#also the fucking bad mental health rep is one of my favorite things and one of the reasons why i can like reread it

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Ok here’s my two cents that no one asked for on the current (sort of?) debate going on in the Creepypasta fandom on here rn.

For starters, I grew up with Creepypasta. I also grew up mentally ill. I am also autistic. So I know my way around good and bad mental health rep at this point. And to be honest? A lot of the original stories DID suck balls at representation or just horror writing in general.

However, nowadays I see other people on here, often mentally ill or any other social outcast, taking these characters and reshaping them as their own to fit their own feelings and experiences, and I don’t think anyone has the authority to criticize things like that. Cringe culture is supposed to be dead anyways, nevermind the fact it’s inherently ableist at its core.

We also need to take into account kids still exist in the fandom. Pre teens who got tired of shit like scooby doo and wanted something more “mature” or “edgy” to get into without fully going off the deep end into full blown horror movies. At least that’s how it was for me. Not everyone, especially someone who’s younger, is gonna be comfortable with the grit and gore a lot of Creepypasta “purists” are pushing for these days, and that’s okay! When a fandom gets popular it’s always inevitable and unavoidable to have the popular characters get two dimensionalized.

There’s also the whole mascot horror thing that I don’t wanna get into, but I’m 90% sure that also plays a part in the old favorites like Jeff and slenderman being brought up again. They were and still are recognizable characters. Recognizable characters aren’t a bad thing. Making horror more approachable for younger audiences isn’t a bad thing. People having their own interpretations based out of their own experiences isn’t a bad thing.

Some of us grew up and wanted the more edgy and reality based content, and that’s also not a bad thing! But neither side should be dictating or policing how the other enjoys content in this fandom. If you personally don’t like the way something is written, characterized, depicted, or drawn, no one’s forcing you to look at it. No one’s claiming it as canon. No one’s asking for you to accept it as the end all be all.

At the end of the day this fandom was built on OCs and personal depictions of stuff. I can’t name a single character or story in this community that was created by some outside party like a movie or TV studio FIRST (because I know some got so popular they breached the fandom and got their own shows/movies/comics/etc). Everything here was created by someone who wanted an outlet for their creativity, or their pain, or their coping, or whatever else.

Realism and dark headcanons aren’t bad, and neither are any of the headcanons out there who just wanna make a goofy found family of social rejects as a form of escapism.

A 13 year old drawing a fictional layout of a fictional mansion where these fictional characters live isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the horror, I promise, it’s not that deep and it never was.

A 22 year old making a dark comic on the realistic origins of Jeff who is a fictional character in a fictional world isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the more softhearted side of the fandom.

Sure, there can still be a split if people are so adamant about that, but as someone who personally enjoys both the brutal horror side and the “haha Jeff is 15 and gay” sides equally, y’all need to at least learn to be civil to anyone who has a different headcanon than you. And if that seems like too much still, the block button exists for a reason.

TL:DR this fandom is based entirely off OCs and headcanons and people can do whatever the fuck they want because none of it is real and horror comes in many shapes and sizes and intensities and no one should be bashing anyone on their headcanons or views or rewrites or whatever else.

EDIT:

Actually wait I think I have more to say-

Horror, like any genre, has NO AGE LIMIT. And by that I mean, if someone younger wants to delve into scary stuff, they should be allowed to do so without criticism. I personally grew up on “child friendly” horror media like Scooby-Doo, and the older I got the more horror I wanted to experience.

There’s no right or wrong way to “understand” horror, and I frankly think it’s ignorant and stupid to say if you don’t fully “understand” something, then you shouldn’t be involved in it at all. Horror isn’t always about gore and unspeakable violence and the eldritch entity that wants everyone’s skin inside out. That’s why horror has sub genres for fucks sake. Gut wrenching brutality against innocent people isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay!

However, bashing anyone’s tamer headcanons, or calling anything anyone interprets differently than you “stupid”, that’s not okay. God, I feel like an exhausted parent giving this lecture to fellow adults, but this really needs to be said and stressed.

I am an adult. I like when stuff in the fandom takes a dark turn. But for nostalgia’s sake, I also love the fanon so much, because that’s what I was exposed to.

And for fucks sake if it comes down to picking sides, I would rather stick with the part of this fandom that gives zero shits how you see a character as long as you’re having fun.

You can have your serial killer 30 year old Jeff and your canon-accurate-to-that-one-image eyeless Jack, but don’t shit on other people if they don’t want the same thing. Your interpretation isn’t canon, and neither is anyone else’s for that matter.

Realistic, dark, gritty Creepypasta isn’t a new concept, and neither is “adult” Creepypasta. And by the way, Creepypasta was never stated to be for adults. That’s like saying kids and only kids can eat trix cereal. It sounds that stupid on paper.

Let people interpret things the way they wanna interpret. No one is infringing on YOUR character ideas. Creepypasta has no age limit, nor a set way the horror has to be presented. Those who do continue to claim that just sound like pretentious assholes.

Very small side note, I personally think it’s inappropriate and rude to keep using Toby as a “bad example” of mental health rep when the creator has stated multiple times the character is old, not researched, and not even in the fandom anymore. Leave the poor guy alone.

[s4pphoiduser]

things i want in life:

aftg show adaptation so andrew's opening scene has wymack going goddamn it minyard! this is why we can't have nice things! and it transitions to an edit of andrew joseph fucking minyard with taylor swift's this is why we can't have nice things

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[polyamorouspunk]

Something immensely funny about you posting to let people enjoy things because ‘we know they’re bad’ only to get immediately schooled for not knowing how bad said things is. Anyway, thanks for sticking up for media rights, which no one is ever told, advertised, or promoted to as being good family fun without your hard work.

I’m tired of war movies getting a bad rep because they’re military propaganda like yup they sure are but I love war movies and military history because I’m just interested in it from a theoretical POV and since it’s already happened I can study it etc. etc. I just finished watching Band Of Brothers tonight and it’s easily my favorite show ever guess what I’m fully aware it’s a glorification of actual events and they 100% showed some of the questionable things that soldiers over there did painted in less bad of a light than it really should have been but I’m still going to sit down and watch Red Tails, a movie dedicated to the achievement and recognition of black fighter pilots in WWII because it’s just a good movie with a good story even if it’s “glorification of real life events”.

I haven’t seen too many modern war movies, I’ve seen a few, those aren’t my favorite, but I mean movies like the Olympus Has Fallen series is cool because wow guess what it’s fiction. It’s not the problem of a piece of media existing if people use it to justify bad things or whatever. There have been plenty of “Dexter copy-cat killers” and sorry but they would have killed someone whether or not Dexter existed. Hannibal is literally a show where you root for a serial killer. Do you know how glorified Hannibal is on here? And guess what that’s fine because he’s a fictional character 99% of the people who love Hannibal as a character do not also support Jeffery Dahmer.

