#also the top 1 song isn't exactly true

[t-lostinworlds]

i mean it's the same thing every year tbh

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 17 thoughts

whispers softly. man... i need a minute. shaky breath.

okay. i'll start at the top like always. AUGH THE TEARS. fighting them. okay. need to put on some sad songs to accompany the 45-60 minutes it will take to type all this up

so, i sat down ready to see where this was gonna go. in fact i noted that i was incredibly locked in. which i continue to believe that i was.

we see a submarine, which is a type of craft i just do not trust. even before all that went down last summer. too scary for me. but they see something giving off a signal. and despite being a cartographer ship, they have missiles. and they're gonna go towards the thing they see on the radar, because they were told to. which seems wrong.

but then all their power is knocked out!!! and they are ordered to surface. but how will they do that under a ton of ice?!?!

title sequence. i was expecting different than the usual "the truth is out there" but i guess it's just business as usual over here despite it all

back to where we left off: scully's on the phone with real mulder and fake mulder is in her room. she hangs up on real mulder and tells the fake one that it was a wrong number, which had to be confusing to real mulder.

she tells him to put his hands on the wall, and he makes some quip about being shot before and not caring for it, and for a minute i'm like oh shit, that's a very mulder thing to do- what if he is, in fact, real mulder, and it's fake mulder on the phone? but that theory didn't make much sense anyway and also it was quickly put to rest by the fact that he started beating the hell out of scully.

so time skip: real mulder shows up to the scene with his "sister", who says the alien hit man is gonna call and ask to make a trade: scully for his "sister", and yeah, quotes are verbatim, i was still not buying this whole family relation thing

but his "sister" says that she knows how to kill the alien hit man: you have to hit the base of his skull. maybe. she isn't 100% certain. and also you can't miss because their blood is toxic. which we actually did already know!

and he's getting suspicious. why won't she explain exactly where she has been all this time? and what's this deal with her "father"? he's yelling at her at this point and i get it because it's not adding up to me either

she says that the aliens have been trying to establish a colony on earth since the 1940's, and:

"it's their belief that the stewardship of the planet is being forsaken" <- okay yeah. can't argue there. some of us are trying, aliens. i am not one of the mega companies pouring nuclear waste into the ocean. but maybe y'all could do a better job. and she continues:

"and that by default they'll someday become the natural heirs" <- well hey. you were sounding reasonable but now you are not. have we considered that maybe the people already here could give it another go free from the shackles of the 1%? you're acting like it's an estate sale and buddy we're still living in the house. you lost me there, and i was willing to hear you out.

she says that all of the clones worked at abortion clinics to gain access to fetal tissue, so they could combine human and alien dna. which i imagine had to be a good pr boost for abortion clinics (heavy on the /s here)

and the killer is after them because their experiments with mixing alien with human dna were not sanctioned, so they're "diluting the race", which i guess seems like the thing they would be worried about.

he doesn't seem to fully buy it, because he says "that's a good story, but i've heard a lot of good stories lately" which is true!!! our old worstie ambrose chapel was a liar, remember? or at least someone impersonating him was doing some lying!

"i'm your sister, fox, you have to trust me" UM PROOF?? have we done a dna test??? you can't just show up like that!!!!!

skinner knocks at the door... but is it really him? or the shapeshifting hit man????

"why are the lights out?" skinner asks quite reasonably "orders from my ophthalmologist" he says, lying very easily for a man for loves the Truth. but it did make me giggle.

sister approves that it is really skinner! only after they set a trap to get him just in case it wasn't. again i ask why she can tell if it's the man or not but okay. we move past that.

he makes introductions: "this is my sister, samantha mulder" to which skinner replies "WHAT"

and yeah. i would react the same!!!!

(also weird to hear mulder used as a last name. to me that's just the guy. you know?)

NOOO his phone rings. it's scully calling from a payphone. "he says he's gonna kill me if you don't give him what he wants" oh. okay.

there's no time to explain to skinner what is going on so!!! just please trust me, he says!!! and he does. another point for skinner, who is like a strange uncle or cousin to me.

they go to do a hostage trade: "samantha" for scully. and is this the same bridge where they did the hostage deal for mulder at the end of s1? do they only have one bridge for hostage deals. might be a bit much to have 2 in one city.

skinner has a sniper in the bush, ready to shoot at the base of the alien hit man's neck during the exchange. okay save the day mister sniper please.

AUGH HOSTAGE EXCHANGE. it's so tense. i paused here to write how tense it was, which did not ease it in the slightest. the hit man has a gun to scully's head and it's recalling mulder's early trauma with hostage exchanges. they're waiting for the right moment to shoot....

scully's in the car!!!! but samantha tried to use the needle that kills the aliens and she MISSED and the sniper shot was messed up and then there's firing and is it the sniper? or is it the hit man? who is hit? it is very unclear!!!!! both hit man and samantha tumble into the cold water beneath.

he's still at the bridge, staring down into the place he last saw her. scully comes out to join him, and he says "you should be at the hospital" (she has gauze on her head and says she was just discharged)

he's staring into the water, trying to come up with different ways she might have lived

"why didn't you tell me on the phone that it was her?" "i couldn't tell you 'cause you'd never let me go through with it" AUGHHHHHHHHH.

(and knowing how the episode ends. i am glad this happened. but in the moment. this was a gut punch)

she asks how he knew it was really his sister (valid question, one i fear he should have asked as well) and he snaps about how could she ask that, and she's like, dude someone with your face and body just kidnapped me???? so the whole who is who thing is a little murky??

(she actually calmly explains this. without any judgement. judgement added was my own. but you can imagine that after this experience, hearing "he's an alien" might still be a bit of a hard sell)

okay, mr. mulder is on the scene. he has to tell his dad he lost his sister. I lost her, he says. emphasis on the I. as if it was an action that he took. fuck.

and his dad hits back with a "you LET this man take your sister?" and son mulder is CRYING. what the HELL this is too much. the man has suffered too much. i'm given flashbacks to the last time we saw him cry when he thought he lost scully forever.

PAUSE. i just know the actors were eating up these lines. ohhh i know they were sinking their teeth into them the way that good dialogue allows you to. when you tap into the soul of a character, a whole person who isn't even real, because the writing cuts to their heart. yeah yeah yeah i knowww they were rolling with it and it felt Good

back to the scene. his father is giving him a guilt trip about how his mother is going to deal with "losing her again". and he's apologizing and crying when his dad pulls out an envelope

"your sis- SAMANTHA" told me to give you this.

the implication that he lost the claim to be considered related to her????? is sooooo entirely messed up?? that is the kind of thing that ruins a person???? holy fuck??

he's sobbing while opening the letter, and it gives an address where she says they can meet up if they are separated... so maybe she's really still out there??? hope has been installed back into "she's not actually dead" camp

he rolls up to the address and parks in an area labeled "NO PARKING". grief will do this to a guy.

but just as he arrives, scully calls and says they found her in the river. NOOOOOO THE NEWLY RETURNED HOPE.... "whatever you're feeling, you can't blame yourself" she says, knowing that he must be putting his whole soul into Blaming Himself

but... her body is melting??? is it an alien body??? is the melting gonna turn into toxic gas?? scully don't stare at it you're gonna get all thick blood!!!!

back to mulder. this man is experiencing all stages of grief at once on the steps of a women's clinic. he goes in and pulls out a gun and boy i sure hope there are no women inside.

someone is in there. it's... someone with samantha's face??? saying that she knows "she's dead"????? "it was all a lie", he mumbles as he realizes he was played

YESSSS I KNEW IT. i knew that was NOT his sister. i knew it was too weird and coincidental to be true. this makes the grief of losing her dissipate entirely so i do consider this a win beyond me just being able to guess where the plot was going

and i'm thinking, how the hell is he gonna explain all this to scully? like, to mom and dad, you will have to play along with the whole "she died" thing, and while that is by no means easy, it is a concrete thing you can say and do. but scully??? how is she going to react to "someone pretended to be my sister and then got killed"

(i suppose mulder could tell his parents that DNA testing on "samantha's body" proved no relation, but that would still be complicated to walk through, because there was no corpse to prove that, you know, because she dissolved- maybe scully could make some paperwork to make it look real?)

back to the matter at hand: these aliens with the same face are saying that he must save their original source. and he says "i am not your savior" which- tea. set your boundaries king. in fact, had i been there, i would have done the opposite of protecting, and instead start blasting these aliens that pretended to be my long-dead sister.

but they have leverage... they know where she really is...... so he doesn't walk out....

hit man arrives!!!!! armed with his needle!!! and mulder goes to confront him, but he knocks him on his back, and sets a fire- mulder's weakness!!!!!!

scully is making a report. she cannot substantiate his claims of aliens. and she's got a cut on her forehead from hit man taking her. my poor queen :(

back to the fbi agent that died in the last episode. he has nasty cuts allllll over. like he was carved with designs. sorry for that imagery but i saw it and must describe it.

she thinks she can solve this case with the power of SCIENCE!!! what killed this guy, exactly? maybe if we can figure it out, the other pieces could fall into place

so the virus that causes the blood to thicken is inhibited by the cold.... which explains our earlier scene of mulder in the ice tub and her yelling about him needing to be cold...

DEEP THROAT 2.0 ARRIVAL? (sidenote does this dude have a real name? like while this was airing what were y'all calling him...)

he tells mulder that the last alien- the one who was sent to kill the clones, our shapeshifting hit man- has been tracked to alaska, and that you have to pick your battles to win the war. telling him not to go to alaska. can you imagine.

scully goes to his place and knocks but no one answers. and his newspapers on at the doorstep. so she busts out her keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey..... heart still melts that she has this.......

and HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA INVESTIGATE???? he sent her an email..... and he's saying how he wouldn't let her risk her life... nooo don't you weaponize the earlier drawing a line thing, that was about chasing a very vague alien lead to an agent's death, not about investigating ur sister...........

she bursts into skinner's office. and then apologizes for doing so.

(i love this so much. such a tiny detail that tells us a lot about her character. that Need to be good and do the right thing and please those whom she looks up to. ohhhhh)

he asks to speak to her off the record, and it seems at first promising... but he won't help her get in contact with mulder. EVEN after she says please!!!! she is gonna cry!!!!!

skinner's bitching about mulder's actions being a violation of his oath, and she's saying that he saved her life, and he comes back with a "if he wanted or expected you to do the same, he would have told you where he was going"

skinner being a jerk... at this point i began to revoke the point i earlier gave him...

he looks deeply troubled though, and i was like, ohhh, mulder must have promised him to not tell her where he was going... i see into your plans, mulder (<- this is not what happened)

back at mulder's place. scully's searching for clues. there's an x taped to the window again, which must be something he just does sometimes. and there's ominous music.

she falls asleep on his couch, and i swear i actually felt my heart melting at this moment. the way she was curled up. subconsciously trying to hold onto a piece of him. only finding rest where he did. i can't even wax poetic about this because i can't put the words into the right shape. but it is gonna destroy me.

someone is knocking... but who?

DEEP THROAT 2.0?!?!

he tries to act like he just went to the wrong room, but she isn't buying it, following him and demanding to know where he really is

SKINNER IS HERE? GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR????? SKINNER ATTACKING D.T. 2.0??? the girls are fighting!!!!!!!

he makes deep throat 2.0 tell him where mulder is, even when skinner is pinned up and deep throat 2.0 is the one holding the gun, and he said "i've killed men for less", but skinner says that if you kill him, he'll be killing 2 men....... this gag seems to have worked

SKINNER is AT THE DOOR to mulder's place where scully is staying. and he is bleeding from MANY wounds. tells scully where he is without elaborating on the blood pouring from all over. okay skinner. you're real for that. you get that point i was tossing around back. and a bonus one, in fact.

so mulder's out on the ice, and usually him wearing a big jacket would spark joy in my heart. and i won't lie, it does a little. but there is also a LOT of tension going on, so it's very brief. feels wrong to rejoice in the simple pleasures of man in big funny coat when he just had to lose his sister and then learn it wasn't even her.

but he sees some sort of tower and he's going in!!! and a dead guy is spotted.

pause. at this point i am sitting here thinking, man, these episodes are good, definitely among the best i've seen so far. who let these men cook? can we get them back in the kitchen with more regularity?

someone is leading him deeper and deeper into the maze of this... station? sub? and i fear he is being led into a trap. but he finds a very very scared man and having a big man point a gun at him doesn't help with the fear, i'm sure. but is it really a sniveling coward... or the hit man???

and JUST as he almost had me fooled and wondering if mulder was gonna really shoot an innocent guy, BAM! hit man reveal.

mulder keeps asking where his sister is, even while being pummeled by this alien with super strength. and he says "she's alive. can you die now?"

mulder shoots at the alien and he misses the back of his neck, so his toxic blood is filling up the space, and things are not looking good at all. and the alien takes him out and drops him on the ice!!!!!

he's going to break the ice and let him freeze or hit him with the sub as it goes down, both very bad endings........

CUTSCENE TO WHERE WE BEGAN!!!!

scully is bursting in, telling this doctor that he has a virus that can only be slowed by keeping him cold, and he isn't buying it, but just as he tries to get her kicked out of the room, his heart stops, so she intervenes.

and she's calling all the shots- get 100 grams of this and that and a drip of this- and this doctor has had his shift hijacked by a better doctor. he implies that mulder might not make it, and she refuses to hear this out.

and she's.... gently stroking his hair... while this is going down........

and sitting by his bed while he's getting better...

(so are the counts for who has been in a coma now tied? justice is served)

and now she's doing the case conclusion:

"several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena" <- OHHH??? is this what makes scully a believer? are we gonna see some character changes?

"but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them" okay!!! we are getting a deeper look into her philosophy here. yes yes yes give me more. and more i was given:

"many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it"

and i love it. i love it so much. seeing how she understands the world, why she knows that there has to be an order to it all, and if it seems there isn't, it's just because she hasn't figured it out yet... and science did allow him to get better... the need to fight a good fight in the way she knows how... yeah... that's lovely...

and she's CRYING at his bedside and holding his arm when he finally opens his eyes. her smile. her gentle "hey". it's so innocent, seeing that he is okay, that he made it through the worst part of getting better.

"thanks for ditching me" aughhhhghhhhh.......

he says he didn't find what he was looking for, but he did find the faith to keep looking. ohhhhh. ohhhhhhh...

the way his faith was gone at the start of season 2, but now it's back, there's something worth fighting for, his sister is out there, there is a world worth figuring out..........

man.

at this point my friend was sending me texts and i was like queen i need a minute. i need a minute. to put these things in order. and honestly i STILL do!

it was an absolutely amazing duo of episodes. i truly loved the writing, seeing them pushed to the brink with each other and with themselves. seeing skinner come into fruition. seeing what motivates them both and how they see the world and how it is entirely different but still driven by hope and faith and a need to learn the truth. and the tenderness of it all. of her sleeping on his couch in his absence, thinking maybe he'll be home soon. of running her fingers through his hair while he was being revived. the fury of being blamed for the loss of his sister, the fury with which she screamed at deep throat 2.0 to tell him where he went off to, the fury of mulder realizing he had been lied to and that his sister had never come back at all. but there still being hope despite it all. because there are things worth searching for. and they can do it together.

man. it was a very good episode but your girl is gonna go watch a silly video because it definitely hit me right in the Feelings!!

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Hello, i wanted to ask you why people haven't been liking taylor's newer album. I don't really follow her but i've seen a lot of videos that criticize it. But i still don't understand what's so bad about it, they don't really even talk about the music.

Lmaooooooo. Classic! (as in, that they'll complain about an album without elaborating on what they think it lacks).

I mean, I don't think you can separate the critique TTPD has received from the widespread general Taylor fatigue which has been building up for years, due to her being kind of constantly in the news for almost 2 years now (and also a fair amount the 2 years before that on top of that). So one part is definitely just "she's annoying because I see her everywhere".

However, here's a rundown of the musical critiques of the album I've seen and my thoughts on them:

1) It's not sonically adventurous, within the context of her discography.

I think this is a fair criticism, overall, though it's not true that she broke zero sonic ground with it, and I'd say there's a lot of new stuff in terms of theme, which makes up for this at least a little. TTPD isn't exactly like any of her previous work (or merely a worse version of it), but I understand finding the production lacking in a lot of places.

2) It's too long.

I mean, it's 31 songs. I think all albums of this length will catch criticism like this, and it's valid IMO. Albums being of digestible length has advantages, but I also love having as many songs as possible. There aren't many songs I personally would cut.

3) It's too self-referential.

Honestly, this one kind of annoys me, but I also can't fully blame people who make it, because there's a type of swiftie who will insist on a lyric being important because it references some deep piece of Taylor lore only fans know – I get finding it eyeroll-inducing to be told you have to do "homework" to understand a song. But here's the thing: those swifties are wrong lol. It's not that I'm against their way of interacting with the music but it's just not true that you need to know Taylor's life to appreciate it. Case in point. people routinely relate her songs to their own life or to their blorbos. And, honestly, TTPD is IMO mostly thematically consistent and thus works well as an isolated work of art if you're actually willing to just engage with what it has to say.

4) It's cringe.

There are songs on TTPD (especially the first few) that are highly stylized and include lyrics which feel clunky. I think these lyrics are either a) literally fine, you just need to hear them in context (thinking of beloved "Aristotle/Grand Theft Auto" in particular), or b) they're blunt or strangely worded in a way I think is kind of intentionally off-putting, but I also get it if it just doesn't work for someone and they have trouble taking the line seriously.

I feel like that sums up most issues people have that are specific to the album. There's other critiques which are applicable to all of Taylor's music, which obviously some people don't like, but it wouldn't be relevant to people who like her previous work.

Also, btw, I kind of admire you for asking me about this. As in, being genuinely interested in people's opinion on something you're not that invested in :)

[ihavedoorinsurance]

big long post abt bokutachi-kun bc i have worms

so. a little over a week ago, SoapOpera46 (or Yoli-chan) blessed us with this video and i would like to talk abt it at length. piece by piece. this is the true definition of sadan. so much so that it's going under a readmore (if those even matter anymore. i hear fumblr truncates posts automatically?) anyway

full disclosure: i didn't plan any of this. what's to come is basically word puke, off the top of my head, with no organisation or structure to it.

you won't be interested in this unless you're clinically insane. if you're looking for worthwhile opinions on the video, i recommend browsing the comments section. they're short, sweet, and easy to read. nnnnow, without further ado.....

