#also the second doodle was my attempt last night to draw him more on model lol

[madame-mongoose]

assorted fallout doodles

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Day 22

Prompt: When you close your own eyes, you can see what your soulmate sees.

Word Count: 1,388

Main Taglist: (Send an ask to be added or removed!) @starlocked01,​​​ @spoopy-turtle,​​​ @lizluvscupcakes,​​ @more-fandon-than-friends​, @i-cant-find-a-good-username, @vindicatedvirgil, @star-crossed-shipper, @justaqueercactus, @gayboopnoodle, @sanderssidesweirdo, @the-sympathetic-villain, @8-writes, @lizzy-lineart, @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun, sirprplsnail

Soulmate taglist:(Send an ask to be added or removed!) @elizabutgayer, @melodiread, @tsshipmonth2020, @mikalya12, @8-writes, @lizzy-lineart

CW: kidnapping, food, allusions to police, minor injuries.

Virgil closed his eyes tighter, still seeing nothing but black. “Come on, come on! Come on, dear, you can do this!”

Patton sat next to him as he opened his eyes with a sigh. “Nothing?” Patton handed him a bagel from the box nearby.

Virgil shook his head. “I’m not sure where he is and I have no way of tracking him right now. He doesn’t have his phone on him, he can’t see anything. I don’t know if he has a blindfold on, a bag over his head, or if he’s just in a dark room.” Virgil stared down at his bagel. “I don’t know what to do, Pat. I'm scared. For both me and Logan.”

Patton rubbed his back soothingly. “Hey, maybe you can send a message to him! Let him know that you’re thinking about him and are trying to save him!”

Virgil nodded, putting his bagel down in favor of grabbing a pencil and paper to write carefully, “I’m looking for you as hard as I can. I need your help. Is there any way you can get your eyes open, even just for a second? I love you and am thinking of you. I won’t rest until you’re by my side.”

Patton read it over his shoulder and cooed. “Aww, that’s so sweet!”

Virgil stared intently at the page, trying to let Logan get a good look at it. When he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, he closed them. Logan’s eyelashes were fluttering in a desperate attempt to open. “That’s it, come on.” Virgil said soothingly, willing the words or at least the sentiment to go across to his soulmate, the love of his life, his husband who got kidnapped just because Virgil published a book someone disliked a bit too hard.

Logan was able to force his eyelashes open and Virgil smacked the table next to him for a sketchpad and anything to draw with. Virgil sketched whatever Logan saw, not completely processing it. Patton made some noises but Virgil ignored him for now, focused on what Logan was sending him. His pencil flew across the page, trying to render as much as Logan was seeing.

Someone appeared in Logan’s line of sight, wielding what looked like a knife and moving their mouth as if they were shouting, and Logan’s eyes snapped closed. Virgil opened his own eyes to find Patton fluttering around the room. Virgil sighed. “How did you ever become a PI?”

Patton paused, standing as if he were a paused screen. He straightened, putting his hands behind his back as if to prove that he was a professional. “Easily. People trust me and I’m good at my job.”

“When you’re not freaking out like that.” Virgil muttered good-naturedly under his breath. He turned his attention to the drawing in front of him. The landscape was a nondescript room, no identifiable features. The only things of note were that Virgil could not see Logan’s hands in this picture so he had to assume they were tied behind his back and the man in the corner of the picture, the one with the knife.

Patton settled down and looked over Virgil’s shoulder. “Have you seen that man before?”

Virgil frowned. “I don’t think so. Do you think you could convince your husband to run it through his database? I can try to blow up the face first.”

Patton nodded. “I can ask Roman to but it would be helpful to have a larger picture of it.”

Virgil nodded, flipping to a clean page and scribbling some messages to Logan first. Most of the messages were telling him he loved him, that Logan did a good job and gave Virgil what he needed, and other little notes like that. He also doodled some hearts and things he knew Logan would love like unicorns standing on the molecular model of water.

Then, he carefully tore out the picture he’d made earlier and set it to the side while he flipped to a new clean page and got to work. He put some headphones on and played some music to distract himself from thoughts of Logan getting tortured. Just to reassure himself, he’d take breaks and close his eyes to check in on his husband. Always, Logan’s eyes were closed.

An hour and a half later, Virgil finished with the drawing. He closed his eyes one more time to check in on Logan and found his eyes open. He seemed to be on his back based on his view of the ceiling and Virgil immediately made a mental note to check for broken wrists. Logan didn’t seem to be in much discomfort but Virgil knew he was good at hiding it from him.

