#also the day i said i'd publish is my last one at home before i go to uni so i actually have to stick to it

[jmdbjk]

Looking back and forward.

2023 was one for the books.

It is Thursday, Dec. 7 where I am... Friday, Dec. 8 in Korea.

It is the last Friday for Namjoon, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook to be civilians. This is their last weekend to spend in their homes, at the company to work, running along the river, doing boxing workouts, ordering delivery food, loving on their dogs, doing the things they've been doing the last over ten years. It will be about 100 days until they get time off and can maybe spend some time back at home.

They are tying up loose ends, getting their shit together, preparing to put their lives on hold.

They will return to us in mid-June 2025.

I've watched their last group live several times after the english subs were up. There were a lot of things I saw and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it all.

None of us know these men, we are observers and all we know is what they choose to show us. Unfortunately, they can't control every single thing and people and the media insist on prying and publishing images and things about them that lead to unconfirmed rumors and misinformation.

In the approximately 38 minutes they shared with us, they conveyed that they are getting ready to go, they seemed in positive spirits. They conveyed that they were still working on things for us (except Jungkook).

They said there was A LOT of content coming, so much... they've NEVER ever reassured us like this before.

They asked fans to NOT show up at the induction site out of respect for the other men and their families also entering the military those days. They explicitly said "we are their face and to do them proud."

During this live, I saw Tae being the fantastically funny guy that he is. Tae was alight with excitement. He was anxious to learn from his fellow soldiers. He is a flower waiting to bloom. And seeing his friendship with Jimin maturing, flourishing, same age friends forever was wonderful.

And Namjoon trying to keep up with the crazy shenanigans of the maknae line. Trying to be the voice of reason: "it'll go by quick, we've left a lot of content. Jin will be back soon. We'll all get strong." But there seemed to be a bit of push and pull between he and Jimin... it was interesting. But he was lighthearted, positive, going into with an open mind. Get in, get out, get back to work.

Jimin, Jimin, Jimin... There was a bit of resignation wrapped up in Jimin's positivity. He wouldn't agree that it would go by fast and he didn't want to show himself with the buzz cut. I wanted to reach through the screen and hold his hand and reassure him we'd be here waiting and that we know it's hard to leave everything right now to do this. This man lives to do work on his passion. He's already had to stop once. Now he has to do it again. I think he is going into his MS kicking and screaming because he does not want to leave his youth behind. It is unfinished.

He said he had been sick. He coughed, sneezed and sniffled the entire live. I hope all of these symptoms have disappeared by Monday/Tuesday. I remember his friend Sungwoon had to delay his enlistment date because he tested positive for covid. Please don't let that happen to any of our four.

During this last group live, I saw a Jungkook that I'd never seen before. His vibe was so in tune to Jimin. I know he's been that way since... 2017? 2018? But this was so in your face I was dumbfounded. Jungkook constantly soothing Jiminie. The things they probably talked about while they were in Japan a few weeks ago, man, to be a fly on the wall.

ALL of those lives he did this past year flashed through my head, how unhinged he was the first few months, falling asleep drunk with the candle, calling out stalkers. ALL those times WE said he was missing Jimin because he was begging him to come eat chicken and drink beer, or come do a boxing workout, or better yet, "let me come over and we can shower together..." No... I meant to say: he can go over to Jimin's and wash up and do a live together. Yes, that's what he said. Beggged him. Tried to use Army as leverage. And all we got was Jimin saying he "can handle it" and "you know how my personality is"...

Jungkook watching all that Jimin content... something happened, some decision was made early in the year. Jungkook embraced it and ran with it.

And to know they are going into the service together, it still has me astonished but it all makes sense now. Y'all... they knew they were going to do this wayyyyyy back, not just in August or September when they applied. Jungkook said back in February (before someone lit a fire under his butt in March to start working on music) that he had to take care of his body for the next year. This has been the plan and Jungkook said "no worries, I got this."

2023 was A LOT.

Jimin, Face: the melodies poured out (as they seem to be free-flowing from him at any given moment) but he had to pry those lyrics out of himself. Jimin achieved a #1 BBHot100. And yes, it appears there were not just one, but TWO of those blasted cakes. I didn't know much about PDogg before Jimin's documentary but now I know how much he supported Jimin during this process.

Yoongi, D-Day: I got to see Yoongi in real life. That weekend flew by for me. One of the best weekends ever. As soon as the concert was over I said out loud, I need to see all seven on that stage. His concert tour filled a void for us. We needed that so bad after last year's gut-wrenching news that there would be no tour. And now he's fulfilling his social service. Let him serve quietly with dignity.

Hobi, Military: after tearfully sending him off, what we hear now is he's cracking the whip, though ever-so empathetically (not to be confused with emphatically) over those new enlistees every day. I need to see his boom chakalaka marching drills. Jimin said when he visited Hobi, he wasn't greeted with his ebullient "Jaman!" but more of a lowkey "oh, you're here."

Jungkook, his solo songs and album: Jungkookie chose to go the route of choosing songs that resonated with him. Over the course of years, Kookie has always shared songs with us. We used to love his song recs and his covers of very poignant songs. He KILLED those songs with his vocals. He did what HE wanted to do. And look how well he did with it, also a #1 BBHot100.

Taehyung, Layover: again, Taehyung did what he wanted to do. Not on his album, but Taehyung singing along with Karen Carpenter was never on my bingo card, ever! (a clip on his Instagram stories where he was singing along to "Close to You")

RM, we kept wondering: why isn't he enlisted yet? Someone had to wrangle the maknae. Not that he ever did that this past year. He cut himself over his left eye and had to get stitches... that's gonna leave a scar. Good thing there are 40 bajillion plastic surgeons in Seoul...

Jin is coming. The Head of Ministry of the Military making the decision that no celeb will be doing anything special, instead they will serve just like regular civilians. Sergeant Kim Seokjin will become civilian Jin of BTS on June 12, 2024.

Their constant looking forward to 2025

Skipping over 2024 for the moment...

BTS has to evolve. They must evolve. They are not going to be a 30 something year old K-pop boy band. Some groups might be stuck but BTS will not stay stagnant, they never have. They have to step forward out of that niche and they have been trying to do that incrementally for a while now. They’ve taken us in baby steps already through chapter 2, and Joon said the REAL chapter 2 will begin when they are back from fulfilling their service.

What will they be like? Will they reinvent themselves? Perhaps, but not overnight. I don’t see any sort of extreme makeover for BTS once they come back together. I do see them addressing more mature topics (as we’ve seen), I do hope we see songwriting from all members.

They don't need to abandon their Korean-ness in order to accomplish this. There is nothing stopping them from being a mainstream artist who just happens to be from Korea and who release songs that are in Korean.

I think the accomplishments that Jungkook achieved will continue to pull BTS out of the K-pop realm and into the main stream Pop music realm. They worked that western market. They got pushback, especially western industry institutions: Billboard and the Grammys. And they learned.

Progress is slow but progress nevertheless. They will cross over to general pop one way or the other. They are not going to stay in the kpop box in the future. Straddle both at the same time. They can do it.

For 2024:

I think comeback/HYYH 10th anniversary reboot is already in the works and has been.

I think PDogg will be working on the songs over the next year. I think they have recorded all this year.

I think when Jin and Hobi get back, they might record their parts. I also am pretty sure we'll see a full-bodied solo effort from Jin and more from Hobi. I think we'll get a ramp up to his discharge with some Hope on the Street content that he recorded before he enlisted.

I think we'll slowly see wheels start turning to get the machine going again much sooner than we imagined.

I think what we see next year will all be primed to pre-promote and whip up the excitement for 2025.

I just feel strongly that Bang PD would NOT have mentioned that specific thing and we would not be hearing the members constantly saying 2025. And especially saying 2025 is not that far in the future and that they are looking forward to the incredible synergy the group will have when they get back together. They've got a lot of work done already. They know already.

They said there is A LOT coming to us.

In about two weeks BTS: Beyond the Star docu-series will begin.

We know we're getting some sort of Jimin and Jungkook traveling content, whether a series or not...I'm leaning toward it being a multi-episode series. Camping? Drinking? Breweries? Beaches? Boating or sailing or both but separate? Fishing? Snow sports? They said it was fun.

We will see activity around all the solo album anniversaries. We still have an RM documentary, a Taehyung documentary and a Jungkook documentary. I bet the latter two will come out towards the end of 2024.

We might have Tae acting, we know he'll be in an IU MV soon.

About aging bangtan ...

Remember when we said this is Bangtan in 20 years?

I joke about it but seriously they are aware that things will be different as they evolve and age as people and as artists.

There are new groups debuting all the time and BTS is aging out of a certain demographic (as they should).

Yoongi saying "cruise with BTS" would be the best case scenario for their future.

I would love to be on that cruise if it ever happens.

[legacygirlingreen]

Part 4 - Chapter 3: Graphorns & Phoenix // Sebastian Sallow x Reader

A/N: FINALLY finished the update for you all! Sit back for this one because it is a LONG one! Also I continue to stray from canon because... I don't really know I just want to. I really hope everyone enjoys and once again thanks to all the readers (old and new). HUGE shoutout to my main @strawberrypinky for helping with the smut. Seriously Idk how I'd have finished it without you... I love hearing from you all on your thoughts, feelings, theories, etc so never hesitate to reach out! <3 peace and love you all!

Warnings: NSFW content ahead this time! Mentions of blood, violence, death and almost! SA content also ahead so please be careful if you do not like dark content! This chapter is somehow extremely spicy (via flashback) and also very graphic so PLEASE know that going in. No Dark Seb content, but definitely dark Rookwood/Poachers!

Important info: I also use some Scottish Gaelic in this one along with a slang from the late Georgian/early Victorian era that was used throughout Scotland/Ireland mostly but also parts of England/Wales. If you need an explanation on their meaning/translations here they are ahead of time so it makes sense while you read! Also PLEASE if you have the time check out Francis Grose, he was such a fascinating writer during the time, writing about antiquities in Scotland as well as publishing a book on the vulgar slang being used! Always, there goes my scholarly loving heart for the day...

"Mo Leannan" in Scottish Gaelic is a term of endearment, usually used by men towards a lover, and translates to "my sweetheart" or "my beloved"

"Blow the Grounsils" is a slang phrase that was used throughout the UK. 'grounsils' are foundational timbers for a home, so it is a more polite way of saying floor/stair sex, or as Francis Grose explains "to take a woman on the floor"

Word Count: 14,000

Masterlist for series here: Sebastian Masterlist

Sebastian finally stumbled upon the gorge in which the last trial was to take place; he had come to terms with the fact that his love had been taken and may have to carry out her legacy in her honor… almost. Oh who was he kidding, he was not prepared to face the music. But for now, he didn’t have time to do so. Right now stopping Ranrok was the most important thing to everyone at large. Despite the nagging feeling he had to abandon Fig, and rush straight to find Poppy Sweeting and the grumpy potions master, he knew that if she was still alive and knew he negated his duty simply to rescue her, he would face her disappointment. 

“Ah, Mr. Sallow, I am glad to see you made it. I assume the Keepers agreed to let us proceed without Miss y/l/n.” Fig said, posing his statement as a question and he only found it within him to nod. The light was just about to make its ascent over the horizon any minute now. It felt strange for him to think that less than 12 hours ago he was standing on a piece of land he bought for the two of them, now, not knowing if she was even alive. He shook that off, turning to the professor. 

“So what exactly happens during these trials Professor?” he asked, still unsure how they began, only knowing that she often came back beyond exhausted, sporting minor scrapes and bruises, not wishing to speak of them. 

“No need for formalities all the way out here Sebastian, please call me Eleazar… as for the trials, they have all been different in orientation. This one however, I am unsure how we will enter. There is no portrait to discuss the steps to be taken. Given our friend is currently not available I reckon I will be allowed to help you more than I would have if she had been here. The only instruction I was given was to scout ahead before allowing any taming of magical creatures to fall completely to her.” Fig explained.

“Taming magical creatures? What does that…” Sebastian started, trailing off when he saw the sculpture on the stone behind them. The sight caused him to immediately shake his head before continuing “They can’t possibly expect me to-” 

Fig interrupted him, confirming his suspicions, “Tame and bring a graphorn to gain access. I do believe that is what we will need to do to get inside.” he explained, pondering a moment. 

“Aren’t they mostly extinct sir? Eradicated on account of their horns?” Sebastian asked, recalling the limited knowledge he had on the creatures. 

“That is correct, although I know of one that still lingers nearby. Further down the coast, a famed one still lives within a cave, known as the ‘lord of the shore’. However, he is quite aggressive, and they are nearly impossible to subdue…?” he told the boy.

“Wonderful. So I am to fight, but not kill a graphorn. Graphorns of course being considered one of the most dangerous creatures we know of, and what? Bring him here to open the door? He shall magically produce some key we don’t know of?” Sebastian said rhetorically as if it was all so simple. 

“It appears that way. I would go with you, but I admit I do not move as quickly as I used to. Graphorns are more likely to react aggressively when they feel threatened, and having more than one person nearby is likely to provoke faster.” Fig explained with a sigh. 

“Alright. I will go track down this ‘lord of the shore’ then. Merlin’s beard” the usually Posh boy resorted to the swear as he shook his head. 

“Before you go… and I apologize if I am overstepping my bounds… but you mentioned you were off school grounds yesterday.  Might I inquire where you were and what you were doing?” Fig asked and his blood ran cold. He knew that the man wasn’t asking to get him in trouble, but to admit to someone where he had been, felt odd. Knowing now it might have all been for nothing he decided why not let her closest aly and mentor be made aware. 

Sebastian reached in his pocket, grabbing the tome that disguised the ring boxes, passing it to the man without a word. 

Eleazar opened the tome, expecting to see pages, but was surprised to see it open to reveal two small boxes. It didn’t take a genius to understand what they were as he grabbed the more ornamental of the two, seeing the brilliant ring inside. Sebastian refrained from commenting as Fig passed the book back to him. 

He expected judgement or questioning from the older man, but was pleasantly surprised when he smiled at Sebastian. 

“I can’t say I am surprised, '' he said, his wiry hands playing with his own wedding band as he looked up at Sebastian. The two refrained from speaking for a moment. 

“I just need her to be alright. I can’t -” he trailed off, unsure if he wanted to open Pandora's box in a time of urgency and crisis. “I cannot imagine a life without her in it. She has slowly become my everything. My every waking thought, my main priority, my deepest longing. My strongest aspiration is to be the man she needs me to be. She cannot be gone. I don’t think I could manage to go on without her” Sebastian admitted to the man, holding back the tears threatening to fill his eyes as his fingers stroked the binding of the fake book. 

“If there is one thing I have learned, it is that her strength knows no bounds truly… as does her love for you. I admit, I was slightly surprised when she demanded to return to your side after being injured months ago, but after seeing the way you care for her, the way you boldly proclaimed the depth of your affection to your Uncle… I recognized that this whole time the flame she bares for you is no simple flame, but a raging fire. Ancient magic is one thing, but love is the true strength that binds us. Likely even now I imagine that love in which she burns for you, is what’s keeping her safe,” the man said, reaching a hand out to comfort him.

Sebastian’s eyes went wide realizing the teacher had heard his confession that night in Feldcroft. He chose not to comment on it, trying to let the words seep in and provide him comfort. 

“It is her love for my family however that led to her capture. If she had not been attempting to find a cure for Anne, this wouldn’t have happened…” Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh, pulling at his hair as he often did when he was frustrated, knowing that it was his own fault. If she hadn’t seen the depth of his obsession to find Anne comfort, she wouldn’t go to such lengths to sacrifice herself.  

“You cannot do that to yourself, young man.  I imagine Rookwood would have found her at some point regardless of your sister’s cure.” Fig said sternly, hoping to encourage the boy who seemed to wrongfully take on the blame for what had happened.  

“But-” Sebastian started but Eleazar stopped him, changing the subject. 

“I too, was quite young when I knew she was the one for me… I couldn’t have been much older than you are now.” Fig explained, reaching slightly into his tunic to pull out the chain which held Miriam’s ring, his fingers running over the cool metal. 

“Your wife sir?” Sebastian asked as Fig nodded. 

“Miriam, she didn’t particularly like me very much initially I am afraid. I admit, in my day I was quite, well, an arse. My friends and I were often quite loud, rambunctious and frequently in detention. She was always there, in the background of our classes, not drawing much attention to herself.  I feel guilty looking back realizing I overlooked her for so many years: would’ve saved me a many detentions… She loved the library, spent most of her free time there just reading for pleasure, or keeping to herself around the school grounds. It wasn’t until we were partnered for an assignment, and I spent time with her alone, that I realized how truly incredible she was. She had this wit about her, this amazing way of making the most boring topics sound fascinating.  I never liked to admit to my friends that I wanted to be a professor, or that I found the depth of magical theory interesting… but she could hold conversations that challenged me on an intellectual level I couldn’t truly comprehend. Suddenly I went from nearly nightly detentions to holed up in the library near her, reading in the silence. That silence turned into small conversations, and spending time together outside class. Eventually I was trailing behind wherever she went like a lost kneazle… why she allowed it I shall never know.” he explained, reminiscing his time falling in love with the woman. 

“I admit, that sounds familiar… ” Sebastian started with a smile.

“Oh believe me, the change in your behavior has not gone unnoticed.  I dare say, it’s admirable.” Fig said, smiling. 

“She just makes me want to be a better person. Hell, she had me getting along with my Uncle for a majority of the holiday, which I can’t say has happened in a long time, possibly ever.” Sebastian admits with a chuckle. 

“She mentioned as such. I did inquire about the safety of your home life, and I apologize if I overstepped any bounds. She explained the complexities of your relationship with Solomon with great care. I would like to say, if you do not wish to return to his home this summer, I will make sure that you do not have to,” Fig explained gently. 

“While I appreciate the concern… I do not think that will be a problem anymore… I already have purchased land, along with a house that needs much work I admit, but… it is mine. I was hardly planning to return to Solomon. Our relationship may be slightly more amicable than we used to be, but I do not wish to spend more time than necessary with him.” Sebastian explained.

“I understand. I just wanted you to know, should you ever need a safe place, that my home is open for you and her… I respected your parents a great deal.  I know it would destroy young Alice knowing that you were treated with the harshness you have had to endure from your uncle this whole time.” Fig told him, remembering the young man’s mother, and the love she held for her children. 

“I will keep that in mind if we find ourselves needing a place to go… the sun shall be up soon. I suppose I should be off.” Sebastian said.

