliens *were* invading globally

• very surprised he didn't die. His face is hole-less and he can sort of feel his body!

• “I might have killed myself a while ago, but since you assholes are going to do fuck all about this and glass the place in the end, I now have a reason to keep on going.”

• ‘Free man’ pun… immediately says the joke was tacky

• “No. No way in hell, I'm not leaving you to die down here, I just can't” [npc says something] “Cut the bravado, you're not fooling anyone! It's just *me*! I can help you!”

• doesn't want to leave the guard to die. Says he can't let anyone else die ‘not again, not now, not ever’

• apologizes to the guard for not being able to help him

• “That's right, take it! Take it all and ***die!***”

• very happy about killing the Gargantua :)

• very okay. very adamant he won't won't pass out because there's still shit to do

• really hates that he has to leave the guard behind

• doesn't seem to want to fire the rocket until he hears it would help the Lambda Team

• “So I'm launching a rocket, huh? Makes sense.” Very much makes sense

• Tells the guard about the injured guard so that he can possibly help him

• still no map. sad :(

• tbh he's very much a theater kid even though he hasn't done theater

Episode 23

• says that getting to the rocket would be as easy as rationalizing String Theory (aka, not at all)

• assumes there's soldiers at the bottom of the tram lift. Just water though

• makes a water-slide joke about all the flooding

• doesn't get a moment for his jokes :(

• periodic dose of disappointment is met :)

• very unimpressed with the Barnacles

• would rather stumble across a group of marines then aliens because the marines means he's getting closer to somewhere important

• tries to come up with a name for the barnacles. ‘amputated octopus’ isn't good so sticks with ‘jellyfish pricks’ because it's more degrading

• “Back to deciding under the illusion of free choice.”

• the electrified water is better than radiation lakes! refuses to step into it to avoid becoming a battery

starting to enjoy killing things. And makes the connection that guns are for murder first and self defense second. totally normal :)

• according to him, was really good at track and field but just okay at shot-put

• failing really bad at throwing grenades

• “And just like the cat, we all know what happens to the curious. They send their own to the moon, or space, or other worlds, hoping to explore or get… resources?” doesheknow.png

• thinks the aliens are on earth for resources for a moment

• hopes Eli and Kleiner are alright. Wonders if they met up with Barney

tries to figure out how a marine died before ultimately giving up and saying that yellow tape should go around the whole facility

• would've taken up chess if he knew the military's plans were this complicated

Episode 24

• thinks chess isn't a good comparison, but when thinking about it more it actually is

• he's both stupidly lucky *and* armored!

• thinks he's better equipped to deal with the military then the military is to deal with him

• no up-sides to alien infested areas

• immediately runs into more marines, was going to leave the living marine but goes back to kill him under ‘kill or be killed’ mentality

• “Pursuing these bastards is a double edged sword, the side on my end being dangerously close.”

• going to kill every marine he sees at this point. Good for him!

• going in a loop…

• leaves the cart to explore on foot because, looping

• sees a bunch of headcrabs ambush(?) a marine. tries shooting at one of them through the window when he thinks it's staring at him

• finds a rocket engine! thinks he's getting close

• thinks humans would get ripped apart on Xen

• switches a switch on without knowing what it would do other than ‘power on’

• “even the military has failed to set up a decent ambush against me.” \*immediately almost gets shot at by a military turret*

• lost his cart </3. Very excited about fighting marines in tight, narrow hallways :)

• thinks the vortigaunts were speaking through a marine through telepathy, and that's why the marine didn't shoot at them

• lots of Houndeyes! Can cause temporary hearing loss

• finds a bunch of scientists and guards dead against a wall. Sits down and apologizes to them and tells them he'll make up for his mistakes

Episode 25

• making promises to corpses holds no weight cause there's no expectations

• certain he's in debt to the entire planet

• his body hurts very bad :( also thinks he has internal bleeding

• wished Lamarckian Evolution was true cause he wouldn't have to deal with bullets. But would have to deal with other lethal things

• history wouldn't look kindly at him joking about dead employees

• Somewhere Over the Rainbow playing :) questions if it's real

• thinks the military would be into death metal instead

• almost gets gooped by a Bullsquid cause he was thinking about military music choices

• could go for a smoke. Gets distracted about the possibility of bugs crawling on his suit and tries to shoot at bugs

• needs to make a mental note about not rushing into firefights

• finally pays attention to the cafeteria! Doesn't want to eat anything there though (reasons being that it's near a rail-line, an alien could've gotten to the food first, and that he doesn't feel hungry anymore)

• kills a Bullsquid in the women's restroom, then wonders if it *was* female but doesn't want to check even if it's for science. According to a commenter, Bullsquids are hermaphrodites!

• Pure Imagination playing now. Finds lockers and jokes about finding music he would like. Mentions the rock band Long Distance Calling

• says he socialized quite a bit during his time in Black Mesa and actually remembered a few names! But would've needed to be really close or an asshole to *really* remember them

• uses a very long winded way to say that Black Mesa right now is just full of nonstop detours to get to where he needs

• “I have to lay low for now.” \*immediately has to crouch to avoid trip-wires*

• knows he needs to rest to regain some strength, but doesn't because he needs to get to the rocket

• “My body practically lives off of adrenaline right now, but that's going to wear off eventually. But you know what won't wear off? The gunfights won't. The alien ambushes won't. The teleportations won't, the deaths won't, the violence won't. None of these things will stop for me! So when I finally reach that point of mental desperation and physical exhaustion, what am I supposed to do then?”

• figures he's doing something right to make it this far

[sincelastsession]

I had to talk somebody out of killing themselves today.

Simultaneously the neighbors that hate me were all in the pool with friends and new neighbors and they were all talking about me and shouting and saying fucked up shit at my apartment. I did not look out my window I did not respond. I didn't call a noise complaint. I was too busy trying to get someone to not blow their brains out.

I did everything I could do.

I'm ANGRY.

Do you know how much I wish I could be petty as hell back to my neighbors?

Do you know how much I want to beat the breaks off the person I had to talk down.

I am so fucking mad.

I hope when I move it's so fucking quiet and peaceful that I'll do better and heal and absolutely wreck everyone's skewed perception of me.

OVER SKIN COLOR they think I'm the only one reporting them. They're scared of my neighbor, they've been trying to befriend her but she knows what they're doing to me.

Yeah. I need help finding an easy to operate 360 camera not wired. There's like 60 with similar reviews on Amazon. Lowe's was zero help. Not even trying best buy or home depot because they're probably just as incompetent.

So if in your free time you feel up to it and see something worth a damn could you email me a link?

I mean I'm looking myself still.

Also another reason that I don't really have a desire to kill myself is how fucking and sufferable it is sometimes to talk people down and it's not my first rodeo I don't know why I was cursed in this lifetime to do nothing but fucking talk idiot fucking depressed people down from hurting themselves but it's been a giant trend in my life since I was a child pretty much like 15.

This is an even a guy or a girl that I have romantically been interested in this is just a friend of mine that lives in New Orleans and it's always out of the blue they always fucking call me out of the blue or text me out of the blue because they know that I will pick up the phone.

I guess

Because in the past when I have felt that way when I have felt like not being alive anymore and I've tried to contact people that I thought were my friends they didn't fucking answer the phone.

And I have lost 2 friends of mine because I didn't answer the phone. And I could blame that on myself where I couldn't but I played a part in not answering the phone.

And people all the time tell me to put my phone on silent when I go to bed. But I can't it doesn't matter how many sounds and notifications go off during the middle of the night I cannot put that fucking thing on silent because of situations like this.

Like honestly what do I want to do with my life right now as of this moment I want to fucking move I want to make a beautiful home I want to break the chains of the bullshit family curse that just is awful. I want to create and paint and be part of apparently what my core self is supposed to be and run a little online store and I wanna make graphics so I can make a passive income on like one of those T-shirt company websites that buy designs from people so there's an extra passive income. I want to create tattoo flash for people to buy. I want to foster and clicker train dogs and I have considered getting certified in training courses to become a trainer even though dogs are not my favorite animal. I want to own a dog I don't know what kind but I would like to own one that probably somebody didn't think would turn out to be a good dog something like that. I have considered doing social work but specialized. I have considered asking my friend if I could work for his capital city concierge company when I am mentally and physically able to do so and that would bring me up in society and class wise and do a whole hell of a lot for me if he would be generous enough to hire me. I do have a lot of talents that I didn't realize are talents that would be very helpful for him and his company and for just people in general. I have also thought about being a private investigator. I don't know what kind of schooling or what I need to know to do that but it sounds pretty cool. I have thought about getting certified and reiki and becoming a rakie master which would afford me clients willing to pay me a lot of money for energy work and that could pay my bills very easily.

I mean I'm at the point where I'm about to make an only fan somehow and just not put my face in the pictures and just take a bunch of nudes it's even if they suck and see how much money I can make with that to at least give me a safety Nat and fucking put it down payment on a fucking house because we live in a distopy and hell hole.

Also my thoughts on Trump getting shot. They missed I'm disappointed. But I don't think they missed I think it was all staged. I've known plenty of people in the military and I've known snipers and they do not just graze the president's ear. I'm sure that they have some guy that really just wants to go back to jail that is going to admit that he did it so the X president can get cloutAnd build on his campaign with theat peoples at back him being extra protective in pulling other people in with bullshit empathy. I mean I'm pretty sure this is some sort of art of war tactic because there's just no fucking way after seeing the footage that it was just some random dude. Also his head is really large so I don't know how you wouldjust graze the cheek and the ear. But maybe that's because I'm a good shot and I took riflery and I know damn well it's not that hard.

Honestly it's probably not the best time but I desperately want to go and just fucking adopt a dog and send my landlord $500 deposit.

Unfortunately the breed of dog that I would like to own is not allowed on the premises that's not a pitbull.

And the whole point of that would be for protection and ESA and a working dog to help me with my ptsd

In the past I have asked my parents multiple times If we could somehow acquire a service dog or one to train and register to help me with my PTSD etc. Luckily one of my cats and then the trash babies it is learning from her do a-okay job. Unfortunately they cannot protect me because they are tiny creatures except for the fact that Griffin is 18 pounds of pillow pet and that's not going to help.