I KU ZO

i'll start off saying i don't know shit about Dream (YUME-SAN as he is so graciously credited in the vid description)! not a damn thing! all i know is he's a Minecraft YouTuber, and up to just yesterday i didn't even know he made music! what seems to be very emo music if this song is anything to go by.

i looked up the lyrics seperately bc tbh i couldnt extrapolate anything from that singing. bokutachi-kun's a star talent and all bless his heart but i needed expert assistance. also according to the blurb at the bottom of the page i referenced, this song references the struggles of depression and ADHD! and myopia, most tragically of all.

here's a student copy.

what to note before we forge onwards: this is contextualised to us by Yoli-chan as a look into Bokutachi's history, saying she: "feeling it fit bokutachi-kun no past very much!!!"

i'm not sure how far in the past this is, but i have some vague ideas pinned on the information that, expressed by Episode 10, Raku and Koneko have already graduated (or dropped out of i'm not discounting that) college by the time the mainline story is in effect.

you also see these silhouettes

of what i assume to be the girls? at around 1:22, so i'm giving it anywhere from 6 to 14 years ago.

and if that seems like a wide ratio that's because it is!! i have no way of knowing what year of high school he's in, when exactly he graduated, how long it's been since then, or anything. i mean he's a fairly young man so i'll take that into account but that hardly helps

(also grant that none of the story takes off until after Raku and Koneko have left college long enough for Raku to call her fellow alumni "old" friends....also wtf what did they major in i've been asking this for years..you don't see them with jobs ever I MEAN PERHAPS KONEKO MAJORED IN NURSING THE COVID PSA DOES INDICATE SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL SO IDK)

but damn if any of that actually matters. you can't even peg the year by identifying hiis fatback monitor and Windows 98 ass OS

he is using some..EQUIVALENT of early msn messenger, maybe that puts this in the ballpark of 2000-2003

ik the Covid PSA isn't like properly canon or anything but i'll bet Raku is still using Win98 well after the OS's discontinuation anyway (it went out of service in 2006 if that helps.)

so if Bokutachi's old enough to be in any year of high school in 1998-2000 (assuming this computer is any indication. it might not be!), i'd wager a guess he's anywhere between 24-30 years old by the time NNSG properly starts (again assuming, that 2010 is the actual year the show takes place. once again, it might not be! it's at least post-Hatsune Miku, judging by the Christmas episode). this leaves room for college, but i doubt he went.

kind of what i already assumed, but it's fun trying to put these pieces together.

also can i just say i'm intrigued by the "nya, rawr" adlib in the beginning? that is Hitoshi's Thing, as we well know, but additionally, in the very beginning of the video, there is a box of pocky on the floor of the hallway.

pocky would happen to be one half of Hitoshi's favourite breakfast (plus ramune. this fuck drinks soda and eats cookies for breakfast what is wrong with him.), so i wonder if he had some knowledge of Hitoshi already this early on. we're operating on the premise that this is Bokutachi's younger self singing, right? did Hitoshi go to his school? we don't see him anywhere unlike Raku and Koneko, so idk. maybe "nya, rawr" is just a popular, cool phrase to say in Amerijapan.

potential cool thing: the one pocky stick upside down and sitting outside the box but near it might allude to Bokutachi himself. you do get the feeling he's lonely throughout the song, he's not got one close relationship with a real live person. not in school, not at home...

let's start talking about these lyrics.

I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time Stare at the ceiling while I hold back what's on my mind And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine" And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine"

--

so i like this set of frames

you see him happily chatting away, but abrubtly he gets tense and stops himself. only after his mood swing is acknowledged does he try to perk back up and affirm to whoever's asking that he's "just fine". clearly he feels some kind of pressure to bottle up his emotions.

the facade begins to wane slightly here: despite the open ears he remains reticent. another thing: he seems to just be very guarded when he's around people. like physically!

you see him holding himself in the midst of confrontation here, earlier he'd balled up his fist because he got upset thinking about something too long... his stance in general is very tight in public, from what i can tell.

here, he's got his arms firmly placed at his sides as he turns away from whoever it was that confronted him earlier. shortly afterwards when he's sure he's not being looked at, he drops his little half smile.

in the first image of this post, again at around 1:22-1:25 you see him holding his bookbag straps and powering through the hallways the longer he continues to walk, like there's a sense of urgency there.

and here, he's around people that are likely just minding their own business but he's just. not comfortable in any way. the song mentions at this point:

"Always bein' judged by a bunch of strange faces Scared to go outside, haven't seen the light in ages"

even though it seems he's being ignored for the most part. everyone who's addressed him thus far in the song has only ever asked him if he was okay. i have to wonder if he's being gossipped about behind his back for being an outcast and is well aware of it.

"haven't seen the light in ages" strikes me as metaphorical. light as in hope. light as in a reason to keep going.

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MOMENT TO HIGHLIGHT THESE LYRICS

But the fact is I can never get off of my mattress And all that they can ask is "Why are you so sad, kid?" (Why are you so sad, kid?)

--

my guy has been in bed all day long, just awake and in bed dawn to dusk, tossing and turning unable to get to sleep. or even will himself to get up. he hasn't eaten, drank, brushed his teeth, showered, just. bed. and the first thing his (probably) legal guardian thinks to ask him when he FINALLY manages to find some strength is why he's so sad.

it'd be nice to interpret that in a compassionate way. i think best case scenario, his guardian(s) don't know how to help him and want to talk with him. approaching the subject of utter disengagement from the world is difficult when you haven't lived it, and i can't imagine mental health resources are plentiful in early 2000s Amerijapan.

but also he doesn't seem to trust his legal guardian(s)?? he's just as guarded with them as he is with strangers, look at this at around 0:56

he looks anxious trying to address either of them. the way he's looking back and forth between them it's like he's trying to get a word in edgewise but can't.

they're not particularly given identifiable features. they look fairly similar to the "strange faces" he sees judging him, except they're bigger. they cast a longer shadow and they're no comfort to him at all. helps that the lyrics accompanied are:

"And it just keeps on pilin' It's so terrifying"

--

which implies to me he's constantly in the habit of racking up shames in his legal guardian's eyes. like they pick at him frequently and find reasons upon reasons to scold him, and remind him of everything that's going wrong. maybe the pressure he feels to perform normalcy is derived from them, because if someone finds something "wrong" with him, they're going to pick and pick and demean him and lose faith in him. and that hits too close to home for him.

(i'm willing to bet he is/was physically punished too. like, shot in the dark, but that makes sense to me with how stiffly he walks and how clammed up you see him around ppl. i might be projecting though but hey. never said i was sure.)

I'D LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY GUY IS JUST CHRONICALLY ONLINE TOO

morning to night, he finds himself whiling away HOURS on the computer. time spent online (on messaging clients and what have you) outweighs time spent on homework, and studying, possibly eating. anything else that might beg his attention is forgotten.

anything else that might stress him out is forgotten when he turns on the computer. he can mask (OHOHOHOHO) his struggles online because there's no burden of expectation or obligation.

there's a freedom in his anonymity, in how he can choose his company, and lie about being happy, and they'd believe him. no-one asks questions. there's no pressure. and that makes him "happy" so to speak.

i say that because only when he's messing around online do we finally see him peaceful enough to go to sleep. the fog on his brain is lifted when he turns himself into this person that's full of confidence and takes life easy. and even though he might be faking it...

Been wearin' a smile for so long, it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

that'll happen to you when you use another skin to cope with your own shortcomings. i'm acutely aware of this in particular. this might be what some people refer to as irony poisoning? when you do something enough times, even if it's only for show, it becomes habit, and your habits aren't you as a person, but they can certainly shape you.

i wonder if he joked about dark sshit like kidnapping people and committing felonies, etc. to try and make himself let go of the fear of being judged by others. make himself stop feeling empathy so he'd stop acting so careful, thus unchaining himself from his own thought paralysis. plenty of people do that (and some become criminals later on, go figure)

anyhow later on we have a mental breakdown from about 1:31 to 1:39 with:

But I've been places So I'm okay-ish, so I'm okay-ish Yeah, I'm okay, bitch"

--

coupled with what seems to be a violent start from a dream of some kind?

not sure if this dream IS or is connected to the following scenes of walking through the school hallways + out in the grass, but that would actually make a lot of sense considering "haven't seen the light in ages" compared against his internet addiction. like he found a distraction and thus has little incentive to leave. i imagine he's skipping school and holing up in his room or something.

the effects of what he's doing seem to be catching up with him. you can see him high strung when he gets out of bed, and when he answers to what's likely his guardian(s), it snaps him.

i get the impression he either woke up with all this tension, then realised he slept through the morning and made it worse, OR. the dream sharply reminded him of his current circumstances and THAT made it worse.

maybe he's spiralling because he feels powerless. to stop himself from making bad decisions, from disappointing people, from pushing people away, from underachieving, from misusing his time, from taking his life for granted, from being alone...challenging these doubts about your own agency over your life is tough when you don't know where to start and also you're a teenager.

he's clearly wracked with despair over this but can't act in his own best interest due to closing off all avenues to recovery thanks to never opening up to anyone. god the more i think about it, the more i consider "why are you so sad, kid?" to be accusatory. if you feel singled out in being honest, of course you'll try to avoid that.

also note:

But the fact is I need help, I'm failin' all my classes

damn straight.

jesus that report card. look at that thing, that is straight Fs all the way down. i mean we know he hasn't been doing his homework but god ALL F'S??? IN EVERY SUBJECT????? you'd think he wasn't going to school at all, which kind of lends itself to my idea that he's just altogether not going. or when he is there, doing literally anything else but the work. god damn. relatable

that combined with his outburst, that epic door slam?? that might be what pulls him into the doctor's office later on. like his legal guardian(s) are just sick of his shit and so they get him psychoanalysed.

A FINE ANALYSIS FROM DR. ^w^ PHD, FUCKING "NORMAL JA NAI", WHAT A GENIUS ASSESSMENT. I'M SO GLAD THEY COULD TAP INTO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE AND ADDRESS THE ROOT CAUSE OF HIS SUFFERING IN A THOROUGH AND SPECIALISED MANNER. BASED

no seriously even though that shit kills me every time i see it, i like the implication that they only vaguely diagnose symptoms, write a prescription, and send him on his way. like what's really wrong with him is being overlooked by professionals because the mental health awareness just isn't there. as exemplified by:

"They think that I need glasses"

which is a lyric i laughed at but also...that's kinda true to life. you'll say to your school's counsellor, everything that sings to the tune of someone with executive dysfunction. a spectrum disorder even. and they'll be like

"hm. move em up. they cant see the board that's why they're not taking notes right. have you talked to an ophthalmologist". offering bandaid solutions for bigger issues. and speaking of bandaid solutions, DRUGS

"I just really wish that I could pass this (Wish that I could pass this)"

That's what the mask is That's what the point of the mask is"

SDGLKMFKFKLDHNFGJKNGVF I RAN OUT OF IMAGE SPACE LMAOOOO

okay so basically from 1:49-1:59 Bokutachi goes through a moment of crisis where he laments his fate of being labelled as "NORMAL JA NAI". either he doesn't like the things the medication is doing to him or he's skeptical of taking them at all. regardless those shits are going inthe TRASH. my guy is like "fuck big pharma" out here

he is not in a stable frame of mind at all throughout this video. who knows if those pills would have helped. we'll never know because he doesn't trust them. he doesn't want to think of himself as someone who needs that kind of thing.

as far as he's concerned he doesn't! he has his chat group, he has FUCKING MINESWEEPER; if he were to try and "fix" himself now, what would happen to those spaces? would he still be able to navigate them? find the same joy in them as he once did? they're all that matters to him! he's become accustomed to the isolation and this is his only reprieve (read as: escape) from a hostile environment.

(how hostile it really is, that's sort of up in the air. i'm thinking he's got the makings of a dude with some kinda cluster A disorder. ADD and autism are also on my mind, depression because of the song's origins itself, but eh. i digress.)

you can see him calm himself down once it's time to boot up the computer again at 2:00.

so it would seem, he's already given up on trying to be more than what he is right now. change is scary though, i don't blame him. especially when you feel like it's being forced on you when you didn't ask.

maybe this is him trying to regain some kind of control, but...in a decidedly unhealthy way. by sticking his head in the sand and acting like nothing's wrong. burying the idea that he needs help makes him feel less like a problem that needs to be solved and more like a well adjusted person that's just misunderstood.

at 2:09 he pulls out his planner (i refuse to believe that's a smartphone LIKE COME ON THE TIMELINE. PLEASE) and you can kind of watch his stomach churn knowing there's shit to do but his alter ego doesn't care.

his alter ego isn't concerned with that bullshit. "nah i'll have time. i'll do it later. and if i don't get it done tonight, who cares? nothing's gonna happen to me and i don't gotta answer to anybody. i'm not scared." he's developing an apathy to responsibility b/c it frustrates him he can't manage it.

i have to ask if this is where his rebuke of social acceptability took root.

you even see him at around 2:21-2:26 pull out his medical records and write "daijoubu" next to the diagnosis. which also slays me but next to "NORMAL ja nai" it kind of reads like "not being normal is okay".

that's a perfectly fine stance to have when you're just a little kooky! just a tad silly! eccentric even! i don't know if that's something you should be saying to wave away EVERYTHING that could be affecting you (and potentially others if it goes unchecked), just because it makes you uncomfortable to stare it down! that's dangerous!! particularly when you don't know your limits

i'm also kind of loving 2:28-2:32??? where he raises his head to his legal guardians and he's smiling for the first time in front of them.

but now we're well aware all his smiles are performative. he's wearing the mask for them now too.

the fake it 'til you make it policy seems to be his safety net. in order to avoid being treated and seen like a walking blemish, something to be fixed, he's slowly grown to be more comfortable acting well to do, or at least unaffected. then people leave him alone. when he's loose and devil-may-care, he's allowed to be himself. which would be fine if that were honest.

in truth, he's extremely emotional. he's sensitive. he's scared and wound up. he's angry and he's self conscious. he cannot function in the way the world wants him to, and he can't stand his own inaction in the face of his self-inflicted demise. but when that's too shameful to bear, you don't seek anyone out. imagine how much more painful it would be to have someone see you flounder. they'll poke fun. they'll judge.

it's like he sees the world telling him to be better, and his response is to create what he thinks is an objectively better person. even though at the end of the day he is still who he is.

i wonder if he starts wearing that mask permanently because at one point he'd become aware there was no running from himself. with this being his only way to reconcile his failures, it was inevitable.

we end the animation with him going to sleep and his maegami "masked" self looming over the end credits. smiling is equated with wearing a mask consistently throughout the song, so i find the image of him going to sleep with a smile on his face pretty solidly telling me that he's starting the transition into becoming the Projected Bokutachi as opposed to Plain Bokutachi.

this is the beginning of his descent into a more dangerous, yet exciting and outgoing person. he is mentally unwell and owning it. i don't know what happened between high school and the NNSG plotline (or god forbid, what happened between childhood and adolescence), but here we definitely introduce some catalysts for his face-heel turn.

and now i have even more reasons to reconsider this little rat man's true motivations and character depth.

arigatou gozaimasu Yoli-chan (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚

[blazehedgehog]

What do you think of the Parappa series? I went through the whole series, and the 2nd Parappa in particular became one of my top 5 favorite games of all time. The games 2player battle mode is really fun, I'm surprised more rhythm games haven't tried to copy it.

Parappa the Rapper 1 is one of my favorite games of all time. It was one of those games like NiGHTS: Into Dreams where I'd come home from school every day and play the entire game from start to finish just because I wanted to and it took less than an hour.

I like the other games but I don't love them. Parappa 1 is a very simple story about a boy coming of age and following his true love. He gets his first job, buys his first car, learns how to cook for himself, learns how to defend himself, and it's all tied to his self-confidence: as long as he believes in himself, he can do anything. This pays off in the last level, where he uses that confidence to steal the show at a local concert.

Lammy and especially Parappa 2 are way less personable stories that fill out their flimsy narratives by beating you over the head with "We're so WACKY!!!"

Like, the first Parappa was a wacky game, sure, but if you really boil it down to its essential parts, it's got an honesty to it. It's telling a real story about Parappa becoming an adult. All the wacky parts are window dressing: the character designs, the fantasies Parappa constructs for himself, and so on. But the core, the heart of the game, is rooted in something relatable.

Lammy isn't like that. In the context of the game, Lammy has already "made it." Milkcan (her band) is already famous enough that they're going on tour. Lammy's issues with anxiety don't ring as true because her main worry throughout the game is being late for the gig. Her cry of "Leave it to Lammy!" doesn't feel as empowering as Parappa's "I gotta believe!", in particular because the full phrase is "The guitar is in my mind! Leave it to Lammy!"

It means the solution to every problem she faces is to pretend she's doing anything but the task required of her. Not exactly a confident rally.

And a lot of the music... I mean it's grown on me over the years, but it's not as immediately catchy as Parappa 1. Like I will listen to every stage theme from Parappa 1, in order, and enjoy all of them. There's only really, like, two songs in Lammy I like to listen to outside of the game (Fire Fire & Fright Flight) and some of them are genuinely painful to listen to (Taste of Teriyaki).

And just like... a lot of the scenarios just don't vibe with me at all. "I ate too much pizza so people think I'm pregnant" is really dumb, getting chainsaw lessons to carve a replacement guitar while being chased by a bear, going to hell... again, it's a little too wacky for me. It feels forced.

It all gets worse in Parappa 2. There's this flimsy thing where Parappa is worried people think he's still acting like a baby, but again, it's just not as strong as that first game. The main plot involves some kind of weirdo super villain who is turning all the world's food in to ramen noodles and a lot of the stages feel random and tangential to what Parappa actually needs to do to succeed. Like, in Parappa 1, its implied their family is super poor, but Parappa 2 reveals his dad is some kind of genius inventor now? It's a flimsy reason to have a stage about using a shrink ray to "grow big."

And as a result I connected with the music even less than I did with Lammy. I straight up don't like most of Parappa 2's soundtrack, but I also think that's mainly due to the fact I've only played the game, like, twice ever -- I never got a chance to get familiar with them. Every now and then I'll hear part of Big or Sistah Moosesha and think "eh, maybe that song is alright after all." But for the most part the only song I really like is Toasty Buns.

(And not even for its own merits, either)

I'd love to have a new Parappa game that captures the simple, down-to-earth spirit of that first game instead of feeling like they have to make it too wacky.

Like, I dunno, make a game where Parappa is this famous rapper who fell on hard times and he has to build back up and prove to Sunny that he's not a loser after she leaves him. We could have raps about breaking bad habits, cleaning up and organizing his living space, mending bridges he burned with friends, etc. The over-arching theme would be Parappa learning to respect himself enough to make sure his life doesn't fall apart again.

