#also the guy who sits next to me in philosophy thinks I'm shy??? when in reality the only reason i don't talk to him is because

[neonphoenix]

The awkward thing about downplaying my qualifications in just about every scenario is that inevitably someone tries to offer their help or explain something to me and I have to find a polite way to say um actually. I know more than you.

[dxpressed-stxrs]

HEYYY MY NON EXISTENT READERS!!!! lemme tell you all about how I've started college (UK) this week!!!

so it's been okayy. much better than I thought it would go tbh, so that's good. my timetable is also good!! I've spoken to some girls and we made a snap group chat but we start our proper subject lessons next week, so that's where making friends actually matters. I'm praying praying praying I actually make friends or I may very well tip over into the dark side and completely lose it.

I also spoke to one guy too (after five years of having no male contact since I went an all girls school!) we spoke about machetes (?!?!) and he remembered me awkwardly saying i liked books during the icebreaker?!! but then he overheard me talking to a teacher about how i have hearing loss and wear a hearing aid and how I was too anxious and depressed and suicidal to go to school last year so my attendance was really low. so now some random guy knows two of my deepest secrets!! bless him he looked so shocked too when he found out. it's fine I don't think he'll tell anyone and I'll just ask him next week please not to.

This one girl walked into the room wearing the shortest crop top ever and sat on the table full of guys and in the moment I judged her so hard. but now I spoke to her and she's so so sweet, I feel awful.

There's this one guy in my tutor who's fine af and I was sitting down on a bench with some people and he walked past and i looked up TO FIND HIM STARING RIGHT AT ME AND WE MADE EYE CONTACT?? (he was probably just trying to see better the people in his class but you know, delulu is the solulu). And also I was walking out the door and he was in front of me and HE STOPPED and held the door open for me and waited for me to go through LIKE HELLO MANNERS??? Also I swear he glanced at me a few times but I'm also short sighted so he was probably looking behind me or just in my direction. BUT STILLLLL it feels nice being silly and delusional again. Besides.... I'm not likeable. at all. I doubt I'll see him around, he's in my tutor class which is only twice a week so im trying not to get too hung up on him and he seems like the depressed broody type of guy to not show up since you don't have to go. I also found out he lied about his full name (not lied but just kept it hidden) and im like hmmm why. I found out his ethnicity from it though and lowkey wanna randomly go up to him and be like "hey, so random but are you ___" . it's way too soon for that though

I saw this girl who was my best friend (but we had a fight) in primary school too! I didn't even recognise her, she looks so different. She was the purest innocent thing ever and now she's a chav hello?? but people change. It's been 5 whole years. I'm sure I've changed a lot because she barely recognised me too. It's nice to see her again though

I lost 4-6 pounds this week?!?! tbh I've hardly eaten apart from a few bites a day and I dragged my 'friend' around with me all over the town centre and college because love love love walking. She doesn't though. She's not street smart at all either and it's pissing me off a bit but at the same time, I'm probably just overthinking it. having an eating disorder and depression makes you so so irritable :/

I haven't even been formally diagnosed with clinical depression but I'm 99% sure I have it since I've been feeling all the symptoms for a solid 2 months. usually it's just been on and off for the past few years but this time it's not budging. I wanna ask for meds but I'm under 18 so there's only 2 available and both of them have low success rates.

I'm trying to 'be myself' but I'm always so shy and quiet at first. I'll give it a few weeks and then I'll probably be my usual outgoing funny self. also I've defo made my mark I hope because a philosophy teacher gave us a riddle and I was the only one who guessed it and I came third in kahoot, so i was on the podium yayyy.

This feels so stupid to write about. But like I'm literally friendless right now and I need to carve out time to journal this haha xxx

im nervous for lessons but it feels better after induction. but please PLEASEEE let me make some friends

- musings of a dying star

[relish-the-freezing-silence]

Hello! May I ask for a matchup, please? I'm female, bi, german, Aquarius. I'm 1,59 m tall, long, blonde hair, grey-blue eyes and wear glasses, I'm chubby. I’m reserved, introverted, really shy, anxious, low self-esteem and have depression. I don’t like crowds. I can be distant and very quiet. It’s not easy to get close to me. I’m very cautious around others. I choose my friends carefully. Once I’m with friends I joke around a lot more. Chaotic neutral. I’m probably the weird one in my friend group, though I’m rather calm. I daydream a lot. I like to tease my friends and flirt with them playfully. I curse sometimes, but not much. I also sometimes say perverted things and nobody expects it, because I do look very innocent. I tend to be sarcastic, ironic, kind of blunt. My sense of humor is dark, dry and often silly or exaggerated.