Do you have any resources on getting a service animal or acquiring a dog 2 train 2 become your service animal?

I really feel like that would be helpful for me.

Anyway I don't know if I'm gonna sleep tonight but I have to be awake for 2 PM tomorrow because Travis is gonna come Uber and hang out with me and then at 5 PM me and Travis are going to meet my beloved friend Lucy who was my roommate before I moved into this shit hole and I am looking forward to having dinner with them.

I have no idea what I'm going to wear or if I'm need to leave and get up even earlier to go and find something at a store to wear and get a birthday present for Lucy.

I'm just tired of showing up to events and places in the same fucking clothing that just is on rotation and I feel like I look like Adam Sandler and it's really comfortable to dress that way but I look stupid

And then I'm fucking mad that a woman twice my size called me a stupid fat bitch and is intagonizing me when I have done nothing malicious towards her.

I don't know how to fight back or go on offense for this sort of situation it just seems like it's going to become more dangerous till I move out which is what they want and my other neighbor desperately doesn't want me to move out because she's not like them and I don't know how to explain that because she tried to explain it to me about black culture which I don't understand because I'm not black and she said that they're going to keep doing this shit till I move most likely. It's interesting to me how they won't fuck with her. Like their kids have tried to fuck with her and she has just glared at them and they have shut their damn mouths and I have seen that. And then yeah the people in that apartment are trying to be friendly with her and she's just ignoring them.

Because she took pictures of the little daycare bullshit and all the other crap that's been going on around the apartment complex all the nasty stuff etc and just broken shit etc things that I've been talking to the office about since I moved in that they said they don't have a budget for

But guess what instead of installing cameras for the safety of the resonance they are getting new pool furniture

Surely that will help everything

I mean fuck me I hope I find a house I hope it's fucking awesome and I hope I could have a nice house warming party and I don't know if hippo would allow it but I would invite you and my neighbor and Travis and Lucy and some other nice people and it would be a nice quiet chill time.

I'm just hoping that I never have to live in another fucking apartment for the rest of my life because this is not a place that is good for me.

I don't like living in a community of people like this.

I have never lived in a home where I got to decorate or express myself how I wanted to and I have still not gotten to do that here for the past 5 years other than hanging up some art.

Because I have lived in fear of my father's threats of I've taken everything away so I haven't really decorated because I didn't think that I would have lived here this long so it's never been a place I could nest nor that felt like home

And I don't feel like it's a safe space anymore. It's been a safe space for many people that I love and care about but now it's not since those people moved in.

And I'm gonna find a camera and I'm gonna Find a damn good camera I'm gonna mount it where I can see every fucking thing that's going on and I'm going to have it HURT to a terabyte hard Drive so Even If it does get knocked Down all of the video footage is going to be on that hard Drive.

And I'm mad as fuck that I have to do all of this shit because I don't really have the budget for this.

I didn't have the budget the other day to take my mother out to eat because her blood sugar was dropping and she was being awful and I couldn't stand it so I just told her to pull into the expensive Mexican restaurant she was whining about so we could go get food so she would chill out and come back to normal. And I'm still mad and I'm still fucking bothat my entire life I have had to feed my mom sugar tablets bring her a cup of apple juice and things like that when I was a child.

My parents think that they have had to take care of me no that's what the nurses and doctors and physical therapists did in my teachers and my grandmothers

I raised my fucking idiot parents

And I'm mad about it

I didn't have a fucking child hood that I can remember.

I am so fucking mad I am so fucking mad that I had to save somebody's life again

I should have just let them but then I would be a monster if I had

I wish that there was some way that I could get back at my neighbors and I have been thinking about it for quite a while now and I can't think of a tactic to use with the kind of tactics they're using that will throw them off completely and get them to leave me alone and fucking respect me as a person

And the thing is the office has heard their children speaking to me rudely and didn't say a fucking thing to those kids and that's their job is to go up to the apartment where those children live knock on the door and say hey your children were just disrespecting another resident for no reason and you need to come get them.

No I don't have a problem with the little kids that don't have self-awareness yet. They're going to scream and screech and laugh and cry and be little kids.

The ones I have a fucking problem with are the ones that are older than 4 years old walking around cursing and acting like their Mamma taught them 2 me and other people.

I mean how hateful do you have to be and how much real estate am I taking up in this bitch's head?

My neighbor miss Darlene has been really kind enough to go and check when she's up at night to see if anybody has messed with anything in my flower plant area which is barren because I'm too scared to plant anything because little shit head kids or just going to yank it out of the pots or dump shit over.

And I need to go outside and sweep and clean all the spider webs from around the windows and all that and move my things around and sweep all the leaves and shit off the balcony and all the extra dirt from the last time they destroyed everything.

And then I don't know what I'm going to do I don't know what would be a good idea to do.

Because if I leave my apartment they're going to run outside if they're not already sitting outside in this heat which is just crazy if they're that bored and They just say things to me to try to get a reaction and then the fucking office never does anything about it.

Because I don't have proof.

I mean it's July so that means it's the beginning of spooky season for me so I'm probably going to go to Michael's and get a lot of decorations if they aren't horribly expensive or come up with my own decorations and window clings and stuff because this is a time of year that I want to enjoy that I rarely get to enjoy and I've told you before in June it begins I have this sense of horrible dread all the way up to my birthday

I don't know why it happens

I don't know what part of my life and what trauma happened during that time that makes me have this reaction

And it's aggravating because I don't need this with APTSD flair and autistic burn out at the same time it's a cluster fuck of problems that is just driving me nuts

I wish I could go on vacation but I don't want to subject my ESA cats to loud as people while I'm gobecause they can't even do their jobs correctly because people are screaming so loud that they're going to hide.

So I'm angry I'm super fucking angry and I'm so tired of people treating me like shit and I'm tired of being the one that talks people down from suicide and I'm tired of being the 1 that everybody comes 22 use and for help because they don't know how to use basic fucking common sense and act right.

I don't know what is in my circle of control right now.

I don't know if you're religious or not or if you have friends that are religious or not but If you do pray please pray that I get a nice home so I can get better so I can continue to work with you so I can be financially stable and get the fuck away from all these toxic ass people in my life. I just want to heal and be left alone other than maybe having a partner that is good and positive for me around or more than one partner I don't really even care at this point.

I don't even know what my fucking sexuality is anymore I have so many questions and I'm so frustrated and confused because it's like am I just gay am I just a lesbian or am I bi or am I pansexual or am I specifically only attracted to certain types of feminine energy and masculine energy or what like I don't know I need like a giant book with tests or something that tells me

Maybe I should just go consult a younger genzi person and ask them to read what my queer fortune is

Because I know I am I just don't fucking understand it

I mean I've known it since I was little

I mean I'm romantically attracted to women.

I am not sexually attracted to women when it comes to genitalia. A Stone top would be excellent possibly. I have met a few that I have been very attracted to.

With men I'm attracted Romantically to men and sexually to men but I do not care about their dicks I really don't as long as they don't have an STD or STI that's all I care about

And then with trans people I am attracted to the many stages of transition male and female and I don't understand that perseil and people have bitched me out about having preferences and who I like and told me that I was fantasizing those people which I don't believe in doing.

So I mean I don't know if I'm pansexual or what.

I haven't really had that much experience and the experiences I have had have all been sexual assault rape or pressured sucks or just really bad sex or asexual vol type or Gray Ace type relationship or fucking long distance and then I've had my past of being a female dominant or a Domme Where I did have 2 male subs. I didn't do anything incorrectly with that situation and they were very happy however I had to stop due to life circumstances and because it became exhausting for me because I'm just not cut out to do that especially right now in my life I could not go back to it I could be a switch.

Mostly I'm just frustrated and exhausted because I wanted to spend my Saturday doing whatever the fuck I wanted and relaxing and I could not do that because every time I try to do that something comes up

Just dad ass every single fucking time I'm like I'm gonna have a lazy day and do nothing some dumb fuckery happens even if I'm minding my own goddamn business it's always something insane

And then I found out that lucky lighthouse doesn't exist anymore and I need to go find a candle place where they can just burn me a candle to just take whatever the fuck has been set on me off And I normally don't believe in curses in hex's and jinx's on most days because it's mostly cyplogical but I mean at this point with the amount of shit that just continuously happens I don't think it could hurt anything to try and see

I mean I could do my own craft which I do plan to do and maybe that will make me feel better and maybe that will have some sort of effect on these stupid fucking idiots

Because I mean if they're gonna make my life hell to where I can't leave my apartment without fear of One of them catching me in the parking lot to beat me up because of why I don't know but they have set it out loud and it has been directed at me in an indirect manner which I cannot really describe it's just fucking games it's like high school Maine girl type games

Just ratchet shady bullshit with lots of lying and people think that I'm the cause of all of it and I'm not

I'm so fucking angry II don't even know how to calm down and I've taken my medicine and it's just not really helping anything at the moment maybe I need about 10 more minutes I'm not sure but it's just ridiculous and I'm tired and I just want a normal fucking life

Like the grass is not greener in my position at all I would much rather work a very boring 925 and be perfectly healthy and Do all these things that I see other people I know that are healthy and working their asses off do

And the thing is like they don't understand how much I wish I could do some of the things that they do they complain about their lives so much and then they don't realize how easy they have it and they think I have it easy and I don't and I never have

I think I'm seen as some sort of spoiled brat by some people and that's just not the case at all like nobody knows what it's like to be me nobody gets as much insight into my life as my therapist do.

And I do talk a lot and it's not something that I can really control I was told by my past Doctor that I was processing out loud and I was told by a neurologist that that was also probably what was happening and they think when I got the concussion it made it worse because like when you have all these mental health conditions and your brain gets shaken around like jello it just lights all those conditions on fire and it's like proven you can go look and see on The internet the studies and stuff that they have found about like you know pre-existing conditions being worse by concussion

And I desperately want another radiologist that works with MRI imaging to look at my brain scans because something is wrong it does not look right I'm not a radiologist but I'm not a radiologist but I have looked at all of it and something is desperately strikingly wrong of the pictures of my brain versus the pictures of your average brain like the part in the middle that is supposed to connect looks more like a big open butterfly in my brain which is indicative of schizophrenia birth defects and other conditions and that bothers me

I would just like to know if it's causing any problems or if that is part of the problem that nobody ever thought about.