I also love FPS games, especially PUBG, and I find it to be a great stress reliever, and it in no way is going to influence me to go do that irl. I do understand the argument of “kids are misunderstanding that they think that shooting someone irl isn’t permanent because they shoot people in video games and they don’t die there permanently you can start over” but like if you can’t understand the difference between a video game and real life then mental health help should be an option and maybe not have access to guns.

I’m very interested in anything WWI and WWII and I love Dunkirk that’s a comfort movie for me can’t tell you why but it is. I’m still heavily against the military but I’m a staunch supporter of veterans rights. There sure are a lot of veterans and active military personal who have committed war crimes and I recognize that but that really isn’t the truth for all of them. Ideally there would be no wars at all but like hey there were and they happened and men came back and needed mental health help from a war that our shitty government forced them to fight and would not let them leave from and then failed to do anything for them after that. Go ahead and ask any Nam veteran if he thinks the war was a good idea.

I haven’t watched any of the top gun movies I literally have no idea what they are about ngl I’m just tired of people being like “you need to critically engage with media” and then be like “but subjecting yourself to propaganda makes you a supporter” when I literally just want to watch Red Tails or Dunkirk. Hot take but you should critically engage with media that spreads messages you might not agree with to come to your own conclusions on why it’s bad instead of taking someone else’s word for it (if you feel like you can). Like I’m not saying read Mein Komf or whatever that book is and I don’t really care to get the title right (not as an attack on Germany as a culture just like fuck that dude in particular and I don’t care if I can’t remember what his manifesto is called). Not going to lie I’m very susceptible to other people’s arguments sometimes and there are times where I have engaged with a piece of media and supported it only to realize behind the scenes that it’s bad and I was just unaware even though I was advocating for it (Top Gun though I haven’t watched it and also The Satanic Temple). You might think that invalidates anything I say about me realizing that all military movies are to some degree military propaganda by glorifying “our” side to be the heroes and the “other” side to be the bad guys but things are not black and white like that and there are exceptions. Like once again pointing to Hannibal it’s literally a show where you root for the cannibal. You know that’s wrong irl. You can make the distinction between a show with events that have in fact taken place irl (killing and eating people) and this one show that is just that- a show.

If you’re going to call people brainwashed for liking war movies and think watching war movies = supporting the military then why are we not calling shows like Hannibal cannibal propaganda and calling people brainwashed for supporting a cannibal?

Or- and get this- if you don’t like me as a person or my content you can just unfollow me and leave me the fuck alone instead of being a coward on anon and hiding behind the feature to escape personalized retribution.

[purplesurveys]

1127

1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.

3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.

6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.

7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.

11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.

14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.

19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.

20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.

22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.

34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.

44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.

[imbruedinfear-a]

@undeadrphub​ asked: ALL OF THEM FOR EZRA

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them? 

LMAO this man is more than comfortable. he literally models nude sometimes, he has absolutely zero body issues and i envy him for the confidence. he’s super big on appearing attractive, both for work and simply bc he’s a vain little shit, but he doesn’t really care if someone doesn’t find him attractive?? he thinks he’s hot shit and that’s all that matters.

🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it? 

not a fan but not against it. he thinks it’s really fucking shit that we live in a world where people deadass think changing their appearance is that important, but he’s not going to talk shit on someone who gets it done. he’s just a fan of liking yourself how you are, really. shrug emoji if ya do it, shrug emoji if ya don’t.

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?

LISTEN. this man is in perfect health physically, he’s got a high metabolism and he exercises regularly. but. fuck doctors. he’ll only go if he’s really fucking sick and thinks he’s dying. yes, he pays his shit out of pocket, because fuck health insurance, they make u got to the doctor. he doesn’t get sick often! but when he does, it lasts for a while.

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy? 

f,, fairly stable? diagnosed PTSD and depression, no biggie. he copes really well for the most part, and his trauma doesn’t particularly show unless you’re very aware it’s a symptom. he attends therapy when his depression episode gets really bad, so rly only like three times a year. you basically can’t even tell he’s mentally ill unless you know him really well and are around for a long period of time.

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

dEPENDS MY DUDE. yes, boy is conceited. yes, he has depression. we all know what that means!! he’s either paying attention to everything and not leaving the house until he’s perfect or he’s fucking walking outside without pants, no fucks, and without having showered for a week.

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  

ehhhh. he’s both extroverted and introverted. he has no problem making friends and he has a lot of them, but he doesn’t really hangout with people. he might go out a couple of times in a month, but he really prefers to be alone. it’s best to think of it as he’ll make new friends very easily and get along with most people, but he doesn’t go out of his way to spend time with anyone else unless he’s invited or really likes them.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood? 

oh honey. childhood was hell. trauma has erased a lot of it, and what little he remembers give him nothing but guilt and deep desire to never ever think of it again. adulthood is where it’s at, bois.

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart? 

he’s on the genius end. he literally had nothing to do but read and talk to people as a kid, so he’s pretty fucking rounded out on knowledge. the only downside is he doesn’t really remember facts. he remembers the logic of it. you could ask him if sharks live in sea water and he’s gonna fucking hesitate, but if you ask him if this weird idea you have for a spaceship is possible, he’s gonna give you a fully detailed explanation on why it isn’t, big ass physics words and all. he was raised by drug dealers and his brother was involved in gangs so u can figure out how street smart he is.

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why? 

winter! he’s at his most sad goth. otherwise, autumn, bc he’s a pumpkin spice slut.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?

will help, even if he sighs first. he just thinks it’s the right thing to do. but also: watching his brother get fucking tortured and not being able to help for 18 years might’ve fuckin done something. he’s been inconvenienced a few times, but never really in trouble.

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes? 

wouldn’t u like to know, weatherboy :^) actually he’s a bit of both. he definitely desires romance, and he’ll sometimes actively try dating around, but he mostly prefers the ‘if it happens, it happens’. he’s only truly dated a few women. currently, though, he hesitates on dating big time. in canon, he’s pretty freshly broken up with in a really shitty manner, so he’s just. existing. the thought of catching feelings fills him with dread, but he’s also a dumb fuckin hopeless romantic who instantly is like okay but what if it DOESN’T go terribly this time.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

iiiiiii have no idea. it depends on your personality, because he’s sarcastic and sassy, and some people would consider that as rude and asshole-ish. if you’re in the kink scene, 9.5/10 times you’ll know him as the master of the city’s biggest dungeon ( it’s also connected to a fetish club ), so it’s. accurate. he doesn’t care for his rep tho, it’s not gonna hurt his book sales since he’s anonymous

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits, interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it? 

h m. not really. his only unusual habit would be how much he’ll just drown himself in working, but it’s from trauma, so????? nah. he’s p open about everything anyways.

