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froggyinaspen · 1 year ago

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Between Comfort and Chaos: CH 3

Link to Chapter 2 Above

Also Available on AO3/Wattpad

OminisxMC- Slooooowwww burn, Angst

Word Count: 3,394

Unsettled Feelings

Ominis’ POV

The next week flew by with Lessie dividing her time between myself and her babysitting duties as we had affectionately dubbed her time spent with Sebastian. As a result, it seemed that my poltergeist appeared less often and mostly at a distance. When he did attempt to converse a swift unseen flick of my wand would cause the idiot to stumble and trip. In his haste to stand I could swiftly get away. In a way it was much like the game I would play with my younger sister. She had started her studies at Hogwarts the previous year and as much as I tried to act the part of the doting older brother, she refused the association. In retaliation I took to using the tripping jinx on her at the most opportune times. Never hurting her, but more so just letting her know I was there if need be.

Although Lessie and I had the majority of classes together, we rarely spoke in them, simply preferring the conversations in the passing corridors or nights spent planning adventures in the undercroft. My mood had improved leaps and bounds and I was starting to feel like myself again, the anger bottling itself back up and nestling away into the compartment of my mind where I kept all the other unpleasant things confined. I attributed this mostly to the fact that today after classes were through, we would be headed to Cragcroftshire to finish the last of the Merlin Trials. I was excited to spend the time with her adventuring as well as attend the Halloween feast together the following night. It was the small triumphs that made me smile, or maybe it was her.

The lines of our friendship had started to blur in my mind, and I was unsure of how to proceed. I had always had a fondness for her, but for a reason I couldn’t place it felt different now. More pronounced. More evolved. Everytime she casually brushed my hand or said my name I could feel a swarm of fluttering in my stomach. It was a pleasant sensation, that had my emotions conflicted. What could I possibly hope for? What kind of future could I give someone who put the sun to shame?

She treats everyone like this. You’re no different. Don’t hope for something that can’t be.

I shook the unproductive thoughts from my head, as I slid down to the floor in one of the open atriums. There was no use dwelling on them, we were friends and that was that. She could never be with someone as tainted as I was. It didn’t matter how I felt.

It never does.

The cool stone beneath me helped to settle my nerves. My fingers traced our names absent mindly on the smooth marble. Exhaustion took over, and I realized just how worn out I was from the late nights with her. Usually, I followed a pretty stringent sleep schedule being safely tucked into bed by 10:00pm on the dot, but had been making an exception to meeting up with Lessie in the Undercroft all week. We’d stay there until the early morning hours, just talking about everything and nothing at the same time. A yawn escaped my mouth. Many might laugh but, it was such a long walk back to the common room, but if I stayed right here, I could take a quick nap and then head over to my last class of the day.

Alright, just 10 minutes or so then off we go.

The hall was relatively quiet, with groups of students buzzing around here and there, and I shut my eyes. Behind my eyelids was a swirling darkness mixed with soft pin-pricks of random light. It felt like I was floating much like that day over the lake…My last though before succumbing to the sweet embrace of unconsciousness was the subtle scent of lilacs and ghosting feel of callouses.

…………………………………………………………………….

The chill of the glacial air was seeping into my bones, and I found myself a bit disoriented to my surroundings. Where was I? I tried to blink away my confusion, but nothing became clear until I heard a familiar voice.

“I won’t cast it on you Sebastian, you’ll have to cast it on me.” The sound of shoes scraping on stone, widening into a spaced stance. They sent echoes about the room, giving it a distinctly haunting atmosphere. Everything felt heavy, as if a boulder had been placed on my chest. My heart began to race, sweat pooling on my brow causing my hands to start shaking.

It was Lessies’ voice but…. But what was she talking about?

“Fine. If that’s what you want…” Sebastian’s lilting voice held no remorse. It took only a split second to realize that I was back in the scriptorium. I had to stop him.

NO! Nooooo! No!

I couldn’t scream out; it was like an iron band had been secured against my throat. Choking out any sounds that would attempt to stop the depravity before me. I began wildly thrashing, trying to reach them but everything was dark and cold, and I couldn’t move from where I stood. This felt all wrong, I was trapped in my body, and I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t save her.

“CRUCIO!”

Before the last syllable was uttered my blood went cold, draining. Instantly the hall was filled with the desperate cries of my friend, begging and pleading for release. I could hear her body collapse. The gravel crunched as she writhed on the floor, no longer in control of her body. Her feeble pleas falling on deaf ears, as Sebastian moved, stone scraping under his feet as he moved toward the opening door. He didn’t care that she was in pain. That she was begging for help. The door was open, why couldn’t he end her torture?