And then I have some spots on my scan that nobody will fucking address and that's really concerning especially the spot right next to Important parts of my brain

Also when I was younger I did see a neurologist because I was having cognitive issues and they told me that I had some sort of encephalitis but said it was no big deal and that I would be fine and I was not given any medicine and I remember seeing the brain imaging in these spots but I don't understand why I was never treated for whatever the fuck that was and that was at the neuromedical center and I don't remember the Doctor's name and we just left and never went back and I'm like what the fuck

Also I'm fucking angry that even if I did have packing boxes and packing tape and an array of sharpees to write down exactly what is in every box so I make sure that I don't lose anything because my brain will inevitably do that

But anyway no I can't get that done because it's hard to get anything done and even function and take care of myself with people who are fucking screaming and saying fucked app shit at me towards my apartment from the pool where they are looking up into my apartment even though I have curtains

Being taunted and all this shit needs to stop

Because I am trying to be on my best behavior but the part of me that I have put on lockdown from my Younger years when I Used To Run the Streets with my Best Friend who is fucking Dead from an Overdose. That part of me that version of me wants to come out. And nobody wants to deal with her and nobody likes to deal with her. And she's at mean fucking psycho bitch. And she is part of me but we keep her locked away because it's better that way.

The only time I have glimpses or feelings like I did back in the day is when I flash out. Like I don't want to go buy or dig up my hoop earrings. I don't want to slick my hair back and style it like I used to. I do not want to enter Walmart and buy a pair of hello kitty pajama pants and various other accessories in which I used to rock.

Why because I'm too old maybe if I was younger I would have done this by now.

And that part of me needs to just fucking stay locked away.

I mean I can't explain to you I haven't figured out how to explain to you in detail how many lives I have lived in this one lifetime and how many versions of me there are

And when I say that I mean that I have been autistic my whole life and I've been masking and mirroring my entire life as well which is exhausting.

[smytherines]

CLOVERFIELDDDDDDD my beloved. I love found footage as a genre, but it is often pretty bad. Just so many people do not know how to correctly utilize it. The only other modern found footage movie I can think of that even remotely does it effectively is Rec (or the American remake Quarantine, which is almost a shot for shot remake).

I like horror in theory, but a lot of the time just end up unimpressed with it. But God, those underground sequences in Cloverfield are just next level shit. The transformation sequence?? Ough spectacular, I want to eat it. And brilliantly done both to save on effects and to make it really fucking terrifying.

I actually got super into looking up all the bits and pieces of the ARG they used to market the movie, and even that is well-paced and interesting and adds a ton of background to the world. Like when they cut back to the footage of the couple at the fair at the end of the film, if you watch really carefully you can actually see something falling into the ocean behind them! Which isn't something the film tells you will happen, but is laid out really well in the ARG stuff.

And there are so so many interesting shots in that film, which is a miracle because they all still make sense in the context of a character who is just messing around with a camera and accidentally becomes a documentarian. That's skill right there- being such a good director that you can compose gorgeous shots that still make sense for a character that barely knows how a camera works. A lot of found footage movies have Big Action Sequences where the camera-operating character suddenly becomes a master cinematographer, and nothing pulls me out quicker than that.

The thing I love most about Matt Reeves is his pacing, which sounds kinda silly probably, it isn't a thing typically praised in directors, but every Matt Reeves film I see I'm just eagerly watching the entire time without my ADHD making me daydream or fall asleep.

Like, I fully cannot stand Batman as a character most of the time (wAaahhh my parents died, like stfu Bruce you bourgeois bitch). I know he's more complex in the comics, but movie batman is tedious to me. EXCEPT in The Batman, where Matt Reeves pulled off a miracle in getting me to not just care about Batman, but making me genuinely distressed that the 3 hour long Batman movie was about to end. I spent three consecutive hours on this earth caring about Batman, and Matt Reeves did that. Also I mean... God that movie is stunning to look at.

Also please please please watch the Apes movies!! I promise you will not regret it. The first one (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) isn't directed by Reeves, but it has the same writers as his Apes movies, so they still feel like a set. And they are really beautiful films. Visually stunning, lots of practical sets with more modest CG backgrounds, but also just... thematically beautiful. Full of symbolism that doesn't feel hacky or forced.

The acting is incredible, especially for the actors doing motion capture for the Apes. Part of what I was so worried about with the new Apes film is that it would be so so easy to just try to reproduce LotR mass battle sequences and slap Apes onto it and call it an Apes film, to just focus on blockbuster action sequences and not seriously engage with the themes of the Apes franchise, OR to just do a lukewarm retread of past Apes films (Tim Burton, lookin at you)

But Reeves doesn't do either of those things. Action sequences are tight and disciplined and feel earned. Moments of dramatic tension and character exploration feel well-thought-out, absolutely nothing in those films is inserted just to look cool or to tick a box in an action film checklist. Everything feels intentional, everything leads somewhere for the plot and for the characters. I could genuinely talk about the Apes trilogy all day, they are just... *chefs kiss*

As silly as it is, I really have spent months worried that the new Apes movie would be a disappointment, that it wouldn't live up to the Reeves films, so now it's like "OK, Joey Richter loves the Apes franchise and he likes the new one, so maybe its actually good and won't break my heart?"

Um. Have I ever mentioned I'm also very normal about Matt Reeves and the Apes trilogy (only the last two are directed by Matt Reeves but the first one is also very very good!)

(Seriously though if you ask me about Cloverfield I will talk for an hour straight, Matt Reeves worked a goddamn miracle with the found footage & creature feature genres. Oh god, and Let Me In was spectacular. And obviously The Batman but everyone knows he killed it on that. Ugh every movie he makes is so beautiful and perfectly paced. I would take a bullet for Matt Reeves)

[emolgum]

Can I do a Fatgum and/or Tamaki where the reader is in the hospital after surgery and they were all worry about them and visit them

MHA/BNHA: Post-Surgery x Reader Headcanons

CHARACTERS: Tamaki Amajiki, Fatgum (Taishiro Toyomitsu)

NOTES: Tysm for requesting! I'm so sorry if this is a little late!

TAMAKI AMAJIKI:

Tamaki spent all of his time worrying. From the day he found out, to the day of the operation. It was a huge punch to his nerves.

He didn't say much when he checked you in, just "I love you", "You will be okay." and a "Please be safe" under his breath.

He spends the rest of the day just worrying. He's already prepared for the worst-case scenario. Mirio had to come over to calm him down.

Once he gets the ok that you can have people see you, he would be the first to see you. He wouldn't want you to be alone during this time.

He wouldn't want to leave you alone. What if something happened and he wasn't there to help you or get you help? He couldn't bring himself to leave you until he is forced to.

He constantly wants someone to be near you, not in a romantic/platonic way, just someone to be there and check up on you regularly, just in case.

He would refuse to touch you, even if it is just holding your hand He wouldn't want to hurt you or be the reason why something happened to you. He treats you as if you were going to break at any moment, like a porcelain doll.

He does anything he can to make your time in the hospital a bit more enjoyable.

He brings you things from your home that he knows you like, whether it is a special stuffie, book or anything else.

Once you are out of the hospital, he still tries to be careful around you, but he is a lot more like his old self. He is less afraid to touch you and his nerves will be mostly calmed down

FATGUM:

Fatgum had spent the time before you had checked in reassuring you that he will be with you every step of the way.

He wasn't nervous, well maybe a little bit, but he trusts that your surgery would go well. He spends a lot of time doing stuff you two would normally do.

All he can think of is that he can't wait until when you are done and better again. He tries to push back the possibility of everything going wrong.

When you are finished and he gets the OK that you can have visitors, he is right by your side.

He spends a lot of his free time with you normally, so why would it change?

He would bring in stuff for you two to do, board games, DVDs and anything else he can get his hands on to entertain you.

He wants to make you as happy as possible. He prioritizes your happiness over anything else, so he does his best to get a laugh or at least his favourite smile out of you during this time.

If you are unable to eat for a while, he won't talk about it near you. He usually tells you what he got for breakfast, lunch dinner, how good the new sushi place is right down the street from the agency and where he hopes to take you for dinner. He feels like it is a form of bragging and doesn't want you to feel like you're missing out.

You like to watch him as he's doing his hero work on Tv and he knows this, so once he sees a camera filming him, he will wave and say "Hi Y/n! I hope you are feeling better! I love you!" and it always makes you giggle.

Once you are out of the hospital, he insists that you crash at his place for a while just so he can 'Check up on you regularly', but you know he loves it when you stay at his place.

Tysm for reading, and I apologize again if this is a little late. I tried to find a gif with him in his hero form (Actual Fatgum) but I had no luck finding one I liked. Also, I have never had surgery before if you couldn't tell, so I hope that this is accurate!

[angelamajiki]

PARINGS: Shouta Aizawa x Reader

CW: yandere, stalking, rape/noncon, pain kink, pain play, mild scent kink, home invasion, gags, restraints, virginity kink, scumbag aizawa, pet play, humiliation, cum stuffing, fingerings, snowballing, voice kink

SYNOPSIS: You have been calling the same phone sex operator for months, creating stalker and CNC fantasies. What happens when he rings true to his words?

AN: this is very dark, be warned! just had to make a fic out of the little idea I had <3

It’s always you who requests him. He can tell you're a virgin, the way your voice wavers when you feel like responding to him. Sometimes you don’t, letting your breathy moans do the talking for you.

“Good little girl.”

“Getting off to a phone call from your stalker? What a whore.”

“Cum for me, pretty girl.”

”Do you like that, pretty little kitty?”

He never had a knack for giving nicknames, but he had to make it known that he remembers you. Remembers that voice. Hopefully, he’ll be able to remember your body one day.