“Of course. Sorry to keep you from your task.” 

“This has been… illuminating… would you-” Sebastian started, reaching into his pocket to retrieve the tome, “hold onto this so I do not damage it? I imagine taming a graphorn will not be easy, '' he admitted. 

“Absolutely, I would be honored” he said and Sebastian turned and walked a few paces when he heard the man call out “Might I ask why you chose a star?”.

“You may ask, but I do not believe I shall provide you with an answer…” Sebastian called with a chuckle before aparating away to find the beast he was to tame. 

To say the camp had fallen into complete and utter chaos would be a gross understatement.  The poachers camp had gotten from organized and orderly to a warzone in a matter of moments. She was startled upon seeing dark witches and wizards casting spells upon several centaurs, all armed with bow and arrow. The two groups continued to assault one another as several small fires burned within the camp, and smoke filled the air.  Shouting and battle horns filled the night and amidst the chaos she aimed to locate any familiar faces. 

That search was short lived however, as Rookwood shoved her back inside the tent, casting Incarcerous to force her into binds along one of the posts reaching a hand out of the flap long enough to retrieve one of the men who initially caught her.

“Do not let her escape or it’ll be on your head” Victor shouted before disappearing from her view. The man came closer, standing behind her as she struggled against the binds. 

“Oh would you look at that, someone appears to have scratched you Kitten” he said with a nasty smirk, bringing his hand up to caress her blood soaked cheek. She let out a shriek against the filthy cloth between her lips, trying to move her face away. 

“Would you stop moving!” he spat in her face. 

Reaching down he aggressively groped her exposed breast, making her squirm and begin kicking her legs as she attempted to get him to back up. He took one look down at her leg before he kicked her so hard directly across her]shin  she heard a snap, tears immediately springing to her eyes as he aggressively pulled her hair. 

“You are so easily broken kitten. Next time don’t test me. You are going to sit here and let me do as I please… same as you do for young Sallow you little Harlot” he screamed at her as she continued to cry, the pain from her leg beginning to take over her mind for the first time since Rookwood carved into her back. 

Suddenly she felt the ropes holding her to the beam released, however the binds on her wrists were still tied. She was forced onto her back as he crawled over her, and her eyes went wide in panic. 

“No, no no” she screamed into the gag but it wasn’t much use. All she could do was close her eyes, and think of another time and place… 

His brown eyes scanned hers intently, searching for any signs she didn’t want to continue.  They had decided to spend some alone time inside the room of requirement - as they so often did when they found a free moment - however this time had led to much more intensity than the pair had previously shared. 

“We don’t have to keep going, you know? I am perfectly fine to stop if you don’t feel comfortable…” Sebastian trailed off while his lower body continued to rock into hers.  They currently were pressed flush with one another, hips bones kissing between their clothes.  Sebastian’s right leg had found its between the pair of hers as she slid up and down ever so slightly on his solid and muscular thigh.  

Ever since the night in the shower, in which he finally felt the inside of her womanly walls with just his fingers, he couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to fully be sheathed inside of her.  Every private moment he had since that night was spent with his fist clenched around his manhood, imagining it was her velvety warmth surrounding him, pulling him in, instead of his hand. He almost always was able to release embarrassingly quick as he imagined the way her voice had sounded when he spewed the filth he spoke directly against her skin.  The way he threatened to put a child within her womb - something he had not realized brought him excitement to think about until that moment - became new source material when he was alone. 

Despite this deep rooted desire growing more and more powerful by the day, he still wanted any physical action they took to be by her guiding hand. If he was honest with himself, Sebastian hardly trusted himself to take the lead.  He knew if he did, there would be no stopping until his body got what it had been craving for weeks now: to be tightly pressed within her, until he filled her with every drop he could provide, all as he watched her come undone, squirming beneath him.  His mind would always go blank imagining the way her walls had fluttered around his fingers, and it caused him to become almost painfully hard to imagine what that would feel like wrapped around his length… 

“It is alright… I trust you Bash” she spoke with a shy smile, lifting her arms over her head to allow him to remove her top. Every time he had seen her in various states of undress it had been while bathing. Allowing him to do so now, although not a new sensation, however now without the guise of cleaning themselves felt different somehow. Knowing he would be able to see and feel her skin completely unobstructed by even water… 

Sebastian started to lift her shirt, moving it further up her torso until it pooled at her neck. Without warning he pulled it off her body completely, leaving her only in a thin corset as he brought his head down to her neck. Usually when he kissed her there, he was gentle, most often taking his time, and appreciated the soft sighs it drew from her. Now, she found him moving with haste.  She went to question it when she felt his teeth press into her skin before his tongue moved to coat the bite. His wet appendage soothing the area in which he had marked her. 

His kisses weren’t the only thing that seemed to have more energy than usual. His hips seemed to move faster against hers. His hands gripped her waist more firmly than usual, and if she had to guess, he might be leaving small bruises on her skin.  

His calloused hand lifted and he reached inside the cup of her corset, drawing out one of her breasts and squeezing the skin there almost roughly, as he moved his mouth down to suck her nipple into his warm and wet mouth.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the feelings he was providing… in fact if she was honest with herself, her undergarments were already soaked through as the young man seemingly knew all her weak points.  In their time together he had gotten much better at bringing her pleasure either directly, or by giving her enough of a mental image for when she was alone.  A small part of her wanted him to continue, to keep going until he had her fully naked and flushed beneath him, writhing as he continued this hastened pace while filling her tight hole with… 

“Are you sure? I just felt you shudder…” his voice was soft as he released her now perky nipple from the confines of his mouth, his breath making her shake. She looked away, wanting to avoid his stare. That did not last long as she felt his gentle fingertips abandon her breast and instead softly cup her chin. “Hey… look at me…” he pleaded. 

She always gave in when he used that kind but slightly commanding tone.  

“Please talk to me… tell me what’s going through that beautiful mind of yours” he asked, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, before running the back of his knuckle over the skin of her cheek.  

“I am just nervous that’s all…” she said, her eyes still not fully meeting his, as she felt him scan over every feature of her face. In fact, she found herself with her eyes locked onto the small white scar he had below his lip, apparently from a time in which Anne accidentally hit him in the face with a fire poker when they were young. She reached a delicate hand up, lightly using her thumb to trace over the faint white line that ran parallel with the outline of his plump bottom lip.  

“Why are you nervous?” he asked, in the most tender tone he could muster despite now being filled with anxiety that he had pressed her too far into things she was not ready for. He had hoped she would notice the change in his speech, but hoping for that was as useless as she knew him better than almost anyone. 

Eyes finally moving back to meet Sebastian’s, she kept stroking the small scar below his lip trying to ground herself before she continued. 

“Things have been… different lately when we have been alone. I am not uncomfortable with them, or with you, I simply…” she trailed off unsure how to word her thoughts to both explain her feelings and also not worry him. She had hoped Sebastian would speak up and save her from continuing but he didn’t. 

“How comfortable are we with having fully marital relations… At what point do you intend to stop? And if we continue, what will that leave for a future time?” she asked wearily, her face scrunching up as she hated to even ask him such questions.  In her mind, to commit to the extent of such acts would be to fully commit the rest of herself to Sebastian. Although she had no doubt in regards to their future… engaging in such physical shows of that was daunting to say the least. It seemed so adult, so distant yet physically in this moment it seemed possible. That fact was almost frightening. 

“At what point do you wish to stop?” he countered after a brief pause. She could sense the same inner conflict she was facing written across his features. The way his lips had remained parted, the way his eyebrows had drawn forward, the way his eyes looked both distant and close at the same time. 

She didn’t have a formulated answer for him.  The uncontrollable parts of herself wanting to keep going until they had done all that was natural… The other part wanted to wait. Perhaps not until they were wed, but at least for a time that could be special. She knew dinner was approaching and they would be rushing and she didn’t want Sebastian Atlas Sallow to quickly and unceremoniously deflower her, then go eat his weight in mashed potato surrounded by their friends as if nothing had happened… 

“I’m not… I am not sure… what-” she kept trying to get her brain and mouth to cooperate, however, doing so was proving more difficult than she thought as Sebastian’s hand had returned to stroking the bare skin beneath her breast. 

“How about this…” Sebastian started to speak but when he looked down and saw her wide eyes looking up at him, blinking so innocently and purely, he couldn’t help himself: Sebastian bent down and kissed her. His lips pressing down harshly on hers as he passionately filled her mouth with a groan before pulling away. “Sorry… I seem to be having difficulty restraining myself…” he suddenly felt very embarrassed, as his lack of restraint seemed to be what was causing their issue. Sebastian went to retract himself completely from her, when he felt a hand keeping him in place.

“It’s alright Bash… I am also having the same issue if I am honest.” She thought for a moment. “What were you going to recommend?” she asked, moving her arms to rest on his shoulders, her fingers playing with his hair as she let the weight of their situation evaporate. 

There was no need to be nervous: This was just her and Sebatian. They knew each other. They trusted each other. There was not a thing they couldn’t talk about. They would come to a resolution. 

“I was going to suggest… if you want to keep going we can always go until you are uncomfortable, however if I am honest with you, I do not know how well I will be able to hold back. I mean if you only knew the thoughts I was having right now… you’d probably be disgusted with me.” he said somewhere between shame and humor. The combination would be odd if he had been speaking to anyone but her, but there were no reservations at this point of their relationship. 

“Enlighten me then” she said. 

“What?” he asked, unsure what she meant. 

“Tell me what thoughts you have running through your brain. I want to hear them.  I can assure you Sebastian, they likely aren’t that different from my own” she said barely above a whisper as her hips rocked into his gently. 

“I.. I can’t.” he tried to reason with her, tried to get her to understand that he couldn’t. It would be the furthest thing from what a gentleman would do.  She deserved a kind, honest, man; not a horny, touch deprived, young man who wanted nothing more than to fill her walls with his release, despite not having any real right or claim to do so.

“Please” she begged, forcing his eyes back up into her own as she tried to get him to be honest with her about what he wanted. Except Sebastian didn’t know what he wanted that was within reason. 

“More. I want more.” was all he said with an exasperated sigh. 

“More of what?” she asked, perplexed by his answer. 

“More touching, more kissing, more contact. I want to go further than what we have been doing. More than even that night in the shower. I just want more of you. And I know that’s wrong of me to want, and I can assure you that this is not me asking you for such things. But every second since that night we shared that first kiss, I can’t stop thinking of claiming you in any way imaginable. Every moment in which I am next to you, it is all I can think of. Those sounds you make, the way you look as if the heavens have opened up right before me, it's all too much. How could I not have my mind filled with rich and colorful depictions of you. You lying beneath me, you lying on top of me, you standing next to me as I take you against the wall, you spread out across the desk: simply just you. Oh if you only knew the vulgarity in which I think of you-” he felt his whole body begin to shake at his open admission.  

Sebastian expected her to slap him, berate him, but he was surprised to see him eying his clothed chest curiously.  He was even more surprised when she slowly started to undo the top few buttons with one hand. 

“Hey, just because I told you that… we do not need to continue, in fact I do believe it is better that we do not fully commit to marital relations now.” he explained and she shook her head. He tried to reason with her, against his own body’s desires as she pushed the shirt from his body. “I mean it, I want to wait. I want to make things special for you. I don’t want you to feel pressured by my account when I know-” she interrupted him. 

“You don’t understand.” she spoke so matter of fact that it caused his eyebrows to draw. 

“Don’t understand what?” 

“The ways in which I want you Sebastian. You aren’t the only one who wants to feel the full extent of your length inside of me.  You think that I don’t want to give myself to you? You already have my heart, my mind, my spirit: how could I not want to give you my body as well? I have no concerns for the semantics but Merlin- it’s nearly the only thing I think about these days. How much I want to truly, irrevocably and wholeheartedly give you everything I am.  How much I want you to look into my eyes as you feel the full extent of my love.” She started in a similar tone to which he had spoken before.

“We don’t -“ he tried to get her to stop but she kept going as she moved her fingers lower, reaching for the clasp of his belt.

“You cannot possibly know how difficult it is when I see you sweating at crossed wands to not imagine you taking me then and there. How I see your hands clutching your quill in class and immediately imagine how they felt inside of me. You probably don’t even realize how I’ve gotten so well at rubbing my legs together to ease the tension under the desk have you?” She questioned rhetorically. 

She finished undoing his belt and the button holding his trousers. Sebastian hadn’t even realized she was already holding him in her delicate hands until he looked down and saw his length in her hands, blushing brightly and already leaking. 

“I agree that I do not think we should do such things now but trust me when I say that you are not the only one who wants to.” She said, staring into his brown eyes, trying to assure him that she wanted to go a step further. Not fully commit herself to him yet, but to find a middle ground in the meantime.

Sebastian wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, she had already stripped him bare and she was nearly in the same position herself: only her uniform trousers and undergarments between them. On the other hand, he was unsure what this was leading to. As if she was reading his mind she spoke to explain. 

“I will tell you when I wish to stop moving forward… Can we please just keep going for now?” she asked, ever so sweetly and he knew that despite thinking this may not end well, he could not possibly say no to her when she begged him like that. 

Renewed was the sense of urgency and almost dominance in which he had before. Trusting that she would in fact stop him should she want to, he let go of the anxiety he’d had brewing and instead focused on getting her trousers down her thighs. It didn’t take long to push the offending material from her body, along with sliding her thin pair of bloomers down as well, leaving her as bare as he was.  

Looking around the Room of Requirement, he realized he didn’t want whatever was about to occur on the sofa of all places, so he stood, grabbing the cushions from the furniture, placing them in front of the fireplace, before tossing the blanket she kept in there over top of the makeshift bed he’d made. Walking closer he held out his hand for her, and she took it, allowing him to walk the both of them to the front of the fireplace. 

Slowly, Sebastian sank to his knees, pulling her along with him, as they both kissed each other while the fire crackled behind them.  He used his arm to pull her closer, wrapping it around her small waist. When her chest made contact with his own he couldn’t help but let out a slight groan, loving the warmth their bodies created together. 

His tongue entered her mouth without much resistance, as they both groped and grabbed at each other in the thrones of passion. Somewhere along the way he snaked a hand up into her hair, retrieving the pin she was using to hold it up off her neck, and pulled the offending thing out of the updo before tossing it as far away as he possibly could.  He then shoved his hands up into her tresses, collecting a handful at her nape before pulling it slightly so that her head tipped upwards to accommodate his tension on her hair. 

“I have told you so many times now, that I prefer your hair down” he said somewhere between a gruff commandment and a love drunk admission before continuing by saying, “All I can think of is pulling it, much like this, as I force my length inside of you, while I pull these beautiful tresses off your face so I can watch as you take all of me”

His words sent such a warm flash all across her body as she felt it almost painfully in her core.  The thought of Sebastian, pressing himself inside of her in that manner, a thought he seemingly had by his own admission, almost became too much. Almost. 

Her eyes immediately sought him in dire need, but for what for, she wasn’t exactly sure. She just knew she wanted him.  She wanted him closer.  She wanted him to keep touching her with the blatant need he was using.  She wanted him to keep talking to her this way.  To encourage him to keep going, she used her hands to grab onto his shoulders and pull him even more against her body as she flung her weight into his open arms, her tongue pressing into his mouth as she moaned against his lips. 

Sebastian didn’t even have time to open his eyes to check if she was alright before she had flung herself more onto him. Not that he was complaining however. He liked having her trying to get as close as humanly possible.  He abandoned pulling her hair, to instead cup the nape of her neck with his large palm, as he continued to let their mouths mesh together. Eventually he pulled away, almost lightheaded as he looked down at her with a hooded gaze. 

“Lie down on your back”, he told her and she humbly did as he asked, sliding off her knees and onto the floor where he had laid out the cushions. For a moment she looked up at him, eyes wide with anticipation before she followed his eyes as they tracked from her face down her body. 

She brought her arms up, attempting to shield as much of herself as she could from just openly being on display in such a vulnerable position but he quickly put a stop to that, as he moved to straddle her hips, collecting her arms in his hands, as he pinned them next to her face. Sebastian let go of her arms as he looked into her eyes. He could feel her body shaking. 

“Is this too much? Please tell me if I am being too much of a brute.” he begged her, hoping that she would be honest. 

“I wouldn’t say you are being a brute, but… perhaps we could ease up just a little…” she said weakly.  The comment about her hair, and wanting to enter her hadn’t been offensive, but it had definitely caught her off guard. While she realized Sebastian would never do so without her consent, and was likely referring to actual married relations, she still wished to dial it back some.  Not that she didn’t find the idea enticing - she did - it just should be reserved for a different time perhaps… 

“Absolutely, I apologize if I went too far.” he said,  shame filling his voice and she moved one of her hands to his waist and the other  to his cheek. 

“It’s alright. We are figuring this out together.” she reassured him. She still felt anxious as she could feel his arousal pressing into her hip bone, as he hovered over her bare frame.  

“Why don’t we just… lay here for a moment?” Sebastian offered after a long beat of silence and she nodded her head in agreement. Letting out a breath he seemed to have been holding in, Sebastian crawled back off the girl, falling to the space beside her in order for them both to situate themselves. He was almost surprised when she turned over, placing her head along his chest, flinging a leg over his hips, but he didn’t question it as he wrapped an arm around her waist. 

They laid there for a while, bare while cuddled up next to each other by the fire. Sebastian almost started nodding off, as the feeling of content washed over him much faster than he anticipated.  He always thought intercourse was the best part of being naked with a woman, however, laying here he realized that perhaps just to hold each other innocently had more appeal. Not that he’d know otherwise. 

What woke him up was a slight movement along his pelvis. When he looked down he saw her, once again moving up and down against his body trying to get some friction. Sebastian decided that it might be best for him to not say anything, and allow the girl to do as she wanted. Closing his eyes he let her continue. 

He didn’t open his eyes as she slid over him, legs going to either side of his hips. He didn’t open his eyes when she hovered over him pressing kisses to his neck, shoulders, chest and just about anywhere she could reach. He only moved to wrap his arms snuggly around her waist when she started to nibble on his earlobe, a feeling he would never get used to or neglect to enjoy. He didn’t open his eyes when she continued to move up and down along his thighs, despite feeling her wetness leaking out on his leg. He didn’t open his eyes when she stopped moving to pick up his length and stroke it - his eyebrows drawing as he was incredibly sensitive. 

He did however open his eyes, when he felt his tip pressed against something soft and wet. The feeling shocked him enough that he looked down to see if she had placed him inside her mouth. He was shocked however to find just the head of his cock enveloped by her thighs. He was pressed within the small area between the apex of her thighs and her womanhood, an area that had seemingly collected the wetness that was trickling out of her. 