But, you know, told in a Parappa way. Weird and funny on the surface, but with a heart beating at the center of it.

Also, this post is long enough, but I do not recommend playing Parappa for the PSP/PS4. It's a bad remake where they arbitrarily changed all the button timings and it makes the game WAY harder and WAY worse. I wrote an outline for a video I want to do about it some day, since a lot of people blame modern TV latency and that's not the problem whatsoever.

[bubacorn]

Music ask! 3, 4, 11

I also kinda just want to know your 3 favorite Metallica songs too 😅

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

Recovery by Birdmask - the entirety of Tristan is perfection, and there are some themes that really resonate with me. plus Manuel's voice is just really good

Bow by Zeal & Ardor - again, Manuel, and again, the whole album is *chef's kiss*, i cannot even tell you how many times i played it through daily since i discovered them

Man or Ash by Corrosion of Conformity - it's just so catchy and i like the singer's voice in this one. i don't listen to CoC, and discovered this song only because James did backing vocals on it. their voices sound really good together and it all has a bit of a grimy feel. (i have a playlist of songs with James' backing vocals titled 'Man or Ass', don't ask, my brain just said 'that's exactly what that song is called')

4. three songs that you know thanks to your parents

hm. thanks to my parents. i can't really name any. my parents aren't/weren't that big on music (they listened to some music but didn't get into favorite genres/artists). when i was little, it was mostly cassettes with random popular songs from the 80s/90s, and the radio and later 'wedding pop' (i'm not sure if it's the right expression. crappy Hungarian songs that were big once, or music from popular bands that are pretty terrible). but it turns out one of them listened to rock/metal, too, once upon a time, so that's kinda cool (they can't really name anything, so it was more casual listening i think). sharing music with each other isn't really a thing, even though i played music from a young age and got into different bands growing up. but of course, those are silly and also no one cares

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

Think by Kaleida - it's in John Wick and it's so catchy and just. wah. it's so good.

Guns Go Bang by Kid Cudi & JAY-Z - The Harder They Fall soundtrack in its entirety and the movie fuck so hard. i remember seeing the trailer before it came out and being so excited because it looked great cinematographically and also the music sounded really cool. it is, and it became one of my favorite action movies.

That Which Binds Us Through Time: The Chemical, Physical and Biological Nature of Love; an Exploration of The Meaning of Meaning, Part 1 by well, technically Wyld Stallyns - it's Bill & Ted. the third movie is so fucking sad, but it's also really pretty and-. yeah. i have very normal thoughts and feelings about it if anyone's interested.

+ ooohh, that's a dangerous inquiry (i'm not gonna be able to do just 3, i apologize in advance, and also for the rambling. i started writing out my favorites and narrowed it down to this. the purples are what i would say are the contenders for top 3 at this moment, but it's always changing)

Atlas, Rise!, Halo on Fire - one of my favorite 'modern' songs, especially the live versions of the latter with the additional intro James does

All Nightmare Long, Cyanide, The Unforgiven III, The Judas Kiss - Death Magnetic is full of such ominous songs, but people shit on it because of the whole compression issue, but i still like it. i even wanted to embroider the album cover onto my jacket (with cool, small stitches for the dirt and all that), changed my mind (or did i?) since, because i like the album but maybe not that much. i don't know, we'll see

Until It Sleeps, Bleeding Me, The Outlaw Torn - i think my all time favorite album is Load. i could ramble about each song for a while, it's such a great era, i adore James' vocals, the songwriting was top notch, and let's not get into the emotions and themes

Sad But True - this one was one of my first favorites and the only more popular/'classic' favorite of mine. i always forget about the existence of it, which is so funny, because i have the Pushead art shirt (also one of my favorite shirt designs from Pushead/for the band) and also because it's popular and it goes so hard, but for some reason my brain forgets it. then i listen to it and fall in love all over again

Devil's Dance, The Unforgiven II, Prince Charming, Low Man's Lyric, Fixxxer - right up there with Load. they are twin albums, i love them both, again, the vocals, the feels, the self-loathing, the grime. adore it

No Leaf Clover, - Human - S&M, my beloved. these two are up there with my all time favorite songs of theirs. they are truly bangers, the themes, the lyrics, the energy. the symphony compliments them so well

St. Anger, Dirty Window - the entirety of St. Anger is really close to my heart. i know people hate it, although i can't understand it. it's raw, it's painful and ugly and really, really angry. the album cover embroidery that i did for my battle jacket is i think my favorite design that i've ever done (even though it's wonky and not at all square-shaped)

The Call of Ktulu - my favorite instrumental, the bass is *mwah*

[zepskies]

@lamentationsofalonelypotato

It is time!! loll Love the preparation, and of course we share that childhood love. I'm so excited to dive into your thoughts on Part 1! 😘💓💓

Oh goodness the enemies to lovers is bubbling under the surface and I am already naming Dean and Mila's children.

Omggg plss. 😭😭 It is classic enemies to lovers, isn't it? Somehow that just occurred to me. 🤣 Girl now look what you did -- you have me looking up names for their future children. 🤣🤣 What was your top contender? lmao

This chapter really is one of the best scenes in Spirit, not to mention one of my favorite songs in that movie. "Get Off My Back" is legendary.

Omfgg yes, we've talked about this, but "Get Off My Back" is the best song of the movie and that whole sequence is my absolute favorite part, which is why I had to include it in this chapter.

I love her already. I mean I loved her from the moment that I found out she broke that jerk's nose, but a strong defiant woman. Yes ma'am here for Mila 1000000%.

I'm so glad to hear that, because Mila does not, in fact, play. 😅 She's a scrapper for sure. 💪🏽

He's already feeling!😏 And I really loved that he fought the smile when she spat in the Colonel's face. Because Dean is already smitten with this woman.

Hahaa yep, it takes Dean a lot to just stand there while a woman's being abused in front of him. It doesn't matter to him that she's an Indian. (And whether he wants to admit it or not, he's noticed her. 😏)

I really love this part, when Dean can sympathize with Mila and her people and why they continue to fight. It also really brings together the "realism" in this story. Especially with the "He doesn't always understand their way of doing things..." A lot of people fear what they don't understand and for Dean to have a more "open" outlook even being surrounded by people who don't is refreshing. And now Mila gets to show her all the wonderful things about her and her tribe! He's different and I love him.

That's exactly what I was going for. Dean is occupying that middle ground of doing what he has to because he's a soldier following orders, but he doesn't relish the work when it comes to fighting the Indians. Logically, he understands their side and can put himself in their shoes, and so he sympathizes. (Mila might just show him even more of her world.)

I also really liked the background you gave him. His father being in the army and that being the reason why Dean joined, and I can just imagine young Dean and young Sam riding horses and breaking them out on their family farm.

Oh thank you! I felt like that would be an appropriate parallel to the show. And I could imagine that aspect too with him and Sam being playfully competitive while they found things to do on the farm! lol

Okay also the fact that Mila calls Dean "Green Eyes" had me literally screaming lol. I was like, "girl I see you and I respect you for noticing how beautiful that man's eyes are."

LOL girl YES. Them fanfiction greens. 💚💚💚

I hope Roman falls off a watchtower and into a giant pile of poop (the size of the ones in Jurassic Park) and then dies. I mean he doesn't... because Dean destroys that man. BUT I hope that they shoveled his body away with the same shovel they use for all the horse poop. It's what the people want lol 😂

lmfaooo If ONLY. It's definitely what the people want. 😂

The descriptions of his hands made me hyperventilate. 😳 I am telling you the trope of a big strong man who has done terrible things with his hands and then is nothing, but gentle with his significant other WIPES ME OUT. Oh stars, I can't take it 😭

I see we have the same problem. 🤣 Because that man's hands (figuratively) do things to me loll. That trope will forever be one of my favorite tropes. I guess that's why I always go for the rogue/hard outer shell guy who softens himself only for his SO. 😭💞

It's true love and now I'm scared of what's gonna happen to them.

YOU TURNED BABY INTO A HORSE?! MASTERFUL! GENIUS! Oh my word I was not expecting that, but it made me so happy you have no idea lol.

I absolutely did! Thank you, my lovely!! 🖤🥰 Baby's reveal was one of my favorite parts of writing this chapter. I was picturing a bit of Black Beauty lol.

Again, so happy Roman is gone. Man is a whole problem and Dean is a problem solver lmao 😂

Dean is the freakin' Solution, let's be honest lmao. Roman is gone, but he might still be a problem, in that Dean may have some consequences to face for his choice...

Oh this chapter was absolutely wonderful and it was everything that I expected and SO SO MUCH MORE friend!❤️ Western Dean is quickly infiltrating my subconscious and someone is gonna have to raise Freud from the dead to work this one out for sure. I mean Freud's already gonna have to talk to me about Spirit, but that horse had an energy, it was voiced by Matt Damon, I was young and impressionable, and I can't be held responsible lmao lol😅 (catching myself in 4k)

Wow, thank you so very much, friend!! 🥰💜 I'm very happy this met and exceeded your expectations. But omg relating to you so hard right now because Matt Damon was perfection voicing Spirit!! I was watching Behind the Scenes stuff just the other day with clips of his performance in the recording studio and him talking about what he enjoyed/thought was special about the movie. 🥰

(And yeah, I know I go overboard with these gifs but I had a fun time here lol)

The Honorable Choice - Part 1

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 

Summary: June 1872. Captain Dean Winchester of the U.S. Cavalry is tasked with one job: break a wild mustang. He just didn’t expect the woman who infiltrates his camp, intent on freeing her tribe’s horse.

AN: I got inspired after a recent rewatch of Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron (literally a perfect movie), as well as having Yellowstone in the back of my brain. I thought this idea might be a good fit for this @jacklesversebingo prompt.

Disclaimer: I’ve done extensive research for this one, both on the American Indian Lakota tribe, and on American history during this time in the late 1800s (AKA: the Old West, during the American Indian Wars and the Sioux Wars). Of course, one of my main goals is to avoid inaccuracies, both historical and cultural.

Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: Western AU

Song Inspo: The Spirit Soundtrack

Word Count: 4.6K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only to be safe. Racism/racial slurs, attempted sexual assault (not successful), protective Dean, angst, some violence and some action.

🐎 Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist

Part 1: Pride & Prejudice

June 1872

Dean hears some of his men shouting, along with the telltale cracking of bone that would make a less seasoned soldier wince. He spares a look to Benny, his Lieutenant, and sets down his glass of whiskey.

Dean’s path takes him brusquely out of his office and toward the stables. He grabs his gun and his hat on the way there, setting the latter on his head.

Is it too much to ask for one night where he can drink in peace?

Dean comes to find a young woman being detained by two of his men, Kline and Novak. Roman sports a bloody nose and his eye is already beginning to swell. The woman fights against their hold.

Even under the pale moonlight, Dean notes the way she’s dressed: a deer skin dress cinched at the waist, over thin pants and shoes. He surveys her tan skin, her black hair that blends into the night, twisted into a long braid, and the anger in her dark eyes.

“What have we got here?” Dean says. He stows his gun in its holster as he approaches her, resting his hands at his belt.

“I caught her breaking into the stables, Captain,” Roman says. He prods with a hiss at his busted nose while trying to stem the bleeding. That’s going to be a bad break.

She remains tight lipped, stubborn. 

“Probably doesn’t even understand English. Savage bitch,” he says. Dean shoots him an impassive look to cover up his annoyance.

“Put a cork in it, Roman,” he orders. Then, he focuses back on her. “You’re a Lakota, aren’t you?”

Aside from their main mission here in the Dakota Territory, the Colonel has been fixed on fighting back against the Lakota Indians, especially after they sabotaged the supply line last month.

The proud tilt of the woman’s chin is her only answer to Dean’s question. Her gaze drags down his form with disdain, like he’s the savage. His mouth twitches mirthlessly. 

“The Lakota rear up their own horses pretty damn well. Why would you want to steal one of ours?” he asks.

She glances away from him, first at her feet, then over at the camp’s latest “guest.” Dean, Benny, and a few of his men wrangled up a horse a few days ago. He’s a beautiful Kiger mustang with a nasty mean streak. He barely got through a trim this afternoon, and almost took a chunk out of Rufus when he tried to brand the horse.

The Colonel ordered them to tie the horse up to a post just outside the corral—no food or water for three days. He’d turned to Dean with a firm set to his face and issued a single order.

“Break him.”

Now, Dean catches the furtive look the Lakota woman gives the horse, who flicks his tail. The animal stares right at her, as if into her eyes.

“Oh, don’t tell me you here for him,” Dean says with a chuckle. “That thing’s a little too much for you, sweetheart.”

That earns her attention, steely and unimpressed.

“He is too much for you,” she says. Her voice is smooth, and would even be pleasant, if not for the circumstances. “He is one of ours. You will never break him.”

Dean's eyes widen a fraction. He glances back at the mustang.

So that's why she's here, he thinks. She's trying to mount a rescue. Dean feels a twinge deep inside, but he can't allow himself to care about that. They've collected a strong horse that will be a good support for their objectives here, once he's broken.

“Ah, well see,” Dean says, tipping his Stetson up to meet her gaze. “That’s kind of our specialty.”

“Sir, should we take her to the stockade?” Novak asks. He seems reluctant to do so to a woman, even an Indian, but he’s always been good at following orders.

Dean opens his mouth to reply, but another voice cuts him off. Colonel Asmodeus Sanderson steps out and takes a look at their captive.

“Not the stockade,” he says, with that Southern drawl that betrays his Kentucky roots. “Not yet.”

He approaches her with a slow, calculated gait. His hands gather behind his back. Dean gives her credit for looking Sanderson in the eye. She seems rightly wary, but not afraid.

“We won’t hurt you. I give you my word,” the Colonel says, “if you’ll lead us to your people’s camp.”

He takes a hold of her chin, turning her face this way and that, like he’s examining a dirty animal, and all that he’ll have to do to make it clean. She spits in his face.

Dean bites the inside of his lip against a smile. She’s got as much fight in her as the mustang. However, he has to school his face back into stoicism when Sanderson rears back in anger.

The harsh smack rings out in the clearing, along with the woman’s cry. Dean doesn’t allow himself to outwardly react, but inside, his spine tightens as he fights his instincts.

Only Kline and Novak’s hold on her arms keeps her upright. She pants for breath, but again, she meets the Colonel with a face that doesn’t give away anything, despite the reddening mark on her cheek.

“The post,” he barks. “Three days. No food or water.”

Dean is kept busy by his duties. He makes sure the camp is running in order, accepting shipments of supplies and ammunition, among other things. Cas Novak is in charge of the stables, caring for the horses and putting them through their training. Jack Kline is young and strong and a good assistant, along with others in his unit.

Right now, Dean and Benny are going over the plans with Colonel Sanderson for continuing construction on the railroad, from here to the Black Hills. It’s a path that cuts straight through Sioux territory—the bands of Dakota and Lakota Indians that occupy the land.

“The natives are fightin’ us tooth and nail,” Sanderson says. “But maybe our guest will be able to help us…negotiate.”

Dean remains quiet, ignoring yet another uneasy twinge in his gut. He didn’t join the army to fight the Indians. He doesn’t always understand their way of doing things, but he understands why they fight—to protect their land, and to protect their own. It’s the same reason Dean fights, when he has to.

He joined the army because…well, it felt like the right thing to do at the time. His father had been a Cavalry Major, and he’d died an honorable death, now about a decade past.

Has it really been ten years? Christ.

Dean wipes his brow. Even with the windows open, the office is humid and smells like ass. He glances outside, where both the mustang and the woman are tied to their posts under a sweltering sun at high noon.

Not for the first time, Dean wonders what his dad would think of him now. 

After the meeting, Dean and Benny fall into step together to inspect the camp. The summer sun shines hot on their blue uniforms, and occasionally they raise their hats to mop the sweat from their brows.

Things are running as usual, but many of the men’s eyes occasionally turn to the posts. Dean’s attention wanders there too without him realizing, catching on the woman’s dark hair. It shines even blacker in the sunlight, like a raven’s wing. He knows the shade because his dad used to have a feather kept in his journal, like a bookmark.

“You okay, brother?” Benny asks. Dean realizes what he’s doing, and his attention returns to the task at hand. Get it together.

Always forward, never backward.

“Just fine,” Dean replies. Benny gives him a knowing look.

“A bit unsavory, ain’t it?” he says. “Keeping her chained up without even a lick of water.”

“The Indians are getting smarter, bolder. They’re ambushing our men, going after our supply lines, and now, stealing our horses,” Dean says. “This is strategy.”

Benny shrugs slightly, making a sound of agreement. Dean hesitates, his gloved fingers flexing against his sides.

“If she was a man, you guys wouldn’t give a shit about putting a bullet through her head,” Dean says.

Benny’s gaze shifts downward. He doesn’t reply, but he concedes the point all the same.

They continue their route, and Dean keeps the rest of the conversation on the work at hand.

Mila has gone far longer without drink, but the sun is particularly unforgiving today. She’s prayed and prayed for even one cloud to glide overhead and shield her for a while. It’s not much better for her companion. He paces in place, occasionally tugging his head against the rope that binds him to his post.

She makes a clicking sound at the horse, getting his attention. She calls him by his name, and his ears flicker in her direction. He offers her a short whinny in response.

“I see you, Mato. I am with you,” she says in her native tongue. She hopes the sound of her voice will soothe him. He looks tired and hungry, but his eyes flick hard and untrusting on any man who comes near him. His spirit isn’t broken.

“Hey! Shut the hell up over there,” Roman shouts at her from where he and Cas are taking a short lunch break. Cas gives him a certain look, crossed mostly with annoyance.

Mila resists the urge to roll her eyes. Instead, she closes them and tilts her face back to the sun. In a way, it feels cleansing. Maybe it can wash away the stench of the White Men’s hands on her body, manhandling her, checking her for weapons.

She spends the rest of the day watching the camp. One of their leaders, the Green Eyed One, called this a fort. It does look fortified, with tall walls made of thick wood constructed to form a cage—whether to keep others out, or to keep the men and horses in.

She identifies the Colonel as their chief, of a kind. Green Eyes is second in command, followed by the Bearded One with a strange voice. Even the scruffy Blue Eyed One has some authority, mostly over the Child Faced One. There are too many others to rank them all, but she knows the Loud Mouthed One is arrogant, even after she broke his nose. The way he carries himself, he clearly thinks he has more power than he actually has.

In her mind, Mila conjures up different plans of escape. All of them fall short in some way. The men didn’t find all of her weapons; a small knife is hidden deep in her boot. She could saw at her binds within an hour, but even with Mato to carry her out and away, the problem is escaping this camp without alerting the men. Without getting shot.

She has three days to think.