Tracking you down was easy enough; you didn't bother to block your number and public records was just calling his name. God did he love untouched girls like yourself. So wet and pliant, so easily manipulated, so naive to believe everyone had good intentions.

Cameras were placed around your house so he could watch you when he couldn't hear you. If it was a stalker you wanted, he was going to give it to you.

You called often and asked for him always—such an obedient girl. The live feed from your bedroom streamed in front of him whenever you rang, but he was tired of playing games this week.

“Just look at the way you’re kneading yourself; you like to tease yourself. Don't you, kitty?”

Your breath hitched, but he knew it wasn't from pleasure. Looking around, he chuckled at your confused expression.

“You got a real cute face, you know that kitty? I can't wait to fuck it one day.”

Be rational, you told yourself. Its all part of the fantasy, right? He can’t actually see you.

“That’s a cute bed spread you got there, I didn’t take you for the type who liked lilies. You always keep roses in your kitchen vase.”

Okay, he was definitely listening to you now.

“Say, you live on 14th Street, don't you? Why don't I come down and give you an in person session?”

“What do you say, kitty? Or should I just break in like I always tell you I would?”

The phone hung up after that comment. Sure, you were up to the fantasy of being stalked and raped; that’s why you called him. It was too embarrassing to tell a partner your fantasies, not like you had one. Or roommates for that matter.

His voice is what soothed you after a hard day, but now it kept ringing in your ears. Listening to his breathy chuckles sent shivers down your spine, but you never expected to feel them there.

Three raps came from your bedroom door before it opened. You were buried in your sheets, hopelessly, desperately attempting to be asleep. Like that would stop him.

“I know you're awake.”

An “ah” of realization came from him.

“Unless you sleeping peacefully is part of the fantasy. This is new, but I can indulge you in that kitty.”

The bed dipped and creaked with his weight, fear sinking into your heart further as a hand smoothed itself over your shoulders.

“So tense.” He tutted. “I’ve got something that can help you relax.”

His tongue lapped at the outer shell of your ear; arm slung over your blanketed body.

“Such a naughty girl. Tell me, how many times did you get off to the sound of my voice telling you I was going to take your virginity by force.”

A hand snaked its way up to your throat, squeezing gently enough not to cause pain but enough to cut off part of your air.

“Tell me you want me to rape you, here and now. Or I’ll take you out to the alley and make a display of it.”

His voice barely reached above of a whisper the entire time, the same soft sound he used over the phone. Hot breaths tickled your ear and neck as you squirmed, gasping at straws for air.

“I promise to be gentle; I know you like a tender man who takes what he wants.”

Your throat restricted even more under the hand to the point where you felt light-headed.

“Please!” You gasped, using your nails to scratch at his wrapped fingers. The pressure withdrew.

“Please what, kitty? C’mon, you can do it.”

“P-Please rape me.”

A sharp laugh came from behind you.

“Is that any way to address me? I thought we were using special nicknames here.”

He let you have your moment, apparently amused to see you choke for air as he stroked your back.

“Please rape me...sir.”

“Atta girl.”

The hand made its way back to your throat, only resting there as the thumb stroked over your tender flesh. The other one snuck under the blanket and groped at your chest.

“You're a virgin, aren't you, kitty? Don't worry; your owner is going to talk you through it. Nice and slow so you feel everything I'm giving you.”

Fingers wiggled their way under your bra and began pinching at your nipples, tugging and pulling at the hardening nubs.

“Stop squirming, or I’ll have to tie you up. You'll get your treat soon enough, kitty.”

You yelped after a particularly rough tug, tears springing in your eyes. His one hand managed to rip your bra apart, giving better access to his perverted fingers.

“I know you like it, the way I knead your pretty little breasts. Come, take your clothes off. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Everything came off before he instructed you to stand at the edge of the bed for him. He circled you like a predator, making inspections.

“I have to make sure my kitty is well-groomed and taking care of herself.”

The weight of his hot breath on your skin weighed down on you, pulling you further under his spell. He lifted your arms and smelled your scent.

“Lavender deodorant? What a shame; I wished I could have smelled your natural musk.”

Humiliation flushed your face hot. Disgusting pervert, it seemed he was into everything as long as it wasn't consensual.

“Sit down on the bed, legs spread.”

The baritone of his voice shook you to your core, but not in the pleasurable way you're used to.

“Don't make me ask twice, pet.”

His command was hard to ignore after following them for such a long time; it was practically instinctual to do as you were told. Shaking legs spread as you turned your head to the side. Another tut rolled off his tongue as he gripped your cheeks with one hand.

“Don't turn away from me. I want to see the look in yours when I take you and make you mine.”

You hadn't even realized before that he had brought a bag with him. From it, he took a bar spreader, rope, and a spider gag, all of which he put on you. The gag made your mouth uncomfortably wide, leaving nothing to his imagination.

Rough fingers pull you tongue from your mouth, his own coming down to lick at before spitting down the back of your throat.

“Swallow.”

You did.

“Good kitty.”

The name didn't comfort you anymore. Nothing about him comforted you anymore. Not his voice, not his nickname, and certainly not his breath, which you felt like was burning all over your body.

“I’m going to be nice and leave your throat alone today. However, if I give you a treat, you will swallow it. Do I make myself clear?”

You nodded, terrified at the notion that he intended to come back after tonight. Crouching down in front of you, he inspected your wet pussy before spitting on it as well. Gingerly moving your lips, he circled your tight hole and stood up.

“That should do.”

Watching him undress himself seemed to make time move slower, knowing that he was about to take your virginity within minutes. His hard cock sprung out from his boxers and hit his happy trail, bobbing slightly against his abs. Not only was this man toned, but he was also huge.

“In we go, kitty.”

Not even taking the courtesy to gather some slick from you, he pushed in, taking his sweet time as he locked eyes with you. He went agonizing slow, grinning as you wailed in pain.

“Hurts, doesn't it? Let's see how painful we can make this.”

You were hardly prepped, only having wetness left behind from your previous phone call. It stung, and it stung bad. Your eyes wept as you looked up at him with a pleading gaze, hoping he would take mercy on you. He did no such thing, pinching your clit between his fingers and rolling it with intense pressure. Moaning, he watched as you convulsed and twitched in pain beneath him.

“Being such a good girl for me, kitty.”

Another glob of spit landed in the back of your throat, making you gasp and choke on your sobs. He loved that you were an ugly, messy crier. It only served to make his dick harder.

Once he bottomed out, he stayed there for a while, letting you feel the fullness of his thick cock.

“The name’s Shouta, by the way. I'm sure you must have been curious.”

He spoke so casually, so calmly. It made you furious how collected he was while you were a whimpering, sniffling mess.

“Don't worry; we’ll have all the time in the world once we’re done to get to know me.”

Goddamn, that voice. That hypnotizing, nauseating voice. It's the reason you're stuck here underneath a fucking phone sex operator that turned out to be your stalker. What a mess.

A tap to the temple pulled you back to the present.

“Keep your focus here, kitty.”

Hips drew back and snapped into you, not letting you take a moment to adjust as he set a brutal speed.

Oh, how you wished you could leave your body, but if anything, your senses were all the more enhanced, taking in every last drop of your surroundings. The sounds of the bed creaking under his pounding, his grunts and breaths, the skin slapping against skin, your own cries of misery. The feeling of his breath, how your once silk sheets now felt like sandpaper across your skin, the metal of your binds, and the burn of your rope. Everything and nothing all at once.

The minutes seemed to draw themselves out into hours as he continued his assault. He, or Shouta, you supposed, wasn't lasting very long. It didn't suit him; he seemed like a man of stamina. Maybe it was because he played out a sick fantasy of his that made him cum in minutes.

Unprotected, he came deep inside you before sliding out, giving your pussy a slap as he made his exit.

“Such a tight little kitty you've got there.”

Fingers at the ready, he stuffed his cum back inside you, toying with your clit all the while. He was quick to make you cum, making you see stars at the intensity of your orgasm.

“Don’t worry; I'll make you cum on my cock next time. I have plenty of games planned for us when I take you home.”

Pulling his fingers out, he pushed them down your throat to clean them before getting up and dressed again. He left you there, tied up and gone without a word.

In reality, he was just getting his car ready for you, but who was he to deny himself the pleasure of seeing your panicked face when he came back?

You were going to make a fine pet for him.

[homemade-ghosts]

Hi! Lovely account and your theme is AWESOME. You know how many rinas think Ricky is going to cry because 1) See a PW 'moment' 2) Confess and gets 'rejected'. I have something different: What if he sees Gina crying and comforts her (maybe even a hug? trying to wip her tears? ( ˘︹˘ )) But that makes him realize he could never get between PW so decides to 'step back forever' and then boom super angst next episode

First off, thank you, that's really sweet of you to say!

I'm not sure I understand your theory. Do you mean that you think pw will have a fight and Ricky will see Gina crying afterwards and comfort her? & because Ricky is afraid that he somehow caused the fight (since he's very aware of EJ's jealousy & knows he's been a point of contention in pw's relationship basically since he got to camp, even though he's tried his best not to be). Ricky can't bear to see Gina upset and, feeling as though he indirectly caused it, he tries to distance himself (which he has to know won't work because they're playing romantic leads and have to see each other every day for rehearsal lol)

If that's what you're saying, I see where you're coming from. If I got that totally wrong, let me know (& I'm sorry!)

For what it's worth, I'm pretty firmly in the camp of "Ricky overhears a pw moment." as of right now. After Color Wars, maybe Ricky tries to find Gina (maybe he wants to check in with her after their team loses? Since he knows how much her competitive nature can make losing hard for her? Or maybe there was tension between EJ & Ricky during the games and Ricky wants to talk to Gina about it, apologize in case it made her uncomfortable? Or, something a lot bigger: even though he resolved not to tell Gina about his feelings, to put her happiness above his own, Channing's got him on candid camera admitting to crushing on Gina, so now he might feel like he has to tell her. Before she finds out from someone else or, even worse, before she sees it in the documentary. Not so sure about that one, but it's a possibility). Anyway, for whatever reason, Ricky goes to find Gina and stumbles upon a conversation between her & EJ. The way I see it, that conversation is one of two things:

Instead of apologizing for lying/keeping things from her, EJ tells Gina he loves her.