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  

wild. just wild. he can go from deadass vegan to eating 20 chicken wings by himself. no one understands it. if he’s actually working on a new novel, he needs reminded sometimes, but he’s usually the one reminding other people. he’s a big cook, he loves finding and creating new recipes, and he’s usually on the healthier end of things. doesn’t mean he won’t eat an entire fucking cake because he didn’t eat anything else for two days tho. 

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero? did they move away,  or do they wish to?

e h. he doesn’t really care for hometown sentiment, but he does love Chicago. it’s his favorite place just because he’s comfortable, knows it and the people well, and always finds something to do. plus, like, the fetish club is there. ofc he’s gonna have fun. not proud, just doesnt care. moves around when bored.

[b-p-d-g-h-o-s-t]

I am again gonna vent about how much I hate the mental health system

As a teenager I was forced to go to counseling and not explained why and I was forced on medication when I dint want it all while being abused

I couldn't open up about the abuse because I didn't want to get taken away from my home

As a young adult when going again I was naive and stupid and decided to give counseling a chance,I was placed with a student and I genuinely did like her but at the time my dad was dying and I didn't know how to verbally communicate well,eventually I went into crisis and tried reaching her she said she'd see me then I got a call saying it wasn't possible,I had to wait days despite my crisis,when I went to see her she acted normal and then halfway through the session said she was no longer gonna see me,I broke down and felt defenseless,she told me to wait and called the woman who would be seeing me,she coldly came in the room and saw me crying,she said she didn't have time for it and they left the room and called back up,they then forced me to be hospitalize,no one believed me but one guy who worked there,turns out they lied to protect themselves and she claimed she got scared of me and that I was aggressive,I was so heavily depressed after that and still stupidly saw the other counselor who very rudely kicked me out of the agency and took me out of individual counseling without me knowing,till this day I am not allowed there.

My second experience was with the help of a friend who always had the habit of leaving me and there no longer in my life,I was so uncomfortable with being alone that I asked my friend to come to sessions with me,but turns out my counselor ended up liking my friend more and I noticed,and I asked him to contact my first counselor because I missed her,he did and i found out the truth then,my pain ruined our relationship and when he left me i tried to od and when i told him he said really your trying to get hospitalize,I told the agency but I was ghosted and till this day he had a job at the same agency which I found out when I had a case manager that they also didn't like me and held the past against me,I was trying to get services with them again after a few years and it blew up in my face,I lost my best friend and counselor after that,my friend upped and left again.

After that down the line after a hospitalization I was referred to an agency that was the same race as me,I was judged and discriminated against in the interview,they said I needed to go back to the hospital and dint know if they could help me or not,I was placed with a much older counselor but I don't think she was that experienced,during the time I saw her my mother's health worsened, I feel like she was just bs me and I saw her for almost a year,I did my thing again because I just wanted to feel like someone gave a dam,she got mad at my text and made it seemed like I cursed at her,to my surprise my sessions stopped,straight up abandoned and the agency got tired of me messaging so they sent me a message saying that they value there clients and therapist and that they would no longer offer me service,I regret nothing I said to them because at that point I had bad experiences under my belt and alot of emotional pain because I know that I was wronged because of them I went into crisis and back to the hospital and that's when I really got fucked because for the first time ever,a person who worked there got very close to me and convinced me to do ect

That's another story

After that

I got a case manager again,I had a few in the past who did nothing for me and this once was really friendly,she promised that she really cared and wanted to help repeatedly and knew and understood my history and explained this to the new agency, they said they would try to help and give me specific special counseling,I guess with my problems I got to attached,she was my only and favorite person,it got to be to much so she distanced herself and it hurt me so badly and I lashed our and she left me over text,I contacted my new counselor and informed her,when she saw me she explained it was my bpd and that she wouldn't be seeing me anymore,another blow but I handled it well because she al least gave me an explanation,it was all work related.after that I saw another counselor and we never made a connection and I wasn't benefiting from it,she texted me trying to schedule and stated she had other clients out of the blue and we ended right there.

I was trying to handle it differently than the past but I was disappointed again

I also forgot to mention that the social worker I had wasn't so good either,she thought I had demons and told me her boss thought so as well,she also would give me gifts,gave me and my family some foods and gave me a bible,she was bipolar and claimed that reading the bible changed her life.

😭💔

What sucks is that most people are only interested in hearing about positive experiences and I feel like if I was privileged or had money or had popularity people would at least know about my story

But there are barely any safe places for me to vent about my experiences and most people simply do not give a single fck

I will never have justice

They get away with it because they have power and I'm just a so called you know damaged individual

These things happened to me

I was hurt

And I was wronged by people who get advertised as saints and angels and I feel helpless because whose gonna believe me

Certainly none of the hospitals or agencies that have ruined my rep for there own benefit

I can't even believe the fuckery that my life is and I'm pretty certain that there are people out there who adore the system and want people like me to not say anything

[amisbro]

Vent time

Alright so I kind of went off about this on twitter but I’m going to do it here too because...I spent my supply of craps to give and to be honest I just need to get this out in the open because we might have people that don’t know some fun facts about ME in the UtaPri fandom Shall we? First off I started in the UtaPri fandom back in January of 2014 so for those of us that need to know that is right smack bang between S2 and 3.  It was around this time that I had done my research (and by that I mean “Read Wikipedia”) to kind of get some ideas on the characters.  Of the ones that might have stuck out it was members of QUARTET NIGHT and specifically Ai Mikaze that grabbed my interest at first.  BTW yes I am bolding relevant parts of this story because I feel some of us FORGET these things to spin narratives and I’m not about that so let’s continue. So during 2014 I watched S1 first from the DVD I bought off of Amazon and then Season 2 I watched on Crunchyroll.  One thing I remember is that before I watched that (using the old school “fan mail” system that @staff needs to give us back) I had been talking with someone about one of the members of QN and that was THIS GUY