The sounds of torment too great to be contained in such a small frame sent electrical waves through the space, causing a release of static. It bit at my skin, causing me to call out once more.The sounds of anguish sending me into a spiral.

“Are you alright?!?”

There was an overwhelming sense of nausea. Her crying pierced my ears cracking every nerve in my body. Tarnishing my very soul. I couldn’t get to her, I couldn’t make it stop. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Lessie, No. Please, please, make it stop!

……………………………………………………………………….

“LESSIE!” Her name clawed its way out of my throat leaving a taste of iron and bile as I jolted awake. The amount of damp cloth clinging to my skin indicated that I was sweating profusely. I ran my hands through my hair, disheveling it in the process trying to block out the lingering screams. My heart rate was erratic, and I started to gulp for air as I heard footsteps approaching. I reached for my wand and sent a pulse out as I struggled to gain my composure and gain some orientation. My lungs were burning, as if I were drowning on land. My mind went into survival mode repeating my mantra for times like these.

It’s just a nightmare. It’s just a nightmare. It’s just a nightmare.

“Ominis? Are you okay?” It was a familiar voice, but in my haze, I couldn’t place it. Everything felt wobbly, and surreal.

I heard the scrap of shoes on stone as the girl crouched down next to me concern lacing her voice. I didn’t answer and instead continued to focus on my breathing.

1….2….3….4…. Exhale….1….2….3….4…. Inhale

“Are you hurt? Have you fallen.” The concern increased and I could sense the undercurrent of panic from the girl. I must look a sight to her. Hyperventilating on the floor, wet and erratic in the midst of a panic attack. The pain was palpable causing radiating stabs throughout my chest, as if someone was stabbing me with pins. My head was swimming, making the panic intensify.

I need to breathe. Breath, please… oh gods…. 1…2...3…4…

The air shifted and she reached her hand out, offering it. Without thinking my hand reached out smacking it away defensively. A shocked gasp escaped from her lips. This didn’t deter her and instead she went from crouching to sitting next to me. There was some shuffling in what sounded like a bag of some sort and the ping of something metallic being pulled out. The girl shifted again, and the sound of a cast.

“Aguamenti”

The tinkling of water hit the metallic vessel and then stopped just as fast. My heart rate had started to decrease as my breathing slowed. In the midst of my panic, my knees had come up to my chest, and I found myself rocking slightly. A throbbing headache took up residence behind my eyes and I winced in pain. It brought with it a smidgen of clarity.

You’re safe Ominis. You. Are. Safe. No, one can hurt you. Breathe.

“Here you look like you need this. It’s just water, I promise.” The sound of a metal bowl gracing the floor within arm’s reach of me sent out some vibrations. She was afraid I would smack her away again. My hand reached out, searching the area until I found the vessel and hurriedly brought it to my lips gulping it down eagerly. The taste of iron lingered coating my mouth like a thick film. I took a few more moments to breathe, putting the bowl back down where I had retrieved it.

“T-Thank you Poppy. I’m sorry to have frightened you.” I gave a small apology hoping the girl wasn’t too upset.

“You didn’t frighten me. I should have approached you slower. You don’t just grab a graphorn by the leg, do you? No, I’d say that your reaction was justified.” She let out an uncertain laugh. “I do apologize however, the only thing I had was Persephone’s water bowl.” There was a matter-of-fact air about her. As expected, she was treating this like a close encounter with one of her beasts. To be fair I felt like a beast. If I hadn’t been in such a state, I would have berated her for giving me an animals’ dish as a cup. Instead, I ignored the statement, not wanting to dwell on trivialities.

“Regardless, I do apologize.” I took another stuttering breath and then turned to her. “A-are there quite a lot of people about?” My anxiety of being seen as the delicate blind boy bubbled to the surface once more. I could hear the rumors swirling around already about my embarrassing display. Behavior unfitting of a Gaunt. I flinched reactively knowing the backlash I would receive once again for tarnishing the family name.

“Students? Oh no everyone’s in class.” There was a nonchalant attitude to the statement as if that should have been common knowledge.

“WHAT?! In class? What time is it?” I groaned audibly, pushing my fingers to the bridge of my nose. How had I managed to make an even bigger mess? Professor Sharp already had an immense dislike of me for my poor crafting abilities. Throw in the fact that I had essentially skipped his class to take a nap. Why had, I decided to take the damn class this year too? I could already hear the lecture.

Poppy laughed beside me. A swift annoyance edged into my voice. This was not a funny situation. It was demoralizing! How dare she laugh at me.

“I don’t think you have the right to be laughing at my situation while it appears that you also skipped your class.”

She stood up next to me. The sounds of her smoothing the fabric of her skirt drifting down.

“I’ll have you know that I am in my elective period, which consists of beast care. I have free roam of the campus!”