That night, the moon refuses to give her clarity. Her stomach is too empty, her throat too dry, her tongue thick in her mouth. Her attention shifts in and out of consciousness, until the sound of boots crunching in the dirt trills unease down her spine. More alert, she sits up straighter.

The Loud Mouthed One. The one they call Roman comes to taunt her, offering her water, then drinking for himself instead. He comes closer to examine her. He has a small bind over his broken nose.

“You know, you’re a pretty one,” he says, taking another cold sip as his gaze drags over her form. “For a wild thing.”

His face nears hers, clean shaven, though his thin smile reminds her of a rattlesnake. Dread and repulsion churn at odds in her stomach as she realizes what he's really here for. It doesn't matter if he truly wants her, or just wants to pay her back for his face. Either way, he means to take her here in the dirt.

She looks away, not wanting to let him see her fear, or the dread tightening her stomach, rising into her throat. He winds long fingers into her hair. At first the hold is gentle, deceptive. Then it's tight against her scalp. She hisses in pain when he tugs her head back and forces her to look at him. Her breathing quickens as she tries to pull away.

He draws in close to try and claim her in a kiss, but she head-butts him, hard.

He cries out and stumbles back, his flask falling to the ground.

He angrily grabs her and hauls her up to her feet. He pushes her hard against the post and unbuckles his belt, just to stuff it in her mouth. With his free hand, he begins to undo his pants.

She refuses to cry out, even though she spits out his belt and fights him, trying to kick out his knees.

Suddenly, the man’s body is ripped away from her. Mila loses her footing and falls to the dusty ground, sliding against the wooden beam she’s tied to. The wind is knocked out of her, but when she raises her head, she watches with wide eyes as the Green Eyed One beats the other man into the dirt. It doesn’t take much, just a few well-placed fists.

Roman lies there catching his breath, and he spits a wad of phlegm and blood. His left eye will match his nose, that’s for sure.

Green Eyes looks angry and disgusted. He huffs and puffs while staring down at his subordinate. He pushes back his short brown hair and points an ungloved hand at Roman.

“Get back to the goddamn barracks. You’re gonna be mucking out stalls until shit’s coming out of your ears,” he growls.

Roman doesn’t argue, though it’s obvious that he wants to. He just picks himself up, makes a show of straightening up his open uniform jacket while catching his breath. He walks past Green Eyes with a resentful, angry look. Green Eyes watches him until he disappears inside.

Then, he turns to her. His gaze softens somewhat, but it’s still unreadable. He crouches down in front of her, resting his arms on his thighs. Mila’s gaze briefly falls to his hands. They’re calloused, the hands of a laboring man. He carries himself like a warrior.

“Sorry about that,” he says.

It’s not what she expected. Mila eyes him warily when he moves closer. She presses her back against the post until it hurts her spine. He raises up his hands placatingly.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” he says.

“That is what your Colonel said,” she says. Her voice cracks with dryness. “I didn’t believe him either.”

His lips flicker at a rueful smile. It wrinkles crow’s feet around his eyes, breaking his stony face.

“Fair enough.”

He reaches for his belt and retrieves a flask, similar to the one his subordinate carried. He extends it out to her.

“It’s water, unless you prefer whiskey. I know I do,” he says.

She raises a brow at him, but hearing the sloshing inside the flask, her thirst takes over her wariness, and even her pride. She tentatively leans forward. He brings it closer so she can press her lips to the opening. Despite his Colonel’s orders, he lets her drink as much water as she’s able. When she’s done, he pockets the flask and sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

That, she will not give him. Names are sacred to her people, and this man, while seeming to have a shred of honor, isn’t worthy.

“Don’t wanna even tell me your name?” he says. He nods slightly. “Okay, well, I’m Dean. Captain Winchester, to this band of delinquents.”

He gestures around the camp with a dismissive hand. Mila only watches him. She’s never seen a White act like this, breaking his leader’s rules, being…kind.

What a strange man.

But if he had any real convictions, he would untie her and let her go, along with Mato. She won’t hold her breath.

Dean’s brows raise up toward his hairline, and his full lips form a pout. Realizing he’s not going to get anything more from her, he lets out a tired huff and straightens up.

“Well, goodnight,” he says.

He finally leaves her alone, but she can’t help but follow the swaggering path of his bowed legs and heavy boots. They carry him away and back indoors.  

A strange man.

By the morning of the third day, Dean is ready to do what he does best. Or at least, one thing he does best.

He’s no stranger to horses. He grew up on a farm in Lawrence, Kansas, where he and his brother would help take care of the animals. Dean was older, so he helped his father till the land and train the horses. Sometimes he and Sam would sneak off and race their favorite ones, until their mom called them back for dinner.

In fact, part of what earned Dean his rank in the U.S. Cavalry was how well he could command a horse. His own is resting in the stables.

Today, he’s getting in the ring with the mustang.

…Well, not right away. He lets a few of his guys go first to tire him out. Even after three days of no food or water, the horse is living up to his bad attitude. He bucks each of them off after just a few seconds in the corral. Dean can tell it’s becoming a kind of game for the horse. His dun-colored coat shines in the sun, his brown socked legs kicking up dust and manure as he brays angrily at whoever tries to mount him.

Dean notices the Lakota woman watching with an amused smile on her face while she sits with her hands tied to her post. She’s enjoying the show, like she knew this would happen. It seems to give her energy every time another man is thrown off the horse and limps out of the ring.

Dean shakes his head. Pitiful.

He puts two gloved fingers to his mouth and whistles the entire clearing to attention. He saves Kline the chance to bruise his spine and pats him on the shoulder. Dean steps into the corral and positions himself into the stirrups, wrapping the reins around his hand. The horse is breathing hard, but he’s not done. He’s still got fight in him. Dean sees it in his brown eyes.

“All right, mustang. You’re big and bad. I get it,” Dean says lowly. “But I don’t scare easy. Gimme your best damn shot.”

Cas and Benny give him wary looks from where they stand outside the gate.

“Hold onto your hat, Cap,” Benny mutters.

Dean adjusts his hat and rests his gun on the post for safe keeping. He wants to feel as natural as possible, like it’s just him and this horse, out back in his family farm. He holds on tight to the reins. He’s fully prepared for how the mustang takes off at a galloping clip around the ring. He twists and bucks, but Dean claps his thighs tight and holds on for the ride.

The horse gets smarter.

He runs for the water trough just outside the ring. He slams Dean against the side of it once, twice—and manages to throw him off, with Dean landing right in the water trough.

He bursts out from the dirty water, sopping wet and spluttering in anger. He looks over at the horse trotting around, whinnying and tossing his head like he’s laughing. Dean can’t help it. His anger fades, and he smiles.

This guy’s got some brass balls, I’ll give him that.

The Lakota woman laughs. Dean hears it and his head swivels toward her. She bites her lip, but she knows she’s been caught. Despite his injured pride, Dean’s lips curve with a smirk. Just gonna laugh at me, huh?

“I see things are going well,” comes a familiar drawl.

Dean’s face falls as he looks up and finds Colonel Sanderson. Dean pulls himself out of the trough and tries to squeeze some water out of his uniform. He clears his throat.

“Well, uh, it’s going, sir. Just gonna take a little more time than I thought,” Dean says. He quickly reclaims his hat from the ring, giving the mustang a smart berth. After he climbs back out, he goes over to the post where he left his pistol.

“Hold him steady,” Sanderson barks out the order, but not at Dean. The other men wrangle the horse back into the pen, where Sanderson climbs up and mounts the horse himself.

To his credit, he stays on longer than even Dean thought he would. The mustang gallops and circles. He tries slamming Sanderson on the sides of the corral, tries bucking him and bucking him, but the man clings on, even when his hat falls into the dirt.

The horse is exhausted. He eventually stops in the middle of the ring, panting for breath, his legs shaking slightly. Dean straightens at attention.

So does the Lakota woman, he notices. She looks worried, her brows furrowing.

Sanderson swipes a hand over his graying hair and moustache to collect himself. He raises his head with an arrogant smile.

“You see, gentlemen. Any horse can be broken,” he says. He kicks the horse with his spur. “Move along, mustang.”

To everyone’s amazement, the horse obeys him. He moves forward at a slow clip. All the men applaud, even Dean, belatedly.

“There are those in Washington who believe the West will never be settled,” Sanderson continues. “The Northern Pacific Railroad will never breach Nebraska.”

His gaze draws over to the woman. Her eyes are filled with tears as she watches the Colonel makes his rounds.

“A hostile Lakota,” he says in derision, “will never submit to providence.”

She stares back at him with steel in her watery eyes.

Dean doesn’t realize his jaw is clenched tight until he feels the strain in his jaw. He forces himself to relax, with his hand on his dampened belt.

“And it’s that kind of small thinking that would say this horse would never be broken,” Sanderson says. “Discipline, time, and patience. That’s all you need to level a wild thing.”

Just then, the horse stops abruptly.

“Mustang?” Sanderson asks in warning.

Dean tenses. He knows what’s about to happen.

“Sir!” he calls out.

But it’s too late.

The stallion revs and charges, bucking even wilder than before. He swings his head and rears back high on his hind legs with a powerful bray. Sanderson yells in fear and strain, but he stays on the creature’s back.

The horse’s angry eyes take on a darker shade of conviction. When all four of his hooves hit the ground, he finally bucks hard enough to get the Colonel off his back, though he still clings to the reins near the animal’s head. He comes face to face with the horse’s crazed eyes. His own are wide and full of terror.

Hot breath heats Sanderson’s face. Then the horse swings his head and tosses the man out of the ring. In the process, the horse falls on his side and shatters a section of the wooden beams that fenced him in.

While he shakes his head and gets his hooves under him, Dean and Benny help the Colonel up to his feet. His uniform is a wreck, and now, with a bruised body and likely a couple of broken ribs, the man is fuming.

Kline and Roman wrangle the horse’s reins and keep him more or less in place. The Colonel shoves Dean and Benny off of him. He reaches for his gun at his belt and aims it at the mustang. Dean goes rigid in shock, but he knows he can’t interfere. If he does, it could warrant some major discipline.

The Colonel pulls the hammer back on the revolver, but before he can pull the trigger, the sound of cutting rope and a feminine yell breaks the silence in the clearing. The Lakota woman pulls the Colonel’s arms down, and the gun goes off into the ground. Her elbow comes up quick to strike the man between the eyes. He careens back into Benny, who catches him.

Meanwhile, the woman swings up onto the mustang. She grabs a stronghold by the neck and barks something in her native language. It spurs the horse onward, and he breaks through the crowd of men at a gallop.

Dean watches with widening eyes and furrowing brows. “Shit!”

He runs to the stables where he finds Baby waiting for him. Her black coat ripples as she stamps impatiently.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he beckons. He leads the mare out of the stable, and after grabbing a coil of rope from the supply bench, he mounts her smoothly. With a subtle kick of his heel, she picks up speed to follow the mustang and his rider.

They’re already approaching the gate where the men are quickly trying to close it. There’s still a window of opportunity for escape, but not only is Dean on their heels, Roman also stands on a pile of crates filled with iron parts that are due to be shipped out in the morning for continued construction on the railroad. Roman holds a rifle. He trains his weapon on the woman, taking deadly aim.

Dean’s jaw clenches and his brows furrow. He knows then, in the breadth of a few seconds, that he has to make a choice. If he does nothing, both she and the horse are as good as dead.

Sam used to call him reckless, stubborn as the horses he spent long hours taming.

Right about now, his brother is probably right.

Dean reaches for his gun, aims, and shoots within the span of those seconds. Roman goes down before he even knows what hits him. His chest plumes with blood after he slides down the crates and flops heavy to the ground. His eyes stare unseeing at the crisp blue sky.

The mustang tears through the narrow opening in the gate, and Dean isn’t far behind. The woman is an excellent rider, far better than he expected her to be. She clings to the horse’s neck and mane, and she doesn’t even use the stirrups. She clings on when the horse leaps over rocks, and when she notices Dean tailing her, she urges the horse at an even faster gallop.

Dean’s face furrows with determination. Baby is built for speed too.

He gives her a little kick with his heel. “Come on, Baby. Go!”

He’s able to keep up with the mustang just a few yards behind, even when they reach rougher terrain, going further up and into a canyon. He follows them through every curve and dip, guiding his horse just as much as she's guiding him.

Dean takes his rope in hand and turns it above his head, but his attempt to lasso the mustang's neck fails; the woman saws straight through the rope with her knife.

"Damn it!" Dean mutters.

He's forced to let go of his frayed rope when he and Baby nearly careen off the edge of a cliff. His heart settles high in his throat as he grits his teeth, but he pulls back on the reins hard and leans in the opposite direction. Baby's able to bank left, saving them from a long way down to certain death.

They continue up the narrow path the mustang has trod ahead. It carves around and through the mountain.

Dean mentally grasps for a plan, aside from just keeping up. Without even a bit of rope, he doesn’t know how he’s going to slow the woman down without hurting her or the horse. He doesn’t want to have to use his gun.

Eventually, the canyon breaks into a patch of desert, and then, grassy plains and tall forest trees. The mustang begins to tire and slow to a stop. His rider murmurs soothing things to him, stroking his neck. She turns back to look at Dean over her shoulder in dismay. She knows she’s caught.

“All right, sweetheart. That’s enough,” Dean says.

He sidles up next to her and intends to grab the mustang’s reins.

That’s when her swift kick comes, dead in his forehead.

AN: And here we go! 😅 Feels right that November is Native American Indian Heritage Month. 🫶🏽 For that reason especially I've done my best to do the Lakota people justice, even in this little series and complete work of fiction.

There's a lot packed in this first chapter, and yep, I did borrow a bit of scene from one of the best scenes in Spirit as an homage. From here on out, we're literally going off road...

Next Time:

Dean falls out of his saddle with a yell, landing hard in the grass. The impact knocks the air out of his chest and his hat off his head, not to mention the pain that rattles down his back.

“Son of a bitch,” he wheezes, while trying to get back up.

The woman jumps down from the mustang’s back and all but leaps on Dean. Straddling his waist and grabbing a fistful of his collar, she lets out a battle cry and raises a small knife at him. It’s probably no more than two inches long.

Dean may be on the ground with a smarting forehead, but he’s still got the upper hand. He grabs her knife-wielding arm and whips out his pistol from his belt. Her eyes widen, and she stills above him. The gun lies between them, aimed for her chest. They’re both breathing hard.

Dean has a problem.

Looking into her eyes, soulful and brown, the slope of her nose and her full lips, parted with shock… 

COMING 11/10! (New chapters every Sunday.)

Or read Part 2 on Patreon now!

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Series Tag List (Part 1):

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms

@foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @this-is-me19

@emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@sanscas @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @kaleldobrev @spnwoman

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@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @ajjustice

[silverorchideon]

I posted 225 times in 2022

184 posts created (82%)

41 posts reblogged (18%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@incorrectinfinity

@legogeek33

@heehomeboy

@goldenroseeon

@ice-emperor-zane

I tagged 190 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#art - 167 posts

#digital art - 159 posts

#fanart - 132 posts

#i love shading - 120 posts

#i guess - 85 posts

#au - 73 posts

#original designs - 59 posts

#omori - 56 posts

#original characters - 56 posts

#friends - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#also j like the idea kf them having certain laces for things. lloyd has ribbons (dont know fit k guess) harumi has chains/spikes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

"Stories say that a certain ghost lives in the mansion, and it's not a vex.

People say it roams around during night and day, but people say it's nice.

It helps players to keep them from dying. Don't know if the rumors are true, but..."

So you guys know the 100 hour hardcore thing that Grian, Scar, and Joel shared? And you know how Grian died in the recent episode in the woodland mansion?

Well, I decided to think of an au where Grian haunts the mansion as a ghost after his death.

50 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#4

Reblog this post with a song, and I'll give you hex color codes that correspond with the songs.

57 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

Okay, so I finally got around to reading "Cotton Tails and Borrowed Time" by @skellebonez, and I needed to draw Bunny Tang.

Not necessarily a particular scene, I just wanted to draw him. I like how he touches his ears a lot.

Also, I'm not that good at drawing anthropomorphic characters, so Tang does not look too good here.

74 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

#2

Hi, I come bearing EMORI art.

This au isn't mine, it belongs to @shrimperini!! Go support her!!

Anyways, this is a commission for a friend who wanted some EMORI art! I don't know whether or not Sunny in this au would have a guitar or a violin, but I think it works either way.

Also, I was inspired by String Player Gamer's violin! I just thought the shape would fit well. Go support him on YouTube!

That jacket was a pain to color-

86 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"This is all your own battle to win...

This is your ship, and you are the captain!"

This is @shandzii's OC, Mariza. Her story is quite compelling, and after I watched her "Ship in a Bottle" animatic, I immediately wanted to make some fanart.

I don't exactly know if the characters on the ship that Mariza interacted with (the two pirates and captain, which are seen in the background) were extremely important to her story, but I feel like she would at least miss them after the incident.

Anyways, go check them out, they have amazing art, and even though I just found their art today, I can see them being an inspiration to me.

184 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jerzwriter]

Happiest New Year

Book: Open Heart (Future – post series)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x MC (Casey MacTavish)

Rating: Teen

Category: Fluff

Summary: It was a difficult year for the Carrick family, and on New Year’s morning, Tobias & Casey welcomed the craziness, the chaos… and even Vivian. They are happy that their recently expanded family is all under one roof and starting new traditions.

Warnings: Mention of main character illness/hospitalization (past)

A/N: This idea came to me at 4:00 AM, so I did what most writers do, got up and wrote it. 😊 I am only in the very early stages of my HC for Tobias & Casey, but writers far better than myself assured me jumping around is perfectly acceptable in fanfiction-landia. So, I hope you enjoy this sweet morning with the Carrick’s.

A/N 1: Also participating in the @choicesdecemberchallenge2021 Day 31: New Year.

SOME CHARACTERS AND THEMES BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS. (Vivian and the girls are all mine 😊 )

Tobias was standing at the stove making breakfast when the front doorbell rang, then… all hell broke loose. And who knew that began with a plethora of brown curls bopping across the room at lightning speed.

“You’re not telling Grammie on me. I’m going to tell her on you!” Brooke squealed as she ran toward the door.

“You can’t tell her on me!” Samantha yelled from the top of the stairs, “I didn’t do anything wrong. You did!”

“Nuh-uh! You took the doll Grammie gave me for Christmas! She told you it was mine!”

“No, she didn’t, she said that….”

Tobias dried his hands and rushed to the foyer where the melee was taking place. "Girls,” he said, attempting to stop things before they spun further out of control; but, the two little firecrackers didn’t even acknowledge that he was there.