(By the end of this post I might level of Boss Man) ANYWAYS I had been warned (Because I said Ren at the time was my least fave for being “playboyish”) that Myu would be worse...well for some jacked up reason He turned into my favorite character in QN (or at least 1a with Ai).  He still remained a favorite even after S3 and the reason...I can’t explain...it was one of those weird things that there was something about HIM that I liked but recently its been figured out that characters whom are “royals” or “meganes” (Hi @kaiser-author-san-iii) are faves of mine and Myu can fit into both categories Now...we need to get to the point of this cos I go around the block so many times its not funny During Season 2 we met “A Trio of Amateurs” whom are later called HEAVENS and I was like many people and wanted to see them get thrashed and they DID lose and we know their history.  I had watched that season (and season 1) twice because one was for this blog and the other was more for YT when I did Anime Reviews on there (And I might get back into that soon...stay tuned) and I remember that the first time I was happy that HEAVENS lost and the second time I think I was still “kind of” happy but I wished for somewhat of a different outcome...sadly there are no different endings in this Anime! Season 3 gets interesting because it was a season basically that was going to feature “MY BOYS” (Sorry Reiji K.) in QN so I could get a primer on them.  Now at some point (I forget when so don’t ask that) either during this season or after) I had seen post that had ALL OF THE ROUTES FOR ALL OF THE CHARACTERS...I read ONE OF THEM!  I wanna say it was...All-Star and Ai specifically but if you ask me to remember ANYTHING about it I don’t...memory is gone about it. The thing is as we know this was the season that people on here THOUGHT would be the end of UtaPri (despite in Episode 2 of said season one of the STARISH boys mentioned HEAVENS) so there was that.  This became a thing also when during an ask someone got someone mentioned there had been a visual for a 4th season.  Now this was confirmed somehow BEFORE THIS because someone on the wikipedia page stated that Seasons 3 and 4 would be in 2015 and 2016!  If you go look on my blog there is a post from 2014 I did where apparently someone mentioned this so...that was a thing! Season 3 ends with them getting ready to announce the winner of the Triple S election between STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT when who shows up?  HEAVENS AS A 7 MEMBER GROUP! Now here is where things get interesting for me in the fandom At this point I am not a BIG FAN of HEAVENS like I am now but I was definitely curious.  In my head I knew they couldn’t just have them show up for one episode and then be done...that didn’t make sense from a story perspective because even if they are “Antags” them losing in the first episode and then leaving doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense!  Maybe in SOMEONE ELSE’S weird “STARISH/QN-centered fanfic” but for the purposes of THIS STORY...nah fam! (BTW I say that and you can argue this whole series was going to be some weird STARISH fan fic with acid trips galore so...eh!) Now here is where the turbulence with me and the fandom really comes in For the course of Season 4 (when we realized it was STARISH/HEAVENS) there was a part of me that wanted to play neutral but there was a BIGGER part of me that wanted to root for HEAVENS and part of that is because all my life I had been an underdog...I’m 37 years old and have had so many health issues its not funny so I root for the underdogs that might have no prayer but I root for them because I WANT them to be happy and to see them get their happy ending.  Its boring rooting for the favorites you know? So during the season I would watch the episodes through a website that livestreamed Tokyo MX and I think I only missed two episodes on there...the first one and I forget the other one but I know there was one I had to watch subbed which I HATED!  The reason is because for me its better to try and learn a language through hearing it and not reading subtitles...why do you think I now own a copy of the KnB movie unsubbed! With the way Season 4 was going to me there were two possible endings 1.  STARISH wins (which they did) 2.  HEAVENS wins and something ELSE happens Lemme explain that bit So during the season it was the “Duet Project” and it was the first one that Raging was basically in charge of which was kind of cool because you go through three seasons of Shining and he grates on you something fierce.  Well during the season we learned that RAGING has a bit of a problem with putting his hands on people and that some of the members of HEAVENS aren’t exactly in the best of states mentally.  Poor Shion had a breakdown during “Visible ELF” (I capped that because I called it “Visible EVIL” when I saw it on Tokyo MX...OOPS) and then of course we found out that The Otori’s father is an abusive piece of crap that needed CPS on his backside!  Now that was a fun “3 weeks of hell” to relive because you see EVERYONE got mad at Eiichi for what happened to Otoya and I get it...I really do but what was angering me A LOT was that this was a very jacked up pattern where the rest of the fanbase was ignoring anything “bad” that happened to HEAVENS members just because they didn’t like them.  Okay factually if we took this to another series I couldn’t stand TRIGGER at the time (things are changing slowly) so when they lost or had bad things happened...yeah I was happy as a pig in slop.  The thing to remember though is that was me watching 1 season of i7 and now we have s2 coming at some point so HEY it might work out but the point is that is gonna take a little time...1 season with them vs. how long with HEAVENS?  Yeah you see how this goes right? When HEAVENS lost I was mad not so much because they lost (Okay I WAS mad that they lost but here is the reason) but because it felt like their story deserved a happy ending.  We learned that ,for HEAVENS, the time in Raging Entertainment was more like a prison than a workplace so I was hoping AT THE VERY LEAST to have an ending where HEAVENS lost the Triple S but at the same time he would lose HEAVENS because Shining heard about what happened with them at his hands and would reveal that he discussed with Eiichi that HEAVENS would leave that agency after the SSS and go work for him...and I STILL think it could happen but anyways So all of this happens and this is...3 years ago right If you want to call me a “HEAVENS fanboy” 3 years later fine and I’ll take it but here is the thing When you are a fan of a group now since...a little before Season 4 and you want to see them do well and the fandom as a whole be pissed off when HEAVENS don’t start getting the merch like STARISH or QN (even when you yourself are a QN fan) and that doesn’t happen with the excuse in 2019 that “We need more time” I’m sorry...that excuse doesn’t work with me!  You got HEAVEN SKY now and the Shuffle Dramas...get to listening and stop being a biased fanboy/girl of the main two and start pushing for HEAVENS a little more!  You will not make me change that statement either because here is the thing:  I know people have been bullied off of here or even had to change accounts on discord because of the acidity of the fandom at times. I will flat out tell you this too When I saw the trailer for the movie that dropped today that was cool (even if the HEAVENS entrance reminded me of “puppets on a string” more than “Angels”) but when I saw the visual my joy became ANGER because ,when they did it, they shoved HEAVENS all the way in the back but few people in the IN fandom got mad about that on twitter...now we know why because even though on twitter the HEAVENS rep is better than on here (by a lot too which is disgusting) there is still a very vast majority that are STARISH fans and I get it...I really do!  HEAVENS as a 7 person has only been around for 4 years and STARISH has been around longer but why in the holy hell don’t STARISH fans internationally start sticking up for HEAVENS fans and be also trying to understand why we love them?  I thought the UtaPri FANDOM was supposed to be a FAMILY but I swear talking to people sometimes I’d rather turn to my immediate left and talk to a wall because despite me explaining it once in a YT video I don’t think people get why I am so passionate about HEAVENS getting the support of the fandom.  I’m sorry for loving a group that it seems a lot of people just want to see go away but I’m NOT SORRY for running my mouth about this because let’s understand this I NEVER wanted to have arguments in the fandom but all I wanted people to do is FUCKING LISTEN!  GO LOOK AT THAT VISUAL AND TELL ME THAT HEAVENS DESERVES TO BE SHOVED IN THE BACK BECAUSE OF WHATEVER REASON YOU WANT TO GIVE! Anyways I’m done and good night

[escapetocanada]

Week One on the Job

I’ve finished my first week at the new job! I’m working on a hospitalist geriatric unit at Vancouver General Hospital. Its a locked unit and most of the patients have some degree of dementia. I’m a causal worker, which means I only work on an as-needed basis but I’ve got this job for the whole month of March. I share an office with two other women and the three of us all work together on discharge planning. The other two women both have nursing backgrounds and they handle setting up all the outpatient care, home care and facility placements (of which there are much fewer, I’ll get into that in a minute), my role is mostly assessing patients and families to see how they’re coping both in and out of the hospital and identifying resource needs. Its a lot less time on the phone than at Hopkins and I haven’t had to talk to any insurance reps, which I don’t miss at all, but its different working primarily with dementia patients. A lot of the patients (not all) have had long, happy, relatively healthy lives and are now just at the end of their life. Its different than working with patients who have been sick for much of their life, or have had very difficult lives, or all of the above. Of course there are still some patients like that as well, but much fewer than what I’m used to.