She extended her hand once more, no condescendence in her voice.

“Now, up you go. You can come along with me and I will have Professor Howell write a note that you were helping me round up the puffskiens that got loose. There are at least three more roaming around the first floor.”

Refusing her hand, I pushed myself off the floor and stood up, the tremors having not left my body. A wave of panic and nausea forced me to let out a distressed grasp. I could hear her shuffle her feet, unsure of how to assist. I felt raw and did not think I could face lying to Professor Howell in this state, let alone chasing beasts. Her offer was tempting and kind. However, I feared that a trip to the nurses was in order.

“I appreciate the kind offer, however I am on my way to the hospital wing.” Without waiting for a response, I shakily re-drew my wand and began to slowly wander away down the corridor.

“I’ll come with you! Just to make sure everything is okay!” There was no use arguing with a Hufflepuff on matters like these. I did not have the energy to argue nor field a million questions that she would inevitably ask. I kept my lips tight as we walked side by side toward the faculty tower. Poppy seemed to be bouncing instead of walking deciding that If I would not speak, then she would fill the space.

“Any big plans for this weekend?” It was a genuine question. My head was still swirling, and it took a great effort to form a coherent reply.

“No.” I could tell she wanted more than that. She continued to prob, but I kept shutting her down. She didn’t seem to mind and launched into a diatribe about her upcoming activities and how exciting it was to be able to have a chance to leave the school grounds. To my ears her senseless droning sounded like a swarm of bees I wanted to extinguish. It only escalated the tumultous throbbing in my skull. Thankfully we were at the stairs leading up to the hospital wing and I hastily gave my goodbyes as I ascended the staircase. Poppy took the hint and scampered off to do whatever she did with her beasts.

Merlin’s Beard, can she prattle on!

My wand guided me to a familiar door and the scent of antiseptic and cotton flooded my senses. It didn’t sound as if any other students were in the room. I tucked my wand into my sleeve and walked down the center. Having been here frequently, I knew that the layout never changed. It was comforting. I could hear the scratching of a quill and Nurse Blimey’s foot tapping rhythmically under her desk.

“Mr. Gaunt, what a pleasant surprise. I was wondering when you’d next visit. How are your nerves my dear?” She put her quill down and strode over to a cabinet, intrinsically knowing the reason for my sudden appearance. The sound of the keys jangling on her chatelaine came to a stop as the sound of a door opened and a glass vial was pulled out.

“I seem to be having the nightmares again….” I took a deep gulp, my hands shaking “This time in the middle of the day.” I fumbled with the sleeve of my robe, feeling slightly embarrassed to admit that I had inadvertently skipped class. She strode towards me and I felt the press of the glass vial in my hand. It was larger than the usual one she supplied when my nerves were in disarray. I screwed my face up in confusion.

“It’s a double draft. In most cases, where trauma is suppressed you’ll find that more drastic measures are needed in order to make the individual comfortable.” She stated this in motherly tone as her hand gave my shoulder a quick pat. “As for your delinquent behavior, it seems that classes are about to release for the day, there would be no point wandering there now. I can send an owl to your professor informing him that a medical necessity came up. No need to worry further.”

She led me to have a seat on one of the nearby cots. The thin mattress creaking underneath. It was a deep contrast from the stone floor I had been on minutes before, as well as the one in my nightmare. A shiver came over me at the thought. My hand rattled the bottle.

“Your Aunt used to have episodes much like these, you know.” Her voice was filled with nostalgia. The hint of sorrow lingering in its tones. The fact that Noreen Blimey had been a classmate and very close friend of my favorite Aunt was one of the reasons I felt comfortable coming to her with issues such as these. Issues my own family would see as a weakness.

“I never knew her to be similar in this way. Most of my memories of her are full of warmth.” I was quite taken aback to learn this new bit of information. We had had many prior conversations about Noctua Gaunt, but this was the first time I had heard she also suffered from a disorder of the nerves.

“Oh, yes. It wasn’t as frequent as your episodes seem to be but she did have them. All I could do was comfort her until she was over the worst of it. I would give her some of my violet syrup and rock her back to sleep.”

“I am so sorry to hear that.” I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing, but it seemed as if it needed to be said. Kindness deserved reciprocation.

At that she gave a weak laugh but then took on a serious tone once more.

“What I mean to say Ominis is that I may not fully understand the causes of your particular condition, but I have known your family all my life and I can sympathize through having seen the pain she endured. No one will ever be able to completely understand your internal battles. They can’t see what you had to put yourself through to heal from it and grow. They can’t see all the wars you fought within yourself in order to make it here today. You should be proud of how hard you fought to save yourself and how you continue to do so every day. Be proud of the way you survived and the joy you can bring others.”