Virgil opened his eyes and passed the drawing off to Patton. “Can we put this in some sort of express way? Even if that means I have to pay for it out of pocket, I don’t care.”

Patton nodded, picking up his phone to call his husband. Virgil closed his eyes again but was met with black, meaning that Logan also had his eyes closed. Virgil pulled the sketchpad closer and picked up where he left off, doodling meaningless drawings. He found an empty space off to the side and wrote, “I got a drawing of the man. We’re gonna run it through a database and see if we can figure out who it is. I don’t want to get your hopes up but I’m coming to you as fast as I can. You’re being so brave, just hold on a little longer, darling. When I get you home, I’m gonna hold you so close you’re gonna be sick of me. I love you so much, starshine.”

Virgil couldn’t sleep that night knowing Logan was out there, maybe being tortured. He kept closing his eyes only to see black. He could faintly see Logan’s eyelids fluttering so knew he was alive at least, probably with a blindfold on. So, he got up and put on a documentary with subtitles, hoping to let Logan watch along with him.

He wasn’t aware it was morning until he got a call from Patton saying that he’d teamed up with another PI and they’d found where the man, Alden Blue, was located. Virgil hurried to get dressed and out the door, more than ready to have his husband within sight again. He met up with Patton and they drove there with Remus, Roman’s PI brother.

Virgil was told he had to stay in the car but he insisted on coming in with them. So, he was given a vest and put in the back of the group. They’d brought in a small team to help and soon had Blue in custody. Virgil ignored the man, who was now sitting against the wall with handcuffs and a bloody lip, and kept going through the rooms.

Soon, he came to a room that looked exactly like the drawing. He found Logan in the corner, on his back with his hands cuffed beneath him, a blindfold covering his eyes. Virgil breathed a sigh of relief at seeing him mostly unharmed. He walked over and saw Logan’s head turn at the noise, shrinking back slightly.

Virgil’s heart broke at the way Logan was trying to curl up as small as he could. He carefully knelt next to him, murmuring, “Let me see you, darling.”

The blindfold slipped off and Logan’s frame shook as he dove into Virgil’s arms, confident in his ability to catch him. Virgil did, carefully picking him up and bringing his husband out of the room. He got both the key to the car and the handcuffs key  from Patton and made his way out to the car. He gently uncuffed him and brought his wrist forward. Kissing the pulse point, he set about working feeling back into them and checking for injuries. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” He kept his voice quiet.

Logan shook his head, unable to take his eyes off him. “I have a few bruised ribs but other than that I’m unharmed.”

Virgil nodded, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Logan turned his head so Virgil's lips landed on his own last second. The kiss stayed soft and gentle, the couple’s eyes slipping shut as they shared the tender moment.

[loyal-royal-panda]

A shy kiss Po and Tigress

@lightningwolfomega

Tigress made her way though the palace barracks. Everyone was away, and she and Po had pulled the short straws for watching the Jade Palace while master Shifu and the rest of the five played arbitrators and peace keepers for two feuding family’s over land disputes. And since Po was off trying to meditate at the Dragon Grotto, she was on her lonesome. So she decided to be a bit mischievous and peruse though her friends belonging.

Monkey’s room was spartan and a tad plain. She surmised it had to be his love of hiding his belongings out of sight were he could meditate, secure in their safety from prying eyes. Po was still having trouble finding his almond cookies after he moved their hiding spot for the third time.

Cranes room was filled with walls covered in his beautiful calligraphy. Words and symbols conveying perfect meaning and definition. He had tutored all of them at one point or other. Po was his newest project. His once sloppy but legible writing was now starting to rival Cranes own brush work.

Mantis’s room could be considered a full scale model of the training hall. And even more fit on the table in the center that contained his whole living space. Small scrolls on the basic physiology of all morphological builds of the species that lived across China. With four or five comparably large ones donated by the Pandas. Mantis was ecstatic to finally have scrolls that helped him on a pandas heath needs instead of drawing on, and potentially ruining, perfectly good scrolls just to accommodate one panda.

Vipers room was perfectly clean and filled with everything that had even a remote relation to her. Her dancing ribbons. Pictures of her family. Dry, but well preserved flowers from her mother. And a letter Po sent her asking about when Mei Mei was going to need his support for her performance for the valley. The reply in short said, no. Mei Mei was fine and just needed practice in rehearsal.