Ok, now for the nitty gritty social work stuff. Social work friends, this is for you! First of all, APS and guardianship cases are a whole different ballgame up here. I still don’t totally understand everything but basically there’s something called the Adult Guardianship Act that allows a person to be brought to and held in the hospital if they are being abused, neglected or self neglecting and are deemed to be unable to seek support and assistance on their own. There’s a similar act called the Mental Health Act that allows for someone with a mental illness to be brought and held in the hospital in order to prevent “substantial mental or physical deterioration”; they don’t have to be considered a danger to themselves or others. Basically its easier to hold people against their will in the hospital if they aren’t taking care of themselves. Also there are no APS workers like in the US, the social workers at the hospital do the investigation and determine if there is abuse, neglect, or self neglect and arrange for follow-up community care. So there’s no sitting on the phone for an hour and a half describing the extend of an 80lb patient’s wounds to try to get someone to fucking show up and start an investigation. They still have capacity assessments, which are pretty much the same as in the US, and if a person lacks capacity than a decision maker has to be appointed and if there is no surrogate decision maker the court will appoint a public guardian, so that’s all the same, but its interesting to see a system that allows for a lot more power on the part of the healthcare professionals to determine what is best for the patient. There was a recent case in BC where a woman was held against her will in the hospital for a year due to suspicions by the hospital staff that the woman, who was intellectually disabled, was being sexually abused. In that case the hospital also didn’t disclose to the patients family that she was being held in the hospital, so they didn’t know where she was (which is legal) and the hospital denied the patient access to a lawyer (which is not legal). So that’s a pretty bad example of the system over reaching, but on the other hand you don’t have to wait for APS to get around to investigating cases and if someone is self neglecting to the point of nearly killing themselves you can more easily try to intervene. I’ll have to see it in action more before I decide if I think its a better system or not. As someone who leans pretty heavily on the side of patient autonomy I’m a bit suspicious, but I’ll see.

But its not all guardianship and neglect cases, thank god, there’s also your regular discharges. Remember when I said there aren’t a lot of facility placements? Yeah, there really aren’t! They will keep people in the hospital for a few days or even a week in order for them to get enough PT to go home, and you can get WAY more home care services. Like four times a day! And not just PT/OT and nursing, you can also get home care aids. They do pretty much everything short of 24 hour care to keep people out of facilities. Of course that means its hard to qualify for a facility and when you do qualify you often have to sit on a waitlist for several months (unless you can pay privately to go to a non-subsidized facility, its still a two tiered system) but how many times did I have someone tell me they’d literally rather die than go to a nursing home? And there’s no sending people to facilities for IV antibiotics either, they do the treatment in the hospital if they can’t go home with a line. Not surprisingly this all means that length of stay is longer, though I don’t have the actual numbers to quote. But people being in the hospital for a few weeks isn’t a big deal and on a 30 bed unit its considered a busy day when six people get discharged.

Now about those 30 beds. Capacity is a problem. My first day on the unit we had 37 people on what should be a 30 bed unit. They have two to three people in a room unless someone is on isolation precautions. That’s not every unit of course, their palliative unit for example is all private rooms, but it definitely seems like things are more crowded.

The biggest difference, though, is a shocker. Like my jaw almost dropped. Someone had briefly mentioned it in my interview but it was so unbelievable that I didn’t even process the sound. Two words: paper charts. They have paper fucking charts. There are HANDWRITTEN NOTES! Just how impractical is this? Well, only one person can read notes on a patient at a time, and if someone locks a chart in their office on accident no one can read that patients notes or add more notes to the record. Plus, again, some of the notes are hand written, which for all practical purposes means they might as well not be written at all since they are completely illegible (I type all my notes because I’ve seen my handwriting and even I can’t read it and lets not even get started on my spelling). And do you want to find the social work assessment note from three admissions ago? Have fun finding that in medical record! Its truly insane, like going back in time. I’ve been told an electronic system is coming next year, but wow. I have no words.

One more super nerdy social work thing and then I promise I’ll end this post. Folks might remember that one of my favorite things to do at Hopkins was to tell the residents what a Medicaid spenddown is and then watch the horror wash over their faces. They don’t do that here! When you go to a nursing facility you do have to pay a portion of the cost, but the portion you pay is based on your INCOME not your ASSETS. So you don’t have to burn through all your savings when you go to a facility, you just have to pay a percentage (and I think its a pretty high percentage, like 80%) of your earned income, and if that would be considered a financial hardship you can apply for a reduced rate. So people aren’t signing over their whole social security checks to assisted living facilities either. This all applies to government subsidized facilities, of course. Like I said above you can pay privately for services and I’m sure private pay services are often better, but the point is that people who can’t afford to do that aren’t left with nothing. Its pretty great.

Those paper charts though...

[god-damn-demetria]

Demi Lovato’s Overdose

Okay, first of all I wanna say that I don’t know what happened last Tuesday. We all don’t know what happened exactly, and all I’m going to say in this post is MY OPINION and is all PURE SPECULATION. I could be right, I could be completely wrong. All I know is that all the hate and the media, that's probably mostly false, are annoying and it fucks me up that it even goes this far.

So, let’s get into it all. What are the “facts” we have so far?

1. Last Tuesday, June 24th, Demi was found unconscious in her house in LA. As far as we know, Demi was found at around noon and she was alone. Apparently, she was out celebrating her dancer Dani Vitale’s birthday (I’ll get to her and the other dancers later) the night before (which we do have this video off as the only evidence) and then headed home and had a party at her house as well.

2. At first, TMZ reported that Demi overdosed on heroin, which was later reported to be false. What substance was found in her blood is unclear at this moment. Apparently, paramedics gave her narcan when they arrived and took her to the hospital. At this point, all we know is that she’s still there and dealing with her withdrawal.

3. Later that day, after hours of worrying and being scared it was reported from her rep that she’s awake, stable and responsive.

4. It’s been reported that the last few months or weeks (we don’t know the real timeline here) Demi has been struggling with her addiction again and relapsed on various occasions.