“Girls… GIRLS!”

“What is it, Daddy?” they said in unison, so sweetly he almost forgot why he was annoyed, to begin with.

“What have I told you two about fighting with each other?”

“We shouldn’t do it,” five-year-old Brooke answered in a sing-song voice.

“And what have I told you about drama? Especially when Grammie comes over?”

“Grammie brings enough of her OWN drama! We don’t need to bring any more,” seven-year-old Samantha added confidently.

“Exactly! And what are you two doing right now?”

“We’re fighting,” Brooke said, lowering her head in shame.

“I don’t know,” Samantha shrugged sassily, “Grammie likes drama.”

Tobias shot her a dubious look, and she broke out into giggles.

“I’m sorry, Daddy!”

The doorbell rang once again, and he heard Vivaians voice bellowing on the other side of the door.

“Tobias! For heaven’s sake! It isn't spring out here. I’d like to be around to see my granddaughters graduate from….”

Tobias swung the door open, and Vivian was stunned into silence. A true New Year’s miracle.

“Hello, Mother.”

“Tobias,” she said, kissing his cheek, “do you think I am a young woman? It is frigid out there! You need to just give me the keys.”

“You have keys, Mom.”

“Yes, and you have instructed me, your mother, not to use them.”

“I’ve done no such thing. I’ve merely asked you to let us know before you come in….”

“Grammie!! Grammie!!!” Samantha pushed past Tobias and barrelled into her grandmother's arms.

“No! Hold me first, me first!” Brooke jumped up and down with her arms up over her head, vying for Vivian’s attention.

“Oh, there are my little angels!” Vivian squealed, “Come here, my babies, come here! There is plenty of Grammie to go around for both of you.”

Tobias took a deep breath and settled back against the door. Chaotic mornings were the norm with two little ones underfoot. He could only imagine what awaited them when baby Kayla would be old enough to join in the melee. Throw Vivian in for good measure, there would never be a moment of peace in their lives again. His head jerked when a loud alarm went off in the kitchen.

“Oh, shit!” Tobias yelled, running in its direction.

“Tobias Carrick! The LANGUAGE! In front of your children!”

“He says the S word, sometimes, Grammie,” Brooke shrugged, eagerly turning her father in.

“Hmm, well, Grammie is going to have to get the soap out if this continues.”

Brooke giggled while Sam stood up defiantly. “Don’t worry, Grammie! We will tell you if it does!”

The ladies were interrupted by Tobias hollering from the kitchen. “A little help and a little less gabbing!”

Vivian strolled in nonchalantly, an adorable little girl on each hand.

“Now, what is going on out here, Tobias? Do you not know how to cook?”

“Do I… do… Ma! You know I know how to cook. The frittata just bubbled over in the stove, no harm, just some….”

“Smoke,” a weary Casey sighed as she strolled in behind Vivian. Baby Kayla miraculously still sleeping on her shoulder.

Vivian rushed to her side. “Oh my dear!” she said, taking the baby from her arms, “You should be asleep!”

Casey chuckled as she slid under Tobias’s waiting arm.

“Not in this house.”

“Well, then maybe I need to take these girls off your hands for a weekend. You need your rest, young lady!”

“But Kayla is just….”

Casey looked down at the floor. It didn’t matter that the baby was barely over a month old. After everything that happened, she wasn’t able to nurse her. There was no reason Vivian couldn’t take all the girls for a day or two.

“It might not be the worst idea, baby,” Tobias whispered. “Just a couple days.”

Casey remained silent, she knew her husband was right, but the last thing she wanted was to be away from her girls, especially after….

“Mommy!” Brooke yelled, “Daddy burned up our breakfast!”

“I did not, I just….”

“You kind of did,” Vivian glared. “Brooke, don’t you worry baby, Grammie is going to get breakfast right now.”

“And how are you doing that?” Tobias growled.

“Uber eats!”

“Grammie! Uber eats does not make French Toast like Daddy makes French toast.”

“You know what? Sam is right. Thank you, Sam.”

The young girl swayed back and forth, proudly beaming up at her Daddy under his approving gaze. Why don’t you ladies all go in the living room and rest? I’ll clean up out here and make the best French toast that has ever been made.”

“Oh, T, we couldn’t….” Casey started.

“Uh, uh, uh… all of you go inside. I’m capable of making the ever-increasing number of women in my life breakfast on New Year’s Day. Besides, it will probably be the most quiet I get for the rest of the day… for the next 18 years even.”

Casey looked up at him, and he kissed her nose. “Go!”

He tossed the remains of the frittata into the trash and began gathering the ingredients for French toast from the refrigerator. A content smile spread across his face as his little girl’s voices carried down the hallway. Life sure was crazy, but he wouldn’t change a thing.

_______________

Afterward, their bellies were all stuffed more than the French toast had been, and Vivian and Tobias began clearing the table.

“Honey, I can help with….”

“Casey,” he demanded, “sit.”

“But, I….”

“Cassondra!”

“Vivian, you know my name is not Cassondra.”

“I’ve discussed it with your mother, and she regrets not giving you a name that can be better utilized when parental authority needs to be exerted. I have her permission to use Cassondra as needed.”

Casey shook her head and laughed softly. “It’s futile for me to try with the two of you here, isn’t it?”

“YES!” Tobias and Vivian yelled in unison.

“And don’t make me get your mother on the phone!” Vivian added with a pointed finger.

“Oh, please, no. Two of you is more than I can handle already! Girls, why don’t you come inside with Mommy? We can sit together on the couch.”

“She’s finally talking sense,” Vivian smirked.

“Well, you’re here to keep her in line,” Tobias winked.

Brooke took her Mom’s hand as they made their way to the family room. “You know what we need, Mommy? A dog. This way, they can just eat the food off the table when we’re done.”

“Hmm… no, baby. That’s the last reason we need a dog.”

Vivian and Tobias chuckled as they listened to the girl’s voices trailing away. Vivian placed her hand on Tobias’s shoulder. “Everything good, son?”

“Yeah. Everything’s great,” he smiled, “better than great.”

_______________

With clean-up completed, the whole family sat near the fireplace in the family room.

“Daddy, can we put on the TV?” Sam asked.

“No, baby, it’s family time.”

“But, families can watch TV together.”

“Well, this family doesn’t on New Year’s morning.”

“Then can we do our jars?” Brooke asked excitedly.

Casey's brow creased. “Their jars?”

“Ah, yes. We can do the jars. Want to help me get them?”

A chorus of “Yes” filled the air as the two pajamaed princesses rushed to their father’s feet.

“Do you know what he’s talking about?” Casey asked Vivian as she cradled Kayla.

“We’ll have to wait and see,” Vivian smiled.

Casey smiled politely, but Vivian could see the sadness in it.

“What’s wrong, my dear?”

“I just… I feel like I’ve missed out on so much.”

“You’ve been through an ordeal. We all have, but you most of all. But you’re back home, you’re strong, and it’s the start of a brand-new year. Don’t you worry… those little girls are resilient! Just like their Momma. You’re here now, Casey. Everything is going to be fine.”

She watched closely for Casey’s reaction, and when there was none, she moved to her side on the sofa. “I said, everything is going to be fine. Did you hear me… Cassondra?”

Casey smirked and leaned on her mother-in-law’s shoulder before the two women burst out laughing.

The relative quiet that filled the room dispersed as soon as the girls returned. Tobias sat on the floor by Casey’s feet and helped their two girls open their brightly decorated jars.

“They’re so pretty! What are they?” Casey asked.

“One is our wish jar, and the other is our happiness jar,” Samantha replied.

Brooke did not look up from her task of removing the strips of brightly colored paper from the large jars when she replied. “Daddy made them with us when you were in the hospital, Mommy.”

Casey cocked her head in her husband’s direction.

“We made them together when you were still… sick. The wish jar is pretty self-explanatory,” Tobias said, moving next to his wife on the couch. “The girls wrote their wishes on a piece of paper, and I told them we’d all be here to read them together on New Year’s morning. I was very confident that the number of wishes that came true would outnumber those that did not.”

“That was a risky game you played there, Dr. Carrick.”

“No, it wasn’t,” he said, taking Casey’s hand, “it had to happen. It had to be true.”

She squeezed his fingers between hers and smiled sweetly. “And the happiness jar?”

“Well, it’s easy to be overwhelmed with the difficult things that happen,” Vivian chimed in, “but easy to forget the good. So we told the girls to write at least one good thing that happened every day and put it in the jar.

“Somedays, I put more than one, Mommy,” Brooke smiled as she poured the jar's stuffed contents onto the carpet.

“And today,” Tobias said, taking baby Kayla in his arms. “We get to read them.”

Vivian joined the two older girls on the floor, “I’ll help you, so Daddy can stay on the couch with Mommy and Kayla.”

Brooke immediately handed her Grammie a pastel-hued scrap of paper, and Vivian whispered into her ear. Brooke’s eyes lit up as she repeated her grandmother's words.

“I wish that my Mommy and baby sister come home soon. I wrote that one!”

“That’s when we didn’t have a name for Kayla yet,” Sam clarified. “I can read this one myself, Gram. It says I want lots of hugs. And I got them!”

“See, what did I tell you? Most of these were bound to come true!”

They continued until the wishes jar was emptied and it was time to open the happiness jar.”

“… today we had homemade cookies….”

“… the teacher gave me a homework pass….”

“… I got to meet my little sister…. “

“… Daddy hugged me, and I stopped crying….”

“… Kayla came home from the hospital….”

“ … Grammie helped put up our Christmas tree….”

“ … Mommy came home today too….”

“… we left out cookies for Santa….”

Tobias picked one up and smiled, “I’ve got all my girls home with me,” he turned to Casey with a tear in his eye and placed the slip of paper in her hand, “I wrote that one.”

Casey sniffled and wiped a tear from her cheek as Vivian handed out tissues to the grown-ups.

“Why are you crying, Mommy?” Brooke asked.

“Because I’m so happy. I love these jars, girls. Why don’t we make this a family tradition? We can decorate new jars today, and we can fill them all year.”

“Then next New Year, we can read the new ones!” Sam added.

“Exactly,” Casey smiled.

Tobias tugged Casey closer to his side. “I love that idea.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what, the stores open at noon, and all your aunties and uncles will be here by then. I can go to the store and get some more supplies, and we can make the jars together.”

“Oh, Vivian, you better get extra. When Sienna hears this idea, she’s going to want to make a jar for every person she knows.”

“And then some,” Tobias laughed.

“I will, now you two get upstairs and get some rest. Especially you, Cassondra! I would love some quality time with my little girls,” she smiled, taking Kayla from Tobias's arms. "You two, you deserve some time alone.”

“You know you are not getting any more grandchildren, right, Vivian?” Casey grinned.

“Oh, no. You two have done all you needed to do, now… you can just rest,” she winked.

Casey & Tobias paused at the top of the stairs and looked down at Vivian and the girls laughing on the floor as baby Kayla slept nearby.

“You think she’s got this?” Casey smiled.

“My Mom?” He answered with bulging eyes, “Please, it will take more than three rug rats to ruffle her feathers.”

Casey turned when she felt his stare on her. “What?” she asked flippantly.

“Have I mentioned how happy I am to have you back home with us?”

“A few hundred times per day.”

“Good, then I’m close to saying it enough. All my girls... happy, healthy, and under one roof… this is the happiest new year ever. Even if my Mom is one of the girls.”

“Happy New Year, baby.”

“Happy New Year.”

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[eurotastic]

Eurovision Reviews: Semi final 2 2022

1: Finland: The Rasmus - Jezebel

Sending The Rasmus is the most finnish thing Finland could possibly do - after getting fantastic results last year with an imitation of 2002 rock music, now they're sending the real thing. I love how dedicated Finland is to rock music, this song slaps, and I really hope they get good results.

8/10

2: Israel: Michael Ben David - I.M

He's the gayest man in Tel Aviv and I love him for it. The lyrics are just a mishmash of Rupaul's drag race catchphrases, except for that one line about middle east sex appeal, that one's new. I know this isn't strong enough for the competition but I think it's so much fun.

6/10

3: Serbia: Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano

I have to be honest, at first, I really disliked the Meghan Markle namedrop at the very beginning of the song. Sure, it grabs your attention, but the reference feels instantly dated, in a way that works against the rest of the song, which feels timeless yet undeniably modern. Despite this one problem, I have come to really love this song, it's truly unique, both in sound and lyrical content. Konstrakta comes across as less of a singer and more as a genius performance artist.

8/10

4: Azerbaijan: Nadir Rustamli - Fade To Black

It's Azerbaijan going back to their usual schtick - A competent song sung by a competent singer, with competent staging, there's probably a couple of competent Swedish songwriters in there somewhere. It's fine, I don't hate it but it's so hard to get excited about it. It goes into one ear and out of the other. Cute staging though.

5/10

5: Georgia: Circus Mircus - Lock Me In

I love it when Georgia gets weird. I heard a rumor that they are going to have an actual puppet show on stage, and if that's true, I'm going to lose my mind, this entire band is a weird acid trip. Also, I'm really glad to see Nika Kocharov in Eurovision again, he represented Georgia in 2016 with, Midnight Gold, which is probably the most underrated Eurovision song in recent memory as well as one of my personal favorites.

8/10

6: Malta: Emma Muscat - I Am What I Am

Who is this for? No, really, who is going to feel inspired by this? It sounds like pop music for really religious kids who aren't allowed to listen to real pop music.

2/10

7: San Marino: Achille Lauro - Stripper

There's a gay Italian cowboy stripper riding a mechanical bull surrounded by nuclear grade pyrotechnic explosions, who cares about the song? Jokes aside, this song was in my top 10 even before I saw the staging - It's a fun rock song that doesn't take itself too seriously, and sometimes that's all you need.

10/10

8: Australia: Sheldon Riley - Not the Same

I'm not a big fan of self-empowerment songs that sound sad and tragic, and I can't find a single positive emotion in this song, it's all misery and desperation. His voice is incredible, his stage costume is absolutely beautiful, but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel listening to the song. I should probably be moved to tears, but I have no idea if it's supposed to be happy or sad tears, so it ends up being neither.

5/10

9: Cyprus: Andromache - Ela

The Greek language is so beautiful to me - I have really missed hearing it in Eurovision over the past few years. The song sounds the way being on a Mediterranean island vacation feels.

7/10

10: Ireland: Brooke Scullion - That's Rich

It's like if Michelle from Derry Girls tried to be a popstar, so that's fun. It's pretty ironic that a song called "That's rich" sounds so cheap.

6/10

11: North Macedonia: Andrea - Circles

This song is just nothing. It goes on and on and on for what feels like three hours, and absolutely nothing happens.

2/10

12: Estonia: Stefan - Hope

It's Avicii's cowboy era with some added Morricone inspiration - the production sounds flawless. I can't understand a word he's saying though, I think he's slurring his words to sound more like a cowboy.

Also, I'm sad that we won't get to see the intended staging for this - the desert landscape would have been exactly what this song needed, but I guess we're getting a black hole instead.

7/10

13: Romania: WRS - Llámame

It feels like something from Eurovision 2009, even though the song is pretty modern. I really like it, it's pure eurovision camp, but it's a little bit mediocre.

6/10

14: Poland: Ochman - River

He has the best vocals of the year, hands down. They have definitely taken some inspiration from Gjon's Tears - I get it, he won last year's jury vote so it's probably a smart move. It's really modern and beautifully produced, but the songwriting is just good, not great. His vocals are making the song sound a lot bigger than it actually is.

8/10

15: Montenegro: Vladana - Breathe

I wish it wasn't in English, because I wish I could unhear these lyrics. It tries so hard to be important and dramatic, but it just falls flat.

2/10

16: Belgium: Jérémie Makiese - Miss You

I like how we're getting this one song that feels like American rnb - there is room for that in Eurovision! With that said, it's pretty forgettable, and I'm worried about his live vocals.

5/10

17: Sweden: Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer

I think this is Sweden's best song since Euphoria, and it's the most genuinely emotional song Sweden has sent in my lifetime. There's zero artifice, but it's still an expertly written pop song. I love the perfectly imperfect vocals, they're not for everyone, but it feels great to get something potentially polarizing from Sweden, just this one time. It's the authentic Swedish indie pop that fans have been asking for for years, and it deserves all the hype it gets. It's the right song at the right time, pun intended.

10/10

18: Czech Republic: We Are Domi - Lights Off

This song is doing everything right - the production is great, the staging is exciting, the song is catchy - but I keep forgetting that it exists. I can remember how it goes, but I can't remember that it's in the competition. I like it, don't get me wrong, but I can't call it a favorite.

6/10

[white-eyed-girl]

My personal top 39 for ESC 2021  

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 26) Greece - Last dance - Huge improvement from last year, no doubt, still a tad insipid imo though

25) Czech Republic - Omaga - Being one of the few people (at least that I know of lol) who actually enjoyed Kemama, this is a bit of a disappointment because it's a bit less original

24) Cyprus - El diablo - Some parts of this are literally a patch of random cliché Spanish words? lol It lets itself listen to thought, and plus the upset religious freaks in Cyprus who were up in arms against this just because it mentions "el diablo" gave me a good laugh :"

23) UK - Embers - It's modern and listenable, which coming from the UK is a good thing I guess Buuuuut the song and the singer sound like they have nothing to do with one another And I don't think it's going to do half as well as people think it will :"

22) Azerbaijan - Mata Hari - I didn't like Cleopatra much and this is pretty much Cleopatra 2.0 (she even does a self-quote lmao), but I think this takes what Cleopatra wanted to do and does it a tiny bit better Also the mantra in Azerbaijani was a good addition, hopefully the next step is a song with more lines of it in it, please!

21) Serbia - Loco loco - I 100% think Hasta la vista was catchier, but this is the same kind of slutty fun and, while it's not my genre, it does it's job

20) Sweden - Voices - It's alright. I'm completely indifferent to it But Sweden loves their talented kids so it's a consistent choice

19) Ireland - Maps - Story of my life was my absolute gulty pleasure last year, and I have to say that while this isn't nearly as bubbly as that one was, it's still a song that I would listen to for a bit of energy The problem is always the same one, unless she made miracle progress in one year we know she can't sing it :"

18) Switzerland - Tout l'univers - Now, I have exactly zero problems with countries trying something very much on the same line of what they were going to do last year But I don't know, when the chorus is about to start in this one I can anticipate exactly last year's chorus starting :" maybe it's a tad too much? lol It's absolutely not that bad, there's just...something about this that doesn't sound 100% authentic I told this to a French friend and he told me it sounds like an English song translated into French - turns out, that's actually true, and I don't particularly dig this tbh, it makes it sound a bit fake-deep I'm of course happy we're getting more French than usual though

17) Albania - Karma - Albania going back to ethnic music in Albanian is something I am always happy to see!