Finally she came upon Po’s room. Which could be described as a well organized mess. The wall lined with posters of Kung-fu masters present and past. More then a few of the Furious Five, obviously featuring her. In fact they made up the majority of the posters. And on his desk were his hand carved wooden figures. All of the five, save her, in a battle ready Kung-fu pose. Her figure was in a relaxed tai-chi pose. She suddenly found herself realizing the special treatment she was receiving from Po. He made no secret that she was his favorite in his days before knowing the five more personally.

Then their was the revelation that she was his first experience with Kung-fu, the day he saw her take down the villain Boar. She was his idol from day one. She was his first crush. So of course he would be awkward around her. If you just straight up told your hero upfront that they were the object of  your desire it would cause major problems. But Po handled it pretty well, dropping it on her sooner rather then later that he harbored feelings for her that, in his own words, “Id soon grow out of.” She had to wonder how much of it he actually grew out of. He always seemed…enthusiastic to be around her.

Well she had to have feeling about him too. Seeing that he had become something she had desired. The Dragon Warrior. And he was the only other animal her size in the whole valley. She had to guess that her being the same to him was a factor of his infatuation. They were both giants in a place filled with, and built for animals smaller then the two of them. She once believed that she was the largest living thing in the valley. Meeting Po changed that. He was taller, and wider.

Fine by her though. He was as soft as he was big. And Po loved hugs. She never realized how touch deprived she was before she learned to accept that Po was a very physical animal. Once again she had to realize that being as big as he was at a young age must have kept him from being able to play rough. She was lucky. Her adoption into the palace gave her a place to cut loose. Po? He must have lived his whole life being careful with his strength. It showed with his claws. He chewed them down into blunt stubs. Normal panda claws were as deadly as tigers. And non-retractable to boot.

Her eyes fell upon a book on his desk. She opened it. Inside were…admirably well drawn sketches of her, the five, Shifu, Mr Ping, the villains they faced, and himself. All of it well inked with flowing lines and curves and the dates in small symbols next to each doodle.. The style was simplistic, yet also carried weight. The dynamic poses. The addition of plants like reeds and bamboo shoots at their feet. All of it made the contents from cooking and dancing to relaxation and fighting stand out.

She flipped back to the pages of the book. She wanted to see what Po drew before he lived with them. The drawings were slightly more amateurish. But still well done for what must have been his growing skill. But she began to notice a running theme. Some of the painting were colored. Reds and whites and vertical black streaks dominated everyone of them. Like a snowy forest bathed in a sunset or fire.

And she saw it. In everyone of them. A great white smear, like a formless monster, dotted with red eyes. Accompanied by smaller shadows with similar red eyes.

On the days following his defeat of Tai-Lung and his moving into the Jade Palace. When Po began sleeping in the barracks after moving, she often noticed at some nights he would wake up suddenly, get up to sketch, then eat. Not the hungry eating that she saw everyday. The upset eating every time Po felt distressed.

She then heard the wood floor creaking under the weight of a three hundred pound bear.

“You know if you wanted to look you just had to ask.” Po said. His unoffended expression said he was just a bit annoyed with her breaking into his privacy. And more then greatly amused that she could even be doing what she was doing.

She was once again hit by how much older they had become after their last great victory. Her fur on her cheeks were just a bit droopy and longer. It had been a while since Viper took her out for “Girl time.” And the white fur of Po’s chin was starting to sport the beginnings of a longer beard. So he must have neglected or ignored his grooming rituals.

Tigress spoke. “So, Dragon Warrior, how did you know about my…snooping.” Po walked over next to her. “Oh it’s just my super awesome Enlightened superpower of knowing when someone is in my room messing with my stuff.”

Tigress wore a puzzled but equally amused expression. “Also, Zeng saw you and told me after my meditation. That little snitch needs a hobby.” Tigress chuffed a laugh. “You are the grand master of the palace. Should you not be informed of what happens in your Dominion?” Po smiled broadened. “If it means I get to catch snooping tigers then I guess so.”

He looked past her to the open page of his sketchbook. “Oh look at that! You found my little collection of bad dreams!” Now was the time to ask. “How long had you’ve had dreams about him?” Po’s expression grew somber. “Since I was a little cub. I couldn’t understand any of it. My dad never let me sleep alone until I got myself under control. Its kinda hard to be a kid if your dreading going to sleep.” He sighed “I don’t think ill ever be OK with what happened that night.”

She halted. “What about your inner peace?” Po smiled. She had just walked herself into another moment of Po being unexpectedly profound. “Inner peace isn’t a lifetime deal Ti. You have to constantly reevaluate yourself, your state of mind. Becoming enlightened or having an epiphany doesn’t mean all your inner strife is magically solved. It means that you understand why you are the way you are.”