This feels very on brand for EJ. In season 1, he thought that his love/care for Nini justified him poisoning Emily Pratt so that Nini could get the lead in the musical and this season is well into establishing that EJ is back to his season 1 self (though I would argue he never really changed in the first place). Instead of an apology, I could see EJ telling Gina that he hid that letter from her because he "loves her" and didn't want to see her upset. He sees love as a bandaid to put over his mistakes. He doesn't try to fix them, doesn't say he's sorry. Just says those 3 words, hoping it'll make everything magically okay again...because the ends always justify the means if you love someone, right? (Wrong.)

The show has also gone out of its way to get us to see EJ as the Hans of this narrative and we all know Hans was lying when he told Anna he loved her. Of course, EJ wouldn't tell Gina he loves her with malicious intent or because he's trying to manipulate her the way Hans did Anna. He may look like one, according to Corbin, but EJ is not a villain here. He just has the same incredibly misguided ideas about love and doing the right thing that he has always had. If you take away the villain aspect of it, however, the bare bones of the two stories are the same: Hans told Anna he loved her, but he didn't. EJ tells Gina he loves her, but he doesn't. Not really.

You can't love someone you don't truly know, someone you don't understand and I think Gina would/will recognize that, but maybe Ricky runs off before she does? After EJ's confession of love, Ricky can't take it anymore. He leaves, heads back to his cabin. He never heard Gina's response, so he operates on the assumption that she must've reciprocated. He thinks, she loves EJ, not me. It's never going to be me. Cue Jet walking into the Yurt Locker to find Ricky, lying on the top bunk, in tears.

2. Ricky overhears Gina reassuring EJ that she doesn't have feelings for Ricky anymore.

Same thing happens, Ricky runs back to his cabin and, thinking that he's completely lost his chance with Gina, forever, he cries in his bunk. Jet walks in and Ricky tells Jet some of that "full story" mentioned episodes before.

Both options end with Ricky crying because I'll be damned if I had to watch almost an entire season of Gina crying last year and don't get at least one scene of tears streaming down Ricky's face this season. It's payback lol (+ I need him to be in his "Kristoff's Lullaby" era).

Side note: I apologize because I've just now realized I turned your ask into a vehicle for my own theories. As usual, I got carried away. Sorry about that!

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Love On-Set (Pt. 07 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

Word count: 3 K

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{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Kisses

The only reason why you didn't talk to Dacre at the airport was because you thought you'd have a couple of hours before shooting. But you were wrong. The flight was terribly late, and you had no choice but to go straight to set, and as soon as you got there, you and Dacre were pulled apart so you could get ready.

Already in your outfit, you stare at the mirror as your hairstylist gives the final touches, mumbling in response to whatever she's talking about. Your leg is bouncing nervously, as you regret not having called Dacre yesterday night. Or driven to his house. Anything really. Maybe it would a lot easier if you two had some time, but life has a way of complicating things.

“And you're ready,” Laura says and you manage to smile and thank her. “Now go before James comes yelling at us again.”

“Alright.” Mumbling under your breath, you stand up and leave the dressing room only to be rushed into the parking lot. Dacre is already there, talking to James. The wind makes you shiver and you brace yourself... Well, you think it's the wind that makes you shiver, what else could it be?

“...despite the delay, we'll get everything done in time so–” James swallows the words when he sees you. “(Y/N), great. Hope you made a safe trip here. I was just talking to Dacre about the upcoming scenes you two will shoot. There's just so much chemistry that I had to add more kisses.” Oh... You should've read the new script. “But I'm sure it won't be a problem since you two seem to be getting along very well.”

“Yeah, of course...” The first thing you'll do when you get to your hotel room is read every single line of this scrip. It'll be better if you're mentally prepared for what's to come.

But you're not prepared for this.

“Alright, everybody into position.” The director announces before walking away, leaving you and Dacre alone. Well, not exactly since you can't ignore the camera guys, the microphones... All the rest.

“Sorry, we couldn't talk before... This.” Dacre apologizes, but you shake your head slightly.

“But we will.” Nodding more to yourself than to him, you hope nobody is listening to this conversation. “Right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright, guys, c'mon,” James says and Dacre walks away as you take a deep breath. Thinking over the lines, you let yourself fall into character, remembering the backstory that leads to this moment. “Everybody set? Ok... Action!”

Turning around, you look at Dacre as he crosses the parking lot. “I can't believe you took almost an hour to get here, Hargrove!” You yell, walking to end the distance between the two of you. “There's a freaking Demidog in the pool!”

“The thing is dead. So why the hurry?” He flashes Billy's a cocky smile, and you struggle to keep the irritated expression on your face. “Chill.”

“Don't tell me to chill. Can't you miss one single date?” Giving action to Amy's jealousy attack, you punch Dacre in the chest, and he gives a small step back as he rolls his eyes. “Not even when there's an interdimensional monster involved?”

“Why the hell you always think I'm with some girl?” When you move to push him again, Billy grabs Amy's wrists. This was improvised, you think. Or is it on the new script? Dacre's grip is soft though, and you put on an annoyed face as you try to set free, uselessly.

“Because that's where you always are.” Putting a frustrating undertone in the sentence, you sigh. “But it doesn't matter. We have a much bigger fish to fry.”

“The damn thing is dead, it can wait.”

You get why Amy falls for Billy. Or are your fellings for Dacre clouding your judgment? Putting up a fight, you try to free yourself of his grip, making sure to stumble backward until your back hits a car. “Let go of me! I'm tired of this shit.” Slowly, Amy gives up fighting. Physically and emotionally. The moment you stop moving, Dacre let's go of your wrists, his arms coming to trap you in between the car and his body.

“I know you're jealous. I just need to figure out why.” Billy leans closer, and you can feel yourself drowning in Dacre's eyes, more beautiful than the ocean.

“I said it once and I'll say it again. I won't be one of your many flings...” Your voice is low, and as the cameras move closer, you know it's about to happen. God, it's so damn hard to keep up the act. You can feel Dacre's chest every time he breaths in, and you want to pull him even closer. “...so... Back the hell off.” Putting your hand on his chest, you know that the action that would make more sense here would be Amy trying to push him away again... But you fail to do that, Amy slowly disappearing as you break character for the hundredth time. Instead of pushing him away, your fingers slowly clench around the collar of his jacket, grabbing it. Dacre's eyes burn on you, and you know he wants it to.

“Who said I want you to be a fling?”

Then you don't know who moves first. If it's Dacre who leans forward or if it's you, pulling him. But it happens, fast and needy. First kisses shouldn't be like this. They're supposed to be short and sweet, shy even. But part of you is thankful for the situation you're in right now, because it justifies how you cling onto him, how deep the kiss is, hot and passionate. Billy and Amy were both craving for this moment, but so were you. And so were Dacre because his grip around you is tight, his lips keeping a quick pace, one that you're more than happy to follow. You hand find its way to his hair, as he holds the small of your back, needing to have you closer, if that even possible. The cameras are long forgotten, and there's no set, no show, nothing. Just his taste, fresh and sweet, inebriating. There's something in the background, some familiar sound trying to reach you, but you push it away, ignore it, tiptoeing even more to try and match Dacre's high, wishing he would lift you up.

“CUT!” James' voice sounds like a freaking thunder, and it wakes you up. With your heart beating insanely fast, you suddenly go back to reality, probably blushing harder than ever as you step away from Dacre. He takes a while to let go of you, intense eyes locked on yours as he tries to catch his breath, falling out of the stupor too. “That was... Good. That was good.” James says, and when you look around, you notice people staring. That wasn't... Discreet, and now you know that what you heard was James yelling ‘cut’ half a dozen times.

Running a hand through your hair, you have to fight back the urge to touch your lips, the kiss burning in your head... You really hope James will need another take.

“Are you ok?” Dacre asks, taking a quick look around before taking your hand in his.

“Yeah...” Biting your lip, you nod, staring at him. This just gave you a rush of adrenaline, making you feel brave. “More than ok, actually.”

Dacre's lips break into a smile, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. “Well, judging by James' obsession with the perfect lighting, I bet he'll need a couple more takes to get it done.”

“I really hope so. I–” You're cut short for a commotion. Several people move to surround James, who soon starts cursing. “What's going on?” You mutter, exchanging a glance with Dacre before walking over the sea of people. That's when you see the rest of the cast, and you just now remember they were here too... And they just saw everything... Millie won't let you hear the end of it.

“Who the hell did this?” James shouts, and a lot of people start apologizing. Giving the others a glance, you notice they have their eyes glued to their phones.

“Oh, no...” Something leaked, you're so damn sure. Rushing to the guys, you stand beside Noah, taking a look at his screen. “What happened?”

“The kiss. The first you shot. Someone here recorded and published on YouTube ten minutes ago.” As Noah speaks, he hands you over his phone and you read the news article he was reading. ‘Exciting scene from Stranger Things 3 leaks: Amy Halpert and Billy Hargrove are definitely a couple’.

“Shit.” You mutter, leaning closer to Dacre so he can read it too. “Who did it?”

“We have no idea,” Natalia answers, looking up from her phone. “But I watched it. Whoever did this stopped recording right before the cameras fell.”

This sucks. Giving Noah his cellphone back, you sigh. “It's really mean to do that. There's a lot of operations to keep the set free from curious eyes and someone from the inside leaks it? That's ridiculous.”

“James will sue whoever did this,” Dacre adds.

“Excuse me, guys.” Ryan comes, a tablet on his hand and a very worried expression on his face. “James wants you to stay here until we find out who did this.” He says, giving you a quick glance before looking back at his tablet. “You got the trailers here so... I think you'll be comfortable. Sorry, but James is–”

“RYAN!”

“James' orders. Sorry.” Rolling his eyes and sighing, he gives his back at you.

“We'll have to stay? I didn't do it.” Gaten exclaims, clearly pissed.

“Me neither. I was too busy watching the kiss with my own eyes.” Natalia complains but gives you a glance.