I keep my opinions to myself, but if something important needs to be said, I will say the truth, even if it hurts. I need time for myself to recharge. I hate to be late and hate to wait, am mostly organised. I like to watch movies (often horror, but I can get a bit spooked), read books, listen to music and game occasionally. I also want to try out doing macrame. I love animals, especially cats. I also love sweets and fruits (and eating in general). I'm interested in the medical field, philosophy and anthropology. It might happen that I might just tell someone random facts, if talked about topics I find interesting. My love language is quality time and physical touch. I'd appreciate someone, who is patient and understanding. Someone I can trust, but also mess around with, someone who can make me laugh. Thank you! Stay healthy, happy and hydrated! 💕

Hi, sure you can have a matchup!

A/N: Sorry this took so long btw! I’ve been a little busy for the past few days and was sick yesterday…

Anyway, I match you with…Tokoyami Fumikage!

-        This relationship would be very slow to start off with because of both your tendencies to be reserved and quiet. On the other hand, Tokoyami isn’t afraid to talk to strangers, he just seems aloof and cool. So, he’s probably the one to start a conversation between the two of you.

-        You two most likely bonded over being the weird but calm one in your friend groups and your dark sense of humour.

-        He likes how you’re unpredictable as to what you’re going to say next, and often joins in with you when saying perverted things to surprise everyone around you. He loves seeing people off-guard, and sometimes overdoes it a little bit to see them like that.

-        He’s introverted as well, so he doesn’t mind that you need to recharge your social batteries; he needs to do that as well.

-        He’s fairly cautious about who he befriends as well, and he’ll be very, very happy once you start talking to him as a friend and joking around with him.

-        He doesn’t mind that you’re shy, and he’ll respect your boundaries and won’t cross them until he’s welcome to.

-        He’s very mindful of the people around him and is perceptive to the point where he can virtually tell what they’re feeling. So, if you’re not having one of the best days, he’ll come over to you and just let you pat Dark Shadow, or just let you lean on his shoulder despite you actually being taller.

-        He’s not the jealous type, so he wouldn’t particularly care if you flirt with other people, just as long as you aren’t serious about any of it.

-        He likes that you’re not super energetic, but still fun to hang out with.

-        He really admires how you’re so honest and will say the truth no matter how it hurts someone. I feel like he values the truth a lot, and will be the one to look for the truth, not just wait for it to come to him.

-        He’ll watch horror movies a lot, and if you get scared, he’ll just wrap one arm around you, and pull a blanket over the two of you. He won’t let go until he’s sure that you’re okay. He won’t make fun of you for your feelings, he’ll just try to help you with them.

-        I feel like that would really help with your depression, anxiety and low self-esteem as well. He never says that your feelings and worries are invalid. Ever. And he will be very patient as he tries to help you see how amazing you are.

-        He’ll try to get you into reading dark, fantasy books, and will be thrilled if you do, but he’ll understand if that’s not your cup of tea.

-        OOOOOooooo and he’ll love listening to music with you. Not even dancing or anything, he’ll just sit there, eyes closed, with his bird head bopping/swaying to the beat.

-        He thinks it’s adorable that you love animals, and loves it when you stroke the feathers on his head.

-        He’s a little weary around cats, but if he meets an especially friendly one, I’m sure that he’ll be a little more open-minded about how cats do not always attack birds.

-        He absolutely supports your want of trying out macramé, but he’ll really want you to make one for him as well *^*

-        Hehe, I feel like Tokoyami is really good at making pies for some reason? So, he’ll make you fruit pies and everything :)

-        He’ll love that you’re so well-informed about certain topics, and will sometimes add his own two-cents to a topic of an interest he shares.

-        YAASSSSSSSSS, he’ll absolutely love talking about philosophy with you. You guys will probably get into really deep conversations and they’ll last hours. Well, at least, Tokoyami will want them to go for hours because he just wants to stare at you because you’re so beautiful he can spend any amount of time getting into the deeper aspects of life.

-        Oh my gosh, I can imagine him loving anthropology as well; he likes studying human behaviour and seeing what exactly makes us human. It probably stems from the fact that he has a bird head.

-        One of his love languages is quality time, so he’ll find any opportunity just to be in your presence, no matter how awkward it could potentially be.

-        You relationship might not have your idea of ‘messing around’, but Tokoyami knows how to relax and just be weird with people :)

A quote I think your relationship would match:

“‘I trust you’ is better than ‘I love you’ because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the person you trust."

I hope you like your matchup~