Without warning she continued to rut her hips against him, sliding herself along his shaft, as she continued to leak all over him. Sebastian’s mind went blank. 

Sure he wasn’t inside of her, but she had her womanhood pressed against his length and she was getting herself off to the feeling of his manhood applying pressure on her clitorus - that alone made him want to scream in excitement as this feeling was almost too much. 

He looked up at her wildly, mind still blank as she moved and let out a cacophony of small noises. His mouth unintentionally fell open and he tried his hardest to not move a muscle for fear he would fall from between her leg, and this moment would end. 

He cried out when he looked down, seeing himself working open just the outer area of her body, the head of his cock nestled between her lower lips, from the unrestrained movements she was making as she worked herself closer and closer to release. She continued to move her hips along his own, using his body to get herself off and he let her. Something about watching the way she moved, knowing it was him and his body providing her such pleasure made him pulse. 

Without warning Sebastian suddenly felt a new sensation and he panicked. When he looked down again, he felt himself suddenly pressed against something he had only touched with his hands: Sebastian’s cock was lightly kissing her opening, yet not actually entering the hole. Both their eyes went wide, realizing she’d accidentally moved him that close to being inside of her. 

She realized what had happened in her uncoordinated movements a brief moment before Sebastian had, as she knew exactly where her body's opening was and how sensitive it could be. She recalled the feeling of Sebastian’s fingers prodding her entrance a few weeks back, and how he had stretched her. Now with the head of his cock pressed against the same spot, a spot she would one day allow him to enter in this exact manner, brought on a bout of shaking through her body. It was exhilarating to get so close to the edge but not go over it: especially knowing that at any moment Sebastian could thrust his hips and his tip would be enveloped inside her heat…

The unfamiliar weight of him pressing against her opening, as it throbbed with need. Need to get inside. Need to move within her body. Need to hit all those spots that had felt good under Sebastian’s fingers. Need to bury his load as deep inside as it could get. It was as if she could feel all of these things as they pressed together in this way. Her own body, also pulsating, with the same desperation of wanting to be entered, to be stretched, to be filled.

She stilled for a moment, as he looked up at her, on the verge of combusting. He imagined the pair of them looked quite similar. Hair damp with sweat along their hairlines. Blush covering now just their face but their chests and shoulders. Sebastian’s cock twitched painfully, knowing all it would take would be for her to push forward and he would be inside her velvety walls.

If you had asked him, he isn’t sure what exactly possessed him to do it truly. It went against every endorphin, thought and fiber in his being to do so. Yet, he cupped her cheek, forcing her to look down at him before he spoke. 

“This is almost too much truly” he squeaked out, voice very foreign to him. He meant it. As much as his body wanted to keep going he knew deep down this was about to get very real very quick. 

“It, it was an accident…” she tried to explain how they found themselves in the situation. She hasn’t meant for them to be this close to marital relations. She had just gotten carried away as she had been grinding along his shaft, lost in the feeling of pleasuring herself on his hard length, as the warm skin applying friction to her clitorus was exhilarating. 

Sebastian knew it was an accident, but that didn’t stop him from going slack at the feeling. It didn’t stop him from wanting to keep going despite knowing it was not a good idea. He took in a deep and shaky breath, hands abandoning her waist to run over his own face. Eventually he was able to settle himself the best he could while still being nestled that close to her. The pair had stilled when the contact had been made and for fear of what could happen they both remained with their hips pressed together in the same way. 

“Trust me when I say I would love nothing more than for this…” he trailed off insinuating what they both were thinking, “I can’t in good conscience do so without the both of us making the decision with a clear and level head”.

“I agree…” she concluded but didn’t move. 

“However… if you would like to keep doing what you just were…” he implied the rutting of her hips against his. He hadn’t expected to feel so close just from fucking her thighs and labia but the warmth of her skin, the wetness that spilled from her and the feeling of her movements was enough to also be getting him close to finishing, as it had been for her. 

She looked at him quizzically, almost as if asking which part he’d been referring to. Instead of speaking, he moved his hands back to her waist and lifted her hips just enough so that his length moved to lie, his tip touching his abdomen. When they looked down and saw it, leaking slightly near his naval, they sighed. He maintained holding her up for a moment with one hand by placing it under her thigh, then using his other hand to gently separate her lower lips, before setting her back down, this time on top of his shaft. 

Instead of waiting for her to move, Sebastian slid the girl's hips up and down with his hands, aiding her in dancing along his shaft for the friction she seemed to enjoy. They both sighed as she slowly started to move with his aid, her hands falling to his shoulders as she steadied herself on top of his body. 

Sebastian wishes he could say he looked into her eyes the whole time, but the way her breasts seemed to bounce and move with each rut of her hips was entirely too distracting for him. The way her body felt on his - the softness, the warmth, the wetness leaking out of her directly onto him - it was earth shattering. Sebastian could hardly imagine how incredible the real thing would feel some day with how amazing this felt. 

She also found herself in a similar situation.  She had never felt Sebastian’s hardness pressed against her front - it was always her back and usually the result of unintentional morning wood. To feel him tightly pressed against her pearl, sliding up and down on it as she felt the friction unobstructed by clothes, felt like one of the single most important feelings her young body had experienced. More so than when he just kissed her, or used his mouth on her, or even when he pressed his finger inside of her - this was so much better.  It satisfied her in ways she dared not to think imaginable. 

She found herself gasping when he moved a hand up to cup her breast, before kneading the flesh as he stared up into her face. The movement, the way he was holding her body, the way the Slytherin boy’s mouth fell open into almost a perfect “o” shape before his teeth snapping together quickly and his eyebrows drawing at the exact moment his cock twitched again under her rutting. Seeing the faces he was making, paired with the grunting sounds he had started to let out, no longer embarrassed to be vocal, she tipped her head back, unable to keep looking at him. The sights, the sounds, the feeling of his body under hers, it was too much. 

Her soft whimpers were slowly turning into louder and more uncontrollable whines as she felt a burn in her thighs from holding herself up, however she couldn’t stop moving as the pleasure it brought was better than the exertion to her sore muscles. Somewhere between catching her breath she managed to choke out “Bash, I -” as an explanation for why her thighs were suddenly shaking much more than before.  She only had a moment before she knew the exhaustion of moving on top of him would prevent her from continuing before she managed to finish.

Sebastian, despite not being able to put much of a coherent thought together, seemed to understand that her body physically could not move much more, so he abandoned groping her breast and instead reached to where she was rubbed against him, pressing his finger to the small hood there. The satisfaction of his action, almost instantaneous as she let out a shrill noise, letting him rub her clitorus with his middle and pointer fingers, all the while he took over from below as he moved his body up into hers. 

The strain of his physical action caused him to abandon his restraint in other areas, such as preventing him from the occasional grunt or groan leaving his lips instead of the usual more repressive sighs.  Even further, he found himself speaking incoherently to her without even meaning to, but once the words had passed his lips there was no putting them back. 

“You are a dream, Fuck-” he slipped in the swear amidst the phrase, but he knew deep down that he truly meant it. She looked absolutely radiant on top of him, her body flushed and glistening with sweat. Her trembling and voice calling out for him, and only him. Sebastian couldn’t help but bring his other hand up gently, running his fingers over her skin, as if to make sure she was real, that this was real. 

“You like this? Like how I am making you feel darling? Can’t you just imagine how someday you’ll ride me like this? How much better it’ll feel when I am pulsing within you?” he sighed as she looked back down at him, her eyes wide. Sebastian decided now might be a good time to speed up his fingers as he could feel himself about to release and he wanted to make sure she also reached that point of pleasure as well. So he kept going, since his words seemed to be helping her just as much as his hand…

“Naughty little thing aren’t you… almost let me slip inside you earlier… Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to hold back? Not letting you do so, when all I want is to just claim you…” he said as she looked around the room frantically trying to find something to ground herself as she felt herself about to go over an edge. Sebastian saw her, reaching his hand up to her chin, pulling it down so he could move her face closer to his, kissing her passionately before backing away to continue. 

“Don’t worry Mo leannan… I got you… let it out… don’t hold back…” he whispered sweetly against her lips despite a strong want to shout something much more vulgar as he felt her tense around him then cry out, burying her face in his neck as she shook. 

Sebastian didn’t still his movements, chasing his own release, but he did softly caress the skin of her back and reach over to bury his nose in her hair, breathing her in as he kept going - the more gentle and romantic tone shifting back as he felt himself on the verge of finishing. 

“Merlin, I love you. I fucking love you so much. I love-” he started as he sped up, wiggling his hips with more abandon than before, despite finding it more difficult to, as she had sagged more of her dead weight into him as she felt the aftershocks of her release. The words he spoke caused her to pull back and look him in the eyes. His face contorting with pleasure, his brow damp with sweat, his cheeks bright red. He kept saying ‘i love you’ with more and more gusto as he kept going, as if the phrase became a matra on his lips until he finally felt himself about to start spilling against his abdomen. 

“I’m going to -” he started as a warning to let her know he was finishing. She suckled in a breath, and at the last second she moved herself to rise. Sebastian assumed she was doing so to avoid getting his mess on her, but he was shocked when he felt her fingers angle just the tip of his cock inside the outer area of her womanhood, once again resting at just her opening as he spilled with a string of curses.  

She felt his cock throb intensely as her outer walls were flooded with his release.  She looked down at him, as his usual refined speech had been replaced with vulgarity, and it pleased her to see Sebastian so enraptured by what had happened that he allowed himself to act in that manner. Once he finally stopped spilling against her cunt, she pulled back, watching as it all ran down her thighs, before collapsing onto the floor beside him. 

The two let their breath even out before looking at one another, knowing that they had gotten as close to full marital relations as a pair could. The internal warmth and happiness that radiated between them was unmatched. 

“That was wonderful” she said after a moment. 

“It makes me really look forward to the real thing.” he admitted before he chuckled and pulled her close to his chest, not caring about the mess in their laps. “Although I do recommend us not blowing the grounsils when we do attempt the unbridled version”. 

“What? Do you have a thing against warm fireplaces and soft cushions?” she retorted as she attempted to situate his hair.  

“I am not going to deflower you on the ground: cushions and roaring fire aside.  I plan to save that for a bed, more than likely a marital one at that” he said matter of factly.  

“So you have thought of deflowering me…” she teased

“Deflowering you… bedding you nightly… putting my seed in you… list goes on I am afraid.” he chuckled, because despite the joking tone he used they both knew he was far from joking. 

“Perhaps you are a brute.” she said with a laugh as he joined in, the two of them moving closer in the warmth of the firelight… 

A familiar sound broke her out of the vivid daydream she’d conjured in her mind.  When she reopened her eyes she was shocked to see the phoenix - the one she’d rescued at the recommendation of Deek - with its talons buried deep in the man's eyes as he screamed. Looking down she realized that her bloomers were in fact still on, and the man had hardly gotten far as the creature she had saved, in turn had come to help her in a time of need.  If she wasn’t so tired, sore and frightened she’d question exactly how it had escaped the room of requirement. Perhaps she could figure that out later. 

For now the beast was attacking the man, who sought cover by falling to the floor and crawling in the direction of the flap, using his arms to guide him. She sat up, looking around to try and find something to cut the bindings when the bird flew over to her, sitting on the grown next to where she lay.  It lowered its head, and initially she thought it was to bite at her restraints but she realized instead that he was attempting to heal the worst of her injuries with its tears. 

Poppy had explained the strength of a phoenix tear in healing injury but she hadn’t expected it to be so immensely powerful.  Looking down at the broken bone in her leg, she watched it heal almost instantly.  She removed the gag from between her lips finally.

“Thank you friend” she said, lifting her still bound hands to stroke his feathered head and he bowed gracefully as she struggled to stand.  Still weak from the torture and the other injuries she held, she attempted to manuver herself to the table in search of a weapon to defend herself with or perhaps something to cover herself, however she found herself still shaken up at what had transpired. 

As much as she wanted to just curl up on the floor of the tent and cry, she hardly had time for that. Knowing whatever was happening outside would provide her enough cover to possibly escape, she knew she needed to act quickly. Finding her wand was likely out of the realm of possibility, however perhaps she could discover where the man who had attempted to assault her, had dropped his. 

Falling back to the floor she searched for it in the darkness.  Eventually her fingers found the wood, and she lifted it knowing this was her chance. Just as she moved to cast a spell to remove her restraints she heard movement at the front of the tent.  Moving as quickly as she could while injured she turned around, aiming in the general direction she heard the noise.  

She had expected the man to come back after settling from his injury. Another poacher who had come to check on her… Possibly even Rookwood himself. Instead she was met with the shocked and not to mention horrified face of her potions professor. 

Lowering the wand she stumbled forward, arms crossing over her chest as she made her way to him. Sometime as she moved he called out diffindo, loosening the restraints so that her arms finally broke free, leaving only the nasty purple lines marked in her skin from the rope burn. 

As she finally made it in front of Professor Sharp, he had already removed his outer coat, passing it to her in order to protect the young girl’s modesty.  To say he was completely and utterly disgusted when he had pulled the tent flap back was an understatement. 

Aesop Sharp had seen many things during his time as an Auror. Unspeakable types of horrors - the kind that kept him awake at night. Seeing such a young girl, who hardly appeared fragile, broken and beaten, not to mention stripped nearly bare, enraged him in ways he had not imagined possible. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he would soon be a father, and should he have a daughter himself, the thought of someone harming a girl so young in this brutal fashion made him want to burn every single criminal in the camp to the ground. Seeing one of his prized students near unrecognizable almost caused him to gag, but the man powered through for the sake of getting her out alive, and without further injury. 

He tried to find the words but nothing truly worthy of the situation would come to mind. 

She rushed towards him, tears still on her face as she sobbed a quick sound he perceived to be relief as he covered her shoulders with his long coat. He watched as she pitifully attempted to fasten the buttons on the inside of the lapel, her fingers shaking wildly as she sniffled.  He took a step closer, moving his eyes to look up at her face so he wouldn’t disrespect the young girl, as he pulled the lapels as far away from her body, hoping to avoid accidentally brushing her with his hands as he aided her in closing his jacket. 

It hung off the poor girl's frame, going down to her shins and falling past her fingertips considerably. Given the circumstances it did enough of its job at covering her modesty, despite looking painfully awkward.   

“I fear we don’t have much time Miss y/l/n. The distraction that has been provided to us I imagine has nearly run its course. Unfortunately you are too injured to apparate, so we must make it to the nearby hamlet and use their floo network. Are you able to move on your own?” Sharp asked, removing a potion from his pocket, passing it to the girl before drinking the rest himself. He knew if need be he could carry her, but given the pain already flaring in his leg he hoped it would not come to that. He simply needed to get her out of the camp and find Miss Sweeting as the centaurs covered their retreat. 

“I… I think so.” she said unsure and he looked into her terrified features, noticing the girl had not stopped shaking and her breathing had become erratic.

“We hardly have time to dwell on the fragility of the situation-” he started as the girl’s eyes once again glassed over with tears and he let out a frustrated sigh. He could hardly blame her, she was young after all, but they did not have a large window to escape. 

“Se-Sebastian?” She managed to choke out, seemingly asking if he was there and the professor shook his head, letting her know that the fellow Slytherin was not in the poacher camp. At first he thought she wanted the young man's comfort, especially now knowing the depth of their relationship due to Poppy Sweeting, so it surprised him when the look of relief flashed over the young girl’s eyes. She simply nodded, happy to know that her love was far from the camp as they set off, casting an illusion charm to avoid unnecessary detection.  

She was wholly unprepared for the state of the poacher camp as they made their way outside. Flames licked every other structure except for the tent she had emerged from. Dark wizards casting various spells towards the centaurs who fired spears and arrows. It was much worse than when she had emerged temporarily with Victor before being shoved back inside. The smoke, shouting and all around chaos all too captivating as she stood there stunned until Professor Sharp emerged from behind her, parchment in hand, as he reached to shove them inside the outer part of the coat she wore. Once stowed, he reached a large and calloused hand out, retrieving one of hers as he pulled her along as quickly as his injured leg would allow them.  

They didn’t make it very far before their spell was dropped and he pushed her behind him, her eyes falling on his waistcoat clasp as she heard Victor’s voice call out into the night. 

“And just where do you think you’re going?” he asked as she peaked her face around from behind the professor, the stolen wand she held pointed out. She refused to go back there. She refused to let this man walk away given all the pain he had caused Sebastian and his family. 

Professor Sharp instead spoke for her, “Torturing young girls, defiling them, Victor? That’s low, even for the likes of you” he seethed, not truly caring what the criminal would say. He was simply ready to get them out of the danger as quickly as possible. 

“I would hardly say I have defiled her more than that Sallow boy has. Perhaps you need to keep a better eye on your students, Aesop” Victor replied, not a shred of worry evident in his tone. 

“This has gone far enough. We are leaving.” Sharp was not in the mood to play games and he wasn’t below blasting his way out of the camp should it be necessary. 

“Oh please, that girl is hardly the delicate flower in which she pretends to be. If you could only see what she is capable of…” Victor alluded to her power and she began to feel herself grow more and more angry by the second.  As the two began to argue, she sensed her wand’s presence close by - the thunderbird tail feather core calling out to her like a homing beacon. Using the one she had stolen, she took advantage of the two men being distracted long enough to call out Expelliarmus, looking up happily as it flew from Rookwood’s pocket back into her outstretched hand. 

She dropped the wand she had stolen, suddenly feeling happy being reunited with the wand that seemingly understood her intentions better than herself. Immediately upon feeling it safely back in her own hands, she felt it vibrate, its almost sentience had always perplexed but delighted her. She did not however have much time to ponder this, as the professor was once again pushing her out of the way of Rookwood’s curses and hexes. 

“Y/n!” a voice called out from behind her, as Poppy Sweeting emerged from the battle being accompanied by Dorran. The girl felt Poppy’s arms go around her frame and squeeze her. Despite the pain it caused she was more than glad to see she was alright. 

“Anne, did you get to Anne?” she asked and Poppy nodded. 

“Yes I did. Solomon was furious, but Anne is safety at Hogwarts and the matron is looking over the book now. Perhaps she’s even healed already.” Poppy said slightly breathless as the fight must’ve taken energy from her. It was then the Hufflepuff looked over her beaten frame, eyes softening as she looked at her. 