16) Latvia - The moon is rising - This has...such a strange flow? Just like her song last year tbh so there's a pattern I guess lol but it's strange in a good way

15) Belgium - The wrong place - Let's forget about Hooverphonic's 2020 ESC experience entirely, shall we? They went back to their original vocalist and it's probably the best things they could do You can so hear she's extremely experienced on stage, and this song is much more captivating live

14) Bulgaria - Growing up is getting old - The first thing this made me think of, is that kind of lovely ambient music you hear sometimes in cooking videos lol no but it actually has quite good lyrics, it knows what it's talking about and it and creates its own mood Apparently, it also has a very cute and very fitting staging

[bananaofswifts]

By : Callie Ahlgrim and Courteney Larocca

Taylor Swift released her eighth studio album, "Folklore," on Friday.

Swift surprised fans by announcing its release just one day in advance — and less than one year after the release of her acclaimed seventh album "Lover."

"Most of the things I had planned this summer didn't end up happening, but there is something I had planned that DID happen," she wrote on social media. "And that thing is my 8th studio album, folklore. Surprise!"

She described "Folklore," stylized in all lowercase, as "an entire brand new album of songs I've poured all of my whims, dreams, fears, and musings into."

Much of the 16-song tracklist — 17 on the deluxe edition — was cowritten and produced by The National's Aaron Dessner. Smaller pieces were cowritten by Bon Iver, Jack Antonoff, and someone named William Bowery. Antonoff also produced five songs.

Insider's music team (reporter Callie Ahlgrim and celebrity and music editor Courteney Larocca) listened to the new album on our own, jotting down our initial thoughts track by track.

Almost immediately, we were forced to reckon with the fact that "Folklore" might be Swift's best album yet — potentially even better than "Red," which previously seemed like it couldn't be topped. We were stunned with the mature, poetic, stunningly understated collection of new songs.

Here is what we thought of each song on "Folklore" upon first listen. (Skip to the end to see the only songs worth listening to and the album's final score.)

"The 1" is the best album opener Swift has had in years.

Ahlgrim: "I'm doing good, I'm on some new s---" is a wild way to begin a new Taylor Swift album. This is going to be different.

This is easily the best intro song she's released in years. "The 1" far surpasses "I Forgot That You Existed" on "Lover," "...Ready for It?" on "Reputation," and "Welcome to New York" on "1989" in terms of sheer quality.

It's also an engaging scene-setter; I find myself gently rocking back and forth, eyes closed, smiling without realizing. It's only the first song and so far, I am totally grasping the woodsy aesthetic of this album. I'm already ready for more.

Larocca: I would argue that there hasn't been a strong album opener on one of Swift's albums since "State of Grace" on "Red" in 2012. "The 1" breaks that curse.

I was vibing from that very first piano note, but when Swift comes in and warmly delivers the first line of the album — "I'm doing good, I'm on some new s---" — it became evident this project wouldn't be anything like the rest of her discography.

As far as "The 1" goes as a standalone song, it's incredibly solid. Swift has a breezy attention to rhythm as she paints a tale of a the-one-who-got-away romance. I truly, truly love it. This might end up being an all-time favorite track.

"Cardigan" is beautifully influenced by Lana Del Rey.

Ahlgrim: I heard "Cardigan" first because I watched the music video before I listened to the album.

Right off the bat, I was struck by the Lana Del Rey melody in the chorus; I jotted down "folksy 'Blue Jeans.'"

Swift has actually cited Del Rey as an inspiration in the past, so this makes sense — and that particular shade of nostalgic, haunting glamour really works for Swift's voice, so I'm overall very impressed with this direction. I am more than amenable to a "Red" meets "Norman F---ing Rockwell!" album experience. On my second time around listening, sans music video, "Cardigan" already feels richer coming after "The 1."

This time, I'm struck by small lyrical details like "Sequined smile, black lipstick," a clear callback to her past eras, and "Tried to change the ending / Peter losing Wendy," an effective way to evoke young love and innocence lost.

I also think the song's central refrain, "When you are young they assume you know nothing," is clean and sharp and — especially given Swift's public struggles with sexism and years-old contracts — extremely poignant.

Larocca: I had the thought that Swift listens to Lana Del Rey after hearing "Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince" on last year's "Lover," but now I know for sure that Del Rey is an influence on Swift.

While "Cardigan" isn't what I thought this album would be like sonically, I'm overjoyed at how clearly singer-songwriter this album already is. I've been waiting years for Swift to make a lyrical marvel set to acoustic, warm, folksy instrumentals and it's here.

(And while I expected something different sonically, I am not mad at all by the backing instrumental choices here.)

"The Last Great American Dynasty" proves Swift is a natural storyteller.

Ahlgrim: Personally, I love Storyteller Taylor, so this is quite literally music to my ears.

There are so many delicious details here to unpack. The first verse, with its subtle sexist whisperings about Rebekah Harkness ("How did a middle-class divorcée do it?" and "It must have been her fault his heart gave out"), is a truly savvy way to set up for the song's eventual reveal.

Rebekah spent her time partying with friends, funding the ballet, playing card games with Salvador Dalí, somehow "ruining everything" — and her Holiday House was "free of women with madness" until Swift herself moved in.

That twist in the bridge is poetic genius. When the final chorus adjusts to the present day, underscoring the parallels between Rebekah and Swift, I'm forcefully reminded of an iconic bridge when Romeo finally proposed and changed everything — but Swift has evolved past daydreams of pure white dresses and fathers giving permission.

Larocca: I'm immediately taken back to 2012's "Starlight" when "The Last Great American Dynasty" starts. Thankfully, this song ends up being a lot better than "Starlight," which always felt more like a filler track on "Red" to me.

I love a lot here: the casual use of "b----," the acute attention to detail ("She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green"), and every version of this line: "There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen."

I had a marvelous time listening to this song.

"Exile," featuring Bon Iver, is one of Swift's most successful duets to date.

Ahlgrim: Swift and Bon Iver, aka Justin Vernon, are two of the best songwriters alive today, so this song was destined to be breathtaking.

Swift has historically had difficulty allowing her voice and vision to coexist with a featured artist; her collaborations often leave me feeling like she should've just delivered the whole song herself.

But Swift and Vernon were able to weave their lyrics together so gracefully, I was left feeling grateful for his presence. His rich, rustic tone and those iconic hummed harmonies lends the regretful song an added coat of sincerity.

The production here is generally fine, but the layered instrumentals in the ending really bring the song together. I love a dramatic exit.

Larocca: When I see a "featuring Bon Iver" on a track, I instantly assume Vernon is going to come in with his high falsetto. So it was almost jarring that the song starts with Vernon sounding like a lumberjack dad who hasn't left the woods in a decade.

That didn't end up being a detriment, though. Swift sounds delicate on her verse, and their vocals contrast nicely later on the track.

This one also brings to mind her collab "The Last Time" with Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody. The line "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending" is also reminiscent of "If This Was a Movie."

I'm obsessed with the clear influences Swift's previous discography had on these tracks, which have also so far felt completely unique to her catalog.

"My Tears Ricochet" is an extraordinary display of Swift's songwriting powers.

Ahlgrim: First of all, "My Tears Ricochet" is an incredible song title. Let's take a moment to appreciate that.

In fact, pretty much every line of this song is arresting.

Much of it feels both familiar and rare, like you know exactly what Swift is singing about, but hadn't thought to put it in those words before — which is, in my opinion, the mark of any good piece of writing but especially a breakup song. You can relate to the emotion, if not the particular details. You can hear the pain. It almost plays like a funeral march.

What a gift it is, what an exhilarating experience, to feel like you're listening to a poem being recited in real-time.

Larocca: Any true Swiftie knows that track five is reserved for the most vulnerable moment on the record, so I went into "My Tears Ricochet" ready to be sad.

I am endlessly impressed with how Swift managed to bake the word "ricochet" into this song so effectively. She also ditched her traditional song structure for this one, and instead built the track from peak to peak, utilizing clever lyrics along the way to tell an epic, devastating story, almost obviously calling back to the most beloved track five of "All Too Well."

I'm calling it now — this one is going to age like a fine wine. As all of Swift's best breakup ballads do.

"Mirrorball" is several strokes of genius.

Ahlgrim: This song gives me intense Clairo vibes, and I mean that as a very high compliment.

It's so fun and refreshing to hear Swift slip into different musical styles, and this shimmery take on alternative-bedroom-pop highlights her soft vocals and nuanced songwriting supremely well.

Also, my Leo sensibilities are fully under attack by this bridge: "I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I'm still on that trapeze / I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me." Oof! Just tag me next time.

Larocca: This one is so pretty! Swift's vocals sound better than ever as she spins on her highest heels across a glittery daydream.

"I'm a mirrorball / I'll show you every version of yourself tonight" might be the thesis statement of this entire album. So far, "Folklore" feels both diaristic and vague; detailed and completely anonymous.

Fans will be debating for years whether this album is about Swift's own life, or if it's simply really great storytelling pulled directly from her own mind. In the end, it doesn't really matter.

Because as all of Swift's best songs do, these songs will attach themselves to listeners in completely new ways, showing them elements and stories from their own lives.

"Seven" is pure whimsical magic.

Ahlgrim: This is playing make-believe in the garden when you're too young to feel self-conscious; it's poetic and nostalgic and full of awe in such an unpretentious way.

I wouldn't change one thing about this song. Swift's whispery high register sounds divine, and at this point in the tracklist, her rhythmic delivery in the chorus hits like a shot of espresso.

Right now, I'm wondering if it's possible for Swift to maintain this intrigue and momentum for another nine songs. There hasn't been a misstep to speak of, and I remain wholly beguiled. Can it last?

Larocca: The beginning of "Seven" sounds like Swift listened to Marina's "Orange Trees" on repeat before showing up to her songwriting session. Fortunately, "Orange Trees" is the only song I like on Marina's "Love + Fear" so I will gladly accept this inspiration.

Swift continues to impress with both her vocals and her sense of rhythm on "Seven." I also personally love space imagery so the line "Love you to the moon and to Saturn" is a standout line.

"August" will go down as one of the best songs in Swift's extensive repertoire.

Ahlgrim: I'm immediately catching hints of Phoebe Bridgers and girl in red in Swift's delivery. And I simply adore the idea that Swift has spent the last few months sitting at home, daydreaming about summertime humidity and listening to music by queer indie-pop girls. 

In an album full of songwriting expertise, this song has some of Swift's best lines yet: "August sipped away like a bottle of wine / 'Cause you were never mine" actually hurts me.

In my notes, there simply sits this valuable insight (yes, in all-caps): "WANTING WAS ENOUGH. FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL." This song has my favorite bridge on the album so far.

In terms of production, "August" is exquisite. It's lush and layered without feeling overwhelming at any point. It builds to the perfect level then recedes, like a wave. 

Also worth mentioning: It can now be considered a historical fact that any time Swift mentions a car or driving in one of her songs, it's a perfect song.

Larocca: While listening to "August," I texted Callie and said, "I can't wait to finish the album so I can relisten to 'August.'" It's an instant favorite. 

This is also the first track on the album that seems directly inspired by our current state. Not because she's expressing fear or singing about being bored at home, but because she so easily slips into a reflection of a relationship that ended years ago with a newfound wave of wistful nostalgia. 

When quarantine started, it seemed like a million lifestyle articles came out explaining why everyone suddenly felt compelled to text their exes and why we're so invested in looking back instead of forward right now. 

"August" validates those feelings with zero judgment, letting its listener know that yes, it's totally normal for you to be overanalyzing that quasi-relationship you were in back in college that never made it past graduation. Am I projecting? Maybe, but that's debatably what Swift's music is best utilized for.

I'm also going to be thinking about this song's bridge and outro for the rest of my life.

The National's influence can be felt on the stunning "This Is Me Trying."

Ahlgrim: "This Is Me Trying" quickly strikes a more sinister tone than its predecessors — still nostalgic and wistful, but carrying an edge, like a threatening secret.

Ironically, this one was co-written and co-produced by Jack Antonoff, not Aaron Dessner, though I can really hear The National's influence here. I'm getting strong wafts of songs like "Pink Rabbits" and "Dark Side of the Gym."

Based on Swift's own words, we can speculate that "This Is Me Trying" is a fictional tale, built around the image of "a 17-year-old standing on a porch, learning to apologize." And, as previously stated, I'm a big fan of Storyteller Taylor, so I'm into it.

The song's darker tone mingles really well with Swift's imagery; when you're a teenager, and you make a mistake, it can feel like the end of the world.

Larocca: "This Is Me Trying" is precisely what I imagined this album sounding like when I found out Swift collaborated with the National's Aaron Dessner and Bon Iver.

But I'm glad she was strategic about her use of echo and also finally paid attention to the tracklisting from a sonic standpoint. This haunting soundscape is reminiscent of 2014's "This Love" and comes in right when you need it after the yearning daydream of "August."  

I'd also like it to be on the record that the line "I got wasted like all my potential" ruined me and this song is a win for that lyric alone.

"Illicit Affairs" is a glowing example of what sets Swift apart from her peers as a songwriter.

Ahlgrim: The expert songwriting on "Illicit Affairs" reminds me of the as-yet unseated queen in Swift's discography: "All Too Well."

Swift is a master of wielding specific details like weapons: "What started in beautiful rooms / Ends with meetings in parking lots," she sings. "Leave the perfume on the shelf / That you picked out just for him." These are the sorts of images that set Swift apart, and they're especially strong when she punctuates their delivery with a little growl in her voice.

This song has real power. I have chills.

That power is magnified in the third verse, similar to how "All Too Well" builds to a crescendo: "Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me."

Certainly, "Illicit Affairs" is more restrained than Swift's iconic arena rock ballad, but goddamn that last verse hits hard.

Larocca: The way that she says "him" in the second verse shook me out of my skin in the very best way. And "Don't call me 'kid,' don't call me 'baby' / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me" will go down as one of her best breakup lines of all time.  

It's been a minute since Swift delivered a painstakingly beautiful breakup ballad, and the fact that this album is littered with them is, simply, a gift.  

"Illicit Affairs" has growing power and will likely become one of those tracks that fans form a strong emotional attachment to over time.

"Invisible String" is Taylor Swift at her most Taylor Swift.

Ahlgrim: "Invisible String" is a feast of Easter eggs and callbacks.

"Teal was the color of your shirt" reminds me of the line about Joe Alwyn's blue eyes on "Delicate," and her reference to a dive bar is similarly familiar. "Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs" recalls the push-and-pull on "Exile."

"Bad was the blood of the song in the cab" is undoubtedly a reference to Swift's 2015 single "Bad Blood," while "One single thread of gold / Tied me to you" feels like a nod to Swift's description of love's "golden" hue on the "Lover" album closer "Daylight."

This song is sprightly and sparkly and certainly nice to listen to, but its real strength lies in these details.

Swift is weaving many different stories on this album, many connected by a sort of "Invisible String," tying different pieces of her life and your life and other lives together. It ends up feeling like a growing plant with far-reaching roots, or a sentient treasure map.

Larocca: I'd be lying if I said there weren't multiple points throughout this album where I worried that Swift and her boyfriend Joe Alwyn had broken up. 

Thankfully, "Invisible String" is a rosy, wide-eyed ode to love. The plucky guitar paired with Swift's soft vocals is a sound I want to live in, which is fitting since this track feels like coming home. 

Every small detail, from the nod to Alwyn's time spent working at a frozen yogurt shop in his youth, to the color imagery that paints every inflection of Swift's adoration (especially the single thread of gold) come together to lay the holy ground Swift's relationship walks on. 

Also, the image of Swift mailing Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner gifts for their expectant first child brings about an unbridled sense of joy.

"Mad Woman" is yet another highlight.

Ahlgrim: Every time I think I've heard the peak of this album's songwriting potential, Swift manages to surprise me. 

Case in point: "Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn? / Does she smile? / Or does she mouth, 'F--- you forever?'" Whoa.

And another, for good measure: "It's obvious that wanting me dead / Has really brought you two together." I texted Courteney, "Did she really just say that??"

This song is sublime on its own, but the way it ties back into the perception of female freedom and "madness" on "The Last Great American Dynasty" makes it even better. "Mad Woman" is definitely a personal favorite so far on this album, if not in Swift's entire catalog.

Larocca: "Mad Woman" will forever hold the honor of being the first song in which Swift says "f---" and for that, we should all be thankful. 

I was also so wrapped up in the storytelling of this album, that it took a minute for this to even register that this is likely about the Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta / Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West ordeals of Swift's past. These callouts used to be so obvious, that I greatly appreciate the subtlety and restraint here. 

It almost feels like these feuds were a lifetime ago, but this track does an excellent job at showcasing how anger and pain can leave an indelible mark on you. Swift went mad years ago, and that's just an accepted part of her narrative now. 

But for the first time, her rage sounds like freedom.

"Epiphany" doesn't stand out.

Ahlgrim: There are some really interesting vocal moments on "Epiphany," but so far, this is the only song I haven't felt captivated by. It's a bit snoozy, and a bit too long.

This song clearly references war, the loss of a loved one, and the coronavirus pandemic, which makes it lyrically intriguing at best — but distressing at worst. I don't mind letting the overall effect waft over me, but this won't be a song I revisit outside the context of the album.

Larocca: "Epiphany" is the only track on "Folklore" that didn't immediately grab me. It's essentially a war drama in song format, so some people might like it, but I truly couldn't care less about war movies or war songs! So it's not my favorite, but it makes for pretty background music. 

"Epiphany" does have another benefit though: Now, whenever some random dude erroneously claims Swift "only writes songs about her exes," fans have a clear song in her discography that they can point to and be like, "That's not true. This one's about war." 

That's not to say Swift needed that — anyone who has been paying attention understands she's quite possibly the best songwriter of her generation.  

This just happens to be further proof of that fact.

"Betty" is a charming callback to Swift's country roots.

Ahlgrim: "Betty" is like the best, sauciest song from Swift's 2006 debut country album that no one got to hear. It has sonic and lyrical similarities to hits like "Our Song" and "Tim McGraw," plus some name-dropping stuff like 2008's "Hey Stephen," plus a little harmonica thrown in for good measure! I love that for us.

"Betty" also appears to complete a three-song story, recalling details from "Cardigan" and "August" to close the loop on Betty and James, a couple in high school with some infidelity issues.

Looking back, it feels like "Cardigan" was told from Betty's perspective, while "August" was told from the perspective of a sort of "other woman" character. Now, we get James' side of the story. This is high art, folks! This is peak Storytelling Taylor!