Here is what I think about this all:

When this tour started, she seemed to be in a fantastic place. She was happy, bubbly, celebrated her sixth year of sobriety and nothing pointed towards a possible downward spiral, at least not at the time. The only thing that, looking back on it now, probably should’ve concerned some people is her sudden break with CAST Center and everyone involved (especially Mike, because he’s literally been with her every day during the American leg of the TMYLM Tour), her manager Phil and two of her absolute best friends, Marissa Callahan and Nick Jonas. But even then everyone, myself included, thought that there must’ve been a reason for it and it wasn’t really our place to judge because we didn’t know what happened. It was just weird that she suddenly cut off four people at once. Even her tweets seemed to tell us a story that no one really got. It was shady and messy. But hey, I just thought that whatever happened between her and those people probably hurt, and we all know that she is impulsive and stubborn. It wouldn’t be the first stubborn, shady tweet she’d send out. I was a little worried at that point because I knew how much these four people meant to her and I just thought “Oh my god, what if she got hurt really bad?” But again…it wasn’t really our place to judge, was it?

Another thing that probably should’ve concerned a few people was the fact that she went to Coachella. I mean, yes…she was good with going to parties and staying sober and clean, but Coachella is a whole other level. That’s not the right place for a recovering addict. But I tried to stay positive and told myself “Hey, she’s strong. She just celebrated her six years of sobriety. She can handle it.”…that was until she released “Sober” and I immediately thought that it must’ve been the whole Coachella thing that fucked everything up, combined with a few wrong people surrounding her. But we all know Demi, and we know how good she is at putting on a smile and not letting people know what’s happening in her life. I saw her live in concert in June, and she was just the Demi we all love and adore. Nothing seemed off. Even though, according to some posts and reports, she must’ve already been back to using drugs and drinking.

In “Sober” she sounds vulnerable, ashamed and embarrassed about relapsing, and in her lyrics, she promised to get help. I was positive about it. I never judged her for her relapse, and I never will. It’s part of recovery. She’s human like everyone else, and humans make mistakes. Sometimes, they can’t help but to make them when there’s that little guy called “addiction” sitting in the corner of their brains. In recovery, he’s constantly whispering to you that you need a drink/drug and that it’ll make you feel better and it won’t hurt anybody. Nobody will notice. Usually, he’s not loud enough, but then there comes a point in your life when everything else around you is quiet and all of a sudden he sees his chance and starts shouting all these things at you as loud as he can. And in order to make him stop, you give in. You do what he tells you to do so he finally shuts up.

Let’s move on, though…After “Sober” I hoped she’d be okay. I never saw the overdose coming. I would’ve never thought we’d get to this point where we almost lost her forever. Knowing that breaks my heart just as much as it breaks yours. But all if this doesn’t take away her six years of staying sober, clean and healthy. That’s a fucking accomplishment and nobody can take that away from her!

So…let me get into all the bullshit that’s been going around on Twitter. Let me start with Mike Bayer:

Mike was her life coach for how many years? Ever since she left Timberline Knolls, as far as I know. He was always an incredible person, never said a bad word about her and in Simply Complicated, he told us about what happened with Demi when she first lost control. And he also told us another thing: “The most important thing to Demi is losing people. It’s losing people that care about her and that love her.” Doesn’t that sound like that’s exactly what happened this time around? You gotta keep in mind that this overdose is a whole other level. Her first struggles weren’t as server as this one. So, what if all Mike (and Phil, Marissa and Nick) wanted to do is help her, but she blocked him? What if she didn’t think her problems were as bad as they apparently are and didn’t accept his help? What if she pushed him away because she was annoyed with his constant attempts to help? So Mike did what he had to do and stepped back. I have to admit, I wasn’t fair to him during that time. I was kind of mad at him, especially after that article came out saying she was fired from CAST because she relapsed and that contract she apparently signed or whatever that was…Looking back at all of this now, it was probably all to help her.

Let’s move on…Next on the list is Phil McIntyre:

He was Demi’s manager her whole career. He was the one who saw that Demi was special and had a God given talent, he stood by her side through her first breakdown and still continued to see her potential. I’m not gonna comment on his ability as a manager, because I literally don’t know shit about management, and neither do you, but I still see posts on Twitter constantly bashing him and calling him a bad manager. Do you all forget that he literally helped the Jonas Brothers becoming one of the most successful bands in the late 2000s? And you know what? Let him be a bad manager, I don’t give a fuck…but at least he is a really great human being who cares about his clients more than he cares about money and fame and success. Imagine if Demi would’ve had a different manager, one that pushes his clients so hard to make the most amount of money. One that doesn’t care much about his clients' well-being…one who pushes them so hard that all they can do to cope with the pressure is drink or do drugs…would you really want Demi to be managed by someone like that? At the vulnerable state that she’s constantly in? I don’t think so. Phil apparently staged an intervention, which might’ve been the breaking point in his and Demi’s relationship. So she “fired” him and Lauren Einbinder took over.

Next please…oh yes, Marissa Callahan:

Where do I start with Marissa? Her and Demi have been the absolute best friends for years. They shared some of the same struggles when it comes to mental health issues and Marissa has always been by her side. To me, the two of them were always friendship goals. I personally don’t think Marissa was ever a bad influence to Demi. When Demi started drinking, they were both young and stupid, so we can’t really blame her for anything. There are many teenagers who introduce their friends to alcohol. That doesn’t necessarily mean that these friends will end up becoming addicts. But with Demi, it was a little different. The underlying, undiagnosed mental health issue was part of the reason she developed this addiction, and neither her parents, nor her best friend Marissa could've possible seen the outcome of an early alcohol consume. So, please stop blaming Demi’s addiction on her. If it wasn’t her who introduced her to alcohol, Demi would've eventually gotten in contact with it another way. That’s what happens with teenagers. Okay, so…their friendship was one of the strongest I’ve ever seen. Just earlier this year, they were on vacation together for…how long was that…14 days? It was a long vacation and they seemed to have such a good time. And suddenly, about two or three months later, Demi unfollows her, posts shady tweets and when asked about her best friends, she just names Sirah and Matthew. Usually, Marissa would’ve been on top of that list as well. So, the fact that Marissa probably stepped away as well shows how server Demi’s drug use must’ve been. Just like Mike, Phil and Nick, Marissa wasn't enabling it. And who wants to watch their best friend destroy themselves? No one. Since all attempts to help Demi obviously didn’t work, Marissa stepped away, probably for her own mental health as well.