Well, you would like to get to your bed, but complaining won't help and you're exhausted from the flight. “I'm calling it a night.” You mutter, upset that this whole thing happened. The leaking, of course. “I'll take a shower to wash the 80's from my skin and I'll go see my trailer.” You haven't seen it yet, since it's meant for the Battle of Starcout scenes, which you'll probably shoot throughout the night.

“Me too,” Dacre says, then turning at you. “I'll find your trailer after if that's alright.”

“Sure.” Smiling, you blush to feel all those eyes on you. “See you soon, then.”

• • •

You're lucky to have your baggage here. Maybe the flight being delayed wasn't so bad as it seemed. After showering and handing the outfit back to your stylist, you follow her directions to where the trailers are. They're in the very back of the set, in a large area, set side by side. You're surprised to see the trailer doesn't look like a trailer on the inside, but like an actual house, only a little tiny. There's a main space with a couch, a table, and a TV, then a kitchen with a stove, an oven, and a sink. A bathroom with a shower. And on the very back, the thing you needed the most after this long day. A well-equipaded room with a huge bed. Smiling, you let your piece of baggage fall as you climb on the bed, lying on your back and sighing in relief.

Jumping back to your feet, you decide to change into something more comfortable. So you exchange your jeans for light gray sweatpants and a black spaghetti strap tank top before lying back down. You're happy you ate on the plane, or else you'd be starving right now.

But despite all the thoughts in your head, you can't help but come back to the main event of the day. Your fingers come to touch your lips, as you close your eyes to bring the memory back. You're upset you didn't get to do more takes. The cold and nervousness you were feeling vanished so quickly, at the same moment his lips collided on yours. So hot and intense. Breathtaking.

You're dragged away from your thoughts by a knock on the door. Dacre. He told you he'd come. Taking a deep breath and fixing your simple clothes the best you can, you make your way to the door, thinking you should've picked something better to put on. “Hey.” You mutter when you swing the door open, gesturing for him to come in. “Did you see your trailer?”

“Yeah. I stopped by to leave my luggage.” He answers, stepping inside and looking down at you. “These things look bigger from the inside.”

“Definitely.” Clearing your throat, you gesture at the back of the trailer, to the bedroom. You know how awkward it may be, but there's a burning on your back that won't let you sit on the couch. “I hope you don't mind but could we talk while I lie down? My back hurts real bad from the five hours we had to spend at the airport.”

“I don't mind at all.” Nodding, you walk back to the bedroom, throwing yourself on the bed. “So. Who do you think leaked the video?” Dacre asks as he sits on the edge.

“I have no idea. All I know is that is wasn't me. And it wasn't you.” Staring at the ceiling, you try not to feel very self-conscious right now. “I was too busy on scene.”

“Me too.” He mutters. “Where does it hurt, by the way?”

“On my shoulder blades.” You answer, looking at him. He looks very handsome, as usual, despite wearing a simple white T-shirt. “Those airport chairs weren't very nice to me.”

“I can give you a massage if you want.” Dacre stares at you dead serious, which means he's not joking.

You wish you had the adrenaline rush from earlier, so it'd push the words right off your mouth, and maybe you wouldn't be blushing. “Uhm... If you want to.”

“Alright, lie on your stomach.” He says, taking off his shoes and climbing on the bed.

“Fine.” Mumbling, more to yourself than to him, you roll over, grabbing a pillow to rest your head. Breathing deeply, you feel the mattress moving under Dacre's weight as he places himself beside you.

“Let me know if it hurts, alright?” The moment you nod, you feel his hands on your back. And he must know what he's doing because it does feel good. The butterflies on your stomach are wide awake now, since Dacre has his hands on you, strong but delicate at the same time, rubbing and softly pushing your muscles.

“If I knew you were good at this I'd have asked.” You say with a smile, pulling the small amount of hair that still falls on your back out of his way. Dacre gets this as a permission to put a little more pressure, just enough to make you relax. His fingers slide under the fabric of your shirt, but you don't mind.

“Glad I can help.”

You just mumble in response, suddenly feeling your tiredness taking over as you close your eyes shut. Falling asleep now is the last thing you want because it's so good to be around Dacre, and you think you may finally understand where you both stand in all this situation. What you're feelings are and if they can take you somewhere.

“It's ok, I'm alright now.” You speak up, moving to lie on your side. “If you continue I'll fall asleep in a matter of seconds.”

“If you're tired I can go.” He gestures at the door, already moving.

“No. Stay.” Bursting out, you sit up, grabbing his arm. You can't believe what you just said. What you just asked of him. “If you want, of course.”

Dacre stands still for a while, frozen before he settles down on the bed again. “Alright.” You can tell he's tired too, by the way his eyes are heavy.

“Let's play a game. Who sleeps first loses.” The idea comes suddenly to your head, and it seems to lighten up the mood.

“And what will I get when I win?” He has a cocky smile on his lips as he lies down, facing you.

“When? Don't get overconfident.” Moving a little to get comfortable, you take a deep breath when your eyes set upon his. Blue and calming. “I'm gonna win.” You say, winking at him.

“I really doubt that.” As he speaks, Dacre brings his hand to your face, fingers sliding from your forehead to your eyelids, forcing you to close your eyes. “You'll lose, so better start making peace with that.” His voice, low and deep, sends a shiver down your spine.

You were just about to answer, to say something, when you notice how his hand lingers, moving to caress your cheek, thumb rubbing the soft skin on your jaw until it reaches your chin. Slowly, painfully slow, it comes to your lower lip. His touch burns, making your head spin around. The memory of the kiss fills your head, and you know you want to do that again.

Swallowing hard, you gather all the courage you can to move closer to him, ending all the space between your bodies and, being really brave for once, going for the thing you want. That you need the most right now. You connect your lips to his, feeling relieved as if a burden was suddenly lifted when you feel him kissing you back. Dacre's hand remain on your cheek, and yours rest on his chest, feeling his muscles under the soft fabric of his shirt. The kiss is slower this time, as if you're both discovering, unrevealing each other. But you don't mind. You love it as much as you loved the other one.

It sucks when you have to break apart to breathe. But when you do, you remain close, your foreheads touching because you just can't force yourself to pull away from him now. “Sorry, I... I had to.” You mutter under your breath.

“It's alright.” Dacre's hand comes to encircle your waist, keeping you close. “If you didn't, I'd have to.” He giggles. “I've been dying to kiss you, (Y/N).”

“Me too.” You whisper. “What you said in the message... I feel the same way. That kiss... I really wanted it and that wasn't Amy, it was me.” Maybe it's the sleep winning over you, but the words just come out. You need him to know. You need to let it out and you hope it means something to him. “Dacre, I... I really like you. A lot.”

You blush when he smiles, but soon enough a giggle escapes your lips. “Then I'd like to take you on a second date. As soon as James lets us out of this set.”

“I'd love that.” Giggling like a teenager, you kiss him again, a peck on the lips that linger a little too long. But not long enough. “Uhm... You can crash here if you want.” You decide to offer since you just noticed you're already on the bed, all tangled on each other. “I think we already reached the point of no return here.”

“I agree...”

“Are we... Are we going to sleep like this?” You ask, putting a strand of hair behind your ear.

“However you like.”

Biting your lip to hold back a smile, you turn around. Dacre is fast to hold you, a strong arm pushing your back against his chest. “Is this ok?”

“Yeah.” You both move to get more comfortable and you lay your hand on top of his, on your stomach.

You've never been like that with anyone, so close, so... Intimate. But you like it. And you can't believe it's Dacre who's holding you this way.

×

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelaninn @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines @peakascum @thisbreakableheaven

[horrorslashergirl]

Slasher OC: The Hacker

Full Name: Xander Shawn Rivera (Although none knows his real name as his killer persona)

Nickname(s): Xan, Hackerman, The Hacker, Erron, Cyber Killer, Shawty, BlueRain, Blue

Age: 30

Gender: Male

Nationality: American

Place of Birth: New York City, USA

Current Location: New York City

Occupation: As a civilian, he works in the IT department of a company; As his killer persona he is a Dark Web Criminal, Master Hacker, CEO of Online Drug and Weapon Store

Base of operation: New York

Languages: English

Appearance:

Height: 6'3

Weight: 185 lbs

Body Type: Atheltic

Skin Color: Warm Ivory

Hair Color: Black

Hair Style: He has an undercut hairstyle, much longer on the top, with bangs covering sometimes one eye

Eye Color: Smokey grey, giving off eerily serene, sometimes studiously expressionless

Clothing: As his civilian persona, Xander prefers easy clothing that doesn't attract attention, keeping the image of a boring 30s male, he opts for dark jeans, T-shirts with symbols from video games or simple graphic T-shirts, and hoodies in colors of black, dark grey or light grey, dark blue. His shoes of choice are either vans or converse, comfortable and practical. Xander's clothing could be described as nerdy.

As his killer persona, he chooses black clothing or midnight dark blue, black converse, or black high Nikes, a bulletproof vest under his hoodie, utility belt where he has his holster with the bowie knife. He wears a neon blue Purge-like mask to hide his identity, and he upgraded the mask, installing mini-video cameras close to where his eyes are so that he can record any of his murders or information in order to blackmail.

Other features: He has a dragon tattoo on one of his pectorals, a tongue piercing and he has a cock piercing right on the tip also known as Prince Albert piercing, plus his scrotum ring piercing. He also has blue braces. He also has some faint freckless on his nose and around.

Face Claim: Desmond Harrington

Weapons: Bowie Knife, Beretta 92 Gun, Wilson Combat EDC X9

Scent: He wears Dior Men Cologne Sauvage, the fragrance is announced as radically fresh, raw and noble at the same time. Top notes are Calabrian bergamot and Pepper; middle notes are Sichuan Pepper, Lavender, Pink Pepper, Vetiver, Patchouli, Geranium and elemi; base notes are Ambroxan, Cedar and Labdanum. Other notes of his scent would be tabacoo, a sugary energy drink smell.