Tigress absorbed her master’s wisdom. Digesting every word. “Your right Po. It is strange to hear you becoming the next Oogway.” Po laughed. “Well at least I’m not becoming Shifu. I don’t think I can act like I’m constantly about to kick someone down the stairs.” She blew a stifled laugh through her nose. “There is only room for one Shifu. And a second might tear a hole in space and time.”

Po smiled and sighed “You know it’s you saying stuff like that that makes it hard to get over my crush for you.”

Tigress considered her thoughts. “Well Po…you becoming wiser and more mature has…showed me how I might find someone like…you…worthy of my attention.” Po was paused. And then he was unpaused. “Are you saying that you consider me, attractive?”

“In small doses.” He smiled a smile that became dangerously coquettish. “What about me do you find attractive?”

“your heart mostly. You know how to speak to people. Even if they wont listen. In body, id say your belly. Its your best feature.”

“No kidding that’s what pandas love best!” He looked her directly in the eyes. “But you still have reservations…on me as a partner.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship Po. But I can…attempt to…sample what its like. But even if it fails. We’ll still be friend?”

“Yeah Ti. We’ll always be friends.”

She moved over towards him, slowly. She had never done this before and was more than a little nervous. And gave him a kiss on his cheek.

The smile plastered on his face spoke volumes  “So just to be sure, you’re not just looking to be the one who deflowered the Dragon warrior right?”

“Don’t make it weird.”

[koelc]

“People, can’t live with them, can’t live without them”

Sorry for modifying the world-famous quote, but that’s kind of what I feel for people around me. You see, you take occasional bouts of depression (since the last 8 years) and then add some anxiety, insomnia and dreadfulness to it, what you get is an adult perfectly incapable of doing anything productive, or even thinking straight. And as people already know about the “Winter blues” and what these can do to people all around the world, let’s not go into much details about that. Let’s just say, a overly talkative girl stops talking completely even with her family with whom she lives, she stops all contact with every friend and family and whoever else she knows, she cannot work, nor can play, her mind is numb and dazed throughout the day (without the influence of any external influences), and I guess you kind of get an idea.

Hence, for an round-the-clock anxious and timid adult like me, who has lost all her confidence to even ask for change from the shopkeeper, traveling solo  after a gap of two years meant frantic planning, continuous worries about the ways I can mess up things, anxiety attacks before the trip, thinking of and trying to cancel the trip at the dead of the night, and other unmentionable shameful pre-trip symptoms. But, when the desperation to get out of your despondent state bites you, (no, not a travel bug or something like that) you do not just stop planning a trip, even after waiting for 4 months. You see, you already know what it feels like to travel to a place alone…a place you have never visited before, and stay there where no one knows you, and you know how much this experience can cure you of your dementors.

And that’s the intro of How I Went to Shantiniketan

Yeah, for the first time in my life.

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery,” said Benjamin in We Bought a Zoo. Well, it took much more than that.

  Scene 1: Getting frustrated and anxious inside a bus on the way to the station, as quite unpredictably, there is a huge traffic jam at 9.30 in the morning somehow, on ALL the roads through which I traveled.

Scene 2: Running on the platform, aka Geet in Jab We Met, towards a train which had left (exactly on schedule, somehow ) on 10.10am, while you reached at 10.12am.

Sadly, my life is not like Jab We Met’s and there was no one in the train who found me beautiful enough to become a Raj. 😥

Also, do not always complain about a late-running trains all the time, they will start right on time when you actually need them to be late.

Scene 3: Getting aboard the next unreserved train to Bolpur, and having the most peaceful long journey of your life, as, throughout the 3 hrs, there were just 5-7 people in the entire compartment, which gives you space enough to treat your coach as a lounge-cum-drawing room.

A spot where the train was stalled for around 20mins.

Scene 4: Bolpur station, then a ride to your hotel,(which was disappointing again, but more about that in the next article), having a sumptuous Bengali lunch at 4 in the evening,  and then cancelling all your plans of going out, you promptly go off to sleep.

Scene 5: The whole evening, till night, is the start of the anti-depressant I needed. Well, Santana, doodling, sketching attempts, writing, drinking good ol’ Old Monk and smoking up (not necessarily in that order) should have helped anyway.