Now my favorite…Nick Jonas:

You know why he’s my favorite? That dude knows what he’s doing…and it worked the first time. Just at the end of 2017, Demi and Nick were at such an incredible place in their friendship. They were recording each other’s performances on each other’s phones, flew home in the same private jet…just a few weeks before that, Demi basically admitted to having some sorts of feelings for him in two of her songs. In an interview, she said that the person she wrote these songs about loved them and told her he wrote songs about her as well. I’m not saying this because I ship them a lot, but they were slowly heading towards something much stronger than friendship. I personally think that if all of this wouldn’t have happened, instead of getting the report of Demi overdosing, we would’ve gotten some kind of romance update on them. So how come that a friendship as strong and powerful as theirs suddenly ends with her unfollowing him on all social media? Listen to this interview at 7.15min. Nick basically explains it all. He stepped away to save himself from a possible heartbreak that he would’ve suffered if he would’ve kept watching her going down that spiral. And it’s not like he didn’t try. He also once said that the first time she was struggling, he tried to talk to her, but she cut him off. Just like she did again now. I hate to see people tweeting that he’s the reason she relapsed, or that he’s a bad guy in all of this. Just like Marissa, he probably just didn’t wanna witness his best friend ruining herself. I’ve been there, too. I’ve had friends struggling with mental health issues, and in order to keep my sanity, I had to step back at a certain point. So don’t judge him!

Now that I touched on Mike, Phil, Marissa and Nick, let’s get to the messy part…the one where everyone blames her dancers and even members of her family:

I wanna start with Dianna. People are really sending her hate and blame her, when all she was probably doing the past week was being worried as fuck about her daughter? Like…do you even realize how fucked up that this? This woman almost lost her child. She was almost at a point where, instead of planning which treatment center is best for her, she had to plan a funeral. Give her a fucking break! I’m not saying that everything was right in their family, but I think people tend to forget that Dianna herself struggles with mental health issues. So maybe she didn’t even see the depth of the problem. Maybe she couldn’t quite understand how server the whole situation was. And guess what, guys? Maybe she even tried to do something…but Demi is a 25-year-old, grown ass woman. And an addict. And stubborn as fuck. Do you really think she would’ve listened to her mother? Besides that, she’s manipulative. What if she told her mom that everything is okay? She can be super convincing, so what if Dianna believed her?  It’s incredibly rude to assume Dianna had something to do with all of this. She is a mother. And from what I’ve seen the past few years that I’ve been following this family, she’s a great one. She loves her daughters.

And now…the part you’ve all probably been waiting for: Demi’s dancer

I honestly don’t even know where to start. Do I start at the American leg of the TMYLM tour? Or do I jump right into the European leg? Do I compare this tour with others that didn’t have dancers? I should probably do all of that. So…I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: The Future Now Tour was and always will be the best tour Demi has ever put together. Why? Well, not only did she travel through America with her best friend, but she was also surrounded by people who really, really cared about her. She had an incredible team, her best friend and she was the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She was free. Whenever they had a day off, they’d so some fun things…things that didn’t necessarily trigger her. And did you guys notice something? There were no dancers. In my opinion, she never needed dancers. Demi’s talent doesn’t need some extra special effects. She could play a two hours show with just her piano and a guitar, and people would still be fascinated by her.

But…I liked the dancers. There were fun, and from what I’ve seen on Instagram, they all had an incredible time. Everyone seemed so genuinely nice and funny and Demi seemed to love them as well. But what did they do when they had a day off? They were partying. And sometimes, Demi joined them. Like I said earlier in this post, there was a time where Demi could easily be part of a party and not care at all. She would drink her red bull and that’s it, but this year was different. She relapsed, and was surrounded by people who consumed alcohol. I’m not saying they caused it, or that they are to blame for it, but Demi was no longer at a place where she could be around that. Could they have done something about it? Maybe, but maybe they didn’t even realize what was going on before it was too late. That being said, let’s focus a little on two of the dancers that have been on top of the “let’s blame people for Demi’s overdose” list the past few days. And these people are Jackie and Dani. Now, Jackie fucked up. I’m sure all of you have seen the video of her doing coke on her Instagram. That’s pretty messy and I definitely don’t agree with what she did. And I seriously hope that she didn’t do it around Demi. While that could’ve been a triggering point for her, it still doesn’t mean that we can blame Jackie for Demi’s overdose.

Now Dani…I’m really conflicted at this point. I love Dani. I’ve met her. I’ve talked to her and what she said to us, how she treated us and what she then offered us was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced or expected from someone. She was one of the nicest, kindest and most humble people I have ever met in my life. She was so patient with us and really, really genuine. She’s always been getting hate, for ridiculous shit like being responsible for Jojo to leave the tour. People even said that she kicked her off and took her place…like bitch, they were literally both on that tour in America. Nobody took anyone’s place here. So I was already like “Damn, she doesn’t deserve that. She’s so fucking nice.”. So when I saw that everyone was now attacking her for causing Demi’s overdose, I was like “Okay, hold the fuck on…” Here’s what we know: Demi was at Dani’s birthday party. That alone is nothing to be extremely worried about. Like…Demi going to her friend’s birthday party? How fucking normal from her. Damn, Demi. And we all didn’t know how server her drug use was at this point. And guess what? Maybe Dani didn’t know either? Just like Demi’s family might not haven know just how bad it really was? We don’t know what happened at the party. We didn’t see any videos or pictures of her drinking with Dani. What if she didn’t do any of that while Dani was around?

Okay, let’s continue…Even though it was Dani’s birthday party, and Demi reportedly continued partying at her house with some people, that doesn’t mean Dani was there as well because for all we know, the party at Demi’s house had nothing to do with her birthday anymore. So…let’s say she was no longer there…how can you blame her for the overdose? How can you blame anyone who was there for the overdose? The only plausible explanation about when Demi overdose is the next morning, a little while before she was found. At that point, I’m 100% sure nobody else was at the house anymore. Didn’t someone say Demi was alone when it happened? Okay, it was probably one of these oh so reliable sources, but it makes the most sense to me. Like…yes, there were probably people enabling the drug use, but I can’t imagine anyone really letting someone overdose and possibly die. So nobody left her alone. Nobody just “watched” her overdose. She was alone, I don’t think it was her intention to overdose and she was lucky someone found her in time. If she would’ve overdosed that night…and then someone found her around noon…as hard as it is to hear, but then she wouldn’t be with us anymore. So stop blaming Dani. And stop reading too much into her statement.

I could say a lot more things…about the guys she’s been seen with (you know…when everyone thought she was out with G-Eazy?) for example. Or Dilmer, which I’m not gonna get into because those of you who follow me know how I feel about them as a couple. But this is already long enough. Like I said, I don’t blame anyone.

I’m gonna say this once and for all: THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME FOR DEMI’S OVERDOSE IS HER FUCKING ADDICTION! None of the people she’s been surrounding herself with forced her to do anything. She did that all on her own, because her addiction got stronger. Remember that little guy I told you about earlier? Yeah, he was yelling like a motherfucker!