Favorite Food: McDonalds, Subway and Burritos

Favorite Drink: Energy drinks, especially the Monster Energy Drink ones

Power/Skills:

Great knowledge in IT and hacking

Torture methodology

Driving skills

Stealth/Evasion

Skilled usage of weaponry

Bulletproof outfit

High intelligence

Manipulation

Computer skills

Murderous expertise

Skill in hand-to-hand combat

Knifesmanship

Gunmanship

Psychopathic nature

Fearlessness

Ruthlessness

Airplane Pilot Skills

History/Bio:

The man known as the infamous Hacker was long ago someone completely different.

Xander Shawn Rivera was born into a suburban neighborhood close to New York City, along with his little sister Chloe, their parents being Neil Rivera, their father who worked as a police officer of New York City, and their mother Olivia Rivera working for a company in New York into the logistic department.

Xander had a normal childhood, until when he was 14 when his mother left him, his sister, and his father for a rich man. Neil took care of the two kids, and because his mother left them, Xander started to hold a huge grudge on her, especially that his sister, Chloe told him many times that their mother would come back, and Xander got even more hate on his mother when she wouldn't come to visit them; never present for Chloes birthdays, holidays and such.

In high school, Xander was considered the biggest nerd; awkward and unsure of himself, he was a prime target for the popular kids. He wasn't the strongest in the physical department, being fairly tall for his age and a slender guy, he focused his attention more on learning, especially in the IT, technology, and robotic department of the school.

Being more captured by the cybernetic life, he spends all his free time learning how to hack, getting deeper into the Dark Web. First, he opened an online drug store and in time he started to do trafficking with dangerous weapons too. His father being at work most of the time, he had all the privacy he needed, and none had any suspicions of what he was doing, being seen as the non-interesting guy with social awkward skills.

In the last year of high school, one night while he was working, Xander received a call from the New York Police, telling him how his father was gunned down during an investigation with a drug-dealing gang.

With his father dead and his sister completely devasted, not to mention a plan for what he will do after he finishes high school, Xander came to a blocking point, and his sister left him too, to go live with their mother and her boyfriend, the rich asshole.

Being left all alone, Xander finished high school and took the job position in the USA army in the security and IT department, since all his reviews were exceptional. After a few years of working for the USA army, learning along how to fight, use weapons, and how to fly an airplane, he decided to quit, not satisfied enough with what his line of work offered him. The superiors treated him like shit and he was viewed just as their lap dog.

After he gave up on the army, he got a job at a New York company, but behind the boring nerdy civilian, Xander developed a new persona, that he earned from all around the Dark Web; The Hacker alias Erron.

Continuing with the illegal stores on the dark internet, he also got intrigued by the more horrible parts, like killing, assassins, torture, porn gore, and the list goes on.

Xander understood that there on Dark Web, he had full control of everything, it was his Kingdom and he was the King, he could be whatever he wanted there and he had all the skills and tricks... And his killer persona turned out to be one of the most wanted international criminals in and outside the USA.

Personality:

As his civilian self, Xander is an introvert to say so, not indulging himself too much in social activities, but he still shows high confidence even as his normal persona. He prefers to keep to himself, being the boring and nerdy Xander Shawn Rivera that is pretty much invisible. It's an image he chose to keep in order not to raise any suspicions of who he really is. Despite being a Master in hacking and IT, he doesn't show it when it comes to his civilian line of work. He has a quote that goes like this: 'Never show your true potential just to be a cheap showoff. Wait for the perfect moment to strike.'

As his killer persona, like most murderers in horror movies, he shares their traits. He is sneaky, intelligent, cruel, aggressive, sadistic, destructive, and brutish by nature. He has no morality, his base of operation being on the Deep Web, where he is doing business. He scops up victims in various ways; down from online dating sites, to posing as a simple seller of a car or phone; he knows what to say to find out more about his victims. Once he tracks you down, he will know everything about you; your name, age, address and even hacking your webcam to cyberstalk you, finding the perfect moment to strike.

As the Hacker, he is very confident, playful, manipulative, and always has a plan B up his sleeves, and if plan B doesn't work, well... get ready for plan C.

The biggest trick is that you don't know anything about who the Hacker is, but he knows everything about you. He is the guy that invades your privacy and knows all your secrets, using all the information against his victims or people that dare to get in his way.

The Hacker is unpredictable, ruthless when he has to be, and extremely possessive of what he owns, because he worked hard for it, and this results in another intense trait of his personality; he is a big workaholic, sometimes forgetting to sleep and eat, especially when he has a huge deal to finish.

The Hackers street smarts and charisma is unmatched and he is one of the toughest criminals to ever walk the streets of America and surfing through the dark web. As the Hacker, he finds it much easier to talk, flirt, and get close to women. It's not necessarily that he is self-conscious, because he is not, and he has an explanation for why as his civilian self he avoids getting too close to the dating game.

'I have to be boring and awkward as to not raise suspicions, besides... why would I need a girlfriend to stick her nose into my business and fuck up everything? Pussy I can find and get anytime and anywhere I want. Thank you very much, motherfucker.'

He also shows traits of narcissism or egomania, loving to be complimented for his work and achievements, hen loves to be praised and acknowledges by those around him that he is the best, which clashes when he has to put on the good civilian mask and pretend he doesn't want to gut everyone's necks around him.

A psychopathic madman with a lust for blood and to be the best in everything he does, he can be considered a big perfectionist, but not in all domains. For example, he is a lame cook and always prefers to get take-outs or food that can be heated into the microwave. He doesn't have time to sleep, much less to spend his time at the stove.

Erron is very blunt and to the point in his conversations, and won't hesitate to tell someone how stupid they are. He lacks empathy and he doesn't work like other people; he is very logical and will use his brain/mind more so than his heart.

All in all, both Xander and Erron are one and the same person, switching personalities.

Crimes:

Stalking

Terrorism

Selling illegal weapons and drugs

Torture

Grand Theft Auto

Mutilations

Kidnapping

Snuff Filming

Blackmailing

Drug/Weapon trafficking

Quotes of The Hacker:

'I see you.'

'Lets see who pays the most.'

'I got many things that may interest you. Drugs, Guns, Maybe a young woman. Lets negociate.'

'I am everywhere.'

'Yes. I got your wife. You should have seen her face when I fucked her.'

'You will never win this game.'

'You think you can catch me? The police tried for years. Good luck, pal.'

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Feeling broken' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Feeling broken"

Chapter Summary : Yirina is trying to deal with the aftermath of the disaster of the group's operations in Mall at the Pines

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3100

------------------------

More the days passed, more I'm starting to feel that every memories I will have, every moment when I will see someone I knew in my old past is going to make me realize that I'm just an fucking walking mess that is trying to reach their goal while avoiding the shitstorm falling on them. Seeing Freya again and like before, I was so stupid to still play my act of 'Bell'....someone I want to remove from my head but I can't control it, I feel myself obliged to do this part when I'm facing her and I had to stop it.

When I found myself in Park's arms, crying almost all the tears of my body, I was thinking of a lot of things : seeing her again and the ring of my own mother with her despite I remember well to have take it back in that memory. This was the first real thing, aside of my memories, that was linking me to my old life as a Perseus agent and I couldn't take it as Freya left with it, getting away with Stitch and Adler with them as a prisoner. I could have save him if Freya wasn't the person who tackled me down but it was too late for that.

After at least one minute I broke down, Park make me move gently against the counter of the arcade area, wanting me to have a breath and to calm myself. I squeezed my eyes a few times when I was sit, wondering if all of this was just a bad dream but each time time I was opening them back, I was still in that arcade with Park, knelt in front of me, wanting to know what happened in here.

"Yirina, please say something." She started after I didn't speak for a minute, still focused on having my head inside my arms before I decided to look at her with my face looking all pale.

"Stitch, he....he was there, he managed to have his hands on Adler and....I tried to distract him to help Adler but someone make me fly above the counter." I explained the situation, my voice trying to not break in the middle "That person, it was Freya herself." I added, my eyes were still filled with sadness, looking at Park who was troubled by it, looking away.

"Shit, what happened with her ?" She asked, looking at me again, sounding worried, putting her left hand on my kneecaps

"When she realized that it was me, she wanted me to come back home but again, I played 'Bell'." I sniffed, looking down with my M1911 in my right hand "Then, she showed me something that was mine.....my mother ring." I cleaned up the tears on my face with my other hand but even with that, they were still falling. "I was troubled.....and I let her go."

"You let her go ?" She wasn't angry at me....just confused on why I let Freya go away.

"I wanted to tell her but I couldn't do any harm to her."  I looked at my M1911 before I moved my hands to remove the mag of the gun. "If she stayed here, she will have been shot on sight by the others." I had the mag in my right hand before I threw it away from in anger. "I'm so fucking sorry, I messed this up."

"It's okay, don't....."

"Tell me...." I cut her as she was trying to recomfort me "Why are you never angry at me ?" I asked her because each time I do something that I suppose to be bad, she never raised her voice against me. "Please, why you're not mad at me right now ?" My question caused her to move next to me against the counter.

"I'm not angry because I can't be like this with you." She replied, getting her arm behind me, sounding sad. "You don't deserve to be yelled at, you are.....someone that doesn't deserve the hate of the others."

"Really ? For everyone else, I'm just seen as an Perseus agent that should die." I told her, refering to Hudson before I looked down. "I should have died at Solovetsky." I exclaimed like that, preferring to have avoided all of these shit on me.

"No, don't say that, please." Park said, moved, as she put her both arms around me, getting my head against her shoulder. "Please, I don't want you to say that." She added, resisting the urge to cry in her voice.

"I'm feeling so broken now.....a walking mess." I whispered as I moved my left arm on her chest. "I'm so lost."

"Don't worry, I'm here." She confessed, giving me a kiss on the top of my head. "We're going to get through this together, remember ?" She added, affirming my own words I told her days ago in that bed in the New Orleans, I nodded to her and I reinforced my grap around her, feeling like safer with her.

"Adler is now gone and we have nothing to help us." I admitted, reflecting to the situation we are now.....a fucking mess. "It's because of him we are like this now."