“What did they do to you?” Poppy asked with a sad tone and wobbly lip, finally seeing the extent of the scar forming across her face and the visible marks. Above the girls a flash of red moved down, landing on a nearby piece of debris as Poppy turned stunned to see the bird. 

“Right now that hardly matters… Solomon knew what Rookwood did to Anne. That’s why he was insistent on Sebastian and I giving up searching for a cure.” she explained, looking up to see Sharp and Rookwood hurling curses at one another. Once again her blood boiling at the reminder he intended initially to hurt her love, and still likely would, given the chance. She refused to give him that chance. 

Walking forward before Poppy could stop her, she watched as one of the curses sent Professor Sharp stumbling back slightly. She moved her body in front of the professors, lifting the wand to stare down Victor. 

“Finally come to fight your own battles little one?” he taunted and she didn’t respond. Lifting a wand she attempted to send him flying backwards with bombarda, only to have him block the curse. 

“I will admit, you have a spark, but it's not going to be enough to protect that boy. It was always supposed to be him. And once we are done here it will be…” he threatened and that was all it took for her to lunge at him, magic neglected for a moment, as she threw as much of her body weight as she could into her fist. 

The satisfying ‘pop’ that echoed throughout the night as it collided with his nose startling everyone from Professor Sharp, to Poppy, even some of the centaurs close by.  Everything else in the camp died down for a moment as everyone came to watch her and Rookwood. She backed up only a few steps giving him room as his nose started to bleed. 

“You dirty little harlot!” he seethed as she stared at him from only a few paces away, wand raised ready for his attack. 

“Wasn’t it you who said that sometimes it's more fun to use your hands instead of magic Victor?” she retorted, remembering what he had said before he had carved into her face. The burning feeling of her now split knuckles only making her feel more energized.  

“You are going to regret that when I get a hold of Sallow do you understand girl? He is going to suffer just as his uncle had initially intended, and then some for your insolence.” he threatened. She did not see the reactions of her companions but the gasp taken in by Poppy drew the attention of Professor Sharp as he realized there was no getting between the Slytherin girl, so best to protect the hufflepuff. 

Calmly she stared down the man, watching as his fingers tightened around the hilt of his dark wand and she felt her own wand warm within her hand. Intuitions correct, she cast expelliarmus as Victor raised and fired his own. 

Expelliarmus. Avada Kedavra. 

Trusting her wand, she let its aim guide her, as its red bolt crossed with Rookwood’s green - a bright light emerging where their wands had crossed. 

She had never actually had her magic cross anothers, so initially she felt overwhelmed, certain he would win out this battle as the fatigue set in and he pushed it closer to her. She knew that if he prevailed she would cease to be.  Trying to steady herself as much as possible, she pushed back, recalling Sebastian’s smiling face and brown eyes, as she kept pushing him back. Their crossed section thus flying back more towards the center between them. 

Eventually Rookwood himself needed to drop the spell, no longer able to hold on. The two of them slid back slightly as they had successfully repelled each other. Using the opportunity she fired upwards quickly, not allowing him a second to rest, before summoning a beam from the sky, drawing it down upon him as he barely had time to react. He only partially deflected the ancient magic, leaving his usually regal robes scorched. 

Victor’s eyes went wide, realizing that despite all the injury, she still had enough power to obliterate him. Once again they stared each other down as everyone else watched, ready to continue fighting or run depending on who walked away victorious. Professor Sharp looked at the two, worried having already seen him use the killing curse once, but knowing if he stepped in that he could accidentally cause her harm by distracting her, or worse make his pregnant wife a widow and his unborn child fatherless. 

She felt wave after wave of rage within her, but knew that with her former auror professor behind her she could not resort to the unforgivables, despite wanting to. She could continue to use spells she knew, or she could keep using ancient magic. But one thing was for certain, she would not allow Victor Rookwood to walk away even if it was the last thing she did.  

“I am not leaving without my birthright! Damn the Sallows, I want what is mine!” he began to shout, once again casting hexes her way as she moved to defend them. 

“Charles Rookwood would’ve wanted you nowhere near that magic! As for the Sallows, you shall not go near them ever again. I will make sure of it.” she responded, anger finally seeping out as she stopped the last of his hexes. 

“The arrogance of a child!” he screamed, once again firing at her, her wand moving instinctively to stop it. This time, not with the use of a spell, but her ancient magic. Blue and Green streams of magic, crossing in the center. Hers not visible to the naked eye, only in the spot that theirs crossed could anyone see what she had done. 

Unlike the previous attempt, her ancient magic was much stronger than simply a disarming charm. She could feel it physically flowing from her, instead of just the air around her. It burned. It burned with power. It burned with her anger. It burned with her pain. It burned with her love for Sebatian Sallow. 

Deep down she knew Rookwood would not walk away.

She watched as it crept closer and closer to the man, as she pushed him back further and further. With each push of the magic she stepped closer as well. Rookwoods hat had been knocked off during the fight and as she made her way to him she could see every detail of his face. The crows feet near his eyes, the slightly grayish blond scruff on his cheeks, his cropped sandy hair damp with sweat along his hairline. Most importantly: she saw the fear in his eyes. 

After all the pain this man had caused she spared little in the way of remorse. Often she would consider herself to be a nonviolent person. She frequently seemed to have to settle Sebastian from wanting to start an altercation with people like Leander or his uncle. If possible with invisibility charms and potions, she tried to avoid using violence even on poachers, dark wizards and even goblins.  Yet this man, she could not help but want to watch as the light left his eyes. 

For all the pain he’d caused Anne Sallow. Every cry in which she witnessed at the girl’s expense filled her ears. For every argue she bore witness to between Sebastian and Solomon. For every night Sebastian had cried in her arms, feeling helpless to save his twin sister, frightened to face the idea that his last remaining family would be stripped away from him. The way his tears had filled her hair as he sobbed, his strong limbs going slack around her. For every frustration she held knowing that Rookwood just as easily wanted to harm him instead. It all came to a breaking point. 

Rookwood fell back, shoving the magic into the air by some miracle of merlin as he struggled along the ground to catch his breath. 

“I promise to stay away from the Sallows! I can tell you how to heal the girl! I promise, please just let me go!” he begged. How pathetic, she couldn’t help but think. 

Not her proudest moment, but she moved to her knees, crouching, then grabbing his coat lapel and shoving the tip of her wand under his chin, “Tell me then. How do I save Anne?” she asked, not feeling very inclined to believe him, but asking regardless. 

“She simply needs the counter curse, I have it written-” he started, frantically trying to appeal to her better nature as he continued to beg. 

“In the journal I stole.” she stated and he nodded, seeming to believe that he’d won her over. As she loosened her grasp. 

“Unfortunately Victor, that means you have no value to me.” she stated, pushing him back to the ground as she raised her wand once more. His eyes grew wide as he made one last attempt to kill her in order to spare himself. 

For the magical creatures. For Dorran and his tribe. For the people of the highlands. For Anne. For her heart and soul: Sebastian Sallow.

In the end her ancient magic pushed the killing curse forward, consuming his body with a dramatic flash of blue, visible to everyone around despite being a magic she alone could see regularly.  Instead of falling to the ground limp and gray, it was as if every fiber of him evaporated into dust, as the area where Victor once stood was replaced with ash. 

At this she fell, the centaurs once again raising their bows as the poachers and wizards within the camp began to apparate away or continue fighting. She could feel Professor Sharp's arms pulling her as she stood there stunned. Her face, she realized, was wet with tears and her body seemed unresponsive as he went to retrieve her. Collapsing into the man, the pain, exhaustion and emotion taking over. She had little fight left in her as he lifted her, despite the protest in his leg and set off to Feldcroft, hoping he could make it back before her injury set in. 

“I’m sorry” she said quietly into the man’s chest as he carried her, Poppy Sweeting lingering close by as Dorran and his second in command lingered to protect their escape. 

“Do not apologize. You are quite brave. Makings of a fine Auror if you ask me” he said, hoping to keep the girl awake, for fear if she closed her eyes she may not wake up. He quickened his pace, knowing he needed to get her back to the school, and quickly. 

“Sebastian?” she asked pitifully.

“I will find Mr. Sallow I assure you. And I will also be speaking with his uncle on the matter of conspiring with a known criminal. Solomon shall pay for what he has done…” he said sternly and she nodded. 

“I- thank you for rescuing me Professor Sharp” she muttered quietly and he looked down at her broken face, covered in soot and dried blood. 

“I dare say you did most of that yourself. Do me a favor and keep talking please.” he said, sensing that she was only a few seconds from nodding off entirely. 

“About what?” she mumbled 

“Anything you’d like.” he responded, shifting her weight the best he could as he felt the pain in his leg beginning to hurt more. “You’ve been such a wonderful influence on Sebastian, I hope you realize that. He seemed very… misguided before you arrived.” he admitted. Aesop recounted the conversations he had in private between himself and the other faculty, and how the girl in his arms seemed to have brought the boy back from the brink of falling victim to something dark. 

“I love him.” she said simply, through clenched teeth. 

“I think it's admirable.  So often we are willing to do anything for those we love.” Aesop recounted, thinking of his wife and how angry he had been when he met her. How he too was headed down a dark road searching for a cure, and only Rebecca had pulled him back to his senses. 

“It hurts” she admitted as a tear leaked out of the corner of her good eye and he softened, pulling her close as he picked up the pace once again. 

“I know, we are nearly there… I’ve got you. I promise.” he said, breaking out into a sprint as he saw the Floo Flame.

Sebastian had never quite felt adrenaline like this before.  Currently plowing through the highlands, running through the dirt paths at top speed as he barreled back towards the gorge with the last trial’s entrance he felt unstoppable. 

Subduing the Graphorn was much easier than he had anticipated. Luckily, Sebastian had always preferred fire spells, and with the ability to hurl them from a distance he did so for a while, until the beast charged at him. Given the opportunity, he remembered the words of his love, explaining how many creatures liked to be shown respect. He wasn’t sure what entirely possessed him to kneel instead of continuing fighting it, but he’s glad he did.

Suddenly the graphorn hauled in front of him, bowing back in respect, before allowing him to mount it’s back, by some miracle of Merlin he assumed. That led him to where he was : rushing into a group of goblins who were wielding that stolen magic in his direction. They hardly stood a chance as the majestic creature he currently controlled barreled through them all. 

Before long he found himself back at the entrance of the cave, Lord of the Shore standing up on its hind legs as he held on the best he could, watching as the entrance opened for him. Sliding off the creature's back, he gave it a gentle caress along its nose, as if to say “thank you” before stepping inside the opening that had only recently appeared. 

Inside he was taken back by the grandeur. The same architecture that filled the map chamber was inside. The beautiful swirls of blue, gold and bronze amazed him, knowing that some place so unassuming housed such splendor. After following the passageway, he finally came to an open chamber, seeing a portrait at the end. 

“Mr. Sallow, it appears you have successfully completed my trial. Only those who are worthy enough to gain the trust of such a strong and wonderful creature are allowed entrance. Perhaps… I misjudged your character.” San Bakar said as he looked down at the young man. 

“Your trial is over?” Sebastian asked, very confused. He was expecting to have to fight the large statues that his love described, and as he imagined he wouldn’t be able to see them.  To hear that Bakar’s only challenge was entrance was a shock to him to say the least. 

“I hardly see the point in nearly killing someone for the sake of understanding this magic. Although the memory you are about to witness will likely make little sense to you Mr. Sallow, you should do your best to remember as much as you can for your companions sake. Then take the pensieve artifact back to the map chamber. You will need to apparate as Niamh explained.” San Bakar said before leaving the portrait frame, signaling for Sebastian to head inside the chamber. 

Once he stepped in the main room, he saw the giant marble statue of the man, and as he came closer a tear spilled from the statue's eye, into the pensieve basin.  From the liquid rose a shard of something, in which he retrieved and pocketed for later, before moving to watch the memory from the late professor. 

As he watched the memory, seeing how Isadora began siphoning pain from even young students, allowing the large and corrupted magic to grow, made Sebastian nauseous to think that he had been begging for his love to do the same to Anne. Following the discovery of the last memory from Isadora he had considered what Isadora was doing to be the solution to Anne’s illness, now realizing it had much more sincestor consequences he refused to further ask her of such or allow Anne to suffer this fate. 

Removing himself from the basin, he looked around one final time before finding himself in Professor Fig and the other Portraits company.  

“Ah Mr. Sallow, I see you were successful in your completion of the final trial. Your love shall be proud.” Niamh spoke and he nodded, a small smile working on his face at the thought she would be thrilled to know he had gone in her honor and done so correctly. 

“What you have been shown young man, I hope you are able to properly articulate to your companion the gravity to which this magic holds. Given your abilities I would also recommend that once she is returned safely and begins to be taught how to wield this magic, that you will remain as one of her keepers. This is a legacy to be passed on, and when the time comes she shall need to formulate her own trusted allies to protect it.” Professor Rackham spoke to him. 

“I will. I must admit… I have not always had the most pure intentions with this magic. From what I have been told, I had grown to not fully trust your methods. Isadora left her own memories that we discovered via a tryptic. I now realize that Isadora, while having good intentions, was misguided in her practices.  I shalt let her fall into that with what I have now seen. You have my word.” Sebastian spoke honestly as the look of shock took their faces, before a small smile took over Professor Fig’s face, proud of the boy for not only his skill, but his maturity. 

“Regardless, there is still more work to be done now. The final repository, the one you saw in the memory is guarded. To gain entrance you will need a wand, composed of the artifacts discovered, to get inside. Professor Fig has the other 3 shards, and as we were discussing has already sent an owl to a wand maker. You are to go and give him the pieces then wait for him to construct the final product before returning here” Professor Rackham spoke and Sebatian sighed. 

Yet another errand for these Keepers when he didn’t even know if she was alive. Surely by now if she was, she would have been rescued. 

Professor Fig looked at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know you want to see if she is okay, but this is more important, you understand that right Sebastian?” he asked.

“I do. I just need to know if she’s alive” Sebastian admitted, finally feeling more of the weight of the situation pressing on his heartstrings. 

“I shall go see what I can learn from the other professors. Perhaps Aesop is back already. Regardless, this wand is a high priority. Go to Olivanders and I will learn more of what has happened to our friend… would you like this back?” Fig asked him, retrieving the tome and Sebastian nodded. It felt comforting to have it back in his possession. 

“I will go to Hogsmeade and then return when the wand is completed. Shall we meet near your classroom Professor?” Sebastian asked and Fig nodded, heading out to learn more about their friend. 

“Sebastian -” Fig started just as he was about to apparate out of the map chamber, stopping him, as the man returned to the space next to him. 

“Yes sir?” he asked perplexed 

“Is there anything I should convey to your sister or Miss y/l/n should I see either of them?” Fig offered the chance for Sebastian to let either of them know he was alright. 

“Tell Anne that I shall come and see her as soon as I can. I hope that whatever was discovered will shed some light on the situation… as for y/n… just tell her that I love her dearly and will do anything to keep her, and this magic, safe.” he said, not sure what else would be properly conveyed via another person. 

Eleazar nodded, and watched as Sebastian apparated away, heading to the hospital wing to await the possible arrival of his protege in whatever state she may be. 

To be continued…

Also you can find here, an audio of the spicy bit!

[clumsydragon28]

2 Years of clumsydragon28 ✨

On June 17th, 2022 I posted my first work ever on ao3. After an almost 9 year hiatus from writing, I once again picked up a pen and began again. My life has only gotten better after making that decision, and I am so grateful for the ones who inspired me to once again embrace such a huge part of who I am.

If you would like to see a general recap of my first year of writing, you can read Journey of Words on ao3. Below you will find an in depth look back on my second year of being in fandom ♥️

I would say my first year of fandom can be summed up by the word "excitement". Once I got that first story down, the floodgates opened. Every idea felt like a good idea, and I couldn't get them down fast enough.

My second year, however, I would define as "thoughtful". Compared to the 17 fics I posted in year one, this past year I only published 8. Even though that number is signicantly less, these eight feel more special. Before any of those 8 ideas became more concrete, I asked myself "is this truly what I want to write?" Everytime, that answer was yes. And by writing less, I was able to give each story the time and energy it deserved to be the best it could be. And so, I would like to go a little more in depth as to why each one is special to me.

We begin with Floral Hues. I wanted to write something with my bois for pride month, and after seeing the "flower picking" prompt for rare-pair June, this idea slowly formed. This is the first instance where I really started to experiment more with formatting in my poetry. I wanted to talk about colors and have the words resemble a rainbow, and so I let those forces drive me in writing. I am really pleased with what I was able to pull it off in this one.

Next came Matchmaker which was my first (and certainly not last) dip into writing MitsuCho. The prompt "cat's day" was perfect because I am obsessed with the adorable Mikazuki. I wanted him to drive the poem, bringing the two lovers to together. And I wanted the formatting of the poem to reflect that as well: the stanzas slowly move out and then come back to where they started on the page, just like MIkazuki leads Mitsuki to Chocho and then both of them back home.

Then I took a little break from poetry to write Unanswered Questions. The friendship between Shikadai and Boruto is such a special bond I love, and one I always want to see more of in canon. With the ending of the OG manga, I just couldn't help imagining how Shikadai would view the change in their relationship. Is there a part of him that would remember? Would he be totally fooled by the changes caused by omnipotence? And so, with their friendship bracelets as a catalyst, this story was born. This is one of (if not) my favorite one shot that I've written. It also includes sweet Inojin offering comforting snuggles and kisses to his boyfriend, and it pushes forward my Long Haired Inojin agenda hehe.

SPEAKING OF LONG HAIRED INOJIN, we are now at my only multi-chap story of the past year: our hearts belong on the sea. When I asked @unioncolours what she would like as a birthday present and she gave me this prompt, I could not have been more excited. I had said before that we need a pirate au in the Shikajin fandom, but I never thought I'd be the one to write it. But boy, am I glad I did. I had the absolute best time and the most fun writing this story. Many moments are heavily inspired by the Pirates of the Carribbean movies, but I gave it my own spin and really just went for it. The idea that loves conquers all (a very Bex-core theme hehe) is something I will never tire of writing. I love this story and I love this world I created. I can't wait to one day return and write even more about these swashbuckling lads ⚔️

And now, we come to Sunshine + Starlight. First, I must give another thank you to @keijidraws who created the most stunning artwork to go along with this. I will try not to go on too long about this poem (because I easily could) but this one means so much to me. It took me 9 months to finish this poem. Not because I was struggling and running out of ideas, but because I knew this one was something special. Writing this poem brought me inexplicable joy and happiness and I wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as I could. I knew as soon as I was done, I would be sad to no longer have it to work on. But accomplishing this poem is one of my greatest achievements. It encompasses everything I love about poetry, everything I love about my own writing, and it is everything I could have ever hoped for it to be and more.