[sugaspet]

Hi sorry to bother you, but I'm a new army, and I need to know some information about every member to start with

Alright! Ill give you little fact or just things I love about them.

Jin/Seokjin: Cooking master, worldwide handsome also worldwide shoulders, he plays the guitar, he has a very beautiful voice, he has a condition that his fingers are crooked, he is the oldest but acts like the youngest, he has a eating show called eatjin, he is more than just a pretty face he’s is very smart, He finished collage I believe last year, scaredy cat.

Suga/Yoongi: HE IS NOT AS COLD AS HE SEEMS, he writes a-lot of songs and produces a lot, he struggled/struggles with mental health, chose music over eating when he was younger, diss’s everyone including himself, he basically lives in the studio, people say he’s lazy because he likes to sleep but he actually works through the night so he’s tired a lot. Raps super ass fast (also my Ultimate Bias)

J-Hope/Hoseok/Hobi: he is our hope our angel, FUCKING SUNSHINE, dance god, he may be a rapper but he has a beautiful singing voice, does a show like Jin called hope on the street, is loud but we love his loudness, has the cutest little lip mole, he also helps write and produce, but he helps choreograph as well, Hixtape (Jhopes mixtape) FUCKING AMAZING.

Namjoon/Rap Monster/RM: SMART, high ass IQ, brakes EVERYTHING, helps write and produce, he’s the one the knows English fluently, has the cutest dimples, is a kink like just a kink 😂, check out “trouble”. Reason why BTS is together literally jungkook thought he was so cool so he stayed with BigHit, he’s a super amazing leader and we don’t deserve how amazing he is.

Jimin/ChimChim/Mochi: a cute little baby but also a big ass tease, we love him even if he doesn’t have abs, did ballad in school, he does some awesome flips lol, he takes so many extra steps to make sure the members are safe, he once took a chair away from a performance cause it was wobbly and didn’t want anyone to get hurt, he may look super sweet but he has a little temper, has a lot of problems with his body, has one of the cutest laughs, boy does awesome really good at portraying emotion in his voice.

Taehyung/V: He was raised by his grandmother mostly because his parents were busy, grew up on a strawberry farm, his mom bought him an expensive shirt/jacket so the city boys didn’t make fun of him, wasn’t even planning to audition, super beautiful deep voice, but can also hit those high notes, he has been called an “alien/4D” which he doesn’t like but he is very 4D, he use to talk in his own language, very wild and child like, but he also has become more serious, he loooves kids and wants a big family.

Jungkook/Kookie: a bun bun, cutest fucking nose, he has such a soothing voice and one of my favorite voices, he is a muscle pig, also called the golden maknae because he’s good at basically anything, he’s An amazing artist, has a black belt, when they debuted he was very young, so he’s very much a combination of the hyungs, likes picking on the others, he is also a rapper but doesn’t really rap anymore, he is very sensitive even though he’s a big tough guy.

These boys are really just amazing, I am a big multi fandom person I love so many groups but bts really stands out. The stand up for so much and speak about a lot of things that no one really does. They’ve gone through a lot together and they’re a big family. Army gets a bad rep but you know what we’re just a big family who love our boys and want them to be successful and happy. If you wanna know more please message me. And if anyone wants to comment somethings you think they should know! Thank you for coming here and asking, I hope it helped and hey I love yeah ❤️

[curlybookowlblog-blog]

I’ve seen some people tweet or post on Instagram that they cant find any books that deal with mental health or they cant find any that deal with this one specific illness like OCD or Anxiety. Mental Health is extremely important and books can help show you what others go through with an illness or you already have it and know you are not alone, that others suffer from this same illness.

These types of books represent people and the things they go through. I know the books with OCD and Social Anxiety mean the world to me. Representation is extremely important for anything, race, religion, mental health, etc. Everyone wants to find themselves represented in some way and I agree. Now I’m just rambling, so let’s dig in.

Book I’ve Read

Queens of Geek was my first book that dealt with a mental illness. One of the MCs has social anxiety and is on the autism spectrum. It was amazing to finally see myself in a book. I’m not gonna lie, I cried reading this book because forever I thought I was just the freak of nature that couldn’t even go into a store without panicking.

Optimists die first and Goodbye days both deal with guilt and anxiety around someone’s death. They both show how easy it is to blame yourself for something that was out of your control and you couldn’t have changed it.

The Color Project and They Both Die at The End deal with Anxiety. TBDATE deals with a heavier form of anxiety in my opinion than Color project does, but they both show how you can work things up in your head and make the world out to be something so horrible when in reality you can make it beautiful and an amazing place to be.

Turtles all the way down was my first OCD read and it was fucking accurate. The MC has a germ thing where she will wash her hands or eat soap three to four times. I’ve never read a book and went holy shit, that’s me. I don’t eat soap though, my mind attaches to the idea that somehow my home will burn down while I’m gone. I’ve gone back in 4 times on several occasions to make sure the stove is off or my straightener is unplugged. OCD books are my favorite now because they have shown me that I’m not alone, that there are others with this same illness. This book I believe is also own voices, the author suffers from OCD as well.

Before I read What I lost I had no idea what an eating disorder was or how it affected people. What I Lost shows the struggle of getting out of it and gaining control back. Emmmabooks talked about the book in her Video. She has been through this mental illness and can speak for the Rep.

Astonishing Color of after dealt with depression and Suicide. It showed how one day you could be happy and over the moon, then the next day you don’t even want to get out of bed. The book showed the trauma of the illness and the pain a persons loved ones go through just wanting to help that person. Astonishing shows how someone can get so depressed that they want to end there. It shows how hard it is for the family, trying to figure out why, what they could have done to prevent it. Astonishing is a book filled with pain and magic, but it shows just how bad depression can be and why it is important to get help with any illness.

Books I Haven’t Read

These I have not read yet, but I’ve heard great things about there rep. Now I haven’t read these so I’m just going to list the books and what reps they may contain.

Eliza and Her monsters deals with severe anxiety. Girl Against the Universe someone told me has anxiety rep. History is all you left me has OCD rep. Under rose tainted skies I believe deals with anxiety and OCD. Twelve steps to normal deals with deals with addiction. A tragic kind of wonderful has Bipolar rep. Finding Aubrey is about anxiety. Word on the bathroom walls deals with Schizophrenia. Sad Perfect is about an eating disorder. Four weeks, five people represent a number of mental illness from OCD to anxiety to eating disorders. How to disappear deals with Social Anxiety. Perfect deals with OCD.

See why these books are important. Just these I’ve posted about represent so many people in the world. You learn and grow from them even if you suffer from no mental illness. I hope your able to pick some of these titles up and enjoy them as I have.

What are your favorite mental health books?

Mental Health Book Recs I've seen some people tweet or post on Instagram that they cant find any books that deal with mental health or they cant find any that deal with this one specific illness like OCD or Anxiety.