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I don’t know what I had expected Nurse Blimey to say, but it wasn’t this. It had been so long since someone has been able to encourage me in this manner. The only other person who knew all the sordid details of my family life was Sebastian, and he only knew a surface layer.

“You sound almost as if you were her.” I whispered as the first tears fell. They weren’t overwhelming, just a silent release of the anxiety that had built up. I let them fall, unashamed.

“That’s because they are, she said almost the exact same thing to me once. Now it’s my turn to honor her and impart them to you.” She made her way back towards her desk. “Now, enough of this, we can have a social call another day. Drink your potion and then enjoy your weekend. The weather is supposed to be grand!”

The sounds of her quill began again as her chair creaked. I let out a sigh of relief as the tears began to stop and uncorked the bottle, bringing it to my lips, taking a quick sip. The taste of peppermint caressed my tongue, instantly relaxing my shoulders and sweeping away the iron taste that had taken residence in my mouth. I recorked the vial and put it in the front pocket of my trousers. It would be good to have on hand.

“Thank you, ma’am. I do appreciate your kindness.”

The quill stopped and I could feel her eyes on me. There was a smile in her voice.

“Of course, young man. Now run along and if you should have further need, please feel free to find me.”

With that dismissal, the quill resumed its scratching and I walked towards the exit feeling ready to forget about my misadventures in napping and fully enjoy the field trip I was about to go on with Lessie. Everything was going to be fine. I was safe here.

#ominis gaunt #hogwartslegacy #angst #ominis x mc #ominisgauntxmc #trauma #panic attack #hogwarts legacy ominis #cross posted on wattpad #cross posted on ao3

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forever-dreaming-cullen · 6 years ago

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Writer’s Process

I’ve been tagged in this Writer Process meme by @princessvicky01, @laraslandlockedblues, and @kawakaeguri. (Sorry it won’t let me tag you!) Thank you ladies! Sorry for taking so long to do this. I am horrible!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels and short stories. Mostly novels.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Hmm, mostly fantasy and romance, with a smattering of horror and science fiction thrown in. I am a sucker for romances, though.

What genre do you prefer writing?

Romance. I guess fantasy-romance, really.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

Both. I make a broad outline, then fill it in as I go. Mostly I write out specific goals I want to achieve in a chapter, and then write from that. I find that if I make too detailed of an outline, it kills my motivation.

What music do you listen to while writing?

It depends on my mood, but it’s mostly curated lists of songs from my library. A lot of 80’s and 90’s tunes, with a smattering of the aughts and current hits.

Fave books/movies?

Books: The Obsidian Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory, The Prince of Midnight by Laura Kinsale, and Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz. Movies: The Black Stallion, the original Star Wars trilogy, 9 and ½ weeks, Thor: Rangarok, and The Princess Bride.

Any current WIPs?

Eeek. I have three WIP’s currently:

Sin in Heaven – a modern AU in which Cullen is a recovering lyrium addict struggling to get his life back together while falling in love with his young , pretty roommate.

Bound to Burn – Joint fic with Laraslandlockedblues. DA:I AU featuring Lara’s lovely Inquisitor, Evelyn Trevelyan and my slightly dirty, older, and self-loathing Cullen. This fic is pure fun. We’re playing with tropes and writing a lot of smut.

The Strength That Keeps Me Walking – Cullen’s POV of my finished fic, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary , and Thyme. DA:I AU in which Cullen falls in love with the healer assigned to help him deal with his lyrium withdrawal symptoms. Self-indulgent taking care of Cullen fic.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Black top and dark jeans.

Create a character description for yourself:

Shy, insecure, awkward dork who wants to reach out to people but doesn’t know how.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

I suppose I do in a way. Or at least pieces of them, with a twist.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

Not really. I have killed a main character exactly once, and it was super-hard to do.

Coffee or tea while writing?

Coffee

Slow or fast writer?

Slooooowwww.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Music, the clouds in the sky, beautiful pictures, anything really.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

I’d either be a powerful mage or a dragon.

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

I love fake relationships and misunderstandings. I don’t know about what’s my least fave. I guess I’ll just say endlessly keeping the protagonists apart just to prolong the UST.

Fave scenes to write?

Ok. I have to say it: Smut. I love writing smut because I love my characters being sex-positive and loving each other in the physical sense. All that oxytocin gets released and it strengthens their bond. Also, it’s just fun!

Most productive time of day for writing?

Night. Late, late at night. You got me: I’m a vampire.

Reason for writing:

A brain too crowded with ideas and characters whispering things to me all the time. But seriously, I have always written something, whether it’s a sketch or a short story. I love words and I love playing with them.

Too late to tag anyone, so I will just leave this open for anyone who wants to participate!

#writers meme

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