"Betty" is also, like, very gay? I know it's easy to assume that James is a male character, but Swift herself was named after James Taylor, so she could be referring to herself. The song also references someone named Inez; James and Inez are the names of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively's daughters.

Plus, in retrospect, the idea of whispering "Are you sure? Never have I ever before" during a summer fling seems pretty gay to me.

I'm not saying the story of Betty and James would be better if it was written about sapphic lovers, but I'm not not saying that.

Larocca: This one is gay, and if you try to tell me otherwise, I will simply ignore you. 

But Courteney, it's from the perspective of a guy named James. James and the other character, Inez, share the same names as Reynolds and Lively's kids (will leave it up to you to decide if that means their third daughter's name is Betty). James is their daughter. Get out of here with your antiquated ideas about which names connotate which genders. 

To me, the James named in this song is a woman and a lesbian and this song is for the gays. I will not be saying anything else or accepting any feedback on this opinion, thank you.

"Peace" is honest and raw.

Ahlgrim: This song's intro sounds like LCD Soundsystem had a baby with "The Archer." The gentle guitar riff is also lovely.

With Dessner's echoey production, Swift's voice sounds like a warm little fire in a cave — fitting, since she sings in the chorus, "I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm."

OK damn, I'm getting really emotional. This songwriting is beautiful and haunting. "Peace" perfectly captures the ambient dread of feeling your partner slip away, of wondering whether love can be enough. 

Larocca: If you're a "Call It What You Want" stan, you're going to love its mature older sister "Peace." 

I will hereby forever be thinking about the parallels between "But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm" with "He built a fire just to keep me warm" and between "Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother" with "Trust him like a brother."

Also, "Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" has the same emotional impact as when Swift changes the lyric in "The Archer" to "I see right through me" and that's meant as the highest form of compliment. 

Swift's vocals are so crisp, that guitar riff is so stunning, and these lyrics are so gut-wrenchingly vulnerable. A perfect song, through and through.

"Hoax" is unlike any other album closer in Swift's catalog.

Ahlgrim: I don't know if Swift is going through a traumatic breakup, but if she isn't, the woman is one convincing creative writer.

The National makes some of my favorite music to cry to, so when I heard Aaron Dessner had co-written and produced much of this album, I knew I was in for some glossy cheeks. Until now, I think I've felt too captivated by Swift's artistry to really let myself get there.

But finally, "Hoax" is making me cry.

This is heart-wrenching stuff for anyone, but for a fan and student of Swift's work, this is like reading a friend's diary entry.

"Don't want no other shade of blue, but you" must be a reference to "Delicate," in which Swift sings: "Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you / Oh damn, never seen that color blue." Later, she croons, "You know I left a part of me back in New York," perhaps regretting the move to London that she detailed throughout "Lover." 

"You knew it still hurts underneath my scars / From when they pulled me apart," recalling the public shaming she endured and demons she exorcised on "Reputation." "But what you did was just as dark." Like I said before: Whoa.

Personally, I love having a good cry set to moody music, so I appreciate Swift's soul-bearing. "Hoax" is one gut-punch of an album closer.

Larocca: Swift has a habit of ending her albums on an uplifting, hopeful note and I always eat it up. But if "Folklore" hadn't made it clear by now that it should be consumed differently than any of her previous works, "Hoax" brings that message home.  

Instead of reveling in all the ways that love has made her stronger, happier, or more whole, "Hoax" deconstructs everything Swift has learned about love and leaves a bleaker picture about how maybe even the best of relationships hurt. 

But at its most tragic, this love still isn't something Swift will ever let go of: "Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do."  

Finishing a Taylor Swift album has never been so devastating.

Final Grade: 9.7/10

[markword]

Summary: You have had a crush on Jungkook since forever ago, but he’s changed and so have you. But when you get closer to him-in a different way than expected-feelings start to come out of the dark.

What’s in this bitch: swearing, SMUT, and a lil but of spice✨✨

Side note: this is my first fanfic, so plz be nice and enjoy!! She’s a long one so get comfy and get somethin to eat and get your playlist ready ✌🏼and there will be typing errors so ignore dem por favor

WITHOUT FURTHER ADUE::::

The echoes of your footsteps drilled into your head at an annoying volume. It didn't help that your heart was incessantly pounding either. You sweep by the empty classrooms, books laying on the floor, sprawled out in a hurry. The paper in your hand was nearly as wrinkled as your shirt, picked straight out of your hamper due to the lack of time and lack of any better ideas. The bell rings and kids start to spill out of every classroom, almost taking you off your track. the bell left an annoying buzz in your ears that kept you charging forward. No one has ever given you a note, not in the four years of highschool. The note was battered and slightly torn from your fidgety hands toying with the edges all day. You'd only read it once, out of fear that if you read it again, it wouldn't say the same thing;

Go to the main entrance after last period.

I'll be waiting.

j.k.

your heart couldn't help but flutter when you first opened the tightly folded note. you couldn't help but think of who sent it to you. He was always on your radar, but not in the romantic sense. You knew it was Jeon Jungkook because of the way the words were scribbled on the paper and obviously, how he closed the short note with his long lived nickname, ¨jk. He was always quiet and reserved in middle school, which would be his defining trait until sophomore year rolled around. rumors upon rumors built up about him, almost taking you off your feet when you first heard them. Jungkook, the quiet and sweet kid you basically grew up with through school, caught with a girl in a school bathroom? for some reason, the rumors were never proven but something about how he swayed when he walked and looked at girls for a split millisecond had them planning baby names. He had silently nudged you toward the conclusion that they were undoubtedly true. The hardest part about seeing his personality take a 180 was the fact that your secret but not so secret crush on him in middle school had quite nearly been strangled to death by the man that stood waiting for you, at the main entrance.

As your pace slowed, your ears and lungs caught up. you knew you were near the main entrance, but you couldn't see over the rushing flow of students going to and fro. you catch a glimpse of the top of his head, and miraculously, he notices you too.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't still have a little thing for him.

you couldn't help it. Maybe it was more of an instinctual hormonal pull, but he was easy on the eyes and in a rugged way, almost dreamy.

His longer dark brown hair, pulled into a small bun, perched on top of his head. his loose black v neck hanging dangerously against his strict collarbones. his baggy grey joggers molded to all the right places but still looking stylishly comfy.

you stride closer to him, and see that he was making small talk with a fragile blonde girl. He erupts into laughter, showcasing his devilish smile. which was always accompanied by his cute dimples. one of the reasons you became so hopelessly in love with him in middle school was that sweet and sour smile of his. You couldn't help but look for it every once and a while in class. You slowly approach him, giving him enough time to wrap up his previous conversation.

"Oh, hey Y/N. Sorry to leave a mysterious note like that" he smiled with his eyes, making the apology that much harder to not accept (although it was a pain in the ass)

"It's really okay. Why'd you want to meet here though? I haven't talked to you for a while"

"That's not true I talk to you everyday in class" he smiled, but it was obvious he was poking fun at you and your nervousness about being there with him. He had to admit, it was a little suspicious.

"Well, what is it then?" you were starting to get impatient, letting your temper mixed with your short attention span to get ahold of you. which of course, didn't go unnoticed by Jungkook.

"Iwas absent yesterday for that chem quiz. can you tell me what's on it? I know you’re smart and you understood the material really well."

You were definitely infuriated, knowing this could've been sent by text or even asked in the fleeting moments after class. you see him at least 5 seperate times a day, why a stupid fucking note to some clandestine meeting?

"Jeon, couldn't you have just texted me? But yeah, Iremember a few questions it wasn't that hard." You were dying for an explanation, but the way his face went blank and uninviting, was enough to gather the realization that you weren't getting one.

"Im taking the makeup test in 10 minutes. Do you think I could cram the answers in time?"

Of course he could. He was insanely and almost annoyingly smart. but just like his soft nature, that disappeared over summer break before sophomore year.

He sent you off with a quick thanks and then casually turned his heels to walk to the chem classroom. Once he left, you started to realize the strangeness of it all. He could've asked anyone in Chem 2, but he asked YOU? With a note to meet nonetheless. thinking about it gave you a headache, so once you turned on your car to go home, you started to think about what songs to play and what dinner will be instead. The car ride home was uneventfully blissful, the usual weird seat dancing and emotional signing to your favorite car songs.

You walk in the door with an exaggerated "humphf" when setting down your backpack to go look in the fridge to look for a snack you knew wasn't there. Your phone vibrates on your kitchen table and slightly annoyed you at how it proceeded to rumble loudly against the flat surface. You pick it up only to see that Jungkook had sent you a post on instagram with another message that read;

jungkook:Thanks for helping today, here's this to show my thanks

it was a distorted meme that you'd seen hundreds of times before, but its humor ran out after the second time it beamed on your screen. It surprised you that he sent a meme, but it surprised you even more to get another taste of the old Jungkook you knew. The one who would thank you for helping him out, and seem genuinely thankful. Sometimes you’d catch yourself stealing fleeting glimpses of him in class. you'd often try to pick up on his new tendencies and see some of his old, but comforting ones. He would also space out in middle school, leaving his notebooks riddled with doodles and scribbles to keep himself awake. Just two days ago, he was in a lab with you and you couldn't help but glance at his notebook for a split second; graffitied with little faces and tiny but strategic and pleasing scribbles. You're still looking blankly at the screen, sure that he noticed the "seen" under his texts a while ago.

you: Of course j.k. Ibet you aced it anyways

All of this weird and sudden contact had your head in a whirl. Too many questions and literally no answers. you thought it best to leave it alone for now. But he didn't.

_______________________________________________

You don't remember when you dozed off exactly, but you knew it was a good night's sleep when you woke up with a dry mouth and a full bladder. You groan and reach for one of the countless half filled water bottles on your nightstand. Huh? a sock?

"Whatever, Ihave to pee" you mutter to yourself. for a moment you didn't realize your deep and groggy voice.

"Wait, what" There it is again! you've never sounded this dead in the morning, even when you were hungover after your wildest night out. You finally flicker your eyes open only to be met by an unfamiliar ceiling fan and light grey walls. You rush to sit up. Something wasn't right. you look down and almost scream.

"Where are my boobs?!" your hands shoot reflexively to your chest, where they always are and are met with a dull smack as your hands hit complete flatness. You scurry out of the unfamiliar, but disgustingly messy bed and dart your eyes to find a mirror. It was weirdly easy to get up and dash to the mirror in the small bathroom to your right considering it wasn't your body you were in.

You stood panting in front of the mirror to see Jungkooks face staring back.

"What in the FUC-"

_______________________________________________

Jungkook sorta remembers when he went to bed. By sorta he means he knew it was between 8 PM and 1 AM. He's not good at remembering things, besides, he's already up now. He cracks his neck and instinctively reaches his hand down his boxer shorts.

"Where is my-" he suddenly feels his arm push against something warm on his chest while he extended his arm to find what was there just last night. He grabs the foriegn object on his chest, anxious to grab something since his usual apparently isn't there right now. Is this a boob? It was a boob. he reached up to mimic his other hand. and there's TWO? of course there he knew that. He'd seen plenty of them, but feeling them on himself? Hell no. THAT'S never happened before. He sat up, hands still clenched around the annoyingly loose bra that covered-well-HIS tits. His face went tense as he looked for a mirror. He slowly approached the mirror hanging on the door, hoping to not be met with one of his drunken hookups that could've been a witch for all he knows. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Y/N?! Damn. well, she has nice tits, I have to give her that."

——————————————————————————

You both immediately shot a text to each other, hoping it wasn't a dream, because if it was, you'd both look like idiots. But after telling eachother what happened when they woke up, (Jungkook left out the whole boob ordeal) and you decided to skip school today and sneak out of the house to meet and try to figure out what happened last night.

After throwing on something Jungkook might wear, you couldn't help but notice his figure staring back at you. He really was handsome. You flashed a beefy smile at the mirror and stayed smiling after seeing his signature but memorable smile. You finally talked his mom into letting you stay home just 30 minutes ago, with jungkook in an earbud listening and telling you the best way to make his mom cave. You were slightly annoyed when he said that all he had to do was say he felt sick and your mom was already convinced. It was still uncomfortable hearing your voice through the phone. you sounded really stupid on the phone. you decided to meet at a park close to both your house and his to figure it all out and how to undo it. You had a hard time figuring out how to drive his car but ended up to the park in one piece. well, Jungkook arrived in one piece. there was still no sign of your body yet. Your car comes screeching to a halt next to you before you see your body get out of the car in rage and slam the car door shut.

"Be careful with her she's old" you whine, referring to your beaten up and chipped car.

"Shut up and follow me. We gotta be alone." He grabs your arm and pulls you farther into the park and only loosened his grip when there were less than 5 people around.

"What the fuck happened, Y/N? This is freaking me out. How does this shit even happen? And why me and yo-"

"No, you shut up you're making me dizzy. I don't know my answer for all of those questions. oh god, what do we do at school? AT HOME? WHEN I HAVE TO PEE?" You almost choke on your breath thinking about going to the bathroom with a whole different set of tools.

"I don't know Y/N... I mean I could help you practice..." He reaches down toward your crotch-no- HIS crotch and you flick him away with wide eyes and a blazing stare back at him.

"This isn't a joke, Jungkook. What do we do?" you swallow heavily and look back at your body through his eyes.

"Ew. If I'd known that's what I look like I would just wear baggy sweats everyday..." you whisper it to yourself but since you were both so quiet and focused in thought, he heard it.

"Oh shut up you have a great body, Y/N."

"Did you LOOK? I didn't look, I thought it would be rude. wait-DID YOU LOOK YES OR NO?" you did look. He just doesn't need to know and wouldn't help your case any.

"Of course I did. nice tits by the way." he winked and cracked his neck again. you were too much in a daze thinking about how someone else had seen you naked. JUNGKOOK has seen you naked. Did he just say; nice tits? That doesn't matter, we need to figure this out before you cut off his dick for looking at you.

"We need to figure this out right now." you weren't kidding. if he touched your boobs that would be enough to commit manslaughter. it didn't matter if it was actually you that you were killing.

"We can go to my place now. Let's get something to eat. My mom wont think twice about me having a girl over anyways. She won't bat an eye and she'll leave us alone. Just tell her that we are both sick and want to study to catch up since its convenient. Its our best option." He cracked you a smirk, sending shivers down your spine. it was him alright, just in your body. You get up and start walking towards your beat up car out of habit to leave until he grabs your arm, almost jerking you so hard you would've fallen on your ass.

"Damn Y/N, your body is pretty strong. Stronger than you were in middle school. But lets take my car. I'll drive."

You couldn't help but blush at him mentioning middle school. I guess he really did pay attention to you back then. Your thoughts immediately hone in on memories of gym class when you'd be the best playing any activity and you embarrassed the boys in front of their respective crushes. you couldn't help but let out a little giggle, sounding even better when it came out as Jungkook's grisly and low voice. You settle in the car, and fidget with the seatbelts and keep your head glued on the dashboard to avoid any eye contact just in case you were still blushing. jungkook lets out an audible sigh before turning the keys in the ignition and putting the car in reverse. You couldn't help but look at him, sitting in your body, as he put an arm out behind your headrest to backout. He flickers his eyes between you and behind the car.

"Its so weird seeing my body like this, like from another perspective," you could resonate with what he said, especially since he's manhandling a car with legs wide open, but he looks like you at the same time. "I wonder what I look like during sex..." he mutters the last part under his breath and chuckles, part of him hoping that you would hear.

"Just ask one of your many lady friends, Jungkook. I'm sure they'd love to tell you all about it." You scoff. How could he change so much from the boy you were infatuated with? He was the same in small ways, but barely. It made you sad and frustrated when you realized that you secretly hoped he'd be the same around you after all these years.

"I could. But right now, I'm not exactly myself." You both reach to turn on the radio to drown out the awkward tension that seemed to have seeped in the car. You back off since it technically is his car anyways. He puts on one of his playlists and the first song starts to play. Its not rap and you're almost surprised. But you've known since middle school that he likes more indie and classic rock than anything else. You put your window down and look out with an elbow grasing the bottom of the window, and your hand finding its way to your hair. Well, Jungkook’s hair. Soft. You turn to look at the song name and realize jungkook is glaring at you. You never knew your face could look so scary.

"Don't feel pressured to act any different. Just be you and act normal, even if you want to touch my hair." He snickered and shot his eyes back on the road, making a smooth right turn at the light you'd been stopped at.

"Its a habit. Besides, you've seen me naked Jungkook, who cares if Iaccidentally touch your hair?" you had started to become more and more angry at his annoyingly hot voice. Just by hearing it in classes, you felt a tinge of wetness down under. But you're sure its just because of his voice, right?

"Am I wet right now? Is this what it feels like?" He chuckled so hard and loud you almost see your soul shoot out of the car and get run over. What the fuck do you even say to that? You had an idea as to why it happened but what do you say to jungkook?

He's still laughing a little when he shoots up straight in his seat.

"I know what it is Y/N, you think I'm SEXY."

you gulp. you decide that staying quiet is your best option, the one that will make you look less flustered and more cool about him calling you out.

"You know, Ihad a huge crush on you in middle school. It was almost embarrassing. I think I wrote you a love letter one time but I never gave it to you. You were such a player back then." He chuckles again, but softer this time. He confessed something embarrassing to get the conversation away from the obvious pool of wetness between his legs. YOUR legs.

"I did too." you mumble still looking out the window, trying to hide your excitement at his confession. you were happy but, that was a long time ago anyways. It didn't really matter now.

"Would you look at that, maybe we found out why we switched bodies." His facial expression was flat, almost bored looking. you both sat in silence until he pulled the car into the unfamiliar driveway you left this morning. You get out of the car and he reaches for the door and tells you to make yourself at home, as a joke, of course. To anyone else looking at you two, you were Jungkook, and this in fact, was your house.

"Maybe if we confess our past feelings, we will switch back. That’s the only thing I can think of anyways. You cool with that?" He was pouring himself a glass of apple juice and he set it down on the counter to get another glass for you.

"Yeah why not." you sipped slowly on the cold drink as he led you up the stairs to his room. You settle down on his bed facing each other, almost looking like two young girls at a sleepover talking about their celebrity crushes. you were both sitting with your legs folded and leaning in toward each other, a weirdly comfortable position for the both of you.

"You first." he grumbles with a cheesy smirk.

"Okay," you take a deep breath to collect your thoughts, "I liked you from 5th to 8th grade."

"That's it? I think we need a little more since we are still staring at our own bodies across from us." he was rocking side to side trying to conjure up any thoughts on how to fix your strange situation.