Then I made another return to prose for @backgroundcharacterno5's birthday with The Fabrics of Friendship. I always love to figure out how to put a story into the world of canon. So when given the prompt of matching pajamas, I knew where exactly I wanted to fit it in. The dynamics of the InoShikaCho kiddos are my absolute favorite, as are they Mon's, and I throroughly enjoyed exploring each of their own individual thoughts and feelings in regards to the results of the chuunin exams. Their bond is unbreakable, and I look forward to writing even more about it.

In case you haven't noticed yet, I love to gift works. And so my next poem, Pigments of the Imagination was also a birthday gift. This time for the lovely @notquitejiraiya. This one is also inspired by an amazing artwork by the talented @keijidraws. When I write for a friend, I like to incorpate as many of the things I know they love that I can into the story. And with this one, I really tried to have so much of Becks shine. Some were more subtle than others, but every mention I could sneak in just made the poem stronger. I also really went for it in terms of formatting on this one, trying to emulate Inojin's artistic nature with how the words are laid on the page. My most favorite is probably the heart shaped stanza hehe. This is another poem I really treasure.

And now for my most recent work, we take a dip into a new fandom with In Memoriam H. W. G.. This is a poem I wasn't even going to originally post when done. But once I started working on it, I knew I had to. I am incredibly proud of this work, but in a different way than I am of my others. This was a very big step out of my comfort zone. For the first time I had to write poetry not as I would myself, but as somone else. I had to channel the thoughts, grief, and anger of a character while following a very strict rhyme and rhythm in order for it to fit within the context of the novel. And I did it. For this to be my 25th fanfiction feels very special. I think it excapsulates the growth I've gone through as a writer. And I am excited to see how the leap I took with tackling this poem will strengthen my writing in the future.

In terms of being "thoughtful", I must also make note of my reading habits. Before, I just devoured fanfic. I piled up stories left and right and consumed it all as quickly as possible. Now, my reading style has changed. I have not been reading nearly as many fics as I used to, but it is because I want to read more carefully. For those who have seen comments from me, you know that the character limit on ao3 is not my friend. There was a time that I was afraid to leave comments, thinking that my ranting and raving would be annoying to an author. But I am glad I chose to stop holding myself back. When an author replies to one of my comments, telling me my thoughts and feelings have made their day...that is worth far more than any comment I receive on my own writing. Because it is my truest unfiltered self in those comments, so hearing that it is accepted and loved means the world ❤️

So what is in store for year 3 of clumsydragon28? I think we will see yet another change in pace. More slowed down, and even more thoughtful.

For those of you who have read Plié-sed to Have Met You, and if you happened to catch Sway that I posted here a few months ago, you will see that I have big plans for a part 2 to this dance AU. I think this fic will be my next Sunshine + Starlight. I really want to take my time with this fic and savour every moment of writing it. I am excited to put all my focus into one singular work and give it everything I've got. I don't know how long I'll need (I've already spent almost two years just thinking about it haha), but I vow to make this story the absolute best I can.

I will end this look back on a quote the lovely Bex shared with me in a comment:

"The treason of the artist; a refusal of the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain"

This is one of the greatest honours I could have bestowed upon me: to be considered a traitor artist. There is alot of pain and hurt in this world, and I agree that we need to recognize it. But there is also so much beauty in this world. Beauty that needs to be celebrated. So I choose to focus my writing on the magic of life and love. Because it is by hoping and belieiving in a better future that we can achieve it.

For those of you who have showed your excitement and are waiting as patiently as you can for my next story, I thank you wholeheartedly. You are who drive me forwards and push me to be my best self. I would not be here were it not for you, my dearest darlings. I hope to gift you the story you so rightfully deserve ♥️

-clumsydragon28

P.S. will a Shikajin poem or two sneak itself in between now and then? I am a poet after all so...I might not be able to help myself hehe 🤭

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Guys. Guys. Guys guys guys. Oh my God, guys. Guess what. Guess what arrived in the mail today??

Okay, so about a month ago, my friend who lives in London went to see Andy Zaltzman do a WIP of his new stand-up show. And after the stand-up show, my friend in London went and found Andy Zaltzman, and spoke to him, and told him that he has a friend who wrote into The Bugle with a question about why he wants a head like an orange, and they read out my question, and when they read it they said both my first and last names, and I got weirdly excited about hearing my first and last names read out on The Bugle and about hearing Andy Zaltzman answer my very stupid question about why he wants a head like an orange. My friend explained this. To Andy Zaltzman.

My friend then handed Andy Zaltzman a copy of a book that Andy Zaltzman wrote and had published in 2008, that has long since gone out of print, but is still available on eBay and things. I already have a copy of this book, having bought it on eBay and read it some time ago. I like that book a lot, but the major flaw in my copy of the book is it doesn't have an inscription in the front where Andy Zaltzman signed his autograph, after writing my first and last names and a note about how he hopes my head is made of citrus, because someone had told him that this was exciting to me. My London friend recognized that flaw in my copy of the book, so without telling me beforehand, he went and bought his own copy of the book on eBay before the Zaltzman gig, brought it to the Zaltzman gig, fixed that flaw, and then mailed it across the ocean.

And that, good people of www.Tumblr.com, is what arrived in the mail today.

Guys I love it so much. There was a bit of a rollercoaster with this book, actually, because my friend mailed it weeks ago and it was supposed to arrive within something like nine days (he did not tell me he'd bought the book until after the gig, but he did tell me about it and send me a picture of the inscription before he mailed it to me), so I've been checking the mail every day for a while, and it's now so far after the expected arrival time that I'd resigned myself to thinking it was probably lost in the mail, and best case scenario it hopefully ends up back at my friend's place from the return address. But then I got home from work today, and there it was, in the mailbox outside my front door. I can't tell you how pleased I am.

The package also contained another surprise, which was a postcard with the poster for Stories For the Starlit Sky, a show that Daniel Kitson and Gavin Osborn did in 2009, then rewrote and did again in 2015, then 2017. One of the longest-running Kitson shows, from first performance to last (I would say it's the longest running, but I think it's beaten by A Story For Christmas). A classic Kitson and Osborn project. Began its life as one of their Regent's Park shows performed at midnight, and I have a weird obsession with romanticizing Daniel Kitson's Regent's Park shows, and with romanticizing his history of doing midnight shows. So Stories For the Starlit Sky is a pretty perfect thing to, for example, put on my wall to represent my favourite Daniel Kitson things (not to mention it's a huge, epic, complex, beautiful show, with only one plot point that hasn't aged terribly well but don't worry about that, it's a really lovely piece of theatre).

Also, it has by far my favourite of all the Kitson posters, from all the different years. My friend has been doing a cool project of gathering all the Daniel Kitson posters, and some of them are quite nice, but I think this is the most beautiful:

Have I mentioned that my friend made that himself? He took an old picture of a flyer for that show, but it wasn't great image quality, so he personally re-created the entire poster, down to figuring out fonts and personally putting in every little star, just so he could have a version with more pixels per inch. That picture doesn't do it justice because my phone camera's not good enough, but trust me, in real life that image is sharp and crystal clear and so very nice.

I've decided the Zaltzman book will be a display copy. I already have my own, unsigned copy on my bookshelf, and there's no need to put another copy of it on there. The signed Zaltzman book and the new Kitson poster are going into the display section of my bedroom that I call Chocolate Milk Gang (and friends) corner:

(Don't mind the medals that are in the way, I mostly have my sports display stuff and my comedy display stuff in separate parts of my bedroom mostly, but some hooks that were there when I moved in happen to be perfect for hanging medals and also in the comedy bit, so that's where those are.)

They're in the with the CD that I got Grace Petrie to sign when I saw her live, buying an album that I already owned off Bandcamp purely as an excuse to talk to her/seem like a normal person before I gave her the much weirder request of signing an old Josie Long poster because Josie Long had already signed it for me and I wanted both their autographs on one thing. The Gavin Osborn CD that my friend also got signed for me this summer, and gave to me when I stayed at his place in London last month. The DVD of the movie from 2001 where Daniel Kitson appeared for three scenes and 36 seconds in total, which my friend also got signed for me this year, apparently Kitson was quite pleased to see it. The John Oliver and Flight of the Conchords DVDs, which remain unsigned because John Oliver and Jermaine Clement don't tend to play the Bill Murray in London so much these days, so it's not as easy for my friend to just walk up to them after gigs and make absurd requests. The David O'Doherty flyer that I picked up just before I saw him live in Edinburgh this year. The Thick of It and In the Loop DVDs that I picked up at a local Scottish music festival about ten years ago, amused to see them on a miscellaneous Scottish merch table, worth paying money for even though of course I've had digital copies of all those since not long after they first aired. And, you know, some other stuff. My London friend picked up those Tom Ballard and Shelf flyers for me in Edinburgh 2023.

Fucking excellent. Sometimes I think about moving to the East Coast and building a new life by the sea, but other times I think - how will I ever get a room set up as well as this again?

[natreads]

Ramblings about uni and the future

I'm trying to make a difficult decision. Since I've spent the last five years trying to break into the publishing industry and mostly failing (I'm freelance but can't get a full time job), I've been thinking very seriously about going back to uni to become a librarian instead. It's not really a career I've ever thought of, or wanted, but the same can be said for publishing. I decided I wanted to go that route when I already had a my bachelors degree. It felt like the "right" path, but I wasn't aware of how difficult it would be. The industry is so closed off, and I'm not very good at putting myself out there, so I've been struggling a lot. Not to mention people keep getting fired left and right so even if I do get in who knows how long that will last. I guess part of deciding to study something else, despite already having a masters degree and over six years of uni studies behind me, is that I feel like I need to essentially give up this dream, which would make the past five years feel like a waste even though I don't necessarily think they are. But I will have to give up the identity I have built around the industry. But I also feel like going another route won't mean I can't one day make it there too. But I also don't want to get another degree just to still be focusing on an industry that's this unattainable. I will have to focus on making it as a librarian instead and the idea of having to properly give up publishing makes me so sad, but I also know it will bring me relief once I actually do it. I need to study something where I will actually find work.

Another issue is that I really really REALLY don't want to study for another three years lmao. I talked to some people and there's a possibility that I COULD skip one semester due to previous studies, but I feel like it will be complicated and also not necessarily set in stone to manipulate the degree like that. I also got the tip to go take a masters instead which is two years, but here are the pros and cons to all of this:

Three year undergrad:

The school I did my BA at, so it's familiar

Since it's undergrad I'm not worried I will fail

Close to home (even if I move)

Unfortunately it's three years

It feels "silly" to get another BA when I could get an MA immediately instead

Two year masters program:

It's only two years

It will probably be hard

Could be done online, but I don't know if I have it in me to sit at home for two years again

It's in another city, but only takes an hour by train to get there

Unfortunately the train (pendeln) SUCKS and is super unreliable

And I would have to pay a bunch each time

But I like the idea of experiencing something new, since I both like the city (it's a college town) and don't think one hour is that bad

Another problem is that we'll be doing lots of group work so I might have to be there a lot which will be annoying

If I knew just HOW often I'd have to go I feel like it would be easier

I'm gonna be moving soonish to an apartment in the city here in Stockholm so I don't wanna move to Uppsala and do student housing, but my lease will only be one year so maybe I COULD during second year. I've never expeirenced student life like that before

Do I really wanna write another fucking masters thesis omg

I like the sound of two master degrees tho lmao

One semester will be dedicated to writing my thesis so I will mostly only have to commute for 1.5 years I guess, which makes the student housing in year two maybe unnessecary? But my lease will be up anyway soooo. In an ideal world I would be doing student housing my first year and then move into the other apartment after, but I can't do that and I don't wanna give up on a great opportunity

We'll be visiting libraries and whatnot and if it's in Uppsala (I kinda assume it is) I will have to figure out the public transit looool

Essentially, I think the undergrad one is safe but longer, while the MA is shorter but scarier. If I do the MA online I will be more comfortable, but also probably lowkey go crazy. Maybe if I knew if and how much I would be working at the bookstore after the summer I would pick the online version, since work would get me out of the house, but none of us know how needed I will be.

I know I need to change lanes, since I'm getting older and I need stability. Working in a library is the next best thing I can see myself doing after publishing (I kinda wanted to do marketing but I've realized it unfortunately goes against a lot of my morals and libraries are ethically the one and only place I stand 100% behind).

Idk if anyone has any insight or advice please lmk I'm so torn

[asterrrrion]

Alright so part two of my explaining BSD french authors:

Arthur Rimbaud !

This is the boy. Looks young, right ? That's cause he's seventeen in this. (Funnily enough, he's exactly the same age as Verlaine's wife. Verlaine, though, is 27 at the time they meet. Yeah, I wasn't kidding when I said he was a piece of shit.)

Rimbaud is kind of THE poet of teenage rebellion. He was born in 1854, under Napoleon III to place him back in his historical context. He wrote quite a bit in opposition to Napoleon, actually.

His father is absent at first, and then not here at all later. He has... A complex and complicated relationship with his mother. He gave her a disrespectful nickname, she was seen hitting him several times (although at the time that's hardly surprising...), but at the same time when he asked her to go see him in London (at a time where the trip was very expensive, and she'd never left France in her life before that) she came, and his sister described him then as "the happiest I'd ever seen him". She's often seen as the source of his inner anger and rebellion.

What he hates for sure, though, was living in his house, with his family, and especially in his hometown, Charleville, which he despises.

He's especially known for having fled his house a lot, as in several times a year, for several days every time, walking during the day and sleeping on the road during the night. His most famous poem, "Ma bohème" (unstranslatable title because "bohème" is a french concept, but it basically means living your life day after day, in communion with nature and/or your dreams, often with an artistic dimension and no money whatsoever - also has travel connotations because it derives from "bohemian"), actually talks solely about that.

He wrote from his fifteenth to his nineteenth birthday, and was - still is - seen as a genius, being one of the most influential french poets ever despite having written for only four years. He was famous for being uncontrollable, and it translates back to his style : he took extremely traditional forms and changed their rules. (Which weirdly enough actually kinda fits with Rimbaud's ability ??)

If we ever have a Baudelaire in BSD, know that his character will probably look up to him, seeing as Rimbaud is usually seen as continuing Baudelaire's legacy of completely revolutionising french poetry. His two most famous books are "A Season in Hell" and "Illuminations", his last one. His literary movement is symbolism, invented by Baudelaire, characterized by melancholy and an attraction to the ethereal and mysterious. Rimbaud himself thinks that "the poet must search and describe the unknown" and, well, too bad if he sacrifices his sanity. He's also one of the first after Baudelaire to write prose poems.

He stopped writing, forever, at twenty, after the Verlaine fiasco. Actually, he wrote "Illuminations" directly after, then gave it to Verlaine so that he could get it published instead of doing it himself.

That's where his life gets really weird. He tries to learn seven different skills and languages while traveling everywhere, fails, his sister dies and he shaves his head for her funeral, is forced into the military to fight in Java, then deserts, gets hired on a boat on his way back and becomes a sailor, then tries to get hired in the American Navy, doesn't get any answer, goes in a circus then a factory, and all of that while traveling everywhere in the world in the space of about three years.

Nobody knows where he was for the nine months after that - and during all of this, everyone who knows him is hoping that he gets back to writing poetry - and then he goes home to help his brother with his farm before leaving, AGAIN. He walks from France to Italy, then gets in a boat to Alexandria, where he works in a construction project to manage the workers. This keeps going for about eleven more years, so I can't list everything this guy did : we'd need a whole ass novel.

He stays in Northern Africa for almost the rest of his life, although he travels quite a lot in that region and never stops moving. In France, he's still as famous as he was at 17, and several eulogies are written for him without his knowledge. We can also note that he does weapon trafficking, for a very short period, at some point. He writes to his family that he's "bored", of all things. He's described by the people he meets then as "smart, sarcastic, not very talkative, never talking about his past".

He then dies in Marseille, in his thirties, from cancer in his leg.

I'm gonna be honest : I don't like his BSD characterization. Rimbaud's a wild card, a chaotic teenager, as an author. I also ! Hate ! That he's Verlaine's mentor. But that'll be the next part, where I'll talk of IRL Rimbaud and Verlaine.

Previous and future parts are in the #IrlBSDFr tag.

[eponymous-rose]

I found it super useful to do this in a previous year, so here's all the stuff I've got going on for the next three-month quarter. Hope this is interesting to anyone thinking of going the academic route or just curious about what their professor does all day when they're not teaching!

Context: I'm a fifth-year assistant professor (tenure-track) at an R1 public university in a science field.

I'm just teaching the one class this quarter! It's a class I created myself and have taught on four previous occasions, so I have a lot of really great materials available to me. Its enrollment has also quadrupled since the first time I taught it. Womp-womp. Designing and giving lectures 3x/week, creating new assignments 1x/week (carefully ChatGPT-proofed when they're not integrating critical assessments of ChatGPT), writing two take-home midterms, grading all of the above, and, of course, innovating on the course. Trying out some fun new activities to replace the individual projects that have become unwieldy with this number of students. And, inevitably, the scheduled and unscheduled office hours.

I'm primary advisor for a great new grad student, but, in all the federal government's deadline-y wisdom, the grant proposal I was going to use to fund his research fell through. While we scramble to re-submit, the department has given me 9 months of funding, but that also means this student is going up for some highly competitive graduate fellowships to help fill the financial void. Lots of working with him to craft his very first proposal while we talk the undergrad to grad transition, classes, and These Winters Oh You Know (he's from the PNW, he's all set). His actual research is a little on hold for now, but we'll be doing some very cool stuff collaborating with a friend at another university as well as someone at a federal agency that I'm gonna sweet-talk into inviting us down for some in-person work in May. We meet for an hour every week.

As part of that, I'm meeting weekly with my co-PI on that failed proposal to craft a resubmission (we got very positive reviews, just didn't make the funding cutoff). It's a process!

My other active grad student is getting to the end of his PhD already! He just wrapped up two internships this summer and is full of ideas and new directions, which is great, but also: now is the time to find that finish line. He has his last pre-defense exam coming up soon, and my job is to make sure he has a solid story to tell that has a well-defined ending. I'd like to see him publish another paper before finishing as well, and I think he'll have no problems doing so. He's on a federal research grant and also needs to discharge some responsibilities there and make sure he has a transition plan in place for whoever takes over from him. Had a friend at another institution reach out expressing an interest in hiring him for a postdoc, and he's interested, so also going to try to get him a visit down there. We meet for an hour every week!