"I know." She agreed to me, thinking the same thing. "We really needed a bigger plan and now, Stitch got him." She then started to move to get up, offering her hand to me. "Come on, we should join the others to debrief." I took her hand and I got up thanks to her, mixed between feeling better & broken.

Before leaving the arcade, I decided to took back the M1911's mag I threw away next to a arcade machine, putting it back in my gun and then taking also the Krig 6 I had that was at the spot I was before Freya make me fly above the counter with her.  When we left the arcade, I could realize the state the mall was in now : in pretty bad shape, filled with bullets holes almost on every wall and a lot of bodies either from Stitch's guys or from the support team.

We joined the center of the mall, next to the Nova-6 barrels we discovered, wondering why they weren't blow up by Stitch as it was looking like this main goal in here : to do a terrorist attack and kill a lot of civilians but instead, they were still intact as two mens from the support team were working on them, trying to disarm them. Maybe that the guy in charge to blow them up was dead.

"So, anything new for Adler ?" It was Zeyna's voice that came from the store we were before I runned to the arcade, she was with Bulldozer at her side.

"Stitch got away....with him." I replied, crossing my arms, looking at the barrels as the two mens were disarming them. "I wasn't so fast to react." I looked back at them.

"Putain !" Zeyna breathed away in desesperation, getting her MP5 down for an moment.

"We lost Adler and a large of the support team is either KIA or WIA." Bulldozer added, looking at all of the bodies around us before he removed his riot helmet. "There's just us and a few men of the support team still breathing in here."

"We should have bring more men here." Park exclaimed, closing her eyes. "Mason, Woods & Sims should have come with us if Adler wasn't stupid in his head."

"I don't know what got into him." Zeyna said, curious about Adler's behavior. "Maybe his hatred for Stitch and the fact he thought that we will make the job done easily."

"It's because of him that we are in this situation." I proclaimed, almost angry inside of me and in my voice. "It's because of him we almost got ourselves killed." I added.

"Does this mall has a security room ?" Bulldozer asked, looking at a corner, precisely to a security camera.

"Why that ?" Zeyna told him.

"Maybe we can try to follow what Adler did after the shootout begin." He suggested as Zeyna started to think before she finished.

"Bien sur !" She said before she started to walk away in a direction "Follow me, I know where the room is."

"Radio me when you're done with the barrels !" Bulldozer ordered to the men that was with the barrels who nodded at him as we started to comply to Zeyna's order to follow her.

We left the center of the mall to follow Zeyna in the other side of it, passing through the few others standing men of the support team, trying to search for any other potentials survivors from Perseus and from their own mens. They were all looking troubled by the events, seeing that on their face, it was supposed to be for them, a simple mission that turned to a bloodbath, according to the multiple bullets holes and pools of bloods everywhere we were walking into we arrived in the security room, the only place that wasn't touched by the massacre.

There were multiples TV on a wall, each one of them, linked to a special camera inside the mall. Zeyna sit on a chair near a control panel to check if it was possible for us to rewind the events that happened during the shootout. After having some troubles with the panel, she finally managed to make the camera going back for us, rewinding them exactly just at the moment we were almost going to run.

"Camera 5, this is us before we start to run." Park pointed at the TV of that special camera, showing ourselves in group, our guns pointed in all the directions. "Okay, you can advance now." She ordered to Zeyna, who let the camera replay the scene.

"So, Adler threw his smokes on the ground and we all start to run." I said, observing the scene as we were all running. "But where's Adler ?" I asked as he was the only one who didn't run away

"There !" Bulldozer gestured to us the third TV. "It's Stitch running to the arcade !" We could see Stitch getting to the area with his gun in hand.....before we could see Adler going out of the smoke to pursue.

"So, instead to get into cover, he decide to go confront Stitch alone." Zeyna exclaimed, still not believing at the scene she was watching before she continued to show us the events. "There's two cameras in the arcade, we could see what happened." She added, getting our attention on the last two TVs : one camera overlooking the room.....and one overlooking behind the counter and we could see Stitch getting in cover behind it.

"There's Adler !" I said, seeing him enter the arcade before he start to fight with two men that was coming inside the room from another side. He managed to got one until the other was able to neutralize him. "And now, Stitch is moving." He got out of cover to join his men who were now holding Adler as others got inside the arcade.....and I could see where's Freya was going behind a cover to attack the person that will arrive soon....me.

"Look, it's you." Bulldozer pointed as I was arrived in the arcade until Freya acted and throw herself on me, making go above the counter. "Ooww." He snorted, seeing me getting jumped by her.

"So, Stitch's taking Adler with his men while you are fighting one of them." Zeyna told, looking at the two cameras, the first one with Adler getting dragged away while the other was me, fighting with Freya. "Wait, why did the person stopped ?" She asked, focused on the second camera, reliving when Freya removed her knife from me before I managed to grab my M1911.

"Why aren't you shooting her ?" Bulldozer looked at me, seeing me holding Freya in gunpoint but not doing anything at all.

"Listen, I can explain...."

"So, explain why you didn't shot her and let her go away !" He said harshly after cutting me and witnessing the moment where I let Freya go before the camera stopped by Zeyna. I took a deep breath before I leaned myself on a table, looking down.

"She....she was my old best friend." I replied, not wanting to tell them more even if Park know the story well, we couldn't tell them the truth entirely. "At my time in the KGB, I didn't know she was with Perseus....until now." I bit my lips down., trying to think.

"Merde, she stopped herself when she saw you and she was looking.....troubled." Zeyna exclaimed, rewatching the scene entirely. "What is she holding in her hand ?" She wasn't seeing the ring because of the picture quality.

"It was my mother ring, she said that I lost it when I defected and that she kept it with her." I proclaimed, looking at Park who was looking a bit sad from that. "I couldn't take it back." I then looked back at Bulldozer & Zeyna. "I'm sorry if I fucked up to save Adler, it's just that seeing her after all these times shocked me." I could see that they were mixed between seeing me as the one who fucked this up and also knowing that it couldn't be my fault, I couldn't tell.

"Listen, Yirina is not the one to fully blame in here." Park intervened in my thoughts, moving next to me. "If Adler had a better plan, nothing of this will have happened !" She added to them.

"I know..." Bulldozer whispered before his radio start to make some noises, he took it in his hands. "Yes ?" He asked, looking at us as he was listening. "Ok, we'll come back quickly." He then hang up his radio, putting it back on his jacket. "The support team has finished to disarm the Nova-6 barrels."

"And what's the other things ?" Zeyna questioned him, seeing it on his face that there were another thing.

"Hudson has arrived in here, he's awaiting for us and to say, he's pretty pissed off." He replied, taking back his M16 that he put against the wall before he start to walk out of the room.

By hearing that Hudson was here, I know that I needed to have my temper in control since Bulldozer told us that he wasn't so happy about it. It was obvious that Hudson was going to be pissed off by the events and what he heard but we had no choice to join him. I took a deep breath before I start to follow everyone outside the security room with our guns. On our way back to the center of the mall, there were more people alive, coming from Hudson team but all their looks were focused on me.

By their eyes, they were so confused to see me.....now, everyone in the CIA know that I'm well & alive thanks to Hudson, he couldn't keep it for himself, I can say. At any time with them, they could try anything with me and I'm going to make sure that it isn't going to happen and Park was thinking the same thing along the way, staying next to me until we arrived exactly at the center of the mall, finding Hudson in his typical CIA agent clothes, holding a satellite phone in his hand.

"You literally transformed an american mall into a battlefield !" He turned his back around to face us, looking angry at us. "And now, I have learned that Adler is MIA in Perseus's hand !" He added, giving behind his glasses, a deadly glare. "Do you realize what you have done today ?"

"Sir, we tried anything to survive but Adler has decided to go alone to face Stitch." Bulldozer said, confused, resisting the urge to maybe punch Hudson in the face.

"We just came from the security room : Adler preferred to face him instead of checking for our own safety." Zeyna added to his statement. "Grigoriev tried her best to save him but it was too late." She looked at me, realizing that it wasn't my fault even with what she saw.

"Adler almost make us killed because of his behavior." I exclaimed to Hudson who was sniffing at hearing me and seeing me too.

"I'm not talking to you, Bell !" He said loudly, making me move to face him, angry that he still saw me as Bell and to be frankly, he's not going to change with me. Park was there next to me and to be honest, she would have wanted to punch that guy really hard

"Who is Bell ?" Bulldozer asked, looking at me curious.

"Old story, better for you to not know about it." I replied, looking at him for an second before I focused back on Hudson. "If you want to finish the job, do it." I suggested to him, spreading my arms, meaning that I was ready to anything from him and instead, he backed down, rolling his eyes.

"Why are you here with us ?" He whispered to me

"Maybe because I want to kill Perseus myself but if you're too stubborn about me, then you're already fucked." I responded, giving my whole thought on him....literally. "I'm not the one to blame here and you know it well by yourself."

"So who's the one I'm blaming ? The only one that was taken away ?" I nodded to him directly. "We just lost our best agent against Perseus and I'm going to pull the fault on Adler ?" He repeated himself and I nodded again.

"You didn't just lose him, a lot of people died because of Adler's mistakes to underestimate the danger." Park said, defending my view on the situation, he looked at her with contempt.

"You, you better....." He was going to continue until his satellite phone rang, causing him to take it. "Agent Hudson's speaking." He proclaimed while looking at us, his phone next to his left ear. "Yes, she's here." He looked at Park precisely. "Yeah, I'm giving it to her." He then handed his own phone to her "For you !" She took the phone in hand as he start to move to get with Zeyna & Bulldozer.

"Yes ?" Park started as I stayed with her, wondering what was the deal with her. "Our operation in the New Jersey was an disaster, sir." She looked at me with an smile "Yes, she's with me actually." I was very curious, getting my brain to work about who would like to heard about me.....the MI6 ?....."I understand, sir, I will be with her soon......Semper Occultus...." She then finished by the MI6's motto I learned a few days from her before hanging up the phone.

"What's the deal ?" I asked as she was giving the phone back to Hudson before she looked at me with an smile, almost happy and relieved.....

"Looks like we are going to make an fly to London !"