"Maybe we should kiss." He leans forward, which you dodge at the speed of light.

"What are you doing Jungkook?!" Your eyes wide open and stomach fluttering.

"Maybe this is how the spell thingy breaks, it makes sense."

He's right, If the reason you were stuck looking at yourself from this perspective was that you needed to confess and makeout, then so be it. You'd try anything at this point. You missed your own bed. He charges in closer to you slower this time and grabs your face. the way he was using your lips made it impossible to notice how quickly you'd shut your eyes. You opened them to see Jungkook staring at you with wide puppy dog eyes.

"Hell yes I'm back bitche-" He quickly silenced you with another kiss. I worked? You were sure you’d live out your days in another body. But you weren’t mad that his first idea worked out. But you weren’t about to keep your mind on the subject, Jungkook was millimeters away from you with his taunting lips. This kiss was more passionate and more eager. Your legs went limp, and your face set ablaze at Jungkook's fluid and sexy motions against you. He pokes his tongue at your lips, asking if he could enter. You quickly let him roam around your mouth, leaving you breathless and seeing stars. He slides his hands down from your face and traces the outer line of your figure, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you could feel the pool between your legs as your thighs began to quiver under his careful and strategic touch. He shifts you down, so that you're on your back and he is using an arm to support himself above you. you let out a needy whimper and you finally move your arms down his chest to trace his undoubtedly hot body. he flinched when you stopped at his waistband, and you were left just toying with the elastic until he forcefully pulled your shirt off your body, only leaving mere seconds between the deepening kiss. Neither of you were ready to stop. You could feel your body start to heat up against his and he slowly moved his waist into yours at a steady rhythm. you could feel his apparent erection glide across your thighs with every motion. You could feel the heat escape your core when you opened your legs farther, hoping he'd get the hint to touch you where you wanted him the most. You wanted his hands everywhere, but your arousal was too hot and strong to ignore for much longer. He slowly navigated his kiss downward, taking extra care of your neck, sure to leave a couple marks in his wake. once he reached your chest, with your bra still clinging on with the sheen of sweat you both worked up. As he moves his hands to hold you still, they rest on your hips with a tender but strong grip, willing you not to squirm under his touch. He started to kiss along the edge of your bra, frequently nibbling at the tender skin that lay beneath. He was taking his time of course, he'd been wondering what touching you and making you all worked up like this felt. He'd often steal glances at you in class, never letting go of his childish middle school crush. He'd accepted that he'd always feel something toward you, what that was he was unsure. But having you under him, and your back arching your chest towards him made him hungry. He knew he would never get you out of his head after this.

You take your arms behind your back and unclasp your bra hoping he would fasten up and make your horniness subside. He immediately grabs onto one and closes in on the other with tender kisses, licking around your nipple just to hear your sighs that turned into moans between his needy lips.

"Please Jung-" you whine trying to push yourself into him closer. you wanted to be swallowed into this moment. The tension was released, and god did it feel good. He cut you off with a strong and lasting rub against your core, just making you want to whine for more. He was rock hard, so the only thing he accomplished was making you shut up and making you kiss harder and your grip on his hips tighter. He finally slid his hands slowly up the inside of your thigh and his slender but strong fingers snaked their way under the thin cloth that was sticking to your folds. He took a deep and exaggerated swipe across your center, making you shiver with pleasure.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of that," he said, flashing a smile smile in between kisses on your neck.

"Just put it in already I'm dying here..."

With your words, he swiped off his shirt and pulled his pants down, showcasing the famous bounce as his erection springs out of his loose pants. his fingers wrapped around the fabric of your shorts, playing and twisting at them with want. He pulled them down slowly, propping your leg on the bed before throwing the soaking shorts somewhere on the floor. He pushed your thigh open with his now faster motions of his thigh, trying to get more friction against you. You whimper and reach for his erection. before you could fully palm it, he suddenly stopped and stared down at you, trying to catch his breath that had been sucked up by your deep kiss. He slid his thumb across your lower lip.

"Not yet Y/N. Let me do this first. I promise I’ll get to that in a minute." you watch him utter his words in a growl as he slowly drags his soft lips downwards between your breasts and then your stomach before his messy black hair is level with your core.

"I'll be gentle. Tell me if you want to stop at any time, Y/N."

You weren't expecting him to be gentle, or even offer an out for you. All the rumors of him being a brute and rough when it comes to sex and intimacy. You could see the old parts of Jungkook shining through. before you could think about it anything else he pressed his lips against you, lips pursed around your clit. a shake engulfed you, sending shivers up your spine and out of your mouth as a long moan. his tongue grazed over every inch of your center at least 3 times before he started to slow down and suck on your clit, leaving you able to feel every vibration of his ruffled moans against you. before you could recognize that you were almost at the peak of gushing-

"Are you still okay, baby?"

"Y-Yes. Oh GOD!" he had pushed two fingers into you, making you buck your hips into him. He grabbed your thigh with his other hand, silently telling you to stop letting your reactions distract him from the task at hand. Literally. He curls his fingers upward and moves slowly, applying just enough pressure to make your eyes roll back into your head, but gentle enough to keep you just below the line that would make it hurt. He was taking care of you, just like he said. You couldn't help but let your mind wander to his various conquests as he quite literally lapped at you like a starved man. Did he treat them like this? Was he this sweet but seductive with everyone? Are you the first to be thinking about this? His nibble at your folds broke you out of your daze. It doesn't matter now anyways, he was with you and he was good at making you feel good. Just keep going, you thought. It only took another nibble and his tongue in your heat to make you start to see a light.

"Jung- I'm-" you squealed. He just kept going, knowing that what he was doing was the ticket to your long anticipated orgasm. You quickly find yourself grabbing at his head of hair, just to help yourself ride out your climax. You feel the wet drip out of you, and Jungkook's tongue licking it up with lustful motions. Once he cleaned you up to his liking he lifted his head to look at you. Your eyes closed, chest heaving, and sweat making your face gleam. You really were beautiful, he thought to himself. But he wasn't done with you yet. He leaned over you and moved the baby hairs stuck on your face to the side. His doe eyes were searing into you, making you shift under him. You brought your hands up to rest on his chest. He really was beautiful, you thought to yourself. But you weren't done with him yet.

"Let me get a condom. Or are you on the pill? Its up to you, whatever you're comfortable with, baby." His term of endearment took you by surprise, but it didn't feel weird coming from his mouth, almost natural to him. You liked it, it even made your stomach hollow with excitement, but you'd never tell him that.

"I'm on the pill. I don't mind at all jungkook." His grin leaked into a smile, that adorable, sexy smile of his. it practically taunted you, knowing that his now stretched out lips were pressed up against you just mere minutes ago. You watched as he finally pulled down his boxers, allowing his painfully hard erection bounce out. The head, red and angry with understimulation, with beads of precum trickling down his length. He was big, just like the rumors had said, but you weren't expecting that he'd have the perfect length and girth. You knew after you felt him, it would be hard to go back. Especially since just his lips and tongue made you feel something you'd never felt before, something you'd think about at night while you played with yourself.

"Are you ready? I'll be careful with you if you're worried that it might hurt." He sat next to you on the bed, looking for any sign of regret in your eyes. Instead, he found your hungry eyes looking him up and down, completely naked in front of you.

"Don't hold back Jungkook, if we are going to do this I want to feel everything." You could barely focus on anything other than him. His abs, and the way they flexed when he let out a guttural laugh. His Adam's apple, that bobbed up and down when he would talk to you. His long, messy black hair, and how it framed his face. His rosy lips and how they pouted when he wasn't talking. Everything about the man sitting next to you was perfect. His features were just the same as they were back in middle school, but they became more mature and more sexy than cute.

"I'm excited to feel you around me Y/N. I've been thinking about what it would be like, and now you're here, and you're all mine." he uttered before leaning in for a soft kiss, making it easier to hide your face that was obviously blushing at his words.

"If you don't want me to hold back, Iwont" he whispers into your ear, making you wet all over again. His hand found your thigh amid deep kisses, and pushed it farther so he could fit himself between your thighs, allowing his erection to slowly graze over your dripping center with every motion. After Jungkook gathered enough of your arousal on himself, he decided it was enough to allow him to easily slip into you and lose himself in you. You grabbed his hip, angling him parallel to your body, begging him to ease himself into you.

"Please Jungkook..." you whine again.

before you could finish your sentence you felt his tip graze your entrance, teasing you with the heat. He was STILL teasing you? You grip your arms around his torso and force him closer, automatically pushing his length into you, but still not bottomed out yet. He was big and you wondered if you could realistically fit all of him in you. As soon as you pull him closer, Jungkook loudly grunts and shoots his head back at how well you fit around him.

"You feel so good Y/N." He breathes, starting to pump in and out of your heat. He didn't hesitate to throw your leg over his shoulder, allowing him further access into you. Within seconds he finds your g-spot, (he figured it was there since you let out ungodly moans when he hit it) and continues to hit it with each thrust. Each thrust was greeted with a slapping noise and the sounds of your arousal being moved around by Jungkook. His thrusts became more slowed, but deeper, grazing your cervix. The stretch that once felt uncomfortable started to feel pleasurable.

"Right there Jungkook, please don't-" you were too out of breath to even finish your sentence.

Jungkooks heavy breathing would've sent you over the edge right then and there, but he somehow kept you from coming to elongate the feeling of you around him, filling up his senses. His thrusts started to get sloppier, but still had a lustful drive in them. He shot his arm up to the wall, giving him support against his fastened pace. He grunts and shoots the other hand to use his thumb to circle around your clit, making you arch towards his touch.

"I'm gonna-" he spits out, clenching his jaw.

Not long after he warned you, you felt him throb against your insides, a warm pool filling you up. Just the sounds of Jungkook as he released into you was enough to make you follow suit not long after him since he rode his high within you.

"Sorry Ijust-" you put your finger up to his plumped lips to make him shut up.

"Don't say sorry Jungkook, It was perfect. Maybe too perfect..." you look to the side to avoid his taunting gaze. But he grabs your chin and demands for eye contact.

"I've had my eye on you since middle school, Y/N. And Iintend to keep it that way," He kisses your forehead before he gets up and throws you a hoodie that smelled like him.

"Get up butthead, we are getting icecream." he says through his stupid little grin.

[tinkdw]

I asked a bibro/anti if they could ever see destiel as canon. They said some interesting and definitive statements for someone who isn't a spn writer or production member. "Dean is not going to turn gay/bi." "Jensen hates destiel" "Dean is not going to mature into a non-codependent relationship with Sam partly because he has no desire to, partly because they’re actual literal soulmates, and partly because it would be boring TV."

I can see you really want an answer to this question as you asked me this twice so... 

I just can’t even, I’m facepalming so hard.

Look antis are just hateful. They hate nice things. Ignore them.

As for bibros, I’m sure there are nice bibros, however this is not my experience. I know one who is kind of ok but still resorts to online bullying and calling us delusional for things that have already been textualised as canon on the show so meh.

Dean is not going to TURN Bisexual if he is canon bisexual. IT HAS BEEN THERE ALL ALONG. That is why we have written REALMS of meta on it, SINCE SEASON 1. Just because they don’t like it and refuse to see it doesn’t mean it’s not THERE.

This is the same for the end of the toxic codependency. And Destiel. And everything.

They say “it can’t happen because it would be OOC” and yet they are yelling that everyone is OOC since season 12 because they just don’t see that this is them BEYOND THE FACADE, being the REAL them. Jeez. They really don’t have a leg to stand on I’m sorry. They’re just flat out wrong and yelling about it.

The toxic codependency LITERALLY ENDED IN 12x22!!!! I mean even if it rears it’s head here and there or IF it gets re-verted (which I doubt given how much emphasis they gave the scene and build up to it in 12x22) it’s still framed as BAD and if you watch Andrew Dabb’s own episodes he frames the toxic codependency as BAD BAD BAD and that it has to end. Then he’s showrunner and WAM BAM. End.

He’s the one who wrote 5x16, the episode that the bibros love because apparently it says they’re canonically soulmates. PFFFT THIS WAS NOT WHAT DABB WAS SAYING AT ALL!!!!!! A. No, just no. There is no reading for this that is concrete, it’s a vague concept that I can understand but overall makes no sense. So all you have to do is look at author INTENT. Watch the rest of Dabb’s episodes and you see that the “canon soulmates” reading is completely contradictory to the rest of his writing. What he was saying was that Dean’s toxic codependency on Sam was BAD and terrible for his own personal wellbeing and that Sam just wanted to escape because of the burden of it all. Literally all of this episode was showing that Sam DID NOT WANT the codependency. Then the next episodes show Dean’s spiral into feeling he should say yes to Michael as he feels unloved by Sam and unwanted, because his hold on the codependency is so strong. It’s BAD BAD BAD. SHEESH. (Also ironically or perhaps not it’s CAS who helps him break out of this mindset through something that he doesn’t want on the top level in this terrible moment of regression to his old ways but helps him in the long run. Meta much).

Then later Dabb episodes bring this up more and more as bad and to END, I mean Carver did too obviously, season 8 was all a huge exposition of how terrible the codependency was, culminating in them failing to save the world because of it in a direct subversion of season 5, they kind of become anti-heroe because of the codependency.

They become BAD because of it! It’s TERRIBLE for their individual characters and together and it’s due to the codependency!!

Anyway.... so after all this we are now seemingly heading to a positive endgame and the toxic codependency is GONE. Dusted. @elizabethrobertajones has been yelling at me about how they sat at the table in 13x02 and how this is really important to show the dynamics of the codependency, namely that yes it is now ended, just as we hoped/expected it would be after 12x22.

"Dean is not going to mature into a non-codependent relationship with Sam partly because he has no desire to, partly because they’re actual literal soulmates, and partly because it would be boring TV."

I JUST WHAT?!!?!! Dean has no desire to?! This has been his journey all along!! Yes he APPEARED to not want to because he was hanging onto it but all he wants is to be EMANCIPATED and be his own person!!!! Facepalm. Again this is seeing top level Dean and thinking this is who he ACTUALLY is. Freaking surface level reading much.

That’s what the whole point of the “young Dean” and “uninhibited Dean” episodes are for - to set up who he wants to be. OUTSIDE of the codependency and the responsibility of patenting Sam being thrown on him he is totally different! He is soft, there are parts of him that are totally still HIM, helping people, wanting to do the right thing, but the facade is GONE. This is the point of the “inhibitions reduced” episodes like 12x11 or when he’s drugged up etc - and lo and behold he starts flirting with guys, saying he loves stuff he usually wouldn’t (Disney, Taylor Swift) ETC ETC.

These people are literally looking at PERFORMANCE LEVEL DEAN and thinking this is all there is to him.

It’s infuriatingly insulting to the writers, also to Jensen, but Jensen himself sometimes falls into it so I can’t even have such a go when he himself forgets to mention Taylor Swift and obviously does sometimes see Dean as the performance. But literally THIS WEEK he went into a whole spiel about how Dean has layers bla bla bla he’s seeing this more clearly as it becomes more obvious and yes thank you Jensen.

I have a whole tag for the Jensen x destiel thing because he varies on this but ultimately whatever happens he and no-one is going to just flat out come out and say “yeah guys we’ve been building this for X years and aw well it was supposed to be a huge big socio-political reveal but I’ll say yes here at this random con”.

So whatever, I stick to what the story is telling us and right now Dabb era is VALIDATING ALL OUR META.

- end of the toxic codependency. check.

- dean has to face the pedestal view of his mother to start learning to accept himself as flawed but still good. check.

- dean has to be more emotionally honest. check.

- sam has to face his past and his guilt through something to allow him to move past it and forgive himself (Jack is perfect). check.

- dean has to face his issues with his father (FUCKING CHECK BIG TIME THIS WHOLE SEASON IS ABOUT FATHERS AND JOHN ALREADY HAD AN OUT OF NOWHERE MENTION IN A BUCKLEMMING EPISODE NO LESS TO HAMMER HOME THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE A HUGE FACTOR. IM LIVING).

- Destiel. Destiel is a huge part of Dabb’s own episodes writing. No wonder it’s so blatant in his showrunning and looking more and more like canon endgame.

So yeah, the bibros who kinda have a grasp on subtext are screaming that the characters are OOC and the writing is bad right now because they don’t like what they’re seeing. The ones who don’t grasp subtext think the show is great cos it’s just about the bros again and Cas is old news. They literally cannot see that Cas is ALL OVER 13x01/02 and I cannot even comprehend the stupid. They have even said it in all the interviews let alone in the actual show that he’s the undercurrent of Dean’s grief and he only get better when he’s back.

JEEZ.

So yeah. Sorry, this is such a rant because I am so done with this. I am so done with people thinking these hateful nasty people’s negative awful concepts of the show have any VALID meta reading.

They just don’t right now. Dabb is validating the positive meta that some have been writing for over a decade and I myself have only become a part of over the last year. To say it’s not true is not just infuriating but it’s insulting to the writers who put so much effort into doing it in the first place!!!

It’s snobby I know, but I do sometimes just sit back and think hey, the people I speak to regularly are all well educated people, most of them with with degrees, MAs, PHDs in literature, some actually work in writing/literature/cinema. We are not the idiots here. On top of that the fact that Dabb literally seems to have a checklist of our meta and is ticking it of.

Because it’s also HIS meta, it’s the way he wrote the show, it’s just validation that our readings were correct because that was the way they wrote it!

Yes things could flip if the showrunner or endgame for some reason changed but honestly I do not understand how that could happen now. It’s set up so strongly for the positive endgame we’ve been talking about for ages and now everything is setting up for it even more, we are like 85% of the way there, why would the final 15% change?

The antis/bibros just refuse to see the 85% of the story and are stuck on some warped view of what was set up as the BAD START as being the thing to strive for in the end. That’s not how story telling works. 

They set up the BAD START so that in the end it could be subverted (you can see a lot of it is in Swan Song for example but not all of it, so that they could continue the story, in fact the things that aren’t or the way it’s then immediately subverted is then set up as the NEXT bad thing to continue the story ie. Sam always had to redeem himself and die but then he comes back WRONG).

It’s standard storytelling! Set up the bad start so that the heroes subvert it and end up in the good ending! 

If at the start the hero is alone and alcoholic and clearly strives for a family but much of his blood family is negatively framed, doesn’t accept himself and hides parts of himself and “just wants someone to love him” (these are all things that are TEXTUALLY set up in season1 for Dean for example) then this is his endgame: a healthy life, found family around him and someone who loves him for exactly who he is warts and all.

This is blatantly what is happening (among others obviously but this is the easiest example as Dean pretty much carries the main emotional arc these days) and I’m so excited for it :)