Said student has also initiated a collaboration with some of his friends from school back in China to do some truly wild stuff, and honestly in this case I'm just along for the ride and to gently steer them back on-course when they start getting a bit in the weeds. We're meeting every second week, and the biggest thing I have to do here is make sure he has open access to a supercomputer to do his thing. It's cool to have reached the stage where my main responsibility is to get out of his way.

Said student also independently reached out to someone with a really cool dataset, and after a meeting carefully smoothing over that e-mail from "blasé demand for free data" to "opportunity to collaborate as a team", we've got a pretty cool project lining up. Might have to wait until after his PhD defense, though.

I have another grad student who took a job elsewhere and really, really wanted to finish his Master's remotely, which is all well and good, but honestly, doing that while trying to start a new job is soul-crushingly difficult. Our department has recently created an option to get a Master's without writing a thesis, so I need to follow up on that and get him this Master's degree.

A former student has reached out about converting his Master's thesis to a journal article, and that'll be a long process, but sure? Maybe? We'll figure it out.

A colleague and I have decided to create a research project for an undergrad who reached out to us looking for opportunities to get more credits. We're still not 100% sure where we're going with this, and a lot will depend on her programming skills, but she's only a sophomore and so we'll ideally have several years to work together on this research. We meet once a week.

Said colleague and I are also working on blending our research groups a bit (mainly because it's awkward to have 3-person "group meetings"), and as part of that we're trying to find a time to have both groups do biweekly coffee-shop meetings where we discuss a cool paper in the field.

I'm participating in a weather forecasting competition that involves writing a forecast 4 days a week, occasionally sending out reminder e-mails, meeting weekly, and probably giving a briefing at some point.

Traveling in October to give an invited seminar at a very big-name university in my field. This has been happening more and more lately (I've now given invited seminars/keynotes in four different countries, to say nothing of the conference talks elsewhere) and I have a pretty solid template for a one-hour talk, but this is a group of people who specialize in my area of research, so I've gotta step up my game there. I'll also be meeting with folks there for a day and will have to figure out what to do with my course while I'm gone.

One other bit of out-of-state travel in October is to attend a meeting of a national group I'm a part of - they've thrown in an early-career workshop, and the whole thing is being paid for, so I'll be there for one extra day learning me a thing. Excited that my grad school officemate will be there!

Final travel this quarter will be during the final exam week, when I go to a giant conference in my field along with my nearly-finished PhD student - we'll both be giving talks there, and since it isn't my usual professional organization hosting it, I get to avoid all of my usual wave of volunteer responsibilities. Phew.

This isn't happening until January, but I was invited to speak at the biggest student conference in my field, and while I can't travel there, they've set up an opportunity for me to do it virtually - I need to get my materials to them by November, I think.

I'm still on the editorial board for three different academic journals, which comes with a fair number of reviews (often "tiebreakers" when the other peer reviewers are in disagreement) every month. Genuinely really enjoy it, because otherwise when the heck am I gonna find time to deep-read any new papers in my field? Also writing reviews for federal funding agency grants now, which is a longer process but also very interesting and helpful.

I'm coordinating the charitable fundraising among the faculty in my department this year - I have a meeting coming up with the head honcho at the university level about what charity drives we'll be doing in the run-up to the holiday season and then I think I just mostly forward e-mails? This is a new position for me.

I'm one of four faculty (plus a grad student) on a new hire search committee for a tenure-track faculty member. It's been interesting thus far, but due to some financial tapdancing going on at the moment, we may delay the hire by a year. Our department typically gets 100+ highly qualified applications for each position (which is wild, we're not huge and have like 21 faculty total), so that's a huge time sink once the ball gets rolling on it. We did put together the ad we were going to send out.

I extended my term on the college's scholarship committee, which generally involves a couple meetings a year of giving out extra money to students. Good stuff, especially since we received a gift at the college level recently that means nearly everyone who applies gets something.

I'm working on a research project I got funded through a small internal grant - it's been weird to have a research project that's just me doing coding and writing. I really need to block out some protected time for that! It's a fun project and I think I budgeted for two publications. We'll see how it turns out!

A while ago, I was approached by a truly giant scientific journal to write a review article about my entire research focus. I brought on three colleagues who had written similar reviews in the past, got our proposal approved, and promptly had multiple freakouts trying to get a full draft written. Recently got most of that draft completed and sent it to the editor, who had AMAZING and detailed feedback. This is the kind of article where we have an art team at our beck and call to create graphics for us. We really want to do this right.

I got pulled into a research thing with a national lab a while ago and keep forgetting about it - my role appears to be mostly done, and now I mostly just occasionally get random e-mails with dire security clearance warnings that amount to "I wrote this whitepaper report, can you confirm I properly represented your contribution?" It would be lovely if a publication came out of this, it's fun work (not military), but who knows.

A colleague and I are waiting to hear back on a really, really cool grant proposal we submitted a couple months ago. We probably still have 6 months before we hear anything, but man, I think about it every day. It would be so neat and the program manager agreed that it was an awesome idea, but of course now we're in the reviewers' hands. We might do some preliminary work in anticipation of possibly having to resubmit next year.

Speaking of grant proposals, I need to at least put a draft together for a new project. As my grad students graduate, I need funding to bring new ones on! This is also the one thing my department chair has suggested is a little weak on my CV: number of grants obtained. It's SUCH a long process, with probably 80-100 hours of work for each grant proposal written. Ugh. It is fun when it's an idea I'm excited about, at least.

I'm on the committees of about a half-dozen grad students (and am anticipating possibly hearing from one more) - my role is mostly to provide very occasional guidance on the overall research project, providing specialized knowledge the student and their primary advisor may not have, and attending all exams. I also have to keep an eye out for and help mediate any issues between the student and their advisor. That can get messy.

We have 3 weekly seminars in the department! They're very interesting and I'm mostly just glad I'm not coordinating one of the seminar series this year.

I've started getting inquiries from potential graduate students. See above re: not knowing if I'll have funding for a new student next year. Why can't we just coordinate our deadlines?

I've started working with a science advisory board for a major organization within my field, which has been interesting so far! As a more junior member, my input isn't being super actively sought yet, so I get to just learn about the processes involved and nod sagely a lot. Thankfully the two-day meeting last week was remote.

I'm on another national committee that's currently working on organizing our next big conference in late 2024. There's always a lot that goes into that (and I don't have a super high opinion of the guy running the group after he posted some crappy stuff about students on social media), but thankfully I've managed to dodge some of the bigger responsibilities.

I'm part of a very cool peer-mentoring group where I chat weekly with scientists in different-but-comparable fields about any and all of the above. It's very nice to have a bit of a place to vent!

Oh yes, and the tenure/promotion-application process kicks off this year. I have a meeting next week with my mentoring committee to see if they feel I'm ready to go up. Here goes nothing...

I think that's mostly it? It's gonna be a busy 3 months. Time to make some lists...

[avatarrecom]

Unenthusiastic jazz hands

Chapter 4

I'm really exited to finally publish this chapter!

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter! (You can ignore this, but please leave some likes or comments because I'm getting really insecure about whether or not ya'll like my chapters + extra content, and it motivates me to write more!)

Kidnapped without a home masterlist

Leona wakes up to a gruff voice, "Wake up, breakfast is ready." Before they look to see who it is, the doorway is already empty. Leona drops her head tiredly on her pillow. Spider is still sleeping peacefully next to her.

Last night they discussed until late whether they should attempt an escape or not. Ultimately, which is clear since they are still in the same room they were locked in last night, they have not attempted an escape.

Leona was in favor of trying to escape, eager to escape their batshit-crazy father as quickly as possible, but in the end Spider convinced her not to try yet, their captors are no doubt on high alert and if they playing their cards right, gaining their trust, they can try to escape when no one expects it.

"Come on, I don't have all day," a voice suddenly sounds from the hallway and an irritated Lopez appears in the doorway.

After Leona has gently woken her brother and both are dressed, they follow Lopez down the stairs. “You know, we don't need a babysitter,” Leona snarks. “You know, I didn't ask to play babysitter,” Lopez snarks back.

In the kitchen, Leona sees that someone, probably Mansk, judging by his 'kiss the cook' apron, has made breakfast. Scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. Lopez nods his head toward the two open seats on Quaritch's left side.

Just like yesterday, everyone waits for Quaritch to take the first bite before they start eating and just like yesterday, it's awkward at the table. That is, until Spider asks Quaritch in a quiet voice, "what do you want from us?" Leona sees the silent tears in his eyes and narrows her eyes slightly, her brother has never behaved like this before. Spider puts his hand on Leona's leg and squeezes twice. 'I am okay.' Leona holds back a grin. She knows her brother and these tears are only there to gain sympathy. She had to admit, Spider was an impressive actor.

Leona turns her attention back to Quaritch and sees the soft, pained look in his eyes. He leans his elbows on the table and rests his chin in his hands. One by one he looks intently at Spider and Leona. Then he sighs and opens his mouth.

"When we heard from the RDA that the world thought Lyle and I were dead, we were ordered to hide, to make the world think we were really dead so we could do under-the-radar missions," he says with a quick glance at Lyle. "We protested, we didn't know the RDA was planning the attack, but we knew you two were right there in that mall with your mother," Quaritch sighs, his eyes full of sadness and anger. "The RDA made us believe that you were also dead, that you lost Paz and that you died because you were trampled in the running crowd. They showed photos of Paz, of the injuries that caused her death."

Leona grabs Spider's hand in a death grip and sees that the fake tears in his eyes aren't so fake anymore. "Of course we asked about you two, but they said your injuries were so extreme that they were concerned for our mental state," Quaritch continued. "So we went into hiding, doing all kinds of sketchy jobs for the RDA. Over time, several people were added to our team, but eventually this became the permanent team we work with," he gestured to the others around the table.

"It wasn't until about a year ago that we discovered you weren't dead at all, Lyle overheard a conversation between our superiors." Lyle nods, "I was turning in the report of our last mission to our boss, General Ardmore, when I overheard her talking to Parker Selfridge, whose work kept the RDA's involvement in most wars from being known by anyone outside the RDA," Lyle looks at his godchildren uncertainly not wanting them to know what horrors they have caused.

"Selfridge talked about getting information from one of his undercover employees who was keeping an eye on you two. He said it was very possible that you two were being abused by the McCoskers." Out of the corner of her eye, Leona sees how white Quaritch's knuckles are, before his hand relaxes slightly as Lyle subtly places his hand on Quaritch's arm.

"He asked if it was best to make us believe you were dead. Ardmore said that Miles and I were one of the best in the RDA and that having children was a distraction and a weakness."

"She felt it was for our own benefit to believe you were dead so we could focus on the only thing that really mattered, the RDA."

Quaritch takes over the story again, "Lyle immediately told me what he had heard, and I then made the decision to desert the RDA. I gave everyone an option, follow me, or stay with the RDA."

"As you can see we all chose to desert, since then we have been hunted by Ardmore and the RDA and have been trying to get you back," Lyle adds with the most serious look she has ever seen in his eyes .

“I don't understand,” Leona says quietly, “if you knew the RDA was responsible for Mom's death and you believed we were dead too because of what they did, why did you keep working for them?” Quaritch sighs exhausted, "I thought you were dead, I threw myself into work, letting out all my emotions during the jobs, I had no reason to even think about living my life, not without you two and your mother ."

Spider stands up and moves to sit in Leona's lap, arms wrapped tightly around Leona's torso, something he did every day when they were children, something he now only does when he's very upset, when it's all too much for him.

Leona understands what Spider is feeling, but she still doesn't quite believe what Quaritch just told them.

"But what do you want from us?" Spider asks, his voice shaking. “I want to show Ardmore that having children is not a weakness or a distraction,” Quaritch pauses, “and I want her to pay for what she did to you two and Paz.”

Before Leona can respond, she hears a stressed "FUCK!" from Brown, who was typing away on his laptop during breakfast. He immediately has everyone's attention and he looks at Quaritch with wide eyes after asking what the fuck is going on.

"The RDA found us." Quaritch gives the order to gather all the important things and then get the hell out of here. The Recoms jump into action and trash the whole house to grab everything and get out as quickly as possible. Leona and Spider are ordered to sit on the couch and not get in the way. The two Socorros look intently at their captors.

Mansk, Fike and Zhang empty a walk-in closet full of automatic rifles. Prager is busy with large stacks of papers. Ja collects what appears to be his medical supplies. Lopez pushes his way into the weapons walk-in closet and emerges moments later with what appears to be several large black weapons cases. Warren, Walker and Z-dog come down the stairs with several suitcases. Some with multiple sturdy locks. Leona has to admit it, they are efficient.

“Mansk, Lopez,” Quaritch orders. The two men stand at attention in front of him within seconds. "Take Esperanza and Miles to the rendezvous point." The two nod obediently and before Leona can protest, they pull the two teenagers off the couch and out the door.

Leona curses as she is roughly pulled down the stairs and tries not to fall face first to the ground. She is released and turns to curse the two men, but she is roughly pushed into a car, Lopez leans way too far over her, his face almost against her breasts and he looks at her with a sick grin as he puts her seat belt on. Leona glares daggers at him and wants to ask why on earth he has that sick grin on his face when she realizes she was still wearing the slightly see-through sleep shirt. Without a bra, in the cold. Meanwhile, one of his hands is gripping her bare thigh, keeping balance while his other hand is caressing her hip, trying to find the seat belt lock.

Lopez pulls away, closes the car door and hops into the passenger seat. Leona feels a gaze on her and sees Spider looking at her intensely. She quickly looks away, hoping her brother didn't see the red color on her cheeks.

Another car door slams and Mansk starts the car. Lopez makes a strange movement and turns to Leona and Spider, pointing a gun at them. “One wrong move and I'll shoot,” he warns, that sick grin back on his face.

“You can't do that, can you?” Spider asks uncertainly, "your boss wouldn't be happy about that." "Believe me, he would shoot you without a doubt," Mansk growls, before child-locking the doors. Lopez laughs a shrill hyena laugh and turns forward again.

Mansk shifts the gear and drives out of the driveway. Leona hears another bang that takes her back to that one day when she was six. She looks back in alarm and sees heavily armed people in black clothing stepping out of the tree line, shooting at the house. Shots ring out from the house and the black-clad people disappear into the tree line, still shooting.

Leona freezes completely. Out of the corner of her eye she vaguely registers that Spider is in the same state. The entire car ride is spent in silence, not even a radio is on. She has no idea how much time has passed and it is already getting dark when they turn into a motel parking lot.

Leona sees StamfordCT Motels on a large flashing sign. When the car stops, Mansk gets out and Lopez turns around, a warning look in his eyes. To anyone walking past the car, they probably look like a family, but little do they know that the two teenagers in the backseat have a gun pointed at them.

No one speaks a word, not even when Mansk returns and takes them to one of the motel rooms. Once in the room, Mansk hands them some clothes and tells them to change in the bathroom and come back straight away. After that he says, "sit on the couch and don't move a muscle." The two teenagers obey and Lopez takes a seat opposite the couch, with his gun again pointed at the two teenagers. Meanwhile, Mansk closes all the curtains and checks the room for whatever it is.

After a tense, silent few hours, the other Recoms begin to arrive. Quaritch and Lyle are the last to enter. "Man, I'm staring!" Lyle exclaims the moment he gets inside. Quaritch studies his children and his squad and nods in agreement.

“There's a diner across the street,” he says and walks out the door, Lyle on his heels. Leona and Spider walk anxiously to the door, but before they can step out they bump into Quaritch, "one wrong move and you're in a world of trouble," he warns. Spider nods nervously and follows Quaritch out the door, gently pulling Leona along with him.

The dinner looks cozy and old-fashioned. Quaritch, the Recoms and the Socorro siblings are led by a young-looking male waiter to a large table in the center of the diner. Neither teenager tries to warn anyone that they have been kidnapped, Quaritch's warning fresh in their minds and knowing that their captors are heavily armed.

Everyone takes a seat, Leona between Spider and Z-dog. The male waiter comes back with a stack of menus and hands them out. When he gives Leona a menu, he winks at her. When everyone has ordered what they want, he asks Leona, "what can I get for you, beautiful?" Leona rolls her eyes inwardly and orders her food.

The Recoms enter into cautious conversations with each other and after a while the food is brought. The waiter places Leona's plate in front of her, getting way too close to her personal space. He gives Leona a piece of paper and she sees that he has written down his phone number. Leona puts the piece of paper under her plate, not interested. Not that he takes the hint.

The waiter comes several times to check whether the food is good, and each time his attention is completely focused on Leona and he winks at her several times in a flirtatious manner. Quaritch looks ready for murder, his hand dangerously close to the knife next to his plate and the other Recoms, minus Warren and Zhang, all seem highly irritated.

When the waiter has removed their border and has written down a dessert for some, he says to Leona with a grin, "Would you like some S'mores, beautiful? Because I'd love to see you s'more."

Before Leona can tell him to get off, she is suddenly lifted onto someone's lap and feels warm lips on hers. A tongue forces its way between her lips and swirls around Leona's own tongue. Leona tastes the chocolate of the warm waffles in her mouth. The warm lips pull back and Leona almost whimpers from the loss, but she just holds herself back.

She looks at Z-dog in shock and sees her grin. “Can you for fuck's sake stop undressing my girlfriend with your eyes,” she snaps at the waiter, whose wide eyes almost pop out of his skull. “Please,” Z-dog adds in a sickly sweet tone.

The guy quickly finds another place to be. Quaritch seems relieved that the guy is gone, but when his eyes fall on Leona, still in Z-dog's lap, his eyes narrow. Z-dog doesn't flinch from the look in her boss's eyes and smiles slyly, "it would have attracted the attention of the RDA if you had killed him, boss."

Leona tries to slide off Z-dog's lap, uncomfortable under the amused gazes of the Recoms, but Z-dog tightens her grip on Leona's waist and whispers in her ear, "we must be believable, right babe?" Then she presses a hot kiss to Leona's neck.

Embarrassed, Leona gives in and tries to relax. She wonders why none of the Recoms seem surprised by Z-dog's action, but she quickly shakes the question aside.

When Prager finishes his much-desired espresso, Quaritch orders them back to the motel. The group gets up and walks to the exit. When Leona walks past the waiter, she feels she is being pulled against someone. Z-dog puts her arm around her waist and slips her hand into the back pocket of Leona's jeans. Leona ducks her head, hoping Z-dog doesn't see her red cheeks.