Add to that dancing in front of a life-size mirror and you get yourself a happy girl, with no more needs in life. 😀 😀

Scene 6: Getting out of your room the first thing in the morning (needs to be mentioned that I stayed in a single room with a portico in front of my room and just one other room in that wing), I meet A. A is a painter from Holland who rolls his own cigarettes (yeah that’s what I noticed the first thing about him), is staying in Calcutta since November, studying and painting, and has come to visit the art department of Visva Bharati. We started talking about our respective perspectives about the City of Joy, how so many artists  in the world have to work in unproductive jobs in order to earn their bread, and other miscellaneous topics throughout the morning.

I wondered to myself about my confidence while talking to a complete stranger from another country, while I run away from the ones I have known all my life in my own city. Mind does work in weird ways.

Anyway, A left that afternoon for Calcutta and I do not have any kind of correspondence with him.

Scene 7: Walking for almost 20-30mins on a warm and sunny winter morning to the Visva-Bharati Museum, and staring in awe at everything. A new place���with no one to disturb me…even if they do, I’m not obliged in any way to make communication with them. Such relief solitude can bring…such peace and saneness, and as a result self-confidence.

Scene 8: Spending almost 3 hours in Visva Bharati Museum, trying to take it all in.

You see, growing up in a Bengali household ruled by Tagore meant reading, listening, singing, dancing, performing, play-acting, day-dreaming, studying and uniting with him, almost every day of my life. But somehow, all the plans of visiting Shantiniketan had failed in my life, except this one. And the whole museum, with the letters of correspondence, anecdotes, sketches, models, memorabilia (the Nobel’s replacement didn’t fail to sadden me), pictures and paintings  represented the world I had mentally grew up in.

Specially the letters! I guess I read all of them, wanted to take photos of each of those so that I could take them back with me, read them all at my leisure, and then woe again at my own failure to receive a single hand-written letter. In short, a long fulfilled dream. ❤

Scene 9: While walking back from the museum, noticed a Sarod Player. He was sitting there in one of the campus grounds, playing his instrument and not giving a damn about anything else. It took some guts to go and sit there near him, but I did, and as expected, he did not care and went on playing.

After about 10-12mins, he finished his raag and we started talking. He is from Bangladesh, currently studying music in Visva-Bharati. Though he seemed shier than me initially, once he started describing his home town there was no stopping him. The weather, the celebrations, the people, the greenery, the simplicity, everything was given details of, and if it had not been for a call from his friend he might have talked a lot more, and I would have loved listening.

Maybe your interest in other people piques, once there are no obligations involved. You get that from very few people you know, and from everyone you don’t yet know. Most of the times, it’s hugely disappointing, but I have rarely met people on my solo trips who has disappointed me with their tales. You travel, you meet people, you listen to their stories, at times, share your own, and in the process, somehow you gain confidence about your own story, the one which is waiting for you to start writing. 

Scene 9: No plans in the evening, so let’s go and get booze. While getting booze, you talk to a friend who suggests Kopai.

So next stop is that, obviously. Kopai was something else, entirely. Nothing there actually, just a river, a littered river-bank, a factory chimney churning out thick black smoke, and meadows. But, for someone who has visited Murti previously, just to sit there alone at the river bank for two days, that’s hardly a disappointment.

Also, saw a couple meditating on the banks, and got instantly revved up about the place. Watched my dear sunset (dear, because I love watching it every day), sitting quietly on that river bank for about half an hour, and then walked back once the light had dimmed.

Scene 10: Well the booze was still left to be bought. On the way back from Kopai, noticed an FL Off shop. (But that is an experience best told later)

Scene 11: Well, not much to say about the evening, as it went almost the same way as the previous one…the only difference being my absence of anxiety to sing, sketch, smoke and drink on the open-air portico, alone. (The waiter delivering my dinner, later was very amused and understanding).

Scene 12: So, this is, obviously the hardest part. The return.

Well, nothing much to describe here in this scene actually, except the lack of financial resources to stay in that place for a week more, really hit hard.

But As Tagore said “মনেরে আজ কহ যে, ভালো মন্দ যাহাই আসুক. সত্যে রে লও সহজে।” I vowed to take heed, and try again to accept the reality a bit more…I will start with the small things, like re-starting the blog, for instance. 😉

Special thanks to Pratik Roy Choudhuri for his perseverance and pushing me constantly to go on the trip, in spite of a whimsical, anxious, depressive and moody me trying to push him off every time. Thank you. 🙂

  Saneness and Solitude "People, can't live with them, can't live without them" Sorry for modifying the world-famous quote, but that's kind of what I feel for people around me.