Once in the Motel room, Quaritch orders that everyone try to sleep, but that Warren and Zhang stay awake to monitor their surroundings. Leona and Spider are led through a door to an extra small bedroom. Both are given a pile of clean sleeping clothes.

Once both have changed, Lopez grins again when he sees Leona in her shorts and slightly see-through sleep shirt. Leona stops herself from giving him the finger and walks into the room without a word. Behind her is the click of the bedroom door being locked.

Leona crawls into bed next to Spider. When the other room falls silent, she whispers to her brother, "It's time we escape these fucking psychopaths."

[missholloween]

⭐

I HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND FORGOT TO POST IT, I'M SO SORRY ARC

I've decided to go for a holloweane one, If I could hold you for a minute, aka my d&d hatchetfield au.

Holloweane week was a learning experience, as it was my first fandom week event. Because of that, my writing schedules where from 10 pm to 2 am, something that I could later see reflected in the quality of the writing (nothing editing couldn't have saved tbh). Holloweane week was also a great moment of hubris, as I thought I could write all night for a week with no consequences AND with class during the day. By the end of the week, I noticed it wasn't sustainable.

All three chapters of this fic were supposed to be part of the same one shot, and be published during Holloweane week. While I was writing though, I noticed I had three different sequences in mind (and that I wasn't reaching Holloway's chappel that day), so I decided to divide them in chapters.

A fun fact of chapter 1 is that all the attacks in the fight were looked up (especially for spells) and then rolled... And my rolls really fucking sucked! Duke failed like 3 rolls with advantage, but it was too late to not commit to the bit, even if he had to look cool.

Regarding the party itself, I went for "co-protagonists of their musicals", who casually are some of my favorite Hatchetfield characteres and with their own possible plotlines. The party composition is far from the best, but I think that's one of the most d&d things ever (having two teens/young adults and someone with a life crisis that is running away from their problems). Duke really balances it all out, even if it's only for some days. I'd really like to see them interact all in canon though, especially Emma & Lex and Duke & Pete.

For Duke backstory, I really wanted Duke to be a paladin AND for Holloway to be his patron. One of the prompts for the fic was worship, and there are few things I like more than a paladin/cleric/warlock deeply in love with their patron, and as Curt said, Duke is smitten and swooing. So, I wanted Duke to go through a journey to meet (and fall in love) with his patron, even if he doesn't really know it.

In this AU Holloway would've traded her identity for her powers, making her an otherwordly being. She would've been a bard before the deal. There's something really tragic about a storyteller becoming a myth and not being able to tell their tales anymore, and that being reflected by losing bard levels for aberrant mind sorcerer ones after the deal? I think that's really cool. And she isn't fully forgotten in this reality, as Duke vaguely remembers (and believes in) one of her aspects. I think that would be enough for her.

As a last fun fact, the Hollow's lady chappel was really inspired by a scene from Madoka Magica Rebellion. The despair and love Homura has in that scene it's what I was going for. Although unlike Homura, Duke does meet his love turned deity, and he gets to walk home with her <3

[ninja-muse]

September is birthday month, if anyone's wondering why my acquisition of books appears to have slipped again (picture #2). At least I'd read nearly all of them before they joined my library shelves, and Winter's Gifts, well, it's really easy to read an Aaronovitch novella within a day or two of acquiring it. Especially since…

September was also week-vacation month, which is part of how I made it to 13 books read but very little explanation for my read-from-TBR-shelves stack (picture #1), only two of which I read on holiday. The two short ones I read in the gap between "finished the latest Book Of Substance" and "started the official Vacation Stack", and Digger was one of my 2023 goals so I decided to check that off. Baking Yesteryear was a surprise/accident. I was telling a coworker how much I enjoyed reading the library's copy and they said, "hey, while you were off, we got a copy too damaged to sell…". And one has to treat oneself in birthday month.

(Vacation was good, in case you were wondering. Camping, so no wifi, so lots of outdoors and reading time and charming rodent shenanigans.)

My biggest regret of the month, by which we mean less regret and more mild bookish panic, is the number of reading copies I appear to have taken home. I have one for Menewood which I'm planning to get to once I finish with My Roommate is a Vampire, and the rest of them were, well, um. Look. When your store buyer and random publishers send you books you'd enjoy and your coworkers finish reading ARCs you've been interested in, things happen, okay? At least at this point a lot of the books are coming out next year, which probably doesn't bode well for my 2024 TBR but that is a future problem.

Also, not doing great at my goal of reading a Canadian author every month. This is the second (?) month in a row I've failed on that front which, yes, is why I'm reading a Canadian author right now. (Also it's one of those ARCs a coworker finished with.)

Beyond the bookish stuff, there's not much to report. I've written a good bit and am surprising myself by how much I can write on my phone during a commute. Had a good birthday. Ate good food. Got fun things. Dealt with slightly more chaos at work than usual. Finished the last season of Great British Bake-Off aired in Canada and am looking forward to starting the Canadian version tonight.

How was your September?

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

Evidence of Things Seen - Sarah Weinman, ed.

A collection of true crime journalism tackling recent social justice issues and big-picture flaws in the justice system.

8/10

multiple #ownvoices essays by BIPOC authors

warning: the usual things one would expect to find in true crime journalism

Infinity Gate - M.R. Carey

A scientist, the multiverse, AI, and the nature of humanity.

8/10

Nigerian and Moroccan POV characters

warning: slavery, fire, xenophobia, war, torture, violence

Thornhedge - T. Kingfisher

Toadling confronts the knight bent on entering the sleeper’s tower.

8/10

Arab Muslim secondary character

Digger Unearthed - Ursula Vernon

A wombat’s tunnel takes her to a very foreign land. She would like to go home please—but there are gods.

8.5/10

Baking Yesteryear - B. Dylan Hollis

Tried and true recipes from the past century.

9/10

🏳️‍🌈 author

The Fragile Threads of Power - V.E. Schwab

Seven years after Red London was saved, some people have moved on and others are still picking up the pieces. And some are asking whether the king deserves to be in power.

7.5/10

POV characters of colour, 🏳️‍🌈 POV characters (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 author

Winter’s Gifts - Ben Aaronovitch

Agent Kimberley Reynolds investigates a case with “unusual characteristics” during a Michigan winter.

7/10

Ojibwe secondary characters

Lud-In-The-Mist - Hope Mirrlees

A bourgeois father tries to save his children from the plague of fairy fruit—which is hard, since it doesn’t officially exist.

6.5/10

warning: classist, misogynist, generally unkind to the disabled and mentally ill

A Long Day in Lychford - Paul Cornell

Something is wrong with the borders around Lychford and the local coven has to put things right before people get hurt.

7/10

Black British main character

warning: mild racism and xenophobia

The Vaster Wilds - Lauren Groff

A servant girl flees her colonial town for the dubious safety of the wilderness.

7/10

protagonist of colour, mentally disabled secondary character, incidental Powhatan and other indigenous characters

warning: racism, misogyny, rape, disease, starvation, murder, death of a child

Board to Death - CJ Connor

Ben turns down a suspiciously good deal on an old board game. Then the dealer turns up dead on his doorstep.

6/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 author, #ownvoices

Starter Villain - John Scalzi

Charlie inherits a supervillain empire, complete with a subscription mega-laser, spy cats, and enemies.

6.5/10

The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices - Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins

Two friends go on a holiday to northern England.

7/10

Currently reading:

Like Every Form of Love - Padma Viswanathan

A writer digs into the strange, complicated story of a man she befriended in a marina.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay), Indo-Canadian author, 🇨🇦

warning: domestic and child abuse

My Roommate is a Vampire - Jenna Levine

There’s a room-to-rent in Cassie’s low, low budget. The (hot) guy renting it acts like he’s from the 1800s. Surely he’s just quirky.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay)

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

Stats

Monthly total: 13 Yearly total: 100/140 Queer books: 3 Authors of colour: 0 Books by women: 5 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 5 Books hauled: 6 ARCs acquired: 12 ARCs unhauled: 4 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Chapter 27

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE! Today, the first chapter of Basic Instinct turnt 1 year old. I mentioned before how xenophobic native English speakers dragged me for my mistakes as a non-English speaker to the point I stopped publishing fanworks and I'll admit the lack of support also wasn't motivating. Basic Instinct is the first fanfic I've completed since my very first fanfic that I actually kept to myself that I wrote when I was 11 years old. Yes, I am saying completed as I had planned this to be the final chapter. There's something poetic about releasing the ending on Basic Instinct's birthday and it just feels right to end the story at this point. Don't worry guys, you guys will still be getting an epilogue and a blooper reel where I will be releasing some short funny scenes like the off screen dance Kotaro and the reader did at the Maji Burger in chapter 5. I thank every single one of you for being here on the journey! masterpost

Today, was Akashi's birthday. Rima had planned out everything and you, Momoi, Reo, Midorima and Kuroko had filled her in with the occasional comment about what they thought might be nice too. Last week, before winter break, Reo had slipped the invitations to Nebuya and Kotaro, and Momoi did the same for Kise and Aomine as Kuroko took care of Kagami and Murasakibara. Kagami had been a bit surprised to be invited too, but after careful thought everyone agreed Kagami also should be getting an invitation. You were glowing with excitement and wore a beautiful, expensive dress that Rima had given you as an advance Christmas gift as you did feel a bit insecure as Masaomi would drop by on the party. You didn't wanted to look cheap, knowing how he felt about you. Rima had her scary side, but she had embraced you like a granddaughter and you knew she truly had your back if Masaomi were to act coldly towards you. So if anyone should be scared, it should be him. At least, that's what you kept telling yourself. You had been as thoughtful as possiblr. For one, you had written his birthday note with the markers he had bought for you on your first date. It had been hard to think of a birthday gift, because what could you give a boy who had almost everything already? You had been grateful for your friend Mari-Chan. As the two of you had chatted about the topic and how you thought of perhaps a self-made gift, she had the most brilliant idea. With the help of everyone, you had managed to collect a decent number of photos of Akashi and his friends, the few ones of the two of you and Rima had doubles made of childhood photographs with his mother. Spending your money on a few magazines of National Geographic, you had created the most beautiful collage of nature pictures to create a pretty backdrop, and then you carefully started making a collage of Akashi and his loved ones on top of your first collage. Mari had given you the money for the frame as those magazines had blown your budget, telling you how you always had her back when she needed you and this time she wanted to help you. She also said she thought you and Akashi were a cute couple in general and how much happier you looked now that the two of you had one another. Mari nearly chocked in the tight embrace you'd given her. Now, as you entered the Kaneshiro mansion with your gift, you couldn't help but think of how the dress and the pretty mansion remembered you of a fairy tale, with you being the princess. Fujioka came to place your present with the others, and the old man smiled at you. "Thank you for giving him his joy back. This birthday will be the best my young master will have ever gotten, and its all thanks to your love that he's getting what he deserves. I'd be honored of serving you as the lady of the house one day." Your face got a little red and you could feel a few tears pricking your eyes. The compliment touched you, and you gave Fujioka your warmest smile. "And I thank you, for getting him to the warm home he deserves." "Oi, y/n-chan!" Kotaro yelled, arriving with Nebuya and you let out a soft chuckle. Another servant took the gifts of their hands and they led the three of you to the dining hall. The usual table was shoved into a corner where the small pile of gifts rested atop A new, larger table was seated in the center of the room, sporting the largest birthday cake you had ever seen in real life, and plates with various different foods. Midorima and Tamamura-san seemed to try their hardest to distract Murasakibara from eating before the party started. Kuroko, Kagami and Momoi were reacting to something stupid Aomine had said, Momoi was rolling her eyes and Kuroko was saying something you couldn't hear with Midorima's scolding drowning out his voice. Reo was chatting up with Umemiya-san and you guessed it was probably recipe related. You could recognize Yuuki, chatting up with some other maids as they eyed the commotion as you did. Only Kise hadn't arrived yet.

After another half hour, all of you gathered around as Fujioka went to get Rima and Akashi. Kise still wasn't there yet! You hoped it wouldn't hurt Akashi's feelings. As the anticipation arose in the room, and you could feel the excitement jittering in your skin, the doors opened. "Surprise!" They all yelled, only to see Kise in the doorway, carrying his gift. He chuckled as he walked into the room, "Hi!" "Kise, why are you so god damn late!" Aomine grumbled annoyed and Kise pouted. "Aominecchi, I am supposed to be fashionably late." At that you and several others chuckled, and just then did the doors open again, this time with the actual birthday boy, butler and grandma. As everyone gathered some air, they once more shouted, "Surprise!" Akashi looked on with big surprised eyes and then looked at his grandmother. "I thought you deserved an actual birthday." He couldn't help but feel his eyes water, and he hugged his grandmother. You broke out into a wide smile, looking onto his happiness. Akashi walked to your group and said, "I'm happy you made it to my birthday." "He's here now. Can we finally eat?" Murasakibara asked hungrily. Akashi chuckled and said, "Of course, let us feast on this occasion!" And so all of you took your own seat. The cake only had one candle, so Akashi did not have to worry about the cake's large size. He closed his eyes and made his wish, 'I wish my bonds with these people will never change.' All of you clapped as he blew out the candle, and almost with lightning speed did Murasakibara took a slice. Everyone looked flabbergasted at his audacity not to let Akashi go first, but he shrugged it off with a happy smile, because all of you were there and that was the gift he had always wanted. Each of you then took your then filled your own plate, and just as you took your first bite of food, did another butler bring in Masaomi, awkwardly holding a gift. "Take a seat father." Akashi said, and Masaomi handed his gift to the butler. You immediately felt anxious, but then Rima smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back. 'thank you', you mouthed, for all her support. And the party did go over smoothly. Masaomi talked mostly with Rima and the servants that evening, observing you, Akashi and his friends from the sidelines. Which came much as a relief. Before you left to go back home, Akashi embraced you as you bid your goodbye to him in the garden. "You really look stunning in that dress. It suits you perfectly." He complimented and your face flushed red. "Thank you, your grandmother has great taste." He chuckled, his eyes bright and his smile so wide that it hurt but he couldn't help how happy he was. You wrapped your arms around his neck. "Happy birthday Sei." Akashi leaned in and kissed you with such delight, the two of you felt as if you were set afire. There was no moment more perfect then this.

[krikeymate]

I have a weird idea I can't seem to get out of my head for some reason I'd though I'd share it with you. For the most part, people with mental illnesses are usually more creative or have more creative outlets, right? So what if when Sam left, she was on a mission to get better not just for herself but for Tara as well. She knew she needed help she started seeing things years ago, but Christina was no help. (She might have even thought it was a good thing because it made her like Billy. I can even imagine that after she found out, she started leaving her alcohol in plain sight to see if she would drink to quiet the voices like Billy did.) Thankfully, Deputy Hicks and Mrs. Meeks-Martin said they would look after Tara, and both told her to keep in touch and that they would be there if she needed them.

Sam struggled through getting sober and finding help for her mental health, but she managed to keep going. One of the things that she found she loved through it was art she loved escaping into different worlds anywhere that wasn't where she was. It helped her escape and forget how hard things where.

Someone notices her drawings and asks her if she could draw his dnd character or someone from a story he was working on she does because she's broke, and he said he would pay her. He loves it and posts it. A few other people ask for similar drawings. Eventually, she falls into a creative crowd that introduces her to a bunch of people working on different things. She learns to make illustrations for smaller indie media, and it's a nice hobby and way to make extra cash. One day, she gets a message from someone who said they say a few of her drawings and asked if she would be willing to make a few different covers for a story. Not thinking much of it, she said yes, next thing she's getting contacted by a large publisher asking to use one for the cover of a new book series. She ends up being asked to design more covers and illustrations from different publishers and can finally start saving up for when she went back home.

She becomes a popular freelance artist. Sam even has a few fans from a comic she worked on with friends. She uses the artist named Sam Soto since part of her is scared Christina would find her and ruin everything, and because her grandmother was her favorite person after Tara, so she used her last name to remember her. She's thankfully for that choice after all the theories start gaining traction.

Just before the attacks She was getting ready to reach out to Tara she finally felt stable and safe. Just needed to gather her courage and find the right moment. In the last 5 years, Sam learned that not everything she touched was going to get hurt or destroyed like she was always told she could also create things that where beutiful and made people happy.

Of course, after the GF attacks, Sam feels guilty. She almost lost her sister and the twins, and she did lose Wes and Judy Hicks. She threw herself at taking care of Tara, and when they moved to NY, she did make the smallest room and make it to her office/studio, and she didn't let anyone in. She found something that she loved that let her escape, but she had to leave Tara behind to find it. It made her afraid Tara would hate her art or think Sam was better off without her. What if she thought Sam was doing great and chose never to go back until she had to? How do you explain that she worked hard to get better for her but was to scared to go back when she did? It leads her to just brush off questions about the time she was gone, saying she just worked freelance and did some projects here and there.

Tara does hate it she knows Sam isn't being honest, but she's back she's here with her, and she promised never to leave again. After a fight, she storms into the studio and finds everything, even a print of a cover for the book she was reading, signed by Sam Soto. Looking around, the main thing that catches her eye is a framed drawing it's an old and worn-out drawing of her when she was younger. It's not as good as the rest of the drawing around the room, but you could tell it was the most well loved.

My friend this isn't a weird idea, this is LOVELY. I LOVE it, I LOVE you. I think saying "people with mental illnesses are usually more creative or have more creative outlets" is probably... not great, but I think you mean well. Happy to discuss that more in private if you message me off-anon (no judgement involved, I'll keep it all to myself, just wanna talk about it).

I think I've mentioned this before, but I 100% believe that when Sam left, she did it to recover - something she wouldn't be able to do in Woodsboro - and to get better, for herself and for her sister. The idea that Christina started leaving alcohol out to see if Sam would start drinking like she did is incredible, we all hate that woman, we only make her worse every time we talk about her.

Artist!Sam. Her using her grandmother's name as a pseudonym, being ready to reach out to her sister when life does it for her. All amazing. The way she learns through art that she is not destined for destruction, but that she can bring life and love into the world, heartbreaking.

The idea that Sam hides her art, terrified that Tara will hate her for leaving her and building this whole new world for herself is so so real. Because of course, what else could Tara think? Sam left and she made a name for herself and she found something that made her happy, because her sister just wasn't enough. And Sam only came back because Tara got hurt, because she felt guilty. Why wouldn't she assume that Sam was just going to stay away with her new name and her new life and her happiness? But Tara wants that for Sam, she wants her to be happy (she wishes she could have that for herself), so she feels guilty, because she's dragged Sam back into all this pain into her life and she's stuck here in New York looking after her fucked up little sister.

They're having an argument. Sam's trying to tell her she can't go to a party as if she has any say in what Tara can and can't do. "How am I supposed to focus on my work when I don't know where you are or whether you're safe," Sam screams at her. Tara screams back, "WHAT WORK SAM? YOU WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU DO BUT YOU EXPECT TO CONTROL EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE."

The words cut at Sam deep. Because she's right. She won't tell Tara anything about her life, but she wants to know every part of hers. The truth hurts and she doesn't know what to say, how to react. She just turns and walks away back to her room. But Tara isn't done, she's too worked up, she storms after her, pushing the door open before Sam can close it.(A part of Sam wonders whether she wanted her to see. She's so much stronger, she could have held the door closed, she could have stopped her).

Tara takes in the room. The desk with the tablet and computer, the sketchbooks, the pens and the pencils, the canvases and the paints in one corner. She framed prints on the wall, the sketch of herself framed above Sam's bed. She takes it all in and thinks Sam didn't want to share this with me, and walks away, locking her door behind her.

She doesn't go to the party that night.

[sequinsmile-x]

Because I have to, 2,9,10,14,17

I will come back and yell at you about SWG when I get off work is busy today

2. talk about a time a narrative or a character has looked you dead in the eye and said 'fuck your plan, here's what we're actually doing.'

I'd say the most notable time this has happened was when I was writing The View Between Villages.

When I started I fully intended to have a confrontation between Aaron and his dad, but as I was writing it, it became more obvious that it wouldn't fix anything, that it would likely make Aaron feel worse. There was nothing to be gained from him confronting his father, and having re-read the fic, I think it's more impactful that he simply decides to walk away without seeing him.

9. in an ideal world where you're already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

ohhh I actually really don't know!! I think if I was to ever write an actual book (which hopefully one day I will) I'd love to see it, but I'd also probably want to make sure I was involved in the creative process so it didn't stray too far from the source material!

10. at what point in the process do you come up with titles? And is it easy or hard for you?

Oh so hard. So so hard - it's actually the bit I struggle with the most. 99% of the time naming a fic is the last thing I do. Like literally moments before I post haha

I would say I think too much about the titles because I very often try and sneak 'easter eggs' in them. For example, the fic Noble is called that because Emily's actions in the fic are exactly that...but it's also the definition of the name 'Alice,' which is what I called their daughter in that fic!

14. whats your worst writing habit?

probably like with everything in my life - the fact I am hyper critical of myself. if something doesn't get the interaction (especially fewer comments on A03 than I would have hoped) it makes me a little sad and kind of confirms my anxieties that I suck haha

17. what is your favourite line you've ever written

this is SO hard to answer given how much I've written hahaha, but I did love this line from my fic 300:

her embrace was one of the few places he’d one day find safety. Home a place he found somewhere between her collarbone and her shoulder.

(looking forward to the SGW yelling <3)

[distant--shadow]

get to know meme

lil thing where I'll give a bit too much detail so it fills its purpose, honoured honestly to be tagged by three of my favourite writers in this space @sharkodactyl, @unicyclehippo , and @astoriacolumnstaircase - anyone reading this should be reading their works instead.

favourite colour: brown(s), like a mid to a dark tone, i like them to have a bit of red involved. like our old-boy chet, I love the wood. my dream home would be all wood-panelled with built in inlayed and set back shelves and nooks a plenty and yeah just full of brik-a-brak. otherwise my favourite colours are navy blue and greens that are more mixed with blue than yellow, teals and emeralds and once again generally around the mid tones. green makes me very happy. moss and outdoors and all that.

currently reading: fic. haha. (suss my recommend reading tag) I did venture out to my (very) local queer bookshop and asked them for something that won't send me on a spiral if I'm already on one/provide some escapism and they reccomended river of teeth by Sarah gailey. anyone I've said about it to seems real enthusiastic about it, I am not well read at all when it comes to published things, tend to just get really into a few fandom authors works and picking them apart (rereading a lot) . still haven't started it but maybe I'll try take it out to the park in the next week or so. I'm dabbling in reading (and unfortunately writing) poetry thanks to @picturesofthegoneworlds and @blorbotomy 's influence, those mini books are fun to keep on you when out and about, poem or two on a tree stump or boulder with a grand vista and a brain that wants eyes on a phone screen.

last song: last song I consciously (not background music) listened to was:

I went on an early lord snow stint the other night because the air smelt crisp and there was a nice chill. they have remained my favourite heavy (as a broad term) band for a decade now.

I used to have music on all of the time, whether that be cd's at home or in my mp3 player (that I still take out with me) but these days I find listening more of an intentional activity and I prefer to have people just nattering when I'm at home and want background noise. think it's where my heads at and I've just got more sensitive to being overstimulated I guess. I was also pretty good at going to a live gig at least once a week before I did my back in, looking forward to getting into that habit again.

last series: I don't watch much stuff outside of critical role, least other than YouTube videos I'll put on whislt I'm drawing. oh wait yeah I ordered 3 seasons of xena on ebay because it's like a couple of quid a season and it is a real good comfort show and fucking amazing. I hadn't seen it since I was pre teen and it was on day time TV and I'd catch it on sick days. the amount of people I've brought it up to these past few months who've been so stoked to be reminded of it/eager to watch it with me is actually hilarious.

last movie: uhhhh God movies I watch even less. I haven't been to a cinema in over 12 years now, just not my thing, and it's funny caus my mum used to work in the film and TV industry and we had shelves and shelves full of VHS growing up (mostly bootlegged) and she can just ramble about pretty much any early era film up to the stuff from the 80s (when she was working on em) for days. never could sit through em, never felt satisfied with how the story went. guess that's why actual play appeals to me. but saying all this I did rewatch Bound for the first time since I was like 15 last month or so, enjoyed it a lot more than I did back then.

sweet/savory/spicy: savory all day. I am a salt fiend. I used to think I'd be fortunate enough to die from my salt intake. I'll put it on anything. cereal, toast, fruit. I think the other day I noted the one thing I wouldn't put it on, but I can't recall that right now honestly. it's gotta be decent salt too, sea salt or rock salt that has some texture and delicious flavour, I'm not fucking with that table salt shit. I carry salt with me in a mini mason jar everywhere I go, saves when you only have access to bland cold supermarket food. one of my earliest memories is when I was like 6 I had had my daily 1 glass allowance of squash/fruit cordial in my white Tom and Jerry printed beaker with the accordion bendy straw and so when I was pouring myself a glass of water from the tap I put salt in it caus I wanted flavour that would not show through the white translucent container. it's all been downhill from there, although I also, luckily I guess caus otherwise I would be really fucked, do drink a lot of water.

currently working on: myself and healing. hah. I never realised how much paperwork and phone calls came with this maintenance shit. I'm still out of work, and my mental health has taken a huge hit from not being able to do the things I usually would. so right now I'm just trying to keep everything together. I can draw again though, so sorry about that.

I never know who to tag in these things caus I don't think everyone wants to do them. so I'll go with this being open invite as always. hope anyone who read this far is having a good week, and sentiment is still there even if you didn't read this (unless you don't deserve my well wishes, then fuck you.)

[druidx]

A Year of Writing - 2023 Writing Wrap-up

➼ Quick Stats

Total words Written in 2023: 75,022

Average Words/Work (published): 2501

Started in 2023: 24 works

Finished in 2023 (started anytime): 22 works

Published in 2023 (started anytime): 22 works

Number of Works still in Progress (started anytime): 77

Mostly wrote in: February (8 works edited, 5 published)

Longest work completed or added to in 2023: The Ruby Falls (179,282)

Shortest work completed or added to in 2023: It's Fashion, Boss (357)

Top Genres: Sci-Fi (13 - just pinching out Fantasy at 12)

Top WIP(s): The Ruby Falls and Young Dagger, False Dream (previously named Alexis Dalliance vs the Evil of Titan)

Top OC(s): Aderyn, Mio (10 fics each)

Below the cut: Review of 2023's Plans, Work I'm proud of, Work that shows I'm still learning, Breakdown of 2023, Plans for 2024, ICYMI

➼ What were my writing plans for 2023?

❌ Post The Ruby Falls Nope. I'm closer, but still no cigar. I've edited 1.75 sections, bringing the total complete-&-almost-ready-to-post sections to 5/15.

✅ Finish stuff Yes! I completed 7 works this year which were started before 2023, the oldest of which was Tales of the Starbound - The Old-Timer's Tale from 2015.

❌ Post more 'For Posterity' items Nope. Forgot + no time + burn out/ no energy

❌ Study Romance? Nope. Forgot this was a goal TBH

❌ Read more Nope. Last year I read 10 books, this year I've only read 5 (not counting fanfics). I did try, but yeah. (My Storygraph if you're interested)

✅ IDK, everything beyond The Ruby Falls is flexible currently. Technically, this one is complete! 😅️

➼ Work I'm most proud of

Home That Our Feet May Leave, But Not Our Hearts (Starbound) This was an experiment in writing a time loop, and also changing tenses through a story. It may not have been 100% perfect, but I feel like I learnt a lot writing it and I'm really happy how it came out.

Greetings After a Long Departure (TESIV:Oblivion) I thought long and hard about how it must feel to touch the statue and gain the Blessing of Akatosh, and I'm pleased that the description really came off as well as it did.

➼ Work that shows I'm still learning

I think maybe I'm stuck in the 'taste vs ability' trough. Aside from the two above, and maybe Two Foxes (TESIV:Oblivion), I feel like there's been some je ne sais quoi missing from my writing this year. I joined Writeblr to learn and grow as a writer, so if anyone has any tips or ConCrit I'd love to hear it. I really don't want to plateau again.

➼ Breakdown of 2023

I traveled a lot this year. Denmark, Albania, Scotland, Denmark again, and off again to Denmark for Christmas. It's for sure been inspiring, but it's also been exhausting and hasn't left me much brain-space for writing. Not to mention that 2nd day of holiday in Scotland I got "bitten by a Haggis", and spent the next 3 months healing a hole in my shin, and I'm still recovering from that. With all the traveling, maybe this year should have been a 'feed the well' year instead of struggling to finish works I didn't have the energy for. Ah well.

That said, I did quite well with my PodFic project. 50 Fics were recorded and ~80 still remain.

➼ What are my writing plans for 2024?

IDK. The future is a foreign country (to paraphrase L. P. Hartley).

Continue hacking away at The Ruby Falls and whatever else catches my fancy.

Eat more red meat/ protein. Can't write if your brain doesn't function.

Figure out what je ne sais quoi missing from my writing.

Pick up abandoned projects. To whit, 'For Posterity' items and Podfics.

➼ In Case You Missed It

Starbound

Tales of the Starbound - The Old-Timer's Tale - 1,616 words. A day in the life of Quihui & contemplation of Caseswing's building regime. Tumblr or AO3

Home That Our Feet May Leave, But Not Our Hearts - 3,212. Mio, the Last Protector, attends her graduation. The only problem? Earth no longer exists. Tumblr or AO3

You Never Forget Your First - 712. In the dead of night, Kata finds her Captain alone on the bridge, singing a mournful tune... Tumblr or AO3

Crasberry Saviour - 761. During a trip to buy ship parts, Yuudai reveals how she lost her leg. Tumblr or AO3

An Ancient Vault - 389. Mio falls down a hole and discovers an Ancient vault. Tumblr

Look Back, by Looking Forwards - 1,653. Mio helps one of her crew celebrate a religious event. Tumblr or AO3

Aurorabee - 406. Mio goes clothes shopping with her mother. Tumblr or AO3

Original Works

Mouth of Silver - 781. A courier comes across some unsavory creatures while making his way through the woods. Tumblr

A Cryptid Files Short - 404. A hedge witch provides potions of safety. Tumblr

TESIV: Oblivion - Vanilla

Greetings After a Long Departure - 1,014. Rowan gets a sweet surprise when xe finally returns to the Temple of the One. Tumblr or AO3

Two Foxes - 500. The new Grey Fox goes a-visiting to Castle Anvil for some advice. Tumblr or AO3

A Light in the Darkness - 619. Travelogue writer Arkved of Cheydinhal describes another local Cyrodilic festival. Tumblr or AO3

TESIV: Oblivion - Modern AU

It's Fashion, Boss - 357. Aderyn arrives to an event in a snit with the Grey Fox over his time management skills; he teases her about her fashion sense. Tumblr or AO3

A Little Something-Something - 1,459. Aderyn brings Jena to a GFS charity 'meeting'. Tumblr or AO3

A Floral Surprise - 728. On the morning of Martin & Baurus' Anniversary, Aderyn and Belisarius lay out flowers and gifts, conscripted by their respective friends. Tumblr or AO3

Night Exercises - 2,407. Fortis runs a training exercise for Aderyn at night. Tumblr or AO3

Get up - 1,016. Martin and Baurus sneak away from a gala event, only for a detonation to rock their world… Tumblr or AO3

Self Indulgent AU - 18,102. HoK is adamant she knows who her parents are. The Mythic Dawn thinks differently. Who is right? Tumblr or AO3

[ainulindaelynn]

WIP Game: ACO 7, 8, and 9 please??

Ahhhh, the ones I wrote first and am dying to publish xD

Unfortunately, they rely on earlier details to some degree, so I'm holding back for now. There's 60k+ words sitting among those at present and more I'd love to do with every single one of them.

This'll be lengthy since it's three!

----------

ACO 7 - Underworld

This is a complete rewrite of that segment. It isn't Aletheia who sends her there though; it's Pythagoras (the shitty dad we all know him to be), who wants that artifact from Cerberos. This is the bit that started my ACO writing... It came together in my head WAY before I finished the game and knew the details, so originally it was a workaround for the First Blade DLC. I felt if Ubi really wanted to force the issue, was a more obvious answer to the lineage question and we were going subterranean anyway... 👀

I've since changed course on that completely (redeemed Deimos gets to do the Macedonia DLC later, bypassing the issue), but its still a very smutty, sentimental, angsty piece, where she and Brasidas finally come to terms (too late) with what's between them. They're both able to help a LOT with each other's healing journeys and he gives her a tool that readies her for her confrontation with Deimos. Phoibe is also central to this one <3

A snippet:

"You don't know what a shield means, so don't lecture me on it," he snapped, tone suddenly vicious. "You've never been in the phalanx, knowing in your bones what's staked on it holding - on the one beside you holding. 'Foot beside foot, resting shield against shield, crest beside crest, helm beside helm'," he quoted, every word rising from the bedrock of his being. Then his voice softened in a way she hated to hear and when she glanced up his eyes were sharp. "I'll never forget the day they first handed it to me. I was a boy; it was as tall as I was. My commander told me, 'To hold this up is to hold up Sparta. Drop it, and Sparta falls'."

She shook her head, furious.

More of the same propaganda that threw innocent children from Taygetos and raised their killer a hero.

His voice was stern. "How many of my men died at Amphipolis?"

"You were the last. The seventh. The Athenians lost six-hundred."

He nodded, dismissive.

"And how many have fallen since?"

Her eyes narrowed, sensing the trap.

"I can't make you understand the way it is in the lists," he growled, stalking toward and around her, "but those men were mine. And I was theirs. I had sworn myself to them. Six Spartans and six-hundred Athenians, you say? It was by my command that they lived at Amphipolis. That was my responsibility to them. I made the decisions that kept them alive. I've seen each of those cross the river Styx alone. And I'll see countless more before this war is done. And that is my failure. I let my shield fall and they are the ones who will pay for it with their lives.

She shook her head, trying to understand. "You can't blame yourself for dying, Brasidas."

"I can," he said, voice sharp, "because I didn't do it for them. And I would make that same choice again, even against my oath." The anger left his tone then. "That is why I'm here, Kassandra."

----------

ACO 8 - The End

This one ties together the game's Family and Cult endings. I always felt really weird about the fact that Deimos just sits at home while you finish the other storyline. It's a quick rewrite of the Taygetos scene, adding layers from my personal Athens captivity portion and my background mental health and trauma-recovery. Then there's a brief split while Kassandra finds her last cultist (and Alexios spends time with Myrinne), and then they come together, travel to Delphi, and take on Aspasia as a pair. This sets the stage for the relationship they build going forward.

A snippet:

She’d been keeping an eye on him all afternoon, watching the restless tension of his body like a rope frayed down to its last strand, hopelessly taut and precarious. For her, every mile away from Phokis brought her down by a notch, but for Alexios it seemed to have no effect. At times she even worried it was worsening, waiting for some excuse to snap. 

“He looks like a wild boar…,” Barnabas said quietly, uncharacteristically. 

It seemed she’d finally found the one thing that tempered the man’s boisterous nature - fearing being overhead by the god of terror himself. She smiled at the thought.

“…Like one snap of a twig and the first unlucky bastard in his path will be sent skyward with his entrails on the outside of his body.”

She raised her eyebrows, amusement overshadowed by a long, contemplative exhale.

----------

ACO 9 - Post-Game

This one is all about family. Kassandra comes home to find her footing, finally processing everything, and stays with Alexios as he struggles to find himself in the absence of his entire identity. They become very close, despite the rawness of their relationship.

There are also some obstacles here, for example, Sparta sees only Deimos, the child they rightly rejected. He is an enemy and a lone wolf in collectivist Sparta, a tension Kassandra feels as well. Nikolaos also makes his return to Sparta and comes under the kings' judgement to atone for his desertion nearly a decade earlier. It's all very messy.

A snippet:

"I aimed at him to strike at you," Alexios said slowly, enunciating each word as if he were sharpening a blade, stroke by stroke, and watching to see what he evoked. "I want you to hear that. I need you to know it was personal."

Time slowed between them, frozen in the silence. She could feel every muscle in her body coiled tight at the confession.

In that silence he continued, each word carefully considered. "And at Pylos, when you leaped to defend him, you were like the goddess herself, full of righteous wrath. I knew it was true after that. And I slaughtered him for it - slaughtered him to get to you."

His posture was soft despite the words.

"Why are you telling me this?" she hissed.

"I don't want secrets between us, sister. If this is to work, there can be no secrets. Or at least there can be no lies." His eyes were gentle, his shoulders hung low, arms crossed as he leaned back against the stones.

She looked away, scanning out across the view. Her eyes closed for a second, breathing deeply.

"Who was he to you?" he asked again, this time more gently.

—————

WIP List is here for anyone interested :)